Latest / The Reality Is / What Happens To Faith When You Stay Isolated (Part 1 of 2)

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What Happens To Faith When You Stay Isolated (Part 1 of 2) · The Reality Is

0:00
SPEAKER_02: Imagine that you're Jesus, you're sitting there 2,000 years ago and you're you're with Jesus and Jesus says, Okay, I'm gonna tell you guys a story to help explain this.
0:07
SPEAKER_02: He says, A man, a farmer has some seed and he goes out to sow seed.
0:12
SPEAKER_02: And Peter goes, Oh, oh, oh, oh, I'll bet the farmer's gonna be the Gentiles.
0:15
SPEAKER_02: Isn't the farmer gonna be the Gentiles?
0:16
SPEAKER_02: And Jesus says, just let me finish.
0:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
0:18
SPEAKER_02: Let me finish.
0:19
SPEAKER_02: Can I finish the story?
0:20
SPEAKER_02: And he and the sea, he goes out, and some seed fell on this ground.
0:23
SPEAKER_02: They go, Oh, I bet I know.
0:24
SPEAKER_02: Peter's like, oh, I'll bet the I bet the ground is the Pharisees.
0:27
SPEAKER_02: Jesus' like, can I finish the story, please?
0:30
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's the way most people treat their Christianity and the Bible.
0:35
SPEAKER_02: Like, oh, I I know, I'm a Baptist, I know this.
0:38
SPEAKER_02: But you got you gotta spend you need to spend a lot more time in the Bible.
0:42
SPEAKER_02: And that's why with our life group guides, the first section of the first part of every section is just simple observation.
0:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
0:49
SPEAKER_02: What did Jesus say in this verse?
0:50
SPEAKER_02: Where did Jesus go after that?
0:52
SPEAKER_02: How did the Pharisees respond to what he said?
0:54
SPEAKER_02: Because you'd be surprised how quickly we run from the text to get to whatever sort of point we want to make, application, theological, whatever.
1:02
SPEAKER_02: Um, and we just leave it.
1:04
SPEAKER_02: Without even reading the word.
1:05
SPEAKER_03: Correct.
1:05
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:06
SPEAKER_02: Correct.
1:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:07
SPEAKER_02: But your practical applications are not life-giving, but the word of God is.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: So the reality.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: The reality.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: When the real life meets real faith.
1:27
SPEAKER_05: Welcome to the reality is podcast.
1:30
SPEAKER_05: Well, we're here today to talk about real life and real faith.
1:32
SPEAKER_05: My name is Joey, and man, we have got an exciting episode that I'm actually excited of talking about with you.
1:39
SPEAKER_05: So I'm glad you're here today.
1:41
SPEAKER_05: For those of you guys who don't know, this is Ed Gravely.
1:43
SPEAKER_05: But if you guys have watched our podcast before, like he's been one of the most popular ones.
1:48
SPEAKER_05: Like people love when you're on this.
1:50
SPEAKER_05: They do.
1:51
SPEAKER_05: They really love when you're on here.
1:52
SPEAKER_05: And so I'm excited to have you.
1:54
SPEAKER_05: And I'm sure a lot of people are excited to have you here with us today.
1:58
SPEAKER_05: Hey, before we get started, would you guys do us a favor?
2:00
SPEAKER_05: Would you like, subscribe, share this with your friends, and click on the bell so you will never miss another episode of the Reality Is Podcast.
2:07
SPEAKER_05: But today, we're going to be talking about life groups.
2:11
SPEAKER_05: And I know a lot of churches, you call them small groups, life groups, you know, whatever, community groups.
2:17
SPEAKER_05: Everybody's Sunday school.
2:19
SPEAKER_05: Sunday school.
2:19
SPEAKER_05: Everybody's got different names for them.
2:22
SPEAKER_05: But today I want to unpack this with you because you are our life group leader here at the church, you and Ed, and you guys put, I'm sorry, you and Pete.
2:30
SPEAKER_05: Pete, right, yes.
2:31
SPEAKER_05: And you guys put together what we actually study in our life groups.
2:34
SPEAKER_05: And I really just wanted to say, hey, I believe in life groups.
2:38
SPEAKER_05: I believe, and I didn't before, honestly.
2:41
SPEAKER_05: I was like, I don't need to show up to life groups.
2:42
SPEAKER_05: Like, why am I going to this thing?
2:44
SPEAKER_05: I've had my Sunday morning.
2:45
SPEAKER_05: I have my time with Jesus.
2:46
SPEAKER_05: Why go to these things?
2:48
SPEAKER_05: I believe in Life Group now.
2:50
SPEAKER_05: And I believe a lot of people out there who are like, I used to be.
2:54
SPEAKER_05: Like they're thinking, okay, yeah, I know you guys have your life groups.
2:57
SPEAKER_05: I know you, but but what's the point of me going?
2:59
SPEAKER_05: And so today I want you to unpack why life groups matter.
3:03
SPEAKER_05: Because it's more than what I think people are thinking about.
3:06
SPEAKER_05: And I and I know for me and even my wife, like isolation was kind of one of those the first thing that we were looking at.
3:14
SPEAKER_05: So let's just start right there.
3:16
SPEAKER_05: Let's just start with why should people be getting into a life group and what's actually at stake for them getting into a life group?
3:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I would probably I would probably think in terms of sort of three things.
3:29
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
3:30
SPEAKER_02: And you you kind of actually touched on all three.
3:32
SPEAKER_02: So the first one is this idea of connection.
3:35
SPEAKER_02: In fact, we used to at our church, we used to even call them connect groups, right?
