Latest / The Ben Maller Show / Hour 3 - Run It Back

Transcript

Hour 3 - Run It Back · The Ben Maller Show

0:00
Speaker 1: Boom, shaka laka. It's our number three.
0:05
Speaker 2: Our number three is in the air, I should say
0:09
Speaker 2: on the air everywhere, because well online everywhere, right, podcasting online, Yeah,
0:15
Speaker 2: that's it, get it right, stupid anyway, Here in our
0:18
Speaker 2: number three, we thank you daytime folks for listening to
0:21
Speaker 2: the overnight show repackage. We'll start out with cams a
0:26
Speaker 2: city bringing bells and whistles. Chief star Travis Kelsey. Travis
0:30
Speaker 2: Kelsey confirming plans to return for the twenty twenty five
0:34
Speaker 2: NFL season, saying he's got a real bad taste in
0:37
Speaker 2: his mouth.
0:39
Speaker 1: How do you dissect that one?
0:40
Speaker 2: Also, what can the Chiefs expect from Travis Kelce on
0:43
Speaker 2: the field in twenty twenty five? And how is Travis
0:47
Speaker 2: Kelsey's financial portfolio looking.
0:51
Speaker 1: As he returns to the NFL.
0:53
Speaker 2: Soon enough, we'll get to all of that and give
0:56
Speaker 2: you the old knockout punch right now here. It is
1:00
Speaker 2: number three plus lame jokes. That's right, weed Man's lame
1:04
Speaker 2: jokes from Miami. Here in our number three, our long
1:09
Speaker 2: national nightmare has come to a surprisingly quick end. Welcome
1:15
Speaker 2: in the beginning of another hour of the Ben Malor Show.
1:21
Speaker 2: We are in the a everywhere as we shoot from
1:28
Speaker 2: the hip and no, it is an absolute free for all.
1:35
Speaker 2: It is coast stuckcoast, order the motor and beyond on
1:39
Speaker 2: the vast and ginormously powerful microphones of fsre amminating live
1:48
Speaker 2: from the cheese the ooey, gooey goodness.
1:53
Speaker 1: Of hot cheese. It's sports talk.
1:56
Speaker 2: We're broadcasting live from the tiraq dot com studio Tyraq.
2:00
Speaker 2: We'll help you get there an unmatched selection, fast, free shipping,
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Speaker 2: free road hazard protection and over ten thousand recommended in
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Speaker 2: stars tyre rack dot com.
2:14
Speaker 1: The way the tire buying.
2:15
Speaker 2: Should be courtesy Flusher has flat. He's flushed ten thousand
2:21
Speaker 2: times in the eye of a tiger. That's how much
2:24
Speaker 2: he loves the number ten thousand. So our lead this
2:26
Speaker 2: hour and we will have lame jokes. We want to
2:28
Speaker 2: alert all the affiliates. We'll have lame jokes of the week.
2:32
Speaker 2: And we have had a big week.
2:34
Speaker 1: For joke writers. Now we always have enough joke ries.
2:38
Speaker 2: When I started doing this, it was just Josh in
2:41
Speaker 2: Cincinnati and like two other people that sent jokes in.
2:46
Speaker 1: But now we have tons of maloney. It's great. You
2:49
Speaker 1: guys have been wonderful.
2:50
Speaker 2: I think we've had more jokes in in this week
2:53
Speaker 2: than in any other week so far this year. It's
2:56
Speaker 2: been a great week for the joke writers, and so
2:59
Speaker 2: we might have to stend lame jokes into an extra
3:01
Speaker 2: bonus time coming up a little bit later this hour.
3:04
Speaker 1: We'll get to that when we do, but.
3:06
Speaker 2: Our lead is from the retirement.
3:10
Speaker 1: Room and turn out the last no need to turn
3:14
Speaker 1: them on.
3:15
Speaker 2: In a mild surprise, I filed this as a mild surprise,
3:21
Speaker 2: Travis Kelcey has decided he is not not going to
3:26
Speaker 2: drag out his decision on whether or not he will
3:29
Speaker 2: play until the eleventh hour. That was everyone's hair brained
3:33
Speaker 2: idea that that's what he would do. Well, he has
3:36
Speaker 2: another couple of weeks at least. In theory is we
3:40
Speaker 2: head into the final day of February here March this weekend,
3:43
Speaker 2: and Kelsey had until about March seventeenth to decide whether
3:46
Speaker 2: he wanted to be continued to have his ass kissed
3:49
Speaker 2: his royalty in Kansas City or.
3:50
Speaker 1: Hang them up. And I assume you know by now,
3:53
Speaker 1: but maybe not.
3:53
Speaker 2: Travis Kelsey has confirmed through his Fledgling Podcast social media
3:59
Speaker 2: account that he will indeed return next season. The social
4:05
Speaker 2: media admin sending out a video depicting Travis Kelsey's image
4:10
Speaker 2: over Jordan Belfort's head from that iconic So you remember
4:14
Speaker 2: the Wolf of Wall Street, solid movie, solid movie, Wolf
4:19
Speaker 2: of Wall Street. And in that scene, if you remember
4:23
Speaker 2: the movie, if you saw it, obviously you didn't see it,
4:26
Speaker 2: doesn't matter. But Bellefort not so subtly announces he's not leaving.
4:32
Speaker 2: He's not leaving the company, all right, classic cinema. So,
4:36
Speaker 2: Travis Kelsey's return was originally reported by a former punter,
4:41
Speaker 2: Pat McAfee, who read a text that was obviously from Kelsey,
4:47
Speaker 2: although he never said it was from Kelsey, saying I'm
4:49
Speaker 2: coming back for sure.
4:51
Speaker 1: Kelsey said his performance in the Super Bowl left a.
4:54
Speaker 2: Quote bad taste in his mouth and that he's hoping
4:59
Speaker 2: to return next season in the best shape of his
5:03
Speaker 2: life as he prepares for his thirteenth NFL season.
5:08
Speaker 1: So let us discuss the question.
5:12
Speaker 2: Chiefs star tied in Travis Kelce confirming plans to return
5:17
Speaker 2: to Arrowhead for the twenty twenty five season, saying that
5:21
Speaker 2: he got a real bad taste in his mouth. So
5:24
Speaker 2: how do you dissect this? How do he dissect it?
