Latest / Christian Mix 106 On Demand / Upright Christian Parenting - Treehouse Storytelle... - Are We Failing Our Boys? Raising Strong Christian Men with Trail Life USA CEO Mark Hancock

Transcript

Upright Christian Parenting - Treehouse Storytelle... - Are We Failing Our Boys? Raising Strong Christian Men with Trail Life USA CEO Mark Hancock · Christian Mix 106 On Demand

• 0:09
  Hey friends, welcome to the Upright Christian Parenting Podcast,
• 0:13
  season four, part of the Treehouse Storyteller family, and I'm your host, Hannah Peru.
• 0:18
  This is your place for upright parenting in today's sideways culture.
• 0:23
  We don't tiptoe around hard truths around here. We tackle cultural issues head
• 0:27
  on, build a bold biblical worldview, and equip you to lead your flock with courage.
• 0:33
  Our kids are being discipled by something, so let's make sure it's us.
• 0:36
  Grab your coffee, lace up your shoes, and let's raise kingdom arrows.
• 0:44
  What if your child's biggest worldview questions could be answered before they
• 0:48
  ever step foot out into the world?
• 0:50
  Creation Without a Bang is my brand new children's book, helping families reclaim
• 0:54
  the truth of Genesis once again in God's intentional design.
• 0:59
  This powerful story reminds children they are not the product of random chance,
• 1:03
  but the handiwork of a purposeful creator.
• 1:06
  Endorsed by Sam Sorbo herself, this book is equipping the next generation with
• 1:11
  truth, wonder, and confidence in God's word.
• 1:15
  Order your copy of Creation Without a Bang today at thetreehousestoryteller.com.
• 1:21
  Hey, guys. Welcome back to Upright Christian Parenting. We are still in Nashville,
• 1:26
  Tennessee at the National Religious Broadcasters.
• 1:30
  And today I have, man, someone with me that I have been prayerfully hoping would
• 1:38
  have this conversation with me for a long time, finally looped them into it.
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  Thanks for joining us, Mark Hancock. Well, it's great that we're finally together.
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  It just makes sense for us to have this conversation because we care about the
• 1:49
  same things. We do. We do. Totally. So guys, if you don't know,
• 1:53
  Mark Hancock is the CEO of Trail Life USA.
• 1:58
  Oh my goodness. So exciting to talk to you.
• 2:02
  I really want to get into it. But first of all, just give us briefly,
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  just lay the foundation. Who's Trail Life? Yeah. Okay.
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  Well, that's easy. And that's one of my favorite things to talk about after talking about myself.
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  We're the Christ-centered, boy-focused character leadership and adventure organization.
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  We're formed in 1,500 churches across the country, about 70,000 members.
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  And it sounds a lot like an organization formerly known as the Boy Scouts,
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  because that was our beginnings. About 13 years ago, the Boy Scouts started
• 2:33
  to abandon some of their more traditional biblical values.
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  And about 300 volunteers across the country started talking about,
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  What would it look like to build an organization that reflects the original
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  values of a Boy Scouts organization, but was unapologetically and strictly Christian? Yeah, yeah.
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  And out of that, those volunteers, about 50 of us gathered in Louisville, Kentucky.
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  And it was almost like a continental congress. There were ministry leaders,
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  former scouting executives, church leaders, all sorts of things,
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  just debating how should this thing be done and what would it look like?
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  Most of them left the room and left nine of us as part of a steering committee,
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  and we were tasked with putting together a convention to take the energy around
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  these Boy Scout changes and start to build something new.
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  So 63 days later, here in Nashville, Tennessee, we held our inaugural convention,
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  had 1,100 men come from 44 states and about 100 women, and we rolled out.
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  63 days later with no staff rolled out all the,
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  the logos the concepts the ideas and then three months later we launched and now we've grown to uh,
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  to like i said 1500 troops and 70 000 members in all 50 states yeah and you
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  were with boy scouts previously i wasn't i was
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  i was a dad okay of two boy scouts we're homeschooling family okay so we don't
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  draw i didn't drop my sons in anything so we homeschooled too all three of them
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  so we were involved in boy scouts we loved it okay had a Christian troop, but,
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  when the scouts began to slide, the church that was chartering troops said, we can't continue.
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  And that was part of my passion about saying, I don't want to lose this.
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  And we talked with our own family. We were grieving these changes.
