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Resilience Through Hope, Strength & Courage with Laura Lane · Authentic Living

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Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we conscious conversations about
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things that really matter in our lives.
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And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
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Hi, everyone.
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Thanks for tuning in this week.
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This week, I have a colleague Laura Lane with us today.
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Laura, as is is a spiritual growth and development specialist.
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So Laura, welcome to the show.
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Thank you, Roxanne.
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So I'm, gonna read a little bit about Laura, and then we're gonna jump right into things.
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Laura, She has touched thousands of people through a powerful stories of resilience and
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strength.
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She specializes in providing resources and supports to parents and caregivers of children
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who are diagnosed with cancer so they can live each day with with hope, strength, and courage.
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She's the author of 2 mothers, one prayer, and the host of the upcoming, podcast, hope,
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strength, and courage for cancer.
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So, Laura, welcome, and, I know this is topic, that would be dear to so many people's hearts.
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I I know, you know, obviously losing, you know, when you hear that word, it it oftentimes stops
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most of us.
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But when you hear about cancer with children, that's something that, you know, brings you, I
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would literally say that it brings to their knees thinking that, you know, little ones
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could be kind of, inflicted with with such ailments.
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So tell me Obviously, I know a bit about Laura's story because I've heard, Laura speak.
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She's a phenomenal speaker.
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And I recently was privileged to hear a part of her story, which was quite riveting for me.
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So tell tell the listeners and the viewers kind of a bit about your path and and kind of how
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you ended up being working, as a spiritual expert.
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So in 2011, my twelve year old daughter Celeste was diagnosed with an extremely rare form of
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cancer called pineal blastoma.
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The odds of getting pineal blastoma is 1 in 7,000,000.
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And that particular year when we were thrown into the world of childhood cancer, CELUS was
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given a diagnosis on a treatment plan, which required 30 rounds of high dose, radiation
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followed by 3 to months of high dose chemotherapy and stem cell rescue.
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Following a protocol that they have down in the St.
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Jude's hospital in the United States, and we were at the sick kids hospital in Toronto.
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And at that time, when when all of this first happened, it was such a huge shock, for our
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family.
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And I I had been previously trained just 6 months earlier.
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I had been trained by Bob Proctor, who's a personal growth and development expert in
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Toronto.
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And, he teaches worldwide.
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And he had taught me, some key things to understanding the mind.
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And one of those key things was understanding fear and what that is because that's the first
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thing that I went into was fear.
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Of of what that was quite what this diagnosis meant for my daughter and how we were going to
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get the help that she needed.
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And as I got into those, that emotion of fear, I realized, wait, what did Bob tell me about
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fear?
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Fear is the lack of knowledge.
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So I'm like, if I'm afraid, it means I don't know something.
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So what do I need to do?
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I need to arm myself with knowledge.
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And the next step for me was not just knowledge.
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But I needed to know that everything was going to be right in the world.
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I needed peace, and I needed, comfort that I needed spiritual guidance.
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And everything that I had learned in the past, about faith and miracles.
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I'm like, we need a miracle.
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Like, well, how do you get a miracle?
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Well, everybody says that miracles come from faith.
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I'm like, But how does that work?
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How does faith, like, create miracles?
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I don't understand.
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And I thought I understood a lot before because I had been a missionary and I taught.
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Sunday school, and I had taught all these things, but when I was faced with this crisis,
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all of a sudden, I realized I didn't know half as much as I thought I knew.
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And so then that put me on the path of research.
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I'm learning.
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Okay.
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How do we cope with this?
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How do I arm myself with knowledge?
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How do I how do I find out what faith really is so it can create miracles?
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So that became part of my study as I was supporting my daughter.
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And and a huge part of of what we did during that time was helping my daughter to remain
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positive.
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And for for helping myself and our family to remain positive that going down a negative
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thought pattern and interfere, I knew I wasn't gonna do any of us any good.
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And so I began to reach out for help.
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And, anyway, any place that I thought that could help us, I look for the best help that we
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could get.
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And when Celeste was first diagnosed, I'm like, I don't want to know all the scary stuff.
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I don't want to be, I don't wanna be afraid.
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And so I thought, well, then I'm just gonna stay away from the internet.
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I didn't want to know all the scary stuff about her particular diagnosis.
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And a few months later, I got this, nudge, this prompting that said, like, go and look, Laura.
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Go and look it up.
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And so I very reluctantly, I think I had to get that sort of kicking the pants a couple of
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times.
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They finally said, okay, I'll go look it up.
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And I looked up, penoblastoma, and I found a website.
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And it was by another mom whose little boy had been diagnosed years ago.
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And she puts together this website to inform other parents.
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And as I'm going through this page and it's called Pineo kids, and she's listing all the
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kids she found that they've ever had it because there are so few children who ever diagnosed
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with this cancer.
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And I'm going through this list, and my daughter was diagnosed in February 2011, and
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she twelve years old, and and I'm seeing, like, here's a sixteen year old boy, and he was
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diagnosed in 86, and here's a three month old, and And, going through this list and all of a
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sudden, there's another twelve year old girl who was diagnosed the same month as celeste.
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I found out afterwards, the odds of that happening is 23 and a half 1000000000 to 1.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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And so when I've when on this website, this little girl is listed and there was a link to a
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care pages.
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So I messaged her family and said my daughter is going has the same tumor as yours and and,
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she was diagnosed at the same time.
