Latest / Karl and Crew / AI and Spiritual Q&A with Dr. Drew Dickens & Marriage and Family Q&A with Jill Savage

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AI and Spiritual Q&A with Dr. Drew Dickens & Marriage and Family Q&A with Jill Savage · Karl and Crew

• 0:00
  S1: Broadcasting from Chicago, across North America and beyond. It's Carl
• 0:06
  S1: and crew. Come as you are an experienced guide, overcome
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  S1: what seems impossible and live as you never imagined delivering
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  S1: the truth daily.
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  S2: If it were possible to have every worldly gain available
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  S2: and you're forfeiting your soul, there's no amount of gain
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  S2: that would make it worth it.
• 0:26
  S3: Our own way never ever works. Because it's apart from
• 0:29
  S3: the life source, which is God.
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  S4: For me, growing up, love was always conditional and can
• 0:36
  S4: be taken from you. Christ's love can't. And he went
• 0:39
  S4: to the cross with my mind and my heart that night.
• 0:44
  S1: Now from the call of Hope Studios, this is Carl
• 0:48
  S1: and crew.
• 0:49
  S5: All right, get those phones out. It's time to call in.
• 0:52
  S5: We are going to have it all day long here.
• 0:54
  S5: Ask the experts. We've got time to get your calls
• 0:56
  S5: in here. You've got a question about a AI. Artificial
• 1:01
  S5: intelligence or superintelligence is starting to gain some traction here.
• 1:06
  S5: 805 557898. Doctor Drew Dickens with us. Give us a call.
• 1:12
  S5: Any questions about AI? He can handle him if he can't.
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  S5: Ali Khan 805 557898. So what's going on in the
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  S5: world of AI here, my friend?
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  S6: First off, I want to apologize. I shouldn't have laughed
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  S6: when he said that. Ali that was that was horrible
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  S6: thing to say.
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  S2: Oh, that was me laughing.
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  S6: Just ask AI any of the questions that you have exactly. Um, well,
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  S6: someone someone stopped me in church yesterday morning and said, uh,
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  S6: how is it that you're able to stay on top
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  S6: of all this? And I said, man, it changes by
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  S6: the week. He said, it changes by the day. And
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  S6: he was so, so right. Uh, just it's been a
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  S6: consistent theme of mine. Every time I'm on is, oh
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  S6: my gosh, Carl, things are changing again. Yeah. But yeah,
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  S6: it's just it never stops, does it?
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  S5: Okay, so what's going on? What is the latest here?
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  S6: I think the biggest thing right now over the last
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  S6: week or so has been the announcement, the launch of
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  S6: personal agents. And to remind your listeners, um, we're in
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  S6: a time right now of AI called, um, generative AI
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  S6: where it, you ask it a question and it generates
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  S6: an answer. We're moving into, we're in the middle of
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  S6: right now a new era called Agentic. AI think agent
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  S6: and an agent is something autonomous that acts on your
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  S6: behalf for you without really prompting. And, um, you, it
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  S6: starts to get to know you and then it starts
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  S6: to do things for you without even asking. And, uh,
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  S6: this week, we've seen the launch. Last week we saw
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  S6: the launch of two meta, which is Facebook, um, and, uh,
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  S6: and OpenAI and have both come out with a personal agent.
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  S6: Meta's is called muse and OpenAI is called dot. And
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  S6: these are agents that live on your computer 24 over seven,
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  S6: and they start to do little things for you. Hey,
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  S6: I noticed this time of morning you always check your email,
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  S6: so I checked it for you. Here's some things you
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  S6: need to move on, that that kind of thing. So
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  S6: these are personal agents that are evolving now from two
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  S6: of the largest frontier language models.
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  S5: Get your calls in for our experts. Sorry. Real quick here.
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  S5: Get your calls in 805 five, five, 78, 98. You
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  S5: got a question for Doctor Drew Dickens? He's got answers.
