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Blood Is Thicker · Everyone Has An Ex

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mamma Mia podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: waters this podcast is recorded on. We spend a lot
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: of time talking and thinking about romantic relationships, searching for
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: and finding that one person who'll enrich your life, who'll
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: choose you and only you, even change your last name.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: But what about friendships? Those deep, unbreakable bonds. The ones
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: who make your life better without the strings attached. Those
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: soulmate-level best friends. They're the person you call with good news.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: The one you laugh and cry with. The one you
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: run to when your heart is broken. They know your secrets,
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: your history, your dreams, every side and every version of you.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: You just couldn't imagine life without them. But you don't
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: have to, because you know through all of life's ups
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: and downs, the good times and the bad, they'll always
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: be there. Won't they? I'm Georgia Love and this is
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Everyone Has an Ex-Best Friend. Come with me as we
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: dive into a collection of stories about friendships past, through
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: the eyes and the hearts of the very people who
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: lived them. We all know the saying, blood is thicker
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: than water. At the end of the day, family comes first.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: But what about the saying, friends are the family you choose?
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Just because you share a bloodline with someone doesn't mean
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: they'll always have your back. Well, for Rachel, she didn't
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: need to decide which saying she found to be most
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: true because she had both in one.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: I'm the youngest.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Deborah is the eldest. Kelly is the second eldest. We
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: have different dads as well. So they've got the same dad,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: different dad to me. So between me and Deborah, there's 13,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: 14 year age gap. When I was growing up, my
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: sisters basically raised me like.
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: Mum was out and about.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: And I spent a lot of time growing up with
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: my sisters and my older sister because she was so
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: cool and She let me do whatever I want, basically.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: My mum was never really emotionally invested in us, so
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: I got that love and care from my sisters and
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: then from Deborah. She gave me the attention and the
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: love that I craved from my mum. All it was
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: was us three for a long time.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: It was a different relationship than many would have had
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: with their sisters growing up. because Deborah especially had done
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: a lot of the growing up part before Rachel even
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: came along, and this made their bond incredibly special and close.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: But it also meant the inevitable next step of growing
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: up for Deborah came much earlier than her younger sibling.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: They moved out when I was six.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: I still saw them frequently, you know, like, and I
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: would go to Deborah's house for, like, sleepovers, and that
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: was my escape. Essentially, like, when they left home, like,
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: I grew up as an only child. because they were
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: all adults, got married, started having their own kids, and
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: I was at home with mum. When she met her husband,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: they got married. They moved about six hours away. Deborah's
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: husband left before she did, so he left to start
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: work and set up, and he actually left on my
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: ninth or tenth birthday. And so I was so upset,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: and I was just so... heartbroken because again like they
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: were my safe space but like our relationship kind of
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: got stronger school holidays I used to go down there
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: and basically spend my entire holidays down there with her
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: I would go down and spend weeks with them we
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: would go on family holidays together whenever they came up
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: to Perth pretty much everything else that was going on
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: in my life it would have to wait and I
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: would spend all the time with them. It was just
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: that little add-on, you know, we confided in each other.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: That's who we were. It was like a good.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: 10 years that we just, we did everything together. It's
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: not that normal relationship where you grow up with your
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: friends or your best friend and you get married together
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: and then you have babies together, like similar timing.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: You go through a lot together.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Our childhood, we had trauma that we dealt with that we,
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: you don't feel awkward talking about it with your sister
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: because you've lived it together. You know, and then when
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: you're venting about home life or your mum, she already understands.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Like you don't have to explain yourself or as a woman,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: you kind of overthink a lot of things. So when
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: you're telling your friends, you're more of a like, you know,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: am I overreacting? are my thoughts and feelings right or
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: am I just seeing it differently? Whereas like she already knows,
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: like you just, you've lived the same life essentially. Family,
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: you can't really choose. Like it's just handed to you,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: whereas like friends you choose. So when you have that
