Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #689 7 Tips to Keep You Sane This School Year

Transcript

#689 7 Tips to Keep You Sane This School Year · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
0:07
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
0:10
Speaker 2: Now, do you remember We've had a couple of kids too.
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Speaker 3: They were so.
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Speaker 2: Excited about starting big school and then they came home
0:17
Speaker 2: after day one or day two, and what was found?
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Speaker 3: Day three?
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Speaker 2: Maybe day three, and we're like, okay, well you've got
0:21
Speaker 2: school again tomorrow, and they just have his melt and
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Speaker 2: they're like, no, I've been to school, I know everything.
0:26
Speaker 2: I don't need to go to school anymore. I've done that.
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Speaker 2: I'm finished.
0:30
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
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Speaker 1: and dad.
0:34
Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coilson, the founder of Happy
0:37
Speaker 2: Families dot com dot au. Parental Guidance Season two coming
0:39
Speaker 2: soon to Channel nine.
0:40
Speaker 3: You know I saw a picture of you. You saw
0:42
Speaker 3: a picture of well, actually your mum sent it to me.
0:44
Speaker 2: Right, what was the picture of?
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Speaker 3: Well?
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Speaker 2: You?
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Speaker 3: But you thought you were in a skirt?
0:49
Speaker 2: Well from when I was a kid or something. I
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Speaker 2: didn't wear skirts when I was a kid. What are
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Speaker 2: you talking about?
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Speaker 3: No, you were in TV.
0:53
Speaker 2: We Oh really?
0:55
Speaker 3: Yes?
0:55
Speaker 2: Really?
0:56
Speaker 3: Are you and Ali's standing next to each other? We really?
1:00
Speaker 2: Was it just all photoshops?
1:01
Speaker 3: Yeah?
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Speaker 2: Ali and I do stand next Allison Langdon is the
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Speaker 2: host of Parental Guidance. I'm the co host and parenting expert.
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Speaker 2: We do actually stand beside each other now and then.
1:09
Speaker 2: So I don't know if the photograph is of Ali
1:11
Speaker 2: and I standing beside each other and have you got
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Speaker 2: it there? Let me see. Okay, so this is podcasting
1:16
Speaker 2: is not a visual medium. But oh, it looks like
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Speaker 2: I'm wearing a dress.
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Speaker 4: That's what your mom said. The way they put the
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Speaker 4: textbox from wasisted down.
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Speaker 2: Over the top of you. It's so funny.
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Speaker 3: It looks like you're wearing address.
1:26
Speaker 2: Okay, so this was in what is it? TV Week?
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Speaker 2: You know, I don't think I've ever read a copy
1:30
Speaker 2: of TV Week. From January twenty one to twenty seven,
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Speaker 2: it was TV Week. I wonder why I'm not aware
1:35
Speaker 2: of this, And you know what, I'm looking at that
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Speaker 2: picture and I think that Ali and I were not No,
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Speaker 2: I think we were. I think we were together for
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Speaker 2: that photo. I think we were. It's not just the
1:46
Speaker 2: one modern technology.
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Speaker 3: It's becoming real.
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Speaker 2: What do you You're bringing that up? Because I mentioned
1:51
Speaker 2: the TV show. I was gonna say, we've got things
1:53
Speaker 2: to talk about today. And where are you going? So
1:55
Speaker 2: season two is getting close? It was in TV week,
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Speaker 2: So what did it say? I just handed it back.
1:59
Speaker 2: There was writing Can I read it please? Or do
2:01
Speaker 2: you want to read it?
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Speaker 1: No?
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Speaker 3: You read it?
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Speaker 2: You read it?
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Speaker 1: No?
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Speaker 4: It was just must see television in twenty twenty three.
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Speaker 4: Oh okay, and you guys made the car?
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Speaker 1: Really?
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Speaker 2: I can I read out? What the blurb is? That
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Speaker 2: looks like it's a skirt around my legs? It says.