• 3:26
  S5: I mean it now, guys, these phone lines are going
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  S5: to be open all day to ask the experts 805, five, five, 78, 98.
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  S5: Get your phone and let's go.
• 3:37
  S2: 805 557898 Doctor Drew Dickens with us. He's a visionary leader.
• 3:44
  S2: AI expert, has become a good friend of Carl and crew. Okay,
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  S2: so more on these. What are they called? Personal personal agents.
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  S6: Personal agent okay. Personal agent yeah, I heard you say wow. So.
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  S2: Well, because that's who I mean, someone someone AI checking
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  S2: my email feels a oh, that does not feel good.
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  S2: Is it something you have to opt into, or is
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  S2: that something that it's not going to happen for people
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  S2: who have not said, yes, I want this.
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  S6: Yeah, I've played with both of them. And yes, you
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  S6: have to first encourage it to do that for you.
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  S6: And so that that may be an a boundary that
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  S6: you don't want it to cross. Um, so it may
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  S6: just do something as simple as start helping you. And
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  S6: they're already doing this, uh, helping you with your writing,
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  S6: learning your style. So it may, you know, write an
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  S6: email for you, but, but it won't send it until
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  S6: you approve. You can start setting boundaries for these agents
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  S6: just as you would anybody else that works for you. Um,
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  S6: somebody that comes over to your house and does something
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  S6: for you, you're going to tell it, tell them, you know,
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  S6: don't do this, but don't do that. So they learn
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  S6: over time. But yeah, of course you can opt into these. Um,
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  S6: but yeah, they're going to grow pretty fast.
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  S5: Okay. We got a question for you here, Lee in Cleveland, Ohio.
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  S5: What's your question for Doctor Drew Dickens Lee.
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  S6: Good morning.
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  S7: Good morning. Uh, hi doctor drew. My question is, should
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  S7: we start stockpiling hard copies of the Bible in case
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  S7: AI tries to rewrite digital versions of the Bible? I've
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  S7: been thinking about this for a long time, but we
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  S7: might be here. Let me know. Thank you.
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  S6: Um.
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  S5: What do you say, drew?
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  S6: Uh, such. Yeah, such an important question. Um, I, I
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  S6: don't see AI, uh, destroying printed copies of anything. I think, uh,
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  S6: if I could answer that from a little different direction.
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  S6: I think we need to become more aware of spending
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  S6: time in meditating on the Word of God both day
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  S6: and night that as we come across, uh, situations, Examples
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  S6: where AI may rewrite or may represent Scripture that is not, uh,
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  S6: in that we find in Scripture. I think we need to,
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  S6: we need to know that we need to be discerning
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  S6: just as we do now, even if we're talking to
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  S6: someone that, you know, may, quote, misquote, uh, scripture, we
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  S6: need to know whether or not that's, that's in scripture. Um,
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  S6: so I think we need to be stockpiling and awareness
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  S6: of the word of God for sure. Um, but I
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  S6: wouldn't worry about printed copies, but I think, uh, meditating
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  S6: on it day and night to where we can be
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  S6: discerning on what is truth.
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  S5: I think where Lee's driving at here, and I'm kind of, I'm,
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  S5: I'm curious about this as well. Do we need physical copies?
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  S5: Is there could there come a time when AI begin to, uh,
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  S5: so have have a worldview that sees any proliferation of
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  S5: a marriage is between a man and a woman. Let's
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  S5: say that anchor truth that we find in the Genesis
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  S5: account all the way through Scripture. Could it be that
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  S5: hard copies would be valuable to have? Because AI gets
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  S5: so smart in their worldview, is so corrupted as compared
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  S5: to the truth of God's Word? I think that's where
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  S5: Lee is going.
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  S6: Yeah. So so we're talking about training data and, uh,
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  S6: AI is, uh, there are two, two levels of several
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  S6: different levels of training data. So how a language model
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  S6: and they're all going to be different, whether it's Claude
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  S6: or grok or, you know, uh, ChatGPT, they've all been
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  S6: trained on data. That data is so massive, we can't
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  S6: get our heads around it. But it's, it's everything that
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  S6: humanity has ever created or written or sung or painted.
