Latest / Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge / Diamonds in the Rough: Stay Toxic

Transcript

Diamonds in the Rough: Stay Toxic · Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge

• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Hi, guys, Welcome to another episode of Diamonds in the
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Rough with myself Teddy Millon Camp and.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: I am Erica Jane. Today today we who are you?
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: Normally? I don't fucking know, ted what is going on?
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: E I was feeling very sorry for myself as I
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: drove over here, and then I thought I have nothing
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: to feel sorry about, because I thought of you.
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: Listen, we all get a second to feel fait a second.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: You get a second, and then you have to bounce
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: back up. That's all.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: So you bounced back yep, So you're not going to
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: share with me.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: I just went, no, I can share with you. It's
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: not that big of a deal. I was just feeling tired,
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: but kind of like crabby for no particular reason, and
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: it just it doesn't you know. Sometimes I get crabby
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, you know why, there's no real Erica,
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: it's not that big of a deal. You start thinking about, well, look,
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: you know, it's really not that big of a deal.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: And then you start making up in your head why
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: you can't do something.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Of course, and it becomes bigger than it really is,
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: and you make excuses for yourself. And I really don't
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: have any and then I get disappointed that I know
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: I'm doing it.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Well. I get that way even with errans, like I'm like, oh,
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I need to go buy new like bras, sure, and
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: I'll be like, well, that's annoying.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't want to annoying. A lot of things
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: are annoying, but you don't have to do them anyway.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: And I think I was just feeling sorry for myself
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: on the way over here. So, but but you seem
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: like you're you're back on track. I ditched in the driveway.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: You left it there were like dove leaves all of
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: her trash.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Does she really today?
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I went out to follow after what I mean trash,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: She like will have snacks and then she'll just like
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: leave her snack bags out there.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: I'm like, excuse me, done done. You're not going to
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: get these snacks.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: If you're just gonna be leaving them all, we can't
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: do that. She's very booked up. But yeah, it's been
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: I feel a little tied today too. But now I'm
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: all hyped up on caffeine. Sorry, don't come for me, guys,
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: I'm on my second.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: Grade to do whatever you want. Tell me what's going
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: on with you? Well?
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Tomorrow is the day that I go to the oncologist
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: and all of the specialists and they do.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: My MRI to see if anymore like.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Because last time I went to get my MRI, I
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: had more tumors. Sure, so this week, you know, tomorrow
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: I go in and find out if I have more tumors,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: if they've grown, if they've shrunk, and then I also
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: do immunotherapy. But the concern with this one is like
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: I really one hundred percent thought like I'm like, I'm good,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: they've definitely shrunk. I haven't been having headaches or feeling weird,
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Like right, I'm good. And then today, hold on, you
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: have Okay, today I have a headache. But maybe that's
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: stress what I'm saying. Well, And then the doctor wrote
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: something that like, you know, we had to send to
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: a couple different people, but it was just like how
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: stress you know, then it'll so that the cord is
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: all released, especially when you have cancer.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like I'm sure it's like super high.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like super high. And so it's like all
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: that nervous energy and I'm just like just chill.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's very hard for you to do that. Yeah,
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: this is a tough one.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so this is a toughie. Plus it's like, you know,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: if they have grown or if I have more the
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: conversations I'm going to have to have with my kids
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: post is already like giving me.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Anxiety, anxiety because I should.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: I mean, it'll be a dream. I'll be so happy.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I've been really trying to be positive thinking that they're
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: going to go and be like, guess what.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: This time it worked right. But I'm also and have fear.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: I think that you are very right to be a
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: normal human being and have fear, and I think that
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: we also need to be hopeful and positive. But Teddy, like,
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: what you're facing is fucking unreal. It's not it's a
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: big deal.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: And it sounds so silly, but like everything in my
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: life has.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: Changed so much that's not silly at all.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: That like even you know, next week, I'm going it's
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: the first time I'm going to like a like we
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: talk sometimes about like the pressures of Hollywood or the
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: pressures of being in the business, But next week's the
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: first week that I have to wear like a black
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: tie dress. Yeah, And I was like trying them on
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: and I was like, well, this isn't going to work. Well,
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: this isn't because nothing you know, fits anything. Yeah, and
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: it feels so like depressing, depressing, and I'm like, you know,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: at least there was a point like when I start
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: thinking back, then you go down like the timeline of
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: all the shitty things that have happened, and we all
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: do it in our lives, and I'm like, this isn't
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: a shitty thing. That's not that big of a deal.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: Just like go get something else. But like I'm beating
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: myself up over it.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: That's normal. I understand why you would too. Yeah, absolutely,
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: especially like look at the business we're in. Yeah, you're
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: also really used to looking a certain way, and you're
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: very strict with your you're very disciplined with your fitness
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: and you know your nutrition, and so something like this
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: would Yeah, I get it.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: And I had to depress thing last week. And I'm
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: not to call the person out, but they were like,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: how do you feel about the fact that your body's changed?