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  We had to sit down with our sons and say, as much as we love this, we just can't do this.
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  It's not who we are. We can't be part of that. And it was an incredible lesson.
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  So they were part of it. Yeah. Now, I was always there, but I was just a dad
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  sitting in the back. But funny story, Hannah, they came to me,
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  the leaders, and they said, would you consider being a leader in the troop?
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  And I was like, I don't really feel called to lead boys.
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  In here. You know, who knew? God's got a sense of humor. Yeah,
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  so that was part of the thing that drew me into it. And then I got an invitation
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  to be one of those 50 and then to one of the nine.
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  And then I, because I had traveled around the world for a number of years putting
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  together crusades together,
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  I was the one out of the nine who had experience in putting an event together.
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  So I put together the event for Nashville and just stayed on board and became,
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  on the board of directors.
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  And then I stepped off the board when they asked me to serve as the first CEO.
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  And I've served as that gladly since day one. Yeah.
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  Well, let's pull off the Band-Aid and expose, you know, really,
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  why were you not able to commit to Boy Scouts fully?
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  What's going on there? Yeah, in 2013, Boy Scouts made a decision against the,
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  they polled their membership, but against their membership, but more in line
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  with their donors and the money. Yeah, follow the money.
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  Their first decision was to allow open and avowed homosexual boys.
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  Mm-hmm. Now, there's always been homosexual boys in organizations. In organizations, but.
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  The challenge we knew was going to be for the churches and that they were requiring
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  the leaders to acknowledge that boy's outward and open identity and then somehow
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  manage that in an organization that's in the outdoors and,
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  you know, so just operationally, how do you do this? Yeah, yeah.
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  And so that was the first thing that we knew was going to cause problems.
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  And, of course, with our family, which has a voice, we can't be part of somebody
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  that doesn't agree with the biblical
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  values that we hold. And we think the Bible is pretty clear on this.
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  We love everybody, but we can't agree with that lifestyle.
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  And so, but even, Hannah, you'll understand this because you have at least one
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  son I've met, amazing young man, I can tell. One son, two daughters. Okay. So thank you.
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  Thank you. But at his age and under, to be forced to have a discussion with
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  them that we really didn't intend on, you know, in terms of maturity or wherever.
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  Why am I talking to my sons about what a homosexual is? Sure,
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  sure. You know, why are they forcing me to have this conversation with my son
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  to talk about this kind of issue? Right.
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  I will at some point, but I've got to have it now because we're pulling them
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  out of Boy Scouts and they have to understand why. Because they love the experience with me.
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  I went on all the camping trips I did all the stuff but I just did it as a dad yeah um,
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  And, you know, to be forced into that conversation, you know,
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  in a culture that was wrestling with this.
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  So Trail Life was forged kind of in the fires of this cultural war around that
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  battle, around the time of the same-sex marriage change by the Supreme Court
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  and all that. And so that was sort of our beginnings. But we don't point to that anymore.
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  Boy Scouts have gone farther down the line to that. Now they've changed their
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  name. Now they're an organization that has both boys and girls.
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  They had their first increase in membership last year. They've dropped from
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  7 million members down to around a million.
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  And the first increase because they added 200,000 girls. And they lost fewer than 200,000 boys.
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  So they're able to show a little bit of uptick. But I think within a few years,
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  it'll be primarily a girls organization because girls are just easier to deal
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  with. They sit still. Is that a fact?
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  Is that a fact? Boys and girls are different. I hope your listeners can accept
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  that. 6,500 biological differences between boys and girls.
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  It's not a value statement. They're just different. I'm sure you know that in
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  your household. They're just different.
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  And the wonder and the marvel and the beauty and the design of a girl and the
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  wonder and the marvel and beauty of the design of a boy needs to be respected
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  and acknowledged and encouraged and environments provided for that.
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  And so two things that are different, severely different between us and Boy
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  Scouts is we are Christ-centered and we are boy-focused.
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  And those are things that will never change. They're built into our bylaws to
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  where 80% of our troops would have to vote to change our membership standards.
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  I love that. When Boy Scouts, the Home Office decided, they announced they were
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  going to do that. They had a rebellion. And they said, well,
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  let's slow this down. Let's talk to our troops. They talked to the troops and
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  the troops said, yeah, we don't want to.
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  But they handpicked 1,300 delegates and brought them together,
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  and the delegates voted to change the membership status.
