Latest / HAVE FAITH LET IT BEGIN® / Personal Testimonies Chapter 1 Ep 8 I am going Home

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Personal Testimonies Chapter 1 Ep 8 I am going Home · HAVE FAITH LET IT BEGIN®

• 0:00
  Music.
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  Let It Begin and Endless Hope, Inc. presents a new series entitled Personal Testimonies.
• 0:18
  Here is your host, Angel Santana, and special co-host, Clinton Knapp.
• 0:19
  Music.
• 0:27
  Good evening, everyone, and welcome to what we're going to call the final chapter
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  of chapter one, endless hope and have faith, let it begin personal testimonies.
• 0:41
  Don't read too much into what I just said, but we are coming down to the end
• 0:46
  of this story of Clinton Knapp, but trust me when I tell you we're not done.
• 0:53
  So without further ado, I've got Clinton Knapp here to my left.
• 0:57
  We are like seriously excited about this episode.
• 1:00
  I know I am because I don't know how the story ends, but I always call him the doctor.
• 1:06
  You know what it is? He's all dressed up in his merch today. He looks professional.
• 1:11
  He's excited to deliver another part.
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  So this is chapter one, episode eight. We haven't titled it yet.
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  We don't usually do it till the end.
• 1:20
  So without further ado, we left off Clinton with you describing the fresh air,
• 1:26
  or I should say breath of fresh air.
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  Can you give us a little bit of that ending one more time? And then by all means,
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  take us, take us on and bring us home, my friend.
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  Absolutely. Yeah. So we left off with me finally getting my first step outside.
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  And as I mentioned, I took my first, first breath of fresh air in what was just
• 1:47
  a few short weeks, but seemed like a lifetime.
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  So now here I am standing in front of the hospital, well, sitting in a wheelchair
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  because they don't let you, you know, they want to be safe.
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  So sit, sit, sit. So here I am in front of the hospital waiting for my chariot,
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  my little Honda Civic that the wife drove at the time, to pull up because she
• 2:08
  had went to the parking lot to grab it.
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  And I'm just anxious, anxious to get home, anxious for what's to come,
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  anxious to just see my little boy.
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  And she pulls up. She gets out. She comes around. And she opens up the door for me.
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  And you're thinking, oh, how sweet. She opens up the passenger side door.
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  Yeah, well, it was sweet, but it wasn't the door you're thinking. It's the back door.
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  So because of having, being fresh after having a transplant,
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  I can't sit in the front seat of the vehicle.
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  I have to sit in the back seat to, as a safety precaution, God forbid she gets
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  into an accident or anything. My wound is still fresh.
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  Nothing is healed. It's just, you know, some scabs.
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  So I climb into the back seat and I mentioned before having a pillow.
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  They had given me a heart-shaped pillow and the doctors had signed it.
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  So the purpose of that pillow is to put it
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  in between myself and the seat belt in case
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  god forbid she has to slam on the brakes the seat belt tightens
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  squeezes doesn't put too much tension on my
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  chest so i place my pillow my seat belts on and i say my final goodbyes well
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  not final but final for this trip to doctors and nurses and off we go first
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  car ride in a few weeks The last ride I had was in the back of an ambulance on a stretcher.
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  So I was enjoying it. It was amazing to look out the window and see the scenery
• 3:37
  that I hadn't seen in so long.
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  And watching cars go by and the clouds whizzing through the sky.
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  It was just a beautiful sky because we were just getting over.
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  Mind you, it's still the beginning of May.
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  Second week, third week into May. So we're just getting over winter.
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  So spring's coming and I get to see there's still some residual snow on the
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  ground, but you can see the, the blossoms on the trees and birds that have been
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  gone all winter starting to come back.
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  So I just really enjoyed the ride and it took in the finer things in life that
• 4:12
  we tend to take for granted.
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  Now, this is a regular, now this trip real quick and without giving out information, it's personal.
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  This was about, you're about 90 miles from home. Is that correct?
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  About that about that yes okay so
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  what a 90 90 miles away on a regular you
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  know a and b type of travel would would make anybody go okay you know but this
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  has got to be one of the longest drive home because you're excited oh you're
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  not lying it felt like forever but again i was enjoying it but it definitely felt like a lifetime.
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  Music was on. Me and the wife were talking, so I'm enjoying the ride.
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  As we get closer to home, I start to see a lot of familiar things, restaurants.
