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When Teens Doubt- Skepticism vs. Cynicism · Equipped for Impact

0:00
Luis: What if your teenager's doubt is not the problem you think it is?
0:05
Luis: Man, that is a loaded question.
0:07
Luis: It is, and we're going to spend the next 20 minutes making the case for it.
0:20
Nate: Welcome to Equipped for Impact, the podcast designed to assist Christian parents, leaders, and educators to raise up the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ.
0:31
Nate: We're your hosts, I'm Nate.
0:32
Nate: And I'm Lewis.
0:34
Nate: And we are glad you're here with us today, where we are coming off of Easter.
0:38
Nate: I hope everybody had a wonderful Easter.
0:41
Nate: Um, and you are maybe you're enjoying spring break right now.
0:45
Nate: If you're listening to this the day it comes out, I don't know.
0:48
Nate: It would be right.
0:49
Nate: It would be.
0:49
Nate: For some, for some.
0:50
Nate: If you're here in the area near us, it's likely you are on spring break.
0:54
Nate: Yeah.
0:54
Nate: If you are in some place where it is much colder than it is here, I think you've already had your spring break.
1:00
Nate: Like usually a lot of those places have had spring break before Easter.
1:04
Luis: They do.
1:04
Luis: And then they just have like a few days around Easter, like maybe Good Friday and maybe like the Monday.
1:09
Luis: Easter Monday.
1:10
Luis: So it's just like a long weekend.
1:11
Luis: Yeah.
1:11
Luis: Yeah.
1:12
Luis: Is it Easter Monday?
1:12
Luis: Is that what people call it?
1:13
Nate: Easter Monday, yeah.
1:15
Luis: Huh.
1:15
Nate: Or maybe I'm just like translating the German in my head.
1:18
Nate: Because I know in Germany they call it Easter Monday, and it is a federal holiday.
1:22
Nate: Really?
1:22
Nate: Yeah.
1:22
Nate: I don't think we call it Easter Monday in the States.
1:25
Nate: Well, I'm gonna call it that.
1:26
Nate: Go for it.
1:27
Nate: Okay.
1:27
Nate: But back on track.
1:28
Nate: You know, we're coming off of Easter.
1:29
Nate: And so rather than just moving past that, we want to use it as a lens to look back through.
1:35
Nate: Because uh, when you slow down and actually sit with what happened during that week, you find that it's not a clean, triumphant march, right?
1:44
Nate: It's one of the messiest, most human narratives in all of Scripture.
1:49
Nate: And it has something powerful to say to every parent watching their teenager wrestle with doubt right now.
1:56
Nate: So let's start here.
1:58
Luis: Okay.
1:58
Luis: Think about the arc of that week, right?
2:01
Luis: The passion week.
2:02
Luis: Palm Sunday.
2:04
Luis: It opens with this crowd waving branches, shouting Hosanna, which literally means save us.
2:10
Luis: Yep.
2:10
Luis: And the energy is electric, the expectation is at a fever pitch, and people are are going crazy.
2:19
Luis: Like think about I don't know, an Atlanta Braves game, maybe, right?
2:22
Luis: Like a home run was just hit.
2:24
Nate: So or more recent, a home run, you know, being comeback at the end of the world baseball classic.
2:30
Nate: Yeah.
2:30
Nate: Like big, big deal, big energy.
2:33
Nate: And and really the the whole shouting Hosanna, like that was a messianic, like they were literally looking for a political savior to come, you know, crush the Romans.
2:45
Nate: This was the king coming in, yes, getting ready to do the work.
2:49
Nate: Right.
2:49
Nate: And then five days later, the same crowd is screaming, crucify him.
2:55
Nate: Five days.
2:57
Nate: That is all it takes to make such a drastic pendulum swing.
3:02
Luis: It really is.
3:03
Luis: And and it doesn't just stop there, right?
3:05
Luis: The disciples, the men who had walked with Jesus for three years, they scatter.
