Latest / Dear Chelsea / Childhood is Over with Nieces Jordan and Charley

Transcript

Childhood is Over with Nieces Jordan and Charley · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, you're on the move. I am
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: almost on my way to New Zealand.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: Oh how exciting.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I mean my last week. I have my friends here.
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: It's my friend's birthday week, so there's a lot of
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: men and women.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: At my house.
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: They're all out right now, so I can record my
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: podcast because I'm the only one who's remaining professional while
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: I'm on vacation.
• 0:19
  Speaker 4: Have you reconnected with any old flames from MAJORCA from
• 0:22
  Speaker 4: before or anything.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: That I have, Catherine, you know that I have. I'm
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: not here spinning my wheels on a bicycle all the time, Okay,
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: I'm getting a lot of activity, just spending something else. Yes, yes,
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: I'm very busy, Chelsea.
• 0:37
  Speaker 4: Paula wrote in, and I think this is something really
• 0:39
  Speaker 4: good to share because we talk a lot about like
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: go get some therapy, but not everybody can afford that therapy.
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: But Paula says, and support groups are typically free, right,
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: exactly exactly.
• 0:49
  Speaker 4: If you can't afford something, a lot of times there's
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: free group therapy, support groups, all that kind of stuff.
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: So take a look at what exists in your area.
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: Paula says, I run a therapy center and I have
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: to tell you I have plout what you're doing and
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: think you would both make fabulous therapists. That's very sweet.
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: I'm an avid listener. I heard one of your callers
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: share that they would like to go to therapy but
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: can't afford it, and I'm reaching out to let you
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: know there are options for low income individuals to access
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: quality therapy. If any of your callers are from California
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: specifically and need mental health assistance, please let them know
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: about Pelican Cove Counseling Center, where a nonprofit and offer
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: a sliding scale fee structure to ensure all have access
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: to quality, long term therapy. You can just direct them
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: to our website and hit the contact link at the
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: top navigation bar. A therapist will reach out in twenty
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: four hours Pelicancove dot org. And I think that's amazing.
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: There are resources like that in every single state, so like,
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: really this stuff is a Google away.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for that writing that in.
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you, Paula. And people reach out to Pelican Cove.
• 1:47
  Speaker 4: A lot of places have sliding scale and that sort
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: of thing.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: If lighting scales where it's at for payments and for grades.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: I appreciated slighting scales when I was growing up exactly.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: It's like I really got a seventy.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: But because everybody else is, I'm an idiot too, I
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: got an idea.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I'm like, thank you, love it, Chelsea.
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: We have some very special guests today, maybe even more
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: special than our normal guests.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, these are my nieces.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: I have three nieces, and two of my nieces are
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: represented in today's episode.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Jordan Ray and Charlie Day. How cute is that?
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: And they're both very good at giving advice Catherine in
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: their own peer groups and within our family. So I
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: thought there would be a great addition to the podcast
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: because they're both very smart. Charlie's in college, Jordan's just graduate,
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: well not just graduated from college, but she's a college
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: graduate making her way in the world today as a
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: working woe man, and which Charlie will be soon following suit.
• 2:39
  Speaker 5: So Hi girls, Hi, Hello, how are you?
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Thanks for coming on the podcast together. How cute a
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: is this?
• 2:47
  Speaker 6: I love it me too, I'm so happy to be here.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: Okay, Charlie, I know you're a year ended at Emory
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: University and Jordan just started a new job a few
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: months ago. So these girls are very busy, and one
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: of them is living in Sinn currently on the east coast. Yeah,
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: and then start yeah, and it's also called a river.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: She's living with her she has a living lover.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: What's the river?
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, the Jordan river.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: Sorry, I was gonna say it's also the name of
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: a river, but it came out wrong. I'm so busy
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: about putting my verbs announce in opposite directions in Spanish
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: every morning that now I'm.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Doing it in English. I'm like, wait, what river Jordan?
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: No, Jordan lives with her boyfriend on the east coast
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: and she just started a cool job. So I want
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: to hear about how your this past year went for
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: both of you. Jordan, you tell us how your new
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: job is going, how your new city is going.
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah. So it's funny because right around this time last year,
• 3:37
  Speaker 5: I actually quit my last job, like I think it
• 3:39
  Speaker 5: was like on my birthday last year. So that was
• 3:41
  Speaker 5: really fun.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: And what kind of job was that? Tell everybody what
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: you did there?
• 3:45
  Speaker 5: It was a content creating kind of job, but it
• 3:49
  Speaker 5: was in the techy kind of well being space. It
• 3:52
  Speaker 5: was just very corporate and it just wasn't fun like
• 3:56
  Speaker 5: it was supposed to be. Purposeful, but then you get
• 3:58
  Speaker 5: so jaded in those kinds of environments. It just was
• 4:01
  Speaker 5: not fun anymore. So I kind of decided, like, I
• 4:05
  Speaker 5: want to change career paths. I want to move to
• 4:07
  Speaker 5: a new city. I want to try out somewhere other
• 4:10
  Speaker 5: than New Jersey because we've all been in New Jersey
• 4:12
  Speaker 5: for so long. I just wanted to try a different state.
• 4:15
  Speaker 5: And so we moved and I am now a company.
• 4:19
  Speaker 5: It's a production company that's social impact driven and mission driven,
• 4:24
  Speaker 5: and so it feels a lot more purposeful than before.
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: And I'm getting into I don't know if I'm stepping
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: on your toes content of being in the entertainment space
• 4:32
  Speaker 5: trying not to, but.
• 4:35
  Speaker 7: Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: She got a job working with Shelley to Gilsky Pandemic
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: of Love, as everyone knows on this podcast, among many
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: other things, copious amounts of things. Shelley is she's a
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: busy lady. So she and Samoe and my sister are
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: very close. And she met Jordan and so she yeah,
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: she helped Jordan get a job in her company.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: So that's awesome. And Charlie tell us about.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: Your freshman year in college, because the pictures were they
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: looked like you were having a great time.
• 5:03
  Speaker 6: That's absolutely correct, Listen, I was looking forward to college,
• 5:08
  Speaker 6: but I didn't even know what was one step away.
• 5:12
  Speaker 6: It was great.
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: You didn't know how exciting this experience was gonna be, right, No, I.
• 5:21
  Speaker 6: Mean so many different areas of my life have been
• 5:25
  Speaker 6: improved after moving away from suburban New Jersey.
• 5:28
  Speaker 8: Who could have known?
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: And you like actually going to school, right, yeah?
• 5:34
  Speaker 6: I mean I'm a bit of a nerd and I
• 5:36
  Speaker 6: actually really enjoy school. But I mean there are so
• 5:40
  Speaker 6: many great parts of freshman year outside of school.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: How would you balance your work life, Charlie in school
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: this year with your party life? What would you say
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: the appropriate college balance has been that you found?
• 5:55
  Speaker 6: Well, Chelsea, I'm I've been towing the line more and
• 6:00
  Speaker 6: more and I'm waiting for things to blow up and
• 6:05
  Speaker 6: they haven't yet. So I'm just kind of upping the anti.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: Blow up in a good way or blow up in
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: a and like deleterious manner, Which which kind of blow
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: up are you looking for?
• 6:15
  Speaker 6: As the year progressed, party levels went up more, I
• 6:20
  Speaker 6: upped the anti and things haven't exactly crashed and burned yet,
• 6:24
  Speaker 6: So I'm just kind of waiting for that point.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: Okay, right, so you're just going to enjoy the ride
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: until you have to tone it down a notch. I
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: understand what you're saying. I think, yes exactly, Jordan. Was
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: that your experience your first year in college as well?
• 6:37
  Speaker 5: No, I was super lame in college and you didn't
• 6:41
  Speaker 5: go out very much. I also am a nerd and I.
• 6:44
  Speaker 7: Just was like super obsessed with getting good grades.
• 6:47
  Speaker 5: And also I did not go to like a good
• 6:48
  Speaker 5: school for partying, but I figured it out over time.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you figured out how to get your party on.