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  Now, I'm saying home, but unfortunately for me, I'm not going straight home.
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  I have to go and stay with my mother in her house for a few days because insurance purposes.
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  I needed to reside with her for my insurance
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  versus in my actual hometown where i'm
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  living at the point at that point in life so i'm
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  going on my way to my mother's house where i will stay for a few days for to
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  meet with some doctors and stuff like that so follow-up visits at home so now
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  we're a few minutes out and i'm just so anxious i'm ready to jump out the car
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  and run i think i could probably beat her there if I'm on my foot than driving
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  because, you know, of course,
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  you want to go someplace and you're in a hurry, so what happens?
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  You hit every red light and everybody's driving slower than normal and it's
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  like, you're ready to jump out of your skin.
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  We get to the part of my mother's house.
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  She lived in an apartment complex at the time and I couldn't,
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  I don't even think the car was in the park and I was out the car and running
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  inside to where my mother waited with my sister and my father and my son.
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  I ran right inside and I had seen during this ordeal, I had seen my mother and my father and my sister.
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  So it wasn't like I was missing them. I hadn't seen my son.
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  So I ran right in, snatched him up and gave him a hug like you would not believe.
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  I almost didn't want to put him down. I don't think I did for a while.
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  So now everybody's happy to see me.
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  Some people who couldn't come and visit me in the hospital are coming over and stuff like that.
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  But at the same point, we need to be extra cautious because I am just getting
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  home from having our transplant.
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  So I can't do certain things. No restaurants.
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  If I go out in public, I need to wear a mask. You know, and I say that now and
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  you think, oh, it's nothing.
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  You know, it's just a mask. But back in 2009, mind you, my transplant was 15 and a half years ago.
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  Back in 2009, it wasn't common to go into a grocery store and see somebody wearing a surgical mask.
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  It was like, you know, people looked at you like you were crazy.
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  Like, what's wrong with you? Like, oh, my God, this guy's got something.
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  And in all reality, I'm trying to protect myself from you who may have something.
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  Because whatever you may have that's not hurting you could really hurt me.
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  The night goes by very fast
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  it seemed like too fast um we stay
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  the next morning i get up i have some things i
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  need to take care of i'm waiting for a nutritionist to come
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  by we're going to talk about my diet what i
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  should should not eat things like that also a nurse is going to come by for
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  at home physical therapy and then another nurse to just check for like wound
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  care and stuff like that I have to see these nurses for just a few short weeks, but in the same time,
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  once a week, I have to go back and forth to Westchester for, at that time,
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  I'm so far out that I don't do these often.
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  So at that time, it's biopsy and catheterization all in one.
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  So I get up, new day, first day home, first day waking up in a real bed,
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  not a hospital bed. I'm not hearing beepy.
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  Nobody waking me up all night oh sorry to bother you i just got to check your
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  blood pressure or check this or check that so i it was nice to sleep in my own
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  bed well not really my own bed but in a bed that wasn't a hospital bed and didn't
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  make noises and movements when you moved,
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  So I wake up the next morning refreshed, ready to go.
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  And I'm up earlier than usual, but that's because I'm used to it.
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  I've spent the last couple of weeks in the hospital. So I'm up 6, 7 o'clock.
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  I'm at the crack of dawn, and the light sun rises, and so do I.
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  So I get up, and nobody else is really up. So I just slowly mosey around the house.
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  I'm looking for my son, but he's asleep. And I want to wake him up so I can hold him and hug him.
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  But I know that the right thing to do is to let him get his rest.
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  So as much as I want to be selfish, I have to be patient.
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  So I just go downstairs and get a drink and I'm sitting and relaxing and watching some TV.
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  And I believe my father was, no, my sister was sleeping in the living room to
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  let me use her work at that time.
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  So she gets up and she has a cup of coffee and we're talking.
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  We're just, she's asking me how I feel. And, you know, I feel great.
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  I'm a little nervous about what's to come because this is all very,
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  very new to me. I mean, it's new to all of us, but I'm ready and I just want to do it.
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  I just want to live life, get back to some form of normalcy,
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  which is, I mean, realistically, what is normal?
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  I mean, nobody really knows. And I, you know, at this point I have so many questions
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  and if it's okay with you, Clinton, I would like to take you back a little bit.
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  You know, we both have in common, we both have sons.
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  And as, as, as we're recording this, I have my two-year-old son behind me.
