Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Three’s Company with Bekah Martinez

Transcript

Three’s Company with Bekah Martinez · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

0:00
Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
0:03
Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio.
0:05
Speaker 2: Hello everyone, Welcome to the Almost Podcast. I am so
0:10
Speaker 2: thrilled to have on the guest that we have on
0:12
Speaker 2: today for an in depth episode. It's Beca Martinez. She
0:16
Speaker 2: hasn't been here in so long and so much has
0:19
Speaker 2: happened in her life since.
0:21
Speaker 3: When was the last time we talked on here?
0:23
Speaker 2: Oh my god. I want to feel like I was.
0:25
Speaker 3: Probably pregnant with Ruth.
0:28
Speaker 2: Probably you have, may have been pregnant with Frank.
0:32
Speaker 3: Some other baby. But I haven't been pregnant in three years,
0:35
Speaker 3: so it's been a long time.
0:37
Speaker 2: That actually is quite a bit of a gap. Because
0:39
Speaker 2: when you announce your pregnancy, which you did in a
0:43
Speaker 2: very interesting way, I have so many what questions we
0:46
Speaker 2: can ask you, like teased it up so like you
0:49
Speaker 2: did multiple Instagram reels and tiktoks hyping us up for
0:52
Speaker 2: a big announcement. It was either like you were going
0:55
Speaker 2: off the grid and like literally living in the middle
0:56
Speaker 2: of nowhere you're getting a TV show, or you were pregnant. Yeah,
1:02
Speaker 2: and I think I was between the pregnancy and the
1:07
Speaker 2: TV show because the going off the grid, like you
1:10
Speaker 2: really are entrenched in your social media, like you're so
1:15
Speaker 2: good at it. So I didn't think that was it.
1:17
Speaker 2: Because what you do, which is awesome and I really
1:20
Speaker 2: need to take note of it, is you take every
1:22
Speaker 2: January completely off.
1:25
Speaker 3: Yeah. I do like six weeks, which is so funny
1:27
Speaker 3: because people forget that and then they're like, oh, like, a,
1:30
Speaker 3: were you guys filming something during that time, or like
1:32
Speaker 3: maybe you were pregnant. I'm like, no, that's just like
1:34
Speaker 3: my thing. I did it last year, I did it
1:36
Speaker 3: this year. I'm gonna do it again. I do like
1:38
Speaker 3: I start the week before Christmas and then I take
1:41
Speaker 3: that off for like five or six weeks through the
1:43
Speaker 3: end of January, which January is usually slow anyway for
1:47
Speaker 3: like partnerships and like social media stuff. And for me,
1:50
Speaker 3: it's just like the perfect reset and it gets me
1:52
Speaker 3: all reinvigorated and like, cause you know, it can be
1:55
Speaker 3: a drag being on social media, but then taking that
1:58
Speaker 3: time totally off, when I get back on, I'm like
2:00
Speaker 3: refreshed and ready to go.
2:02
Speaker 1: Yeah.
2:02
Speaker 2: I was like, Becka knows how to take time off,
2:06
Speaker 2: go off the grid if she wants to. So I
2:08
Speaker 2: think that's not the option, but the TV option was
2:11
Speaker 2: definitely thing, and I thought that possibly the pregnancy thing
2:15
Speaker 2: was sort of like a thing to throw us off.
2:18
Speaker 2: You you and Grayson just you know, you are fertile.
2:22
Speaker 2: You are you guys don't have any fertility issues thankfully, yes,
2:28
Speaker 2: which is very nice. But I remember reading or seeing
2:33
Speaker 2: on your Instagram or something that you guys were gonna
2:35
Speaker 2: like not actively try for a while because you wanted
2:38
Speaker 2: to just kind of enjoy this age in which the
2:41
Speaker 2: kids are kind of like getting out of the diaper
2:44
Speaker 2: phase and like the very they're getting more into an
2:46
Speaker 2: independent phase, and you're gonna take a while, especially since
2:48
Speaker 2: you're so young. You are, what are you twenty eight,
2:50
Speaker 2: twenty seventy.
2:51
Speaker 3: Eight, it's yeah.
2:52
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, look at you. You used to be the
2:55
Speaker 2: little twenty two year old from The Bachelor, and now
2:58
Speaker 2: you're twenty eight and a model of almost I.
3:00
Speaker 3: Know we had talked about. What we had really said
3:03
Speaker 3: is like when the kids are four and five, like
3:05
Speaker 3: that's when we want to start trying. So like it
3:06
Speaker 3: definitely wasn't off the table, but I mean, at this point,
3:09
Speaker 3: when you do the math, like Ruth's gonna be she'll
3:11
Speaker 3: be five next February, babies do like September thirtieth, October first,
3:16
Speaker 3: October thirtieth, Yeah, September thirtieth, October first, So she'll be
3:20
Speaker 3: almost five. Frank's going to be like three in some months.
3:23
Speaker 3: And so when you really like look at it in
3:25
Speaker 3: the grand scheme of things, it was kind of like, Okay, well,
3:29
Speaker 3: you know that's what's the difference.
3:32
Speaker 2: So, yeah, I can't believe Frank is almost three.
3:36
Speaker 3: I know. No, that's how I feel too. But like Ruth,
3:39
Speaker 3: I keep calling her a toddler, She's not a toddler anymore.
3:41
Speaker 3: She's like she's like a little kid now, like she's
3:44
Speaker 3: like almost kindergarten age. Frank two is like yeah. So anyway,
3:49
Speaker 3: Gray said, he's really excited. He's like, all right, because
3:51
Speaker 3: now we're gonna have another little baby. And it does
3:53
Speaker 3: go by fast. Like of course I'm nervous about, you know,
3:57
Speaker 3: going through the newborn sleep deprivation phase thing again, and
4:01
Speaker 3: you know, we do cloth diapers and all that, so
4:03
Speaker 3: like the first year and a half are kind of
4:05
Speaker 3: a bitch, but it goes by so fast.
