Latest / Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge / Two Ts Presents: Two Jersey Js: Bucket or F**ck It List

Transcript

Two Ts Presents: Two Jersey Js: Bucket or F**ck It List · Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi guys, Hi guys, it's Jackie and Jen Fessler. I
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: always say Jen Fessler, well, because there's also another gen. Well,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: not this room and not on this post, on this podcast.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: But I think you're used to being in our I
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: guess work family with another gen.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: So fair enough, whatever you are, Jen Fesler on that baby.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and we are two Jersey Jays. We have a
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: really really great shophy you today. I'm so excited.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: But but but first, before that, we can't just ignore
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: the large not even a pink elephant? Is it a
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: black elephant?
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: And I don't know it's pink elephant in the room
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: a thing. I think. I don't think that's a thing.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: I think it's just the elephant in the room. What
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: don't think it's a pink elephant.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Anyway, I've talked about the trailer.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the trailer. Can I tell you something. This is
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: my sixth year, my sixth trailer drop.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I thought it was more than that. Are you sure now?
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is my sixth year and I still get
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: a pit in my stomach.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: I think you're the only one because I was besides me,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I was like really nervous about it and I felt
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: like no nobody else was.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: No, I don't think I'm the only one.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: There's no way because we see it.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: When everyone else sees it. They don't send us the
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: trailer first. You know why they don't send us the
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: trailer first, I think is because in years past it's leaked,
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: like there's there's no way to get this trailer and
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: keep it all to yourself, right, you know, so it's leaked,
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: and so I think to avoid that, they don't send
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: it to anybody anymore. So we see it when the
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: world sees it. So if something is you know, if
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: they put in a part about like something that you
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: can consider really embarrassing, it's over.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I actually watched it. I wouldn't watch it.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I wanted Jeff to watch it, and well, Rachel, my daughter,
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: watched it. And then, like you know, a couple of
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: our PR people or whatever, I was like, I have
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: to just know what I'm going to be staring at.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: I think that the nerves for me, so I was
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: trying to figure it out. I guess I was. Maybe
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: I was more nervous last year, but because it was
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: my first season. But it's this thing where you know,
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: after the last season, my response at least, I felt
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: like the response that I got was is mainly positive.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Of course, nobody's ever gonna you're never gonna get everybody
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: liking you. There's always gonna be haters. But basically I
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: got a lot of love. I got a lot of like,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: you know, nice sort of like Gen you're funny, Gen
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: You're you know, a breath of fresh air like this
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: really nice feedback. Again, not all good feedback, but I
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: when you're in that place where you're coming from, Okay, Wow,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I did good for me, and I fight this. I'm
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: just waiting for the fall. So I'm nervous that I'm gonna,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: you know, not just the trailer, but watch the season,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: and nobody's gonna like me.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: I think that's natural, but I don't think that's true.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: I think you're me. It's not just funny, and.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe not maybe the season I won't
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: be well liked, but like that's this is just a
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: whole separate issue. But watching it, I think that's why
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: I'm nervous. It's like I want everybody to like me,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: and like, regardless, yeah, not everybody's going to and maybe
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: people want this season I have to like, but if
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: you are in a good place with yourself.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're also in a pretty good place with everybody.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Like I know, it's not even just that though, because
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: you can be in a good place with Cass and
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: still you're.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. Did you like the trailer.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: I thought it was funny. I thought it was light,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: but it was also like I think, I thought it
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: dropped those little like tidbits very well in those little
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: little spoilers and teasers. Yeah, Like if I was a
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: y yar, i'd want to be excited for this.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, which also gives me like anxiety because now I
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: like want people to see how everything happens, because now
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: people are you know, oh, Jackie, you know is doing
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: things too. First of all, let me clear up something
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: the whole Jackie is doing, you know, switching teams to
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: save her job. Okay, I am very very clear on
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: the fact that I am a friend, Like I am
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: not like delusional, like I know what my job is.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: I'm a friend, and I am fully okay with that.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Like took a little bit, but I am fully okay
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: with it. I like it. Like it's not to say
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: like that I wouldn't be open to other things, but
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: like I like it, and I know I don't need
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: to jump teams and you know, jump through hoops and
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: you know, set myself on fire to save my job.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: Like I can just be like a good supporting actor,
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: like I'm good, you know, Like I don't think that
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: I have to go crazy to save my job. So
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: nothing that I do is based on, oh god, I
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: have to be the best friend in the whole world
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: in order to save my job. And I actually don't
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: think it really works like that. I don't think if I,
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: like have a really big part of the season that
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: next season, like I would be a housewife. I think actually,
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: if I'm a fantastic friend, it's even you know, more
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: reason for them to say, Okay, great, say a friend. Yeah.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I saw Marisol say on the reunion maybe it was
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: last night, No, no, she's being interviewed anyway, and they
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: were asking her like, do you are you okay? Maybe
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: it's even Hammer and Teddy Like yeah, I think it
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: was Teddy, how do you feel about being a friend?
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Do you want to be, you know, a house wife?
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: What do they hold a mahido? Yeah or whatever? So
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: She's like, well, I mean I'd like to be paid
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: like a housewife, but like it sounds like she was
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: absolutely yeah.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: But I think that people don't want to believe that
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: because like I think that there's this like this misconception
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: of like how could you not want it all? Like
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: how could you not want all the fame and all
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: the spotlight and all the money?
