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Importance of Discussing Future Goals and Investment Plan with a Partner Before or After Marriage · DidiLawren

• 0:01
  Hello and welcome back to another episode of bunted,
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  lawrencium and enduring TV channel that celebrates ordinary
• 0:08
  people doing extraordinary things.
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  So please subscribe like share and also click on an education
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  Bill to get notified anytime I post new content, so was it is
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  episode. I want to ask the question.
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  Do we seriously need to start discussing future goals future,
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  Ambitions future career. ears with our partners in a
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  relationship or even getting into marriages or even after
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  marriage is do we seriously need to sit down and discuss this the
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  reason why I'm talking about this is because as a woman or as
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  an African woman, one of the things that people always tell
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  us is we always end up in the kitchen regardless of your
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  qualifications, regardless of your education, they expect the
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  expectation is that You're not sure are so you have to put
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  certain things aside to sit down and take care of the family
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  while the man go out there as the breadwinner to get money.
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  Now somebody shared a story on Facebook and he said a friend of
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  his living in Europe, married a woman in Nigeria.
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  And after a couple of kids he decided well he's going to bring
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  his wife over Her to Europe, imported wife, kind of
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  situation. So, this woman in marriage, she
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  is educated. She had a career.
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  She was working in Nigeria. Yes, she had kids, but she was
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  also working in Nigeria making ends meet while he was
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  supporting them, when he was in Europe, and where she eventually
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  moved, I was living with him and after moving, you know, a couple
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  of kids in Europe, they usually support the family.
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  So She applied for child benefit or child support?
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  I dunno was called and they said that pain has some amount of
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  money. So the husband was like bring
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  the money the money belongs to me, and the wife said, no, no,
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  no. I am the one taking care of
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  these children. I will keep the money now.
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  Usually, I think, I don't know, I don't have kids, so I don't
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  know. But I think the reason why they
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  give most of this money is especially to families who can
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  afford to take care of that kid. Kids is to save the money and
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  then give that child the money when they are 18, or maybe when
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  you want to invest in something or buy a house or something, you
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  give that child just to help them all to support them.
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  But our African people, what they do is they take that money
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  and keep it for themselves. Even when they can afford to
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  take care of the family, what that's, by the way.
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  So she's receiving this money, the man, according to the
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  friend, was the one paying the bills.
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  The house. And you know that statement is
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  because I mean, if you're in diaspora, you know, that one
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  income most times cannot even supports the family.
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  So the two people need to be working.
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  Yes, because she has kids, she may be working less than the man
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  but that doesn't mean he was that working on supporting in
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  anyway. So, but according to the story,
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  he was the one paying all the bills and she was saving the
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  child supports money. Now, this money is no like a lot
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  of money for you to say. Okay, this is a lot of money for
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  me to save but over a period of years.
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  She was able to save this money and she invested in Nigeria.
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  She bought land in Nigeria. She bought me new properties.
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  She was able to invest, in fact, according to the story, she has
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  to building, which she rented out to people and she was making
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  money out of it. So after some time, you know,
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  two decades or more the marriage, they had problems and
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  the marriage ended. So according to the the
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  Storyteller, he said that, the woman basically told the man.
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  Well, you never did anything for me.
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  Since you came to Europe all, you know, you don't have any
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  achievement, I have two properties in Nigeria, you never
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  achieved anything. So a person was basically saying
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  that she was telling the husband that he never made any
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  investment while she invested the money from the child support
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  and was able to buy two properties while he was just
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  there paying the bills according to the story.
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  Now, this person was now advising people that, you know,
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  if you're getting married or if you're in a relationship and
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  you're planning to spend the rest of your life with this
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  person, one of the things I need to sit down and talk about is
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  final. Investment, talk about your
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  Korea, talk about how monies are going to be talking about
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  Investments, are you going to invest your money?
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  How you're going to take care of your retirement age, which is
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  not a bad thing, according to what he was saying?
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  So people started analyzing the situation, everybody was talking
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  about how the woman was selfish. How the woman, you know, did not
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  consider her husband, how she was just, you know, saving the
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  money and using it for us. Self while not even putting the
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  money into consideration while he was just there paying bills.
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  And I really did not sit down well with me, because I felt
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  there is a lot of misconception in terms of people living in
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  diaspora and people having second hand information, and
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  then just running with it. I understand in this situation,
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  his friend was venting to him about what the wife did to him,
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  and he was just relieved. Exactly what he heard which is
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  fine, but people commenting on that, you know.
