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Stress Relief Secrets: How Breath Work & Mindfulness Unlock Peak Performance · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:24
  Welcome back to the harder life podcast. My friends today, Rubina Chauda is a trailblazing mindfulness, creative leader, trauma informed educator and the visionary CEO of inner design with a fusion of breathwork, human design and artistic expression. She helps high performing professionals, artists and students reset stress, rediscover their inner rhythm and access their highest potential. Who doesn't need the hat?
• 0:51
  A lifelong creative and spiritual seeker, Rubina brings over a decade of experience weaving together yogic wisdom, mindfulness-based education, and fine arts to awaken clarity and ignite purposeful self-expression. She's worked with executives, educators, creatives, and nonprofits alike to foster embodied leadership, emotional intelligence, and transformation from the inside out. Okay.
• 1:16
  Welcome, my new friend. I am so excited to share you because we all need these practices. Thanks, Kelly. Thanks for having me here. I love hearing about your talks on mindset and I feel very aligned to it. You know, to me, I feel like it's more than performance or goal. I think that's what the difference for me in my business with inner design is
• 1:40
  We always look at life as like we're product oriented, right? Or outcome oriented. And for me, it's about the process. So I'm happy to be here and share that process with you. Awesome. I love your smile. So let's jump right into it and just say, what does inner design really mean? And how do we access ours? I created inner design to support people who are ready to stop just surviving and start living. And we access it with tools.
• 2:06
  that help all of us. We all need regulation of our nervous system, realigning with our purpose, rediscovering our natural rhythm. Actually, we knew this when we were born. We've just kind of been maybe bumped around in life and we've gone astray away from that and just kind of taking that U-turn back in. I didn't go astray, I went amok.
• 2:29
  I had a lot of fun. No, you know, some people, and I would think that a lot of my listeners will resonate with this, is some of us never know that this even exists. So that's why I wanted you to have me on the show today, because I went 40 years.
• 2:44
  thinking that this was woo woo. And then now I've fully adapted it and went, what in the world was I thinking going down the other path? So if someone like me who's hardheaded Neanderthal, a striving businessman running full throttle, what's three things that they should do to try to get in to their inner peace?
• 3:08
  Okay, so three things. I'll try my best. I kind of have a lot of different things, but I'll say one thing. We're going to touch on a lot of them too. I'll say one thing. You definitely touched on that. You know, we're never taught how to manage our mental health, our emotional state, mastering your emotions like you talk about.
• 3:25
  transforming your, I mean, nobody's really told even that breath links directly to our emotions. We're never taught to breathe properly. You can see it in newborns. Like I said, we see the belly rising and falling. At some point we've learned, suck it in, smile, hold it up. Like, you know, the tense core that shows like you were being efficient. And then we have been disconnected from ourselves through that. And so I think mastering your emotions, having like you talk
• 3:54
  It transforms how you handle stress. And then meditation, I'm just going to go off on this tangent because I've been reading about
• 4:02
  how it enhances the telomeres on your, the brain, right? So your chromosomes at the end, like they're shortened with age and with stress. They shorten the telomeres and that creates, you know, aging problems and just aging in general. And then they show meditation actually enhances that. So, you know, people are younger, who doesn't want this like secret fountain of youth?
• 4:26
  You go into creativity a lot. That comes up a lot. So when you say creativity, what specifically do you mean? Like when I think creative, I think like making something. But I know I got that wrong. So for, again, us thick-headed jocks, what would creativity mean for me?
• 4:43
  The great question, creativity. We link it to like an artist or maker, right? That's just because our society is so outcome and product driven. But creativity is really process oriented. It's in the sense of a creative expression. We all are creative. How we get up and do simple things in our life, maybe how you get to your kitchen and make coffee is a certain way
• 5:09
  And you're accessing something in your system to do that creatively. Every problem solving, every moment when you're driving, when you're thinking, oh, if I need to go here, I should go there. We're accessing the part that is creativity in our system. I think of it as, and like you speak a lot of times, decision making.
• 5:26
  It's all creative. And so we don't feel free because we are trying to be fixed on the outcome. And if we just kind of let go and go with the creative flow of things, we feel a lot more free. And I think that meditation is just linked with that mindfulness, breathwork, all of that helps us access that creative side, which makes us feel happy and joyful. Just like little kids, they're drawing in the sand or making sandcastles. It can be completely nothing. It's gone the next moment.
• 5:54
  It's just really that moment of feeling free. So I feel like creativity is freedom. I was thinking about that this morning. I was working out at the gym and I was like, I don't, a lot of times you'll hear me say, I don't feel like I'm creative. But that definition really does make certain that we all truly are creative. And I'm creative in a way that you said in the way that I get things done, but it's more of how I just never literally, I won't give up. Yeah.
• 6:24
  I'm so, and that's creative. It's, I am so hardheaded that people are like, oh, the breakthrough comes just before you're about to give up. And I sit there and I have my conversation with God. I'm like, yeah, you know, I'm not going to give up. So that's, it's my breakthrough is just going to come or else I'm going to die. Well, I'm going to die, but I'm going to keep going. Giving up isn't even an option for me. So that's my creative. And I thought about that this morning because you were coming on.
• 6:49
  Yeah, you know, you've heard that where they say you design your life by either by default or you actually design it. So I think every step when you make choices, like when you work out, why do you work out a certain way? Or what are you doing? Or you make the plan and you execute it.
• 7:03
  All of that is creativity. And you're right. We all are going to be gone eventually. Why not make this journey pleasant with ease, with grace, with flow? We're looking for that, right? And we're trying to find something out there. And all along, it's something that's actually with us already. I like to say that. We walk around. It's like literally under our nose. Our breath is there to help us access that all the time.
• 7:30
  So you talk about a lot of mindfulness as a concept. It's, you know, some of my listeners will say, well, that's just woo-woo stuff. How is it a concept versus an embodied experience? So take it to the next level for the listeners.
