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Condoms & Condiments · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Condoms and condiments. It's one more thing. I'm marriage and mayonnaise.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Stay with us before we get to add a couple
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: of things. One picking up my son's first car today.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: But so, we were looking at this car on Facebook
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: to truck. Actually, we're looking at this truck on Facebook Marketplace,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: and I wanted to because he wants to do some
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: things to his vehicle once he starts working. He wants
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: to lower it and tint the windows. Because you gotta
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: be a cool kid. So I asked chat GPT, I said,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: take this truck, the picture of it, and I said,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: show it to me lowered with the windows tinted, And
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: in like ten seconds, it gave it to me.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: I thought, that was so cool.
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: It's just amazing that you can do that.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Wow, that's nuts, it is nuts.
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  Speaker 4: I did that recently. But the front of my home.
• 0:51
  Speaker 5: I wanted to hang a flag in a particular spot,
• 0:54
  Speaker 5: went outside, took a picture in front of my house,
• 0:56
  Speaker 5: exact same thing, and I was like, having it done immediately.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Wow.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I had to remember that for stuff. Yeah, very handy.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: So there are words I won't say I'm uncomfortable saying.
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: There are quite a few of them. I've mentioned on
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: the radio show. There was one today. Uh, Hanson put
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: together a bit about this. I haven't heard this yet.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just well, here we go. Tharson dildos. Farson dildos.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: That's right. I won't see either one of those two words.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Jack Wong say Tharson dildos.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: He is making me so uncomfortable.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Arsen dildo.
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  Speaker 4: I quit.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: That is just his way.
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  Speaker 1: I won't say either one of those words. That there
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: are words too. But I'm picturing Hansen up like four
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: o'clock in the morning. Well, of course he's up there anyway,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: but like all night long, produce it with wild red
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: rimmed eyes.
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  Speaker 2: Producing those wacky songs all night long. So amused as
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: an alternate version.
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  Speaker 3: By the way, Okay, farts in dol dose, oh boy, martzenda.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: As the first. Uh.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: The title of this story is a giant tub of
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  Speaker 1: mayonnaise married my friends. Uh. It's it's about well it
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  Speaker 1: would just whacky, but it's about sponsored weddings. Like if
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  Speaker 1: you're Beyonce or one of your big influencers online, you'll
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  Speaker 1: have like Dolce and Gabbana or Tiffany or somebody sponsor
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: your wedding and it'll be amazing and beautiful, and you'll,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: you know, post online and everybody scratches. Everybody else does,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: meaning like Tiffany might provide the ring because you're gonna
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: mention it and they feel like it's worth all the
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: jewelry or whatever, and you post a bunch of pictures
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: and yeah, it's a trade thing and and and pretty
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: pretty common on the super high end.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: I'm an online presence thing.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: But this article is about like the second to fourth
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: tier of this, including this one couple. Heather and Nick
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: beat out three dozen other couples for a wedding officiated
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  Speaker 1: by Manny Mayo, the Hellman's Mayonnaise mascot, and a giant
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  Speaker 1: tub of mayonnaise actually presided over the ceremony for her friends.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: It's like a fairy tale reck sss.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: So that's interesting. So they're not organically famous, but they
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: came up with a wacky enough version you just mentioned
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  Speaker 3: it here that it would get mentioned in news outlets
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  Speaker 3: in the mayonnaise people recognize that. So if you can
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: be creative enough, you could come up with something.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Well yeah, yeah, they were actually recruited, but they got
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: a thirty minute ceremony, two hour party. Although the Unilever
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: that makes craft stuff, I guess, or Helman's, I should say,
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  Speaker 1: handed down the dress code like an overbearing mother in law.
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  Speaker 1: No neon, no wild patterns. They provided a palette of
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  Speaker 1: acceptable Hellman's colors like I would imagine if I ever
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: got married again, I could say, we'll get married in
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: the Oscar Meyer Wiener mobile if you'll pay for them
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  Speaker 1: wedding right right, yeah, And this is my favorite part.
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  Speaker 1: We were given two weeks to get to Vegas a
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: strict dress code and had to waive our quote moral rights. What,
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: oh my god, what are they going to do to us?
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I feel like I did that a long time ago.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, a couple of nights I did, certainly. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So uh. Anyway, they mentioned the average cost of a
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: wedding in twenty twenty five is thirty six thousand dollars
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: online wedding.
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  Speaker 2: Planner blah blah blah.
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  Speaker 1: Woh, and about thirty percent of couples cover the full
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  Speaker 1: cost themselves.
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  Speaker 2: You know.
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  Speaker 1: I was just talking to that about that with a
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  Speaker 1: couple of friends who were of daughters getting married age,
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  Speaker 1: and everybody agreed, let's have a nice wedding with close
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: friends and family. We'll throw a real nice party and
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  Speaker 1: I'll write your check for fifty grand or whatever the
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: number is in your social circle. And instead of like
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: doing the fairy book princess thing. I know it sounds great,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: but a down payment on a house.
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  Speaker 3: Or even if you don't do that, just don't spend
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  Speaker 3: the money on the fancy wedding and have a small
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: wedding and period, because there's no relationship between wedding opulence
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: and lifetime happiness, at least nobody's ever documented one.
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  Speaker 2: Wow, that'd be a hell of a study to conduct.
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  Speaker 1: I'd like to I'd be shocked. I'd be shocked if
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: it's not inversely related. Based on my life experience, Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I can't dispute that the more fancy the wedding, the
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  Speaker 1: less likely they stay married or are happy.
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  Speaker 5: Katie, I had the big wedding, and you know, I mean,
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  Speaker 5: I've been married for what almost I'm sure.