3:38
SPEAKER_02: And the the the data is very, very clear that I'm not gonna I'm gonna botch the numbers, I probably should have prepared better.
3:44
SPEAKER_04: But the it's uh But we did throw the tattoo last minute, so that's okay.
3:47
SPEAKER_02: If you attend a church and I think the window is six months, okay, if you don't make four or five meaningful connections with people in the church, then statistically speaking, in six months, you'll either be at a different church or you won't be in church at all.
4:01
SPEAKER_04: Oh, wow.
4:02
SPEAKER_02: And so the the the being connected to people is essential, particularly for people who are new to Christianity, new to the church, new to the area, being connected to people is essential for their life in the church.
4:16
SPEAKER_02: It's just kind of the way we're built.
4:18
SPEAKER_02: And a church that's our size, right, runs six, seven hundred if you count everybody on a Sunday morning.
4:23
SPEAKER_02: It's there's just there's no way, there's no substantial way to connect with people on a Sunday morning.
4:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
4:30
SPEAKER_02: I probably, I mean, I'm a pastor, I'm sitting on the front porch talking to people, but I probably talk to 150 or 200 people on a Sunday morning, and my connection to each of them lasts about 10 seconds.
4:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
4:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
4:42
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
4:42
SPEAKER_02: And there's no relationship there.
4:43
SPEAKER_02: So there's the connect part.
4:45
SPEAKER_02: The other part is the life of the church is mostly in a church our size, the life of the church is mostly going to have to be administered through a smaller group.
4:58
SPEAKER_02: So for example, our church is too big for even for a pastoral staff of our size to adequately minister to the health needs of all of our people, or the financial needs of all of our people, or the counseling needs of all of our people.
5:13
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
5:13
SPEAKER_02: And so we try to, when you think of the various ministries of the church in terms of teaching and accountability and discipleship and financial assistance and all those things, those things all begin in our life groups because they're just they're that that's how people are connected to our church.
5:29
SPEAKER_02: And so the very often, and you you you've had this conversation, the Twee at the church, someone will send an email on behalf of someone else and they will complain that so-and-so was in the hospital and nobody from the church visited them.
5:42
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
5:42
SPEAKER_02: And I'll be perfectly honest, we're all standing around the computer looking at the email thinking, I have no idea who that person is.
5:50
SPEAKER_04: Well, you gotta put us out there like that.
5:52
SPEAKER_04: And we're going to die.
5:52
SPEAKER_04: Well, I mean, we're going to die.
5:54
SPEAKER_02: We're trying to figure out is this this person is not in a life group.
5:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
5:56
SPEAKER_02: We have no giving record.
5:57
SPEAKER_02: And in other words, they're they're not, they're not connected to our church in one single way.
6:01
SPEAKER_02: I would probably recognize their face.
6:03
SPEAKER_02: I saw you on a Sunday morning.
6:05
SPEAKER_02: But if you want to, this is gonna sound very sort of mercenary, but if you want to benefit from the ministry of the church, the life group is almost is almost the it's almost the only way to become a part of that.
6:17
SPEAKER_02: And then the third part, which my passion is it is actually primarily how we teach and learn the scripture.
6:24
SPEAKER_02: It's how we are discipled in the scripture.
6:26
SPEAKER_02: When as as Pastor Pete says, you know, when the people of God read the word of God by the Spirit of God, that's where life with God is found.
6:34
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
6:34
SPEAKER_05: Amen.
6:35
SPEAKER_05: And you brought up another point earlier.
6:38
SPEAKER_05: We just can't get to know everybody.
6:41
SPEAKER_05: In fact, a lot of times when we make communications to the church and try to get to know who people are, we go to you guys and say, Hey, will you send this out to the life group leaders?
6:51
SPEAKER_05: That way the life group leaders are sending the message out.
6:53
SPEAKER_05: And then we also say, if there's anybody with a need, we're going to you guys and saying, Hey, will you get to the life group leaders?
7:02
SPEAKER_05: And will you let the leaders know?
7:03
SPEAKER_05: Hey, is there any way the church can get involved helping?
7:07
SPEAKER_05: This helps with our hospital businesses or benevolent needs, whatever we're doing, we're doing it through the life group because that's how you're connected.
7:16
SPEAKER_05: And it's one of the things that you're talking about, getting in with the group.
7:20
SPEAKER_05: And I know how you said like reap the benefits, but it is a benefit of being involved in a life group is you get to connect with other people on a level that's more intimate.
7:30
SPEAKER_05: Because yeah, I see you out there, you're meeting all types of people, and and in between services, I'm meeting all types of people that I can.
7:38
SPEAKER_05: But my conversations are 10 to 15 seconds.
7:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and the reality, I mean, it's just it is psychologically impossible to have 700 friends.
7:48
SPEAKER_02: It's a it's it's I tell tell that to people on Facebook.
7:51
SPEAKER_02: We've got thousands of friends.
7:53
SPEAKER_02: It's it's I mean, it's it's practically impossible to have 30 friends.
7:58
SPEAKER_02: And so if you want meaningful connections in the church, you're gonna have to you're gonna have to divide the church up into smaller groups.
8:04
SPEAKER_02: In fact, the the uh church that I pastored in Charlotte, it's the thing we got from the church I was in in Raleigh, but we we as the church grows bigger, the church has to grow smaller.
8:12
SPEAKER_02: It does.
8:12
SPEAKER_05: It does.
8:13
SPEAKER_05: I agree with that wholeheartedly.
8:14
SPEAKER_05: So would you say then life group isn't just something that that we're doing?
8:20
SPEAKER_05: It's not just a helpful thing for people to be in, but it's more essential.
