Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Encore: Parenting on a Full Plate | Ep. 227

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Encore: Parenting on a Full Plate | Ep. 227 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:00
  Christie: They just see the other side of our phone case.
• 0:04
  Speaker 6: We can love our kids with our whole hearts and still end the day wondering if they got enough of us.
• 0:14
  Speaker 6: Life asks a lot of us: work, responsibilities, all the things that simply have to be done, and that quiet ache can settle in.
• 0:28
  Speaker 6: I wish I had more to give.
• 0:33
  Speaker 6: We may not be able to stretch the hours, but there may be more room inside them than we think
• 0:49
  Cheryl: So I had a question that a parent submitted to us I love it when we get questions from our listening audience.
• 0:55
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 0:56
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 0:56
  Cheryl: 'Cause then we're going, okay, this is what y'all really want to hear about.
• 0:59
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:00
  Cheryl: And so one we got, and I would like us to address it.
• 1:04
  Cheryl: It's, I feel so rushed in my life.
• 1:07
  Cheryl: How can I find quality time with my children as a full-time working mom?
• 1:14
  Christie: Oh man.
• 1:15
  Christie: I know.
• 1:15
  Christie: There's only so many hours in the day, aren't there?
• 1:18
  Cheryl: I know.
• 1:18
  Cheryl: And I just have so much compassion.
• 1:21
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 1:22
  Cheryl: I mean, Christie behind and through this I hear guilt.
• 1:26
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:26
  Cheryl: And sadness.
• 1:28
  Cheryl: feeling kinda trapped.
• 1:29
  Cheryl: That she's in a situation.
• 1:31
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 1:31
  Cheryl: Even if her job is fulfilling.
• 1:33
  Cheryl: Right.
• 1:34
  Cheryl: I hear just such a desire to give and be for her children.
• 1:39
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 1:39
  Cheryl: That she feels like she's not doing it Right.
• 1:43
  Cheryl: Kind of pressing her nose against the window of parenting thinking, oh, if I weren't working, I could be what I want to be for my kids.
• 1:52
  Cheryl: it's so hard!
• 1:53
  Christie: right?
• 1:54
  Christie: I know, I say there's only so many hours in the day because it's true for all of us.
• 1:58
  Christie: It really is.
• 1:58
  Christie: And there's always something vying for our time and for our kids' times.
• 2:03
  Christie: And, um.
• 2:05
  Christie: You know when you do the math and you think of the time that we have to eat and shop and sleep and kids have to do school and activities and all the things add up, and you're like, well, what's left?
• 2:17
  Christie: I know that I fall guilty of comparison looking around and point, you know, saying, oh well they have this or they have that.
• 2:26
  Christie: And whether it be time, money, you know, the kids that you get or energy, family energy.
• 2:32
  Christie: Yeah.
• 2:32
  Christie: Energy.
• 2:33
  Christie: Energy.
• 2:33
  Christie: It's so easy to,.
• 2:34
  Christie: Uh, to highlight what you're depleted in and what you don't have access to for sure.
• 2:40
  Christie: Particularly during my widowed parenting.
• 2:42
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 2:43
  Christie: I know what she's talking about.
• 2:44
  Christie: Uh, the list was endless.
• 2:46
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 2:47
  Christie: The responsibilities were endless.
• 2:49
  Christie: Right.
• 2:50
  Christie: So I hear her, but I've also had this question asked a different way from moms that stay home.
• 2:56
  Christie: Yeah.
• 2:57
  Cheryl: Because each is realizing I'm not using my time the way I would want to as a parent.
• 3:03
  Cheryl: Right.
• 3:03
  Cheryl: So let's approach this struggle kind of from that way, from the intentionality.
• 3:09
  Cheryl: Um.
• 3:09
  Cheryl: To be meaningful versus passive.
• 3:12
  Cheryl: Right.