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And the woman who wrote back, the little girl's little girl's name was Haley, and her mom's
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name was Lori.
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Here I am Laura, and Haley's mom is Lori, and we have daughters who are diagnosed at the
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exact same time.
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And it was just it was just incredible.
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And we found out that the things that we were doing for Celeste to help her remain positive
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and asking people pray for her all over the world and have skinned people to set beautiful
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intentions for her and, and have spiritual practices.
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Her Haley and her family were doing the exact same thing for her.
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They had created a they'd taken a map of the world and they put pins for all the places in
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the world that people were praying for Haley.
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And in Celeste's room, we would write every time that we found out someone praying for
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Celeste, we would take a sticky note and we would post sticky notes all over the walls so
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that she could see how many people and all the different places in the world that people were
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praying for her.
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And it to me, it was just amazing.
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And the piece that it brought me to know that it wasn't alone to have this other family out
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there who are going through the same thing and can understand that Lori and I had the same
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concerns for our daughters because they were both twelve years old.
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They're about to go through puberty and how was all the chemo going to affect them that way and
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how does it affect them in their relationship with their friends and their family and being
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isolated and in the hospital all the time and and their growth and their schooling and and
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all of those things.
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We had all the same concerns.
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And so Lori and I went from being Lead strangers, the best friends within, matter of
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weeks.
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That we became each other's lifelines.
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And that was, and and then it was at that time that I thought that this was so special What
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was going on?
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This relationship that our families had built together.
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I got an impression again.
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That I needed to write a book about the 2 little girls and tell the world about these
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amazing girls And, that became part of our focus as we went through everything was to
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document everything that was going on so that we could share our stories with others.
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So eventually a few years later, I was able to publish the book 2 mothers, one prayer facing
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your child's cancer with hope, strength, encourage.
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Wow.
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What a what a powerful story.
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So so you kept connected throughout the the the time.
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Obviously, like you said, you both became, fast friends, which is just amazing.
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The support, the level of support that you may have been able to give to each other is
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something that is, I would think, profoundly spiritual because as moms, right, going through
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the same, you know, I'm sure they, at times, maybe she one person went ahead of went through
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something ahead of another and you could say, oh my goodness.
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No.
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No.
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No.
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We already just went through that or we did this or you know, it must have been such a
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comforting thing.
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Talk about having it someone right there with you that's that's kinda, you know, in the
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throes of it together.
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And
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Oh, yes.
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You know, I'm sure you, this kind of support that you gave each other, it's something I'm
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sure you've written in the book that I would love to I would love to read it and learn more
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about it because, of course, when any of us and we've all, you know, I I often say to have
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lived is to have and through pain to learn more about how you go through it, in ways like
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you're saying, like, you know, the power of thought and prayer is is so key because you're
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talking about in those little girl's rooms that they could see these little dots of of, well,
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what is prayer?
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Prairie is putting out to the universe, good things.
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You know, they're, you know, you're gonna be okay, and and we are all energy.
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So, you know, the impact of that much as much as it just been profound
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It was it was really it was a really it was an amazing experience.
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Hard, very, very hard.
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But I'm so grateful that the universe brought our families together.
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So we didn't have to go through this alone.
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And I think that's one of the key things that I share is you don't have to go through things
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alone that people are amazing And if that you reach out and connect and you ask people for
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help, people will do amazing things.
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To support up each other.
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So you learned, I gotta say, in in, you know, front row about what resilience is you know,
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it's it's one thing and we, you know, we hear these buzzwords out there, you know, about how
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to how to cope to tough things.
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You've been you've been there.
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You've, you know, I often say that, you know, it's kinda like I've gone through things in my
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life too, and I I say, you know, you can you can get support, but there comes a point where
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you gotta walk through that tunnel and you gotta go alone believing that there's It's
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gonna be alright on the other side, and it's very scary.
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Tell me about what you learned first hand about resilience, you know, through your own path and
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just all the study and and also with, with the Haley's mom.
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So I actually just learned something new just this last week.
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I knew that Everyone told me, well, lord, you're resilient, and and and you made it
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through this so so well.
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And I'm like, I don't know.
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I know there's certain things that I did.
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And and I share those things that their importance, like, if if there were 5 things
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that I were to share, they would be the importance of reaching out.
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So reaching reaching reaching out.
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Yeah.
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So the 5 steps, first one being reach out.
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And then connect.
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Because sometimes we reach out, but then we fail to actually create connection.
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And to create connection takes vulnerability.
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And and then also, but we also need to go inwards That's the key part is we need to take
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time to reflect to process the things that are going on and reflecting can be journaling.
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It can be praying.
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It can all of those those things that we need to take that time to process, the things that
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we're going through, the difficult stuff, and then express it So go inwards first and then
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get it out.
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Cause if we hold it all in, that's when we make ourselves sick.
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Mhmm.
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And it doesn't allow proper connection.
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If we don't let it out, we have to to takes find some way of expressing the emotions that
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are going on.
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And that can mean going for a run, doing something physical, It could be writing it out.
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It could be talking with a friend and just crying until you just poured your whole heart
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out.
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Or it can be taking the time, to to do something creative.
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So one of the things that I did was I took up painting again.
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I used to paint years ago when my children were little, But when Celeste was in the was it sick
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kids, I was staying at Roxanne McDonald's house, and I would go back to Ronald McDonald's
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house late at night.
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And the first little while, I like I think I killed some brain cells watching storage wars
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and hoarders late at night.