• 7:46
  Yes, mindfulness. Absolutely. It's so interesting that that word is like mindful, like you kind of like, am I wanting my mind more full? I feel already full. Right. But mindfulness is, is completely an embodiment. And I feel it's a practice.
• 8:03
  So just like you can go to the gym and you can work out and you can get better health, you can do this. You need to exercise it and put in practices. I know you also focus on having certain kinds of habits. And I really think of it as a practice. When you watch a sports team go out there, whatever it might be, I'm not a sports person, so I usually mix up, you know, is basketball, are they where they get a goal, you know, like that kind of stuff. But when a team goes out.
• 8:29
  They are performing at that moment when you're watching the game. But what's led up to it is all the practice. And so I think mindfulness is the practice that we have all the time. And then when we're in the moment of stress or execution or whatever, that's really when it comes down to that performance, right? Like, are we able to pull through if it's at work or whatever it might be?
• 8:50
  And do we have some part of our own essence, our own whatever we've been building, right? This relaxation, all of these skills, do they come in naturally? And I think it does take building a practice.
• 9:03
  You reminded me of the old saying, practice makes the master. But even in a master, you've got to continue to practice or you'll lose it. I go all the way through to a doctor. If you think about it, it's a doctor's practice. It is a dental practice. Nobody did they ever say, and God, I hope I'm going to a doctor that's an expert, but
• 9:24
  Everything in this world is a practice. And if you forget to practice and you forget to have fun while practicing, that's where you lose yourself. And I wake up every morning and I remind myself that this is supposed to be fun. Even the hardships are supposed to be fun. Because I believe you don't hit hardships, you're probably not doing anything.
• 9:44
  Absolutely. I think that life is definitely, we all know, it's full of ups and downs. And it's really what happens when we're down. It's what we're doing that really makes those differences in our life. You know, how...
• 9:59
  Not that it's a competition, not how fast or clear or whatever it is you get through, but like how smoothly. And I love that you have that resilience. And I think a lot of people look at my life, too, and feel, oh, you've been so resilient. What do you do? And I'm like, that's exactly what I do. I keep practicing. I keep getting up and going, well, I'm still here. There must be some reason. There must be something I can do about it or make my life better or make other people's lives better and aligned for them.
• 10:28
  That's beautiful. I was giggling this morning about resilience to myself. I talk to myself a lot. And I don't know that it's resilience as much as it's just batshit crazy. Like I just – and then I said, well, I better call that committed. But then I think of committed. Are you – am I committed like –
• 10:44
  I'm going to do this or do I need to be committed because I'm insane? I just giggle like that. When I'm having a conversation like that with myself, I'm having fun. So to the listeners, it's supposed to be fun, man. We're all going to die. I hate to say that to you, but memento mori, we're all going to die. So why not have fun? Marry the process. Divorce the outcome. Laugh.
• 11:08
  And we're going to go, you know, Rubina says to be creative. We do a lot about mindfulness, but the breath work, I've been doing more and more and more breath work. I went to a retreat with a bunch of absolute assassins down in North Carolina. And a man came that was, that does breath work for a lot of professional athletes. And he made us do a bunch of breathing techniques. And I picked up the box breathing, breathe in for four seconds, hold for four, breathe out for four seconds, hold for four. And I've noticed that when I get out of alignment,
• 11:38
  or anxious, or anything that nothing else will work, that works. So explain to me how that acts as the gateway to emotional healing. So you're accessing your nervous system. You're putting yourself into rest. In fact, I love box breathing. I have it on the back of my case. I have a little sticker. It's a little tactile sticker. I forgot. I think it's called the comp strips, but just to remind me and to remind others when they see me, they're like, oh yeah,
• 12:05
  you reminded me to breathe, you know, because even though this is what like my all my teachings revolve around, there are things that kind of knock us off, you know, our path. And what what's happening is, you know, that in mindfulness, we call it that window of tolerance, and it gets narrow, as we get stressed, and we go into either like,
• 12:25
  hypo arousament, hyper arousament, hypo arousament, just like I want to sit on the sofa and eat potato chips and watch Netflix or hyper of like, oh my God, I got to do something. There's something that's making me panic, right? So coming back into that and expanding that window of tolerance really is what we're talking about with your parasympathetic and your sympathetic nervous system. And the breath work will help you to access that parasympathetic. We are not
• 12:51
  running from tigers anymore. We're not living in those caves that like you talked about, right? We all are cave people at the essence in our survival, but we could just be on the freeway and someone like honks at us. And all of a sudden we're like, oh my God, run the saber tooth, right? It's not the saber tooth and we're okay. And there's other stresses, right? That are happening that we may not have been attuned to that constant droning of stress that your boss is like, get this done, get this done.
• 13:17
  it's not the like, I'm going to die if I don't do it, but it is, you know, affecting our nervous system. And so when we go into this breath work, we're telling our nervous system, our body and our brain, we're okay, you can digest that food in there. Now we're not trying to survive. And then get everything online, right? We've gotten offline a little. So just kind of reassessing your body, get yourself back on track, the nervous system, the brain chemistry, they all respond when we stop
• 13:46
  We let go of like needing to just be brilliant constantly and just breathe. We can actually arrive at something maybe, you know, ironically brilliant. Your voice has this, this calming effect for you. And this is what keeps coming into my ears is it's not a nervous system. Mine is a calming system. I live peaceful life. I mean, I can call it my peaceful system. I don't know. I just nervous has a negative connotation. Like, yeah.
• 14:15
  I don't think I'm ever nervous and I'm never anxious. I'm just, I'm in fifth gear going. That's it. I use so many daily rituals and habits that all of my listeners have heard over and over and over again. But let's get into the nitty gritty about you. Can you help our listeners understand whether there was a moment where a client had a breakthrough during your work so they can understand what you mean by...
