Latest / Love Matters With Leeza Mangaldas / Red flags: How to sort the crimson from the clover ft. Shahzeen Shivdasani

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Red flags: How to sort the crimson from the clover ft. Shahzeen Shivdasani · Love Matters With Leeza Mangaldas

0:03
Pay attention to how you feel. Do you feel safe? Do you feel
0:07
understood? Do they integrate you into their lives and vice versa? Do you
0:12
feel you can trust them? How do they handle early arguments? Are you
0:17
being treated with respect you know ultimately see in the beginning? How are you
0:21
made to feel your data is late? They chew with their mouth open,
0:28
talk about the X and don't offer to pay for your meal. Bad manners
0:33
worse red flags? While these days it seems hard to tell. I mean,
0:39
we hear terms like red flag a lot in daily conversation, but do
0:43
you really know what it means and how to use it to find what you're
0:47
looking for? Hey? Everyone, I'm Evelyn Sharma and this is Love Matters,
0:56
a podcast about relationship topics that matter to you and me from DW and
1:02
Indian Express. Today, dear listeners, we're talking about red flags in dating,
1:07
what they are, where they are, and how should we act when
1:11
we see one. I'm so excited to welcome our guest for this episode to
1:15
help us answer these questions, Relationship Expert Chazine Shiftazani. Welcome to the show,
1:23
Chasin. Hi e Lynn, thank you for having me. Well for
1:26
you guys who don't know Shazine that well yet. She's a writer and author
1:32
based in Mumbai. Also she's Bumble India's a relationship expert with more than ten
1:38
years experience in the dating and relationships sphere. Her book Love, Lust and
1:44
Lemons, Your go to Guide for Relationships, dating and everything in Between,
1:49
was published in twenty twenty. Again, thank you so much for being here,
1:53
Chasin, thank you for that lovely introduction, My pleasure. It's so
2:00
great to have you here. And you know, with topics like today's,
2:04
it's important to start off with a definition so we're all on the same page
2:07
before we dig into the juicy bits. Absolutely, so, Shazine to you,
2:13
what is a red flag and how would you define this concept? So,
2:16
a red flag, it's a cool concept, right, So a red
2:19
flag has been used in time throughout history as a sign of danger, and
2:23
I think in the dating space it has been around, it's been it's a
2:29
coin term that has been around for a while. So that you know,
2:31
because in the beginning of a relationship, most people get so carried away with
2:35
the butterflies of the relationship, the passion of the relationship, that they kind
2:39
of don't notice things that are fundamentally wrong, and then before they know it,
2:45
they end up in a toxic relationship because they didn't really correct things in
2:49
the beginning or maybe even walk out in the beginning. So I think a
2:52
red flag as a concept is like, hey, pay attention, warning ahead,
2:55
you know. And it's cool that it's also used into the dating space.
3:00
Yeah, when do you think we started using it for the dating space?
3:05
Well, I personally don't know how long it's been around, but I
3:07
can tell you I've been writing about it for ten years. It's a topic
3:10
that just does didn't get old, right, Yeah, I feel like I've
3:14
always been using it ever since I started dating. And that's what Jesus a
3:21
long time ago, I know, right while I've ended my dating life now
3:25
with being married and having children. So you can pass on the advice.
3:31
I will try. I will try. Well, what are some of the
3:37
common red flags that you hear about? So, I mean, we can
3:40
look at this both ways. Are we talking about dating or in relationships?
3:44
I mean they tend to overlap, but are we looking at the early stages
3:47
or when you're in one? So let's define dating and in a relationship.