4:08
Speaker 4: So I don't know, Ashley, why were you thinking that
4:13
Speaker 4: she was just going like why were you hinting at
4:14
Speaker 4: going off the grid. I watched all this stuff, by
4:16
Speaker 4: the way, it's really good.
4:17
Speaker 2: She said that that was one of the three options. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
4:22
Speaker 3: I mean I'm interesting all three. I don't want to
4:24
Speaker 3: go completely off the grid, but I think it would
4:26
Speaker 3: be fun to kind of go somewhere some more remote
4:28
Speaker 3: and you know, blog it and kind of document it
4:31
Speaker 3: and do that. Not totally like.
4:34
Speaker 2: I can see you doing that though, because like you know,
4:35
Speaker 2: you rock climbed camp, you do like all these adventury things,
4:39
Speaker 2: and then you cloth diaper, you know, so you're like
4:41
Speaker 2: runty like that.
4:42
Speaker 3: I would like to do that and make it a
4:45
Speaker 3: TV show.
4:46
Speaker 2: Yeah.
4:48
Speaker 3: Maybe we could, you know, get that off the ground
4:50
Speaker 3: in like three years, and then I could get pregnant
4:52
Speaker 3: on the TV show. So maybe I could do all three.
4:55
Speaker 4: And if so, that's an interesting statement because I've always
4:58
Speaker 4: imagined that you're somebody that like being on television, like
5:01
Speaker 4: this was a thing that happened.
5:03
Speaker 2: Am I wrong?
5:04
Speaker 3: That's so funny. Someone else said that in like a comment.
5:06
Speaker 3: They were like, well, I don't think she would ever
5:08
Speaker 3: do reality TV again. And I'm like, you know a heartbeat,
5:11
Speaker 3: are you kidding me? I love it?
5:13
Speaker 4: Okay, walk me through that, like, why is this something
5:15
Speaker 4: you enjoy?
5:17
Speaker 3: Well, The Bachelor definitely didn't just happen. I watched The
5:20
Speaker 3: Bachelor for years and I was like, I'm gonna be
5:22
Speaker 3: on that show one day, Like next time i'm single,
5:27
Speaker 3: because like I always had a boyfriend, I was like,
5:29
Speaker 3: next time i'm single, I'm going on the show. This
5:32
Speaker 3: guy broke up with me. And the next month I
5:34
Speaker 3: was like, great, I'm gonna go to a Bachelor audition.
5:37
Speaker 3: Now's my time. I thought it was going to be
5:39
Speaker 3: Peter what's his face? Yeah, cross, And so it's like,
5:42
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go audition.
5:43
Speaker 2: Bachelor who never was I know?
5:46
Speaker 3: And I'm glad though I'm glad that it ended up.
5:49
Speaker 3: It was kind of cool because on my season I
5:51
Speaker 3: didn't even know who Ari was and that was kind
5:52
Speaker 3: of like the fun of it. But anyway, so I
5:55
Speaker 3: went to the audition and it was so funny because
5:57
Speaker 3: my mom doesn't like reality TV and she's like, I
6:00
Speaker 3: don't go to this audition otherwise you're gonna end up
6:02
Speaker 3: on this stupid show. And then yeah, then I got
6:07
Speaker 3: cast and that was and I told my dad and
6:10
Speaker 3: he said at the time, he was kind of like, Okay, sure, Becca,
6:13
Speaker 3: but I was like, no, I'm gonna go on the show.
6:15
Speaker 3: And I do think that like if I go like
6:18
Speaker 3: far on the show, and if I like make a
6:20
Speaker 3: good impression on the show, like I could really turn
6:22
Speaker 3: this like into a career.
6:24
Speaker 2: That was with my dad. He was like, okay, right.
6:28
Speaker 3: I was like, you know, I see these girls like
6:30
Speaker 3: they're they're making like they can quit their jobs, you know,
6:34
Speaker 3: like I think I could do this, So yeah, I
6:37
Speaker 3: mean that was kind of that was kind of my plan.
6:39
Speaker 3: And I totally was open to, like, well, if I
6:41
Speaker 3: fall in love and like find my husband on the show, great,
6:44
Speaker 3: like I'm down, why not? I was ruling out that possibility,
6:49
Speaker 3: so yeah. And then now, I mean, I I just
6:52
Speaker 3: think reality TV is is so much fun. So I
6:55
Speaker 3: would one hundred percent to it again, especially if I
6:57
Speaker 3: had a little more control over production, if it was
6:59
Speaker 3: something that like I was helping to produce, I mean,
7:01
Speaker 3: that would be incredible.
7:03
Speaker 2: Beca. That's why I think, like, do you have like
7:04
Speaker 2: a cool diconomy where you're like, oh, I love reality tea,
7:07
Speaker 2: but I've told you it again. But at the same time,
7:10
Speaker 2: you try not to have a TV in the house,
7:12
Speaker 2: and then you like make crafts and only thrift, but
7:15
Speaker 2: you'll definitely do the influencer thing. Oh yeah, we can
7:19
Speaker 2: totally trust you that when you're doing ads that like
7:21
Speaker 2: they're really authentic, I know that you wouldn't do anything
7:24
Speaker 2: that you don't really like. It's really you just have
7:26
Speaker 2: really found your niche. And it just makes a lot
7:28
Speaker 2: of sense to me.
7:30
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just think it's you know, life's all about balance,
7:33
Speaker 3: and I don't know, even with social media. Like I
7:36
Speaker 3: was just saying to Gray the other day, I'm like, man,
7:38
Speaker 3: I gotta like delete my TikTok app or something, because
7:42
Speaker 3: like with I don't know, I've over the past few
7:45
Speaker 3: years had to find so many different ways to balance
7:47
Speaker 3: things out, you know how it goes. I'm like, man,
7:49
Speaker 3: I think I have to delete my TikTok app because
7:51
Speaker 3: I like, I'll spend forty five minutes scrolling on this
7:53
Speaker 3: and afterwards I'll feel like legit, like anxiety in my
7:56
Speaker 3: body and like don't know what to do with myself.
7:59
Speaker 3: And I'm like, Okay, I have to like put curbs
8:01
Speaker 3: on how I spend my time doing something that's although
8:05
Speaker 3: it's you know, tied to my job, I still have
8:08
Speaker 3: to put up barriers and be careful. Justin.