• 14:40
  all these different creative, breathe, mindfulness. Yeah. Yeah. I have a lot of examples. I was teaching a workshop recently. One of the participants, you know, I'm sitting there and I happen to be in person. Sometimes they're virtual, but I happen to be in person. And I, I just get this sense, you know, one of the people, she's not closing her eyes during the meditation. She's kind of like fidgeting in her chair and I'm trying to hold, you know, my own
• 15:05
  Just being peaceful, like you said, just keeping that calm tone, talking them through the meditation. And it's short. It's like a five to 10 minute meditation. And finally, it's over. I can tell she's just like, oh, my God, get me out of here. Right. Then we go for an art experience with sometimes that can be intimidating for people. You put a journal and a pen, nice drawing pen in front of you. Like, oh, my God, I'm supposed to perform this now. I'm great. I'm horrible at sketching, by the way. I'm horrible at sketching. So I always give that example. We're not going to create our masterpiece.
• 15:33
  It's just about process. I promise I won't even look at your stuff. It's just go through the process, right? Sometimes it's just journaling if you don't feel comfortable to draw. So then we go into this art experience and I'm talking them through, you know, just being mindful of your hand, the movement across the paper. It's a doodling experience, right? It's nothing.
• 15:52
  And at the end of it, she looks up and she comes up to me and she's like, I could not for the life of me close my eyes and relax, meditate. But as soon as I got that, you know, paintbrush in my hand and I was around the journal and she's like, I felt so free. I felt I reminded me of being a child where it didn't matter what I was doing. I was just.
• 16:14
  in the flow. And that's what it is. It's just that sometimes you can access it this way. And sometimes it's the other way around or whatever it is, just another tool, just like the breath or, you know, running, right? I'm a runner. I think running is one of the most meditative things. And the breath work, like when I'm on my, I've done marathon, when I'm on mile like eight or nine,
• 16:36
  I can hear my breath so loud and it's like the rhythm gets me on track and there's no thoughts, right? Except am I going to get to. At 25 miles. You had me at everything, but, but marathon. I, I have a lot of friends, my dear friend, Craig Siegel is a marathoner and you know, and you hear all these guys like you to push yourself and you see Goggins and
• 17:04
  And I thought, is that something I want to take on? And every time it's like a loud voice in the back of my head, no. I will lift the corner of building. I don't want to run around it. It does not even sound like fun in the harder than life way. So how many marathons have you done?
• 17:22
  I've done a couple to three, but it's been a while. I haven't at this point. I love sprinting. I'll run on a treadmill just because the impact is a little bit less. And I have one of those great flex like wood treadmills. But I love getting old. So we got to be able to, you know, yeah, yeah. You and I are the same age, I think. No, no way.
• 17:48
  Yeah. I was born in 76. Yeah. Oh, I was born in 75. Wow. So if anybody's watching this, they should watch this on YouTube. She's, yeah. Okay, let's stop. What are you doing for skincare? Because you don't look 50.
• 18:02
  I'm 49, so I will be 50 in the middle of next year. This is what it is. This is why I was saying, like, you know, I'm hearing about this, reading this about the telomers. Like, in your brain, they actually are anti-aging. Meditation is actually anti-aging. Really? I didn't know that. I just live a healthy yoga, breath work. Meditation is part of my lifestyle. I mean, I had my partying in my 20s.
• 18:30
  Like I thought you were in your thirties. And when I said that comment, I'm like, oh my goodness, she's going to yell at me for making fun of her. And then, so guys, okay. Creativity, breathing, mindfulness. I'm a believer after looking at how young she looks. Thank you. Talk to me about the listeners about how, what's the most common block that you see with most of the high achievers like me and you.
• 18:56
  Yeah. So I, you know, I think we are in this culture of like peak productivity and people don't believe that I'm aligned with that. Like,
• 19:06
  But the difference is we're always talking about doing more output efficiency, the language of the rat race. Right. And then you hear people like me, like be mindful. It seems like the soft, calming opposite thing. But how do you how do you manage this? It seems like sometimes be mindful is another thing to check off your list. It's not another thing to just kind of check off the list. Right. So.
• 19:30
  That meditation and true stillness, I think, is different. It's not about doing more or thinking better. It's about not needing to think for just a moment or just these small segments, right? Little and often, they talk about in mindfulness, little and often. Practice it little and often. You know, I'm at the red light. Oh, I don't have to think about anything right now. I can just...
• 19:52
  Relax, I can feel like, oh, my shoulders soften, even my jaw, maybe, you know, just dropping into that relaxed state, whether through actively through breath work, meditation, giving ourselves a real pause, something starts to shift, the brain stops trying to fix to plan to analyze. And instead, it starts connecting. And then when we're in that connection, there's that creativity, again, it comes alive, not in the hustle, but that space in between thoughts, right? That quiet isn't empty.
• 20:22
  it's actually full of signals that we usually miss, our memory, our emotion, intuition, all of it starts to surface in this like raw, unfiltered form. And, you know, I call this listening. Some people call it like hopping into the subconscious or like anything, woo, right? I just, you know, it's just about the pause, listen, just take that little bit of space. So what you're saying is,
• 20:50
  what us high achievers have is we don't, we're trying to do too much. We don't calm. We don't relax. We don't relax. We're always thinking. That's what you're saying. You know, that's the number one. You just nailed it. It's the number one. If you told me one thing that I've benefited from since I've gone down my heart of the life journey, that's probably it. I have lots of moments of what I would term like brainlessness where I just, I'm okay with,
• 21:18
  being still, being silent, and being alone, solitude. And in those moments, thinking nothing and doing nothing is –
• 21:29
  freeing to me before i did all this there wasn't a moment in the day ever that my mind wasn't racing so you she's spot on in this guy so if you want true and ultimate peace and you go kelly how the heck does that give peace think of it as like a high performance engine running 24 7 when you think it's gonna feel it's gonna rest when you shut it off for a second it
• 21:52
  Nothing can run 24 seven, three 65. It will break. So you give yourself multiple mindfulness breaks during the day. And I do a lot of them. And I, and I thought you were going to go down this one, Rubina, where you're going to say to do more, do less because it's much easier to take things away, subtract the negative, then to add positive. It's just easier. Get rid of the noise and,
• 22:19
  out of your life and noise can be scrolling. It could be being with negative friends. It could be drinking. It could be just watching TV. It could be listening to music. Whatever isn't moving you towards your goal, eliminate just some of it, not everything, just some of that. It's much easier than going, well, I'm going to run a marathon today. Much easier to take away than to add. What is your thoughts on that? Yes. Yes.
