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Tiny Treasures: What Judgement is Protecting · Finding Treasures in the Trash

• 0:01
  Cari Jacobs-Crovetto: Hi, friends. Have you ever reflected upon your own behavior and thought, "Man, I am just so judgmental. I have got this inner critic judge, and it is out of control. I certainly have. I have a strong inner critic, and the voice of our inner critic is often the voice of one of our parents, but I wanted to talk about something related to inner critic but slightly adjacent, which is judgment, and I specifically wanted to dive in to this tiny treasure Between the difference of judgment and discernment, and I recently was thinking about this because you know we're sort of
• 0:51
  discerning all the time, and oftentimes that can be very confused with judgment. So I think that this distinction is kind of important to talk about because both judgment and discernment are actually trying to protect us, but they operate from really different places. So judgment seeks safety through certainty and tries to sort of define another person so that we can predict their behavior and protect ourselves from being hurt, from being disappointed, from feeling unseen. Whereas discernment seeks safety through awareness, it doesn't really require us to define the other person. Instead,
• 1:38
  it asks us to notice what is really happening, to recognize how it's affecting us, and then to choose how to respond consciously. I might crystal it this way: judgment says, "Wow, you are this, and there's almost like a, I want to say like a little tinge of fiery anger in there, just a tinge. Discernment says, "This is what I notice. What is the skillful response? So judgment can feel almost like more like a trigger reaction, whereas I believe discernment is a very awareness-based or a presence-based reaction, it's also a presence-based practice. And there's another distinction that I
• 2:28
  find really compelling, which is judgment is really trying to control what might happen next, right? If I can judge this situation, I kind of can get ahead of it, whereas discernment helps us choose what happens next. So discernment doesn't mean abandoning our ability to recognize harmful patterns or set boundaries. It means we can protect ourselves without reducing another human being to our conclusions about them, so that's really important. I'm going to say that again: that discernment doesn't mean like we're sort of just abandoning our ability to recognize harm. It means we can protect
• 3:17
  ourselves without reducing another human being to our own conclusions about them, which we're doing all the time, right? It's just part of being human. But can we become conscious enough when we're doing that to ask ourselves, "Hmm, what is it I'm reducing here, and how can I turn this into discernment? In Buddhist terms, it's the difference between reacting from fear. I fear or I judge because I'm afraid or I don't like something; it makes me uncomfortable, and responding with wisdom. And perhaps the deepest distinction here is that judgment kind of closes the door on curiosity. Right? It's
• 4:01
  not an open-hearted feeling or sensation in our bodies and our energetics when we're doing it. Whereas discernment keeps curiosity alive, right? So, and it does it without sacrificing our boundaries. That's the deal here. Once you're sacrificing your boundaries, you're sort of slipping into what I would call maybe a little more giving yourself away behavior, and that can be a slippery slope. So discernment still has an edge of I'm drawing the line, but it's doing it through curiosity and choice and presence, whereas judgment closes the door completely on curiosity. So I hope this tiny
• 4:49
  treasure has helped you. You know I'd love to hear from you on this, and if you would reach out to me at carrie@bravedirrections.com. C A R I. At bravedirections.com, and I love to hear perhaps if you put this into practice, what you've noticed, and can you sit even with judgment, even with the judger, without the inner critic going crazy and firing back on you? What some Buddhist practitioners like Tara Brach might call the second arrow, which is not only now have I judged, but I'm making myself bad for judging. Which is like the inner critic gets into cahoots with judgment, and wow,
• 5:30
  there's like a big party of pain, right? For who we are, we don't want that. Even if we're having judgment, just be like, oh, oh, sweetie, there you are judging again. And why are you doing that?
• 5:43
  Probably to keep yourself safe, or to not feel like an outsider. I know sometimes when I'm judgy, I will be honest, Harold. You know, I like to really put my own skin in the game. I don't like to lecture without like telling you a little bit about my own journey. And I have a habit of sometimes judging women around me because I don't feel good enough. Maybe I don't feel thin enough, or I don't feel pretty enough, or I don't feel contagious enough-like contagious in the good way, like contagious charisma. I don't feel glittery enough, and so I'll, you know, immediately pass judgment. But
• 6:20
  what if I was instead of doing that, I got really curious. Like, oh, what is this about? What is this about for me? What is it about for this other person? Maybe they're just shiny and they like feeling shiny. And can I just let them have that? Can I make a different decision? Can I join them in being shiny. Like how different might my life be if I put that into practice? And I have. I've been trying to do that instead of feeling inferior. I just either enjoy someone else and their ability to shine, or I join them. So this is just one example. I'm sure you have your own examples, and
• 7:05
  like I say, I would love to hear how this lands on you. If you experiment with this, what you notice. I met Cari@BraveDirecions.com, and I'd absolutely love to hear from you, friends. Thanks so much.