• 3:13
  Christie: And I'm gonna assume that this mom has already done the soul searching and You know, the thought processing and the prayer and all the things to determine that this is the choice that's the best for their family and how to navigate that Yes.
• 3:25
  Christie: right.
• 3:26
  Cheryl: well just her asking this question, Clearly.
• 3:28
  Cheryl: She's intentional.
• 3:29
  Cheryl: Right.
• 3:30
  Cheryl: And kind of how you're talking about that, you're talking about allocating resources, it makes me think of the analogy of money.
• 3:37
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:37
  Cheryl: Because we each only have so much money.
• 3:40
  Cheryl: Right.
• 3:40
  Cheryl: It takes so much just to live, right?
• 3:42
  Cheryl: So you've gotta pay your mortgage, or your rent, you have to buy food, you have to do the certain things.
• 3:48
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 3:48
  Cheryl: You have to do.
• 3:49
  Cheryl: And then above that is disposable income.
• 3:52
  Cheryl: Right.
• 3:52
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 3:53
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:53
  Even
• 3:53
  Cheryl: though some may have excess or.
• 3:55
  Cheryl: Surplus.
• 3:56
  Cheryl: Right.
• 3:57
  Cheryl: some don't budget themselves well.
• 3:58
  Cheryl: Right.
• 3:59
  Cheryl: And some who don't have a lot of surplus.
• 4:01
  Mm-hmm.
• 4:01
  But
• 4:01
  Cheryl: steward their money well.
• 4:03
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 4:04
  Cheryl: Where even though they don't a lot of disposable Income.
• 4:08
  Cheryl: mm-hmm.
• 4:09
  Mm-hmm.
• 4:09
  Cheryl: They.
• 4:09
  Cheryl: Budget and prioritize And seek to use their money well, and I would say that's analogous to what we're talking about here.
• 4:16
  Cheryl: How many hours a day or a week that you have your children, that we would budget it.
• 4:22
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 4:22
  Cheryl: And then try to get the most we can out of it.
• 4:24
  Christie: Yeah.
• 4:25
  Christie: Because the amount that we have, whether it be money or time or whatever, resources.
• 4:29
  Christie: Is a fixed amount.
• 4:30
  Christie: It sure is.
• 4:31
  Christie: And we have to make decisions and like I keep hearing the word intentional.
• 4:36
  Christie: Yep.
• 4:36
  Yeah.
• 4:36
  Christie: Um, about how to budget that time like we're talking about today.
• 4:41
  Christie: I was blessed enough to be.
• 4:43
  Christie: A at home mom, Uhhuh.
• 4:44
  Christie: And, um, even still, I felt like I wasn't spending enough time on all the things.
• 4:52
  Christie: I didn't do the one-on-one dates enough.
• 4:53
  Christie: I didn't, you know, get all of the things in.
• 4:57
  Christie: And that mom guilt still.
• 5:00
  Christie: It strikes me now that my kids are grown, I look back and think, oh, like you're saying, I wish I would've budgeted that time more wisely.
• 5:06
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:06
  Christie: I wish I would've spent it doing different things.
• 5:08
  Christie: And so I, I think it's, it's kind of an yeah.
• 5:11
  Christie: Inescapable trap, the mom guilt thing.
• 5:14
  Yeah.
• 5:14
  Christie: No matter what our circumstances are, our choices are, you know, what our reality is.
• 5:20
  Christie: Um, but what I keep thinking about this is it, it really is coming back to that age old debate of quantity over quality.
• 5:27
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:28
  Cheryl: Because that is kinda, she said, what do I do?
• 5:31
  Cheryl: well, how do I have quality time?
• 5:33
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:34
  Cheryl: And again, it's analogous to money well, there's a very famous tycoons, like the railroad tycoons, one of those that was just fabulously wealthy.
• 5:45
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:45
  Cheryl: And they said.
• 5:46
  Cheryl: Whoever it was, you know, well, how much money's enough?
