Latest / We Are More: Sisters Talk Faith & Feminism / Ep. 14: Make it Pink, Make it Blue

Transcript

Ep. 14: Make it Pink, Make it Blue · We Are More: Sisters Talk Faith & Feminism

• 0:00
  Welcome to the We Are More podcast.
• 0:13
  My name is Alyssa.
• 0:15
  And my name is Bri.
• 0:16
  We're two sisters passionate about all things faith and feminism.
• 0:20
  We believe that Jesus trusted, respected, and encouraged women to teach and preach His
• 0:25
  word.
• 0:26
  And apparently that's controversial.
• 0:28
  Get comfy.
• 0:32
  Hello!
• 0:34
  Bonjour.
• 0:36
  Should we just every episode start with hello in a different language?
• 0:43
  We're gonna run out of languages because we only know a few.
• 0:46
  That's true.
• 0:47
  We're gonna be offensive.
• 0:48
  Hey, but we are going to Disney and we could ride the Small World ride and make notes.
• 0:53
  They say hello in a billion languages.
• 0:56
  Probably not a billion.
• 0:57
  But a lot.
• 0:58
  A few.
• 0:59
  Did you know if you haven't ridden that ride recently, so last time I was on it, well the
• 1:05
  last couple times I was on it I guess, they had at the end it pops up on a screen.
• 1:13
  There's a bunch of different screens as you're about to get off the ride and it says goodbye
• 1:17
  Alyssa, goodbye Brianna or whoever's name is in that boat.
• 1:21
  Because they're tracking you.
• 1:22
  Because of your magic band.
• 1:23
  That's creepy.
• 1:24
  That really freaked me out.
• 1:25
  I was like wow, what a weird coincidence that they just happen to have all of our names.
• 1:32
  So if you think Disney's not tracking you when you're there, they for sure are.
• 1:36
  They absolutely are, there's no question about it.
• 1:39
  Unless maybe you don't have a magic band on, but what fun is that?
• 1:42
  Very boring.
• 1:43
  I love a magic band.
• 1:44
  I want them to track me.
• 1:45
  If I get lost, come and find me please.
• 1:48
  They did not track me though when I got lost.
• 1:49
  Well that was your own dumb fault.
• 1:52
  But the magic bands, sincerely it breaks my heart at the end of our trip to not wear a
• 1:57
  magic band anymore.
• 1:59
  It would break my heart.
• 2:01
  I hate it, I hate taking it off.
• 2:03
  I just want to wear it all the time, it makes me happy.
• 2:06
  Speaking of Disney, actually when you were younger did you hear about the subliminal
• 2:10
  messages in the Disney movies?
• 2:12
  Like the Renaissance Disney movies?
• 2:16
  There was like inappropriate stuff drawn into the Little Mermaid and Lion King.
• 2:21
  I remember Lion King distinctly.
• 2:23
  And Aladdin, and it was really popular.
• 2:26
  It was going around when I was in high school and they're like, they're subliminally trying
• 2:30
  to put these ideas, bad ideas into your kids' heads.
• 2:34
  There was one in the Lion King, it was the clouds, I think as Mufasa is talking to Simba
• 2:40
  or whatever, and people thought it said sex.
• 2:44
  Supposedly, according to Disney, now believe what you want I guess, but according to Disney
• 2:49
  it was actually supposed to be SFX, which was like the special effects team.
• 2:54
  But I mean, I don't know, seems like a risky move Disney.
• 3:00
  Pick a different acronym for your name.
• 3:04
  But today, today we're talking about subliminal sexism.
• 3:14
  Which we got to do some research for.
• 3:16
  We did some in field research.
• 3:18
  Yes, in field if you mean going into Target.
• 3:21
  We walked into Target.
• 3:22
  It was a great time.
• 3:25
  We used it as an excuse to go to Target and get a Starbucks and you know, do a little
• 3:31
  walkabout.
• 3:32
  We did take pictures.
• 3:33
  I had videos.
• 3:35
  And we looked around at the things and we probably bought some stuff, I really don't
• 3:39
  remember.
• 3:40
  I've been there so many times, it's so hard to say.
• 3:43
  I can 100% guarantee we bought stuff.
• 3:46
  I want to start to get to know those people's names because I see them all the time.
• 3:49
  Yeah, we're there a lot.
• 3:50
  I should just walk in and be like, hey, Billy, hey Bob, hi Joe.
• 3:55
  Those are all their names.
• 3:56
  Billy, Bob and Joe.
• 3:57
  Yeah.
• 3:58
  I noticed that you have no girls names.
• 4:00
  Billy could be a girl name and so could Joe.
• 4:04
  I've never met a girl named Bob though.
• 4:09
  We could have a Bob listening.
• 4:11
  Bob.
• 4:14
  This is special shout out just to you.
• 4:17
  So we're going to talk about subliminal sexism in our little mini-sode today.
• 4:21
  And if you're confused on what that means, to me it kind of means little subtle sexist
• 4:29
  acts that you don't really realize, but it puts ideas in your head.
