Latest / Being Different Together / #26 - Intentionality, Part 11: Aim Yourself at Being with People Who Facilitate You Being the Person You Want to Be

Transcript

#26 - Intentionality, Part 11: Aim Yourself at Being with People Who Facilitate You Being the Person You Want to Be · Being Different Together

• 0:08
  SPEAKER_07: Welcome to Being Different Together, the podcast for people who want to make the world a better place, but no, they can't do it alone.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Dr.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: Kelly Brady, acupuncturist, psychotherapist, and certified dialogue therapist.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_07: And I'm Nissa Hanger, massage therapist, aromatherapist, coach, and real dialogue specialist.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: Together we'll explore how conversations can improve relationships, make work more joyful, and spark healing for ourselves and our communities.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_07: And listen, we don't shy away from the hard conversations.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_07: In fact, we welcome them.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_07: This isn't about being right.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's about being different together.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_07: Welcome back to another episode of Being Different Together.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_07: We are recording this on a different day than we normally do.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_07: So it may um it's Friday.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_07: Normally we record on Thursdays.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Now you know our recording schedule.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_07: We record on Thursdays.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_07: And um yesterday morning, uh, there was way too much going on in this house to get any recording done.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_07: It was the first time we had workers for this edition inside the house.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_07: And we had a guest, and there were other things going on.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_07: It was crazy.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, and today it's not.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_04: It's like so nice to me.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_07: It's very calm.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_07: Nobody's here.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_04: It's very calm.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_04: We had the toast.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, we had a lot of time.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_04: We've had some coffee.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_07: It's been a really Yeah, we ate some toast.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_04: It's just been a more of a chill morning, I'm glad.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_07: T GIF.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_07: If you're listening to this on a Friday, T G I F to you.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, look.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: There's more than two ways to skin a cat.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_03: We don't always have to do it the same way.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_06: No.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm yeah, I'm happy to be here.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_03: I feel relaxed.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, you sound relaxed.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah, I feel relaxed.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_08: Good night's sleep.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: I slept well.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: And we're gonna have another rousing discussion about intentionality.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_06: We're back to intentionality.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_07: Listen, uh those of you that have been following on along with intentionality, um, I am so sorry to say we are we are in the home stretch of these days.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_07: So we've got this episode, and I'm imagining we'll wrap it up with the next episode.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_07: And we got some ideas of what we're gonna do after that, but of course, if there are things you want to hear about or things you want to hear us expand about, like let us know.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_07: Send us a message, a text.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, there's more good things to come.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: There's definitely more things.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: And listeners, just you know, if we could take a moment.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: I think according to our data, there's like a third of you subscribe to the podcast.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: So if you could just take a moment and go ahead and subscribe.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_08: Okay, so sometimes people ask me, How do I subscribe?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: You hit the button that says subscribe.
• 3:13
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• 3:17
  SPEAKER_07: If you are on Apple Podcasts, it's gonna be the plus sign in the upper right-hand corner.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_07: And on Spotify, I'm not sure.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_07: I'm imagining there's an oval somewhere.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_07: Like where you're following artists, you can follow the podcast just like you would follow an artist on the card.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, exactly.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so why why that's important is that it it uh it Oh, I just learned all this really cool stuff about the the origin of the word algorithm.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: Algorithmus was this.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_07: Is it yeah, it's um Arabic.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it was a person who actually Algorithmus.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think and and anyway, I learned all this all these facts.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: So that this is what I need in my brain.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: More facts so that I can't remember where my keys are.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_06: And song lyrics.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: If I only had another one.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: Oops, there goes another one.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_07: I knew it was coming.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: That's a that's a jingle.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: There's like an adjacent slot in the brain or my mind that is there's the song and then there's the jingle.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, yeah, the jingle.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_07: They're right next to each other.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_07: They're right next to five jingles.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: You know, anyway.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_02: In the algorithm, uh the more you subscribe, the more likely people are to get recommended our podcast.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, totally.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_02: And that supports our family because we are um really committed here to bringing you good content every week.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we're writing about it, we're thinking about it, um, contemplating, having lots of discussions, um, and and I think really, you know, very passionate about bringing you the best content that we can so that you can live the kind of life that is in alignment with your values and intentionality and where you want to be going and what you want to be doing.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's really a lot of the platform actually of the podcast.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: So yes, uh please, that's uh if you do that, then we commit to bringing you this lovely content.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_08: Well, and it's a great way to help us out that costs zero dollars.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 5:21
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• 5:23
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• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: And um, and so t today.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_07: If you're just tuning in, we're in the middle of, we're out actually towards the end of a series on intentionality.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_07: I think we were at part 10 last time, so I guess it'll be about a 12-parter.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_07: A 12-part series.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_07: Um, on intentionality.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_07: And so that um we'll be referencing uh Uncle Murray, which as this has gone on, I have had more and more people tell me that they think that they have heard of Uncle Murray.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, he's becoming, I think, like a He's a mythic figure at this point.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: He's becoming a mythic figure.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, which I love.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_07: I love, love, love, love, love.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_07: Murray Lanceman, um, who was a professor uh in the um rehabilitation counseling program.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, at the University of South Florida.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: Which really had its heyday in the 70s, 80s, and early 90s.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um not that it's not a fine program still.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: Totally.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: We have friends and colleagues that have recently graduated.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: Very, very fine program.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: But the founders of that program were this group of a couple of um psychologists who were clinical psychologists at University of Florida, and they all started um basically, I I think experimenting with psychedelics and meditation and going out to Escaline.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: As you did in the 70s.