Latest / Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce / Sexless Marriage — The Real Definition (It's Not What You Think) | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep452

Transcript

Sexless Marriage — The Real Definition (It's Not What You Think) | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep452 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Sexless Marriage.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Your partner's trauma is a gift.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: The hokey pokey is messing you up.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: She saw her touch my penis.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: My narcissistic behaviors.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: My managing severe narcissism.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Why are you afraid of rejection?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: Sexless marriage.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Moral Marriage Podcast, guys, where we are real, raw, uncensored, and unannointed.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: Prayer five.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, guys, I want to talk about this because this did about two and a half million views, and it was just a super simple reel.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: It says, sexless marriage, the clinical definition is six months or more without sex, but how I define it is completely different.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if you haven't been listening to the podcast, you won't know this yet.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: If you have, it's gonna be a great reminder.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: I believe a sexless marriage is simple.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: If you start with a wife who wants to be a good wife and you start to quote unquote abuse the privilege of her being the kind of wife that wants to be there for her husband, okay, this kid doesn't have to be a Christian woman.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: This can be just a great woman who loves her husband and wants to be there for him.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then when you start to get pouty when you can tell she's not into it, when you can tell that, um, or rather, when she just she just rejects you right now.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like now's not a good time.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: This happens a lot with children or whatever.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: I guess I went off the actual real context, but um, I'm going more explanation from the real, I guess.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: You mean this happens when after you have children or definitely can happen at could be career stuff, you know, it could be guy just comes home and he's kind of lazy around the house.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's lots of reasons.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: She's not gonna feel like she has the energy or the time.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: She doesn't want to just be there for her husband if she's, say, for example, said, Um, hey, babe, I need some help or I need you more, or I don't feel connected.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: And he starts to defend himself and all these things, right?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: So let me stick to the definition first and then let's break it into it, right?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: So so I'm talking about women who have to manage your poutiness, okay?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: So she's taking pity on you because you're shutting down.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're frustrated, so she doesn't want to deal with that.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: She's managing your emotions and your mood with that, and then you have the good old fear sex, okay?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that guys looked at me like that.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: I know very well what fear sex is.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: When she is terrified of your anger, your rage, your destruction, the words that are come out of your mouth, even I've talked to many men who are gentle but say very mean things, you know, um, that's fear.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, she's having sex just so she doesn't have to deal with that.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: And that to me is what we've now moved on and we've started to call like it's rape.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: If she even if she consents, it doesn't not technically rape because she's consenting, but if she's doing it because deep down she's afraid of what your mood is going to create for her, the unsafety, then that's rape.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so you're moving yourself to a sexless marriage.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Give me your thoughts.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that was uh what is there to say?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I think so.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: The the definition is not having sex for six months, is what you're saying.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's the clinical definition.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, but and so yes, you're moving yourself into having a sexless marriage, but like you're about to drop a bomb, right?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're about to drop a bomb.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: How everything that you just said is actually also a sexless marriage.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: If one or both people are not engaged and wanting it, is it actually really sex?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's the act of sex, but is it the intention of what sex is supposed to be?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: So then is it sex?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: So are you in a sexless marriage?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if think about it, like where this starts.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, how many uh times have we talked about this and how many times did I do this to you where it's like, why don't you want me?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: Why don't you want me as much?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: Why don't you want to do the more fun activities?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: Why do we have to like limit it?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know, what why?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, guys, I would go down to like even counting if we had it in the morning, that meant that that was like a whole nother day instead of just looking at day to day.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then I was then from there you have to realize you have to stop scorekeeping in general, right?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: I forgot that you used to do that.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I'll be like, Well, I I Oh my gosh, if we had sex in the morning on a Wednesday and then on Thursday it was noon, no, we didn't have sex in the last 24 hours.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's been two days because it's more than 24 hours.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I forgot about your shenanigans.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, it was and I had it down to like complete math, and I think that's why when you down the road as intimacy started to increase again, um, there was a stage where I just kind of pulled back, right?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I did I think this You did it a couple times.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: A couple times, and there was one time where it was like a a month, and you were like, No.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, No, it's been like a month, and like I was totally the same.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm not bringing the mood out, guys, here, right?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and so she's like, huh.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: And then I don't remember if it was like then, maybe it was within 24 hours or two days, but you were like, Wow, I must feel must feel safe.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we haven't had sex in a month.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so you don't And we haven't had a fight?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: So what you have to do, so I teach out in the reset too.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of guys, you know, go for 30 days of not having sex.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: You're also not supposed to jerk off.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: You're supposed to just not be defined by the vagina to manage the mood.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: And um but don't withhold.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: But don't withhold, no, especially uh, this is this becomes difficult for a lot of we we went through that as well, where you wanted to be there for me, even though you didn't didn't really want it yet.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: You wanted to, you know, intentionally be a good wife and recognizing that I was making changes and things were different.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: So a lot of men struggle with that too, all of which you have to dance a very fine line with, right?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because you don't want to promote the life that you don't want.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: On the flip side, there's a lot of other factors, you know.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: We don't really have enough time to get into it today, but the gist is this if you're in a sexless marriage, my definition includes when you can tell one partner doesn't want it.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's supposed to be an emotionally connecting thing.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you're both not doing it and one of you is just there, it's not sex.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you might as well just fucking get a robot.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like, because that's what you're asking.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I hear AI robots are pretty great.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't seen one.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: Good luck for that.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: But um, like, you guys, you have to realize you're you're perpetuating the life that you don't want.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we talk a lot about this.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Is your new thing.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: I heard you drop it on the on one on one of your calls today where you were like, I don't know, it's been floating around for about a month now.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, do you want a hugless marriage?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: Well, do you?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: So you initiate no matter what.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: So even if your partner's not quite engaged, you still have to initiate the things that you want.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: But what else on the rejection ladder are you not initiating?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And notice he said initiate, not force.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, you deal with the rejection quite well.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's why it's called a rejection ladder.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you must not take things personal.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: You understand why you're here and the disconnect is there, and start breeding your connection.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: Don't force your sexless marriage.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, people want to quit.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: It feels like a job.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: People quit jobs they don't like.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: And we can tell that they don't like, and we can tell that they're not in.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: So if they're doing something they don't want to do, again, it's not just rape, but it's a job they don't like.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Especially when their boss is an asshole.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, and I was an asshole.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: But he wasn't actually my boss.
• 6:49
  unknown: He still isn't.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I might have thought I was your boss.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: I would say there is no boss.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they get the point.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: All right, guys.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: We'll see you next time.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.