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Going Back Into An Abusive Relationship! Why It Always Gets Worse...Not Better · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  Oh, why does it get worse when you go back into an abusive
• 0:06
  relationship? Why don't things get better,
• 0:09
  Lee? They promised that things would
• 0:11
  get better. They promised that they would
• 0:13
  change. They promised that I would.
• 0:15
  Things would be different this time.
• 0:16
  Why does it get worse the more I go back?
• 0:18
  We broke up five times. Each time I've gone back, it's
• 0:22
  progressively gotten worse. Lee, can you give us the inside
• 0:25
  look? Because you are diagnosed
• 0:26
  narcissist. Why yes, I can.
• 0:30
  Of course. If you're new here, I'm Lee
• 0:31
  Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:33
  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:36
  Let's get it. Welcome back y'all to theme
• 0:56
  music. I just do the theme music for
• 0:57
  the lives, y'all. I just do the theme music for
• 0:59
  the live chats and stuff like that 'cause I enjoy it, I love
• 1:02
  it. The theme music gets me hype and
• 1:04
  I hope it gets y'all hype as well.
• 1:06
  But we're going to tackle, we're going to hop right on this thing
• 1:08
  and you get the tackling, y'all? We're going to get the tackling
• 1:10
  right now with why does it get worse when you go back into a
• 1:14
  toxic relationship, when you go back to an abuser, Why does it
• 1:18
  continuously get worse when things are supposed to get
• 1:21
  better, right? Y'all spend a little time apart.
• 1:23
  You date, They told you that they hit rock bottom, they told
• 1:26
  you that they went to church. Why is it still getting worse?
• 1:32
  Because as a narcissist, that's the one that's diagnosed with
• 1:36
  MPD, right? If I would have put my
• 1:39
  narcissist's hat on, like this is going to be my narcissist's
• 1:41
  hat on. This is going to be my
• 1:42
  narcissist's hat, right? If I put my narcissist's hat on
• 1:46
  in my mind, if you come back to me, you are OK with how I've
• 1:53
  treated you. Now, I know as Lee Hammock, I
• 1:58
  know that you're not OK, right? I know as Lee Hammock.
• 2:02
  I know you're not OK with how I'm treating you, right?
• 2:05
  I understand that. But as a narcissist, I think
• 2:08
  it's OK 'cause why? Look, why in the hell if it's,
• 2:12
  if it's listen to the listen how simple it can get.
• 2:15
  Why would you come back to me if it's so bad, if it's as bad as
• 2:21
  you claim it is, Why are you here?
• 2:24
  Because if things are bad to me, I don't go away.
• 2:28
  I don't go to that. I get away from it.
• 2:30
  So in essence, it must not be that bad.
• 2:35
  Am I right or am I right? That's how they look at
• 2:39
  everything. That's literally how they look
• 2:41
  at at everything. Seriously, if you come back to
• 2:46
  me, you must be OK with everything that I've done.
• 2:50
  You must be OK with everything that I've said.
• 2:53
  You have to be right, or else you wouldn't be here.
• 2:56
  What sense does that make for you to be here with me?
• 3:00
  If you claim to be unhappy, you know what I mean.
• 3:03
  What sense does it make for you to be here with me if you claim
• 3:07
  to be unhappy now? As someone who's diagnosed with
• 3:09
  MPD, who's talked to thousands of survivors, thousands of
• 3:13
  Thrivers, right, who's helped thousands of survivors and
• 3:16
  Thrivers, I know why people go back.
• 3:19
  I know trauma bombs exist. I know that not everybody is
• 3:22
  ready to leave in this exact moment.
• 3:24
  I get that right. I understand that.
• 3:27
  But as a narcissist, I don't. I look at as it's black and
• 3:31
  white, you OK with how I've treated you, right?
• 3:35
  And because I think you're OK with how I treated you, I think
• 3:39
  I can get away with more. I think I can get away with
• 3:43
  more. But you come back.
• 3:44
  Look, look at it like this. Look at it just like this right
• 3:49
  here. It's imagine going into a house,
• 3:53
  right? Everybody has a house or
• 3:55
  apartment trailer. What are we living in, right?
• 3:57
  Imagine you got the floor, it's fault the floor is soft.
• 4:01
  It's got the floor is about to fall through, right?
• 4:04
  Imagine that the fault of the floor is about to fall through.