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: During the human potential movement, they had their mind-bending, mind-opening kind of experiences and decided that they wanted to explore psychology instead of from the clinical lens from a more humanistic lens.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_02: Love that.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so they um yeah, I guess there was some kind of process where they they they either invaded and took over the rehabilitation counseling program that was already happening at U.S.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: I want someone to write a novel about this.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: I can't remember some of that history.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you know we should talk to you about that, Gwen Hannah.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_07: We should interview Gwen.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so in another series of interesting synchronicities, um, I rent.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: Gwen is our landlord.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, she owns the building that both Nissa and I work out of, and she graduated from the same counseling program that I did.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, which is a strange coincidence.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, there are plenty connected to this too.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_02: She's connected to this too.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: So it would be Oh, we should totally have her on.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_06: Definitely.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_06: That would be a gets back in the country.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_02: Where she gets back in the country, that would be a really fun interview.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_06: Definitely.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, Gwen was around in um in the 80s and she might remember some more of that history.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: Totally.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I bet it's written, I bet some of that is written down somewhere.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um anyway, it was just a really cool time because um, you know, Murra Murray was very, very uh passionate.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_02: I w I wouldn't really I wouldn't really say he was like evangelical.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't like he was knocking on people's doors, you know.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: But I I think m my sense of being around him was I knew what he stood for.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_02: I knew what he stood for.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_07: That's an admirable quality of a few.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_02: And he was consistent, at least in my presence.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: Right, you know.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you know, I I saw him once a week for two years.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, after that he was in my life.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: And we went to social engagements together.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we hung out with the same folks.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_02: So um, yeah.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_02: So these these sayings came from a class that he taught called Intentionality.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_07: Mm-hmm.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_07: And we tell the full history of that in episode uh sixteen, I think it is.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_06: So you can find the link in the show notes if you need to go on back through and listen from the beginning.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and so I mean, I'm really uh uh one of the things that I've been doing is um like thinking, what is my operational definition of intentionality?
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_06: Mm-hmm.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: You know, is intentionality about purpose?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: Is it about presence?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: Is it about action?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: Is it about effectiveness?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_02: Is it about productivity?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, it i and then there's this whole other part of intentionality that we haven't really gotten so much into, although we talked about it a little bit.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe this is where we could go with it moving forward.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: This idea that, you know, like what's going on with what we intend sets up the expectation for what we receive in life.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: Because if we really have a feedback loop, yeah, well like the that whole thing about what expectation you have is what you often create is what you do create in your perception.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um and so if you have an expectation that is based in an intention and you're repeating that to yourself, you're more you're more likely to pick that up in the environment, right?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, you know.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um anyway, that that's an inter that's an interesting that's another interesting avenue of exploration that that um, you know, other psychologists and philosophers and productivity experts have um kind of weighed in about.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: So I think, you know, my best working definition of intentionality though in the moment is just that simply, you know, how do I wanna how do I want to show up moment to moment.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I want to have enough um ways of showing up that that my ways of showing up are flexible.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_07: Oh because it's i I mean, for me it's it's contextual.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_07: You know, how do I want to show up in this particular moment?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_07: Like how I wanna how I want to show up to work is different than how I want to show up at my friend's birthday party.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_07: I mean, the uh certainly there may be similarities, um but I I can see in myself it's like I'm responding to the environment, the context.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_07: Um which reminds me a lot of when I was in school, studying religion and studying South Asian religions, Hinduism, and um took a whole class on Dharma.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_07: Dharma in the Hindu sense, which is I think related but different than Dharma and um in the Buddhist context.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_07: Um but yeah, it's like your it was like your duty, but it's it it's not a I said duty, but it's not set, it's not a set thing.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_07: Your your duty or how you I need another word.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_07: I don't know what another word is.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: I think the word duty's gonna come up a lot in this podcast.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_07: Well, I don't think now is the time, but if my dad were here, he would want to tell you this whole story about how duty came up.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_07: Oh boy.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_07: When we were delirious after flying to um Australia.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_07: It was just it's just it's one of those jokes that was made in the moment.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_07: Again, contextual.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_07: And uh it has been brought up so so many times.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'll have to hear it at some point.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_07: I mean, I don't know if you think now's the right time, but you know, we were in the we were flying, I'm what, 13.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_07: Okay.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_07: We're flying, it's my first international flight.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_07: Um, I'm seeing all of these things about duty free.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_07: And of course, me, the ever inquisitive one, has to ask, what does it mean?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_07: Well, you know, if you go back and you listen to the other episodes from this um series, you you you you will hear many uh instances of me asking, Well, what does that mean?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_07: As a small kid.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_07: So again, I'm asking, what is what is what does duty free mean?
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_07: And my dad, sometimes he would just get into these things where he would um get into a whole long explanation of something.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_07: You don't know where it's going.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_07: I don't think he knew where it was going.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um I relate to this about him very much.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_07: And he just it's like be he's like just BSing and like just assuming he's gonna be able to tie it up in a knot, which he did.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_07: And I mean, I I don't I can't do it word for word, verbatim, but it was some sort of thing about, you know, your your duty.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_07: And it culminated in something about in the mor, you know, of course it goes to poop, in the morning, you know, you get up in the morning and you do your business, and then you know, sometimes you just gotta look down and say, Howdy, duty.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_07: No.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_07: And I mean, you can imagine after a 22-hour flight, we were dying laughing.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_07: It was probably one of the most memorable parts of that whole trip.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_07: Besides the me seeing my first prostitute ever at King's Crossing.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, this is taking a turn.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_07: With my dad.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: My dad's like You and your dad saw a prostitute?