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I'm like, okay.
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Can't do this.
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This is like, killing me.
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So I'm like, I gotta find something else to do, then I can't just sit much television.
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And, so what I did do was I I asked the staff at Ron McDonald's house.
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They had a a craft room that they use for programs for the kids.
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And I said, hey, can I use your craft room late at night?
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You know, when there's no programs going on, like, And they said, sure.
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I don't see why not.
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Nobody had ever asked them before.
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So I got some paints and some, some canvases, and I would go in at 10, 11, 12 o'clock at
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night, and I would just start painting.
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And I painted all of the emotions out.
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I put some music on, and then I would just put the campuses out and just paint and poured out
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all the emotions I was going through at that time.
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So, it was so healing and important to me to be able to express what was going on.
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And then the last thing, so reach out, connect, reflect, express.
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The last one is to love.
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It's easy when my child has cancer for me for me to remember to love my child.
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But the key is remembering to love myself through this as well and to express love and
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gratitude to all those people who are supporting my family, myself, and my family.
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And to recognize that sometimes it's hard to take care of ourselves when our focus is on
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taking care of someone else.
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That we need to love ourselves just as much.
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So, really, because, I mean, to for Celeste, she's seeing all of this.
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She's trying to stay positive.
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And she's probably seeing you and her dad around the clock doing all these things, but
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she's wondering how how you're how you're caring for you.
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Right?
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So you're saying get better, take care, you know, all that good stuff.
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And then if your children kinda start to realize that you're not being a role model,
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like, you're not, you know, sleeping or you're not leaving the hospital or you're not going
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for your walk.
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So even though I think we'll be the we would have been so hard to be away from her.
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I mean, as a mom, myself, and have my son has been in the hospital.
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Nothing you know, serious, but I remember how I I just didn't wanna leave for for fear.
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Like I said, like like Bob said, that fear of, you know, what if, right, but At some point,
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you have to step into that is what you're saying and just realize I have in order for me
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to continue to care for her.
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I have to care for myself first, which I I can tell you from as a psychotherapist when I see
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people or for being through things myself.
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It's sometimes hard to do that when you're having lots of different emotions, especially
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anger, right, which we know with this, you know, the stages of of grief you know, anger is
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the part that gets people stuck, right?
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Because they, you know, why me, why the world, you know, how come this is a twelve year old.
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I'm sure you went through all of those things.
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I had developed a bigger perspective.
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And I had gone through things, very difficult things growing up.
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So when I was nine year old years old, my mother and my sister and I, we were in a car
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accident.
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And both my mother and my sister were killed.
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Oh my
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goodness.
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And from that experience, I learned to understand a number of things about life and
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death.
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First, the death is not a punishment.
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It's not a punishment to those who go, and it's not a punishment to those of us who stay
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behind.
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The second part is tied to it that each one of us just has a different timeline.
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It's not that we get a guaranteed 82 years.
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And if I don't get my 82 years, I've been cut short or my loved ones been cut short.
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It doesn't work that way.
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We each have a different purpose here on earth.
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We have a different, time period that we need to be here, and it's all okay.
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For my mother, that was 37 years.
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For my sister, it was 7.
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And eventually, we came to find out that for my daughter, it was fourteen.
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And it's okay.
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And it's not that they did anything wrong.
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It's not that I did anything wrong.
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It's just they did all they needed to do, and it's their time to go.
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And I still have things that I need to do, so I'm still here.
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And
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so the support that you got at that time must have been really instrumental in you having
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this perspective.
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Like, you're not you're 9, Laura.
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Like, I mean, who who supported you through that time because these are vital vital, highly
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important, messages that you learned.
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Right?
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Like, If you didn't get the right support at that time, you lost 2, obviously, over the most
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significant people in your life, things could have gone awry for you.
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Without the right support.
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What kind of support did you get back then to, to be able to gain that?
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I'm gonna, I'm gonna say that resilience perspective that you you obviously are sharing
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with the world today?
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Well, for myself, I didn't The the biggest key was understanding because of my situation, the
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accident that I was in, I we were hit by a transport truck and there's no way I should
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have walked away from that accident, but that's exactly what happened was I came to and someone
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pulled me out of the truck or out of the car.
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And all I had was a cut on my finger.
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Wow.
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And my mother, my sister, they had brain damage.
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They were in comas.
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They had broken limbs.
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Their bodies had been destroyed, but yet I had not.
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I literally walked away.
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So I believe in in divine intervention.
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And that I had been protected that day, and that became the catalyst for such a strong
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relationship with my heavenly father understanding that no, he had me here for a
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reason, and he continued my life was not easy after that point.
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I was went into, went to live with my father, my stepmother, and a step brother, and it was
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not a good situation.
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I was sent all the way to England to live there for a couple of years.
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I was exposed to a lot of drinking and, drugs and and things like that, that my cousin was
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involved with at the time.
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All the kids that I met in the village I lived in were drinking, smoking, doing drug having
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sex and sniffing glue at 13.
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Oh my goodness.
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Yes.
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So I was thrown into this world into another crazy world, but yet it was like I was protect
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wherever I went, I was protected.
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And I just had this knowing because of the catalyst of what happened in that accident.
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I knew who I was and that god had me here for a reason.
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I didn't know what that was for 30 years.
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I had a lot of questions.
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Like, can you please tell me while I'm here?
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And but I knew.
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And that was the strongest thing.