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  S6: So it's trained on all that. It doesn't really have
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  S6: a bias going into that. It just looks at every
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  S6: the entirety, the corpus of, of human creation. So it
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  S6: really doesn't have a bias like that where it starts
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  S6: to become biased. Is fine tuning training data that you
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  S6: actually do yourself. Um, one of the things that people
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  S6: will ask me a lot is we'll get into an
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  S6: interesting conversation about once you ask it a question and
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  S6: say thank you at the end of it. Sometimes we're,
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  S6: we kind of feel like, uh, thank thanks for that answer. Well,
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  S6: you're inadvertently or intentionally training that, that data. Um, you're
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  S6: saying that's, that's what I want more of this and
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  S6: less of that. And so we inadvertently will train it
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  S6: as we go. So, um, most of the, the language
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  S6: models that are out there now don't have an intentional
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  S6: bias towards one thing or another. Like you, like you
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  S6: were saying as far as gender, um, but over time,
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  S6: as we interact with that, how, how, how it resides,
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  S6: how it lives, if you will, on our system, we
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  S6: begin to train it to be that. So some people,
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  S6: your next door neighbor, it may return answers that sound, um,
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  S6: you know, different than yours. So I go back to
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  S6: we need to learn to be discerning as we engage
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  S6: with it, that it may be different on someone else's
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  S6: than yours.
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  S2: Doctor Drew Dickens with us right now. If you've got
• 9:16
  S2: a question, just call or text 805 557898. I had
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  S2: lunch with a friend just a couple days ago, and
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  S2: I mentioned, because it was my turn to pick the place.
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  S2: And so I used ChatGPT to narrow down a place
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  S2: that was centrally located between where we were both coming from,
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  S2: easy parking, reasonable price. And so I was telling her
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  S2: this and she said, well, ChatGPT, and she mentioned that
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  S2: ChatGPT had signed some deal where all of our data
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  S2: was being sold, and I wasn't sure I hadn't seen that.
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  S2: Have you heard anything about that? She said that ChatGPT
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  S2: has kind of the widest. gain in terms of what
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  S2: it can do with with inputted information. What do you say?
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  S6: No, I hadn't heard of of of it in that direction.
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  S6: I've heard it from the other direction. If you're familiar with, um, uh, uh,
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  S6: Reddit as a platform that some people will engage with, uh,
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  S6: Reddit sells their information to ChatGPT and Gemini, which is
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  S6: a Google's language model. They sell that data to them. Um,
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  S6: so I've heard of that happening. Um, but, uh, not, uh,
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  S6: of them, um, going out and, and acquiring personal information
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  S6: that way and the information. Oh, there's a, there was
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  S6: an airline as well. Was it frontier? There was an
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  S6: airline recently that went bankrupt. Um, and part of the
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  S6: settlement agreement in the court was they sold all that information,
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  S6: all the personal information to one of the language models.
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  S6: So there are these kinds of conversations going back and forth.
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  S6: The information, the information that they're buying isn't so much
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  S6: credit cards and Social Security. That's I'm not aware of
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  S6: that happening at all. What they're buying are conversations. They
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  S6: want to know how you and I are interacting right now.
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  S6: They they would much rather know what you and your
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  S6: friend talked about at lunch than where you went to lunch.
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  S6: So they want to they want to learn how people talk,
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  S6: how they engage, what comes next in a conversation. If
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  S6: they talk about this, then they're going to end up
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  S6: talking about that. That's what they're looking for are conversations.
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  S6: That's why Reddit was so appealing to them and why
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  S6: they pay, I think $60 million a month or something
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  S6: for that for that conversation.
• 11:40
  S2: Doctor Drew Dickens, quick follow up to that. What about
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  S2: pictures that are uploaded? Some people really love creating those
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  S2: AI images where they put friends on different, you know,
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  S2: in different backgrounds. And any concerns about uploading pictures that way?
• 11:56
  S6: It depends upon the model that you're on. Um, they're
• 11:58
  S6: each a little different meta, which is Facebook. Um, just
• 12:02
  S6: think of all the data they've got on you. Okay.
• 12:06
  S6: So yes, their language model is trained on everything, including
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  S6: the pictures that you load onto, onto, onto Facebook. Um,
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  S6: think of Gemini, that language model that's owned by Google.
• 12:16
  S6: Oh my gosh, you know what? It has all of
• 12:19
  S6: our search history. So, you know, every time we go
• 12:22
  S6: in and ask for this or we upload a picture,
• 12:24
  S6: you know, what's, what's this type of flower or whatever.
• 12:27
  S6: So it has all that information. Um, so it really
• 12:30
  S6: depends upon the language model. Uh, Claude for the most part, um,
• 12:35
  S6: is the most, uh, what would be the word I'm
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  S6: looking for? Um, would, would be the, the most careful. Um,
• 12:44
  S6: they have the tightest guardrails on what they will and
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  S6: won't do. On the other hand, grok is probably some
• 12:50
  S6: of the loosest. So it depends upon the language model
• 12:52
  S6: and again, I would. I would be careful about which
• 12:54
  S6: one you're engaging with. Um, but yeah, if, if, if
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  S6: we intentionally put it out there onto a platform, then yes,
• 13:01
  S6: they can definitely use that to learn more and more
• 13:04
  S6: about how we engage with the world around us.
• 13:08
  S5: We got a couple calls in here. Ramon in Chicago.
• 13:11
  S5: What's your question for our expert doctor, Drew Dickens?
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  S8: Yeah. Good morning to all of you. My question is,
• 13:18
  S8: would you think this AI will play a major role
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  S8: in the revelations where it will be used by the Antichrist?
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  S6: Mhm.
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  S5: Good. Straightforward question, drew.
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  S6: Absolutely. Eschatology or end times theology is such a popular
• 13:36
  S6: topic and one that I write on, uh, a lot.
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  S6: Quite a bit. Um, could the enemy use AI as
• 13:43
  S6: a tool to deceive? 100%, yes. Um, could the Holy
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  S6: Spirit use it as a tool to communicate positive messages
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  S6: as well? 100%. Um, so I, I often go back
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  S6: to the printing press. The printing press was used Gutenberg
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  S6: 500 some odd years ago. Um, as a to print
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  S6: the first copies of the Bible. So what an incredible
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  S6: tool that was. At the same time, it can be
• 14:13
  S6: used to print horrible things as well. So it is a,
• 14:19
  S6: it is a neutral tool at its most base. Um,
• 14:23
  S6: but absolutely the enemy can use it, but so can
• 14:27
  S6: the Holy Spirit for good as well. So with that,
• 14:31
  S6: going back to the theme that I started with, we
• 14:33
  S6: need to be discerning. And, uh, what is what we
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  S6: see echoed in Scripture is what we see echoed in
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  S6: wise counsel. So we need to be going with eyes
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  S6: wide open.
• 14:45
  S5: Doctor Drew Dickens. You can learn so much by just
• 14:48
  S5: getting to his website. Ali, you have got the information here, sister.
• 14:52
  S2: Just text drew to 805 557898, drew to 805 557898.
• 15:01
  S1: Get your info from a source you can trust. It's
• 15:04
  S1: Ask the Experts week with curl and crew.
• 15:07
  S5: It's Carl and crew and we're doing ask the experts
• 15:10
  S5: today warming up to by the way, tomorrow kicks off
• 15:13
  S5: share in earnest and just grateful for so many of
• 15:16
  S5: you that have jumped in knowing that we're listener supported,
• 15:19
  S5: and we're going to ask you to really consider this fall. Share.