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, I'm pretty sure.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_02: We stayed in a You mean you visually appreciated a prostitute.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: You don't mean Yes.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_07: We saw from afar.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_07: I won't take it.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_07: We saw from afar.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_07: Okay.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, we're in uh that also that was the trip where I learned what the red light district meant.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_07: Oh yeah.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_07: And um, and that was the area, I guess, where we were staying for whatever reason.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_07: It was near the conference or something, whatever.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_07: I th I think it was King's Crossing in um Sydney.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_07: Don't quote me on that.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_07: Maybe that's a very upstanding part of town.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_07: But at the time we go to McDonald's in the morning.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_07: Right now there's somebody in Australia like blue, can you believe so yeah, we see this woman at McDonald's, and my dad just makes this comment where he's like, I think she's just getting off of work.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_07: Oh.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, and so that became the first prostitute I had ever seen.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_07: No sex worker.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_07: You're 100% correct.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_07: Yes, yes.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_07: Okay, yeah, this has definitely taken a turn.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_07: This is taking a turn.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_07: Maybe this is a good segue into today's saying.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's you know, the person that we spend the most time with Oh, well what's the saying?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know that I have it exactly verbatim.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_02: I can do it.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: I can do it.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: Aim yourself.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_07: Aim yourself.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_07: Aim yourself at being with people who facilitate you to being the person you want to be.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_07: Aim yourself at being with people who facilitate you to being the person you want to be.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, okay.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: So just back to what you were saying before about how much time you spent around your dad.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: And how our parents are the first people who facilitate who we are.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's like probably 70% of the personality that we develop, I think, is uh I I can't I'm gonna get the math on this wrong.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm not gonna quote it exactly.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: Just make it up.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I don't want to make up the numbers, so I'll make up kind of like a proportion.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_02: Let's make up a proportion.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: And so we're really, really open to suggestion.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: So most of who we are really gets laid down in the first couple years that we're here on the planet.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, some people say five years, you know, like I think Jung was like the first five years.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: Are the years that are most important in terms of the parental relationship.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: And then after that, what young what I remember if I were to paraphrase Jung is uh you know, that he was like, you know, pretty much everything after everything after the first five years is comes from your social group.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_06: Uh-huh.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and how they influence you as a young child, you know, your teachers and et cetera, and your friends.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um and apparently we really kind of stopped that kind of intense, like pulling things out of the environment, incorporating them, and then developing, and then that becoming something that would then we walk with.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's much more active up until the time we're about 21, at which point we're we're pretty stable.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_02: You know, a after about that age, like I don't really know that people change.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like Murray used to say, I don't change, I'm evolving.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_07: I was gonna say it's it's evolution.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_02: He used to say, I'm evolving, then he'd just laugh, you know, you think this little twinkles and I just crack up because it was just sort of like, okay, you know, I at that point, yeah, we're we're just kind of circling around the same complexes that we've already developed.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_02: So that aim yourself to be around people who facilitate you being who you want to be.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: That those first people you we didn't get to choose.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_07: True.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: So the first part about this sentence that I really like is that you get to choose who you want to hang out with in case you forgot.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, say it again.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: In case you forgot, you you get to choose who you want to hang around with.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: You know, even if you think, boy, I don't really want to hang around with this person, but it's going to be really hard for me to extract myself from this relationship.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_02: I just want to remind you that you can do that shit.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: Totally.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_07: Uh, you know, you and and they, you know, who we hang around with does facilitate us being or not the person that we want to be.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_07: Yes.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_07: Yes.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_07: Now, some people you don't get to choose who you're around.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_07: You know, your co-workers, you know, the person sitting next to you at work or your boss or certain family members, your neighbors, but you don't have to hang out with your neighbor.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_07: You know what I mean?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_07: Like, some people you don't get to choose.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_07: So aim.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_07: Aim yourself.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_07: Right?
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_07: Like, this is we don't have to be perfect in this, but also you have a choice.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_07: That's what I feel like is like the sort of underlying theme in a lot of these.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_07: Like, you don't have to do it perfectly, but don't forget, you have a choice.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_07: Mm-hmm.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_05: Do you did Nissa, did you ever did we ever talk about or did you ever read that study that's um like the bad apple study?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_07: I don't know.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_07: The bad apple study does not ring a bell.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: You remember the saying a bad apple s uh is it a bad apple spoils the whole barrel?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_07: Something like that.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: Do is it barrel of monkeys or barrel of apples is spoiled?