• 4:08
  You know what I mean? And instead of fixing the floor,
• 4:12
  you just put a layer of vinyl of vinyl on top of it, of laminate
• 4:16
  floor on top of it. You don't, you don't tear the
• 4:18
  floor up, you don't change out any joists, you don't change the
• 4:21
  floorboard out, you don't change out anything.
• 4:23
  You just layer, put a layer of vinyl floor on top of it.
• 4:27
  You just laying thing on top of each other.
• 4:29
  It's not getting better. You just covering it up.
• 4:31
  And so the the original problem is still there.
• 4:34
  So now I'm creating more problems because the more stuff
• 4:37
  you add to that flooring, the more moisture you're trapping
• 4:40
  in, the more termites are going to come, the more rodents, bugs,
• 4:43
  everything you create, you're creating an environment for
• 4:45
  things to get worse, not better. So that's where it goes right
• 4:49
  there. That's the mentality that goes
• 4:51
  into it. You're adding there's layers on
• 4:52
  top of it now layers upon layers upon layers is no look, the
• 4:57
  original faulty flooring is there, The original rotting
• 5:00
  wood, floor joists, soffit, all that is done plywood, all of it
• 5:06
  is riding to the core. But instead of pulling it up and
• 5:09
  starting from scratch, no, you just layered stuff on top of it.
• 5:14
  It's still messed up. You see what I'm saying?
• 5:18
  That's how that's that's the type of mindset that goes into
• 5:20
  it. When you have an abusive
• 5:22
  personality type with somebody who's acting like this and going
• 5:24
  like this. What's wrong?
• 5:25
  You say you met a subscriber this morning, one of my
• 5:28
  subscribers or your or one of yours, But that's what goes into
• 5:32
  this job. I'm just telling you, they think
• 5:34
  it's OK. I know it's not OK.
• 5:37
  I understand the fact that you like, at least it's not OK with
• 5:40
  me. I know that they don't though.
• 5:43
  And you, if you go to them and complain about how they're
• 5:46
  treating you, guess what is going to happen to you?
• 5:49
  They're going to get angry at you for bringing it up, right?
• 5:53
  They're going to get angry that you brought it up.
• 5:56
  They're not going to feel good that you did.
• 5:58
  Did you come back? They will get angry that you
• 6:00
  brought it up again. Like how dare you?
• 6:07
  You see what I'm saying? How dare you.
• 6:09
  And this is also the mentality of a narcissist to y'all.
• 6:11
  Another reason why it gets worse if you go back.
• 6:15
  Because they get angry that you left in the first place.
• 6:17
  You're on punishment now. They're going to punish you.
• 6:20
  How dare you leave me? How dare you?
• 6:26
  How dare you now? Because now you left me.
• 6:30
  I understand that you can leave again.
• 6:32
  You can leave me again. So I'm going to punish you for
• 6:35
  for coming back. I'm going to punish you for
• 6:37
  leaving me. And I'm going to punish you for
• 6:38
  coming back. Guess what?
• 6:40
  You're welcome gift is. I told you I would never lie to
• 6:41
  you again. I lied to get you back.
• 6:47
  I lied to get you back here in the 1st place.
• 6:49
  The the the stuff I told you to get you home was a lie.
• 6:54
  I ain't changed. Yeah, I might have went to
• 6:56
  church, but what? Y'all what rant bubble I got to
• 7:02
  get? I haven't had a rant bubble in a
• 7:03
  long time. Y'all been following me for a
• 7:04
  long time. Y'all know the rant bubbles come
• 7:06
  out of nowhere yo. Why?
• 7:08
  And this is not a me attacking y'all just don't.
• 7:12
  Don't take this personally. This is forever.
• 7:14
  This is not just for y'all. Why is somebody telling you that
• 7:17
  they picked up the Bible or went to church?
• 7:19
  Why does that work so easily to get forgiven?
• 7:23
  Like I found faith. I went to church.
• 7:26
  Why in the hell does that work so easy?
• 7:29
  Y'all didn't make them work hard to come back into your life.
• 7:31
  Oh, you picked up the Bible? Yeah, I did.
• 7:34
  And guess what? They picked the Bible up.
• 7:36
  They don't mean they open the same thing and read it.
• 7:39
  They picked it up and put it back down.
• 7:41
  Yeah, I picked the Bible up. I didn't lie to you.
• 7:43
  I never said I read any of it. Come on now.
• 7:47
  We got to wake up to the religious.
• 7:49
  Manipulation is such an easy thing to do and that's why
• 7:52
  people would do it. That's why people do it.
• 7:53
  That's why you see these celebrities out here.
