Latest / Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily / Lightlark by Alex Aster - Another Teen Girl without Powers!

Transcript

Lightlark by Alex Aster - Another Teen Girl without Powers! · Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily

• 0:00
  Hi friends, you're listening to Lose the Plot with Carla and
• 0:03
  Emily. In this episode, we're reading
• 0:05
  Lightlock by Alex. Astor.
• 0:08
  We are talking about. The entire book so warning there
• 0:11
  will be spoilers I'm.
• 0:27
  Carla and she ran like she was running from something.
• 0:31
  I'm Emily. Night is a wicked time.
• 0:34
  You can get in all sorts of trouble.
• 0:37
  Before we journey into this bond breaking episode, we have a
• 0:40
  quick favour to ask. If you've been captivated by our
• 0:44
  previous dives into enchanting realms similar to Light Lock and
• 0:48
  want us to continue bringing you more magic, please take a moment
• 0:52
  to glide over to our profile and leave us a glowing 5 star review
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  on your favorite platform. Your support will help our
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  podcast shine brighter, reaching more listeners who are eager to
• 1:03
  explore. If you have friends who are also
• 1:06
  mesmerised by smuddy novels as much as you are, share our
• 1:10
  podcast with them so they can join the adventure.
• 1:15
  Bro I couldn't find any. OK fuck, what's all that
• 1:19
  buttons? It's being so.
• 1:21
  Long trigger, Yes. What do you want, girl?
• 1:25
  Trigger warnings. I couldn't find any one so I
• 1:32
  sort of just made a couple up. Oh, fair, maybe.
• 1:35
  Do you have? Anything in mind before my
• 1:38
  pitiful list tropes trigger morning Poorly written.
• 1:46
  Zing. Sort of cannibalism.
• 1:49
  Yeah. Violence, slash, dueling,
• 1:54
  fighting. The girls are fighting.
• 1:55
  The girls are fighting. Yeah, blood, I guess.
• 1:59
  Manipulation and kind of low key drugging.
• 2:01
  Almost ish. Yeah, ish.
• 2:04
  The end. The end.
• 2:08
  Don't sue me. I think that's wrong.
• 2:10
  I mean, it's very. You know how they have like age
• 2:15
  ratings? Yeah, very like 12 year old I
• 2:18
  think could read it. Very much so 12. 14 year old,
• 2:22
  you know, the one spicy scene, it's almost like they just
• 2:24
  really tried. Yeah, yeah.
• 2:26
  To get the spicy level, you can't get the spicy level up in
• 2:29
  one scene, no. What's the matter with you?
• 2:32
  No. It's like it's not happening.
• 2:34
  Why? Why are you being like, I'm not
• 2:36
  gonna lie, I know I picked this book, but you did that.
• 2:40
  I did. I'm not taking some money for
• 2:46
  this. If I was to read this willingly,
• 2:48
  say non podcast related, yeah, I would have stopped Chapter 1, I
• 2:52
  think. Same.
• 2:54
  I was really so immediately struggling.
• 2:56
  I was struggling. It was so badly written.
• 2:58
  It got better badly. You can't bombard people with so
• 3:03
  much information that makes no sense.
• 3:05
  That's true. I was like, where are we?
• 3:07
  What is she doing? I was like, there's too many
• 3:10
  characters all in the one scene. I did a quick scroll on TikTok
• 3:15
  because you told me it was like a book talk one.
• 3:17
  Yeah. And apparently there's some
• 3:18
  controversy about the author. Yeah.
• 3:21
  Did. You know about that or no?
• 3:24
  So apparently everyone's saying the author's an industry plant
• 3:28
  because oh, she's a neppo baby. She's a neppo baby.
• 3:30
  She's already got all these connections because who gets a
• 3:33
  movie signed off on before the book's even officially
• 3:37
  especially really badly written? Oh well, sorry, everyone lied to
• 3:41
  me. Everyone on book talk lied to me
• 3:44
  because I fanard the shit out of this.
• 3:47
  Everyone will know exactly what I'm talking about.
• 3:49
  And the reason I picked this book is because of good fan art.
• 3:53
  Grimwith and Aries on his back, right?
• 3:55
  OK, that doesn't happen to book 2 and he's really unrelated in
• 3:59
  book one. Wow.
• 4:02
  Also, why is no one talking about fucking Oreo?
• 4:05
  I called him Oreo. Are you fucking kidding me?
• 4:09
  I literally rude his name down as Oreo.
• 4:12
  Everyone should be. Talking about.
• 4:13
  Oreo, he's not mentioned. I did not know he existed.
• 4:16
  I've seen that many Fanna. I've seen that many people.
• 4:19
  Not the girls aren't talking about Oreo.
• 4:21
  No. Wow.
• 4:23
  I thought that's the whole point of the love triangle.
• 4:25
  No, I didn't even know there was a love triangle.
• 4:27
  So like to not be a total bitch. First impressions.
• 4:29
  I like the cover. Boom.
• 4:32
  It looks cool, it's all right, but then it looks exactly what
• 4:35
  it ends up being just at the same time like the the cover.
• 4:38
  Really, I was like I need to cover is better quality than the
• 4:42
  content of the book. My babe.
• 4:43
  The cover is giving Twilight, but not it.
• 4:47
  Is it is. But like more modern.
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  Have you seen the night Vane 1? I think I flicked past it.
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  It's fucking ugly. Crown is that the?
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  Crown. It's a hang on.
• 4:58
  Oh my God. Speaking of Crown, her name is
• 5:00
  fucking Isla Crown. Yeah, this is giving.
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  Was it God that someone was something king?
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  Also, you know how I was like, we should read Light Luck.
• 5:09
  If not, light luck. Quicksilver, Yeah.
• 5:13
  I'm. Obsessed with Quicksilver.
• 5:14
  It's so good. Really.
• 5:16
  Yeah, OK. Yeah, it's like.
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  This. One this one actually low key
• 5:21
  pissed me off about all fantasy books.
• 5:23
  Yeah, I've kind of just. Gotten pissed off now.
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  Yeah. I'm sorry.
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  Sorry. I'm so sorry.
• 5:31
  You know what, though? It only had one gala.
• 5:35
  No, you know what? By that time I was so on
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  autopilot I did not give a fuck. It didn't even raise my blood
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  pressure, which is saying something.
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  So let's just avoid all of the author drama because I don't
• 5:46
  know enough about it. So let's just go the book as it
• 5:48
  is. You know how this has been
• 5:50
  approved. For a movie.
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  Yes, like a movie series. Wouldn't this be better as a
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  short TV series? Who's going to go see?
• 5:59
  This at the movies because it's not going to be me, babe.
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  No, no, this has not got Hunger Games level intrigue.
• 6:07
  And also I see this being acted out by like no offence budget
• 6:11
  actors. Very OK.
• 6:13
  Do you know what I mean? That'll make it.
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  Better. No names.
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  See, I love Mortal Instrument TV show, but their acting is
• 6:20
  horrible when you really look at it.
• 6:22
  That. That would fit this.
• 6:23
  Yeah, it would fit this. That's what it would love it
• 6:25
  just for the soapiness. Yeah, because.
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  I'm not gonna. Watch fucking Jenna Ortega as
• 6:31
  fucking what'saface. It's not happening.
• 6:35
  No one's gonna do it. I don't tell me is not gonna.
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  You're telling me I've got to fall in love with this man.
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  This man dressed in gold all the time.
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  Gold. Is heavy.
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  Gold is in soft no the colour gold.
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  Oh that would give me the egg. But.
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  His armour. Was full on gold at one point.
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  He armour's fine but he's wearing gold trousers every day.
• 6:58
  OK, Elton John. Like.
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  What are you? Doing this girl, you're telling
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  me he's straight? Let's be real, gold clothing all
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  day. I'm like, you're telling me.
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  This girl looked past the gold clothing.
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  She's a suddenly. OK, if I'm going to pick anyone
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  based on what I couldn't look at, look at a man dressed in
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  gold every day. What though?
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  Twilight had the most. Ridiculous.
• 7:25
  Edward Cullen had glitter for skin, and somehow that still
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  became a phenomenon. Yeah, but it was like 2 seconds
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  of glitter. I didn't.
• 7:36
  I didn't watch our whole movie. Not going to translate well to
• 7:39
  our film, is it? I don't know.
• 7:42
  I don't. Think it's immersive enough?
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  I don't think we know the settings enough for it to be a
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  show. I think the problem is you can
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  tell she's a very newbie writer and someone should have went
• 7:51
  through an edited Sure she would have had an editor.
• 7:54
  Let's be real. There's a quote in the second
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  book and it's like this blood tastes like power.
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  Power tastes like blood or something.
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  Yeah, cool. It makes me hang on.
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  It's like a haiku something. It's ridiculous giving
• 8:05
  Zoolander. Oh, I was just having I was like
• 8:08
  I seen a TikTok about it and the girl was like not even AI could
• 8:11
  have come up with this and I was like, oh damn.
• 8:14
  I think with the whole movie thing, if you're gonna get a
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  movie deal, you better have put your whole or Twisty into this.
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  And she did not. She did not.
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  Not not a single Aussie was put in.
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  No, there was no Aussie. No Aussie.
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  Aussie. When?
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  Surname is spelled Isla. Yeah, it's usually Isla.
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  Yeah. So I read it in my mind.
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  When I read the book somewhere I was like, oh, Isla turned.
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  On the audio book Isla. Yeah, I was like bitch.
• 8:44
  Huh. It's Americans.
• 8:46
  Are they even? Is she American?
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  I don't know. I don't know.
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  I don't know Also, what the fuck is her island called?
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  Because her the wildling land or whatever.
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  Yeah what's it called? Because the.
• 9:01
  Wilderness. Is it the pop quiz?
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  Because like also why is her ancestor is Lark crown and then
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  they named the island Light Lark but then like nightshade
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  questions and answers. It's like, but Grim's last.
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  Name is Nightshade, and the island is Nightshade.
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  No one else actually has a surname except for her because
• 9:23
  she's special. Oh no, Oreo's last name's Melva.
• 9:27
  Melva Melva. I think you just.
• 9:30
  It's just your name and where you were born.
• 9:34
  Am I making shit up? I.
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  Don't know that. I never heard Mel.
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  What do you say, Melvin? OK, I'm not gonna lie.
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  I don't know how to not spoil things for me.
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  Ohh. I got the OK.
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  I lied not too long to leave the room.
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  You're talking to yourself. Classic.
• 9:53
  I was just like I had free, I'm drinking free workout.
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  I'm sorry. It's a lot of sense.
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  OK, His last name, Grimshaw's last name is Melva.
• 10:01
  And then Oreos is Ray. Stop RAY or RAYEREY.
• 10:08
  Oh, fuck, I knew. I knew there was an E because
• 10:12
  it's like a sun ray obviously. Now I'm sure it's.
• 10:18
  Again, Malvert or Malvert MALVERE.
• 10:25
  Also, now that I've convinced myself that his name is Oreo, I
• 10:30
  don't know what his actual name is.
• 10:32
  It's just Oreo without the. I thought it was Arrow ARO.
• 10:37
  That would be from Twilight. That would be cool.
• 10:39
  The one that cackles where he's like, not sorry.
• 10:44
  Yeah. Michael Jackson.
• 10:49
  OK, we've we've divulge, we're so far left.
• 10:53
  My God, Isla. OK, let's just get a few things
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  straight. These are important teams.
• 11:00
  She's 19 because DA. We cannot have a fantasy
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  universe where they're over the age of 24.