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  Speaker 2: I'm sure I didn't say that. No, there's not a
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  Speaker 2: one to one relationship.
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  Speaker 5: I'm just thinking about I was thinking about the day itself,
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: and like the guests and all, like the things that
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: are still I mean, four years down the road, I
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  Speaker 5: still have people that are hassling me.
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: Because they weren't invited.
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  Speaker 5: Oh wow, and it makes me go Okay, Drew and
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  Speaker 5: I totally could have done this with a small group,
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: and it would have been preferable, honestly, looking back.
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  Speaker 3: I know an acquaintance. So he and his wife were
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: headed down the road to a Biggish wedding which they
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: were going to pay for themselves. I paid for mind myself,
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: but they're going to pay for themselves. And at some
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: point he said to her like, do you think we
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: really ought to do this? And they completely changed gears,
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  Speaker 3: Like wait, before they'd spend all the money, but they're
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: headed toward the whole thing, and they changed gears. And
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: they did it in their barn, on their property with
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  Speaker 3: Kentucky Fried Chicken buckets, and like did it for hundreds
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  Speaker 3: of dollars.
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  Speaker 4: Awesome.
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  Speaker 2: But I wouldn't.
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  Speaker 1: Well, you know, this is our prejudices coming to the fore.
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  Speaker 1: But if a friend of mine announce said, or his
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: kids did or something that would be a positive to me,
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: absolutely I would think good for you.
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  Speaker 3: I wouldn't judge god, millionaires, anybody who would think how
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  Speaker 3: embarrassing Kentucky Fried Chicken?
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  Speaker 2: What is wrong with you?
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  Speaker 4: No, what is embarrassing.
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  Speaker 5: Is the chick that I know that just dropped easily
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  Speaker 5: two hundred grand on a wedding that was embarrassing.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: Wouldn't be hard to do? Yeah? Oh wow, I'm going, well,
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: you got to have it to drop it off? Sure?
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: So this couple that had the mayonnaise wedding. In their application,
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  Speaker 1: they revealed that they first bonded over their disdain for
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: dry sandwiches. I'm a sauceman, Heather told Nick. Not a transgender,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: just a play on words there. From then on they
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: called themselves the Saucemans. Each Christmas, Heather makes a sauce
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  Speaker 1: themed ornament for their tree, and in their application to
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  Speaker 1: be married by a giant jar of mayonnaise, they showed
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  Speaker 1: an onion ring being slipped on a chicken finger as
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  Speaker 1: evidence of their commitment to each other.
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  Speaker 4: And it's just it, this just turned into something I
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  Speaker 4: can't stand.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's too much.
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  Speaker 5: The whole thing just took a turn. Yeah, the Sauceman's
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  Speaker 5: shut up.
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  Speaker 1: Thirty seven couples applied, but my friend's application stood out.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: This journalist rights for the unique and heartfelt roles sauces
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  Speaker 1: play in their relationship.
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  Speaker 5: I think I was at a bar in Oakland in
• 8:28
  Speaker 5: the Bay Area one night, and it's kind of a
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  Speaker 5: bit like a German bar, and they had all these
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: different spreads and mustards and whatnot. And the girl was
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: hassling the bar tender because one of this mustards was
• 8:39
  Speaker 5: not spicy and she had ordered a spicy mustard. And
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  Speaker 5: I'll never forget it. She leaned over and she went,
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  Speaker 5: trust me, we're sauce people.
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  Speaker 1: We're sauce people.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's that.
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  Speaker 5: That might this story might have triggered that to me.
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  Speaker 5: But oh wow, we're sauce people.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I'd want to follow them home and study them for
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: a couple of weeks, study them at the university level.
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  Speaker 2: As a line on Seinfeld had.
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  Speaker 1: It, I don't live in this world. I've never lived
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: in this world, and I'm never going to live in
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: this world. But I do know people who live in
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: the world where if your daughter was getting married, it
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  Speaker 1: would be you would considered a bad look on you.
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  Speaker 1: If her wedding wasn't super fancy and expensive and all
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  Speaker 1: your friends know it. I mean, that would be very
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  Speaker 1: important to you. And if like somebody else in your
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: neighborhood had a fancier wedding.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: You can't have that. Luckily, I don't have to compete.
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  Speaker 2: It's so easy to not be involved in that sort
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: of stuff.
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  Speaker 3: You can just like step out of that arena and
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: it's just I don't care. Do whatever you want. I'm
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: gonna do whatever I want. But some people are trapped
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: into that. I shouldn't say trapped. They seem to enjoy it,
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: but uh eh, semi trapped. So the giant Jarremene mayonnaise
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  Speaker 3: steps up and says, like chicken tender dip and chicken tenders,
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  Speaker 3: marriage is a beautiful union of two special.
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  Speaker 1: Flavors that just work together, all right. The audience erupted
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: with a genuine awe.
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  Speaker 4: Was it genuine?
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  Speaker 3: What do you think of my plan of Uh, I
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: get married again and we do it in the Oscar
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: wienermobile if they pay.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: For it in it or like in front of it.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: We've been in it.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: I don't think there's room in it. I guess it'd
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: be in front of it.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: I think that's an antediotic, in demeaning idea. On top
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: of it, you write it in, Yeah, that's it. You
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: write it down the aisle, you get out of it.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: And then a guy in a Wiener suit does the
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: slide down a bun shaped slide right to the altar.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: I don't think any house.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: A god would allow that abomination to occur.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: What alter What am I talking about? How about this?
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: In a moment, you may kiss the bride, but before
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: you do, let me tell everyone about the Jiffy Lube
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: Oil special. Well, I guess that's it.