3:11
Luis: Peter, the one that Jesus called the rock, denied him three times before sunrise.
3:20
Nate: And then there's Thomas, after the resurrection had already occurred, right?
3:24
Nate: After the tomb was empty.
3:25
Nate: Some of the disciples had seen Jesus.
3:28
Nate: Uh and Thomas looked at them and said, Unless I see the nail marks in his hands, I will not believe.
3:35
Nate: So this is the Easter story.
3:37
Nate: Right.
3:38
Luis: It's not just the Sunday morning part.
3:42
Luis: This is the whole thing.
3:43
Luis: And I think we do ourselves and our kids a disservice when we only tell them the highlight real version, right?
3:51
Luis: Like when we just fast forward to Sunday.
3:55
Luis: Right.
3:56
Nate: We want to get to the empty tomb, the hallelujah, the victory, the angel, right?
4:00
Nate: If you are ever like in an Easter play or you your church put one on, you something like that's like the climax.
4:06
Nate: You have the big triumphant song and noise and lights and the stone rolls away.
4:11
Nate: And and absolutely, like that is amazing, right?
4:14
Nate: Death is defeated, and it's amazing.
4:17
Nate: The resurrection.
4:17
Nate: And Sunday is worth celebrating.
4:21
Nate: But if we skip past Friday, if we skip past the Saturday of silence, the confusion, the grief, even afterward, the parts where the disciples are wrestling, Thomas, the two disciples on the road to Emmaus, like we're missing something that's essential about how faith actually works in real life.
4:43
Luis: And here's what we want every parent to hear in that.
4:46
Luis: The resurrection happened in the middle of doubt, not after it was resolved.
4:54
Luis: The disciples were not standing there with everything figured out when Jesus walked through that locked door.
5:01
Luis: They were they were hiding, they were afraid, and Jesus showed up anyway.
5:08
Nate: And that's the God we serve, right?
5:10
Nate: That is the God your teenager is navigating their way toward, the one they're walking alongside, hopefully, even if it doesn't look like it from where you're standing.
5:21
Nate: So, Lewis, let's let's kind of name this and and really get practical.
5:24
Nate: So we kind of we know the story.
5:26
Nate: We've talked about the different things, but when a teenager starts asking hard questions, or maybe they're they're pulling back from church or saying they're not sure what they believe, the instinct for most parents is is fear, right?
5:38
Nate: They they want to crack down and and then they want to come in with with you know dealing with this fear, and it can go one of two directions.
5:46
Nate: So kind of walk us through that from the parent side.
5:48
Luis: Yeah.
5:49
Luis: So parents, when they face this, they either shut the conversation down entirely or they panic and overreact.
5:58
Luis: And both of those responses, while completely understandable, can actually push a teenager further away.
6:05
Nate: So what what do parents actually need to understand about what's happening in their teenager's heart?
6:11
Luis: The most important thing is this there is a significant difference between between a teenager who is skeptical and a teenager who is cynical.
6:22
Luis: And that difference matters enormously when we're talking about this situation.
6:28
Nate: That's really good.
6:28
Nate: The difference between a skeptic and a cynic, and and I think that's really important.
6:33
Nate: So let's let's walk through that together.
6:35
Luis: Yeah, so a skeptic is someone who still cares about what is true.
6:40
Luis: Their questions come from a genuine desire to find something solid, something they can actually stand on.
6:48
Luis: They're pressing on faith because they want to know if it can hold their weight.
6:54
Luis: Their doubt is real, but underneath it is this hunger for truth.
7:01
Nate: Yeah, that's that's good because they're still in the search, right?
7:05
Nate: Or maybe they they believe, right?
7:07
Nate: I like the whole d comment about holding their weight, right?
7:10
Nate: Because that's actually what the the Greek word for faith actually means is it's you put the whole weight on, you're resting on it, right?
7:17
Nate: And so maybe your child is putting their weight on Christ, right?
7:21
Nate: They're resting in the gospel, but in the midst of that, you know, there's some questions, and so they want to kind of poke around and be like, Am am I in the right place?