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  Da. She's powerless because da, da,
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  da. And she's got dead parents
• 11:12
  because da, da, da. Also later you learn this is
• 11:16
  just an extra da. Yeah, she's a virgin.
• 11:19
  Da da da da da da da da da. But.
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  You know what though? She's the youngest ruler of the
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  rail. She's the freshest baby.
• 11:30
  These bitches have had 500 years to brainstorm this egg shit.
• 11:34
  At this time I figured it. Like he was the curse.
• 11:37
  You're telling me you had a TV show?
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  No because when I when they finally got to the bit where
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  they read the curse I was like you girl, fucking boomer shit
• 11:48
  it's giving 6 times your salary but can't open an e-mail?
• 11:51
  Who? OK, who decided one of them had
• 11:55
  to die? Because there's not a bit in
• 11:57
  that curse. Is.
• 11:58
  That even in the prophecy? No, I think it is.
• 12:03
  It's not. It's in the prophecy.
• 12:04
  No, it's just low key says someone you just said one of the
• 12:07
  six will win. Facts.
• 12:10
  OK, but there's been a lot of iterations.
• 12:13
  OK, that's what I'm saying. Dumbest group ever.
• 12:17
  But also this fresh nubile teenage girl pops onto the She's
• 12:23
  fresh, no experience and she's monetised.
• 12:28
  Oh, because. You get this shit out, it's.
• 12:34
  Almost like a 19 year old that has never seen the daylight 100%
• 12:39
  and they treat her like she's the dumbest bitch and she acts
• 12:41
  like the dumbest bitch. She is the dumbest bitch.
• 12:44
  She's. Still not nearly as dumb as him.
• 12:47
  You know what though? I.
• 12:49
  Started listening to this book and I was like, oops, I
• 12:54
  accidentally started playing powerless again.
• 12:56
  Yeah. Because.
• 12:57
  Why not? But to be fair, Powerless was
• 13:00
  written after. Really.
• 13:03
  Yeah, this was written quite a while ago.
• 13:05
  The girls are fighting. The girls are fighting.
• 13:07
  I will. Which one's better than I can't
• 13:09
  even fucking they're, they're the same.
• 13:12
  It's exhausting. We need to read the second
• 13:13
  Powerless because it's apparently horrible.
• 13:18
  I already wasted that much of my life on this shit.
• 13:22
  Now you're a fucking. Get.
• 13:23
  Computer back to palace. Sorry, sorry.
• 13:28
  Other people are saying it's kind of like a hybrid Acata X
• 13:33
  Hunger Games. You know what?
• 13:34
  I will give Alex this. She copied and pasted something
• 13:41
  that I haven't seen yet and that is Moana.
• 13:45
  What Moana? Okay, you're going to have to.
• 13:48
  Explain that to me. Because they're going to find
• 13:50
  the heart to restore the. Stop, stop it.
• 13:57
  Mark me and. Of course it's on Little Rock
• 14:01
  that is hidden. Also.
• 14:05
  Stop giving me this. Bullshit about trials that need
• 14:08
  to happen and then they're not even trials.
• 14:11
  OK fuck off with the trials because fuck off.
• 14:14
  You're telling me you have a fucking 100 days?
• 14:16
  Sorry I'm swearing so much it makes me so angry.
• 14:18
  Nah, fuck off. 100 days to sort out a prophecy and you spend 50
• 14:23
  of that doing random trials, hating each other, showboating,
• 14:27
  showboating. Is for what?
• 14:29
  For who? Who's?
• 14:31
  Even watching it, who cares if you can duel?
• 14:34
  Who cares if you can send papers across the room?
• 14:40
  Who? Cares if you can throw a duck.
• 14:42
  Who? Cares about your secret.
• 14:44
  No one, no one cares. You wasted 50 days and then you
• 14:50
  get paired up because it must be the proxy literally goes it must
• 14:55
  be solved to together join together or something.
• 14:57
  Yeah, but why aren't you group? Why aren't you from day one?
• 15:00
  This is why I think they're so stupid.
• 15:02
  Why aren't you from day one? You get on the island, you're
• 15:05
  like, wow, we've got 100 days. You have a meeting like once a
• 15:08
  week. We're like, we're going to sit
• 15:09
  down all together in a room and work out the prophecy.
• 15:12
  They're too busy trying to kill one of them off.
• 15:14
  That's what I mean. And you don't even need to.
• 15:18
  And they're treating it like it's a dream of survivor.
• 15:20
  And then it turns into Love Island.
• 15:22
  I'm like who said someone need to die can I pull you for a
• 15:26
  chat? Love.
• 15:27
  That's literally what I tend. To do.
• 15:30
  And then, like, they're all working against each other.
• 15:32
  And I was like, you're trying to get rid of a curse.
• 15:35
  You aren't working together. Yeah.
• 15:37
  You're too busy going, fighting, little shows on the side, little
• 15:41
  dinners. It does.
• 15:42
  Who though? Because.
• 15:43
  For fuck's sake, they never explained who's even the
• 15:45
  villagers. And obviously made it sound like
• 15:47
  everyone. Fucked off to their own area.
• 15:49
  So who was watching all this? Also who?
• 15:52
  Who? The thing was to commit the
• 15:55
  first offence, right, to get rid of the curse.
• 15:58
  They didn't want to all sit together in a group and be like
• 16:00
  what actually happened that night that our parents were all
• 16:03
  killed, our partners were killed.
• 16:05
  Like what happened, You know, they just sit waited 500 years
• 16:08
  to get and then they just wait until the last minute for every
• 16:11
  Centennial. And then they go, oh.
• 16:12
  Let's just start from scratch again.
• 16:15
  Essentially, you've done this four times over every hundred
• 16:20
  years or something. Didn't.
• 16:21
  Work. Every other time.
• 16:23
  I just don't think in 100 years do you just wait until the day
• 16:27
  to work out the curve That's. What I mean?
• 16:28
  You've had all this extra time, like write the fucking curse
• 16:32
  down and just sit there and be like, have a phone call.
• 16:35
  You'd be like, oh, what are you thinking?
• 16:36
  What's the theories? Get your theories ready.
• 16:38
  Yeah, for the 100 days, exactly like.
• 16:41
  Please you have a. 100 years to play, it's so stupid.
• 16:46
  You're not. Dumb.
• 16:47
  And I'm like, whose fault is this?
• 16:49
  Is this on purpose or was it an S?
• 16:52
  OK, while we're on the while, we're talking about curses.
• 16:56
  Some of these aren't even worth breaking anyway, no.
• 16:59
  Give us a fuck. So OK, first of all, the audio
• 17:02
  book doesn't even tell you the curses and the powers at the
• 17:05
  start of the audio book. So you're fighting for your
• 17:08
  life, wondering why you should care about every single
• 17:11
  different curse and power in every single different realm and
• 17:14
  I don't even fuck, I don't know any of this shit.
• 17:17
  So we've got. Wildlings here, yeah, they have
• 17:19
  to be little cannibal man animal.
• 17:21
  Yeah. Why is does everyone in the book
• 17:24
  psycho about them being cannibals when it's not their
• 17:27
  fault? Yeah.
• 17:27
  Because ick. And then they kill anyone they
• 17:33
  fall in love with because duh how does that work?
• 17:36
  But her dad and her mom didn't, so they had to be wobbling ex
• 17:41
  wildling to kill each other. No, I don't.
• 17:44
  Like, is that because they were as more women than men?
• 17:49
  Vibe? Yeah, that's actually a slave.
• 17:51
  And then your powers, you can control nature and you've got an
• 17:57
  affinity with animals. Fucking so.
• 17:59
  What? That's lame when we get to book
• 18:02
  2. No fucking animal even likes
• 18:04
  this bitch so it doesn't matter anyway.
• 18:05
  And don't they only have to eat one or two hearts a month?
• 18:08
  Yes, I eat one or two human hearts a month.
• 18:12
  Who cares? That is not even.
• 18:14
  A curse. Fuck me.
• 18:16
  You. Will not catch me at the
• 18:17
  Centennial. No, I will be chilling on
• 18:20
  wherever the wildlings live. I just don't understand the
• 18:24
  bullying behind the cannibals because like this feral wild
• 18:27
  child are all. Temptress.
• 18:29
  They're the hoes, that's why. So going on to the starlings,
• 18:33
  Yeah, yeah, they all die at 25 five.
• 18:36
  Like I'm. Fine with that.
• 18:37
  You know what? Bump that shit up to 30.
• 18:39
  Even better. Yeah.
• 18:41
  Live out my prime years, yeah, onto what develops, dies, dies.
• 18:46
  But then what happens? Because.
• 18:47
  Isn't it if your king or. Whatever dies, your whole people
• 18:50
  dies, yes. So then just kill the.
• 18:53
  Starlings. They've got a shitty.
• 18:55
  Life expectancy, Yeah, Get them out of the gene pool.
• 18:59
  Don't worry about it. Yeah.
• 19:01
  Done if. I was the.
• 19:02
  King, I would have made that decision ages ago and we
• 19:04
  wouldn't still be fucking talking about this like you're a
• 19:07
  New Girl every time. Also, how do they work out which
• 19:10
  one's the air? You're telling me every 100
• 19:12
  years they're just pumping our airs over and over again?
• 19:14
  That's. What I mean?
• 19:15
  That means they've got to do 4 by the time they get to the next
• 19:18
  Centennial. Anyway, the problem about this
• 19:20
  book is nothing makes any sense at any.
• 19:24
  So the Skylinks, they're butthurt because they can't fly
• 19:27
  anymore, so they're just people. I don't.
• 19:31
  Know like. Are these just people?
• 19:32
  Yeah. At the end of the day, they just
• 19:34
  can't fly. Gravity exists.
• 19:36
  Gravity sucks to be them. And they can control the wind as
• 19:39
  well. Actually, I'm pretty sure.
• 19:41
  Is it Azul? He was like, your curse isn't
• 19:44
  even that bad. You just can't fly.
• 19:47
  She has to eat human hearts. If I was to pick one, I'd just
• 19:51
  not fly. Now flying's dope.
• 19:53
  I would 100. Percent eat the hearts if I
• 19:55
  could fly, but she can't even fly because she can't do fuck
• 19:57
  all because she's useless, so it doesn't apply to her.
• 20:01
  You know what though? If you can't fly but you can
• 20:03
  control the wind, fucking blow yourself up in the air, you fly,
• 20:07
  babe. Problem solved.
• 20:09
  Not like a problem, but the kid can fly.
• 20:11
  I mean. Like.
• 20:14
  There's no actual problem. So anyway, moving on to
• 20:18
  Moonlings, this is a complete fuck.
• 20:21
  This isn't even real. Move away from the sea, bitch,
• 20:24
  You're fine. Real.
• 20:25
  What the? Fuck off.
• 20:27
  Missy I live this all the. Time.
• 20:29
  I don't like. The.
• 20:30
  Open ocean. I'm a moonlink.
• 20:33
  Oh, she goes. She.
• 20:35
  Goes when Cleo says something rude to it.
• 20:38
  Don't go in the ocean or something.
• 20:39
  And she's like not on the full moon once a month, you just have
• 20:42
  to be away a month. Ridiculous, ridiculous.
• 20:46
  What are they afraid of? Like what?
• 20:49
  Stop it. You can control water, you can
• 20:52
  heal, and you can freeze shit. Just go in a fucking little box
• 20:57
  for three days while the moons out.
• 20:59
  Bro this would just enhance my life.
• 21:00
  I'd be like cool, I don't go near the ocean and I can make my
• 21:03
  own instant ice lattes. Like what?
• 21:05
  What is the problem? I want a slutty.