• 22:46
  And I would also add, sometimes we can't, we feel, you know, we're tied between whatever it is, our responsibilities, duties, or expectations around. And it's okay to also have that thoughts racing. But in that, if we practice, right, enough mindfulness and meditation, and we have this practice, sometimes in that you can find a little gap where you're just like, wow, look at my mind. It's racing. And guess what happens? Yeah.
• 23:13
  pause. Like the mind, even if it keeps racing, you're kind of like, you know, when we were kids laying on the lawn and looking up at the clouds floating by, you can find that little moment of peace, of rejuvenation, of energy. And guess what creates everything that we're doing, right? That energy being just, you know, getting that little access point. So I keep coming back to...
• 23:40
  the link between spiritual practice and peak performance. What we were just talking about is self-awareness and self talking, but how, where's the link between the spiritual part of this and the peak performance? Because everybody, everybody, all our listeners,
• 23:57
  want to achieve massively, want to grow, grow, grow. And all we've talked about was the easy, calm, soft. So, okay, if someone's listening and going, okay, all right, I'll do it. What's the link between them and why?
• 24:14
  You can call it spiritual, sure. You know, I don't think it's contradictory that the peak performance or any performance will just call, I like to call it creative performance. It sounds less intense, right? Sounds like this might be fun. It's not contradictory. Stillness is the source, you know. And it's not that we become creative because we're trying to be creative or we become
• 24:40
  peak performers because we're trying it. We finally can't get quiet enough and hear what's already inside of us, right? We all have talents. We have skills. We're expressing them. High performers are expressing who they are naturally. And we're all drawn to that. Like, wow, look at them. They're doing it so great. I want to do that too.
• 25:02
  We have something inside of ourselves. It's our own uniqueness. Instead of running after what that looks like out there, if we just turn face inward, go to that stillness, we will have access to whatever it is. It's trying to create itself in our life. It's creating our own path.
• 25:19
  You know, I know that what you're saying is true, and I'll make this relatable to the audience, is that our own uniqueness. If you don't think that you're unique, go to the police station and get your thumbprint done. That means that God took the time to make each and every one of us unique. So if I got a unique thumbprint, there's more uniqueness in me that I want to find out. So explore that. And that's really what we're talking about here. But I'm still struggling, me, which would probably mean some of the listeners are struggling with creativity.
• 25:49
  What's the first step someone can take today to reconnect to their creativity? And especially if there's someone like me that's still struggling with what that means. Creativity, if you just stop and look, how do you make your choices? How do you make your decisions? What's coming, I guess, if you want to call it like energetically, understanding energetics, it's not a vague or woo-woo concept. It's scientific. It's not a belief.
• 26:16
  Right. So energetically, who are you? How do you choose things? How do you make your decisions? You know, we all have those shower moments for like these great ideas come in our head.
• 26:27
  something is calling through. We may not be inventors or we may not feel like, right? But there's that experience. It's across the board. Anyone can have that. So just when you have those, you understand like, oh, there's something I have access to. I'm not saying write it down, go out there and create it. I'm saying there's something in you that's speaking, and it might come out in simple ways of how you make your decisions. How do you
• 26:54
  Go about your day. How do you prep your meals? How do you interact with people? How do you communicate? You know, those things are the creative aspects of our life. That is building our design. That is designing ourselves.
• 27:09
  You know, just as I said that, Rubina, I literally, you made me think of something. You said, don't write it down. And I pull out my phone. I look at my notes. And I start reading the notes that I make daily. And I'm like, oh, there's your creative. And you're going to start seeing a pattern. So I would say, I like to share exactly what I do with everybody. So I would say...
• 27:28
  If you're taking notes daily on whatever, I take notes on everything. Everything I see, if it spurs me and I feel something inside of me, I write it down and then something comes to me. But if you don't, then open your phone and make notes. And if you do, go in there and look for the common denominator. There's your creative. Now I can sit here and just see, mine is just helping people.
• 27:52
  Constantly. That's where I get creative. I want, I've gone through the mud and I want to prevent everyone else from ever having to go through the mud because that utopian world exists and I'll be the, the, the modeler and the inspiration for everybody. So I just, that just came to me. Sorry to hijack your, your, your conversation, but I'm like, Oh yeah, I guess I am creative.
• 28:13
  Yes, absolutely. That's exactly it. You see the patterns, what you're called to. Somebody may love journaling. Somebody likes, you know, doodling, like, you know, whatever it is. You're being too soft on people. This is harder than life. You're being too soft. Am I too soft? Doodling and breathing and just, you drop it off. Let's run a marathon. Yeah.
• 28:35
  You've taught breathwork to artists and CEOs. What's one thing they have in common that might surprise people? Artists are also pushing beyond what others believe their limitations are. And CEOs, that's what makes them CEOs. That's what makes them have their success. They're pushing beyond that, right? So if you want to talk about that.
• 28:58
  I'm using that word pushing, right? But also like, that's where I think some people think, oh my God, I'm barely surviving. How do I get to this point where I'm thriving or I'm succeeding or I'm pushing?