• 5:49
  Cheryl: And he said$1 more.
• 5:50
  Cheryl: Oh yeah.
• 5:51
  Cheryl: So they didn't feel the blessing of money.
• 5:53
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:54
  Cheryl: They didn't appreciate their wealth and just enjoy it.
• 5:56
  Cheryl: They were still clinging to money and miserly.
• 6:01
  Cheryl: Whereas I have known, and I know someone in my life right now who money is at a premium.
• 6:07
  Cheryl: They do not have surplus.
• 6:09
  Cheryl: they're struggling in this area, in their life.
• 6:12
  Cheryl: And she is one of the most generous people I know.
• 6:14
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 6:14
  Cheryl: She's generous with her time.
• 6:16
  Cheryl: She's generous with what she gives away.
• 6:19
  Cheryl: She's generous to think of other people.
• 6:22
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:22
  Cheryl: With her limited resources.
• 6:24
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:25
  Cheryl: And so let's focus on that, whether you are 24 hours a day home with your children or not, what would be the kinds of things that we would say would build in to your family and with your children?
• 6:38
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:39
  Christie: I think a big component of it being quality time is the consistency.
• 6:44
  Cheryl: Oh,
• 6:45
  Christie: Yeah.
• 6:45
  Christie: I think even small things done consistently.
• 6:49
  Christie: Build quality.
• 6:50
  Christie: That's true,
• 6:51
  Cheryl: because if I think about my childhood, there were certain things that I remember.
• 6:59
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:00
  Cheryl: My family didn't do the birthday boxes and they didn't do a lot of that.
• 7:04
  Cheryl: My parents didn't know to make meaningful memories, um, very well.
• 7:12
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:12
  Cheryl: They kind of didn't know from their upbringing.
• 7:15
  Cheryl: But I can remember something that my mother and I did, so I would've been.
• 7:20
  Cheryl: Second grade along in there.
• 7:22
  Cheryl: And we lived next to this huge! field that in the springtime they had daisies all across the field.
• 7:31
  Mm.
• 7:31
  Cheryl: And she and I would go and we would pick armfuls of the daisies and then we would go to shut-ins that we knew, or older people, uh, different ones.
• 7:42
  Cheryl: And we would take them these bouquets of these field daisies and we would go to their houses.
• 7:48
  Cheryl: I remember the Winn Sisters, and several others.
• 7:51
  Cheryl: And that is such a memory with me that I did that with my mother.
• 7:56
  Cheryl: Right.
• 7:57
  Cheryl: And so, although it wasn't fancy or on, the level of something would be Etsy or, you know, something really cool on the internet, it was that intentional time with her.
• 8:07
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 8:08
  Cheryl: And then I saw the value that she had for those people.
• 8:13
  Cheryl: I love that.
• 8:13
  Cheryl: And that she lived that out.
• 8:15
  Cheryl: So it was.
• 8:16
  Cheryl: That consistently we would go on a regular basis to them.
• 8:20
  Cheryl: Uh, I actually shared a birthday
• 8:23
  with one of the older Winn sisters, and I
• 8:25
  Cheryl: mean, who knows how old they were to me?
• 8:28
  Cheryl: They looked like a hundred years old, but they really were old.
• 8:31
  Cheryl: Right.
• 8:32
  Cheryl: And around my birthday, we would go and take them flowers
• 8:35
  Christie: Oh, that's neat.
• 8:36
  Cheryl: and so.
• 8:37
  Cheryl: It transferred into me, not just my time and the delight of doing it with her, but, um, a culture of the way she treated people.
• 8:45
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:46
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 8:46
  Christie: And so the power in that was that you were learning about your mother.
• 8:50
  Christie: Yes.
• 8:50
  Christie: You are getting to experience who she is.
• 8:53
  Christie: And that's a really compounded event if we sat here and took it apart There's just so many components there, and I think.
• 9:01
  Christie: In one act.
