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Radical Honesty with Dan Fabrizi · The Trauma Therapist

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Trauma Theverors podcast. My name is Guimiferson
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Speaker 1: and I interview incredible people who share the story of
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Speaker 1: how trauma has shaped their lives. And a big thank
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Speaker 1: you for sponsoring today's episode goes to my guest and
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Speaker 1: our sponsors. SO five four, three, two and one, Our folks,
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Speaker 1: welcome back to the podcast. Very excited to have as
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Speaker 1: my guest today, Dan Frebreezy Dan, Welcome.
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Speaker 2: Thank you, thanks for having me awesome SO.
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Speaker 1: Dan is a real estate entrepreneur and senior living consultant
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Speaker 1: whose career include leading one of Florida's largest and most
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Speaker 1: effective COVID care units for twelve hundred plus seniors. Despite
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Speaker 1: his success, burnout pushed him toward therapy and a personal
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Speaker 1: reinvention that reshaped both his business and his identity. Now,
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Speaker 1: as founder of burg Debate Partners, Dan brings radical honesty
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Speaker 1: and emotional intelligence to conversations about trauma, leadership, resilience, passionate
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Speaker 1: about reaching men, entrepreneurs, and young people under constant pressure
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Speaker 1: to perform. He speaks with a candid, unfiltered voice, grounded
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Speaker 1: and lived experience. Well, Jesus, that sounds like we need
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Speaker 1: a lot of need. We need that right now.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I don't know, I don't know that we'll
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Speaker 3: have enough time to cover all of that, but I
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Speaker 3: appreciate the introduction.
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Speaker 1: Thank you of course, of course. All right, so before
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Speaker 1: we go in here, share with the listeners where you're
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Speaker 1: from originally and where you are currently.
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Speaker 3: So I'm originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I was born and
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Speaker 3: raised diehard sports fan out of Pittsburgh. And actually tomorrow
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Speaker 3: is my twelve year anniversary of moving to Tampa, Florida.
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Speaker 3: So I'm now currently in Tampa, Florida, and I've been
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Speaker 3: there for tomorrow will be twelve years.
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Speaker 1: All right, awesome, So very interesting bio. How did this start?
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Speaker 1: When I say this, I mean this kind of reinvention
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Speaker 1: if you will, burnout invention. Yeah, really interesting.
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Speaker 2: You know, it's it's funny.
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Speaker 3: I feel like I've reinvented myself four times in my life.
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Speaker 3: And one of the things that wasn't mentioned on the
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Speaker 3: bio was that I thought my path was going to
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Speaker 3: be in sports. And I was a co host at
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Speaker 3: ESPN Radio when I lived in Pittsburgh, and growing up,
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Speaker 3: I always thought that was going to be, you know,
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Speaker 3: my ultimate goal to be on the radio. I worked
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Speaker 3: for the Penguins back in two thousand and eight. I
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Speaker 3: did a lot of the on ice and in promotion things.
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Speaker 3: But I had the opportunity to meet the program director
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Speaker 3: at ESPN, and just through caddying for him at Oakmond
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Speaker 3: Country Club, he gave me the opportunity to come on
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Speaker 3: the radio. And you know, me, thinking that was my dream,
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Speaker 3: was so pumped to do it. And I got about
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Speaker 3: eight months into and I said, this doesn't feel right,
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Speaker 3: this doesn't feel like this.
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Speaker 2: Is the path for me.
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Speaker 3: So that was the end of the first you know,
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Speaker 3: reinvention of myself. And I worked in healthcare for a
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Speaker 3: bit and then when I moved to Florida, just through
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Speaker 3: contacts and building relationships, kind of started at the bottom
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Speaker 3: of senior living and worked my way up to being
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Speaker 3: a senior vice president of a company. And that came
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Speaker 3: after running the COVID unit where we took care of
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Speaker 3: a ton of people and made a ton of great
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Speaker 3: relationships with all the local hospitals, and you know, we
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Speaker 3: started to buy up new communities. We started to create
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Speaker 3: a management company and an ownership group, and like I said,
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Speaker 3: I got up to senior vice president of the company,
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Speaker 3: making great money, probably more money than I ever thought
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Speaker 3: I would make, but again, it didn't feel like that
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Speaker 3: was my purpose.
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Speaker 1: And hold on a second, why why didn't it feel
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Speaker 1: like it?
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Speaker 2: I don't know.