• 6:53
  Speaker 5: You mean, oh yeah, it's mostly involved alcohol and just
• 6:58
  Speaker 5: not worrying too much.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: Yes, we're a very pro cannabis family. I don't know
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: if anyone's picked up on that vibe yet. Now, girls,
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: I know that you recently went on a trip the
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: three girls, so you know, everyone has knows. I have
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: two sisters and I have three nieces, so it's perfect.
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: So we have three three and three, and then our
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: closest cousins are also three girls, so it's perfect because
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: we just like to multiply females in groups of three.
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: I know you recently went on a cousin's trip with
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Seneca the three of you, Can you tell me about
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: that and what kind of cousin bonding you guys got
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: up to.
• 7:29
  Speaker 6: We all live in different areas of the country. I'm
• 7:32
  Speaker 6: in the South, Jordan's always moving around, Sennny's in San
• 7:37
  Speaker 6: Francisco or wherever. So we always need to squeeze in
• 7:41
  Speaker 6: as much bonding as possible and in a short amount
• 7:45
  Speaker 6: of time. And if you think it can't be done,
• 7:49
  Speaker 6: we always prove you wrong. Every time we ate, we laughed,
• 7:54
  Speaker 6: we drank other things.
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: It was beautiful, other things like your aunt Chelsea would
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: encourage you to do.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: By the way, girls, I sent you all boxes of
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: clothes close I'm moving into my new house.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: I edited my closet.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: I sent you all boxes of clothes, and at the
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: very last minute, Mollie came over and put a vibrator
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: in each one of your packages. So just so you know,
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: that is not from me, that's from Mollie trying to
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: be funny.
• 8:19
  Speaker 6: That's actually would be the third vibrator that you have
• 8:23
  Speaker 6: sent me, so I expect the first.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, I'm glad that we cleared that up. Now
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: back to your cousinly vacation. I wanted you to talk
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: a little bit about your dynamic between the three of
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: you and how or if you think it mimiced the
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: other three women in our families dynamic at all.
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: Oh interesting, I don't really think about it that way.
• 8:42
  Speaker 5: I mean, Chelsea, you're like such a standout, Like I
• 8:46
  Speaker 5: don't think we really fully have a Chelsea in our generation.
• 8:51
  Speaker 5: But I'd say Charlie is the closest because she just
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: literally cracks me up. Twenty four to seven. She woke
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: up one day and she goes, oh my God, like
• 9:02
  Speaker 5: I had a great night of sleep, and then I
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: woke up this morning in said of her and I
• 9:06
  Speaker 5: were like a parfit all layered together, and who just
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: comes up with it? She just cracks me up constantly.
• 9:16
  Speaker 5: So maybe that's my only comparison to you is Charles.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: Charlie does have some really good, really good singers. She
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: comes out with some stuff that you're like, are you
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: a poet? Or are you on something? But it always
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: makes sense once you start to think about it.
• 9:32
  Speaker 6: Well, over the years, the three girls, we would always
• 9:35
  Speaker 6: try and see which sister we were, and it has
• 9:39
  Speaker 6: definitely changed over the years, But there's always a gap.
• 9:43
  Speaker 6: You're right, Jordan, it doesn't really fit. We've added some
• 9:47
  Speaker 6: new things to the parfait, if you will.
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: And then when we double, when we mix in our cousins,
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: it's even better because they have young kids and they
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: have babies, so then we can keep it youthful like
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: this past year and Martha's Vineyard. I know you weren't there, Charlie,
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: but we were, and we really enjoyed having.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: A younger dynamic there.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: And we actually that's when we started to threaten members
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: of the family about doing that non anonymous three p.
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: Sixty where we review each family member's performance and then
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: make cuts based on that.
• 10:18
  Speaker 7: Have you made the cuts?
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Yes, well I've made them into you know.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: I mean, I know what the cuts are, and everyone
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: knows what my cuts are, so I don't even need
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: to say it out loud.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: It seems like there's some people not invited to Myerica
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: this year.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: But there's also so many other people to consider.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: We have so many cousins and everybody, I mean, and
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: the girls and the kids all have are taking lovers.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, you.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Know, I mean, there's just so many people in the
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: mix to consider.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: You're out here multiplying.
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: Maybe we need a new draft.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: I think so. I think I think that's what we need.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: We could hold some auditions, well yeah, I mean, or
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: we test them out on a vacation and see what
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: kind of grade they get. You know, like Molly's obviously
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: an A plus, carries another A plus. Both of their
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: babies are A pluses as far as I'm concerned, And
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: I don't say that very often, but you know what
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: I'm talking about. Do you guys think it's an advantage
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: that you come from such a big family? Do you
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: feel like you come from a big family?
• 11:16
  Speaker 5: Oh yeah, Oh yeah. I mean it's fun because I
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: think like one of the things that I learned from
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: this family is just leaning into chaos because there is
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: no way of getting around it. And I think it's
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: so easy to panic and be like, oh fuck, like
• 11:30
  Speaker 5: everybody's a mess, and yeah, like they are a mess,
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: but you just kind of go with it and you're like,
• 11:37
  Speaker 5: appreciate everybody for the mess that they are.
• 11:39
  Speaker 7: Instead of time.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Nice.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a nice outlook to have. It's took me
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: a long time to figure that out. I'd be like,
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: why are you so fucking annoying, and then I have
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: to realize, oh, they're just annoying. Go in the other direction.
• 11:50
  Speaker 9: You know.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: Sometimes it's hard to get away from people though in
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: our house, especially when there's so many of them.
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: And especially when we're bunking up to the degree that
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: we do.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: We do bunk up a lot because there's we have
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: so many people that we have to get places that,
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: you know, like half of us are sleeping in bunk beds.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: Obviously not us, mostly the boys, but sometimes it happens. Charlie,
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: what about you? Do you feel like you come from
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: a big family.
• 12:11
  Speaker 7: I do.
• 12:12
  Speaker 6: But the thing that kind of has resonated with me
• 12:15
  Speaker 6: is the fection in our family, because I don't really
• 12:19
  Speaker 6: I haven't really seen that in other people's family dynamics
• 12:23
  Speaker 6: or my dad's branch of the family. Everybody's just super
• 12:29
  Speaker 6: warm and loving and literally just touching each other struggling
• 12:32
  Speaker 6: on the couch.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: Some would say it's slightly inappropriate, and I will take
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: the responsibility for the inappropriateness. Jordan hasn't really been one
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: of my victims because she because she rebuffed my advances
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: from an early time, she had set a boundary.
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: Oh see, that's my no No square.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I was like, oh, and then I looked
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: for another no No square, and then I found Charlie
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: and Seneca and they loved my advances and they welcome them,
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: and so I'm still doing it, you know. But yeah,
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: there is a lot of affection going on. That's nice.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: That's nice.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: I mean, how could you argue with affection? Any family
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: that's not.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: Affection is where the problems are. So we're problem we
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: have problems, but nobody has any secrets.
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah, how do you guys work out issues that come
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: up in the family or when somebody is being annoying?
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: Do you hash it out? How does that work from
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: the next generation's perspective.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: Well, Seneca usually, who's not here to speak for herself,
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: usually yells at everyone. So in that way, she's very
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: much like me and her spot in the generation. She
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: has no tolerance for the boys in our family, so
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: she's like, shut that fuck up.
• 13:36
  Speaker 6: Everything's out on the table, everything's up for grabs. Nobody's
• 13:40
  Speaker 6: hiding anything, and if you're doing something that's weird, you're
• 13:44
  Speaker 6: gonna get called out, and you deserve to be called out.
• 13:48
  Speaker 6: I made Jordan and I two very strong, independent women
• 13:53
  Speaker 6: and we call people out and we're okay with criticism.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. That's great. I love that too.
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: And on that note, we're going to take a break
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: and we're going to be right back with my two
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: nieces on Dear Chelsea.
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: This week, we're looking for questions about dating, whether you're single,
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: just starting to see someone, or out there on the apps.
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: Right in with your questions to Dear Chelsea podcast at
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: gmail dot.
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: Com, and we're back with Jordan and Charlie. Okay, my
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: nieces are here today.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: So this is so cute. I love it.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: Hit it all right.