• 9:02
  Christie: Yes.
• 9:03
  Christie: And I think that would be the thing.
• 9:04
  Christie: If you have a small amount of time to work with, find something that's compounded and multipurpose like that where you're able to share a part of yourself with your kids and you know, bring a lot of the different things you're wanting to get into One experience.
• 9:21
  Christie: I was just reminded the other day as I was reading with some kids how.
• 9:26
  Christie: Little time it really takes to read a chapter of a book every day.
• 9:31
  Christie: Yes.
• 9:31
  Christie: You know, it's like 10 minutes to read a little chapter book for, oh, you're talking about children's chapter book, Uhhuh.
• 9:35
  Christie: Yeah.
• 9:35
  Christie: And so I was just thinking the act of reading a favorite book series together, that could be a tradition that you're able to share, maybe a childhood favorite with your kids, and then from that you can unpack.
• 9:50
  Christie: Family stories and your experiences as a kid and I think inside jokes are a huge thing to maximize your time.
• 9:58
  Christie: So that's just one act of 10 minutes before bed of reading Yes.
• 10:01
  Christie: And like you just said, just a little bit of time.
• 10:04
  Cheryl: And I mean, anyone who can say, you know, I remember reading with my parents, Mm-hmm.
• 10:10
  Cheryl: And I agree with you that reading and the sharing of books, and then for us and our family, it's become a generational thing.
• 10:17
  Cheryl: Because I remember lying across the bed when I was.
• 10:21
  Cheryl: Really little lying across the bed and my mother reading to me.
• 10:24
  Mm.
• 10:25
  Cheryl: And I fell in love with books.
• 10:27
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:27
  Cheryl: And then doing the same with my children, and then reading some of the same stories or even some of the poems that my mom read to me.
• 10:36
  Cheryl: And okay.
• 10:38
  Cheryl: It's a little thing, there's a Robert Lewis, Stevenson poem, uh, called The Swing.
• 10:43
  Cheryl: And.
• 10:44
  Cheryl: My mother read it to me.
• 10:45
  Cheryl: And then anytime she pushed me in a swing, she would say the poem to me, wow.
• 10:50
  Cheryl: Oh, I like to go up in a swing, up in the air, sub blue.
• 10:53
  Cheryl: So I heard that all my childhood Then I did it to my children and now it's really fun.
• 10:57
  Cheryl: That's precious because now it's happening to my grandchildren.
• 11:00
  Cheryl: Oh my goodness.
• 11:02
  Cheryl: Also I say to my grandchildren, oh, I remember doing this with your mom, and I remember doing this with my mom! It's a small thing.
• 11:10
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:10
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:11
  Cheryl: It doesn't have to be many hours.
• 11:13
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:14
  Cheryl: And it can reflect what's important to you.
• 11:16
  Cheryl: It could be something else like flowers, right.
• 11:19
  Cheryl: Or walks to go into nature.
• 11:22
  Cheryl: you have to have the bandwidth to be able to do it, to slow down so we can enjoy it together.
• 11:28
  Cheryl: Right.
• 11:29
  Cheryl: Whatever it is.
• 11:30
  Christie: Yeah,
• 11:30
  Cheryl: one of the things I used to say to my kids is, walk along with me while I'm doing this.
• 11:35
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:36
  Cheryl: Here, come here.
• 11:36
  Cheryl: You know, if I was doing a chore or.
• 11:39
  Cheryl: Laundry, whatever it was, something.
• 11:42
  Cheryl: Or particularly kitchen, because when you have a big family, you spend a lot of your time in the kitchen.
• 11:47
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:48
  Cheryl: And so I'm thinking even someone who works outside the home, you've got to do the meals and so.
• 11:55
  Cheryl: You could say, here, join me, help me.
• 11:58
  Cheryl: And you simplify your food so you can maximize your time together, right?
• 12:03
  Cheryl: And go, Hey, let's fix this together.
