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Separated Under One Roof - Can We Get Divorced When We Still Live Together? · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation, and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: These are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce, or reorganising life afterwards.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warren Tree people of the Kulman Nation and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to this week's episode of the podcast, where I'm going to be speaking about separated or living separated under one roof, living together under one roof while you navigate your divorce.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: But before I dive in, I want to say something to those of you who are wondering whether to stay or leave your marriage, you're thinking about separation, perhaps you've just been told by your partner that they want a divorce and you think it's time that you should start shopping for a lawyer, a family lawyer or attorney.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Don't not yet.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Pause and do this first.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: I would invite you to book a clarity consult with me.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's a far better investment than a lawyer at that point in your journey.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: You are potentially whirling in overwhelm, perhaps you're in shock or disbelief.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Almost certainly I know you are afraid of what's coming next.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: You're well aware of what's at stake and the potential for this to be one of the most challenging seasons on of your life.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: So in a clarity consult, we will work together to ease you out of that overwhelm and fear, to create clarity on your values, your needs, your desires for your relationship and for your life, to define that future you most want for yourself, and also open your mind to possibilities by mapping out the options that you have going forward.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'll prepare you to take control, have those hard conversations that you need to have, and make empowered, grounded decisions.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: We'll plan your next best steps and create a clear life and divorce strategy.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: A game plan that supports you to divorce with less drama and create the life you most want for yourself.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: There's a link in the show notes to book your Clarity Consult if this is where you're at.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Don't go shopping for a lawyer just yet.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get you a clear plan so that you know what you're looking for and you know what's coming for you.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: You are well supported and well prepared.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now, back to the episode.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Reminder that the information in this episode is generally nature, and while I've just said don't go shopping for a lawyer, um, you are well advised to get some legal advice if this is your situation, if you are living together while separated and navigating your divorce under one roof.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because this scenario can be sa can become something of a legal minefield.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I often say with clients, unless there really is no other option, it is probably better to try to create totally separate living arrangements.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: One of you moves out, finds a rental, shares a house for a while, you explore bird nesting, whatever it is, because this situation can become difficult.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Particularly if you can't agree on a separation date and get it in writing.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Get some legal advice.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean you have to lawyer up.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Have a clarity consult with me, get some legal advice, build your strategy, right?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, it can end up in a stalemate or a stalled property settlement.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Proving the separation date is going to be important.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: If there's no agreement between you on the date, you may need to provide further evidence for court if your separation, if your divorce ends up in court.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: So this proof could include documentation in on about changes in sleeping arrangements, uh, a reduction in joint family or couple activities with your ex-partner, uh, reduced sharing of responsibilities in the household, such as no longer cooking for one another, sharing meals together, or cleaning or what doing one another's laundry, and establishing that friends and family are aware of the separation.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can't just separate and not tell anybody if this is your situation, and there may be contention down the track.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: You need to establish it publicly that you are separated.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Also, the court will look at have you clearly separated or attempted to separate at least some of the parenting time?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Are you doing things individually with the children and have the children been informed about the separation?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: You'll need to demonstrate if it becomes contentious, you'll need to demonstrate a clear shift in the relationship, such as moving from that shared parenting model to more distinct, separate roles.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, sleeping in separate spaces, even splitting out those household chores, like I spoke about cooking, cleaning for each other, and whether you share meals together when the children are around or not, even separating your finances to some degree can help.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And before we go further, let's make this perfectly clear if there is domestic violence, get out.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: There are spaces, shelters, supports available.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Ring 1-800 respect if you're in Australia, or access your local services if you're in another country.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Ask for support and help from friends and family.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Do whatever you can to make yourself safe and get out.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're safe and you're looking at living apart together, divorcing under one roof as an option while you navigate your property settlement, your child caring agreement, your divorce, here are some things to consider.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And some of them I've sort of touched on in my rambly intro, but we'll go through them bit by bit.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Establish separate spaces, set up separate bedrooms if you can.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, if you can't set up separate sleeping arrangements, living together under the one roof is going to be almost impossible.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: You need separate sleeping arrangements, preferably separate bedrooms with a door that you can close, preferably with a lock, so that there is privacy and safety and security, mostly just privacy.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Also divide the communal spaces, or if you can't divide them, if there's not enough, if there's not two living arrangements where you can you can have one and your partner, ex-partner can have the other, maybe create a roster for how those shared spaces are used: the living room, the kitchen.