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: Well, our first question comes from cc CC says Dear Chelsea.
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: I'm a twenty three year old student. My current boyfriend
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: and I met in an art class about four months ago.
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: We've been dating for three months. At the beginning of
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: our relationship, I told him I'm a person that's really
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: afraid of commitment and that we need to take it
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: slow because of that. Since then, we've met each other's
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: families a few times, gotten each other really personal gifts,
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: and just recently came back from a five day trip
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: to Colorado with him and his family. So as you
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: can see, the taking it slow quickly got out of hand.
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: As much as I like him, I've always been used
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: to being very independent, self sufficient and alone, and lately
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: I've been extremely focused on my career and my life,
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: and I haven't really given too much thought or worry
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: to my relationship since in my head, I was still
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: taking it slow. However, a couple of days after coming
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: back from Colorado, my boyfriend texted me that he's in
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: love with me. Yes, he texted you, he texted me.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: She says.
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: This is also the time to point out that he's
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: three years younger than me, so he's twenty. I told
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: him this was a conversation to be had in person,
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: not over tich someone else, but that I was not
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: on the same page as him. I'm writing to you
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: because I officially do not know what to do. How
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: do I go about this? Should I still be with him?
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: Or is this a big enough issue to break up?
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: I don't want to lead him on by telling him
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: I might or might not fall in love with him
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: later down the line, but I do like being with him.
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: I just feel too young still, and saying I love
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: you to someone is just something I don't see myself
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: doing for a long time.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Cci, Okay, who wants to go first?
• 16:00
  Speaker 6: I have some comments I think with the whole commitment issue.
• 16:04
  Speaker 6: This is something I've been thinking about myself recently, just
• 16:08
  Speaker 6: the idea of commitment, because I was in a pretty
• 16:10
  Speaker 6: long relationship before college and now I'm on the other
• 16:14
  Speaker 6: end of the spectrum. But you can't really force yourself
• 16:18
  Speaker 6: into wanting commitment. If it's not there, it's not going
• 16:23
  Speaker 6: to be there, and that's not something that can artificially
• 16:26
  Speaker 6: come about. So I think you might owe it to
• 16:30
  Speaker 6: yourself and to your little lover to kind of establish
• 16:34
  Speaker 6: a boundary and maybe distance yourself.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: Establish a boundary, and then distance yourself from a boundary
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: back away.
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: Jordan, I actually went through something very similar when I
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: first started dating my partner. It was a long time ago,
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: and he asked me if if I wanted to be
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: a his girlfriend, and I had said no originally because
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: I just wasn't ready, like.
• 17:04
  Speaker 7: It seemed too serious. For whatever reason.
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: Certain labels or certain words I feel like trigger us
• 17:09
  Speaker 5: and it tells you a little bit something about yourself
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: that you should probably dig into. But then he was
• 17:14
  Speaker 5: like okay, and then he kind of bounced, and I
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: was like, whoa wha, whoa. Wait a minute, Like I
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: thought we could sort of do this half half in,
• 17:21
  Speaker 5: half out thing, and then I realized I missed him,
• 17:24
  Speaker 5: and I was like, wait, wait, let's pick this back
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: up and just move a little slower. And So I
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: feel like, if you step away and you don't miss
• 17:34
  Speaker 5: that person, or you're just not really interested in reconnecting,
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: that's a big sign that you shouldn't be moving in
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: that direction or spending any more time. But I also
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: feel like when we say we have commitment issues, it's
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: something like you need to challenge or dig into a
• 17:49
  Speaker 5: little bit more. Because for me, it was something of
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: like I just wanted to be this strong person and
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: I didn't ever want to be vulnerable. But if you
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: ever want to have a relationship that matters and that
• 18:00
  Speaker 5: you actually care about, you have to do that. So
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: I don't know, I would look at both sides of it.
• 18:05
  Speaker 5: It's like, if it's not this person, it's not this person.
• 18:09
  Speaker 5: But if it's a commitment issue and you want to
• 18:11
  Speaker 5: figure that out, I would figure that out.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's very sagacious because you know, it's
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: it is two things she's.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: Talking about a little bit.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: But also with with you know, when someone says that
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: I love you and you don't feel that way, I
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: really believe it is the person, the recipient's responsibility to
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: make it very clear that those feelings are not being reciprocated,
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: so that that person can have some truth on their side.
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: They just said something that's very vulnerable, and even though
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: you are not matching it, it's nice to be like,
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I don't feel that way yet, or I
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: don't feel that way now, or however you can say
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: it to kind of, but be honest about it, you know,
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: and also be honest about the fact that if they're
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: in love with you and you don't feel that way,
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: it probably means that you're not in love with them.
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: Usually if people are in love, they're feeling it, not.
• 19:02
  Speaker 7: One being like you back.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: And the other person's look, I'm closer. No, it's not
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: like that, I know.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: And also to anyone listening, when someone says I love
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: you and it makes you have a reaction like that's
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: not a good thing, that's not good. That's not because
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: you're too young or you're a commitment foe. That just
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: means that person is not your person or one of
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: your people. If you think you're too young at twenty three, right, yeah, yeah,
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: you are too young to be like in love or
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: expectations of being love. But if this is a like
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: a recurring theme in your life, or it becomes one
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: where you're like, I just don't want a relationship, I
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: don't want a relationship, then yes, it probably is a
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: commitment issue.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: I've definitely been there myself as well.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: But I think being honest with the other person, you know,
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: is also really the most important thing.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: It's just everyone has so nobody gets confused, you know
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: what I mean.
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: And if you really don't think you're going down that road,
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: be honest about that too, and like or not be honest,
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: but you know, separate yourself from that person so that
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: you can give them a chance to find someone who
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: also does feel the same way. So yeah, yeah, especially
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: if you if you don't care, you know, Okay, So good.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Luck with that. What's her name Charlotte cec Cca, Charlotte, Charlotte.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: She's a sophomore. She's her name is Charlotte.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: It's probably short for Carlett. Let's be honest.
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: Well, Sophie is our first caller today, and she's calling
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: from Canada. She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Sophie,
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: and Anna.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: Is a trigger for me, A happy trigger, now still
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: a trigger.
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: Recently, I've been struggling with the idea of leaving home
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: and going to university. I got into McGill, a university
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: in Montreal, which is a couple hours from where I
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: live right now, so I will have to move out
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: in the fall. McGill is my dream university, although I
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: don't feel excited or any of the feelings you're supposed
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: to feel when you get into your dream university, because
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: I know this means it's the end of the part
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: of my life that's familiar and the beginning of a
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: new one that's so unknown. Although I do know moving
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: away is the best thing for me, it makes me
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: really sad to think that once I move out, it's
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: going to be the end, not to be dramatic of
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: basically my childhood. I'm so grateful that I'm able to
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: go to such a nice university and be supported by
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: my family, but I'm really dreading this new part of
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: my life. I'm wondering how Jordan Charlie dealt with these
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: kinds of changes in their lives, and if they have
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: any advice kind regards Sophie.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Hi, Sophie, Hi, so Hi.
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, how cute are you too? Look at
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: Charlie and Sophie are side by side. They look like
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: they could be sitting in the same room on the zoom. Well,
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: you came to the right place since we have some
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: college students and college graduates here.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, girls, go ahead. Jordan, why don't you go first?
• 21:39
  Speaker 5: Well, I was going to say, I actually think Charlie
• 21:41
  Speaker 5: should take this one first because she did this more
• 21:44
  Speaker 5: recently than I did.
• 21:45
  Speaker 7: So no, I'm happy to.
• 21:49
  Speaker 6: It's really scary, kind of it seems like a very
• 21:53
  Speaker 6: official end to your childhood in a way, and it's
• 21:58
  Speaker 6: kind of scary to separate yourself from your parents. I
• 22:01
  Speaker 6: don't know if that's something that you're feeling, but.
• 22:04
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I know it is.