5:27
Speaker 1: All right?
5:28
Speaker 2: So we've got fisherman's party, dip and goose, and we
5:36
Speaker 2: will combine all of these things together, and we're going
5:39
Speaker 2: to make tacos dorado, which is code for crunchy tacos. Now,
5:45
Speaker 2: one of my buddies, he passed away a couple years back,
5:47
Speaker 2: one of my buddies who was from Mexico. He said
5:50
Speaker 2: it was the gringo taco. That's what he said. I
5:52
Speaker 2: loved the gringo taco. But it's a technique called tacos dolrado.
5:55
Speaker 2: That's the proper way to he taco. So no, I
6:00
Speaker 2: said number, I said, no.
6:05
Speaker 1: All right, enough of that.
6:06
Speaker 2: Travis Kelcey is going to follow the malord plan. I
6:10
Speaker 2: don't want to split hairs here. This story has been
6:12
Speaker 2: percolating for a couple of days, but the plan is
6:16
Speaker 2: rather similar. It appears that Travis Kelsey's gonna make whoever
6:20
Speaker 2: ends his NFL career get scissors and cut the uniform off,
6:24
Speaker 2: and he'll go out there and wobble around the field, wobble, wobble, wobble,
6:29
Speaker 2: and lumber all over the place. And as for the
6:32
Speaker 2: bad taste in his mouth line, So I'm not a doctor,
6:37
Speaker 2: but I will give a diagnosis here on the radio
6:40
Speaker 2: after a minutes long review of watching Travis Kelce in
6:43
Speaker 2: Kansas City last year, and I was lucky enough to
6:45
Speaker 2: go and hang out with our friends at the fan
6:48
Speaker 2: the Bob Fesco Morning Show in Kansas City.
6:50
Speaker 1: They invited me and they got to hang out. We
6:52
Speaker 1: had a malard meet and greet. It was awesome. I
6:53
Speaker 1: went to Arrowhead for the first time. What an amazing
6:55
Speaker 1: place if you're a football nerd.
6:59
Speaker 2: It's the Tabernacle of football, one of those great iconic
7:02
Speaker 2: stadiums has been around for a long time.
7:03
Speaker 1: So all that's good stuff. So Travis, I watched him
7:06
Speaker 1: in person, Travis Kelce.
7:07
Speaker 2: Here's my diagnose. Travis Kelsey is suffering from halatosis. So
7:11
Speaker 2: we recommend going down to Walgreens picking up some Fishermen's
7:16
Speaker 2: Friends Men Fall lozenges and that'll fix your breath right
7:20
Speaker 2: that they'll tack the offensive smelling breath. Now, you may
7:24
Speaker 2: also have gingervitis. I don't know about that, but I'm
7:26
Speaker 2: going with halatosis over gingervitis until we go to a
7:31
Speaker 2: booth review on that. All right now, page two, So
7:35
Speaker 2: what can the chiefs expect? Now the decision is official? Official,
7:38
Speaker 2: official official. So what can the Chiefs expect from Travis
7:42
Speaker 2: Kelcey on the field in twenty twenty five? So there
7:48
Speaker 2: isn't an investi Pedia phrase that applies here, not that one,
7:54
Speaker 2: this one. Don't try to catch a falling knife. And
7:59
Speaker 2: that is what Travis Kelsey is at this point in
8:01
Speaker 2: a nutshell. Now, hey, I commend him for continuing to play.
8:05
Speaker 2: I would have done the same thing. I will keep
8:07
Speaker 2: doing talk radio until they rip the mic out of
8:09
Speaker 2: my throat. Okay, So that's the way it is. But
8:13
Speaker 2: the thing about Travis kelce in a nutshell, he's serving
8:16
Speaker 2: up party dip and he has seen a significant dip
8:22
Speaker 2: the doc do dip if you will. In terms of explosiveness,
8:28
Speaker 2: they always talk about explosives in football. Can you make
8:31
Speaker 2: explosive game changing plays? Are you a force multiplier? And
8:35
Speaker 2: that was the definition of Travis Kelcey for the balance
8:39
Speaker 2: of his career, that this guy would make the dominant play.
8:44
Speaker 2: He was a torpedo as a tight end. And last
8:49
Speaker 2: season Travis kelce ran much shorter roots. He's no longer
8:53
Speaker 2: a deep threat. His first down conversion rate plummeted. Last
8:58
Speaker 2: three years. He had seventy eight first downs in twenty
9:00
Speaker 2: twenty two, the number dropped to fifty last or two
9:04
Speaker 2: seasons ago, and down to forty seven in twenty twenty four.
9:09
Speaker 1: But wait, there's more. I'm giving you my evidence here.
9:13
Speaker 2: How about the eight hundred and twenty three yards which
9:16
Speaker 2: were the fewest since twenty fourteen, eight point five yards
9:21
Speaker 2: per route run, which was a new career low by
9:26
Speaker 2: more than two yards.
9:27
Speaker 1: The charts.
9:28
Speaker 2: I Meg gave aalkins and numbers here, but the charts
9:30
Speaker 2: are not pretty. Now, we did love the line that
9:34
Speaker 2: Kelsey said about being in the best shape of his life.
9:38
Speaker 2: So can we take away from that that Kelsey was
9:43
Speaker 2: not in good shape during the twenty twenty four season,
9:46
Speaker 2: that he was out traveling the globe with Taylor Swift
9:50
Speaker 2: and performing at various concerts around the world, and that
9:54
Speaker 2: he let himself go. Is that at all possible that
9:58
Speaker 2: he was cavorting around the world and not taking his
10:02
Speaker 2: job seriously playing football, And so he's admitting now he's
10:06
Speaker 2: going to be in the best ship. Of course, you
10:08
Speaker 2: can also say the best shape means as good as
10:09
Speaker 2: all the other shape that he was in, because the
10:12
Speaker 2: best means as good as all the rest, all right,
10:14
Speaker 2: now final point, So on field success we project will
10:19
Speaker 2: only be spotty. The rare, rare and appropriate solid performance
10:25
Speaker 2: by Kelsey. Remember, older players don't suck all the time.
10:28
Speaker 2: They just suck most.
10:29
Speaker 1: Of the time.