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: And I was like, wow, that's nice, and like, you know,
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: I was a little like come on, and I was like,
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: I didn't mention this to you before we started this interview,
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: so like you just saw it and just felt and
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: then it like all those old things.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: And conversations just got kicked right back.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: And I was like, but I just think it's important.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Like when people ask about plastic surgery or about whatever,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: it's like we all have to do what we're comfortable with.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: And like I'm super comfortable talking about plastic surgery, I'm
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: not super comfortable talking about like when I'm going through
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: hard times, like talking about my body.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like body changes, yes, my.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Body changes, and there's it's it's different than before where
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I'm just gonna go for a run.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna take care of myself and take that right now.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Like sometimes I can't do it and it might not work. Yeah,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: And it's like completely different when it's from steroids.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: So it's like all of these things.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: So if I'm a little fast talking today, guys, this
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: is why, like some of my past.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: In securities, which I know is like a forbidden.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Word, it is why.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: Well, I don't know.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: I remember like there was like a Housewives episode where
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: someone's like you, you know you feel insecure and not.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I think it was maybe to Camille, and like that
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: was the ultimate like put down.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: We're all we all are insecure like every human on
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: this planet has insecurities. There's not a soul that is
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: not without them.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, soul, it just it is what it is.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: And I think that that's if you guys are having
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: a moment where you feel insecure, I mean.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: Then like something will happen.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I'll be like today, I really I could put my
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: wig in a ponytail and like it.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: And I was like, you know the theory, did you right?
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I mean it might go up and downlytics.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: I did it myself today, But I'm like, I'm pretty
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: excited about this.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Live your life, you know, I think you look good.
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: Any other action going on with you?
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Before we get into the discussion of toxic masculinity and
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: toxic femininity.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: There is toxic femininity. No, I went to New York,
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: uh for the weekend to do a job. I can't
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: tell you what it is, which is really nice and
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: so it was nice.
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: To We're going to see it.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Is it something having to do with Broadway or is
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: it something having to do with the television.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: It's on television.
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: Okay, did you go out it all while you're there?
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: No, it was strictly like come in, work, leave, Yeah,
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: but it was nice. I mean, you know, there's something
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: fun and I think you appreciate this too, about it's
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: almost like a mission. You know, I've got to go here,
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: perform this, and then come home. I kind of like
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: those things. They're fast, they're furious, but it makes me
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: feel alive, you know.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: I know that's kind of I think that's why it's
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: still other than being able to go with Slate, but
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: it's still the horse shows. I'm like, oh, I get
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: to leave my house. I get to do this, and
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: then even if I get tired, I'll just go back
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: to the hotel and rest a little bit.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: But like having that like.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: It's of course, it's something that's necessary. It is necessary.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: You're also a competitive person. This is also you living
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: your life and being as normal as possible.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: And people think that this podcast studio is inside. Like
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: everyone's always like, well, you leave your house every day
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: to go to your podcast.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: Got here, fore you the beds right here?
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: My bed is right here.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: The bed is right here, Okay, And you know what's
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: on the other side of this little thing a treadmill exactly.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: You know what's right here a couch, and right there
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: is an infrared sauna which you cannot see. So we're
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: not leaving.
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: This house often.
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: Guys.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: Now we're in it deep.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: All right, let's talk about this today. We're talking about
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: toxic masculinity, toxic femininity and gender roles and relationships. Are
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: you dating? Yes?
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: And I've been getting a lot of hell.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: But do people know that Edwin's dating too?
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: Well? I don't.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: I think people want, in a weird way, want me
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: to be the bad guy.
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: But I'm like, we are on good terms. We have
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: come up.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: We decided that we were going to be open and
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: honest with each other and try to do whatever we
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: can to be the best parents that we can. But
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: also this is an agreement we came up with. We
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: were getting a divorce prior.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: To all of this, to all of it, and also
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: to it's your life and people need to butt out
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: and his as well, and like saying, like, however, you
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: guys want to do this. You're both dating people, you're
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: both going out, Like everybody needs to reserve your judgment.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: You're not living in this home with them. You don't
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: know what's going on. You're outside there commenting, just shut
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: the fuck up.
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: And it's like why, And I feel like that's where it.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: Don't take the time to tell me to fuck off, okay.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: And that's that's why it's also like it could be
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: so toxic because people are like, well, don't you have
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: bigger things you should be concerned with?
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, don't you.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like, don't we freaking all? And I'm not like
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: sliming around trying to.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Hurt mynn't to explain yourself to anybody, I know, but
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: I that's why you don't have to explain yourself to anybody.
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: But I think, you know, I think it's necessary. The
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: biggest thing.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: For all of us is to feel, you know, supported
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: and happy and enjoying our time.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: I think you need to feel supported and happy from
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: the people that know you and care about you, that
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: are right here with you, and we do love and
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: support you, and we know that you are a really
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: like great mom.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: And I mean it's not like I mean, guys, I
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: go to about eight thirty every night.
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: I think it's an early date.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: If it's a date, we had to start the Kyle
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: thing at six promptly because she was out by eight.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: And we're not lying.
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: This is how it is. Have you gone on any
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: day since last time? I saw you.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: No, but I went to New York to go to work. Well,
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: and that is just dissatisfying.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: This is the problem is that I am always word
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: vomiting all of my life.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: But if I had something to say, I would I
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: just don't. Well, I need to get out there though.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: I say this every week, say this every week, and
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: I honestly I'm going to start just I'm going to
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: be like a paparazzi sooner, just be following you around,
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: and then I'm gonna be like this week from Paparazzi Teddy.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I discovered you're.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: Not going to get shirt because I am in bed
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: watching YouTube. YouTube I do.