• 4:36
  And we went into Target because Bree watched a TikTok.
• 4:39
  I'm always on TikTok.
• 4:41
  And how children's clothing is different for boys and girls.
• 4:48
  And not just in the colors.
• 4:49
  No.
• 4:50
  So like the characters that are on it, right?
• 4:52
  So she was saying, think of the animals you typically see on boys clothes.
• 4:57
  You see lions, you see tigers, you see T-Rexes, you see sharks.
• 5:02
  And on girls clothes, more often than not, you're seeing hedgehogs, you're seeing piglets,
• 5:08
  you're seeing mice, you're seeing rodents.
• 5:12
  And the difference there is that boys clothes are predators and girls clothes are prey.
• 5:19
  Which you said that to me a while ago and that blew my mind.
• 5:24
  Because you do think of, if you think of sexism in clothing, you do often think of one is
• 5:28
  pink and one is blue.
• 5:30
  You don't think of the actual characters or the animals or whatever that are on there.
• 5:37
  And one of the other things that we observed while we were in Target was that for TV shows
• 5:43
  and stuff, if it was kind of a gender neutral show or game or whatever, like we saw one
• 5:48
  for a lot for Mario.
• 5:51
  And the boys clothes would have the hero or the main person on there.
• 5:57
  And the girls clothes would often have the secondary characters.
• 6:00
  Side characters, yeah.
• 6:01
  So the boys clothes had Mario and Luigi and the girls clothes, you didn't really see Mario
• 6:06
  and Luigi at all, you saw Toad.
• 6:09
  And the secondary, they're supporting characters but they're not usually used as the main character.
• 6:15
  You're not seeing a lot of girls clothes with Mario and Luigi on them.
• 6:19
  And it's hard to argue, oh well it's because those characters are boys and these characters
• 6:22
  are girls and obviously girls only want to wear girls on their shirts and boys only want
• 6:26
  to wear boys.
• 6:27
  Because Toad I think is supposed to be a male character too, correct?
• 6:32
  So that one's on girls clothes.
• 6:34
  But it's a less assuming character.
• 6:36
  It's a less threatening character.
• 6:37
  It's a little mushroom.
• 6:39
  He is cute.
• 6:40
  He is pretty cute but not without his hat.
• 6:43
  No.
• 6:44
  Is that a hat?
• 6:45
  Mmhmm.
• 6:46
  What?
• 6:47
  Did you not watch the Mario movie?
• 6:48
  I sat through the Mario movie.
• 6:50
  Quick to Google that.
• 6:51
  No, that sounds horrifying.
• 6:52
  It's a hat?
• 6:53
  Mmhmm.
• 6:54
  I thought he was a mushroom.
• 6:55
  He's bald.
• 6:56
  Oh I don't like that.
• 6:57
  Yeah.
• 6:58
  I just like that very strongly.
• 7:01
  I mean if you're bald that's fine.
• 7:03
  But Toad is confusing.
• 7:04
  Well he's always shown with the mushroom head.
• 7:09
  I don't like that at all.
• 7:14
  So those are some of the things that you had seen and then we went into Target and we absolutely
• 7:19
  confirmed that that is true.
• 7:20
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 7:21
  You're not gonna see, I don't think I saw any girls clothes with bears or sharks or
• 7:25
  T-Rexes.
• 7:26
  I think I saw a few with cute tigers but they were very like few and far between.
• 7:32
  The boys clothes, it's very obvious.
• 7:35
  There's no prey animals on there.
• 7:37
  It's all aggressive animals.
• 7:40
  Yeah and I think, you know I know people that don't necessarily believe in feminism think
• 7:47
  that some of this stuff is very far-fetched.
• 7:50
  Like oh come on it's not really prey and predators, it's just whatever.
• 7:54
  But you have to ask yourself the question, then why?
• 7:58
  And why is everything like that?
• 8:02
  Why wouldn't you see some things that were different?
• 8:05
  Also I think the wording on clothes is very different for boys and girls.
• 8:10
  You'll see boys it's a lot of, and this is any kind of graphic tease that you see, it'll
• 8:15
  be adventure and I don't know superheroes and whatever.
• 8:21
  The things that it talks about are extreme and even violent sometimes.
• 8:27
  Whereas for girls it's like inspirational, live your best life.
• 8:31
  Love.
• 8:32
  Yeah live love laugh.
• 8:33
  Eat prey love.
• 8:34
  I don't think we should have little girls watch Eat Pray Love.
• 8:39
  I don't think that's little girl appropriate.
• 8:40
  I actually haven't seen it.
• 8:41
  I don't think that's kid appropriate.
• 8:43
  I'm pretty sure she just sleeps around India.
• 8:45
  I think that's basically the movie.
• 8:48
  Really?
• 8:49
  I'm pretty sure.
• 8:50
  I've been saying Eat Pray Love all the time, is that what I'm referring to?
• 8:53
  Maybe.
• 8:54
  Oops.
• 8:55
  Sorry mom, sorry grandma.