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: You like, those sometimes forget this is we're getting off
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: on a tank. But like, don't you feel like as
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: a friend you forget like factor out money or anything else,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: but like you kind of do get it all in
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: a different way, Like and I know you have spoken
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: to me specifically about like opening up your home and
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: your family to cameras, you know, and now the difference
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: you know, not having to do that and still being
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: able to be involved is you know, like a gift
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: it is, and.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: You know it's also I mean, there's great stuff on
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: both sides. If it happens again for me, like I'm
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: sure my family would be open to it, But it's
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: much easier for me now to film the show, to
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: give it everything that I have, and to not have
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: to say to my family, hey, cancel all your plans.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: You have to be home to film the scene, or
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: to say to Evan, you don't have to come to
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: this today, do you want to come? And sometimes he
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: really wants to come. But when he doesn't want to come,
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: or when he has work, like I don't have to
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: make him skip anything, he doesn't have to be involved.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: And for me, that works for me right now, right now,
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: that works for me. But speaking of husbands being involved,
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: I am strongly of the opinion that I know Jersey
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: husbands have a bigger role than in other franchises, but
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: don't I don't love seeing husbands so heavily involved in
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: the drama. I don't like when husbands fight with wives.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I don believe this is all you baby, go right right.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying, like, when Evan was very heavily involved
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: in the drama, which he did not want any part of,
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: he never fought with anybody on camera. He never yelled anybody.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: He's never fought with anyone. It's just not his style.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: He never yelled at anybody. He never you know. And
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: when it was time to resolve that drauma, he was
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: such a gentleman. He was very open to it and
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: he just wanted things to go back to common. You know,
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: when I'm saying like I don't love seeing husbands like
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: really put themselves right in the center. This is a
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: show for your wife.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Well, j Listen Jersey has traditionally been known right as
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: like this, we are the family franchise. Yeah, of course
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: it's everybody's involved, and of course you know Joe Gorga
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: has made such an impact.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Yes, and he's maybe a little dire, but he also
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: he doesn't like I don't know, maybe maybe Joe Gorga
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: is different, but like the other husbands, I don't really
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: feel like like they are definitely present. And that's great
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: and I love the husbands on this show them, but
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: I don't like seeing a husband actively like go after
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: a wife. But that's just me.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: We don't worry about Jeff Fessler. I don't think he's
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: he loves, he loves all of this, which everybody like,
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: no one can really understand or believe. Jeff's so I'm
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: so a nice crazy housewife person. But you're never gonna
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: have to worry about him fighting with anyone.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I thought the trailer was great. I am
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: eager for people to see how everything comes about, because
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: there's no part of it that's about me, like trying
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: to save my job, like, I'm sure my job is fine.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: I just you know, like it does happen very organically
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: and hasn't this hit but historically been on the show
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: for so long, don't people always look at like want
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: to know your motive and it's not maybe what your
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: actual motive is, like are and people you tell me, oh,
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: there's so many theories, but you know, so I watch it.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: I actually had to pull over because I was driving
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: when it when it dropped, and uh, I said to Aiden,
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: I was taking it into a doctor's appointment. I said,
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: do you mind if I pull over and watch this
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: because the anticipation was just killing me. And after I
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: watched it the first time and I was like, Okay,
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: I'm totally fine with the way I'm portrayed in the trailer.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: Then I watched it a second time to see how
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: I look physically in the trailer, and I'm gorgeous. I'm like,
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: my face is all hot and red. I'm like, I'm
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: going to be friends with whoever I want, and I'm like,
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: my face is all red and like, of course you pick.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Yourself course, but I have to well, I'm being completely
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: honest and not humble at all. I actually thought to myself, well,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: you do look better than.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: Last year myself. Certainly they spend enough money to make
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: that happen. By walking filter, I think you look so
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: I get carried away now.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: But that definitely was one of the things that I
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: was like, Okay, well, if anything, I don't know how
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: this is all going to go down, but I think
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: I look better.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: You looks good, fantastic. Anyway, it's going to be a great,
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: great season. I'm excited. Me to our topic for today, guys,
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: is you say it?
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Well, okay, so I'll say it, but I want to
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: say kind of why.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: We picked today our topic.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: We're going to entitle this one bucket or fuck it,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: meaning like bucket list items maybe that we had when
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: we were younger. What are our bucket list items now?
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Things that we thought we had to do in our
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: lifetime that we look at now and we think, oh
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: my god. I can't believe I even thought that was important.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: But the idea came to us. I was watching Naiad.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys have see Niad, but
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: it's this I want to say. It's on Netflix. Anette
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Benning and Jodie Foster, this movie about this woman Diana
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Niad who swam from from Cuba to maybe like Key West,
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: and so it's this amazing story. She tried and tried
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: and by the time she was sixty she actually got
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: it done. But it was like talk about like a
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: bucket list. Like she was like, I just want to
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: do something in my lifetime that no one else has done.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: And I'm watching this and this woman is so driven
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: by that, and I'm thinking, first of all, that is
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: the worst bucket list item that I could even ever imagine.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine wanting to do anything less than swim.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: But I don't get that at all.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: And as a matter of fact, like I've got a
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: friend who recently we were talking about this and I
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: was asking her about her bucketless things, and she's like,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I did a half marathon. I thought that was the
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: dumbest bucketless thing. I cannot believe I would have wasted
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: my time on that kind of misery. It's like, and
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: now today I would have never been interested. Okay, so
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: that is our topic.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: So yes, I just want to bring up one more
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: thing before we start. Yes, since we are a podcast
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: about middle aged women, there's this new Anne Hathaway movie
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: have you heard of this? No, okay. It's called The
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: Idea of You, and it's about a woman in her
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: forties who takes her daughter to Coachella and the the
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: uh lead of a boy band falls in love with her, with.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: The with the mother, with the mother who's Anne Hathaway.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm region synopsis. Hold on, I'm so into the real.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: Selene must step into chaperone her teenage daughter's trip to
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Coachella after her ex bales at the last minute. She
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: has a chance encounter with Hayes Campbell, and there's an instant,
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: undeniable spark as they began a whirlwind romance. It isn't
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: long before hayes superstar status poses unavoidable challenges to their relationship.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: So he's in his twenties and she's in her forties,
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: and it's a story. It's supposed to be a story
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: about a woman approach, a woman in her forties reclaiming
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: her sexuality and rediscovering herself just at the point that
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: society traditionally writes women off as desirable and viable.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, seriously, I mean we're gonna have to do
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: I think that we should do some movie and like
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: a deep dive.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: I'll just say that, like that sounds. Of course, I
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: love my husband, but if they're like in an alternate universe,
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: if we ever got.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Divorced but every woman feels like that, I don't think
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: that I.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: Would ever feel that fully secure in that kind of relationship.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: I think I'd always feel like that person was looking
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: for was seeing what else is out there?
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Well, I right, but I just think like the idea
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: of it to me, what occurred to me is simply
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: that like how validating in some weird way, And I mean,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: how validation at this age? But like there have some
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: rock star on stage and a boy band. Now now
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: it's actually sounding gross, but like, let's they say a
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: boy band, Well.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: They think that it's based on Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Okay, so now I have to tell this go ahead.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, do it.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: So we took so my sister and I took my
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: daughter and my niece to one direction. So we're going
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: back twelve years or something. And this is like when
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: they had first come out, and like the little girls
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: were like in hysterics, and we paid for like a
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: VIP meeting and so first you went into this like
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: little auditorium with all the people that had paid for
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: this shit, and they did like a Q and A
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: so just like embarrass my kids whatever. I like, raised
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: my hand, I stood up and I don't remember what
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I said. But then the guys started saying like stuff
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: like my mother don't look like that, like something that
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: was it was the best day of my life.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: No, I'm not kidding. Wouldn't even brought it up. I
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: want to say, like they said something like or Harry,
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: your mother looked like that or something like that.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I was like, I can die now.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: I can die now. And Rachel and Day based on you.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Holy shit, people are always stealing shit.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: Maybe I don't know if our audience remembers this. Remember
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: when Craigslist had miss connections?