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  They did it anyways. So, as you can imagine, we had a lot of people come to
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  us and say, when are you going to let us down? When are you going to abandon
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  us? When are you going to?
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  And so, we built that into our bios. It can't be changed without 80% vote of our troops.
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  You know, there's kind of a theme I feel like I'm having in a lot of conversations today.
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  There's two things that keep stirring. One is this idea of trust.
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  And there's so much that our culture has just completely cut off trust in all
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  of these different industries or organizations and you know that's,
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  i that's what i'm hearing you say is you know people are skeptical people are
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  going hey when are you going to change when are you going to you know and re-establishing,
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  this this framework that i hear i that you guys have laid out so clearly in
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  your bylaws that you're standing firm it i just picture this like anchor that's
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  rooted deep in the ground that it's.
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  Not it's not changing no it's not going anywhere it's not and that ability to hold
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  completely on to those values and those principles and the very first thing
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  christ is the center i mean that is that's everything that's got to be the first
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  absolutely always everything.
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  And if he is the center, if he truly is the center, then everything else below
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  that trickles into place.
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  And I just, I love that. So thank you for being a piece of one of those,
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  you know, I just picture these bricks of trust.
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  I just got to sit down with Bill Abbott and, you know, in media,
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  like, okay, you're a brick of trust.
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  You guys are a brick of trust that we're rebuilding in our everyday culture,
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  things that we get to do with our family, get to do with our kids get to expose
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  our kids to like hey this is something we can trust yeah.
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  To the life we always envisioned. And today, honoring that legacy,
• 10:59
  College of the Ozarks does more than just provide an education.
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  We're reawakening the American spirit.
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  You know, when I thought about college, I knew that I wanted to do something
• 11:10
  that I was ambitious. CVO opened my eyes to the opportunities that were out there for me.
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  Our model of providing a Christian liberal arts education to those facing economic
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  hardship hasn't wavered since 1906.
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  Our students graduate debt-free through our work education program.
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  They learn how to live a life guided by their faith.
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  And as they begin their careers, they've learned how to take their seat at the
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  table of influence and open the door of opportunity.
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  And there's so many things that are unsure in our culture. And when we look
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  at boys, we look at four main things that we're addressing.
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  Boys are unguided. You know, one in four boys now doesn't have a father's household.
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  76% of public school teachers are female. 80-something percent of Sunday school teachers are female.
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  So girls have these wonderful role models. If a girl has a single mom,
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  she's killing it. That's not easy, being a single mom.
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  And then, so the boy sees a single mom saying, wow, that's what a strong,
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  I know what a strong woman looks like.
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  And then he goes to school and there's a teacher, a female at the front.
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  I know what a strong woman looks like. And then he goes to Sunday school.
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  I know what a strong woman looks like.
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  But they're missing that foundational picture. When a Supreme Court justice,
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  candidate can't tell you what a woman is, how do you expect a seven or eight-year-old
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  boy to tell you what a man is? Right, right.
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  So we're taking care of that and trail off. We're showing them this is what a godly man looks like.
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  And at a certain age level, right around nine or ten years old,
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  all of the troop contact is males.
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  So the moms aren't there. The women aren't there. the men are leading the boys
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  because they have to see that vision.
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  They're unguided. They're also ungrounded, and that's what you're speaking to the truth.
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  Only 30-something percent of Americans believe that God and the Bible are the
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  source of moral authority.
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  How do you talk to a boy about right and wrong or good and evil if you don't
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  have some sort of foundation for truth? Yeah, exactly. And so that's why we
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  ground them in the Word of God. It's at our courts, who we are. It's in every badge.
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  We're not just Sunday school in the outdoors. It's like it's interspersed through everything.
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  We talk about a lot being carrot in the carrot cake. You get a piece of carrot cake.
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  You don't get big hunks of carrot, but there's carrot in every bite.
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  So Christ is infused throughout the entire program, but it's not a churchy,
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  Sunday school-y kind of way. because the boys have already checked out of Sunday school.
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  They walk into that room, sit still, be quiet, pay attention.
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  I'm failing in school. I'm going to fail here too. And that's the first message
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  that the church is giving them.
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  So in Trail Life, we say, come here, you can be fully boy, but you're going
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  to get Christ. It's infused throughout the whole thing.