• 21:08
  That's the one I'm picking. OK, let's get to something
• 21:13
  which, come on, why is this vampires anyway?
• 21:16
  Why is this just vampires? But he's kind of low key the
• 21:19
  good guy, like huh? And the nightshade like.
• 21:22
  So let's just gloss over and the nightshade.
• 21:24
  Is just reverse. Vampires.
• 21:26
  Nightshade is just make sure you go to bed on time.
• 21:29
  So Nightshade is just old people?
• 21:31
  Yeah, it's just Granny, Granny just going to go outside.
• 21:35
  It's just all my 30 plus friends who start marathoning and get up
• 21:38
  at 4:00 AM It's just me. I literally never go outside.
• 21:42
  That's what I mean. And.
• 21:44
  Then you've got all the fucking powers in the spectrum because
• 21:47
  we've got to make you sexy because your king is the main
• 21:50
  female male. Sorry, I don't like going out at
• 21:54
  all and I can kill you can become a busy.
• 21:58
  You can tell he portals everywhere.
• 22:01
  Yeah, just whatever, whatever mind control.
• 22:05
  He can spin a curse. What does that even mean?
• 22:08
  Spinning a curse? Can you spin the whole thing off
• 22:11
  everyone? Then fucking solve the problem
• 22:13
  that we're supposed to be worried about?
• 22:15
  So anyway, that's our extremely academic analysis of the curses
• 22:19
  and powers in my Buck. That all makes sense.
• 22:22
  Like I mean honestly the only the only problem they ever face
• 22:26
  is that the king is dying and this island is falling apart.
• 22:29
  Way, he revealed. Let's get to it later.
• 22:31
  Oh my God. The fact that we're really
• 22:33
  spiral because there's not enough information.
• 22:36
  OK. There's so much information like
• 22:38
  info dumps but no description. Yes, I'm just supposed to know
• 22:42
  this shit. Well, that's what the 1st.
• 22:44
  Chapter threw me out because I was like who are these people?
• 22:47
  Where has she come from? Who are you babe?
• 22:49
  I get it makes sense in the end but like and they kept calling
• 22:53
  her a little bird. I'm like why is she a bird?
• 22:55
  What cage? It makes no sense.
• 22:58
  So obviously dead parents Star Trauma has to keep the secret
• 23:02
  that she has no powers because. DA.
• 23:04
  Her guardians traumatized her because there's a bit where she
• 23:07
  was like, I was hanging from a tree from 8 hours.
• 23:10
  It wasn't it like 12 hours and her entire shoulders popped out.
• 23:14
  Yeah, but that's OK because she just.
• 23:16
  Somehow. From that one occasion has just
• 23:18
  become Uber strong. Yeah Huh.
• 23:20
  My problem with this is that for that one occasion she was
• 23:24
  holding a sword she was super strong, but every other instance
• 23:28
  that that came up she was shit. But you're only 19.
• 23:32
  Right, yes, and Oh my God, I trained every.
• 23:34
  Waking the moment of my. Childhood, even with all that
• 23:38
  training. How are you?
• 23:39
  Going to go toe to toe with people with powers that have
• 23:42
  been training for 500 years. Exactly.
• 23:46
  The people who have tutors. The people.
• 23:48
  That, like, have foster parents. Yeah.
• 23:50
  Yeah. And they like, we're going to
• 23:52
  have to put your whole pedusi into seducing the king one day.
• 23:56
  Why? Why is that the way?
• 23:58
  But also, she's never had human interaction besides them too.
• 24:01
  How she's supposed to be not socially awkward.
• 24:04
  Yeah. She's very intuitive.
• 24:06
  And. Sexy.
• 24:08
  It doesn't temptress almost. Yeah, I just don't.
• 24:12
  Understand their logic. They're like, you know what you
• 24:14
  need to be. We're going to throw you in
• 24:16
  there and you're going to seduce this guy.
• 24:18
  But you've never spoken to a man in your life entire life.
• 24:21
  But that's what they like because then she's all like
• 24:23
  French, you know, like a deer when they, yeah, just pop out a
• 24:26
  little dog and they're just like, and like falling over.
• 24:29
  That's what men like. Yeah.
• 24:31
  True. Disgusting, Val.
• 24:35
  They all have different theories about how they're going to break
• 24:37
  this curse, but I don't understand why no one's putting
• 24:39
  their hand up and saying, do we have to?
• 24:41
  Can we just live like things are?
• 24:43
  Well, they can't because the island's dying, but who cares?
• 24:46
  But no one put up their hands and was like, let's work as a
• 24:48
  group. Like it says 2 in the group
• 24:51
  project. We're going to spend 50 days and
• 24:52
  then we're going to rush the other 50.
• 24:54
  But I don't care if the island's dying at this point.
• 24:56
  Just let it die. Then they all die.
• 24:59
  Good. I mean, true.
• 25:01
  What's that you fight for? I don't know what the general
• 25:04
  population is like. You haven't explained one good
• 25:08
  villager person. You got one bartender.
• 25:10
  That's it. That's it.
• 25:12
  Only, only character. That's a normal citizen.
• 25:15
  I have so many words about the bartender.
• 25:18
  Excellent. Not right now.
• 25:21
  I was like, where are they? I was like, are we there?
• 25:23
  Can I sure this girl's dumb because.
• 25:26
  Who trade? Secrets with a bartender that
• 25:30
  will trade your secrets to someone else.
• 25:33
  So she walked in there. She was like, oh, I'm going to
• 25:35
  trade a secret to get top secret information to help me.
• 25:38
  But then someone could walk in behind her and be like, here's a
• 25:41
  little secret. What was her secret?
• 25:43
  And then it just all goes downhill.
• 25:45
  Yeah, but that's why Grima had to tell her.
• 25:47
  He goes. Do you want me?
• 25:48
  To threaten or kill the bartenders since you just
• 25:52
  fucking did that. Although she's still in secrets
• 25:55
  anyway. Wasn't the secret where to get
• 25:57
  like skin gloves or something? I don't know.
• 26:01
  Because then you just everyone knows, like all.
• 26:04
  The time and all people are bartender.
• 26:06
  They're up in. Everyone's business, but imagine
• 26:09
  trading your secret and then trying to secretly find
• 26:12
  something. So you traded him 2 secrets from
• 26:15
  no information? Just.
• 26:18
  Like I don't really know I. Was like, oh babe, but he's
• 26:22
  like, you know what? I will give you the secret of
• 26:26
  the here's a discount coupon instead.
• 26:28
  Here's a discount. Here's a free beer.
• 26:30
  Here's a discount secret. The guy he stole clothes for
• 26:34
  knows that the clothes are stolen.
• 26:36
  And then it never. Came up again, the guy didn't
• 26:41
  give a fuck. The secret I'm.
• 26:42
  Like what does it matter? This man's getting paid by the
• 26:44
  king anyway. They just get paid more to
• 26:47
  produce more clothes. Oh, no.
• 26:50
  Oh. Oh.
• 26:52
  Can we please, please. I don't even know where we are,
• 26:55
  please. Talk about the.
• 26:57
  Star stick Can I just. Tell you what, I imagined it
• 27:00
  being a. Hitachi magic wand personal math
• 27:03
  Archer no dildo side like all extraction large with an
• 27:09
  electric cord attached. It's just a fucking plug it in.
• 27:13
  And then? She's.
• 27:15
  Fucking. Carrying it around.
• 27:18
  They're like a. Big one.
• 27:19
  They're like whoa, whoa, whoa. What's this in your back, girl?
• 27:22
  I was picturing like one of them baton things that they threw off
• 27:24
  in the air, like a big long one. So mine was.
• 27:27
  Severely extrated because I was that bored Earth went.
• 27:30
  Also, why was she hiding it in her lower back all the time in a
• 27:35
  coochie? In my it's in a cannon.
• 27:38
  Sorry, it's Cat. She's.
• 27:39
  Just whipping it out for everyone to use and it's got
• 27:41
  crack sweat. Yeah.
• 27:44
  I don't even know if she has a bath at this point.
• 27:47
  Well, her outfits sometimes leave little to the imagination,
• 27:52
  so that's going right up the CUDA that's going to be in that
• 27:55
  crack, eh? Just between her cheeks.
• 28:00
  Can you imagine the cord trailing behind her?
• 28:03
  In this weird fantasy world that doesn't have electricity cords.
• 28:07
  Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know what though?
• 28:11
  Why didn't she grasp that in her Potosi wherever it is each time
• 28:16
  that she had to demonstrate powers and then just pretend she
• 28:18
  could teleport? Yeah, true dumb bitch.
• 28:21
  Like that's. The first thing I would do.
• 28:23
  I'd be like, hello sharks. From.
• 28:25
  My demonstration I'm going to. I'm going to fucking just.
• 28:33
  Ignore that I'm holding my pussy and.
• 28:35
  Then now. Live on Telelink it's.
• 28:37
  Color at a different location. I'm like hi.
• 28:41
  I'm. Legit, guys, I'm in the.
• 28:44
  I'm in the just like, grab it by the couch.
• 28:49
  Yeah, but if it's your own, there's concern.
• 28:50
  But she's going to draw a puddle with it.
• 28:53
  So essentially, she's going to piss herself some stuff that
• 28:57
  makes a lot of sense. She's squirting puddles there.
• 29:00
  It's OK. She's conducted a little puddle.
• 29:03
  It's all right. It's fine.
• 29:04
  That's how she does it. That's how she does it.
• 29:06
  No. How is that not your?
• 29:08
  Power. Because she's sitting there
• 29:09
  worrying about everyone. What does she do?
• 29:12
  Throw a dagger. Fucking my grandma could do.
• 29:15
  That I'm like, oh, sorry, again, back to the dumbest shit ever.
• 29:20
  You're telling me you're in a room full of people and you're
• 29:24
  like, the king made something gold and they're like, you know
• 29:28
  what? She can throw a throwing star
• 29:31
  and no, get him in the head. Wow.
• 29:35
  Wow. There's all like 500 years old
• 29:39
  except Terence Celeste. They can all do that already.
• 29:42
  That's what I mean. It's.
• 29:46
  Like OK. The.
• 29:46
  Australian version would be just you.
• 29:48
  Pulling off your thong and throwing it at the wall.
• 29:52
  And. Then you'd be like like a really
• 29:55
  dramatic end and and then. Everyone's like.
• 29:59
  You're like, I have a temptress and this is what I I don't know,
• 30:04
  I feel like it's. Pulling it off.
• 30:07
  You're on the wall and that's it.
• 30:10
  And you're just like. Oh.
• 30:11
  That's so powerful. You know what, though?
• 30:15
  She uses that Hitachi Magic wand.
• 30:17
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. She uses it because we wouldn't
• 30:19
  slip and slide. She meets Celeste.
• 30:21
  Yes. And she just immediately thinks
• 30:23
  because she's an idiot Gold card.
• 30:26
  We're just going to be BFFS. That's what the right.
• 30:30
  OK. The Oracle.
• 30:31
  Again. The Oracle, again, was like you,
• 30:36
  surrounded by liars and lies, and she thought of everyone
• 30:41
  else. She thought of Cleo.
• 30:43
  She thought of everyone else. Besides, you know, her best
• 30:46
  friend and the guy she's trying to fuck every two seconds?
• 30:49
  That's too. Convenient.
• 30:51
  You know what though? Celeste was fishy from the
• 30:54
  child. You can't tell me otherwise.
• 30:56
  The. Second I heard.
• 30:57
  Celeste, I was like, oh, here we go.
• 30:59
  Here we go. Here.
• 31:00
  We go. Yeah, I was like, yeah.