• 8:56
  Sorry everyone that you said that to.
• 9:00
  So one of the things that I saw as I was researching for this episode, it was a term that I hadn't
• 9:07
  heard before but makes total sense, was benevolent sexism.
• 9:14
  And I think this plays into this subliminal sexism as well.
• 9:19
  So I'm gonna go into what that means exactly.
• 9:24
  I just do.
• 9:26
  Benevolent sexism is often also related to the church and it's this concept of it is
• 9:34
  absolutely still sexism but it's protecting women because they can't protect themselves.
• 9:42
  And we cherish women but they're just a little bit weaker than we are.
• 9:48
  And they're mild, they're meek, we have to preserve their femininity.
• 9:54
  Seen as like a flower.
• 9:57
  Exactly yes.
• 9:58
  So this is from Medical News Today and it says, benevolent sexism includes views and
• 10:03
  behaviors that frame women as innocent, pure, caring and nurturing, fragile and in need
• 10:08
  of protection, and beautiful.
• 10:10
  Now it's not that as a woman you can't be those things.
• 10:14
  I think I'm very beautiful.
• 10:16
  I think I'm occasionally...
• 10:18
  Nope.
• 10:19
  I think I'm occasionally fragile.
• 10:23
  Only when you watch movies for sure.
• 10:25
  And commercials and just my own thoughts.
• 10:27
  Yeah.
• 10:28
  I'm a little fragile.
• 10:31
  It's not that there's anything inherently wrong with that.
• 10:33
  It's other people putting that on all women.
• 10:38
  Anytime you say this must apply to an entire people group, whether that is a gender or
• 10:44
  a race or anything, it's not gonna fit everybody.
• 10:48
  And it automatically lends itself to sexism or racism or wherever you're at because you're
• 10:54
  trying to fit everybody in the tiny box.
• 10:58
  Now there might be some women that are beautiful.
• 11:03
  Such as I.
• 11:05
  And that's okay.
• 11:07
  There are some women that are innocent and that's okay.
• 11:10
  There are some women that feel more fragile at moments and in need of protection and that's
• 11:15
  okay.
• 11:16
  But we can be so much more.
• 11:18
  Exactly.
• 11:19
  You know, I can be fragile but I can also be powerful and confident.
• 11:23
  And I can be emotional but I can also kick your fricking butt.
• 11:28
  And I think it's important to flip that around too.
• 11:30
  I think I said flip around like a million times in the last episode.
• 11:34
  Flip it and reverse it.
• 11:38
  I love when you sing and don't know the words.
• 11:40
  Well she sings it backwards.
• 11:42
  What?
• 11:43
  Yeah.
• 11:44
  You haven't heard that song?
• 11:45
  No.
• 11:46
  Oh, it's Missy Elliott.
• 11:47
  Isn't that old?
• 11:48
  Yeah.
• 11:49
  Okay.
• 11:50
  Anyway, I think it's important to also say that we put this stereotype on women exclusively,
• 11:57
  which means that men don't get to be these things.
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  Men can't be, in this view of benevolent sexism, men can't be caring and nurturing.
• 12:07
  And what does that do to a family when dad, husband, boyfriend, whatever it is, isn't
• 12:13
  caring and nurturing?
• 12:15
  A man in this view can't be fragile and in need of protection.
• 12:20
  Apparently also can't be beautiful.
• 12:22
  Real struggle for him.
• 12:23
  You hear that, man?
• 12:27
  But I think an interesting piece of that is that men, again in this view of things, can't
• 12:35
  put on makeup, can't care about personal grooming, can't have nail polish, can't whatever, because
• 12:42
  they can't be too concerned with their look.
• 12:45
  Because that would be considered feminine.
• 12:47
  And feminine equals weak.
• 12:49
  So femininity to them equals weakness.
• 12:53
  And a man can't be weak.
• 12:56
  Because if you've got one weak link in the chain, it all falls apart.
• 13:01
  But that does not equal weakness.
• 13:04
  Absolutely not.
• 13:05
  If you want to wear a little bit of concealer because you don't like whatever's happening
• 13:11
  on your face, or you just want to invest in skincare, you want to take time in the morning
• 13:15
  getting ready, you want to, hey, you enjoy going out to a nice meal with a glass of wine.
• 13:22
  That's okay.
• 13:23
  That does not make you weak.
• 13:25
  It's such a weird stereotype because you look at these men, women, and we can't do any of
• 13:32
  these things.
• 13:33
  But then you look at, I think the idea is women won't think a man is attractive if he
• 13:40
  looks feminine in any way, if he takes care of himself a few, whatever.
• 13:44
  And can I just say, please take care of yourself.
• 13:46
  But then on the flip side, you have Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean with all
• 13:55
  this eyeliner, and women found him very attractive in that role.
• 14:00
  We were swooning.
• 14:02
  But he has super obvious, thick black eyeliner on.
• 14:06
  Or the lead singer from Panic!
• 14:08
  at the Disco, I think he paints his nails and wears eyeliner.
