Latest / The Rochelle Christiane Podcast / 277. What Happens When You Actually Feel Your Feelings Instead Of Fixing Them

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277. What Happens When You Actually Feel Your Feelings Instead Of Fixing Them · The Rochelle Christiane Podcast

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Rochelle Christian Podcast.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Rochelle, your host.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'm here to help you come back to your body, take charge of your emotions, and live life on your terms.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: This podcast is a space for raw, real conversations about what it means to trust yourself, lean into your power, and create a life that feels aligned and alive.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: We'll explore human design, astrology, and other tools to help you understand your unique energy.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: More importantly, though, we're gonna talk about what it means to actually live and embody these aspects.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: So each week I'm gonna share stories, lessons, guidance to help you navigate life's challenges and really own your magic.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: So if you're ready to step up, take control, and show up as the most authentic version of you, let's begin.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome back to another episode on the podcast.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: Today I'm talking to Amber Kay, who is a pleasure alchemist, all about emotions, being feminine, being embodied and what that means and what that looks like.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: We dive into shadow work, we dive into parenting, mothering, we dive into mind spirals.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: We really talk a lot about emotions.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: And if you've been here for a while, you know that emotions have been a huge lesson of my life.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Uh really, I used to feel very ashamed about my emotions.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I was having another conversation on the podcast recently, and we were talking about dating, and I said something along the lines of telling men that I'm emotional.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, the fact that you're telling men that you're emotional tells me that you're holding some shame around being emotional.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I've done a lot of work around my inner narrative and the belief that my emotions end up in me being abandoned, right?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: Or or being rejected.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: And it's also a part of myself I've really, really, really had to give a lot of extra love to really appreciate that side of myself.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_02: Like I think about it and the ability to see a sunrise and literally be brought to tears, or be scrolling through Instagram and just see something that's so beautiful and moving that I'm brought to tears has been a journey to come to that like loving of myself.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: But it's also a place that I do feel like I'm in now, that I'm so about my emotions, because the key is the regulation and the embodiment and the moving through it and the releasing it and not getting hooked onto it and not it becoming this big overarching theme and story.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: And when we repress things, when we don't face things, they tend to come up later and they come up more intensely.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: And so we really talk a lot about what it looks like to emotionally regulate, how we get out of the mind spirals, how we sort of interrupt our patterns so that we can actually move through it and release it, which is key.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: Because I think a lot of times something that another podcast guest that'll be out soon had said specifically around emotional authority, but she was like, I was doing my emotional authority.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't feeling my emotional authority, right?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I think a lot of times we get stuck in that narrative.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_02: We're doing the things, but we're not actually being the thing, right?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_02: And that's so much of what this work, especially over 2025, which if you did not catch the Return to Your Power workshop, it was an astrology hypnosis experience.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: We talked about 2025 energetically, what it looked like, how it showed up.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: We did journaling to really pinpoint the theme, the emotion, the block that was coming up for us over this past year.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: We did a live hypnosis group session to really unhook and release the emotional intensity or charge, we'll say, of that emotion, of that block.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: And then we talked about 2026, what we can expect, how we can look forward to it, how we can work with it.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: So if you want to catch that replay, the link is in my bio.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna get the replay, the hypnosis separate so that you can actually just utilize it daily as needed as an emotional regulation tool.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: And then you're gonna get the 2026 astrology forecast and planner that I created inside that little bundle.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: So you can click below and join or purchase that uh replay and use it as much as you like.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: And again, it really goes over kind of a broad overview of what we're gonna be experiencing in 2026.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: And then that planner has every single transit, every detail, a broad overview.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: It is so good, it is so detailed.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so you can get that down below.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, this conversation was so really, really good, and I'm excited for you all to listen to it.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: It has gotten chilly here in Texas officially, and I'm finding it so hard to motivate myself to go to the gym, which of course I always think about going to the gym or working out or anything that's like self-care habits, and it's like, will I regret having done this or not?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: And you never regret going to the gym.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: But this morning I had so much to do, and tomorrow it's the full moon in Gemini, and it's so strange because I it doesn't even feel like a full moon.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: Like I feel like I've gotten my energy back.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: And if you subscribe to the Roof and Rebel, I'm right after this recording an episode about what I've been processing through from this Mercury retrograde and Scorpio season because it was big, it was intense, and of course it brought up so much stuff that really has been coming up over 2025 that just kind of like compounded during this time.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: But that is the purpose, right?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: If you're not on the Mastery Monday newsletter, you can again go in the show notes, click it.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: I send out transit update, energy update every single week on Monday.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: So you can get that right to your inbox.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: Asture Design School is open for enrollment as well.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: This is really a space for you to be the student of you, for you to learn yourself deeply how to embody this information, not just intellectualize it, and how to work with the transits, how to understand the transits, what they are, how you can layer down your chart, all the things that is within the Astro Design School program.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: So you can click below again, join there, follow me on social media, make sure to share this with a friend if it resonates, rate, review, subscribe, Spotify.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: It's just those five stars.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: You don't even have to do anything but click them if you feel like it deserves a five-star rating.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: It really, really helps get the podcast out to more ears.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: So without further ado, uh, this is the episode with Amber K.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the podcast.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: Today I have Amber Kay, who is a sensual reclamation and feminine energy and pleasure guide for women ready to return to their bodies.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I love this topic.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm really excited for this conversation.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: As uh first of all, also happy birthday.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: Your birthday's tomorrow.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, thank you.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: You're welcome.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's come up so fast.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what am I even doing?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: I was just putting your information in.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh my gosh, I feel like that's like today or tomorrow.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I'm like so right now, I'm like, I'm so upside down.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even couldn't even tell you what day of the week it is right now.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I didn't know.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: We're just we're just living through life.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but as a Taurus uh stellium here, I'm so like my journey over the past couple years has really been embodying my feminine feminine.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: I think I've been so much in my masculine, you know, I think that's what society honors.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: It's just like this go, go, go.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: And as a single mom, like I'm always making the decisions.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: And so this has been just like a beautiful journey for myself.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: So every time I see someone who kind of like guides and facilitates and like does this kind of like coming back into your body work, I'm obsessed because yeah, it's just been such a huge part of my journey.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: So I would love to start with just if you know, sharing for you as much as or as little as you'd like about sort of like your background and how you came to this work specifically, like what it means for you.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_02: And then we'll just dive in.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: No, I can absolutely I can relate 100% because so much of my life was spent very much in my masculine.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like I did not like letting go of control, very perfectionist, felt really nervous about letting anybody help me with anything.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, they're not gonna be able to do it like I do.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: So just a lot of hard time letting go of that.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Even my in my first marriage, our wedding day was like I did everything myself because I'm like, if I even give a little bit of an inch of anything, then it's not gonna go to plan.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so I didn't even really get to enjoy that day.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: And that was a big thing for me looking back on it at the time.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know, you know, because it was just like afterwards feeling regret, like, oh, I didn't do this that I wanted to do or this, and I was like not even chill that day, but I didn't realize what that was until later.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: So kind of my my journey up to that point was just yeah, a lot of giving all of myself, being in the in the masculine energy of control and having to do everything.