8:11
Speaker 4: And my wife has a she's a good scroller at night,
8:15
Speaker 4: she can really go at it. But I think she
8:17
Speaker 4: has an app or it's a setting on the phone
8:19
Speaker 4: where once she hits I think like twenty five minutes
8:23
Speaker 4: or thirty minutes of total scrolling for the day, it
8:25
Speaker 4: shuts it off. She can't get back onto the app
8:27
Speaker 4: for the rest of the day.
8:28
Speaker 3: Okay, I need to get that. Yeah, I have the
8:31
Speaker 3: little phone thing where it's like, you know, you've reached
8:34
Speaker 3: your time limit and then I'm like fifteen more minutes, fifty.
8:37
Speaker 2: She has something to really low.
8:39
Speaker 4: I'm sure there's a work around it. She could like
8:41
Speaker 4: do it, but it's like not easy, and she set
8:43
Speaker 4: herself to that. So I hear her say Okay, I'm done,
8:45
Speaker 4: and she's done.
8:47
Speaker 3: Smart. It's honestly easy. It's hard on TikTok. These algorithms
8:50
Speaker 3: these days just like know exactly what to put in
8:53
Speaker 3: your face for you to like stay on the app
8:54
Speaker 3: as long as possible. But anyway, I digress.
8:56
Speaker 2: Let's talk about motherhood a little bit more and your announcement.
9:00
Speaker 2: So you did it in a very special way. You
9:02
Speaker 2: made a claimation it's like stop motion. What starts doing
9:05
Speaker 2: claimation stop motion, like I know claymation is the actual
9:08
Speaker 2: like you know the clay figures.
9:10
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think stop motion is just like because you
9:12
Speaker 3: could do stop motion like with your body, you know
9:14
Speaker 3: when you see people on the ground and like doing it's.
9:17
Speaker 2: Like the movement.
9:18
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, I think it's just the stop motion is
9:20
Speaker 3: just the idea of like taking a series of pictures
9:22
Speaker 3: and then putting them together to make like a little movie.
9:26
Speaker 2: So in the movie, you show yourself taking a pregnancy
9:29
Speaker 2: test and then going and throwing it at Grayson, who
9:32
Speaker 2: is for those who don't know her fiance, and he
9:36
Speaker 2: has a shocked, like dead face on. So tell us
9:39
Speaker 2: if it was extremely accurate or like did you just
9:43
Speaker 2: do it for fun? Like did you did you? Were
9:45
Speaker 2: you like Grayson, I think I'm pregnant again. I think
9:47
Speaker 2: I'm pregnant again.
9:48
Speaker 3: Or I was saying before I even took a test,
9:52
Speaker 3: it was so funny, like the chances of me getting pregnant,
9:55
Speaker 3: like from what I conceived was really like so ridiculous,
10:00
Speaker 3: Slee Low, We've been really careful the last few years,
10:03
Speaker 3: but I just like knew I was like dude, I
10:06
Speaker 3: am going I'm sure I'm going to get like pregnant.
10:09
Speaker 3: And so before I even took a test, I was like,
10:11
Speaker 3: I'm pregnant. Gray, I'm convinced I'm pregnant. Like I'm pregnant,
10:14
Speaker 3: I'm pregnant. And so I took the test like eight
10:16
Speaker 3: days before my period, and I was supposed to leave
10:18
Speaker 3: for a flight that morning, so it was six thirty
10:20
Speaker 3: in the morning. I was like, Okay, I'm just going
10:22
Speaker 3: to take a test. It was the faintest shadow of
10:26
Speaker 3: a line I think I have. Yeah, Oh my god.
10:30
Speaker 3: It was like if I probably would have thrown away
10:33
Speaker 3: the test if I hadn't been like looking so hard
10:36
Speaker 3: for it. But I saw like the faintest shadow took
10:39
Speaker 3: another song, like the faintest shadow in the world, and
10:41
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm like, yep, that's it. So I
10:45
Speaker 3: don't even remember what his reaction was. I think he
10:47
Speaker 3: was just like, oh my god, like are you kidding me?
10:49
Speaker 3: Because he's so I mean, I know him so well,
10:52
Speaker 3: so I think it's hard for other people to understand.
10:55
Speaker 3: But Gray is always like, I don't want any more kids.
10:57
Speaker 3: I don't like That's what he'll say. That's what he
10:58
Speaker 3: would say on the podcast and all that, like I
11:00
Speaker 3: don't want anymore, but I know him and he said
11:04
Speaker 3: that with like every kid, but he loves being a dad.
11:07
Speaker 3: When they're born, he's obsessed with them. And look he's
11:11
Speaker 3: not putting that much work into preventing it. So I
11:15
Speaker 3: mean every time at the beginning it's been like, oh
11:18
Speaker 3: my god, what are we gonna do? But this time,
11:21
Speaker 3: being the third, actually I feel like pretty quickly his
11:24
Speaker 3: tune changed and now he's really excited and I think
11:26
Speaker 3: we're both just really so much more confident as parents now.
11:30
Speaker 3: Like zero to one for us was the hardest, Like
11:34
Speaker 3: I just felt like the shift from having getting to
11:37
Speaker 3: do whatever you want with your time to all of
11:39
Speaker 3: a sudden being like I mean, you know, your whole
11:41
Speaker 3: world out where you're like oh sleep and like everything
11:46
Speaker 3: is just everything, everything is new, and it's just crazy
11:49
Speaker 3: and like the hormones for me postpartum were just so
11:52
Speaker 3: nuts and just like everything was crazy. And then actually
11:55
Speaker 3: having the second it was so funny because your perspective
11:58
Speaker 3: just changes, Like and I had Frank. I remember putting
12:01
Speaker 3: him on the bed and I was like, wait, this
12:03
Speaker 3: kid sleeps all day and he like can't roll anywhere.
