Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Where Is This Relationship Going?  Doesn’t Matter.  Welcome to “Wildflower” Dating

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Where Is This Relationship Going?  Doesn’t Matter.  Welcome to “Wildflower” Dating · I Do, Part 2

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey, that evokes it is Saturday, June sixth. Then here we
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: go again. We got another hot new dating trend that's
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: gone viral, they tell me, and it's called wild flowering.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: With that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: I started this thing off sarcastically because I say it's
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: a brand new thing and it might sound familiar to
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: a lot of folks as the same old thing people
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: have been doing for a long time.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: We just gave it a new name.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Yes, this is all probably courtesy of TikTok or social
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: media trends, where mostly I feel like these dating trend
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: names are led by zoomers, the gen zers. They like
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: to label things they like to and they were very
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: therapy conscious.
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: They have ways to explain and explore.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: So maybe that's why we're talking about these ad nauseum.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: But yeah, this trend is nothing new and it's certainly
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: not for everybody.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Um because don't we isn't that a big debate? It's
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: going on forever. Once you start dating someone, you want
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: to figure out what are we, what are we.
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: Doing, where are we going? Where are we headed?
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: And all of course are we exclusive?
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: This is this my forever person this new.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Trend, Now, this dating trend gets rid of all those
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: questions because wild flowering is defined as when you let
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: a relationship grow organically without enforcing any timelines or expectations.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: This is robe supposed to be no expectation dating.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: Sound good.
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: In theory, Yes, it's very Buddhist like. It's what we're
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: supposed to be.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: Doing about all of our honestly endeavors and relationships. We're
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: suppose to not have expectations. We're supposed to not be
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: invested in the outcome because when we are, that is,
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: if you think about it, what causes all of our
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: worry and stress? What's going to happen? Does he really
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: love me? Is he gonna stay with me forever? What
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: does he think about me? Like all of these things
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: all are tied to an outcome.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I'm in a committed relationship and that sounded exhausting. All
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: those things you listed to have to do and what
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: gets in people's heads. So by wild flowering rooms, you
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: have no expectations going into it. Now, when you first
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: started your ends, I kind of stopped and got stuck
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: on one word you use. You said, this works in theory.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Because I do think if we're being honest. Yes, that
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: sounds wonderful. I wish I could go through.
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: My whole life like that. That would be so.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Peaceful, truly, like, hey, you do you, I'll do me.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: When we connect awesome, when we don't awesome. That would
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: be so wonderful to be able to be in that
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: constant state of mind. But the reality is we're not.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: And I do think the reality is most of us
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: do want to know what's happening, where we're going, what
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: the other person's thinking.
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: And what the parameters are of a relationship.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, so maybe this wouldn't be for you, and they
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: do warn this isn't for everybody, but the idea, of course,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: a flower a wild flower, it just blossoms organically, so
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: that's some of the language behind this. But yes, you
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: don't put a label on what you are. There's no
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: timeline on what you should be doing. There is nothing,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: and like you said, no expectations. We like to say
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: this a lot, and you were probably one of the
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: first to introduced this idea to me. Not being invested
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: in the outcome it drives you mad. You, I mean,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: just generally people always invested in the outcome. How about
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: dating that way, this is what wild flowering is supposed
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: to be.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Look, I think when you're maybe, I could be maybe
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: I'm I'm only just speaking yes through my own lens,
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: of my own experience. I'm imagining when you're younger, it's
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: maybe when you are a gen z or a Zoomer
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: in your twenties, You've got your whole life ahead of you,
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: So why not have some fun explorer, see what you like,
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: see you don't like. Don't hold people to some timeline
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: or your They say that the opposite is a lot
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: of people go when they're very intentional, and that's another
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: style of dating where you actually literally on day date
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: one or day two, start literally doing a marriage questionnaire.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: How many kids do you want? When do you want
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: to get married? Where you want to live?
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: What was that?
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: I'll come up with it a second, But yes, so
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: there is the literal mirror opposite of it, which people
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: are doing as well. And I think most dating experts
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: would argue that somewhere in between might be nice.
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: But I do think it's kind of cool this concept.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: The more I was thinking about wildflower wild flowering, you know,
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: I love my gardens. But the whole point about like
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: having a houseplant or even having beautiful flowers in your
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: box is you have to water them. You have to
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: nurture them, you have to fertilize them, you have to
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: love them and pay attention to them. But a wild
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: flower flourishes just by whatever Mother Nature gives, the wind,
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: the rain, the sun, whatever it is.
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: It's just what happens.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: It's not that anyone is deliberately watering and fertilizing and feeding.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: So look, I think that's amazing if you can be
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: a wildflower. But I think most of us are houseplants.