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In my later teens, I went to live with a foster family.
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And that was a blessing to me, and that was a support.
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That was a huge support to me.
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So there were some key people who were there that I sort of attached to who loved me and
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supported me, but there wasn't some big program.
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There wasn't it was just Part of it was just knowing knowing who I was and, and my re and
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and that relationship.
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That was the biggest key out of everything that I went through for the next.
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Almost 20 years after that.
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So that that that space that's, you know, with when we talk about adversity, and, I mean,
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obviously, you've been through you've been through a lot of adversity really, really
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young.
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You know, I can think about in my career path as a psychotherapist or, or even, you know, I
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work with trauma with the police and, I I that's what my job was.
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I could I could see adversity, and you can always see, you know, the, you know, the
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initial reaction of people And then, you know, afterwards, if you were fortunate enough to see
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them further along, you would kind of see some people that did one thing and some people that,
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you know, they We all have none of us are wired for trauma or or, you know, traumatic events.
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It has to go somewhere to your point.
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Right?
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And the body and the brain, it cycles through it.
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It keeps doing that loop because it keeps saying do something.
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Do something.
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You got you gotta help me puts, you know, context of what's happened because trauma
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doesn't have a beginning and middle and an end.
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And, you know, like with you, like you said, you knew within yourself, This this is
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something bigger than me.
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Like, I mean, I've I've put here for something bigger and and you held on to that.
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And then like you said, it wasn't all there was this, you know, epiphany or program, but you
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start to kind of piece it together even though at times life was still rough.
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Some people you know, keep at it and and listen to what's internal.
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Other people go outside of themselves to deal with the pain.
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Mhmm.
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Yes.
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Right?
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And that's what, like you said, if you don't if you don't release that pain, or as a
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psychotherapist, I always say to people, you know, it's your you gotta honor, you know, Bear
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and let go because it it's already it's already happened.
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You're still here.
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And, you know, what is it that you can learn from it?
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And, and what is it that you could do to help others?
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I often say with some of the things that I've been through in my life, like, what can I do?
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Because I've now learned so many things, not just about my in my profession, but it's just
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in my personal life that I try to give back as much as I can.
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Mhmm.
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Because we've all been there.
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Right?
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When it's dark, like, oh my goodness.
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And then you kind of start to realize, okay.
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I gotta move.
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Right.
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Like you said, I got I gotta move.
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I gotta talk to somebody.
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I gotta go help that other person that's not doing so well, or I gotta get out of my and my
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eye space.
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And then I start now what I hear is you, you talk about serving.
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Right?
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Yes.
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Right?
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You know, because when we get so insular.
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We get so focused on ourselves that, you know, and then we we depress.
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We we curl in, and then we don't you know, see anything above, but when you start to kind of
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open and and get back, what are you doing?
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You're just saying, okay.
26:17
I don't know what's going on right now, but I'm I'm gonna try to open up you know, accept
26:21
what's happening and help somebody else by being a small act, you know, you know, and then
26:27
you start to feel better.
26:28
Even though maybe you still deep down inside a pretty sad.
26:31
So clearly, that was something that, you did very well.
26:35
I think that's that's part of the key is We have to have that balance of going inside and
26:40
reflecting and then get and expressing it out.
26:43
We have to do both.
26:45
If you do one without the other, it doesn't work.
26:49
You have to have that balance of doing both and I think that was one of the things throughout
26:55
my teenage years through through my twenties.
26:57
I had counselors I had people who I could turn to that I could express the things and help me
27:03
to make sense of it.
27:05
And it's not like I did it all on my own because I I had I had the psychiatrist at the
27:11
beginning in the early eighties and then I had a counselor and then later on I did EFT and I
27:16
did EMTR and I learned the Sedona method and joe Pono Pono.
27:21
And, like, and they just become it just becomes layers to let to blossom that it's just like,
27:28
okay, use this technique, and it helps it helped me to open up a little more.
27:31
And then use this technique, and it helped me open up a little more And, yeah, so
27:37
It's it's it's a process, but you have to be you have to know that.
27:40
Okay.
27:41
I'm still I've got still carrying some pain.
27:43
So what can I do now to get?
27:44
How can I where what path do I follow to figure out how I'm gonna release that pain and and
27:49
make sense?
27:50
Because being paid for none of us makes sense.
27:52
Right?
27:53
And and, you know, after a while, you're like, you know, your body holds the emotion, and the
27:58
body gives you the information.
28:00
And if you sit in it to your point, then it it obviously grows the pain versus releasing it.
28:05
Now I wanted to talk a little bit about, like employers and and HR and people, you know, that
28:14
may be working with others that are experiencing things, whether it's a sick child
28:18
or, you know, people going through so many things.
28:21
What kind of guidance would you say to people that are helping others, like whether it's a
28:26
manager, or, you know, people at work.
28:29
What kind of things should they not do?
28:32
What kind of things should they think about if they're managing to be able to kind of support
28:36
people in a way that allows them to space to be compassionate, but also to be able to to
28:41
perform at a certain level.
28:43
Having
28:46
Also coming from, working in a a small business, myself as a chief financial officer
28:49
and and helping to manage some of the HR duties there.
28:58
And having seen that with some of our own employees, one of the things we've done is
29:02
making sure that we provide resources.
29:05
And understanding that, yes, they're going through things, and it won't be forever.
29:13
That the way that I felt when I was, when Celeste, first passed away 6 years later, I'm
29:20
I'm thriving.