• 22:06
  Speaker 6: You don't have to feel guilty about growing up and
• 22:10
  Speaker 6: starting your life. That's not something that you have to
• 22:13
  Speaker 6: feel guilty about. And it's really difficult to kind of
• 22:17
  Speaker 6: separate the excitement of doing that from the guilt of
• 22:21
  Speaker 6: spending less time with your family or in your hometown.
• 22:24
  Speaker 6: I think when you actually get to college, you'll see
• 22:28
  Speaker 6: that there's this whole world out there waiting for you,
• 22:33
  Speaker 6: and there's so much newness. And I'm telling you, when
• 22:37
  Speaker 6: you go home, this was something I was afraid of.
• 22:40
  Speaker 6: I was afraid that I would go home and things
• 22:41
  Speaker 6: would feel kind of different, the dynamics or just the
• 22:45
  Speaker 6: feeling of my house even.
• 22:48
  Speaker 8: And it's not.
• 22:49
  Speaker 6: I assure you you'll come home and things just kind
• 22:52
  Speaker 6: of rev back up and almost resume where they were.
• 22:56
  Speaker 6: But it's definitely a scary time.
• 23:00
  Speaker 10: Yeah, And I think it's just scary for me to
• 23:02
  Speaker 10: think that, like, once I do move out, I can
• 23:05
  Speaker 10: move back home, but it's not the same, it's not
• 23:08
  Speaker 10: like the same dynamic, I feel like.
• 23:10
  Speaker 8: I think that's what also freaks me out.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: But like the end of an era, it is the
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: end of the era, but it's also like a rite
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: of passage, like you're moving into something and everyone's a
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: little bit scared to go to college. There's also a
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: huge beginning happening, and it's really not the end. It's
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: the end of your childhood. It is, but you're always
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: going to come home and you have so much to
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: be excited about. What better time is there in life
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: than to be a freshman in college.
• 23:37
  Speaker 8: That's true.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: Did you have a hard time Jordan leaving?
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: No, I didn't. I felt very ready when I went.
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: But also, you know, over time, you start to miss
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: the people that you grew up with, and it makes
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: total sense, And I think it sounds like you have
• 23:53
  Speaker 5: a great family, which is a total blessing.
• 23:56
  Speaker 7: Because not everybody has that.
• 23:58
  Speaker 5: So it's nice that you have something that you don't
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: want to leave and something that you can come back to.
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: But I think one of the cool things about coming
• 24:06
  Speaker 5: back from college for the first time is figuring out
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: those new dynamics. It's not all bad. You still get
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: to be your parents' baby. They still they actually like
• 24:15
  Speaker 5: babying you when you come back, believe it or not.
• 24:17
  Speaker 5: And also you get to figure out like how to
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: sort of be an adult with them without really having
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: the responsibilities of being an adult.
• 24:25
  Speaker 7: Yet.
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: It's a really cool in between stage where you get
• 24:29
  Speaker 5: to figure out how to be friends with your parents
• 24:31
  Speaker 5: and you see parts of your parents that you didn't
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: see before. It's like unlocking also those relationships in a
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: different way. So I get the fear, I get the anxiety.
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: It's totally normal. I would try making a mental switch
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: in your head to excitement from that because there is
• 24:48
  Speaker 5: a lot to be excited about and when you come
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: home you just see just like absorb it, sit in
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: it and be happy to be there and see kind
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: of where it takes you.
• 24:58
  Speaker 7: But yeah, you have a lot to look forward to it.
• 25:00
  Speaker 10: Yeah, that's the thing because I'm a really, like I
• 25:02
  Speaker 10: think I'm a slow to warm up person.
• 25:05
  Speaker 8: Like right now, I know, I'm really nervous.
• 25:07
  Speaker 10: About it, but i know once I'm there, I'll warm
• 25:09
  Speaker 10: up to it and I'll enjoy it.
• 25:10
  Speaker 8: It's like the in between stage.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: But I think Jorady brought up a great point for
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: something that you can do. Whether it's like an exercise
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: of you writing it down all the time, but like,
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: think about how lucky you are to have grown up
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: in a home that you really are like sad to leave.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: You're grateful for your parents, You're grateful for your bedroom,
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: You're grateful for your house, You're grateful for all of
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: your neighbors and all of the things that come with it.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: Just keep a journal of that, or write down a
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: gratitude list, because that's going to help you move into
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: the next phase of your life with a little bit
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: more grace and a little less fear and it's okay
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: to be scared. It's exciting. That means you care, you
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: know what I mean. Being scared of something means you're
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: nervous and that you care, and that's okay too.
• 25:47
  Speaker 8: Yeah, that's totally true.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Do you have any friends that from high school that
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: are going to your college?
• 25:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 25:52
  Speaker 10: Actually pretty much everyone I know is going to make Yelle.
• 25:57
  Speaker 10: But I do have my best friend who's going to
• 25:59
  Speaker 10: be and it's like pretty much across the country, So
• 26:03
  Speaker 10: I'm really gonna miss her.
• 26:04
  Speaker 8: That's really gonna suck.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I.
• 26:07
  Speaker 8: Didn't like you that I have so many friends going.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's awesome.
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: So yeah, make sure you just like set up a
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: nice like set time that you're gonna like see if
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: people you know throughout the year, whether it's once a
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: week or twice a week. Get a high school group
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: together and be like, I want to make sure we
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: stay you know, close while we're in college, and like
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: get something going like a support group for like being you.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: Know, new freshman or whatever you want to do or
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: call it.
• 26:31
  Speaker 6: Yeah, one thing that I did with my best friend
• 26:34
  Speaker 6: she went to college up north and I'm down south.
• 26:38
  Speaker 6: Every Monday, we would send five pictures from our week
• 26:43
  Speaker 6: as a little dump to kind of fill each other in. Yeah,
• 26:47
  Speaker 6: and it was a lot of fun because I would
• 26:49
  Speaker 6: take pictures throughout the week thinking like, oh, I'm gonna
• 26:51
  Speaker 6: send this to my friends, She's gonna think this is
• 26:53
  Speaker 6: so funny. Yeah, and we could keep each other up
• 26:57
  Speaker 6: to date and it was a ton of fun.
• 26:59
  Speaker 8: Yeah, it's a really great idea.
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: Now you just have to find a social media platform
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: where you can do that.
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: On a couple little tricks too, to bring with you.
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: First of all, like when you go if you're in
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: a situation where you don't know anybody, like none of
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: your friends are in that mixer or whatever, just know
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: like everybody else there has no friends there either, So like,
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: don't be afraid to go up to people and be like, Hi,
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: I'm so and so and like what's your name, and
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: you know, because they might be feeling really out of
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: place or nervous as well.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: Well, that is a good point because everyone's in the
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: same boat as you. It's not like you're going off
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: to war alone. And well that's not a good example
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: either because people are going together to example, but you know,
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: at least you're in the same boat with everyone, Like
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: everyone is new, so it's a perfect opportunity.
• 27:47
  Speaker 5: Especially that first semester. It's the best time to make friends.
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: Oh you can make friends over nothing. You can like,
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: you know, have a lecture hall together and sit next
• 27:56
  Speaker 5: to each other once and now.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: You yeah okay.
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: And the other thing I would say is say yes
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: to everything that sounds fun. So if someone invites you
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: or there's something you see that's like an event, you
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: can go to say yes to absolutely everything for the
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: first like six months, just so you can like be
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: out there meeting people because you're not going to meet
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: people sitting in your dorm room.
• 28:15
  Speaker 8: Yeah, okay, thank you guys so much.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: Oh good, I feel like they gave me some really
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: great advice today. Yeah, change that frame of mind around.
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: I'm excited for you. You get excited for you too, good luck. Well,
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: thank you Okay, bye, Sophie.
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: Bye bye. What a total cutie.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Oh I know.
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: I just love the idea of wanting to stay home
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: after or like really missing like I could not fucking
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: meet when I was like nine or ten, I was
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: like looking in the like want ads to see how
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: old you?
• 28:50
  Speaker 6: Like?
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: I was like, are there apartments that I could possibly afford, like,
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: do you know in Australia?
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: How do I get the fuck out of here?