• 7:55
  Every time you see a celebrity get in trouble, all they do is
• 7:58
  turn. All they do is pick up the
• 7:59
  Bible. I found faith.
• 8:01
  No you didn't. No, you didn't find no faith.
• 8:04
  You just know it's easy to manipulate public opinion
• 8:07
  because religious people are easy to manipulate.
• 8:09
  They're just the easy people to manipulate are people who are
• 8:12
  religious. That's just it.
• 8:13
  That's just it. Because you have faith, they use
• 8:15
  your faith against you. Easy I believe.
• 8:19
  Thank God got you. Y'all even don't even test them
• 8:23
  Don't even test. I just I'm a believer now.
• 8:26
  Like the the main example this shit going on in real life.
• 8:29
  What's the what's the actor name Russell?
• 8:30
  Russell Brand is the main example of this.
• 8:31
  Russell Brand wrote a book about how to become a Christian in
• 8:34
  seven days after he started getting accused of shit.
• 8:38
  Now he's a Christian in seven days.
• 8:39
  Get the rent over. Don't let them come back into
• 8:49
  your life y'all. That's just the easiest way.
• 8:51
  If you have broken up with your narcissistic partner and now
• 8:53
  they tell all they found their faith, they're going to church.
• 8:56
  Stop letting them back in your damn life man.
• 8:58
  Please stop doing that. Please please please please
• 9:01
  please please please, please please.
• 9:05
  I did pick up the Bible. Did you read it?
• 9:11
  No, but I didn't lie to you. I picked it up.
• 9:13
  Come on, man. Come on.
• 9:16
  That make my head hurt. I get.
• 9:17
  So I get furious. There you go.
• 9:21
  Goose Fraba. Goose Fraba.
• 9:27
  If you know where. Goose Fraba.
• 9:28
  Come on. Get where it came from.
• 9:30
  Get bonus points. Yeah.
• 9:32
  He absolutely cannot find a verse in the Bible.
• 9:34
  I've seen Piers Morgan acting. What's your favorite verse?
• 9:37
  I'm glad you asked that, Piers. I don't know.
• 9:42
  Yeah, but that goes on right there, man.
• 9:44
  That's a part of it right there. So when they're like when you
• 9:47
  leave a narcissist, they also lose respect for you.
• 9:49
  It's it's it sounds stupid, but they lose respect for you when
• 9:52
  you leave. So when you return, they lose
• 9:55
  any respect that they have for you in the 1st place.
• 9:57
  It's gone now. They going literally anything
• 10:00
  that they told you. I'll, I'll respect your
• 10:03
  boundaries. They never respect your
• 10:08
  boundaries. Why weren't they, they, yeah,
• 10:10
  they they can't even spell. They can't, they can't even
• 10:13
  spell the word boundaries. How they going to respect them?
• 10:16
  How they going to respect your boundaries if they they can't
• 10:21
  even spell the word boundaries? Huh.
• 10:24
  How does that make sense to y'all?
• 10:25
  Does that make sense to y'all? I respect your boundaries.
• 10:28
  Spell it bound Bo ound ound ound WND bound Diaries, bound
• 10:46
  Diaries. That's crazy how they going to
• 10:49
  respect something they can't spell.
• 10:53
  Come on now, they'll, they'll promise you everything.
• 10:56
  And it's the the more look, this is the crazy thing about it is
• 10:59
  the hard, the harder you the harder you make them work to get
• 11:05
  back into your life, the angrier that they will be when you take
• 11:09
  them back. The angrier you will.
• 11:12
  If you make me work hard to get back with you, you will be
• 11:15
  punished for making me get back. You'll be punished.
• 11:18
  How dare you not make it easy for me?
• 11:22
  How dare you? There's no way they respect
• 11:25
  boundaries. The best I've hear was I would
• 11:26
  The best I hear was I will not apologize.
• 11:29
  I didn't do anything wrong, but you always be my sister.
• 11:32
  So talk to me. Oh hell no.
• 11:34
  Oh hell no. That's the person.
• 11:35
  He's just trying to use blood. We have the same mother and
• 11:39
  father. I'm not sorry for anything.
• 11:42
  I'm not sorry for anything I did to you.
• 11:45
  Believe that we share at least one share.
• 11:47
  We share. We have at least one parent in
• 11:48
  common. So you have to talk to me.
• 11:51
  Oh, shit. Shit.
• 11:56
  No, No, I don't. No, I don't have to talk to you,
• 11:58
  though. I do not have to talk to you.
