Latest / Rachel Oates / I Read BookTok's Worst Thriller

Transcript

I Read BookTok's Worst Thriller · Rachel Oates

0:00
Hey everyone, and welcome back to a new video.
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If you're new here. My name is Rachel and I make
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videos about all sorts of stuff. I do book reviews, I do kind of
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video responses to kind of social commentary sort of stuff.
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I make a lot of feminist videos. There's a lot of like pro LGBTQ
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stuff in my videos. I just try and talk about things
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that I find interesting, but also try and make it educational
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for you guys. And today we're doing a little
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bit of a it's a less serious video.
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It's a book review. So a few weeks ago I reviewed
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the Freda McFadden book The Teacher, and people actually
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really enjoyed that video. It was great.
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And ever since then, people have been asking me to read and
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review one of her other books called Ward D, which is an
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ablest mess. Now, of course, there are going
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to be some serious topics kind of covered in this video because
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you know, abelism is serious. It's not a good thing.
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I don't think I need to say that to you guys, but that is a
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serious thing. But at the same time, I hope we
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can kind of keep this video a little bit light and laugh at
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the ridiculousness because this book is poorly written.
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The plot is so damn stupid. And I kind of want to try and
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mix the levity of the ridiculousness of the book with
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like, the seriousness of pointing out that actually,
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yeah, this is quite harmful to people.
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So hopefully we can do that today.
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And I wanted to start by having a look at the summary that
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Amazon gives about the book and the plot.
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And we'll cover the plot bit in a second.
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But first, I found this really interesting on the Amazon
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listing, right? Instead of like, so you know,
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back in the day, you would buy a book and you would have a blurb
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on the back and it would be like blah, blah, blah.
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This is the story of I mean, not written like that, but you, you
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get the idea. That's the thing.
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Now, apparently we have that and and a list of tropes like
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genuinely, this is used to sell the book tropes.
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Claustrophobic thriller, psychological locked room
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mystery thriller, suspense thriller.
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Survive the night. And I just kind of want to start
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this video with the discussion of like.
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Does anyone else find it odd how over the last few years we've
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had this sort of rise in seeing tropes in books in particular as
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being this like good marketable thing that people look for?
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So basically in this context, a trope is a storytelling concept
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or convention which is easily recognisable to the reader.
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They usually follow the same sort of patterns or share
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similar qualities to each other. So for example, if you have a
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story with a friend's to lover's trope, there'll probably be
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different set dressing depending on what the story is and where
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it's set. But generally you'll have two
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friends who've known each other for a considerable amount of
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time, but they've never admitted their feelings for each other.
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Maybe one of them is aware but doesn't say anything, and the
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other seems to be kind of unaware of their own feelings,
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but it's quite obvious to the reader that they're meant to be
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together and there's romantic feelings there.
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And then usually some sort of conflict happens, which kind of
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pulls them apart a little bit or they stop being friends for a
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while. Usually one of these people has
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got into a relationship with someone else.
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And then that brings up a whole bunch of drama.
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And then by the end of the book, they both either realise their
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feelings or express their feelings and they get together
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and start dating each other. And no matter what book you read
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and what setting it is or how old these characters are, or you
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know, what jobs they do or what hobbies they have, or whether
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it's like a contemporary romance or historical romance or a
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fantasy romance, as long as there's a friends to lovers
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trope, the story is generally very similar.
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You know, because it's a trope, it generally follows the same
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conventions and hits these same plot points.
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Now, tropes can be really useful for writers to give them an idea
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of how to create a good, compelling story arc with a
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solid with a solid structure that they know works.
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However, typically creatives and audiences alike have still
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demanded originality. You know, if you stick too close
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to the classic trope outline without introducing any new
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elements or subverting any expectations or doing anything
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new, then you risk your writing becoming cliched and boring.
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And generally that's been seen as a pretty bad thing, right?
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I feel like for the longest time, at least when I was
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starting to get into kind of like media and literary
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criticism when I was younger and a teenager and into my 20s and
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stuff, I still remember film and book reviewers and stuff like
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that being like, oh, well, this book, film, TV series or the
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piece of media, it's unoriginal because they just use this trope
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and it's this and this and this. And it was more of a phrase used
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by reviewers when assessing a piece of media.
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And creators didn't really want to acknowledge that they were
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using or utilising A trope unless they were explicitly
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saying we're subverting this or we're taking this but doing
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something new with it. And they were using that as a
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selling point. However, I have noticed in
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recent years, with the rise of book talk in particular, there
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has been a big push for what I call trope marketing.
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Now I don't know if this is an official term, but it's quite
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generic so I'd be shocked if no one else has used it.
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But it's just what I call this where in my mind, trope
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marketing is when publishers, authors, even other readers and
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reviewers use the inclusion of tropes in the piece of media as
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a selling point. They're like, you'll like this
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book because it utilises this trope and this trope and this
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trope. You'll like this film because it
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utilises this trope and this trope.
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And sometimes it's, you know, you'll see authors doing those
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little like images on Instagram or TikTok or whatever of their
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book being like, oh, this is friends to lovers.
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This is enemies to lovers. This is God, why why?
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Can't think of any other trope off the top of my head.
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This is this, this, this. And they'll put like little
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arrows and labels around their book listing the tropes.
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Or in this case, we have an Amazon listing that literally
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just lists off the tropes in the book.
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This is quite a new thing. This wasn't really done in the
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past, to the best of my knowledge, at least dating back
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to the 90s. You know, this still seem like a
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fairly recent development, and you know it does make sense.
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Tropes become popular for a reason.
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They are tried and tested story arcs or character arcs or other
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conventions which work, which they know audiences like.
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There's something comforting and safe about going into a book
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knowing they contains XY and Z and will typically adhere to
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these conventions and have plot points 123.
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And you know you're likely going to like it before you go in
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because you've basically already read the story and liked it.
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This is just the same story in a new setting, so why wouldn't you
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like it? That's comforting, that's safe.
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However, I do worry that this comes with its own problems.
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You know, will we end up with authors and other creatives stop
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trying to be creative and push boundaries and be experimental
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with their work? Because they know the audiences
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don't necessarily all the general audiences, the mass
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audiences don't necessarily want something new anymore.
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They just want regurgitated tropes.
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They want comfort and safety. Will it stop people, and
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especially readers, from stepping outside their comfort
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zone and maybe reading a style or genre or theme of book that
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they wouldn't normally? Does it get people stuck in
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repetitive roots? That's my big worry.
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A discussion that I touched on briefly in my last Freedom
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McFadden video was that her work has had a lot of plagiarism
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accusations Because she has entire novels.
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Where the plot is lifted almost exactly from other famous
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novels. For example, she's got one
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that's basically just Misery repackaged.
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She's got another that's just Colleen Huevers Verity
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repackaged. She's got another that's just
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like My Dark Vanessa repackaged, you know, she's even been
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accused of lifting lines almost word for word from other books.
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Which is more accurate to what plagiarism actually is.
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There's a lot of debate about whether you can plagiarise an
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entire plot because you know, how much is just copying or
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homage or being inspired by something and how much is
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plagiarism. You know, can you copyright a
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plot outline? Legally no, but morally and
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ethically maybe it's a bit more complicated.
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This all leads me to ask, how much is Freda copying a whole
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plot and plagiarising from other authors, and how much is she
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just over reliant on tropes and generic genre conventions?
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What's the difference between an homage or an adaptation and
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straight up copying a story? That's really, really, really
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damn complicated and requires a lot more nuanced discussion than
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I have time to go into in this video.
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And it also leads to the question, is Freda simply
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copying other stories and relying so heavily on tropes?
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Not because she lacks creativity herself, but simply it's because
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what her audience wants? She's found this formula that
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works and she's just giving the people what they're asking for.
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They want the familiarity and safety of knowing where a story
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is going to go before they even start.
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I might, I might be like more inclined to defend her a little
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bit and say that this is the case if she was writing any
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other genre than thrillers, you know, thrillers.
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The audience want to be shocked, they want to be excited, they
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want it to be unexpected. And Freda is apparently known
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for her shocking twists in her books.
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So the whole safety and comfort argument kind of goes out the
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window a little bit there, doesn't it?
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In general though, I feel very conflicted about this rise in
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trope marketing and trope based creation, but I can completely
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see where it's come from. We live at the minute in this
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really damn messed up world where we're stuck in a cost of
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living crisis, where people are living paycheck to paycheck and
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even then struggling to get by. Our politicians are corrupt and
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cruel and often criminals. Donald Trump.
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I know, I know, I'm English, but I still really really hate him.
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We don't know what rights are going to be taken away from us
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at any moment, or if our best friends are going to be deported
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out of the country or denied health care or prosecuted for
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simply existing in this world. Of course, people, of course,
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living in a world like this, people want to turn to media
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which offers comforts and safety and predictability, and who can
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argue against that? Similarly, people have so much
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less free time now because so many of us are working every
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hour of the day that we can just to pay our rents and buy food
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and survive and scrape by. So in our limited free time, of
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course we don't want to waste it.
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We turn to media that we're certain will like, even if that
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means we're essentially reading the same books or watching the
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same TV series over and over again, each time just repackaged
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a little bit differently. But while the human in me
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understands that, the creative in me feels sad for the loss of
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art and creativity, You know this means it's no longer going
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to be financially viable for some people to be creative, to
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be experimental, to push creative boundaries.
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Audiences won't be exposing themselves to new things.
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People won't be expanding their minds as much.
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And I can't help but feel like that is a massive loss for the
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world. Trope marketing in general
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pushes the quick overconsumption of media like books and, you
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know, basically getting people to read the same books over and
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over again and just check off a reading goal for the year
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without really encouraging any original thought or opening the
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reader up to any new or interesting perspectives.
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And I'm not saying that all reading or media consumption
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needs to be groundbreaking or educational or pushing
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boundaries, but I do think that when that stuff is ignored
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completely, it is a great loss to both the individuals
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consuming and creating the media and to society as a whole.
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Basically, I personally love reading books from authors of
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all genders, ages, sexualities, time periods, countries, and
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cultures because it allows me a glimpse into the lives of people
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completely different from myself, and that helps me expand
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my empathy. It helps me understand other
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people and other perspectives, and I think that's a really,
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really beautiful thing. However, if you read nothing
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but, for example, romance books written by straight white 20
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something female authors in America featuring nothing but, I
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don't know, billionaire forced proximity, opposites attract
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tropes over and over and over again, and you read nothing else
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but that, then the chances are you're not really going to open
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yourself up to new perspectives that much.
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Sure, you've got the safety and comfort in the repetitiveness,
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but is that really worth kind of remaining narrow minded?
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Again, this isn't the worst thing in the world, but I do
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think it's a massive shame. OK, that little round aside in
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the beginning, let's take a look at the Plot Summary for Ward D
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that is mentioned on on Amazon. So medical student Amy Brenner
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is spending the night on a locked psychiatric ward.
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All she has to do is make it through the night shifts.
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Ward D is the hospital's mental health unit, and as a medical
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student, Amy is required to gain experience on the floor.
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But little do her colleagues know it may force her to
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confront the past she's fought hard to forget.
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The night starts. The countdown begins.
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As the hours tick by, Amy grows increasingly convinced something
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terrible is happening within the Ward's tightly secured walls.
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When patients and staff start to vanish without a trace, it
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becomes clear that everyone on the unit is in grave danger.
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Amy never wanted to spend the night on Ward D.
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Now she might not make it out alive.
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And now I have to admit I do have a little bit of a
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fascination with stories of all genres set in mental health
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units. I think there are some fantastic
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examples out there and I think there are some terrible examples
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out there. I think the big risk with
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stories and books like this is that it can be done in a way
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which is extremely demonising and harmful to people with
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certain mental health conditions.
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So these stories were always a bit of a risk.
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I went in, well, I wrote my script for this as I was reading
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the book. So these are my real time
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reactions that you're going to get, and I wrote in my script.
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At this point, we'll have to wait and see how this one goes,
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but I can't pretend I have any faith in Freedom McFadden based
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on the other two books of hers that I read.
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I was right. This is so damn harmful.
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It's probably one of the worst examples of this that I've seen.
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And the scariest part, for those of you who don't know, Freda
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McFadden is a pen name. I don't think she's ever
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disclosed her real name. And but she often talks about
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how she is a doctor, like she she is a medical doctor.
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And she says this book is dedicated to her patients, which
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is concerning as hell. It really is.
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So as I just briefly mentioned, I know Freda throws in like a
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bunch of twists and stuff in her story.
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So I decided to write this script as I read the book.
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So everything I read out to you in this video, my thoughts as
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and when I was reading this book pretty much in real time.
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So you are coming on this journey with me.
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All the predictions I made for the plots were ones that were
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made in real time. So you are going to kind of see
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my thoughts as we go along and come on this journey with me.
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Understandably, spoilers for this entire book.
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So if you want to read it for whatever reason, please go ahead
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and do that first. But let's jump into this.
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So this book opens with our main character, Amy Brenner,
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receiving a letter telling her she's going to be working on
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locked psychiatric unit ward DI. Don't know why I tried to do the
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air quotes then whatever. And it features a whole bunch of
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rules which are clearly setting up for drama later, or at least
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we hope they will. Rules such as you'll be given a
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numerical code that can be used to leave ward D except in the
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case of an emergency, you may not exit the unit during your
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shift. Now I've never worked on a psych
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ward obviously, but this feels unrealistic not being able to
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leave to pop outside and take a phone call, get some fresh air,
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go to the canteen. It seems odd, right?
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That's, that's very odd. Also using a numerical code,
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again, it seems unrealistic. Surely if this was a secure
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unit, you would have full time security.
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You would have swipe cards for each individual doctor or member
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of staff so that they could track who is coming in and out
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when. I feel like using a numerical
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keypad code, so many things could go wrong with that.
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It would be very easy for a patient to watch someone do it.
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And you know what I mean? Like it feels like there's a lot
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of problems with that, but let's suspend our disbelief for a
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minute and just just go with this.
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Other rules include things like do not divulge any personal
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information to your patients. This includes details about your
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personal life or home address. I think this is just pretty
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standard for doctors in general, isn't it?
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So I'm not sure why it's put on here as like an extra one other
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than like to help demonise mentally ill people and be like,
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oh, you know, they're an extra threat.
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Don't tell them anything. It just another one is the
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following objects are prohibited on prohibited on Ward D alcohol,
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flammable liquids, thumbtacks, pens, needle staples, paper
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clips, safety pins, nail files, tweezers, nail Clippers, tobacco
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products, electronic cigarettes, plastic bags, plastic bags,
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interesting razor blades, weapons or any item that could
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be used as a weapon completely reasonable no issues here except
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you'll notice when she goes onto the ward no one actually cheques
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her for these items and she takes in like a little bag of
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sandwiches with her so she does have a plastic bag interesting.
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Nevermind. And finally one of the rules is
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do not expect to sleep during your shift.
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Looking back now, knowing what I know going off script slightly,
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this is just bizarre that she included this because throughout
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the book people are constantly telling her to go to sleep, go
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to sleep, go to sleep. Which I guess kind of could be a
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plot hole or it could be a clue that people aren't who they seem
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to be. I don't know.
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And also the don't divulge any personal information.
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Amy breaks that so so so so so many times without any
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consequences. So again, I don't really see the
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point of this opening bit when it's all just forgotten about.
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Also, this last rule about like, don't expect to sleep during
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your shift. Like has Freedom McFadden ever
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actually done a night shift before?
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Because that just seems standard.
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No, is it? Is it not, like, correct me if
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I'm wrong, right? Because my only experience with
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night shifts is when my dad used to do them in a factory.
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So that was very different to like a doctor's night shift
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because my dad was doing manual labour all night every night.
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You know what I mean? Like, of course no one was
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sleeping. They're operating a factory.
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Like I can think of some exceptions like doctors who do
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like 10 to 12 hour shifts or like double shifts, including
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night shift. They will likely have some
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downtime here and there to nap. But I don't think that's
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necessarily like the norm, right?
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You don't go to work on a night shift and expect to sleep the
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whole night like it's a night shift.
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It's work. You don't get paid to sleep.
