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Hogzilla Attacks · The Danger Zoo

0:03
Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger Zoo.
0:08
Welcome to the Department of Anomalous and Non Human Genetic
0:12
Entities, Reconnaissance and Zoological Operations.
0:15
I am Coyote, the game warden. Hey girls, what's up?
0:21
Not much. Where am I?
0:25
Oh, OK, yeah, baby birds back. Let's let's get your filler in
0:29
real quick. Let's start this episode off so
0:30
you understand Mission start. As you guys can see, it is
0:36
frightening. A blanket of storm clouds hangs
0:39
low over the town, the sky heavy and restless.
0:43
High above it all, a lone Raven glides to the dark air, a silver
0:47
dollar clutched in its tight beak.
0:50
A sudden crack of lightning splits the sky.
0:54
The bird jolts and its grip falters.
0:56
The coin slips free. It falls faster than it should,
1:01
like something down below was pulling it in.
1:04
It falls straight into Baby Bird's hands.
1:07
The moment this metal makes contact with his skin, his heart
1:11
slams violently in his chest and his eyes snap open.
1:14
He bolts upright, breathing hard and scanning the area, but
1:18
there's no movement. Insight.
1:21
Why am I so sweaty? Do you really want to know?
1:26
Oh. You still have 0 HB.
1:35
I'm going to consume this money. Oh, OK, well, two hit Dyson,
1:43
give me the numbers. Oh God.
1:48
Which ones are the hit dice? 2D Eights.
1:52
Bam. Good Lord. 8.
1:57
That's AD 10. Wait, that's AD 10.
2:00
That's AD 10 that. Was the wrong 15 all?
2:04
Right. 5. Still still pretty good.
2:09
You're up 10 points. How those roll again?
2:13
This is not a monopoly. No 7.
2:18
You lose 7 points. Yeah.
2:21
So you're kind of all alone in this town and it's raining on
2:24
you. Do you want to radio your people
2:26
to find out what's happening? Hold on, hold on.
2:30
I close my eyes and I look up to the sky.
2:33
Alive. Alive because money exists.
2:38
If my eyes still closed, I pick up the radio.
2:41
Is anybody there? I found a shackle.
2:46
Is radio even on? I look down and I turn on my
2:51
radio. I click the button.
2:54
Is anybody there? I found a shackle.
2:59
You didn't need it, did you? I did of.
3:03
Course he did. He had to consume its power.
3:08
I knew it. While you guys reached out to
3:11
him, you actually hear another crack all over the radio.
3:14
Hello. There's anybody there?
3:18
It's Coyote. Where in the hell are you?
3:21
I thought I heard a lack of lips.
3:25
I instantly. Turned on.
3:28
I'm the Mason. I got.
3:31
I got. Jacks to a river and now I'm in
3:33
a vase. Shit.
3:35
And it was so cool. And then you hear footsteps.
3:39
I got. I got to.
3:42
Go, and then the radio goes silent.
3:47
Well, he's not dead. Yet.
3:52
All right, Grandpa Hazy, you 2 just killed a cop 999.
3:57
What are you doing? I don't, I don't think we we
3:59
killed him. Did we cop killers?
4:02
He'll be all right. He wasn't a real cop.
4:04
It's like in Skyrim when he caught by a guard that doesn't
4:07
realize your yard roll. It's fine.
4:09
Well, I mean, Hazy shot him through the eye patch, so we're
4:13
going to go with he's probably the dead, but you can always
4:16
verify he's. Sleeping.
4:20
All this sleepy juice is leaking out.
4:25
Well, do something with that cop.
4:28
What are we supposed to do with the dead cop?
4:30
I don't want nothing to do with the dead cop.
4:31
I want to go to town. Yeah, I'm, I'm going to step
4:34
over, said dead cop. You guys going South through the
4:39
trails again? Wait South.
4:46
Yes, it's the opposite of North. Sure, I guess it'll Hut self.
4:56
I mean, you could go fucking anywhere, I'm just asking which
4:58
direction you want to go. Well I was thinking more W
5:02
because I would remember the town is basically directly W
5:05
from here. Wait, yeah, West.
5:08
Would you? Because you came from this trail
5:10
down South here. Sure.
5:17
Hey man, it's your choice. As you and Hazy are trying to
5:20
get away from this cop as fast as possible.
5:23
The rain is starting to put the fire out and you hear from
5:25
inside the cabin, just chairs being thrown around and you hear
5:30
that New Jersey priest. Little pig, little piggies,
5:34
where are you? I'm going to get ya and I'm
5:39
going to eat ya. Yup, that's enough for me.
5:43
I'm going to lead the way and head on South.
5:46
I've read that story. He's actually just going to blow
5:48
us. It's fine.
5:51
So you're going back in the cabin is what I'm hearing.
5:56
I turn around, He's gone. Like hey.
6:00
All right, you guys head West of the town.
6:03
You guys hit the open trail here.
6:05
Baby bird, what are you doing? Am I stuck to my web?
6:09
No man, that's just your background.
6:11
Oh, OK, I hear them. Do I hear them?