• 14:11
  He's also very attractive.
• 14:13
  Well, makeup heals a lot of this stereotypically now feminine stuff.
• 14:20
  Was made for men, initially.
• 14:22
  When it came out, it was for men.
• 14:25
  And it fell out of fashion because women started using it to look more masculine.
• 14:29
  And the men were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, you can't look like us.
• 14:35
  And so they started not wearing those things.
• 14:37
  Yeah, think of King Louis the question mark, whoever was married to Marie Antoinette.
• 14:45
  He was wearing pastels, he was wearing heels.
• 14:48
  Well, because that was the fashion, it was the style.
• 14:52
  And we like to take our 2024 vision and shove it all the way back in history and pretend
• 14:56
  it was always this way.
• 14:58
  There were always the manly men and the whatever.
• 15:00
  And that wasn't really the case.
• 15:02
  This wasn't a concern.
• 15:04
  Or that was what was considered manly back then.
• 15:07
  Yes.
• 15:08
  Be a man, you must be swift as a coursing river.
• 15:12
  You know, it breaks my heart because that's such a good song.
• 15:15
  There are so many songs from like older Disney movies.
• 15:18
  What's the one from Little Mermaid?
• 15:22
  Where she-
• 15:23
  I could sing all of them right now.
• 15:24
  I know you could.
• 15:26
  Where Ursula sings about-
• 15:27
  Kissing girls.
• 15:28
  Sing it.
• 15:29
  Poor unfortunate souls.
• 15:30
  Yeah, but I need you to sing the proper part.
• 15:35
  Men up there don't like a lot of glamour.
• 15:37
  The men out there don't like a lot of blabber.
• 15:39
  That's it.
• 15:40
  They think a girl who gossips is a bore.
• 15:42
  Yes on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word and after all, dear, what
• 15:45
  is-
• 15:46
  On a planet-
• 15:47
  Poor.
• 15:48
  What does she say there?
• 15:49
  Idle prattle.
• 15:50
  I don't even know what that is.
• 15:53
  Just talking.
• 15:54
  Yeah, shit chatting.
• 15:55
  Poor unfortunate souls.
• 15:56
  Thank you.
• 15:57
  Now we get to listen to that later.
• 15:58
  I love that.
• 15:59
  I know you do.
• 16:06
  But all these songs back from Disney and again, subliminal sexism to tie it back around.
• 16:13
  We love all these songs.
• 16:14
  They're fun to sing, but what are they teaching young girls about who they are?
• 16:20
  I think Disney, at least with that one, was making a joke.
• 16:24
  And the Mulan one too.
• 16:25
  I think, yes, they were making a joke, but it's still in there.
• 16:29
  Great.
• 16:30
  They've removed that part from the new Little Mermaid.
• 16:33
  I know, Melissa McCarthy.
• 16:34
  Or even things like, jumping off that again, things that we say all the time and they're
• 16:39
  just a slip of the tongue because it's so commonplace, but like, boys will be boys or
• 16:45
  throw like a girl or I'm crying like a little girl automatically means, oh, I don't want
• 16:51
  to do that because girls are weak.
• 16:54
  Girls are weak.
• 16:55
  Girls are weak, men are strong.
• 16:56
  Boys will do whatever they want.
• 16:58
  Well, one of the insults for being weak is a girl's lady parts.
• 17:05
  And first of all, why?
• 17:09
  Those lady parts are doing a lot of work, let me tell you.
• 17:11
  It's like the strongest muscle out there.
• 17:13
  Yeah.
• 17:14
  I have pushed out two babies.
• 17:15
  I didn't.
• 17:16
  Still strong, Bree.
• 17:17
  Still strong.
• 17:18
  Still strong.
• 17:21
  We just accept it in society.
• 17:23
  It's one of those things that we just say, well, it is what it is.
• 17:26
  Or I have a son and people all the time because he's very rough and tumble.
• 17:34
  He wants to climb up things.
• 17:35
  He wants to whatever.
• 17:36
  He's also very cuddly and sweet, but I'm constantly getting, well, he's such a boy.
• 17:43
  You were used to a girl and he's such a boy.
• 17:47
  And no one means anything bad by that.
• 17:50
  I don't think anybody is meaning anything bad, but why are they saying it?
• 17:54
  They're saying it because he's adventurous, because he takes risks.
• 18:00
  Now he's two, but takes the risks that a two year old would take and is a little bit rougher,
• 18:07
  wants to play outside, whatever.
• 18:09
  I get questions like, well, what about when he wants to go play sports, hunt camp fish,
• 18:15
  all the things that boys are supposed to want to do.
• 18:18
  And it's like, that doesn't make him a boy.
• 18:22
  It's not what will make him a man later in life.
• 18:26
  What does he as a person enjoy?
• 18:29
  And if that means camping, fine.
• 18:31
  If that means going to the theater with us, that's fine too.
• 18:36
  We would be pretty happy about that.
• 18:38
  Yeah.
• 18:39
  We're going to go see Shrek the musical soon.