12:05
Speaker 3: Like I can stick him on the bed and like
12:08
Speaker 3: go do something, and he's not gonna go anywhere. Like
12:10
Speaker 3: this newborn thing is easy. I remember just having a
12:13
Speaker 3: whereas with the first I was like, oh my god,
12:15
Speaker 3: like I can't shower, like you know, you're just so
12:18
Speaker 3: like frazzled, and so I don't know it being the third.
12:22
Speaker 3: I a couple of my friends had new babies over
12:25
Speaker 3: the last few months and I was helping out with them,
12:27
Speaker 3: and I was just like, all right, we know the
12:30
Speaker 3: drill now, you know. And the kids are a little
12:32
Speaker 3: bit older so they can do stuff for themselves, like
12:34
Speaker 3: I can be like, go get a snack, or can
12:36
Speaker 3: you bring me a glass of water, or can you
12:38
Speaker 3: grab me a diaper? So, I don't know I'm feeling.
12:41
Speaker 3: I think we're both feeling pretty confident going into this
12:45
Speaker 3: new one.
12:46
Speaker 2: That's awesome. That's so awesome. I feel like you guys
12:48
Speaker 2: were definitely gonna have more than two. That's like absolutely ridiculous.
12:51
Speaker 2: Like Grayson knew that you were going to have more too.
12:53
Speaker 3: But we had been talking about it. It wasn't like
12:55
Speaker 3: completely out of the blue, just wasn't like the perfect
12:58
Speaker 3: timing and we had I guess what was sort of
13:01
Speaker 3: a bummers. Like we had talked about like, oh, it
13:04
Speaker 3: would be so fun to like try I mean, I
13:06
Speaker 3: know that's not always fun, but.
13:08
Speaker 2: For us would say, it's not that much fun.
13:10
Speaker 3: Okay. The idea we had the like the intentionality just
13:16
Speaker 3: because we haven't experienced it of like let's have another baby,
13:20
Speaker 3: you know, like oh, like am I pregnant, Like we're
13:24
Speaker 3: you know, I think we just wanted to experience that,
13:27
Speaker 3: and I think we will get to. I want to
13:30
Speaker 3: have I see with four or more. Yeah, I think
13:33
Speaker 3: four is I like even numbers, odd numbers. See, I'm
13:36
Speaker 3: already numbers. I'm already looking at plane, you know, at
13:39
Speaker 3: flights with the seats, like we're gonna need to have
13:44
Speaker 3: like an even number otherwise like someone's gonna end up
13:46
Speaker 3: sitting alone. So yeah, anyway, but yeah, So I think
13:49
Speaker 3: that was the only disappointment is we're like, oh, like
13:52
Speaker 3: we kind of wanted it to be like an intentional
13:54
Speaker 3: choice that we both made together. So I think that
13:57
Speaker 3: was the only thing that we were like, oh, well,
13:59
Speaker 3: here we go, like another surprise. But it's been it's
14:03
Speaker 3: been good.
14:04
Speaker 4: Yeah, before your your first kid did you expect to
14:17
Speaker 4: have a big family, or did Gray expect to have
14:19
Speaker 4: a big family? Like, I mean, when you're on the
14:21
Speaker 4: show and all this and then it happened as a surprise.
14:23
Speaker 4: Did did your perspective change?
14:28
Speaker 3: Well, it's so funny, Gray and I did like a
14:30
Speaker 3: YouTube Q and a we posted yesterday and I was like, Grey,
14:34
Speaker 3: how many kids do you want? And he's like one,
14:36
Speaker 3: and so that he's like one kid. I think for me,
14:43
Speaker 3: I'm one of five. I always had a really great
14:46
Speaker 3: relationship with my siblings. I loved having a big family.
14:50
Speaker 3: A lot of my friends had big families, and the
14:53
Speaker 3: friends that I knew that had like small families, I
14:56
Speaker 3: don't know that they always or even like boyfriends. I
14:59
Speaker 3: remember them always like having fun being, you know, a
15:03
Speaker 3: part of our big family. And my parents are each
15:05
Speaker 3: one of like my mom, I think they're both one
15:08
Speaker 3: of five. So I always grew up around a lot
15:10
Speaker 3: of cousins and just just a big extended family. So
15:13
Speaker 3: I knew that I wanted that for myself. And my
15:18
Speaker 3: oldest brother has five under the age of nine, which
15:21
Speaker 3: they're nuts. I'm not doing that. I'll take a little
15:24
Speaker 3: more time. My sister has four, so I don't know.
15:29
Speaker 3: I feel like, yeah, I was always planning on having
15:32
Speaker 3: like more than two, and Gray, I don't. I don't know.
15:38
Speaker 3: I don't even think his even he was like twenty
15:41
Speaker 3: nine though. I mean, I remember when I got pregnant
15:43
Speaker 3: with Ruth and he's like, I'm not ready to be
15:44
Speaker 3: a dad. I'm like, shut up, you're like literally almost thirty.
15:47
Speaker 3: Like grow up, la boy, You're gonna be fine. So
15:51
Speaker 3: I don't. I know, he definitely wanted to be a dad,
15:54
Speaker 3: but I don't think he ever had I don't even
15:57
Speaker 3: I don't think he thought he was gonna have three
15:59
Speaker 3: over the course of five years.
16:01
Speaker 4: How many nieces and nephews do you have? Then?
16:03
Speaker 3: This baby's about to be number twelve of my parents'
16:06
Speaker 3: grandkids and my parents aren't neither of them are even
16:09
Speaker 3: sixty yet.
16:10
Speaker 4: Yeah, wow, goodness gracious.
16:14
Speaker 3: So yeah, I have nine nieces and nephews and my
16:17
Speaker 3: younger two siblings aren't even married or have kids yet.
16:21
Speaker 3: So wow, I'm sure that's fun. I mean already, like
16:26
Speaker 3: Christmases and holidays, like getting the family together, like Ruth's
16:31
Speaker 3: obsessed with their cousins, and I just think it's really cute,
16:34
Speaker 3: is it?
16:34
Speaker 2: Fun or chaotic.