• 31:04
  But they've got to keep that. Secret too, because otherwise
• 31:07
  the rest will know that they're friends.
• 31:10
  I don't think it matters. I don't think it matters.
• 31:12
  Realistically 219 year old girls would be friends and also
• 31:17
  wouldn't all the other rulers be low key pairing up and like
• 31:22
  having their own their own friends?
• 31:24
  Why is she trying to do it to the book and be?
• 31:27
  Like, oh, I don't talk to Emma. You're a boyfriend.
• 31:31
  You're way. Back.
• 31:32
  You just don't know it because you're an.
• 31:33
  Idiot, You've got Men in Black by the Men in Black.
• 31:40
  No, he men in blacked her. Yeah, he's also a Man in black.
• 31:43
  Yes, he's coloring. See I.
• 31:47
  Hope this podcast is making to anybody because I don't even
• 31:52
  know anyone that reads it I think will get it.
• 31:55
  Eyes lost. She's really giving nothing.
• 31:59
  At this point. And I was praying for her to
• 32:01
  have IBS. Because at least.
• 32:04
  At least Favour was shitting herself and had the watery bells
• 32:09
  because that at least gave. Some.
• 32:12
  Problem with the character, whereas isa somehow.
• 32:16
  Useless. Somehow so strong.
• 32:19
  Hot. The hottest?
• 32:23
  I. Didn't even know.
• 32:25
  This is how I wrote it. I don't understand how King Oreo
• 32:29
  fits everything. He was just kind of there and
• 32:32
  she was afraid of him finding out her secret.
• 32:35
  OK, I was pissed because I had set this expectation up for
• 32:40
  Grimm and then I was like, where is he?
• 32:43
  And I was like, who is Oreo and why is he here all the time?
• 32:47
  And I was like, why are people so obsessed over Grimm when he's
• 32:50
  in for? Tamelin.
• 32:52
  But he's there for five seconds. People read the first book and
• 32:55
  they were like Grimshaw, the most amazing thing ever.
• 32:57
  I was like, he was there for two seconds.
• 33:00
  He wasn't even. She hugged his hand and that was
• 33:03
  it. Yeah.
• 33:05
  But day. Two of the.
• 33:07
  Centennial, they had only met quote UN quote day one.
• 33:11
  Yes, they had that weird chocolate stuffing in her face.
• 33:14
  Episode and I was like. What's?
• 33:16
  This about oh I forgot about it was so embarrassing.
• 33:19
  Are you not? Embarrassed.
• 33:20
  And also she gave away her secret that she doesn't eat
• 33:22
  people 100%. Yeah.
• 33:25
  So you're not vegan, you just. Told him you eat dairy.
• 33:28
  Bitch, 'cause he's like, can you eat it like he?
• 33:31
  Obviously knows, yeah. And then she's just like.
• 33:33
  Yeah, like a. Bitch, you gave it up so.
• 33:37
  Easy. If he was a bad guy and he was
• 33:40
  like so. Do you eat chocolate?
• 33:42
  She'd be like, obviously not I. Only.
• 33:46
  Eat hearts. That's like when she threatens
• 33:50
  him and she's like, I could have your heart on a plate or
• 33:52
  something. And he's like, it's like, no,
• 33:55
  you couldn't date, date 25. It's like.
• 33:58
  Whenever I had to pull that. Finger out of their own ass and
• 34:01
  actually choose a pair, I think it was or something.
• 34:03
  Yeah. Like day fifty.
• 34:05
  It was day 50 or something, 50. Oh, no.
• 34:06
  Day 25. No, there was something.
• 34:08
  There was something leading up. There was absolutely fuck all.
• 34:11
  Yeah. And then there.
• 34:11
  Was now we have to pick pairs and Oreo gets to pick the pairs.
• 34:15
  Yeah, of course. I'm like, OK, because he won all
• 34:16
  the demonstrations. He chose to duel her.
• 34:21
  Yeah, she. Let him win.
• 34:24
  He's got 500 years on this bitch.
• 34:27
  And I don't know because. The author never tells us.
• 34:30
  But I was. Suspecting there be an audience
• 34:32
  and she was too. Shame job they beat him because
• 34:35
  then it would look bad. Like she doesn't want to look
• 34:38
  like a good competitor. Yeah, well, she the whole point
• 34:40
  of it was her and Celeste was supposed to be under the radar
• 34:44
  and they wanted to be paired up. Yes, that was the whole point.
• 34:47
  I feel like I worked out everyone's secret immediately.
• 34:51
  The Kings was like I'm dying. Grimshaws would have been that
• 34:55
  with Isla taking her memories away and stuff.
• 34:58
  Celeste would have been that she's actually Aurora.
• 35:00
  And then Cleos, she has a son or something that died.
• 35:04
  She had an air. And so why does his trumpet when
• 35:08
  Celeste is obviously the craziest secret?
• 35:10
  Because he told his secret. Everyone else didn't tell their
• 35:14
  secret. So it's optional.
• 35:15
  Yeah, it was optional. So he just wanted to cause a
• 35:18
  scene. Yeah, essentially.
• 35:19
  Which is why I think he's such a dramatic cunt like you.
• 35:22
  Stop being such. I know this was your demo.
• 35:26
  But like why? Do you have to make it all about
• 35:27
  you dying? No one cares.
• 35:29
  No one. Your second.
• 35:31
  Book is so whiny. He's he is Tamlin and you can't
• 35:36
  tell me that Grim isn't reasoned from Timo.
• 35:41
  You know, what Are you sure pisses me off because people are
• 35:46
  writing fantasy books and they're like, oh, I can get into
• 35:48
  this like niche thing of writing a fantasy book.
• 35:51
  Amazing. Love that for you.
• 35:52
  But why does the guy always have to have shadow powers?
• 35:55
  Like you have an array of things you could pick up and shadow
• 35:59
  powers that kill everyone. It's copy, it's copy and paste
• 36:02
  every time. So Oreo and Isla, they pair off
• 36:06
  because he gets to pick the pair.
• 36:07
  She wasn't even listening when he was.
• 36:09
  She was shocked. She was shook.
• 36:11
  It. She's like, who would want to
• 36:13
  hate me? The prettiest girl in this
• 36:15
  whole. And she hates me.
• 36:17
  I. Hate me, but I'm a temptress.
• 36:19
  I thought that's. Kind of convenient.
• 36:21
  Because I've got to. Seduce him.
• 36:22
  Low key, yes. Also, another thing about this
• 36:25
  book. They fall in love, right?
• 36:29
  But do they do questionable? They don't, they don't have,
• 36:33
  they don't have conversations, they don't do anything.
• 36:36
  She has no thoughts for him. No tension.
• 36:39
  No tension. No.
• 36:40
  For what? Nothing.
• 36:41
  She doesn't think about him. She not once goes, oh, like this
• 36:44
  man's actually hot. And then they're just in love.
• 36:46
  No, they don't even give you a description.
• 36:48
  No, but I don't think they're just in love.
• 36:51
  I think at the end. He's in love with.
• 36:53
  Her and it's so one sided it's embarrassing.
• 36:56
  Well, like the only. Thing they did was she was drunk
• 36:58
  and then they slept for like 2 hours and it wasn't even good
• 37:02
  no. He.
• 37:04
  Fibbling vibes. Exactly.
• 37:06
  So I'm like, where is the love? If you want to convince me, you
• 37:09
  need to start from day one. Yeah, at least put the hint in
• 37:13
  there that she at least. Liked.
• 37:14
  Him. He.
• 37:15
  Kept throwing her into really dangerous situations and you're
• 37:18
  telling me that you fucking liked him Because there's the
• 37:21
  thing where that fucking ghost took over her entire body and
• 37:24
  then tried to dry hump him. I would never look at someone
• 37:30
  again. She didn't even.
• 37:31
  Consent to that dude. No, that's what I knew.
• 37:33
  It was just like, Oh well, I signed you up for it.
• 37:36
  If a guy that I was supposed to fall in love with dragged me
• 37:39
  into the forest and was like, here, this ghost is going to
• 37:41
  take over your body. And then I opened my eyes and I
• 37:44
  was dry humping him. Never again would I be having a
• 37:47
  conversation. Sexual assault.
• 37:49
  I mean, he didn't want it, but also why he didn't want it.
• 37:53
  Why does he think like why do they get together if he's not
• 37:55
  even attracted to her either? It doesn't make any sads.
• 37:59
  Apparently he was only not attracted to her because he
• 38:01
  thought she was using her powers.
• 38:04
  It's giving closeted. Just go over yourself.
• 38:07
  You like her down. So they're they're paired up.
• 38:12
  They finally start brainstorming because they haven't had a
• 38:14
  hundred whole years before that. And then Isil's like, what?
• 38:19
  Look, no one even likes. Grim, why don't we just choose
• 38:21
  to kill Grim? That's going to solve the
• 38:22
  problem for everybody. And then he's like.
• 38:24
  Oh. He's like grim we.
• 38:26
  Can't do. That.
• 38:28
  We can't for an undisclosed reason.
• 38:30
  He's just holding out all the things that might kill us.
• 38:33
  He's just holding up gravity. He's like he's stopping
• 38:36
  something. What's from happening?
• 38:38
  DE you fuck around with it. Everyone.
• 38:42
  Stick over. He's like, and then he's like,
• 38:48
  Oh no, Isa also likes him. We must.
• 38:51
  Kill him now. The danger, the danger that is
• 38:54
  bigger, is not bigger than my love for this girl.
• 38:58
  The classic clipperoo. Grim's Dick's just dangling and
• 39:04
  he told me he enters the realm, he enters Dick. 1st.
• 39:08
  Everyone can feel the. Aura of the Dick It's.
• 39:10
  Like, he's certainly wearing Gray sweatpants, but not, yes.
• 39:16
  Dark Gray, though. So.
• 39:17
  The shadowy shadowy. At that.
• 39:20
  Point. Just agree with it I'll.
• 39:21
  Be like, yeah, let's off him and see what happens like who cares
• 39:24
  it's been 500 years let's spice it up like the.
• 39:28
  I know, OK. He's lived a full life at this
• 39:30
  point, yeah. He just wanted to make me mad
• 39:31
  about it. The first time they did this,
• 39:33
  they all tried to kill each other.
• 39:35
  And they fucked. That up, Yeah.
• 39:37
  So why don't you just wait till he's sleeping?
• 39:39
  I'm also OK OK on that too. They all tried to kill each
• 39:46
  other the first time and no one succeeded because they were so
• 39:49
  good. But they're all the.
• 39:50
  Fucking dumbest people taking 2 seconds to kill any of them.
• 39:55
  I know. They all sat down and had tea
• 39:59
  together. Poison it.
• 40:01
  It's an easy fix. Suicide pact?
• 40:04
  No. You.
• 40:06
  Know what, though, just take the island like up so old grim to
• 40:09
  her so hardcore without even constantly.
• 40:12
  He's like, he matters so much to the universe.
• 40:15
  And look, we can't even like whisper this idea into fruition
• 40:19
  because if we even think. He's a warrior through and
• 40:27
  through. He's a strong man.
• 40:29
  He's keeping out the strong evil and.
• 40:32
  He works three jobs. He's keeping out all this evil.
• 40:36
  If someone said that to me, I'd be like, oh, that's what I need.
• 40:40
  He's. The ultimate.
• 40:41
  Sky Daddy. Grim The.
• 40:45
  Guy that's been. Snapping my.
• 40:46
  Legs. He's not.
• 40:47
  He's not lazy, he's looking after the realm.
• 40:53
  He's a man with ambition. You're just turning shit to
• 40:56
  gold. Yeah.