10:30
Speaker 2: The older athlete will occasionally have a flashback, unless they're Lebron,
10:36
Speaker 2: and then you know, Lebron's got the he's got the
10:38
Speaker 2: good stuff over there, Lebron, So he's still getting here done,
10:41
Speaker 2: but everyone else not quite not quite now. So that
10:47
Speaker 2: being said, is Travis Kelsey's financial portfolio, how is that looking?
10:52
Speaker 1: How is how is his.
10:53
Speaker 2: Financial portfolio looking as he gets set to come back
10:58
Speaker 2: to the NFL. You've heard the term in the red,
11:01
Speaker 2: This would be in the black. In fact, Kelsey, if
11:04
Speaker 2: you look at his earnings over the last coupanies, even
11:07
Speaker 2: though right now he's a rotten tomato, he's a rich tomato.
11:11
Speaker 2: He's gonna make another seventeen million in salary coming from
11:16
Speaker 2: Kansas City.
11:17
Speaker 1: But that's just the tip of the spear. Kelsey's nickname
11:21
Speaker 1: is the.
11:21
Speaker 2: Goose, maybe not by the Chiefs but by everyone else
11:25
Speaker 2: because on Madison Avenue he's known as the Golden Goose.
11:29
Speaker 2: You realize Travis Kelcey last season. He was on TV
11:33
Speaker 2: doing everything right. During the NFL season, his mug was
11:36
Speaker 2: all over the place. Travis Kelcey earned over thirty million
11:41
Speaker 2: dollars as a TV pitchman in twenty twenty four.
11:44
Speaker 1: Over thirty million.
11:46
Speaker 2: He had deals with almost half of the Fortune five
11:49
Speaker 2: hundred companies at least, so it seemed he was doing
11:51
Speaker 2: commercials for places like McDonald's talking about I'm Loving It, Nike,
11:55
Speaker 2: Papa John's, bud Light sleep number tiede State Farm Insurance,
12:00
Speaker 2: Dix Sporting Goods, not Dick and Dayton, team Mobe. I
12:04
Speaker 2: go on deodorant, he had obviously the Pfiser one. He
12:08
Speaker 2: got a lot of crap for that, Walgreens Direct TV.
12:12
Speaker 2: I can go on and on, and you talk about
12:15
Speaker 2: the power of Taylor Swift, Travis Kelcey good tight end, right,
12:21
Speaker 2: Hall of fame, tight end for Kansas City, and this
12:25
Speaker 2: guy is latched on as the caboose on the Taylor
12:29
Speaker 2: Swift chip train.
12:32
Speaker 1: And he's cashing in. That's a hell of a drug.
12:35
Speaker 2: What a bonanza, What an absolute bonanza for Travis Kelsey.
12:41
Speaker 2: So thirty million off the field, he'll make at least
12:45
Speaker 2: that in twenty twenty five seventeen million in on Fielder
12:50
Speaker 2: and he so we're up to forty seven million.
12:52
Speaker 1: That does not include the podcast, which.
12:54
Speaker 2: He's getting an obscene amount of money for his fledgling podcast.
12:57
Speaker 1: So Kelsey like clearing.
13:01
Speaker 2: If the math is right on this somewhere around by
13:06
Speaker 2: the time you do all the other numbers, about seventy million,
13:11
Speaker 2: give or take seventy million for Travis Kelce.
13:14
Speaker 1: Okay, must be nice. Good for him.
13:18
Speaker 2: It is the Ben Mallor Show. If you'd like to
13:21
Speaker 2: be part, you can join us now. Lines are open. Abracadabra,
13:25
Speaker 2: hocus pokes. We do have Big Ben's Lame Jokes of
13:27
Speaker 2: the Week, and that'll be coming up a little bit
13:29
Speaker 2: later in the hour, good old lame Jokes of the Week.
13:35
Speaker 2: But up until then we'll take your calls at eight
13:37
Speaker 2: seven seven ninety nine on Fox. That's eight seven seven
13:40
Speaker 2: ninety nine six six three sixty nine, also on X
13:44
Speaker 2: at Ben Mallard Time. Now for the Mallor Riddle of
13:48
Speaker 2: the Day. And here is the Mallard Riddle of the day.
13:52
Speaker 2: Former Patriots running back Stephen Ridley recalled that Bill Belichick
13:57
Speaker 2: put him in a blank after he.
14:01
Speaker 1: Was drafted years ago.
14:03
Speaker 2: Former Patriots running back Steven Ridley recalled that Bill Belichick
14:07
Speaker 2: put him in a blank after he was drafted years ago.
14:12
Speaker 2: That is the malor really love the day?
14:17
Speaker 1: The answer. We'll get to it and we will do it.
14:21
Speaker 3: Next.
14:22
Speaker 4: Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
14:24
Speaker 4: Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
14:28
Speaker 4: Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
14:31
Speaker 1: It is I Bill Miller, and you are you. I
14:34
Speaker 1: hope you know your name.
14:36
Speaker 2: We are brought together by the powers of the Ben
14:38
Speaker 2: Maller Show up all night every night.
14:42
Speaker 1: Whatever brings you to the show, welcome.
14:45
Speaker 2: Whether you have insomnia, you're working the third shift, got
14:51
Speaker 2: a lot on your mind, can't sleep, Maybe you got up.
14:53
Speaker 1: Because you had it to go take a whiz in
14:54
Speaker 1: the middle of the night. We're here for you. Yeah,
15:00
Speaker 1: that's all right. We don't care.
15:02
Speaker 2: We can't see you, but you can hear us. If
15:07
Speaker 2: you'd like to interact with the live show, send a
15:09
Speaker 2: message care of at Ben Mahler. That's at Ben Mahler
15:15
Speaker 2: on the ex machine. Lorraina sailor to her FSR Tech.
15:23
Speaker 1: Queen Coople, loop uh Bronco fan Lame jokes of the week.
15:29
Speaker 2: Coming up later this hour, Ben will answer the Mallard
15:34
Speaker 2: riddle of the day. It's ear licking good, that malar
15:39
Speaker 2: riddle of the day. If you were raised by wolves.
15:43
Speaker 2: I'll be coming up here, I'll tell you. In fact,
15:45
Speaker 2: let's get back to him right now here. He is
15:47
Speaker 2: it spends every night.