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Speaker 3: I think what really turned in me was, I think
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Speaker 3: when I ran that COVID unit and there was so
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Speaker 3: much pressure to do well, and when I did well,
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Speaker 3: that made me think, Okay, maybe I do have the
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Speaker 3: capabilities of doing my own things, starting my own business,
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Speaker 3: carving my own path. And you know, it was a
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Speaker 3: tough part because I was doing well and progressing through
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Speaker 3: my career and making great money, but it still didn't
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Speaker 3: feel like it was enough. It didn't feel like it
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Speaker 3: was my path. So I went back to the drawing
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Speaker 3: board and I really sat down with a therapist and
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Speaker 3: I was very lucky. I was with the same person
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Speaker 3: for three and a half years. It was the same
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Speaker 3: person every other week, and that stability and that ability
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Speaker 3: to tell my story, and it kind of really dig
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Speaker 3: in to the things that made me tick, the things
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Speaker 3: that bothered me, the issues that I had, and the
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Speaker 3: things that I was good at.
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Speaker 2: You know, you really don't know till you inter you.
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Speaker 3: Know, until you talk about it with someone that's just
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Speaker 3: a non bias right down the middle.
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Speaker 2: We'll tell you one way or the other what they think.
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Speaker 3: And the great thing about my therapist was she was
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Speaker 3: very much like me, very type A personality, so she
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Speaker 3: was able to dig through the things that made me
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Speaker 3: tick and it kind of opened up this whole new
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Speaker 3: world that I wasn't even paying attention to until I
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Speaker 3: started going to therapy.
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Speaker 1: So let me let me say something here. And this
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Speaker 1: might be you're type A. Admittedly you're a type A person.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, dung ho.
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Speaker 1: Obviously you're a guy. I would say. Not many people
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Speaker 1: in your position would say, all right, I want to
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Speaker 1: see a therapist.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, Now that's being a little cliche. I admit that stereotype,
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Speaker 1: but that's that's real. A lot of guys are like, ah,
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Speaker 1: how how did that come about for you?
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Speaker 2: You know, guy, I don't. I don't even really know, man.
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Speaker 3: I just I've always been somebody that has always looked
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Speaker 3: in the mirror and I when I'm not feeling right
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Speaker 3: a certain way. You know, that's one thing to talk
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Speaker 3: to friends, because friends will tell you what you want
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Speaker 3: to hear, right, your parents will tell you what you
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Speaker 3: want to hear. And my parents, surprisingly and I love
5:19
Speaker 3: my parents. My parents have been married forever fifty years.
5:21
Speaker 3: I came from a very great family, but a very
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Speaker 3: non emotional family. When I was growing up, there wasn't
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Speaker 3: a lot of sharing of feelings within our family. My
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Speaker 3: dad worked in a maxim security prison. He ran the
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Speaker 3: dietary service at the maxim security prison in Pittsburgh.
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Speaker 2: Neither one of them went to college.
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Speaker 3: My mom was very successful in the medical business, worked
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Speaker 3: her way up grinded so our family and my brother,
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Speaker 3: who just retired from the military today, was military for
5:46
Speaker 3: twenty some years. We come from a military family. So
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Speaker 3: I don't know what made me different.
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Speaker 2: Guy. I wish I knew the answer to that.
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Speaker 3: But for me, I've always been someone who's been interested
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Speaker 3: in my own feelings and why I feel the way
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Speaker 3: that I do.
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Speaker 2: And I'm some as we can.
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Speaker 3: See today is I like talking, and I like talking
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Speaker 3: about the things that make me tick and the things
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Speaker 3: that I feel.
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Speaker 2: So I said, let me try the therapy thing. And
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Speaker 2: for me, therapy was more.
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Speaker 3: About career building and life coaching and also being able
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Speaker 3: to talk about my feelings. And I found again very
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Speaker 3: lucky to find somebody that was able to give me
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Speaker 3: all three of those things for the entire period of time.
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Speaker 3: So I don't know where it came from, but I've
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Speaker 3: always been something somebody that's looked in the mirror and
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Speaker 3: asked questions and tried to find answers to those questions.
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Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I certainly admire that, and I think that, yeah,
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Speaker 1: you're welcome, and I think a lot of us could
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Speaker 1: could use that, follow that example. So when you got
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Speaker 1: in there, when you started therapy, you said, used it
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Speaker 1: for like coaching and career building? Yeah, did you What
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Speaker 1: did you learn? What did you start to find out
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Speaker 1: about yourself?
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Speaker 2: So it's funny.
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Speaker 3: The first time that I walked into therapy, I remember
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Speaker 3: the first thing I said to my therapist was there's
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Speaker 3: something wrong with me and I don't know what it is.