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Continuing to share spaces like living spaces, eating spaces, even just watching TV can affect that, you know, agreed on or official separation date.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes blurry.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: So having a roster or an agreed way that you share, split out the share of those communal spaces can help.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you can, put the separation date in writing and have it signed by both of you.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't, send it in an email, have it documented in writing in some form.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we are separated as of today.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: If your partner, soon-to-be ex-partner, won't agree, still put it in writing from you to them.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: I am we are separated as of today.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, you can say, if I don't hear back from you, I'll I'll assume that you're in agreement and we are legally separated, but that gives them the opportunity to come back and say, no, I don't agree, we are not legally separated.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: So in some way, gather written evidence of the separation date.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you haven't clearly outlined or defined the separation date and one of you wins the lottery or inherits lots of money, those assets may be impacted or included, not seen as post-separation acquired assets.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's a blurry line in the law.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: So if you can clearly define that date, it helps.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Also, set some house rules.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Things like yes, a roster for kitchen and shared spaces, but also who does what, who's cleaning the bathroom, who's if there's only one bathroom, a roster around bathroom time can be helpful too.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: But also some other house rules like no discussing the divorce at home.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Keep your discussions to email so you can actually start to extract yourselves from one another.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if you do have to have a face-to-face discussion, do it outside the home.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Go and grab a coffee and have it in a public space.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Keep the home sort of a divorce-free zone as much as you can.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely have that roster for household tasks and chores.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Outline who's responsible for what and when as as much as you can, and much like you would with a housemate or a flatmate.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: This can include parenting, but we'll I'll speak to that more a little later on.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: But try and have a written roster, even take a photo of it, screenshot it, save it so that it's evidence of the fact that you are living together, yes, but you're separated as a married or de facto couple.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Remember too that possession is not necessarily nine-tenths of the law when it comes to the house.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: So if you choose to move out and the other person stays in, it doesn't mean that they have possession of the house from a legal framework, from a legal perspective.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Just because you're still in the house doesn't mean that you need to or will get to keep it.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: And similarly, just because you do keep the house, it doesn't mean that that's necessarily the best space for the kids in the longer term.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll speak more about kids later on.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: But know that if you stay or if you leave, it doesn't impact the way the law looks at the house as an asset.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's also really important if you're going to choose to live together while you separate or divorce under one roof, that the separation is publicly known, publicly acknowledged.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: You and your ex are the only ones who can confirm the separation.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: However, outside evidence, friends and family who know about it may be necessary to prove it to the court if it comes down to that high conflict court-based separation divorce.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: So do avoid attending public events together.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: If there's something that you need to go to as parents, or there's a funeral or something that you both want to attend, take separate cars and make sure that others who are at that event know about the separation.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Try and avoid being in photographs together, particularly with your arms around one another.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: It can be used as evidence that you were not separated when you believed you were.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: So avoid attending public events together in a way that looks like you are still a couple.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: If the themes in this episode are resonating with you, if it's bringing up things that you would like to explore on a deeper level with me, you can book a free intro call via the link in the show notes and we can discuss coaching options.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to support you.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: And now back to this week's episode.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that public acknowledgement may also mean that you choose to update your social media profile.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, whatever you do, make sure that there is publicly public acknowledgement, public it's publicly known that you are separated.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's also important to try to give each other space.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Physically, yes, also emotionally, which is why it's important not to continue the discussion about the relationship or the divorce in the house.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: But physical space can help too.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: If it's possible for one of you to spend time away at a friend's or a relative's house on weekends or for a couple of nights here or there, even occasional time apart helps.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: It helps minimize that conflict, it helps establish the separation, it helps step you on the path of healing and also just recharging.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's high energy and a lot emotionally to be living in the same space when you are no longer a couple.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: So try in whatever creative ways you can find, whether it's Airbnb, a weekend away, friends, family, to create that physical space for yourself as well because it gives you emotional space, emotional resilience.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: You could also consider rather than the live together apart model, bird nesting for the kids where they stay in the in the home and you, as their parents, rotate in and out.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: That might be a more workable, viable option for you.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: And there's another podcast episode that you can find on bird nesting.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, speaking of kids, kids do better through divorce, separation, and beyond when there is less conflict.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't actually the divorce that hurts the kids, it's the conflict and particularly ongoing conflict between their parents.