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Can a Narcissist Ever Truly Love You? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So, can narcissists love you? Do narcissists love at all?
• 0:09
  Have they ever been able to love you throughout any of the
• 0:12
  relationship? Can your narcissistic parents
• 0:15
  love you? Can narcissistic parents love
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  their children? That's what we're tackling
• 0:18
  today, y'all. And today you get the
• 0:20
  perspective of a diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:22
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock and I'm I am just
• 0:25
  that a diagnosed narcissist. And today we're talking about
• 0:29
  love, LOVE, love, love, love, which is y'all.
• 0:32
  I'm gonna be real with you. This is probably one of the main
• 0:35
  questions that I have ever gotten on all of my platforms,
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  TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn, like little
• 0:41
  Snapchat, literally everywhere. I get this question in some way
• 0:45
  shape, some way shape or form. Can a narcissist love you?
• 0:48
  Have they ever loved you? Y'all know the drill and a lot
• 0:51
  of people in a lot of people want to know that they matter,
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  right? And no matter what I say, no
• 0:57
  matter what the answer is that I'm about to give you, let me
• 1:00
  preface it all by saying this. No matter what I say, it does
• 1:05
  not mean go back to that person. It does not mean if I just
• 1:09
  happen to say, yeah, they, some of them can.
• 1:12
  It does not mean that you need to take your take your happy
• 1:16
  empathetic ass and skip back into that relationship or answer
• 1:19
  their phone calls that you've been ignored.
• 1:21
  This is not what that means at all.
• 1:23
  Look, I'm sorry to say that, but this is not, this is not an
• 1:25
  open, open season to text your ex, to call your ex up or
• 1:29
  anything like that. I have to leave the video off by
• 1:31
  saying that because people see my relationship and the fact
• 1:33
  that I'm still married and I have my kids and stuff like
• 1:36
  that. They were like, well, can Lars's
• 1:37
  love, maybe I should get my ex another chance.
• 1:39
  No, I'm putting in the work for me, for me, not for anybody
• 1:45
  else. For me, it helps me be a better
• 1:47
  person, but I am putting in the work.
• 1:49
  I'm committed to doing the work. Most narcissists are not and
• 1:53
  that's not me. Look, that's not me trying to
• 1:54
  hurt your feelings. That's just me keeping it real.
• 1:56
  So now that that's out the way, the answer to the question is
• 2:01
  sometimes some of them can y'all, let's be real, I actually
• 2:04
  before I did this video, I did some research.
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  Y'all know I don't do a lot of research.
• 2:07
  Sometimes y'all just go off. I'll come out, I fire, I fire
• 2:09
  from the hip, right? So I looked up the word love.
• 2:13
  I'm like, what does Love Actually mean?
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  It says love, an intense feeling of deep affection or a great
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  interest in pleasure in something.
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  That's the noun version of it. The verb is fill deep affection
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  for someone like or enjoy like or enjoy very much.
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  That's it right there. That's that's the those are the
• 2:35
  definitions of love you that you get when you hop on Google.
• 2:38
  So it's just like, yeah, think about it right here.
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  Can a narcissist have, can they like or enjoy you very much?
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  Yes, they can. They absolutely can.
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  But I truly believe that most narcissistic people have limited
• 2:52
  emotional capacity. I don't think they can get to
• 2:54
  the deep penetrating, ground breaking levels of loving you.
• 2:59
  I just don't think that this possible without some type of
• 3:02
  deep emotional work, you know, at the beginning, I know it
• 3:06
  seems like they love you because they give you they're damn.
• 3:07
  They're trying to give you everything they're trying to,
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  they're trying to woo you. They're trying to swoon.
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  They're trying to make you swoon over them.
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  They're trying to love their. Typically, they're not trying
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  to. Most of them are absolutely love
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  bombing you from the beginning. Right.
• 3:20
  So with that being said, you know exactly what I mean.
• 3:22
  Like most narcissists will love bombing.
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  So it feels like genuine, authentic love.
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  And I do think, and I do truly believe that most narcissists at
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  the beginning of the relationship think that they
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  love you. Yeah, the ones that are not
• 3:34
  trying to be manipulative and and sneaky snake type stuff.