3:53
So obviously, in a relationship is when you're in a relationship with a committed
3:57
partner, you've made a commitment to each other. In the early stages,
4:00
is casual dating, you're just getting to know each other and there's no official
4:03
commitment made of labeling boyfriend girlfriend. When do you think it's more important to
4:10
really look for those red flags? Is it already in the dating phase or
4:14
should we wait until we know the person better and can judge them better when
4:18
we're in a relationship with them. See, I mean I can go both
4:21
ways. I do think you need to pay attention in the early stages to
4:25
certain things, but some people are very good at camouflaging it and bringing out
4:30
their colors later, right, you know, So what is something that you
4:34
can easily spot in the dating phase? So, I think any form of
4:41
controlled behavior which you can kind of see in the beginning, you know,
4:45
constantly wanting to know where you are, who you're hanging out with, wanting
4:48
to check your phone, like anything that you find a bit that is overstepping
4:53
a boundary, happening too soon being and it's not even just happening too soon,
4:58
it's just feeling fundamentally wrong, because even when you're in a relationship,
5:01
you can't have that much control over someone's life. It's abnormal asking where you
5:05
are often constantly why are you hanging out with this person? Invading your space?
5:11
And that you feel that you need like why is this person invading my
5:14
space? You know? So would you say cut all chords? Right?
5:18
There is that a red flag that is like, okay, that person is
5:23
not ready to date anybody? No, I think, I mean, let's
5:27
look at some other behaviors also, right, That's just one part of it.
5:29
I also feel if you notice any form of anger management you know earlier
5:34
on, or any form of dishonesty, a lot of white lies that you
5:41
catch. I think a lot of people ignore the white lies part. You
5:45
know, you catch them in small lies and you're like, it's okay,
5:47
it's just a little white lie. They did it to protect my feelings.
5:49
But like I would say, definitely pay attention to that because ultimately that will
5:55
break trust in the future. Right right now, you're overlooking it. If
6:00
you commit to this person, eventually that white line is going to bother you.
6:02
It could be something about something big. So I'd say pay attention to
6:05
the let's put it in a nutshell, pay attention to the character of this
6:10
person, Yeah, you know, the nature and character is it aligning with
6:15
yours? Yeah, it's so difficult to kind of really look at these red
6:19
flags and say, you know, call it off or go ahead, because
6:24
as a friend or you know, I mean, I'm obviously now the go
6:28
to person for my friends to talk about their dating experience, and if they
6:32
tell me that they, you know, this person seems to lie a lot.
6:35
I don't, you know, it's not even something big, but like,
6:39
yah, it seems to be like these small things that they told me.
6:42
And I don't know where to categorize this. And I obviously I'm you
6:46
know, passionate and very protective absolutely about my friendships and my friends. So
6:54
I would just tell them just let it go and find somebody else. But
6:58
it's not really that easy because because my friend is definitely interested and attracted to
7:02
that person, and the other person probably too. So what do I what
7:08
advice do I give this person? How do I, you know, make
7:11
sure that they are safe and they are aware of this red flag, but
7:15
at the same time they're giving the other person a bit of space to kind
7:19
of come through. I think I think, I think a lot of women,
7:24
specifically are very scared. And this is a narrative that even I really
7:28
work on trying to change with. Women are very scared to be upfront with
7:33
men, and because they're scared of losing the guy. So I feel if
7:38
you catch or they go the other way where they come off too aggressive.
7:42
So I feel just having an open conversation, you know, the conversation you
7:46
don't want to have a listen. You kind of white light about this,
7:49
and it's not an impressive quality. It makes me wonder if I can trust
7:54
you. You're a new person in my life. We're trying to build something
7:56
here that's not going to fly with me. Ahead you need to be honest,
8:01
and if you feel you can't be honest with me, then maybe I'm
8:03
not the person for you. That's right, you know. So I feel
8:07
women just need to You can obviously give someone a second chance. Maybe they
8:13
had a reason. Look, people are ultimately flawed. You can't write someone
8:16
off so quickly unless it's something like physical abuse or something like that, or
8:20
some form of emotional emotional abuse, you know what I mean. But people
8:24
will have flaws in their personality. You can, of course talk to them
8:28
and tell them what your expectations are true, I think, yeah, being
8:33
brave and talking about it to the other person. Yeah, I agree.
8:37
Well, then what about in relationships? What are common red flags once you're
8:43
in a relationship. So again I said, there'll be some form of overlap,
8:46
So there'll be your controlling behavior. You know, maybe if you notice
8:50
consistent jealousy, emotional of physical abuse, which is separate from each other.