15:49
Speaker 1: Talking to himself. What a loser? You do the same thing.
15:54
Speaker 1: By the way, Bill, I'm not a loser. Bad job
15:56
Speaker 1: by you.
16:00
Speaker 2: A listener wrote into the Ben Matlers Show at Gmail
16:03
Speaker 2: account and said, you did not update us on what
16:07
Speaker 2: box Lorena got today? Loraina, did you get another box today?
16:10
Speaker 2: Is there another box in the mail queue there with
16:12
Speaker 2: your name on it?
16:13
Speaker 1: I do not see a box today, Ben, No box today?
16:17
Speaker 1: Oh no, no.
16:17
Speaker 2: And I never suggest that listeners send them on a
16:20
Speaker 2: Friday either. Well they yet, well well no, no, no, no,
16:25
Speaker 2: you you should send them on a Friday, because they won't.
16:28
Speaker 2: They'll get here on a day other than Friday. You
16:31
Speaker 2: just don't want the mail to get here on a
16:33
Speaker 2: Friday because the company, even though we're twenty four hour
16:37
Speaker 2: a day, seven day a week shop, let's just say,
16:40
Speaker 2: they don't clean the toilets, they don't pick up the
16:42
Speaker 2: trash and they.
16:43
Speaker 1: Don't take care of the mail on the weekend. Is
16:45
Speaker 1: that fair to say? Yes?
16:46
Speaker 2: So if the packages arrive on the weekend, they're more
16:48
Speaker 2: likely to get lost or misplaced.
16:50
Speaker 1: So that's why I'm just saying, if you do send
16:52
Speaker 1: them to it.
16:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's like literally there's a I think there's a
16:56
Speaker 2: a draft that works in the mail room and the
16:58
Speaker 2: draft falls asleep on the weekend and stuff.
17:00
Speaker 1: It's pretty pretty crazy. You got to pay off the
17:03
Speaker 1: mallor riddle of the day that your Is that how
17:06
Speaker 1: a draft sounds like? Aft?
17:09
Speaker 2: Okay, I was just at the San Diego Zoo and
17:13
Speaker 2: I don't remember hearing that, but maybe I missed it.
17:16
Speaker 1: The riddle of the day.
17:17
Speaker 2: Here it is Former Patriots running back Stephen Ridley recalled
17:22
Speaker 2: that Bill Belichick put.
17:24
Speaker 1: Him in a blank after he was drafted.
17:29
Speaker 2: All right, that is the mallor riddle of the day.
17:33
Speaker 2: And if you know the answer, you can send it
17:35
Speaker 2: in right now. Probably too late right now, But at
17:38
Speaker 2: Ben Mahller, what do we have here?
17:41
Speaker 1: Page down?
17:43
Speaker 2: Let's see here overflowing porta potty from our buddy I
17:47
Speaker 2: forty in Andy in Lino Lakes, Minnesota, where all the
17:52
Speaker 2: butter comes from, says Bill put him in time out.
17:56
Speaker 1: Lady Sideburns says the claw machine. Might that be something? Ferda?
18:02
Speaker 1: They where the white women at?
18:04
Speaker 2: He says Belishik put Stephen Ridley in a letterman jacket
18:07
Speaker 2: to help Bill pick up high school chicks. All right, now,
18:10
Speaker 2: what else we have? King Roy says a cyber truck
18:14
Speaker 2: is the answer? Late Night Drug Tester says he was
18:17
Speaker 2: put in a reality TV show. Mister nice guy says,
18:22
Speaker 2: assless chaps.
18:24
Speaker 1: Is the answer.
18:25
Speaker 2: I know you like to wear those around the grocery store.
18:27
Speaker 2: Who else do we have? Page down, Alf the Alien
18:30
Speaker 2: ass Alf says he put him in a Halloween costume
18:35
Speaker 2: contest because that's the one holiday he's into.
18:40
Speaker 1: Interesting.
18:41
Speaker 2: Tammy in Vegas says, put him in a container of
18:44
Speaker 2: ranch dressing. Our friend, Tammy says milkman. Mike in Colorado says,
18:49
Speaker 2: put him in a paddle line is the answer?
18:53
Speaker 1: What else do we have? Page now?
18:54
Speaker 2: JT the wing Man says, I wanted to do a
18:57
Speaker 2: wellness check after you had to say something nice about
19:00
Speaker 2: Lebron in your hour three modeling. I did not say
19:03
Speaker 2: anything nice about Lebron in hour three.
19:05
Speaker 1: In fact, you could argue.
19:06
Speaker 2: You could argue that what I said was very offensive
19:08
Speaker 2: about Lebron if you were listening closely.
19:10
Speaker 1: JT. The wing Man, But I said was very offensive.
19:13
Speaker 1: I just used a code.
19:16
Speaker 2: Patrick DJ Spin, San Diego says, a New York Giant
19:19
Speaker 2: starter jacket classic is the answer.
19:23
Speaker 1: What else do you have? Page down?
19:25
Speaker 2: The grill sergeant says, the answer is a four a
19:29
Speaker 2: figure four leg lock.
19:30
Speaker 1: Who else do you have? Can't read that?
19:35
Speaker 2: That's an old, old wrestling thing. Eke in Roseville, Minnesota says,
19:39
Speaker 2: a straight jacket is the answer.
19:43
Speaker 1: Who else do we have? A page down?
19:46
Speaker 2: A sleeper hold from Donkey Sausage that's his answer. A
19:50
Speaker 2: hot dog eating contest from Jess n Junction, A sensory
19:56
Speaker 2: deprivation chamber from.
19:57
Speaker 1: Our buddy Slug in Vegas, who put.
20:00
Speaker 2: Together that great mall or meet and greet that we
20:02
Speaker 2: did back in twenty twenty four.
20:04
Speaker 1: We will hope to do another one this summer at
20:05
Speaker 1: some point. JT.
20:07
Speaker 2: The Wingman says, a fish bowl is the answer. Trucker
20:11
Speaker 2: Joe says, gloryhole from Jerry Jones, All right, do you, Lorena,
20:18
Speaker 2: do you have an answer?
20:19
Speaker 1: I need an answer. I won't make some glory health.