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Speaker 3: Like verbatim, that's what I said, There's something wrong with me,
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Speaker 3: and I don't know what it is. Because again, at
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Speaker 3: that point in my life, I should have been feeling
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Speaker 3: much more joy than I was, and I think that
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Speaker 3: was kind of what sparked me to say, I need
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Speaker 3: to go talk to somebody about this.
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Speaker 2: But you know what I learned about myself?
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Speaker 3: That was I guess eye opening was is I think
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Speaker 3: I was overly hard on myself at all times, and
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Speaker 3: I never allowed myself to embrace the winds that I
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Speaker 3: was accomplishing in my career.
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Speaker 2: And because I had such a just a straightforward.
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Speaker 3: Mentality of Okay, what's next on the agenda, what's the
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Speaker 3: next thing to accomplish, I never allowed myself the ability
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Speaker 3: to understand and appreciate the things I did do well
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Speaker 3: and the things I worked to succeed and all the
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Speaker 3: strides that I made and people that I have helped
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Speaker 3: along the way.
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Speaker 2: So that was very eye opening.
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Speaker 3: And it also was eye opening to kind of connect
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Speaker 3: the dots I like I mentioned before, you know, coming
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Speaker 3: from an unemotional family and being an emotional person, that's
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Speaker 3: a tough disconnect to piece together because you don't really
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Speaker 3: know o where each one of them comes from. So
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Speaker 3: being able to appreciate and understand who I am as
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Speaker 3: a person that takes time. And you know, some things
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Speaker 3: that you deal with as a kid that you really
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Speaker 3: don't think about until you bring it up in conversation,
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Speaker 3: Just little tiny things that all started to put the
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Speaker 3: you know, connect the dots, put the pieces together that
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Speaker 3: helped me understand more about how the way that I ticked,
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Speaker 3: and then how can I be better for the people
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Speaker 3: around me? Because something that's always been a driver for
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Speaker 3: me is making the people around me better. And I
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Speaker 3: don't think I realized that I was doing that more
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Speaker 3: than than I thought.
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Speaker 1: So you start therapy, you start learning stuff about you.
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Speaker 1: How does this shift your thoughts and ideas about the
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Speaker 1: path you want to take professionally? Yeah, and even.
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Speaker 2: Personally yeah yeah.
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Speaker 3: And going back to something else I thought of was
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Speaker 3: I was a somewhat reactionary person where I really learned
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Speaker 3: over the three and a half years how to real
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Speaker 3: in the emotions right like because for me, again very type,
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Speaker 3: a very eyes forward, moving one hundred miles an hour.
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Speaker 3: When you do that, you kind of react to things
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Speaker 3: in ways that maybe aren't the best ways to do it.
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Speaker 3: You're not processing emotions as well as you should. And
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Speaker 3: I think that goes across the board for everything personally
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Speaker 3: and professionally, that you can't act on emotions, you can't
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Speaker 3: do the first thing that comes to your head. And
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Speaker 3: so my theervice was really good about giving me techniques
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Speaker 3: that when I'm feeling a certain way, hitting the pause
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Speaker 3: for a second, taking a breath, and then thinking through
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Speaker 3: why do we feel this way? Let's evaluate the situation.
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Speaker 3: I think one of the problems I had before was
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Speaker 3: I was a doomsdayer. So when I thought things could
9:40
Speaker 3: go wrong, those were thoughts that kind of ruled my
9:42
Speaker 3: brain a little bit. But then more often than not,
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Speaker 3: those things didn't happen, and instead of being like you
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Speaker 3: overestimated the bad thing that was going to happen, it
9:50
Speaker 3: didn't happen. That allows me to then to kind of
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Speaker 3: stay in the moment a little bit better. And you know,
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Speaker 3: I think the worst surrounded by emotions, whether it's from
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Speaker 3: ourselves or people around us all the time. So to
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Speaker 3: be able to maybe recognize other people's emotions and understand
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Speaker 3: why they're going through the things they're doing helps me
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Speaker 3: understand people emotions better and allows me to have that
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Speaker 3: conversation or bridge the gap between how I'm feeling and
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Speaker 3: how other people are feeling. And all people want to
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Speaker 3: do is be seen and heard, and if you can
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Speaker 3: do that, that's eighty percent of the battle right there.
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Speaker 3: So I've learned how to control my emotions and control
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Speaker 3: the reactions to the emotions.
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Speaker 1: What did you start doing differently in terms of your
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Speaker 1: professional life?
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Speaker 3: So on a day to day just trying to slow
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Speaker 3: down and keep things together.