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: I like to YouTube. Hold on to the new show.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: What's the guy's name that always watches Housewives? That's John
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Hamm John ham that wanted to strangle me, Oh do
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: you want to strangle You should just because I want
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: to take her and shake her and say those aren't
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: your ear rings? I didn't know who said that. But anyway,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: his new show is really good. Not to throw him roses.
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know that we can really.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I may like new show. I think it's good and
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: interesting in keeping me, but he just did his Mount
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Rushmore for Bravoelebrities and he shows chapros.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Oh you're you're Kathy Hilton and Craig Conover.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: So but what are your thoughts on Okay, clearly your
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: breakup was a very and then we'll get on to it.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Sorry, sorry, sorry, but this is okay.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: I say, we just have to always go ROAs it's.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: Good just to your thing.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: But your breakup was a very public breakup. But do
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: you think there's a requirement when you're on reality television
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: to let people know when that's happened.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: At some point if it's real. I think that, Like, look,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: I think at some point, let's take for example, like
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: de MPK and then there was the constant he's not here,
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: he's not there, or Mauricio and Kyle. At some point
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: you have to say, yes, this is what's going on. Yeah,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: I agree, at some point you do, because it's not
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: it's not like oh they were out one weekend. You know,
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: if it's consistently something separate, at some point you got
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: to say, yeah, we're separated.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: And I lied. I have one other thing.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: I need a Were you heartbroken when garcel and followed
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: you devastated?
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: I'm about as heartbroken as she was when I am
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: followed her back.
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: Ah damn, Now I need to do my first unfollow. Yeah,
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: I'm such a dork.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, So this all started this conversation because Tracy Ellis
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Ross said she dates younger men because men her age
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: are steeped and toxic masculinity.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: What does that mean to you? Toxic masculinity? Well, I
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: think it's like.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: For me, I know a lot about toxic positivity because
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: I bet you do both and wellness world.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: I bet you do. And have people been talks, Yes,
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: I bet you do.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Because even like you know, when you think about some
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: of like the best motivational speakers, then I meet them,
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you're a freaking narcissistic asshole.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: Most everybody in our necess a freaking narcissistic asshole. Also,
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: two people are humans.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when it comes to toxic masculinity, I mean dating younger,
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: I mean that just means it's.
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: Going to come later, right, Well, I don't know.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: I think that is it a trade off? You're you're
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: trading off toxic masculinity for inexperience and I'm not sure
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: which one I prefer. And then I'm kind of good
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: with the old toxic dudes.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: You like old toxics.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: I know I'm saying I have a lot of experience,
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: so I can't. I know what I'm looking at, and
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: like the younger dudes like the inexperience of it all.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think that you know what I really feel.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: First off, I kind of feel like I need different
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: people to fill different uh seeds.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: So you want to be on sister wives? That dude?
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Of all do dudes? I'm sorry we're gonna talk about
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: I just want to say, if one broad brings these
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: men down, how the fuck are you gonna like four?
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: You know men are That's a that's a big undertaking.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: You're gonna satisfy four women?
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: He doesn't even satisfy my eyes on the television screen.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: He must be a beast in bed or something.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't think so.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: I think he just was able to afford a house
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: that could have four different entrances.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: Would you would you do something like that? Could you
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: be a sister wife?
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: No? Not. I could be a sister wife in the
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: way of like being couples and like living on a compound.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: Really, yes, but not having sex with each other's partners.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, but like I could, I like, I would
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: be very selective with like my three other couples that
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: we lived with.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: Of course, of course I would.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Be fine with that, like, Okay, well I'm gonna do this, Okay,
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Well then I've got all the kids.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Like that idea is okay with you, That's okay with me.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: Like I loved having my sister here, Oh yeah, that
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: kind of stuff. Like I was like and she would
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: go and be like, well, I'm gonna feed the kids dinner.
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: You want to do that? Like I love that divide
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: and conger aspect of it.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: It does feel like, at least from looking at sister wife, say,
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: they do the kids. They all take care of these children.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's helpful.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: That is that seems really cool about it.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: But I wouldn't want to be married to the same guy.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: But when it comes to younger guys, I can say,
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: I am.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: I'm dating I met him.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I did meet him.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: He's very sweet, but I would say that, what.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: Do you think, Well, one, he's not that much younger,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: But two, I would say I asked him, I said,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: why would you be interested in dating somebody that's older?
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Like I'm clearly not going to have more children. I'm
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: in the city, and he said, you know, I've been
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: dating a lot of younger girls at the younger than him,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: girls like you know, by whatever, and he goes, They're
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: just interested in different things, and like, I'm not interested
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: in that in my life, like I want. I'm in
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: like my job in my life and having fun and
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: experiences and doing these things.