20:22
Speaker 1: Any any answer there, Lorena, Well, I think it was
20:24
Speaker 1: Ike who stole my answer, you jerk. I was gonna
20:27
Speaker 1: say straight jackets job, but you know what, I'm gonna.
20:30
Speaker 2: Say something else instead.
20:32
Speaker 1: Okay, good, hurry up.
20:33
Speaker 2: Put him in some fresh fuzzy socks, ben.
20:35
Speaker 1: Fuzzy socks, cartoon clown socks? Is that the answer? Unfortunately not.
20:42
Speaker 2: Former Patriots running back Stephen Ridley recalled that Bill Belichick
20:46
Speaker 2: put him in.
20:47
Speaker 1: A fat camp, bad camp. He sent him to a
20:53
Speaker 1: fat farm.
20:56
Speaker 2: Hey, get over your fatty, get over your fat.
21:01
Speaker 1: Let's go to the phones.
21:03
Speaker 2: It is a call in show, plausibly, and we'll have
21:05
Speaker 2: lame jokes of the week.
21:06
Speaker 1: Coming up here in a couple of minutes. Is we
21:09
Speaker 1: man there by the way, is he online?
21:11
Speaker 3: No?
21:11
Speaker 1: Oh yes, O good.
21:12
Speaker 2: All right, let's say hello to the black irishman who's
21:17
Speaker 2: in Omaha, Omaha, and he is a Benny nominee. You
21:20
Speaker 2: can vote for the black irishman for a.
21:22
Speaker 3: Benny Awards, mister maler No, thanks for taking my call.
21:33
Speaker 3: How's the family, How's that's the stars?
21:36
Speaker 1: Oh? Well, thanks for asking.
21:38
Speaker 2: I know you're very concerned about my personal life and
21:40
Speaker 2: things like that. Everything is just hunky dory, hunky dory.
21:46
Speaker 2: What is your daughter away playing video games again?
21:50
Speaker 5: Now?
21:50
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, of course school so much managed ridiculous, I
21:56
Speaker 3: mean me and are yeah all right, well whatever. Anyway,
22:02
Speaker 3: you know, the really thing, the thing I really want
22:05
Speaker 3: to do is have a segment on your show. You
22:07
Speaker 3: remember he's telling me about Stephen A. Smith how he started?
22:12
Speaker 3: You know what I mean? I started?
22:13
Speaker 2: What what about Steven? He started as a weekend talk
22:16
Speaker 2: show host. He was a writer in Philadelphia and the
22:18
Speaker 2: you know, like a weekend show. He was a guest
22:20
Speaker 2: and he he would call into shows as a guest,
22:23
Speaker 2: and then he ended up on a morning show at ESPN.
22:25
Speaker 1: It took off. They fired him.
22:27
Speaker 2: He came to our place, no one listened to him,
22:29
Speaker 2: and then he went back to ESPN and a bunch
22:31
Speaker 2: of people started watching him again. Okay, hey, so what
22:39
Speaker 2: is your what is your segment.
22:40
Speaker 1: Going to be?
22:42
Speaker 3: Well? I was gonna talk about, uh the w n
22:44
Speaker 3: B A No, I got, That's that's what I believe
22:47
Speaker 3: I'm talking about, and uh, I got. I had a
22:51
Speaker 3: hard time coming up with the segue, but I was
22:54
Speaker 3: gonna say, how can you bet on a game before
22:56
Speaker 3: it's been played though.
22:59
Speaker 1: That's else. How else are you going to bet on
23:01
Speaker 1: the game than before?
23:02
Speaker 3: I mean, how you so if you bet on the game,
23:05
Speaker 3: that doesn't mean you don't have to play hard. I
23:07
Speaker 3: don't have to have no integrity. I mean I could
23:10
Speaker 3: throw a game out one too. It's like when I
23:12
Speaker 3: seen like the Super Bowl?
23:13
Speaker 1: What do you? What are you? What are you talking about?
23:15
Speaker 1: Are you talking about the players?
23:17
Speaker 3: No, you've bet on games before they've been played.
23:19
Speaker 5: Hon the hell?
23:19
Speaker 3: Are you gonna bet on the game before they've been played?
23:21
Speaker 1: Well? Okay, oh, this is great. You're right.
23:25
Speaker 2: I would prefer to only be able to bet on
23:27
Speaker 2: games after they're played. I will win, I will win.
23:31
Speaker 2: This is a great idea. How come you want to
23:33
Speaker 2: system over that idea? Send that out coop on social media.
23:37
Speaker 2: This is a great idea. This is the black irishman
23:41
Speaker 2: and he thinks we should all all us boys and girls,
23:43
Speaker 2: should be able to bet on these games when they're
23:45
Speaker 2: done and we know the score.
23:47
Speaker 1: That is That is the smartest thing I have ever heard.
23:50
Speaker 1: Did you come up with that on your own?
23:52
Speaker 3: Hey? No, no, it's like the Super Bowl when I've
23:54
Speaker 3: seen my home. He was yawning. He know, he smoked
23:57
Speaker 3: fat weed dad the night before.
24:00
Speaker 1: And uh not sky weed fat weed.
24:03
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, amen, and he was he had toad venom also,
24:07
Speaker 2: but that he told.
24:09
Speaker 3: Kelsey Kelsey should retire. He got that hot girlfriend. What
24:12
Speaker 3: you gonna come back for and get hurt?
24:16
Speaker 1: Come back? And he wanted to do all those commercials.
24:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, but one more thing. I got something really good
24:21
Speaker 3: for your He.
24:21
Speaker 1: Already said one more thing. Now you're saying another one
24:24
Speaker 1: more thing.
24:24
Speaker 6: You keep saying one more thing A one five two
24:27
Speaker 6: six so venture Boulevar Sweet five hundred, Fox Sports Radio
24:33
Speaker 6: nine one four zero three.
24:34
Speaker 3: Is that right?
24:37
Speaker 1: Yes? I think that's right. That's all right.
24:39
Speaker 3: Okay, Lorena, honey, my love, I'll send you had to
24:42
Speaker 3: you okay.
24:46
Speaker 1: From me?
24:47
Speaker 2: Oh my god, he's gonna send you ahead. I'm the
24:49
Speaker 2: one you lost a bet with me?
24:52
Speaker 1: What a You know what that guy is?