16:36
Speaker 3: I like it, But I mean, I think it's part
16:38
Speaker 3: of why I like reality TV. I like chaos. I
16:41
Speaker 3: like being like constantly stimulated by, like I don't know,
16:46
Speaker 3: having stuff going on. It's kind of feel like where
16:49
Speaker 3: I thrive, And yeah, I love it. Well.
16:53
Speaker 2: I have to say you're just so inspirational to me
16:56
Speaker 2: through your Instagram. I have to say that you are
16:58
Speaker 2: probably like the person who I look at the most
17:02
Speaker 2: content from on Instagram. Oh thank you, Yeah, I know.
17:05
Speaker 2: So It's like I feel like I see your every
17:06
Speaker 2: reel and I always look at your stories. I just
17:09
Speaker 2: find them really interesting, and you always have an interesting perspective.
17:13
Speaker 2: Even if like we're not like in agreeance, you always
17:15
Speaker 2: have like this great way of expressing yourself in a
17:17
Speaker 2: way where I can see your point of view, do
17:19
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? Yeah, you're never like too preachy.
17:22
Speaker 2: I don't know, Like I just really like admire you
17:23
Speaker 2: in lots of ways. But one of the things that
17:26
Speaker 2: I wanted to ask you about is just the fact
17:28
Speaker 2: that it seems like you always have your kids doing
17:30
Speaker 2: something like fun and interesting, and even though like you
17:34
Speaker 2: know that they're all over the place, Like I know,
17:35
Speaker 2: like in my head, like like, yeah, they're they're kids,
17:37
Speaker 2: They're running all over the house. You seem to have
17:40
Speaker 2: like some sort of like semblance of common peace in
17:43
Speaker 2: the house too. Can you tell me your tricks?
17:45
Speaker 3: Yeah? I think that For me, I think that it
17:48
Speaker 3: really comes down to just like confidence as a parent.
17:52
Speaker 3: And what I mean by that is like not, I guess,
17:56
Speaker 3: I guess just like accepting that I don't have it
17:58
Speaker 3: all figured out. Granted I'm only showing certain parts on
18:00
Speaker 3: social media, right.
18:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I but I actually believe you, like you
18:04
Speaker 2: know how sometimes like people like you have like this
18:07
Speaker 2: great mix of realism and that picture perfect.
18:10
Speaker 3: Like curated and not. Yeah, I mean but like, yeah,
18:13
Speaker 3: I guess I just do want to remind people. I'm
18:15
Speaker 3: showing usually like ninety second clips of like the day
18:18
Speaker 3: when you really boil it down to like the whole day.
18:22
Speaker 3: But I just think like a big thing for me
18:25
Speaker 3: is I'm into just letting the kids like do their
18:28
Speaker 3: own thing, like not in the sense that I'm neglecting
18:31
Speaker 3: them or ignoring them, but from a young like what
18:33
Speaker 3: we started doing from like twelve to eighteen months is
18:38
Speaker 3: I just started getting really comfortable with being like no,
18:41
Speaker 3: I'm not going to pick you up right now, or
18:43
Speaker 3: like no, I'm not going to play with you because
18:44
Speaker 3: like I'm in the middle of doing something and like,
18:47
Speaker 3: you know, that was not fun. They'd be like crying
18:51
Speaker 3: or upset, and I'd be like, I know, I'm here,
18:53
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. It sucks. Like you want me to hold you,
18:54
Speaker 3: I'm not going to. And it's like really uncomfortable to
18:58
Speaker 3: deal with as a parent, you know, because you like
18:59
Speaker 3: want it could be happy all the time, and sometimes
19:01
Speaker 3: in a selfish way where you're just like I don't
19:03
Speaker 3: want to deal with like this overstimulation right now, so
19:07
Speaker 3: like please stop. But I feel like that's something we
19:10
Speaker 3: implemented kind of early and so now you know, if
19:15
Speaker 3: I'm just like, hey, I'm in the middle of doing this,
19:17
Speaker 3: like I can't stop what I'm doing in play with
19:19
Speaker 3: you right now, like you're gonna have to go find
19:20
Speaker 3: something to do, or you're gonna have to go in
19:22
Speaker 3: the backyard. And now I feel like they're like, yeah, okay,
19:26
Speaker 3: and they are really just like they do like a
19:29
Speaker 3: lot of self directed play, and I think some people think, like, oh,
19:33
Speaker 3: that's their personalities, but I'm like, no, we did really
19:36
Speaker 3: work consciously on it, I'm like accepting their tantrums and
19:41
Speaker 3: they're like upset when when you know, if they didn't
19:45
Speaker 3: get what they wanted from us in that moment. But
19:47
Speaker 3: I feel like it's really paid off because they will
19:49
Speaker 3: literally play sometimes like an hour and a half two
19:52
Speaker 3: hours by themselves, and I think it's good for them
19:55
Speaker 3: because I one thing that's important to me and I
19:58
Speaker 3: learned this as a nanny too, is like I don't
20:01
Speaker 3: I think kids know what our energy is like and
20:05
Speaker 3: if I'm not having fun like playing pretend with them,
20:08
Speaker 3: you know, or if I'm doing this whole fakey thing
20:10
Speaker 3: like yeah, I love what we're doing, and like I don't,
20:13
Speaker 3: I feel like kids know, like mom doesn't is not
20:16
Speaker 3: enjoying herself. So I don't know. What I try to
20:20
Speaker 3: do is I just try to bring them into the
20:21
Speaker 3: stuff that I'm doing when when I can, sometimes it's
20:25
Speaker 3: a little difficult, like some oh my god, Like a
20:27
Speaker 3: couple of weeks ago, I was like cooking dinner and
20:30
Speaker 3: I was making pizza sauce and I was making salad dressing,
20:32
Speaker 3: and the kids wanted to help, so I was like, yeah, sure,
20:35
Speaker 3: and then Frank like took the salad dressing I just
20:37
Speaker 3: made and like dumped it in the pizza sauce, and
20:39
Speaker 3: I was like, and I actually was like I think
20:43
Speaker 3: I like did that, and I was like, Okay, I'm sorry.