29:21
So it it's recognizing that if we provide resources, for our employees, it will help them
29:35
to go to the next level and they won't stay in that stock phase if we can understand them and
29:39
support them and and provide the resources.
29:42
And when resources one raise resource may not work for everybody.
29:48
So having, it's like having a toolbox and saying, okay, which tool does this person need
29:54
and helping them to access those tools.
29:57
So and while we may not want in in HR, we don't want to do the fixing ourselves.
30:03
But if we can say, hey, I've seen other people with this similar thing, and this this tool
30:10
over here might really work for you, or would you like access to this particular tool whether
30:17
it's trauma counseling, whether that's a, letting them know that there are resources in
30:24
the community for a support group or things like that, helping them to find those tools
30:31
because the faster they can find and start using the tools and and know that they have the
30:36
support at work to do that and being accommodating with ours so that they can access
30:41
the programs that they need I think that that really helps with mental health issues.
30:46
For sure.
30:46
So just being able to let them know that it's there, not to get too involved, obviously.
30:52
You know, you wanna you know, that maybe they're not, you know, you can tell when you
30:56
know people, especially in a smaller business, you can kinda tell their temperament.
30:59
And you're gonna tell if they're an extrovert and they're kinda quiet or, you know, they're
31:03
struggling to do things that come to them really naturally.
31:05
You know that they're struggling with something.
31:07
To your point.
31:08
It's just to to not get into too much personal, but to say these are where the, you know, the
31:13
professional resources are.
31:15
And we're here to support you just tell us what you need.
31:18
I think that's a a really nice way.
31:20
And obviously things like EAP programs, a lot of, you know, some companies most companies
31:26
have it.
31:26
So if you don't have it as a smaller employer, just being able to kind of guide them, like you
31:30
said, in different resources within the community, Now I'm up.
31:35
I'm curious.
31:37
With parenting Celeste as she went through this.
31:41
You know, I I'm and I and I'm, you know, like I said, I, you know, I haven't raised an, an, an,
31:46
an, now eighteen year old and, you know, you go through so much as a parent and You know, like
31:50
you said, you worry and you, you know, you do your best.
31:53
But how did you parent her to allow her the space to to she know she knew obviously the
32:04
extent of what was going on, but to stay as positive as to keep her positive, but also keep
32:10
yourself positive and and but to also sit in that reality of what was happening.
32:15
I'm curious about that.
32:16
I'm sure the others listening are probably curious about that too.
32:20
So when Celeste was first diagnosed, my focus was on keeping her positive.
32:28
And one of the things that happens with cancer.
32:32
Every person that you say cancer to has a different image that comes up when you say the
32:36
word cancer.
32:39
And adults usually associate cancer with all the people they've lost.
32:48
Right?
32:49
And so it brings in fear.
32:52
It brings in anxiety.
32:53
It brings in all of these motions.
32:54
But children For the most part, don't have any experience with cancer.
32:59
My daughter didn't have any experience with cancer.
33:03
What exactly is cancer?
33:05
Cancer is cells that are growing where they shouldn't.
33:08
They're not all the emotions that we associate.
33:12
It's just cells that are growing where they're not supposed to.
33:16
And so that's what we simply told Celeste is you have some cells that are growing in your
33:20
brain that they're not supposed to be there.
33:22
So the doctors are gonna do this treatment to try and get rid of them.
33:26
Now what I know about chemo and I'm horrified about chemo and how horrible those drugs are
33:33
and how sick they make people.
33:35
I don't need to tell her that.
33:37
Because we don't have to look at that yet.
33:39
We just look at the day to day.
33:41
K.
33:41
Today, this is what we have to look at.
33:43
Now after she's had a round of it and she knows what we're about to go through, but children
33:47
are amazing.
33:49
And they are just so willing to do what you ask them to do.
33:53
And so the focus became on, okay.
33:55
How do we just remain positive about this?
33:59
And go, okay.
34:00
Today's gonna be a hard day.
34:01
This is day 6th of treatment, and it's the there were different drugs that she had to take
34:11
on different days and they did different things to her.
34:13
And it was just like, okay.
34:15
How do we just make her comfortable and find things that she was happy and surround her with
34:19
love and support?
34:20
So we put sticky notes all over her room for all the people who were praying for so she
34:24
didn't feel alone.
34:26
We made sure that she had access to Skype.
34:29
So that she could Skype with some friends and with family members because she'd be isolated.
34:36
She would go through different stages in her treatment, she had to be in isolation.
34:41
So she wasn't exposed to germs because they had dropped her immune system down so low.
34:46
And so we and they called it an isolation room.
34:49
And so instead, I changed the name and we didn't call it an isolation room.
34:55
We called it her healing room because she was going in there to get better, to heal.
35:02
And so what we did is and the room is a little room with a glass door with a glass sliding
35:08
door.
35:09
So the nurses can always look in and see how she's doing.
35:13
And so we took that glass sliding door and I got markers that you can write on windows, And
35:19
I wrote the name of every person that was praying, loving her, and her family.
35:24
And just so that it became a healing room for her, and she felt surrounded that because
35:30
nobody else could come into the room, at least she still knew that she was loved and
35:35
supported.
35:36
And with Haley doing the same treatment as the last, Haley was actually 1 month ahead.
35:42
Haley was diagnosed at the beginning of February Celeste went in at the end of
35:45
February.
35:46
So their treatments were just staggered by a month.
