Latest / Carmedy / Episode #5.5 - With My Wife <3

Transcript

Episode #5.5 - With My Wife <3 · Carmedy

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: What's up everybody?
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Carmody Podcast.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: We're comedy meets your slash Mikey Mew.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host Dave Thompson.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I have the best guest of all time here.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: But before we get into that, if you've never listened before, this gets recorded in the car.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, it is loud.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can hear the air conditioning.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you never know what'll happen in the car.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope you enjoy this in the car and you're not watching it, so I don't film video.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: So you're not watching the video while you're driving in the car.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because people get crazy out here on the roads.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to thank all the people that have been listening.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: A hundred downloads for my last one.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Wow! That's crazy.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking of somebody who believes in me, my guest, the infamous, the person that nobody believes exists, the person who is the light of my life, and my reason for being my wife Ashley.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Ashley, say hello to the people.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hello.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hello to the people.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: I have one question for you.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is a burning question.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is what everybody wants to know.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: What does it feel like?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And how do you handle your nerves when you walk into the room as confident as you are, knowing that you're the most beautiful woman in every room?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: How do you do that?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: You don't.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: You just you don't even worry about it because you're so above them.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: You're so above all these ugly hoochies that you don't even have to think about it.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: You're just that gorgeous.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's not what I meant.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what you meant?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well that's that's what your body said.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Your body said, dang, girl.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Look.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: So weird.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you, it's not, it's not weird.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's not weird.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Look, I've always wanted to have you on something comedy related.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And this isn't like, oh, it's just me doing bits.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we're just we're just we're talking.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we're talking.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And here's here's the thing.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody knows because everyone has asked.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody knows that you've never gone to a comedy show.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: You've never seen me do comedy.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because you you don't think I'm funny.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: I don't.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm at I'm at the Irvine Improv this week, right?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I'm standing in front of a couple hundred people doing very well and getting props from my fellow comics.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: But the person that I love the most still doesn't think I'm the slightest bit funny.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: I got you one time we were talking about a diaper mishap, and I said World War Poo, and that got you.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: But besides that, usually I don't get you very well.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: So, babe, is it is it because you're so beautiful and poised that it is just difficult to make you laugh, or am I just that stupid?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: We just have different senses of humor.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, but I think you're like everyday funny.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like you say things like here and there that are funny, like just everyday, like normal life, but like we just have different opinions on what's funny when it comes to like jokes and things like that.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because you really like people like Nate Bargotzi and uh Angela Johnson Reyes and other people that aren't me.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: They just just have more of my like yeah.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: Nate has more of my like more of your type sense of humor.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, yes.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, we look we love, we love, we love that.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's wonderful.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and so as far as content that you consume on the internet, there's so much content to watch, to listen to.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Too much.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: What do you too much?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then we have you know, we have children.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I listen to podcasts and music when we're out, but we haven't even really been able to watch TV or do anything together very much.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And if we do, we watch Perfect Match or Love is Blind.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I I tell tell the tell the people, because I know you're a big fan of polygamy shows.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh goodness.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, oh goodness.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Tell the people, I want you to put into words and explain to people why you think it's so great to watch shows where men have sex with multiple women.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Explain this to the people.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: When you word it like that, it sounds bad.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that I'm interested in Okay, because you know that's why they're doing it.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yes, but it's not it's not that it's like about the polygamy, it's just like something different than the norm.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's just that's why you married me being there.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: That was something different than the norm.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, a lot of it is dysfunctional.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, obviously you shouldn't be having sex with multiple women.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like I don't know, it's just it's something outside of the norm, and I just it's just interesting because it's just not the norm.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm gonna tell you here, and and I'm gonna say this in front of my whole audience.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think it's interesting.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I or I I don't have any interest in having sex with multiple women.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's so it it is very difficult for me to get into shows like that.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I will say when we watch the shows like Love is Blind, when we watch Perfect Match, when you see that maybe there's people that are actually trying to have a connection and find love with one single person, and they're not playing the whole field, the whole show, then uh I seem to enjoy that more.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: But getting back to the content, as far as uh content on your phone, what do you kind of drift toward?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do you drift toward like short form reels, YouTube videos, pod like audio podcast music?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: What is like your favorite to consume?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: I've honestly never listened to a podcast before.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, you're doing one right now, so this is a good introduction.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um there's people, baby.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: There's people, sorry, cut you up.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I love you.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Spectrum.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Look, there's people that are going to be listening to this that are so happy to hear from you because they don't think you exist.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm real.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: You're real.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, I did not buy a hooker.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't do stuff like that.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is a real this is not AI.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not AI.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a street walker.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is the real deal, the most beautiful woman in the world.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you're driving with your wife right now, I'm sorry to say, she's just not as good looking.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Look, stop.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Look, I'm just saying, tell her to look in the beer thing.