6:16
I hear them. You hear something coming from
6:20
the North, Let's go ahead and give that perception roll ago.
6:23
What's your stat on that? Perception is 1.
6:33
He's going to get a + 4 to that. I carry four quarters in my
6:37
pocket. That's just enough.
6:43
I hear money. I get on all fours.
6:45
I started running towards the sound.
6:47
I thought you were going to start sniffing the ground like a
6:49
fucking pig looking for truffles.
6:50
Just. No, I taste it in the air.
6:52
Oh my God, are you going north? Yes.
6:57
All right, you start to head up north here, and as you turn the
6:59
corner you see a dead cop with his face just exposed.
7:05
What the? Fuck in your whipping, that's
7:09
not good. Last time I saw him he was
7:13
shooting at his. He was he.
7:16
He's still strapped into the webbing that you put him in.
7:19
He just dead. There's some high quality stuff
7:23
I keep running. I need the money.
7:27
All right, you, you, you keep heading northeast, and Grandpa
7:31
and Hazy head South, and you guys all meet in front of the
7:34
first building of the town that you guys saw when you entered.
7:37
Wow. All right.
7:38
I stand down, scratching my face.
7:40
And now. Oh, hey, hey, it's you guys.
7:43
Hey, buddy. What up?
7:46
This is dead cop back there. We should get out of here.
7:50
Oh yeah, he he's dead as fuck. If you think that's bad, you
7:55
should look at the cabin. Anyways.
8:00
Yeah, we got to go. Where's Night Owl?
8:07
Like I said, we we got to go. Fuck Billy.
8:11
Billy's dead. He usually he has a knack for
8:16
showing up randomly so I too worried about him.
8:22
Last you guys heard, night out was somewhere in the woods
8:25
trying to escape that other police officer.
8:29
Yeah, I like his odds. Yeah, we got a dead cop here.
8:32
The other cops probably dead. It'd.
8:35
Probably be odd. Sure, sure, sure.
8:40
Anyways, I guess we will do something constructive.
8:50
That's a great idea. You guys want to try break into
8:54
that building again? Fuck yeah, let's go do that.
8:57
All right, let's go. That main building, it's all
9:01
barricaded, impenetrable. Yeah, I never got a chance to
9:06
actually go into the basement. Oh, that's fine.
9:08
No one's no one's going to come looking for me.
9:10
All right? That's fine.
9:11
Do. We have a location other than
9:14
the river. Oh, we do have a location.
9:16
He did say something about her. Oh, did he?
9:20
Well, we can either search the town or we could go to the
9:23
river, but the rivers are not near the town, so one or the
9:27
other. All right, let's go get them.
9:32
You don't have to that. Building's not going anywhere.
9:35
All right, let's all Then what? Let's go.
9:38
Yeah. All right, fine.
9:38
Let's go to the river bridge. Take me to the river.
9:44
All right. So you guys are going to head
9:46
north? Yeah.
9:49
Seems logical. Well, I mean, there's a couple
9:52
rivers here, so it is. That's what I'm saying.
9:54
Oh. I.
9:55
Guess that's a Creek. That's a Creek.
9:58
I'm kind of confused on how this water connects, but that's OK,
10:01
don't worry about it. It's not, it's not great
10:03
mapping, it's not great mapping. That's that's my bad.
10:07
All right, So you guys head north where you saw the gigantic
10:12
hoof print in the mud. And when you guys enter where
10:15
the trail is, you guys hear more Little North.
10:25
I mean, that's good enough for me.
10:26
Let's keep going, all. Right.
10:30
Can have you ever get close to those?
10:33
Pigs. Yeah, he can get close enough,
10:34
he just can't eat them. OK.
10:37
Yeah, just had to make sure. All right.
10:39
How far into here are you guys going?
10:41
One of them shoves their tongue in my mouth.
10:43
Again, though, that's different. I don't see any reason to stop
10:46
moving until we meet the river or we encounter something that
10:48
would make us stop moving. Yeah, let's go all.
10:52
Right. So you just got to keep going.
10:54
You guys make it about halfway here, in between this little
10:57
lake to the left and what looks like the beginning of the river
11:00
on the right that goes by the cabin, when all of a sudden
11:04
something comes shooting out of the brush at you.
11:08
The brush along the riverbank suddenly shutters.
11:10
At first it's subtle, just the twitch of tall grass and the
11:13
snapping of a few thin branches. Then the sound grows louder.
11:17
Crack, crunch, snap. Something huge 10 feet friggin
11:21
tall is forcing its way through the undergrowth, like the forest
11:24
itself being shoved aside. The smell hit you first before
11:28
you see it. Wet mud, rotting, an animal must
11:32
so thick it burns the back of your throat.
11:34
I don't know if that's what I would have gone first with
11:36
describing an animal. A massive shape pushes through
11:40
the bushes, and Hogzilla emerges, towering over any
11:44
normal boar. His shoulders rise almost to a
11:48
man's head, his hides covered in the scars and caked in Georgia
11:51
mud, curved tusks, the lengths of machetes just for his jaws
11:56
staying dark from whatever he's been Goring lately.