• 3:38
  But I do believe that most narcissists think that they do
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  love you. I truly believe that because
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  they like the way you make them feel about themselves.
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  So if you make me feel as a narcissist, if you make me feel
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  good about myself, then I'm going to make you feel good
• 3:53
  about yourself. So I think there's I feel like
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  that's love. I only do this for people I
• 3:57
  love, right? I only treat people good that I
• 3:59
  love, but love doesn't extinguish like that when a lot
• 4:03
  of narcissists can wake up one day and just look at you
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  completely different. The I I don't think true love
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  can exist if you can fall out of love in an instant, which is
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  what most narcissistic people do when their love bombing ends and
• 4:16
  the evaluation phase begins poop, they snap.
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  They kind of like they snap out of this trance that they're in.
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  I think a lot of narcissists, their love is like a trance.
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  They, they literally are seeing you at heart eyes, right?
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  They see you with heart through heart eyes like nothing you do
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  is wrong. You're perfect for them.
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  All of the above, like you're just the you, the most magical
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  person in the world for them. And they treat you like it.
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  They make you feel good about themselves because they feel
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  they make you feel good about yourself because they feel good
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  about themselves. And I truly believe that a lot
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  of them see see the heart eyes and they just get, they really
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  do start act like they love you, right?
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  They'll fight for you. They'll do whatever they take
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  for you. I do believe that.
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  It's just, I think most narcissists get to the point
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  where their love just runs out or runs dry, you know, and I
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  know most people to hear that they be like, well, look, it's
• 5:04
  not real. Then tell that to that
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  narcissistic person is threatening to unalive everybody
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  in your life, right? They're threatening to unalive
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  you because you're left and they don't want to see you.
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  Anybody else. Tell them that it's not love.
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  I know that's obsession and control and just abuse, but they
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  think it's love, right? They think, oh, I think a lot of
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  narcissists feel like ownership is love because I think you
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  belong to me. That means I must love you kind
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  of like a pet, right? I must love my phone.
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  I must love my this bottle of water right here.
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  I must love a lot of different things because I have ownership
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  over there over them. That's what I think a lot of
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  narcissists view love as. Is ownership as control, as
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  submission, right? As power, having power over
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  something. That's what narcissistic people
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  view love as. I also think, let me keep it
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  hot, y'all. Let me keep it.
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  Let me stretch out. Let me keep it hot and ready.
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  I also think that a lot of narcissists see love as a
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  physical thing. It's physical.
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  It's all, it's very, it starts off looking like an emotional
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  thing. But I do believe that most
• 6:08
  narcissists see love as a physical thing.
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  They use the fact that they are with you to justify that they
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  love you, to prove that they love you.
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  I'm with you. Art na.
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  I'm here. Art na.
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  I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you, would I?
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  I do love you because if I didn't love you, I wouldn't be
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  here, would I? You see, they really truly think
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  that being with you or giving you a gift or giving you flowers
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  or buying you a PlayStation game or controller or watch or
• 6:38
  marrying you, they think that that is actually love.
• 6:41
  The actions this is this is the physical things.
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  They think the fact that we sleeping together, that we
• 6:46
  clapping cheeks in here means that we are in love, right?
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  We must be must be loved because why we I wouldn't sleep with
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  anybody I don't love. You know most narcissists
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  wouldn't say they're right there right?
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  They would a lot of narcissists, we are here just be out here
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  clapping anything they would not be.
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  I don't sleep with people I don't love.
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  That's a damn lie and I think y'all understand that's a lie.
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  But most narcissists see love as this physical thing.
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  This is why when they feel like they hurt you, instead of trying
• 7:12
  to sit down there and try to communicate with you, they go
• 7:14
  try to buy you a gift or try to take you on a trip or buy you
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  some shoes or take you out to lunch or dinner.
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  It's a physical act. They try to sleep with you.
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  They try to hug you. It's physical.
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  I know a hug can be part of loving you, right?
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  But we're the emotional connection.