24:56
Speaker 2: He says he's the black Irishman, but he's a dick
24:57
Speaker 2: and Dayton is what he is, you know he really is,
25:00
Speaker 2: and he.
25:00
Speaker 1: Is up for intoxic. Give me a little taste of
25:02
Speaker 1: that dick.
25:04
Speaker 4: That was also up for the benny, isn't it.
25:08
Speaker 2: No, No, I'm not eligible to win. Give me a
25:13
Speaker 2: little taste of that, Dick. I think that I think
25:16
Speaker 2: that pickle drop is gonna win.
25:18
Speaker 1: That's what I think is good too.
25:21
Speaker 2: That is a solid one pickle you can't find it, Yeah,
25:27
Speaker 2: pickle on the but no, the one that should win
25:29
Speaker 2: in all seriousness is hollering James the man you're talking
25:32
Speaker 2: about superpowers. He snored and farted at the same time.
25:41
Speaker 2: The more for the people in the back, Yes, Sar,
25:48
Speaker 2: that is amazing.
25:51
Speaker 1: I'll bet you. Jedhu Fled's done that. Hello, Jed, Welcome Jed.
25:55
Speaker 5: Who fled revolutionary idea from black irishmith and we get
25:59
Speaker 5: the Howlball lottery system to adopt.
26:01
Speaker 7: That rule set.
26:02
Speaker 1: That was all.
26:04
Speaker 5: Right? He then he then hey, been, I'm not I'm
26:09
Speaker 5: not doing nothing for very right now that ding smile
26:12
Speaker 5: of the hands. Then't grabbing nothing now, Lorena, you're a
26:15
Speaker 5: normal statements normal statement in you mean mine mode dude,
26:22
Speaker 5: which fs R hearst I gotta note.
26:25
Speaker 7: Fum dude which bum was playing professional factor fiction? He
26:29
Speaker 7: was doing factor fiction. He's a radio host.
26:31
Speaker 5: He doesn't know which news is real or not.
26:33
Speaker 7: You are fact news is what Donal Trump told you?
26:34
Speaker 3: Who was to dude?
26:35
Speaker 7: Give you some initials.
26:36
Speaker 3: That's all I want. Initials.
26:40
Speaker 1: Dude, Hell, I do I know what you're talking about?
26:42
Speaker 1: I have no I what what are you talking about?
26:44
Speaker 3: Well?
26:44
Speaker 7: The website is is the goppel Ganger face the Burner
26:47
Speaker 7: website emulating another one?
26:50
Speaker 3: The people fall for it. You just gave a segment
26:53
Speaker 3: on it earlier.
26:54
Speaker 7: I think it was you.
26:54
Speaker 3: No, don't stanger of your self?
26:56
Speaker 1: Oh nba sente.
26:58
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh oh, I'm gonna acknowledge.
27:00
Speaker 7: But like, I don't know what he's talking.
27:02
Speaker 5: About third a second ago.
27:02
Speaker 3: Yes, but damn you, dude, you're distracting me. Yeah.
27:06
Speaker 7: I get so caught up to a story like hey,
27:08
Speaker 7: I was all joggings and then I told her flying
27:09
Speaker 7: my mouth and I get something like you, and I
27:11
Speaker 7: get so caught up describing how the fly it was
27:13
Speaker 7: like turn three olladega, And then I go back to
27:16
Speaker 7: the original statement. I don't have a freaking clue what
27:18
Speaker 7: I was talking about.
27:19
Speaker 5: Do you know what I was talking about?
27:22
Speaker 3: I can't.
27:24
Speaker 1: My head is spinning.
27:25
Speaker 3: I don't know.
27:26
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're saying me neither be.
27:29
Speaker 7: You know when you're too miss christ out, it's called
27:31
Speaker 7: being spun out, dude. It's like it's like get through
27:33
Speaker 7: the phone by osmosis to a cell phoneline. You're spun, dude.
27:36
Speaker 1: That is awesome.
27:37
Speaker 7: Better than that than that that black irishman feelther not
27:39
Speaker 7: not the black part, like the perfect part. I was
27:41
Speaker 7: thrown offside that they thought you could go to me
27:43
Speaker 7: after after a helmet man? How does anyone follow those
27:46
Speaker 7: phone calls?
27:46
Speaker 1: Man?
27:47
Speaker 3: How does anyone?
27:48
Speaker 7: I had to be that he's the call of the year,
27:50
Speaker 7: so we get the longer.
27:51
Speaker 4: Of the year.
27:51
Speaker 5: By the time it gets done with this what he
27:52
Speaker 5: thinks yours?
27:54
Speaker 7: Yet?
27:54
Speaker 3: Did that movie?
27:55
Speaker 7: He's like something up to squire.
27:56
Speaker 5: See that's helmet man, is what he is.
27:57
Speaker 1: Except all right, I thank you, Vin.
28:01
Speaker 2: You've done seven minutes of content and you did it
28:04
Speaker 2: in about ninety seconds.
28:06
Speaker 1: About ninety is weed Man there by the way? Is
28:08
Speaker 1: he over there? All right, let's get the party started.
28:11
Speaker 1: Here we go hit that buck.
28:14
Speaker 7: Knock knock.
28:15
Speaker 1: Who's there? Blame we blamely it's Big Ben's lame joke
28:19
Speaker 1: of the week. Weed Man, you're fussing around with your phone.
28:23
Speaker 1: You're ready to do this? Weed Man?
28:25
Speaker 3: Yeah?
28:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm here, you know. Oh you gotta go outside? Right?
28:30
Speaker 1: All right, he's got a roommate. He's got to go
28:33
Speaker 1: outside or else.
28:34
Speaker 2: You he is so considerate, Ben, Well, he don't want
28:38
Speaker 2: to get a fight, you know, tops for the call.
28:41
Speaker 1: They'll go back to jail and you know all that.
28:44
Speaker 1: You ready now, weed man? Yeah, you don't see him excited?
28:49
Speaker 2: Yeah?
28:49
Speaker 5: Yeah?
28:50
Speaker 4: Yeah?
28:50
Speaker 3: Make me laugh?
28:51
Speaker 1: No, that's forced. I need I need to feel it
28:56
Speaker 1: in my bones.