11:59
He snorts violently, tearing up the ground with one hoof like as
12:03
steam huffs from his nostrils. Hey, we've already killed 2 cops
12:07
today, what's a third one? That's going to be initiative,
12:11
boys. Easy. 11. 4. 8.
12:23
All right, it's going to go Hazy The pig.
12:26
Grandpa baby bird. All righty.
12:33
Well, I'm going to pull out my gun.
12:38
Pull out my gun. Pull out that good.
12:41
Start blasting 16. You fire and that bullet just
12:47
ricochets off its hide. Holy shit.
12:53
Well, good luck everybody else. Was that it?
12:59
Was that the extent of your I? Mean if I saw that I would jump
13:01
behind baby bird. Yeah, well, you shot at it and
13:06
it veers course and it heads for you.
13:08
Motherfucker. Well, because it's very coarse
13:11
and it's muddy here. It slips and it falls right
13:13
between you and baby bird. It does separate you a little
13:16
bit though, pushing out the way and it slides and it turns
13:20
around on 2 hooves. Like just fucking NASCAR
13:23
drifting here. Jesus Christ, it's Jason Bourne.
13:31
Let's hope my gun's a little bit more powerful than his.
13:33
I will raise it up away with you, Legion, and take a shot
13:38
that was did that? Didn't you move?
13:40
The guy just went up and down. Oh it it rolled on our screens.
13:43
What'd you get? Oh OK, an 8.
13:45
Oh, plus your decks. It's loading there it goes +2.
13:50
OK, same thing. It just bounces off actually.
13:53
It actually hits him in the eye and the eye doesn't even move.
13:57
And that bullet just. What the fuck?
14:02
So big this fucking pig is. He's 10 feet tall.
14:06
What is Eyeball? You know when you say big, I've
14:10
seen some big pigs. I've never seen a 10 foot tall
14:13
pig. You could have said a building
14:14
the size of a pig is coming at you.
14:16
That's different. Yeah, so he's, he's big.
14:19
He's a big fucking pig. He's encrypted in Georgia.
14:21
Hugzilla. That's.
14:22
That's a huge bitch. That is a huge bitch.
14:29
So he's going to take a turn. Oh, let me pull up his sheet
14:31
here. Let's see, he's the last person
14:35
to shoot him was grandpa, So he's going to head towards you.
14:38
It's going to be a + 4 to whatever this is.
14:44
Oh, are you fucking kidding me? I guess this reign's a bit too
14:49
muddy for this board. And he goes face 1st and flips
14:52
onto his back just and slides past you.
14:55
Grandpa all. Right.
14:57
Shoot him in the deck. Who knows?
15:00
Shoot him in the Gooch. He he actually stabs himself,
15:02
causes himself, he causes himself three points of damage.
15:06
You can't be serious. Nice hug.
15:09
Hugs a little better not go out like this.
15:11
Takes himself out. Dude, I'm going to be fucking
15:15
mad. Pure clumsy.
15:17
This is one of my favorite ones. I wanted you guys to fight.
15:21
Oh, wait, No, it wasn't Grandma's turn.
15:22
It's baby Bird's turn. Fuck, you fucked me up.
15:25
All right, baby bird, go ahead. I'm going to run at them and
15:29
explode some C4. I'm going to strap it to my.
15:33
You don't have any C4. Well, we didn't take a long rest
15:36
while I was out. No.
15:38
Did you say you did? Yeah.
15:41
You took a long rest and just magically got C4.
15:44
You didn't check any of the fucking buildings you could have
15:46
like scrounged around, but you didn't.
15:48
You have no webbing, you have no C fours, and you have one
15:51
grenade left. I'm going to take that grenade.
15:55
Is he facing away from me? He is.
15:58
OK. He's just shown you his brown
16:01
eye. And it's like, yeah, it's like
16:03
really muddy right now. Yeah, I'm.
16:05
Going to take a running start, fist extended outward, grenade
16:10
in hand. All right, you're going to,
16:12
you're going to roll that with a -, 2 in the mud, go for
16:18
athletics. OK.
16:21
Because I have to slide into position, you know what I mean?
16:25
Oh remember he's 10 feet tall so that butt hole is already eye
16:29
level with you I imagine. I mean if he's on his back and
16:35
due to anatomy, the sphincter is technically closer to the top of
16:40
the back due to the tail being part of the spine.
16:44
So if he's on his back. So maybe it's around your belly
16:48
button. So it's a little bit more
16:50
accurate because, I mean, he's got to like kick his hind legs,
16:53
hind legs because he's trying to get up.
16:56
True. OK, I'll do a second base runner
17:00
slide with the knee. All right, it's going to be a -,
17:05
2 in the mud. Go for it for athletics.
17:13
So with with athletics, that's an 8 -.
17:17
A two is a six. All right, Yeah.
17:20
You slide here, that grenade goes off.
17:22
Give me some damage. Oh God.
17:26
That's a six. Nice.
17:29
Oh wait, not nice. Not nice at all.