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Like I, I don't know, correct me if I'm wrong.
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So our first actual scene of the book is Amy working in an
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outpatients unit with patients who are mostly struggling to
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sleep. Apparently she is so good at her
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job because all of her patients are super duper grateful for her
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because she just goes out of her way to be a super duper Dr and
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does what other doctors don't do.
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And that is she decides to listen to them instead of just
18:32
prescribing sleep meds. Revolutionary.
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However, Amy can't actually remember a thing about her
18:38
patients and their needs, even when looking back at her notes.
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So I think we're supposed to think she's just like, naturally
18:44
a talented Dr, But all I really see in her is apathy and
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laziness. Like she walks into a room with
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a patient and looks at her notes and she's like, oh God, I don't
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remember a thing about this woman.
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And yet this woman's like, Oh my God, you changed my life.
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You helped me sleep. Thank you so much.
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Here's a massive gift. It's really odd, it already
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feels in this opening scene that the patients are just
19:05
caricatures and that it feels to me like Freda is making fun of
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people who see doctors for mental health struggles.
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Like for example, one woman can't sleep because she's
19:13
missing her cat who died. Amy helps her realise this by
19:17
again, revolutionary listening to her.
19:20
Wild. And so in response, this woman
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goes out and buys a new kitten and then gifts Amy a giant
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massive portrait of her dead cat, which is bizarre.
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And also this portrait never comes up again.
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We don't know what happens to it, but there you go.
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It's just in this opening scene to try and make the reader mock
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people struggling with mental illness, if not to mock people
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dealing with grief and sleep issues.
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I don't know what Freda's point was here.
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Amy talks to her current supervisor about her upcoming
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ward de rotation, which is going to be that very night.
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There's nothing to worry about, he says in that calm, reassuring
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voice of his. Remember, you will have the code
19:57
to exit the unit. You can leave at any time,
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right? There's apparently a keypad with
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a 6 digit code that controls the locked door to the psychiatric
20:04
unit, but I can't memorise a phone number and that's only one
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digit more. What if I forget the code and
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I'm trapped? What then?
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Seriously mate. You're a doctor.
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Doctors and medical students notoriously have to remember so
20:20
damn much to pass their Med school exams, yet we're meant to
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believe that she can't memorise A6 digit number.
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I I only did biomedical science or undergrad and I already know
20:29
how much I had to memorise. Like the idea that a doctor
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can't memorise A6 digit code is laughable.
20:35
And this just proves, again, why the code in general is a
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terrible idea. And again, like I said, there's
20:40
no specific log of, like, who's entering and exiting at any
20:43
time. It's like this is a massive,
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massive plot hole on Freda's part.
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The first big twist of the book comes at the end of Chapter 1,
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when, nearly 10 years ago, or eight years ago if we're going
20:53
to be exact, Amy's best friend was a patient on Ward D Amy
20:58
visited her once, but shocker, I still remember her matted hair
21:03
and her wild eyes. When I came to visit, she didn't
21:05
look like my best friend anymore, more like a wild animal
21:08
closed up in a cage. But the thing that sticks with
21:10
me most, the thing I will never forget, are the words she spit
21:13
out at me just seconds before I ran out of the unit, swearing to
21:16
myself I would never return ever again.
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You should be the one locked up here, Amy.
21:21
Again. Comparing her to a wild animal
21:23
in a cage feels so dehumanising of people with mental health
21:26
problems. I wanted to give Freda the
21:28
benefit of the doubt here and see where this goes, but it only
21:31
gets worse. OK right.
21:32
I just have to go and take PB out for a little wee and it's
21:34
absolutely freezing so I've got the jumper out.
21:37
So Amy presumably works a roughly 8 hour or so shift on
21:41
the sleep ward and then after 20 minute break she goes and has to
21:45
do a 13 hour shift on ward. DI feel like the 13 hour thing
21:50
was picked because Freda thinks it's a scary number and not
21:53
because she knows anything about actual doctor's work schedules.
21:57
And also the the 13 hour thing. Well, we'll come to at the end.
22:01
We'll come to at the end. So it turns out that Amy is
22:02
going to be on the shift with a fellow Med student called
22:04
Stephanie. And I think this is the first
22:07
time I've ever seen Freda McFadden write a female
22:09
character being nice about another woman.
22:11
Shocking, like genuinely shocking.
22:13
This is the biggest shock of the book.
22:16
Stephanie Margolis is one of my more level headed classmates.
22:18
She's the kind of person you want to be studying with the
22:21
night before a test because she always knows her stuff, but
22:23
she's not obnoxious about it. She's a calming presence in in
22:27
any room. Knowing she'll be with me
22:28
tonight makes me feel a little better about the whole thing.
22:31
Revolutionary. Genuinely.
22:33
Like, good job Freda. Are we sure someone else didn't
22:36
write this for her? No no no, give her credit, good
22:39
job Freda. Turns out none of it matters
22:41
anyway, because Stephanie doesn't even end up being the
22:43
one working on the ward. She's not even a real character
22:46
on the page in this book. I should have known it was good,
22:49
too. I should have known it was too
22:51
good to be true. That is.
22:52
That's all we hear of Stephanie. We also learned that Amy has
22:55
been recently dumped by a man who won't stop texting her.
22:58
His name is Cameron. In my original script I wrote.
23:00
I'm sure this will be relevant at some point.
23:02
Yes. And.
23:03
Well, yes. Yes, it is.
23:05
Yeah, Kind of. No, But yeah, we'll get there.
23:09
There's another plot point set up here, which is that there's
23:11
sketchy mobile signal inside the psych ward.
23:14
How convenient. Also makes no sense, but we'll
23:18
get there when we get there. Amy worries at this point.
23:21
What if I say quietly at the end of the night, they get confused
23:25
and think that I'm one of the patients there, and they don't
23:28
let me out. You know what would solve this?
23:31
ID badges that you scan to get in and out.
23:34
Yeah, but you know, that and the fact that hospitals actually
23:38
have a record of all the patients there like this
23:40
wouldn't happen. It just would like it's it's not
23:43
a genuine worry like this wouldn't happen.
23:47
OK, then we got the first flashback of the book to 8 years
23:50
earlier and we find out the drama of what happened.
23:52
Well, through a series of flashbacks that drag on for far
23:55
too long. And there didn't even need to be
23:57
as many of them as there are. And oh God, they escalate so
24:01
quickly. Anyway, through these flashbacks
24:03
we learn basically what happened to get Jade put in Ward D in the
24:07
1st place, what happened between them, blah blah blah.
24:10
Amy is shopping with her bestie Jade while drinking a peached
24:13
iced tea and they're best friends even though they're just
24:16
so different. Amy is so not like the other
24:20
girls because she wears the same blue hoodie and jeans every
24:22
single day, but Jade is just a typical girl because she likes
24:26
shopping and wears different clothes day-to-day.
24:31
She also apparently has a signature red handbag which
24:33
never ever, ever comes up again. So there we go.
24:36
A six year old child in the shop's dressing room nearly
24:39
convinces Amy to shoplift, but Amy doesn't because this is
24:42
wrong and bad and Amy doesn't do bad things.
24:46
That's the thing that comes up repeatedly.
24:48
Jade then shoplifts anyway, even though Amy tells her that it's
24:51
wrong and bad and Amy doesn't do bad things.
24:55
But apparently Jade has been rebellious recently, which is
24:58
shocking. Lately I feel like I barely know
25:01
her anymore. She used to be more like me,
25:03
like to go to school, like to read and follow the rules.
25:07
But over the last year or so, she seems to get all these crazy
25:09
ideas about things she wants to do.
25:11
For example, last week she called me at 2:00 in the morning
25:14
and asked if I wanted to break into Missus Mccloskey's pool and
25:17
go skinny dipping. No, I did not.
25:20
You shouldn't steal Jade. I don't want to sound lame and
25:23
give her a lecture about how stealing is wrong, so I just say
25:26
what if you get caught? Then in just the 3rd chapter we
25:29
get our second twist. She waves her hand like this
25:32
doesn't concern her in the slightest.
25:34
It concerns me though. Next year we're going to be
25:36
applying to colleges, I don't want to have to explain a
25:38
shoplifting charge on my application.
25:40
Everyone does it. Jade gives me a pointed look.
25:43
You should have taken that sweater, it looked great on you.
25:46
I snort. You know that little girl was
25:48
telling me I should take it, Can you believe that?
25:50
Jade pulls her shirt out from her bag and holds it up,
25:52
admiring the glittering lettering on the front.
25:54
What little girl? The little blonde girl who was
25:56
standing next to me. I didn't see a little blonde
25:59
girl standing next to you. What are you talking about, Amy?
26:03
I roll my eyes. Jade's pals of observation are
26:05
not exactly Stella. How could she not notice that
26:07
little girl? The girl stuck out like a sore
26:09
thumb in her frilly pink dress all alone like that.
26:12
And she was right next to me, wasn't she?
26:16
Oh my God, the girl was her hallucination.
26:18
Shocking, crazy, wah and so on. I thought at this point as like
26:26
was the little girl hallucination?
26:28
And I thought at this point and wrote in my script, was the
26:32
little girl a hallucination? Or maybe Jade is the
26:35
hallucination and her best friend has just been like a
26:40
figment of her imagination the whole time.
26:44
That's not what happens, but I think it would be good if it was
26:48
because right look at how they met.
26:49
This is the story of how they met.
26:51
Jade and I have been best friends since the very first day
26:53
of kindergarten when we discovered we were wearing the
26:55
exact same dress. Why?
26:57
With a pink and Purple Heart on the chest.
26:59
We had sleepovers every weekend from ages 9 through to 11.
27:02
She knows about every single crush I've ever had, and she
27:04
swore she'd keep my secrets to the grave.
27:06
I'd never, I'll never have another friend as good as Jade
27:09
Carpenter. So it sounds to me like Freda
27:13
was setting up her. She wasn't even real storyline.
27:15
You know, Jade shoplifting would affect Amy's college
27:19
application. They wore the same outfit outfit
27:22
when they met. 1 is good, one is rebellious.
27:25
And I said, if this is where the story's going, it's cliched as
27:28
hell, but I think that would have been a better story than
27:31
what we actually got. So I so I was maybe a bit too
27:35
harsh here. And there's a certain book by
27:37
Daniel Handler that I've who is the guy who wrote the series
27:40
unfortunate Event books under the name Lemony Snicket.
27:43
I love Daniel Handler's solo stuff, the solo stuff like that.
27:47
What am I looking for here? I love Daniel Handler's books,
27:51
all of them. I think they're fantastic.
27:53
He gets a bit weird at times, but I don't, I don't mind that.
27:55
I think it's pretty cool. And there's a book of his that I
27:58
won't name in this video because spoilers, but that uses the
28:02
trope of a certain main character not being real and
28:06
just being like a figment of their imagination, right?
28:08
And it was so well done that the first time I read it I was
28:11
shocked as hell. But then on reread, so I was
28:14
like, Oh my God, he put all the clues in here.
28:16
It was great. Very talented writer, Loved that
28:18
for him. And Freda is not that talented.
28:21
So I think that if she tried to pull this off, she maybe
28:24
couldn't. But it doesn't matter anyway
28:25
because that's not where the story goes.
28:28
In Chapter 4, we're back to the present day and hours until
28:31
morning 13. So we're doing a countdown,
28:34
right? Did Chris Chipnall write this?
28:36
While I'm waiting, my phone buzzes inside my scrubs pants
28:39
pocket. The thought of not being able to
28:41
use my phone soon is nothing short of terrifying.
28:43
It's like having my arm amputated.
28:45
Granted, this may indicate an unhealthy relationship with my
28:48
phone, but I don't care. I need my phone.
28:51
What sort of place doesn't have cell phone reception?
28:53
It's inhumane. Go touch grass.
28:56
Literally please just go. Amy's mum calls her up on the
29:01
phone and she lies up working on War D because her mum knows
29:03
Jade's history. At this point.
29:05
I was writing Jade in in quotes. Jade, why do I air quote so
29:13
much? I don't know.
29:15
I oh God, this is the first time in days I've been pain free and
29:19
I'm I'm making the most of it so if I seem a bit silly at times
29:23
it's because I am, but I am. I am loving this right now.
29:26
I'm still completely exhausted from the days of pain but oh,
29:30
I'm feeling so good for once. It's fantastic.
29:32
For those of you who don't know, uterus issues, nightmare.
29:36
Also hip problems, but that's an ongoing thing since childhood.
29:40
Walking is hard. OK, where are we at?
29:43
So she's talking with her mum. I cut her off.
29:45
I'm not interested in psychiatry as a career, Definitely not.
29:48
I would take anything else. Surgery, internal medicine,
29:50
OBGYN. I'll even be that kind of Doctor
29:53
Who does nothing but look at rectums all day because that's
29:56
an important job and I could do that.
29:57
How is this a medical student? How?
30:00
I went through this whole book thinking she was a fourth year
30:02
medical student because she's 24.
30:04
It turns out she's actually a third year medical student.
30:08
Why would you say one of those doctors who looks erected?
30:11
Like surely sorry for a medical student.
30:15
She's really really damn dumb. But I can't treat people with
30:17
psychiatric disorders. It's the one thing I'll never
30:20
do. She's so shaming.
30:23
I wonder how Jade is doing my mother blitz out.
30:24
I'm sure she's fine. I say either though, even though
30:27
I'm sure of no such thing. Did you ever hear from her?
30:30
A couple of years ago I got a Facebook friend request from
30:33
Jade Carpenter. Not only did I not accept the
30:35
request, I blocked her. Not really.
30:38
I haven't seen her since the funeral.
30:39
I got a stab of guilt. 2 years ago, Jade's mother died of a
30:42
drug overdose and at this point I was like OK, if Jade had a mum
30:46
then maybe she's not actually an hallucination.
30:49
And if like her mum is asking about her, she's probably not
30:53
hallucination. Boo.
30:55
That put my theory to bed. Next shock though.
30:59
Oh my God, Amy's ex Cameron is working on the night shift with
31:03
her instead of Steph. Stephanie, because we need more
31:06
drama, right? I don't know what to say, so I
31:08
just stare at him. I can't believe I have to spend
31:11
the entire night with this guy. The worst part isn't even that
31:14
he dumped me. I've been dumped before and I
31:16
can handle it. The worst part is why.
31:19
Trust me, it's not the worst part.
31:20
This is quite a reasonable reason.
31:23
At the beginning of the summer, Cam that's that's the boyfriend,
31:26
Cam Cameron Cam Cam informed me that we couldn't see each other
31:29
any more because he wanted to focus all his energy on studying
31:32
for the board exam and he was concerned that spending time
31:35
with me would get in the way of that.
31:37
That's right, he dumped me for a test.
31:40
Way to strike a blow to myself, Esteem.
31:42
Amy test. Amy test.
31:44
Well, that's a no brainer. Never mind that I have to take
31:47
the exact same test. And yet I was miraculously able
31:50
and willing to juggle studying with a relationship.
31:54
She's such a petulant child. I actually actually hate Amy.
31:58
She's the worst. And I mean, as reasons go for
32:00
being dumped, that's a pretty good one to be honest.
32:03
It's not saying anything about you or your character or your
32:06
deficiencies. Like medical school takes a hell
32:09
of a lot of energy and time and effort, so I can completely see
32:12
someone not wanting to juggle a relationship with their entire
32:15
career and future. Like that doesn't say anything
32:18
about you does it? That's just a man being
32:20
responsible. Like, I'm sorry, if it comes
32:22
down to uni, girlfriend or entire career that you I've
32:25
spent presumably a lot of money on at this point because it's
32:29
America, then yeah, I'd choose the career too, every time.
32:33
Like, but I don't know, maybe that's just me.
32:35
Maybe that makes me a monster. But Amy just comes across as
32:38
really, really damn immature. Amy asked Cam, what if one of
32:41
the patients attacks us? That's pretty unlikely.
32:43
It doesn't surprise me one bit that Cameron isn't sympathetic.
32:47
There's clearly something wrong with this empathy gene.
32:49
Is that a thing? I think I may have learned about
32:52
that in genetics. I also learned about a disease
32:54
where your urine tastes like Maple syrup.
