Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / The First 90 Days Of Leading Your Own Team
Transcript
- Lucas: Most people think the hardest part of becoming a manager is learning how to delegate or write performance reviews. But if you ask anyone who has survived their first year in a leadership role, the real hurdle is usually the first ninety days. It is this strange limbo where you are technically in charge but still figuring out who you are in relation to your old team. Luna: Right, because you haven't earned the authority yet, but you also lost the comfort of being just one of the crew. That transition period is where most good managers quietly fail before they even get a chance to succeed. Lucas: Exactly. And I see this play out constantly at companies like Microsoft and Unilever, where they have structured onboarding programs for new leaders. The ones who thrive don't start by making big changes or announcing new initiatives. They spend those first few weeks listening, observing, and mapping the informal power structure of the team. They are trying to understand why things happen, not just what happens. Luna: So it is less about being the boss immediately and more about being the student for a bit? That sounds counterintuitive when everyone expects you to have answers right away. Lucas: It is counterintuitive until you realize that rushing in with solutions often signals that you value efficiency over empathy. When a new manager walks in and immediately restructures the workflow or changes the reporting lines, the team interprets that as insecurity. They think you need to prove you belong there by asserting control. Instead, the best approach is to ask questions that show you respect their existing expertise. You want them to feel seen, not scrutinized. Luna: I remember when I stepped into my first lead role, I spent the first month just having coffee chats with everyone. I didn't even talk about work half the time. It felt like wasting time, but it built so much goodwill later. Lucas: That is the key insight right there. Those coffee chats are not waste; they are intelligence gathering. You are learning who the informal leaders are, who the quiet contributors are, and where the friction points lie. If you skip this phase, you might fix a process that no one actually cares about while ignoring the real bottleneck, which is usually a communication breakdown between two people who just hate each other's styles. Luna: But what about the pressure from above? Your own boss is going to be asking for results in thirty days. How do you balance that demand for quick wins with the need to take your time? Lucas: This is where most new managers get tripped up. They try to please their boss by delivering something visible too soon, often at the expense of the team's trust. The trick is to redefine what a 'quick win' looks like in that context. A quick win isn't necessarily a revenue increase or a product launch. It can be resolving a long-standing ambiguity about roles or clarifying expectations. These are small, low-risk moves that make the team's life easier and signal competence to your boss without burning political capital. Luna: So instead of showing off, you're removing roadblocks? That feels like a much safer way to build credibility without stepping on toes. Lucas: Precisely. Think of yourself as a gardener, not an architect. An architect comes in and draws blueprints for a whole new building. A gardener looks at the existing landscape, sees what is thriving, and identifies what needs pruning or watering. In the first thirty days, your job is to water the plants. You support the team in their current goals. You remove obstacles. You ensure they have the resources they need. This builds momentum and shows that you are on their side. Luna: I love that metaphor. It takes the ego out of the equation. You aren't there to redesign the garden; you're there to help it grow. Lucas: And once you hit day forty-five, the dynamic shifts slightly. Now that you have some trust banked, you can start to introduce small experiments. Maybe you suggest a new meeting format or a different way of tracking progress. Because you listened first, these suggestions come across as improvements based on observation, not arbitrary decrees. The team is more likely to buy in because they feel like partners in the change, not subjects of it. Luna: That makes sense. By then you've established enough rapport that they know you're not just shooting from the hip. You have data, even if it's qualitative data from those conversations. Lucas: Right. And by day ninety, you should be ready to set a longer-term vision. But here is the catch: that vision must be co-created. If you present a grand strategy at the end of three months without input from the team, you risk losing the trust you worked so hard to build. The best leaders use the ninety-day mark to align the team around shared goals. They ask, 'Where do we want to be in six months?' and let the team help chart the course. Luna: It’s fascinating how much of leadership is actually facilitation rather than direction. You’re guiding the conversation instead of dictating the outcome. Lucas: Facilitation is the