17:31
As you slide and you and you touch this pig's butt hole with
17:37
the grenade, it bounces, it bounces, but it explodes pretty
17:42
close to the pig, still causing no damage.
17:45
However, Grandpa watched you run by him, slide, and that whole
17:49
impact, Grandpa's gets hit for six points of damage and he's
17:52
blowing back like fucking 10 feet.
17:56
God damn that butt hole is tight.
18:01
Sorry, Grandpa. Oh Grandpa, you're down to 9 HP.
18:08
That was the strongest grenade I've ever had.
18:11
Damn, I know. Of course it went off on
18:14
somebody that's on your team. From a failed attempt of a, you
18:18
know, butt injury. I will think for a second ponder
18:25
about my next move. I'm going to jump on his back.
18:31
Oh hell yeah. Just try to just trying to
18:34
distract it, you know? Hopefully someone else has a
18:37
better plan. OK, what are we going to roll
18:40
for that one second? Let me look at what we got.
18:44
It's going to be. Animal Handling.
18:47
You could be animal. I don't think it's animal
18:48
handling. I think that's if you're trying
18:50
to control them and get them chill out.
18:53
Animal Handling. Not my style.
18:56
Let's go with an acrobatics. 15. OK, yeah, you take a running
19:06
leap and his thing, you wanted to jump on him.
19:10
He's still on his back. Oh, son of a bitch.
19:13
So you jump on his belly and some fleshy part of his body
19:18
just kind of tickling your ear a little bit, but you are holding
19:20
on to him. Get a boss.
19:26
I just pissed him off like a rodeo bull.
19:29
He did. Grandpa, are you alive or that
19:33
grenade really fuck you up? Not dead.
19:37
All right, what are you doing? So watching these idiots do
19:41
whatever the fuck they're doing. I feel like I know what I want
19:45
to try to do, but I feel like I know how it's going to end.
19:47
But whatever, I'm going to go ahead and aim at the pig.
19:54
Die, you unclean spirit. Oh.
19:59
God give me damage, I. Said that I was actually
20:02
referring to hazy, so it sounds like I actually wait.
20:05
So if I was aiming for Hazy, does that mean I hit the pig
20:07
instead? Give me damage, we'll find out.
20:13
Yeah, this is a 10. Oh.
20:16
You shoot that thing, and right when you do, it just nails baby
20:21
bird in the back pace first, right into the pig's butt hole.
20:28
Oh nice. Throw another grenade at me, see
20:30
what happened. Oh no.
20:32
I think I'm dead. Yeah, you are.
20:34
You're backed out again. You're.
20:37
But you're dangling that like a Dingle bang.
20:39
Did my head go into the butt hole?
20:42
It's you. You.
20:43
You touched your nose into it and so you went face to ass face
20:47
the grass. Remember it's tight so I guess
20:50
my my nose is stuck in there. It's not sucking that you're on
20:53
the ground. We already can't monetize this
20:58
fucking thing enough. All right, baby bird, make a
21:05
saving throw. Lady Luck be with me tonight 8.
21:14
It was almost 16. All right, you actually start to
21:20
squirm to get up, but then you take a deep inhale through your
21:23
nose that was just in its butt, and something just lays you
21:25
right back out. Oh geez.
21:30
The pig went out of turn last time, so we skipped him this
21:32
time. Hazy.
21:33
It's back to you. I'm going to pull out my knife
21:37
and hit something soft. Maybe that fleshy thing that's
21:40
tickling your ear? For sure not a not a big fan to
21:45
that at all. I wouldn't either.
21:49
So I'm going to pull up my tactical knife.
21:51
Right, absolutely. And you're not in the mud, so
21:53
you don't get a -, 2 to everything.
21:55
Nice, I should get an advantage because I'm like latched on to
21:59
him. I can't fucking miss.
22:00
That's true. Add 2 to it.
22:04
Oh my God. Oh dude.
22:07
Yes, any of us hold above A7. No, this is a six.
22:13
Anyways, you're you're swinging that knife wildly and you cause
22:18
no damage. The thing is, just like in your
22:20
ear, it's big and it's and yeah, it's really throwing you off
22:26
your game. Distraction.
22:29
Let's see what the pig's going to do.
22:30
I think the pig is going to try and roll over on you.
22:32
Now. That's going to be a melee
22:34
attack. His legs don't clear my little
22:37
body. Oh, it can't get up.
22:40
I'm still going to be on the ground when it stands up.
22:42
I mean, that's when it stands up.
22:44
If it's going to roll over and it's going to be on its stomach
22:46
and then stand up. Maybe it'll forget I'm.
22:49
There. Oh, you're lucky it thrashed
22:51
around so much especially something touching its butt hole
22:54
and something touching other parts of it that it kind of like
22:57
a four Wheeler in mud. It dug itself deeper into the
23:00
mud. Grandpa, do something I'm.
23:03
Trying. I did do something last round,
23:06
just for the record. We need an adult do.
23:09
Something helpful? Well, for me, that was helpful.
23:13
I did shoot the unscrewed clean spirit.
23:15
Oh, he's only half. I'm I'm going to shoot it again.