32:56
Fine, whatever. I guess nothing bothers you.
32:58
That's not lacking empathy. That's him being practical and
33:01
not shaming people just because they're mentally ill, unlike
33:05
you. Ain't like the only person in
33:07
this book who lacks empathy is Amy, and you'll see why at the
33:10
end. She does some ridiculous stuff.
33:12
Like it's, it's insane. God's sake.
33:16
I, I can't. I can't.
33:20
OK, next chapter. 8 years ago again another flashback.
33:23
Amy's complaining because she's failing trigonometry, one of the
33:26
most basic maths courses that you can take.
33:30
And yet we're supposed to believe that this woman is in
33:31
Med school? Like a woman who struggles with
33:34
basic maths is training to be a doctor.
33:37
Like maybe it's different in America and you don't need basic
33:40
math and science qualifications to study medicine, but I highly
33:44
highly doubt that. And again, this feels more
33:46
confusing when you realise that the author is a doctor herself
33:49
so she should have been through all this stuff.
33:51
She should know this. Like, I don't know, if you want
33:53
to make it more realistic, make Amy struggle with something that
33:56
isn't science related. Make her struggle with history
33:59
or English lit or something like that.
34:01
Like, why trigonometry? Anyway, Amy's waiting for Jade
34:04
when she sees the creepy little girl again.
34:05
And I'm like, we're all thinking hallucination here, right?
34:08
Yeah, of course we are. Once again, the little girl is
34:10
all alone. She seems even more out of place
34:12
that here than she did at Ricardo's, standing outside a
34:15
high school yard wearing the exact same pink Philly dress she
34:18
had on the other day, with a matching pair of Mary Jane's on
34:21
her little feet. She notices me staring at her
34:23
and she flashes me that gap tooth smile.
34:26
I raise a hand in greeting and she waves back.
34:28
Maybe she's a sister of one of the students here.
34:30
That would explain why she'd be in Ricardo's if she was shopping
34:33
with a big sister who left her all alone.
34:34
And again, they've left her alone here.
34:37
I should make sure she's OK. But once again possible
34:40
hallucination is interrupted by Jade.
34:42
This time Jade is so high she can't study with Amy for
34:45
trigonometry. Boo Hoo, end of chapter.
34:48
Like I don't mind short quick chapters in books and I think
34:50
they're a staple and a lot of thriller books.
34:52
I think that's fine, but I would prefer something at least
34:55
happened in them, you know? Back to the present day.
34:58
And a 40 year old nurse called Ramona let's Amy and Cameron
35:01
into the unit and Amy says her hair is pulled back into a
35:04
sensible bone and she looks like the no nonsense sort of nurse
35:07
who's been doing this job for the last 20 years.
35:09
And we'll be doing it for another 20 years.
35:11
I can imagine this woman administering shock therapy
35:13
without blinking an eye. There's a real obsession with
35:17
shock therapy in the first like 3rd of this book.
35:20
And the idea that people who do the, the treatment, if you call
35:23
it that, seem to get some sort of like sick pleasure out of it,
35:26
or at least are indifferent to other people feeling pain.
35:29
It's, it's very reliant. It's very bizarre.
35:32
It's all reliant on old harmful stereotypes.
35:35
Not a fan. Amy and Cameron are given the
35:37
code to leave the ward and Amy puts it in her phone because of
35:40
course she can't possibly remember 6 numbers.
35:43
Yeah. We're also told things like if
35:45
they enter or exit the ward, a loud alarm blares, so you always
35:49
know if anyone's coming in or out.
35:51
That's the thing, I guess. Amy meets her first patient who
35:54
believes his father is literally God.
35:57
That's fun. His name is Miguel.
35:59
And oh, there's also a doctor there called Doctor Beck, who
36:02
Amy thinks is young and hot and woo Doctor Beck.
36:07
Oh. Doctor Beck shrugs.
36:08
He thinks his father is God. His words sent chills down my
36:11
spine. But Cam laughs.
36:14
So he's a schizophrenic then? No, Doctor Beck frowns.
36:17
He's not a schizophrenic. We don't refer to patients that
36:21
way. Miguel is a human being, and
36:23
he's more than his psychiatric diagnosis.
36:25
He is not a schizophrenic. He's a man who has
36:28
schizophrenia. Do you understand that?
36:30
Cam's face turns slightly pink. Right, Of course, sorry.
36:34
And I liked this, this, this actually.
36:35
Like I was like, oh, maybe I've underestimated this book.
36:37
This is quite good. I like the person first language
36:40
discussion here. That is, that's good.
36:41
That's fair. However, it's undermined with
36:43
the whole like, Oh my God, I'm so scared and shivering at the
36:46
thought of a person near me having schizophrenia from Amy.
36:50
And that continues throughout the whole book.
36:51
Like, it's ridiculous. Schizophrenia doesn't
36:54
automatically make a person dangerous or scary like this
36:57
novel implies. Also, schizophrenia seems to be
36:59
like the only diagnosis they give anyone.
37:02
I mean, there's a couple of others, but like, that's the
37:04
main 1. And I'm like, it's not the only
37:06
option. The lack of phone signal is
37:08
brought up again too. And it confuses me.
37:10
Right, Because let's just give you like the layout.
37:13
This is a massive hospital that for some reason is built in a
37:15
big doughnut shape. Don't ask me why, but it is.
37:19
And this ward is literally like the entire 9th floor.
37:22
So a big big ring of rooms and a big doughnut, right?
37:26
There's plenty of floors above this in the hospital.
37:28
There's plenty of floors below it.
37:30
So we're expected to believe that all the floors above and
37:33
below where Amy has worked plenty of other times before
37:36
have plenty of mobile phone signal, and this is fine.
37:38
But this one random floor in the middle of the building has no
37:42
phone signal at all with no explanation for it.
37:44
So a supervisor, Doctor Beck, who is really, really cute.
37:47
Apparently he's so cute. And we get to say really cute.
37:50
And he gestures a rack of thick blue binders lined up on a shelf
37:53
above the nurse's station. Those are the paper charts.
37:56
What I would recommend for the night is for you to read upon a
37:58
couple of patients and interview them, learn as much as you can
38:01
about them and follow them overnight.
38:03
So much for my plan to hide in the staff lounge all night long.
38:07
So you're just going to give a couple of trainees free rein
38:10
with some of your most vulnerable patients with no
38:13
supervision? I'd like to say this is a plot
38:15
hole, but his lack of skill as a doctor is actually relevant, so
38:22
I'll give her that. And also, sorry, it's already
38:24
like 7:30 at this point, right? These patients are going to want
38:27
some free time in the evening to themselves, I'm sure, because
38:29
they probably have like therapy and treatments and stuff all day
38:32
and they, they need to rest at some point.
38:35
But not have a couple of students who don't even they,
38:38
who they don't even know interviewing them at like 10:00
38:41
PM. Because, I mean, that's, you
38:43
know, you need a decent amount of time to read the files.
38:45
And I don't know, it's all flawed.
38:49
It's so stupid. Doctor Beck says, I encourage
38:51
you to spend time with the patients you're following and
38:53
really dive deep. Most of them will be happy to
38:56
talk to you and you can learn a lot.
38:58
This is the kind of opportunity you won't have later in your
39:00
training when you're much busier.
39:02
Really, you want to, you want to really deep dive in the middle
39:05
of the night. Is that fair?
39:06
On the patients? No.
39:08
Amy meets her second patient, who is an older woman called
39:10
Mary who has dementia but is here for a very good reason, a
39:15
reason which the doctor doesn't think Amy needs to know about or
39:18
learn about, and so he just moves on.
39:22
But apparently it can't be taken that seriously because this
39:24
woman is allowed to just wander around freely with knitting
39:27
needles. So what the hell.
39:29
Like, but the opening thing was like, don't bring any needles
39:32
onto the wall. Like this woman is walking
39:33
around with knitting needles. Come on.
39:35
Doctor Beck does say their plastic children's safety
39:38
needles. Completely harmless.
39:40
She's not a high risk patient and knitting keeps her happy, so
39:43
we let her do it. Otherwise she gets too restless.
39:46
Oh, well, that's all right then. I'm sure a suicide person
39:49
couldn't do any real damage with a plastic knitting needle, could
39:51
they? Have you ever met a desperate
39:53
person? Because they will use anything
39:54
they can. Seriously, like this is
39:57
dangerous as hell and it feels like, well, it is a massive
40:00
pothole. It absolutely is.
40:01
Like plastic knitting needles are not completely harmless as
40:05
we see later in the book. I still don't understand where
40:08
she got them from or why she's allowed them.
40:09
This just it makes no sense. Doctor Beck warns them that a
40:13
dangerous patient called Mr Sawyer is currently in
40:16
seclusion. There are two seclusion rooms.
40:18
Seclusion 1. Seclusion 2.
40:19
They also need the same code to exit the ward to get in and out
40:22
of those rooms. I promise you, you're perfectly
40:25
safe. Doctor Beck flushes A reassuring
40:27
smile when he sees. Look, on my face.
40:29
There's no chance of Mr Sawyer getting out of that room.
40:31
He pauses. Unless, of course, you let him
40:33
out. Yeah, that seems safe, Doctor
40:36
Beck. It's quiet for a moment.
40:37
It's so quiet that I can hear a sound coming from inside.
40:39
Seclusion one. It's a terrible sound, barely
40:42
even human, something between a groan and a growl.
40:45
My God, who is in that room? Or should I?
40:48
Say what? Don't worry, I say, we'll stay
40:51
far away. Like I'm sorry.
40:53
Don't, don't call a person who is struggling from a mental
40:56
illness a what? Like you can.
41:00
You can't have all this stuff about person first language.
41:03
And remember, these patients are human.
41:04
Treat them well and then have your main character calling
41:08
patients What? Like, it's ridiculous, isn't it?
41:12
Cuckoo. Do you have anything you want to
41:14
add? This little girl is so grumpy
41:16
about the rain today, aren't you?
41:18
You're not happy. I know you're not happy.
41:22
May I add a pull, please? Thank you, gorgeous.
41:26
And it gets worse. What kind of person needs to be
41:28
locked up that way? Like an animal.
41:30
It seems cruel and inhumane, but it's not my place to say, mate.
41:34
You're the 1:00. Calling him an animal.
41:36
That's the only thing here. Cruel and inhumane.
41:39
Well, actually, it's not, but you know what I mean.
41:41
She sees his chart. And I don't dare touch the
41:44
chart. It feels like even doing that
41:46
would be a betrayal of Doctor Beck's trust, or that if I open
41:49
it, the monster inside that room might come leaping off the page.
41:52
And now she's calling him a monster.
41:54
Lovely. Also, if she just read the chart
41:56
at this point we wouldn't have any of the rest of the book.
41:58
Seriously. The chapter ends with Amy seeing
42:02
that the patient in room 9 O 5 has the surname Carpenter, just
42:06
like Jade. Oh my God, is it her?
42:10
Yes it is. Flashback again.
42:13
Amy judges Jade for her dad not being around and her mum not
42:16
being strict with rules and how that seemed fun when they were
42:18
kids but now she just thinks it's sad because as I follow
42:22
Jade down the walkway to her ranch style house, I can't help
42:25
but notice how desperately in need for repairs it is.
42:27
The house is a mess back when we were kids but now it looks like
42:30
a wolf could easily huff and puff and blow it all down.
42:33
Would you do that my little wolf?
42:35
The four steps to get to the front door have nearly
42:38
disintegrated after several years of snowstorms chipping
42:40
away at them, and when I grab onto the railing so I don't
42:43
fall, a large splinter lodges itself in my index finger.
42:46
Ouch. I cry.
42:47
Oh, the poor little rich girl never realised how poor people
42:51
live. Hmm Boo Hoo, how hard for her.
42:54
The screen door is barely hanging off its hinges, but it
42:56
doesn't matter since the screen has been ripped in half.
42:59
Jade unlocks her front door and the two of us stumble into her
43:01
living room. What hits me first is the smell.
43:04
Not that Jade's house ever smelled good, exactly.
43:06
It always stunk of a combination of cigarette smoke and Miss
43:09
Missus Carpenter's perfume, and it definitely smells like those
43:12
two things today. But there's something else, like
43:14
something rotting. But there's also a sickeningly
43:16
sweet undertone to the odour. I don't know what it is, and I'm
43:20
but I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to focus on math with
43:23
that stench in the air. I'll have to breathe through my
43:26
nose the whole time. Imagine like your supposed best
43:30
friend lives in conditions like this.
43:32
Instead of being concerned for her, all you're like is like,
43:35
oh, I can't believe I have to stay here.
43:37
Like grow up and get us some help.
43:39
Like be a decent friend. Amy is a not a good person
43:44
neither there's anyone else in this book.
43:45
But still, it's hard to hide my reaction.
43:48
But I can't very well tell my best friend that her house
43:50
smells like a big old pile of garbage.
43:53
Jade tosses her backpack onto the floor, but I'm hesitant to
43:55
put my own down. Every spot on the floor is
43:57
occupied by clothes or books or other junk.
43:59
I start to put it next to the sofa, but a little pile of
44:01
dishes is already there, and the top dish still has old food
44:04
caked on it. I wonder if Jade will want to
44:06
bring the dishes to the sink, but she doesn't seem concerned
44:09
at all. Yeah, just like you don't seem
44:11
concerned at all about your friend's well-being.
44:13
Jade's house was never exactly clean, but this is another
44:15
level. It almost feels like I'm sitting
44:17
in the middle of a garbage dunk. Garbage dump.
44:21
In the back of my head, I wonder if I should just say something
44:23
to my mother. Jade would kill me, but it can't
44:25
be OK to live like this, can it? No, tell your mum you're both
44:29
children. Tell your mum.
44:31
Why are you being so weird, Amy? It's just.
44:33
I point at the mysterious sticky spot on the coffee table.
44:35
I don't want to get my bag all dirty, you know.
44:37
Oh my God. She rolls her eyes dramatically.
44:40
I'm so sorry, Your Majesty, I didn't realise I had to clean
44:43
for your arrival. Would you like to grab some
44:45
cleaning fluid and a rag and give the table a once over?
44:48
She's been sarcastic, but the truth is, I would.
44:50
I've never been a huge sucker for cleanliness, but there's
44:52
something about this house that makes me want to grab a vacuum
44:55
and a mop and just go to town. Just sitting here makes a
44:58
creeping, crawling sensation go up the back of my neck, and then
45:00
a fruit fly buzzes past my ear. And a second one.
45:03
I wonder if the creeping, crawling sensation in my neck is
45:06
not entirely my imagination. And yeah, this is not a healthy
45:09
way to live. It's absolutely not.
45:10
However, how about showing some concern, offering to help,
45:13
speaking to an adult who can help instead of just, or even
45:17
just ask her if she's OK? Check on her rather than like,
45:20
sitting there being all judgmental.
45:21
You know, Jade's mum comes home and is clearly high and drunk
45:25
and abusive and again, Amy is all judgy.
45:27
Rather than being concerned and kind and looking out for her
45:30
friend, like rather than checking on her friend, she just
45:33
walks out and leaves her to face that the abuse alone.
45:35
Like judging her while she does it.
45:37
Amy is a terrible, terrible friend.
45:39
Jade then follows her out of the house.
45:41
And it's like, I don't want CPS to take me, please don't say
45:43
anything so Amy doesn't. Back in the present day, Amy
45:46
wants to nosey through Jade's file, but she knows it's an
45:48
ethical violation. But she really, really wants to.
45:51
But before she can, she's interrupted by another
45:54
caricature of a patient who believes he is Spider Man.
45:57
She continues to read other people's charts and finds
45:59
another schizophrenic patient, as though this is like the only
46:02
diagnosis in the entire unit. It seriously, we've got one
46:07
person with dementia, one person with bipolar who we'll find out
46:13
later, and then everyone else is schizophrenic.
46:16
Really. I say at the last page of the
46:18
chart, not sure what to do. Presumably Mr Schoen Schoenfeld.
46:22
Schoenfeld Schoenfeld. How do I even say that his
46:26
name's Will? We'll call him that.