• 18:40
  So excited.
• 18:41
  I'm so excited.
• 18:42
  One of the things I actually saw a long time ago was someone had posted, they were like
• 18:50
  a greeter for plays and stuff like that.
• 18:55
  And he said that it was so sad to see how many women would come in there with their
• 19:00
  partners and the woman would be all dressed up and so excited and pumped to be there and
• 19:06
  whatever.
• 19:07
  And the man would be like in jeans, clearly doesn't want to be there, has been dragged
• 19:12
  there, is throwing a hissy fit, you know, whatever, because that's not men and men shouldn't
• 19:17
  like to do that.
• 19:18
  And that is toxic behavior.
• 19:21
  I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.
• 19:24
  Like my husband Nathan the other day for a date night took me up to see the symphony
• 19:28
  because they did a Disney one.
• 19:30
  How many times can we say Disney in this?
• 19:32
  Another Disney date.
• 19:34
  And it was totally his idea and he was the one that wanted to get all dressed up and
• 19:38
  because he as a person enjoys those things and knows that I enjoy them and wants to enjoy
• 19:44
  things with me.
• 19:46
  And what a wonderful thing to be able to do together.
• 19:50
  Well, as women were constantly told, and even in movies and whatever, find an interest in
• 19:57
  what he has an interest in and talk about that with him.
• 20:01
  But men are not being told the same things.
• 20:03
  They're not being told, oh, see what she's interested in because that will help your
• 20:08
  relationship along.
• 20:10
  Change yourself to fit him.
• 20:13
  It's like how there was a movie, Bride Wars, and she said the one girl is shopping for
• 20:20
  her wedding dress.
• 20:21
  I think it's Anna Hathaway is shopping for her wedding dress.
• 20:25
  And the consultant says, somebody says, that's Vera Wang.
• 20:30
  You don't alter a Vera Wang to fit your body.
• 20:33
  You alter your body to fit a Vera Wang.
• 20:37
  And you listen to that and you're just like, no.
• 20:42
  Right?
• 20:43
  That's what we're telling girls in their relationships.
• 20:45
  And how much worse is it in a relationship?
• 20:48
  You don't alter a man to fit yourself.
• 20:50
  You alter yourself to fit a man.
• 20:52
  Your entire being.
• 20:54
  Yeah.
• 20:55
  Everything you like.
• 20:56
  Every bit of who you are.
• 20:57
  Now that can go either way.
• 21:01
  If both of you like hunting, camping, fishing, whatever, great.
• 21:05
  Do those things together.
• 21:07
  Enjoy that.
• 21:08
  I think for those reasons that enjoy fishing a lot and camping, that is not our vibe.
• 21:15
  Sorry, family.
• 21:16
  Our side of the family.
• 21:17
  We actually would rather stay in a bed and breakfast.
• 21:22
  But I've seen them, this couple get to grow together and take their boys fishing and enjoy
• 21:29
  that together.
• 21:31
  And what a cool thing that is.
• 21:34
  And for me, that's not something that I would enjoy.
• 21:37
  It's not really something my husband enjoys a whole lot.
• 21:40
  But we get to do the things we enjoy together.
• 21:43
  Because I can give a little and he can give a little and we can meet in the middle, Bree.
• 21:49
  You start walking your way.
• 21:51
  I'll start walking mine.
• 21:53
  We'll meet in the middle beneath that old Georgia pine.
• 21:59
  Did you forget?
• 22:00
  I wasn't sure what kind of tree it was.
• 22:03
  We gained the light of ground.
• 22:06
  We're all part of you.
• 22:10
  Half of this episode is you singing.
• 22:12
  That's not true.
• 22:13
  I guarantee it.
• 22:14
  That's just not true.
• 22:15
  All right.
• 22:16
  All of you out there, I would like you to listen through.
• 22:18
  Give me some timestamps.
• 22:19
  Please cut it.
• 22:20
  Cut half of that song.
• 22:21
  Timestamps.
• 22:22
  That's what I want.
• 22:23
  That could be another fun title.
• 22:29
  So back to this article from Medical News Today that talks about benevolent sexism.
• 22:33
  It says, this is some examples of what that could be.
• 22:38
  I really like this because it pulls apart a lot of what we see in churches that pretends
• 22:44
  it's good for women.
• 22:47
  So it says, examples include basing a woman's value on her role as a mother, wife, or girlfriend.
• 22:53
  Focusing attention and praise on someone's appearance rather than their other attributes
• 22:57
  because beauty is the most important thing.
• 22:59
  It's no pain, girls.
• 23:03
  Assuming that people should not do things for themselves, such as manage money or drive
• 23:07
  a car because of their gender.
• 23:10
  Assuming that a person is a nurse, assistant, or secretary, not a doctor, executive, or
• 23:14
  manager based on their gender.
• 23:16
  And then supporting policies that make it difficult for women to work, have independence,
• 23:20
  or deviate from traditional gender roles.