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: inner sister or a family member, like that bond that
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: you'd like, you actively have to go out and find
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: that bond like in life. but it's like handed to
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: you on a silver platter. Like, it was amazing.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: The only thing living apart did for Rachel and Deborah's
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: relationship was strengthen it. Over the years became far less
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: a big and little sister bond and just a pure,
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: true friendship. And as they continued to grow, so too
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: did their family.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I was 16 when Deborah had her first child and
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: myself and her firstborn were extremely close friends. we were
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: each other's favourite people. She would come and stay with
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: me and I would spend every waking minute with her.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: And then when I would take leave from work, I
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: would go down and spend a week, two weeks with them.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: The age gap between myself and Debra is similar between
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: the age gap between myself and her firstborn. So yeah,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: it's almost like that same relationship that I had with
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Debra that I have with her firstborn. She would come
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: to me when she had problems, like, you know, and
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: I would be there for her when she needed, like,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: you know, someone else that's not your mum, you know.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: That favourite auntie, that's what I was. That just added
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: that extra, you know, like I had another new little
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: best friend. Just wanted to be there all the time.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: This brought Rachel and Deborah even closer too. And over
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: this period, Rachel was no longer a kid herself. She
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: grew up, got her own place, a great job and
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: met a man who would change everything. He made her
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: feel loved and safe in a way she'd never had before.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Someone who chose her and cared for her and would
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: stay by her side. For the first time in her
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: life at 23, Rachel felt she didn't need her big
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: sister the way she had before. Deborah could now be
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: just her best friend without the added pressure of feeling
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: she needed to take care of her. So when things
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: hit a rough patch in her romantic relationship, Rachel felt
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: now as a proper adult, She had to deal with
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: it on her own.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Myself and my boyfriend, we had a bit of a
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: rough patch and he kind of needed some time to
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: think about things and that really, like, it put me
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: in a hole, like, I can't even explain. You know,
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: even my housemate, my friend that I lived with, I
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: didn't even talk to her. Even she was like, well,
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: you're just not the same person.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: Are you okay? And I was like, no, I'm not okay. Like,
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: I don't, you know, so I shut off from everyone.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: It was everyone.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: It wasn't just her, but I think she really took
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: that to heart. I guess she felt irrelevant maybe or
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: because I wasn't mentally okay. We wouldn't talk as much
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: as we usually would, you know, like we had like
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: a chat and she wouldn't respond or I'd get like
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: one-word responses.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: But she brushed it aside. She'd been in a bad place.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: Maybe she was just overly sensitive. Anyway, things were about
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: to change for the better. Rachel and her boyfriend not
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: only got back together, they got engaged and decided to
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: start their new chapter in a new place. They packed
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: up their lives to start afresh in the one place
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: that had always truly felt like home.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: We actually moved to the town that Deborah and her
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: family lived in and she was so excited, like so happy.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I became happier in myself thinking things would go back
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: to normal but then I would message her something and
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: then it would be like a one-word response, you know.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Or then she would ask me over for dinner so
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, wicked, like everything's fine. But then the
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: next day I would ask her something and she just
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: wouldn't give me anything, not answering messages or giving me
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: one-word responses to things and not really putting the time
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: aside for me. She would post something on social media,
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: but I wouldn't be tagged in it or I wouldn't
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: be mentioned in it, but everybody else would. For quite
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: a while, I was like, have I done something wrong?
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Is she mad at me? These little things just kept happening,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: and I was trying to convince myself that she wasn't
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: playing mind games. We rang my mum and my stepdad
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: to tell them that we were engaged. Kelly and Debra
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: were actually at mum's at the time having dinner there
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: was no oh this is so exciting I'm so happy
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: for you it was like oh we knew that you
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: were either pregnant or engaged then because she was acting
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: so cold I didn't feel like I could ask her
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: for help or for any other part in our wedding
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I didn't get a response from our save the dates
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: I didn't get an RSVP for my hen's party from
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: her her youngest daughter had to have like some.