8:25
SPEAKER_05: Um, more than just, hey, just showing up on a Sunday, like that's not enough.
8:29
SPEAKER_05: Like showing up, getting in a life group, that's an essential part of building yourself as a Christian, follower of the Christ.
8:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think so.
8:38
SPEAKER_02: And and again, to go back through the three categories.
8:39
SPEAKER_02: So, practically speaking, if you are not a part of the life group of some kind of connection group of any kind, then you're probably not gonna be here very long.
8:48
SPEAKER_02: Uh, and you're not gonna experience the life of the church.
8:51
SPEAKER_02: Sunday morning, as much as we enjoy Sunday morning, we enjoy worship, we enjoy praying, we enjoy preaching, it really is only one small part of the life of what it means to be in the church.
9:01
SPEAKER_02: And and so to exclude yourself voluntarily from that uh is to sort of doom yourself to not not being connected.
9:08
SPEAKER_02: Uh and then I would also say that if if you are, if you are, as we we all are spiritually needy in some way, and the way that you experience the ministry of the church in the times of your need in a church our size is gonna be through our life groups.
9:24
SPEAKER_02: And so, and then of course the third one is that uh this is a thing I always tell my students is that Americans love to say things like, I don't really need the church, I'm just gonna study the Bible on my own.
9:36
SPEAKER_02: And that historically, that is what we call a heresy factory.
9:41
SPEAKER_02: And so the uh the Bible was never meant to be studied alone.
9:44
SPEAKER_02: It was always meant to be studied by God.
9:46
SPEAKER_02: The Bible was given to God's people to study it together.
9:49
SPEAKER_02: And that is the uh the way the the way if you want to avoid virtually any kind of error uh in how you read the Bible, reading it with a bunch of other people, some who have kids and some who don't, some who are black, some who are white, some who are old, some who are young, some who are men, and some who are women, that's a very, a very good way.
10:06
SPEAKER_02: And the in the in the multitude of counselors, there is wisdom, as the proverb says.
10:10
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
10:10
SPEAKER_05: And see, that's what I like because even in our life group, like you've got a a mix of ages, races, sex, because that I think that's so important.
10:22
SPEAKER_02: You like we try to do that on purpose, but it doesn't, you know.
10:24
SPEAKER_02: I I know people like to go to the group of people that are like, I know.
10:27
SPEAKER_05: It's it's good to be around like people, I get that, but I'm a firm believer and I love the older generation being able to pour into the younger generation.
10:36
SPEAKER_05: Like I'm with a group on Tuesday mornings where we've got a bunch of older guys that pour into me, and then I'm taking what I'm learning, and then I have another group of guys that I am pouring into their life as well.
10:50
SPEAKER_05: And and this is just that I mean, making disciples who make a difference.
10:54
SPEAKER_05: That's who we are, that's what we believe in.
10:56
SPEAKER_05: I think that's a part of the discipleship making process right there is people pouring to people, and then not just holding on to it, but now I'm taking what I've been learning and I'm pouring it into other people.
11:08
SPEAKER_05: And I think life group helps with that.
11:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I guess it's connected to my point number two, but you could make it its own point.
11:13
SPEAKER_02: Point number four, which is the life group is is practically speaking, it's how most of the people in our church are gonna do ministry.
11:20
SPEAKER_02: Very true.
11:21
SPEAKER_02: Now you could get involved in a ministry team and you should serving children, serve uh as a greeter, those are easy.
11:26
SPEAKER_02: Uh, greeting in particular is an easy way to get all you gotta do is smile and wear a name tag and shake people's hands and stand where you're supposed to stand.
11:32
SPEAKER_02: Tell that to the introvert.
11:34
unknown: Yeah.
11:34
SPEAKER_04: Right.
11:35
SPEAKER_04: Because I know somebody who was asked to be on the team and it's the it's the hardest thing for them.
11:38
SPEAKER_04: They're like, I've got I've got to talk to people.
11:40
SPEAKER_04: I've got to so but I get what you mean.
11:42
SPEAKER_02: Being on a Sunday morning team is a great place, but the uh but you can really learn to do face-to-face ministry in a life group.
11:51
SPEAKER_02: We just had a member of uh one of our larger life groups had a terrible accident uh and was in the hospital.
11:56
SPEAKER_02: And of course, when as a pastor, when we find out, my first thought is I need to call his life group and make sure that they know.
12:03
SPEAKER_02: But they were already at the hospital.
12:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
12:06
SPEAKER_02: Like they beat they beat us to the hospital.
12:08
SPEAKER_02: And and so at that point, my job is like, are do y'all need do you need anything from us to help you take care of this person in your group?
12:15
SPEAKER_02: And they were like, nah, we're good.
12:17
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, okay, so when if you do need something, call me and we'll get it.
12:21
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I love that.
12:22
SPEAKER_05: That's it, and that's for me, perfect life group right there.
12:27
SPEAKER_02: And it's a great chance for people in the life group who have never done it to learn how to do to sound very technical and pastoral, to learn how to do a hospital visit.
12:34
SPEAKER_02: Where do you part?
12:34
SPEAKER_02: Very true.
12:35
SPEAKER_02: Where do you go?
12:35
SPEAKER_02: When can you go?
12:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what do you do when you're there?
12:38
SPEAKER_02: And it's it's not a thing that comes naturally to anybody, but as a pastor, you're trained and you know how to do that.
12:42
SPEAKER_02: Of course.
12:42
SPEAKER_02: But this is a great opportunity.
12:43
SPEAKER_02: This is a way to learn to do ministry.