• 29:11
  And that's where the key is for me with inner design. When I coach and I create my programs, it's having people understand that. It's not like a huge push. You're right. This is harder than life. And yes, it's soft. It's a mix. It's a great mix. Kelly, what can I say? It sounds soft. Like mindfulness sounds soft, but I don't think they're contradictory to each other. I don't think there's a soft or a hard. It's just a track, right? The practice is get on your track,
• 29:40
  and go and do it this way that, you know, maybe everybody, you know, didn't think about before. Maybe you, it makes it seem like, let's put it this way, people look like they're successful and not everyone can get on that track of their same success, right? Everyone can get on their own individual track of creating, designing their life and finding this way and by mindfulness.
• 30:07
  Another thing that I do, Abina, I'm just sitting back here listening to you and you are making me have these creative downloads. One after another. You're not making me. You're inspiring me. So it's wild. I'm sitting here going, hmm, I have those moments where I think I'm not succeeding. And then I start thinking about measure the gain and not the gap. And I go, yeah.
• 30:28
  Look how far I've come. And I caught myself driving to my office this morning and I was literally crying, shedding a tear of gratitude because I kept thinking how I was years ago and how much more emotionally intelligent and intelligent.
• 30:45
  and how much full and peaceful I am. And I was driving to my office. I own a big IT company, and I'm excited to go to work. I don't dread going to work like, oh, what fire am I going to go put out today? Even if there is a fire, which there aren't many because everything is pretty much structured so well and has a process, I look forward to it because I know it's a growth opportunity.
• 31:09
  Yeah. It's if you do these things. So with 30 minutes into this, I know you and I did research on you and I jumped right into the thing. Why don't you spend a few minutes telling us your backstory? How did you get into all this? And who are you? You know, I think I was fortunate. I was born into a family that had the basis of spirituality. And so I had access to these tools pretty young.
• 31:36
  And there's always a searching or a yearning for it, I think, from my side. People ask me about my yoga journey, and I'm like, I was a self-taught yogi at 15, 16 years old. I was a creative, quiet, shy teenager.
• 31:53
  And, you know, everybody was out volunteering at hospitals and I was like, oh, no, I cannot be in it. Like, I cannot see blood or anything. So I was in a library where, you know, a nice, quiet, shy person could go sit and read. And I studied these books on labor. Very so interesting in L.A. there.
• 32:13
  I didn't have access to that. You know, it was like the early 90s. I didn't have access to yoga studios and things like that. So I was reading these 1970s black and white picture books of like yoga poses. And then taking I would take the book home and sit on my carpet and practice these. And it felt like it was coming home. There's something calling to me to do this.
• 32:31
  So I think that was always like I kept a pulse on that. What was intuitively pulling me in? I worked a really, really intense job. I went to commercial art school.
• 32:45
  In Pasadena, it's one of the world-renowned design schools called Art Center. We called it Boot Camp. And they really trained the creativity out of you. I mean, they trained you in the skills that made you the most successful. So I got out. And then being out here in LA, I worked in the entertainment industry for a decade. And I felt like- As doing breathwork and coaching? Yeah.
• 33:06
  No, doing art, doing art and creativity, doing graphic design, doing motion graphics. And what kept me sane was my yoga, my meditation, my practices, right? Because it was 14 to 17 hour days and it was intense. I loved it. It was very successful. I worked in some of the biggest studios and post-production houses. And I was like, here I am doing this. And there was a loss of something, you know.
• 33:31
  I would come home like sometimes 4am, sleep the eight hours minimum, and then go back to work. And I thought, what is this? You know, am I just a pair of hands? It's the director has the vision, the editors cut the scene. And I have access to some of this, but it's not really expression. It's like everyone telling you what to do. I started to find this dissatisfaction. And I thought, oh, goodness, I'll just go back to school. I'll do teaching. It's been in my family's, you know, they passed it down for generations. And so maybe that's what I'm really called to do. And I think
• 34:01
  I had a real transformation at that time, like coming away from the rat race and slowing down and being able to access like what it was to me, then having more time to really think about what was creativity and is it beyond just being, you know, in the design team, working in the design team. And that was my, my big transformation. It was like, Oh,
• 34:26
  this is something I need to teach. Like you can have access to that creative side with balance. You know, it's, it's all, it's, so now that's what I, I basically do. I have a lot of professional development programs for design agencies where, um,
• 34:41
  People are looking for something more and to still get that peak performance without burning out. Right. So this was kind of how it fell into place that way. And I also teach. I teach high school and early college education. And I teach creative experiences. I teach post-production and I teach it with mindfulness. I have great directors. They let me kind of, you know, work the curriculum.
• 35:06
  And the students ask for it. It's in my lesson plan. And sometimes I just dive into like, we're going to work on this today. And I'll have someone raise their hand like, Miss Rubina, you forgot to do mindfulness with us today. And so...
• 35:18
  you know, it's a big difference. I think back, you know, when we were growing up, nobody was doing this. It was like, work harder. Oh, you're getting trouble. You get in trouble. Yeah. And now we understand the value of good mental health, you know? And so it's, it's a balance. It's a balance. And I think it does give you more access to better performance. I've seen it. I have, you know, the studies show it.
• 35:44
  You keep sending me these energy flows and I just, I don't know what it is, it's peace. And I will tell you this much. What we keep saying is literally slow down, let the world catch up to you and let your real life catch up to you. We're all running in that life's rat race, we're running real fast. We might be running away from our calling. It's kind of what you're saying. And as I slow down,
• 36:10
  I, you know, and I did started this harder than life thing during the pandemic when we were all forced to slow down and be still and be alone. This is the funnest time I've ever had in my life. I'm enjoying every minute. So let's talk about your book. You have a book coming out, right? Yes, I'm working on a book. You're working. It's not it's not done yet.
• 36:30
  It's not done yet. I've been writing articles for a while now. And I kind of felt called to write this book with more techniques, with more of the understanding. And it's called Designing Yourself. And then SELF, kind of modifying maybe what it stands for S for stillness, E for energy, L for leadership flow, that kind of stuff. And so with more practical elements of
• 36:57
  what we can do to get on our path. And you said it. I think it was an amazing time when we all went into lockdown and our world was shifting. Everybody got this heightened awareness and really got a chance to find something. And I think you got your calling. I mean, I can tell when I listened to your talks that you feel really...
• 37:22
  call to help people and you feel energized and you are like following your passion. And I think everybody deserves that. And so I work with a lot of CEOs and professionals who are trying to shift from that survival mode. And they're like, what do I do? This is the identity that I was comfortable with, even though it's adversely affecting my nervous system or my personality or whatever it is. So having that shift and understanding that
• 37:47
  There's something calling through for you to be more of yourself, even if you stay in the same job, even if whatever it is that's happening in your life, stay in the same relationship or leave or whatever changes. You know, a lot of transitions that I've seen people come through just with these practices. Yeah. And I'm going to have to have you on. I'm going to have to call you and put you in my pocket because you keep giving me these things.
• 38:10
  inspirations of energy. I just realized that I do wanna help people. Well, up until this last week, I really would wear it heavy when I would help somebody and they wouldn't have a positive outcome. And I've really detached from the outcome and just keep going and realizing that everybody's on a different journey and I don't take it personal. Because I see people messing up, especially people that I'm coaching, and I'm like, what are you doing? And then I realized,
• 38:39
  Everybody's on their own journey. Everybody's on their own path. Everybody's figuring out their own way. I mean, I took to 43 years till I started doing it. You know, everybody's going to figure it out on their own. So again, patience, calmness, slow, don't take anything. We're not getting out of this thing alive. So in all the notes, we've mentioned a lot about creativity, breath work, but what's your relationship with failure now versus when you started this? Now, I want to say that because...
• 39:08
  I struggled with this mightily. Like if you called me a failure, I don't know that you could call me anything lower. Maybe a liar. I don't like being called a liar because I'm not. But failure, and then now my relationship with failure is like, man, if you're not failing, and really the only way you really fail is if you give up. But if you're not failing,
• 39:29
  hitting a wall, you're not stretching yourself. So failure to me is feedback, but give me the beautiful, energetic, and you're going to end up giving me a creative download. What's your relationship with failure now versus when you started this?
• 39:43
  probably neighbors with failure, the failure of following me around. I mean, I definitely am very familiar. People look at me now and they may not know all the things I've gone through. I've definitely bumped around in life. And I've come to terms with the fact that, you know, I went to a talk. This is maybe it was a big turning point. It was a TED talk and it was called The Beauty of the Fail. And I thought,
• 40:08
  what is this? Like draw on like, I felt like I had hip, you know, hypnotized like a cartoon. Like, Oh my God. I noticed that those things happen at the perfect moment.
• 40:19
  It was perfect timing. You're absolutely right. It was right before the pandemic. If you slow down. If you slow down. You can hear it. Life is talking to everyone. It's trying to live itself through you, right? Life is seeking to live through you. So I think that I have definitely, I closed down a business during the pandemic. It was what I thought was going to be my end all be all. And then I finally came through the other side and launched this business. And I thought this is really a sign like
• 40:46
  of all the things I was like, I think it's really just time for me to live what my passion, what I came here for. And it set that into motion. It kind of just catapulted me, but it was a really painful experience to close down. It was a family business that had been running for 40 years. So you can imagine the burden on my head, like,
• 41:03
  Oh my God. I'm the one who took it down. You know, that's too much stress. That's first of all, I, right. Immediately when you said that at a download this, so maybe, maybe people are, maybe God's speaking to me, just are speaking through me to speak to you. You know, I, just yesterday Gavin Newsom was on a podcast and he was answering questions from Joe Rogan. First of all,
• 41:24
  California might have been the only other place that was worse than Michigan. I'm in Michigan. So California, New York, Michigan were the three worst shutdowns. That was draconian measures that they did. So if you made it through, you must have been government-
• 41:40
  helped or funded because when he was asked questions on this podcast, he still to this day couldn't just say, man, we screwed up. He just said, oh, we did what we thought was right. I get at the beginning, but keep going. So tell, what was your business? My family has a daycare just in Los Angeles, in the heart of Los Angeles. Like I said, it was
• 42:01
  Almost four decades, three and like three quarters. You know, I killed it before. No, you didn't. Listen to me. I don't want you saying that. I'm going to. I know you're talking about it, but you didn't do it. I've made so much pain. You don't know why it happened? Because you're meant to do what you're doing now.
• 42:17
  That's exactly it. I've made so much peace. I actually feel so grateful. I would have been carrying that through the legacy for other people. But this is really my legacy for me and the others in my life. And so I feel grateful. So God gave you the gift and said, you would have never, ever stopped that because of the family business. There's people listening to that right now that have their parents pressure on them.
• 42:39
  Yeah. You better do this. I don't understand it. My parents didn't do anything for me, so I don't understand that. But I mean, let me rephrase that. I get it. It's hard. But I don't understand it. You know, I think that it would have been the life that was pretty from the outside. It would have looked good, but inside it would have probably eventually killed me. It was a lot of stress. I don't know. You don't have gray hair or a wrinkle on you, so I don't know about that.
• 43:03
  No filter and no makeup. Okay. I swear on those two things. No filter, no makeup. I realized, and I have this, and I use this in my coaching also, where I talk about, you know, sometimes you're hitting that rock bottom or you're going down and you can feel it. Life is just sucking at you and draining you. And as you start to think, I try to remind clients that.
• 43:26
  There is some beauty in rock bottom. Sometimes you just got to sit there. You know, now you can sit. You're as low as you can go. There ain't no way to go but up. But it's an opportunity to learn something, to look around. And that's what I really realized. Like every time I've hit the bottom of things in my life that, like you said, the failures, it's like, oh, this is information for me. Let me look around and gather this information. This is telling me something about me. Hmm.