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Speaker 2: I always tell people I work better when I'm doing
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Speaker 2: ten things at once.
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Speaker 3: That may be true from a work stance, but I
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Speaker 3: don't think anybody emotionally does better the more that they have,
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Speaker 3: just because brain overload is not good for anybody. But
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Speaker 3: I think I have been able to compartmentalize a lot
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Speaker 3: of things in my career, a lot of things that
10:53
Speaker 3: I'm doing now because I like, for example, I've got
10:56
Speaker 3: three real estate projects going on. I'm working on a
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Speaker 3: major deal down in Sea. I'm working on a huge
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Speaker 3: senior living deal. I have almost twelve Airbnbs short term
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Speaker 3: rentals that we're managing. So like, there's a lot of
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Speaker 3: things that I do that require me to be in
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Speaker 3: a bunch of different directions at one time. But now
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Speaker 3: I plan it out betther word. Before I would just
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Speaker 3: get in my car and I'd start driving and figured
11:16
Speaker 3: it out once we hit the road. Now there is
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Speaker 3: more of a distinct plan, and it keeps me focused
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Speaker 3: and it keeps my emotions in check, so I know
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Speaker 3: where I'm going next, I know what the next objective is,
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Speaker 3: so that I'm not trying to do ten things at once,
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Speaker 3: because that's when the emotions go off the track.
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Speaker 1: In your bio, it says you're passionate about reaching men,
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Speaker 1: entrepreneurs and young people under constant pressure to perform. I mean,
11:40
Speaker 1: obviously the you know this constant pressure to perform is
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Speaker 1: rampant in our culture. Why why does that matter to you?
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Speaker 1: Why did what does that get you?
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Speaker 2: Yeah?
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Speaker 3: So I think the key thing to focus on here
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Speaker 3: is the men portion of it. I think women are
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Speaker 3: much better than men when it saying, hey, there's something
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Speaker 3: bothered me and I need to figure out what it is.
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Speaker 3: I think you said it yourself when we first started here,
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Speaker 3: that the stigma around men going to therapy is that
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Speaker 3: you're weak or that you know you haven't you can't
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Speaker 3: figure out your own issues.
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Speaker 2: And honestly, I think it's the different. I think it's different.
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Speaker 2: It's the complete opposite.
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Speaker 3: And I think if you asked women what they thought
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Speaker 3: about that, I think they would be more attracted to
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Speaker 3: men that are open to say, look, I'm not perfect
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Speaker 3: and I'm willing to go and talk to somebody to
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Speaker 3: make myself better. I know that speaking personally, my girlfriend,
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Speaker 3: who were almost on two years now, she said, right,
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Speaker 3: off the top. It was one of my favorite things
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Speaker 3: about you that you were very vulnerable to say. Look,
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Speaker 3: I'm still work in progress still, and at that time
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Speaker 3: I was still going to therapy. So you know, I
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Speaker 3: try to encourage men. Look, we have a lot of
12:44
Speaker 3: weight on our shoulders.
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Speaker 2: We kind of have that.
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Speaker 3: Unspoken you're supposed to be successful. If you're not, you
12:48
Speaker 3: get ostracized, and so that that create makes it tough, right,
12:52
Speaker 3: and men are not supposed to be open with their
12:54
Speaker 3: feelings and emotions.
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Speaker 2: They're not supposed to be open with stuff like this.
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Speaker 3: But it's been my experience that when I tell people
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Speaker 3: about it, there's almost this level of Okay, we respect
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Speaker 3: that more because I think that also brings transparency that
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Speaker 3: if I could be transparent with you about my own
13:09
Speaker 3: personal struggles, I'm gonna be transparent about everything else in
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Speaker 3: my life.
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Speaker 2: So it creates a level of trust too.
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Speaker 1: I would say I totally agree. And also I think
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Speaker 1: it's not just uh a move, you know, seeing a therapist,
13:24
Speaker 1: not just a move that can be helpful, but it's
13:26
Speaker 1: just smart. Yeah, you know, if you if we keep
13:29
Speaker 1: banging our heads up against the wall, we need we
13:32
Speaker 1: need to do something different. So what are you doing
13:38
Speaker 1: now in terms of your business? You know, before earlier
13:42
Speaker 1: on in the conversation with the sports thing, were you athletic?
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Speaker 1: I mean, obviously we're athletic. Were you into into sports?
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Speaker 1: Were you like in college and going turning professional type
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Speaker 1: thing or what? No?
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Speaker 2: God, no, so not nothing like that. Like I said,
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Speaker 2: I came from Pittsburgh. I came from.