• 12:06
  Cheryl: And then you're having conversation while you're doing the work.
• 12:09
  Cheryl: You're multitasking.
• 12:10
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:11
  Cheryl: Like you said, but multitasking with a purpose, not just to do the chores and the food, right.
• 12:17
  Cheryl: And talking about food.
• 12:19
  Cheryl: One of the things consistently that studies show is impacting to your children, is the family meal together.
• 12:26
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:26
  Cheryl: And we know.
• 12:28
  Cheryl: It doesn't have to be like fancy or extraordinary.
• 12:30
  Cheryl: That's not a reality in everybody's life.
• 12:33
  Cheryl: But the experts do say, do what you can.
• 12:36
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:36
  Cheryl: And make it intentional, that counts as well,'cause it's the connectivity, that we're sharing
• 12:42
  Christie: this together.
• 12:43
  Christie: Right.
• 12:43
  Christie: I heard someone on talking on that and they said, I wish I could remember where it was, but they said It something about being in a circle with food.
• 12:51
  Christie: It doesn't have to be good food.
• 12:53
  Christie: It doesn't have to be nutritious food.
• 12:54
  Christie: Love.
• 12:54
  Christie: I love, it's just being in a circle with food is such a unifying experience.
• 12:59
  Christie: And I mean, I have so many like you.
• 13:02
  Christie: The memories that I have that are meaningful for my childhood are the ones that were done repetitiously.
• 13:09
  Christie: Yeah.
• 13:09
  Christie: And typically around food.
• 13:11
  Christie: I mean, I remember for a season my grandpa was taking me to school and my grandma would pick me up.
• 13:17
  Christie: And my grandpa would take me to this one place for a quick drive through breakfast, and my grandma would take me and my brother for a donut afterwards.
• 13:24
  Cheryl: I love that
• 13:24
  Christie: So these aren't good nutritional choices, but I had such meaningful connection with them through these things that.
• 13:32
  Christie: Maybe they were indulgent and unhealthy.
• 13:34
  Christie: The meaning of the relationship outweighs those downsides in tenfold!
• 13:38
  Cheryl: Absolutely.
• 13:39
  Christie: and that's what we're talking about here, that whatever your circumstances.
• 13:44
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 13:44
  Christie: Because someone who could have a gourmet meal that's a hundred percent nutritious and all of that, if they're not connecting Right.
• 13:54
  Cheryl: And I like the term.
• 13:56
  Cheryl: Being very present.
• 13:57
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 13:58
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 13:58
  Cheryl: And I'm still feeling the weight here of this mom, who isn't at home all the time they would like to be with their children.
• 14:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:07
  Cheryl: And so there's a lot of limitations.
• 14:10
  Cheryl: In time and resources, I have a friend who became a single mom when her children were a little bit older but I saw her so thoughtful About meals and she wasn't able to do.
• 14:25
  Cheryl: Beautiful layout of all the food she had time previously to spend more time doing the meals.
• 14:32
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:32
  Cheryl: But she did it so that they did have certain times, they had that wonderful memory together and each meal, she would look at'em and talk about their days even just a little bit before they had to go their separate ways.
• 14:45
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:46
  Christie: Yeah find little, traditions that you can attach to either your drive time or your meal time.
• 14:52
  Christie: We have, you know, always done, we call it favorite part.
• 14:56
  Christie: I think it's the same as like high low people do high low at their dinner table and we, I don't know why, how we started calling it favorite part, but we would just say our high and our low for the day.
• 15:05
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 15:06
  Christie: And it's funny now that our kids are not at our dinner table.
• 15:09
  Christie: My husband and I'll still occasionally wanna miss the say, favorite part.
• 15:12
  Christie: You know, throw it out there as an option and, uh, for conversation because it just become a part of the fabric of our family.
• 15:19
  Christie: And so when everyone is back around, we have grown adults wanting to do the same thing they did when they were three years old at the dinner table.