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  Running with that exact statement, not understanding the
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  full picture. The reason why I want to talk
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  about this is because there are so many I've seen so many
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  situations. I have seen in friends both male
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  and female getting into a relationship or getting two
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  marriages without first of all discussing how their careers are
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  going to affect their marriages or their careers are going to
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  affect the relationship. Ship or how they're going to put
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  finances together to build together.
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  I mean, nobody talked about building together especially if
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  you marry a Nigerian man, regardless of the ideas that you
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  have, regardless of the qualification.
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  Even if you have more sense than him, there's this kind of
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  underlying tone of being submissive to your husband.
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  Regardless of what he's saying regardless of his Voices,
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  Financial investment choices, regardless of, you know, you
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  been having the upper hand, you know, it's just like saying I'm
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  an investment banker married to why is the construction worker?
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  And that person things, you know, I can because you are the
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  wife, you don't have to give me advice in terms of how to invest
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  my money. But that woman has the
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  qualification, the skill, the knowledge and The technical
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  know-how on how to kind of move that marriage or relationship
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  forward but just because she is a woman, people tend to just
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  think you know just be submissive whatever your husband
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  wants to do just supports that person.
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  This is one of the reasons why especially women in diaspora
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  marriages in diaspora have issues.
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  I know of a lady. Her husband, she's married with
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  Children and she wanted to make investment.
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  And the husband was like, no, no, no.
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  All my investments will have guaranteed through a living in
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  the UK, rented, and she was saying that, listen, let us buy
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  a house moving into the house and just relax and you getting
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  Equity from the house. And even though mortgages are
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  going to be paying, it will not be as much as go.
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  Going to pay rent to some other person.
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  And then I was like, no, I don't want to have any investments in
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  diaspora, because once, if something happened, and then, I
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  am going to leave everything for you.
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  And then you're going to inherit everything bla bla bla.
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  So doing man said, okay, no problem, he started making
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  investments in Africa, he was investing a lot of money in
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  different businesses, he even bought a house built a house in
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  the village. And oh you know the usual
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  shebangs and everything he did all that she was also working
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  and saving her money. And what she did was when she
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  had enough, she bought a house and give it to any state agency
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  to manage. At some point, they moved into
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  the property and he was paying because he was happy to pay
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  rent, but he was not happy to buy a house and pay mortgage.
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  So she moved in, she moved her family into the house, they were
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  paying the state. This you do agents and
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  everything was coming to the estate agents so he had no clue
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  that the house. They live in him was you know
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  he's the wife's house. So after you know that Cade's
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  all the businesses he had in Nigeria tanked one of the houses
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  somebody think he builds the housing disputed land and at the
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  end of the day he lost that the businesses that he was here.
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  Stayed in all of them, you know, family mismanagement and
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  everything he lost he he literally lost everything.
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  And now this woman invested in real estate, she had about three
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  houses, she was renting because she was renting and they were
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  paying her you know you know she was getting money out of this
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  whole thing that she was working and at some point they had
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  issues and this is somebody that she tried to advise for them to
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  invest in. Properties in the UK while he
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  saying that everything he was any none, he was working on any
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  more money, so it was not like she was the one that was any
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  more money and they were sharing the bills and, you know, taking
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  care of the kids. So when the finally, you know,
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  when the the whole marriage end because she bought the house in
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  the company's name, so it's not even her house is the company's
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  house. So she is just part of the
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  shareholder in that company. The end of the day he couldn't
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  even lay and claims to those properties.
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  Now when the whole thing ended, this man came out and was crying
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  wolf. He said, his wife was this, his
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  wife was that, that this is what he did, she did to him.
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  That's all she was. Their pain, their rents.
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  Not knowing that the house belong to her.
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  That she is very Wicked, you know, this, these are the
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  issues, because there were so many things.
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  So many Many instances. So many examples of situations
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  whereby a man and a woman or husband and wife, in terms of,
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  let's get together and invest one person will say, no, I don't
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  want to invest, I just want to do my thing.
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  You do your thing. In terms of, you know, opening
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  joint account on person will say, no, I just want to keep
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  yours. Let me keep mine.
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  Although, I don't even supports the joint account idea, but, you
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  know, if it's a joint account, On swear by what goes in days
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  for pain or payments or bills, then that's fine.