8:56
Big red flag. Yeah, that's a that's an actual red flag. To
9:01
be honest, I think people we can get into this a bit later if
9:03
you want. But I think people confuse red flags with expectations. Okay,
9:09
explain, I'll give you an example. Okay, So it's just easier that
9:13
way. For example, I have a very important podcast with Evelyn Sharma.
9:22
I expect my boyfriend to sit beside me, okay while I do this podcast.
9:26
However, he has to be at his sister's dinner. Okay. Now,
9:31
someone may say, well, you know, I think that's a red
9:35
flag he should put you first. But to me, that may not be
9:37
a red flag because I think family comes first. So I think that's an
9:43
expectation between the two of you more than a red flag. Right. That
9:50
is very much up to your individual perception and expectations exactly. Yeah. Can
9:58
we do a little exercise now, because I have a lot more examples and
10:03
some of them are, um, you know what I've experienced myself in dating
10:07
or friends complained to me about. And I want to know whether you would
10:11
say those are red flags or just misunderstandings. Okay, so I have to
10:16
say just I just have to answer in one word misunderstanding or red flag?
10:20
Yeah, and then maybe you know, will elaborate a bit more. Okay,
10:24
cool, I like this. Yeah. The first one, is he
10:28
or she or they don't want me to meet their family a red flag?
10:35
Why? Well? Again, another tricky one. How many months have you
10:39
been dating? Yeah? I think that. I think that's a really crucial
10:43
question, isn't it. So say I've been dating this person for a week
10:48
and I'm a I'm a very family person. So again, expectation is that
10:52
you know you are too, and you are well, you know, not
10:56
hesitate to you know, you say, are you going to the movies with
11:01
your sister and another friend and you're not. You're not inviting me because your
11:05
sister is there, and you think no, and you've been you've been dating
11:11
a week Okay, two weeks a month cut off. I think that's where
11:18
does it become a red That is, I think that the person needs to
11:22
manage their expectations. That no one produces someone in two weeks come out even
11:26
I wouldn't you know? Oh my god, my husband. Now he introduced
11:31
me to his mom on like the first day. I feel like I met
11:35
his mom before I met him. But you know, of course, look,
11:37
there are always one off cases, you know, where like you know,
11:41
and today he's your husband. So maybe when he met you, he
11:43
knew immediately that you were the one, you know, but that is not
11:48
again, that's um, that's not for me, you know. I think
11:52
also culturally, I, for example, you know, grew up in Germany.
11:56
Yeah, and that is way too early for me. Yeah, but
12:01
then yeah, I don't know. Maybe meeting somebody too early could be a
12:05
red flag to you. Depends on you, I guess. But tell me
12:09
where is it? Like, Okay, now we've been dating for six months.
12:13
Yeah, this guy has still not said that you know, he wants
12:18
me to meet his family. What's up? So if you've been dating someone
12:20
for six months, you're a boyfriend and girlfriend, he's still not inviting you
12:26
it's to meet his family, it's worth a conversation as to how committed the
12:30
person actually is. So I would say it's a red flag. Maybe,
12:35
but you if just hear him out, like maybe he has a reason,
12:37
maybe he was planning to But if he's consistently after you have voiced that you
12:43
want to meet his family, not making any effort, then yeah, it's
12:46
a red flag because maybe he's not as serious as he's you know, claiming
12:50
to be right. Okay, So next, what if they're not replying to
12:58
my texts for a week? Red flag? Red flag? Red flag.
13:05
No one is so busy to be missing a whole week. I mean there's
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no stage like for the other side, there isn't. Even a week is
13:16
a long time. I mean, yeah, a week is a long time.
13:18
You're probably getting ghosted, which is so uncool. Yeah, and even
13:22
if they message you after a week, hey babe, how's it going.
13:26
I think it's an even more red flag that they think they could do that.
13:31
Yeah, they think it's just walk in and out as they please,
13:33
you know, So complete red flag at any stage, any stage of relationship
13:39
or dating or relationship. Yes, I think that's would you say like,
13:43
if it's in a relationship, that should be almost like a breakup reason.