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: He's like, I don't really want to.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Hear about the petty stuff that you care about when
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: you're twenty eight years old. I mean, he has a point,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: and he is not twenty eight for the record, he
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: is older than that, but like.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: That was yeah, but he has a point. I know that,
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: like because I've dated younger men too, and they say
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: things like I like the fact that you are truly
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: your own independent person and that you know I don't
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: check up on anybody, Like if you want to go out,
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: go out for three fucking days and call me this.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: But this is also the marriage that I had because
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: I couldn't not control but I didn't even know where
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Tom was. So I think it's so ingrained in me
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: that if I date somebody, I'm like, well fuck it.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: If you go away for I don't know. Yeah, knock
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: yourself out.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: I don't caring.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, I think that's where we can talk about
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: this toxic masculinity or toxics women like I don't at
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: this stage of my life. I don't want to be checked.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I don't want something.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: It's one thing to be like how you doing, thinking
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: about you.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: But do not patrol or police my actions.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: I don't want it.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Do not do that to me.
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: I don't want to do it.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: If you want your freedom and you don't want me
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: to bother you, then the same has to go for me.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Like you cannot police me, you cannot know where I'm at.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: You will never have my phone. We do not share passwords.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: We're not sharing passwords. I don't want your location.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: I don't want your location.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: I've lived that life already.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Yes, well yeah, and I'm not saying that it's the
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: world's worst thing. But I don't want to feel like that.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: I don't want to feel like I have to check in,
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: like I have to be home at a certain time.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: I have no dog, my son is grown and it's
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: just me. I don't have brothers and sisters. So if
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: I want to stay out all night, the only person
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: I feel like I have to text is sometimes my child.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah sometimes and maybe sometimes lie.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Right and lia just to let people know, yeah right,
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: like don't worry about me. I'm over here.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: But other than that, I don't want to have to
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: check in with somebody. And I don't want to have
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: to you know, No, I'm tired of that.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I think that also something that people don't
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: necessarily realize. And I was as I was watching the
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: show last night, not not housewives, guys, don't worry. I'm
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: not like getting tips from housewives on marriages.
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: CONTI married.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: Everybody blew up anyways.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: But it's like the way that your life changes as
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: you get more successful. Like so as a man or
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: as a woman, your marriage or your relationship is going
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: to change. If one person absolutely career change, yeah, somebody
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: becomes the lead dog and then the other guy's got
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: to become the follower.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: And I think does it exist. I'm trying to think,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: like in the history of anybody, like, does it exist
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: where there is two like equals equals?
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think it's possible. Okay, look, anything is possible,
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: but I'm guessing that at some point they may start off.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: But as things change, I mean, but just that's the
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: way life is.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: But one person is always going to have the upper hand,
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: even if you are equals.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: I think I would imagine, so, whether it's financially or
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: your personality, somebody's always going to have more than the other.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: But it's just about what is it? Is it more money?
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: Is it more power? Is it more flexibility? Is it
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: more is someone prettier or more handsome, somebody younger, older,
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: more educated. There's a lot of things it could be.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and also things change, But I have also realized
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: about me something I need to do. It's just like
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: kind of being more open, like I'm not really into
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: that or that kind of gave me the eck.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: I think. Yeah, I think you've earned the right to
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: just say exactly how you feel. Yeah, and not like rude,
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: but just like I don't want to do that.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, But if you've been with somebody for twenty five years,
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: you're not going to be like, hey, by the way,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: something you've been doing for the last twenty four point
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: five years has really been on bugget man.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: And I've waited all this time to tell you I've
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: been just letting it faster slide for two decades plus.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: She also said she's done being someone's possession or prize.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: Let's your take on men who treat you like a
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: status symbol instead of an equal partner, And have you
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: ever dated one? I was never an equal partner in
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: my marriage. I dated somebody that was well, excuse me.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: I married Tom, I think when he was sixty and
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: I was twenty seven, so he was already made and
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: had made a ton of money, and so I married
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: a fully formed human and the power balance was way whack.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: Was I a possession? I think that I was not?
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: In Yeah, yeah, somewhat like a doll in a way.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: I mean that sounds kind of weird, but just kind
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: of like a thing.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: No, there wasn't there like a whole movie about this
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: where you've become not a Stepford wife, but like everybody
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: kind of falls into line. Yeah, but do you feel
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: like there were times in your marriage where you were
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: the most like that?
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course you're ten. Starting out right from the beginning,
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: it was always Tom's life. Yeah, yeah, because Tom had
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: the bigger life. He was the most educated, the more experienced,
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: and you know, obviously had the most money. So it
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: was it was all about Tom for a very long time,
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: and I did fall into line. You do fall into line.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: A lot of women do that. They you know, you
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: hear women all the time say they lose themselves or
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: their own identity. They start to become something like, you know,
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: of their husband's life, or then the kids come and
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: then they become a month full time.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: And I also think, you know, we could put all
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: the place on them, like all the blame on the men.
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: But I think sometimes it can be us.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Like I found myself without ever being asked to go
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: above and beyond to try to make another person happy
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: before myself.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: That is very true. And we as women have to
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: be able to step back and say, wait a second,
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: why am I doing this? Is this because I'm conditioned
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: to do it? Is it something I saw? Is this
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: something I really want to do?