• 12:00
  Sir. We're not doing this right here.
• 12:03
  We ain't. We not doing that.
• 12:04
  You see what I'm saying? We're not doing this right here,
• 12:06
  Sir or Madam. Hell no, hell no.
• 12:15
  But that really is how it goes y'all.
• 12:17
  And y'all, as I say, if you've dealt with a narcissistic
• 12:19
  person, you understand exact where I'm coming from because
• 12:22
  like another thing, and I'm going to cut it short.
• 12:25
  I am keep this from going on. Another thing is right here is
• 12:28
  when you take a like when you leave a narcissist and you come
• 12:31
  back to them, the mask is always off.
• 12:34
  You know who I am. You completely know who I am
• 12:37
  right now. I can't hide who I am.
• 12:40
  You left me for a reason. You left me because I'm a
• 12:44
  cheater. You left me because I'm an ass
• 12:46
  beater. You left me because I lie.
• 12:48
  You left me because I gas like you left me because I don't
• 12:50
  respect boundaries. You left me because you saw the
• 12:53
  true content of my character. So you know who I am now.
• 12:57
  So now you get punished for not know.
• 12:59
  You get punished now for that. You know what I'm saying?
• 13:03
  You see, you get punished for that right there.
• 13:05
  You get punished for knowing the real me.
• 13:10
  And again, I, Lee Hammock, know that that sounds stupid, but
• 13:16
  there's a narcissist. No, no, they just don't care.
• 13:19
  They just don't care as long as you come back.
• 13:22
  You know what I mean? They just do not care.
• 13:23
  So I'm going to open the floor for AQ and A drop your questions
• 13:27
  in the chat and whatnot, but also New York City, I'm coming
• 13:31
  your way for my next live in person Q&A event.
• 13:38
  Live in person Q&A event, New York City on June the 2nd, June
• 13:44
  2nd, I'm in New York City for live Q&A event.
• 13:50
  New York City. You see it right here on the
• 13:52
  screen. mentalillness.net/events to get registered.
• 13:57
  It's almost full y'all. So y'all want if you want, If
• 13:59
  you're New York City, you want to get registered.
• 14:01
  Come, come get around. People who understand, people
• 14:04
  who know get some questions answered.
• 14:06
  Mental illness.net/events right there at the bottom and whatnot.
• 14:12
  What do you think of keeping someone blocked on Facebook but
• 14:14
  unblocked on Messenger? Lee, 11 months, no conduct.
• 14:17
  It's kind of why unblocked on Messenger after almost a year,
• 14:22
  it's like you're leaving the door open right there.
• 14:24
  It's like you're leaving the door open right there for them
• 14:26
  to come back into your life. Yes, you are no contact, but
• 14:29
  it's like you're leaving a door open to break that.
• 14:31
  So I would suggest blocking them.
• 14:37
  When he got out of jail, he tried to come back.
• 14:39
  Nope, not doing too, not doing too good to let negative around
• 14:42
  me. There you go.
• 14:43
  Power up, power up. What's the answer for both
• 14:46
  people? Are you a healed?
• 14:47
  No, I'm not a healed narcissist. What do you mean both people?
• 14:49
  Whatever you say. I regret moving back in with my
• 14:54
  narcissistically abusive dad as an adult.
• 14:56
  You did. No, I I couldn't understand
• 14:58
  that. So it's like, what what?
• 14:59
  What comes next? What you what, what comes next
• 15:01
  in this situation? Are you building a building, a
• 15:04
  foundation to get out? You know, did my mother and
• 15:08
  father have anger issues? No, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope,
• 15:13
  Nope, Nope, Nope. Dude, there's the other question
• 15:16
  that popped up here. I'm scrolling back up that.
• 15:20
  That's like people in jail, they always found.
• 15:21
  Yeah, people in jail always find faith.
• 15:23
  I watched it. I watched the trial for some
• 15:26
  boys that got convicted of schmurder in Florida, and all of
• 15:32
  them somehow were leading Bible studies and found faith.
• 15:34
  No, no. You're going to jail.
• 15:36
  You're going to jail, buddy. It's good.
• 15:39
  I can't go back. You did find out.
• 15:41
  There you go, Power. You got to stay safe, Y'all.
• 15:42
  You do have to stay safe. I changed my number.
• 15:45
  Luckily, we have no kids. There you go.