13:46
There's no conversation about this. I see. I'm not someone that things people
13:52
should walk out of relationship so quickly. To be very honest with you,
13:54
I think our generation is very spoilt with options. I think again, I
14:01
want to reiterate, unless it's emotional physical abuse, then please walk out,
14:03
you know. But in terms of things like this misunderstandings, maybe you've had
14:07
a fight, maybe the person has gone missing for a week, it is
14:11
still wrong because they are running away from the problem and they probably have an
14:16
avoidant attachment style which will not do well in the future of growing your relationship.
14:22
So again, I think this is a conversation that you guys need to
14:26
have that you can't run away, you can't go missing for a week,
14:28
and it's not even good for trust, you know. And if they still
14:31
repeatedly do not make the effort to work on that part of themselves, then
14:35
yes, it's a red flag. That's right. Well, that's why you're
14:39
the expert. Okay, Next is do you want to have breakfast with me
14:45
every morning? What you're saying, is that a red flag? I'm asking
14:50
you, No, that's not a red flag. Okay, I don't know.
14:56
I would wonder why the context? I don't know the context. Are
15:03
you in a relationship and the person has that much time in their day,
15:07
so they're making time for you every morning? What's the context? Have you
15:09
or have you gone on a date with someone for two dates and then now
15:13
they want to have breakfast with you every morning? Okay, maybe that's a
15:16
red flag. You know the context exactly. I think my context at the
15:22
moment is, um, do I want my husband to make me breakfast in
15:26
bed every morning? Yes? I did? Yeah, exactly right. If
15:30
you're in a relationship, you're like, oh so sweet. But if you've
15:33
been dating the guy for like two days, two dates or a week,
15:35
okay, what why you know? Yeah? Yeah, maybe a bit cleany
15:41
Yeah yeah okay, Um, what if they want to read my text messages?
15:48
I think you've mentioned that earlier. With a little bit of controlling,
15:52
Yeah, that's a red flag. If you're like, especially in the early
15:58
stages, there's been no reach of trust. That's definitely controlling behavior. That
16:03
is definitely a red flag. There's something wrong with that person's in security levels.
16:07
Why do they need to do that, right? Okay, Well,
16:11
these are some of the you know, red flags and misunderstandings that I or
16:17
my friends have. So how come some of these common reasons and these common
16:22
red flags people just don't see them? Yeah? How come? Like it's
16:26
like their friends see them, but they don't see them. Is it true
16:30
that love makes you blind? That was actually my answer, but no,
16:33
I was gonna say I was gonna say so. I think in the beginning
16:37
of a relationship, right, you are blinded by two things. One is
16:41
lust, which is what you call your butterflies and passion and that feeling in
16:45
your stomach, your hormones. And the other one is the idea of love
16:52
and of true love. And people are yearning for that so much that they
16:57
ignore the science. They see it, they know it, but they ignore
17:00
it because they don't want to let go of that feeling. And I think
17:03
that's the main problem. Oh, I have actually I have seen that quite
17:08
a bit. That you want to date someone that you have imagined rather than
17:12
the person that's in front of you. They just want the rush. They
17:15
don't want to let go of the rush because they've maybe been single for so
17:18
long, or they think they found something unique, it makes them feel so
17:22
good. Whatever it is, they just get caught up in it, and
17:29
you know, it's kind of like, okay, well, I'm just going
17:30
tonore these two things. It's not going to be a problem later. But
17:33
they know inside that it is going to be a problem later, So it
17:38
doesn't even you know, help you now to listen to this podcast if you
17:45
are blinded by love, because you want to be blinded. But what about
17:49
the friends of this person that truly care about this person and they see those
17:53
red flags and they're worried for their friend if they are listening to the podcast
17:59
right now, How can we be a good friend in such a situation.