• 23:23
  And this study that they reference here also says that men who endorsed or believed in
• 23:30
  benevolent sexism were more likely to support political policies, laws, things like that,
• 23:37
  that limited women's freedoms.
• 23:39
  Karly We watched a TikTok earlier.
• 23:41
  My gosh, we need to get off that app.
• 23:44
  Not me, it's you.
• 23:45
  But this guy shared a clip from a pastor preaching at his church.
• 23:51
  And he said that women are to be treated as princesses and treasured and that if there
• 24:00
  was an intruder in their home, he's not going to tap on his wife and say, all right, it's
• 24:04
  your turn to take care of it.
• 24:05
  He's like, no, of course, I as a man, that's my job.
• 24:08
  I sleep closest to the door.
• 24:10
  I on a plane sit in the aisle seat in case someone were to come after her.
• 24:15
  I'm the protector.
• 24:17
  But that almost, like you were saying, it limits women.
• 24:21
  It keeps them in a box.
• 24:22
  You're not allowed to protect yourself.
• 24:24
  You're not allowed to sleep on the other side of the bed.
• 24:29
  Or have the aisle seat.
• 24:30
  What if she wants the aisle seat?
• 24:31
  What if she needs to get up to pee 17 times?
• 24:33
  Now she has to climb over you 17 times.
• 24:39
  And I think, you know, when you hear that, well, women are supposed to be princesses
• 24:44
  and queens and protected and whatever.
• 24:45
  Like at first it sounds pretty good.
• 24:48
  I mean, I'd love to be a princess.
• 24:50
  It sounds like a great time.
• 24:51
  It depends on where you're the princess of.
• 24:53
  That's true.
• 24:54
  That's very true.
• 24:55
  But the practicality of it is that it sounds great until you realize that you're not allowed
• 25:00
  to deviate from it.
• 25:03
  That if you decide that you want to sleep on the other side of the bed, or if you decide
• 25:07
  as a woman that you want to drive a car, pump your own gas, have a career, whatever, that
• 25:15
  you're not allowed to.
• 25:16
  It keeps this stereotype that women are weak.
• 25:20
  Right.
• 25:21
  That we can't protect ourselves.
• 25:23
  And one of the things that that pastor actually said was like, if someone breaks into our
• 25:27
  home, they've got three problems.
• 25:29
  It's me and Smith and Wesson, which is a gun.
• 25:32
  I didn't actually know that.
• 25:33
  Well, that's what it is.
• 25:35
  As though, because he's a man, he's more likely to be able to use a gun.
• 25:41
  I know plenty of women who love shooting.
• 25:44
  Yeah.
• 25:45
  But it's the whole concept of as a man, he is more likely to fix everything for her.
• 25:53
  To fix the situation.
• 25:55
  And it goes from lots of things.
• 25:57
  It's all the way from like, she can't pump her own gas.
• 26:03
  Mom.
• 26:07
  She can't arrange the furniture because she can't lift it up or whatever.
• 26:12
  She can't paint the room.
• 26:14
  Because she can't.
• 26:15
  Or you won't let her.
• 26:17
  Exactly.
• 26:18
  Now, if as a woman you prefer not to paint the room by yourself, that's fine.
• 26:24
  If he prefers to paint the room.
• 26:26
  As a person.
• 26:28
  If you prefer those things.
• 26:29
  Or in your relationship, you've decided like, okay, I prefer things this way and you prefer
• 26:34
  things that way.
• 26:35
  That's fine.
• 26:36
  Yeah.
• 26:37
  Well, like there are certain parts of my marriage that would fall into that stereotypical marriage.
• 26:43
  Person generally takes out the trash.
• 26:46
  Because frankly, it smells bad and there are flies.
• 26:48
  And I really dislike flies.
• 26:49
  But just because he normally does it, because it works within our relationship, doesn't
• 26:55
  mean that he has to do it or always does it.
• 26:57
  If I notice that that's not happening, I bring the trash cans back.
• 27:02
  Or what if as a single woman, I have to do everything?
• 27:06
  I have to pump my own gas because that's my stupid car.
• 27:09
  Or, you know, I have to pay the bills or any single woman out there.
• 27:14
  That doesn't make you less of a woman.
• 27:16
  Right.
• 27:17
  Well, when you look at the women in the Bible, you look at Mary Magdalene or Martha.
• 27:25
  These women are not spoken about as having husbands, to my knowledge.
• 27:30
  They dropped their stuff and followed Jesus around.
• 27:33
  They were Jesus's friends.
• 27:35
  They dropped it like it was hot?
• 27:38
  They didn't have a man to protect them.
• 27:43
  And they were living in a much more dangerous time.
• 27:45
  They didn't have a man to take out the trash.
• 27:47
  They didn't have a man to do all these things.
• 27:49
  So they were doing it by themselves.
• 27:51
  And that was biblical womanhood.
• 27:54
  Within the church, keeping that idea in mind that women are weak and must be protected
• 28:00
  keeps women in their place.
• 28:01
  It keeps men in power.
• 28:03
  And we need, as a womanhood, as a group of people, to stand up and say, hey, that's not
• 28:11
  true.