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Speaker 3: Pittsburgh, which is obviously a very sports rich city, and
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Speaker 3: my grandfather had season tickets to the Penguins growing up,
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Speaker 3: so I saw two championships before I was six years old.
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Speaker 3: My dad was a huge My dad was a huge
14:09
Speaker 3: Steelers fan. So I played I played hockey, I played golf,
14:13
Speaker 3: I played baseball. I still play golf and now I'm
14:15
Speaker 3: actually a pretty decent golfer. But nothing on the level
14:18
Speaker 3: of like going pro. For me, it was more about
14:21
Speaker 3: I love to talk about sports, and my personality lended
14:25
Speaker 3: me to be able to say things maybe in a
14:27
Speaker 3: little bit of a different way that kind of engages people.
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Speaker 2: And I used to talk in.
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Speaker 3: Front of large groups of people as early as like
14:33
Speaker 3: five years old, talking about the Penguins. So talking in
14:36
Speaker 3: front of people was never an issue for me, and
14:37
Speaker 3: I genuinely enjoyed talking about sports. I still do now
14:40
Speaker 3: so but you know, with the career now, you know
14:43
Speaker 3: I was focusing on real estate.
14:45
Speaker 2: But for me, I tend to get into things.
14:48
Speaker 3: My kind of claim to fame is I know somebody
14:51
Speaker 3: for everything, and if I don't, I.
14:52
Speaker 2: Know somebody that does.
14:53
Speaker 3: So when when I talk about the deal in Seabring,
14:56
Speaker 3: it's a major, massive real estate development project but also
15:00
Speaker 3: has a golf course attached to it.
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Speaker 2: So through my.
15:02
Speaker 3: Contact of knowing people, I was able to get in
15:04
Speaker 3: touch with the owner. Now I'm helping him facilitate a
15:06
Speaker 3: buyer on the senior living side. Obviously, I've done a
15:08
Speaker 3: ton of work in senior living, but I know a
15:10
Speaker 3: ton of investors that love to put money into senior
15:12
Speaker 3: living buildings. I know a guy that's selling a building.
15:14
Speaker 3: I connect the dots. So you know, I'm a real
15:17
Speaker 3: estate agent, so I love showing homes and doing things
15:19
Speaker 3: like that. But for me, you know, I'm still a
15:21
Speaker 3: senior living consultant. I can sull for multiple buildings in
15:24
Speaker 3: multiple states. I'm kind of a jack of all trades
15:26
Speaker 3: when it comes to senior living. But the company started
15:29
Speaker 3: as kind of a real estate you know, renovations, new builds,
15:32
Speaker 3: real estate investments, things of that nature. To me, it's
15:35
Speaker 3: a bit too volatile, especially right now with the storms
15:38
Speaker 3: that happen in Florida. But I'm starting to realize that
15:41
Speaker 3: my bread and butter is becoming connecting people, so bridging
15:44
Speaker 3: opportunities with individuals and relationships. So that's probably where the
15:49
Speaker 3: company's going now. But I still am vary in the forefront.
15:52
Speaker 3: I mean, I'd love to get I talked to. I've
15:54
Speaker 3: done a couple of sports podcasts, so I'm really looking
15:56
Speaker 3: into doing that.
15:57
Speaker 2: But for me, I'm just enjoying what I'm doing.
15:59
Speaker 3: I'm very involved with a nonprofit that focuses on mental health.
16:02
Speaker 3: We just had an event in Atlanta last week and
16:04
Speaker 3: went really well, so.
16:06
Speaker 2: I got my hands on a lot of different things
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Speaker 2: and all that makes me happy.
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Speaker 1: Oh my god. So this, I mean, you're obviously in
16:18
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't mean this in a disparaging way,
16:21
Speaker 1: but it sounds like you're like a connector of people.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I am.
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Speaker 1: You're entrepreneur, You're a connector this idea of working with
16:35
Speaker 1: Is it safe to say you're working in the mental
16:36
Speaker 1: health field to a certain degree.
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Speaker 3: Of course, honestly, I would say that every most job
16:41
Speaker 3: professions include mental health in some way.
16:45
Speaker 1: But a lot of people don't or want to admit
16:47
Speaker 1: that is the.
16:48
Speaker 2: Correct sure and I would absolutely agree with that.
16:52
Speaker 1: Do you find your how did you get comfortable with that?
16:57
Speaker 2: You know?