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_07: Well, I don't think the the monkeys are going bad.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_07: And barrel of monkeys is a game when you're a kid.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, no, yeah.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_07: No, but I I I don't know what the exact saying is.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_07: It's a B though.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_07: It's a B word.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_07: It is?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, back to Cards Against Humanity.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: We played Cards Against Humanity this weekend with our cousins and we had the best time.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_07: Although there were a few there were a few terms that that people needed to be educated on, which was a little bit painful.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: Fill in the blank would be would be this.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: One bad apple spoils the whole thing.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_02: Fill in the blank.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's bunch.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's bunch.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: So I guess this the study and again I'm not it's not I'm spitballing it here.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_07: Don't quote her.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: The idea is that they Okay, sick developmental psychologists who I love and I think are hilarious.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_02: I mean put a group of, like let's say it was ten subjects together.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_02: Who none of them knew one another.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: And it was going to be about team functioning productivity.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_02: This was the purpose of this of the study.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: They put this group of ten people together and they gave them a task.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_02: And they said, we want you to collaborate to come up with this task.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: And then they had an experimental group, and in the experimental group, they would put a plant.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: Not a house plant, but like you're planted includes this palm.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: You could just imagine the plant as a plant if you're if you're so inclined this morning after your coffee and whatever else you like to do in the morning.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_07: No, there's there was somebody in the group intentionally.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: Right, who was a student that had been trained to engage in a certain function within the group, to play out a certain role.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: And the role was to be um negative and disruptive.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_02: So the role was that the that that that plant came in and they complained.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: They they did this particular behavior, which I love.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I'm just gonna short shorten it by saying they help rejected complaining.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_02: They they did they complained while simultaneously rejecting help.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_02: Uh huh.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_07: Maybe you know somebody like that.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe you know somebody help rejecting complaining.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_07: Help projecting complaining.
• 21:59
  unknown: Yes.
• 21:59
  unknown: Okay.
• 22:00
  unknown: Yeah.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Which is like, oh, I don't know how we're gonna we can never do that.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: And then another person on the team would say, Well, maybe we could blah blah blah.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that won't work because of.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, the person was just consistently negative, Nancy.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_02: Negative, verbally negative, also engaged in some stonewalling behavior where they would just silently shake their heads, sit back and cross their arms, and then do this.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_07: Or you know what?
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like if you're talking to someone and you're trying to explain something, they're already shaking their head no.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: These kinds of behaviors.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: I want to explicitly talk about what they were because it's people you just like.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_02: So people can know.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like if if I just say, well, this is just negative, or what you wouldn't know what I was talking about.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: So it's these kind of behaviors, right?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: And um what they found, what the what the research found was that just one person in a group like that could affect productivity by somewhere between 30 to 90 percent.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_02: One person out of ten.
• 23:12
  unknown: Yeah.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_07: Wow.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_07: So even with nine other people that are like able to work together and be positive or whatever.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_07: Wow.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_02: And also maybe just stay on track.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like another part of the behavior was going off topic.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_08: Yes.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_02: By the way, I love going off topic.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: I just went off topic.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, like, I love an aside, I love a soliloquy, but I mean, you it's like getting lost in that is a real problem for productivity.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_02: So, and I know that about myself.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: I have, I have a little bit of like my mind is a little ping, ping, ping.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_02: So, isn't that amazing?
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: Just that one person.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_02: And have you ever, like, Niss, I was thinking, have you ever been in a class or a group where there is kind of a bad apple?
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_07: I mean, I'm sure that I have not any particular um I I can think of just like friend group.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_07: I don't know.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_07: This whole saying makes me think of like just different friend groups and the idea of being a bad influence.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and the people that are now I can hear my dad right now.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: Well, if everyone was jumping off the Empire State Building or the Brooklyn Bridge or whatever.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_07: Totally.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_07: Totally.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_07: Um Yeah.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_07: What about you?
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think because I've worked with groups.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you work with groups, so you know you get to see it on a weekly basis.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I've worked with groups.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: And you know how how oh, here's here's a here's something that I find really compelling.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_02: So Jung, Carl Jung, paraphrasing again, didn't like to work with groups.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, he recommended against group therapy.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: His idea was that what that contagion would occur, psychic contagion, and that the mob mentality would take over.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_02: And he he he you know, he said that uh any group will only function as well as its lowest functioning participant.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_07: I get that.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_02: And so he was like the the group will naturally be brought down to a very low level.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_07: Mm-hmm.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_02: Whatever low level means.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure I think there was a there's a little bit of a there that there could have been a little eugenics.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there's a little higher.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: There might there might be a little colonial uh, you know.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_07: Now I don't remember if I brought this up in a previous podcast, but it does occur to me that it it seems like it applies here.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_07: Conversely, I feel like on the other side of of that, yeah, which I do think that there is some truth in that.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_07: Um, but I don't in my heart of hearts feel like it's the whole truth.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_07: Um uh now you work with groups more than I do, so you might have a different opinion.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_07: Um I'm thinking it back to something I read recently in the book Essentialism about um I guess it's about like being able to identify a b anyway, they tell this story about it's sort of a fictional story, and it's from some sort of um you know, story meant to to teach about productivity or whatever, but this guy is taking these Boy Scouts for a hike.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_07: And when you're taking a group for a hike, the hike it what what he was finding is that the the the group would spread out because there's the the kid that is just the slowest hiker.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_07: And then if everybody else in front of him is allowed to just go at their own pace, then the group and if you're around a group of boys in the woods, like you need to keep the group together.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_07: So what the guy did to figure out, okay, how can I, I don't want to like force the slowest one to go faster, um, but that was something that was dragging the whole group down.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_07: He's like, All right, how can I lighten his load?
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_07: So he starts like taking stuff out of his backpack, and so the kid can walk like he was trying to figure out how I can help the slowest one, which is actually gonna help the group arrive at the same time.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_04: Totally.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_07: And so I don't know, it just I'm thinking about working with groups.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_07: Now, I mean, I don't suggest that we go out there and try to be like, hey, I want to help my friend improve because it's gonna help me improve, you know what I mean?