28:58
Speaker 3: It make me laugh, Ben, make me a little better.
29:01
Speaker 1: You're warming up a little better. All right. There. These
29:07
Speaker 1: are actual jokes by actual listeners.
29:09
Speaker 2: If you'd like to send jokes in in a future episode,
29:11
Speaker 2: send them care of Benmaller Show at gmail dot com
29:15
Speaker 2: at Ben Malors Show at gmail dot com.
29:17
Speaker 1: Make sure you put jokes in the title, otherwise they
29:21
Speaker 1: will not be used. Here we go. What are Lizzo's pronouns?
29:27
Speaker 3: What?
29:28
Speaker 1: Fe five? Four FuMB?
29:32
Speaker 3: Noah?
29:35
Speaker 2: That's Noah in Austin? What kind of stick is Lizzo's favorite?
29:39
Speaker 2: What kind stick of butter?
29:41
Speaker 1: Loves it? Loves the timoth? Timothy and Northern Kentucky?
29:48
Speaker 2: Why did Lizzo and Ian Rappaport recently get into an
29:50
Speaker 2: argument in the Starbucks?
29:53
Speaker 3: Why?
29:54
Speaker 2: Two words Geese Danish? That's Darryl and the Ozarks. Good
30:02
Speaker 2: luck to you, Darrel. I know you're going through some stuff,
30:04
Speaker 2: and I want to thank Daryl. By the way, Darryl
30:06
Speaker 2: sent me a photo to verify that he was not
30:09
Speaker 2: lying about he had a tremendous medical procedure and sent
30:12
Speaker 2: me a photo of the of the the operation right
30:16
Speaker 2: after it got done, with all the stitches in. Yes,
30:20
Speaker 2: and when I when I got done puking in my mouth,
30:23
Speaker 2: I appreciated that.
30:27
Speaker 1: How how rich is Lizzo?
30:29
Speaker 2: How rich she is so rich she has three dozen
30:34
Speaker 2: eggs in a refrigerator and two dozen in abelly. Why
30:44
Speaker 2: is Lizzo nicknamed the dog catcher? Why she's always catching
30:49
Speaker 2: strays here on the Mallor show? That's George and Yuvaldi.
30:56
Speaker 2: What is the difference between Lizzo and Dank DeMoss?
31:00
Speaker 1: What's the difference about forty two Big Max?
31:07
Speaker 5: Do you know who?
31:07
Speaker 1: Do you know who Dank de Moss is?
31:10
Speaker 3: No?
31:11
Speaker 1: I like that you laughed at it? You have no idea?
31:13
Speaker 1: That was also Darrel on The Ozarks.
31:15
Speaker 2: Jeez, I believe the rapper that tried to sue Lift
31:19
Speaker 2: because she couldn't fit in the car.
31:22
Speaker 1: Wow, Yeah, I think that's the way for a car yes,
31:29
Speaker 1: it's It's like putting a a square peg into a
31:34
Speaker 1: round hole. It just doesn't work.
31:36
Speaker 3: Yeah.
31:36
Speaker 2: Why does Lizzo always politely wait for an invitation to
31:40
Speaker 2: a party?
31:41
Speaker 3: Why?
31:42
Speaker 1: Well, she doesn't want to feel like she barged in.
31:47
Speaker 1: So George and Ubaldi, you got any you got any
31:51
Speaker 1: jokes over there? Coop now and you're not not the
31:53
Speaker 1: same right? Wait? Is that cause she's as big as
31:55
Speaker 1: a boat? Oh my okay, now, yes, that would be.
32:00
Speaker 1: That would be why it's funny?
32:01
Speaker 2: Why did why did Lizo retire from being a spokesperson
32:05
Speaker 2: for obesity? Why turns out she doesn't have the stomach
32:10
Speaker 2: for it anymore. That's chip in Maine. Why why is
32:17
Speaker 2: there a lawsuit against the Forklift Transportation Why? Well, it
32:23
Speaker 2: turns out Lizzo refused rides the hippos. That's true in Minnesota.
32:31
Speaker 1: What is Lizzo? What is Lizzo's favorite type of edible?
32:35
Speaker 3: What kind she likes?
32:37
Speaker 1: A lot of pot pies? A lot of pot pies.
32:41
Speaker 2: That is from Surfer Todd, the comedian who is up
32:44
Speaker 2: for the Benny Award for joke Rider of the Year.
32:48
Speaker 2: All right, hold on, we've been We'll pause for the
32:49
Speaker 2: cause I know, Larina, you've got a joke?
32:51
Speaker 1: Is that correct? You want to do that on the
32:53
Speaker 1: other side, we can do it when we come back.
32:55
Speaker 2: All right, we'll have Loraay, why I'm not going anywhere.
32:57
Speaker 2: I'm gonna sit right here. All right, Well, I love
33:00
Speaker 2: you too, all right, very nice, don't hang up weed Man.
33:02
Speaker 2: We'll have the weed Man Radio Rows. We've got a
33:05
Speaker 2: bunch of other dad jokes and we'll get through as
33:06
Speaker 2: many of them as we can, time permitting. It's Big
33:09
Speaker 2: Ben's Lame Jokes of the Week and it continues next.
33:12
Speaker 4: Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
33:14
Speaker 4: Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
33:17
Speaker 1: Bill Miller and you.
33:18
Speaker 2: It is the Ben Maler Show, up all night, every
33:21
Speaker 2: single night. Shortly after the Ben Maller Show, our podcast
33:24
Speaker 2: will be going up, up, and away. If you missed
33:26
Speaker 2: any of our latest episode, be sure to check out
33:29
Speaker 2: the podcast the search Mallard wherever you get your podcasts,
33:32
Speaker 2: and be sure to follow, rate and review the podcast.
33:37
Speaker 1: Again.
33:37
Speaker 2: Just search mallor wherever you get your podcast you'll see
33:39
Speaker 2: the latest episode posted right after we get off the air.
33:44
Speaker 2: And also, today is a Friday, so the fifth hour podcast.
33:48
Speaker 2: New episodes drop every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. We'll have
33:52
Speaker 2: the exclusive Benny's preview show, which will be coming up
33:56
Speaker 2: a little bit later today with the first ever odds
34:00
Speaker 2: posted on what will likely happen in the Benny's at
34:03
Speaker 2: least who's favored to win in the Bennies.