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: So if your situation is higher conflict, consider the impact it's having on your kids to remain living under one roof and do whatever you can to explore other options.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're going to stick this out, there are some key things to think about, consider, and to build into the way you do this that can help your kids.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Don't speak negatively about the other person to the children or when they can hear.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: I would say anytime you're in the house and they're in the house because they have they have a radar, they can hear things that you think they won't hear.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: So my suggestion is anytime your kids are around, don't speak negatively to or about the other person, their other parent.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Also, avoid creating competition that you know you're the good cop, bad cop.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, even in intact families, intact couples, there can be that playoff between kids and parents.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: So try and really minimize that as you navigate this space because it can be that divide and conquer.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the kids the kids sense it and they go in and they can try and divide and conquer.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now, going forward, where the kids live should be a really considered and deliberate decision based on more than just the finances, as in based on more than just who can potentially afford to keep the family home.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: It should really be a decision about where they are best supported, nurtured, what is in their best interests.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if it go, if it goes to court, particularly here in Australia, that is what is most important, what is most strongly considered, what is in this child or this these children's best interests.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it may be that that is with one parent in what is a smaller home, a unit, a townhouse, a flat.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: So don't think that you have to hold on to the house in order to keep your kids.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you're going to do the living together apart thing, it's also important to establish really clear routines, boundaries, and consistency.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Stick to a clear, consistent routine, whether you've got kids or not.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: That rostering, that splitting out of time and access to spaces within the house is really important.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: But when it comes to kids, a clear, consistent routine is key.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, have do have those rosters in place for child care arrangements.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: Who's the on-parent, who's the prime carer at what time, and who's responsible for what and when.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Also regarding just the household responsibilities.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now, as I always say, start documenting now and document everything.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Keep screenshots, create your folder of important information, keep records of all of the agreements regarding your living arrangements, your living together apart or living under one roof arrangements, agreements on the parenting time, and when either of you leaves the house for space, like we talked about earlier, to show that it's not, you know, you leaving, you abandoning the children, but a genuine attempt to create space between the two of you as adults.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: Document it, document the email conversation that you've had with your other parent.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I'm going to this Airbnb on these dates just to give you some space with the kids.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be back on X date at X time.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: So document that kind of stuff.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, try and ensure your financial settlement and separation plans are in space in place.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, early to avoid dragging things out.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: But by the same token, don't file for divorce too early.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Don't file for divorce before you've agreed on property and parenting matters.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: For de facto relationships in Australia, you've got two years from the separation date, the agreed separation date, to finalise your financial and parenting matters.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: And for married couples, that clock starts ticking once your divorce is granted by the court.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: You've got 12 months to agree on property settlement.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: So it really is best to get that finalized before filing.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: So start working through plans and strategies for splitting out your finances and your childcaring arrangements while you are sitting in the same space, which again can be really hard, right?
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you've got supports in place, you're working with the mediator, you're working with a divorce coach, you're working, you're working with me, um, you're working with lawyers, whatever it is, try and get those agreements moving forward so that you can get to the point where you can sell the house and split everything out.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know the plan, you know what's coming.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Be proactive in getting that moving.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: Some other practical tips.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: I've already sort of mentioned this, but don't do each other's laundry or cook for each other.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: It really does blur the lines, and that's hard when there are kids in the household.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's why it's really important to have that roster, you know, so that the washing of the kids stuff, you do your washing, he or she does their own washing, and the kids' washing is rostered.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, don't keep engaging in discussions about the relationship or the divorce in the house.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: Do have that timetable, agreed house rules, and stick to it consistently.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Have a pattern, have it documented, even have it up so that the kids can see it.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um we didn't do the live together apart thing, but when my kids were younger, I would print out or have a you know a physical calendar and I would colour code the calendar so that they could see when they were with their dad, when they were with me, and what was happening.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: So if your kids are young, I suggest doing that so that it's really clear that this is a dad day, this is a mum day, or this is a mum sal day, and this is a mum Ange day, whatever it is.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: Make it clear so that they can start actively engaging in the routine and they have that stability, that framework makes them feel safe.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Have that clarity for the children, but also for yourselves.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Who is the on-parent, who is the responsible parent when, and when changeover happens.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Does it happen at midnight?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Does it happen at nine in the morning, six in the morning?