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_07: That's a that the analogy doesn't work quite like that.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's a it's a it's like an ad it's like yeah, I I smell what you're cooking there, and I think that that's a really sort of humanitarian and cool response.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's more collaborative.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, in terms of dealing with um you know, variations and difference and ability.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I think I think really good leaders in a group have an ability to kind of hold the hand of the slowest moving person and and help the group move along.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_07: Well, and I guess it was also to apply to even just like systems, like then taking that, looking at and which I did recently with looking at okay, I gotta get this stuff done in this back room.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_07: What is the what is the biggest thing that's holding it back?
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_07: And what if I just take care of that first?
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_07: It makes everything else so much easier.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_07: Instead of doing the easier things first, which aren't gonna make that big of a difference because there's the big thing that's holding things back.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but going back to like aim to be aim yourself to be around people who facilitate you being the person you want to be.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_07: Right, right, yeah.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: Dalai Lama has a saying, if you lay down in the dirt, you wake up with dirt on you.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_07: Okay.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: And if you lay down in gold dust, you wake up with gold on you.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_02: So um it's really taught.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: This is really taught in well, it's really taught in Buddhism to surround you to to have noble friends, to have noble friendships.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and those term that the term is used.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's like to surround yourself with other people who are who are working towards the same sort of goals that that you are.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_07: And help bring out those things in you.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that they that they they make you a the a the person you want to be.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_02: You know.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_07: Um like if I want to play more music, I was thinking about this the other day playing, and I was like, oh, I need to hang out with people that play music.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_07: I want to play more music, I should be hanging out with people that play music.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 29:12
  unknown: Right.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's as simple as that.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: So I w I want to bring this back to to uh like I love this saying.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_02: It can it can it can it it there's a lot of different places for it to go, and I don't I think the mistake in it would be to take it um to I you know, I don't know, there's this saying in um the 12-step rooms, stick with the winners.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_02: Which is something that's said to people who are like new to the program when they come into a 12-step program they're working through an addiction or you know they're working on their codependency or whatever.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_07: Don't don't go sideline a person that's one one foot into relapse.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_02: Right, you know, the the person who's who's uh smoking a joint in their car before they come into the AA meeting.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, not that I have anything against that, but what I'm if you're trying not to do that, you might not want to hang out with that person.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if that is the person you want to be, then go hang out with that person.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, like this um yeah, the stick with the winners means like find people that you want to emulate.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_02: And then hang around, put yourself in the company of those people.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and uh so I think this is where, you know, I don't know, you know, I do love a guru.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_07: You do love a guru.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I love a teacher, a mentor, uh, you know, a group.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_02: I th I think that I think that the the kind of the risk um is that I I don't know, maybe my focus could get too narrow in terms of who who is it that I think I want to be versus what is the world asking for me.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes there's something about some of these sayings that can ring as a little um self-absorbed to me.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, interesting.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_07: You know what I mean?
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like, how is it that I only know what it is that I'm supposed to like?
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, you want to be you want to be able to remain open to what it is that the world or whatever wants you to be.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's right.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_07: I think that that's a little bit dangerous though.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, tell me why.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_07: Um, although I don't disagree with you, but it I think that there's there's a little bit of a nuance there because um there are some ways that the world, I'm thinking about socialization.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_07: Like I think that there are some ways that the world wants me to be that I don't want to be.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_07: You know, and I don't think that that's what you're saying.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_07: I think what you're saying is a little bit more of like life purpose, what am I here to do?
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_07: I'm all on board for that.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_07: Um, but I guess I also want to be uh like I I it probably just comes from times in my life where I feel like I have done what I think that I'm supposed to do.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_07: Right?
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_07: Whether or not it is what I want.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_07: So I think the key here with this and the next thing is about knowing what it is that you want.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, the intentionality.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_07: What it is that you want.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_07: How do you want to show up?
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_07: Not that you can't take some cues from maybe some things that come along, some opportunities that come along, but I think sometimes it really is someone else's agenda.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_05: You're yeah, I I get I get that.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_05: And I don't think I w yeah.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_07: And I don't think that you were saying that, but I I can see where in my mind it can go there.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's what you're bringing up is really important.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_02: I think I was using a shorthand and it would be better if I made it more explicit.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I have this idea that there's a that there are parts part a part, like Jung said it called it the self.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_02: Other people call it the atman.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_02: Some people maybe it's the Buddha the Buddha within the soul, the spirit, like but that a lot of that resides within my unconscious.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like that there are that there's this and that actually most of me is in the unconscious, if if right.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_02: And if we go back to the old the old iceberg thing.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_02: So that there's all of this underneath the water about me that I that what I have to what I like to do is point myself in the direction of looking at the signs and symbols of what what my exterior life is showing me.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_02: In other words, when I head in this direction, is it is it easeful?
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_02: Do I am I in are there synchronicities?
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_02: Are the symbols in my dreams looking good?