• 28:12
  Right.
• 28:13
  I am not weak.
• 28:14
  We have a place.
• 28:16
  Get out of the way.
• 28:19
  If you think about that, if you take it far enough, that's where a lot of the power dynamics
• 28:26
  can come from really easily.
• 28:28
  Because if you believe that women are weak, if you believe that they can't pump their
• 28:34
  own gas, that they can't pay the bills, that they can't whatever, you don't want them leading
• 28:39
  your church.
• 28:40
  You don't want a person like that to be leading your church.
• 28:43
  So if you believe that, of course you wouldn't have that person lead your church.
• 28:48
  And it just happens to be an entire gender that they've decided this about.
• 28:52
  So I looked up another article about clothing and how that can be subliminally sexist.
• 29:01
  And I won't go too deep into it because we don't have a ton more time.
• 29:04
  But this person was talking about awards shows and how nowadays you don't see as many women
• 29:12
  in dresses necessarily.
• 29:14
  But at awards shows, you see women in these beautiful, elaborate, intense dresses.
• 29:20
  And the author of this particular article talked about how these clothes that we choose
• 29:25
  for women, whether it's a very, very tight fitting dress or a six inch heel or a heavy
• 29:33
  purse because she doesn't have pockets to put her things in, these things all restrain
• 29:39
  women.
• 29:40
  Now if you love to wear a dress, if you love to wear heels, nothing against that.
• 29:44
  But the choices that fashion designers make, whether it's putting a mouse on a t-shirt
• 29:50
  and only giving girls the choice of pink or red or yellow, or it's as a adult woman, here's
• 29:59
  your six inch heel.
• 30:02
  You're going to be uncomfortable all night long.
• 30:05
  You might fall and break an ankle.
• 30:06
  You have to hold on to a man for support.
• 30:09
  Break an ankle.
• 30:10
  But think about that, heels, I mean I'm not great at walking in heels anymore, but I have
• 30:18
  to hold on to my husband for support if I'm in a high enough heel.
• 30:23
  Especially going up and down stairs.
• 30:25
  Girl, gotta hold on to something.
• 30:27
  I think heels have kind of come a long way in that when we were in high school, the stiletto
• 30:36
  platform heels were the most popular.
• 30:39
  And I remember just practicing walking up and down the hallway because I was like, well
• 30:44
  I don't want to look like an idiot giraffe, I need to figure this out.
• 30:48
  Now I personally choose heels if I want to wear heels that are chunkier, shorter.
• 30:54
  Give me more support, but I still get that look of the leg.
• 30:59
  But yeah, you're totally right.
• 31:01
  And also, whenever you see a dress and they're like, oh it has pockets, why do you think
• 31:06
  that's exciting?
• 31:07
  I don't have to carry a stupid purse.
• 31:10
  Well, this author talked about how for women, if you do manage to have pockets in something,
• 31:18
  it's usually like this tiny little useless pocket.
• 31:20
  Like why?
• 31:21
  If I sit down, my phone will absolutely fall out.
• 31:24
  And you can't even make these, there was a time where phones were much smaller and so
• 31:28
  maybe pockets were made to fit those.
• 31:30
  It's been a hot minute.
• 31:31
  Phones are big.
• 31:32
  We need bigger pockets.
• 31:34
  Give me a pocket.
• 31:35
  I remember the last time when we went and saw Six, I wore a blazer to that and it had
• 31:41
  pockets and I didn't have to carry a purse with me into the theater that they had to
• 31:46
  check that had all kinds of stuff.
• 31:48
  I was able to put my phone in my wallet and all my stuff in this pocket and it was a game
• 31:53
  changer, I'm telling you.
• 31:55
  Well, we make this joke like, oh women get to carry everything with them or whatever.
• 32:00
  I don't want to carry everything with me.
• 32:02
  I want to carry my phone.
• 32:04
  My ID in case I want to drink and my debit card and that is all I want on my, and maybe
• 32:10
  a lipstick.
• 32:11
  A key, you know, so you can leave.
• 32:14
  And if I had a proper pocket, I could do those things.
• 32:19
  But because I don't, I have this purse that frankly can, depending on the purse, can cause
• 32:25
  skeletal issues.
• 32:26
  Okay.
• 32:27
  I'm not even kidding.
• 32:29
  I remember back in the day too, it was like almost a status symbol to see how heavy your
• 32:34
  purse was.
• 32:35
  How many things do you need to survive?
• 32:36
  Just four books in here.
• 32:38
  I'm like, I have my wallet, I have my firstborn, I have baby elephants in my purse.
• 32:48
  We have a cousin and she's so funny.
• 32:51
  She carries absolutely everything she's ever owned with her.
• 32:54
  She has these gigantic purses.
• 32:55
  Just a little sherpa.
• 32:58
  She's got her laptop with her at all times and all of her books and all of her assignments
• 33:02
  and whatever.