• 40:57
  Realistically already shooting gold in a like a gold toilet and
• 41:02
  that's it. True, he brings nothing to the
• 41:04
  table. All he did was be stubborn and
• 41:07
  not leave the original land. Anyone could have done that.
• 41:11
  Donkey could have done that. I am a lazy girl, I could have
• 41:14
  done that. Nah.
• 41:16
  So suddenly the. Stocks the.
• 41:19
  Stocks. In Grimshaw are skyrocketing and
• 41:22
  Oreo. Stocks are.
• 41:25
  He can't even find the heart to the island.
• 41:27
  He did that himself. He.
• 41:30
  Didn't even think about it for 100 years.
• 41:31
  He doesn't care 500 They've been doing it for five years.
• 41:35
  But I mean, this round, yes, you've had a hundred extra
• 41:38
  years. Think about it, my bro, since
• 41:39
  last time. And nothing's improved.
• 41:42
  OK, Day 50. We're at.
• 41:44
  The ball, yes, the betwixt ball. The betwixt.
• 41:50
  The what? It's called the betwixt.
• 41:53
  I honestly I stopped looking at the names of events when there
• 41:57
  was like a caramel bro that's coming up that's after guess
• 42:01
  what, the ball didn't deliver enough.
• 42:03
  No. So the betwixt ball.
• 42:05
  No, because we have to be naming.
• 42:08
  Chocolates. Yeah, she got.
• 42:11
  It from like the grim box of chocolates.
• 42:15
  The point of this is obviously to be sexy because every kind of
• 42:19
  book like this needs an opportunity for the main female
• 42:22
  character to walk in Coke bottled body.
• 42:25
  She's coke bottled bodied all the time.
• 42:27
  What? I mean, she says Spanx Unlock.
• 42:31
  She doesn't need Spanx. She's body Oddy, Oddy all the
• 42:33
  time. I know the body is audience to
• 42:36
  chin Leafs placed delicately on the areas, practically nude.
• 42:42
  She's practically nude all the time.
• 42:44
  Yeah, but she's got a big green Cape.
• 42:47
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 42:48
  Conveniently. Hiding a militia of different
• 42:52
  weapons. She's in a gown that's literally
• 42:56
  a see through and she's you're telling me she got?
• 42:59
  Her outfit? From Fashion Nova in 2016 and
• 43:03
  Halloween edition. Halloween Edition.
• 43:06
  Belt. That's a skirt.
• 43:08
  And you're telling me she. Somehow.
• 43:10
  Got her Hitachi magic wand and all these fucking throwing stars
• 43:15
  2 swords on it. The dagger.
• 43:18
  None. Of her weapons ever made any
• 43:20
  sense, They're almost fine though.
• 43:22
  No because some people wear bracelets and stuff.
• 43:25
  She'd feel like I unclipped both bracelets and they turned into.
• 43:28
  How? Little or big?
• 43:29
  Are these daggers? I don't get it.
• 43:32
  It's like that's her power. It's like a snap band.
• 43:35
  And she's like, yes, throwing stars in her hair a little time.
• 43:38
  I don't know, Wonder Woman did it.
• 43:40
  Maybe she can do it. Yeah, you know.
• 43:42
  Continue. Sorry.
• 43:43
  Nah, that's all right. That was what that was.
• 43:46
  Just stop here. She's body.
• 43:48
  Oddy. Oddy.
• 43:49
  She's body Oddy oddy. They all.
• 43:51
  This. Is the bit where.
• 43:52
  It doesn't make sense. There's no villages yet.
• 43:54
  Yeah. So they all have to walk down
• 43:55
  the staircases at once. Tell me why.
• 43:58
  Why is there 6 staircases? What?
• 44:00
  I mean. But also where?
• 44:01
  What? OK.
• 44:02
  She didn't. Describe the crowd at all?
• 44:04
  No. So why did I picture a high
• 44:06
  school basketball auditorium and they're all walking down?
• 44:10
  And then there's. Just squeaky sneaker noises.
• 44:13
  High school, no music. Just like Squeak squeak.
• 44:16
  Troy Bolton's in the back. Troy Bolton.
• 44:19
  Nobody else is in here. There was.
• 44:21
  No description. Just until they were all getting
• 44:24
  crushed by random things. Did that even happen?
• 44:28
  I did. No, I know, but I.
• 44:30
  Was. Pretending, but like there was.
• 44:32
  No people, there was no life to this party.
• 44:34
  If you're going to explain a ball, show me the luxury.
• 44:41
  We are merely normal people. We want to experience deluxe
• 44:46
  life. This is the same as when the
• 44:48
  fine print didn't give us Disneyland.
• 44:50
  Bitch, I'm in a book. Make it happen.
• 44:52
  The budget is 0 for you to. Put this in my head.
• 44:57
  Fucking let the movie executives worry about the budget later.
• 45:00
  My. Imagination currently goes so
• 45:02
  far. If I've got to imagine 6 stairs,
• 45:08
  tell me the rest of the room. And how tall are these
• 45:13
  staircases? Like how tall?
• 45:15
  I thought they were gonna like Devil Tumble, slowly walk down
• 45:19
  but no stairs. But also, are they like winding
• 45:23
  to the what's made in the corner going go time people?
• 45:26
  Obviously. Someone with a headset.
• 45:28
  It's the little the the wedding planners.
• 45:35
  It's the old lady from High School Musical.
• 45:37
  That's like doing the musical. I feel like it's Edna mode.
• 45:41
  Yeah, she's scrambling in the back.
• 45:43
  It's like, OK, go, people. This is like, really loud.
• 45:47
  She was there for two seconds before she was whisked away by
• 45:51
  Grim. Yeah, the body was cheating.
• 45:53
  OK. She went downstairs.
• 45:56
  How many legs is this castle? Because she went downstairs to
• 45:59
  get to the ballroom of where they were.
• 46:01
  And then her and Grim just kept going down and down and down
• 46:04
  until the fucking dirt to hump hands.
• 46:07
  Exactly why are you going to the?
• 46:09
  Dirtiest area of the. Is that like they did it?
• 46:12
  I don't even know at this point. I feel like he.
• 46:14
  No, this is where OK, No, they go down.
• 46:20
  This is when he gives her the Pandora Promise necklace.
• 46:22
  It's. Even worse.
• 46:24
  The size of a small potato. What are we in The Hobbit now?
• 46:31
  Now we're in the. Winter with a Hobbit and they're
• 46:34
  fucking. Making breakfast.
• 46:35
  I'm like. No, no, because why?
• 46:37
  Why did they go to the bottom? Dirtiest parts with potatoes.
• 46:41
  They're at the foundation of the castle.
• 46:44
  She's he's behind her. She's Dick grinding.
• 46:47
  And then he's like, you know what?
• 46:48
  She goes the size of a plum and then small potato.
• 46:51
  How big is this rock? Why is?
• 46:54
  This Titanic? Is this a throwback to Titanic?
• 46:57
  She's just walking with her neck to floor because it's so fucking
• 47:00
  heavy. That shit.
• 47:02
  It's got to be ugly. Why couldn't she just have all
• 47:04
  my cute little pendant? That would make sense though.
• 47:08
  We can't make sense here in this book.
• 47:10
  So you're giving her this big ass heavy thing that you hide to
• 47:14
  be invisible? Not only that, but the day 50 is
• 47:18
  conveniently the day that people are allowed to kill each other.
• 47:20
  So let's have an event. Have an event because they're
• 47:23
  waiting till midnight and obviously how it's going to
• 47:26
  break loose because otherwise the.
• 47:27
  Why? Don't trust this random man to
• 47:29
  take you down into the middle of nowhere on the night that
• 47:32
  everyone is going to get murdered because Pandora,
• 47:35
  because Pandora, Pandora promise necklace.
• 47:38
  But like, they go down have this weird romantic.
• 47:42
  It's not romantic, it's weird, but a weird romantic moment.
• 47:45
  And then he they go back up and he's like, go dance with the
• 47:47
  kings. Yeah, he's like, and she's like,
• 47:50
  oh, she go I'm done with you now.
• 47:52
  And she's like, what the actual fuck just happened?
• 47:54
  And also, how is Oreo not going to notice that potato necklace
• 47:58
  because he made it invisible. Oh.
• 48:00
  I must have missed that. Part Yeah, she's like, I can't
• 48:02
  wear this. Mind you, it's ugly.
• 48:05
  Mind you, I found out in the second book she can't take that
• 48:08
  shit off. She stuck with his ugly ass
• 48:11
  necklace for life. I feel like he was giving some
• 48:15
  level of commitment. Yeah, was it?
• 48:18
  He's like, you touch this shit and I'll be there, bitch, you
• 48:22
  can't. Even go out.
• 48:23
  In the night she can. Well, she doesn't know.
• 48:26
  Well. Her idea is that he can't go out
• 48:29
  at night time. So great between the hours of
• 48:31
  7:00 AM and 6:00 PM. Yeah, true.
• 48:35
  You can be my night in China. Quit doing daylight savings in
• 48:39
  grey sweatpants so if I'm down for a daytime romp and afternoon
• 48:45
  delight, you can come. She doesn't even use it
• 48:47
  efficiently. So anyway, of course she goes
• 48:52
  back and then shit starts crumbling.
• 48:55
  Yeah, so shit starts crumbling. Oreo's in there dying.
• 49:00
  I don't know if this. Was he was already dying or he's
• 49:02
  just he's? Just like passed out on where
• 49:03
  I'm like. OK, he's on the ground in his
• 49:06
  gold suit. Gold needs to stop making
• 49:08
  everything. And she's like, wake the fuck
• 49:10
  up, wake up. We want me up before you go and.
• 49:15
  Then she's like, slapping, and you know how satisfying this
• 49:19
  would be. Oh, shit.
• 49:21
  Yeah. Anyway, she, like, takes him to
• 49:23
  another location and then she's still kind of slapping him and
• 49:26
  being like, are you alive? At that point, I was all a blur
• 49:29
  because I was too busy thinking about the fucking small potato
• 49:32
  necklace, the shit, the stairs. You know what?
• 49:35
  It doesn't matter that he's actively dying.
• 49:38
  They're like. Let's just keep.
• 49:39
  Going with our side quest. Huh.
• 49:42
  Also. If the whole castle is
• 49:44
  collapsing and killing everyone, why at not that point did they
• 49:48
  decide to work as a group? Because they're too dumb.
• 49:52
  That's how I know they're boomers.
• 49:54
  And then, look, they kind of have these weird bonding
• 49:58
  moments. And she's kind of, like,
• 50:00
  trusting him for whatever reason.
• 50:02
  It doesn't make any sense because he keeps trying to kill
• 50:05
  her. Exactly.
• 50:06
  Killing her. Yeah.
• 50:07
  But then she just spills the beans anyway, and she just
• 50:10
  admits she's powerless. Is that when she missed it,
• 50:14
  Lauren? Roberts.
• 50:20
  She's powerless, so she's powerless.
• 50:22
  He finds out that she so he knows she's powerless.
• 50:26
  And then they do another thing where they go into a underwater
• 50:29
  thing and he just lets her go off on her own.
• 50:32
  He's trying to get her killed. He switches teams and she's
• 50:35
  like, why? Oh yeah, I got it.
• 50:37
  I remember. He was like, oh, I'm switching
• 50:39
  teams because she's actually got no powers.
• 50:41
  He could have just been like and I'm switching teams because
• 50:44
  she's actually a dumb bitch. Exactly.
• 50:47
  You know what though? She.
• 50:49
  Admits to him that she has no powers and he's actually
• 50:53
  confused like Pikachu face. No, the reason he's confused is
• 50:58
  because he was like, I hate this woman.