7:29
Nate: Am I stable?
7:30
Nate: Right.
7:31
Nate: And and so there's still the search going on there.
7:34
Nate: Exactly.
7:34
Nate: That's good.
7:35
Nate: Yeah.
7:35
Nate: So what about the cynic?
7:36
Luis: So a cynic is different.
7:37
Luis: A cynic has largely given up the search.
7:41
Luis: After enough disappointment, after enough unanswered prayer, enough hypocrisy in the church, they've concluded that nothing is ultimately trustworthy.
7:51
Luis: And so they've stopped asking because they've already decided the answers don't really matter.
7:58
Nate: Yeah.
7:58
Nate: And here's the thing is that, you know, this is what we see.
8:02
Nate: The term we use a lot in our culture today, at least in Christian circles, is deconstruction, right?
8:06
Nate: Yeah.
8:07
Nate: You were a believer and then you deconstruct your faith.
8:10
Nate: And then I heard somebody say once, you know, the problem with our deconstruction is not the deconstruction side of it, right?
8:16
Nate: It's the fact that we never build anything back up.
8:18
Nate: Yeah, that's right.
8:19
Nate: There's never reconstruction.
8:21
Nate: Yeah.
8:21
Nate: And so it's it's this cynic that you're talking about.
8:24
Nate: They they're just gonna tear it down, all of these doubts, all of these questions, but they they're not really looking for answers.
8:31
Nate: And so they never build it back up.
8:33
Nate: And and I think the encouraging thing for most parents is it takes a while to get to that point where it's true cynicism in a teenager's heart.
8:42
Nate: It it happens, right?
8:44
Nate: But if we handle our child's doubts well, we can help them walk through their skepticism so they don't land on the cynicism.
8:53
Luis: Yeah.
8:54
Luis: And what looks like cynicism in a teenager is usually skepticism wearing this defensive mask, right?
9:01
Luis: The eye rolls, the checked out Sunday mornings, the I don't know what I believe anymore conversations.
9:07
Luis: Most of that is not a closed heart.
9:10
Luis: It's a heart that is starting to take ownership of its own faith for the very first time.
9:16
Nate: Yeah.
9:16
Nate: So so instead of asking yourself as a parent, like, what did I do wrong?
9:20
Nate: The better question is, is my teenager still searching?
9:23
Nate: Right?
9:23
Nate: Because if they're still asking questions, even hard ones, maybe angry ones, uh, they're still in the conversation, and that's exactly where you want them to be.
9:32
Luis: Yeah, because that's exactly where discipleship happens, right?
9:35
Luis: Not in the easy seasons, but in the wrestling ones.
9:38
Nate: Yeah.
9:39
Nate: That's right.
9:39
Nate: So so let's kind of give a framework for this.
9:42
Nate: And I and I want to go theological here for a minute because I think scripture has a lot to say to parents who are in this season, and it's it's an encouraging thing, right?
9:51
Nate: You know, we tr tend to treat doubt like it's the enemy of faith.
9:57
Nate: Like faith and doubt are are opposite ends of a spectrum.
10:01
Nate: But the and the goal is to get as far away from doubt as possible.
10:04
Nate: But but scripture doesn't treat it that way, right?
10:07
Luis: Not even close.
10:08
Luis: In fact, when you look at the Psalms, and and and I love reading the Psalms, Psalm 22 opens with, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
10:18
Luis: And and that's raw, right?
10:19
Luis: That's this unfiltered anguish, doubt that is loud enough to to shake the walls.
10:27
Nate: Right.
10:27
Nate: And but then you go right to the very next psalm and Psalm 23.
10:32
Nate: It's the the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
10:35
Nate: Right.
10:36
Nate: There's a trust, there's a peace.
10:37
Nate: It's written by the same guy, right?
10:39
Nate: It's written by David, and and when they put these psalms together in in the book of Psalms, they put them right next to each other, yeah, where you see that side by side.