• 15:24
  S5: Would you be a part of this? We're just asking
• 15:26
  S5: the Holy Spirit to work in your heart as he
• 15:28
  S5: prompts you, and you feel led by the Lord to
• 15:31
  S5: jump in with gusto tomorrow and for the balance of
• 15:35
  S5: the week. But today, ask the experts. We got a
• 15:37
  S5: great one coming up here right now.
• 15:39
  S2: We do. Jill Savage, she's author, blogger, international speaker. She
• 15:43
  S2: hosts the No More Perfect podcast. A couple of books,
• 15:47
  S2: no more perfect marriages, no more perfect kids. She's all
• 15:51
  S2: about helping you keep it real in your marriage and
• 15:54
  S2: your parenting.
• 15:55
  S5: Yeah. So give us your calls. You got a question
• 15:57
  S5: for Jill Savage 805 557898 805 557898. Jill. What's what? Why, why?
• 16:10
  S5: No more perfect marriages, for crying out loud. I thought,
• 16:12
  S5: we're aiming for perfection here.
• 16:16
  S9: You know, I think that the most important thing for
• 16:19
  S9: us to do is actually have some realistic expectations about
• 16:24
  S9: the relationships. Because, uh, I once heard somebody say that
• 16:28
  S9: unrealistic expectations are preconceived resentments. And, uh, I have found
• 16:35
  S9: that to be true. So let's, uh, let's be honest
• 16:39
  S9: about the hard stuff. Uh, let's talk about the hard stuff.
• 16:44
  S9: Let's have some realistic expectations about our partners, our spouses,
• 16:49
  S9: our kids. And what I find is when I have
• 16:53
  S9: realistic expectations about my marriage, about my kids, my content,
• 16:59
  S9: excuse me, my contentment goes up.
• 17:03
  S2: When your when your expectations are kind of right sized.
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  S2: Is that what you're saying? Jill.
• 17:08
  S9: That would be correct. Yes.
• 17:10
  S2: Jill Savage with us this morning. I know you along
• 17:12
  S2: with your husband, Mark. You guys have an incredible ministry
• 17:16
  S2: to form to help marriages when marriages come to you guys.
• 17:21
  S2: What are some of the common things that have brought
• 17:24
  S2: people to the place where there's some sort of fractured discord?
• 17:29
  S9: You know, we have probably equal parts, those that are
• 17:33
  S9: in crisis because they've, uh, found out there's been some
• 17:37
  S9: sort of betrayal. But sometimes it's honestly what we call
• 17:41
  S9: the slow fades and we talk about the slow fades
• 17:45
  S9: in our No More Perfect Marriages book. And those are
• 17:48
  S9: what I call connection erosions. That is when connection erodes
• 17:54
  S9: in our marriage over just, you know, every day, little
• 17:59
  S9: bits of places where maybe we respond with defensiveness instead
• 18:04
  S9: of humility. Or maybe we have unrealistic expectations day in
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  S9: and day out. And so our partner feels constantly criticized.
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  S9: And those actually pull our hearts apart one little quarter
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  S9: inch at a time. And it's not like there's some
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  S9: big crisis, but all of a sudden we're going, I
• 18:23
  S9: don't feel connected. I don't even know if I love you.
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  S9: You know, those are the kind of things that start
• 18:29
  S9: to pull a marriage apart just as much as those
• 18:33
  S9: places where there's some big crisis. And so I would
• 18:36
  S9: say it's half and half. And both, you know, you
• 18:41
  S9: do you know that the average marriage waits six years
• 18:45
  S9: to get help past the point they should have? Wow.
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  S5: And a long haul. Yeah. And you're just building up
• 18:52
  S5: bricks between your spouse? Yeah.
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  S9: Yes. That's a great way to put it. And that
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  S9: wall gets thicker and thicker and it can be taken down.
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  S9: But the sooner you ask for help, the sooner you
• 19:04
  S9: get help, the the less wall you have to take down.
• 19:08
  S5: Okay, we got a question that came in via text here.