2:15
Speaker 2: Parental Guidance nine Network, the TV show that puts parenting
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Speaker 2: under the microscope, returns this year after a successful season
2:21
Speaker 2: in twenty twenty one that proved to be groundbreaking and
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Speaker 2: shocking TV. Twelve families with very different parenting styles will
2:28
Speaker 2: be tried and tested in the series, hosted by parenting
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Speaker 2: expert doctor Justin Coulson and a current Affair host, Alison Langdon.
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Speaker 2: Topics from tantrums to sibling rivalries are unpacked, with a
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Speaker 2: special emphasis this season on raising children in the digital
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Speaker 2: age and the dark side of the Internet. Oh I
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Speaker 2: can't wait. It just reminded me of what season two
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Speaker 2: is going to be. Amazing. We've talked for too long
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Speaker 2: about this. We need to talk about what we're here
2:50
Speaker 2: to talk about. Did you want to see anything else
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Speaker 2: about day because it's pretty cool? Well, your next book,
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Speaker 2: my next book. No, let's talk about that later, okay,
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Speaker 2: we can. Twenty twenty three is going to be a
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Speaker 2: bumpy year. I saw one of those things on faceboo
3:00
Speaker 2: book the other day and it said, the song that
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Speaker 2: was the number one song for the year in the
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Speaker 2: year that you turned twenty three is going to be
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Speaker 2: a summary of what your year is going to be.
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Speaker 2: So I did a quick Google. I looked at the
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Speaker 2: year that I turned twenty three, which I mean, I
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Speaker 2: might as well say, because people can go and research anyway,
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Speaker 2: as if everyone's going to do that. It was nineteen
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Speaker 2: ninety eight. Okay, I think yeah, because in nineteen seventy
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Speaker 2: five I was born and the number one song in
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Speaker 2: nineteen ninety eight in Australia was only O La La,
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Speaker 2: the cover of Blabe. It's going to be a bumper year.
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Speaker 2: Oh a great year?
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Speaker 3: Did your google mine?
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Speaker 2: As a matter of fact, your number one song the
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Speaker 2: number one song for the year. I won't tell people
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Speaker 2: how old you are, and I think you might get
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Speaker 2: in trouble. I don't know, Kylie, if this is if
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Speaker 2: this is going to be a great summary of your year.
4:00
Speaker 2: It was Can't Fight the Moonlight by Leanne Rymes.
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Speaker 4: You get sack?
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Speaker 3: Are you serious?
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Speaker 2: I don't know what that means, but number one song.
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Speaker 2: Don't don't read too much into it. It was the
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Speaker 2: biggest song of the year, picking at number one for
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Speaker 2: six weeks and staying in the top fifty for twenty
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Speaker 2: two weeks. The longest day at number one was Shaggy
4:27
Speaker 2: with Angel, which spent eight weeks at the top spot,
4:29
Speaker 2: and it was joined joined by alien Ant Farm's Smooth
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Speaker 2: Criminal Smook Criminal. I used to love that. And we've
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Speaker 2: got a daughter called Annie, and so I don't know
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Speaker 2: how many years of her life we would walk around
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Speaker 2: the house singing and your okay, are you okay? You okay?
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Speaker 2: I might have to try that. I see it today.
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Speaker 3: Well, we've digressed like a bajillion long.
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Speaker 2: That's your fault. That's your fault. You brought it up.
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Speaker 2: So we're like four and a half minutes in the podcast.
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Speaker 2: We haven't even begun the topic. We've got eaven things
5:00
Speaker 2: that can keep you saying this school year, seven ways
5:04
Speaker 2: to make sure that the kids thrive at school. I
5:07
Speaker 2: think that I want to start by saying, especially at
5:10
Speaker 2: the start of the school year, especially right now, easy mornings,
5:14
Speaker 2: easy afternoons, easy evenings. Take the pressure off because this
5:19
Speaker 2: is the time of the year when everybody is running
5:22
Speaker 2: around like crazy. Right You're getting back into the routine.