20:46
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. I like didn't mean to yell, just like frustrated,
20:49
Speaker 3: like so sometimes you know it's not doesn't go as planned,
20:53
Speaker 3: and I'm like, okay, I don't want to like involve
20:55
Speaker 3: you guys in what I'm doing. When it does go smooth,
20:58
Speaker 3: it pays off. And so I would say, I only
21:01
Speaker 3: like play with them. This is kind of the secret
21:04
Speaker 3: to my piece. Like I only like play with them
21:07
Speaker 3: for like maybe twenty minutes a day, but I still
21:09
Speaker 3: make time to like I'll read books with them. I'll
21:12
Speaker 3: do stuff that I enjoy doing with them, right, Like
21:14
Speaker 3: let's go on a walk together and like pick flowers.
21:17
Speaker 3: I'll enjoy that, you know, or like let's let's draw together.
21:21
Speaker 3: So I guess, I guess that's something that I feel
21:23
Speaker 3: like kind of grounds me. I feel like that I'm
21:26
Speaker 3: never stretched too thin.
21:29
Speaker 2: That's super duper interesting, and I feel like I could
21:31
Speaker 2: ask so many questions about that, but I won't drag
21:33
Speaker 2: it off here. We'll have to do another like side
21:35
Speaker 2: of this, but do you have a nanny.
21:39
Speaker 3: We do three days a week Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and
21:43
Speaker 3: usually they're like in the house, which that kind of
21:46
Speaker 3: you know, even.
21:47
Speaker 2: That's that's us too. I basically prefer them in the house.
21:50
Speaker 2: If they're going on walks and stuff, that's fine.
21:52
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, and sometimes it doesn't always go
21:56
Speaker 3: so well, Like right now, I have the door like
21:58
Speaker 3: barricaded because I'm like, don't let them in because they're
22:01
Speaker 3: gonna be following me everywhere I go. But yeah, we
22:04
Speaker 3: haven't nanny three days a week, and then yeah, I'm
22:07
Speaker 3: with them Thursday, Thursday and Friday during weekdays, so I
22:11
Speaker 3: mean that definitely helps too, obviously. But yeah, we didn't
22:17
Speaker 3: have nanny until I'd say, like a year and a
22:19
Speaker 3: half ago. But I was like losing my mind trying
22:22
Speaker 3: to do work, and like it's great.
22:23
Speaker 2: He inspired me with that too, you like made me
22:26
Speaker 2: feel like it was okay that I needed that, because.
22:28
Speaker 3: I mean, dude, I know that it feels like it's
22:32
Speaker 3: not a real job sometimes. So when you're trying to
22:34
Speaker 3: like feel emails and like get ads done during their
22:37
Speaker 3: nap and then they wake up thirty five minutes later
22:39
Speaker 3: and you're like, oh my god, Like how I like,
22:42
Speaker 3: how am I physically supposed to get this stuff done? Okay,
22:45
Speaker 3: I'm guess I'm gonna have to do it tonight at
22:46
Speaker 3: eight thirty when they're passed out. Like that's just I
22:49
Speaker 3: don't think that's sustainable because you know, we are working moms,
22:53
Speaker 3: so you can't do it all at the same time.
22:56
Speaker 2: Thanks.
22:57
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I would love to hear about the future
23:11
Speaker 4: plans too. You are obviously engaged. We mentioned your fiance.
23:15
Speaker 4: Are you in the wedding planning process? No?
23:19
Speaker 2: Why not?
23:20
Speaker 4: Is it delayed? Is it like just not something you
23:23
Speaker 4: want to focus on right now?
23:25
Speaker 2: What where are we? Are you secretly married?
23:27
Speaker 3: No, we're not secretly married.
23:28
Speaker 2: People think that you know me, confirm that you're not.
23:32
Speaker 3: No, we're not. But Okay, it's funny because, like i
23:37
Speaker 3: I'll not forgoing over.
23:40
Speaker 2: I always like.
23:42
Speaker 3: Rolled my eyes at people who said this, and I
23:44
Speaker 3: was just like, oh my god, shut up. But it's
23:47
Speaker 3: so funny. Like now that I'm in the position myself,
23:51
Speaker 3: like more and more I find myself being like, why
23:57
Speaker 3: do I have to like sut in this like legal
24:00
Speaker 3: document in order to like make our relationship like legitimate
24:04
Speaker 3: and binding like it sort of bothers me, I think,
24:07
Speaker 3: especially just because I come from a very Christian family
24:10
Speaker 3: and like Gray and I still aren't allowed to like
24:12
Speaker 3: sleep in the same room together when we go to
24:14
Speaker 3: my parents' house, which is that yeah, right, or I
24:20
Speaker 3: guess they just don't want to happen and know they're like,
24:21
Speaker 3: no baby's made in our house, that's our rule. So
24:26
Speaker 3: I don't know. I I think I'm just and I've
24:29
Speaker 3: sort of felt that with my my family lately, where
24:32
Speaker 3: I'm just like so like our relationship is like still
24:37
Speaker 3: not legitimate to you, you know, like even though like
24:41
Speaker 3: to me, making the choice to parent together. I always
24:45
Speaker 3: I've said this a lot on my own like channels,
24:47
Speaker 3: but I think it's like one of the biggest commitments
24:49
Speaker 3: you could ever make, like bigger than marriage, because my
24:51
Speaker 3: dad always said, my dad's been divorced and he has
24:56
Speaker 3: kids with other people, and my dad just says, like
25:00
Speaker 3: you divorce someone, you could never see them again, Like
25:02
Speaker 3: you could literally erase them from your life. If you
25:05
Speaker 3: have kids with someone, barring you being like a person
25:08
Speaker 3: who's gonna ditch your kids, you're gonna see that person
25:11
Speaker 3: for the rest of your life. You're going to see
25:13
Speaker 3: them at piano recitals, at your grandkid's birthdays party, like
25:16
Speaker 3: you are going to be around that person that you
25:19
Speaker 3: made that choice to have a child with for the
25:22
Speaker 3: rest of your life. And so anyway, that's kind of
25:25
Speaker 3: how I look at it, where I'm like, wow, like
25:27
Speaker 3: we made to me one of the biggest commitments we
25:30
Speaker 3: could make, which is to raise humans together. And so
25:34
Speaker 3: it kind of bothers me that some people still don't
25:36
Speaker 3: view our relationship as like legitimized in the same way
25:40
Speaker 3: it would be if we like went to a courthouse.