10:49
Luis: And the scroll of Psalms, right?
10:51
Luis: So they they actually would have been scrolling, right?
10:53
Luis: And they would have unraveled it.
10:54
Nate: So it would have been on a digital phone scrolling.
10:57
Nate: It was like a paper rolling one side up and one side out.
11:00
Nate: Yeah.
11:01
Luis: Yeah.
11:01
Luis: But that's a portrait of what living faith actually looks like, right?
11:06
Luis: It it wrestles, it wonders, and and by grace, it stays oriented toward God.
11:12
Nate: Yeah.
11:13
Nate: And I think you see this everywhere throughout the Bible in the different stories that come out, right?
11:18
Nate: There's this father whose son is demon-possessed, right?
11:22
Nate: He comes to Jesus, he doesn't have polished theology, he's just desperate.
11:27
Nate: And when when the disciples can't cast out the demon, you know, he's asking Jesus, and and Jesus says, you know, if you believe, and he says, I do believe, help my unbelief, right?
11:39
Nate: And in that moment, he had this, didn't have all the answers, there was doubt, there was desperation, and he knew in his doubt he needed faith.
11:50
Nate: Yeah.
11:50
Nate: Um, and so Jesus healed his son, right?
11:52
Nate: And and not it wasn't after that doubt was resolved, but it was right in the middle of it.
11:57
Luis: That's actually one of my favorite stories in all of the Bible.
12:00
Luis: Yep.
12:00
Luis: And we also see it in the Old Testament, right?
12:03
Luis: Gideon needed multiple signs.
12:06
Luis: Abraham laughed.
12:08
Luis: Sarah laughed when God told them they were going to have a child.
12:13
Luis: Elijah, one of my favorite characters in all of the Bible to read about, he's like the depressed prophet.
12:20
Luis: He is, right?
12:20
Luis: Yeah.
12:21
Luis: So he sat under a tree and he told God, I'm done.
12:25
Luis: Like, I don't, I don't want to do this anymore.
12:28
Luis: He was like borderline suicidal, like in those moments.
12:31
Luis: And so, and then when you read in Hebrews 11, which we call the Hall of Faith, nearly every member that is listed there has some recorded moment of failure or or doubt.
12:44
Luis: And that's not just a footnote to their faith, right?
12:48
Luis: It's part of the texture that made up their faith.
12:52
Nate: Yeah.
12:52
Nate: And and then we come to Thomas, right?
12:54
Nate: Because he's right there in the Easter story.
12:56
Nate: And he gets he gets a bad rap.
12:58
Nate: He has one moment of doubt, and then we call him doubting Thomas for the rest of history.
13:03
Nate: Like I I want to defend my buddy Thomas for a little bit because Tommy.
13:07
Nate: Tommy.
13:08
Nate: Yeah.
13:08
Nate: My bro, my bro Tommy.
13:10
Nate: He, you know, he he he was one of the apostles.
13:13
Nate: He was one of the twelve, and we we label him as doubting, right?
13:16
Nate: But his story doesn't end with doubt.
13:19
Nate: Yeah, right?
13:20
Nate: It's so it ends with him falling at the feet of Jesus, and what does he say, right?
13:24
Nate: My Lord and my God, right?
13:26
Nate: And then God Jesus sends him out, and he's one of the ones.
13:30
Nate: Like, I think church history says he he ended up going to, I think it was India.
13:33
Nate: I believe so.
13:34
Nate: What is modern day India?
13:35
Nate: Like he goes east with the gospel and ends up being martyred for his faith in the risen Savior.
13:42
Nate: So no no doubt there.
13:44
Luis: And those words, my Lord and my God, maybe the most complete confession of Jesus' identity in all of the gospels.
13:54
Luis: And it came from the mouth of the man who refused to believe without proof.
14:00
Nate: Yeah.
14:00
Nate: So so if doubt has always been a part of the journey for the people of God, like why do we treat it like it's this five-alarm fire when we see it in our teenagers?