12:45
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
12:45
SPEAKER_05: So here's where I want to spend some time.
12:47
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
12:48
SPEAKER_05: Because I think this is what a lot of people out there want to know.
12:52
SPEAKER_05: What stops people from actually joining a life group?
12:56
SPEAKER_05: I mean, I have three things myself that I think stops people, but I'd love to hear from you.
13:01
SPEAKER_05: What is stopping people from actually joining a life group?
13:05
SPEAKER_02: No, I'm just trying to guess what your three are.
13:08
SPEAKER_02: You're probably gonna hit them.
13:10
SPEAKER_02: You'll probably hit them.
13:12
SPEAKER_02: There is so for our church, for our church, which is we are uh we do skew younger statistically than the average church in South Carolina, larger churches always do.
13:21
SPEAKER_02: And so we have we have lots of children in our church.
13:24
SPEAKER_02: And so I my guess is that for most families, the biggest challenge is busyness.
13:30
SPEAKER_02: And uh and the the trying to get kids in bed and trying to get kids ready for school.
13:36
SPEAKER_02: And I would probably argue, though, that that may it there are certainly times our family right now is, and I know yours as well, is going through a time where it's very, very busy.
13:46
SPEAKER_02: Exhaustingly busy.
13:47
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
13:47
SPEAKER_02: I got the first decent night's sleep last night that I've had in probably a month.
13:51
SPEAKER_04: And so And you and I didn't even talk about this, but my wife said the same thing last night.
13:55
SPEAKER_04: She was like, I actually slept through the night last night.
13:59
SPEAKER_02: So and so I get it.
14:00
SPEAKER_02: I get it.
14:01
SPEAKER_02: But I my guess, I would, and I don't want to sound too harsh, but my guess is it's not for most of our people, it's not a problem of busyness, it's a problem of priority.
14:08
SPEAKER_02: They are they've prioritized other things over the life group because at some level, fundamentally, they consider those other things to be more important to their family.
14:18
SPEAKER_02: And I think that might, in many cases, that might be a mistake.
14:20
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
14:21
SPEAKER_04: You're looking at my notebook.
14:23
SPEAKER_04: No, because that's exactly what I had.
14:24
SPEAKER_05: The number one for me was time.
14:26
SPEAKER_05: I like I put on there time.
14:27
SPEAKER_05: People just feel too busy.
14:29
SPEAKER_05: Like I can't get out there, I don't have the time.
14:31
SPEAKER_05: And I think you're saying you don't have the time, but it's exactly what you need, exactly what you should be doing.
14:40
SPEAKER_05: You can manage your time.
14:42
SPEAKER_05: Right.
14:42
SPEAKER_05: It's okay to spend uh I would say an hour for our group.
14:46
SPEAKER_05: It's it's longer than an hour, but we also fellowship, we eat together, we break bread together, and then we do a study together.
14:53
SPEAKER_05: So for us, it's a couple of hours.
14:55
SPEAKER_05: You can take two hours in a week to draw closer to God's people and to dig deeper into his word together.
15:01
SPEAKER_02: And we also, that's one of the reasons why Pastor Pete in particular is so committed to having healthy, thriving life groups on Sunday morning.
15:08
SPEAKER_02: You lose the benefit of eating a meal, you lose the benefit of being in a house, being in a community.
15:12
SPEAKER_02: There's all great benefit to being the church out in the neighborhood.
15:16
SPEAKER_02: But the reason why the Sunday morning life groups are so essential is because of small children, because of busyness, because of teenagers.
15:21
SPEAKER_02: And so if you can be here for the 1030 service, there's no reason you can't be here at 845 to be in a life group.
15:27
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
15:27
SPEAKER_05: And we have childcare, so you don't have to worry about the children running around.
15:30
SPEAKER_02: They get their own life group.
15:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you don't have to worry about any of that.
15:33
SPEAKER_02: You're good.
15:34
SPEAKER_02: You're good.
15:34
SPEAKER_02: I like that.
15:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
15:35
SPEAKER_02: The second thing I would say is that there's a there's a I'm sorry.
15:38
SPEAKER_02: There's a social.
15:39
SPEAKER_02: I'm not looking.
15:39
SPEAKER_02: I know you're not.
15:40
SPEAKER_02: There's a I'm re wearing my readers, I couldn't see it anyway.
15:43
SPEAKER_02: There's a social, we have a, I don't know what the right word is, but uh we have there people are much less sociable.
15:51
SPEAKER_02: They're not they're not less nice, but they are less, they're more timid about socializing than they were before the pandemic, but certainly more than even 10 or 15 years ago.
16:02
SPEAKER_02: And so the particularly the showing up at Joey's house for the first time as a stranger to go to life group is incredibly challenging for most people.
16:12
SPEAKER_02: We're living in the generation of people who don't ever even answer their phones.
16:16
SPEAKER_02: They just you can I'm gonna let it go to voicemail.
16:18
SPEAKER_02: You don't leave a voicemail, you text me.
16:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
16:21
SPEAKER_02: And so yeah, I did you that's my way of saying text me.
16:24
SPEAKER_02: And so now we and we have some ways around that.
16:26
SPEAKER_02: Number one, showing up on a Sunday morning to a life group is easy.
16:29
SPEAKER_02: There's a there'll be other visitors, we'll walk you over there.
16:31
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
16:32
SPEAKER_02: But we also we don't want you to have to cold call somebody's house.
16:35
SPEAKER_02: So if you decide I'm gonna go visit Joey's life group or I'm gonna go visit Tackett's life group, he's a Sunday morning, but you know what I mean.