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  And we also say they're unappreciated. The differences between boys and girls,
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  biological, psychological, developmental, so many differences between boys and girls.
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  And we recognize those things. And so we set an environment that's built for boys.
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  And we also recognize that boys are uninspired. You know, participation trophies,
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  you know, we don't want you to lose, it may hurt your feelings.
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  All that sort of thing has really damaged boys.
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  They're different. Boys will not engage if there isn't something at stake.
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  They're wired for that. That's why men stormed the beaches of Normandy to free
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  the world of tyranny, because there's something big at stake. I got you. I'll do it.
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  You know, but if they don't, if they're not giving something to fight for or to win or to compete for,
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  They disengage. That's why in the soccer field, it's like everybody gets a trophy. Really?
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  You know, and I think I just won't chase the ball this time.
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  Yeah. If I'm going to get the same trophy as the kid who's sitting there on,
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  you know, cross-legged pulling four-leaf clovers, I think I'll just do that, you know?
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  And so it's a surprising kind of way. So you talk about truth,
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  but there's this other foundational things that boys require. They need to be guided.
• 15:13
  And it's such a confusing word. What does it mean to be a boy?
• 15:16
  It's not some kind of social disease that needs to be eradicated.
• 15:20
  They're not a defective girl. They are this actual thing that's different than
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  a girl and has strengths that you need to uncover.
• 15:28
  So they're ungrounded. You've got to give them the ground. You've got to give them the foundation.
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  They're unappreciated. You've got to recognize that they're different than girls.
• 15:35
  They're not going to sit still, be quiet, pay attention.
• 15:38
  Harvest scientists tell us that boys have to move in order to be engaged.
• 15:43
  Maybe you've experienced at the dining room table where your son's leg is going
• 15:47
  up and down. The forks are rattling across the table. You know what?
• 15:49
  We solved this problem really early on and said, I think he's a drummer.
• 15:53
  Yeah. You know, because he's always tapping, always beating.
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  He's a boy. He's a drummer. And so he is saying to you, if you want me present.
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  You've got to take this movement.
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  Because I need that in order for my brain to be engaged. So what does that look like in a classroom?
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  He can't sit still. He's got ADHD. Let's medicate him. Let's stop him from moving.
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  Sit still, be quiet, pay attention. Why can't you behave like Susie?
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  Because I'm not wired like Susie.
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  If you want my brain, you're going to have to take,
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  This other thing, squirrel, I mean, you're going to have to take this distraction.
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  My body is, my eyes are built to see things in the difference,
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  in the distance, in emotion. Yeah. They're built differently than girls.
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  Girls' eyes are built to see things up close. Yeah. It's fascinating. It is fascinating.
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  So why not pay attention to those things and say, listen, he's not distracted.
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  That's not ADD. It's not ADHD. It's B-O-Y. Yeah. He's built to move.
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  And that's a wonderful thing. And when we begin to recognize those things and
• 16:51
  appreciate those things, and then around inspiration, they're uninspired.
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  We have to give them goals that are worthy. Hard things to do.
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  My oldest son earned his Eagle Scout at 13 years old.
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  And then Trail Life started. He transferred over in Trail Life and earned his
• 17:08
  Freedom Award, which is our highest award.
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  I read every part of the freedom war they have to write an essay a life ambition
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  essay i read every single one of those essays because i want to see the boys
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  were churning out amazing young men.
• 17:21
  There i haven't seen anyone younger than 17 years old
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  get one of those most of them are 18 years old by the time they get it i mean
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  they they they age out of the program in 18 but they they finish up their freedom
• 17:30
  war they're allowed to finish up their freedom but it's that difficult yeah
• 17:34
  and here we're challenging boys to do hard things instead of saying
• 17:38
  well let's make it easier for you,
• 17:41
  You know, we're failing boys, not because we're over-challenging them,
• 17:44
  but because we're under-challenging them.
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  And that's the culture that they're raised in. Low expectations.
• 17:52
  You're not as good as the girls. You can't keep up with the girls.
• 17:54
  You can't twice as likely to be in special education, three times more likely
• 17:58
  to have ADHD, falling behind girls in every single academic category.
• 18:03
  They're leading in suicide rates between 10 and 14 years old.
• 18:06
  Boys are fastest growing category. So sad. Yeah.