• 51:00
  I can't be falling in love with her because she's a temptress
• 51:03
  and this is her powers. So he's looking at her like, oh,
• 51:06
  I actually I hate myself because I really do have feelings for
• 51:09
  her but also couldn't you figure that out too because she's that
• 51:13
  hopeless at flirting like do you know what I mean?
• 51:15
  They're doing anything. That's what I mean.
• 51:17
  Wouldn't that already have crossed your dumb minds?
• 51:20
  They're not. Oh.
• 51:22
  Fucking annoying. Bad enough.
• 51:24
  So anyway, Oreo calls a truce even though they're all, you
• 51:27
  know, not giving a fuck 5 seconds ago.
• 51:30
  He has a staff meeting. He's like, OK, everybody, staff
• 51:33
  meeting, dropping behind, drop your weapons.
• 51:36
  I think this was like day 60 or some shit.
• 51:38
  Yeah. Anyway, so he casually just outs
• 51:42
  Eisler in front of everybody and he's like, this is a useless
• 51:44
  bitch. I fucking hate her.
• 51:46
  She want to be with fucking Cleo.
• 51:49
  I need to get on Cleo's island. Yeah, he's like this bitch is
• 51:53
  stupid. And he out of that whole.
• 51:54
  Plant. I'm surprised he didn't notice
• 51:57
  she kept getting hurt by random plants.
• 51:59
  Exactly, And then he was just like, this has been our exact
• 52:02
  plan. No one else is sharing their.
• 52:04
  Plan. We've been looking for this
• 52:06
  heart thing and this bitch can't find it.
• 52:08
  And then he's like I. Want to be with Cleo because
• 52:10
  obviously this bitch is used up, but they weren't telling anyone
• 52:13
  so no one else would find the heart.
• 52:14
  And then he tells everyone at this staff meeting they're like,
• 52:17
  oh, should we all look for this heart?
• 52:18
  And he's like, no, no, I don't want to all focus on this.
• 52:22
  It's like, let's not put all our eggs in one.
• 52:26
  When realistically from day one they could have all just been
• 52:28
  like let's go on a island hunt. Exactly.
• 52:31
  Let's search out for 20 days. I think though because none of
• 52:34
  them knew for sure. They're so stupid, so I.
• 52:39
  Don't. Yeah, I don't know.
• 52:41
  I don't know. Anyhow, essentially he's like
• 52:43
  she. Not.
• 52:44
  Only has she not put out but she's useless.
• 52:48
  So get this fucking human being away from me.
• 52:52
  The worst thing about that? Right again, Split left the book
• 52:55
  too, because I know you're never going to read it, but.
• 52:58
  She's. Just trying to climb this man
• 53:00
  like a tree all the time and he's just telling her no
• 53:02
  constantly. So the whole book is literally
• 53:06
  her trying to fuck Oreo and him be like no, yeah because she got
• 53:09
  instant feelings at the end for some reason, Yeah.
• 53:12
  Which? Hell, so after she got, like,
• 53:16
  trapped in the ice fight, she trapped and then almost eat,
• 53:20
  eaten by cannibals, I thought we were swinging like a hard left
• 53:26
  and the heart was actually getting the King's heart.
• 53:28
  It was going to be some random corny romantic thing.
• 53:31
  Yeah, that she actually had to win the King's heart over.
• 53:34
  And that was the reason I was wrong.
• 53:37
  That would have been the worst thing to read, but arguably
• 53:41
  better than a little Yogi egg. OK, this is my very much giving
• 53:46
  when the boys on Love Island go to the secret of a little villa,
• 53:50
  Yes. And then they say they're not
• 53:52
  going to cheat on you. And then they just do and then.
• 53:54
  They come back and try to explain themselves, but they
• 53:57
  still want to be with you. Because he.
• 53:59
  Betrayed her in front of the entire group, leaving her
• 54:02
  vulnerable. Grim had to take her out of
• 54:03
  there. And then he's.
• 54:05
  Sitting there later going, Nah, me and Cleo, we just made it's
• 54:09
  like what? I'm not.
• 54:11
  Only that he is lucky that Grimm and her had a history because
• 54:16
  Grimm literally zapped her out of there immediately.
• 54:20
  Cleo was like I'm gonna kill this bitch right now.
• 54:22
  Cleo was trying to fucking do it and.
• 54:24
  Then he's like Nah, and then he just pretends.
• 54:27
  This was all part of the plan, yeah.
• 54:29
  How did that help? Also, you are jealous of her and
• 54:33
  Grimm, we're going to pair them together.
• 54:37
  Wouldn't you pair her and like Azul together?
• 54:40
  No. He's the biggest cock ever.
• 54:42
  Let's just get that straight. They're both actually.
• 54:46
  They're both palming her off to each.
• 54:49
  Other. They're just just have a fucking
• 54:51
  threesome at this point. Just get it over and done with.
• 54:54
  What? That's what I mean.
• 54:56
  Just that would have been better, yeah.
• 54:58
  Like at this point they're trying to send her.
• 55:00
  Both ways, like so. Then there's a caramel glaze
• 55:06
  festival. I called it the Caramel.
• 55:09
  Glaze because. Obviously the ball wasn't enough
• 55:12
  sexiness. No no no and Celeste gets spiked
• 55:16
  or some shit. Thank God because her character
• 55:18
  was fucking boring. She was horrible.
• 55:20
  So she's. Just like floating somewhere.
• 55:21
  I don't know yet. Iceland didn't notice because
• 55:23
  she was getting Liddy for the first time in her life from that
• 55:27
  fairy line, from that guitar. Yeah, that's all.
• 55:30
  It was what it was. Sorry.
• 55:31
  Tamela's in the back with these trademark.
• 55:35
  Exactly. It was the.
• 55:37
  Exact same vibe. And then she.
• 55:38
  Was like Oh my God I didn't even notice.
• 55:40
  Celeste was spiked. I was too busy getting my
• 55:43
  fucking coochie robbed. Good for you girl.
• 55:46
  Isla and Oreo are just teamed up again.
• 55:49
  I. Don't fucking know.
• 55:50
  Why this is when they're like searching the Waterhouse and she
• 55:53
  almost gets killed. You're like, there's monsters
• 55:55
  down there. But also, I'm just going to go a
• 55:58
  separate way from you and leave you to be defenseless.
• 56:02
  And. Why are you just going back to
• 56:04
  the original plan of trying to find this heart when he went so
• 56:09
  far left with practically the enemy?
• 56:10
  Excuse. Me.
• 56:12
  Yeah, I'm going to be sleeping with one eye open.
• 56:15
  It just doesn't from now on with this guy.
• 56:17
  Like she just trusts. Him again, and then he's asking.
• 56:19
  Her all these personal questions and then, duh.
• 56:23
  She's. Playing it off because the
• 56:24
  wildlings are going to be high, yes.
• 56:27
  So he's like what? You've obviously your body, he's
• 56:30
  so smart for your body count is high.
• 56:33
  Cause like he tricks her into answering and because he can
• 56:36
  tell when you're lying, he just knows he's having a little
• 56:39
  giggle in the back. But of course she's got dead
• 56:42
  parents, no powers. She's a virgin who can't drive.
• 56:45
  That's it. Yeah, that's all that she is.
• 56:48
  That's why it doesn't understand why he let her go off in the
• 56:50
  Waterhouse thing alone. She's 19 years old.
• 56:53
  You're 500 years old. You've got more experience than
• 56:56
  her. Well, to be fair, if she does
• 56:58
  die, what if she never wanted to swim?
• 57:01
  But then he doesn't have to worry about being in love with
• 57:02
  her anymore. Yeah, true.
• 57:03
  He doesn't have to worry about if you trust her.
• 57:05
  We love when men hate women so much yeah, love that love that
• 57:11
  next time she meets up with. Grim.
• 57:13
  Yes. She's trying to ask him.
• 57:16
  About all this, like shit about the heart and like how come this
• 57:19
  and that and how come if two people breed from different
• 57:21
  things blah blah blah. She's asking all these.
• 57:23
  Questions well she pulls on the neck place too and he comes in
• 57:26
  thinking she's dying he's like frantically running she's like
• 57:28
  no I just want answers which she's very girly very very on
• 57:31
  brand. I love it.
• 57:32
  I could be doing that all the time.
• 57:34
  Messenger would be fine picking up the.
• 57:36
  Phone no one likes. An in person conversation
• 57:38
  because then he can't worm. Out of it.
• 57:40
  And then what does he do? Worm out of it?
• 57:41
  He hits her with the Rizzle dizzle and finger bashes her.
• 57:45
  Finger. Bashes those questions right out
• 57:47
  of her little Ding Dong 19 year old heads.
• 57:49
  Yeah. And then she's never brings it
• 57:51
  up. Never again.
• 57:53
  Not a thought. She goes, why did you not tell
• 57:55
  me Wild Wings were in part of making the island?
• 57:58
  And he's like, because you have to find them out in your own
• 58:01
  time. Her own time was nobody's got
• 58:04
  time, no one's got time. We're on a timer.
• 58:07
  That's the whole point. And you've got like 20 days left
• 58:10
  to prepare, though. I feel like this book set up a
• 58:12
  really bad sense of urgency. Yes, because it doesn't actually
• 58:17
  matter because they can just try again the next 100 years.
• 58:20
  So there's no the stakes are very low.
• 58:22
  I think that's why she made Oreo dying because they only had this
• 58:27
  one. They've got to care about Oreo
• 58:29
  dying for that to matter. I think.
• 58:31
  I feel like he's had a I got to a point where I just thought
• 58:33
  that was so stupid. I was like, what does it?
• 58:36
  Who cares if doesn't even matter?
• 58:38
  So finally she has a Eureka moment.
• 58:41
  She's finally in the correct library and some shit.
• 58:43
  And then she figures out with her own 19 year old brain.
• 58:46
  That the light. Dark thing is actually dawn dusk
• 58:49
  thing a la Pirates of the Caribbean at World's End.
• 58:53
  So what actually happened is she found a DVD in his bookcase and
• 58:58
  it was Pirates of the Caribbean at World's End, and she was
• 59:00
  watching that bit where the ship's about to like, flip flop
• 59:03
  and I had to be that perfect dawn dust time.
• 59:05
  And she was like. You know what this?
• 59:06
  Reminds me of. That bird that tries to kill me?
• 59:10
  That made no sense. What?
• 59:13
  Bird. Like, I mean, I know there was a
• 59:15
  bird that tried to kill her and she's like really reminds me of
• 59:19
  the universe was trying to get her attention so hard.
• 59:22
  It just kept sending this bird at her.
• 59:23
  And she was like, you know what, let's just not listen to the
• 59:26
  bird. And I don't know how.
• 59:28
  She got there. How did she connect that?
• 59:30
  I don't know. And.
• 59:31
  Then you know what it went bird connection somehow to nest.
• 59:36
  Egg. Moon yolk, yolk, yolk, yes.
• 59:39
  That. Is the exact timeline.
• 59:41
  Of everything that happened. There was a floating egg fucking
• 59:45
  cracked open at the exact right time when she was finally in the
• 59:48
  right place. Yeah, and it was Yoki.
• 59:50
  So then, so the heart was the moon.
• 59:53
  The heart was just sitting there waiting for them to work their
• 59:55
  shit out. But it was an egg.
• 59:57
  I don't know why it had to represent the sun.
• 59:59
  Is that because Oreos? The sun thing.
• 1:00:01
  Whatever the fuck. Well, it wasn't green.