14:11
Nate: You know, this this guy, Thomas, was there with Jesus and he doubted.
14:17
Luis: So I I think we've confused a performance faith with the possession of it, right?
14:22
Luis: A teenager who never asks hard questions isn't necessarily more spiritually mature.
14:29
Luis: They may just be more socially compliant.
14:32
Luis: What we actually want is a faith that can be tested, because a faith that can't wrestle honestly with doubt is a faith that hasn't truly been owned yet.
14:44
Nate: Yeah, that's that's real good.
14:45
Nate: So so let's turn it to get practical, right?
14:48
Nate: Because telling parents, right, don't be afraid of your teenagers' doubt is is encouragement, right?
14:53
Nate: But but we need to put handles on these ideas, right?
14:56
Nate: Because they're slippery and then we need to be able to hold on to them.
14:59
Nate: You know, parents, you're listening to this and you need to know what to do on a Tuesday night when your kid says something that, you know, knocks the wind out of you because they're they're struggling, they're doubting and they're questioning.
15:13
Nate: So what what can we do, Lewis?
15:14
Luis: Let's start with something that is probably counterintuitive, right?
15:19
Luis: The most powerful thing you can do to prepare your teenager for doubt is not a better apologetics curriculum, but it's cultivating wonder at home.
15:31
Luis: That's good.
15:32
Luis: Wonder.
15:32
Luis: I love that idea.
15:33
Luis: So so unpack that a little bit for us.
15:35
Luis: So a teenager who has grown up in a home where faith is genuinely awe-inspiring, where the bigness of God is a regular part of the conversation, where creation and scripture and prayer are treated as doorways into something real and alive.
15:53
Luis: That teenager has a reservoir to draw from when the hard questions come.
16:00
Luis: Wonder is not the opposite of doubt, it is the thing that keeps doubt from becoming despair.
16:08
Nate: Yeah.
16:08
Nate: And I love that because wonder doesn't have to be manufactured, right?
16:12
Nate: It's it's everywhere if we take the time to notice it, right?
16:16
Nate: It's simple things like, you know, seeing the sunset and making a comment, like there's no way that happened on accident.
16:23
Nate: Or reading a passage of scripture at dinner or family devotions and you know, just just noticing.
16:29
Nate: Hey, does anybody else think that's incredible?
16:31
Nate: Like you're building a category in your kids for awe of God, his creation, and the the miracles that he works in and through us.
16:42
Luis: And you're teaching them that the world is bigger than what they can see and explain.
16:47
Luis: And that posture, that humility before something bigger than yourself is actually the same posture that keeps doubt from destroying faith.
16:57
Luis: So both wonder and doubt require you to admit that you don't have everything figured out.
17:04
Nate: Yeah, and and let's be honest for a second, right?
17:07
Nate: If you could understand and explain everything about God, then he's not a very big God, you know?
17:14
Nate: And so these moments of wonder help your child see themselves in light of who God really is.
17:24
Nate: And I think that's really important, right?
17:26
Nate: And and that's the long game, right?
17:28
Nate: But what about that moment, okay?
17:30
Nate: When your teenager actually says something and maybe you don't even have the answer for it, or you notice that they're they're struggling, it kind of rattles you a little bit.
17:39
Nate: What what do you do in those moments?
17:40
Luis: Well, here's the first thing, and I know it's easier said than done, but don't react, right?
17:46
Luis: Because your first response is going to set the temperature for the entire conversation.
17:52
Luis: If you panic, they're gonna shut down.
17:54
Luis: If you get defensive, they're gonna go underground with their questions, and they may not ask you those questions anymore.
18:01
Luis: What they need to see in that moment is a parent who is not threatened.
18:06
Nate: Yeah, and I think that's that's really important, right?
18:09
Nate: And you know, it's it's really hard though, because as a parent, when our kid says, you know, I don't know if I believe this anymore, you know, you want to fix it immediately.
18:18
Nate: But what you've got to do is you've gotta you've gotta listen before you lead.