• 43:52
  or the situation or whatever it is. And it always leads to that information down there always leads to the transformation as you rise back up. So it's an opportunity to fail. It's really, I mean, at this point, like you say, you know, at this point in our lives, we've had enough experiences. It's less scary than when we were in our 20s or even in our early 30s.
• 44:14
  That time it was like, oh my God, I can't fail. Now it's kind of like, oh, if this doesn't go so well, it'll give me a chance to see why and what's next. So I think I've become friends, good acquaintances with failure. And I'm just not so afraid of it. I know that there will be some beauty that will resolve or I'll be able to experience it or be able to see something differently. And that's important.
• 44:44
  It's humbling, I can tell you that much. I've been, and I know everybody that watches me, and I try to post on my stories, the not rosy pictures. I'm two years of grinding hard for the brand and the business. And you would think that I'm doing nothing. And it's frustrating, but like I said, when I started this, there's no way I'll quit. So I just keep grinding. But there are some days I wake up and I'm like,
• 45:12
  what am I doing? Let's just burn this down and start over. But it's like, no, it's the old pinata. You know, it's not the last kid that hit it. It's the cumulative of all the hits. And I keep hitting every single day. And there's certain days you're like, well, this sucks. You know, same issue. I have to lead a bunch of brilliant, genius, technical people. I tease them, I'm like, you guys aren't human.
• 45:40
  I can't sit here and tell them, you know, go to the gym. These guys would go in front of a computer and program for an entire weekend and just slam Coke zeros. And I'm like, what did you, what'd you guys do? Like we programmed this chat bot all weekend long. I'm like, I don't get that. I couldn't do that. But anyways, let's talk about stress. You've said it's a message, but what is that message usually trying to say to us?
• 46:05
  It's telling us about where we're not aligned. It's bringing us back to alignment.
• 46:11
  No, wait, stop right there for just a second. And I'm going to give you the chance to finish that. But when I hear alignment, I think it's something that you need to work on. But then I'm wrong. It's just that something not aligned doesn't need to be fixed. It just needs awareness. Take run with that with me. I know it's not to be fixed, but that's what my brain hears. When I'm out of alignment, when I'm in alignment, does that mean I got to fix it? Or does that mean I just got to love it?
• 46:37
  I would say breathe through it. You know, when you're, okay, so you love to work out for me. I love to run. Even if I'm just walking on a treadmill, I can feel that urge come up where I just like, I want to sprint. All of a sudden, when it happens, there's a level of stress that's happening in my body, right? It's that my heart starts racing. My breath is like, right? And then as soon as I can sink into the breath.
• 47:01
  And then I can feel the heart rate stabilize. It may still be a high heart rate. And sometimes that feels uncomfortable. You know, you feel that like I was going on a long walk with somebody and we were going uphill at some point. I was like, my heart going to jump out of my body or what? And then I just remember it stopped talking, just like...
• 47:20
  Take some of those deep breaths. That's the alignment. It's just that recognition of like, oh. No, no, no. Go deeper. What is this? Because people that don't breathe, that don't understand alignment, what are they supposed to do? Most people go and they grab a drink. They grab some weed. They call their friend. The one thing I would say if I was asked the same question, and this is probably asked it because I wanted to rant and rave because I just had another download. I get tremendously still. And I just say, what? What?
• 47:49
  And I have a conversation with God. Stephen's going to laugh at me, but because he's hearing me talk about God a lot lately. But I just get still and say, what are you trying to teach me right now? And I just sit there. And usually something calms over me. And you want to know why I do that, Ruben? It's because it's harder than hell for me. Because I want to go to the gym. I want to go to call a friend. I want to go do what everybody does because I don't want to feel that way.
• 48:18
  But I'm learning that that's a download from the universe, from God, from source, or it's that alignment saying, I want to get you back in alignment. What do you do besides run? Or what should the listeners do if they're feeling that? I do a lot of things, right? I do my breath work, meditation, yoga, all of that. But what I would say is I want to go back a couple steps you talked about. Most people will.
• 48:43
  reach for substance or something else, or they want to run away where it's coping, right? And we're all we all have coping techniques that come to us. None of them work good, or there can be not so great, right? So there's positive or negative coping techniques.
• 48:59
  but what are we coping from? Like just if we take that moment to stop and slow down and go a little deeper into our own thoughts of like, what am I trying to cope from? Is it like a rush to get out of the uncomfortable part? Why? That's what it is. That's where that slow down happens because why not? Why I'm in this uncomfortable place. Why don't we get out of here as fast as possible, right? And then we think that coping strategy is helping us where it's probably actually taking us.
• 49:27
  opposite direction, right? So you're right, it's the slowdown, it's just the pause, and taking a moment to rewire what we use to cope.
• 49:36
  I want to go back to something you just said. Sorry to interrupt. Yeah, no, no. You're speaking to the choir and that stuff. It's like do the thing that feels the most uncomfortable and you'll get a different result. Because if you do the comfortable thing, it's what you're used to and you're going to get the same results. That's crazy. You were talking about hitting rock bottom, which to me would be –
• 49:57
  would be like having a breakdown. But you've talked about that you believe every creative breakthrough is preceded by a breakdown. Is that what you were alluding to about...
• 50:09
  about hitting rock bottom? I agree with that. I don't think that it has to be necessarily, but I think it happens. Yeah. You know, naturally it probably happens. So the night is darkest just before dawn, people. If you have a breakdown, a breakthrough is coming right after it. No. You know what I've called that? I call that life's hills. The mountains. It's a life's roller coaster. You know, you're going to go down and the beauty part of it going down, you're going to come right back up. So know that...
• 50:37
  The duality of life, it's going to get better. It always does. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. What part of your work scares you the most and why do you keep doing it anyway?