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: Pretty major surgery.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Like I knew that she was going to Perth for
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: a checkup and then saw this social media post of
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: very vague, but didn't look very good. I was looking
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: after her eldest child at the time at home and
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: I had to chase up and say like, hey, is
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: everything okay? And it was, again, it was just a
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: very unemotive response, very Not giving me much, but just
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: being like, yeah, she needs to have surgery. Then again,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: there's like the social media posts, the mind games of
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: like thanking everybody else involved, just not me. It was very,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: very confusing. I did try to confide in her, but
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: my problems were just pushed aside.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: It just wasn't the same relationship, friendship anymore.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: Rachel tried to ask Deborah what was wrong. Had she
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: done something to upset her? Did she want an apology
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: for the time Rachel hadn't been in contact? And importantly,
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: what could she do now to repair whatever it was
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: that had broke it?
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Approached her a few times and been like, hey, is
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: like everything okay? I feel like there's a bit of
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: distance between us and it would always just be like, yep,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: everything's fine. So then you're like, oh, okay, it's all
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: in my head. But then the next day, it's the
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: same thing again. She just shuts down and won't talk
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: about it, which you think, well, you're an adult. Like,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: is that not what you do as an adult? We're sisters.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: We're best friends. We can talk about things. She just
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: wouldn't give me anything. I just didn't really know what
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: to do. I've actively contacted her to say, is everything okay?
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: She's told me everything's okay. So it's all in my head.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: I don't think my husband, he probably didn't really help
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: the situation because he is not interested in drama. Like,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: He's just the happiest, most relaxed guy. And then he
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: could see how I was with these interactions. And he's
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: just like, well, why are you bothering? I'm like, well,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: she's my sister. She's my best friend. I don't know
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: what I'm supposed to do here. Like, she's not really
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: talking to me. Have I done something wrong?
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: I was just struggling.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: It's like, Not only is it your sister, but it's
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: your best friend. It's your most favourite person in the world,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: like the person you tell everything to, you know, the
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: person that tells you everything, to go from that to
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: getting nothing, like barely even able to get a hello,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: how are you? It really messes with your heart and
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: your head.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: The months went on like this, full of confusion and self-doubt.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: but the constant worry about her relationship with her sister
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: would soon be put on the back burner as Rachel
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: and her husband's lives were about to get a whole
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: lot busier.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: We had twins.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: That is the year that it all just went south. Like,
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I had twins, Kelly got married, our mum had a
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: hip replacement. Myself and my husband, we moved back home
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: to where he's from. We moved back to the farm,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: which was near where they live. And then there was
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: just Deborah not being the centre of anyone's world. Deborah is,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: she has narcissistic tendencies if she's not the centre of
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: your world or the centre of everyone's world. That's where
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: things go. This is the type of person that she is.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I remember she was in Perth and I was at
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: mum's and I was just, I actually had glandular fever,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: but I didn't know it at the time. I was
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: so like, run down from being so deep in a
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: hole that I got very sick and I was like
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: bawling my eyes out to her to Debra like telling
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: her like how hard it was at the moment and
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I was like I have this lump on my neck
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: which was the glandular fever and then she was just
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: like oh I went to the doctor the other day
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I found a lump and I was like oh okay
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: we're not talking about me anymore like okay I did
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: try to confide in her, but my problems were just
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: pushed aside. But she doesn't see that. It's just always
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: like my problems are worse than your problems. Like you're
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: not allowed to have problems. When we found out we
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: were having twins, I was actually a little bit scared
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: to tell her because maybe I did think that this
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: would be the beginning of the end. When they had kids,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: they couldn't fall pregnant easily. There was a lot of
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: health concerns, so there was a lot of planning and
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: working around them having babies, whereas when we had babies,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: it was just, okay, we'll try and have a baby now.
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: I knew there would be.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: That underlying jealousy, I guess, from her end. I just
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: always had it in the back of my mind that
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: that would be how she would respond. She was very
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: non-emotive about it. Again, it was like the wedding. There
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: was no like, oh my gosh, this is so exciting.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy for you. It was like, oh, cool, cool.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: She would just not give me the excited response that
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I was hoping for, that you would think would come
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: out of your best friend, which is really sad that
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: I couldn't share that with her either. I feel like
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: At that point, I probably did start to protect myself
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: a little bit more. And maybe I did stop sharing
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: as closely as I used to. You keep trying and
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: trying and trying. And then at one point, you're like, well,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: what's the point in trying anymore? But then also that
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: guilt goes through your mind where you're like, but we
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: were so close. This should be something that I should
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: want to share with her. She came to the farm
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: once on the way to the city for literally like
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: half an hour to see my girls, to meet my twins.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: They would have been two or three months old when
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: she met them for the first time. Her and her
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: husband are very regimented. They'll come to the city, they
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: have to leave at seven in the morning and they
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: have to arrive at this time and there's no detours.