18:04
I think if you're seeing some serious red flags where you feel that your friend
18:08
is getting alienated in terms of not making time for friends and family, this
18:12
person's causing issues, turning them against them. If you see them criticizing them,
18:17
verbally, abusing them, or anything physical, you need to have a
18:21
serious conversation with them, and even if it ruins your friendship, they will
18:25
thank you later one day and come back. But not seeing anything, it's
18:27
not an option, you know, Well, then yeah, having the tough
18:33
talk. Yeah, But if it's that level of serious. Right, Yeah,
18:37
if it's a couple of things that just argue, you can bring it
18:41
to their notice and ask them how they feel about it, because your judgment
18:44
might be different from their judgment exactly. Plus the whole expectation part which you
18:49
mentioned is very very crucial here. Is that something you should remind your friend,
18:53
Hey, this was important to you or is that something that's so important
18:57
to you that you'd kind of pressing your friend to also want that. Well,
19:03
if your friend is complained, you can and there's still been no thing
19:07
of you know, meeting the parents, you can bring it up like,
19:10
hey, you were upset about that, you seem okay with it. Now
19:12
what's the update? Are you going to meet him? Like, try and
19:15
understand how your friend feels. And if you sense that your friend is just
19:21
you know, like avoiding how she's feeling, you can maybe put a line
19:26
where you'll be like, well, you know that was important to you and
19:27
he should understand that. You should be able to communicate that. So when
19:33
it's maybe on expectations, don't be so attacky, but bring it to their
19:37
knowledge. Great, and how can we let's you know, also help our
19:45
friends who are in love and probably infatuated and blinded. How can you stay
19:51
alert to red flax? How can you remind yourself that, hey, these
19:56
things are important to look out for and even though super infatuated, you still
20:02
look out for them. Like I said, see the jealousy, it will
20:04
come out in different ways. So does he have anger management issues? In
20:10
any ways? How angry is he getting towards different things? And definitely jealousy
20:15
and controlled behavior. These three things will alert you to someone that is super
20:21
toxic. Yeah good, Maybe those are three points that you should write yourself
20:26
on your hand and keep looking for them and say I need to look out
20:30
for this when I meet another guy. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, See.
20:36
I could also tell you some you know, we don't want to put
20:38
pressure on people dating either, but like, yes, let's look at this.
20:41
For example, right when you are seeing someone new, pay attention to
20:45
how you feel. Do you feel safe? Do you feel understood? Do
20:51
they integrate you into their lives and vice versa? Do you feel you can
20:55
trust them? How do they handle early arguments? You've been treated with respect?
21:00
You know ultimately see in the beginning, how are you made to feel?
21:04
Because if you are feeling like I am being controlled, I am being
21:07
disrespected, I am feeling alienated, I am feeling like I have to be
21:12
a different person to make this person happy. These are all signs that it's
21:18
only going to get worse, right right, you know? If I'm saying
21:21
we just look at it like not as physical at all, but if we
21:25
just look at like the beginning stages, you know. Yeah, Well,
21:29
once you notice these red flags, what can you do? Are you doomed
21:33
or is it possible to work on them? So? I think some of
21:37
the stuff that we very honestly have discussed as an emotional physical abuse, alienation,
21:42
controlling behavior, unjust jealousy, everything that we've discussed, I don't think
21:48
you can work on them because I think this is an individual problem, not
21:52
an US problem, right, you know what I mean? So, I
21:56
think this person needs to work on themselves in order for you to have a
22:00
healthy relationship with them, And a lot of the time, I don't think
22:04
you really need to waste your time till this person figures it out, you
22:10
know. So I actually think this is doomed. Yeah, However, can
22:14
expectations we worked upon, yes, yes, you know, yeah, what
22:21
if, like, for example, somebody doesn't say I love you back.
22:25
Now you've been together for say six months, okay, and this person still
22:29
can't say I love you and you've said it, Yeah, I said it
22:33
from like say week three, because I'm that person again, I think I
22:40
love It was a very personal thing. Some people take a lot of time
22:42
because of their baggage and stuff to say that word. And I think when
22:45
someone says I love you and the other person does it, a conversation generally
22:49
follows because the person that said it will eventually ask you or you will feel
22:53
the need to explain. If it's completely ignored, then have a conversation,
22:59
you know, like, hey, I said I love you. You haven't
23:02
set it back, and I respect that, but do you It kind of
23:06
makes me wonder if you know it is going that way for you, is
23:10
it something that you need to take your time with. But you do feel
23:14
seriously about me, then that's fine. But if you don't feel seriously about
23:18
me at all, I need to know because my heart's on the line.