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Speaker 2: You've forgot this, You've got to go by that at
5:27
Speaker 2: the shops, the extra curricular activities are starting up again.
5:30
Speaker 2: And I just want to tip number one, just cool it,
5:34
Speaker 2: take a break, breathe, because do you remember it during
5:38
Speaker 2: COVID everyone said, oh yeah, I'm going to slow down.
5:40
Speaker 2: We do too much. We've got to learn this lesson.
5:42
Speaker 2: We've been overscheduling our lives, and COVID is kind of
5:47
Speaker 2: it's not really affecting most of us in any meaningful
5:50
Speaker 2: way at all anymore. Life has returned to normal, which
5:51
Speaker 2: means that we've started overscheduling and life is full on.
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Speaker 2: So I reckon easy afternoons and easy evenings, especially in
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Speaker 2: the first couple of weeks as kids get used to
6:00
Speaker 2: the routine.
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Speaker 4: Well, I guess number two is helping our little ones
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Speaker 4: know that school actually happens every day and will for
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Speaker 4: the rest of the year.
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Speaker 2: Do you remember we've had a couple of kids who
6:12
Speaker 2: they were so excited about starting big school, and then
6:15
Speaker 2: they came home after day one or day two, and
6:18
Speaker 2: what was about day three, maybe day three, and we're like, okay,
6:20
Speaker 2: well you've got school again tomorrow, and they just have
6:22
Speaker 2: this melt and they're like, no, I've been to school,
6:24
Speaker 2: I know everything. I don't need to go to school anymore.
6:27
Speaker 2: I've done that. I'm finished. They've watched their big siblings
6:31
Speaker 2: go to school continually, but they kind of thought, no,
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Speaker 2: I've done it.
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Speaker 3: I'm all good.
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Speaker 4: It's amazing and for parents, you know, who are dealing
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Speaker 4: with this for the very first time, often day one
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Speaker 4: can be actually so exciting that there's no jitters, there's
6:43
Speaker 4: no nerves, and they go off really happily. But then
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Speaker 4: we get to day two, three or four, and all
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Speaker 4: of a sudden, it really sinks in that they actually
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Speaker 4: have to do this every day, every day. And sometimes
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Speaker 4: you'll find that there'll be a regression and it actually
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Speaker 4: gets a bit harder before it smooths out. I just
7:00
Speaker 4: know that if that's you, it's normal, it's okay. And
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Speaker 4: reassure your children.
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Speaker 2: And go back to point number one. Easy afternoons and
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Speaker 2: easy evenings because they're pretty stimulated all day at school.
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Speaker 2: We don't need to be loading them up in the afternoons.
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Speaker 2: In fact, if you've got younger kids, I'd even say,
7:15
Speaker 2: don't even book any extracurricular activities. In turn one, if
7:17
Speaker 2: it's not too late, if you can avoid it, just
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Speaker 2: minimize the input into their lives during the afternoon and evening.
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Speaker 3: Lots of cuddles.
7:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, and limit the TV as well. That doesn't work
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Speaker 2: for them. Hey, I think that there's a third thing
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Speaker 2: that is worth mentioning, and that is the importance of sleep.
7:35
Speaker 2: We talk about this on the podcast a lot, and
7:37
Speaker 2: one of the favorite things for me to say about
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Speaker 2: sleep is that it is not a luxury item our kids,
7:43
Speaker 2: our older kids are still sort of treating sleep like, oh,
7:48
Speaker 2: I'll get to it when I get there, because right
7:50
Speaker 2: now I'm busy reading or I'm writing in my journal.