23:23
Wait, hold on. I'm going to shoot the pig this
23:25
time. There you go, shoot at it again.
23:28
So you can shoot me. I can't feel it. 9 + 211.
23:36
I'm I'm going to brace for impact.
23:37
Give me a damage rule. 1. Oh, thank God.
23:43
OK, Hazy takes one point of damage.
23:46
You get a shoulder shot on Hazy, like it just it doesn't hit him
23:50
but just the pressure caused a little damage to that shoulder
23:52
there. I got a new strategy, I'm going
23:55
to aim for them instead. That's you're nice.
23:58
You're going to flip on you now. All right, baby bird, One more
24:02
saving throw. You got 2 left.
24:06
Don't, don't laid. Look, hear me A3.
24:15
She heard you already. Stop calling for her.
24:18
She must be busy. Grandpa, you need to throw one
24:21
of the one of the quarters in your pocket.
24:24
Hazy back to you slinging that thing.
24:27
I'm going to say fuck this little knife, pull out my gun
24:31
again and blast at that floppy thing.
24:35
You got 4 decks too, go ahead and roll with advantage.
24:39
You're going to roll 2 D 20s and take the highest score.
24:45
And yeah, so 18. OK, we're going to go 18.
24:50
You shoot that thing right in its manhood and you just hear it
24:54
tink as your bullet ricochets off it.
24:56
What the fuck? Ball's made of steel.
25:01
He's not Hogzilla for nothing. He earned that name.
25:06
Pigs going to roll over for another melee.
25:09
Oh no he he just dug himself in deeper.
25:11
What the shit? I just get up and I just leave
25:15
him deep. He's actually dug himself about
25:18
5 feet into the ground, hazy. You could probably jump off his
25:21
belly and be fine. Yeah, I'll, I'll do that.
25:25
It's not your turn yet, Grandpa. You're up again.
25:27
Shit. Whatever, load another round,
25:34
take it to the shot at this damn thing.
25:35
Do it. Kill it.
25:38
And eight. Oh my God.
25:41
You guys just realize what I'm aiming at, right?
25:43
Give me damage, probably. Because it's raining. 1.
25:48
Casey, he just ditched your other shoulder.
25:56
Quit it. Two bullets is too much, man.
26:00
Come on. You're down to 2 Casey baby,
26:04
we're in last saving throw before you fucking die.
26:09
Don't call on her. I feel the mud on my face, rain
26:15
on the other side of my face. It's pulling up, but I taste
26:20
pennies. I open an eye.
26:24
Fuck, fuck three. You gotta be kidding me.
26:28
I'm dead. Your unconscious body just goes
26:31
limp out on the field. No.
26:37
As I faded, another thing I vaguely remember that the penny
26:40
is no longer in circulation as I breathe out.
26:44
That's what did it for you. I want to get off this pig I.
26:52
Guess they were right. Pigs aren't good for their
26:54
people. All right, give me an acrobatics
26:58
to jump down. Pretty sure that pig did nothing
27:01
to him honestly. He went face first into his
27:05
asshole though, actually. I don't think the pigs actually
27:08
hit us yet, we're just hitting each other.
27:11
Yeah, pigs fucking stuck. Everyone's rolling like ass.
27:16
He's wondering what the fuck just, you know, it ran into.
27:19
But no, you said athletics. Acrobatics say use your decks.
27:23
Gotcha. Use your climbers keeper too so
27:26
you can add more points. He said he was like in a hole.
27:31
I should just be able to step out of it, right?
27:33
Yeah, but why would you not want to add more to it?
27:37
24. Dang.
27:42
Is that good? Did I win?
27:44
What's top score mean? All right, so tell me that mean
27:47
that magnificent way you hop off of this beast's belly and thing.
27:53
I'm going to pat it on the balls on the way up, you know, good
27:57
game. Aim for that tree shoot.
28:01
Which tree? Just, I guess, the one to the
28:05
northwest. All right, fire that thing.
28:08
Can you land 15 feet away from that guy or are you landing in
28:12
the tree? I'm a ninja.
28:15
I'm going to do ninja like stuff.
28:16
I'm going to be up in the tree. You're up in the tree.
28:20
Pretty nice y'all have fun with that pig now you're here.
28:24
See if that pig can get out of there.
28:26
Nope. The pig has dug himself even
28:29
deeper into the hole, he said. We just.
28:30
Walked away guys. He's he's so deep, it's just
28:34
this beat kicking. Somebody gave baby bird.
28:37
Let's go. You got a rope?
28:39
All right, that that actually might be a good idea.
28:42
I'm going to run as fast as I can towards like hazy and throw
28:46
1/4 at baby boards Orps. All right, what's your charisma?
28:53
10 it's. Going to be a luck check for
28:55
this one. See, Oh, you missed the coin and
29:01
it just kind of hits it hits the pick and bounces off it, but you
29:06
do run up to hazy you're you're hiding behind the tree or.
29:10
Yeah. Hazy.