• 15:47
  Stay safe, they will sadly utilize anyways of contacting
• 15:51
  you if you have them. Sad as it is, they will keep
• 15:53
  search. Yeah, some of now some of them
• 15:54
  will leave you alone. Some of some narcissistic people
• 15:56
  would would disappear into the abyss and you never hear from
• 15:58
  them again, right. But some of them if the door is
• 16:01
  open, they will find a way. Did a victim of narc Did a
• 16:05
  victim of narc abuse ever shmurdered or abused?
• 16:08
  Yeah, actually just saw a story about that on it's in Britain.
• 16:12
  It's like someone in the UKA woman who have been abused for
• 16:17
  years years had got out of the had got out of the relationship,
• 16:22
  went back, got abused again and took the took the person's life.
• 16:26
  But she's going to jail because they said hey you shmurdered him
• 16:31
  so she's going to jail. Yep.
• 16:34
  My ex-husband showed up at my door after 10 years of no
• 16:36
  contact. How do you think that made him
• 16:37
  feel to learn he had no access to me?
• 16:38
  He was told to leave and then I didn't want to see it.
• 16:40
  Probably broke him down. Good for you. 10 years no
• 16:43
  contact. It's crazy him popping up.
• 16:46
  That's crazy. Why don't they realize the pain
• 16:51
  they caused you? Because that would mean taking
• 16:53
  accountability. That would mean bringing shame
• 16:56
  and feeling like a bad person. And most narcissistic people
• 17:00
  don't want to feel like bad people even if they are doing
• 17:04
  bad things. I know that sounds crazy, but
• 17:06
  that's how it goes in the mind of a narcissistic person.
• 17:09
  I don't want to feel like a bad person even though I'm doing bad
• 17:13
  things. It's crazy.
• 17:14
  I know it's crazy and it sounds crazy but it goes right there.
• 17:17
  My narcissistic sister recently tried to lure me back into being
• 17:19
  in touch with her. She said she said said she might
• 17:22
  have answered. Turned out she was doing just
• 17:24
  fine and lied about the whole thing.
• 17:26
  Oh hell no. That's what you said earlier.
• 17:28
  I I saved it for earlier. Like that's crazy.
• 17:30
  That is crazy right there. That shows you the the links
• 17:34
  that some people go to. It's been 6 months and I've been
• 17:37
  struggling to come to terms. I don't reach out and he don't
• 17:39
  only to see his child one time a month.
• 17:41
  What is your advice on healing? Keep that one time a month up if
• 17:45
  that's all they're trying to do. Document everything and just
• 17:50
  tell yourself the truth about who is.
• 17:52
  I will need a lot more information to, to to determine
• 17:55
  the the course to the healing path to give you right.
• 17:58
  But I just say the simplistic way is be nice to yourself,
• 18:03
  forgive yourself and keep moving forward.
• 18:06
  Tell yourself the truth about who he is.
• 18:09
  They would come back to an old supply even with a new.
• 18:12
  Yeah, they'll come in. Like if the old supply allows
• 18:14
  them back into their life, yes, they'll come in.
• 18:16
  They'll make the old supply the side chick or the side dude?
• 18:18
  Yeah, they'll have a whole new supply and we still be trying to
• 18:22
  talk to the old person. Thank you for verifying they
• 18:24
  realize. There you go.
• 18:27
  My former narcissistic partner blocked me everywhere but sent
• 18:29
  me money twice last month. Why would he do that?
• 18:31
  Because that remains if you didn't send the money back, then
• 18:34
  this just lets him know he still has some type of access, right?
• 18:37
  But anyway, y'all, I do have to hop off.
• 18:39
  I got a a call, I got to hop on. I still do my Zoom calls.
• 18:41
  I still do everything, y'all. I actually have Telegram
• 18:44
  coaching as well, while I do text messages and stuff like
• 18:47
  that as well. I do, I have weekly packages and
• 18:49
  I have monthly packages. So I actually just got my first
• 18:52
  monthly texting client and whatnot.
• 18:54
  So we've been going back and forth going through documents
• 18:56
  and stuff like that. So that's very interesting.
• 18:59
  But yeah, New York City, June the 2nd Mental
• 19:01
  illness.net/events for everything y'all.
• 19:04
  We will chat later on. mentalillness.net for everything
• 19:07
  else. Hit that subscribe button if
• 19:09
  you're just watching this. I go live at least two or three
• 19:11
  times a week nowadays and whatnot.
• 19:14
  Yep, I got to hop off here y'all.
• 19:15
  Be safe. We will chat later y'all.
• 19:18
  Peace. I got a call right now.