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: And that I don't think that we give ourselves enough
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: time to say, wait a second, is this really what
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: I want to do? Because I think that sometimes women
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: start families and they may not be ready as well.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and also then we want to blame the other person. Truly,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: can you made these decisions? I remember, you know, I've
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: been married twice now, so like There has been times
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: where I've done things that like no one asked me
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: to do, but I wanted to do it, and then
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: I had resentment towards it, and that's on you and
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: that's on me.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: It was a decision I made, That's right. So I think, yes,
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: do I think.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: There's such thing as toxic masculinity or toxic Yeah, But
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: I really think it's more based on the person, Like
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: you either have empathy and you have self realization and
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: your relationships or you don't.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: I think you have to first, I think, I mean,
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: looking back at it now, the more you know yourself,
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: more you've cleaned up, you're on side of the street,
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: through the thing, whatever it is. Then you're able to
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: really look at things from an objective point of view
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: and say, you know what, I'm not doing that, or
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: I do I actually do want to do this, and
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: then you have to run a less risk of having
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: resentment later on because you're like, no, I made a
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: conscious choice. It's when you do things from you know,
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: like unconscious choices that you end up feeling kind of
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: weird about it.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And you know what Tracy elis Ross may changed
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: her mind and be like, you know what now, all
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: of a sudden, I don't want to be the you
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: know now that I'm dating younger I don't want to
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: be the one making these decisions. I miss that feeling, hurse.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: But I mean, I don't know that that necessarily has
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: to do with age. I think it has because it
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: says dating younger men. I think it has to do
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: with personality type. I do too, Like you're like I
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: say to people all the time, I'm like, don't ask
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: me where I want to go to dinner. Make the decision,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: make the decision. I make every other decision in my life,
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: like if we're going to hang.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: Out, not me and I know I like you and
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: a guy? Yeah, like you take me somewhere, Yeah, like
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: take me something.
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: Doesn't have to be nice. It's not about money, it's
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: about just don't make me make those decisions.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: Do you find it attractive when men are more emotionally
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: open and available, or do you prefer it when they
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: are stoic.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: I think sometimes stoic can come off as not.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: Caring, comes off as yes, indifferent, yeah, which.
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: I think is the worst. What I want somebody that's
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: crying around all the time. Absolutely not.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: No, I think there's a nice balance.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: You want somebody that is in touch with your feelings
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: and their emotions and being able to communicate that to you.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: Because when someone's not, like you feel like you're talking
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: to the wall. Yeah, that is nowhere to be and.
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: Then you know, I'm okay.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: Like if somebody just walks out of the room, I
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: think that's rude. But if somebody's like, hey I need
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: a minute, I understand that.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's reasonable, that's real. I think sometimes just a
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: clear communication, like I don't need a whole lot of words,
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: but if you could just let me know, like hey
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I need a second.
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: Hey, that to hurt my feelings, I need to sorry,
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: I apologize that.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, if you can just say something, then I'm okay
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: with that.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Do you think that people are getting to the point
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: where women are expecting the total package?
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: I think every man and woman expects the total package
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: when you're young, and then when you're like my age,
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: you look back and you go, I'm just looking for
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: somebody that's decent in a heartbur you know, like certainly
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: you're just looking for a decent human. Yeah, because what package,
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: Like I had all that and look at where it
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: got me.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: You know, so it got you unpacked?
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: Honey, I couldn't have said it, yeah unpacked.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: For sure, you got unpacked.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: I got taken to the cleaner.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: Clean it up, clean it up.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Mean, my god, this is devastating. But you are right,
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: I got unpacked, and I yeah, you know, the total package,
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: define total package, and I.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Can guarantee that we're not the total package either, Like
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: whoever thinks that I'm going to be the total package.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh god, I think everybody knows I'm a disaster.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: So it doesn't even matter, do you think that?
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: Hold on, let me see which one I want next?
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: Sorry?
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: What does safety actually feel like to.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: You in a relationship? This is very important for me lately.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Okay, So.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Safety for me is confident, Like if I tell you something,
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: it remains between us. I'm talking like male female, I
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: mean yeah, male female, not like friends right now, which
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: is I also confidence is a big thing, but male female.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: I need to know that what I say to you
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: stays between us. I also need to know that you're
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: not sharing anything that we do intimately with anyone else,
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: meaning like running your mouth. I know, that sounds crazy,
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: but it's important for me. I don't know why. I
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: also need to be assured that you want to get
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: to know me as a person. Yeah, that is what
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: instead of what you think of. Yeah, and I also
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: need somebody that understands that maybe what you've been told
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: or what you've been shown isn't the complete picture of
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: who I am.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: I mean, I agree with that. For me, safety is
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: more just like I think I do have. I'm such
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: an overthinker in general. Safety for me is like you're
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: not going to make me overthink everything, right, Like I
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: don't want to play games. No, I don't want to
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: have to worry that I said this and it bothered you.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: Well i'll too. If you say you're going to call
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: it five, call it five five, Yeah, because by five
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: thirty I'm over it and I've got a ton of
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: shit to do.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: Well.