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like like that, I I think that that part of me that is unconscious is in is in direct communication with the entire world.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_07: I agree.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_02: Because of the way that the collective psyche works.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that, I mean, Jung had a really good way of explaining it.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_02: Buddhism explains it very well, I think too.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um in that, you know, we're we're separate, but we're also one.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_02: We're we're, you know, we're like one.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_02: If it was a fraction, we're one over the infinity symbol, but nonetheless, the fraction represents the whole.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_06: Okay.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like that represents one whole thing.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_02: Five eighths is one whole.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's part of a whole.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so if I was a whole part.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_02: So if I was one over the infinity symbol, I I don't know, like I think about it that way.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_02: So here I am living out this part of whatever is going on with consciousness with a capital C, which maybe if you believe in it, is God.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_06: Uh-huh.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_02: Or something like it.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_02: Some kind of unified consciousness or I I don't know what, like the glue, the dark matter, whatever it is that's holding everything together.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, you know.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um that's I think what I'm talking about there.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_02: Is is is just the idea that okay, I'm gonna aim myself to be around these kind of people, but I also want to be open to that changing.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know, there might be a time in my life where more people changing.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_02: Those people change.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_02: Or um but I think it's I think this is a it's just a really good kind of universal truism that um we are the company we keep.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_02: It we're gonna be able to do that.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, people are trying to lose weight, you know.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_02: If they go and move in with someone who overeats, they're likely to gain the right back or smoking or drinking.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_02: What do they say?
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_07: It's like you you are the culmination of the five people you spend the most time with.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_05: Oh my god, you know.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: This is the thing they say in the 12 step rooms.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_02: If you if you go to the barber shop, you're gonna get a haircut.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_02: Which is a great saying, you know, like if you if you keep showing up in that place, you're gonna do that thing.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 35:24
  unknown: Yeah.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_02: You know, go hang out at the gym, see what happens.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_02: Totally.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_02: Go read a book in the lobby of the gym.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_02: Or whatever, you know.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's um put yourself in that environment where things are happening that you want to be a part of and then see what happens.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I I love the idea of aiming and the the also that he holds it with a lighter hand.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's kind of what I like about it versus some of the older iterations of this kind of slogan.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like stick with the winners.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_02: There's something about that that's it.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, aim yourself, and also that people that facilitate you being so it's not they're not making you, right?
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_07: You're still doing it.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_07: You know, right there like they're they're sort of uh to me, facilitation is sort of like it's it's bringing out of you what is already within there.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, totally.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_07: So, what is our next saying?
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_02: The more I ask for what I want, the more likely I am to get it.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_07: Amen.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_02: Deceptively simple.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_02: So why don't people ask for what they want?
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_07: Um well, they're afraid they're not gonna get it.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_07: Yes, isn't that funny?
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_07: It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_07: That's it.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, that's a lot of it, don't you think?
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 36:38
  unknown: Yeah.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_07: The more I ask for or it's vulnerable to ask for what you want.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_07: You know, babe, babe, can you know, can you give me a back rub?
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_07: Oh yeah.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_07: You know?
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_07: Like, yeah.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_07: Or will you marry me?
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_07: I mean, just do like the two ends of the spectrum there.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_07: Like it it it is vulnerable to ask for what we want.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe there's fear of conflict there.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, definitely in the vulnerability, you know, if I ask you for what I want, especially if it involves you and maybe you not doing something.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_07: I want you to not do X, Y, and C.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_07: Is that what you're saying?
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I think that a lot of things come out in couple relationships like that.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_02: One person does one thing and it bothers the other person, and then the other person laughs.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_01: Just not.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_02: Can you just Well, if you take it back to the toilet paper roll example, which is like so common.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_07: Can you know which put a fill the toilet paper?
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_02: Is that or can you put it on the right way?
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_02: Can you put it on with the uh you know, I mean, which way does it go on?
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_02: Do you even replace it, first of all?
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's the beginning.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna leave me hanging with one little square in the middle of the night.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_02: Or nothing.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_02: Or nothing.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_07: Grabbing a tissue.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_02: Calling.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_07: Calling from the nobody in this house does that.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe fear of conflict.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, totally.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_02: I you know, I I've I've heard this from people too.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't suffer from this particular thing, but um some people will say, Well, I don't want to ask for what I want because I don't want to be needy.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to be Yes, I don't want to be perceived as needy.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to be perceived as needy.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_02: So I I think those are, you know, s some of the things that like can get in the way.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_07: The more I ask for I I mean it's it's it's sort of countercultural.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_07: I mean, nobody's nobody nobody telling you to ask for what you want.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_07: And also this idea of the more, I think, the more I ask for what I want, that the the the the that implies that you're already asking for number one.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_07: The more I ask for what I want, right, the more likely.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_07: Now I have to have to say, again, five-year-old Nissa, the more I ask for what does this mean?
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_07: The more I ask for what I want.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_07: Can I have oh yeah.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_07: Can I have oh yeah.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_07: This is what I think in my head.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_07: I think about 1993 Sears catalog and a magic marker.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_07: Your eyes are gleaming right now.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_07: I know.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_07: There you go.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_07: What do you circle everything you want?
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, the more I ask for what I want.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_07: Right, right.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_07: I'll circle this one three times.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_04: That's really cute.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, I mean, maybe I think about that.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_07: So yeah, I would definitely, I was definitely asking for what I wanted in my house.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_07: I'll tell you that.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_07: Can I can I get can we get this?
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_02: This is where having a good childhood could be a little dangerous.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_07: Definitely.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_02: Just kidding.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_07: And then I don't think I'd be able to do that.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_07: And then they would say no, and then I would ask again.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_07: Well, the more I'm asked for one, and they're like, that's not what that means.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: That's not it, is it?