7:53
Speaker 2: I walked in just a couple of nights ago, I
7:55
Speaker 2: walked into the kids bedroom at the moment. For those
7:58
Speaker 2: of you who have missed the memo, last year, when
8:00
Speaker 2: we moved from Brisbane to the coast, we had to
8:02
Speaker 2: downsize significantly, Like we bought a three bedroom beach shack. Basically,
8:05
Speaker 2: we're a k back from the beach, but we bought
8:07
Speaker 2: this little beach house that we went from having six
8:11
Speaker 2: bedrooms to having three bedrooms. So we've got three kids
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Speaker 2: sharing one bedroom right now. But it's the rumpus's room
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Speaker 2: with two sets of bunks and there's a lounge in
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Speaker 2: the corner. So I stepped into the bedroom where the
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Speaker 2: three kids are and Emily, our eight year old, she's
8:24
Speaker 2: fast asleep. It's nine point thirty. She's gone. But the
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Speaker 2: twelve year old and the fifteen year old, they're sitting
8:29
Speaker 2: on the couch. Each of them's holding a torch. One
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Speaker 2: of them is just reading her book and the other
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Speaker 2: one's holding a torch while she writes in her journal.
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Speaker 2: Nine point thirty at night. And I'm like, guys, sleep
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Speaker 2: is not a luxury item. You need it like everything
8:42
Speaker 2: needs it. Your brain needs it to function. There's a
8:45
Speaker 2: relationship between getting enough sleep and avoiding things like Alzheimer's
8:49
Speaker 2: and Parkinson's disease. I mean, your brain, your body needs
8:53
Speaker 2: the rest, and the kids need especially in these first
8:56
Speaker 2: couple of weeks, because they've probably had a lot more
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Speaker 2: screen time than they should have during the school watch
9:01
Speaker 2: the amount of screen time that the kids are getting well.
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Speaker 4: Number four is a reminder that mornings begin the night before. Yeah,
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Speaker 4: and especially in these first few weeks. If you can
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Speaker 4: set yourselves up the night before, it makes the mornings
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Speaker 4: just that much less stressful and everybody gets off on
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Speaker 4: a happy foot hopefully.
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Speaker 2: Okay, moment of reflection here. So I've been traveling a
9:23
Speaker 2: fair bit for work. I've been doing a lot of seminars,
9:25
Speaker 2: professional development for teachers, some corporate work, and so the
9:28
Speaker 2: last couple of weeks I haven't been home as much
9:31
Speaker 2: as we would normally have me home and as much
9:33
Speaker 2: as we would probably like. Can I just ask how
9:36
Speaker 2: are we going with that? How are we going with
9:38
Speaker 2: morning beginning the night before?
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Speaker 4: Look, the girls have actually been really good. The other night,
9:42
Speaker 4: I said to them, Dad's out. He's going to get
9:44
Speaker 4: home a little bit late tonight. Do you think that
9:46
Speaker 4: we can all work together and get as much of
9:49
Speaker 4: the cleaning up done so that when he comes in
9:52
Speaker 4: he'll get a really big surprise.
9:53
Speaker 2: And I did.
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Speaker 4: Well, I couldn't believe it. Even miss E Yeah, she
9:58
Speaker 4: got involved as well. She's like, all right, what can
9:59
Speaker 4: I do? And I said, well, I've got a holy
10:02
Speaker 4: little job. So I were just little things, you know,
10:03
Speaker 4: kind of putting putting away things that were in the
10:06
Speaker 4: wrong place. And she said, oh, I said, how are
10:09
Speaker 4: you going with it all? She said, it's pretty boring, she.
10:12
Speaker 3: Said, but it's okay boring. I asked her if.
10:15
Speaker 4: She'd wipe down Her and her cousin had been roller
10:18
Speaker 4: skating through the house and so they'd rubbed black marks
10:21
Speaker 4: onto my kitchen cupboards. And I said, what's that. She said, oh,
10:25
Speaker 4: I think maybe when we were rollerskating, we you know,
10:27
Speaker 4: scratched up the walls a bit. I said, do you
10:29
Speaker 4: think you can get the gumption out and clean that?
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Speaker 4: So she did and she did a perfect job of it.
10:35
Speaker 4: And then the next thing I've seen her, she's around
10:37
Speaker 4: the hallway down the horn.
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Speaker 2: You she just kept gumptioning.
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Speaker 4: She's like, I just want to clean all the doors, mum, right,
10:42
Speaker 4: I said, can you just clean.