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  And as you're describing yourself coming home and holding on to your son,
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  I'm thinking to myself that, you know, I'll be at work for seven hours,
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  eight hours a day and I miss my kids.
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  I cannot even begin to imagine what that must feel like to know that your son
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  is growing up and you're not able to be there to witness that.
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  And at the same token, you're probably thinking, what am I missing?
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  So my first question to you is yes of course when you got home you picked him
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  up you held him but was there a sense of as you can hear my son now as was there
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  a sense of of of joy i mean obviously i know you want to see your son know that
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  but was there a sense of completion that okay.
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  Yes not only in my home but i have my son in my hands.
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  Yeah, absolutely. I felt like all that I was working towards and working for, I had achieved it.
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  It was like setting a long-term goal or even a short-term goal.
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  It was like setting a goal in front of yourself to reach. I felt like I had
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  reached it and I really hadn't because reaching my goal at this point would
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  be enjoying my son, watching him grow.
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  I had only reached a part of it getting back to him
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  was was the main bar and so yes there
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  was a lot of joy there i felt great i
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  felt like i had done something that i never thought i could we had a question
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  that did come in so there's a two-part question to this so i had i held on to
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  this question on purpose because i wanted to record it because it applied to
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  this segment and i've been holding on to it So I apologize for holding a question
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  for me, but it applies to this.
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  And that is your, and it was, this is, I'm going to paraphrase it because it
• 11:52
  was a pretty lengthy question, but the paraphrase is like this,
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  your girlfriend, which we all know now, of course, that that has become your fiance.
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  They wanted to know where you guys in the process of, of preparing for marriage
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  when all this went down or, or were you just, or were you even engaged during this time?
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  Because people wanted to know, my God, it would be like, it would be crazy to
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  find out that you were not only were you dealing with a heart issue,
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  you probably were dealing with wedding preparations and they wanted to know about that.
• 12:23
  Good question. Um, cause there was a lot of misunderstanding there when I was
• 12:28
  in the hospital at this time.
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  So I had previously, I want to say a year or two prior,
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  I'd asked my, my girlfriend at the time to marry me, but I didn't do it in a
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  traditional sense because where I came from, I didn't have that.
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  Like my parents weren't married. They were just together forever.
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  You know what I mean? I mean, I had aunts and uncles that were married,
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  but for the most portion of my family, they were just together.
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  It was common law marriage. It wasn't, you know, with church bells and that type of marriage.
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  So when I had asked my fiance, my girlfriend to marry me, she said,
• 13:05
  yeah, but we were kids. So it was more in my eyes, It was my fiance in her eyes.
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  It was probably more of like a promise ring type of thing.
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  So, yes, we did. I did tell people, nurses and doctors, that she was my fiance.
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  It was at which point during actually, believe it or not, during my recovery
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  time, I didn't mention this because I was anticipating that the question would come.
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  It was during my recovery time
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  that I had written a letter to my father-in-law who I didn't see much.
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  I think I only seen him once before transplant when I was in Westchester.
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  I had written a letter to him, explaining to him exactly how I felt about his
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  daughter and asking him for her hand in marriage, which when I came home,
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  he had, he had told me, yes, but we had everything because of what had happened.
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  Everything was just delayed and pushed off.
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  So at that point, yeah, she was my girlfriend in my eyes, my fiance.
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  So there was no wedding preparations, but there was, yeah, she was my fiance.
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  So now the questions get a little more difficult so another
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  person asks at this point in time
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  you know there are there are times in relationships when
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  a situation will arise where one partner will say i don't know if i can get
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  involved in this because you know and i pardon the way that i'm going to express
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  this and i'm sorry about my son in the background but hey you know what we're
• 14:34
  a family show yeah so here's my question here's my question to you and i pardon
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  the way this is going to come across,
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  I'm going to try to word it in a way that I can explain it.
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  Was there at any point in time where you, because I can't speak for your wife,
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  we'll have her on the show in the future, but was there any point in time where
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  you felt she could walk away from me because I have a,
• 14:57
  health issue that could possibly make her think I may not be around?
• 15:02
  And that's one of the questions that did come up.
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  So yes, I mean, and I speak about this quite often today.
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  When I talk to people about my wife and our relationship.
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  You know, all too often you see relationships are tested by certain trials and
• 15:20
  tribulations. And one partner walks away because it's like, oh,
• 15:24
  hold on. I can't handle this. This is not what I signed up for.