29:13
You're up, man. If you got a rope lassoed around
29:20
my neck. Grab them with the fighters
29:23
keepers. You can't cause any more damage
29:25
to them, really. Doesn't it take like a turn to
29:28
round that thing back up? Not when you shoot it and you're
29:31
yanking yourself somewhere. Oh that's very true.
29:35
OK so yeah, I want to do my best at what I'm the worst at and aim
29:40
this gun the climbers keeper. Fire away, baby bird.
29:45
Is it plus the decks and the times?
29:48
Anytime you use ranged weapon or something it's going to be
29:53
decks. Oh nice, that's 22.
29:58
You snatch him by the pocket and you start dragging along.
30:03
But this is this is. Going to be you.
30:05
Slowly, slowly, just drag them. Like in The Sandlot.
30:09
Trying to get. The baseball.
30:12
And he just his head just kind of against the tree.
30:18
Success. I see that pig try to get up.
30:25
Oh yeah. So this pig is finally, finally
30:28
got a little bit dugout of the ground and it's on its side now,
30:35
slowly coming up. I don't know.
30:39
Let's try this. I wait.
30:41
How? How far away is a bird from me?
30:45
Oh, he's like underneath you, just in the tree.
30:49
Whatever I will run towards, hazy or not hazy baby bird pull
30:53
out 1/4 and trying to shove it in his mouth.
30:55
Wake up. Yeah, you're right above him.
30:58
You just dropped 1/4 in him. Inhale.
31:01
It actually doesn't. It doesn't even go in his mouth.
31:04
Like his eyes open and he snatches it with his teeth like
31:07
he's Bruce Leroy and it's a bullet.
31:14
All right, give me two more hit dice.
31:18
I believe we turned coins as a health regenerator for Jewish
31:22
character. It is a four and.
31:28
A7. OK.
31:31
OK. So you're back up to 11.
31:35
Was that a silver dollar? I don't like the sounds you
31:43
make. Why you eat coins, baby bird?
31:46
Well, I guess that's probably your whole turn.
31:48
Hazy. What are we doing here?
31:55
Does that flare that I have like put shit on fire if I hit it?
32:00
It can. I'm going to shoot that flare at
32:05
that pig. Oh, it's not a shooting flare.
32:08
It's like a road flare. Oh.
32:11
Nevermind, won't be shooting that I guess.
32:14
Let's get the fuck out of here, dude.
32:16
Fuck yeah. What are you guys doing?
32:17
I'm going to unless how much about this tree and start going
32:19
north. All right, climbers, keepers
32:22
jumping down and running north. Yes, Sir.
32:27
As a group, everybody give me a stealth roll for a scoping.
32:33
That's a 10. God.
32:38
Oh. I'm not 20 so it's a 24.
32:45
Your turn, grandpa. OK, he keeps dying.
32:50
Let me roll for him. 14. OK, that's cool.
32:55
So you all jump down. Baby Bird just squeals like a
33:00
little girl all the way. Now, so you're all stealthy to
33:03
try and get away from the issue here, baby bird, is you're
33:06
escaping. You're leaving with your
33:09
friends. But something about your nose
33:12
and that pig's butt, He now has your scent and he's coming for
33:17
you. It doesn't matter where you go,
33:19
what you do. Oh God's a curse.
33:22
Oh shit. So you guys head north, you guys
33:28
get across this bridge, you're running across this bridge.
33:33
I guess I should put Baby Bird up sort of playing on the ground
33:36
sliding here. Are you guys still heading north
33:39
to the next map? Hell yeah.
33:46
I'll be the leader now I'm the captain.
33:49
Now as you head north, you enter this map.
33:52
The woods don't greet you, they swallow you whole.
33:56
You notice when you set foot into this map, the rain starts
34:00
slamming down on you. You push in from the southern
34:04
tree line, boots sinking slightly every step as the
34:07
ground gives way to shallow, murky water.
34:10
The forest here is flooded. Gnarled roots twist up from
34:13
beneath the surface like skeletal fingers, and patches of
34:17
Moss covered land float like broken islands in a drowned
34:20
world. Every movement sends ripples
34:24
outward, disturbing something unseen beneath.
34:29
To the north, you can barely make out the silhouette of a
34:33
cabin perched on slightly higher ground.
34:36
It's distant, blurred by mist and branches, but it's there,
34:42
almost like it's been waiting for you To your right, through
34:47
our break in the trees, something immediately pulls your
34:49
attention, a perfect circle of disturbed earth carved into one
34:54
of the only dry patches. Stones ring its edge, and at its
34:59
center sits A jagged rock glowing with a dull, unnatural
35:02
light, pulsing faintly like a heartbeat under the surface.
35:07
Mine. I'm going to go investigate.
35:12
Hey, you're going to go up to the stone here that's glowing
35:17
and you're going to touch that. Hell yeah, I ain't scared of no
35:21
ghosts. OK, give me a luck roll.
35:24
What's your stat? 1.
35:27
As soon as you go to touch this thing, you just start to scream
35:32
in agony and baby bird, what you see is just lightning coursing
35:37
through Hazy's body like he's a cartoon being electrified.