25:42
Speaker 3: And so I don't know, that's been kind of like
25:44
Speaker 3: bothering me lately. I'm not going to say that we're
25:46
Speaker 3: not going to get married, but I'm sort of like why,
25:49
Speaker 3: Like I guess, like what's for me. I'm just sort
25:52
Speaker 3: of like, what's the difference at at this point? I
25:56
Speaker 3: would still like to have a party and all that
25:59
Speaker 3: kind of thing. But even so, I actually feel like
26:01
Speaker 3: really uncomfortable at the idea of all the attention being
26:05
Speaker 3: on like us and like our love and our relationship,
26:09
Speaker 3: which is strange, but like I just feel I feel
26:11
Speaker 3: like a little awkward. I'm like, this is kind of
26:13
Speaker 3: something special between us, and I don't know. I guess yeah,
26:18
Speaker 3: I guess I just feel like awkward, including like a
26:20
Speaker 3: whole bunch of other people in that thing that feels
26:24
Speaker 3: like really just special between the two of us. So,
26:26
Speaker 3: but also, my family would kill me if we just
26:28
Speaker 3: did a private ceremony, so I'm not going to do
26:30
Speaker 3: that either, because like literally all my siblings and my
26:33
Speaker 3: parents are like, please, like please, can we just like
26:35
Speaker 3: be there're getting married, like please, don't just like run
26:39
Speaker 3: off and do this alone. And I'm like, okay, I promise.
26:42
Speaker 4: So can I ask a question If you don't want
26:44
Speaker 4: to answer, you don't have to. No, I'm curious. Uh So,
26:47
Speaker 4: when you think about your relationship with Gray and it
26:50
Speaker 4: right you know, right now, I completely understand everything you're saying.
26:53
Speaker 4: But when you think about it, is this a lifetime relationship?
26:57
Speaker 4: Is this something that you like, you two will be
26:59
Speaker 4: together in, you know, a committee relationship or however you
27:04
Speaker 4: design it forever?
27:07
Speaker 3: I mean we literally, that's I guess that's sort of
27:09
Speaker 3: my point is because we're both committed to like parenting
27:15
Speaker 3: our children and being involved in their lives like we
27:18
Speaker 3: undoubtedly will for the rest of our lives regardless of
27:21
Speaker 3: even of how our romantic relationship goes, like we yes,
27:26
Speaker 3: we will have to be in some sort of relationship
27:29
Speaker 3: for the rest of our lives. I guess that sounds
27:30
Speaker 3: like a little when I say it like that, it
27:32
Speaker 3: sounds a little doomsy. I will say, I'm one of
27:35
Speaker 3: those people where I really believe like a lot of
27:41
Speaker 3: couples could like work through anything given the right tools,
27:45
Speaker 3: and they're right, like, because look, we've been through couples
27:50
Speaker 3: counseling the last year so and like our relationship had
27:53
Speaker 3: a really difficult start. And I will say that I
27:56
Speaker 3: understand why some couples don't make it just because they
28:00
Speaker 3: like financially don't have the tools to like get help
28:04
Speaker 3: on their relationship. And if they didn't have the foundation
28:07
Speaker 3: of like seeing a healthy relationship, you know, or having
28:10
Speaker 3: like a healthy foundation in their early life, I think
28:12
Speaker 3: it's like really hard for people to continue to nurture
28:15
Speaker 3: and have a healthy relationship when they just like weren't
28:18
Speaker 3: ever given the tools and like don't have the resources
28:21
Speaker 3: to like have someone help guide them through learning all
28:24
Speaker 3: that stuff. Anyway, I don't know why I got up
28:27
Speaker 3: on that, but I guess I think we are both
28:31
Speaker 3: sort of realists in the sense of, like, I'm not
28:36
Speaker 3: going to pretend to know what's going to happen thirty
28:38
Speaker 3: years down the road, like already so much has happened
28:41
Speaker 3: in our lives the last five years. Like I don't
28:43
Speaker 3: I don't know if I could ever I know people
28:46
Speaker 3: are gonna roll their eyes at this, but like, I
28:48
Speaker 3: don't know that I could ever say for certain, like
28:51
Speaker 3: forty years from now, like we're still going to be together,
28:54
Speaker 3: that is, I will say, though, that is our goal,
28:57
Speaker 3: and I think we both really feel committed to working
29:01
Speaker 3: on a relationship and to nurturing our relationship so that
29:04
Speaker 3: hopefully it is a lifelong relationship. But yeah, but I mean,
29:11
Speaker 3: shit happens. This is this is super dramatic, But like
29:14
Speaker 3: what's that? What's that movie? A horrible movie Manchester by
29:17
Speaker 3: the Sea, where like the house burns down like all
29:19
Speaker 3: the kids are inside it and like all that kind
29:21
Speaker 3: of thing. I mean, God forbid anything horrible like that
29:24
Speaker 3: did happen. But I mean, I don't know, you don't
29:27
Speaker 3: you just don't know. People have struggle with addictions. Things.
29:31
Speaker 3: I don't know, things happen, So I guess I could
29:33
Speaker 3: never say we're certain that, like I would be with
29:36
Speaker 3: anyone forty thirty years from now, what I would make up?
29:40
Speaker 4: I think for me then, because it's super interesting to
29:42
Speaker 4: hear this, I'm one, I'm curious how these conversations go
29:45
Speaker 4: between the two of you. Obviously you have a very
29:47
Speaker 4: open line of communication if you know, these conversations are
29:51
Speaker 4: existing and you're kind of being like, hey, I you know,
29:53
Speaker 4: I love you. My plan is to be with you forever.
29:56
Speaker 4: I don't know if that's going to be the case
29:58
Speaker 4: or not.
29:58
Speaker 1: You know.