34:05
Speaker 1: That'll be coming up for you later today.
34:07
Speaker 2: But back to what we go right now? Well, Bill, Bill,
34:13
Speaker 2: you didn't say it's it's lame jokes?
34:15
Speaker 1: And weed Man are you there? Weed Man?
34:17
Speaker 5: Yeah?
34:18
Speaker 3: I love you make me laugh?
34:19
Speaker 1: All right?
34:20
Speaker 2: Well we have a joke from Loraina. You see if
34:21
Speaker 2: Loraina can make you laugh? Lorena listener sent this in
34:24
Speaker 2: for it.
34:25
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, a listener sent me a joke. Okay, are
34:29
Speaker 1: you ready? Yes?
34:31
Speaker 2: What's a snowman's favorite designer brand?
34:37
Speaker 3: What?
34:37
Speaker 4: Burberry?
34:43
Speaker 1: That was cute?
34:44
Speaker 2: Right, that's a solid dad jokes.
34:48
Speaker 1: What do Woody Johnson and weed Man in business school
34:52
Speaker 1: have in common? What f grades? That's Eric in Kansas?
35:00
Speaker 1: Weed Man? Do you see that that story?
35:02
Speaker 2: The players graded the teams and they gave Woody Johnson
35:04
Speaker 2: a really bad grade?
35:05
Speaker 1: There? Yeah? What does what does weed Man call a
35:10
Speaker 1: cardboard box with a hole? In it.
35:12
Speaker 2: What a way to make a living, according to Tony
35:17
Speaker 2: in the Bay Area. Wow, Tony, what are you doing Tony?
35:25
Speaker 2: Why did weed Man quit his job at the fertilizer
35:29
Speaker 2: company after only one day?
35:31
Speaker 1: Why?
35:33
Speaker 2: Well, apparently you found out weed and feed was a product,
35:37
Speaker 2: not employee benefits. That's Terry, Terry and Saint Paul. What
35:44
Speaker 2: is the best trip weed man can afford? What a
35:49
Speaker 2: trip down the stairs? That's Noah in Austin. Why is
35:56
Speaker 2: weed Man one up on all those federal employees.
36:02
Speaker 3: Why?
36:03
Speaker 1: Because weed Man can't be laid off? He can't. That's
36:07
Speaker 1: Dennis in Detroit. Also, if Elon Musk he emailed.
36:12
Speaker 2: You and asked you what you did last week, you'd
36:15
Speaker 2: probably say I smoked weed all day?
36:18
Speaker 1: What else doing?
36:19
Speaker 2: Why did weed Man get fired from the Olympic medal shop?
36:23
Speaker 2: Why you kept huffing all the gold dust? That's from
36:27
Speaker 2: Drew in Minnesota. That last normalst from Dennis in Detroit.
36:33
Speaker 2: Why doesn't weed Man mind people making fun of him?
36:37
Speaker 2: Why he's always had a place in his heart for
36:40
Speaker 2: pot shots. He loves those pot shots.
36:42
Speaker 1: That's Tip and name.
36:46
Speaker 2: Well, did you hear that weed Man hippie was trying
36:48
Speaker 2: to get a job at the local car wash.
36:52
Speaker 1: No really, yeah, yeah yeah.
36:54
Speaker 2: When you walked in for the interview, they said they
36:56
Speaker 2: don't do drive through shower gigs, just drive clean rides.
37:00
Speaker 1: That's it. That's Jennifer Tea.
37:03
Speaker 2: I'm glad we met Jennifer Tea and Cincinnati's ripping you.
37:07
Speaker 2: Why was weed Man so easy to find when he
37:10
Speaker 2: slept at the post office? Why everyone knew weed Man's
37:15
Speaker 2: p O box Surfer Todd the comedian who's up for
37:22
Speaker 2: lame joke Rider of the Year. Why did weed Man
37:24
Speaker 2: Hippie have to turn down his latest job offer.
37:27
Speaker 1: Why, Well, the person.
37:29
Speaker 2: Doing the hiring told him it was a job he
37:32
Speaker 2: could really sink his teeth into. I know, that's the joke.
37:40
Speaker 2: That's Fargo Pete. How did weed Man Hippie propose to
37:43
Speaker 2: Lisa Wow? He said, Mary, you wanna that's Jennifer Jennifer
37:51
Speaker 2: teen in Cincinnati. All right, weed Man, Did you know
37:55
Speaker 2: that a radio guy, David Vessey is a apparently a
37:58
Speaker 2: class A schmuck of course to this, yes.
38:01
Speaker 1: No, you know, yeah, you two might be related. That's
38:04
Speaker 1: Tony in the Bay Area. He set that one in.
38:09
Speaker 1: Why did weed Man start running track? Why I couldn't couldn't.
38:15
Speaker 2: Catch those trains anymore, right, and you couldn't do answer.
38:20
Speaker 2: That's Crew in Minnesota. What would you get if you
38:22
Speaker 2: combine Weedman Hippie with Dick from Dayton?
38:25
Speaker 1: What a limp weed? You know the rest? That's John
38:30
Speaker 1: and Youngstown, Ohio. Lame jokes of the Week.
38:34
Speaker 2: Why did Weedman Hippie go house shopping in Canada on
38:38
Speaker 2: December twenty sixth? You heard you heard it was boxing day?
38:43
Speaker 1: You know his boxing day? The Fargo keek? Why did
38:48
Speaker 1: the tooth fairy show up at weed Man hippies place
38:51
Speaker 1: last night?
38:52
Speaker 2: Why to tell him he's got to keep calm and
38:55
Speaker 2: carry on while she searches his missing or for his
38:58
Speaker 2: missing pearly whites.
39:00
Speaker 1: That's Jennifer Tea in Cincinnati. If Jerry Jones was fat,
39:06
Speaker 1: what would he want?
39:07
Speaker 3: What?
39:08
Speaker 2: Some donut hole? That's a buttermilk chabo. When does a
39:13
Speaker 2: joke become a dad joke? When when it's a parent
39:18
Speaker 2: From Michael in Nashville. Lame jokes in the Week. Thank
39:22
Speaker 2: you all good jokes this week.
39:24
Speaker 1: Good job