Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Hoards Information
Transcript
- Lucas: So let's say your boss knows exactly what the quarterly budget looks like, has the client's feedback from last week's review, and knows which projects are being paused next month. You ask. They say 'I'll share that soon.' And then nothing. That's an information hoarder. Luna: And it's not just frustrating — it actively slows your team down. I've seen this a lot in agencies where knowledge is treated like leverage rather than oxygen. Lucas: Right. And before we dig into tactics, I want to mention something that relates to this show's model. We deliberately keep The Difficult Boss Podcast ad-free. No sponsors reading copy about your inbox or your mattress. That's a choice we've made because we think this content should be free and clear. If you value that and want to support it, the link is buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: Yeah, it's a small way to keep this independent. And we genuinely appreciate it. Now, back to information hoarders — Lucas, what's the most common mistake people make with this type of boss? Lucas: They ask more directly. They think 'I just need to phrase my request better.' But that actually makes it worse, because the hoarder feels cornered. Instead, I want to introduce a technique called structured curiosity. It's a three-step approach that treats the boss as a collaborator rather than an obstacle. Luna: Okay, let's hear it. Step one? Lucas: Step one is to reframe your request as a dependency. Instead of 'Can I see the budget?', you say 'To finalize the Q3 proposal by Friday, I need the budget breakdown. If I don't have it by Wednesday, we'll have to push the deadline.' You're not demanding information — you're connecting it to a shared outcome. Luna: That does two things: it explains why you need it and it gives a concrete deadline. The hoarder can't just say 'soon' anymore. Lucas: Exactly. Step two is to offer a low-friction alternative. Maybe they don't want to share the spreadsheet because they're embarrassed about a number. So you say 'Could you just tell me the top-line figure verbally? I don't need the full file.' That reduces their perceived risk. Luna: Verbal sharing — that's smart. It's harder to hold back when it's just a sentence in a conversation. Lucas: Right. And step three is to create a feedback loop. After you get the information, you follow up and say 'Thank you, that helped us close the deal' or 'Because of that data, we avoided a misstep.' That reinforces the behavior. The boss learns that sharing leads to positive outcomes. Luna: So you're basically training them to share more. I love that. But what about bosses who hoard information as a power play? Like they actively don't want you to succeed? Lucas: That's a different category. If the hoarding is malicious — if they're deliberately sabotaging your work — then structured curiosity probably won't work. In that case, you need to document everything and escalate through proper channels. But I'd say 70 percent of information hoarding is actually just insecurity or disorganization, not malice. Luna: That's a reassuring stat. And it means most hoarders can be managed. So what's a concrete example from your experience? Lucas: I worked with a senior director at a mid-sized marketing agency in Chicago. She kept client feedback and budget numbers in a private notebook. Her team was constantly redoing work because they were guessing at priorities. One team member used the dependency reframe — said 'I need the client's feedback on the creative brief to revise it before the Friday deadline.' The director handed over the notebook page. It was that simple. Luna: Wow. So the key was making it about the deadline, not about her control. Lucas: Exactly. And after that, the team used the feedback loop step. They sent her a note saying 'Your feedback saved us two revisions.' Within a month, she was proactively sharing notes before being asked. Luna: That's a great outcome. But I want to push back a little — what if the boss doesn't respond to the dependency reframe? What if they just say 'I'll get it to you when I can'? Lucas: Then you escalate the dependency. You say 'I understand you're busy. To meet the Friday deadline, I'll go ahead and proceed based on last quarter's budget. If that's wrong, we'll adjust afterward.' That forces them to either correct you or accept the risk. And usually, they'd rather share the correct information than deal with a mistake. Luna: That's a clever escalation. It's not confrontational, but it creates a gentle urgency. Lucas: And it respects their time. You're not blaming them — you're just making the best decision with what you have. Most managers respond to that because it shows you're proactive. Luna: One thing I've noticed is that information hoarders often have a fear of being replaced. They think if they share everything, they become redundant. Lucas: That's a real dynamic. And structured curiosity addresses that indirectly because it positions you as a partner, not a competitor. You're saying 'Together we can achieve this goal.' That alleviates their fear. Luna: So step one: reframe as dependency. Step two: offer a low-friction alternative. Step three: reinforce with positive feedback. I'm going to remember that. Lucas: And if none of that works, you may need to have a direct conversation about how the lack of information affects your ability to do your job. But that's a last resort, because it can feel accusatory. Luna: Right. You want to avoid putting them on the defensive. One more thing — what about bosses who hoard information from the entire team, not just one person? Lucas: That's a systemic issue. In that case, you might suggest a shared digital workspace or a regular brief. But you frame it as efficiency, not as a critique. 'Hey, if we put the budget in a shared folder, we can all move faster.' Again, you're solving a problem, not blaming. Luna: That's a good way to turn a culture of hoarding into a culture of sharing. And it starts with one person trying structured curiosity. Lucas: Exactly. And if even that fails, you have to ask yourself: is this the right environment for you? But I'd say give the technique a solid few weeks before deciding. Luna: Great advice. So to recap: don't just ask again — reframe, offer alternatives, and reinforce. We'll put a link to some more resources in the show notes. Lucas: And if you have a boss who shares everything, count yourself lucky. For the rest, try structured curiosity. It might just change your work life.