16:58
Speaker 3: The perfect answer guy is that I am, for better
17:02
Speaker 3: or worse, extremely authentic. I honestly, I don't care what
17:05
Speaker 3: anybody else thinks, right like, if I know I'm leading
17:08
Speaker 3: my true path and I'm doing what I know makes
17:10
Speaker 3: me happy, and I'm true to people, right like, I
17:14
Speaker 3: treat everybody fairly, for better or worse. Right if you're
17:16
Speaker 3: not a good person, I'm probably gonna treat you that
17:18
Speaker 3: you're not a good person. I'm just an authentic person,
17:21
Speaker 3: and I think I've been able to build and grow
17:22
Speaker 3: and maintain relationships because people know I'm true to my word.
17:26
Speaker 3: It's almost impossible for me to lie about anything. I
17:29
Speaker 3: just don't have the capabilities meant to lead a lot
17:32
Speaker 3: of people because it would drive me nuts.
17:34
Speaker 2: I just can't do it.
17:36
Speaker 3: People that know me the best know me that for
17:38
Speaker 3: better or worse, you're gonna know exactly what Dan is
17:40
Speaker 3: thinking one hundred percent of the time. So in saying that,
17:43
Speaker 3: you know, I'm comfortable with that because I know that
17:47
Speaker 3: if I know that I'm not everybody's cup of tea,
17:49
Speaker 3: nobody is any everybody's cup of tea. But at least
17:52
Speaker 3: I know that going into business partnerships, like, if I'm
17:55
Speaker 3: not gonna be able to work with somebody, that's totally fine.
17:57
Speaker 3: I'd rather know that off the top than get halfway
17:59
Speaker 3: through something and be like, Wow, I really don't like
18:01
Speaker 3: this person.
18:01
Speaker 2: So that's life though. I mean, I'm not gonna make
18:05
Speaker 2: everybody happy. Not everyone's gonna love me.
18:07
Speaker 3: But if I stay true to myself and I know
18:09
Speaker 3: my morals and my integrity towards other people, I as
18:12
Speaker 3: long as.
18:13
Speaker 2: I can maintain that, I think I'll be okay going forward.
18:16
Speaker 1: What has been with this, with this topic of mental
18:23
Speaker 1: health and authenticity, what's been really challenging for you? One
18:27
Speaker 1: of the things that's been challenging for you within this topic.
18:33
Speaker 2: I don't know, I mean the authenticity thing. Nothing.
18:36
Speaker 3: I don't think it's really been challenging because I've just
18:38
Speaker 3: I made a decision a long time ago this is
18:40
Speaker 3: who I am, and I think it's it's you know,
18:43
Speaker 3: it's funny someone brought up an example about if you
18:46
Speaker 3: were to type out an email okay and send it
18:48
Speaker 3: to someone who knew you, and then you were to
18:50
Speaker 3: go to take that email and put it in a
18:51
Speaker 3: chat GTP and send the same person that email, they
18:54
Speaker 3: would know that the AI message is not you.
18:57
Speaker 2: And so I relate that too.
18:59
Speaker 3: If I was trying to be someone that just appeased people,
19:02
Speaker 3: everybody would know I was faking it. So for me,
19:05
Speaker 3: I just go back to the authenticity thing is number
19:07
Speaker 3: one first and foremost with me.
19:10
Speaker 2: I try to be very sweet to everybody.
19:12
Speaker 3: At the beginning, but I'm also someone that can look
19:14
Speaker 3: at someone and be like, hey, no offense, but like
19:16
Speaker 3: I can't work with you, Like it's not gonna work out.
19:18
Speaker 3: So the authenticity thing is has not really been a
19:21
Speaker 3: challenge for me because I just every day I get
19:23
Speaker 3: up and I just stay true to who I am.
19:26
Speaker 3: And I think I think there was probably a time
19:28
Speaker 3: guy before I went to therapy, where I maybe did
19:31
Speaker 3: try to change.
19:31
Speaker 2: Who I was to appease people. What I learned is
19:34
Speaker 2: is that never works.
19:35
Speaker 3: Ever, So I think going to therapy and understanding that
19:39
Speaker 3: that tactic never really works was like, Okay, just be
19:42
Speaker 3: you and if it works, great, and if it doesn't,
19:43
Speaker 3: you just keep it moving.
19:45
Speaker 1: That's hard to do for a lot of us, though,
19:48
Speaker 1: I mean you talk about it like you just do it,
19:51
Speaker 1: and I totally admire that. But for a lot of us,
19:54
Speaker 1: for a lot of maybe for a lot of men,
19:58
Speaker 1: it's you know, a lot of men have have a
20:01
Speaker 1: what affront right? You said it, We've got to be successful,
20:06
Speaker 1: We've got to be strong, blah blah blah blah blah yah.