18:23
Nate: And then that that opens, it it helps create that culture where you're you're open to having the conversation continue.
18:32
Luis: Yeah.
18:32
Luis: And so when you do respond, be honest about your own journey.
18:38
Luis: One of the most disarming things that a parent can say is, I've wrestled with that too.
18:43
Luis: Not to model uncertainty, but to model that faith and honest wrestling can coexist.
18:49
Luis: Your teenager doesn't need a perfect apologetics presentation.
18:54
Luis: They need to see that there's this real adult with a real life that has walked through real doubt and still finds Jesus trustworthy.
19:05
Nate: And that's and that's powerful, right?
19:06
Nate: Because teenagers have a very sensitive radar for performance or you know, somebody being fake.
19:14
Nate: Uh, they can tell when you're just giving them a Sunday school answer.
19:17
Nate: And we we say teenagers, right?
19:18
Nate: This could go even down to younger kids too.
19:21
Nate: Younger kids tend to be more receptive, though, just because they trust authority.
19:25
Nate: It's just part of their development process.
19:28
Nate: So typically, this is a teenager thing where we can help them really wrestle with those doubts as you know, you've laid that foundation and they're they're struggling it with them themselves.
19:39
Nate: So we've talked about wonder, not reacting in the moment, asking questions before giving answers, right?
19:45
Nate: Being honest about your own journey.
19:47
Nate: So what what else do do parents need to hear?
19:50
Luis: Look, don't abandon the rhythms, keep showing up to church as a family, keep praying at the dinner table, keep opening the Bible together, not as a performance, not not as a way of forcing faith upon them, but as a way of saying, this is what our home is oriented towards.
20:08
Luis: This is what we're gonna do regardless of the season we're in.
20:13
Nate: Yeah, that's that's important because the rhythms, they create the space, they give you, you know, the moment when faith can become real and and you steward that environment, you keep things going.
20:24
Nate: And and it's good because you know, you're not just jumping into apologetics, you know, you you are giving them that opportunity and time to wrestle through things.
20:34
Nate: So, Lewis, as we kind of bring this to an end and and parents are are kind of thinking through this whole idea, you know, what encouragement would you give them?
20:44
Nate: They've been listening to the whole conversation and they're still carrying this fear that it's too late, that they've missed it, or whatever.
20:51
Nate: What what would you say to those parents?
20:54
Luis: Look, remember this.
20:55
Luis: The disciples didn't know Sunday was coming when they sat in Friday.
21:00
Luis: They they sat in the wreckage, they grieved, they hid behind locked doors, they didn't have the perspective we have looking back.
21:10
Luis: They just felt the full weight of loss and confusion and the collapse of everything they thought they understood.
21:18
Luis: And so your teenager's doubt may feel like that kind of Friday.
21:22
Luis: And I'm not going to rush past that and tell you it doesn't hurt, because because it does, watching a child you've poured your life into pull away from the faith you've tried to pass on is one of the lonelier experiences of parenting.
21:36
Luis: And we want to honor that.
21:37
Luis: But here's what I want you to hold on to Sunday came.
21:41
Luis: Not because the disciples had it figured out, not because Thomas resolved his doubt on his own.
21:47
Luis: Sunday came because Jesus is who he said he is.
21:52
Luis: And the same God who met Thomas in the middle of his mess, who met those grieving disciples behind the locked door, who Breathe life into a tomb that everyone had given up on.
22:04
Luis: That God is not finished with your teenager.
22:08
Nate: And that is a great encouragement to end on.
22:11
Nate: So thank you all for listening today to Equipped for Impact.
22:15
Nate: And if this episode encouraged you, please share it with another parent who could use it.
22:19
Nate: There are a lot of lonely, discouraged parents out there who are walking alongside their own children who are struggling and wrestling with these doubts and skepticism.
22:31
Nate: And they need to know that they're not alone.
22:33
Nate: Be sure to subscribe too so you don't miss our next episode.
22:37
Nate: And until then, keep leading the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ.