Latest / The SmallBizChat with Melinda Emerson / Leveling Up Your Communication with Meredith Bell

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Leveling Up Your Communication with Meredith Bell · The SmallBizChat with Melinda Emerson

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  If we assume that someone is doing their best, then a good way to start with them is simply
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  pointing out what you value about them.
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  Because it is a balanced perspective after all.
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  If you don't have some things you value about the person, why are they working for you to
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  begin with?
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  Right?
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  So putting it in context and then being very specific and let them know you want to share
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  some information with them that you think is going to help them grow in their career, grow
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  in their potential.
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  So they understand that you're not trying to jump on them and criticize them.
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  But you're you're using this as an opportunity to help them learn.
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  Technician.
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  Lips off.
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  Ending small business failure.
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  Welcome to the small biz chat podcast with the number one small business expert, Melinda
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  Emerson.
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  Melinda's goal is to end small business failure.
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  And she'll give you the information you need to succeed and live the life you dream of.
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  Now here's your host, the small Biz chat lady herself, Melinda Emerson,
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  Hi, everybody.
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  Happy New Year.
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  I'm Melinda Emerson, the small biz lady.
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  America's number one small business expert.
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  Tonight's small biz chat podcast is gonna be an amazing show.
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  And if you're interested in becoming a better communicator in your small business, I've got
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  the expert here for that.
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  And then, you know, we've got multiple generations in the workplace, and that's making
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  communication and culture a little difficult.
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  So we're gonna talk to a leadership expert who's gonna help all of us really relate better
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  to our colleagues and employees in the workplace.
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  Now here on the small beach tech podcast, we talk about how to start and grow a successful
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  small business.
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  From multiple angles.
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  This is advice you otherwise would have to pay for, but we make it available every month
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  because we wanna make sure that you have the tools you need to take your business to the
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  next level.
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  Now the small biz chat podcast is a peer to peer mentory show, and our mission is to end
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  small business failure.
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  Hopefully, you're watching us on my small bus lady Facebook fan page or on our YouTube
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  channel.
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  And by the way, if you like what you're listening to, please subscribe and share and
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  leave a comment Tell us a topic that you'd like us to discuss.
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  We're happy to do that for you.
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  Now let me introduce my guest She is Meredith Bell.
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  She's the co founder and president of Grow Strong Leaders.
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  Her company publishes software tools and books that help people build strong relationships at
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  work and at home.
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  Meredith is an expert in leadership and team communications She's the author of 3 books and
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  the host of the Grow Strong Leaders podcast.
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  Her latest book is connect with your team, Mastering the top 10 communication skills And
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  Pier Coaching made simple with she wrote with her business partner, Dennis Coats.
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  If you all want more information about her, you can go to grow strong leaders with an s.com.
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  Meredith, welcome to the small business chat podcast.
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  Thank you so much, Melinda.
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  I'm Excited about our conversation today.
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  Alright.
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  Well, tell me, how did you become a leadership and communication guru?
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  Well, part of it, of course, is trying to communicate and and failing at times.
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  So you learn from your mistakes but from the time I was in education, working as a teacher
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  first and then working with teachers.
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  Communication between people was just something that fascinated me, you know, what worked well,
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  what didn't.
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  And so when I left public edge started my own company.
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  That was what I wanted to focus on was how do people get along with each other in the
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  workplace?
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  And so teaching people and you know, a lot of times the teacher learns as much from the
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  student.
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  So teach these concepts and then practicing them.
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  I've worked with my 2 business partners now for 31 years.
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  So we've had a lot of practice with each other and have honed our skills over time and have
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  created products that have helped people you know, improve in these areas and worked with
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  them.
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  So that has all culminated and me knowing a lot of things about what works and what doesn't.
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  So how do you think that leadership styles and communication styles overlap?
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  There's a lot of relationship there.
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  And let's look at a couple of examples.
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  If we have someone who's a hard charger, and they tend to be very direct, move fast, you
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  know, then the way they talk is going to be often abrupt or brief to the point and they
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  don't wanna spend a lot of time with details.
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  On the other hand, someone who is has a leadership style that does get more in the
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  weeds and gets more details.
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  They are going to be giving those kind of details.
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  And you can imagine people who are different like that.
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  How trying to communicate with each other could be frustrating.
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  If they don't know what's important to the other person.
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  So I think the leadership style needs to be understood both by the leader in terms of self
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  awareness as well as the people around them.
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  So they don't take offense or take personally the style that the leadership that the leader
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  may be using to communicate.
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  So when it comes to communication skills, What is the number one skill that good leaders
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  really all need to take note of?
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  With that question, it's listening because listening is the foundation of so many other
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  communication skills that willingness to be open to hearing other opinions, to take time to
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  find out what's really of turn to someone else and not trying to push them, you know, through
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  it quickly to get it so you can get on to the next thing This ability to listen and
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  understand what someone else is trying to communicate is so critical and yet it's missing
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  so often.
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  For so many reasons, we make assumptions about what the person meant.
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  We don't check.
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  So we respond in a way that doesn't even address what they talking about.
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  And so we get these, you know, lack of connections that create additional problems.
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  So it that to me is the number 1.
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  And it ties in with so many other important communication skills, like giving or receiving
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  feedback, like resolving conflict, you know, it it's just really, to me a foundation that most
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  people, unfortunately, think I'm a pretty good listener or I'm a very good listener and yet if
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  they asked others, they may not get agreement on that.
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  Yes.
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  I think that is an excellent point to make.
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  But what are what would you say are some examples A poor communication.
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  Mhmm.
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  I mean, given us some, like, you know, somebody answers the wrong question.
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  I think that's a big one.
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  But what are some of the other things that people probably are doing every day of their
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  business and don't even realize that
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  they may be doing?
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  Well, one is interrupting or finishing someone else's sentence thinking you know what they're
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  going to say and you wanna just move things along.
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  It's very disrespectful and it can create resentments and hard feelings.
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  And here's the thing, a business owner needs people around them who are willing to tell them
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  the truth.
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  And so if you do things that cause people to back off, to not wanna be honest, So another
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  poor communication skill is responding defensively when someone tells you something
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  you don't wanna hear.
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  Instead of being open to hearing it because if you react with anger or you push back or you
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  deny it, or have any other negative reaction, the message you're sending to the person is
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  it's not worth it to try to talk to this person And so you end up with blind spots.
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  You end up with missing information that you could have had otherwise.
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  So I think those are some some big ones just and just not asking people for their opinions
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  and assuming you know what people want and need.
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  Okay.
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  Well, you know what?
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  I think that's a very, very legitimate, thing.
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  And I know in your latest book, you talk about you describe sort of like 3 kinds of feedback.
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  And I really wanted you to explain that because I was very intrigued by that.
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  Yes.
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  We we spent 3 chapters on that because feedback is also one of those really critical skills.
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  So there giving positive feedback to someone, which doesn't happen often enough too many
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  times the attitude is, well, they ought to be glad to have a job.
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  You know, they ought to be glad to work here.
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  I shouldn't have to point out everything they do.
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  And yet giving positive feedback is so important for people to understand what it is
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  you want more of from them so they know what to do.
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  The others have to do with critical or constructive feedback.
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  Giving that.
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  So how do you give constructive feedback to someone who has fallen short?
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  You know, or made a mistake that had consequences.
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  So knowing how to do that well so that in the future, you get the results you're looking for
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  is an important skill.
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  And the 3rd aspect of feedback is receiving feedback graciously so that you don't react
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  defensively Instead, you welcome it.
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  You thank the person instead of being defensive.
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  So in the future, they feel comfortable coming back to you and sharing other things they've
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  noticed, even ideas that they have about how things could be better.
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  Now one of the things that I have been hearing a lot of people talking about my my fellow,
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  entrepreneurs is that people have been struggling in the workplace.
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  You now have 4, sometimes 5 generations of people working in the workplace right now.
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  And people are are struggling.
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  Right?
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  You know, like, people are painting people with broad brushes.
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  Like, all the millennials are entitled and obnoxious, or oh, the boomers don't like
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  technology.
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  You don't wanna change.
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  Don't wanna you know what I mean?
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  Like, everybody's, like, you know, got these kind of labels on their forehead.
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  And nobody feels like they're necessarily being heard, and, and a lot of people spend a lot of
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  time frustrated.
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  And frankly struggling to figure out how to be more effective, but but also how to feel more
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  value.
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  Cause I think some of it communication styles can come off in a way that make people feel
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  dismissed.
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  And I'm and I'm wondering if you have some suggestions around you know, if you've got,
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  let's say, a young employee who maybe has never gotten any negative feedback before, And you
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  are fearful that they are gonna completely not react well to it.
