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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just -The Danger of Yes Men and the Value of Truth 5.4.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  Lose there, you move, right? One who said was being settled.
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  The other one is being actually unintelligent, not smart.
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  Not knowing a lot makes a person.
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  I heard him. It's the opposite what you
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  think, but the you, to be frank, the Dumber the person is, the
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  more arrogant it can be because he doesn't know what he does,
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  what he doesn't know, right. So now that's going to force him
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  to fall on the bottom. He says now an additional
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  component that makes people not not humble makes an arrogant or
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  the mum of Sidiya Al Naba who is Habrut or in Shamashi Vietnam,
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  Hanefim, someone who hangs around people who are
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  Mihanehfim. People flatter him all day long.
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  You know all the people that become a big deal and many of
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  them at least they have yes men around them.
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  And yes men feels very good. It feels great to have a man
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  always say yes to you. Has the guy always said yes,
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  Sir, you're right, Sir, All that stuff right?
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  Because they don't argue with you, they don't embarrass you,
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  they don't make you look wrong. They actually make you feel good
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  all the time. But it's comical because all
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  those people have yes men. They become more and more
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  arrogant. They create, they're bringing
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  the yes men. They like it because it makes
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  them feel good. And then they slowly start to
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  become more and more arrogant and they build up their
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  perception of themselves based on this little mini image of
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  themselves. And why is it a joke?
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  It's a joke because only there's circle sees them that way.
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  And then but the world at large doesn't see them that way.
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  You start saying you're looking at these people in the news, the
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  famous people, they're a big deal.
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  And what are they? They are Shunyi Arrogang is
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  saying don't they have any self-awareness?
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  Don't they realize how they look?
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  Whose fault is it? It's their flatterer.
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  Or the person receiving the. Flatterer.
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  Well, it's a scent of flatterer, but as a person who receives A
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  flatter, his fault. And he doesn't want to be
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  humble. He's not willing to be real and
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  he can't be genuine. And he starts to create that
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  circle and keep that circle and kick anyone out.
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  Whoever tells him he's wrong kicks him out of his circle.
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  That's the fault. So really, I guess it's his.
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  I should have ignored the Hamitam.
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  They steal his heart. They win him over with flattery
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  and the money top land. Now they're doing it.
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  Here's the double sketch. He likes stickers and makes him
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  feel good. So he doesn't have any
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  self-awareness and he thinks of himself as a great person
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  because people are telling himself, fine, that's sketch
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  number one, sketch number 2. So OK, at least he has these
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  people who consider him a big deal.
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  They don't either. When they get home and they talk
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  to their wife. Do you think they're saying my
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  boss or you know, in the old days, His Majesty, my leader, is
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  he they're saying how great he is.
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  Nothing. Now they're saying he's a
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  disaster, he's a problem, he's annoying, he boss smear around.
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  They're saying all those things. So in the heart of hearts, or
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  even less than that, they don't think he's a big deal either.
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  So boil it down to who? Who exactly considers this
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  person worth anything? Not his the world, because the
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  world knows the truth. The world can sense the truth
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  because if someone's arrogant, you can feel it.
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  Not even his circle who's talking about him all day long,
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  because they too are just nervous about his respect.
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  They're just worried about remaining in the circle.
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  They're just playing into this world.
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  So nobody at the end of the day considers him anything.
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  See, here's a guy who's so arrogant to believe that he has
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  a world that everyone sees him as a big deal because he keeps
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  anyone who doesn't see him out get rid of that and only keeps
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  the people who are the estimate in him.
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  And now they're telling him all day long.
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  Now, why would a person enjoy people, his inner circle telling
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  him all day long he's a big deal?
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  Sir, you're so smart, you know, you really know what you're
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  doing. By the way, this sounds comical
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  and sounds like it's from the old days.
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  Absolutely not. This is something that's part of
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  the modern day world. Very much all the big stars out
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  there, they keep this as they norm.
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  They're followers. They're followers, right?
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  And why do they? Now let's ask this.
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  Why would they do this? Why would they allow this to be
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  only have it in a circle in mind beliefs?
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  And if all I hear all day are these people and these people
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  say I'm a big deal, these people are impressed by me.
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  And to me in my mind, that means the whole world sees me in the
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  exact same way. So they're sketching themselves
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  into believing that they really are something special.
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  So you have a person based on his arrogance created a circle
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  that only holds in those who give him credit, only holds in
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  those who say yes to him. And it makes sense.
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  They're forced to remain in that circle otherwise they lose their
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  job. Otherwise they lose their
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  connection. So they remain in and they do it
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  and they play into it. The rest of the world, not part
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  of it. OK, at least out of that circle.