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Speaker 2: The kitchen if she's doing it, just let it go. Anyway,
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Speaker 2: your morning begins the night before, so school uniforms, socks, shoes,
10:50
Speaker 2: bags unpacked or repacked. Do it the night before. It
10:54
Speaker 2: takes so much pressure off in the morning. It makes
10:56
Speaker 2: morning so much smoother. When you when you've reduced that
10:59
Speaker 2: level of load for the next day.
11:05
Speaker 4: We're talking about seven things we can do to make
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Speaker 4: school smooth, and my next tip is to meet other parents.
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Speaker 4: It makes such a difference to your kids. You think
11:16
Speaker 4: that the relationships are built in the playground, but actually not,
11:20
Speaker 4: they're built outside of school.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
11:23
Speaker 2: Over the years, as we've gotten to know our kids friends,
11:27
Speaker 2: and it's usually primary school. I mean, in high school,
11:30
Speaker 2: it's great if you can, but the kids are usually
11:32
Speaker 2: a little bit reluctant to make it happen.
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Speaker 3: And parents are as well.
11:35
Speaker 2: I've noticed that parents are kind of.
11:37
Speaker 3: They're busy, they kids are, but.
11:39
Speaker 4: I kind of see the kids as being so much
11:41
Speaker 4: more independent and not needing them, And very often kids
11:44
Speaker 4: don't want them around and parents take a back seat
11:47
Speaker 4: a lot of the time when you get to high
11:49
Speaker 4: school age. So it's much harder to make connections in
11:52
Speaker 4: high school, but primary school and especially those really early years,
11:56
Speaker 4: most parents are desperate to find some connections.
12:00
Speaker 2: It is as well, if kids are going to enjoy school,
12:02
Speaker 2: they have to have good relationships at school. They've got
12:05
Speaker 2: to have good friends at school, and the success of
12:08
Speaker 2: a friendship isn't really up to the kids like. It
12:11
Speaker 2: might be great at school, but the friendship really works
12:14
Speaker 2: best when the parents know each other and they're able
12:17
Speaker 2: to coordinate after school activities or a catch up on
12:20
Speaker 2: the weekend, or chat about the upcoming birthday party or
12:23
Speaker 2: whatever it might be school camp.
12:25
Speaker 4: So if we just take a step back and think
12:26
Speaker 4: about it from an adult's perspective, you walk into a
12:28
Speaker 4: room of twenty four other people, what are the chances
12:31
Speaker 4: that you're going to make a best friend in that scenario.
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Speaker 2: I mean, I love talking to people. I love people,
12:37
Speaker 2: so I'm not so nervous about that. But I understand.
12:40
Speaker 2: I understand the point, and that is that it's really
12:42
Speaker 2: hard to sit down and get to know somebody, and
12:44
Speaker 2: there's so many distractions.
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Speaker 4: There's so many things, you know, pulling at your attention,
12:48
Speaker 4: and especially for little kids, So giving them the opportunity
12:52
Speaker 4: to develop friendships in a more controlled setting where there's
12:56
Speaker 4: only one or two other kids and they get to
12:58
Speaker 4: kind of, you know, work out the whole relationship, it's
13:02
Speaker 4: really really tricky. So whatever we can do as parents
13:05
Speaker 4: to help them navigate that and make stronger connections outside
13:10
Speaker 4: the playground is going to help them so much better
13:13
Speaker 4: in the playground.
13:14
Speaker 2: So we've kind of piggybacked number five. Meet other parents
13:17
Speaker 2: with number six, foster relationships, those two things kind of
13:20
Speaker 2: working together. But maybe to extend that a little bit.