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then after I got married, um, I think it was probably when my oldest was about one and a half or two years old.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um I don't even know how long that would have been ago now, like 2016, maybe 2016.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um I actually got invited to go to an event with my friend, and she had invited me and my husband, and it was for couples.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, sure, why not?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so we went to this, and as soon as I walked in, I was like, what is this place?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: It was this personal development event.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: It was teaching couples how to communicate better and all these things.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: And it was amazing.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: From the moment I walked in the doors, I was like, this is what I want to do with my life.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: I just knew because I'd always loved helping people, but a lot of times I was helping people to my detriment, like putting myself way on the back burner and going to this and meeting the people throughout it, and just being really involved and excited and sort of learning about energy work.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: So the first thing I really trained in was Reiki.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then from there just kept going into other ones like data healing.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, I learned human design and then all like breath work and all of these things started piling in.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, some of these things came after, I think actually, all of them might have come after me and my my first husband separated.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I just there was a point inside of having these experiences that I realized I needed to be really honest in my marriage about what I was feeling.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: And it was one of the scariest things of my entire life was just letting him know like this isn't for me.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like our journey was for a time, and I'm so grateful because I have my baby.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it just wasn't meant to keep going on longer than that.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that was really scary for me, but I had to learn to start saying yes to myself.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: So from there, it just kind of snowballed, right?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: I learned these different techniques.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: I started saying yes.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: I started opening myself to receive more, started really leaning into allowing myself to be taken care of, allowing myself to drop more into that feminine and slowing down.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, there were a lot of curveballs that came in, and it is a lot harder because when you've been in that state for so long where it's like you don't want anyone to do anything for you because you're like hyper-independent, it was really hard transitioning into those pieces.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I kind of had to do it bit by bit.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it was just that dedication to myself that you know, I can't keep going on on what I've been doing.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: There needs to be something different.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so that was kind of my journey leading into this, and then everything led into another into the work that I do now, and it all just kind of flowed into each other.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love it.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: And you just have like such a like a really soft, like feminine energy.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's what I like immediately kind of picked up from you.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, I mean, I think that it's so it is so challenging to allow someone else to kind of come in and and and support you and and help you, or even to like ask for help.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I've been single for about eight years and it's you know, it's been incredibly challenging in its own way.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes I'm just like, I'm I'm over it, I'm ready for my partner.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: But also like I've learned so much.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like the more I date, the quality of men that come in that show me it's okay to let go, right?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_02: When you've come from, you know, me personally, like a place of trauma where it was like it was not safe to like not, you know, like you feel like you have to be in control of everything.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so that journey has just been it's been really long and trusting myself first and foremost, right?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: But like, yeah, being able to surrender a little piece, you know, and more and more over time.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, it's it's such a cool experience.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I I had somebody say to me a couple of years ago, she was like, Oh my gosh, you're so feminine.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Really?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: I feel so masculine, like 90% of the time, right?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: Because I'm like, I'm always making decisions, I always have to decide, you know, things for my family and my business.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so yeah, I think like when I'm like not to like put it all on men, but when a man comes in and it's just kind of just like, I got you.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's just like the you know, to be able to like settle into that is such like a beautiful feeling.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, being able to rest in that and knowing that it's safe, like your heart is safe there, your peace is safe there, like they can hold that container is so powerful and beautiful.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I actually loved what you said too.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, you're so in your feminine, because there are so many ways to be in your feminine.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like one perfect experience for each person.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like for you, your situation is different.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like you said, you're a single mom, you've got the decisions making, you have all these things happening.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, those like the masculine energy can come into that, but also like I'm sure because you've had that focus on that, you've been able to bring some feminine into that, but maybe it's not like the generic feminine that people talk about, you know what I mean?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's gonna look different for every person.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: Every person has their own balance of each, and also being able to hold yourself in that, like your masculine energy holding your feminine energy and like being able to ask for that from yourself.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, uh, I okay, I'll tell you this fun little trick I learned from someone.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: I can't remember where I learned it from, but I I like have conversations with the masculine and feminine inside of me where I'll be like, okay, like whatever name I have for my masculine that day, like I need a break, you know, I need you to set this up for me so I can just relax.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then like my masculine can come in and like take care of it, and then my feminine can just like relax into it.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: So that's really powerful too, is being able to resource that within ourselves and how we bring that in.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, like I said, feminine can look different, where you know, being a mom is very feminine, that is like the most feminine thing like ever, right?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like that is birthing life, caring for children, all of this.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then you have these extra pieces you have to do.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: But that doesn't take away from the feminine that does lie within that, and like taking you can take the space every day to come in and drop into your feminine in different ways, even if it's for an hour or sometimes maybe even less in that day.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: But there are other ways that you can be dropping in throughout the day into that feminine energy to give yourself that nourishment and then go back into you know, whatever else you need to get done.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's something that's kind of the way that I like to look at it as well.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: And love what you said too.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I think, yeah, it is very much a balance of the two because we all have all of it within us.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I think if you're like, yeah, if we have so much feminine, uh, then it can, you know, I mean, what is it?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of polarity, right?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: We have to be like somewhere in the middle.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_02: But I like that idea of like coming in and like dropping in, you know, in a few different ways during the day.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, like I just like even to so I like lift a lot of weights at the gym, which can be like a super masculine thing, right?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: I guess.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like, but like today we I walked there.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_02: I just wanted to get outside and be in nature.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_02: And then I got there and it because it's Thanksgiving break now, it was packed.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: There wasn't a single spot.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: So I was like, you know what?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just gonna go sit in a sauna, sweat, and just like walk home.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'll be good.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: But it is like also the mindset, right?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: Where it's like, I feel like if we're like being beating ourselves up about like, oh my gosh, I didn't get my weightlifting in, like now I'm gonna be the, you know, where versus letting the feminine come over and and like nurture and just be like, okay, well, we'll just at least we got a walk in, you know, we got outside, we got some fresh air and like sunlight.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know, maybe that's a terrible example, but just like, you know, like I love that example because it is it's giving yourself that love and that celebration and that congratulations for getting that done.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because wouldn't you do that with your child?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: Well, like it's the same thing as mothering.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: You would come in and you'd tell your kids, like, oh, you did such a great job with that.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: What did you love about that?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: How did that feel for you today?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's also very feminine.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's also feeling a lot into that, giving that nourishment.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I would even say, even the weightlifting, like you were saying, like, yeah, like the the pushing could be the like that masculine energy, but taking care of the body and being fully embodied and present in that moment is very feminine.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like the the balance and the combination, as you were saying, the the polarity and how hard that is to tap into both.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: And it just makes me feel strong as a woman.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like I love my body and the way that it looks when I'm doing stuff like that, you know?