• 18:08
  So it's really tragic. So you're talking about truth and these kind of tenets
• 18:12
  that we need in order to uphold boys and keep them engaged so that we can raise
• 18:16
  a good, strong generation of young men.
• 18:19
  And that's what we're trying to do in Trail Life. Oh, my goodness.
• 18:21
  Mark, you touched on like 50 things I would love to dig deeper in.
• 18:25
  It was just incredible from like the eyesight thing.
• 18:28
  I want to make sure our audience doesn't miss this because I know where you're
• 18:33
  at here, but I want you to spell it out for them.
• 18:35
  So the eyesight for the men. Yeah. Now, what does that really give them the
• 18:40
  opportunity to do versus the women? Okay, you look at it, and I did unload a
• 18:44
  lot on you, but you asked a great question.
• 18:46
  It was so good. It was so, no, you didn't unload, like, no, it was so,
• 18:50
  I love every single bit of it.
• 18:52
  Science of the eye is that boys and men have more rods and cones in their eyes
• 18:55
  than women because their eyes are designed to see things at a distance and in motion. Yeah.
• 19:00
  Makes sense. Yes. They're sitting around the fire and there's something that
• 19:03
  can eat us. Yes. So they have to be sensitive to that.
• 19:08
  In a classroom, what does that look like? Squirrel. I mean, they're distracted
• 19:11
  because they are going to see the thing at distance in motion.
• 19:14
  So it's, why can't you pay attention? Because something could eat us.
• 19:17
  I mean, that's still somewhat in their DNA. Yeah.
• 19:21
  The squirrel isn't likely to, but I'm still attracted to that because my eyes
• 19:24
  are built for that. Yeah. And of course, a girl's eyes are, you know,
• 19:27
  when you see a woman holding a newborn. Yes.
• 19:30
  You're looking, I mean, and you know this as a mother, you, every pore on that
• 19:35
  little baby's face you're familiar with. Yeah. You see a man doing that and it's like,
• 19:40
  that's interesting you know it kind of like stands i mean it's wonderful it's
• 19:43
  not wonderful that man is connecting with his child anyway but within 30 or 45 seconds he's like,
• 19:49
  somebody you know because he's not he's not built for that he can he can do
• 19:54
  that that he's not built for that yeah and so so just when you look at ears you know
• 20:00
  young girls can hear four times better than young boys you probably know that
• 20:03
  you have sons and you have a son that's why he didn't wake up at those middle-of-the-night feedings.
• 20:08
  You just gave him an excuse. Come on.
• 20:11
  He's wired that way. And so that's just different. So what does that look like
• 20:14
  in a classroom? Well, if the teacher isn't loud enough, if the teacher is soft-spoken
• 20:20
  or something, the boy has more trouble concentrating. Folks, girls are getting it.
• 20:25
  Why aren't you? Why can't? Susie got it. Why aren't you getting it?
• 20:29
  It's hard. Number one, there's a squirrel out there. Number two.
• 20:33
  All the stuff I got going on in my head is not as loud as what it is that you're
• 20:36
  saying. I got a lot going on.
• 20:38
  I don't even have a lot going on. Look at the generation they're raised in.
• 20:42
  I'm old enough to remember when they started televising football games and they
• 20:47
  added the score, like you're watching the game and they added the score to the
• 20:51
  screen and how distracting that was for me.
• 20:54
  It's like, I'm trying to watch the game here. Interesting. I'm trying to watch the game. Interesting.
• 20:58
  But these kids are, now you look at a sports game and there's all kinds of stuff going on the screen.
• 21:02
  Scores and stats and fantasy football. stuff and what's on next i mean yeah
• 21:07
  that's the world they're raised in i remember trying to play video games with
• 21:10
  my sons like how do you know well that little meter over there and that
• 21:14
  how are you getting on yeah i've never understood that they are learning can't
• 21:17
  watch it all they have they are raised
• 21:19
  in a world where there are multiple,
• 21:22
  channels coming up at the same time and they're able to process all that yeah
• 21:25
  so sit a boy in a classroom yeah and say sit still be quiet pay attention to one voice mm-hmm.
• 21:33
  And it's no wonder he seems attracted because he, that's so boring.
• 21:36
  Yeah. You know, I can do, so my sons that were homeschooling,
• 21:40
  I mean, I remember when we decided to bring our boys home, we had them in the
• 21:46
  church school that I was principal of, so I kind of had them there.