46:28
Presumably, he's not dangerous. If you were, he would be locked
46:31
up like Mr Sawyer. But on the other hand, this is a
46:33
man who's been hearing voices telling him to murder people.
46:37
Maybe this isn't the patient I want to see, but in some ways,
46:40
that's exactly why I want to see him.
46:42
After all, if you meet someone who is truly crazy, that's the
46:45
only way to know that you're sane.
46:47
Sorry, but that is offensive as hell.
46:50
That is easily and without a doubt one of the most offensive
46:52
lines in this entire book. It's horrific when I look inside
46:56
room nine O 6. I don't know what I was
46:58
expecting to see. The description in the emergency
47:00
room note made it sound like William Shawn Fell.
47:04
Shawn Fell was a raving lunatic. I know mommy can't read, can
47:09
she? I know.
47:11
So I'm surprised to find a man in his late 20s wearing a clean
47:13
T-shirt and jeans, his dark short hair neatly trimmed, his
47:17
face with a couple of days growth of a dark beard and a
47:19
pair of wire rimmed glasses perched on his nose.
47:21
And he's not pacing the room ranting and raving.
47:24
He's sitting in his bed quietly reading a book.
47:26
So I'm off the characters being flawed and the author making a
47:28
point to show this and correct it, but it just feels like this
47:32
isn't done well, you know? And at first I felt like, oh,
47:35
well, like, this is nice because it's showing that like, you can
47:39
have a mental illness and still be like, normal and attractive
47:44
and like a good person. I like no freedom.
47:49
McFadden can't even do that. You'll see this guy looks normal
47:53
except for the fact he's hearing voices telling him to kill
47:56
people. A glance at the stack of books
47:58
on his dresser. Dresser.
47:59
I hadn't noticed it before, but he was reading A Prayer for Owen
48:01
Meanie, which is one of my favourite books of all time.
48:04
I don't know if I've ever seen anyone approximately my age
48:06
reading that before, and I'm not sure how to feel that the first
48:09
person I've seen reading it is in a psychiatric ward.
48:13
Always comes back to the judgeiness.
48:16
He picks up a thick paperback copy of Owen Meanie.
48:18
This one I've read about 50 times.
48:21
I've read it 100 times. He laughs.
48:23
Competitive, are you? Well, like I said, it's my
48:26
favourite. I love to read, he says.
48:29
I try reading at least one or two books a week, and I try to
48:31
reread at least one Irving book a month.
48:35
That's impressive, I comment. I don't have time to read more
48:37
than a few books a year. What do you do for work?
48:41
So Amy doesn't have time to read more than a few books a year,
48:44
but apparently she's read this book 100 times in the last 14
48:48
years, starting when she was 10 years old.
48:50
That makes her rereading this book 7 times every year, yet she
48:55
doesn't have time to read more than a few books a year.
48:57
So you're telling me in the last 14 years you've never read any
49:01
book other than this one that you just read and then finish
49:05
and start reading again over and over?
49:07
It doesn't make sense. It does not make sense.
49:10
It's so silly. And so even though she's bonding
49:13
with this man and seeing that he's normal and human, when he
49:15
says he's an Uber driver, she says to herself, well, that does
49:19
it. I'm never taking an Uber again.
49:21
Like what? What is with this judgement?
49:24
I can't, I can't deal with it. Can you Cubes?
49:27
She can't. She's looking out the window
49:29
now. We've had so many birds because
49:32
it's really, really rainy today. And the birds have come and sat
49:34
outside this tree, like on this tree outside my balcony.
49:38
And Kara's been loving watching them.
49:40
Haven't you, baby? You've been watching to birdies.
49:43
Yes, you've been watching to birdies.
49:44
But you don't want to go out in the rain, do you?
49:46
No, Bless her. So this chapter ends with her
49:51
thinking that this guy Will is lying about something, but we
49:55
don't know what. Now, at 12 hours until morning,
49:58
Amy says that she doesn't think we'll trust her and diagnosis
50:01
him with paranoia because of course it's going to be that and
50:05
not just that she's judgy and doesn't deserve to be trusted
50:08
like it. It's ridiculous.
50:11
So she leaves them. And then she bumps into Jade,
50:13
who calls her pathetic and I am inclined to agree.
50:16
I scratch a little dry patch on the back of my elbow.
50:19
You look great. I say almost automatically.
50:21
Oh, shut up, Amy. She crinkles the bridge of her
50:24
nose. I'm fat like a house.
50:26
It's from the medications. They make you want to eat until
50:29
you explode. Jade isn't fat like a house, as
50:32
she's so colourfully put it. She used to be way too skinny in
50:35
high school, painfully thin, and now she looks like a healthier
50:38
weight. But admittedly, she has purple
50:40
circles under her eyes and the hair coming out of her ponytail
50:43
looks mattered. I haven't caught her on my best
50:45
day. So we have ableism and body
50:47
shaming in this book. Don't you just love it?
50:49
And Jade reveals that Amy had destroyed Jade's life to get to
50:52
Med school. Ominous.
50:56
I'll give you a spoiler now. She didn't.
50:58
She just told the police about something bad she did, and it
51:02
was bad. Like, we'll see.
51:04
So Jade says that Will, the guy Amy was just interviewing is
51:07
cute. And Amy replies with Jade.
51:10
My cheeks burn. He's crazy.
51:13
He has schizophrenia. Oh, so you've got something in
51:16
common then, don't you? There have been a few times in
51:18
my life where I've wanted to smack Jade in the face, and this
51:21
is one of them. Thankfully I know enough to
51:23
restrain myself, but I need to avoid her come through in the
51:26
morning because I won't be thinking as clearly by then.
51:29
It just keeps getting worse and worse, doesn't it?
51:31
Like I get why Freda put so many schizophrenic characters.
51:35
Sorry. I always, you can say
51:37
schizophrenia or schizophrenia and I don't know which is right.
51:42
So I'm just going to keep saying both, I think.
51:45
But I get why Freda put some of these schizophrenic characters
51:48
in this story because she clearly wants to think.
51:49
That's what Amy has too. Because, you know, why bother
51:53
showing a diversity of experiences when you can just
51:55
hit the audience over the head with something?
51:57
We get another flashback. I don't understand the point of
51:59
trigonometry. I've been sitting at my desk in
52:01
my bedroom attempting to do problems for the last two hours,
52:03
and I'm no closer to having a good understanding of the
52:05
material. More importantly, I don't
52:07
understand why I need to know this.
52:09
Will I ever be at the grocery store and need to know the sign
52:12
of 30 in order to calculate how much change I'm getting?
52:15
This is the most stupid and pointless thing ever and because
52:17
of it I might get my first sea of high school.
52:19
This is hopeless. Like I'm sorry are you serious?
52:23
The kid who wants to be a doctor not knowing why she needs
52:27
trigonometry. Like, there are tonnes of
52:29
reasons why a doctor might need to know even just basic trig,
52:32
right? It helps with understanding how
52:34
to set bones correctly at the right angles, or where to insert
52:36
needles for different procedures.
52:38
And more importantly, it's a basic prerequisite to calculus,
52:42
which is pretty damn essential for all doctors.
52:44
Calculating drug doses and so on.
52:47
Like, this is a basic thing you need if you're going to make her
52:50
a doctor. Why?
52:52
And I said this earlier, why have her struggle with such a
52:54
basic part of science? Like make a struggle with
52:58
something in school? Because the trigonometry thing
53:00
isn't relevant, she just needed to struggle with the subject for
53:04
later reasons. So why not make it struggle with
53:06
something that's not relevant to her career, but something that
53:09
she needed to graduate like like English little history for
53:12
example. That would make so much more
53:14
sense. My mother squints at me.
53:16
Her greying hair is gathered into a messy bun behind her
53:18
head. It's not stylishly messy, just
53:21
messy. She used to be one of the
53:22
prettiest of all my friends mothers, but it feels like the
53:25
last two or three years she suddenly got older all at once.
53:28
Just unnecessary. Isn't it ridiculous?
53:30
Anyway, other than this, nothing happens.
53:32
Back to the present day and Amy is angry because Cameron is a
53:36
good student and he's good at his job.
53:38
And I, I just can't stand characters who look down on
53:40
others for being hard working. It's so immature.
53:43
Amy is so immature. Doctor Beck is just like Amy
53:48
apparently and he rolls his eyes at camera making notes on his
53:50
patient. And at this point it just feels
53:52
like Freda the author is the immature one in all this.
53:55
Like Wild. And there's a brief discussion
53:59
on schizophrenia, like about how it usually presents first in a
54:02
person's teens to early 20s, and that the person experiencing it
54:07
could have been having symptoms for years without realising
54:10
this. Again, this is meant to imply to
54:13
the audience that Amy has schizophrenia and set that up,
54:15
but it's all quite heavy-handed. In the next chapter, Amy goes
54:19
back to see the guy Dan, who thinks he's Spiderman, who
54:21
originally calls himself Spider Dan, and so she insists on
54:25
calling him that through the entire book, which again, is so
54:27
unprofessional for a doctor, but here we are.
54:30
But before then, Amy tells us that Jade was diagnosed with
54:33
bipolar when she was just 16 years old and blah.
54:36
It tends to run in families. They put her on a medication to
54:39
control it, and then a second medication.
54:41
She seemed so different when she was on a bunch of medications,
54:44
like a zombie. She wasn't my best friend
54:46
anymore. It was like she had a full.
54:48
It was like she'd had a frontal lobotomy.
54:51
And I really hate the general demonization of medication for
54:54
mental health issues like this, but it's so damn common in this
54:57
book. I can't help but feel like Freda
55:00
is against medicating mental health issues.
55:02
And yeah, she just shames everyone for having them.
55:04
Anyway. Things like this stop people
55:06
getting the treatment they desperately need, and it's so
55:09
dangerous and harmful, isn't it Kookaburra?
55:12
I feel uncomfortable about the lobotomy comment too, but I
55:15
can't quite put that into words, so we'll just leave it for now.
55:18
There's more of Amy interacting with patients with absolutely no
55:20
empathy, and she calls them strange, she calls them robots
55:23
and so on. It feels more like a series of
55:26
vignettes designed to mock various mentally ill people
55:29
rather than nuanced characters showing the human side of often
55:32
misunderstood illnesses, and therefore it's quite
55:34
uncomfortable to read. This chapter ends with Dan
55:37
saying Damon Sawyer wants to kill every single one of us
55:40
tonight. Why?
55:42
My voice is a horse croak. Why do you think that?
55:45
Because that's what he told me he's going to do.
55:47
So just to demonise old people even more.
55:51
This this is the guy apparently in isolation, Damon Sawyer.
55:55
OK, with that in mind, I'm going to take a little break now
55:57
because my little Kobe is quite grumbly, aren't you?
55:59
Should we go get some lunch together?
56:01
Yeah, my little grumble pig. Oh, I know.
56:04
It's been a hard day, hasn't it? I know.
56:07
Poor baby can't even go out and play fetch because it's raining
56:09
so much. You so grumples, aren't you?
56:12
I know. Be back in a little bit.
56:16
Hey everyone, I'm going to have to switch to voiceover for the
56:20
rest of this video, but I wanted to give you guys a face to face
56:24
explanation as to why. Because I know a lot of you who
56:28
watched me for a long time and you guys love and adore Chira as
56:31
much as I do. And we've had a really really
56:33
rough week. But I'll preface this by saying
56:35
she is she's currently fine. She's currently home, she's
56:39
happy and she's getting there. But Monday morning this week,
56:48
she had a seizure in the garden which she's never had before.
56:53
And it was is one of the worst things I've ever seen.
56:59
It lasted for about 90 seconds and I was just completely
57:03
helpless. I didn't know what to do and
57:06
called for help and no one was around to help us.
57:08
And then after she came out of it, I carried her into reception
57:10
in my building and everyone who works, it was wonderful and they
57:14
all gathered around and helped us and offered to take us to the
57:16
vets and everything. But I had a friend coming to
57:18
take us and she saw the vet, she's had blood tests that I'm
57:23
still waiting for the results back on the vet.
57:26
She gave me diazepam to give her if a seizure happened again.
57:31
And then late that night around midnight, she had three more
57:35
seizures and a little cluster like 1 after the other.
57:38
And I had to give her a diazepam for that.
57:41
And then I called the emergency vet and she went in and she had
57:45
to stay in overnight. Thankfully she had no more
57:48
seizures and she's on an anti seizure medication now and she's
57:51
so far about 35 hours free without any seizures.
57:56
Which obviously doesn't mean we're out of the woods yet, but
58:00
it is a really good sign. And it doesn't mean her
58:02
medication might be working. Which is fantastic.
58:05
And we still don't know the 'cause I'm still waiting to hear
58:07
back about the blood tests in case it's caused by it could be
58:11
a liver issue, it could be a kidney issue, it could be a
58:14
blood sugar issue, and it could be lots of things.
58:18
If the blood tests don't tell us anything, she'll likely have to
58:21
go for MRI scans, which is ridiculously expensive, but
58:25
she's worth it. And for now, I'm just kind of
58:29
monitoring her. So the side effects of her
58:32
medication that she's on, it's oh God, I can't.
58:35
I'm home to give it her at 2:00 PM and 2:00 AM.
58:38
So I'm not sleeping, which is why I look like this.
58:41
I'm so sorry. And even when I am asleep, I'm
58:46
like ready to wake up any second the minute I hear her move or
58:49
anything because I'm so alert. So she's got she's on anti
58:55
seizure medication, but the side effects are she's very, very
58:58
thirsty. So she's peeing a hell of a lot
59:01
and it's also making her very like wobbly.
59:03
So she's kind of wobbling a lot as she walks.
59:06
Her back legs especially keep slipping out from under her.
59:08
So I'm having to kind of keep watching her all the time.
59:11
She's obviously not allowed to go on any long walks.
59:15
She's not allowed play fetch or anything like that.
59:19
Which now she's starting to feel a little bit of herself again.
59:22
She is happy to grumble at me about and I am I am more than
59:25
happy to hear this crumbles because it means she's being a
59:28
little bit more herself and and I've got such a messy brain
59:40
about this. She's also got a nasal spray if
59:44
she sees us again and it lasts for more than 3 minutes or it's
59:48
another one where they've repeated she's got a nasal spray
59:50
to have this time. Last time it was Dias Pamela Pub
59:53
Bom, which was not pleasant for either of us, but it did work,
59:56
which is the important thing. This time it's a nasal spray.
1:00:01
So thankfully I've not had to use it yet.
1:00:05
And hopefully I I won't have to, but I'm just going to kind of
1:00:07
see how things go. But for the next couple of
1:00:10
weeks, I've got to keep the flat really dark and really quiet,
1:00:14
which is why I'm filming this in another room while she's in the
1:00:17
dark and living room at the minute and the bedroom's all
1:00:20
dark as well. And I've got to like, just stop
1:00:22
her being overstimulated and just keep her calm and keep
1:00:24
things quiet. But obviously I've just been hit
1:00:27
with like 1000 LB of vets bills and I have more to come.
1:00:32
So suddenly not working isn't an option right now because I need
1:00:36
to pay for those, which is a stress number in itself.
1:00:41
But here we are. So my solution is going to be
1:00:44
I'm going to have to just voice over this and try and do it
1:00:47
quietly. It's probably going to be quite
1:00:49
low effort because one, I'm exhausted, and two, and I've got
1:00:52
to try and keep Kyra calm. So I hope you can understand
1:00:55
that and forgive that. But I just want to thank you all
1:00:58
for your patience and understanding.
1:01:00
And I just felt I owed you a little face to face explanation
1:01:04
because I know Kyra means a lot to a lot of you guys as well.
1:01:07
So I didn't want to worry you. But I do think it's important to
1:01:10
kind of explain where we are. Yeah.
1:01:14
And just kind of keep you in the loop.
1:01:15
So yeah, thank you and I hope you can try and enjoy the rest
1:01:21
of the video. So despite her being nothing but
1:01:24
rude and mean to him, Cameron is nothing but nice to Amy,
1:01:27
including having brought her favourite cakes as a snack like
1:01:31
on the job and promising that he'll keep her safe and anything
1:01:33
happens on the ward. And he says that it was a
1:01:36
mistake to break up with her. Like, I don't normally say this
1:01:40
in a Freedom McFadden book, but Cameron actually seems like a
1:01:43
decent guy and yet she completely demonises him.