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, that's that kind of balance.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but so you okay, so you use a lot of different modalities, and I I love it.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I I didn't get a chance to pull your uh human design chart.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_02: I did pull your astrology chart, but you said you're an MG.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: Six, what did you say?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: Six two MG?
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: Emo MG.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: Emo MG.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a six three emo and MG too.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: I would love to talk about like the emotional piece wig.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like so intense for me.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I know like as an as a MG as well, manifesting generator, I am just like like all the things.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: I want to know all of the things, I want to do all the things.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm also like I've just done so many like certification programs and like all that stuff.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: So, how do you like how do you use all of these tools when you're working with people?
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: I love that question.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: And this is something I love talking about because there was a long time, honestly, little backdrop, real quick, is that I would take so many certifications and be learning so many things.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: And then I would kind of beat myself up over it because I'm like, oh, but if I like really want to learn this thing, but if I'm not fully embodying this thing and like embracing and just focusing on this, then what was the point of me doing that?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: Did I waste all that time?
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: Did I waste all that money?
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: And it was a lot of beating myself up.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: But what I found about myself, and you know, the two, the two in me that doesn't see this natural talent a lot of times, just I naturally bring things in and mold them together and create things as my own.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: So for example, when I'm working with a client, I if we're saying the intention was we were gonna work on um communication in that relationship that day.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so we're talking about that, we're you know, playing with different things, we're maybe tapping into the body, seeing where the triggers or the pain is coming up.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: But then all of a sudden, there's this intuitive nudge or something that they say that I'm like, ooh, actually, breath work would be really good to bring into this right now.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: Or um, let's take a look at your chart real quick and see your connections.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's there's different nudges and different things that come in either through myself or just by hearing something that they say or something they bring up that I'm able to grab from any of these things that I've learned and just be like, oh, we're actually gonna pull this in right now.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: This would be really helpful in this moment.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: And that has been the beauty of it because I do the practices for myself, of course, and I I can tap into all of those.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: But with clients, it's just become really evident to me over the years that I can grab the pieces for them too.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to stick to one generic cookie cutter thing to like be a good coach.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: I can do the same things I do for myself to my client with my clients.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then it just I feel like it creates a really beautiful um alchemy to bring all of that in and at any given moment.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: So that's how I love to use it.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I know as as uh I think like in the beginning of my journey too, like all of it it almost became information overload at one point because I was like, on to the next, and then I want this, and then I want this, you know what I mean?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: But it is that beautiful piece of being able to like now have all these tools and like just kind of be grounded in, I guess, like what works, and again, like my own practices, kind of like you were saying, and and to be able to use those, right?
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: And to be able to reach into them.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like I I saw that you, you know, shadow work, shadow work is one of my favorite things.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: I have so much like scorpionic energy.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm just like, I just like live there sometimes.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: Like, like I said, this Scorpio season has just like rocked my world, but like in like the most painful and best way, you know.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_02: So I think there, yeah, there's so many different ways to do that and like coming into your body.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I would love to talk about, I mean, just that piece of coming into your body, because I was just having a conversation too with someone where I think that sometimes the hardest thing for us to do is to actually sit with it and to come inside because it's just like our mind wants to like keep going and like focus on something else and like ask all the questions.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, that's one of my favorite parts of human design, is where it's, you know, trying to get out of the head and into the body because the mind will always have another question, it'll always second guess things.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: So, how do you, I guess, like how do you work with yourself and with um clients who are maybe super resistant to like coming into the body?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a great question.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: And a real quick backtracking to what you said about shadow work, same.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: I want to share that because I'm like when I first was like someone like you know, shadow work and like screaming and all that.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I don't want to do that.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, is that it's so crazy?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: And like, what am I gonna find?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what's gonna happen.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: But it ended up being one of my favorite things, like so.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: I love that you brought that up.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like, want to try it.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, but yes, about coming into the body, that is such uh something that I uh how do how would I want to say this?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like with the body, a lot of people when they're teaching embodiment or talking about embodiment or showing embodiment, they're showing all of the yummy, juicy, like playful embodiment.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so they a lot of times forget to talk about embodiment is also embracing and embodying the parts that don't feel yummy and juicy and good, and they can feel scary.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: But because it's not talked about enough, then embodiment can feel scary.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like, oh, if I if I really drop into my body, if I really feel into my body, there's gonna be a lot of stuff that comes up that's I don't want to face that I'm really nervous to admit or see for myself.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: And this is why I I'm like looking for ways to keep talking about it in that way without making it sound scary.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's like you know, kind of trying to find the ways like, how can I talk about this without someone being like freaked out and not ever wanting to try it?
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um but it's just for me, embodiment is it is dropping into all of it, just sitting with the the guilt, sitting with the fear, sitting with shame, sitting with happiness, sitting with joy, sitting with laughter, just giving yourself that time, even little bits each day, to just sit with yourself.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like it's definitely um becoming harder and harder for people because they are very addicted to their phones and that instant gratification and scrolling and oh, this feels uncomfortable right now to sit by myself.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm just gonna like grab my phone real quick.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: And when you can learn to just sit with that discomfort and sit with what comes up, so many beautiful things come from that.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: First off, healing.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: Secondly, creativity can come bursting through because you're allowing yourself to just feel, and that creates so much flow, creates so much movement.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, for anyone that feels scared to drop into the body, feels nervous about sitting with it.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: I really just honestly suggest trying it even for a few minutes a day.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: And you will see such a difference in how you show up in your life.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: And if something feels scary to sit with, call someone you trust, reach out to someone that can sit with you, that you feel safe in their presence, that you could just say, Hey, I'm I'm gonna try this new thing.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna like sit with this feeling I've been afraid to feel.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: Can you just come sit with me?