• 21:49
  But to bring them home and homeschool them, my wife and I went to a surplus
• 21:54
  sale at the school board, and we bought one of those little seats with a built-in
• 21:57
  desk. I took it home, sanded it down, varnished it, painted two of them,
• 22:01
  sanded it, varnished me. This is where the boys are going to sit.
• 22:05
  I don't think anybody ever sat in those chairs. You know, they learned,
• 22:08
  you know, hanging upside down
• 22:09
  off the couch or under the table with a dog on their head or whatever.
• 22:13
  But they learned. Both of them were full-ride academic scholarships.
• 22:16
  And, you know, it worked letting them learn that way.
• 22:20
  They would not have been allowed to hang upside down on their desk at school.
• 22:24
  But the key was, you know, are they learning? Are they growing? Are they able to do this?
• 22:28
  And that's the way that they learn. And I didn't have daughters,
• 22:30
  but I imagine that they would have encountered that differently.
• 22:34
  My wife did a great time taking them outside to learn, taking them to the library,
• 22:37
  lots of trips like that, keeping them engaged because they need that.
• 22:41
  When you put a workshop and a worksheet in front of a boy, it's like,
• 22:45
  you know, shoot me now. It's like, seriously?
• 22:48
  Yeah. Can we just do something else? They need that challenge like we started
• 22:51
  with. They need the hard things. They need the outside time. It's incredible. Yep.
• 22:56
  Um it it really is a beautiful thing how god designed us,
• 23:01
  in his image but uniquely different uh it's just it's it's wonderful thank you
• 23:07
  so much for what you're doing to make that happen and
• 23:11
  you know kind of the that paradigm shift of how you said you know they can't
• 23:15
  sit down and and listen necessarily all the time but um.
• 23:20
  And to all the different things going on, to really going, hey,
• 23:23
  let's go, instead of being still, let's go do these hard things.
• 23:27
  Let's go do these outside and learn how to listen to the one voice that matters.
• 23:32
  And that's really cool. Absolutely. So thanks so much for being here with us.
• 23:36
  Thank you. I really appreciate everything you're doing.
• 23:39
  What's a call to action for my audience? Yeah. How can they get in touch with
• 23:42
  you guys? Love to share this with me. Our website is traillifeusa.com,
• 23:46
  two L's in the middle, traillifeusa.com.
• 23:48
  There's a tab there. get connected and you see a map of the United States, put in your zip code.
• 23:52
  It'll show you the troops that are nearby and you connect with them.
• 23:55
  And then you can also start a troop there if there's not one nearby.
• 23:58
  It takes about five adults in your church in order to charter a troop.
• 24:02
  If you think you're going to start with 20 boys, you're going to start with 40.
• 24:05
  If you think you're going to start with 10, you're going to start with 20 because
• 24:08
  boys will come out of the woodwork because parents are looking for organizations
• 24:12
  that are aligned with their values that get their boys because we're constantly
• 24:16
  putting our boys in a situation with people,
• 24:19
  who don't appreciate.
• 24:21
  Who it is that they are.
• 24:22
  It breaks my heart to see boys everywhere they go.
• 24:26
  They don't quite fit. They fit at Trail Life. Yeah, that's amazing.
• 24:29
  That's incredible. I love that. I'll make sure all that's in our show notes
• 24:32
  to make it really easy on you guys.
• 24:34
  And for my Colorado viewers, because it's my number one state,
• 24:38
  we need more in Colorado for sure. Get more on the map. Go start a troop.
• 24:42
  So, Mark, thanks so much for being here with us today. I really appreciate it. Thank you.
• 24:51
  If today's conversation stirred something in you, if you're craving a little
• 24:54
  more quiet, a little more presence, and a little more Jesus in the everyday,
• 24:58
  I want to invite you to grab the Wanderer's Field Guide.
• 25:01
  It's a four-week journey of seeking, gathering, harvesting, and abiding in His presence.
• 25:06
  Just one page a day, one prayer at a time. It's not about perfection.
• 25:10
  It's about coming home to Him.
• 25:12
  You can order yours at thetreehousestoryteller.com.
• 25:17
  Wait before you go don't forget to hit that subscribe button,
• 25:21
  and follow us on facebook or instagram at the treehouse storyteller so we can
• 25:26
  stay connected head on over to the treehouse storyteller.com for more products
• 25:32
  artwork photography and encouragement see you next time.