1:01:46
And yet there's so many books where she excuses actually
1:01:48
abusive men. So it's really confusing.
1:01:51
Again, I didn't expect to be saying this in a Freedom
1:01:53
McFadden book, but I think we deserve justice for Cameron.
1:01:55
Anyway, their drama is interrupted by Will walking in
1:01:58
to play the piano. There's this awkward sort of
1:02:00
flirting between Amy and Will. And at this point I was like
1:02:02
please please don't set them up for a romance.
1:02:05
But this is Fried Macfadden and I don't think she knows how to
1:02:08
write non problematic romances so here we are.
1:02:11
Amy of course breaks one of the core rules by sharing with him
1:02:14
about her relationship drama with Cameron, which is of course
1:02:16
breaking the don't share personal information rule.
1:02:19
In the next chapter, there are 10 hours to go until morning,
1:02:22
and Amy goes on and on some more about how dirty this whole ward
1:02:26
is. This could be a commentary on
1:02:29
the need for more funding in mental health facilities.
1:02:31
And also like, why are there no cleaners on the ward?
1:02:34
Like hospitals are filled with cleaners and maintenance staff.
1:02:37
Like why? Why are they not here?
1:02:39
Why is it just this one doctor and one nurse?
1:02:41
It seems I don't know. Anyway, so I feel like it could
1:02:45
be a commentary on the need for more funding in psychiatric
1:02:48
units, but instead, because Freda's writing it and the way
1:02:51
she writes and the way she has like no sensitivity for
1:02:54
anything, it just feels judgmental and nasty.
1:02:57
Especially as every description is interspersed with Amy hearing
1:03:02
like banging coming from Soya's cell and her thinking that Oh my
1:03:06
God, he's going to kill us all. Oh my God, he's so evil because
1:03:09
he's here. If this was like a criminal
1:03:12
psychiatric ward, you know, like a facility for criminals with
1:03:15
mental health problems, then I might understand it.
1:03:17
But this is just a regular psychiatric ward for regular
1:03:20
patients, like regular people off the street.
1:03:23
Like we've already heard, Will is supposed to be like an Uber
1:03:25
driver. Mary is just an old lady.
1:03:28
There's nothing to indicate that any of these patients has ever
1:03:31
done anything to hurt anyone at this point.
1:03:33
So they're being demonised for nothing other than having an
1:03:36
illness which is out of their control, and yet they're here
1:03:39
being treated for, they're doing the responsible thing.
1:03:42
They're in the best place. Well, they're supposed to be in
1:03:44
the best place for them and they're demonised for it.
1:03:47
And I just don't think that's fair.
1:03:48
Jade shows up again, but before we get any action, we get back
1:03:51
to another flashback. Amy and Jade are meeting up to
1:03:54
study and Jade turns up being really hyperactive.
1:03:57
And I think this is meant to show her having a manic episode
1:04:00
with her bipolar. But again, it's written quite
1:04:02
poorly and the depictions of bipolar in this is not, not good
1:04:08
at all. During this apparent manic
1:04:11
episode, Jade steals the answer to a test paper in the school
1:04:14
and is while she's doing this, that Amy sees the little girl
1:04:17
again. And Amy's like, I would never
1:04:20
steal a test. I would never cheat.
1:04:22
I'm far too good for that. End of chapter back in the
1:04:26
present day. And Jade tells Amy that she
1:04:28
looks terrible. And we learned that.
1:04:30
And we also learned that Jade's life has been so, so terrible
1:04:33
and awful and dreadful. Because everyone knows if you
1:04:35
have mental health problems, you can never amount to anything or
1:04:38
be happy, right? Yeah.
1:04:40
It's one of those books. When I saw you, I just felt like
1:04:45
such a loser. Here you are basically living
1:04:47
the life you always wanted. I mean, you're going to be a
1:04:49
doctor. And here I am.
1:04:50
I'm nothing, I'm nowhere. And honestly, I don't know if
1:04:53
I'm ever going to do anything with my life.
1:04:54
I couldn't even hold down a freaking waitressing job.
1:04:57
Even my mum was able to do that. Amy then tells Jade a bunch of
1:05:01
stuff about her personal life and about her relationship with
1:05:04
Cameron. And again, I'll remind you of
1:05:06
that rule that we literally opened the book with.
1:05:09
Do not divulge any personal information to your patients.
1:05:12
This includes details about your personal life or your home
1:05:14
address. So she's breaking it again for
1:05:16
the second time in like 3 pages. And I'd like to say there were
1:05:21
some consequences for this, but there's there's really not.
1:05:24
Like just nothing at all. Jade tells Amy that she should
1:05:29
hook up with Will. Sure, she says he's your type,
1:05:32
right? I heard the two of you bonding
1:05:34
over the same doggy books you always liked in high school.
1:05:37
And it's not like either of you has anything better to do
1:05:39
tonight, so why not? I stare at her.
1:05:41
Because he's my patient and he's on a psych ward.
1:05:45
You always were such a square. I don't even know what to say to
1:05:48
that. But I can say with 100%
1:05:50
certainty I'm not hooking up with anyone tonight.
1:05:52
Not calm. Not Will.
1:05:54
All I want is to get out of here in one piece.
1:05:57
Yeah, if she, if she did this, if she hooked up with a patient,
1:06:00
then surely that would be her losing her medical licence
1:06:02
immediately, right? Just.
1:06:04
Oh, and I'm sorry, but the cycle thing shouldn't matter.
1:06:07
Simply him being your patient is reason enough to stay the hell
1:06:10
away. You didn't need to add on that
1:06:12
second judgy bit, Ramona. The nurse interrupts them to
1:06:16
give Jade her medication. So at this point I was like, OK,
1:06:19
Jade definitely isn't an hallucination, right?
1:06:22
She's definitely here if she's getting medication stuff this
1:06:24
is, but this definitely confirms it.
1:06:28
Amy goes to see Mary, the older lady and the knitter who tells
1:06:33
Amy that she should go out with that nice Doctor Beck, which is
1:06:36
also inappropriate. Like he's a boss.
1:06:39
Why does everyone think that this woman needs a man although
1:06:42
all these men will want her? Like what's so special about
1:06:45
Amy? But also, like, it's just
1:06:47
insulting and unrealistic to be like, oh, you're a supposedly
1:06:51
educated young woman, you must need a man Hate it.
1:06:56
Amy writes that hooking up with attendings is definitely frowned
1:06:58
upon, even if they have sexy dimples.
1:07:01
Of course, she adds, you can't tell him you're interested.
1:07:03
That would look desperate. But you could flirt with him,
1:07:06
maybe put on a little makeup, a nice dress that shows off your
1:07:09
bosom and if you wear the right pair of shoes.
1:07:11
Like, the misogyny is just woven throughout every inch of this
1:07:15
text. And in some books, I might be
1:07:17
like, oh, well, you know, Mary's an old lady.
1:07:19
It's meant to show. Like, that's just the mindset at
1:07:21
the time. But no, this is just how Freedom
1:07:23
McFadden writes. I genuinely think she might
1:07:25
believe this nonsense. It's then implied that Mary may
1:07:29
or may not, we don't know, have killed her cheating husband
1:07:31
years ago. But she's adamant that she
1:07:33
didn't because she would never kill a man for just cheating,
1:07:36
right? And then she says she hates
1:07:38
knitting, but she keeps the plastic needles for protection
1:07:40
of course. And then she gives one of them
1:07:43
to Amy for protection. And again, I'm sorry but this
1:07:46
wouldn't happen. She wouldn't be allowed to have
1:07:49
these plastic knitting needles unsupervised at all in the 1st
1:07:53
place. And this just gets more real
1:07:55
unrealistic as the book goes on. So get ready for this.
1:07:58
Amy then goes to read Jade's chart because she's given it by
1:08:00
the nurse. But just as she's about to, the
1:08:02
power goes out on the entire floor and it's like, woo ooky
1:08:06
spooky Ramona. I say urgently.
1:08:09
If the lights are out, does that mean the locks on the doors
1:08:11
won't work anymore? She's quiet for long enough that
1:08:14
I'm starting to worry she's not there anymore.
1:08:16
I don't know, she says finally. Like are you kidding me?
1:08:19
This is supposed to be a nurse who's worked there for 20 years
1:08:22
and would know something about the basic security on the ward,
1:08:25
right? Come on.
1:08:26
At this point I was like, Ramona is clearly not who she said she
1:08:28
is because she would know this basic information.
1:08:31
And also, is this not just like another massive design flaw in
1:08:35
this whole stupid electronic lock and code thing with no
1:08:38
security that yes, yes it is. The chapter ends with the lights
1:08:42
coming back on and one of the other patients appearing covered
1:08:45
in blood. Apparently we're now 43% of the
1:08:49
way through the book and I am not invested in a single
1:08:51
character. It all just feels so hollow, you
1:08:54
know, seeing a man covered in blood as a trained medical
1:08:57
professional. Amy does the sensible thing and
1:09:00
immediately starts screaming like a child instead of helping
1:09:02
him before the nurse reminds her that it's not actually blood,
1:09:05
it's chilly. Or jam.
1:09:08
If you're English. I'm sorry but what sort of 24
1:09:11
year old medical student can't tell the difference between jam
1:09:14
and blood? And if she sees someone with
1:09:16
suspected injuries, instead of helping them, she just screams.
1:09:20
Like, I'm sorry but this is your job, Why would you?
1:09:24
This book could not be more unbelievable.
1:09:27
I can't stop screaming. Miguel is standing in the middle
1:09:29
of the hallway, stark naked, streaked in blood.
1:09:32
What happened to him? Did Dim and Soya get free?
1:09:35
Is he currently roaming the hallways with a knife, ready to
1:09:37
kill every single one of us? And where would you get a knife
1:09:40
from? This doesn't make sense.
1:09:44
I reach for the knitting needle in my scrub pants.
1:09:46
Miguel. Ramona cries.
1:09:48
Where did you get all that Jelly?
1:09:50
It takes me a few minutes to process her words.
1:09:52
Miguel is not covered in blood. He's actually covered in red
1:09:54
Jelly all over his naked body. Now that my eyes have adjusted
1:09:57
to the light, it's very clear what the red substance is.
1:10:00
I'm sorry. I mumbled to Ramona,
1:10:02
embarrassed. I thought it was blood.
1:10:04
She laughs. Seriously, it doesn't look
1:10:06
anything like blood. Well, maybe she's right, but she
1:10:10
didn't have to say it like that. Yeah, she kind of did.
1:10:13
You're being stupid, Doctor Beck turns up and instead of helping
1:10:17
this patient to get cleaned up and put some clothes on, he just
1:10:19
forces him as he is into one of the isolation rooms.
1:10:22
And at this point I was like, I don't think he's a real doctor.
1:10:26
Amy narrates. How will that man possibly be
1:10:29
OK? He thinks his father is God.
1:10:31
He's alternated between wearing no clothing and all of his
1:10:35
clothing, and he smeared his entire naked body with
1:10:38
strawberry Jelly. I'm going to have to guess and
1:10:40
say this man does not have a bright future ahead of him.
1:10:44
Like and again, can we not with this demonization please?
1:10:46
Like making it seem like these are completely hopeless
1:10:49
illnesses when they're not. Like, people told me this book
1:10:52
was enablist mess and that was why I should review it, but I
1:10:55
didn't quite realise how bad it was.
1:10:57
Amy finally realises that she hasn't seen Cameron in a while
1:11:00
and wonders where he is. Is he dead?
1:11:02
Oh moluki spookiness. 7 hours to morning and she still can't find
1:11:07
Cameron and we get the revelation that he's actually a
1:11:09
piece of crap with a temper. So maybe my justice for Cameron
1:11:12
comment was too soon. Something everyone knows is that
1:11:15
Cam has a temper. He manages to do a good job of
1:11:17
hiding it, and to be fair he doesn't fly off the handle very
1:11:20
often, but he acts like this good-natured guy all the time.
1:11:22
And it's easy enough to keep the ACT going with friends, but it's
1:11:25
harder to hide it from the girl you're dating.
1:11:27
I think Freda included this just so if Cam is dead, we don't feel
1:11:31
too sad about it and we start to root for her and will to get
1:11:34
together. The first time I've witnessed
1:11:36
Cam's temper was when he found out he didn't get a spot in a
1:11:38
prestigious year long research fellowship on the West Coast.
1:11:41
We were hanging out in his bedroom, sitting together on his
1:11:43
bed, when he got the e-mail. His left arm had been slung over
1:11:46
my shoulder and he pulled it away.
1:11:48
What the hell? Cam's square face had turned a
1:11:50
shade of pink. They couldn't pick me.
1:11:52
Seriously. I tried to look over his
1:11:54
shoulder at the e-mail, but he'd already tossed it to the side of
1:11:57
the bed and then he then he leapt to his feet.
1:12:00
I can't believe this. He ranted.
1:12:02
How could they shaft me that way?
1:12:04
Cam was almost shouting now, but I didn't genuinely know how
1:12:06
upset he was until his first flew into the wall of his room.
1:12:09
The plaster crunched under his knuckles, giving way to create a
1:12:12
fist sized crater in the wall. He yelped and yanked his hand
1:12:15
away while I jumped off the bed. For a moment I wasn't sure
1:12:18
whether to flee or see if he was OK, but the colour in his face
1:12:21
had returned to normal and he wasn't shouting anymore, he was
1:12:24
just cradling his hand. I ended up having to drive him
1:12:27
to the emergency room to get X-rays of his hand, which
1:12:29
thankfully did not show a fracture.
1:12:31
While I was driving him home at 2:00 in the morning with his
1:12:33
right hand in his splint, he hung his head and said to me.
1:12:36
I'm sorry I ever reacted like that Amy.
1:12:39
At least he was embarrassed about the whole thing and he did
1:12:41
apologise. It wasn't the first time I saw
1:12:43
that flash of anger. Most of the time, Cam managed.
1:12:46
Most of the time Cam did manage to keep his temper under wraps,
1:12:49
but it was there, lingering under the surface, waiting to be
1:12:51
unleashed. So the last thing I want to do
1:12:53
is piss him off. And yeah, I admit this is this
1:12:56
is not cool. A man who punches and breaks
1:12:58
things when he's angry can always be dangerous to be
1:13:00
around, so you got to be careful around them.
1:13:03
Cameron is still missing when Jade shows up again and says I
1:13:07
can't believe you never ended up seeing a shrink.
1:13:10
End of chapter flashback again and Jade tries to tell Amy to
1:13:13
cheat on the test again. Amy hallucinates the little girl
1:13:16
again. Nothing new happens back in the
1:13:19
present day. Amy says Cameron must have left
1:13:22
the unit. It's the only possible solution
1:13:24
because I've looked everywhere and he's not here.
1:13:26
Maybe he got sick of not having any reception on his phone and
1:13:28
he decided to step out at the worst possible moment.
1:13:31
I can't blame him. I'm tempted to do the same, but
1:13:33
I know, but I'm an incorrigible rule follower.
1:13:36
Except, you know, he didn't leave because you haven't heard
1:13:39
the alarm that goes off when the door opens.
1:13:41
And no, you're not a rule follower because you've already
1:13:44
been breaking the no speaking about your personal life rule
1:13:47
all night. Like, come on.
1:13:50
There's only been one time in my life when I broke the rules and
1:13:53
did something immoral and I paid dearly for it.
1:13:55
Clearly I was thinking like this was something about the cheating
1:13:58
on the test thing, right? And it is.
1:14:01
And I was like, who cares? But oh God, just wait till you
1:14:06
get there. It's so damn ridiculous.
1:14:08
It's Oh my God, OK, nevermind. Amy tries to sleep, but she
1:14:13
can't. So she gets to borrow a book
1:14:14
from Will and she enters his room without permission while
1:14:17
he's in the bathroom. And she starts rifling through
1:14:19
his things, which again, feels like an invasion of privacy and
1:14:22
something that a doctor shouldn't do.