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  The joke is nobody really is impressed by him.
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  He's not a single person that really likes this person that
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  his wife and definitely most probably not and definitely not
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  this circle. They're actually people living
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  on egg shakes. They're just scared of him.
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  How about the people out there if it's sure not so he has in
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  his mind a pedestal that he's standing on and everyone is
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  clapping and there's nobody out there that considers him worth
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  anything. They're just a bunch of scared
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  people in a circle and a bunch of denied interested people
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  outside a circle that he doesn't know of.
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  He joked me himself to believe me is a big deal.
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  And if you think this is something that doesn't relate to
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  us. So it's not confidence.
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  It's not confidence. It's based on extreme
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  insecurity. The greatest degree of
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  confidence is the willingness to be able to hear that you roam
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  and move on. But if someone needs to be right
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  all the time, needs to have the estimate, all time politicians,
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  4 stars actors, they have this in droves.
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  And even people who are well off that you know of, even people
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  who are a big deal in the community, they can get used to
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  this too. And even people that are normal
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  like used to this too. People can feel good.
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  But all people do that meaning other than, let's say, your
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  mother and your wife, yeah, like no one really calls you out.
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  On yeah, it's true. We're all running this risk.
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  Absolutely. We're all running this risk.
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  Any person that you know, I don't know if, if maybe I'm in
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  that position, I'm not sure, but it could very well be that me
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  personally in this position, I don't know if people are willing
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  to come over to me and say something that they don't agree
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  what I did. That's a comment, right?
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  I'll get a couple of people give it out to you.
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  No, but you like it in sports. That's a hobby of yours.
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  For you it's a comment, he said. But because of that, maybe I'm
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  in a position by now. Then I don't know when I'm doing
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  something and therefore maybe I feel good every day and I have
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  no clue. Take a wealthy person, take a
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  person as a big donor, take a person as a big deal.
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  Take a person that does a lot, all the people.
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  Take someone that the person who needs all these people might fit
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  into this role. And you think it's a joke.
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  It's very common, right? The rich uncle is never told by
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  his nephew anything wrong with the person who's behind the
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  whole family. No one ever has anything
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  negative to say about him to his face behind the scenes, goodness
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  gracious. But his face, everyone is very
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  nice. Why?
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  Because they need him and he needs them and they're pumping
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  and he's pumping. They're pumping them up.
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  And this is a world of yes men. People are very, very inclined
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  to enjoy the yes man mentality. I have someone who tells me yes,
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  who says I'm right, who encourages me in my office,
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  feels great. If what if I'm making a deal
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  with a bad buyer? What if I'm doing something
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  that's not smart? But if I'm getting involved in
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  something that doesn't make sense to me, who's going to tell
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  me no? Who in my office can tell me is
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  a bad idea? If it the way it works, the way
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  the structure is, I'm on top and they all listen to me and they
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  all just encourage me. And I remained at a risk.
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  And it's a dangerous risk. And the truth is, even in your
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  own family, although respect is a very big deal and respect to
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  the father and the leader is a major deal, your family should
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  be structured that someone can let it be known how they do it.
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  I don't know. With respect, someone can let it
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  be known that they don't approve or they're not so on board with
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  that idea. Even in your own family, is that
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  hard with your parents? The wife, your wife, your wife
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  does all the best thing. I played off you the best thing.
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  The thing that has guided all men of greatness is the wife
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  that has told them otherwise. The wife has told them it's not
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  a big deal. You know, I talk about my year
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  in teaching at school. My wife told today I still don't
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  live it down because she told me before I not to do it right and
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  she was proven correct and I only you know I backed out
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  possibly because she wasn't on board as a kid a dog exactly as
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  AB just said and help her. Who's against you.
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  We think it's a joke. We have wife jokes.
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  The men who have the wife that tells them don't do this.
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  It's not good for you. It's not smart or that it's the
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  best thing that you have to use your own SEC as well for sure.
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  But that is a situation where she's not part of the yes team.
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  If she were, if everything your wife say was go for it, it's a
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  good idea. It's a great idea.
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  Why that sounds so smart, right? And imagine losing such a world.
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  It would feel good initially, feel great then when no one else
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  out there is on board or the buyer's not on board.
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  So your wife thinks it's a great idea to invest all that and that
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  be you know, no one else does that.
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  Hey, you're holding the bag and what's it worth?
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  Whereas if your wife would have told you the truth then it may
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  not feel so good. Right?
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  Every time I would tell tell over a speech to my wife and she
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  says a comment before and I have a pin in my stomach.