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: No, I don't even you don't remember that.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: Oh my god. It was the craziest thing Craigslist. This
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: is a million years ago. It had this thing called
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: miss connections and it was like, I saw you on
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: the subway. You looked at me. I thought of it yesterday.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: You know why. I was driving home from New York
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: City and I was getting on the West Side Highway
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: and fucking Conan O'Brien was standing having a conversation with
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: somebody right by the exit and I almost served my
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: fucking car off the road looking at him, and we
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: locked eyes. I swear to god, we locked eyes, and
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: I was like, God, if that fucking miss Connections column
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: was still around, I would have been checking that ship.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: I mean, not to start a romance and Coda and O'Brien,
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: but like, just for the ad that says, were you
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: the crazy blonde bitch you almost run me over when
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: you were getting on the west side.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: It was why that's I wonder why that's not here anymore?
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: Let's bring it, bring back misconnections. People start from that. Anyway,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: we have to see that movie and we have to
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: do a deep dive maybe for another episode. Love it.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: But okay, so bucket list, So I think that where
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: you should start by talking about the things we wanted
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: when we were younger.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah right, not just bucketless things, but things that you
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: were just like, because bucklets is a weird thing. Means
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: before I die, I want to do this, Yeah, maybe,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: but maybe sort of more encompass. Encompass, like what we
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: really wanted to do or what we wanted to have, Yeah,
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: what we wanted to do and have now you know, yeah,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: the things that.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: We really thought would fulfill us. Right, well, I think
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: do you remember? You know, we're a few years apart.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: But when I was a kid in elementary school, the
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: biggest thing was making these little orgami. I forget what
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: they were called, but like you would stick your fingers
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: in them and like go like God, or open them.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: I could still make it open and you would you
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: would write down the things that you wanted. It was
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: also a game called mash and like you would write
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: out the things that you like wanted, and it was
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: like who you wanted to marry, what you wanted to
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: do for a living, what kind of car you wanted
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: to drive, where you wanted to live. And I was
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: very very sure of what I wanted for my future.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: I wanted to live in Beverly Hills. I wanted to
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: drive a limousine. I wanted to want to be the
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: driver or the passenger. I just thought a limousine was
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: the most glamorous car. You wanted to be the driver.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: I just wanted it to be my fucking car.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Okay, I just wanted to park. Because you still feel
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: that way, I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities for
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: you to drive a limousine.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: Let's see if I lose my friend, if I wasn't
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: a good enough friend. No, I just wanted to I
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: just wanted a limousine. Okay, I just thought it was
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: a glamouse. You know. I wanted to marry this kid,
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Doug in my class, who is not on social media,
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: so I can't even stop him. And I just like,
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: I really wanted to live in a mansion, have three
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: kids married. That's all I wanted out of life.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Wow, I mean I want to say that I had
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: so what age was that?
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: No, that was as a kid. That's not really what
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: I wanted as a young adult.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but as a kid, I'm going to say that
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: that that about sums it up. I wanted to be
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: on a soap opera. To me, so the world of
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: like all my children in general hospital was the only
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: place in which anybody should live, and.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: It wasn't even necessarily.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: And I went to perming our high school, and I
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: went to acting school after. But I was never a
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: good actress, so there was that. But I just craved
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: that being on stage right, which ironically, all these years later,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I get a little bit of that. But anyway, but
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: so and get married and have babies, and I feel so.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know why I feel guilty saying that, because
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: that's not an anti feminist thing to say. It's just
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: for me. What it was. I just wanted, you know,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: my family life was not traditional and it was there
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: were a lot of moving pieces, and I really just
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: dreamt of having a very stable, secure family, one home,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: not a lot of moving around, having babies and being
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: the star of all my children.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah right, I mean the stable family home. I definitely
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: understand given your upbringing, right, Yeah, yeah, I definitely wanted
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: a lot of children, and I wanted to get married.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: I didn't when I was dating, I didn't really care
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: who I dated, like in terms of race, religion, ethnicity.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: I dated across the board. I just I was I love.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: I mean, if you read my book, you know I
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: was like boy crazy. But I probably why I ended
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: up falling in love with like a Jewish finance guy
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: from Westchester, which you know, worked out for my mother wonderfully,
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: but I and he's the best, and it worked out
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: for me really great as well. But I was really open.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: My one requirement back in the day when I was
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: dating after college was that somebody just had to be tall.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: That's the only thing I cared about is Jeff tall.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: He's five six, okay, so literally, like people would be
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: fixing me up, I wasn't. I really didn't have anything
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: else except I just because I always felt like such
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: a big girl and I wanted just to have someone
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: bigger than me. And I mean, look how we plan
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: and god laughs, but I mean I dated. Oh my god,
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: the list is long in terms of all of that
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: different guys from all different backgrounds. I just was so
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: until I met Jeff, so needy of a man's attention,
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: and like I didn't really have a lot of requirements,
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: just like just want to kiss me? Yeah, sad, but.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: No, not sad. I mean, but what would did you
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: have any like goals in your mind of things you
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: wanted to accomplish before you were a certain age.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: You know, not before I was a certain age. But
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: I think I would dream of of being an actress
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: and being famous. And again, I don't think that was
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: about the craft. I think that was about the attention
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: and just sort of like I always loved in elementary
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: and middle school, like I was always in plays. I
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: was always getting these these you know, really big parts.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: And then high school. I went to forming arts high
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: school and not so much like there was actual real
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: competition there. And then I went to an act After
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: I graduated tech from UT, I went to the American
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Academy of Dramatic Arts. I got another degree in acting,
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: but I just wasn't very good at it. But so
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: when you say bucket list, that's something that was always like,
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: I want to be famous. There were other things certainly
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: that I've wanted, but I would say that in terms
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: of a career, that was probably the running thing I
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: never And I also was never that big of like
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: a career person.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Well yeah, but you have a successful shoe line, right,
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm going to say.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So I was not ever sort of like that
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: focused on career. I wanted to make money. I wanted
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: to be independent, and however that was going to happen.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: So I had a whole host of different jobs in
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: my twenties that I hated, and then when I had
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: the kids, I worked part time as a fashion recruiter.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Didn't really enjoy that either. I never enjoyed anything until
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: I started my own business, which is for anyone who cares,
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: I have a high heel shoe line shop f Major
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: dot com and it's for women who after a certain
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: age can't walk in heels. And I just wanted to
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: create like a really sexy heel for women that wanted
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: to still wear them but that was still comfortable because
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: I can't walk in heels anymore, and I had bunions
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: and whatever a million disgusting things that go along with
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: aging in your feet. But anyway, so I have this business,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: this shoe business, and I was really passionate about it,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: just I don't know what the It wasn't a bucket
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: list thing though, right. More like I started it, I
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: felt great about it. I started doing it, I really
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: started liking what I was doing, as opposed to jobs
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: where I was there not because the job was actually
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: feeding my soul, but because it was feeding my pocket.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: Right yeah, yeah, yeah. So I would say the biggest
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: thing in my as a young adult, the number one
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: thing that I wanted the most and I thought would
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: make me so happy. Aside from being thin, which was
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: another a whole nother story that's a different episode. I
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: really wanted a daughter, and I thought, if I have
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: a daughter, my life will be complete. And I won't
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: need anything else in the whole world.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: Now, I had two boys first, and it's not something
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: I really ever talk about. I did write an article
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: about it once for Good Housekeeping, But I and if
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: you know me and my relationship with my to my
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: first set of twins, I am absolutely at the time,
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: I gonna be really honest. I had something called gender disappointment,
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: and I it was like severe and I loved my
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: boys so much, but I had and I make no
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: secret of the fact that I have struggled with mental
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: illness over the years.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome, come to the right place.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Nice to meet Jim. And I had just this like
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: unending anxiety that my boys were never going to love
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: me the way that they would love their father. Really, yes,
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: I was consumed by it.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: And it wasn't about you loving them, It was about
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: loving you.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, I love them so much.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: I know you didn't.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: I always went scared that they were never going to
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: be you know, society tells you that you have a daughter,
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: she'll be your best friend for life, right, so I
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: was like, I need that best friend for life. I
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: also struggled with like insecurity, and you know, I'm a
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: very different person now. But I was consumed by the
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: thought that if I don't have a daughter, I'm going
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: to be really missed something.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, I know one other person like that, Jack
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: and I don't even not a friend. But this woman
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: that I that I knew who had had like twins,
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: she ended up having a daughter. But I remember her
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: talking to mebout I didn't even know her that well,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: and she was just she couldn't get past you.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: I just had boys.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: I wanted a girl. I just.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: And then you think, so like when I had the
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: two boys. I cannot tell you how many times people
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: ask me, are you going to try for a girl?
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: And so I just had this idea in my head
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: that I couldn't get rid of, where I was just
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: consumed by it. So anyway, I needed IVF anyway because
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: I destroyed my body with anorexia. So I went back.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: So I had my boys first with one round of IVF,
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: and then when I went back to have a third
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: because I did want to try for that girl, my
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: next two rounds of IVF at the same clinic, I
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: didn't even make it to transfer my So you the
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: way that it works is like so you grow the
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: eggs with medication, they take the eggs out of you,
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: they fertilize it with your husband's sperm, and then you
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: see how many embryos are left.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: That's a different day.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you see how many embryos are left at the
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: end of either three days or five days anyway, and
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: then the good ones, if you have some strong ones,
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: they'll put either one or two inside you and they'll
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: freeze the rest or if you want to freeze the rest. Right.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: So I had nothing. I couldn't go to transfer on
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: my second and third rounds. It was devastating. It was horrible.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: I had very low e quality, so the because of
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: the interrexia. Yes, I just really destroyed myself. And my
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: doctor suggested that I stop. And once he said that,
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: my mind was like I just went nuts because I
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: was like, oh God, I'm not going to get my girl.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: So I was looking for a new doctor closer to
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: my home in New Jersey. And I'm going to tell
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: you a story that I've never told anyone. I don't
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: even think my parents know, only really me and Evan.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: I know this now sixty how many how many of you?
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: Okay? Because I mean so, I started doing some research
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: on how I can have a girl. And I found
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: this thing that is no longer available in the United States.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: It's available overseas, but it was called MicroSort. It's still around,
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: but it's just not in the US anymore. But it
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: was in the US then it was in clinical trials
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: for a very very long time. So I felt okay that, like,
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: it wasn't something that was going to make my kids
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: sick or what. But it was this technology and there
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: was a doctor right near me who participated in it.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: And what it does, it's this sorting process where your
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: husband has to go to Virginia and then they spin
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: it or something. No, they don't spin it. Spinning is
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: like a little bit of a myth. But they they
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: use this like fluorescent technology that highlights the male sperm
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: versus the female like sperm, right, and they separate it
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: and then but it's not a guarantee, so you a
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: percentage on what your sort is, okay, and then they
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: fertilize your egg with whatever sort that is. So like
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: if you were trying for a girl, if you want
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: a girl, they'll take all the girl sperm and they'll
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: and they'll fertilize with that. But it's not a guarantee
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: they don't get like thousands of dollars. Was this, you
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: don't even want to go show accepted. You get to
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: get accepted to the process and everything. It took a
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: long time, and they but it's not one hundred percent.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: Sort, okay, right.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: So our first round of that, which was my fourth
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: round of IBS, oh my god, I got an eighty
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: five percent sort, so, which meant that eighty five percent
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: of the sperm that they were using was girlsperm. Right,
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: So I got pregnant for like a week, there was
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: a thing on the screen my my tests showed that
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: I was pregnant, and then it was gone. I don't
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: know that that's called a miscarriage because it was so early,
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: but it was gone after like a week, and I
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: was devastated. And then my fifth round of IVF I
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: got an eighty five I got a ninety percent sort.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: And at the end of that, I had one good
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: embryo and one bad embryo, and they were like, we're
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: just gonna put them both in because nothing ever takes anyway.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: And I ended up having a boy and a girl,
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, which is wild. But I worried for
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: a long time that first of all, they have to
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: mail back the sperm from I said to Evan, I
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: was like, if this is baby, he doesn't look like
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: you're gonna hear really fucking upset. Wait was Evan?
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: How did Evan handle it?
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: He was so Evan was not He knew that I
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: really wanted this. He also, it's really hard to fight
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: my Yeah, my mentor determined he he did it because
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: he loves me and because, I mean, there was no
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: like real downside for him except having to go to
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Virginia twice. But I think he was a little bit
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: nervous because no one we knew had ever done anything
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: like this, you know, and still to this day sometimes
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: like if my kids will do something cooky, I'm like, God,
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: I wonder if that like fluorescent technology did something, you know,
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: I mean, you I worry. But it's still around. It's
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: just that in the US the FDA wouldn't clear it,
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: which means it had to stay as a clinical trial,
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: which is really really expensive. So it's all over the world,
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: it's just you can't talk about in America. So I
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: did end up having my ground.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: So Alexa was your bucket.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: List, she alexis is my bucket list's your bucket list.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: But that being said, I worshiped my daughter. I love
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: her so much. It didn't it didn't end up being
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: the kind of relationship that in my mind I thought
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: it would be.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: Carefully because it sounds like in your mind you thought
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: she was going to be your best friend. Well she,
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, I had worship were best friend my daughter. No, No,
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: I don't think my daughter thinks I'm her best friend.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: I think she much rather hang.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: Out with her actual friends than with me I imagined us,
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: you know, like coordinating outfits, or of like getting our
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: nails then together. I think I've taken her for two
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: mantic years in her whole life. She much rather like
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: use a marker and color her nails black. She enjoys
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: hanging out with her friends far more than she wants
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: to be with me. And I'll tell you the honest truth.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: My oldest son, my firstborn, and all my kids will
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: tell you this. I love all my kids the same.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: But Hey and I are the like theses. Probably you know,
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: and if you had told me that, I would never
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: have believed it. But I find myself gravitating more to
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: the boy stuff. And maybe because I'm in a place
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: of privilege right now because I do have the daughter,
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: so I can you know, I just gravitate more towards
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: their basketball games and shopping for the boy. I get
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: such a jolt at a watching them play sports. And
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: I don't feel any different being with my daughter than
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: I do with my sons.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: Wow. Well, I definitely didn't have that my so neither
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: Jeff nor myself. We have zero ability in terms of athletics,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: so I can barely walk, much less kick a ball.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: Jeff pretends, but he really and we passed those genes
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: on thankfully because the truth is the thought of having
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: to go I watched my friends have to go to
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: game after game after game. Zach is actually here somewhere.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: He's probably up there just cursing me out because like
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: he wanted so badly to be good at sports. He
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: tried so hard, and now like he looks back at
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: it and he'll say to me, you know, you guys,
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: just let me quit everything. Now I don't think we
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: let it. I remember spending thousands of dollars on the
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: cross equipment, Like I do know about letting him quit
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: so easily. But I'm sorry, but the kid just he
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: just couldn't play, so it was what it was. And Rachel, well,
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: she just is not in sports. She's like me, she
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: never was. But like so in terms of spending time
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: with them, I don't I don't know that I gravitated
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: both of my kids whatever they had going on at
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: the time. I don't think I was like, oh my god,
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: I wish I could go to a soccer game over
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: whatever girl scouts. But was our point here?
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm just like what you gravitated towards. I
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: don't gravitate as much to the girls stuff. No, but
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: like oh this, I was gonna say so.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: But like when the kids were little, Zach was the
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: easiest baby toddler teenager. Rachel was the most difficult baby
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: infant toddler teenager. Like I always tell this story that
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: when they were both inside me, I used to have
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: to go get non stress tests with Zach, which means
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: like you don't know if the baby's alive or not,
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: because he was like so mellow, Like I was like,
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: nothing's moving, there's no way there's something wrong here. There's
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: no way that this baby is alive. And with Rachel,
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: like literally the second that the egg was you know,
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: the sperm hit the egg. She was kicking me, and
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: like we always say, like I was like, I couldn't
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: get up the stairs with her. She was just pissed,
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: and I to this day it is it's well, actually
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: it's changed, it has changed.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you guys are super close, and I am super
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: close with Alexus. I just you know, I think about
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: it now, and I'm very close with my father. I'm
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: also very close with my mother. But I don't think
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: I would want my daughter to devote her life to
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: being my best friend. I don't think I need her
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: to live next door to me. If I don't, I
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: don't need any of that that I thought that I needed.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: So that would be my number one thing that I
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: really thought I needed in order to find happiness throughout
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: my life. And even though my daughter brings me abundant happiness,
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: of course, look go back now, I think I would
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: have had, you know, abundant happiness with boys only you.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: Know, well, yeah, if I think of like bucketless things,
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: I too had the had I didn't have the girl thing.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: I just had the kid thing. But I remember biological
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: clock really ticking, like in my late twenties, and I
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: met Jeff when I was twenty nine, and I was
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: like losing it. Like I'd wake up with dreams, having
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: had like these dreams of babies, and I would wake
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: up so sad and just like missing the baby from
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: the dream. And I remember negotiating with God and saying
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: listen because I'm also a like a crazy hypochondriac. And
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: it was way worse when I was younger and not
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: on medication. But anyway, so I always thought I was dying.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: Please God, just let me have babies first. Please just
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: let me have babies first. Then I had babies, Please God,
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: let me just get to their weddings. They're gonna need me.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Please let me just make it until then. Then you know,
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: now I have kids that are I can't ever leave them,
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Like there's no negotiating. I can't bear the thought of
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: ever leaving them, do you know what I mean? On
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: the line you said, but wanting that so badly, just
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: wanting the kids. I don't know if that was a
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: bucketless thing, but that was just inside of me. Yeah.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: I think some people need it and some people don't.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: For me, I know, I see childless couples, and I
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: know there's a lot of people who have no desire
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: to ever have kids. It's hard for me to understand.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: And of course I know that it's you know, it's
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: just not everybody and everybody's plans, But for me, it's
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: hard to understand that. I just feel like my kids,
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: you know, like it's just something I said Jenny McCarthy
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: or like Bill Maher talking about Carthy as a kid.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: I'm not Jennie McCarthy. Who am I talking about another
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: really pretty blonde male. Not Jenny McCarthy. What's her name,
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Amy Schumer? No, Chelsea him. Yes, So she's always talking
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: about it, and like Bill mar is always talking about it,
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know, maybe they are onto something
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: there like she's. But I mean, obviously I would never
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: go back, but.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: I do think that, Yeah, I think that people can
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: be other There are bucketless things include children. Yep. Okay,
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: So I mean I always wanted to be thin, but
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: that's that's for another time. And that didn't actually pan
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: out the way I thought it would because it almost
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: killed me. As we all know if you read my book,
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: I wanted to write something that and viral. I did
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: want to be a journalist. I had no My mother
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: wanted me to go to law school. I went to
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: law school. I was a corporate lawyer for a while
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: and then a real estate lawyer. But I always had
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: the writing bug and I just wanted to write one
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: thing that would go viral anyway, So I this way
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: before Housewives, I started writing. When I started writing, I
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: was working my way up. And then I got I
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: started getting published in the Huffington Post, and I started
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: getting published in really good places. And I wrote one
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: thing that went absolutely like all over the place, and
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: I can't tell you, for like a week, I couldn't
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: even sleep. I was just like checking who would read
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: it and who would comment, and a good way. It
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: was so good. It was so good. It was just
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: about being a mom and like the things that you know,
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: you felt that you felt that like you were you
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: had been so fulfilled. Oh I was fulfilled. I was.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: But then I was like, I want more.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was just exactly was.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: But I did have that. But there are things that
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: I still want in life, like little goals, like little
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't call them bucket lists. I still feel far
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: from death maybe so it's hard for me to.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: See, Well, do you know there's that we so our
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: producer sent us actually an article like it was like
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: a Yahoo ar yeah twenty three about bucket lists and
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: like how people over fifty they say that they really
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: didn't like attain any of those goals or the bucket
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: list becomes less important. What becomes important is, you know,
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: spending time with people that you love and and all
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: of that stuff and Kilimanjaro or running the marathon is
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: not doesn't feel quite as meaningful, and you're much less
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: likely as you get older to also check those items
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: items like that off of a list because now you're
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: older and you're too tired to travel the world, do
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? But but there are little yeah,
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: I still have a bunch of little ones. They're not
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: they're not the huge ones. They're not the be you know, uh,
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: the eric on all my children anymore?