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  This is just too much for me. And they walk away.
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  Whether there's a child or not involved, it's even more sad when there is a
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  child involved. And it does happen quite often.
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  And people, you know, we tend to not speak about it too much.
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  So for me there was some there was some worry there that that may have have
• 15:45
  may happen but at this point me and my my girlfriend who we had already been
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  together for jeez nine years,
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  so i met my wife in 2000 january of 2000 when i moved back to new york from
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  florida So me and her had already been in a relationship For nine years So this
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  was a big test And we withstood it I mean, no tests,
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  Can't be passed Yeah, thank God you had the longevity But yes,
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  even longevity You could find yourselves backed up in a corner And I appreciate
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  your honesty To your questions For those of you that are listening,
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  obviously with us He didn't know I was going to ask these questions.
• 16:29
  We were very clear That we were going to make this as authentic as
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  possible and that's how we decided to do
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  this platform but i i want to say just real
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  quick before i know we'll eventually have a closing later but i
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  just want to say for your wife that's listening i personally
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  and i know my our viewers are really really
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  proud of her for really stepping up and
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  just being there for you as well as
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  raising you know a child while going through all
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  that kudos to her absolutely i
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  wouldn't i wouldn't take that from her she is a very strong
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  individual and she has proven to be even stronger just
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  standing by my side through it all because it would just be so much easier to
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  say you know what we can do this separately because people do it all the time
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  so you go your way i'll go my way and we just co-parent and she didn't she stood
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  by my side and she believed in me, she believed in us,
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  and for that I am thankful. I'm eternally thankful.
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  I mean, even to this, like I said, I talk about it all too much,
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  even today, when a lot of people ask that question.
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  And even when I give relationship, it's funny, because somebody had just asked
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  me the other day, marriage, and when do I feel...
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  When's the right time for people to get married? And I said,
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  you know, I said, I feel like the first one to five years of your relationship
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  is what, for me, what I call the honeymoon stage. I mean, puppy love.
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  I mean, you don't have to be in school to be in puppy love. You can be grown,
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  you can be 50s and 60s and find puppy love.
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  So for me, I felt like the first one to five years is you're getting all that
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  playful beginner's love, you know, first love or second love,
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  third love, whatever it is, but new love.
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  Situations all all of that you're getting all of that out the way you're still
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  learning who each other are i mean you never i mean there's still to this day
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  i learn new things about my wife,
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  i think the first one to five years is like i said it's that puppy love stage
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  and then after that now you're really getting into really knowing somebody here
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  like because now it's like oh okay you know we've been together for this long
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  secrets that you may have skeletons you may have had in your closet you didn't
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  want out are starting to come out.
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  You're starting to express deep secrets that you thought you would never tell him or her.
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  So now that next couple of years is the truthful years.
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  And then after that is when you decide, okay, you know what?
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  I felt like after nine years, 10 years, okay, we got this.
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  We've been through thousands of tests, millions of trials and tribulations and we've passed it all.
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  And for our situation, being with a man who was,
• 19:22
  basically given a death sentence and she learned that, okay,
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  he's going to die and she still stood by my side and stuck through it all and
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  the outcome turned out to be totally different than what they thought or what they had said.
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  And here we are, 15 and a half years. No, I'm sorry.
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  15 and a half years later, 24 years together, 70 years married.
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  So, I mean, we have time like...
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  I mean, we probably, my parents probably haven't even been, well,
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  no, they've been together just a little bit longer, probably 10 years longer.
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  You have what they would call endless hope, endless love. You ain't lying.
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  Now, listen, I don't, I don't want to cut this short. I, I, but I know that,
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  that there's more to tell.
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  And I know that we kind of zigzagged a little bit because I wanted you to be
• 20:15
  prepared for the questions, but this is not where we end. And it is where I'd
• 20:21
  like to end today. And I'm going to tell everybody why.
• 20:25
  Without getting too detailed, we're going to now take this personal testimony
• 20:32
  slash story of Clinton Knapp into a different direction.
• 20:36
  We're going to start to talk to Clinton about things that he has left out,
• 20:41
  things that happened after he got home, more things that transpired.
• 20:47
  Because the purpose of the personal testimonies for us to describe your story
• 20:53
  was to share with every single person the journey that led us to your heart transplant.
• 21:00
  So for those of you that are listening to us tonight for the first time,
• 21:04
  we really encourage that you go back.
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  Go back because this has been eight episodes of an amazing journey.