1:14:25
But while she's doing that and being nosy, she finds this
1:14:27
hollowed out book filled with the antipsychotic medication
1:14:31
he's supposed to be taking and like, stuffed inside.
1:14:34
Amy is immediately petrified. Because we all know that ill
1:14:38
people are super scary, remember?
1:14:40
That's the message of this book so far.
1:14:42
Oh my God, Willy's going to come out and realise I've been going
1:14:45
through his books and discovered his secret.
1:14:47
He's already got paranoid schizophrenia and now I've
1:14:50
discovered he's not on medication.
1:14:51
What's he going to do when he realises I know the truth?
1:14:54
But she just Bluffs her way out of it and borrows a different
1:14:56
book from him before he kicks her out.
1:14:57
Which is understandable. Of course, after I get out of
1:15:00
this room, I have a real dilemma.
1:15:01
Will has not been taking his medication patients and the
1:15:03
entire reason he's hospitalised here is to get better.
1:15:07
Doctor Beck needs to know about this.
1:15:08
I don't want to rat Will out but it's not like he confided in me.
1:15:11
I discovered his secret by accident and I'm sorry but
1:15:14
where's the dilemma? You're a doctor or training to
1:15:16
be. Your priority should be his
1:15:18
well-being and health. You go see your supervisor who
1:15:21
is a trained Dr and tell him and allow him to decide what happens
1:15:25
from here Right. Is this not the obvious thing to
1:15:27
do? They not have basic training for
1:15:29
this? I, I don't know.
1:15:30
So she does go and see Doctor Beck, who is looking at her
1:15:33
intently now I'm starting to second guess myself.
1:15:37
If I tell him the truth, it won't be good for Will.
1:15:38
They may have to force him to take his medication and whatever
1:15:41
that involves, it won't be pretty.
1:15:43
But actually, that's to his benefit.
1:15:45
He wants to get better, doesn't he?
1:15:46
You can't go through life hearing voices in your head.
1:15:48
He's been pocketing his medication, I blurt out.
1:15:50
I found a whole bunch of them inside his book.
1:15:53
I found a whole bunch of them inside a book in his room.
1:15:55
And I can't help but feel like so much of this book is actually
1:15:58
against psychiatric medicine. You know, it's like she deem,
1:16:01
like she demonises people for having mental health issues, but
1:16:05
she also demonises them for getting help and taking
1:16:08
medication for it. It's it's very bizarre.
1:16:11
But you know, hey, at least Amy did tell her supervisor, which
1:16:15
is good. There's only one thing.
1:16:17
I feel guilty writing out Cameron, but I have to say
1:16:19
something. I'm starting to freak out that I
1:16:21
can't find him. I don't know why Cameron went.
1:16:24
I think he might have left the unit.
1:16:25
Oh. He looks back into his office.
1:16:28
Actually, Cameron left a message on my machine.
1:16:30
Apparently he had some family emergency and had and had to
1:16:33
leave immediately. I guess that solves the mystery
1:16:35
of what happened to Cam and why I can't find him anywhere.
1:16:38
But it's strange that he would leave a phone message with that
1:16:40
information, especially when Doctor Beck is right here on the
1:16:43
floor and pretty easy to locate. Why wouldn't he talk to Doctor
1:16:46
Beck directly? And also, why wouldn't Cam tell
1:16:48
me if something happened? It's not like we're total
1:16:50
strangers. I see.
1:16:54
Except like I said earlier, like we didn't hear him leave, did
1:16:57
we? Like we'd have heard that alarm
1:16:58
go off if you left the left the building, if you went out
1:17:01
through the door, if you used the code.
1:17:04
And now Doctor Beck here is clearly lying, right?
1:17:06
So here is my working theory. At this point Doctor Beck and
1:17:10
Ramona are actually patients and have kidnapped the real Doctor
1:17:13
Beck and Ramona unlocked them in the seclusion room.
1:17:17
Doctor Beck is actually Damon Sawyer and Amy is only going to
1:17:21
realise when she finally gets the phone signal again.
1:17:23
And her friend is like no Doctor Beck isn't cute he's something
1:17:27
something in response to you know that text she sent her
1:17:31
early being like oh again he's so cute and then all hell will
1:17:33
break loose. And this also explains why
1:17:35
Ramona was confused to see them at 1st and why she doesn't know
1:17:38
the basic security stuff on the ward.
1:17:39
Right, that's my working theory. Oh, and also Cam has actually
1:17:44
been locked in this collision room with them and Mary gave her
1:17:48
the knitting needle to protect herself because she knows and
1:17:50
everyone's ominous we're all going to die is because they
1:17:54
obviously know too. And something something.
1:17:57
But here's why I was like, OK, there's an obvious hole in my
1:17:59
theory. Doctor Beck and Ramona clearly
1:18:01
know the code to get in and out of the block, right out of the
1:18:04
ward. So they could do that if they
1:18:07
wanted to. So what is their long term plan
1:18:08
here? That doesn't make sense.
1:18:10
So in that case, my theory is nonsense.
1:18:13
But also a lot of what Frida McFadden writes is nonsense, so
1:18:17
this could still be true. Jade appears, and it's like, Oh
1:18:20
my God, I can't believe you write it out.
1:18:21
Well, like, they're teenagers, haven't been caught smoking or
1:18:24
something. Instead of, you know, Amy being
1:18:25
an adult woman responsible for the health care of a vulnerable
1:18:28
individual because it's literally her job.
1:18:32
Jade starts threatening to tell Doctor Beck who I'm now writing
1:18:36
in quotes because I don't believe he's the real Doctor
1:18:38
Beck and that Amy has been having hallucinations too and
1:18:42
I've been and Amy is like, Oh no, don't do that.
1:18:45
Because these two talk like they're actual children even
1:18:48
though they're supposed to be adults.
1:18:49
Wild. After not seeing each other for
1:18:52
eight years, Jade is suddenly like, Oh my God, I can't believe
1:18:55
you don't want to be my friend anymore.
1:18:56
Like literally those exact words.
1:18:58
Like they're six years old on the playground back at the
1:19:01
nurses station and Ramona has disappeared.
1:19:03
This time more ooky spookiness. So Amy starts reading Jade's
1:19:09
file and finds out that she has a diagnosis of bipolar type 1
1:19:13
and she had a recent manic episode where her and her
1:19:16
boyfriend decided to rob a bunch of banks and she was caught but
1:19:20
instead of going to gaol she ended up here again.
1:19:22
I'm super confused because again, I don't know about the
1:19:25
American healthcare system or the American justice system so I
1:19:28
might be wrong so please correct me if I'm wrong in the comments
1:19:32
but aren't there different facilities for criminals with
1:19:35
mental health conditions? And facilities like this that
1:19:40
are just open to the public, psychiatric wards, like are they
1:19:45
not different units where like a criminal one would have like
1:19:52
higher security and stuff like that?
1:19:54
Rachel, I don't know. I don't know, like I say I'm
1:19:58
English so I don't know a lot about this, but I did try and
1:20:00
Google it and a few links I saw suggested that just a case of
1:20:05
bipolar would not be enough to get someone who'd been arrested
1:20:08
for bank robbery sent to a psych hospital rather than gaol.
1:20:11
But even if it was, it would be a specially secure ward and not
1:20:15
a general ward where the patients are self admitted and
1:20:18
the majority just are just like regular people.
1:20:20
And sorry, Kyra's having a little grumble in the background
1:20:23
because she wants to play and the vet says she's not loud,
1:20:25
bless her. Are you grumpy, my baby?
1:20:30
Come here, come have a snuggle. Thankfully, she's definitely
1:20:33
feeling more herself at the minute, but her body hasn't
1:20:37
quite caught up with her her mind yet.
1:20:39
Suddenly. So, Amy hears A gagging noise
1:20:42
and goes to investigate. And she hears it from the inside
1:20:46
of seclusion room too. And then she sees blood seeping
1:20:49
out under the door and again. You'd think she'd have basic
1:20:52
training for a situation like this and she wouldn't freak out
1:20:55
and she'd know what to do, especially on a ward like this.
1:20:58
They give her the protocols of like if you see this, do this,
1:21:00
if you see this do but no, instead she's just freaking out.
1:21:06
And again, I was like, so either this ward is so poorly run that
1:21:10
they don't give out training or Doctor Beck isn't a real doctor
1:21:17
so she runs to go find him anyway.
1:21:18
Only when she returns there's no blood is another hallucination
1:21:23
or the clean is just very efficient around here.
1:21:26
Who's to say? And this again though, it makes
1:21:29
no sense to me because I either it's a hallucination or this is
1:21:34
not. This is not a big ward right?
1:21:37
She can walk around the whole thing in like 2 minutes.
1:21:39
So the time it takes her to run to his office, get in and come
1:21:42
back is like probably 1 to 2 minutes.
1:21:45
You expect me to believe that? I'll just tell you this now, a
1:21:49
spoiler. It wasn't an hallucination, it
1:21:52
was real blood. So you expect me to believe in
1:21:56
the time it took her to run to his office, say hey, come with
1:21:59
me, and then get back in that maximum 2 minutes, maybe 3 at a
1:22:04
push if we're being really, really generous?
1:22:06
Ramona has supposedly, because it was apparently Ramona who
1:22:10
cleaned it up. Like, we'll, we'll get there.
1:22:12
OK? You want me to believe that she
1:22:15
was out of sight, came into view with a full cleaning cart full
1:22:19
of stuff, cleaned up this blood without leaving a single trace,
1:22:23
and then toddled off to do whatever and dispose of all the
1:22:25
stuff she needs and then comes back all in the space about 3
1:22:30
minutes. Is that what you want me to
1:22:32
believe? Because I don't.
1:22:33
I don't. And that's apparently what
1:22:35
actually happened in this book. And it, it makes no sense.
1:22:38
Absolutely no sense. This chapter is full of
1:22:41
incredibly stupid lines as well. Like we're going to have to call
1:22:44
911. Or actually I guess we're inside
1:22:47
a hospital so there's no need to call 911.
1:22:49
I'm sure he'll have to go straight to the emergency room
1:22:51
if he's alive at all. Like, I'm sorry, but you can't
1:22:54
convince me. Then actual doctor wrote this
1:22:56
and they want us to believe that the woman saying this is a third
1:22:59
year medical student like you just you can't.
1:23:01
Doctor Beck tells her that like, you know, clearly she's going
1:23:04
through something so she's relieved of her duties and to go
1:23:06
get some sleep in an empty patient room.
1:23:09
And I'm like, again, that seems unrealistic, right?
1:23:13
If you're going to allow your doctors to sleep on the job at
1:23:17
night, surely there will be little staff beds, wouldn't it?
1:23:20
Anyway, end of chapter flashback again and Jade and Amy have been
1:23:26
caught cheating on the test. Jade is kind of casually racist
1:23:29
towards the janitor who told on them sneaking into the classroom
1:23:31
before the test, so that's just not nice at all and it's never
1:23:34
called out, it's just kind of accepted as normal within this
1:23:37
book so OK. There's also a lot of really
1:23:40
unnecessary body shaming of the teacher who caught them, which
1:23:42
again, I don't know why it's in here.
1:23:44
I don't like it. It makes me uncomfortable.
1:23:46
And then back in the present day, Jade has seen everything
1:23:49
and knows that Amy is, or she thinks that Amy is still having
1:23:53
hallucinations. And I'll just say this right,
1:23:56
Amy is being so damn irresponsible.
1:23:58
Like I know she's got this internalised ableism going on
1:24:01
because Frieda Mcfadden's right in her and she wrong and she
1:24:05
wrongly believes you should be ashamed of being mentally ill so
1:24:09
she doesn't want to admit it. But if a doctor is in charge of
1:24:12
vulnerable patients and may or may not be hallucinating
1:24:15
themselves, that is so completely dangerous and
1:24:18
irresponsible to not do anything about it.
1:24:21
She's not just risking harm to herself but countless other
1:24:24
already vulnerable people. And knowing this, it's
1:24:28
impossible to like Amy as a character because she's just
1:24:32
putting so many people in danger.
1:24:33
It's horrible. And especially because Freda
1:24:36
seems to write her like, we should be agreeing with her and
1:24:38
have sympathy with her and be like, oh, well, you know, if we
1:24:40
were in that situation, we'd probably do the same thing.
1:24:42
You know, they agree she's a good person deep down.
1:24:44
It's like, no, I don't think she is.
1:24:46
I don't believe she's a good person deep down.
1:24:48
I think she's irresponsible and a danger to others.
1:24:51
You can write characters who are bad people without trying to
1:24:54
make the audience have pity for them because of the way they've
1:24:57
harmed others. You know, Freda doesn't do this.
1:25:01
Amy goes back into the lounge area and but she's alone and she
1:25:06
says, and then I see him, the dark figure in the corner of the
1:25:09
room waiting for me, and the door slams shut.
1:25:12
I don't even have time to scream.
1:25:15
There's a lot of screaming done in this book we see, which she
1:25:18
does scream a lot, and we actually see her scream far more
1:25:23
than we see her acting like a real medical student.
1:25:25
So that's something this dark shadowy figure is Will, and he
1:25:29
immediately covers her mouth with his hand.
1:25:30
But it's OK because remember, he's, he's hot, so he's not
1:25:34
actually a bad guy. I wonder how long he's been
1:25:36
waiting for me in this room. The best I can say is he doesn't
1:25:38
seem to have a weapon. And when his Hazel eyes meet
1:25:41
mine through his glasses, there's no malice there.
1:25:43
If anything, he looks just as scared as I do.
1:25:46
Please don't scream, he says. I need to talk to you.
1:25:49
See, he's a good guy. Really.
1:25:52
Will reveals that Amy was not hallucinating.
1:25:55
He saw the blood too. So our next plot twist in this
1:25:59
exciting thriller is that the cleaners are just that good.
1:26:03
Oh no, wait, no, apparently that's not going to take away
1:26:05
from this. Never mind.
1:26:07
He reveals that that Nurse Ramona got rid of it.
1:26:11
And again, this to me is proof she isn't a real nurse because
1:26:14
one what nurse working single handedly on a whole floor of a
1:26:17
hospital would actually have the time to drop everything
1:26:20
immediately and clean up a giant spill the minute it happens?
1:26:23
Like come on, we all know how hard real nurses work and how
1:26:26
they don't have time for anything.
1:26:28
Same thing with how like at the start of the book we just saw
1:26:31
Ramona sat there flipping through a magazine.
1:26:33
What nurse has time for that? None that I know.
1:26:37
And two, this is the plot hole I mentioned earlier.
1:26:39
Do you really expect us to believe that a giant blood spill
1:26:41
leaking out under a door could be cleaned up in the
1:26:44
approximately 2 minutes it takes to run to an office and back
1:26:48
and, and to the standard that it would need to be cleaned in a
1:26:52
hospital like that is human waste, potentially human toxic
1:26:57
waste. There are procedures in place
1:26:59
for how to properly clean up things like blood spills.
1:27:01
You'd definitely smell chemicals and stuff afterwards, wouldn't
1:27:03
you like that? There's no way that no, no,
1:27:07
Ramona's not a real nurse. Amy then thinks this is a good
1:27:11
time to tell him that she knows he hasn't been taking his
1:27:13
medication, so it's hard to trust him, and he nods slowly.
1:27:17
OK, I can see why we would feel that way, but honestly, I don't
1:27:20
think I need those medications. The voices, they go better on
1:27:24
their own. It must have been you, you know,
1:27:26
one of one of those things, one of those things, Look.
1:27:30
He grits his teeth. I wanted to take the
1:27:32
medications, OK? I took them in the emergency
1:27:35
room, but you feel real crappy on them.
1:27:37
I couldn't handle it. The side effects, I don't know
1:27:40
what to say. So again, there's more
1:27:42
demonization of medical treatment for mental health
1:27:44
issues. And again, this feels really
1:27:46
dangerous. Again, I'm no expert in this, I
1:27:49
just did a good quick Google search here.
1:27:52
But if he's really schizophrenic, then
1:27:53
hallucinations will not just stop by themselves.