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  But you know, everybody knows how what works for them.
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  So this month basically came out he was bashing his wife.
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  He said, she did a whole bunch of things.
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  Everybody was attacking her because they said she did him
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  wrong, because at the end of the day, he lost everything that he
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  invested in Nigeria and she is busy.
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  Cashing out in the UK. Okay, if you looking at the
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  story objectively, you realize that there is no woman or I
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  don't think there's any woman that want to grow on especially
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  African woman, especially Nigerian woman, where they want.
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  In fact, they will take the money and give it to the husband
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  to invest, so that I will not be RC vo.
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  She is wandering that investment but the sensible ones when they
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  try to get you to do certain things and you're saying, I
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  don't want to do it because I don't want to listen to you
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  because you are just the woman and the Hooman applies were,
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  she's trying to advise you to do, you know, for herself and
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  become successful in that, right?
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  Do we really have any justification to kind of bash
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  that person for taking the initiative to invest in herself,
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  taking the initiative to do things?
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  That even though she's advising our partner to do, he is not
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  agreeing to do those things. Do we really blame them like
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  this story? Now, the one that the man shared
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  on Facebook, where he was blaming the imported wife saying
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  that, oh my God, you know, she he did everything for her, he
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  brought her from Nigeria to the to Europe and all she could pay
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  him back with is to have multiple investments in Nigeria
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  and him not having anything. Let's say this separate another
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  point in time. She also spent all that money,
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  he will be happy that they're both broke.
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  He won't have any issue. Eve, they are both on the
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  streets looking for who to help them heal.
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  Not have any issue with that. I mean, just because you're
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  marrying a woman, does not mean she doesn't have any dreams just
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  because you're marrying. A woman doesn't mean she
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  partnered the whole life depend on you, just because you're
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  getting married to her pain. Bride, price does not mean that
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  she does. Is not have any gold.
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  Does not have any ambition, those don't have anything that
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  you want to invest in. So is it that you're working
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  with that person or you're working against that person?
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  And let me tell you if you decide to work against that
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  person or you want to work on your own don't come out and
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  start complaining when she decides to invest our money and
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  this important alphabets or making great strides and making
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  love. Investment that you cannot even
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  to. So I think it's very important
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  that people sit down, what are in a relationship, what I'm
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  partnership, what? I marriages or even before
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  getting into marriages. I think we all need to just sit
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  down and talk about Investments and talk about future goals and
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  talk about how to build together that is very necessary because
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  regardless of how you want to get married in somebody's
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  daughter that Person might be thinking of how to to you know,
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  Butte a massive Empire. You see that you're supporting
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  that dream or you're not supporting that dream.
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  And if you're on the other fence of not supporting that dream,
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  and she went ahead to do that, don't command Cry Wolf, because
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  we are not going to pity you. We're not going to be like, oh,
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  she's a bad wife or she was a bad wife or she's a bad mother
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  or whichever way you want to put.
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  It's or dreams or your goals or your evil career was not aligned
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  or it's working together. Supporting that person makes it
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  you know they carry you along and you're not shocked when they
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  become very successful. While you go down the drain.
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  If your wife is the most sensible one, or if your partner
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  is the one that have sense, Lisi Lisi is going to help you in the
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  long run. It will prevent you from using
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  social media to cry and especially those are going to
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  Nigeria to import wives thinking that, okay?
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  If they come here that we to worship you the ground I walk on
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  and anything you ask them to they're going to do it.
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  These people also have dreams, these people also have goals.
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  These people also have things that they want to invest in.
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  So regardless of what are you give them money or not.
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  They're going to do these things and what are you support them or
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  not? They're going to find a way to
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  Do it to anybody that has a will to do something.
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  We'll find a way to get it done. So let us be guided, let us have
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  sense, that's what these are sentences.
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  If is your wife that has sense, falooda sense.
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  If it is you that have sense if she's not even following the me.
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  Yeah, you are shouting. You're the man of the house,
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  become the man of the house. So let us always think ahead.
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  Let us always plan ahead. That's always be mindful of the
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  things that we Vest in, especially if you're in diaspora
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  and go investing in Nigeria, make sure that where you are,
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  you have a tangible investment that, even if the one in
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  Nigeria, feel you can always fall back on something.
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  So, thank you very much for watching.
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  Today's episode, please like like, like and share and then
• 17:47
  see you same time. Bye bye.