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's just not some people have it all, and some people have some, but you know.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: But sorry, getting back to it.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, content you consume.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: Usually, if I do watch like real or like videos like that, it's usually reels because they're short and obviously having the kids and stuff, and I just I don't have a lot of time to just sit and watch stuff, so it's usually reels or something short and simple, and then I try not to even scroll those too much because it's a never-ending it's a never-ending yeah, vortex, and so.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: I I do like I I think well not like, I think it's funny what our algorithms throw at us because our algorithms know that we are Disney fans.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and so we get funny Disney videos about like going into debt but going to Disney regardless.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or or or or Disney hacks or Disney food, and then randomly it'll just be like somebody getting murdered on my feed.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, no, I don't get that.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: It'll just be like, oh yeah, somebody's getting their head chopped off, and then the next one's like nothing can stop.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: What's the mine doesn't show us stuff like that?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Mine doesn't show me stuff like that.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what's that about.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um with my feed, I don't know what's going on there, but um have you ever had just like a random weird video pop up?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're just like, why is why is Facebook or Instagram trying to push this on me?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, not really.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: I think I kind of have my algorithm like pretty it's pretty tied up.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's pretty, yeah, to where like a lot of it's like Disney or like mom-related videos or like business related or like I I don't know, there's not really much outside of that.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um sometimes like if I'm watching like certain shows and I'll look up stuff about that, like things from the show will pop up, but yeah.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, I just blew a kiss at the American flag because God bless.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but besides that, yeah, there's well speaking of speaking of businesses, you're a successful businesswoman yourself.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: I mean I mean, can you can you just explain to me how you can be looking so fine?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh goodness, be a mother of three children all under the ages of ten, keep them alive.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's a task, deal with me and also have a successful business.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: How do you do it?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't sleep a lot, all while you got a booty that don't stop.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Are you doing what encouragement can you give to these people about how you are able to do all the things you do, darling?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: I just I don't know.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: I just get up and do it, and I just don't sleep as much as I wish I did.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: But we're gonna sleep tonight, though.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: For those of you that have been listening, I've already told you that we are going on a uh anniversary excursion where we're going to stay at an undisclosed location.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want, I don't know if there's any of you that are weird.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna tell you where we're gonna be.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this isn't getting uploaded until next week, but yeah, so I guess it's fine.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: We stayed at the Hilton.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna say which one.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's the Disney one.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: We stayed at the Disney Hilton.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's beautiful, it's gorgeous.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to Disney right now.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna go to California Adventure, we're gonna eat what we want.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: We're not gonna hear whining children because the only whining children we might hear is ones that aren't ours.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't want to deal with them with us, we don't gotta deal with them.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna eat what we want, go on the rides we want, walk at our own pace, eat the popcorn, eat the popcorn and the caramel corn or whatever it is the stuff that we want.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And we're just gonna enjoy ourselves as adults.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna sleep in tomorrow.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta be honest with you guys, we are just a little bit ghetto.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: We have to sleep with a fan on.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: So we brought our own fan.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to a five-star, four and a half-star hotel with a box fan.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna walk through the lobby with a dusty box fan.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's not dusty anymore.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: We cleaned it off.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the dust is still not gonna get it off because that's getting it's gonna get it.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: We're just that's how we roll.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: That is that is how we do things.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um not that we're trying to be getting open, but we want comfort and we want that noise.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: We have not been getting it, especially if you have not been getting it.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um let's talk a little bit about these children as uh as the podcast is winding down to an end.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: So this is a half episode.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is episode 5.5.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: So every regular episode, so 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, those are all 30-minute ones, and then all the half ones, 1.5, 2.5, 3.5, all those are half easy.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: So this is 30 minute ones.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into this about the children.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: So you decided to just create spawns of other handsome and beautiful people out of yourself, which is nuts.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And um every day we have these absolutely wild but incredibly loved children.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: So tell the people because a lot of comedians don't have children.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not because they're incapable of having children, it's that they shouldn't have them at all.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: So what is maybe uh uh a thing that you have in the back of your mind as you're raising these children that is kind of your your your motivation and encouragement every single day to just like keep doing it and deal with the poopy diapers and deal with the the dingo attitudes and deal with all that stuff.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's just I mean honestly, it's just that like I just love them so much that like I just I mean my life just kind of like revolves around them right now, and I know one day that it won't because they'll get older and they'll have their own lives and their own families, and then we'll get to get grandbabies, and then we'll get grandbabies, but you know, right now, like it's like they still need me, and I mean the older ones don't need me as much as the little one, but I mean they still need me for a lot of things, and so it's just like I don't know, like I even though it's stressful and it's hard, it's just like I enjoy being needed while they're little because I know that like someday they won't need me like that, and so you know they might not need you like that, but we will always need you.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, they'll always I'll always be their mom, but I won't always, you know, need to do you know, the bedtimes and the diapers and the nursing and yeah, and it's it's a lot, but it's also like enjoyable in a weird way.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: It is well, darling, thank you for all you do.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: I know we're gonna have a wonderful time for our anniversary.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: I really wanted people to be able to hear you because you're so wise, you're so wonderful.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: They can't see you, and I don't want them to see you because you're too beautiful, and I don't want them to be stumbling or or accidentally crash because they see a gorgeous angel.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but thank you for all you're do.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay that you've never seen me do comedy.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: One day I'll I'll I'll be on the TV and I'll be super funny, and then you'll see me then.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I did want to tell you on the podcast that I got an interview with Cisco.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and uh, so we're excited about that because I need to be able to actually make some money, you know what I'm saying?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I agree.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, there you go.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, thank you guys so much for listening.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Uh see you next week.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: All right, bye bye.