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  You know somebody that loves you won't sit, won't just stare at
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  you while you cry or pick on you or antagonize white, antagonize
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  you while you're crying and pouring your heart out in front
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  of them. You know, somebody who loves you
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  won't sit right there and look at you and like I said once
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  right there and just pick at you while you're just pouring your
• 7:48
  heart out, while you're in pain. They will be there for you.
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  So I really think that narcissistic people love on a
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  spectrum, just like I thought, just like narcissism is on a
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  spectrum, I think narcissists love on a spectrum as well.
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  Some can do more than others. There are some narcissists out
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  there, y'all, that don't love you at all.
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  Let's keep it hot ready. I don't think some narcissists
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  have the capability of loving you at all.
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  And you know who they are. Those are like the more
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  psychotic ones, the most sociopathic ones.
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  Those are the ones who literally look at you as property, as an
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  animal, as not even as a person. They they depersonalize you.
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  Those are the ones that I do not think have the ability to truly
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  love you and those are the ones that they they seriously get
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  abusive to you. They keep consistently trying to
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  find new ways they pick at you and new ways to hurt you.
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  Those are the ones that I think will really just end up putting
• 8:37
  you down, putting trying to put you in the ground or whatever,
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  whatever the case may be. Those are the ones that are get
• 8:41
  super painful, super hurtful, super resentful, and the ones
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  that try to try to ruin your life and refuse to let you go.
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  I truly believe that those are the ones right there.
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  So can they narcissists truly love you?
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  Can they love their kids? I think that some of them can.
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  Y'all it's a spectrum. I think the most just like
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  empathy for narcissists is a spectrum.
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  Like some narcissists have absolutely 0 empathy while some
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  even though they lack it, they still have some empathy.
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  I think it really just depends on the narcissistic person.
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  And again, do not take offense to this y'all.
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  I know some people just like, well, they didn't treat me like
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  if they love me, maybe it was me.
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  Yeah, it's not you. I'm I'm a just be real with you.
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  And this is not me trying to pander to the victims of
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  narcissistic abuse. This is not me.
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  It's going to be everybody. Everybody that comes to the
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  narcissist life is going to get the same type of narcissistic
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  person. Maybe it's maybe it presents
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  differently to different people. Like the kids are going to get
• 9:34
  abused. The you are going to get abused
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  like the family and friends. Everybody gets it on a different
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  level, right, Because they're not being genuine or real with
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  anybody. You know, narcissistic people
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  tend to fake the funk. They're not being real with you.
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  They're not They really are not trying to be real with you.
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  They really are not. So when you're dealing with this
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  type of personality, you have to understand that this person,
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  even even though they they say they love you, they can say they
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  love you all they want to, but ask yourself how are they
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  treating you? Y'all, Please ask yourself the
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  question right there. I got to go on a rant.
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  You have to ask yourself, well, do Lee, do they love me?
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  Are they treating you like they love you?
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  This is when the spectrum comes in this place right in a play
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  right here. Ask yourself, are they treating
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  you like they love you? Put yourself in their
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  narcissistic shoes, Like kick your slippers off and put on
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  those size 15 clown shoes, right that the narcissistic person in
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  your life wears. Put them on.
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  Now ask yourself, if I were treating someone the same way
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  that this person is treating me, would I consider that love what
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  I say I love that person even though I'm putting that person
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  through constant abuse? Well, maybe, Lee.
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  No, there's no maybe he's here. It's a yes or no question.
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  Are you? Are you punishing this person
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  and treating this person like shit because you love them?
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  Is that real love? Seriously.
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  I know people think I'm chastising you like Lee.
• 10:52
  You get me? No, I'm not.
• 10:53
  I'm being real right now. These are the questions you have
• 10:56
  to ask yourself in order to finally fully set yourself free.
• 11:00
  You absolutely have to. If you don't ask yourself these
• 11:03
  questions to get honest with yourself, you're going to be
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  trapped in a cycle of abuse forever.
• 11:07
  You know, and to some people and be real with y'all, to some
• 11:11
  people that might excite y'all, right?
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  Some people say, well, Lee, I'd rather have them.