• 15:26
  Christie: And I just think there's magic in that.
• 15:29
  Cheryl: Absolutely! And, and I know one.
• 15:31
  Cheryl: Woman.
• 15:32
  Cheryl: She was a single mom, but stretched really far.
• 15:36
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 15:37
  Cheryl: And there was something that, she made a tradition, actually she had certain things she would pick up at Trader Joe's, and so there was some treat mm-hmm.
• 15:44
  Cheryl: and it wasn't fancy and it wasn't expensive, but, every time she, would always pick it up at Trader Joe's.
• 15:49
  Cheryl: Right.
• 15:50
  Cheryl: And then her kids go, oh, trader Joe's bag.
• 15:52
  Cheryl: Oh, mom.
• 15:53
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 15:53
  Cheryl: I love it.
• 15:53
  Cheryl: And just again, the intentionality of connection and shared memories.
• 15:57
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:58
  Cheryl: Like driving in the car, like someone who has to drive their kids places, and that's like quality time of the day we're in the car together.
• 16:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:07
  Cheryl: You know, you could create a culture the way you wanted to be in the car like your grandparents did.
• 16:13
  Christie: right?
• 16:14
  Christie: Yeah.
• 16:14
  Christie: If you've got a 15 minute drive, that's time to listen to a book or say a prayer or ask about their day.
• 16:22
  Christie: That, that's really invaluable time.
• 16:24
  Christie: You've got a captive audience.
• 16:25
  Cheryl: We're running out of time, but one of the things that we haven't focused on that I think takes away from quality time is our devices.
• 16:35
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 16:36
  Cheryl: You know?
• 16:36
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:37
  Cheryl: The problem is I don't think that it qualifies very much as quality time.
• 16:42
  Cheryl: If we're looking at our phone.
• 16:43
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:43
  Cheryl: And you know, we know there are a million studies about it.
• 16:47
  Cheryl: and.
• 16:47
  Cheryl: Our children don't know what we're doing.
• 16:50
  Cheryl: That's really quality on our phone.
• 16:52
  Christie: Right.
• 16:53
  Christie: They
• 16:53
  Cheryl: just know we're not looking and talking and connecting with them.
• 16:56
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:57
  Cheryl: If we're on our phone.
• 16:58
  Christie: Yeah.
• 16:58
  Christie: Yeah.
• 16:58
  Christie: You could be doing the most honorable thing, you know, or making a grocery list for you, or I'm, you know, scheduling a hair appointment for you.
• 17:07
  Christie: Yeah.
• 17:07
  Christie: You feel like I'm doing the things for my kids, but they don't see that.
• 17:11
  Christie: They just see the other side of our phone case.
• 17:14
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 17:14
  Cheryl: And that's all ages.
• 17:16
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:16
  Cheryl: Little ones all the way up to our grown ones.
• 17:19
  Cheryl: And if I were going to encourage our listeners, I would say when you have time with your children.
• 17:25
  Cheryl: pay attention to how you use devices.
• 17:27
  right.
• 17:28
  Cheryl: And it can be like at dinner, oh, we always put our devices.
• 17:30
  Cheryl: in the basket.
• 17:31
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:32
  Cheryl: Well that means the parents too.
• 17:33
  Right.
• 17:33
  Cheryl: we only have so many hours, you know.
• 17:36
  Christie: You know, save those things for after bedtime or your lunch hour.
• 17:39
  Christie: Yeah.
• 17:39
  Christie: Or yeah, and just maximize the time you are home
• 17:42
  Cheryl: It is that time?
• 17:43
  Cheryl: budget.
• 17:44
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:44
  Cheryl: And the problem is, particularly like with watches or phones, it's become so enmeshed with everything we do.
• 17:53
  Cheryl: It takes so much to say, I am not gonna do that Right.
• 17:57
  Cheryl: When I'm focusing on my kids.