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, maybe that's a part of it though.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think so so much of of child development.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_02: Like we were hanging out with a little 19-month-old just this last week, and you know, there's there was a lot of pointing and and oh, you know.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that that urge to explore and get what you want.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, the parent is stopping, and there there's this kind of thing of what am I allowed to ask for?
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_02: What am I not allowed to ask for?
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_02: Internalized rules about that.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_02: In some families, you know, asking for a hug is just not okay.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like that would not be okay.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_02: It would be an incredible dis display of weakness and would result in punishment, even perhaps.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, it depends like on the rules of the family system.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_02: In your family, you were taught to ask for what you want.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, a lot of families are not like that.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so, since we since we're most like the people we spent the first few years with, it's gonna be I in my opinion, it's gonna be informed by the culture of of asking in your family and what that was like.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, were people in your family growing up allowed to be direct?
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_02: Were they allowed to be able to do that?
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_02: It probably depends on us.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you know, uh yeah, absolutely.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, how I you know, I I remember I I just am remembering stories that I've that I've heard about um sort of like a kid not liking to eat his peas and then having to sit at the dinner table.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_07: Oh god.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, for me it was green beans.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_07: You know, until all the until all the peas were gone.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_02: You probably have like a a good uh I learned to um plug my nose.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_07: I would I would totally hold my nose to eat the green beans at grandma's.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_02: Or they canned?
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they're disgusting.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you didn't like the canned green beans.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_07: No, unless they're in a casserole.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, well, I mean, mushroom soup and cheese can do anything.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_07: Give me sweet peas all day long.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_07: But yeah.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_07: The more I ask for what I want.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_07: The the other interesting thing with this phrase in this collection of phrases, it is it is the only one it's not a phrase, it's a saying.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_07: Um, it is the only one that's in the first person.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_07: Which I find really kind of just interesting.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_07: Stylist it's stylistically.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_07: Now, I mean, I don't think that Uncle Murray thought that these would all be collected and then, you know, analyzed and together or anything.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_07: So I don't know how intentional that was.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_07: Um, but it's just kind of interesting, whereas all the other ones are either in second person saying you or they're in the the imperative form, sort of just like saying, like doing it does it, or aim yourself at well, I guess that is in second person, actually.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_07: But um what do you think about that?
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_07: That it's I I that it has to be.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I like to believe that he was intentional about it because it's towards the end of the series, and I think that the slogan points back to intentionality in and of itself.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's like the more I'm the the more I ask for what I want, the more likely I am to get it, which means that me that's true about relationship, but it's also true about my life and of myself.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_02: The more I the more I ask myself, like, what is it that I want?
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_07: What is it that I want?
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: What is it that I want what is it that I want?
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_07: What a great question to just like ponder for the day.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_07: What is it that I want?
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_02: What is it?
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_02: And um Yeah.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_02: And and then and I think I you know, I think in if I just sort of to bring it back to relationship for a minute.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like I think one of the all right, so this isn't really I mean, I just say this all the time, and I and I see it in our relationship too.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_02: It's like one of us will have an unexpressed expectation.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_08: Yes.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_02: And and then then the other person doesn't do it.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's this sort of resentment that can grow.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_02: You know, so I have found that my uh my level of resentment in any relationship is sort of directly proportional to how much unexpressed expectation I have.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_07: You gotta say it again.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_02: This is relationship math.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_02: Resentment is proportional.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: To unexpressed expectation.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_02: So if I have the more unexpressed expectation that I have, the more resentment I'm going to have.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_07: And is it the more like over time, like the longer I go without expressing something?
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_07: Or the multiple things that I'm saying.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_02: Multiple things.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_02: And what if I'm not telling myself what I want?
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_02: What if I was raised in a culture to not pay attention to what I want at all?
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_02: What if I was raised in a culture to only pay attention to what you want?
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_02: Which is very common.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, I know that I have some of that programming.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_07: For sure.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_07: I see it.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_02: Or what if I was raised in a culture just to pay attention to all the facts?
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_02: And and what I want isn't even what I value.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: Isn't even isn't even important.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_02: What what if I was raised just to pay attention to facts and figures?
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_02: Totally.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_07: I see it for me with this edition.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_07: Because I feel like I I mean I think that the three of us are pretty good at communicating with each other, but I'm I'm the um the hinge, you know, I'm married to you, but mom's my mom.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_07: So I'm the one that's communicating the most between us, though y'all definitely communicate.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_07: Um, but then I will be attuned to what I know you want.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_07: And I will be attuned to what I know she wants.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_07: And sometimes I'm just trying to figure out how can I help you and her get what y'all want.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_07: And then eventually I go, oh wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_07: What about me?
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_07: What do I want?
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_07: And I really uh so many times in this process I've had to stop and go, wait, what do I want?
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_02: Like slow it down.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_02: To ask yourself.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's a really good practice.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_07: I can see that that is in there.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_07: And I'll also say that with the addition, the more I ask the contractor for what I want or what we want, the more likely we are to get it.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, they're gonna give us as little as as they can.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_07: Not not because I think that or sometimes, you know, it's like I have to ask multiple times because they're they're juggling however many things they're juggling.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_07: But it's like, no, I have to sometimes there are a couple of things where it's like I have to keep asking.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it is that I find that that is that that's that's a great example because I think that um they're thinking about other they're trying to figure out whatever sort of engineering, blah, blah, blah.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_07: They're not thinking about where the door's gonna swing right now.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_07: But I'm thinking about that.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, and you know, I I've heard this resistance to it too.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_02: Well, just why don't you ask him?