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and start really planning.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I touched on this when I said get proactive in terms of developing your um, you know, your property settlement agreement, but start planning even privately solo for your own separate living plan, for your separate living in the future, even if it's as small and simple as looking at some rentals nearby or looking at smaller properties that you might be able to afford to buy once you've agreed on your on your property settlement terms.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, get sorted with your financial plan, your budget, your financial, you know, your financial plan for a solo life.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Start planning your life, start planning to live separately, start planning how you are going to live your solo life.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: It does a couple of things, it helps you extract yourself from where you are, but it also gives you a future focus, which is really, really important.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Equally as important is keeping yourself calm, doing whatever it takes to regulate your nervous system, to dial down your emotions and your reactivity when you're in the house.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying you should shut your emotions down entirely, not at all.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm saying find ways to manage them when you're in the house together, and that means calming your nervous system and regulating your nervous system outside of the house and outside of those shared spaces.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you can have a retreat, have a haven within the house that.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: That is just yours, your bedroom.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Have a lock on the door so that you can, you know, lock and leave, or you can lock yourself in.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you can really build that privacy.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's hard if there's kids you don't want to lock yourself in if the if you want the kids to have access to you, but it's really important for your emotional well-being to have a safe and private space.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, if you can't have a second living space, it might be that you have a kettle and a microwave and a TV in your room so that you can escape and step out of the shared space.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: So build in time and space to work on soothing and regulating your nervous system, calming yourself, dialing down your emotions so that you can have a relatively calm living space.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: And also remember, it's just a house.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's full of memories, yes, it's all of the things that it means to you on an emotional level, but really it's just a house, it is a physical space, and you can't eat a house.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you need to, downsizing or house sharing or bringing in a university, international university student, whatever it is, there are really smart and practical ways that you can shift your living arrangements so that you don't have to do this living together apart if it gets too hard for you because it does cost, it costs mental well-being and it costs emotional well-being, and sometimes that becomes too much.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: So prioritize your mental and emotional well-being and really ask yourself is staying under the same roof affecting my well-being or affecting the kids?
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: And if it is, it's time to find an alternative to this living arrangement.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for relatively amicable separations, be really clear and explicit about the separation date, get it agreed upon and shared with others.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can also go, and I think it's important to look at doing some other practical things like changing your will, your powers of attorney, other legal documents, um, also changing your passwords.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: For those of you who are dealing with more avoidant partners, you might have to take the initiative here, right?
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: You might have to be the one that moves the furniture, that creates your own space, that changes the way you move through the living, you the way you share the spaces and communicate all of this really clearly in writing, as I've said over and over, if particularly if they are tending to avoid conversations, document it clearly in writing so that they can't refute it.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: It is there in black and white.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for higher conflict situations, it really may not be feasible or safe in all the ways for you to continue to live together.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: But if you really have to set up super firm boundaries and separate areas, as I said, that mini kitchen in your bedroom if necessary, so that you don't have to step into the kitchen at 10 o'clock at night to make yourself a cup of tea if that's what you want, and then you know have to interact and engage.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, don't discuss the divorce in the house and do set up your own safe haven, probably in that situation with a lock, um, so that you know that no one's coming in at two o'clock in the morning, right?
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: But again, do not stay if it's unsafe.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: Get out, do whatever you can.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Friends, family, shelters.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you are staying and it's been high conflict, manipulative, emotionally abusive.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Watch for creep.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Be cautious of those tactics like bread crumbing and love bombing, because if that's been their modus operandi, they will try to manipulate you back into an engaged relationship.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: So be really mindful and watchful and cautious of those tactics.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Have your boundaries, stick to them firmly, regulate your nervous system, and definitely have time so that you can get out, recharge, re-energize, and come back in.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely change all your passwords on all your devices, and I would suggest you do that regardless of what type of relationship you are exiting.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, legal and financial considerations already touched on.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: Don't file for divorce prematurely, particularly if the divorce date isn't agreed, it can complicate the process.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: If there is a dispute over the house or the assets, possession of the house doesn't necessarily mean ownership, right?
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't mean that just because you're living in your house, you're going to get ownership in settlement.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, you'll need to demonstrate really clear change in the relationship if you have to prove it to court to the family court, separate bedrooms, reduce joint activities, and a real clear separation of parenting duties.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure, if at all possible, that you and your ex are aligned and agree on the separation date because those disputes will lead to delays in the settlement process, which means delays in selling the house, which means delays in getting your money so that you can move on.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: Finally, really do plan for the future.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: Set up your exit plan and make sure you both, but particularly you, are fully prepared for separate living in the future.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: Start thinking about how that's going to look now and start planning for it, budgeting for it, um, working towards it.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: So be really future focused while you're still sitting in the living together apart stuff.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if this is touched things that you are experiencing, you can message me in the show notes.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's an opportunity to send me a message.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: There are also links with links to free resources on the website, and of course, opportunities to book a free intro call with me, to book that clarity consult that I talked about earlier before you step on the path of engaging lawyers, engaging family attorneys, and potentially blowing things up more than need be.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: We can talk together and set you on the right path so that you can divorce with less drama and you can start creating that future that you most want for yourself.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: As always, thank you for being here.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you know someone that would be supported to listen by listening to this episode, please share it with them.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I would love it if you could rate and review the podcast because it helps us get it in the ears of more people who need to hear it.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you are in a living together apart relationship, if you are stuck in the house while you navigate your divorce, all strength and love to you.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's really, really hard.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: So if you need support, please reach out and I can direct you or support you personally one-to-one.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: Go gently.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being here.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, divorce coach and strategist, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim, and Liberate.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love or benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: Until then,