23:19
Yeah, you know, these kinds of things can be talked about. When
23:25
do you think see this particular one the person can't see I love you when
23:30
it is the conversation to be had I think like immediately the day after I
23:34
told them I love them and they said things a couple days now, we
23:40
need to talk about this or should I just let it go and you know,
23:44
give them some time and three months later, Yeah, I think it
23:48
depends on your anxiety level. Like I feel, some people it'll bother them
23:52
so much that they'll need to have a conversation within the week. And some
23:55
people will kind of maybe just write it out for another month to see if
24:00
they'll say it back before having a conversation. But in this situation, it
24:04
always gets addressed because it bothers the person who didn't tear it back a lot.
24:11
Yeah. Yeah, well again also expectation. Maybe some people find it
24:17
shocking if somebody says it too quickly. Yeah, exactly. So anyway,
24:22
we all want to, of course avoid hurt and disappointment in dating. That
24:26
much is clear. But we've now heard a lot about what to avoid and
24:30
what the red flags are. Let's bring some love and light into this conversation
24:34
and talk about the green flags, the good things we want to look out
24:40
for and acknowledge because these exists too, right, Yeah, absolutely, yeah,
24:45
What are some of the green flags that you can name so you know.
24:52
Earlier on in the conversation when we talked about the early stages, I
24:56
mentioned things that I think you should ask yourself that would be green flags,
25:00
which is like, whether you're feeling safe, understood, how they're handling arguments,
25:06
integrating you in their lives. I think all of those are good things
25:08
to ask yourself. But in a relationship, there are also green flags you
25:12
can consider, which is honesty, open communication. You know, if they're
25:18
supporting your your individual growth, if your values and morals aligned with each other,
25:26
are they prioritizing your relationships growth, And again, are they're respecting you
25:30
in every situation. Wow, that's a big one. Yeah, those are
25:37
fundamental things to look for when you're in a relationship. Without those things,
25:41
it won't go. I also have written down some of my personal green flags
25:48
do tell already looked for and found. Of course, in my husband,
25:53
there's always room for improvement, but I think commitment to personal growth is so
26:00
attractive. When I see someone who just wants to be the best version or
26:06
a better version of themselves, I know that in a relationship we will find
26:11
a way to grow and you know, get over an issue or a miscommunication
26:18
or whatever. Absolutely, because as much as I can be personally committed to
26:22
growth and you know, my journey, the other person needs to be too,
26:30
because otherwise it's always going to be you trying to fix things. And
26:34
so yeah, I think you know, you can of course work on that
26:37
yourself on your side, but find someone who has that green flag waving at
26:44
you of constant personal growth. I think that's a very very good one.
26:49
That's a very good one, honestly. Yeah. They have to be focused
26:52
on and that's everybody. If you are focused on being the best version of
26:57
yourself, you will have healthier relation. Yes, I think so too.
27:02
I saw that in one of course, again in the relationships that I had
27:07
with partners who were committed and who weren't. And now with the prime example
27:14
my husband, he is absolutely wonderful because he's so committed to being the best
27:18
version of himself that we can have a fight and he will always come around
27:22
with the points where he could change, And I just feel like, wow,
27:26
that is so nice. If you've got amazing that was definitely my fault.
27:30
So it's wonderful to see that you still look for also ways of how
27:34
you could do better here. Yeah, that's amazing. Yes, clearly,
27:38
that's why our relationship works. Men everywhere take notes. Yes, the second
27:47
one is someone who's ready to embrace change. Because relationship brings so much change
27:53
with it, Suddenly you're not just one. It's a wee us. Especially
27:59
if you're thinking to get married one day, you've got to be able to
28:03
embrace change. I think, can you can you give an example? Well,
28:06
look at what happened to us. You know, we were engaged,
28:08
we were ready to have our fantastic, big fat Indian wedding, and now
28:15
the pandemic. And Um, he had just started taking over a practice.