• 19:11
  S5: A man has his wife separating, going to live with
• 19:15
  S5: her mom. And we get a big insight here. She's
• 19:19
  S5: there's she's wanting to be more independent, maybe wants to
• 19:22
  S5: work things out, but no guarantees. And then here's the
• 19:25
  S5: telltale sign. She blames me for being too controlling, trying
• 19:29
  S5: to shape her into what she isn't. I believe she's
• 19:32
  S5: referring to me mentoring her with scripture. Anytime I see
• 19:36
  S5: her doing something that the Bible says is wrong. All right,
• 19:40
  S5: this is low hanging fruit here. Jill, what do you
• 19:42
  S5: say to this gentleman?
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  S9: I would say that the Holy Spirit does not need
• 19:47
  S9: your help.
• 19:47
  S5: Yes, sir.
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  S9: I would say that it's probably time to look in
• 19:53
  S9: the mirror and to recognize how you have been tearing
• 19:58
  S9: down her and how your, um. Well, I think that's
• 20:04
  S9: probably good hearted. I think that you maybe have a
• 20:07
  S9: good desire in place. The Holy Spirit doesn't need your help.
• 20:12
  S9: He calls you to love her. And I think that
• 20:16
  S9: learning what that looks like not correct her, not change her,
• 20:21
  S9: but love her and pray for her might make a
• 20:24
  S9: huge change in your relationship.
• 20:27
  S5: Yeah, I'm going to jump in here because this is
• 20:29
  S5: in a bit of my wheelhouse and he's a dude,
• 20:31
  S5: so I'm going to shoot it straight. I gotta tell you,
• 20:34
  S5: my man, I need you to listen to me. You
• 20:36
  S5: need to go repent and ask your wife for forgiveness.
• 20:39
  S5: I've seen a lot of rock stars in marriage that
• 20:41
  S5: know the Word of God, probably better than you, and
• 20:44
  S5: they would never wield the sword of the spirit in
• 20:46
  S5: that way toward their wife. There's lots of ways to
• 20:50
  S5: see people change, but preaching at them rather than loving
• 20:54
  S5: them first is not the manner in which to do it.
• 20:56
  S5: So I love you enough to tell you you're so
• 20:58
  S5: far out of bounds here, it's almost scary. So you
• 21:01
  S5: got to go and repent to your bride and let
• 21:03
  S5: her know I've really blown it. Honey. I've been trying
• 21:06
  S5: to be the Holy Spirit, as Jill said, and that's
• 21:09
  S5: not my job. Are there issues, Jill? Certainly, that come
• 21:13
  S5: up that we open the word. But again, out of
• 21:16
  S5: all the rock star marriages I've met and I know
• 21:18
  S5: some theologically node up men, they don't open the word
• 21:21
  S5: and preach at their wife. It just doesn't work that way.
• 21:25
  S9: No, we open the word as a mirror to ourselves.
• 21:29
  S9: And so that's what we open the word for. We
• 21:32
  S9: let the word guide us and lead us.
• 21:35
  S2: Yeah. Questions for Jill Savage, our guest. questions on marriage,
• 21:40
  S2: maybe parenting, adult children 805 557898, 805 557898.
• 21:48
  S5: Let's get Derek in here. First time caller from Georgia.
• 21:50
  S5: What do you say, Derek? What's your question for our expert?
• 21:54
  S10: Uh, yes, this is kind of off the subject here, but, um,
• 21:56
  S10: I was wondering if a man is married to a
• 21:59
  S10: woman and the woman was divorced, but her grounds for
• 22:04
  S10: divorce was not adultery. Um. Is that man committing adultery
• 22:10
  S10: by being married to her?
• 22:12
  S5: Yeah, that's a good question. What do you say, Jill?
• 22:16
  S9: Uh, that is that is probably a little out of
• 22:19
  S9: my wheelhouse because from a theological perspective, that's going to
• 22:22
  S9: be a place that I'm, um, you know, that I'm
• 22:26
  S9: probably not comfortable addressing as much as you are. Carl,
• 22:29
  S9: I'll defer to you on that.