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: And not as a distraction to sit and talk it out, but just like sit in silence and just like be there with me while I while I do this.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: And if it feels, you know, scary to do that with a friend or nerve-wracking, then talk to someone, like hire a coach, whatever you need to do to just really drop into that.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it just it will change your life for the better, even if it feels really crappy sometimes, because all of that is embodiment, all of it is it is important.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: And sitting with ourselves is how like we're gonna be with ourselves for the rest of eternity.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, however long we're here on this earth and another lifetimes, as well get used to it now, you know?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_02: I had this was years and years.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_02: This it was like the beginning of my like, I guess what I would consider my spiritual like growth journey.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe like, yeah, maybe six or seven years ago.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I did this program, and part of it was human design, but part of it was IFS, internal family systems.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember sitting in this one session, and we like dove into you know, my body and you know, this little meditation stuff.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I have never had such a strong response to getting in touch with my anger.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like my whole body was shaking.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: I was like crying.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_02: And at the time it was very, you know, it was at a point my kids were in their rooms, they were sleeping.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: But I remember she was like, Do you feel safe to continue?
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I don't, because I just felt so, so much coming out that it's like I don't know what's actually gonna come out, like me being home with my kids.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like, um, and that terrified me for a little while to like kind of dive back into it.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_02: But I think that, you know, that started point of just like being safe and tapping into it in safe places with safe people, you know.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like I it's not that I felt unsafe with like the person or anything.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_02: It was just like my own internal experience was scary, right?
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that can really deter people.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but at the end of the day, I mean, there's still uh there's still a little part of me that sometimes there's that little part inside that I'm a little bit afraid of still, you know, but like, but I can feel it, I can come into it and I can just like gently connect with it.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_02: And it doesn't have to be this whole big like, let's throw the door open and just have this like experience, which one day I will do ayahuasca.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I've I'm just like waiting for the right time and the right opportunity.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just gonna allow the universe to bring it to me and maybe that'll shake it up a little bit.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_02: But just to your point of like, it can be scary in the beginning, I think, when you're connecting with these pieces of yourself that you know, because like I was one of your posts, I think was talking about uh the book The Body Keeps Us War.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like it it really does like all of this like repressed anger um that I've had throughout my life, like it doesn't go away just because you don't want to face it, you know?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so yeah, you cannot just sweep it under the wall.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I love what you said about gently opening the door for this piece that feels scary.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're exactly right, you don't have to just dive full in.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like I one of the very toxic situations I had when I first came into the coaching industry was you're not feeling it enough, you're not crying enough, you're not doing this enough.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, you know, like uh, so I'm healing wrong.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like, is the how am I doing this wrong?
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know, but for me, it was also new, and I needed that more gentle approach to it.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm so grateful for the people in my life and the experiences that led me to other types of coaches that knew how to handle and like were informed of that, of like being able to go slowly and not saying, like, oh, you must not have been feeling it because you weren't doing this.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, no, feeling doesn't have to be this deep dark thing.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: There can be laughter, pleasure, there, you know, crying, there could be anger, rage, like all there's a plethora of things, but you are not doing it wrong because it is exactly right for where you need to be.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so I love what you were saying with that approach of just like gentle opening, gentle going in, not bursting the door open, like allowing yourself to move into that as you need to.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: And to your point of the scariness of, you know, with the anger, what can come out with this anger?
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, my kids are here, and like, you know, yeah, because we are told so often growing up that emotion's not okay.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: Don't feel anger, be nice and gentle, be sweet.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's not okay for you to feel upset about that.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, don't talk about that.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how often are we told these things growing up and making it not okay to be ourselves?
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then it keeps getting buried and it keeps getting buried, and that continues on and on and on and on.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: And the longer that you avoid even trying, like you said, even like a gentle opening, a gentle sitting with the longer that you avoid these things, the bigger and bigger they get.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then the scarier it's gonna feel when you go into it because it is so repressed that you are that you are gonna have those feelings of what's gonna happen if I let this out.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why it is so important to be in safe containers with safe people who are trauma informed and also like know how to work with each individual and not in a cookie-cutter setting where it's like, well, everyone just dive in and start raging and screaming.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know what I mean?
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: There's an approach that just helps it be not so scary for people.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: And even if it's scary, you know you're held in it.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: And to your point, too, I think the feminine has been so suppressed, right?
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_02: Where we're we're not taught how to be in our emotions or to regulate our emotions or to feel our emotions.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like um, this is where I love human design and astrology.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_02: But when I kind of understood my family's charts, you know, my whole family is undefined emotionally, and I'm very emotionally defined.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_02: So just the inability to meet me where I was at or understood.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_02: understand it, right?
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_02: Made me feel that, oh my gosh, my emotions are too big.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: My emotions are, you know, and that's, you know, even in dating, that's kind of been part of my struggle and also my internal narrative.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm aware of that, where it's like I every time I express like I get emotional or my emotions come up, tends to be the point in dating where men just like back off.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm trying and I'm it's kind of a self-sabotage thing, I think, too, where I feel like my narrative is if I'm emotional, I'm not worthy.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_02: If I'm emotional, I like people can't meet me there.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_02: So it's something I'm working through, right?
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: But like if we had been taught or honored that, you know, the feminine is allowed to be emotional.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's part of it.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like tears don't mean like anytime I would cry, it was just like, oh my gosh, what's wrong with you?
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, well intentioned like wanting to fix it, but like there's nothing to be fixed.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_02: It's just tears.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like I'm releasing.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_02: And so I've that's been my journey, you know, over the last few years of just being able to reclaim like if I'm upset, even especially with my kids, right?
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_02: If I cry and they're like, what's wrong?