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like you don't have to call me every night,
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: but if you're gonna say I'm gonna.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: Call you, please do it just so I can like, yeah,
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: it could be two.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: Seconds or centertypes. Hey, things got busy. Like just communication
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: in general feels.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Like say it feels it's safe and it's considerate, and
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: then I also know what to do next, Like I
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: can't I run such a tight schedule that if it's
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: six o'clock at six o'clock, yeah, don't you know?
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: For me, I at this point in my life, being
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: nurtured is something I need. I don't know that I
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: necessarily needed it before, or I didn't know that I
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: needed it before.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: I need it now, But I need it now.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: What about you, I'll always need it. You always need it, Yeah,
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: I think because that nurturing to me is a give
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: and take, Like I want to nurture my person and
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: I want them to nurture me. I think that's a
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: good thing.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree. And then what is your thoughts on
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: being an independent woman?
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: I think that that's a great idea. Yeah, and I
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: think that it works too. I think it works to
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: a point. But like in life, you have to you
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: can't do everything by yourself. Just as a human being,
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: like we all, it's a collaborative being. A human being
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: is being a collaborative. We're a collaborative species. So I
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: think that you know, yes, I think you should. One
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: thing I've learned is you should have your own money.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: You should be in control of your own money. But
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: you're also going to need help in some ways. That's
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: not being you know, that's not not being an independent U. Yeah.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: Do you think that a lot of.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: This talk about toxic masculinity effeminity has to do with
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: money or has to do with power both.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: Do you think that they're always hand in hand?
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: I believe they are both. I believe money and power
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: go hand in hand. I really do. Somebody's always got
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: the upper hand, But sometimes power can be some kind
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: of just douche lord that has that's pretend power.
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's not real power.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: What would that be considered?
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: That's like that's considered toxic masculinity or just well, yeah,
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: you're just losers.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're just losers.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: Do you think fully development exist? I mean that's kind
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: of a perfection. I'm sure there are people that are
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: out there. My therapist told me, she's like, you know,
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: you need to date someone that's been in therapy, that's
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: actually done some work on themselves, so that you know,
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: you have a chance of meeting somebody that understands where
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: you're coming from.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: And I think if somebody says they're fully developed, they're not.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: They're probably not that great of people, because like I
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: know that I still have a lot of work to
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: do on myself in my life.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: No one will ever achieve that. Yeah, no one will
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: ever achieve it.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: And if you think that you've achieved it, you most
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: certainly haven't.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: No. No, let's talk about toxic femininity.
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: Oooo do we know any of those?
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: Where do I begin me? I'll tell you that.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Do you have the urge to like tell people like,
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: these are the things I've done. I did it on
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: my own, like like there are moments where people.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: There's not much shut off. No, I don't think so,
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: I don't think so.
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: I think I know, do you I think in relationships
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: a point?
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: You know, I think it's interesting because my job, for example,
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: is to you know, yes, of course I have all in.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: But before all of this happened, I mean, I was
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: podcasting six days, five days a week, and to the outside,
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: I would feel the need to be like, well.
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I know I'm not leaving my house
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: and I know I'm in my living room, but this
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: is a job.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: Like I really felt the need to justify it.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: I need felt the need to justify it, especially if
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: somebody's coming and going to an office and do you
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: think that women or men or anybody gets punished now
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: for being too bold?
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: Because I've noticed that a bit now.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: You mean you and I?
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean we were sure.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do. I think like I've been, I've been
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: punished for being too bold.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: Yes, you have to.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: But here's the thing. Do you want to play small
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: and play weak and be fragile and tears all the
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: time and manipulate like that? I can't do it. It
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: makes me frustrated. I can't bap my eyes all the time.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: And staying pretty is being something is something that I
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: do for my job, Like not staying pretty, but staying
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: say sexy, staying on top of your esthetic so that
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: you can look as cleaned up as you can for
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: your age. That being submissive just to pleasing men, you know?
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: I shit. I always got criticized for being submissive to Tom.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: But it really was just a power imbalance. So is
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: it submissive or is it just controlled?
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: And would he say I want you to look or
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: act or dress a certain way?
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: No?
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: I think it was more like, this is where we're going,
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: and I knew knew, I knew what to do, right,
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: You knew it that moment? Yeah? You knew, and you
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: also know, like you can't go to a client dinner
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: and like have three vodkas and start, you know, acting
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: like an ass. You know.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: I mean, we've all been there and realized afterwards.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: That was a mistake, Right, So maybe you do that
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: once and not again.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so, because then that become But I think we
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: all have to like also take ownership for when that
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: does happen, when you have too many vodkas and you're
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: on that date and you may act in appropriately and
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: then all of a sudden you want to blame the
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: other person.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: Well I did that because I was frustrated with what
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: you did on the way to dinner. And Bob, Bob,
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: do you do that?
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: I don't. I just say during too much.
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: And it was my phone. Sometimes I'm really pushing shit
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: off on it.
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: Well, sometimes you have to, I guess.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: Do you think women sometimes judge each other through the
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: same toxic lens?
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: What question is this? I didn't write it.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: You know, the world would be a better place if
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: women cut women a break, do you know what I mean? Stop?
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: That's what I hate the most. It's like everybody even
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: like if you wanted to like bring it back to
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: the show everybody's been in a s deep time in
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: their marriage, Like, calm down, everybody, Well, I would do
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: it this way, but we're not. It's not you.