• 22:31
  S5: Well, let me take that one. Derek. Uh, here's what
• 22:33
  S5: I'd say, my man. Uh, look, here's Here's what you
• 22:38
  S5: need to know. First off, there are more than one
• 22:41
  S5: grounds for marriage. One is adultery, for sure. And by
• 22:45
  S5: the way, God's. God's constantly looking for miracles even in
• 22:50
  S5: adulterous situations. If you're looking for a way out, you've
• 22:53
  S5: got the wrong heart posture to begin with. Second would
• 22:56
  S5: be abandonment. And I'm talking about abandonment to the point
• 23:01
  S5: where that spouse is really being neglected physically, emotionally, and
• 23:08
  S5: those those are handled on a case by case basis.
• 23:14
  S5: And although I will say that there are some of
• 23:18
  S5: you that have stepped into a real challenge spiritually because
• 23:23
  S5: there's been splitting of the sheets when they're biblically was
• 23:26
  S5: not grace. For that, there is grace on the other end. Now,
• 23:31
  S5: this is what I prescribe men and women to do.
• 23:35
  S5: There could be a case where you now look back
• 23:38
  S5: and go, boy, I left and I didn't have grounds.
• 23:40
  S5: I think doing everything you can to make amends with
• 23:44
  S5: what you did and what you need to own is vital.
• 23:49
  S5: Today is a new day. But again, if your motivation
• 23:52
  S5: is to get out from under someone and now the
• 23:54
  S5: Holy Spirit tells you you did it wrongly, going back
• 23:58
  S5: and making amends by asking for forgiveness, maybe with a
• 24:03
  S5: third party, but it is vital. Can God start all
• 24:08
  S5: things new? Is there new mercy? Is there new grace today? Yes,
• 24:12
  S5: but that would be my counsel. Anything you want to
• 24:15
  S5: add there, Jill?
• 24:16
  S9: No, actually I was I was thinking right along the
• 24:19
  S9: same lines as, uh, grace as well. What I would
• 24:23
  S9: add to that is going back and making it right
• 24:26
  S9: doesn't necessarily mean at that point there might be a relationship.
• 24:31
  S5: No, no, that's done. That's done. Right?
• 24:34
  S9: That's correct. I just want to clarify that.
• 24:36
  S5: No. Yeah. Oh, boy. We gotta be clear on this
• 24:40
  S5: stuff today. Okay. Coming up here, taking questions. We're getting
• 24:43
  S5: a lot of calls in. We'll try to get them
• 24:44
  S5: in lightning round for our expert, Jill Savage 805 5578, 98.
• 24:53
  S1: You've got questions. They've got answers. It's Ask the Experts
• 24:57
  S1: week with Carl and crew.
• 24:59
  S2: Ask the expert this morning on Carl and crew right
• 25:01
  S2: now taking your calls and questions for our guest, Jill Savage. Uh, Pam,
• 25:06
  S2: first time caller calling in from Indianapolis. Give us your
• 25:09
  S2: question for Jill.
• 25:11
  S11: Yes. Good morning. Um, I have three girls. One of
• 25:14
  S11: them is, uh, LGBT and married to another woman. My
• 25:19
  S11: other two daughters are finding a revival in their faith,
• 25:23
  S11: and they have younger children, and they have just recently
• 25:27
  S11: said they don't want to do any family activities. If
• 25:30
  S11: that includes my other daughter, because they don't want their kids,
• 25:36
  S11: you know, they don't want it to look like we're
• 25:37
  S11: accepting that lifestyle. Uh, I've been very clear with my
• 25:41
  S11: LGBT daughter and, you know, I love her. I don't
• 25:44
  S11: love her lifestyle, but I'm just torn, like, I don't
• 25:46
  S11: know what to do. I can't do family activities anymore.
• 25:50
  S5: Good question. What do you say, Jill?