16:41
SPEAKER_02: Then what we do is we'll we'll get you and the life group leader and his wife together in the lobby on a Sunday morning to meet.
16:48
SPEAKER_02: And so you can meet him, you can see him, you can shake hands, you can talk to the wife, he can tell you where to park, you can tell you where to come.
16:53
SPEAKER_02: And it just it sort of cuts the awkwardness way out of the process.
16:58
SPEAKER_02: And so if you'll just let us help you get connected, we will get you connected.
17:02
SPEAKER_02: Because in all of the all the literature, all the studies, when everybody asks me what kind of life what life group should I go to, the number one answer is you should pick the life group that you will actually go to.
17:13
SPEAKER_02: And so it does so I I really want to be, I really like this guy and I like this pastor, and he's leading, and I want to be a part of that life group, and it's a 35-minute drive on a Wednesday or on a Thursday night.
17:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're not going.
17:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're not gonna go.
17:24
SPEAKER_05: That I was just saying, I think proximity matters too.
17:26
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's gotta be close.
17:28
SPEAKER_05: But yeah, that was actually my number two.
17:30
SPEAKER_05: I put fear, okay, well, awkwardness, yeah, right?
17:33
SPEAKER_05: So I I believe a lot of people just think it's so awkward to meet somebody and then to think, well, I'm not gonna fit in.
17:41
SPEAKER_05: Uh I'm not gonna fit in there, this isn't gonna work.
17:44
SPEAKER_05: Or I think the other fear, and and you can speak to this if you want, is having people know you on a deeper level.
17:51
SPEAKER_05: Getting people to say, like, I like because you know if you're in a life group, at some point people are gonna know you.
17:57
SPEAKER_05: That's right.
17:58
SPEAKER_05: You're gonna have to open up about what's happening in your life.
18:01
SPEAKER_05: Correct.
18:02
SPEAKER_05: And once you open up, people are gonna start knowing some deep things about you.
18:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they're gonna see what your relationship with your wife is like, no matter how much you try to put on a good face, they're gonna see how you're doing with the kids.
18:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
18:13
SPEAKER_02: Because they're gonna be running around the backyard.
18:16
SPEAKER_05: 10, 15 minutes in the lobby of a church, you can put on an act.
18:19
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's right.
18:20
SPEAKER_05: But when you meet somebody weekly in their home, it it's it's a bit different.
18:26
SPEAKER_05: And and I'll just I'll admit that the very first time we opened up our home for Life Group, because we were coming to a life group here on Sunday, and then we said, you know what, we're gonna host one now, we're gonna do it in our house, and we invited people over to our house.
18:40
SPEAKER_05: And I remember the very first week we were like going through something very devastating.
18:47
SPEAKER_05: Very devastating.
18:48
SPEAKER_05: You know exactly where you were going through.
18:49
SPEAKER_05: Devastating.
18:50
SPEAKER_05: And and I remember Richard, the pastor, he was saying, Hey man, do you want to cancel cancel your group tonight?
18:57
SPEAKER_05: You know, because I know what you're going through.
18:58
SPEAKER_05: I said, No, like it's too late to cancel anything, just let people come over.
19:02
SPEAKER_05: And then we were like, Okay, they can come over, but we aren't going to tell them anything that's happening in our life.
19:09
SPEAKER_05: You know, we didn't want to open up, we didn't want to share what was happening with us.
19:12
SPEAKER_05: And then you kind of have this other thing, it's like, oh well, you're one of the pastors of the church, and man, your life is like that.
19:17
SPEAKER_05: Okay, let's just admit it.
19:19
SPEAKER_05: We're we all have issues, we all have problems.
19:21
SPEAKER_05: So at the end, when we're saying, hey, how can you be praying for each other?
19:26
SPEAKER_05: We decided, you know what, let's just tell them what's going on.
19:30
SPEAKER_05: As we told them what was going on, I kid you not, every single person was either going through it or had been through it and was able to encourage us how to get through that exact situation.
19:44
SPEAKER_05: And that was because we opened up and shared a little bit about what we were going on.
19:49
SPEAKER_05: So I understand that fear.
19:51
SPEAKER_05: I understand the fear of saying, I don't want people to really know what's going on in my life, but if you're in life room, if you're doing koinania, I'm gonna use your Greek word, doing life together.
20:02
SPEAKER_05: See, you didn't know I knew a little bit of Greek.
20:05
SPEAKER_05: We're doing life together, but they have come alongside of us for the past two and a half years now, and they've been walking with us through this tragic time in our life, all because we got over that fear and said, we're gonna let people in our home and we're gonna share the truth about what's happening in our life, and they're able to now do life with us.
20:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I was it's been a couple of years ago now.
20:32
SPEAKER_02: I was leading a life group here on Sunday morning, and then I was transitioning that life group over to another leader.
20:37
SPEAKER_02: And we I was still attending the group as I was able, because I was still back when I was pastor of announcements and had to do the announcements every Sunday.
20:42
SPEAKER_05: And um You ain't never made you pastor of announcements.
20:46
SPEAKER_05: No, but you did do them.
20:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we were, and we were, and I came in, we were all sitting, and they were talking about some things, and and there was a couple there that began to share what was happening in their family, and it was very awkward.
20:57
SPEAKER_02: Like it was very, it was a very uncomfortable moment, very awkward.
21:00
SPEAKER_02: People were kind of shocked that they were sharing this.
21:03
SPEAKER_02: And then the life group leader, just calm, pastoral, said, When that happened in our family, here's what we did.
21:10
SPEAKER_02: Here's how we got through that.
21:11
SPEAKER_02: And it was just like it was amazing.