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  I'm thinking myself, I shouldn't have said it, but that's dumb
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  because if I wouldn't say it to her and the whole crowd would
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  feel the way she felt. But if I do say to her and she
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  has that compliment, now I'm saved.
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  Maybe I have a less comfortable night and more work to do, but
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  now I'm saved. That is the difference between
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  having a yes man and not. And that's the difference
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  between the initial feel good feeling that a person has.
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  Whatever around them is so into them.
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  We're up against the real good feel.
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  When people tell you the truth, you know it's brought down that
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  the best thing you should have is the best friend who tells you
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  when you're doing something wrong.
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  You should find someone who is your best friend.
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  It may not only be your wife, because sometimes his wife
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  doesn't know this stuff because she may not know exactly that
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  topic or that area. Find a friend whom you allow to
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  tell you off. Find someone out there.
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  I tried to have someone for a short time and it didn't last.
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  I don't know why we're still friends, but he he didn't.
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  But really, what's the idea? Same idea if someone can be
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  honest with you, if you can live in an honest world and you won't
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  fool yourself to build yourself up something that you're not in.
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  The joke is always when you do that, when you fool yourself,
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  the world knows. So it's not worth to be able to
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  take criticism. You must be able to give.
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  Manas says. However that long we we don't
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  have the time anymore for the time of the game man, where the
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  right people can give criticism and we definitely do not have
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  the time that people can handle criticism.
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  Imagine that wasn't a time. I think how people can handle it
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  nowadays for Shawna Rabbi gets up and bashes not going to work.
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  He can talk about Amidah, but he can't bash.
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  He's not going to go anywhere. So person should be able to
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  handle it based on this theme, which is the more you make your
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  circle, people who give you compliments, people who tell you
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  how great you are, the more you're in danger of not
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  changing, of not developing, and worse than that, of becoming a
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  fake arrogant person. Because what you hear is that
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  you're doing great and you were never told otherwise.
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  All right, I can't tell you how many times I've been criticized.
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  And at first I've been very upset at it.
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  And over time it was the best thing for me over and over and
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  over again in different areas. I'm sure you've had it in your
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  life a million times too, when someone told you off and at
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  first bothered you very much and even to a point that you didn't
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  want anything to do with them. He was so upset at them.
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  But over time it sank in one way or the other.
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  Not in a passion way, not in a life destroying way, not in a
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  very verbally abuse way, but in a way that they make you aware
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  of something that yourself you couldn't have noticed.
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  And if they were just yes men, then what would happen?
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  You remain the same, believing that you're great.
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  If I remain the same, believing these are going well, I have
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  this arrogant mindset of myself. What is arrogance?
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  Arrogance at his core is someone thinking that he's doing great.
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  And someone thinking that it came from him has the perfect
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  makeup of arrogance. And if all you have around you
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  are yes man, and you know what? You're going to think that
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  you're doing great, and then you're going to think it's you
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  who did it. It's just the structure of life,
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  right? It's your gifts, your talents,
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  your money, your ideas. Everything's you, Sir.
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  Oh, great. But at the end of the day, you
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  become a hollow, fake, bloated, very big deal in your mind, but
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  in nobody else's mind. And in their mind, you literally
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  that balloon, you can be popped and nothing.
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  You're floating up in the air and you really nothing you
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  should be laying on the ground. There's a difference between
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  your mind, the world's mind, if a person allows us.
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  Whereas if a person allows fair criticism and if he lets people
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  be honest with him, he's not so busy with credit.
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  He doesn't need his name to be mentioned a million times.
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  He doesn't need to be thanked A gazillion times and all that.
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  Such a person, although originally a little bit of a
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  tougher pill to swallow. He's watching other people get
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  credit. He's watching other people be
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  built up. I'm not getting that same
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  prestige and maybe I deserve him more.
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  Originally a tough pill to swallow, to swallow, but at the
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  same time, it's the pill that allows you to remain you, to be
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  genuine, to be real, to be honest with yourself and to
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  continue working and growing. Because you're finding out, yes.
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  So no, Am I doing the right thing?
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  You're finding out the truth. If the world can guide me,
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  great, but if I don't let the world guide me, then I'm in
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  trouble 'cause I'm fooling myself.
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  This is his idea and in my mind it's a very powerful idea
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  because you have people out there that live this life and
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  it's a complete and total such, whereas the other person may be
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  a very big deal, but he takes criticism.
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  He has a Good Wife, he has good parents, he has a good coworker,
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  he has a good colleague, he has a good even employee.
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  He has a good anyone around him. And that person remains genuine,
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  remains a full real person, and he will continue to sort stop at
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  this.