35:50
And so Haley had done one round of treatment before Celeste.
35:55
So Lori would let me know what was coming up and what that was like for Haley.
36:00
And then when they started around, they were practically one on top of each other on the
36:05
round except for Haley was one day ahead.
36:10
And so Lori would tell me that Haley's counts had just gone up the next day.
36:16
And so I would then say to Celeste.
36:19
Haley's counts went up yesterday.
36:21
And sure enough, so because now I was telling Celeste's mind what she's supposed to do that
36:26
oh, now you're you're it's your turn for your counts to go up and she would just mimic
36:31
whatever I told her.
36:33
And because our minds are so they're so impressionable and especially children's.
36:39
And so we would just and when the doctors came in, They'd want to tell me what could go wrong
36:44
and I'd say no, I want you to tell me what can go right.
36:48
What's the best case scenario?
36:51
Because that's what we're shooting for.
36:53
I don't want to suggest to Celeste's body that all these terrible things are going to happen.
36:59
Because then she'll go, oh, is that what I'm supposed to do?
37:02
And it will and our bodies will do that.
37:04
Sure.
37:05
Right?
37:05
So I wanted to suggest to her all the things that could go right.
37:10
And that became our focus through the treatments.
37:15
At the end, it was a different story.
37:19
When Celeste, she'd now Haley, Celeste's Celeste and Haley Haley's tumor had completely
37:29
shrunk and were completely gone and she got what is called the no evidence of disease or
37:34
NAD.
37:34
And so this is what we're telling Celeste we're shooting for.
37:37
Like, okay.
37:38
Haley has her no evidence of disease, so we expect that to happen for for Celeste next.
37:45
Celeste's tumor had shrunk 98 a half percent.
37:49
Wow.
37:50
There was just just this tiny little bit left.
37:52
So we were expecting the next MRI is gonna be completely gone.
37:59
And then that's when the doctor called me and said, actually, this last MRI, they found some
38:05
additional spots.
38:06
And I'm like, No.
38:08
No.
38:08
No.
38:09
No.
38:09
We're supposed this is supposed to be her no evidence of disease.
38:12
You're not supposed to tell me that there's more cancer growing.
38:15
That's that's not part of the deal here.
38:18
This is not what we've worked for.
38:19
This is not what we've prayed for.
38:21
No.
38:22
And then that's when I started to go into fear again.
38:25
And and I was just like, no.
38:27
This can't happen.
38:28
And and I'm like, okay.
38:30
Well, then we'll just do more.
38:32
Think we'll we'll it because her doctor wasn't suggesting any more treatment.
38:37
She didn't know what to suggest.
38:39
And and I'm like, well, then we'll go somewhere else in the world.
38:42
We'll find something else.
38:43
We'll pray more.
38:44
We'll get we'll do more therapy.
38:46
Whatever.
38:47
And I'm going into this frantic, well, we'll just do more and be more.
38:51
And and all of a sudden, I got this realization that as much as I was willing to do anything in
39:00
the whole world for my little girl, it wasn't my fight.
39:07
That this was up to Celeste.
39:10
And if she felt like she could fight this, because this was hard stuff.
39:15
Really, really hard stuff that she was doing.
39:20
And then I realized this was up to her.
39:23
If she felt like she could fight this, we would fight it.
39:26
But if she felt like she couldn't do it anymore because it was too hard, And that was okay too.
39:34
We would just simply make every day that she had left wonderful.
39:40
And in surrendering to that, I got the greatest piece in realizing no matter what happened, It
39:50
was gonna be okay.
39:54
Then I had that conversation with Celeste and let her know.
39:57
Hey, sweetie.
39:58
The doctor said I said, if you want to if you want to fight this, we'll help you fight this,
40:04
but if you feel like you can't do this anymore, that's okay too.
40:08
She's like, no, mommy.
40:09
I wanna fight this.
40:10
I'm like, that's my little girl.
40:15
And over the next few months, that's what what our intention was to do more of that.
40:20
We were asking more people to pray, but we didn't have a plan yet.
40:24
And at Christmas time, she started to develop headaches again.
40:29
Her initial symptoms had been headaches that woke her up in the middle of the night and
40:36
double vision.
40:38
And at that Christmas time in New Year's, those symptoms started to come back.
40:45
And so even without seeing an MRI, we're like, okay, and we know this is not good.
40:51
And the doctors had her come in for the next MRI to see where she was at.
40:57
And that particular day, we went to the MRI.
41:02
Excuse me.
41:02
And then her stepmom stayed with a neurologist to take a look at the scans.
41:09
Her stepmom was a neurology med student.
41:14
And, so then I took Celeste to get a bone scan.
41:18
And when we're sitting in this room and they're making us wait because it's all you ever do in
41:22
the hospital is wait.
41:24
And she's laying on this bed and she's got one of those warm blankets on her and I'm sitting
41:29
in a in a rocking chair and I've got like a warm blanket on me because it's freezing in
41:33
this room and and they're just like, we just have to wait and wait.
41:36
And I said to her suite to her step, her stepmom sent me a text and said it doesn't look
41:42
good.
41:43
But I didn't know what it doesn't look good means.
41:48
So I simply turned to Celeste and I said, hey, sweetie.
41:51
If you could do anything in the whole world, what would you wanna do?
41:55
If you could go anywhere, if you could meet anyone, if you could learn anything.
41:59
If you could try anything, if you what would you wanna do?