• 17:58
  Christie: Yeah.
• 17:59
  Christie: That's great encouragement.
• 18:01
  Christie: Um, I, I just wanna say too, that if this mom's asking this question, she's probably doing better than she thinks she is.
• 18:09
  Cheryl: Absolutely.
• 18:10
  Christie: She's probably got a lot of wins in her belt that she's not recognizing or feeling mm-hmm.
• 18:14
  Christie: In the moment of, you know, that.
• 18:16
  Christie: And it may be that.
• 18:17
  Christie: A lot of the mom guilt she's feeling is the same mom guilt that a lot of people are feeling.
• 18:23
  Christie: Yeah.
• 18:23
  Christie: Even in different circumstances.
• 18:24
  Christie: Um, I, I think back to when we talked about the good enough mom.
• 18:29
  Christie: Yeah.
• 18:30
  Christie: Yes.
• 18:30
  Christie: You know, it's, it's like we're, if you're doing all the things and you're giving all of yourself, you're probably doing enough.
• 18:36
  Christie: I also was thinking about when my husband worked a job where he was gone.
• 18:40
  Christie: Seven days of a week.
• 18:42
  Christie: Yes.
• 18:42
  Christie: And he was gone for seven days and then he was home for a week.
• 18:44
  Christie: But, he struggled with guilt with that because he would be gone.
• 18:48
  Christie: So much of our girls' lives and, and that includes holidays, birthdays, he missed a lot of things.
• 18:54
  Christie: But now as they're adults, they have told me over and over my husband too, that they do not remember which holidays he was there for and which ones he wasn't there for.
• 19:03
  Christie: They just remember.
• 19:04
  Christie: Christmases in general, or birthdays in general, and he's part of those memories.
• 19:11
  Christie: Wow.
• 19:11
  Christie: And so I just offer that to this mom of Yeah, you may not have gotten it right a hundred percent of the time.
• 19:16
  Christie: Maybe not every dinner is together.
• 19:18
  Christie: Nobody.
• 19:18
  Christie: Yes.
• 19:19
  Christie: But the cumulative memories are, building over the years and.
• 19:24
  Cheryl: It's being very present.
• 19:26
  Mm-hmm.
• 19:27
  Cheryl: You know, when you only have a certain amount of time, let's enjoy it.
• 19:31
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:32
  Cheryl: Let's invest it.
• 19:33
  Cheryl: Whatever it is, let's invest that time and keep within our bandwidth and.
• 19:40
  Cheryl: The whole big thing is you have to have your priorities so that I can invest what I have in this.
• 19:45
  Mm-hmm.
• 19:46
  Cheryl: Whatever that season is.
• 19:47
  Cheryl: Right.
• 19:48
  Cheryl: 'cause there isn't an ever, I got this right and I did it all right.
• 19:52
  Cheryl: No, we don't want that goal.
• 19:53
  Cheryl: mm-hmm.
• 19:54
  Cheryl: We want to invest what we have for their joy and for our big heart that we have for our kids.
• 20:01
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:01
  Cheryl: Hey.
• 20:02
  Cheryl: Thank you so much.
• 20:03
  Cheryl: Glad to be here.
• 20:05
  Cheryl: Parents, remember, hang in there.
• 20:08
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
• 20:14
  Speaker 5: Maybe your days really are that full right now.
• 20:19
  Speaker 5: Some of it you chose, some of it you didn't, and much of it simply has to be done So take a fresh look at the time you have.
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: Is there one place you could use it a little differently?
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: One thing you would want to make room for?
• 20:41
  Speaker 5: Then give yourself to that and enjoy it, instead of letting everything else you couldn't do follow you into it.
• 20:53
  Speaker 5: We'd love to hear what you're working through in your family.
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: Write to us at contact@theparentingpodcast.com.
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: Thanks for spending some of your time with us.
• 21:06
  Speaker 5: We'll meet you back here next time.