21:14
SPEAKER_02: It was the Lord at work.
21:15
SPEAKER_02: So absolutely.
21:16
SPEAKER_05: And let me just share this with everybody.
21:18
SPEAKER_05: There are people who have been what you've been through.
21:21
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
21:21
SPEAKER_05: So it's okay to share.
21:23
SPEAKER_05: Yep.
21:23
SPEAKER_05: Okay, I had another one on there.
21:25
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
21:25
SPEAKER_02: Unless you had another one.
21:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, the well, the other one is the the other thing I would think, I mean, if I'm just making working through my same three categories again, and that is I think that and and this is not this is not only a reason why people don't go to life groups, this is a reason why groups can become dysfunctional.
21:40
SPEAKER_02: And that is because they do not value they they would never say this, but they ultimately don't see much value in studying the scripture.
21:50
SPEAKER_02: And so they hear it on a Sunday morning, that's enough for them.
21:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that might even be a little too much.
21:56
SPEAKER_02: But can we just get to the practical part?
21:58
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, and so the I think about a dysfunctional life group, there's lots of ways a group can be dysfunctional, but one of the most common ways that a group is dysfunctional is when they prioritize everything except the studying of the Bible together.
22:13
SPEAKER_02: Right.
22:13
SPEAKER_02: And so, and I you be careful about this because the one thing that we can't forget is that for a lot of it's it's less true here in the low country, it was much more true in Charlotte and in Raleigh.
22:23
SPEAKER_02: But for a lot of our people coming to the life group, coming to your house, those are you're probably their y'all are probably their only Christian friends.
22:33
SPEAKER_02: And so to expect them to want to have a whole week's worth of friendship unpacked in an hour, you should expect that.
22:40
SPEAKER_02: That's actually very healthy.
22:41
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
22:41
SPEAKER_02: But I never thought about that.
22:43
SPEAKER_02: That you're you're probably the only Christian.
22:45
SPEAKER_02: But you but you also have to keep in mind, though, is that I I've been in some groups, like for example, one of the most common symptoms of this is the group where the prayer requests take 45 minutes, right?
22:54
SPEAKER_02: And every everybody's sort of reliving their day.
22:56
SPEAKER_02: I heard moans over there.
22:58
SPEAKER_02: They're like, oh, and uh now, granted, I'll I'll say this there there is there is something good about sharing your day in a very sort of explicit way, explanatory way, sharing your unpacking your day.
23:10
SPEAKER_02: That's good.
23:11
SPEAKER_02: And having other people commiserate with you, other Christian people commiserate you is also good.
23:16
SPEAKER_02: However, I'm gonna sound like a theologian for a minute, none of those things are actually life-giving.
23:21
SPEAKER_02: And but the scripture is.
23:23
SPEAKER_02: And so to prioritize in those moments the teaching of the scripture, the reading of it together, the talking about it, the the applying it, that's actually where we find life.
23:32
SPEAKER_02: Those other things are good, and we should make time for them in groups.
23:34
SPEAKER_02: In fact, we encourage our groups to make time for all of those things.
23:36
SPEAKER_02: But if you start to do it to the exclusion of spending time in God's word, you're actually bypassing where real life is found for something that just sort of feels like real life.
23:47
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
23:48
SPEAKER_05: That that's good.
23:49
SPEAKER_05: That's really, really good.
23:51
SPEAKER_05: I I my my last one was people are self-sufficient and they just think I don't need it.
23:57
SPEAKER_05: I don't I don't need that.
24:00
SPEAKER_05: Maybe you guys need to do that.
24:02
SPEAKER_05: I'm good on my own, I'm good by myself.
24:05
SPEAKER_05: And let me tell you, by yourself, a a lot of bad things can happen.
24:09
SPEAKER_05: You can do a lot of trouble by yourself.
24:12
SPEAKER_05: And so for me, the last one that you just said, that that's kind of the most dangerous one.
24:16
SPEAKER_05: People saying, I don't really need to dig deeper into the scripture.
24:20
SPEAKER_05: I've had enough of the word of God.
24:24
SPEAKER_05: I don't need more.
24:25
SPEAKER_05: Whoa.
24:26
SPEAKER_05: Right.
24:26
SPEAKER_02: What a scary thought.
24:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it yeah.
24:28
SPEAKER_02: I to your first point, I a friend of mine sent me a uh it was a cartoon, or it was a meme, I essentially, and it said, the greatest miracle that Jesus ever did was not raising the dead or walking on the water, it was making 12 new friends as a 33-year-old man.
24:47
SPEAKER_02: And so that's terrible and I definitely I get you get the sentiment though, right?
24:52
SPEAKER_02: I definitely, as I I am, as a as a uh as a soon-to-be 54-year-old man, I definitely see the the number of meaningful connections I have in my life dwindling, and I don't absolutely have the same urge to keep those up.
25:07
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
25:08
SPEAKER_02: And so it's very easy to to sort of start to put on the blinders, and you got family, you got kids, you got career, and to the exclusion and everything else.
25:14
SPEAKER_02: And I think you're right, that that kind of self-sufficiency and and we we realize the error that we've made when something terrible happens in our lives and you find and you find yourself absolutely alone.
25:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
25:24
SPEAKER_02: So no, no, I'm not I'm not gonna be alone, I've got my wife.
25:26
SPEAKER_02: Well, what but what if that's the issue?
25:27
SPEAKER_02: If yeah, yeah, then what do you yeah, you know what I mean?
25:29
SPEAKER_04: And so I do, I I understand it completely.
25:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think it's really hard.