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  Did not have them at all because I talk to those people
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  one-on-one all the time. People that are truly people
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  that are truly been broken by a narcissistic person, they will
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  be happy just for the narcissist to talk to them, even if they
• 11:25
  are being abusive. I just told those people like,
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  look, it's time to go sit down with a trauma therapist because
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  we, we are in a place we don't need to be right.
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  You are starting to sound like them.
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  When I talk, when I'm talking to people one-on-one, when they
• 11:38
  saw, when I, when I push back on what the narcissist has done and
• 11:41
  they say, well, Lee, that's not why they did it.
• 11:44
  They're trying to explain to me why narcissist did it.
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  I'm like, look, you're starting to sound like them.
• 11:50
  I'm like, you're starting to sound like your narcissistic ex,
• 11:53
  your partner, You're, you sound like them.
• 11:55
  I think I'm talking to them. So it's time to go sit down with
• 11:57
  a therapist and ask yourself, why do I sound like them?
• 12:00
  Why am I trying to defend them? Because they've convinced you
• 12:03
  that you need to serve them in some way, shape or form.
• 12:06
  They've become like a God like figure in your life.
• 12:08
  And that's when it's time to bring you can be in it for a
• 12:10
  rude awakening for your life. You know, seriously, seriously,
• 12:15
  I thought a woman the other day like that narcissistic man does
• 12:18
  not love you. And you going to find out when
• 12:20
  you ruin your life trying to be with this person?
• 12:22
  It's yeah, it's something so many situations are so horrible.
• 12:25
  But do narcissists love you? Some of them may have the
• 12:28
  ability to love you right? But it's it's few and far
• 12:30
  between. It's not enough.
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  They might be loving you to the maximum of their capabilities,
• 12:34
  but there still might not be enough for you.
• 12:36
  And I think they're right there frustrates a lot of people too,
• 12:38
  but they just like, well, it could be enough.
• 12:41
  They gave me a little bit more. What if they can't give you
• 12:43
  more? What if they can't give you
• 12:45
  more? Then you know you had to accept
• 12:47
  them for who they really are because they cannot give you
• 12:49
  more than what you're asking for right now.
• 12:53
  You see, narcissistic people view love as this fleeting
• 12:57
  thing. They will tell you that they
• 12:58
  love you. I know I love you, right?
• 12:59
  You love you, I love you, I love you.
• 13:01
  Can't you tell I love you? When they give you a gift or
• 13:03
  something like that is, but it's very rarely a deep emotional
• 13:06
  thing. Can they love their kids?
• 13:07
  Same thing applies, right? Same thing applies.
• 13:10
  The key. As long as the kids are giving
• 13:12
  them some type of narcissistic supply or validation, yeah,
• 13:14
  they'll they'll, they might supply some love to their child
• 13:16
  or children, but most times they're going to be abusive to
• 13:19
  the kids. They're going to be manipulative
• 13:20
  to the kids. They're going to treat the kids
• 13:22
  like disposable people as well. That's why sometimes they will
• 13:25
  abandoned their children. It's a tough aspect to do y'all.
• 13:29
  But like, do narcissists love you?
• 13:30
  Some of them do, some of them don't.
• 13:31
  But do not let that do not let the fact that I said some might
• 13:35
  or some have the possibility that y'all don't use that as the
• 13:38
  reason to go back into your relationship.
• 13:40
  Don't be like well, Lee said, Lee did not say that.
• 13:43
  Lee said don't go back into it. Well, Lee said they can't love
• 13:45
  you so maybe I should give it in the no.
• 13:47
  Lee said if they're not showing you that they love you by
• 13:50
  actually making some making some changes and actually putting the
• 13:54
  work in, not saying that they're going to put the work in, but
• 13:57
  they're actually putting the work in, then leave that person
• 13:59
  alone. Y'all.
• 13:59
  I'm just saying, I know it's easier said than none, but a lot
• 14:02
  of some of y'all are going to ruin your lives and you're going
• 14:04
  to be you're going to hate yourself when you flip around
• 14:07
  and look back five years from now and look back at your life.
• 14:09
  You like, damn it, why do that? I don't lost my my kids, my
• 14:13
  family. I don't lost everybody for what?
• 14:16
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• 14:28
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• 14:30
  I'm out. Peace.