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: And if you did do it this way, then why
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: are you so upset about it? Because I don't get upset. Yeah,
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: I don't get upset about.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: Things that don't generally somewhat affect me, Like I may
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: have to for work sake, but I don't.
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: You may give your opinion, but the bottom line is
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: what someone else chooses to do in their life is
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: their life. Yeah, I can say, hey, you know what,
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: like I don't really think that's the most healthy thing
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: for you that I'm not gonna lose sleep over it.
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: It's not like and I'm not.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: I'm also not gonna provided it's nothing insane, Right, I'm
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: not gonna stop being friends with someone because they don't
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: feel the same way about life that I do. Yeah,
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: and decided it's not crazy.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I think things can also not be talked about,
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: like if I know it's going to end and freaking chaos,
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: like in my day to day life, like I have
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: one friend that's just super on it over this one
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: freaking topic, and I know if that topic comes up,
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like, it's gonna end it Like so I.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: Mean towards you or you towards her, neither just in general. Yeah,
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: I don't want to do yet, Like I don't need
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: to get into it.
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: I don't have that, I don't have.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: The energy for that, and you especially don't. Yeah, I
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: don't let me ask you with this. This is gonna
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: Is it hard to be both tough and tender as
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: a woman.
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: I think that's a good question. I think yes.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: But I think for me, I am tough in some
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: ways and tender in others. But I there are some
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: situations that I want to be tender and I maybe
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: don't know how, I don't know how to express that,
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: so then.
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: I end up being too tough.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: I agree. I think I do the same thing. And
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: I think it's like I don't know if it's emotional
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: regulation or learning when to like turn it on and
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: turn it off. But I think sometimes the tougher I've
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: had to be, especially the last few years, that the
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: tenderness just gets overran, you know, and then and then
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: it's harder to let down that, you know, defense, or
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: let down that that part of your personality and really
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: be super soft, because when you.
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: Do that and then you get let down, it's the worst.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: It's the worst.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: It's the worst, and then you carry it around to
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: every other friendship and relationship you have.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: Well, I do m what's healthy masculine energy to you?
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: I guess for me, I mean I'm old school in
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: certain ways. Like I want you to open the door
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: for me too.
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: I like that.
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I don't mind. I like, I don't want
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: you to.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Put me down or treat me that I'm less than,
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: but like I want you to take care I want
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: you to want to take care of me a little bit.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think like manners and stuff like that is
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: really kind. I like that. It shows that you know
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: your mother or whomever raised you gave you some you know.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: I mean even last I with Cruise, like I you know,
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: I wasn't feeling one hundred percent. I'm like, hey, buddy,
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: can you go grab my pedia light and do this?
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: And he's like, do you want it in a cup
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: with ice or no? And I'm like, I think that
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: is a good tool to have.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: Whenever we used to take my son out to dinner
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: and she was young coming up and obviously it's in
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: his thirties, but he used to always pull out my chair.
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to do this. I kind of forget
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: about the pulling out that I don't get that often.
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean just opening the door or something like that.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: It's small, but it goes a long way.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Also manners to me goes a long way.
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: Eats and like food is kind of closing your mouth
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: when you chew. And that's why I hate eating on
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: the show.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: Well I know that's why you never order avocado toast.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: It's the biggest mistake ever.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: I just hate eating the show. And you get hungry
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: and you want to eat, but it's just like nobody
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: looks good eating.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: And there's certain things like little bites, like if it's
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: just if it's like a little this, then it's easy
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: you pop it in.
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: But like when you have to and then it's in
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: the tea, it's too much.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: I just remember that, like not wanting to so long.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: It's just like nobody wants to be nobody looks good
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: when they eat on camera.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: No, well we didn't look good when we drank on camera?
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: Were you talking to.
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: We nailed it?
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I was looking at what was it?
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: It was like some trip we were on and we
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: just looked haggard like as a group. I'm not talking
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: about individually, he looked I just saw this.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: It was it was like airing just on Bravo and
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: I like turned it on and I was like, why
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: do we look so know where we were? Yes, I know,
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: I know you were going to say that, well, because
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: I think that trip we weren't allowed to have glam,
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: which I never brought glam, but I would steal others GLAMs.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: That's fine, you want to look good on TV.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Like I think we got the memo we couldn't have
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: glam there, and so I think we all just looked
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: like a big bunch.
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: No I had glammed it.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: But I'll tell you this, like there, of course she's
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: not going anybody, but here's the other not me, here's
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: the other thing too. Just sometimes where was it? This was?
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: I think before you joined it was like Mexico and
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: it was down that Kyle had rented this place. And
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: when I tell you, I looked like the biggest, sweatiest
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: humidified mess, just grease all over.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, my favorite memory of
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: of you, and like a look was when we were
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: in the Bahamas and we all came down. It was
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: our most fun day when we all swam together. But
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: you had on like one of those like old school
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: body gloves. And then all of a sudden, we get
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: down and we go to walk across the like plank.
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: I walked my heels and you had these big high
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: heels on and you just went shit shit.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: But I walked across and they didn't show it. But
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: that's okay.