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: Well, our next question comes from G and this is
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: a write in, so she's not joining us today. G says,
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea. A few years ago, I lost all of
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: my friends because I chose to stop being friends with
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: the toxic one. Unfortunately, she was very manipulative and influenced
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: the entire group to stop hanging out with me. Despite
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: the fallout being just between us two, I recently got engaged,
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: and as excited as I am, I'm also dreading the
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: wedding planning because of my new lack of friends. I
• 29:29
  Speaker 4: won't have the excitement of having a typical bridal party
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: or bachelorette getaway, nor do I expect to ever be
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: part of one. Don't get me wrong, I have a
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: few friends, but they're all spread out across the country
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: and I don't think it would be feasible for any
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: of us to happen. My question is how can I
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: make this process an exciting one despite the lack of support?
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: How do I get over being so sad and lonely
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: in the social aspect of my life? Best?
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: G Oh, that sounds like a bummer.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: No, No, well, it just sounds like you're going to
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: have to make a new group of friends, and it's
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: going to take an from where you live. Like I've
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: heard of these things happening with adult women before. It's
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: so embarrassing, but it's happened to me, and I'm sure
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: I've done it to plenty of people.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: So yeah, you just have to make a new set
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: of friends.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: And it does suck, but it is a time to
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: be like celebratory in your life, right, girls. I mean,
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: you're getting married, You've got a great husband, and it's unfortunate,
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: but at least you don't have that toxicity in your life.
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: It's sad that it's at the expense of like all
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: the other friendships. But I would just focus on, you know,
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: be open minded about who else you're going to hang
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: out with, and and and it will take time to
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: make a new circle of friends, and I would try.
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: I would encourage you to do something for your wedding.
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: As much as I fucking hate bachelorette parties, I would
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: encourage you to celebrate yourself if that's what you want
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: to do with your friends across the country and those
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: who can come could come, and if they can't, they can't.
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: And yeah, I don't assume things can't happen just because
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: you say they can't.
• 30:53
  Speaker 7: Agreed, I totally agree.
• 30:55
  Speaker 5: Don't assume that they won't want to come or that
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: they can't make it. Always the least you can do
• 31:00
  Speaker 5: is ask, And honestly, I mean, I don't know if
• 31:03
  Speaker 5: you still want to be friends with any of those girls,
• 31:05
  Speaker 5: but these kind of events are a great way to
• 31:07
  Speaker 5: reconnect with people that you haven't talked to in a while.
• 31:10
  Speaker 5: If they're toxic, leave them behind. But if there was
• 31:13
  Speaker 5: one or two of them that you were really close with,
• 31:16
  Speaker 5: this might be your opportunity to reconnect with them and
• 31:18
  Speaker 5: kind of sidestep that toxic person. I'd also say avoid
• 31:23
  Speaker 5: feeling like you getting married has to be this perfect
• 31:27
  Speaker 5: momentous thing where all of these people come together in
• 31:30
  Speaker 5: the most perfect way. Like we get so pressured into
• 31:33
  Speaker 5: feeling like it has to be your fairy tale moment
• 31:36
  Speaker 5: and everything has to align perfectly. That's never going to
• 31:39
  Speaker 5: happen no matter what. So lean into it just being
• 31:42
  Speaker 5: a happy day for you, whatever that means, and focus
• 31:46
  Speaker 5: on the people that are there for you. Because even
• 31:49
  Speaker 5: if it's not female friends. There are going to be
• 31:51
  Speaker 5: people that are going to show up for you that day,
• 31:54
  Speaker 5: and I'm sure you'll be surprised by the fact that
• 31:57
  Speaker 5: you don't miss them.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah that is really good advice.
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's great advice.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: Charlie. What do you think.
• 32:05
  Speaker 6: Well, I'd like to applaud you for, you know, distancing
• 32:10
  Speaker 6: yourself from somebody who wasn't good for you. A lot
• 32:15
  Speaker 6: of people, myself included, struggle with kind of setting those
• 32:18
  Speaker 6: boundaries and taking themselves out of situations that aren't good
• 32:23
  Speaker 6: for them, and I don't know, separating yourself from people
• 32:27
  Speaker 6: who aren't lifting you up. So first of all, I'd
• 32:30
  Speaker 6: like to say, good job knowing yourself and getting out
• 32:35
  Speaker 6: of that situation.
• 32:37
  Speaker 8: And second, this.
• 32:39
  Speaker 6: Whole friend group, it's not an end all, be all.
• 32:42
  Speaker 6: There's so many other people out there who want to
• 32:45
  Speaker 6: make friends and people who will actually be good and
• 32:48
  Speaker 6: kind to you and who have things in common with you.
• 32:52
  Speaker 6: So I say, and not just for the purpose of
• 32:55
  Speaker 6: bridesmaids or wedding preparations, that you should put yourself out
• 33:01
  Speaker 6: there depending on where you live, go outside, go to
• 33:04
  Speaker 6: a park, go to some sort of event. People always
• 33:08
  Speaker 6: want to make friends that's I mean, of course, something
• 33:11
  Speaker 6: big in college, which is what we were just talking about,
• 33:14
  Speaker 6: but it doesn't really change. People want to make friends.
• 33:17
  Speaker 6: So yeah, I think it's time to shift that mindset.
• 33:22
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: I make friends all the time. Every week I make friends.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: And it's not because I'm a celebrity. I talk to
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: people Rando's all the time and I make friends. So
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: it's just about your attitude. Sometimes I don't want to
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: make friends and I make friends. You know that can
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: be very tricky.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: Girls.
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: Before we go to the next color, I had your
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: mother's on the podcast. Did you hear about this trun? Okay,
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: what did you hear?
• 33:45
  Speaker 6: I heard that it was a catastrophe.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Well, oh, now, Simone was fine as a normal.
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: And then there was Shashana, who is Charlie's mother, who
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: was walking around with her laptop throughout the entire house
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: throughout the episode with callers on going I.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: Can't get a signal.
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: I can't get a signal, so we're all getting motion
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: sickness while watching her try to get a fucking Wi
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: Fi signal in her own house, I'm like, have you
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: never you've never checked your WiFi before?
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Are you on WiFi? She's like, I don't know. I
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: don't know.
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: I'm like, you, you've never done a zoom and she's like, no,
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: not usually. I'm like, oh my god, Shashana, I am
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: gonna throw up. And then Simone came down to California
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: and she goes A couple days later, she goes, uh,
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: we're not doing that again.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: And I go what?
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: And she goes to the podcast, I'm not doing that again,
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: not with Shashawana and not alone. I go, we can
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: do it without Shauna and she goes, I don't want
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: anything to do with it anymore.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: Oh man.
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: Then yesterday I was talking to Shawna and she goes,
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm so sorry about the other day.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: I don't know what happened. I go, what, I know
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: what happened.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: Every time I've spoken to you on the phone, there's
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: been an issue since I moved to California.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: I'm forty nine years old.
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: I've been here for thirty years, and I've never had
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: a conversation with you that didn't somehow drop the call
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: or there was fuzz or you know, there was like
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: a loud beeping sound and she's like, I'm really sorry.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: She's like, please don't air that. I'm like, well, I
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: think we're going to because Simon moves.
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: Don't worry. Tell her we're going to clean it up.
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: We'll cut out all the like funky bits and it'll sound.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: She goes, and then she said this doozy.
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: She said, oh, And I felt so bad because that
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: one caller I was giving advice to I didn't even
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: hear the questions. So I was just She's like, I
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: was just shooting fish into a barrel. That's what she
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: said to me, shooting fish into a barrel. I'm like,
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: you're playing with people's lives.
• 35:42
  Speaker 6: Meanwhile, I'm in the same house, on the same computer.
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, I can't wait to tell her that it was
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: fine with you. She's unreal. She's unreal. There's like a
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: loud sire and sometimes I'm like, what is that sound.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: She's like, I don't hear it. I'm like, you don't
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: hear that loud sign in the phone.
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: We sent her into the basement to get closer to
• 36:03
  Speaker 4: the Wi Fi, and then she was like sitting on
• 36:05
  Speaker 4: the stick.