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: Well, what are yours? And by the way, you can
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: you can do that.
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: I don't don't want to do that, okay.
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: But you know that like ninety nine percent of people's
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: dreams die in their head, they really do.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: I do love that. That was what Niad was about,
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: that that Diana and I had had Like she didn't
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: do it until she was sixty years old.
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: So what are yours?
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: I have a lot of little ones. And I have
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: to say it's like I like everyone does, but travels
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: certainly on the list. And I saw in that article
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: like one of the maybe it was the number one
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: bucklest thing was Safari in Africa. Oh really, Yeah, I'm
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: dying to do that.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: No, I don't like really long flights.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: I mean I'm not concerned about the flight. I just
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: want to get there and I want to like be
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: in this place that's such a like it's like mystical. Yeah,
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: and I have one of my best friends went a
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: few months ago. It just changed everything. It was like
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: being in a completely different world.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I'm waiting for my kids to be
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: able to appreciate it.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: She went with her kids. Yeah, so there's that. So
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: so I would say the like, definitely travel is something.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: And then there's the thing is like I was thinking
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: maybe I'd want house in a certain place in Florida
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: or the Ham or whatever. But you know when I
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: was when Jeff and I had first moved into this house,
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: this is our third home in this town. I remember
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: we were bidding on it and I'm like, if we
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: get this house, I will never have an unhappy day.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: That'll be it. Every day I'll wake up and not that.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: My house is. I don't live in an estate, but
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: it was for me, it felt so right. I was
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: I was dying, dying, dying for this house, big shop.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: I've had unhappy days. So but like what I thought
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: was like the end all be all. I mean, it
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: probably never is, but I so as of now I'm older,
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: I see like, oh, it'd be so great to have
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: a house in where's your house, West.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: Hampton, West Hampton.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: Right, But having said that, I'm still going to be there.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: My shit's still going to be there, you know, my
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: issues will still be there. But stuff that I just
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: I want to do, I mean, it becomes a little smaller.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: I want my kids to be good. Like that's the
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: first thing.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: I mean, your kids being happy is just all that
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: all of us.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like you know right that that's just innate.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: So I want my kids to be good. I want
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: to laugh.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: I mean I've gone on this crazy adventure with housewives
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: that I could have never predicted and that I'm so
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: grateful for. And I would like to have more adventures.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: Whether or not it'll be it'll have to do with houses.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: But like having that kind of newness and excitement and
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: excitement love to keep.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: There's nothing better than that feeling of like fear and
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: excitement and anxiety and like then doing something and it
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: turning out well or not.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, listen doesn't always certainly not when we're talking
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: reality TV. It doesn't always turn out well and it
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: is always you know. But I have found the last
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: couple of years, I've fulfilled these different like checked off
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: little bucket list things that I never thought I would.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: That's been sort of cool.
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: So can I tell you one that I still have? Yes?
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: Please?
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: So I played the piano right, and when I was younger,
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: I was really good. I was good, and I can
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: play by ear. But when I play by ear, it's
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: not sophisticated, Like it's just like simple chords with like
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: my right hand moving around making like the melody and
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: like that's pretty cool though. So but I know that
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: I could be good if I took some more lessons
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: and I like refreshed myself. I know that I could
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: be good. And I can read music and everything. And
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: I've always had this dream of just playing one night
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: with a rock band, just really. I can't sing, but
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: I can write songs.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: Jackie, we have spoken about this while you were taking
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: guitar lessons, and then you never you didn't continue. Well,
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: I was, so, how am I going to start a band?
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: I got a little busy. But besides that, it's also
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: really really hard. So and I've tried, not once, not twice,
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: but three times. And I still have my guitar in
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: my room and I pick it up and I'll start
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: again and start lessons because the point is that one
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: of my bucket list things would be not just to
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: play one night. I would love to play. I'd love
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: to like band a band, or like be sitting around
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: with your friends at night, and like I would just
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: cut because there's nothing better than when someone plays guitar
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: or piano.
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I always thinking out. I always think
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: of Beverly Hills and David Foster used to always get
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: on the piano and that ever would stand around him.
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: Evan thinks that's the most awkward thing in the world.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: When I used to play songs, be like, it's a
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: little awkward, Well, because I have no because it's like, well.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: David Foster was like, different, you're talking about a different
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: thing you are you're talking about You're sitting in a
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: room and David Foster is playing the piano, but like,
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: if you're just sitting with friends, I mean, maybe I'm
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: going back to like days of sleep away camp, or
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: like somebody just picks up a guitar and all of
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: a sudden you're singing like James Taylor, I know you.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: Had an edible that guy was like not that cute,
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: and then he picks up on guitar and you're like, yeah,
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: I mean that's so universe is saying, get back on that,
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: because I really that is my bucket list goal is
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: to play in a rock band, even if it's for
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: one night. I really wanted to write a book. I
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: did that. It's been unbelievable and so fulfilling. My other
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: biggest thing in the world is I want to be
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: fully recovered. And I am recovered from my eating disorder,
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: but I definitely still have a lot of disordered eating habits.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: So no anorexia anymore, but I still weigh, like overanalyze
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: and worry, yeah, of course about food weight too much.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: So I want all of that gone, which I am
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: actively working on. I would love to go to Europe
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: when that's all done, and really be able to like
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: go to breakfast and get what I want and then
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: not think about food for a little while and then
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: go to lunchinella I want. Like That's not how my
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: life works right now. Of course, so I don't restrict
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: anymore in an unhealthy way, but I certainly do not
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: have like a lot of freedom around food the way
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: that I should. So that is my ultimate bucket list goal,
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: is to get rid of all of that noise and
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: to be able to eat really really freely without tons
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: of anxiety, which I'm getting there, but not there quite yet.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: So interesting because all like stuff that you think that
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: you want when you're younger, and then you get it
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: and you're like, wait a second, you know this is great.