28:19
He's a dentist in a rural country town in the middle of nowhere, in
28:25
the desert of Australia. Not a place that he would have chosen to live
28:30
at, especially not with you know, his wife in our first years of
28:36
you know, marriage or whatever. And then it was definitely not a place
28:40
I had on my radar. Um. But I think what we both are
28:45
is we are ready to embrace adventure. And so we decided, okay,
28:51
well pandemic, so you know, we'll we'll live here for like, you
28:55
know, the two months the pandemic is gonna last. Well, it turns
28:59
out a three years later we got married and never left. Well we did
29:04
now, thank god. Well it was a great time. I'm telling you.
29:07
I like, at this point we just moved to Sydney. I sometimes
29:11
feel like I just want to go back to the safe space of our little
29:15
small town life. But the truth is, like we both survived this drustic
29:22
change from you know, living in a city like Mumbai, bunny two million
29:26
people, I think, to a town of what ten thousand people if at
29:32
all. Like, I mean, there's so much that suddenly changed overnight.
29:37
But we were both ready to embrace it, and we were ready to make
29:42
the most out of it. We bought a little house and you know,
29:45
made a garden, and we decided, okay, well, you know,
29:49
at least to our legal wedding now, we can always do the Indian one.
29:52
Later we decided to have a baby, and like all the things that
29:57
you know, we're possible basically, yeah, the scenario, and you know,
30:02
it became the best time of our life. We got to know each
30:04
other on a level we would have never gotten to know each other in the
30:07
busy city. And yeah, it's really just something that I think I've realized
30:15
with this whole scenario. Yeah, And if you can see that in a
30:18
person that they're ready to you and aren't scared of change and are ready to
30:23
embrace you in their life as the change that's coming, I think that's a
30:27
good green flag to look for. Yeah, and that's an amazing example.
30:32
I completely agree. It's a great example. Yeah, shocking example, like
30:34
a very dramatic one. I hope you won't have to make those changes in
30:38
your life, but even if you do, make the most out of it.
30:42
And then I have a third one, which is if you see that
30:48
that person you want to date is comfortable with who they are and themselves,
30:53
which means, you know, sometimes something as silly as they can go out
30:59
and watch a movie on their own in the cinema, you know, or
31:04
they don't constantly criticize themselves for, you know, the things that they do
31:10
wrong, or don't want to be praised all the time for the things that
31:14
they do right. I feel someone who's already comfortable with themselves and in their
31:18
own skin is an amazing person to look for. I think that's true being
31:23
content with who you are, not trying to be someone they're not. I
31:27
think that's also very attractive and a green flag. You know who you are,
31:32
You're not trying to be someone else. Yeah, I think that's a
31:33
really good green flag. Well, guys, if you have any more green
31:37
flags, make sure to share them with us, because we all need to
31:41
know what to look out for. She's seen. It's been really really awesome
31:47
to have you on this podcast today and for you to share so openly and
31:52
also your expertise, you know, to share what you've learned. Thank you
31:56
so much. Yeah, well, thank you so much, Thank you.
32:00
I really enjoyed this conversation and I hope, I hope it helps everyone who's
32:05
still confused about red flags or or at least creates a space. And that's
32:08
what I love about this topic and that's why I think it's been so relevant
32:12
for like so many years, is it's a space everyone wants to make sure
32:17
that people are paying attention to, you know, it's like a guidance,
32:22
and I hope it's still providing that guidance and our podcasts as well. Yeah,
32:28
awesome, Thank you so much. And we've learned a lot about how
32:30
to look out for red flags today and I hope it will help you find
32:35
the right partner or figure out what you're looking for. Don't forget that every
32:38
person is different and we don't need to judge too quickly, and keep looking
32:45
for those green flags too. If you want to learn more from chazine,
32:50
you can follow her on Instagram and make sure to check out her book Love
32:53
Last and Lemons you go to guide for relationships, dating and everything in between.
32:59
You can find the link to both and our show notes. And thank
33:02
you so much to our listeners. Remember if you have any love and dating
33:07
questions and stories to share, send them our way at Love Matters at ew
33:13
dot com. And if you like this podcast, don't forget to rate and
33:16
review us on whatever podcast platform you're using right now. Don't forget, and
33:22
of course share it with a friend. I'm Evelyn Sharma and I think Love Matters