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: But it was one of my favorite moments. I mean,
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: while I'm lik in.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: Flats well you know, and I had sandals, but I
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: was like, we already committed to this look, you know,
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: so which I think sometimes is like who cares? And
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: then I think, but you do care Erica, But I.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: Think that this is something I know, you know, we
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: can give a little housewives right now. There are some
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: women that can really pull off doing a look. I
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: am not one of those women.
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: But you, because it's not an interest in me, hold on.
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: But you have your own style. This is what I
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: always say. Everyone has their own style. And that's why
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: people like different characters is because people resonate with different things.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: Nobody has. It's not a group of clones. It's a
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: group of people, you know, identify with different women on
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: different things.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: Right, But I don't love watching a housewife that comes
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: and tries to be in Erica Jane or be a
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: Dreek like then.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: It doesn't well, it just feels inauthentic and authentically like.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: Yes, there are moments that I tried to experiment with
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: red lipstick that I really regretted.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: Do you really I do?
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: Because I remember I didn't know that you weren't supposed
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: to put gloss gloss overad and then all of a
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: sudden we were like started filling, starts to slide. Yeah.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: But yeah, but you know what, though, you got you
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: got your act together.
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: Well, hold on, we got to move back.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: This reminds me of toxic masculinity, your situation with Denise Richards.
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, tell me about it.
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: So what was the husband's name, Aaron that fought with us?
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: He was one that I think had a little bit
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: of toxic masculinity. We kind of both got into an argument.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you let bygones be by gones.
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: We it was words. Yeah, I feel like the thing is,
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: I don't like it when the men get mixed up
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: in that.
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So that's kind of what it was.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: But the other day I was dying laughing because somebody
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: came up to me and they're like, have you tried
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: Eastern medicine? And I'm like, I haven't yet. I'm gonna
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: wait till you get and they're like, well, there's this guy.
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: Away and it was Denise's husband.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: It was Denise's husband, but they said, you have to
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: pay a ton of money up front, blah blah blah.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: And I was like, well, I'm definitely not.
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and he's not.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: But then I was reminded of you being on the
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: show that I just watched, and this is the one
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: thing that I want to talk about in regards to Denise.
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: And then we'll move on and we'll be done, and
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: then next week we'll talk about something else, and then
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: I'll get sidetracked, because that's what people with seven tumors do,
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: is that seven god tumor time.
• 43:29
  Speaker 3: Eric is like, when I signed on to do this pod,
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: you didn't have any tumors.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: We didn't know you did, but we found out and
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: we're making we're rolling right through it, so fuck theseus,
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: fuck these tumors.
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: We get a little sidetracked, But how upset she.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: Got over the threesome conversation, and then I watched how
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: she was on the show with her kids, and I
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: almost ship myself.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: I know, but this is something that we knew.
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: Well I know we knew, but now everybody knows, and
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: nobody's given us the credit.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: It We're never going to get it.
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: I want some talks with positivity about Teddy.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: Was right listen last week. I'm always right, whether it's today, tomorrow,
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: or five years and you were to yeah, and you
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: know it. Sometimes it's the truth, like something.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: I think people that watch the show, it's like, yeah,
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: we said this, Yeah, there was a reason we felt this.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: There's a reason we felt this way. It wasn't just
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: coming out of nowhere.
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: But you know, well in the show was saying Teddy
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: and Erica are always right ish at some point ish
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: right there.
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: Listen, there's always going to be a moment week ago.
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: They did call that out. Yeah, they did call that out.
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: But only one person's going to remember, and they're not
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: the person that's going to write it everywhere.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: And that's only going to be you and me have
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: to go on here to remind everybody remember when we
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: telled you remember remember back in twenty seventeen.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I can't remember what day it is, but
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: I do remember what happened in twenty.
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: Sixteen because it gets at the port of John. You know,
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: I happen to be, because it gets burned into your
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: fucking memory because you're so mad about it. I know,
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: but I've gotten so mad at shit.
• 45:06
  Speaker 4: That I knew.
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: I was like, but you knew what's coming.
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: It is not what happened, I know, But either way,
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: who cares.
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: We're not We're a peaked in our growing or study.
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: Stay toxic, Stay toxic, guys, stay toxic, everybody, just stay toxic.
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: Working for us. I do have a friend and I
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: always text him, stay toxic with the little sparkles.
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: Oh, toxic with a sparkle. That's smart.
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: Well, thanks guys for tuning in for another episode. Let
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: us know what you want us to talk about next week.
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: You guys keep saying sex. We can't always talk about
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: sech I mean.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: I mean we can, but the bottom line is there's
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: only so much and then you know it's kind of
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: boring unless you guys are gonna come in here and
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: tell us, Yeah, unless.
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: You're gonna oh, maybe we should. I feel like we're
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: due for a Q and A.
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: I like a Q and all we.
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: Get a Q and A listen, since we're always right.
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: Let's switch it from a Q and A to advice
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: to advice instead of like, what, dear, what is it?
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: Dear John, dear Abby, it's not. Dear diamonds, dear dear
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: rough diamonds, rough dimonds.
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: Don't we stay toxic?
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: Stay toxic?
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, that should be next week. Sounds fun.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: Thanks guys, thank you so much.
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: Bye bye,