42:02
She's like, oh, mommy.
42:04
She said, I wanna go to Europe.
42:05
I wanna go to Big Bend in in London, England, and I wanna see the Eiffel Tower in Paris, and
42:11
I wanna go to see the leaning tower of Pisa in Italy, try Swiss chocolates in Switzerland and
42:17
and I wanna have pail chocolate in Paris and and I'm writing all these things down.
42:21
And I was like, if you could meet anyone, who would you wanna meet?
42:25
She's got Robin Williams.
42:27
Like anyone else, Celine Dion, and Anne Hathaway.
42:32
We had just seen Lemiz, and she'd loved Ann Hathaway from, Ellenchanted and, princess
42:42
diaries and and all of those.
42:44
So I wrote Anne halfway down, and then we're huge doctor who fans.
42:49
And so she wanted to meet the cast of the doctor who TV show.
42:53
So I wrote all these things down.
42:54
She said, I wanna she said, I wanna learn how to make the Naimo virus, and I wanna rock
42:58
climbing and and I wanna try new foods and start writing all of these things down.
43:02
And then we go downstairs after the scan was over.
43:05
And the doctor sat down with us.
43:07
They had the results from the MRI.
43:10
And they said Celeste had so much cancer in her little body.
43:15
They only expected her to live days or weeks.
43:20
And while you're not supposed to tell me that I only have days or weeks of my little girl,
43:25
They're supposed to tell me that I had months or years.
43:28
They weren't supposed to tell me it was days or weeks.
43:32
And they said because she had a tumor in her brain, she wouldn't be able to fly.
43:38
She couldn't that wasn't gonna be possible.
43:42
But we had made a decision already that we simply were gonna make every day that she had
43:48
left wonderful.
43:50
And that's what we did.
43:53
Was we sent a message out to everyone we knew and said, here's the deal.
44:00
Celeste doesn't have much time left.
44:02
If you know anyone who knows anyone knows anyone who can help us to make this dream come
44:07
these dreams come true for her, please help us.
44:11
And when you ask people to help.
44:14
People are amazing.
44:17
Absolutely amazing.
44:19
They will move mountains.
44:23
To help each other.
44:25
And that's exactly what happened for us.
44:28
And that was on a Friday when we found out I sent that message out.
44:33
The following Wednesday, we're at her dad's house, and some man's house, just like this,
44:39
someone's calling.
44:45
And he asked for our daughter, and her stepmom says Well, can I ask who's calling?
44:52
Who's the stranger calling her daughter?
44:55
It was David Tennant, the actor calling from London, England, He was the actor from the
45:02
doctor who TV show.
45:04
He was our favorite.
45:06
My goodness.
45:07
He had been in Harry Potter.
45:10
And he talked with Celeste, and it was amazing.
45:15
Absolutely amazing.
45:16
She's sitting at the kitchen table.
45:18
Talking to him like she does this every day of her life.
45:20
They talked about spaghetti bolognese that are favorite foods, but doesn't do that.
45:28
So and the rest of us were on the extension in the hallway listening to the conversations
45:34
she's having with David Tennant, and we're like, oh my goodness.
45:37
Oh my goodness.
45:37
Give it tenants on the phone.
45:40
Wow.
45:41
What what an amazing story?
45:44
Well, it got even better because the next day, Robin Williams Skype from with her from his
45:49
hotel in in Salt Lake City.
45:51
He was on tour.
45:53
The day after that, someone got hold of Salindi on, and she called before her show in Vegas.
46:00
And dedicated the show to Celeste.
46:02
And the day after that, Anne Hathaway Skype with her for 45 minutes, teasing.
46:09
Wow.
46:10
Wow.
46:12
So just asking.
46:13
Right?
46:13
Like, I mean, you know, we at the top of our time, you said, you know, you you reach out but
46:19
you the the part that I and I I think I I see it all the time when I coach or or in my in my
46:26
practice as a psychotherapist is to be able to be vulnerable.
46:29
It's one thing to to be able to give, right?
46:32
But it's another thing is to really And I think that's the core element that you are sharing
46:38
the story and it's being so beautifully, demonstrated is but being vulnerable enough to
46:45
say, I need you.
46:49
Because if people are, you know, people are pretty amazing when you do that because you can
46:53
have all the needs, but you bottle it up and then you don't allow people to do things that
46:59
come naturally to them, which is to basically, to give.
47:02
We are meant to give and receive.
47:05
Mhmm.
47:05
You know, truly.
47:07
In this world.
47:08
And what a what a powerful thing that you put it out to your network and what a may what an
47:14
amazing think for Celeste to have experienced.
47:18
Yeah.
47:18
Yeah.
47:19
Yeah.
47:19
Yeah.
47:22
Wow.
47:24
I'm truly I'm I'm touched on such a profound level.
47:27
I know I'd heard it before, but just, you know, I'm I'm my my heart is, so touch when I hear
47:34
the story all over again.
47:35
It's a it's amazing.
47:37
I'm sure everybody listening is feeling the same way.
47:41
You know, resilience is quite quite the thing.
47:44
And what I hope people hear from hearing your story is that it doesn't matter what you come
47:51
from.
47:52
What you experience.
47:53
But then you know that all of us are meant we're put here for a reason.
47:57
And to be able to share this this you know, awe inspiring.
48:03
So even if I could call it a story and experience with the world, to help others
48:09
realize that it doesn't matter what you're going through that, you know, you can still you
48:14
can still enjoy.