35:40
You see his skeleton for moments at a time and Hazy is down.
35:44
Oh shit. Did that Did that look cool?
35:49
You're down, you don't talk. I scream.
35:53
Gotta run over to him. OK, grandpa's just going to keep
35:58
watch here. I'm going to look down and see
36:03
if he reacts to my presence. Hey there it is not he's down.
36:12
I put my fingers on his neck, where his jugular is to feel a
36:16
pulse. OK, Oh God, and I pushed out as
36:20
hard as I can and. Then I got an erection.
36:26
You got a pulse from him. Oh, OK.
36:28
But it's not. It's not coming from the neck.
36:31
I grab his. Shoulders and I shake him.
36:34
What happened? Your pants just started going.
36:39
What? You were choking him and he
36:42
started anyways. Sorry.
36:44
It got me excited. So you're waking him all right,
36:48
Hazy, Give me a saving throw and add add 2 to it since baby
36:52
Bird's trying to help here. Nice.
36:56
That'd be a four, Sir, with the help and everything.
36:59
You got to get on, man. Grandpa's just standing there.
37:03
I'm staring now. Oh, no, see, it's getting dark.
37:06
His sun downing's going down. Oh, what?
37:08
What's up? I just be watching this, the two
37:12
lovers. All right, Grandpa, you want to
37:15
assist them try and get hazy up. I don't.
37:19
I'm not a doctor, I can't do that.
37:21
Instead, I'd rather investigate what the fuck shocked him
37:24
without touching it. Because why the fuck would I
37:25
want to do that? I watched someone get shocked by
37:28
something. I'm not going to touch it, but I
37:29
will investigate what happened. That's smart.
37:33
I react on emotions. That's not how we do these runs.
37:40
All right. What's your intelligence stack?
37:41
We're going to do an investigation here.
37:46
So investigation should be plus, I'm sorry, Intelligence should
37:48
be plus three, investigation additional +2, so plus 5 total.
37:54
Oh shit, yeah. You look at the what looked like
37:57
a glowing stone that Hazy touched, and what it is is
38:01
apparently a broken light fixture that had exposed wiring
38:06
that Hazy came up and just grabbed.
38:08
Oh, so it wasn't something magical?
38:11
Thank God. I'm so sick of that.
38:13
Shit, just a fucking idiot. No one said it was magical.
38:18
I said it was a stone that was glowing.
38:22
You guys just keep grabbing and picking shit up.
38:25
It's because we're paranormal investigators.
38:28
All right, Hazy, give me another saving roll.
38:33
Baby Bird. Do a medicine check on him.
38:37
I pull out my pre lubed glove. It probably didn't work.
38:43
Oh, a 13? Oh it works.
38:47
Where do you put that pre lubed glove to get hazy up?
38:50
Well that's a thing. It's pre lubed and it's pre
38:54
chilled so I'll put it right up his sphincter.
38:58
Right on you pop that bad boy up, but Hazy is up.
39:03
Shock and awe, I get it. I used 2 fingers.
39:07
He's up and up. Good job.
39:10
Whoa. All right, well, Hazy, you're
39:13
still at a 0. Should probably fix that.
39:17
Like that cigarette? I want like 2 cigarettes.
39:20
Hey, do you want some money? That does that doesn't work for
39:24
him. Only other people's stuff works
39:26
like that for him. OK.
39:28
I'll steal it from you later, don't worry.
39:31
Roll 2 head dice. You can't give him the money it
39:34
has to be taken or the ritual doesn't sit right with his gods.
39:41
That's how your hit dice with the fuck?
39:42
Shit, my bad. It's.
39:44
AD 6. At first I was like, oh, twelve.
39:46
I was like no fucking not it at all 5.
39:51
What you said, roll it twice. Yep, you're back to 8 health
39:55
points. Hey, this is healthy's not been
39:58
in a long time. Yeah.
40:01
Yeah. Well, what are you guys going to
40:03
do now? Feel alive.
40:07
Why are we out in these ruins? There's God damn electricity Run
40:11
into a rock making it glow. Remember White Thing?
40:16
What? What about it?
40:21
Oh, I don't know. Wasn't there a coffin?
40:24
I thought you were onto something.
40:25
Does. Anyone of our friends get
40:27
filleted I'm. Sorry, what was that grandpa?
40:31
Do those cords lead to anything like where they're drawing power
40:35
from? Maybe towards the cabin or some
40:37
direction? They do.
40:39
They head to the cabin to the north well.
40:42
It's got power. Yeah, I I checked that
40:46
definitely has power. Yeah, let's get out of this
40:48
rain, dude. Well, it did as you were
40:50
investigating, you see like some sparks and then it looks like
40:55
it's safe to touch now, so. Crazy.
41:01
Good enough for me. I'm going to grab them cords.
41:07
All right. So yeah, you can see the cords
41:09
lead north and the cabin is north, so make assumptions at
41:14
your own will. Hey I'm going to use my fancy
41:18
glasses, can I see anything? Well, let's roll for it.
41:25
What let's is that D20 plus what?
41:28
I got the D20, what'd you get? Oh, I don't know.