25:33
SPEAKER_02: And I would I would also there's a there's a warning here in the scripture.
25:39
SPEAKER_02: I was thinking about this as I was driving over here.
25:43
SPEAKER_02: So there are a number of passages where Paul talks about church discipline.
25:47
SPEAKER_02: And ultimately for Paul, it's not it's not a lecture on church discipline, but ultimately for Paul, church discipline is separating somebody from the community of the church to shock them out of this.
25:58
SPEAKER_02: In other words, uh Paul says that if you are living in settled defiance against the teaching of Jesus, this is not somebody who's struggling with the sin, somebody who needs help.
26:06
SPEAKER_02: This is somebody who says, the church comes to this person and says, Here's Jesus said not to do that and you're doing it.
26:12
SPEAKER_02: And the person says, I know Jesus said not to do it, I just don't care.
26:15
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna keep doing it.
26:16
SPEAKER_02: Essentially, what Paul says is their their spirit has already left the church.
26:20
SPEAKER_02: You just need to make sure they their backside goes with it so that they understand where they are.
26:25
SPEAKER_02: And and so he and he just I just I was thinking about 1 Corinthians 5.
26:29
SPEAKER_02: He describes 1 Corinthians this process.
26:31
SPEAKER_02: He says, verse 4, chapter 5, 1 Corinthians 5, 4, when you were assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus, and my spirit is present with the power of our Lord Jesus.
26:38
SPEAKER_02: Now he's talking, all he said is put the guy out of the assembly.
26:41
SPEAKER_02: But here's how he describes it you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit might be saved in the day of the Lord.
26:48
SPEAKER_02: In another place, he uses a similar phrasing where he says that uh that you know to turn I delivered this man to Satan for the destruction, so that he might learn not to blaspheme.
26:56
SPEAKER_02: And I just as I was thinking about that, I thought, if that is the if that's the terrible, that's the great danger of being disfellowshipped from the church, what danger do you put yourself in when you do that voluntarily by not being a part of the life of the church in some meaningful way?
27:15
SPEAKER_02: And as we've already said, just showing up on Sunday morning is not meaningful being a part of the life of the church.
27:20
SPEAKER_02: No, not at all.
27:21
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
27:21
SPEAKER_02: I don't think most people I don't think most people recognize the grave spiritual danger they might be in by separating themselves.
27:27
SPEAKER_02: That's not a threat.
27:28
SPEAKER_02: I'm not threatening people to join life groups, but you know what I mean.
27:30
SPEAKER_02: That's not a I don't think most people sound like a threat to me.
27:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you yeah, self-sufficient is a is a uh a massive, massive dose of self-deception.
27:41
SPEAKER_02: Very true.
27:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
27:42
SPEAKER_05: So then help me to explain how we need to be looking at life groups differently.
27:51
SPEAKER_05: Like what how how do we change that?
27:53
SPEAKER_05: How do we not look at it as just a obligation?
27:57
SPEAKER_05: This is just another something that the church is trying to make me do so that they can have more of my time versus hey, this is a lifeline for you, and it would be very beneficial if you were to connect in the life group.
28:12
SPEAKER_05: You you you kind of understand that?
28:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's the question makes sense.
28:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm not sure that's a tough nut to crack.
28:18
SPEAKER_02: It's hard to I mean, that's a thing Pastor Pete and I think about every day.
28:21
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
28:21
SPEAKER_02: How do because it really comes down to how do we get more people to go to go to life groups?
28:24
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
28:25
SPEAKER_02: It's not it's not that they don't know about them.
28:27
SPEAKER_02: There are giant pictures of the life group leaders, on you literally have to walk past them on the way into the sanctuary every Sunday.
28:32
SPEAKER_02: You do.
28:33
SPEAKER_02: And so I think it's a I think it's a matter of teaching, number one, helping helping families prioritize.
28:38
SPEAKER_02: That's a thing we're just not very good at.
28:40
SPEAKER_02: But just oh, and and then, you know, Richard is constantly saying, hey, this is a thing that you need to think about and talk about, and I'm not gonna do that in the sermon.
28:47
SPEAKER_02: You're gonna do that in your life groups.
28:48
SPEAKER_02: But it really just comes down to people recognizing some sort of need in one of those areas.
28:55
SPEAKER_02: I need to be connected, I need to do ministry, I need to be involved in the study of God's word.
29:01
SPEAKER_02: People have these crisis moments where they realize, and I have these conversations with people where they realize I thought I actually knew the Bible reasonably well.
29:10
SPEAKER_02: And then this question came up and I started kind of floundering around, then I realized I don't actually know very much at all.
29:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
29:16
SPEAKER_02: People actually know far less about the Bible.
29:18
SPEAKER_02: They have lots of thoughts about the Bible, but they know very I'll give you this is sort of a radical example, but I had a student who was uh teaching a course on the the uh interpretation of revelation now, but I it's a 400-level class.
29:30
SPEAKER_02: Sorry.
29:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's fine.
29:33
SPEAKER_02: No, for the student.
29:34
SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah, not for you.
29:35
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna pitch Richard to see if he'll let me teach uh Revelation and Sunday Night Discipleship.
29:40
SPEAKER_02: By the way, this is this is the first he's hearing of it when he listens to this podcast.
29:43
SPEAKER_02: But of course, I had a student come to me and say, Well, I'm looking at this passage in Revelation, uh, and does it doesn't it mean this?
29:48
SPEAKER_02: And he gives me some interpretation, you know, his dispensationalism or pre-malitism, whatever it was, right?
29:52
SPEAKER_02: And I said, Well, that depends on how you understand sort of the the major interludes in Revelation and sort of the second major vision.