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I'm just moving through something.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's all good.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_02: Like we're it's gonna be okay.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I mean I try and like not sob and I'll go to my room or whatever.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_02: But there are times where it just you get overwhelmed with it and you know it it happens and not to shame it or or to feel any guilt or anything about like just being emotional.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah absolutely nail on the head right now not feeling the guilt or the shame around the feeling and yeah women are very ocean of emotion right like we feel a lot and we get really passionate and we we um one thing I like to reference to is when me and my now spouse got together he grew up I mean a lot of people don't get taught about women's emotions and things like that but he grew up in a very intense one that was like if you show emotions you're like whoa calm down why are you fighting you know what I mean and so there were times where I would just I talk really passionately when I'm passionate about something and I'll like I didn't I wouldn't even be angry I would just be like really passionate and like getting into it and he's like whoa and I'm like what like this is how I talk you know and so it was a lot of him and I having to have communication around that of he anytime a woman gets not a neutral tone then it's like whoa okay what's going on like you know it's like take it very negatively because why are you why are you speaking like that and not just like normal and I feel like a lot of people experience that because when like as women we need to feel what's coming up we need to feel what's happening and men do too if men let themselves feel in places where like they could really express I mean world would be massively different.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: Same as women like both sides need that right yeah and as a woman we need that like I was talking about earlier the safe container to be held in that so if we're crying you're right it's not someone jumping in to fix it and just like let us feel it.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_01: And if you allow yourself to just really feel fully that thing that's coming up where sadness anger grief joy celebration whatever that is for at least 90 seconds and just let it out things move so much faster through you and then you're not um coming back to it and like resentment towards partners for example like if a man is like whoa fix it fix it and like then it just ignites it more for a woman because like I just need to be held in that I just need to feel it because if you can't really just feel it it just keeps building and building and then it starts coming out in little things like you know angry that your partner keeps leaving something open or um not putting something away and that's really just the surface problem.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_01: The real problem is like you know it could be I feel like they're just not listening to me.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_01: They're not I asked them not to do this and they're still not doing it.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_01: So now it's like a deeper issue of I'm not feeling heard like he doesn't actually care about how I feel and it starts going deeper and deeper and deeper.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's never that surface thing.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really yeah if we just had these spaces to be safely held in that massive difference.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_01: And if you don't have a partner that can do that for you, female friends like coming into a space with your female friends that can just hold you in it because right we're so good at that.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like women are so good at that when they don't have their own scars and their own you know things coming up but we're so good at holding other women when we want to be in that space.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_01: And even if you have male friends that feel safe like asking them to hold you while you work through an emotion where you work through something that's coming up and just giving yourself that permission to do it is so powerful.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: And then holding that boundary and holding that that um not condition holding that intention and that value for when someone is in a space with you when you're working through something when you hold for yourself that you just need that space to work through it all and you hold that person to that standard then you create that you help create that safer space for you and you create you help create that resource that resource in yourself because you know I need this can you be here for me?
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome let's do this.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like that communication comes in too but yeah when we fully allow ourselves to just go through it like with kids when they throw a tantrum what do they do they're completely fine if you just let them fully go out with that tantrum.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah you know we need that same thing just in a different way yeah so what does that look like for us you know I know you said like coming like allowing it to be for 90 seconds but like what does that look like for us to like actually come in and feel it and move through it.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah so say you were feeling a lot of anger um and you know could be anger towards let's say you're feeling anger towards um something that someone said to you.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_01: So you are you but then you're like making excuses for them oh it's okay it's fine are you you distract yourself with a movie or you distract yourself with social media you distract yourself with something you're pushing that anger down what it looks like to actually feel it is to notice I'm feeling really angry.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_01: I need a space that I know I'm not gonna like be harmful to me or anyone else.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_01: So like maybe it's in your closet or in your bathroom or whoever some space where you could just be if you don't have someone that is gonna like that can hold you through that going into a space that is just you're by yourself and whatever needs to come out.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_01: So some some people with anger they're just gonna feel like they need to just cry and it might like seem opposite because anger is like you think like oh like stomping and screaming but anger could just be also just letting the tears out letting that anger flow out and just like letting it go until it stops.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: But and like it's kind of hard to say too sometimes because we can get into the mind loop and keep talking about it to ourselves and like keep continuing it on.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: So what this feels like is once you've like fully let that out whether it's crying or just screaming or stomping around or like punching something or shaking your body really hard like something that whatever you feel needs to happen to let that anger out allow it to keep happening keep happening keep happening and then wait for that that feeling of like that that relief um and notice if you start feeling that like okay it's like it's coming down but then you start talking to yourself and saying oh but they shouldn't have done this and this and this and this and you keep dragging it on that's when you know like okay it's time for me to stop I'm going into a spiral.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: Waiting for that neutral like it might not feel like it's completely gone and you feel no anger but it's gonna feel like all of that movement, all of that stuff you let come out feels like a relief in your body.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's not tensing and holding on.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard to like explain it without experiencing it.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um but yeah because it's gonna look different for every person and you could even it sounds silly but put a timer for 90 seconds and just be like for this 90 seconds I'm gonna let myself just feel it all and when that timer goes off just close your eyes and feel like how do I feel right now do I still feel as angry and again just watching for the mind spiral.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_01: So that's something you could like that could be tried as well is the timer and then checking in with yourself like do I really need to keep feeling this or am I good?
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like it might not feel like everything is gone and everything's an absolute relief but it's gonna feel a lot less heavy because you allowed yourself to just be in it.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah no it does make sense and I know for most of my life too like tears would come more from anger than like sadness, you know um but I'm I'm glad that you brought up the whole mind spiral thing because I feel like that's something that like doesn't get as much attention in the in the conversation of like body work because it's like as somebody who's so emotional right like sometimes the mind spiral helps in releasing because I get to like latch on and it, you know, but there comes a point where it's like okay I have to like rewrite this story because otherwise I'm just like playing the victim and I'm like why is this happening to me?
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_02: Why are you doing it to me?
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I think like those are sort of the narratives that come up when I'm so angry.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's just like or I just get like get angry at people who did this to me.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_02: But it's it's it's so important to not get caught in that.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_02: But then sometimes I'm like where is the line between allowing myself to feel what I have to feel and to think what I have to think and to be angry and in and all of that that comes along with that spiral and then yeah how do you like shut it off then and just kind of like reengage and not be stuck in that I would say a lot of pattern interrupt.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_01: So say like after you express and let yourself be in that 90 seconds of releasing and you start to notice that mind spiral of like um it starts to amp you back up.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_01: Makes sense they've like felt the anger and then you start to go in and let's pretend it's like um well then he really doesn't care about me and why would he do this and why would he blah blah blah blah blah and then you start feeling it rise again that's when you want to like wait a second like pattern interrupt like you know I I just felt this now feel like then it's figuring out where that where does that conversation come from where is that mind spiral coming from is it your voice is it and your inner child that felt like you know this this thing that angered you that feels feels related to something you experienced as a as a child paying attention to that voice and where it's coming from and how that began obviously that can take a whole process but it's just identifying okay this voice is really amping me up to feel angry again where where have I heard this voice before where have I maybe heard these phrases before and then that's a whole other line of work that you could be doing of okay it sounds like you know a little child voice inner child work where can I do some inner child work um it sounds like the voice of one of my parents familial healing like just different paying attention to that and that's gonna be it's not as easy as it would be if you were doing this like aware of this kind of work for a long time like say someone's absolutely brand new they've never just allowed themselves to feel they don't know how to identify those things I would definitely work with someone because there's a lot that can go into that right um but yeah for for you who has more of awareness like yes absolutely you can work with someone and also maybe practice identifying where those voices come from and then when you've identified like say it was an inner child like okay cool who does inner child work you know maybe I can book a session with this person and discover like where this voice started so I can start breaking that pattern and start telling myself this new story.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like if it's the anger of oh he always does this and he just doesn't care about me.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_01: Okay does he really always do it or is does he just do it sometimes and it feels like it's all the time because of how bad this pain feels right now.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know it's like always and never things everyone likes to say yeah it always happens he never does this and it's like is it true that he always does that or that he never does this and so it's just really just more discovery for self and the way that you think and changing those stories and when you ask yourself okay um he does it in these okay maybe it's not always but he does it in these situations.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay so now what can you do?