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: But so I also have one of my best friends
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: who said to me when we were in we had
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: just had kids, so we're like, I guess early thirties,
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: and she started a business called alor Mates and it's
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: for kids with food allergies, and she made really amazing
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: like jewelry and dog tags. Her kid had and has
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: a very serious nut allergy. Actually so does my son
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: and my daughter has. I know, they both have food allergies,
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: but anyway, so kind of I would sometimes go in
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: and help her with ideas for the little characters and
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: the dog. Anyway, she said she was so driven by
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: wanting to be to like have created this uber successful business,
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: right and your name and your your pictures on the
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: cover of Time magazine or whatever. Business. She was so
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: all about being the CEO. And the business is still
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: around and it's actually really really amazing. But she said,
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: you know, I was asking her, what were your bucket
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: list things then as opposed to what they are now,
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: And she's like, now, it's not that I don't, you know,
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: enjoy my business. But the truth is she feels really
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: passionate about certain causes, one of them right now being Israel.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: But she's like, I just want to be an advocate.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: I wanted my life to get smaller. And she actually
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: still has a son who it's like his first year
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: of high school, so she's a while but she's like,
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: that's what is motivating her now, causes that she is
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: passionate about and advocating for them, and she's a big house.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: Maybe she always wanted that. It's you she wants to downsize,
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: you know, like everything changes. She wants to have an easier,
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: smaller situation and so which I really I kind of
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: relate to like what I thought I wanted when I
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: was younger. And by the way, if any of you
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: out there are under forty and listening, just know like
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: it changes, it does. It definitely change the better you
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: get perspective. Well, yeah, you were saying you wanted to
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: have like freedom around food. I would like to be
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: I've had years and years and years and years of therapy,
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: but I would like to And we were talking about
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: this at the top of this hour, but not be
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: so affected by oh my god, worried about are they
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: going to like me? Number one and number two? Always
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: I have a lot of fear around oh my god,
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: when is the other shoe going to drop?
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Oh no, I don't really have that so anxiety.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: I mean it's gotten listen, years of therapy and medication
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: and work on myself. It's definitely a whole different thing
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: than it used to be. But I do definitely dream
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: of a time where I am and it's gotten better,
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: a lot better, but where I'm so sort of like secure,
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: knowing that I am like living in dignity and not worrying.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: It doesn't It doesn't affect me what people say or think. Yeah,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: that's definitely a goal.
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know. I also I think one of the
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: things that's always been really important to me and that
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: I really wanted as an adult was close female close
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: female friendships because I struggled with that congratulations, I'm gonna
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: I was just going to say, like you and I,
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: how long we've been friends? Only a few years? Like sisters?
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, Well, listen, the thing is the best thing
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: about the female, about a female friendship is that it's
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: so different. We can talk about shit that I will
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: never ever talk to Jeff about, will relate to each
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: other in a way that I can never ever relate
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: to him. You and I will be there for each
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: other in ways that you know, my husband is thankfully
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: happily there for me always. But different.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: But like the fact that, like if you had told
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: me when you're, you know, in your mid forties, you're
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: going to find one of your best friends in the world, Like,
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: I don't think that I would especially.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: Imagine this in this scenario, right.
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: And did you notice we have the same exact I
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: already did notice that, But no, I mean, I'm really
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: happy with where I am that I think there's so
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: much to be said again another episode because whatever.
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: But like, the female friendship for me at this age
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: is everything.
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: Everything, yeah, but not not everything.
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: But it's a lot.
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: But it's a lot. But that being said, on the
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: flip side of it, the female friendships that I felt
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: like were toxic and not serving me. In the past
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: few years, I have definitely moved away from.
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: So you see yourself in terms of like a bucket list?
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: What do you see because you're younger to be Jack,
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: but like now you're let's say, now you are sixty,
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: what does that look like? I would like to.
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: I mean, obviously that perfect relationship with food I would
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: like to have.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: But what does it look like? Do you have a
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: picture of it?
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: If my kids are happy and doing things that make
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: them happy, have gone to a four year college is
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: important to me, and working in careers that make them happy,
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: then I would feel like I can go live my life.
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: I would like to travel with Evan. I would like
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: to work. I always want to be create content, you
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: know I I That's why I love this podcast. I
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: love being on the show.
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: I can't say I always would want to work no, no, no,
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: but I.
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: See I love creating content, like putting things out there,
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: whether it's a book, an article, the show, the podcast.
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: Like I am always like I wake up and I'm like,
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: what can I write today? Yeah? I love that, So
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: I still want to be doing that. I would like
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: to write a lot more things, and of course play
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: in a rock band.
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and playing around and playing a rock band.
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: And that's it.
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, I got a lot of the bucket list things.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: I'm not Erica Kaine, but I am like I was
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: able to with this show. You know, see what it
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: feels like. Which is funny because that's when I say
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: that I wanted to be famous as a bucket list thing.
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to say that I'm famous. I'm not.
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: I hate like I make myself sick a little like
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: because some people that watch the show will recognize me,
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: I know, but I'm not trying to be like now
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: that I'm famous. I obviously know that I'm not. That's
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: not but being recognized sometimes I thought that it was
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: going to be it would fill me up in a
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: way that it definitely it's so much fun, but it's
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: not what I thought like and maybe so many bucket
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: list things aren't. Like I used to walk behind Margaret
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: We're friends before and I watched people recognize her and
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: they would just wig out when they would see her coming,
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: and I would be like, wow, what would that be?
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: Like, Yeah, because the problem is there's always going to
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: be someone more famous than you.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: Well not, that's not a problem. I don't mean it
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: like that, right, but like.
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: You're always gonna when you get to a certain level,
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: then you're like okay, now what Well.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: I also just feel like it's not as for whatever reason,
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: like when people recognize me, it's so flattering and nice,
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: but I would watch it happen to others and be like, wow,
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: I want that to happen to me, and it's not. Again,
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's not exciting and flattering and nice,
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: but there's you know, it's not I guess what it
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: what I mean.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's fun, Like I was at Whole Foods. It
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: is fun, and I went over to the strawberries and
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: there was a girl looking at the strawberries too, and
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: we were both like picking up packages and looking to
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: see if like the whole package was like fine, And
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: we were both there for like a good like minute
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: and a half and she said without looking up, and
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: she was like, I can't find a good package. And
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I know me neither. And she started to
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: talk and then she looked at me and oh my god,
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: Jackie and she drops all the strawberries and like it
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: was just like it started, like that is so fun
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: and funny. And then there are times when like you
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: get somebody at like a checkout counter who like really
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: wants to deep dive into the show, and.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: You're like, I don't. Yeah, no, I my toilet paper, right,
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: but not even I don't mean not that. I just
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: thought it would fill me up in a different way,
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: Like it's not it's not the absolute that I thought
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: that it would be, you know, for somebody who always
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: wanted to be on stage or to be famous. Right,
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: But like now what I want when I look at
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: my life is just like you, I want my kids.