• 1:00:03
  If it was green, we would have went straight into Moana when I
• 1:00:10
  was like, you're on us all. I know.
• 1:00:13
  I like kind of know the chamber. You're welcome.
• 1:00:15
  Oh, that's right, you're welcome.
• 1:00:18
  The egg, just like as soon as they were like we've got to find
• 1:00:23
  the heart to school the island. I started reading it in
• 1:00:25
  marijuana and Maui's Blitz and I was like, that would actually
• 1:00:29
  make it more fun. It actually was a little bit for
• 1:00:31
  a while listening to the rock in my head, just actually that
• 1:00:35
  would help. And then.
• 1:00:36
  Grimm. I don't know the timeline of
• 1:00:38
  fuck this. She is the most ridiculous
• 1:00:41
  pacing of people I've ever ran. She literally ran out.
• 1:00:45
  They're like in the Vindelands and they didn't think to fucking
• 1:00:48
  check if any cannibals were around.
• 1:00:50
  She ran out. So again, parts of the cabin.
• 1:00:53
  Yeah, she ran with no shield, and Oreo just had to watch
• 1:00:58
  because the sun was coming out and she gets shot in the chest.
• 1:01:02
  Even Captain Jack Sparrow's just running beside her.
• 1:01:06
  Yeah, with this jar of dirt. Exactly.
• 1:01:12
  Honestly, it's getting past the Caribbean level of insanity.
• 1:01:15
  And quests. Not making sense.
• 1:01:17
  And then she's like dying while holding the heart, which is
• 1:01:20
  saving her. And then she has enough energy
• 1:01:23
  to pull her necklace for Grim to show up.
• 1:01:26
  And then all of a sudden she's just in her room because Grim
• 1:01:29
  just shot her away. How convenient.
• 1:01:32
  And then she was healed. And then Oreo was like, you
• 1:01:36
  couldn't wait a single hour longer and went through the sun
• 1:01:39
  essentially and nearly burned himself to death.
• 1:01:41
  She was like, he robs me so much.
• 1:01:43
  He went through dusk and then grim desperately.
• 1:01:47
  It's a bit like, bro, he's like, so I meant and blacked you.
• 1:01:50
  And also on top of that, sorry this is in my notes somewhere,
• 1:01:55
  but because we're all over the place.
• 1:01:57
  So her purse purpose was to just seduce the king.
• 1:02:02
  That's why he took away your memories.
• 1:02:03
  Why is he trying to? Fuck her all the time.
• 1:02:06
  Can't help himself. He can't.
• 1:02:07
  He's the man, Emily. He's going to die.
• 1:02:11
  How is she supposed to fall in love with the king if you're
• 1:02:14
  constantly trying to fuck her? Oh.
• 1:02:18
  Also didn't he have a side thing with old Bluffs Celeste?
• 1:02:22
  Yeah, so fucking get you rocked up with.
• 1:02:25
  Celeste for a minute well he was in love with he's they're in
• 1:02:30
  love he's in blacked her he's that's what he was like a
• 1:02:33
  license to cheat so you're. Like.
• 1:02:36
  The. Internal fun showing Spotless
• 1:02:38
  minded her okay. She don't know him for shit.
• 1:02:41
  And just he's like you're going to be mad at, of course she's
• 1:02:44
  going to be mad at it, but don't try literally keep.
• 1:02:47
  If she's going to be mad at you, don't keep trying to fuck her at
• 1:02:50
  the same. Time he couldn't.
• 1:02:52
  Help it because he had to reun virginize her.
• 1:02:56
  He was like oh he's so obsessed with her, can't wait to take her
• 1:03:00
  virginity again. No, he couldn't just take her
• 1:03:03
  once to come back for a second serving.
• 1:03:08
  Couldn't help himself. Couldn't the hybrid practically
• 1:03:10
  back? I'm just he.
• 1:03:15
  He. Was so excited if she's the love
• 1:03:17
  of your life and you're going to sacrifice her your love for each
• 1:03:20
  other love story as he says in the end remember our story I
• 1:03:24
  love don't ruin your own plans super juicy it's too good it's
• 1:03:33
  kept really torch from all that Hitachi magical like God really
• 1:03:37
  grip who so so he reveals all this shit she runs away wonders
• 1:03:43
  why she's mad like he just he took away her choice you must
• 1:03:55
  not only did she no because like that's.
• 1:03:58
  Smiling. You take away all her memories
• 1:04:02
  of a year of her becoming a person, her loving you becoming
• 1:04:06
  a person. Well yeah, because she literally
• 1:04:08
  did more shit with him than anything.
• 1:04:11
  She was not allowed out of the house.
• 1:04:13
  Took away her choice from that. You didn't want to tell her her
• 1:04:16
  best friend was conspiring against her, and that you knew.
• 1:04:20
  That. Well, he knew.
• 1:04:22
  He knew she was Aurora the whole time.
• 1:04:24
  Yeah, because she put it together.
• 1:04:26
  That's his ex, essentially. It's not even worse.
• 1:04:30
  He tapped that and like. I don't know where I was.
• 1:04:35
  Going, do you reckon? I know I derailed you.
• 1:04:37
  Do you reckon Aurora was body? Hoddy.
• 1:04:40
  Hoddy. Well, she was getting married to
• 1:04:42
  the king, old mate. Argon Energy, Yeah.
• 1:04:48
  Oreo and Argon Energy. Fuck me.
• 1:04:52
  Also. Celeste.
• 1:04:54
  Get a fucking life. It happened 500 years ago.
• 1:04:58
  This is stale to you by now babes.
• 1:05:00
  You got rejected. Whatever your fiance didn't want
• 1:05:04
  you no more. Get over it.
• 1:05:05
  But they all OK commit the original offence.
• 1:05:09
  They all knew that the king ran tried to run away with Violet.
• 1:05:13
  Wouldn't that be the offence, not the so someone has to start
• 1:05:16
  running away with someone? But it wouldn't be, she
• 1:05:20
  convinced, Grit she someone has to be a slide dog.
• 1:05:23
  She. Convinced prophecy is that
• 1:05:29
  someone has to be a slide dog. Mr. Steal your girl.
• 1:05:43
  She's had enough. So she's very butt hurt.
• 1:05:46
  So butt hurt that she, you know, recreates her entire identity
• 1:05:51
  just constantly. And then she's.
• 1:05:53
  Trying to trap Oreo all of these times, right?
• 1:05:57
  Every Centennial. Trap his arse.
• 1:06:00
  Trap his arse Like revenge. Yeah, I mean less.
• 1:06:04
  I feel like she's the smartest and dumbest one because she was
• 1:06:08
  like these two people fell in love, guys are somehow not
• 1:06:12
  affected by the curse. She gets her parents killed,
• 1:06:15
  then she gets them to train this girl up her whole life and then
• 1:06:19
  convinces them to fall in love with Oreo.
• 1:06:21
  And then she finds out about Grimm and then convinces him
• 1:06:24
  like somehow she's the smartest and dumbest one of all of them.
• 1:06:27
  She's really out here. Playing The Sims, you know what
• 1:06:30
  it's like, Yeah. Really.
• 1:06:31
  Creating her own plot as she goes, as the author did.
• 1:06:34
  Because how does any of this make any?
• 1:06:37
  Sense. And you can't.
• 1:06:38
  Just throw in that grim fuck Celeste slash Aurora and not
• 1:06:45
  give us details. I don't even I missed it
• 1:06:48
  happened, I missed it, that's how much it didn't.
• 1:06:51
  What she like? Enchanted him or some shit and
• 1:06:54
  he exchanged Dick his DDE for like information or some shit.
• 1:07:01
  So he's really. Out here schlanging the schlong
• 1:07:03
  for info, but I feel like it happened so long ago that it's
• 1:07:07
  one of those things that doesn't matter.
• 1:07:09
  Yeah, yeah. That matters.
• 1:07:11
  It matters. Matters.
• 1:07:13
  It matters to Isla, remember, because she asked him what he
• 1:07:17
  was doing that night. And she he was like, oh, I was
• 1:07:18
  in bed to someone. She was like, oh.
• 1:07:21
  She. Had more feelings about that
• 1:07:22
  than she had at any point in this book.
• 1:07:25
  Isla rocked up this one time and Oreo fell in love with her, so
• 1:07:28
  of course Aurora's pissed. She's been throwing her back
• 1:07:31
  out. Twerking every Centennial trying
• 1:07:33
  to get Oreo to even look in her direction, babe.
• 1:07:35
  He's in the closet. First of all, that's.
• 1:07:37
  Canon, yes. And then she's just like that
• 1:07:40
  pissed now because Isla's obviously like, was able to nab
• 1:07:43
  Bozeman, yes. And.
• 1:07:45
  Then. At.
• 1:07:46
  The end, which makes a lot of sense.
• 1:07:48
  She doesn't even love Grimm. She doesn't even love.
• 1:07:52
  Him. She somehow loves Oreo back,
• 1:07:57
  yeah, but doesn't love. Grim.
• 1:08:00
  Yeah, but there's been OK. It still doesn't make any sense
• 1:08:03
  because even though Grim was in there for two seconds, anytime
• 1:08:08
  they were together, they had tension.
• 1:08:10
  They have spice they wanted. Yeah, they were pretty much eye
• 1:08:13
  fucking each other. Her and Oreo was literally, it
• 1:08:16
  was a bag of dirt. They had no conversations.
• 1:08:20
  He kept putting her in random situations.
• 1:08:22
  Not Captain Jack Sparrow's again.
• 1:08:25
  Again, again. You know what, though?
• 1:08:27
  The betrayal. Because he men in black dirt.
• 1:08:31
  She like, fell out of love with him.
• 1:08:32
  That's what I suspect, yes. So she was like.
• 1:08:36
  But she wasn't even. Heartbroken.
• 1:08:38
  Yeah, she was like. Rebound she's.
• 1:08:41
  Like. OK.
• 1:08:42
  Or she settled. He can make me gold, he can make
• 1:08:45
  me rich. And he's rich.
• 1:08:47
  Yeah. Ding.
• 1:08:48
  Ding Ding. She wants a sugar daddy like
• 1:08:51
  girl girl. I mean this girl can make rocks,
• 1:08:53
  but she just wants a She just won the lottery, dying
• 1:08:58
  practically. A millionaire.
• 1:09:00
  And a king. Hot.
• 1:09:01
  Yeah, apparently the only con is he wears gold all the time.
• 1:09:06
  The. Thing is, he has an option to
• 1:09:08
  wear the other colours. It's his signature.
• 1:09:11
  Colour. OK, I don't know what his skin
• 1:09:12
  tone is, but it works. It's got to be tan.
• 1:09:15
  He's got to be Bondi sanding that shit up all the time.
• 1:09:18
  He well, he can't go in the sun. True.
• 1:09:21
  He's. Definitely doing assault
• 1:09:22
  channel. Yeah, you know what?
• 1:09:25
  What's even stupider though? So, OK, another quote UN quote
• 1:09:29
  twist is that Aizla? Oh, guess what she's just had.
• 1:09:34
  Powers up her ass this whole. Time because she's nightshade.
• 1:09:38
  X. Wildly and then not only that
• 1:09:42
  and this gives me the. Biggest ick?
• 1:09:45
  Her dad was a nightshade who was a general.
• 1:09:49
  Working for Graham. OK, she just fucked your daddy's
• 1:09:53
  boss, OK? No, no, because I was stressed.
• 1:09:57
  OK, because I was so confused. But there was so much going on
• 1:10:01
  at this point, I thought it was leading up to Grim being.
• 1:10:04
  Her dad and I was. I.