word. Especially in today’s remote and hybrid work environments, you can’t rely on physical presence to enforce authority. You have to earn influence through consistency and transparency. If you promise to follow up on something in week two, you must do it by week four. Broken promises in the first ninety days are fatal. They tell the team that you are unreliable, and once that label sticks, it is incredibly hard to shake. Luna: Yeah, reliability is currency. If you spend it all on big announcements you can't deliver, you go bankrupt emotionally with your team. Lucas: Another common pitfall is comparing yourself to your predecessor. New managers often hear stories about how things were done before and either try to replicate them or rebel against them. Both approaches are mistakes. You should acknowledge the past, thank previous efforts, but clearly state that you are bringing a fresh perspective. However, that perspective should be rooted in the reality you observe now, not in abstract theories from a business book. Luna: So don't reinvent the wheel, but do check the tires. Make sure it’s actually rolling smoothly for the people currently driving it. Lucas: Exactly. And this brings us to the topic of feedback. In the first ninety days, giving feedback can be tricky. You don't want to overwhelm people with criticism when they are already adjusting to your style. But you also don't want to wait until the annual review to say anything. The solution is frequent, low-stakes feedback. Keep it brief, keep it specific, and keep it focused on behavior, not personality. 'I noticed that in the meeting, you interrupted Sarah twice. Let's talk about how that might affect collaboration.' Luna: That is direct but not personal. It gives them a clear action item instead of just making them feel bad about themselves. Lucas: It does. And importantly, you should also ask for feedback on yourself. Ask your team, 'What is one thing I could do differently to support you better?' This flips the script and shows that you are open to growth. It models the behavior you want to see in others. Most managers never do this because they think it makes them look weak. In reality, it makes them look confident and secure. Luna: I agree. Asking for feedback signals that you care more about the result than your own ego. It’s a powerful statement. Lucas: Let’s talk about the technical side for a moment. Managing former peers adds a layer of complexity. You need to establish boundaries without creating distance. One effective tactic is to have explicit conversations about the change. Say, 'I know our relationship is changing, and I want to make sure we handle it professionally. I’ll still value your friendship, but my primary responsibility now is to the team's success.' Clarity prevents resentment. Luna: That honesty is crucial. Pretending nothing has changed usually leads to awkwardness or favoritism accusations down the line. Lucas: Absolutely. Favoritism is the fastest way to destroy a team's morale. If you treat former friends differently, whether better or worse, the team will notice. Treat everyone with the same standard of fairness and respect. Private conversations are fine, but public decisions must be objective. This protects your friendships by keeping them separate from your professional duties. Luna: It’s like drawing a line in the sand that respects both sides of the relationship. Professional respect on one side, personal connection on the other. Lucas: Well said. And finally, don't forget to celebrate small victories. The first ninety days can feel like a grind. People are tired, confused, and busy. Acknowledging progress, even minor progress, boosts morale. It reinforces positive behaviors and keeps the energy moving forward. A simple thank you or recognition in a team meeting goes a long way. Luna: Recognition is cheap but valuable. It costs nothing but means everything when you're navigating such a stressful transition. Lucas: It really does. So, to summarize, the first ninety days are about listening, building trust, removing obstacles, and setting clear expectations. It is not about making big waves. It is about laying a solid foundation. If you get this right, the rest of your tenure becomes infinitely easier. If you rush it, you spend the next year playing catch-up. Luna: I think a lot of people overlook that foundation work. They want to jump straight to the exciting parts of leadership without doing the groundwork. Lucas: They do. But leadership is a marathon, not a sprint. The first ninety days set the pace for the entire race. Take your time, listen closely, and build that trust step by step. Luna: And if you find value in that kind of practical, grounded advice, the way we keep this network running ad-free is through listener support — buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: We appreciate every contribution. It helps us continue producing content like this for your career journey. Thanks for tuning in. Luna: Thanks for joining us on this deep dive into the first ninety days of management. Lucas: Next time we'll look at how to handle difficult conversations with high-performers who resist feedback. Until then, keep building that foundation.