41:31
Plus what? What am I rolling?
41:32
I. Don't know where's your glasses?
41:34
Say you roll. Oh.
41:35
Fuck Drew that See, it does not say that's.
41:42
Probably nothing. You put those glasses on and you
41:45
see quite a bit of aura through here.
41:49
Mostly looks like animal spirits going through here.
41:53
But you do see some super strong spiritual energy coming from the
41:57
north. It's you can't see exactly what
42:00
it is or where it is, but you know, it's like a light in the
42:03
distance kind of thing. It's definitely something I want
42:06
to touch, so I'm going to tell them about it and go that way.
42:11
OK, so tell them about it. Hey guys, there's something
42:14
pretty cool glowy on that side of the makeshift pond here.
42:21
I say we go that way. That's pretty convincing.
42:27
I'm down. Better than this rain.
42:30
You son of a bitch, I'm in the rain actually is up to your
42:36
guys. Just a little over your knee now
42:39
and it's rising. The rain is rising, or the
42:41
water? Because those are Is it.
42:43
Raining, the water, the water, the rain's outing, too.
42:46
It's like Forrest Gump stuff. It's raining sideways.
42:50
I mean, it might be raining sideways for hazing.
42:52
He took a big shock. What did we learn I.
42:58
Didn't learn shit, I just. Can't believe that.
43:01
You think I'm not going to do this again?
43:05
All right, so we're headed north.
43:08
Yeah. You guys walk up and you see a
43:11
cabin. You you clear this whole entire
43:14
map, but as you're going on the way there, nothing outright
43:18
attacks you, but you'll be walking in every so often
43:21
something or just slither in the water like 2 feet away from you.
43:35
mean, can I not see it with my glasses?
43:38
There's a lot. If you look into the water, you
43:40
see a lot of like little things. Just so it's like overwhelming.
43:45
Yeah, and plus, kind of the water turns off your glasses a
43:49
little bit. The rain's not super helpful
43:51
either. That's why you couldn't pinpoint
43:52
exactly what's up north. You just see a lot of stuff
43:54
everywhere. It's kind of like people who
43:56
have a stigma and they're trying to drive at night.
44:00
Astigmatism. Is it astigmatism?
44:03
Yeah, astigmatism, Astigmatism. You left out half the words
44:06
again. OK, that thing, as you guys make
44:09
it up to the cabin, you you notice it's a it's got about,
44:13
it's got a big front porch. I can't move the cabin over
44:16
there because I didn't have the map set up for this.
44:18
It's got a pretty big porch and then it's got a couple windows
44:21
on the front side here. Hit no faith didn't expect us to
44:25
get this far I get it I. Didn't expect you to go this
44:29
way. We're actually going nowhere
44:32
near the story. We're just like traveling off.
44:35
He's making it up as we go. You've never been near the
44:38
story. You sit there and bring a little
44:42
hog for 30 minutes. That's the majority of this
44:45
episode. We we almost made it to that
44:47
mysterious church that one time and then we just kind of went
44:50
opposite way. Oh yeah, that's right.
44:53
They were. They were taking you to a
44:54
church. You weren't going to a church.
44:56
Let's not pretend like that was your idea.
45:01
But as you guys are looking into the cabin, you you see some
45:05
lights on in the back rooms there, but not so much in the
45:08
front rooms. You see it through the the
45:11
window of the main door, but from the South you just hear a
45:17
giant pig, probably Hogzilla, just loud, echoing through the
45:24
rain. And actually, all the rain and
45:27
all the water around you shudders like an alligator
45:29
screaming. I think something's following
45:32
us, you guys, I. Think some's following you?
45:36
What are we doing, boys? Got to kick it into OverDrive.
45:44
You guys are up on the porch there, grandpa's behind you,
45:47
'cause grandpa's the smarter one.
45:51
Cue that I'm going to open the. Door.
45:55
Oh, I forgot I had my thing muted.
45:57
That explains why you didn't respond to me.
45:59
That's cool. Oh, what'd you say?
46:00
Don't worry about it now. What'd you say?
46:04
He's like, I had a whole fight and everything.
46:07
Well, it was like he was like, what do you guys do?
46:08
And I respond, he's like, you guys can do anything.
46:10
I'm like, yeah, I do this. Still nothing.
46:14
Yeah, that mute button will get you.
46:16
Yeah. So you guys walk inside, doors
46:21
just open. What you see is what you'll find
46:25
out on the next episode. Of the Danger Zoo.
46:29
No. We were wondering if we could
46:31
borrow some brown sugar. Why is that to be brown sugar?
46:36
You got any soap? Yeah, you need to wash your nose
46:39
for sure. You got about four inches in his
46:42
asshole. Nice bye golly.
46:45
I'm hoping the rain took care of most of that.
46:49
Probably. Anyways, that's it for today's
46:52
episode. Find out what happens when these
46:53
guys enter the killer's cabin and then next episode.
46:56
Killer's Cabin. Spoiler.
47:00
Everybody say goodbye. Bye.
47:06
Transmission lost. Teen status unknown.