48:16
You can still find the positive lining in something.
48:19
You can still, you know, talk about what you dream about, what what you love.
48:24
You know, you don't have to buy into the to the negative because the brain and the body is
48:29
constantly listening.
48:31
Mhmm.
48:32
Yes.
48:32
Right.
48:33
And then the fact is that if something has to happen, and like you said, we all have
48:36
timeline.
48:37
And if it's our time is to think about, you know, what is it that I need to do even more of
48:42
because maybe my end is near.
48:45
Mhmm.
48:46
You
48:46
know, which is which is hard for most of us to think.
48:49
But truly, if you start to look at it like that, it really makes us realize, you know, how
48:53
much more we can do with our lives, to be able to, to live the fullest life, to be able to, to
48:59
give messages, or to do deeds out there in in the world.
49:04
In what ways can we be loving others and also expressing gratitude?
49:10
And recognize that we don't know what tomorrow is going to bring.
49:14
What are we doing today that matters?
49:17
And have we let people know how much they matter to us?
49:22
And know that it's not the end.
49:25
Either.
49:26
One of the things that I did learn in losing my mom and my sister so young is that relationship
49:33
didn't end.
49:34
That I have continued to feel close to my mother over the years.
49:38
I have literally felt her hands on my shoulders.
49:41
I've heard her whisper in my ear and tell me the things that I needed at the time.
49:46
And I was able to let my daughter know that that that relationship would be able continue,
49:52
and I've been able to do that with Celeste as well.
49:55
It's just it's just a different relationship now.
49:59
One that you bring with you all the time and it's in your heart and that, you know, to have
50:04
had the privilege to have had her as many years that you did one of the amazing thing to have
50:09
had that that level of love, something that's, you know, none of us could put a price on, that
50:15
that's possibility to to love versus and so many people when they're hurt, they go through
50:20
the rest of their life in fear, like you said.
50:23
And, you know, and they cut themselves off from from connection once they've lost.
50:27
I think that's the that's the biggest lesson that I'm I'm gaining here today just from,
50:33
listening to you, and I'm I'm just sure I'll get a lot of feedback about what you shared.
50:37
Laura, it's it's, it's been breathtaking.
50:43
I don't know if breathtaking is the right word.
50:45
Just listening, to what you're you're doing out there.
50:50
The fact that you can give guidance to others that that need the support.
50:54
So I want want you to tell everyone, and I don't know if you have any last words before
50:58
you tell people where they can get a hold of you because I'm sure there would be a lot of
51:02
people that will wanna be connected, you know, or just have questions for you.
51:07
About some of the things that you've shared with these 2 beautiful, little girls that,
51:12
sounds like, you know, they would have been so impressive to have met.
51:17
Thank you.
51:17
Yeah.
51:18
They are.
51:19
I'm so glad I get to tell the world about them.
51:21
So if you know anyone who, is battling cancer at the moment, especially childhood cancer.
51:29
They can visit my website 2 mothers, one prayer, dotcom.
51:35
And later this year, I'll be hosting a podcast called Hope strength and courage.
51:40
Specifically for cancer parents.
51:44
But if most of us, are helping others in other ways.
51:52
So it could be an elder, elderly parent.
51:55
It could be caregiving children.
51:58
It could be taking a care of others in other ways.
52:03
And I put together workshops called soul chocolate, taking care of you to as you take
52:09
care of others.
52:10
If you'd like more information on the 10 key things, takeaways that you can do, as you're
52:17
taking care of others.
52:19
Then go to my website, lauralane.ca and sign up for our newsletter.
52:25
And we'll make sure that you have that information so that you're better prepared for
52:29
the caregiving that you're doing in your own life.
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Because we all have an opportunity at some point.
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So I I I think I've had, I've been struck, so much by, spending more time with Laura.
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And I I know I've known Laura probably for about a year now and, but have not spent as
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much time, and I feel privileged to have, of, of, heard so much more, and I wanna I wanna
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learn more also, Laura, realize that we have all the gifts that we need.
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And we will, you know, be pricked and prodded along the way, but don't let that deter you
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from what you meant to be and why you're here.
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And You know, it doesn't have to be something huge in the world other than to think, you
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know, how can I make a difference with what gifts I've been given, and we all have them?
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And if you don't know what it is, like Laura said, just just spend some time by yourself
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walking walking nature play a nice piece of music and put yourself into that state where
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you really are allowed to listen deep down inside.
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Like she said, that she knew that space was always there.
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And some of us, we we run so fast that we don't listen.
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So so stop and listen to what is it that I meant to give back.
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And and try to give back something whatever it is, whether it's helping an elderly neighbor,
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you know, with to cut their grass or to do something small that you know is going to make
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a difference in someone's life tomorrow.
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And resilience is something that it's a muscle.
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We it it comes to us by just practicing small little, the acts, that we can do on an ongoing
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basis.
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So thank you again, Laura.
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This has been, amazing spending the time with you.
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And for anyone, needing more information on me, you can reach me at Roxanne Tom.
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I'm a keynote speaker and a trainer, and I speak on mental wellness and resilience.
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So, again, take care, Laura, and we'll connect you.
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Thank you, Roxanne.
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Okay.
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Bye bye.
54:30
Bye bye.
54:31
Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive,
54:37
healthy change.
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Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
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roxannederhaj.com/blueprint.
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We'll see you next time on authentic living with Roxanne.