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna have a conversation with him and I'm gonna be honest.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna talk to him about how I feel when this happens or talk to her about how I feel when this happens and yeah there's just there's so many there's so many ways to to really dive into that and really help break those patterns and create more resource and self and it's just gonna really depend on each individual person and what that experience is and you know what they really need specifically from that.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah I love that one of my favorite books is the four agreements and so when I find myself in that spiral that's what I always ask myself I'm like do I like what am I assuming here?
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_02: Because I don't actually know the truth of the situation.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_02: I like I'm not with this person.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_02: I have no idea what they're thinking or what they're going through or like anything right and I think it's so easy in our emotional state I've I've noticed this in myself sometimes and I have to like zoom out a little bit where I do get very selfish in my emotional state and I don't and I forget to check in with other person.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's like I don't know what they're even moving through or what they're experiencing to think that like my issue right now is like the issue it's it's you know it's it's real because I'm experiencing it.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_02: But also it doesn't mean that it's the actual situation that's happening.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's my perspective it's my experience it's my trauma exactly.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_02: And so like really zooming out and like coming back into myself and being like okay I don't know what I you know like you said that pattern interrupt right like I don't know actually what's happening.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like do I know without a doubt that this is what's happening do I know that this is what that like unless you have a conversation with the person you actually don't know right it is that spiral of like the always and the you know like you said.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah always and the never yeah that's why I always I always I highly suggest that when the emotions are really big to give yourself that 90 seconds and then wait until you feel like you can have a conversation without blowing up or you know wait until you're in a more neutral space.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_01: And as an emotional manager as well I have to wait till I'm in a neutral space because when I try to have conversations with my partner or anyone when I'm highly emotional then later I'm like oh that wasn't really what I was feeling this is what I'm feeling.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I have to go back to this conversation and share this again in this way and now they're gonna be confused because before I share it like this.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I've had to really learn over time to wait, let myself go and feel whatever I need to feel on my like in my space with the coach, whatever.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then come back when I feel more clear headed and neutral and able to have a conversation without allowing those other pieces to come in and like rear their ugly head.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know how they get so really important to come to a neutral space before you have those conversations and you can even tell the person that you need a conversation with I'm feeling really heightened emotion right now.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_01: Can we come back to this tomorrow or in three hours where I can come into this feeling more clear headed so we can have a conversation.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of people don't do that because they just want to they want to fix it right now.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_01: It has to be fixed or it's it's gonna you know they're not gonna know how upset it makes me or they're not gonna know this and and that's just never going to work.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: You have to be in a space where you can have the conversation without allowing these other pieces to come in and kind of take over and it could be your inner child that's like fighting for you know attention or you know other pieces of you that feel like you are trying to survive right now when you're really not in a survival situation.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_01: I mean some people like that'd be a different situation.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: You need to just leave you know but like if they're if they are a safe person um being able to share what you need wait till you're calm let yourself get neutral then have a conversation and just not allowing yourself to just keep stewing and that's what I think I would say with the the head um spinning too is after you've allowed yourself to feel that emotion, though don't then just keep stewing.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_01: Sitting in it is the part that helps us feel that makes us feel even worse.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_01: So it's feeling it letting it happen and then maybe another burst comes in later right I'm not saying feeling it one time is going to be like oh yay you know but there might be another burst later in the day and you're like whoa I gotta go I gotta go full this real quick you know because we're humans and that's gonna happen.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just being honest with yourself and giving yourself that grace and that that space to do what you need to do for yourself.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_01: And you're gonna be able to approach things a lot better when you do that as well.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah I try and not uh if I'm like in a really heightened emotional state it's like become a practice of just like don't say the thing, don't initiate the conversation don't send the text just write it out because you know it's gonna pass right because then it just it becomes more but that's been a huge practice with my emotional authority where I'm like I just like want everything um in the and I my solar plexus connected to my throat.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like it just becomes this like push to express like really quickly.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so I've just like had to like kind of uh sit with that.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_02: But I had an experience over the last like couple of weeks where I was in like a heightened emotional state and the person that I was with set a boundary of like let's just like separate and reset.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I like I'm not even gonna lie I was so triggered because I was just like you know like you want to just like you want to repair it you know like in the moment sometimes and I was just like but the next day I was actually really glad that that happened because I was like yeah that that conversation was gonna go nowhere with my emotions like that.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_01: Well I get it triggered because I that can be hard too like I I'm gonna relate it again to partnership because if my husband is like needing a minute um I would say when we were first together and he needed a minute I took it as abandonment.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like wait what you're not gonna talk to me and then I would stew and I would think he's gonna leave me he's gonna do this he's gonna you know and I would just spiral and spiral and spiral and so same thing I had to learn to let myself sit with that discomfort and just communicate with him like when you say that I do feel like you're gonna leave or something's really really wrong and I just need you to reassure me in those moments that that's not what you're doing.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I needed him to do that for a while until I could heal that part of myself that was feeling that.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so just again asking for what you need.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that you're saying the person you're with is like let's just take some space and even if you were triggered like yeah that's gonna happen too like you might be triggered the other person could be triggered but it's always gonna work out so much better when you allow that to happen.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I love that that that was your experience.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah even in the moment it didn't feel good.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah how like how early uh I guess this is like more of a personal question but like even in like your you know beginning phases of your relationship with your now partner like how early are you having those conversations?