• 25:52
  S9: Um, first, I just want to say I'm sorry. I
• 25:55
  S9: know that that from one mother to another, I know
• 25:58
  S9: that breaks your heart, and that is difficult. And, um, we, uh,
• 26:04
  S9: have walked this out to some degree in our own family. And, uh,
• 26:08
  S9: one of the things I think you're already here. Obviously,
• 26:11
  S9: your girls are not already here, and that is that
• 26:14
  S9: agreeing with does not or accepting does not mean agreeing with.
• 26:19
  S9: But a lot of people misunderstand that. They think if
• 26:22
  S9: I accept this person, if I accept the reality of
• 26:25
  S9: where they are in their journey, it means I'm agreeing
• 26:28
  S9: with them. And so I want you to understand it doesn't. Um,
• 26:33
  S9: and so, uh, first I just, I want to affirm
• 26:37
  S9: you on that. Second, I think that the hardest thing
• 26:41
  S9: as our kids become adult kids and I talk about
• 26:43
  S9: this in my empty nest full life book. Um, and
• 26:47
  S9: that is that we have to let our adult kids
• 26:50
  S9: make their own decisions. And obviously, you've had to do
• 26:54
  S9: that with your child that is walking in that LGBTQ lifestyle. But, um,
• 27:00
  S9: you also have to do that with your daughters that
• 27:03
  S9: have made like a boundary in their life. And so
• 27:08
  S9: you may have to navigate relationships separately, but lead by example.
• 27:13
  S9: That would be what I would encourage you. You're already
• 27:16
  S9: doing that, and it may take time for them to
• 27:20
  S9: change their perspective. Um, but that would be my encouragement
• 27:25
  S9: to you.
• 27:25
  S5: Yeah. Good word. Jill. I appreciate that. Clearly staking out
• 27:29
  S5: where you stand on morality and at the same time saying,
• 27:34
  S5: I love you. I certainly think you're ripping yourself off.
• 27:39
  S5: I don't think you're going to take hold of the
• 27:41
  S5: life you think you're going to, but I'm going to
• 27:45
  S5: be here for you. I love you still. Good stuff, Jill.
• 27:48
  S5: Appreciate it. We had someone call in. They couldn't stay
• 27:51
  S5: on the phone. How do you start trusting your husband again?
• 27:56
  S5: I'm filling in the blanks. Dot, dot, dot. When he
• 27:59
  S5: straight up cheats on you, what do you say, Jill?
• 28:02
  S9: Oh, yeah. Well, um, the formula for rebuilding trust is
• 28:08
  S9: consistent change behavior over time. And so, um, it's the
• 28:13
  S9: only time in marriage that words don't matter. Uh, words
• 28:17
  S9: don't matter when it comes to rebuilding trust. What matters
• 28:20
  S9: is when the actions match up to the words day
• 28:24
  S9: after day after day after day. And it takes time.
• 28:28
  S9: There is no I, Mark and I when we teach
• 28:31
  S9: on rebuilding trust, we liken it to a bathtub that
• 28:35
  S9: has been emptied. That was the trust, was the water
• 28:38
  S9: in the bathtub. And you can't just say, I'm sorry,
• 28:41
  S9: I'll never do it again and turn the water on
• 28:43
  S9: and fill the tub back up. You have to fill
• 28:46
  S9: the tub back up one tablespoon at a time. And
• 28:51
  S9: so it takes time. It takes what we call pushing accountability.
• 28:55
  S9: And when you push accountability, you're you're saying, you know,
• 28:59
  S9: this was key in our story because Mark broke my trust.
• 29:02
  S9: And when he what he did is he, instead of
• 29:05
  S9: making me police him, he pushed information to me day in,
• 29:11
  S9: day out. And that began to build trust over time.
• 29:15
  S5: Yeah. This that is phenomenal counsel. Boom crew. It's the
• 29:20
  S5: one time words don't matter. And I think there's a
• 29:23
  S5: lot of spouses, Jill, who feel like well, he's told me,
• 29:27
  S5: forgive me, I that can be a challenge. Jill Savage.