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  What is the best way for you to communicate with them in a way that they can actually hear
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  you.
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  Oh, that's such a good and important question.
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  I think a key aspect is recognizing this is and making the most positive assumptions about the
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  person here is someone that wants to contribute and do their best.
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  As opposed to, here's someone trying to slack off and do the minimum.
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  If we assume that someone is doing their best, then a good way to start with them is simply
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  pointing out what you value about them.
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  Because it is a balanced perspective after all.
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  If you don't have some things you value about the person, why are they working for you to
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  begin with?
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  Right?
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  So putting it in context and then being very specific and let them know you want to share
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  some information with them that you think is going to help them grow in their career, grow
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  in their potential.
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  So they understand that you're not trying to jump on them and criticize them.
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  But you're you're using this as an opportunity to help them learn.
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  And then you get specific about what was the behavior, the action, the words that created a
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  problem.
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  And what were the consequences?
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  What was the impact?
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  So they understand.
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  They make that connection.
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  Oh, I did this.
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  So it had this effect.
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  And then state what it is you want instead and get their agreement to it.
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  So it's an adult to adult conversation, not a parental thing where I'm giving you direction,
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  and this is what you better do from now on or you're out.
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  You know, anything that comes across as threatening, judging is not going to be
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  received well, but when it's an adult to adult conversation where you're both committing to
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  doing something, that other person, and you simply ask them Here's what I need from you.
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  Are you willing to do that?
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  What do you need from me to make sure you're able to meet that deadline or whatever it is?
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  So that they feel that you're in this with them.
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  I think that's the key thing at the end is of letting them know you know, we're in this
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  together.
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  I'm on your side.
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  I'm not watching to catch you do things wrong.
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  I wanna help you succeed.
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  So getting them to tell you what they need from you, I think is a great way to wrap it up so
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  that they see you're willing to do some things as well.
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  And on that note, how can I invite employees or even my loved ones to give me feedback?
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  You know, without, like, walking around with a sun.
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  Like, what, you know, how can you how can all of us position ourselves to be more
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  approachable.
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  Cause I know, you know, around the holidays, when I think about, you know, let's say my
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  mother being in kitchen and giving me a full critique of every every meal I might prepare.
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  Like, no, those are things that are just like, oh my gosh, you know, but what are some of the
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  other ways that I can invite, you know, my son, my brother, like, you know, like, we're trying
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  to deal with hard family issues sometimes, how can you how can we invite people to have a
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  conversation as opposed to Well, you don't do this.
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  Right?
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  You know, we kinda default to that.
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  I think when the siblings do interact with each other, I think we we we revolve back into that
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  relationship we had when we were all, you know, 10, 11, and 12.
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  But I think that, how can we all have more productive conversations sort of like with
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  everybody we deal with?
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  Yeah.
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  I love your questions.
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  This is such an important area, and I think it starts with recognizing we're all human, you
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  know, I'm not perfect.
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  I have things to learn.
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  And so if we adopt that learner mindset and we're open, then it's easier to go to someone
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  and say, you know, I wanna be the best spouse I can be.
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  I wanna be the best parent to you.
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  I wanna be the best leader for you.
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  You know, I want you to come in every day saying, I love living with or working with this
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  person.
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  So what's one thing I could do that would make that a better experience for you?
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  What's one thing?
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  So you're not asking them to give you a laundry list, right?
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  You don't want because it's it's overwhelming if we have start somebody start listing.
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  But one thing, because what's likely to come out is the one thing that's bugging them the
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  most about what you're either doing or not doing.
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  And so if you and even give them permission to take a minute to think about that, you know,
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  what's one thing?
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  And you can ask this in a variety of ways but it's basically getting at this question.
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  What could I do better?
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  You know, how can I be a better whatever?
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  For you so that your experience of living with working with me is as good as it could possibly
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  be.
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  And so I think being specific, and then the key thing is receiving it.
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  Receiving it well.
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  So no matter what they tell you, you adopt a curious mindset.
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  Oh, I didn't realize that.
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  Or, oh, thank you for bringing that to my attention.
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  And if we're not clear on what it is they're asking of us, maybe ask them to give an example
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  of what would that look like to you so that we don't assume we know what they want.
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  And they have that permission to be honest with us and let us know.
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  And then the key, of course, is followed through So we don't just listen to it and say
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  thank you.