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um mine was pretty early like from the moment that we started hanging out um because from my previous marriage I didn't ever voice anything.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_01: I was very much like keeping things to myself keeping it in too nervous to say anything.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_01: So when I actually started speaking up in that marriage and saying like I feel like we need to separate like being honest about that and really choosing what I needed that was better for myself and for I knew what was going to be better for our son like there was nothing inherently like wrong it was just didn't feel right anymore.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah like we have a beautiful blended family.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_01: I love him to death I love his wife I love their babies like so much.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I just knew it was way better friends than together.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so being really honest with myself and him about that helped me to know to be more open and speak in the beginning of being with someone so that it didn't feel like all of that was being closed in and too nervous to say.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not to say I was perfect at it either because there were still times in my now relationship where I would be nervous to say something.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_01: I would be I had my own abandonment issues just like with the whole like I need a minute you know I had my own things I was still really healing from but because he held a very beautiful container for me to experience that um even if he had a hard time with higher emotions sometimes he would still be there for me and he would still hold me when I was having the guilt and the crying and you know the nervousness to speak up and even if he didn't always understand it I would tell him I'm like you don't always have to understand what I'm feeling I just need you to hear me and be here with me.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so it started very like from the beginning with him.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_01: And there was learning curves, you know, because everybody communicates differently there were a lot of learning curves but I knew that that's how I wanted to start because that was very important for me to to have going moving forward.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah yeah that's beautiful and inspiring.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes I'm like I don't know how early I have these conversations but then yeah I'm also like I can only be myself and myself is pretty emotional and I do come with a little bit of trauma that I have to process through and gets activated and yeah coming into my own body and and just being with myself uh and and articulating that it you know has its own challenges but yeah it does yeah definitely yeah and I I would always say oh my gosh I keep saying always now that we've said that but I am you know I am gonna say that always because this isn't in terms of like bad behavior and things this is more like I would always suggest starting those conversations and things as early as possible because they're gonna come out eventually.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_01: May as well if that person can be there through that and can have those same values and move forward with you so that you're not wasting your time trying to wait until they feel okay to have it.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's more like well this is important to me.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_02: So why am why would I not share that at the beginning so that I know if this person has those same those values ish or that they're open to that, you know yeah yeah sometimes I think I struggle with like being or appearing I don't know like victimy sometimes right where it's like I don't want to like um like I know it's part of my past and my history and my relationship history but then I'm also like but I I don't know I it's like a weird thing.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like I want to I want to seem stronger than that.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_00: But also like you'll find the balance.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah exactly I know because then I'm like I can only yeah I can only be myself right and if I'm showing up as anything other than myself like I've I've just started telling people like I'm I'm pretty emotional because that's always like that point that seems to like change things because I have this like a lot of Taurus energy but then I have a Leo moon.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm like I'm I can be so dramatic but I'm but I promise I'm also practical like ground it it's just like a fun a funny dynamic.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_02: But I know that you said so I kind of just wanted to like dip into astrology just for a minute if you're if you're good with it.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_02: But I know you said that you use both like Vedic and Western astrology.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I've you know I've been studying astrology for like six or seven years, but really just primarily Western astrology.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_02: Vedic astrology is really interesting to me.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_02: I just like haven't dipped into it but I'd be curious like how I know there's always that random conversation that comes up when it's just like which one is right and which one isn't whatever.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_02: But like how do you like see the two of them?
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like how do you work with them like separate or like together?
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_02: Like which which do you dip in when does that make sense?
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah that absolutely makes sense.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_01: I was in my western for a long time when I first started looking at astrology and it felt really resonant and I was like working with that you know even finding ideal who my ideal clients are from my astrology really powerful.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then I had a conversation actually a couple conversations over time where people were bringing up Vedic astrology and I was like oh what's that?
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I just wanted to learn it.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_01: I actually got a reading with Christina um who is the Astrology Now podcast and she is like oh my goodness so wise in Vedic astrology and I did a reading with her and it was really cool because when we did this it was like I was like on the cusp.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_01: So mine was pretty similar to my Western but like a few like there were things that changed.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_01: She's like I think she's like you're like both but I feel like your energy is more kind of this way.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_01: So it was really interesting to see like I'm a Scorpio sun in Vedic and I'm a Gemini or sorry a cancer rising and a Taurus moon or no sorry Taurus oh my gosh I can't remember now now that I'm like on the spot trying to think of it.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway Gemini and Scorpio are my tops in Vedic and I just I started really resonating with that and the energy from that and I kind of just flowed between where I was working very much with my Vedic for a couple years and my Western was kind of like it was there but I was feeling more drawn to learning about the the Vedic parts of myself.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then I think more just recently the last few months I've been like you know kind of moving back to my Western too.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I it's kind of it's not like a pinpointed thing for me.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's more just intuitively one when one starts resonating more or one I feel like I need to drop into more, I'll start looking at that again.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then you know it just kind of switches when when intuition kind of tells me like okay yeah let's look back at this one or this.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_01: So I know that's not a super like big um specific answer but yeah that's that's kind of how I work with it is very intuitive to which one I'm more drawn to at the time.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah I love that I I've like I've looked at my Vedic astrology chart I I don't I can't like pull anything like big out of it now but I know that my so I'm a Taurus son in Western and I'm also a Taurus son in Vedic so I'm just like I'm just a Taurus like I've just there's no way around it.
• 58:01
  SPEAKER_02: But I think my moon and my rising are in Leo in Western and I think my moon and my rising are in cancer in Vedic astrology.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_02: And they both resonate because I'm so emotional right like the the Leo just makes it bigger but then the cancer makes sense too because it's like it's just it's you know it's it's fluid it's watery it's like all of those things.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't know yeah I can see both of them and I always you know um I feel like sometimes like Vedic astrology as I've learned a little bit it's more like the path of our soul whereas like Western is like kind of like this lifetime you know and like looking at the differences.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't you know that's just kind of like the way I've I've viewed it and I you know I actually really love that because that would make a lot of sense to why I kind of flow between the two yeah because like yeah I love that like the the soul because it's like your overall like journey always and then actually really like that.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah just gonna all right I'm grabbing on to that yeah yeah I know I want to like go look at my vanic after this to like really to like look at it another time but no I yeah I love astrology it's kind of been the thing that for me has really helped me see myself and understand myself and all of my complexities and nuances and like in my chart it's just it's not easy and I'm like you know yeah we're here for it I guess this is the this is the path of life and we're figuring it out I love that yeah yeah there's so much to it too so much information I've had to really learn like step back you know the the MG in me is like and then the like my body is like hold on like let's take a piece at a time.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah there was like a year where I like had to just like throw it all away because I was like becoming so attached to like oh well my chart says this or my human design says this and I was like I have to like stop like leaning so heavily on that and just like come into myself.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_02: And that that was really when my body work started.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_02: Then I was like I have to trust myself Body and understand my body's responses, even if it's like a trauma response, eat just coming into that in itself and like being able to say no.
• 1:00:07
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, it's so it's I don't know, it's all like wrapped up together, and I've come back to a place where I'm just like it supports me and it it compliments me, but it isn't like me, you know.
• 1:00:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like I get to be myself, so yes, yes, yes, I love you said that.
• 1:00:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, because a lot of people can attach to you know the personality tests and they can attach to human design and astrology in that same way.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh, this is just who I am, this is just what I do.