• 50:48
  Oh, that part, you know, there, we all have our mind judging and saying little things. And my mind is like, why don't you go back to being a creative again, go work, do your creative work, work in expression. And that part, you know, the judging mind that's, that's chattering. I'm not against it. I don't know, maybe I will end up doing more creative work. I feel like that's where the book is coming in. I love writing. I've taken to a lot of creative writing. I teach creative writing.
• 51:16
  So I feel like that's maybe one of my expressions. But yeah, that's the part that scared me. Actually, getting creative. You talked about God and consciousness and universe, spirit. And I feel like creativity can be like burying your soul. A lot of people feel uncomfortable. Maybe there's that part of me that when I was younger and being creative meant a certain thing and then I had to kind of put it up on a wall to be...
• 51:43
  inspected and judged by other people that part um i've been starting to consciously make friends with it trying to kind of see what is this analyze myself a little bit and look into why why would i be afraid to create i've created a beautiful life for myself from a lot of rumble i can do this but there is that you know constantly back and forward that happens and i think it's very natural it's
• 52:06
  It's part of how our mind works. Our mind is judging and critiquing to keep us safe, right? That's what it's supposed to do. So you know how I know that you weren't meant to be running a daycare? Because when you talked about your work, your eyes lit up and your whole face and demeanor. And especially when I talked about being hard. So this is your life's thing, which is funny. I want to ask about...
• 52:32
  our life's natural rhythm. How can you tell when someone's in there, which I just teed up for you. You just said it. You just said it. The vibrance, the energy comes through. There's something pushing through that's pulsing up, you know, for people,
• 52:46
  And we all have it. And sometimes we've stuffed it down, like, you know, like in my example, but other people also, for a lot of reasons, as it doesn't seem practical, and it doesn't have to be your life purpose becomes your career. Also, you know, it's, there can be different things, but whatever it is, it's looking that's seeking to express itself from you. So that's why I use the word creativity, because creativity is an expression. It can be anything. We give it space, and we start to feel energized, we feel free, we feel, you know, exuberant.
• 53:15
  I mean, what are we doing if we're not living that way, right? I take it a step further and not only do you feel it, but you exude it. And I'm sitting here during this entire show like I've done almost 200 podcasts. I've never sat here and had so many breakthroughs and breakthroughs.
• 53:32
  creative breakthroughs in my life. So I wonder if there's some sort of energy, energy healing about you because I, you got me thinking and it's just not even thinking it's just pouring out of me. So this has been fun. This has been beautiful. I want to end it with a fun question, but if your breath had a color or texture, what would it be today? And what does it tell you about your state? You personally, this is all about you.
• 53:55
  Yes, I love, I do have visuals of color and texture. And so absolutely, it would be yellow and joyful and bright and full. That's what it would be.
• 54:06
  Okay, I'm going to disagree with you. I'm thinking it's blue and beautiful and calming and loving and kind. And I got to tell you, I've enjoyed this. I'm at such peace. I don't know what you did to me. Oh, thank you. You know what? I want to ask one last question. Yeah. Have you ever done any kind of – now, we're old. I don't want to get you in trouble. I know you're a teacher, so you can say I can't answer this. Have you ever done any kind of plant medicine to just open your mind even more?
• 54:37
  I love to answer that. I appreciate you asking. A lot of people will guess this about me, and I have not. I believe in a very, very clean and clear lifestyle. It's completely my principle. I'm not against the fact that people want to experience nirvana, we'll call it, right? They want an experience. They want a pill to access that, and they think that's a shortcut. I've had a lot of clients, and I've seen people personally where it goes the opposite direction. It can be
• 55:03
  more traumatized. They're coming out of something and I've had to clean it up. So I will say this, it's not, it's a very unpopular opinion, but I believe that what you're trying to do is you have a pill on the outside that's trying to access something that's actually living inside of you, that you can find a different way to access it. You're accessing brain chemistry. Why not access brain chemistry with what you already have?
• 55:27
  And learn about that. I mean, that's what, you know, holographic breathing can be like, you can do different rhythms, and you can have those kind of experiences. And they can be maybe equally as easy and fast, with less of, you know, side effects with no side effects, because it's your breath. But I will say to do it carefully to do it guided, also breath work, it's important to.
• 55:48
  to know what you're doing and different ways can be not for everybody, you know, so like if you high, high blood pressure, definitely don't be breathing holographic breath work, but you know, come and, and let's talk about what your health history is and what kind of breath you can do to access different states that you want to. And, and with time and with practice, it may not be a one-time experience, but I noticed that with people in plant medicine is like, go, keep going back for that same experience. And it's a little less and a little less and all that.
• 56:16
  So, you know, I feel. I ask that because you've reached a level of enlightenment that we all want to reach, too. So I was wondering if if you had to go through any extreme measures and you haven't. How can people find you and keep in touch with you?
• 56:33
  I'm online. You can find me at theinnerdesign.com. I'm very active on my social media. Instagram is at theofficialrabina and also theinnerdesign.com again on Instagram. Yeah, I peeked at your Instagram. You got some great, what are these, quotes on there. Those are great.
• 56:53
  Thank you. Thank you. Yes. So reach out. I don't have bots set up. I reply to my, you know, whoever reaches out to me, I actually take the time and read and reply. And yeah, I'd love to have you. You can join any of my programs online. You can sign up theinnerdesign.com and you can see the different programs I have going on right now.
• 57:15
  Nice. I hope that all you Heart of the Life Nation people are feeling like I feel. I'm completely relaxed. I just sat through a healing session and we just did nothing but just have a conversation. So I really appreciate you coming on. And I would tell everybody, please share this with anybody. Hopefully you got the same experience I did.
• 57:35
  Thank you for coming on. And until next time, guys, be harder than life. Be sure to share this with your friends and family and give us a rating. Thank you for tuning in and thanks for coming on. Thank you. Thanks for having me here.
• 57:48
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.