• 33:03
  And it's just, it's funny because obviously, you know, you can't put your laptop in a pocket
• 33:08
  probably unless you're, you got some intense pockets.
• 33:11
  I've seen some real good pockets.
• 33:15
  But expecting, you know, and that's for work for her, but outside of that and just in normal
• 33:24
  life, expecting women to have to carry all of these things, to have to carry your wallet.
• 33:30
  And also, yeah, the thought of like, oh, don't worry, she's got it.
• 33:34
  Don't worry, she's got it.
• 33:35
  She's got the gum, the diapers for the baby, all the things.
• 33:41
  And in heels yet.
• 33:43
  And I know as women, we like to say things like that.
• 33:46
  And I did it in heels.
• 33:47
  To be like, and look how strong I am.
• 33:49
  Because we've had to change the narrative to say, no, we are actually incredibly strong.
• 33:55
  We're going to do everything you did, but also in heels.
• 34:00
  It's just sad that that has to be the comparison.
• 34:02
  Imagine how much further we could walk if we weren't in heels.
• 34:06
  Yeah, I saw a term on one of the articles that I was reading calling it social devaluation.
• 34:11
  Yeah, that hits hard.
• 34:14
  It does.
• 34:15
  Let that sink in.
• 34:17
  And what's really difficult about it is I see it seep into myself too.
• 34:22
  They call that implicit sexism.
• 34:24
  I was looking that up as well.
• 34:26
  So it's one of those things, as opposed to explicit sexism, which is where someone is
• 34:31
  like overtly sexist.
• 34:32
  You know that when you see it.
• 34:34
  It's these little biases that you don't realize got stuck in your head when you were 10 and
• 34:40
  now they're coming back out when you're talking to your daughter.
• 34:43
  Subliminal messages.
• 34:44
  Subliminal messages.
• 34:45
  Bring it back around.
• 34:47
  You don't think about it.
• 34:48
  You don't realize it.
• 34:50
  And how can we detox almost from that?
• 34:53
  Or deprogram our brains.
• 34:55
  And I think it's so important to be aware of these things so that as we're raising our
• 35:02
  daughters or our nieces or we're volunteering at church or at schools or wherever you happen
• 35:08
  to be interacting with young children, that you can pull these things out of your vocabulary.
• 35:15
  There's another TikToker.
• 35:17
  And she was talking about little feminist acts of...
• 35:22
  I don't know what she does, but she was talking about how whenever she refers to someone that
• 35:27
  she doesn't know exactly whether they're male or female and they're in a position of power,
• 35:33
  she always says she.
• 35:34
  Like if she's talking about a doctor, she's saying she.
• 35:37
  Bekkah actually you showed that to me and she did one about her relationship as well.
• 35:42
  And she said one of the things that she does is she doesn't essentially infantilize her
• 35:46
  partner.
• 35:47
  She doesn't take on buying Christmas presents for his family or making sure that he texted
• 35:53
  his mom on Mother's Day or whatever.
• 35:55
  Ruthie And it's not out of aggressiveness or violence.
• 35:58
  It's just to deprogram her brain into always thinking, oh, this person's in a position
• 36:03
  of power, they must be a man.
• 36:05
  Oh, because I'm a woman, I have to take on making sure that my husband maintains a relationship
• 36:10
  with his family.
• 36:11
  You know?
• 36:12
  Because at least in the marriage perspective, I did that for a while and then I realized
• 36:20
  I'm not actually helping anyone here.
• 36:23
  My husband is a human being who has all the same abilities that I do and he can handle
• 36:29
  it.
• 36:30
  He can handle buying presents.
• 36:32
  He can handle his own relationships.
• 36:34
  I don't need to do that for him because he's not a child and I'm not his mother.
• 36:38
  Are you looking for a partner or a parent?
• 36:43
  All right, well, we should probably wrap this one up guys because this is longer than most
• 36:47
  of them.
• 36:48
  Well, we can really cut out a lot of my singing.
• 36:50
  No, I'm keeping that in for sure.
• 36:52
  Really rude.
• 36:53
  100% of the singing is staying in.
• 36:55
  No, thank you.
• 36:56
  Would you like me to think of another song to sing?
• 36:58
  I would love if you didn't.
• 37:00
  No!
• 37:01
  If I were the king of our ass!
• 37:08
  Where did that one come from?
• 37:10
  Not a mouse!
• 37:11
  Not a...
• 37:12
  I don't know.
• 37:13
  Not a...
• 37:14
  I don't know.
• 37:15
  I hope you guys enjoyed that.
• 37:21
  I'm sorry.
• 37:22
  I'm gonna go have a margarita-ta.
• 37:23
  Okay, you do that.
• 37:25
  We'll see you guys next week when we talk about toxic femininity.
• 37:28
  I said it right that time.
• 37:30
  I also got really confused.
• 37:31
  I was like, we just filmed that.
• 37:35
  That will come after this episode.
• 37:36
  Alright, we'll see you guys later.
• 37:38
  Love you.
• 37:39
  Bye!
• 37:40
  I love you!
• 37:41
  I love you!