1:27:56
They don't even always stop when people are taking the medication
1:27:59
they need to. It's not something that just
1:28:00
cures itself and goes away. And if Amy had even been doing
1:28:05
like the basic amount of research for her job, then she
1:28:08
would know that either A, he's lying or B, he's been
1:28:11
misdiagnosed. But she doesn't seem to have me
1:28:13
either of these things. You know, Amy being a medical
1:28:17
student is not actually relevant to this plot at all because she
1:28:20
doesn't do anything doctory the whole book.
1:28:24
Like she could have just been anyone who happened to be stuck
1:28:26
on this ward overnight. She could have been a cleaner,
1:28:28
she could have been a nurse, a Porter, she could have even been
1:28:31
another patient because she she could have been anyone else
1:28:34
because her supposed medical knowledge and training never
1:28:36
ever, ever play a role in this book at all.
1:28:39
Will also reveals that hours ago, hours and hours ago, he
1:28:43
heard Cameron screaming and he just didn't bother to tell
1:28:46
anyone or do anything or check on him because reasons.
1:28:50
But when he went out into the hall a while afterwards, the
1:28:52
daughter seclusion room 1 was shutting.
1:28:56
Told you. So he's in there.
1:28:57
This is so predictable. Of course Amy can't believe him
1:29:01
because he has a mental illness which she just has to remind us
1:29:04
about again. I have to admit he's building a
1:29:06
very strong case. But I have to remember that I'm
1:29:10
talking to a man with paranoid schizophrenia, a man who has
1:29:13
been hearing voices telling him to do terrible things, and he's
1:29:16
decided it was. It wasn't necessary for him to
1:29:19
take his medications. Of course he's going to think
1:29:21
something suspicious is going on.
1:29:23
That's part of his disease. But there's some kind of
1:29:26
rational explanation for everything.
1:29:27
There's got to be. And this book is so repetitive
1:29:31
because Freda thinks the readers are stupid or she's just trying
1:29:34
to pad out the page count. I don't know, Will convinces Amy
1:29:38
that she needs to leave the ward and go somewhere so she can get
1:29:40
phone signal and try and call Cameron, but when she gets to
1:29:43
the front door, Oh my God, next twist, the door code she was
1:29:48
given doesn't work anymore and she is trapped.
1:29:51
Oh my God, who saw this coming with a silly little thing like
1:29:55
using a numerical code instead of swipe cards and a security
1:29:58
guard? And who saw this?
1:30:00
All of us. We all saw this coming, didn't
1:30:02
we? This is, like I say, another
1:30:05
reason the whole code system is stupid.
1:30:07
We also find out that at this point, the landlines aren't
1:30:09
working, the Internet isn't working, computers aren't
1:30:11
working. Like none of the apparent
1:30:13
security features in this hospital make any sense.
1:30:16
This is also stupid. Surely at this point, like if
1:30:20
you want to get out, just do something like set off a fire
1:30:22
alarm, right? Like that should open the doors
1:30:23
and stuff because like, if it doesn't then that is a health
1:30:26
and safety nightmare. But anyway, also, what about
1:30:30
emergency exits? How are there no emergency exits
1:30:32
in this book? It oh, it seems like an awful
1:30:35
idea, right? To have one big circular ward
1:30:37
with only one locked door in and out.
1:30:40
Like if there was an emergency people would get crushed in the
1:30:42
panic. There's so many plot holes in
1:30:45
it. Like basic basic plot holes in
1:30:47
this from a woman who's supposedly a doctor.
1:30:49
I don't need to check the code because I know it by heart.
1:30:52
347244 I've been reciting it to myself all night in case I need
1:30:55
to get out of here. And then just, you know, a
1:30:58
couple of paragraphs later, I type it in again, this time
1:31:01
trying to study my shaking hands. 347244 That's it.
1:31:05
That's the code Doctor Peck typed in this morning.
1:31:07
I could recite it in my sleep. Amy says she'll go and ask
1:31:10
Ramona the nurse and he's like, can you trust her?
1:31:13
Of course she can't. This is a woman trusting another
1:31:16
woman in a Freedom Fathom book. That would never happen.
1:31:19
Will says it in a way that makes it sound like I would be an
1:31:21
idiot to respond in the affirmative.
1:31:23
But I have to remind myself again that paranoia is part of
1:31:25
his diagnosis. Of course he's going to come up
1:31:27
with some crazy conspiracy theory when in reality there's
1:31:30
probably a logical explanation for all this.
1:31:32
And seriously, she's recycling lines at this point over like 2
1:31:35
pages. She said I have to remember that
1:31:37
I'm talking to a man with paranoid schizophrenia.
1:31:40
I have to remind myself that paranoia is part of his
1:31:42
diagnosis. Of course he's going to think
1:31:43
something suspicious is going on.
1:31:45
Of course he's going to come up with some crazy conspiracy
1:31:47
theory. There's some kind of rational
1:31:49
explanation for this. In reality, there's probably a
1:31:51
logical explanation for all this.
1:31:53
These were published 2 pages apart.
1:31:55
Like where he's at, Where is our editor?
1:31:57
And if you want an added bonus, just three or so pages later, we
1:32:00
also get. I remind myself that Will
1:32:02
himself is not entirely benign. He's paranoid and coming up with
1:32:05
conspiracy theories in his head. It's the same thing every time
1:32:09
he's on page. The same thing is said about him
1:32:11
in the same format. It's ridiculous.
1:32:16
Either she thinks her reader's a dumb, or she is that stupid and
1:32:19
needs to remind herself, or I she's just padding out the page
1:32:24
count. I, I don't, I don't know, I
1:32:25
don't know. It's very frustrating though.
1:32:28
When Amy confronts Ramona, Ramona tells her that she wasn't
1:32:31
cleaning blood. Silly, it was just more
1:32:33
strawberry jam. Oh, what a silly goose.
1:32:36
Problem solved. Let's end the book there and go
1:32:38
home and be happy. Amy asks if Ramona can open the
1:32:41
door for her, and Ramona tells her.
1:32:43
Oh Amy, I wish I could, but when the fuse blew, the doors reset.
1:32:47
The passcode doesn't seem to work anymore, and the phones
1:32:49
went out too. Unfortunately, we may be stuck
1:32:52
here until the morning. My stomach sinks.
1:32:54
There's no other way. I mean, we have to have a way
1:32:57
out. What if there's a fire?
1:32:59
Believe me, I'm not happy about this, Ramona says.
1:33:01
But with the computer system down for the night undergoing
1:33:03
maintenance, I'm not sure what we can do.
1:33:06
We just better hope there isn't a fire, right?
1:33:08
Even if this wasn't complete and utter nonsense, this is a
1:33:11
terribly unsafe system. Like what the hell?
1:33:14
No hospital would run like this, would it?
1:33:17
I no, no, I I can't believe it. Amy thinks she sees Will going
1:33:21
to Jade's room, but then she's like, no, I must have imagined
1:33:24
it. And instead of going to check,
1:33:26
she just moves on. We get a flashback.
1:33:28
And so far every flashback chapter has included Amy
1:33:32
drinking Peach iced tea. And I was like, is this just
1:33:36
meant to show she's like a quirky girl with hobbies and
1:33:39
interests like drinking Peach iced tea?
1:33:42
But then I was like no I'm going to go with the Peach and juiced
1:33:45
hallucinations theory because damn Peaches.
1:33:48
And I was making a joke here in my script but it actually turns
1:33:52
out I wasn't far off so. So this is complete nonsense.
1:33:56
We'll we'll get there don't worry we'll get there.
1:33:58
Amys mum is like so is Jade having issues?
1:34:03
Her mum has mental health problems so of course her
1:34:05
daughter must too. And Amy is like Oh my God mum
1:34:08
shut up. And Amy says I can't tell her
1:34:10
the truth, though, about her being the one hallucinating.
1:34:13
I don't want her to look at me the way she looks at Jade.
1:34:16
If she finds out I'm the one hallucinating, will she still
1:34:19
love me as much? She always told me how proud she
1:34:21
is of me and my good grades. She won't be proud of me anymore
1:34:24
when she knows the truth. And the stigma in this book is
1:34:27
just unreal, isn't it? COO COO bean.
1:34:30
Yeah, even Cooby's crumbling at it back in the present day.
1:34:33
And Freda has stopped bothering to count down the hours until
1:34:36
morning, so who knows when this is taking place.
1:34:40
Sometime in the night. Anytime.
1:34:42
All the time. Who really cares?
1:34:46
Amy needs to sleep. So she decides to try and sleep
1:34:48
on the sofa in the patient's lounge because she will not
1:34:51
sleep in an empty patient bed because she looks so awful that
1:34:54
if I were to fall asleep in one of the rooms I could easily be
1:34:58
mistaken for a patient. All I'm missing is the
1:35:01
wristband. And yeah, that's not how any of
1:35:03
this works. You can't just diagnose someone
1:35:05
from their appearance. You're not going to be locked up
1:35:08
in a psych ward because you slept in a bed.
1:35:12
You can't tell who isn't isn't I'll by just looking at someone.
1:35:15
This book is awful. This book is so awful.
1:35:18
Amy falls asleep. When she wakes up, Spider Down
1:35:22
is standing over me, apparently watching me sleep.
1:35:25
This man is the craziest person on Ward D, with the possible
1:35:28
exception of Damon Sawyer. Like, how about as a doctor?
1:35:33
We don't compare our patients to each other, call them crazy or
1:35:38
rank them on a crazy scale. I'm pretty sure that psychiatric
1:35:42
medicine rules number 12 and three.
1:35:45
No, but hey, I'm I'm not the doctor, am I Reader?
1:35:47
No at this point. I looked at reviews of this book
1:35:50
and found this one quite apartment one star.
1:35:53
It's a bold move to dedicate a book to your patients and then
1:35:55
spend the entire book degrading mentally ill psychiatric
1:35:58
patients. Normally her books are harmless
1:36:00
trash that I consume like reality shows, but this one is
1:36:03
legitimately problematic. Do not effing recommend.
1:36:06
I agree. Dan says that he's here to
1:36:08
protect Amy and that he won't let Damon Sawyer.
1:36:11
Who? I'm sorry, I'm just going to say
1:36:12
something. Ridiculous name by the way.
1:36:14
Ridiculous name. Could she have gone more
1:36:16
stereotypical and she sorry he won't let Damon Sawyer hurt Amy
1:36:22
Dan seems to know who he is as well because he says he came
1:36:24
into my room. Spider Dan explains.
1:36:27
He was looking for you but I didn't tell him where you are.
1:36:29
I won't let him hurt you. Oh my God I am officially
1:36:33
creeped out. How could Damon Sawyer be
1:36:35
looking for me? He doesn't even know who I am.
1:36:38
I just came here for the first time earlier this evening.
1:36:41
Why would he be looking for me? And why isn't he locked in
1:36:44
Seclusion one, he's locked up. I tell Spider Dan.
1:36:48
No he's not. He gives me a meaningful look.
1:36:50
He got out earlier tonight. Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God,
1:36:54
Oh my God. We also.
1:36:56
It's coming, didn't we? And we all know Doctor Beck is
1:36:58
Damon Sawyer, right? Like it's it's the obvious.
1:37:01
Anyway, this chapter ends with a woman screaming.
1:37:04
Surprisingly, it's not Amy. For once, I have two choices
1:37:07
when I hear the screams. Either I can hide or I can see
1:37:09
what's going on. I decide to check it out.
1:37:12
It's an uncharacteristically brave choice on my part, but I
1:37:15
need to know what's going on. And the screams sound
1:37:17
disturbingly familiar. Like Amy is such a non character
1:37:21
and I'm sorry but again, you're working here.
1:37:22
You're a doctor. You hear a patient scream, you
1:37:24
go and help them because that's your job, right?
1:37:27
I the screaming is from Mary, the old lady with dementia.
1:37:31
Damon Sawyer. She screams as spittle flies
1:37:34
from her lips. Damon Sawyer.
1:37:36
It takes both Doctor Beck and Ramona to restrain her.
1:37:40
For a woman of almost 80 years old, she sure has a lot of
1:37:42
energy. She's got one of those steel
1:37:44
knitting needles gripped in her right hand.
1:37:46
Ramona has to wrestle it loose. It claps to the floor and rolls
1:37:49
away. One, it's the middle of the
1:37:51
night. Why isn't she sleeping?
1:37:53
And two, where the hell did she get a steel knitting needle
1:37:56
from? She only had plastic ones
1:37:58
earlier, and she gave one of them to Amy.
1:38:00
And she'll leave. She wanted to protect Amy so
1:38:02
much, she'd have given her one of her steel ones, right?
1:38:03
No, no, no. Anyway, where did she get it
1:38:06
from? We don't know.
1:38:07
It is never ever ever ever ever ever explained.
1:38:10
It's just here. None of this makes sense.
1:38:13
Damon Sawyer is going to kill all of you.
1:38:15
She screams at her audience. He'll do it.
1:38:17
He'll kill every single one of you.
1:38:20
Like, let's be real here, right? If you want to kill everyone, he
1:38:23
could have done it by now, right?
1:38:24
He's had plenty of opportunities.
1:38:25
So what's he waiting for? This is another massive gaping
1:38:28
plot hole in this book. I also, I hate this, right?
1:38:31
This idea that if a person is mentally ill, then they just
1:38:33
mindlessly want to kill everyone for no good reason.
1:38:35
It is such a harmful idea. Doctor Beck and Ramona, I'm now
1:38:39
putting both of them in quotation marks, manhandle Mary
1:38:42
back into her room and then Amy is like, hmm, Jade and we all
1:38:46
are quite familiar with each other.
1:38:48
I think back to what I read in Jade's chart.
1:38:50
She was going from bank to bank robbing them with a beer bottle.
1:38:53
But she wasn't alone. According to the chart, she went
1:38:55
on a crime spree with her boyfriend, who presumably came
1:38:58
to the hospital at the exact same time she did.
1:39:00
Who says that? Who?
1:39:01
Why would he come to the same room as like if he wasn't
1:39:03
mentally ill, why would he come to the same hospital?
1:39:06
And there was nothing in the chart to suggest that he was
1:39:07
mentally ill. So you just, you're just making
1:39:10
stuff up. The same night Will was admitted
1:39:12
to the emergency room. Oh my God.
1:39:15
Will is Jade's boyfriend was stupid Reveal.
1:39:18
Good job. It's not true.
1:39:20
I did say my script. I'll give you this.
1:39:21
I did not see this coming, but that's because it's stupid.
1:39:25
Wasn't Jade telling Amy to go hit on well earlier?
1:39:27
And he's got a crap tonne of books with him.
1:39:29
Do you want me to believe that this man was having
1:39:31
hallucinations and paranoia? So him and his girlfriend, his
1:39:34
bipolar girlfriend decided to rob a bank.
1:39:37
They both get caught and arrested and instead of going to
1:39:40
gaol they let him stop by his house, pack up a few books and
1:39:43
then cut both of them off to a non secure but poorly run public
1:39:48
psychiatric ward. Stop it, this would not happen.
1:39:51
But Amy has no brain cells and can't think of this for herself,
1:39:54
so she just believes it. It must be true.
1:39:56
Back in the flashback and eight years ago, Jade and Amy are in
1:39:59
car. Jade is driving too fast.
1:40:01
Amy is drinking Peach Peach iced tea again.
1:40:05
Jade takes her to a house. I stepped through some wayward
1:40:10
grass as grown into the pathway to the back door.
1:40:13
I climbed the three steps and pass through the entrance to the
1:40:15
kitchen, and that's when I realised whose house it is.
1:40:18
My mouth falls open. The peached iced tea I've been
1:40:20
holding in my right hand drops to the floor, spilling brown
1:40:23
liquid all of the grimy kitchen towel tiles into mingling with
1:40:27
the droplets of Crimson. I realised at that moment I will
1:40:30
never be able to drink Peach iced tea ever again, that I will
1:40:34
become I'll at the very thought of it and a chapter RIPICT.
1:40:40
No more Peach fueled hallucinations for you, Ames.
1:40:43
Also, I really hate how Freda McFadden writes in these short,
1:40:47
incomplete sentences. If you take these out of
1:40:50
context, they don't make sense that I will become very ill at
1:40:54
the very thought of it is not a complete sentence.