• 36:06
  Speaker 8: Oh my god, oh my god.
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: If okay, so you asked before, if there's a Chelsea
• 36:10
  Speaker 5: of our generation, I think that Shoshana is the Seymour
• 36:14
  Speaker 5: of your general.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: Shanna is the Chelsea. I'm like, what, we don't have
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: anything in common. Shawna wouldn't like to be called Seymour.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: That's our father, their grandfather, and no one wants to
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: be compared to him because he was up to some sneaky.
• 36:27
  Speaker 7: Actually, no, that was sneaky.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: That was the problem. It wasn't sneaky at all. If
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: he had been sneakier, it might have been more dignified.
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: But he didn't sneak anything.
• 36:36
  Speaker 5: He had some really, and again, we don't sneak everything
• 36:39
  Speaker 5: down on the table, whether you like it or not.
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: But I will say you also did compare her to
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: Seymour on I know, but.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: She doesn't like it, so I don't say it to her.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: But yes, believe me, I see the similarity.
• 36:50
  Speaker 6: My dad he puts it, well, he thinks that she
• 36:54
  Speaker 6: is like the ultimate mix of Rita and Seymour.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: How so, because she's.
• 37:00
  Speaker 6: Very warm and she also really likes to bargain.
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right, so that's Seymour. And then warm is my mother?
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: My mother was very warm. Yeah, she is very warm. Okay, well,
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: we we'll figure that.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Problem out as we see it.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: We'll just have to keep dealing with it until we
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: come to an actual prognosis.
• 37:21
  Speaker 5: And then follow that up with an intervention.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: Diagnosis. We need a diagnosis, a prognosis, and an.
• 37:29
  Speaker 8: Intervention and a prescription.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: with my nieces and we're back.
• 37:47
  Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, So Evelyn's are she her? Evelyn says, dear Chelsea.
• 37:53
  Speaker 4: My name's Evelyn, and I'm a trans woman on the
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: cusp of Millennial and gen Z. I've been doing intense
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: therapy for the last two years or so since realizing
• 38:01
  Speaker 4: I was trans, and have been making major progress in
• 38:03
  Speaker 4: healing religious and family traumas. On one hand, I'm so
• 38:07
  Speaker 4: proud of myself for the incredible progress they've made. But
• 38:10
  Speaker 4: on the other, I'm incredibly nihilistic about the future, the world,
• 38:14
  Speaker 4: and my place in it, knowing that nihilism runs rampant
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: in gen Z. How do you fight this? Anytime I
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: try to get involved in fighting for LGBTQIA plus rights,
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: women's rights, gun control, are really any social justice, I
• 38:28
  Speaker 4: get burnt out so quickly. I want to feel positive
• 38:31
  Speaker 4: when looking to the future, and I want to be
• 38:33
  Speaker 4: that person who's on the front lines of the good fight,
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: but I just can't seem to do it. How can
• 38:37
  Speaker 4: I take the good vibes and self love I'm developing
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: through therapy and apply it to the future. Love this podcast.
• 38:42
  Speaker 4: Thanks for all the wonderful advice over the years.
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: Avelyn, Hi, Evelyn.
• 38:46
  Speaker 5: Hi.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: Hello, that's Jordan and that's Charlie.
• 38:50
  Speaker 5: Hi.
• 38:50
  Speaker 9: Nice to meet you.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, so well, let's talk about what you're ingesting.
• 38:55
  Speaker 9: What are you ingesting A lot of social media doom
• 38:58
  Speaker 9: scrolling and ticked talk and X and all that stuff.
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I had your problem for a long time,
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: and I just I'm not uninformed, but I'm less. I
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: check in with the news in a written form, and
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: I don't pay attention to that. I hardly go on
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: Instagram anymore. I hardly ever go on TikTok. I honestly,
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: it eats at your brain, and it eats at your
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: self esteem.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: It has such a corrosive effect.
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: I mean, I can tell if I look at social media,
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: if for three or five minutes, I get something bothers
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: me about it, something brings me down about it. You know,
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: whether you're comparing yourself to someone you think is a
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: better life or you're looking at someone that you can't
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: stand and say, you know what I mean, or you're
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: hearing all this loud noise. You have to minimize your
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: access to social media. And one of the things that
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: I'm so impressed and proud of with all of my
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: nieces and many of my nephews too, is they're not
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: consumed with social media at all, are you guys? Not really,
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: they don't care and they're happy arth you know what
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: I mean. It is a definite component of being happy
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: and unhappy, you know, social media is a component in that.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: So you really have to limit your time.
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: That's the very first thing you could do that will
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: definitely have a positive impact, right girls, for sure?
• 40:11
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: I think one thing that I do is I have
• 40:16
  Speaker 5: this function on my phone where if I double tap
• 40:18
  Speaker 5: the back of my phone, it goes from color to
• 40:21
  Speaker 5: black and white. Whenever I go onto social media, I
• 40:25
  Speaker 5: switch it to black and white, and I'm not as
• 40:27
  Speaker 5: tempted to keep scrolling as long. So that's something that
• 40:30
  Speaker 5: really helps me. But then you can switch it back
• 40:33
  Speaker 5: to color when you're like looking at a photo somebody
• 40:35
  Speaker 5: sent you or whatever. But I would say, what you're
• 40:38
  Speaker 5: going through is completely relatable, like so many people are agent.
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: I'm also in between gen Z and millennials. I'm kind
• 40:45
  Speaker 5: of neither. I'm sort of in this in between space,
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: and there is a lot of eco anxiety. There's a
• 40:52
  Speaker 5: lot of just fear for the future and whether or
• 40:55
  Speaker 5: not we're going to have any rights. And so I
• 40:59
  Speaker 5: would say though all the media you're consuming is meant
• 41:02
  Speaker 5: to make you feel that way. It's meant to make
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: you feel hopeless. It's meant to make you feel like
• 41:06
  Speaker 5: you don't have any power. And so when you do anything,
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: it could be supporting a content creator that you think
• 41:14
  Speaker 5: deserves support. It could be donating five dollars to the ACLU.
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: It could be you know, volunteering for one hour of
• 41:22
  Speaker 5: the week. Whatever little thing you can do, it's better
• 41:26
  Speaker 5: than nothing, right, And I think when we do those
• 41:29
  Speaker 5: little things, it gives you that spark of hope back.
• 41:33
  Speaker 5: And it doesn't have to be doing something major or
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: like fixing the world. All we all have to do
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: is do one thing. If we all did one thing,
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: we could move everything way further. But if we all
• 41:46
  Speaker 5: sit in this space of like, oh God, like I
• 41:49
  Speaker 5: don't know what to do, I'm just going to give
• 41:50
  Speaker 5: up and not do anything.
• 41:52
  Speaker 7: Then nothing gets accomplished.
• 41:54
  Speaker 5: And so I think a lot of people our age
• 41:56
  Speaker 5: are falling into that where they're like, if I can't
• 41:58
  Speaker 5: change everything now, that's the point. But then we stop
• 42:02
  Speaker 5: progress all together, and we have to think twenty years
• 42:05
  Speaker 5: from now, we stop now, like it's coming to a
• 42:08
  Speaker 5: complete hall and then nothing's happening.
• 42:10
  Speaker 7: So we just have to take those little steps every day.
• 42:12
  Speaker 5: So if you can do one small thing every day
• 42:14
  Speaker 5: that makes you feel like, Okay, I contributed, that's all
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: I had to do, don't feel like it has to
• 42:20
  Speaker 5: be some massive thing.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: I love that. That's great advice. Do you love that, Evelyn?
• 42:25
  Speaker 9: I love it.
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 42:26
  Speaker 9: Where where would you start? Do you have any recommendations
• 42:30
  Speaker 9: for like how to consume the news and make sure
• 42:33
  Speaker 9: you're still informed without getting it all from like social
• 42:37
  Speaker 9: media or like bias sources.
• 42:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean I think that's a constant issue for
• 42:41
  Speaker 5: a lot of people.
• 42:42
  Speaker 7: I think you have to watch I.