20:08
Speaker 1: But how do we cultivate that?
20:11
Speaker 2: Yeah.
20:12
Speaker 3: What I've learned in my relationships and I'm grateful for
20:17
Speaker 3: a lot of the relationships have. I have very very
20:19
Speaker 3: high end guys, very high end people, contacts just good people,
20:23
Speaker 3: have great families, have a lot of money, super successful
20:26
Speaker 3: in their careers. And what I kind of realized relatively
20:30
Speaker 3: early in my career, but more in the last like
20:32
Speaker 3: four or five years, was that people will do business
20:35
Speaker 3: with you if they like you. And for me, as
20:39
Speaker 3: I was building relationships, for me, it was never in
20:41
Speaker 3: the forefront of like I would look at somebody and
20:43
Speaker 3: be like, oh, yeah, that's someone that could make me money.
20:45
Speaker 2: I never thought that way.
20:47
Speaker 3: Because again, I know what it's like when people come
20:50
Speaker 3: up to me and even marketing events or events, and
20:52
Speaker 3: they immediately start trying to sell me, and it's like,
20:55
Speaker 3: I want to tell them, buddy, I'm not going to
20:57
Speaker 3: work with you if I don't know who you are.
21:00
Speaker 2: To know me and let me get to know you.
21:02
Speaker 2: About who you are, what's your family like, what do
21:04
Speaker 2: you like to do? What sports you into?
21:06
Speaker 1: You?
21:06
Speaker 2: Are you a golfer? You know? What are your political views? Like?
21:10
Speaker 3: For me getting to know somebody and getting to understand them.
21:14
Speaker 2: A lot of people advise don't work with.
21:16
Speaker 3: Family and friends or people you know, and like, I
21:18
Speaker 3: think the opposite, Like most, if not all, the business
21:21
Speaker 3: I do is with friends, family, people, I know, people
21:24
Speaker 3: I trust, people that know and trust me, and it's
21:27
Speaker 3: worked out great so far.
21:29
Speaker 1: Finally, how do you work with men? I mean when
21:33
Speaker 1: you say your interest is men entrepreneurs, is in what
21:39
Speaker 1: capacity are you doing that? Are you trying to reach them?
21:42
Speaker 2: It's great question.
21:42
Speaker 3: So I think one of the questions you asked me earlier,
21:45
Speaker 3: and I wanted to make a point of this, was
21:47
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm I saw I'll be forty in March,
21:50
Speaker 3: and so I feel like I am the last generation
21:53
Speaker 3: that understands social media, but.
21:55
Speaker 2: Didn't grow up with it.
21:56
Speaker 3: So like when I was in my teens, we were
21:58
Speaker 3: out playing, we played sports all day. Social media wasn't
22:02
Speaker 3: really a thing, didn't really start happening. So I became
22:04
Speaker 3: a freshman in college. So because of that, I think
22:08
Speaker 3: that it gives it gives me a unique perspective of
22:11
Speaker 3: what it was like without it and what it's like
22:13
Speaker 3: with it. And I think a lot of men, a
22:16
Speaker 3: lot of men, struggle with this perception of no matter
22:18
Speaker 3: what you do, it's never good enough, because all you
22:21
Speaker 3: see on your algorithms is somebody doing better than you,
22:24
Speaker 3: someone with a bigger boat, someone with a nicer car,
22:27
Speaker 3: like and that is hard.
22:29
Speaker 2: It's hard to keep up with always chasing what you
22:31
Speaker 2: see online.
22:32
Speaker 3: And then when you start seeing people with boats, cars,
22:35
Speaker 3: exotic trips.
22:36
Speaker 2: That's all you see. And so a lot of these.
22:40
Speaker 3: Guys are probably doing pretty well, but then they go
22:42
Speaker 3: online and they're like, man, I'm not even close to
22:43
Speaker 3: being where I want to be. So that and I
22:45
Speaker 3: got that even pre social media, like I was always
22:48
Speaker 3: pushing myself to be better. So I think bridging the
22:50
Speaker 3: two generations together, the younger generation to me to say, look,
22:53
Speaker 3: I get it, like I understand the pressures of social media,
22:56
Speaker 3: but like I can tell you what it's like without
22:57
Speaker 3: it too.
22:58
Speaker 2: And share that insight with them. You know.
23:00
Speaker 3: The nonprofit that I work with, we do a lot
23:02
Speaker 3: of intergenerational mental health care. So, like you know, working
23:05
Speaker 3: with seniors and senior living, that's obviously a huge focus
23:08
Speaker 3: for mental health, but the younger generation too, how it
23:10
Speaker 3: is with social media and how tough it is to
23:13
Speaker 3: just be yourself in today's day and age and just
23:15
Speaker 3: be who you are and accept.