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  We look for opportunities if we agree with what they're asking and we realize oh, yeah.
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  That could be a lot better.
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  If I take time to stop and say hi and smile or whatever it is, do that on a regular basis and
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  then go back and ask them after some time has gone by.
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  How am I doing?
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  In that area.
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  I really took to heart what you said, and I'm just curious if you've noticed any difference.
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  So I think that's a key part too is letting them know because you know what that
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  communicates, Melinda, is I cared about what you said and I want to have a good relationship
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  with you and so I am making this effort That's what they see in here, even if you don't say
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  those words.
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  I really, really appreciate what you just said so much.
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  I feel like it's gonna help so many relationships that I have, whether it's with my
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  employees or my ex husband or or even my members.
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  So I really, really appreciate that.
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  Now I wanna switch gears with you just a little bit.
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  You know, a lot of people are managing remote teams.
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  Talking to people on Zoom all day.
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  And do you have different advice for communicating or, or even, like, giving
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  feedback over Zoom versus actual face to face meeting?
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  I guess a key thing is to check with the person up front.
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  Is this a good time for you?
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  Because you don't know what has been going on in the background.
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  You know, in an office environment, you can kinda see if the person's busy, if they're
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  preoccupied, you know, what the lay the lay of the land so to speak.
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  Whereas when they're on Zoom, you know, they could have just had a fight with one of their
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  kids you don't know what's been going on.
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  And so identifying it and being respectful and just asking you know, I'd like to talk to you
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  about something.
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  Is now a good time, or do you have a few minutes for us to have a focused conversation?
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  I think that's probably the most important piece and just also asking the person before
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  you jump in How are you doing?
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  You know, just taking that few minutes to get them to talk about because that will open it
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  up, and that will tell you what's their frame of mind right now.
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  Are they going to be able to be in a place to listen?
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  Because sometimes when we need to give someone feedback, We've often vaulted over in our
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  heads.
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  And so when we're ready, we're ready to do it.
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  And and yet it may not be the right time for a person.
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  And so if we are If our goal is getting the result we're looking for, you know, while
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  enhancing the relationship we really need to be sensitive to, is this the right time for them
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  to be able to respond?
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  And and I just think that sensitivity has to be heightened when we're looking at a remote work
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  situation.
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  Wow.
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  Meredith, you are such such such a pro at these things.
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  Last question for you.
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  What is the best business advice you have ever been given?
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  You know, I'd like to share 2 because they're both have been both significant to me.
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  One is When I face a problem or what I think of as a problem or a challenging situation, I
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  reframe it with this question.
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  Given this situation, what would I like to create?
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  And that frame helps me get out of the depths of worrying and the negative emotions, and it
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  freaks up my ability to think outside the box, if you will, to think in a bigger different way
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  and not even see it as a problem, but just here's an opportunity where I can do something
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  and that has made a huge difference.
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  It saved me hours, days, weeks of being, you know, worried over something instead of
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  thinking creatively about how to do it.
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  The other one is to lighten up because I am I tend to be a serious person.
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  I take myself in situations seriously.
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  And by taking a more playful attitude, again, ties in with being creative, it just releases
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  the positive energy and the ability to do more and think more about how to make the most of
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  whatever situation faces me.
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  I love it.
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  I love it.
• 21:49
  Thank you so much Meredith Bell, you are a joy.
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  I really so much have enjoyed talking with you, and you are brilliant.
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  Thank you so much, Meredith Bell.
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  If you're interested in improving your communications, head over to
• 22:05
  growstrongleaders.com, And thank you all for joining me for this episode of the Small Bishop
• 22:12
  podcast.
• 22:13
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  The mission of the small biz podcast is to end small business failure.
• 23:17
  I'm Melinda Emerson's small biz lady.
• 23:19
  America's number one small business expert, and I will leave you with this last thought, you
• 23:24
  never lose any business.
• 23:26
  Either you win or you learn.
• 23:27
  God bless everybody.
• 23:31
  Thanks for listening to the Small Biz chat podcast with Melinda Emerson.
• 23:36
  Subscribe to this podcast, wherever you listen podcasts and join us next Wednesday for more
• 23:41
  fantastic information and interviews.
• 23:44
  You can find more sources and small business success strategies by visiting Melinda's
• 23:48
  website succeed as your own boss dot com.
• 23:52
  Thanks again for listening, and we'll see you next week.