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  The episodes started out and we did episode number one.
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  Where we actually got to meet Clinton and his wife, but that's not the actual
• 21:22
  personal testimonies beginning.
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  See the actual episodes began with the title, the beginning.
• 21:27
  And then we went on and we did the diagnosis.
• 21:31
  And then we went on and did the unexpected turn. Then we did. I want a heart.
• 21:36
  And then we heard, yes, I can. And just last week, we heard Breath of Fresh Air.
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  And tonight, we will name this one. I think it's probably going to be fitting.
• 21:47
  It'll be called I'm Going Home. But we don't know yet.
• 21:51
  So whatever the title is, you will understand it in the end.
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  So Clinton, I would like to give you the floor to end the actual story as we
• 21:59
  get us prepared for the next chapter of this story. We're going to conclude
• 22:05
  chapter one with episode eight.
• 22:08
  When we return, we're going into chapter two.
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  So I would conclude this chapter with, yes, I think that I'm going home is fitting
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  because, you know, in the beginning, I said I was going home and I didn't go home.
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  I went to my mother's. now just a
• 22:27
  few days later after meeting with physical therapist
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  and dietician i'm actually going
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  home to my house with my family
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  and that is where
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  this story definitely ends but
• 22:44
  it's not the ending you have to hear what comes in the next 15 and a half years
• 22:51
  i mean as i mentioned to angel privately a couple weeks ago or even I believe
• 22:57
  it was last week I think the next step of personal testimonies for my story.
• 23:02
  Should be the question Q&A segment and we should call it the Wonder Years on my half,
• 23:10
  And that's where we're going to end it today. Everybody, Have Faith, Let It Begin.
• 23:13
  We're going to ask each and every one of you to flood, and I mean flood,
• 23:17
  our emails. I will be putting Clinton's email on the description page along with mine.
• 23:23
  You can even go to just, you can even go to halffaithletitbegin.com.
• 23:27
  Is your email on your website as well?
• 23:30
  Yes, there's an email there and a phone number and there's everything. Why don't you plug that?
• 23:35
  So you can go to my webpage, www.endlesshopedonations.com. And everything you
• 23:41
  need to know about me and contacting me is there. There's a phone number. There's my email.
• 23:47
  If you, at the bottom, there's a little icon. You can click my Facebook, my Instagram.
• 23:51
  You don't have to send it to me. You just email, email, text,
• 23:54
  phone call, Facebook messenger, Instagram messenger. I don't care.
• 23:58
  So we are asking everyone to flood us with questions. please
• 24:02
  do not feel like any question is not up for
• 24:05
  discussion we're going to open it up and we're going to answer every single
• 24:08
  one so if there's 50 questions we're going to go for 50
• 24:11
  answers and we're going to answer them to the best of our ability listen yeah
• 24:15
  it has been truly an honor to get to know you it is truly an honor to sit beside
• 24:21
  you via zoom and listen just like everyone else about your story unfortunately
• 24:27
  see that's the that's a good thing is that i'm sure most of these people,
• 24:31
  the listeners probably think that you already knew the story.
• 24:34
  Well, Angel has not lied, not once through this whole test, this whole testimony.
• 24:37
  He has learned my story right along with the rest of you. And he will continue to learn.
• 24:42
  And a lot of people are going to say, well, then how did you guys get linked up?
• 24:46
  Well, that's the part of chapter two that it's going to get us started into
• 24:51
  what is the unfortunate part of why the story continues.
• 24:57
  And a lot of it has to deal with his son. And I'm going to leave it that way.
• 25:04
  For Have Faith That It Begin and Endless Hope Inc., my name is Angel.
• 25:07
  This is Clinton Knapp on the left.
• 25:09
  And chapter one is now over. We'll see you next week for chapter two.
• 25:14
  Hope you enjoyed these eight episodes of Personal Testimonies.
• 25:18
  Music.
• 25:20
  We're now heading into chapter two. Before we do that, we're asking each and
• 25:24
  every one of you to flood us with all your questions.
• 25:28
  It's going to be a Q&A special next week, and we want to answer all of your
• 25:33
  questions before we actually begin chapter two.
• 25:37
  From all of us here, we wish you nothing but the very best. We'll see you next week.
• 25:43
  Hey, Have Faith family. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and share the podcast with your friends.
• 25:49
  Visit our website, havefaithletitbegin.com. We would love to hear your feedback.