13:23
Speaker 2: If your child has a friend and they're really getting along, well,
13:27
Speaker 2: it might be worth finding out what that friend does
13:30
Speaker 2: for extracurricular activities, or letting that friend know what your
13:34
Speaker 2: child's doing for extracurricular activities, getting them creating more common language,
13:39
Speaker 2: common more activities in common, more things in common can
13:42
Speaker 2: often deepen the relationship and make them more excited about
13:45
Speaker 2: going to oz tag or more excited about going to
13:47
Speaker 2: netball or hockey or swimming or whatever whatever it is
13:50
Speaker 2: that they're doing. It can actually really inspire them to
13:53
Speaker 2: step outside the comfort zone and do things that they
13:55
Speaker 2: haven't done. So it builds the relationship, It builds kids competence,
13:58
Speaker 2: It gets them involved in things, and there's a lot
14:01
Speaker 2: of value in us knowing the other parents but also
14:03
Speaker 2: fostering the relationship, building it, having play dates, all that
14:07
Speaker 2: kind of thing. Big kids, little kids, same, same, and.
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Speaker 4: Just as a parent, it helps to have somebody else
14:13
Speaker 4: there to kind of, you know, go back and forth
14:16
Speaker 4: with you've lost a newsletter, and you can't remember what
14:19
Speaker 4: day the next school excursion is, or what day do
14:21
Speaker 4: they wear their sports uniform or whatever. It's really nice
14:24
Speaker 4: to have another parent to kind of just back you
14:26
Speaker 4: up in your thinking.
14:27
Speaker 2: Okay, so we've covered six things. We're going to make
14:30
Speaker 2: sure that we remember to have easy afternoons and evenings.
14:35
Speaker 2: Remind little kids that school is every day, and be
14:38
Speaker 2: really gentle about it. Recognize that they might have some
14:40
Speaker 2: big emotions around that help all of our kids to
14:42
Speaker 2: understand that sleep is not a luxury item. We've talked
14:46
Speaker 2: about remembering that your morning begins the night before, and
14:50
Speaker 2: we need to both meet other parents and foster relationships
14:53
Speaker 2: for our kids so that they have a sense of
14:55
Speaker 2: belonging at school. The last thing that I think we
14:58
Speaker 2: should talk about in this brief conversation today is just
15:01
Speaker 2: the importance of supporting our kids' autonomy. When kids feel controlled,
15:05
Speaker 2: when they feel like we're making them do everything, they
15:09
Speaker 2: push back. Force creates resistance, and so to the extent
15:13
Speaker 2: that we can, I think that we want to give
15:15
Speaker 2: our kids some autonomy, whether it's in the morning as
15:16
Speaker 2: they're getting ready for school or they're going to have
15:18
Speaker 2: for breakfast, all lunch or maybe even it's probably too
15:21
Speaker 2: late for this now, but letting them choose the school
15:23
Speaker 2: or consider where all their friends are going and have
15:25
Speaker 2: them go off there. But the more autonomy we can
15:27
Speaker 2: give our kids, the more they can have a sense
15:29
Speaker 2: that they're in control of things, or at least we're
15:31
Speaker 2: working with them. We're providing support to them as they
15:34
Speaker 2: make decisions and guiding them carefully and gently if they're
15:37
Speaker 2: going to make a decision that's not in their best interest.
15:39
Speaker 2: It really just smooths the road. It makes family life easier,
15:44
Speaker 2: it makes school life easier. We find that we can
15:47
Speaker 2: all breathe a little easier when control levels are lower,
15:50
Speaker 2: not higher.
15:51
Speaker 3: Or it makes life easier for everyone.
15:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, it does well.
15:54
Speaker 4: Hopefully these tips have been helpful in helping you navigate
15:59
Speaker 4: these first few weeks of school, especially for these first timers.
16:02
Speaker 2: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruhland from
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Speaker 2: Bridge Media. We appreciate very much the work that Justin
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Speaker 2: does to make the podcast absolutely sing. Craig Bruce is
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Speaker 2: our executive producer, and if you'd like more information about
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Speaker 2: making your family happy, you can visit us at happyfamilies
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Speaker 2: dot com dot You tomorrow. The big question that so
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Speaker 2: many parents grapple with, especially at this time of the year,
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Speaker 2: How do I get my kids to do homework