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: We do live.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: On a gravel road, 30km of gravel road. I don't
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: think that she really likes driving as well. So like
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: in my head as well, like I'm always kind of like, oh,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: but there's this excuse or that excuse. But in hindsight,
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: like there's no excuse. When her eldest daughter had, she
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: was in hospital with like bronchiolitis. I drove seven and
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: a half hours to stay over for one night to
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: spend time with her. When it came to me having
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: my twins, my first baby's, She couldn't even make a
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: drive to come and meet them. As your best friend,
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: your sister, your pseudo-mum, you'd think that she would be
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: the first person in the hospital after they were born.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: And then for it to take, you know, eight weeks
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: for her to actually meet them. And I don't ever
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: remember her being, like, cuddly and smoochy with them. And
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: I don't even know if she really held them.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: While Deborah's detachment hurt and still very much confused Rachel...
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: She tried as best as she could not to let
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: it affect her as it had in the past. More
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: than anything, she didn't have the time or energy. She
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: was in the trenches of raising not one but two babies,
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: which her sister had made pretty clear she wasn't going
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: to help with. So when Rachel was going to be
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: travelling to where Deborah lived, she didn't tell her in
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: advance and make plans to drop in, as she had
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: in times gone by. But she had no idea what
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: this one small choice would cause.
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: We live in the middle of nowhere.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: So the nearest shopping centre... Proper, like, Woolworths is where
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: they live, two-hour drive. So I had, you know, six-month-old twins,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: needed desperately to do a shop. So, yeah, like, was
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: walking through the shops and was walking towards her and
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: we actually, like, walked into each other and I stopped
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: and was like, hi, how are you going? And she
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: just looked at me and said, hi, and kept going
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: and just kept walking. She was really cold and really rude.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: And I just kind of was like, what just happened?
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: From the moment I saw her, I knew it was
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: very clear that she wasn't happy that I was there.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: She hadn't been the first person that I told that
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: I was there. The next time that I knew that
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: I was going to be there, I was like, right,
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I'll make sure that I tell her, I'll make sure.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Let's book in a time and we'll have morning tea.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: And then I actually think that she had blocked me Because,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: you know, when you can see that your message has
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: been sent and then it has been read, like it
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: didn't even come up saying that it had been sent.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: So I think she had gone home and blocked me.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I just couldn't get in touch with her from then on.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't get any responses to messages, phone calls or
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: anything like that. Like it was a complete like cut off.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: She just disappeared. So I thought I'd leave it and
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: wait for her to reach out and make an effort
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: and that eight years later that has not happened.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: I wish I had more of an explanation for you,
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: dear listeners, but there isn't one. After the cold encounter
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: at the supermarket, Rachel chose to put her focus into
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: her young family at home. and ignore whatever was going
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: on with Deborah. Months passed, then more, but nothing. The
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: whole thing felt so toxic, and Rachel had spent so
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: many hours and so much energy dealing with the negativity
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: of the situation, she didn't want to fix it if
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: Deborah didn't. And it seemed she didn't.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: She hasn't spoken to me for near on eight years.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: I kind of blame this whole situation on my mental
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: health issues. if someone so special and so close to
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: you can walk away like that, like, what type of
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: person is, am I, that that's so easy for someone
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: to do? You know, like, I just, I struggle with
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: it a lot still. Eight years later, it's still like
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: a battle in my head. My auntie has made these
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: comments about me being the favourite. I don't know if
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: that's where it all stems from. And I was like,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: hang on a minute, like, But I'm also like, she
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: was like a teenager, like a preteen when I was born.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: I'm not the favorite. I was just solely reliant on
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: other people. I feel quite unfairly portrayed if that's truly
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: like where her problems lie. I'm always constantly struggling with,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: am I a shit person? Like, did I do this?