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: Then we need watering, and.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: We need fertilizing, we need sustenance, we need nurturing. We
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: need because a garden will not grow, it will not
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: grow on its own. You have to love it. You
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: have to take care of it. You have to prune it.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: You have to get rid of the things that aren't working.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: You have to all I love. I love a metaphor,
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: a garden metaphor for loving someone. It's so the wildflower
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: thing is cool too, that that whole concept fascinates me,
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: that these gorgeous things can just spring out of nothing
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: and continue to flourish without any extra care.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Yes, they were allowed to just be so I guess
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: that's there's something to that. I hadn't heard that were
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: our producer, right, Yes, this is from Sam again SyncE
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: does this, but apparently this came from mumble dating app
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: coined this at some point and they had a survey
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: role I think goes out of the UK, but two
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: out of every three people report it feeling more flirty
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: in the springtime, so that was part of where this
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: came from and the name came from. Aren't there some
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: obvious upsides if you're into this? But babe, you just
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: listed all those things that people obsessed about when they're dating.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: All that goes away. There's no pressure.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: Well, I guess, but here's where I would just say,
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: in theory, it goes away. I mean, I guess that's
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: amazing if you truly can be that person. I just
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: don't know if I know many people who can honestly
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: not be invested in the outcome. But yeah, sure there's
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: no pressure so you can roll with it. And I think,
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: I don't know, is this easier when you're somebody who's
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: playing the field has girlfriends in different cities or different
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: zip codes whatever, or I should say girlfriends boyfriends, too.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: But the no immediate label I'm totally fine with, I think,
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: but at a certain point, don't people want a label?
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: Why do we have labels? Off of the bat? Why
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: are we trying to define what we are?
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: Where you're just let's just be because as soon as
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: you come up with a label, now it comes with
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: a different responsibility or the next thing or the next thing.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Let's just organically let this thing happen. Is if we
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: end up in that place, we end up in that place.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: You know what, though, it's so funny because obviously our
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: previous episode, and we've been doing daily episodes on Love Island,
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: that is kind of the theory behind this social experiment
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: where they go in freely and yeah, they couple up,
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: but they're supposed to still be keeping their options open.
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: There's no set expectation.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: In fact, they kind of go and flirt around the
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: idea of are we or aren't we something beyond this?
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: But there's always that gnawing question, like in the back
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: of most people's minds, do you think that this is
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: humanly possible to actually exist like this?
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: Forever I didn't.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Make the connection, but this now absolutely goes with the
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: last episode or two of love island robes because after
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: twenty four or up to forty eight hours, they wanted
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: specific labels, labels, timeline expectations were all made within a day.
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: Are we exclusive?
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: And as soon as there was any little suggestion that
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: that wasn't the.
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: Case, explosion.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: And let me ask you this, do you think, because
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: I have an opinion, but I want to hear it
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: from a man, do you think men would flourish more
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: in this way of dating? Or would women like who
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: would be better equipped to be a wildflower?
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: And this goes with the next section I have about
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: the downside. There is a suggestion that some just use
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: this as an excuse to date around into night.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: Commit correct, because I do think human nature, at least
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: my experience has shown me, it's very easy to have
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: that laissez fair attitude. Let me just play the field
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: and see, and I'm having a little bit of this
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: and a little bit of that. Until you meet that
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: person that makes your heart sing, until you meet that
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: person that you're like, oh my god, I just got
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: knocked off my feet, then it's very hard.
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: To have that same laissez faire attitude.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Maybe it isn't, but it certainly is for me, it's
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: very easy to say all of this until you meet
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: that person who you just fall head over heels for and.
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: What a beautiful, amazing feeling that is.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: But it comes with a lot of neediness, it does
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: emotionally because you feel so much, you're so vulnerable, you
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: care so much.
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: And now you just got to be like, eh, who
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: cares what happens? Easy come, easy go. But that's tough
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: to apply to someone you have feelings for.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: My God, well to that point as well, this whole
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: episode should have just been called because every time I
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: try to mention an upside, we end up here.