• 1:00:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I agree with you.
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, well, this like helps me learn some different things about myself, but this doesn't mean like not to, you know, listen to your own body.
• 1:00:41
  SPEAKER_01: And how I learned human design was very much like, you know, embodied human design, listening, following, you know, your polls, your intuition.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then, like you said, it's like a compliment.
• 1:00:53
  SPEAKER_01: Human design and astrology kind of gives you this little backdrop of, oh, okay, maybe this is something I can focus on right now or work on right now, or this is something that's coming up for me.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, how can my chart help me kind of move through this a little bit instead of becoming so attached to an identity, identifying with it?
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_02: And that that's kind of like the path that I've I mean, that's actually like my title on like Instagram is embodied human design, because I do think that's so important, right?
• 1:01:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's understanding your yeses and your no's, right?
• 1:01:21
  SPEAKER_02: And and coming to the body and using your human design as a support for that.
• 1:01:25
  SPEAKER_02: But I also think like we're just, I think we're all just seeking some sort of significance or or importance, or we all want to be seen.
• 1:01:32
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, I mean, I I could like cry just, you know, thinking about like inner child work because I I really think it's so rooted in that, like regardless of what we're going through.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_02: It's like our inner child just wants to be loved and like chosen, you know, and I think that's so much of our issues come down to that and being able to like do that work and give it to yourself.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like when I'm having my emotional moments, like that's kind of what I usually come back to.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's just like it's just my inner, like little Rochelle who's just so upset and just wants to be seen.
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, how can I give her what she needs and not need anybody else to give it to me?
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_02: So then then it just more empowers me to like, I I got myself, and now anything else is just like it's a compliment to that, you know.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_02: And and I think it it allows me to choose um like what's actually serving me and what's just making it, you know, what's not.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, absolutely.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_01: To that inner child work, that inner child needing that love to the point of that is when as women, you a lot of times when you have a hard time dropping into your feminine, expressing in your body, being feeling safe in your body, feeling open to dropping into your body.
• 1:02:40
  SPEAKER_01: I would almost like probably 85 to 90 percent of the time say that that comes from your inner child being shut down when you were very expressive as a child.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_01: And like being because the feminine is very expressive.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_01: The feminine is very present, very playful, um, very full of just joy and curiosity.
• 1:03:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so if any parts of those were shut down when you were a child, that is gonna feel really hard to drop into as an adult because it wasn't safe to do so, or it was not, it wasn't okay.
• 1:03:14
  SPEAKER_01: It was there was shame tied to it.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so a lot of the times it is gonna come right back to your inner child, what happened, you know, at that age.
• 1:03:23
  SPEAKER_01: And there are other extreme situations that happen as well that can obviously contribute to that.
• 1:03:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, 85 to 90 percent of the time I would say it comes from the inner child.
• 1:03:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, every parenting work is so important.
• 1:03:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, very important.
• 1:03:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I've loved this conversation.
• 1:03:43
  SPEAKER_02: Is there anything I feel like, you know, I mean, we talked about so much, but I also want to make sure that if there's anything specifically that you wanted to touch on that we didn't talk because I feel like we just kind of like went off.
• 1:03:54
  SPEAKER_02: But if there's anything specifically you wanted to make sure um that you let listeners know.
• 1:04:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I'm gonna say play.
• 1:04:04
  SPEAKER_01: Play, play, play.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_01: Allow yourself to play, give yourself space in your calendar to play.
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_01: I can probably guarantee that your calendar is full of things to do, events to go to, places to take your kids.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_01: But where in your calendar is time for you to just play, just be, just do something fun for yourself.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's also very, very healing.
• 1:04:29
  SPEAKER_01: And that is very taken for granted.
• 1:04:32
  SPEAKER_01: So space in your calendar to play just for you, whether that's dancing in your kitchen, you know, going to a park and running around playing night games.
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm actually gonna set up a night games night for adults.
• 1:04:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited because I loved night games.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so yeah, I just make space for that because it's like we were saying earlier, it's not always the screaming, crying, raging.
• 1:04:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's also the play and the fun and the laughter.
• 1:04:59
  SPEAKER_01: So make time for that every day.
• 1:05:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love that.
• 1:05:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, sometimes I get so deep in it that I'm like, Rochelle, it's not that serious.
• 1:05:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, just go have fun, let it go.
• 1:05:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that can be hard, right?
• 1:05:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like our our other, like our ego or whatever, who whatever you want to call it, is like, well, I'm just upset right now, so I can't go do that because people aren't gonna know that I'm actually upset or that I'm going through this hard time.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_01: And we get into those stories again, it's like, who cares?
• 1:05:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, who cares what everybody else thinks?
• 1:05:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like, go have fun.
• 1:05:28
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 1:05:29
  SPEAKER_02: I sometimes say I'm healing so hard, but it's like it doesn't have to be that hard.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'm making it hard.
• 1:05:34
  SPEAKER_02: So let go, let's go, yeah.
• 1:05:38
  SPEAKER_02: Well, how can people find you?
• 1:05:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'll obviously leave everything in the show notes as well.
• 1:05:42
  SPEAKER_02: But if there's anything that you're working on, you know, in like 2026, just letting people know as well.
• 1:05:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:05:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I am on Instagram at Amber K underscore Pleasure Alchemist.
• 1:05:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm also on Facebook as Amber K.
• 1:05:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's K-A-Y.
• 1:05:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I have in-person events that I do if you're in Utah.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_01: I do a wild feminine rebirth.
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_01: I do breath work.
• 1:06:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm actually doing a sound bath and breath work collaboration with someone on December 6th in Sandy, Utah.
• 1:06:09
  SPEAKER_01: And then I also just officially opened my embodied liberation portal.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_01: And that is a membership that we're gonna go through all kinds of different practices together, ways to feel really resourced and integrated in your life, different daily practices, pleasure practices, inner child practices, breath work, you name it, anything I've learned, I'm bringing into this membership.
• 1:06:32
  SPEAKER_01: And there's one live call a month with me, and then another QA, or sorry, one live ritual a month with me, and then a QA call per month.
• 1:06:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'll have occasional guest experts coming in there as well.
• 1:06:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then yeah, if you sign up in 2025, there's some bonuses a one-on-one session with me, an audio for moms, and you can gift a month to a friend for free.
• 1:06:52
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 1:06:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, everybody listen, go check it out.
• 1:06:54
  SPEAKER_02: And thank you so much for coming on.
• 1:06:56
  SPEAKER_02: This I've loved this conversation.
• 1:06:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, me too.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_02: I loved it.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.