• 1:10:12
  Just said that midship God was like tricky fuck my wife.
• 1:10:29
  No, because I was spiralling and shit, you know, I'm so confused
• 1:10:33
  and I was like, wait, it's grim her dad.
• 1:10:35
  And then I was spiralling about the incest.
• 1:10:37
  And then isn't Penelope Douglas, Emily.
• 1:10:43
  Okay, no, but. Penelope.
• 1:10:45
  Wouldn't even do that to us. Okay, fuck.
• 1:10:50
  But I really was like, wait, I had to read it three times.
• 1:10:52
  I think I was that tired. And I was.
• 1:10:55
  Like this is practical. Quest this is actually.
• 1:11:01
  Worse. She.
• 1:11:03
  Fucked. Her daddy's boss.
• 1:11:06
  I didn't even. Her dad's up here like that
• 1:11:09
  means, oh girl, that. Man is too crap.
• 1:11:13
  Well, first of all, he's 500 years old.
• 1:11:17
  You're 19. I know they're OK, I know their
• 1:11:21
  body ages differently, but what's up in that breed of
• 1:11:25
  theirs? Why are they fresh?
• 1:11:28
  20 year old? 25 year old.
• 1:11:30
  If I was 500 years old, I wouldn't even speak to a 19 year
• 1:11:35
  old. I feel like I'm so ascended
• 1:11:38
  bitch I don't. Even ever recognize you.
• 1:11:40
  As a person because I'm almost 30 now and I cannot relate to a
• 1:11:44
  19 year old. That's what I mean.
• 1:11:45
  So imagine when you're 500. Can we do age gaps with 500 year
• 1:11:50
  olds but like they're 2526 when their brains developed?
• 1:11:56
  No, because if doesn't, then it's not a little virgin
• 1:12:02
  favorite. Wasn't she was getting hot and
• 1:12:05
  heavy in the in the barn? In the barn with the coats in
• 1:12:09
  the back. It was a weird twist.
• 1:12:13
  And then he was like, don't tell her.
• 1:12:15
  I don't know what matters at this point.
• 1:12:17
  She knows she's a bad guy. She knows she's got powers.
• 1:12:23
  Why does it care who her dad is? Because it's always a who's the
• 1:12:27
  daddy in books like this it's always important who your dad is
• 1:12:30
  and that's the only thing that matters because everything is
• 1:12:33
  male centric. Also why fuck the mom?
• 1:12:36
  Nobody fucking cares. We know that.
• 1:12:39
  She's a waddling queen. See.
• 1:12:43
  I like would be so off track if someone was like, you know, I
• 1:12:47
  used to work with your dad. I'd be like, grins tied up
• 1:12:49
  thorns, Oreos tied up, Celeste going on her villain rant.
• 1:12:54
  I'd be like, Graham, what was my dad like exactly?
• 1:12:57
  What do you look like? He's like, why did he run away
• 1:13:01
  from you? He's like, you've never listened
• 1:13:04
  to an order. And he never got my coffee order
• 1:13:06
  right. I always had to send him back to
• 1:13:08
  Starbies. No, it'd be something stupid
• 1:13:13
  like the Abbey. What the fuck is an Abbey?
• 1:13:16
  And Agoria Agora. It's like a marketplace, but
• 1:13:21
  it's like a Greek marketplace. Nothing else was Greek.
• 1:13:25
  Maybe someone out of Greek yogurt, I don't know.
• 1:13:27
  Fuck. Me.
• 1:13:29
  Miss girl, fresh baby virgin, can't drive a car, can't swim,
• 1:13:35
  somehow stab some 500 year old bitch.
• 1:13:38
  That's all powerful Windsor powers back.
• 1:13:42
  Duh. What?
• 1:13:44
  It's less get stabbed and fall into a hole in the earth.
• 1:13:47
  She's not fucking Satan. Like, where did the hole come
• 1:13:51
  from? You think?
• 1:13:54
  I was like, like in the game classic, you're just like.
• 1:14:03
  Kill yourself. I think it makes sense.
• 1:14:04
  I think I was. Scrambling after thinking that
• 1:14:07
  Grimshaw was like that, you're like, please, can the holes of
• 1:14:11
  gravity at least make sense? I was like, someone take me into
• 1:14:14
  this hole. And it's probably.
• 1:14:16
  Just her ass opening up from all the fucking.
• 1:14:19
  We thought she magic wand. Fucking her ass, gripping her
• 1:14:23
  cheeks are gripping the one open up and then she fell in and then
• 1:14:27
  she fell in and. Then it's fallen in.
• 1:14:30
  Everyone's fallen in, and then Oreo just saves her and she's
• 1:14:34
  like, oh, and then she was instantly in love.
• 1:14:37
  Instantly in love. And Grim Schwartz, like, I can't
• 1:14:39
  use her powers. Oh no.
• 1:14:41
  Oh no. He got hit with the friends.
• 1:14:46
  When you can't use space powers? How you know she doesn't like
• 1:14:52
  you back bro? Oh, what's?
• 1:14:54
  Even her power supposed to be. I don't even know.
• 1:14:55
  Controlling plants. Like.
• 1:14:59
  She's got a menchie and like he calls like her.
• 1:15:05
  They don't fucking like her. That's what I mean.
• 1:15:07
  Like the bird was trying to kill her all the time.
• 1:15:10
  That should have been the red flag.
• 1:15:14
  She's like, that's unusual. Never thinks about it again.
• 1:15:19
  Also, why are you going into a forest again?
• 1:15:21
  A bird's trying to hunt you down all the time.
• 1:15:24
  But. Why is?
• 1:15:24
  Why are they? Acting like all the creatures
• 1:15:26
  dangerous metals are supposed to like.
• 1:15:28
  It. Also, at least describe a
• 1:15:30
  mermaid to me. Babe, you can't just give me 5.
• 1:15:33
  Seconds of a mythical. Creature and just.
• 1:15:36
  Not tell me what that's supposed to look.
• 1:15:38
  Like hyping up that ghost lady like she was the scariest thing
• 1:15:42
  ever and she was not. She just wanted a body Yodi yodi
• 1:15:45
  for 5 minutes and she was not as.
• 1:15:48
  You know, You know what? It confess if I was and someone
• 1:15:52
  was like I asked you to bring me the prettiest go on the island,
• 1:15:56
  I want to eat that up, I'd be like you.
• 1:15:56
  Can have my body for a day. I really care.
• 1:15:59
  You can have a. 24 hours. Great.
• 1:16:02
  Fucking like, man, Freaky Friday, this shit, yeah, just
• 1:16:05
  give it back when you're done. Literally.
• 1:16:07
  I feel like just wipe it. Who cares?
• 1:16:09
  Everyone's wiping me like an Etch A Sketch anyway.
• 1:16:12
  What's another day? What's another day?
• 1:16:14
  I didn't know that at that point, but still.
• 1:16:16
  And she was like, no, my body is mine.
• 1:16:19
  How do I know that you're not going to get?
• 1:16:21
  This ghost lady to steal my body.
• 1:16:22
  Oddy Oddy, so much work. Went into this.
• 1:16:25
  Body OK? BBL or real?
• 1:16:30
  Real. She hasn't seen a day outside.
• 1:16:34
  Just fucking with you. It's that guy on TikTok that
• 1:16:36
  literally, literally degrades women by stealing their content
• 1:16:41
  and then it's trying to give. The bodies to real or.
• 1:16:45
  Not yeah, classic. OK, what are we going to rate
• 1:16:48
  this out of jar dirt? How many jars of dirt out of
• 1:16:52
  five? Yes.
• 1:16:53
  Okay. 2 And that's only because the idea could have been really,
• 1:16:59
  really good, but it was written horribly.
• 1:17:02
  And it's also the idea has been done before.
• 1:17:06
  The idea is, Yeah, but like sometimes when you read a book,
• 1:17:09
  you want to say you love The Hunger Games and you really want
• 1:17:13
  to feel that experience again. Like, I get it, you want to find
• 1:17:16
  another book like that. The problem is it was done
• 1:17:19
  terribly. Yeah.
• 1:17:20
  You want it in another font so you can feel the feelings again.
• 1:17:23
  Yes. You can't convince me they love
• 1:17:24
  each other. They have no chemistry.
• 1:17:26
  No. And they don't even have a
• 1:17:28
  conversation. They have like 2 conversations.
• 1:17:31
  It's like someone sucked all the charisma out of all the
• 1:17:34
  characters of Aqatar and then just vomited it.
• 1:17:37
  That's a 2. Very basic.
• 1:17:39
  Hunger Games plot. And it's also like she just
• 1:17:42
  bullet putted it out and then just took away the bullet points
• 1:17:44
  and just hoped she was not raw dogged it.
• 1:17:47
  You can't tell me she didn't write this in 20 days flat.
• 1:17:49
  Yeah. Raw dogged it.
• 1:17:51
  From start to finish acting. Yeah.
• 1:17:53
  Just pounded it out. Nothing made sense.
• 1:17:56
  Any everything was conflicting to each other.
• 1:17:58
  She was either really strong or really weak.
• 1:18:00
  There's no it was always conflicting.
• 1:18:02
  Also, no character development for none of them.
• 1:18:05
  None of them changed from day dot.
• 1:18:08
  No. Except for Aurora.
• 1:18:10
  Oh, sorry. None of it made sense.
• 1:18:11
  You're telling me for 500 years you've been trying to work out
• 1:18:14
  this curse and you set it up so you were all working separately,
• 1:18:18
  like you didn't all think to sit in a room.
• 1:18:21
  And also, if you're going to do a love triangle, do it properly.
• 1:18:24
  What? Where's the tension between all
• 1:18:26
  of them? And.
• 1:18:28
  Where is her choice? It's just them forcing her on
• 1:18:32
  Oreo at all points and it's just her settling for him because she
• 1:18:36
  was pissed and grim at the time for a very good reason.
• 1:18:39
  I was also thinking too because it is a book.
• 1:18:43
  I mean I. Started reading the second one.
• 1:18:46
  That's because you have to. Yeah, that's because I have.
• 1:18:48
  No, you think? Yeah.
• 1:18:50
  Yeah, it is. I've read a lot of shit books
• 1:18:52
  just because you need to. Know though like.
• 1:18:54
  That's what so that's like it's got no self-control.
• 1:18:59
  The only compliment I can give it is that it was a book.
• 1:19:03
  But you know what? I just the bit that made me
• 1:19:05
  laugh so much is because yes we talked about Grim being a self
• 1:19:08
  insert but he was also the you shouldn't trust me, I'm a
• 1:19:12
  naughty. Boy.
• 1:19:14
  And it's like. OK, we'll stay away.
• 1:19:17
  Literally only tried to like. Fuck her the whole time.
• 1:19:21
  Exactly. Don't trust me, but I'm going to
• 1:19:23
  fuck you. Try fuck you every second of the
• 1:19:25
  day. But why are we, as the audience,
• 1:19:27
  supposed to automatically swoon when someone goes?
• 1:19:30
  Don't trust me? Also, why am I supposed to swoon
• 1:19:33
  for a man that hates a woman? Yeah.
• 1:19:35
  Oreo. Hates her.
• 1:19:37
  Oh yeah, yeah, until she finds out she's powerless.
• 1:19:40
  Yeah. So let's wrap this up.
• 1:19:41
  Hey yeah, I'm done. Thanks for joining us on Lose
• 1:19:44
  the Plot with. Carla and Emily.
• 1:19:46
  Don't forget to rate US five stars and subscribe if you
• 1:19:48
  enjoyed slide into our DMS on TikTok or Instagram Lose the
• 1:19:52
  Plot podcast.