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: But that's the other part.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: Yes, if both folks aren't on the same page, it
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: leads to confusion. Confusion in a relationship leads to possible
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: catastrophe if you're not careful. So yes, you have to
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: make sure you're on the same page in rooms. That's
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: this conversation you're supposed to have right off the top.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: And I don't know, it's probably a turn off to
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: some people if the first thing you say is I'm
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: not looking for anything serious.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, And look, people say that all the time, and
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: I think that's such a fair and I actually think
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: That's a really awesome thing to do, because if that
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: is your headspace, you owe it to that person to
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: say it to them. And I think if they're okay
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: with that, they can't then hold you to something different
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: because you've made it clear.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, is this not I know they have a name
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: for it, and that it's a cute name that works
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: with a hashtag and what not, wild flowering, But this
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: isn't a new trend. I'm saying this is not some
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: brand new dating style now.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Right, No, But I do think interestingly when you put
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: a name on it and you have it trending on
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: social media, I do I think it makes people think
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: about their attitude towards dating, and it maybe helps you
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: define what you want and what you don't want. And
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: I think that's super super helpful when you're looking for companionship.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Well, yes, we said, this is just the latest one.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: You might have remember not too long back, Robes was
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: hitting me rapid fire with all the new dating trends
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: and all the cute names. A quick reminder when we
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: come backs there, All right, We're back here on Amy
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: and TJ on this Saturday, June sixth, what was it
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: called it?
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: Again? All these labels.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Now wild flowering is this latest idea of you just
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: letting a relationship blossom naturally, no pressure, just roll with it,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: no labels, no timeline, no expectations, no promises, no nothing.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: Let's just see where this thing goes. Now, some ups
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: and some downside to that. But you had me robes recently.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: I think we did it in one episode. But you
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: hit me with all these new dating trends and all
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: the names shreking, banksing, zip coding, throning, I don't remember
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: what they all meant? Was shreking the one where you
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: pick someone you think is not as attractive.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Correct, So you you deliberately pick somebody who you think
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: is not anywhere close to being your level of attractivis
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: in fact, like you're gorgeous and they're not, or yes.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: They're supposed to be happy to be with you.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: The idea would be that, yes, you you then pick
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: somebody who is so feels so lucky to be with
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: you that they will basically treat you like a princess.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: So you've you've picked a shrek, so they'll treat you
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: like princess shere wrecking and so yes, they wouldn't ever
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: be able to get anyone as hot as you, and
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: therefore you get someone to worship you.
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: That is the idea behind trucking.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: You remember bank seeing? I remember the name, and I
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: remember what bank singing.
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: Hold on bank seeing is?
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: You got zip coding off the top of your head.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: Well, I thought zip coding was keeping people you're dating
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: from in different zip codes.
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: Bank seeing is this?
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: It's toxic dating, where a partner quietly checks out a relationship,
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: checks out of a relationship emotionally over weeks or months,
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: while pretending everything is completely fine. So banksing, you know,
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: obviously he leaves these you know, writings on the wall
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: and then disappears. So yeah, you basically are kind of
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: planning your exit and you do it suddenly, and you
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: don't give the person any notice that you're doing it.
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: And one was the other one I was asking you about.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: We were trying to come up with.
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: I haven't found it yet. I'm trying.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: You remember throwing then.
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: Was when you want somebody to put you up.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: Wait, I'm looking at all these other dating trends.
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: This is so funny.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: So throning is when the practice of pursuing or staying
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: in a relationship primarily to boost your own social status, reputation.
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: Or ego.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: So you pick someone who you can literally wribe their
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: coattails on. Oh that is like you're dating for clout
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: or marrying up kind of a thing.
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: Wow, you're getting throwned baby.
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: Oh I've married up.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: No, I'm doing the throning your tight. Oh man, this
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: is going terrible. See we've been out of the dating
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: game too long. Yeah, the late is it?
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: These are always fun and it's always fun to see
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: yay if something new is out there. But actually, just
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: it's kind of cool to see they're finding a new
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: label for it and they're finding a different place to
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: have the conversation, and that, frankly is cool. And you
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: can relate to other folks. Look, folks are sharing experiences
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: now and maybe they're learning from each other. So it
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: is establishing a community of daters.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: I I do like it. I think it gets people talking.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: I think it gets people thinking.
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: I do think anytime you can be.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Intentional about what you want, I think it helps you
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: understand yourself and it understands who to look for and what.
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: You want out of a relationship.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: And I think it's important to know those things before
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: you start dating around and I did finally get the
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: dating trend where you just do the exact opposite of wildflowering.
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: It's called hot take dating.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: So basically, you vet your potential partner immediately on political stances,
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: environmental value, social issues, how you handle money, what your
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: deal breakers are, you talk about children, basically all the
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: things that we tiptoe around trying to figure out if
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: this is a person who we might want to date exclusively.
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: They say on a first date. It's called hot take dating.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Let's just figure out right now if we even have
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: a shot at going forward.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: And if you are of the wildflower camp and you
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: are going on a first date with a hot take data,
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: that's going to be.
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: A good time.
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: I would watch that show.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: That's gonna be a good time. All right, folks, good
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: luck out there dating. Apparently it's wild out there. With that,
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: we appreciate you. Listen on TJ on behalf of my
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: dear Ammy. Robot will talk to him