30:01
SPEAKER_02: And he just kind of looked at me like I had spoken French to him, right?
30:05
SPEAKER_02: And the the point of the conversation that at the point I tried to get him to is that you you've read a paragraph in Revelation, you are trying to interpret it, but the truth is you don't know even enough about the book of Revelation to begin having this conversation yet.
30:19
SPEAKER_02: And so it would be like one of the illustrations I use with my students is imagine that you're Jesus, you're sitting there 2,000 years ago and you're you're with Jesus, and Jesus says, Okay, I'm gonna tell you guys a story to help explain this.
30:31
SPEAKER_02: And he says, A man, a farmer has some seed and he goes out to sow seed.
30:35
SPEAKER_02: And Peter goes, Oh, oh, oh, oh, I'll bet the farmer's gonna be the Gentiles.
30:38
SPEAKER_02: Isn't the farmer gonna be the Gentiles?
30:39
SPEAKER_02: And Jesus says, just let me finish.
30:42
SPEAKER_02: Let me finish.
30:42
SPEAKER_02: Can I finish the story?
30:44
SPEAKER_02: And he and the sea, he goes out, and some seed fell on this ground.
30:46
SPEAKER_02: They go, Oh, I'll bet I know.
30:47
SPEAKER_02: Peter's like, oh, oh, I'll bet the I'll bet the ground is the Pharisees.
30:50
SPEAKER_02: And Jesus is like, Can I finish the story, please?
30:54
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's the way most people treat their Christianity and the Bible.
30:58
SPEAKER_02: Like, oh, I I know I'm a Baptist, I know this.
31:01
SPEAKER_02: But you got you gotta spend you need to spend a lot more time in the Bible.
31:06
SPEAKER_02: And that's why with our life group guides, the first section of the first part of every section is just simple observation.
31:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
31:12
SPEAKER_02: What did Jesus say in this verse?
31:14
SPEAKER_02: Where did Jesus go after that?
31:15
SPEAKER_02: How did the Pharisees respond to what he said?
31:17
SPEAKER_02: Because you'd be surprised how quickly we run from the text to get to whatever sort of point we want to make, application, theological, whatever.
31:26
SPEAKER_02: And we just leave the text.
31:27
SPEAKER_03: Without even reading the word.
31:28
SPEAKER_03: Correct.
31:28
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
31:29
SPEAKER_02: Correct.
31:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
31:30
SPEAKER_02: But your practical applications are not life-giving, but the word of God is.
31:33
SPEAKER_02: So wow.
31:35
SPEAKER_05: Word of God.
31:36
SPEAKER_05: Life-giving.
31:37
SPEAKER_05: Imagine that.
31:38
SPEAKER_05: I love that.
31:39
SPEAKER_05: Okay, so for me, I I look at Life Roop and I say, This isn't something that I just need to add to my schedule.
31:45
SPEAKER_05: It's not just another thing.
31:47
SPEAKER_05: This is actually life-sustaining.
31:49
SPEAKER_05: Right.
31:49
SPEAKER_05: This is something that needs to be a part of who I am and a part of what I do.
31:56
SPEAKER_05: Right.
31:56
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
31:57
SPEAKER_05: And I know I know I threw this on you when you first came in because we are we're gonna wrap it up right now for the first part.
32:03
SPEAKER_05: But I'm gonna just sit right here with you because we're gonna now start digging deeper into how it actually applies and what we can actually do with that.
32:13
SPEAKER_05: So as we wrap this up, and this has been really good, honestly.
32:17
SPEAKER_05: Like I love spending time with you and doing this.
32:19
SPEAKER_05: Before we get into part two, can you just kind of wrap up the first part of what we're talking about?
32:24
SPEAKER_05: We you know, we always do the reality is tell us the reality about life group and being in the life group.
32:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the reality is if you want to have a meaningful life in the church, you need to be connected to people in the church.
32:37
SPEAKER_02: The reality is if you want to experience the ministry of the church for you in your need or your ability to minister to other people, the life group is almost certainly how that's gonna happen.
32:48
SPEAKER_02: And if you want to relate yourself to the word of God the way God intends his people to relate themselves to it, uh it will be as you read it and study and talk about it with a group of people, shoulder to shoulder, knee to knee, probably with some sort of of a sweet beverage and perhaps a sweet uh thing in your hand as you're doing it.
33:04
SPEAKER_05: Man, you know, you hate when I throw things on you, but you're so good when I just throw things on you.
33:09
SPEAKER_05: I love that.
33:10
SPEAKER_05: How you just come up with that.
33:11
SPEAKER_05: Look, in part two, we're gonna be talking about what actually happens inside of a life group and how a life group can actually change you.
33:18
SPEAKER_05: So I'm gonna keep you right here.
33:19
SPEAKER_05: For now, I'm gonna say to you guys, hey, listen, if you want to know how Life Group really works for you, I'm gonna ask that you don't miss the next episode.
33:28
SPEAKER_05: But for now, thank you, Ed, for being here.
33:30
SPEAKER_05: My pleasure.
33:31
SPEAKER_05: Thank you guys for being a part and listening to the Reality Is Podcast, where we're here talking about real life and real faith.
33:37
SPEAKER_05: Do us a favor, would you like, subscribe, share this with your friends, click on the bell.
33:41
SPEAKER_05: That way you will never miss another episode of the reality is podcast.
33:45
SPEAKER_05: Right now, we'd like to say thank you for listening.
33:48
SPEAKER_05: God bless you, and we will see you next time.
33:50
SPEAKER_00: The reality.