23:16
Speaker 2: That and roll with it. It's tough.
23:19
Speaker 3: And so we work with also foster kids aging out
23:22
Speaker 3: of the foster care system.
23:23
Speaker 2: What do they do when they become adults. We work
23:26
Speaker 2: with programs.
23:26
Speaker 3: We just took fifty two kids to the New England
23:29
Speaker 3: Patriots game through Austin Hooper's Foundation. So I mean that's
23:32
Speaker 3: a life changing event for those kids that they don't
23:34
Speaker 3: know what's going to happen next. So, and I love
23:37
Speaker 3: to talk, like I said before, so I would just
23:39
Speaker 3: love to have somebody come up to me and say, look,
23:41
Speaker 3: here's where I'm at, here's what I'm struggling with. What's
23:44
Speaker 3: your advice. You've been there, you've done that. And if
23:46
Speaker 3: I can help one person say, you know what, maybe
23:49
Speaker 3: the social media stuff I don't need to pay that
23:50
Speaker 3: much attention to it, or they can walk away from
23:52
Speaker 3: the conversation being like, you know what, I feel better
23:54
Speaker 3: about myself. That's all the world needs, is just one
23:57
Speaker 3: at a time, one at a time, one at a time.
24:00
Speaker 1: What is the name of the mental health nonprofit?
24:04
Speaker 3: So so the nonprofit is ardam veil A R T
24:07
Speaker 3: E M V A L E.
24:11
Speaker 1: Okay, ardam veil. And is that ardamveail dot com.
24:16
Speaker 2: I believe that it is. Yes, I gotta check. I
24:17
Speaker 2: could check.
24:18
Speaker 3: My girlfriend does all the back office stuff and she
24:21
Speaker 3: they threw an incredible event in Atlanta, raised a bunch
24:24
Speaker 3: of money, had about one hundred and ten people in
24:25
Speaker 3: the room. It was a great event and just something
24:28
Speaker 3: I'm super passionate about. So it's cool. You're actually the
24:31
Speaker 3: first podcast that I have shared this information with. So congratulations,
24:35
Speaker 3: and I'm glad to be able to talk about it
24:37
Speaker 3: now and get this out to a wider audience because
24:40
Speaker 3: now more than ever, all of us need a little
24:42
Speaker 3: mental health help.
24:43
Speaker 1: Well, I just really appreciate you and your approach and
24:48
Speaker 1: your your willingness to you know, open yourself up. You
24:54
Speaker 1: don't meet a lot of people like yourself. You don't
24:58
Speaker 1: meet a lot of men like yourself. I think you're
25:00
Speaker 1: setting an incredible example for not just people in general,
25:04
Speaker 1: but certainly for men.
25:06
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, I appreciate it.
25:07
Speaker 1: Welcome Dan. What's the best way for people to learn
25:11
Speaker 1: more about you and what you're doing?
25:12
Speaker 2: Sir?
25:13
Speaker 1: So?
25:13
Speaker 3: The company's Burg to Bay Partners, So Pittsburgh to Tampa
25:16
Speaker 3: Bay Burg Debate Partners. I'm on Instagram. We have a
25:18
Speaker 3: website LinkedIn all that, so you can find me personally.
25:22
Speaker 3: Just Dan for Breezy on Instagram DJ for Breezy on Instagram.
25:26
Speaker 3: But the business page is Burg Debate Partners and would
25:28
Speaker 3: love to connect.
25:29
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter.
25:30
Speaker 3: The beauty again with the beauty of what I do
25:31
Speaker 3: is it doesn't matter, right like, no matter what industry
25:34
Speaker 3: you're in, I want to know you. I want to
25:35
Speaker 3: get to know what you do, what drives you, and
25:38
Speaker 3: have a conversation. I'm always open to conversations. And again,
25:40
Speaker 3: I helping people really brings a lot of joy to me.
25:43
Speaker 2: So in any capacity that I can do that, I'm
25:45
Speaker 2: open to it.
25:47
Speaker 1: Awesome all right. We'll have each of those linked up
25:49
Speaker 1: here at the show notes page at the Trauma Therapist
25:51
Speaker 1: podcast dot com. Dan, thanks so much, Ben for being here,
25:57
Speaker 1: super inspiring, and we'll be in touch.
25:59
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. I appreciate you having me all
26:01
Speaker 2: right by them. Take care,