29:59
Speaker 4: For me, you know, there was when I was getting married,
30:04
Speaker 4: there's a lot of it that was like wait, is
30:05
Speaker 4: this necessary kind of thing? Those questions, and I think
30:08
Speaker 4: for me personally, what it did was it solidified that yes, Jessica,
30:14
Speaker 4: my wife believes and wants to be with me forever.
30:18
Speaker 4: You know, like there is no easy way out now,
30:20
Speaker 4: there is no Hey, you know, we're going to work
30:23
Speaker 4: on this and we're going to do this thing for
30:24
Speaker 4: as long as we you know, as long as we live.
30:28
Speaker 4: And that was what I needed, I think, because if not,
30:30
Speaker 4: I would all I'm so insecure that I think I
30:32
Speaker 4: would be wondering, like does this person really like me? Like,
30:36
Speaker 4: do they really love me, do they really want to
30:38
Speaker 4: commit to me? Or are they just kind of stuck
30:39
Speaker 4: in this because well we have kids. So my question
30:43
Speaker 4: to you is like, how do those conversations exist in
30:45
Speaker 4: your relationship? How do you keep them healthy and uplifting
30:47
Speaker 4: so you both feel like I am loved?
30:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean we definitely had a lot of those conversations.
30:52
Speaker 3: I think that's been a difficult point in our relationship
30:55
Speaker 3: at times, like you said, in times of insecurity. And
30:58
Speaker 3: I think that, look, all really relationships like have their
31:01
Speaker 3: ups and downs. I know that's a cliche. I do
31:03
Speaker 3: think there are some people out there where their relationships
31:06
Speaker 3: really are just like hunky dory most of the time.
31:08
Speaker 3: I think just some people have personalities like that. Gray
31:11
Speaker 3: and I are very like we are not people who
31:15
Speaker 3: shy away from conflict, and we're very both very stubborn.
31:19
Speaker 3: So I think like in difficult points in our relationship,
31:23
Speaker 3: like we have, those insecurities have come up, and those
31:27
Speaker 3: questions have come up, and sometimes they've been really painful
31:29
Speaker 3: and difficult to navigate. But luckily, like I was saying,
31:32
Speaker 3: we've had the support of a really incredible couples counselor
31:37
Speaker 3: and I will say not all couples counselors are built equally.
31:39
Speaker 3: We've seen a couple others that were not so great,
31:41
Speaker 3: and every week it was kind of like, Oh, what'd
31:44
Speaker 3: you guys fight about this past week? Okay, Like, no,
31:47
Speaker 3: we have like an amazing couples counselor. Who's really about
31:50
Speaker 3: Like this whole thing is like how can you connect
31:53
Speaker 3: in the middle of conflict and like find the other
31:55
Speaker 3: person even when like instead of avoiding those times where
31:58
Speaker 3: you guys are both like at a ten, Like, how
31:59
Speaker 3: can you connect in the midst of that and like
32:01
Speaker 3: find a way to come back to each other. So anyway,
32:05
Speaker 3: we've had guidance sort of sorting through those questions. But
32:08
Speaker 3: I will say like we've had a couple really serious
32:13
Speaker 3: private conversations that, to be honest, I think for both
32:16
Speaker 3: of us felt like the point where we sort of
32:19
Speaker 3: became like sort of made this crossover to like husband
32:23
Speaker 3: and wife. We call each other like husband and wife
32:26
Speaker 3: even though it's not in illegal document, but we had
32:28
Speaker 3: some really like intimate conversations where that basically those things
32:33
Speaker 3: were said of like no, I do want to be
32:35
Speaker 3: with you forever, Like I am committed to being with you.
32:38
Speaker 3: I'm not just here because like we have kids together,
32:41
Speaker 3: but because like I care about you and and I'm
32:44
Speaker 3: in this for the long fall, and like I see
32:45
Speaker 3: you as my wife, and like I see you as
32:47
Speaker 3: my husband, and so so yeah, I think I think
32:51
Speaker 3: that answers the question. But I think for us, we
32:54
Speaker 3: we I think we've had like some really touchstone conversations
33:00
Speaker 3: about that exactly, and I think since then we do
33:02
Speaker 3: sort of see each other on that level. And like
33:05
Speaker 3: I said, we call each other like husband and a
33:07
Speaker 3: wife and basically consider each other like on the level
33:10
Speaker 3: being married. But now it's just time for the party
33:12
Speaker 3: at some point after the next.
33:14
Speaker 4: So well, every couple has their own dance, and it's inspiring,
33:17
Speaker 4: you know, as Ashley said, to see you to his parents,
33:20
Speaker 4: to see your story play out, it's always exciting, it's
33:23
Speaker 4: always fun, it's always interesting. Keep up the claymation. I
33:27
Speaker 4: enjoy it, and come back soon. Don't make it three years.
33:33
Speaker 4: That's just ridiculous.
33:34
Speaker 1: No.
33:34
Speaker 3: I love being interviewed on podcasts, and like, everyone invite
33:37
Speaker 3: me on your podcast, I'll come.
33:38
Speaker 2: I love it. Yeah, let's have our come recap an
33:40
Speaker 2: episode with us, and we still have to talk about
33:42
Speaker 2: good Alma and all that, your clothing line and all
33:47
Speaker 2: the other things that you're doing, the fact that you
33:48
Speaker 2: don't have a podcast anymore. Where's your talking outlet? We
33:50
Speaker 2: can give you a talking outlet here, so we'll talk
33:54
Speaker 2: about that next time you're here.
33:55
Speaker 1: Yeah.
33:56
Speaker 3: Hey, thanks guys, Thank you.
33:59
Speaker 2: Bye.
34:00
Speaker 4: Well, this has been another episode of the Almost Famous Podcast.
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Speaker 4: We have a very special guest, Becca, and as Ashley mentioned,
34:06
Speaker 4: if you don't know that Becca has her own clothing line,
34:08
Speaker 4: please go check it out. It's worth it. Also follow
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Speaker 4: Becca on Instagram to keep up with updates. But until
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Speaker 4: next time, I've been Ben, I've been Ashley.
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Speaker 2: Bye.
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Speaker 1: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcasts on
34:22
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.