• 42:44
  Speaker 5: Think you have to look at anything that's in the
• 42:46
  Speaker 5: middle of the road, and you have to look at fact.
• 42:49
  Speaker 5: You can't just look at a headline and assume that
• 42:51
  Speaker 5: it's true. You have to actually dig in sure.
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And it's like reading it on social media. The
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: news is not how you should be consuming your news.
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: You should find an app, whether it's like like I
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: listen to the Daily from the New York Times every morning.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: You find whether you like the Huffington Post, whether you
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: like the Daily News, whether you like Ben Shapiro, whatever
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: you're into. Obviously you're not into Ben Shapiro, but whatever
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: you're into, just find, just get a little like the Skim.
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: You know, the Skim has a great little roundup, or
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: the week that political magazine has like a roundup of everything.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: Find those things that are going.
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: To get delivered to your email that keep you off
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: of social media, so that's not one more thing you're
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: looking at on social media. And set that timer, you know,
• 43:29
  Speaker 3: that Instagram timer or that says you've been on your
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: phone for an hour today or forty minutes or whatever
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: it is. Just take those little steps in conjunction with
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: the steps you're going to take to make the world
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: a better place. And so you already have like a
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: fifty things to do so far, and Charlie hasn't even
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: spoken yet.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: So Charlie, what do you wanted to do?
• 43:49
  Speaker 6: Yeah? I mean that funk. I think everybody knows everybody
• 43:53
  Speaker 6: in our generation is familiar with that kind of funk
• 43:57
  Speaker 6: that you get into.
• 43:58
  Speaker 8: But don't let that win.
• 44:00
  Speaker 6: Don't let that funk win. Everybody wants.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: Everybody wants women to give up.
• 44:06
  Speaker 6: You know, yes, the system wants that funk to win,
• 44:09
  Speaker 6: wants women to give up, wants you to just kind
• 44:13
  Speaker 6: of not do anything. And number one, doing stuff feels great.
• 44:20
  Speaker 6: It's just doing one thing can lift you out of
• 44:22
  Speaker 6: that funk. And if you keep doing that instead of pattern,
• 44:26
  Speaker 6: you feel good about yourself. You feel like you're looking
• 44:30
  Speaker 6: at the world and maybe there are problems, but you're
• 44:32
  Speaker 6: actively making a contribution to change that and that's really great.
• 44:37
  Speaker 8: And also it.
• 44:38
  Speaker 6: Comes with so many other benefits. The people you meet
• 44:42
  Speaker 6: when you're I don't know, at a protest or you're
• 44:45
  Speaker 6: at a rally or working on a campaign.
• 44:48
  Speaker 7: I've made some friends years.
• 44:49
  Speaker 6: Ago that I still talk to today through that kind
• 44:54
  Speaker 6: of activism, and it's great to kind of be able
• 44:58
  Speaker 6: to find community that way. You can talk with people
• 45:01
  Speaker 6: about feeling in a slump and get lifted up. But
• 45:06
  Speaker 6: just don't let it win, is my advice, because then
• 45:10
  Speaker 6: you're letting everybody who has ever wanted you to shut
• 45:15
  Speaker 6: up or disagree with you. You're letting them win and
• 45:18
  Speaker 6: that shouldn't happen.
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: Love that, maybe once a month or once every couple months,
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: volunteer somewhere where you can like see the tangible results
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: of what you're doing. So maybe that's like helping out
• 45:29
  Speaker 4: with folks who are learning English as a second language,
• 45:32
  Speaker 4: or like at a homeless shelter or something like that
• 45:34
  Speaker 4: where you really see the direct results of.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: The time that you're spending.
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: Just to sort of like mix that in to because
• 45:41
  Speaker 4: it can feel a little bit like you're shouting into
• 45:44
  Speaker 4: the void when you're just like sending out texts or
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: you know, canvassing or whatever else. So that might be
• 45:50
  Speaker 4: helpful just nourishing to your soul.
• 45:52
  Speaker 7: Gotcha.
• 45:53
  Speaker 9: Yeah, there's a lot of I'm in Utah, so there's
• 45:55
  Speaker 9: a lot of lgbtqya plus like charities and like homes
• 45:59
  Speaker 9: for kids and stuff. So I have been looking into
• 46:02
  Speaker 9: volunteering at some of those places.
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: Amazing.
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: That kind of stuff makes you just happy, you know,
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: when you do that stuff, it feels like you're because
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: it's so purposeful, especially when you can have interaction one
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: on one with other people. All you have to do,
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: all you have to do is give one kid, you
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: know what I mean, give one kid your love and
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: your praise and make them believe in themselves. And like
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: then you're gonna be off to the races. You're gonna
• 46:23
  Speaker 3: feel so good about having that kind of impact.
• 46:26
  Speaker 9: Yeah, I'm excited about it.
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, Well, get going, Evelyn. Do everything we said.
• 46:29
  Speaker 9: Okay, everything, Yes, awesome, thank you, bye bye.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back.
• 46:42
  Speaker 4: So our last question comes from Angela. She says, my
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: roommate is the effing worst. Dear Chelsea, I really need
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: your help since I have a situation with my roommate
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: and I'm not as confrontational as you are goals. A
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: couple of years ago, I was really struggling to find
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: a roommate since I was unable to pay for the
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: entire apartment by myself at the time. I asked my
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: landlord if he knew anyone, and he suggested his granddaughter
• 47:05
  Speaker 4: since she was looking for apartments at the time. Too.
• 47:07
  Speaker 4: Turns out, she is the worst. She does not clean
• 47:11
  Speaker 4: up after herself. She does not broom or vacuum or
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: mop or even take out the trash.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: Room is broom of broom.
• 47:18
  Speaker 4: The most she will do is take out the trash
• 47:20
  Speaker 4: in one of the bathrooms, but leave the trash right
• 47:23
  Speaker 4: by the trash can, which I then take to the dumpster.
• 47:27
  Speaker 4: Her sisters sleep over and are extremely loud in the
• 47:29
  Speaker 4: middle of the night. She also hides the dog in
• 47:32
  Speaker 4: her room and ignores that I have called her out
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: on it. When I clean the apartment, it takes up
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: most of my weekend, since I feel like I have
• 47:38
  Speaker 4: to clean for two It has gotten so frustrating that
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: I do not have the energy to clean, because what's
• 47:43
  Speaker 4: the point She's going to mess it up in a
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: few days. I send her text to help clean, and
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: she either ignores it or washes her own dishes for
• 47:49
  Speaker 4: a few days, and then it's back to how it's
• 47:51
  Speaker 4: always been. Here is the real issue. Of course, I've
• 47:55
  Speaker 4: thought about moving out, but my landlord is the nicest
• 47:58
  Speaker 4: old man and charges me almost nothing thing because of
• 48:00
  Speaker 4: how long I've loved in the apartment. Rent is not
• 48:03
  Speaker 4: cheap in LA and so I'm stuck here until I
• 48:05
  Speaker 4: come buy a house later on. Also, I've come to
• 48:07
  Speaker 4: realize that I don't think she's even paying rent because
• 48:10
  Speaker 4: her grandpa now has her pay it directly to him,
• 48:13
  Speaker 4: quote unquote, I do not want to embarrass him with this,
• 48:17
  Speaker 4: with the fact that his granddaughter is a slob. Please
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: help me in solving this issue. How do I ask
• 48:21
  Speaker 4: her to move out? Angela?
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: One of you has a bad roommate passed m M.
• 48:29
  Speaker 7: That would be me.
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: What was your roommate's situation? I don't remember.
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: Wait, Charles, did you too?
• 48:36
  Speaker 6: She wasn't the greatest, but not at this degree.
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 48:42
  Speaker 5: This is tough because it's like, so it's the landlord's granddaughter.
• 48:47
  Speaker 5: Yeah hmmm, I mean that cheap rent. It's worth it
• 48:52
  Speaker 5: if you can stick.
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: It out, But not if that girl's paying her father
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: grandfather directly.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: That sounds fishy.
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: I don't like that set up. That sounds like what's
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: going on there? The no grandfather is going to take
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: money from their granddaughter.