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: But even those bucket listened, Like you said college, the
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: four year college thing. My kids both my daughter's about
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: to graduate in May, but both kids went to had
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: they both got a four year degree. Now I'm like
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: that was so important, right, and like what college they
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: were going to go to? No, I don't care what
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: college they want. I'm not saying that's not important. But
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: now I look at life very differently. There's so many
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: different and I have some friends whose kids took a
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: different path that has worked out so beautifully. Yeah, you know,
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: so like all of that stuff that I thought I
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: and that's really about them, not me, but that I
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: thought I wanted for them so desperately. And I'm happy
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: that they both have graduated from a four year college,
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: but the importance it felt so much more important to
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: me than it does now. In actually I think you
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: live and learn, right, Yeah, No, just thinking about like
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: what else I wanted in life? And I'm fifty five
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: years old, and like you would think i'd be actually
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: really concentrated on that, Like what do I want? Really
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: sort of like you can't really plan it, I guess,
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: but put a lot of thought into that bucket list question.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: But I want to travel. I want to have my
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: life be peaceful. I want Yeah, I don't want to
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: have at some point we're going to give up the
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: four bedroom colonial and I want to be somewhere easy
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: in a townhouse and an apartment in a you know,
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: and just and I guess play with grandkids.
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: Very I don't want even want to hear that word.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's sorry.
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: I don't even want to talk about granids.
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: It's gonna happen.
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: Evan brings it up sometimes and I'm like, get the
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: fuck out of my face with branchids, like I still
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: have thirteen year olds, Like, I don't want to.
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: Hear any I can't believe you have thirteen year olds.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: That is so hideous.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, far away from like thirteen.
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: Well my oldest and your youngest are not that far
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: apart in age.
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: Rachel's twenty one.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: Oh you're right, yeah they are.
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not interested in going back, but I am
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: inted in having the grandkids. And like everyone says having them,
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to be that grandmother. I'm not raising them.
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: I'll take them, I'll play with them, I'll give them money,
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: and i'll send them back.
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: See. I still have these thoughts every once in a
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: while where I'm like, I could still have a baby.
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: I'm forty seven. I hear that I could still have
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: a baby.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: I have brought it up to Evan, to be honest
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: with you, I think I stop bringing it up, Like
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: a year ago. But I think two main concerns, and
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: I would have another one because I actually love to
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: the children. My two main concerns are that, you know,
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: as you get older, it's riskier.
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: Be a geriatic what do they call a geriatric?
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: Forget?
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: Forget, you're like geriatric? I am like fucking like in
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: the coffee and walking kiddy. I am like the old
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: age home pregnancy.
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: I worry that it would be healthy, that the child
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: would be healthy, because you know, as you get older
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: there's a greater source of But if I could guarantee
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: that it was healthy, I just think that it wouldn't
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: be like so much of a sibling, excepting name, because
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: there'd be such an age difference. I just can't get.
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: Past past the pack that this is a bucket Is.
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: This called that's the bucket list? I don't need a
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: fun are you nuts? No? I don't need But are
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: walking around in their eighties they weren't believing that wasn't
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: on their bucket list.
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: That just that was like something slipped okay, seriously, something
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: fucking slipped by, and some woman was like, don't worry,
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: I'm on that pill wink wing.
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I don't know. So yeah, but grandkids I
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: just don't want to think about yet.
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, people love them, they say good things. Yeah,
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: people recommend it. Oh yeah no no, I definitely one day,
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: but not anytime soon. Not today, No, not today, honey.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: I'd like to also. Now we're just rambling, but whatever.
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: That's why we have a producer jackline. You can cut
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: in paste. But like, I'd like to just do things
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: that are like when you say creative, like not work,
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: like you always want to so you always want to work.
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: Well, I always want to do creative things.
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: I want to make nice stuff like i'd like to. Lately,
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: I've been putting this stuff on social media about like
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: cooking because I'm so bad at it, and so I've
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: been doing things where I'm cooking whatever shitty thing I'm cooking,
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: and just it's like fun. It's like it's like performing
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: a little bit, you know, and like just thinking about
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: it and thinking, like maybe one night I'll do an
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: edible and we'll call it edible cooking. Well, come over
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: and do that and then we'll Because I sock at cooking,
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: so so do I. Well, the reason I suck at
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: cooking is because I never wanted to cook. Because I
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: never wanted to taste of food, right, Yeah, so I
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: suck at it just because I suck at it and
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: I was never interested in doing it, and like, but
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: like making these little videos about it is kind of funny.
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: I did like a one. I have a one in
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: bringing watch Chicken. I have to watch that. You don't
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: have to watch that, but I do. I'm just saying
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: my point. The bigger point is that like doing fun
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: stuff like that, you know not yea, I don't have to.
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to necessarily change the world, but like
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: being creative like that. Yeah, And I think that being
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: funny and coming up with things. I do really enjoy that.
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: Whether or not you know you paste on TikTok.
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: I am not on TikTok. I don't even have an account.
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: I think I made an account once just to check
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: like my daughter's content, but.
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: I don't I've never been on it.
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: And I think that I felt like I missed the
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: boat on doing those kind of things.
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: You may have there, maybe taking it down it was
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: all that controversy. But yeah, but like stuff like that,
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: but I think is fun. I would also like to
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: give back. I should probably say that even though that
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: has not come out, but do something meaningful in this world. Actually, like, yeah, no,
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: idea something good we have. Of course we've done good
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: things in this world, but something that has nothing to
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: do with me.
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: But by the way, I tell you something funny follow
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: up to the TikTok things. So I always had this
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: regret that I didn't get on TikTok early enough. Right,
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: So when Threads started, I was like, I'm gonna be
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: the first motherfucker on Threads. Iain. I was like all
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: about Threads for like a month, and then I was like,
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: you know what, Yeah.
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what thread is, honey.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: Sometimes on my Instagram, the Facebook version of Twitter, I.
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: Don't even know what that means. And I don't want
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: to know Instagram.
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: That's it. I have no other bucket list items. All right, Well,
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: listen you guys if you want to, I keep saying
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: at the end of every show, but if you guys
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: have any ideas there are things you want us to
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: talk about, it would be so great. I think we
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: really should watch that movie.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: Okay about it. We're definitely watching them. What do you
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: mean in ten minutes? Okay, yeah, but no.
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: I'm serious. This was so fun it always is fun. Yeah.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: I hope you guys are having fun. We appreciate your
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: listening a lot.
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: All right, We love you guys until next time.
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: Bye bye,