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: And then I'm like, well, hang on a minute. We're adults.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: We could have had a conversation earlier. I could have apologised,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I could have given you my side of the story,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: but I was never given that opportunity. So I'm, like,
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: slowly starting to learn that, no, like, it's not my fault,
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: but you still have days where you have those doubts.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: This is a person that, in reality, like, she should
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: love you no matter what, but then you have that
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: added extra where you guys have chosen each other as...
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: your most important, most favourite people, to feeling not that
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: important and not being made to feel like that favourite
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: person anymore.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: And it's a really hard thing to deal with, like
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: emotionally and mentally.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: One thing that did help ease Rachel's mind, though, even
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: if just a little, is that she wasn't the only
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: one Deborah inexplicably turned her back on.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: There was a few years that went by and she
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: actually cut off my mum for a fair bit there.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: And again, I don't even think my mum really knew.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: I don't think Kelly hears from her very much either,
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: unless it's to make Deborah look kind of good. She
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: still sends the obligatory Facebook message.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: On birthdays and whatnot.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: She would always make the time and she would always
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: be there constantly for Deborah to see her and her
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: family when they came to Perth but there was never
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: any reciprocation and then yeah she slowly as well just
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: realized well hang on a minute then she's not making
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: the effort for me so I'm going to stop none
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: of our kids like none of mum's grandkids have all
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: been in the same room at the same time sorry
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: I think I might get a bit sad here but
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: Kelly lost her son a few years ago.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: So There will never be that opportunity for all of
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: those kids to be together. And I just, I feel
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: for the kids, you know, like I grew up so
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: closely with my nieces and my kids were never given
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: that opportunity even to grow up with their cousins. We've
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: definitely had those situations where you'd think family would come together.
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: These relationships could be mended. And they just haven't. So
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: I don't really see us ever becoming close again. And
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: I don't think that I really want it to.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: There's like the silver lining, like when you look back
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: and you look at all these things and then you
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: see the way she treats people.
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: And I know that I don't want to be like that.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: And I try to see the positives in people and
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: in situations rather than just directly going to the negatives
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: and like the woe is me and My life's so
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: hard and my life's harder than you. I just try
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: to be a good person, I guess, and a happy,
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: positive person. I have a lot of great friends in
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: my life. I've got a lot of great people, a
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: lot of supportive, loving people. It's actually taken me a
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: very long time to actually become confident in myself and
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: be able to make friends because obviously it shatters your
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: confidence a little bit when someone like that can just
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: walk away from you and you really do question who
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: you are and the type of person you are and
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: like why would these people want to be friends with
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: me if I'm such a horrible person that someone like
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: your own sister best friend can walk away so easily.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: It's only really the last couple of years that I've
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: felt confident and comfortable to put myself out there and
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: actually make friends. I go through periods of anger and
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: sadness but ultimately like I just focus on the people
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: around me that do make the effort and show me
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: love and save my love for them. I have had
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: a few people that are like oh but it's family
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: I'm like well that that might be so but I
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: don't know how to make you understand how much hurt
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: she's put me through and other people but also now
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: I'm at a point where I'm protecting my myself as
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: well my heart and my head and if I don't
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: care if we share blood or not like if you
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: mess with my head or my heart I can't like
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: I can't do that to myself or my my kids
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: and my husband because when I'm in a bad way
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: they suffer too I don't believe in that blood is
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: thicker than water because sometimes it really isn't that doesn't
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: mean I wish any ill health on her.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: I just hope that she's happy and if not.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: I hope that she can get the help that she
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: needs to be happy because I'm pretty happy in my life.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Everyone Has an Ex Best Friend is a Minty Media
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: production and proudly part of the Mamma Mia Network. This
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: interview was conducted and the episode written by me, Georgia Love,
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: and produced by Linda Scott. If you have a story
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: you'd like to share, email everyonehasanex at mintymedia.com.au. You can
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: support us by following the show in your favourite podcast
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: app and leaving a five-star review.