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry, right right, it's she's getting a freebee and
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: then she's slapping on top of it.
• 49:10
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 49:11
  Speaker 5: I wonder if you could like find another roommate that's
• 49:13
  Speaker 5: like willing to pay more and be like, hey, so
• 49:17
  Speaker 5: win win for you. But I don't know, I don't
• 49:20
  Speaker 5: really know what you do in that situation because there's
• 49:23
  Speaker 5: like a nepotism situation going on.
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: I know, and it's like the only way to do
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: it is actually to talk to the grandfather, because you're
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: not going to be able to reason with a girl
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: who's like doing cleaning like that.
• 49:35
  Speaker 6: I mean, that could go one of two ways. Either
• 49:38
  Speaker 6: they're going to be the grandpa is not going to
• 49:42
  Speaker 6: be receptive to that, or which I think is more likely,
• 49:45
  Speaker 6: he's going to say, yeah, I totally agree, my granddaughter's
• 49:49
  Speaker 6: a mess and I should probably talk to her and
• 49:51
  Speaker 6: tell her to get her shit together.
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah he could do that too, and he or he
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: could be like, totally go, I totally understand. That's why
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: I would talk to him first, Like, I listen, this
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: isn't working out. She's really messy and we just don't
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: have the same living styles and she has people over
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: all the time.
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: I'm not getting sleep. I really like to get a
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: new roommate, Like.
• 50:11
  Speaker 3: I would do that, but I'm like, I'm just thinking
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: about how that looks going behind her back if the
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: grandfather goes it's all a little bit. I mean, the
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: best thing to do would say, tell her directly and
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: when she doesn't change her behavior to tell her grandfather
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: that you've already spoken to her about it, because if
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: you go to him first, he's going to say, did
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: you talk to her about it?
• 50:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah, well it seems like she has talked to her
• 50:32
  Speaker 6: about it, So I think we are at the step
• 50:35
  Speaker 6: of going.
• 50:36
  Speaker 3: To Charlie's like full, she's ready, she's ready to a victor.
• 50:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know. And I think also one thing
• 50:45
  Speaker 5: that always helps, because you get so frustrated in these situations,
• 50:48
  Speaker 5: and I've had bad roommates before, that you become so
• 50:51
  Speaker 5: like just angry all the time that you're angry at
• 50:54
  Speaker 5: the smallest things. Actually write down the things that are
• 50:57
  Speaker 5: annoying you about it so that you can take it
• 51:00
  Speaker 5: to the landlord and be like, hey, these are the things,
• 51:03
  Speaker 5: these are the things I don't care about, but these
• 51:05
  Speaker 5: are the things that I can't live with. And so
• 51:09
  Speaker 5: that's always helpful because I get so like pissed off
• 51:11
  Speaker 5: that I like am not even coherent.
• 51:13
  Speaker 7: So I would try that.
• 51:15
  Speaker 5: But yeah, if you've already talked to her, it's time
• 51:18
  Speaker 5: to talk to the landlord. And it doesn't have to
• 51:20
  Speaker 5: be super confrontational, like if he's a sweet old man,
• 51:22
  Speaker 5: you can just be.
• 51:23
  Speaker 7: Like, hey, blah blah blah, and probably.
• 51:25
  Speaker 5: If he is a sweet old man, be compassionate about.
• 51:28
  Speaker 7: It, hopefully.
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: And it kind of I kind of get the vibe
• 51:31
  Speaker 4: that maybe she can afford the entire apartment by herself now,
• 51:34
  Speaker 4: so like maybe that's the move, is just to be like,
• 51:37
  Speaker 4: if you.
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: Can't afford the apartment by yourself, definitely that is your move.
• 51:41
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that makes it even simpler because you just
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: say I'm ready to live alone.
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: I've been saving up for this, and I'm ready. This
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: is it.
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: And since your granddaughter's not paying you rent any right,
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: shouldn't make a difference.
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
• 51:52
  Speaker 4: We had so we have this friend who lived in
• 51:54
  Speaker 4: this group of like five guys in a house, and
• 51:57
  Speaker 4: you know how during the pandemic, like rent was sort
• 51:59
  Speaker 4: of for a little while, and you know, there was
• 52:02
  Speaker 4: a point where they wanted to all have a conversation
• 52:05
  Speaker 4: with the landlord to like figure out how much they
• 52:06
  Speaker 4: owed and rent. And so all five of them were
• 52:09
  Speaker 4: on the call, but only one guy was on the
• 52:11
  Speaker 4: lease and they'd all lived there for years. And as
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: they like started to figure out like how much they
• 52:16
  Speaker 4: owed the guy, they realized that the guy who was
• 52:19
  Speaker 4: on the lease had been charging them all splitting the
• 52:22
  Speaker 4: rent between the other guys, So that guy wasn't paying
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: rent at all for like five years.
• 52:28
  Speaker 7: Oh my god.
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: So I love what you said about like just find
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: somebody who'll pay more.
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: I know, Like, first of all, how do people react
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: with when they find that out?
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: Like what is your defense? You haven't been paying rent?
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: You know you're not paying rent? What is your possible
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: defense when you get caught?
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: And the thing is like they all worked together and
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: they were friends, they were it all blew up and
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: all totally blow up. That guy like moved back to
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: the Midwest or whatever, but.
• 52:53
  Speaker 5: They're probably like you owe me like ten grands.
• 52:56
  Speaker 4: Exactly, Like oh, a lot of things have started to
• 52:59
  Speaker 4: make sense, like why he's like, you know, a part
• 53:02
  Speaker 4: time bar back and like can afford to live in
• 53:04
  Speaker 4: La So you know.
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I think ask her to move out.
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: And if you can't do that, like find somebody else
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: it's willing to pay a little bit more.
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: Okay, Well that's the pro that problem has been solved.
• 53:15
  Speaker 3: You girls were very impressive today. I knew you would be,
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: so I'm not surprised.
• 53:19
  Speaker 5: Thank you for having us Charlie.
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: How would you rate your experience giving advice on the
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: podcast for the first time on a scale of one
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: to ten.
• 53:26
  Speaker 6: I'll say nine, because who knows. I mean, I'll need
• 53:29
  Speaker 6: some room for improvement. I don't want to limit myself.
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: Jordan, Jordan, how would you rate your own performance on
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: a scale of one to ten?
• 53:40
  Speaker 7: I don't know.
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: An eighth Okay, I think you guys both deserve an eye.
• 53:43
  Speaker 6: But well that I would like to say for the record,
• 53:45
  Speaker 6: I was rating my experience, not my own performance.
• 53:51
  Speaker 7: I'm not like an asshole.
• 53:54
  Speaker 5: That was my experience.
• 53:56
  Speaker 4: Oh my god.
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: Well this was really fun and we're gonna have to
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: do it again because people are probably going to love
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: listening to these two. Thank you girls, have a great
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: rest of your day and I'll see you soon, you
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: very soon.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: I love you. Okay. So upcoming shows that I have
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: you guys.
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: Auckland, New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia, Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia.
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: We've added second shows to places that have sold out
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: the first and then I'm gonna be in Hawaii on Maui,
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: Kahulue and Honolulu I will be there in July. Also
• 54:27
  Speaker 3: in July, I'm coming to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh.
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: I'm coming to Hollywood, Florida for my only show in
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: Florida on July twenty eighth. I'll be in Auburn, Washington
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: on August first, and then Santa Rosa, California for my
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: second show August second. August seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bowl.
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: You do not want to miss that.
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston,
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint
• 54:53
  Speaker 3: Louis and Kansas City, and then I will be in
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel.
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: My first three dates in Vegas are September first, Labor
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: Day weekend, and then November two and November thirtieth. I'm
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: coming to Brooklyn, New York, at the Kings Theater on
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: November eighth, and I have tickets on sale throughout the
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: end of the year in December, so if you're in
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
• 55:26
  Speaker 4: Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an
• 55:29
  Speaker 4: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and
• 55:32
  Speaker 4: be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is
• 55:35
  Speaker 4: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law
• 55:39
  Speaker 4: and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler
• 55:41
  Speaker 4: dot com