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_02: And why don't you ask her?
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, yeah, and then what do they say?
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_02: I could never do that.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_02: I could never do that.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_02: Or I've done it.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_02: Or I already know what they're gonna say.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_02: I already know what they're gonna say.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_02: I already know I don't want to do it.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, no, no.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_02: This falls into the category of what?
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_02: Help rejecting complaining.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh help rejecting complaining.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I also think this this idea, you know, back to you know, love being a practice, right?
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_02: That that like it's not it's not a feeling.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's a it's a practice.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_02: And um, you know, of continuing to go back to the person over and over again.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_02: That commitment is there, right?
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_02: And then going back and being able to work with, okay.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_02: You know, work working with, but well, okay, so maybe you can ask what you want.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_02: But he Uncle Murray doesn't say just if you ask, you're gonna get it.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_02: He says the more likely you are to get it.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_02: You may not get it.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, and you might have to ask more than once.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_02: And you might not even get it then.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_07: Yep.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_07: Yep.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_07: But if you want to increase your chances of getting what you want, here's what you do, kid.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_02: Ask for the foot rub.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_02: Ask for the foot rub.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and and then I think so then it doesn't become a complaint, right?
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_02: Complaining is not asking for what you want.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like one of my one of the teachers that I learned from in couples therapy, Hattie Schleifer, had a saying, and she used to say, Every complaint is an unexpressed wish.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_02: So she would use the word wish instead of expectation.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I thought a request.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_02: I d I don't know.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_02: I just thought it w there was a humanity in it that I I really liked that word, wish.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_02: It gives like I feel like it gives me and also it's like I just really wish.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's like a yearning.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, there's a quality to it.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_07: And nobody wants to crush your wish.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_07: I don't know.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_07: I mean, maybe somebody does, but I feel like it's better than I want.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_02: So like what is your what is your unexpressed wish?
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um in this relationship.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_02: And then that those can come out as complaints.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_02: You always, you never, bubba, he this, she them, him uh.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, sometimes maybe it's just fun to complain about your partner, but I'm not sure.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_01: Also, sometimes it I mean, complaining is a way to let let off some steam.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_01: It can be, but it can also be a way to be the bad apple.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, you guys.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_07: But it's bad apple in disguise because it makes it seem like they're the bad apple.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_02: And that is that is some next level bad appling right there.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it is.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_02: That is some next level bad appling.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_07: That we m probably for the most part don't I don't know that we're doing it.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's just coming up coming up.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_02: How often does someone I mean, if I really see myself in the victim in a s as the victim in a situation, yeah.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_02: And and I'm wanting to complain about it, yeah.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_02: Do I then want to think about the effect that my complaining and ranting and raving about this other thing, do I want to think about how that's affecting my friend?
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_02: But I mean, maybe I could.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_02: You could.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_02: It might change it.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I could think about that.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's just all interesting.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_02: Very interesting.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_02: Because, you know, sometimes you're the fly, sometimes you're the windshield, right?
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_07: So sometimes you're the pigeon, sometimes you're the statue.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_02: No, and sometimes I'm the bad apple.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes I'm the bad apple.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_02: Which is really I I don't like looking at that about myself.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_02: I will tell you.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's that's the kind of shadow work that like right now, as I said it, I feel like almost a little sick.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, sick.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_07: Like a little I feel a little sick.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_02: Almost like a little throw up in your mouth.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_02: And that is when I know I'm really doing shadow work, man.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_02: If I if I can sort of get to, ooh, I don't want to look.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, that just that just's dirty diapy right there.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_07: That's dirty tighty.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_07: I had a client once that I don't know if they would ever listen to this.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_07: I haven't seen them in a long time, but when when uh we we would get to just some really messed up stuff in their sh in their body, I'll just say.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_07: And I would say, ooh, and I said one day I said, Ooh, it's messy.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_07: They go, Messy?
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_07: Like a dirty dy.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_07: And that has just become I just cannot forget this.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_01: The dirty diney.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_07: The dirty deity.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_02: Well, howdy doody.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_07: Howdy.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_02: Howdy dooty.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_02: That'd be a really cool way to do some shadow work, you know, like when you realize that, just that just that stuff.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_02: You've got to befriend it, you know.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_02: When you have that dream that you gotta turn on the bottom of your shoe and you can't get it all off, or you know, howdy.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_01: Duty.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_07: Well, on that note, um go look at some duty.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_07: And um and think about what it is that you want.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_02: And also if the people around you knew exactly who you were trying to become.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, like well, how would your life be different?
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's just really interesting.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, if the people around you knew what you're trying to become, yeah, would your life be different?
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_02: You know, just to bring those two together.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_07: Totally, because to be able to do that, you have to tell them what you want.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, and you have to know it too.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_07: And you have to know it too.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_07: Wow.
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_07: So so listeners, that's that's your assignment should you choose to accept it.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_07: Just to go out there, figure out what it is that you want.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, and tell some people.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, and go out there and be different.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_07: Together.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_02: What are all those like silly ass things that actors do?
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_08: Red leather, yellow leather.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_02: Red leather, yellow leather.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_08: Red leather, yellow leather.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_08: Ooh.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_02: Red leather, yellow leather.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_08: Red leather, yellow leather.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_02: Red leather, yes.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_08: Red rum.