1:40:57
It's just grammatically incorrect.
1:41:00
And there's, there's a lot of instances of this throughout the
1:41:02
book. We don't find out whose house it
1:41:05
is at this point. Instead, we flip back to the
1:41:06
present day. You know, leave this on a
1:41:08
classic Frida cliffhanger. Doctor Beck, quotation marks.
1:41:14
Doctor Beck leaves Mary's room and says she's finally calm.
1:41:18
Thank God. I don't think she'll give us
1:41:20
more trouble for the rest of the night.
1:41:21
But starting tomorrow, she should be on a higher dose of
1:41:24
Seroquel at bedtime. We don't need another episode
1:41:26
like that. So here I'm thinking, if he's
1:41:29
not actually a doctor, how does he know about medications?
1:41:32
But a quick Google search tells me that this is a type of
1:41:34
antipsychotic medication. And while it is sometimes given
1:41:38
to patients with dementia when they're sundowning, like Mary
1:41:40
apparently is, this and other types of this particular
1:41:44
medication come with a really high risk of causing strokes and
1:41:47
deaths in elderly people, like for example, an 8 year old
1:41:50
woman. So I'm no medical expert, but it
1:41:52
seems to me that a doctor wouldn't be so casual about this
1:41:55
decision to up the dose of a potentially like life
1:41:59
threatening drug to an 80 year old.
1:42:01
But what do I know? I'm not Freda McFadden.
1:42:04
But again, to me this was like, OK, he's not a real doctor.
1:42:09
He's just, oh, we'll just have a dose, you know?
1:42:13
Yeah. Anyway, even Ramona doesn't know
1:42:15
how Mary got the metal knitting needle, and it's not explained
1:42:18
other than Ramona saying, oh, she's resourceful, of course she
1:42:22
got it, and that's it. That's the only explanation we
1:42:25
get in this entire book for where she got metal knitting
1:42:28
needles from. It's never explained.
1:42:31
Ramona then confirms that Jade and Will are indeed a couple.
1:42:35
And I'm like, surely this would have been in their charts, No?
1:42:37
And Amy read their charts, so she would know, but it didn't
1:42:41
say it in there. So none of this makes sense.
1:42:43
Amy goes up to Jade and is like, I know everything.
1:42:46
And maybe you should be careful around Will.
1:42:49
I say, people who hear voices. You can't trust people like
1:42:52
that. Lovely.
1:42:54
More stigma and also just internalised ableism.
1:42:59
I think Will might be extremely dangerous.
1:43:01
I say, I think we all might be in danger tonight.
1:43:03
But if you don't want to listen, that's up to you.
1:43:06
Finally, we get another countdown check in and it's now
1:43:08
3 hours to mourning. So it's like 4:00 AM or
1:43:10
something. I think Amy goes to see Ramona
1:43:14
and says, do you think Mary's all right as Ramona?
1:43:17
She's back to her magazine at the nurse's station, flipping
1:43:19
through the pages. There's a full page photograph
1:43:22
of a very handsome 20 something man on the page she's looking
1:43:24
at. It's a tribute to how much time
1:43:26
I've spent studying in the last two years that I have absolutely
1:43:29
no idea who this famous heartthrob is.
1:43:32
And see, a real nurse wouldn't have time for this.
1:43:34
I call fake, I hover over her and then speaking about Mary, if
1:43:40
we gave her a bunch of Ativan, shouldn't we be checking on her?
1:43:43
Ativan is incentive. I remember from pharmacology
1:43:45
class that it can cause respiratory depression.
1:43:48
I mean it can cause a person to stop breathing, especially in
1:43:50
the elderly. It was on the flash card.
1:43:53
For all we know, Mary has stopped breathing in there.
1:43:56
And this is the first and only time in the book that Mary that
1:43:58
Amy displays any medical knowledge at all.
1:44:01
And it only happens 69% of the way in and never again.
1:44:06
See, she she didn't need to be a doctor in this story or a
1:44:09
medical student. She just didn't.
1:44:11
Amy goes against Ramonas wishes and cheques on Mary despite
1:44:14
being told not to, only to find Oh my God, another shock,
1:44:17
another twist. Her bed is empty, Oh my God
1:44:20
where is Mary? And then we get nearly the exact
1:44:23
same ominous chapter ending as we did earlier.
1:44:25
My heart is pounding as I come out of the bathroom, but not as
1:44:28
much as is when I realised there's a silhouette in the
1:44:30
doorway of Mary's room. A man is standing there, waiting
1:44:33
for me to emerge from the bathroom, and when I do, he
1:44:34
shuts the door, closing us both inside.
1:44:37
It's Will, obviously. Amy thinks that Will must have
1:44:40
done something to Mary, and she's like Anya.
1:44:42
Everything. And then Will reveals I'm not
1:44:46
crazy. He lays his hand on his heart.
1:44:49
I saw in my life that Jade is not my girlfriend.
1:44:51
I hardly even know her, I assure you.
1:44:54
He says that never happened. Jade is.
1:44:57
She's somebody to stay away from.
1:44:59
So that's what I've been doing. I don't even know her last name,
1:45:02
I swear. And then, Oh my God.
1:45:04
Super shocking reveal. Will not only isn't dating Jade.
1:45:08
You saw that coming, but Will isn't even schizophrenic.
1:45:12
I lied, OK? He scratches at his stubble.
1:45:15
I read a bunch of stuff about how a paranoid schizophrenic is
1:45:18
supposed to act. And then I went to the emergency
1:45:20
room and read the script and they put me here.
1:45:22
I stare at him. Why on earth would you do
1:45:24
something like that? Are you out of your mind?
1:45:26
No, I'm not, that's the whole point.
1:45:29
He drops his voice. So I have to strain to hear.
1:45:31
So here's the thing. I'm not an Uber driver, I'm a
1:45:34
reporter. This former patient of Ward D
1:45:37
came to me with this story about how he felt patients were
1:45:39
mistreated here. But, you know, it's hard to get
1:45:42
a straight story out of a lot of patients here.
1:45:44
And I didn't want to print a bunch of patient hallucinations.
1:45:47
So I thought the best way to get my story would be to experience
1:45:50
it first hand. More stigma there.
1:45:53
I like this idea that like you can't be a reliable source if
1:45:56
you've had a mental illness is just I open my mouth and don't
1:46:00
even know what to say. He lied about being a paranoid
1:46:03
schizophrenic. That's pretty.
1:46:05
I don't even have words for it. In a few days, I was planning to
1:46:08
say the voices went away. He says, like I took some
1:46:10
illegal drug and that triggered it and now I'm fine.
1:46:13
That was my plan anyway. But it's not working out like I
1:46:15
thought it would. You know, interestingly enough,
1:46:17
and I'll, I'll give Frieda McFadden this a study like this
1:46:21
was actually done for real. So I read a book about it a few
1:46:23
years back and called The Great Pretender by Susan Callahan.
1:46:27
And it was really, really good book.
1:46:29
It's like I said, a while since I've read it a few years, but it
1:46:31
was really, really good. And it's one that's stuck with
1:46:33
me. The the fake patients were
1:46:36
actually psychology students who were instructed by their
1:46:40
professor to do this and they all faked symptoms and all but
1:46:44
one of them were diagnosed with schizophrenia and admitted on to
1:46:49
psychiatric wards. It turns out that it was
1:46:52
incredibly difficult for them afterwards to prove their sanity
1:46:55
and be allowed to leave the ward.
1:46:57
And it showed a lot about how there's a massive over diagnosis
1:47:02
of schizophrenia, how a lot of the criteria for it is really,
1:47:07
really flawed. It showed how, you know, we
1:47:12
stigmatise people that we think have mental illnesses and we
1:47:14
read into their behaviour even when they don't actually have an
1:47:17
illness, as long as we think they do.
1:47:19
We treat them differently and we treat them poorly.
1:47:22
And it was an experiment during the 70s, but it was incredibly
1:47:25
insightful and it told us a lot about how we judge and
1:47:27
stigmatise people, like I say, that we presume to be mentally
1:47:30
ill regardless of what they actually are or not.
1:47:33
And while it's an older experiment, I think it's
1:47:35
something that's still very, very, very relevant today.
1:47:38
And this is what is happening in Freda's book.
1:47:41
I feel like Freda read that book and thought, yeah, I can use
1:47:43
this idea, but didn't understand that the problems they
1:47:46
highlighted are actually problems and just thought, oh,
1:47:49
I'll make a book about judging mentally ill people because I,
1:47:52
too, judge mentally ill people and yay, judgement.
1:47:56
At least that's how it comes across.
1:47:59
I just finished reading a book called The Great Pretender,
1:48:01
which was fantastic. It is by Susanna Callahan
1:48:04
Kahalan. Callahan Kahalan, I this woman
1:48:09
and like I say, absolutely fantastic book.
1:48:11
One of my favourites I've read in a long time actually.
1:48:14
And yeah, I cannot recommend it enough.
1:48:17
It's it looks in depth at study done by Rosenhahn in the 70s in
1:48:21
which to give you the summary from the book. 8 say normal,
1:48:24
well adjusted members of society went undercover into asylums
1:48:28
around America to test the legitimacy of psychiatry's
1:48:31
labels. Forced to remain inside until
1:48:33
they'd proven themselves sane, all 8 emerged with alarming
1:48:36
diagnosis and even more troubling stories of their
1:48:39
treatment. Now, not only does the book
1:48:41
examine that particular experiment and reveal some
1:48:44
pretty big flaws in it, but also the consequences of it and how
1:48:47
it changed our approach to psychiatry in general.
1:48:50
But it also really made me reassess, re examine my own
1:48:55
approach to mental health issues.
1:48:57
You know, mental health is something that I'm very kind of
1:48:59
passionate about talking about, and it's something that's very
1:49:02
close to my heart and is something that I really care
1:49:05
about. And it really made me look at
1:49:08
these idea of the labels we put on people.
1:49:09
Like what really is a mental illness?
1:49:12
How is that any different from a physical illness?
1:49:15
Is it different at all? What do labels like sane or
1:49:18
insane, normal or mad, well or unwell, What do they even mean?
1:49:23
Are they even relevant? The idea of sanity and insanity,
1:49:27
is there a distinct line between them or is it more of a
1:49:29
spectrum? Are we all a little mad?
1:49:31
It also highlighted to me how little we actually know about
1:49:34
the physiological causes of so many of the mental illnesses
1:49:38
that we diagnose, you know, never mind how to treat them.
1:49:41
Often when it comes to treatment, we're treating the
1:49:44
symptoms, not the cause. So it's not really any wonder
1:49:48
that most people don't get better.
1:49:50
They just end up kind of subdued, you know?
1:49:54
If we don't really know what's wrong with someone like
1:49:57
Hambrick, how do we really know how to treat him?
1:49:59
We're just throwing generic treatments at him and hoping
1:50:02
they work. Is it any wonder that they
1:50:04
didn't? Anyway, Will is the only
1:50:06
sensible person in this book, as he points out how messed up this
1:50:09
whole world is. He says.
1:50:10
Even before tonight, I had some issues to write about.
1:50:13
He looks back at the door to Mary's room, still shut tight.
1:50:16
The seclusion rooms here, I don't know how ethical any of
1:50:18
that is. They should at least have
1:50:20
windows on the door so staff can check on them regularly.
1:50:23
I didn't see it happen, but you should have heard that Damon saw
1:50:25
a guy screaming his head off when they locked him in there
1:50:28
and Miguel was screaming to get out too, at least until and
1:50:31
that's where he just like cuts off talking and again, these
1:50:34
like ethical violations and stuff.
1:50:35
Why didn't Amy, the trainee Dr also pick up on this?
1:50:38
I I don't know. Amy decides to try and trust
1:50:40
Will and ends the chapter with. So suppose I do decide to
1:50:45
believe you. I say what do we do about it?
1:50:48
Here's what we need to do. The white suit like if the
1:50:52
whites of his eyes glow in the moonlight, we survive the night.
1:50:56
That's not a plan, Will. That's an end goal.
1:50:59
Learn the difference. If you if you have an exam
1:51:02
coming up and someone asks you what your vision plan is, you
1:51:05
don't say so I have an exam. Here's what I need to do pass
1:51:11
the exam. It doesn't make that's not a
1:51:14
plan. That's not a plan.
1:51:17
Will says that he did actually try taking the medications.
1:51:19
And he says I didn't have a choice.
1:51:20
I tried taking the medications, you know, for authenticity, but
1:51:24
I couldn't think straight on them.
1:51:25
And then Amy chimes in. In her narration, Jade always
1:51:28
complained about how hard it was to be on antipsychotic
1:51:30
medications. Not that I thought she was
1:51:32
making it up, but I'm beginning to realise what she's gone
1:51:35
through over the last eight years.
1:51:36
How hard her life was because of her illness.
1:51:39
Although I'm still baffled as to why she would make up a lie
1:51:41
about Will being her boyfriend. Like I'm sorry but it took a
1:51:44
healthy man taking medication he didn't need for you to
1:51:48
understand why your I'll friend was struggling.
1:51:51
None of this book makes sense and I'm sorry but you can't use
1:51:55
an I'll man taking medication he didn't need as a reason for why
1:51:59
you think all antipsychotic medications are bad and
1:52:02
detrimental to people. It just hate this book.
1:52:07
Amy and Will bond some more because Fredo really wants to
1:52:09
make them a thing. I always love to read too.
1:52:13
I flipped through his dog eared copy of Owen Meany.
1:52:16
Whenever we were assigned to read a book in school, I would
1:52:18
always finish it after two days, even when we were only assigned
1:52:22
to read like 2 chapters. That just makes you a nerd, he
1:52:26
says. I on the other hand was a
1:52:28
reading renegade. In class while the teacher was
1:52:30
teaching a lesson, I would be reading a book under my desk.
1:52:33
I actually got detention for reading.
1:52:36
My teacher was always saying well put that book away.
1:52:38
Despite everything, I had to giggle.
1:52:40
You're right, I was never reading Renegade.
1:52:44
Will's theory is I think he meaning Damon Sawyer, must have
1:52:47
gotten out. He should have.
1:52:50
When the power died, the locks must have turned off as well,
1:52:52
and he took advantage. I clasp a hand over my mouth.
1:52:56
You think so, But this makes no sense.
1:53:00
The patient said he was going to kill them before the power went
1:53:02
out, and the power apparently reset the passcode of the front
1:53:05
door so no one could leave, right?
1:53:07
It didn't open the door or we don't know it opened the door,
1:53:10
so why would it work differently for the seclusion room?
1:53:12
I don't, I don't know, none of this makes any sense.
1:53:16
Also, if this entire ward is stuffed by just two people and
1:53:19
two trainees, then it can't be that big.
1:53:21
So where's he supposed to be hiding?
1:53:23
It's not even convincing. I'm still going with my theory
1:53:26
that and I I'm well, I'm going with my theory that Doctor Beck
1:53:29
is Damon Ramona is like, I know someone helping him and I'm
1:53:35
adding in now Damon is also Jade's boyfriend and they're in
1:53:38
this together. That was my theory.
1:53:42
I'm smarter than Freda McFadden flashback again.
1:53:46
And this is where I think, God, I'm just going to say this now.
1:53:49
It's so nice to actually be recording this and have a
1:53:52
distraction like this is. This is the first time I've
1:53:56
laughed in days. And I, I think I needed this.
1:53:59
So as exhausted as I am, as stressed as I am, yeah, that's
1:54:03
actually really nice. OK, flashback again.
1:54:07
This is where things get absolutely insane.
1:54:09
It's ridiculous. So Amy has spilled her Peach
1:54:13
tea, sorry Peach iced tea on the floor of this house because Jade
1:54:19
has kidnapped and tied up the maths teacher.
1:54:25
That's where this is going. I thought I, I did not see this
1:54:28
coming. I thought this was going to be
1:54:30
some exam cheating scandal. And then, I don't know, Amy
1:54:34
tells on Jade and some things. No, no, Jade has kidnapped a
1:54:38
man. You.
1:54:41
How does Freda's brain work? I can't RIP my eyes away from
1:54:45
the man duct taped to a chair in the middle of this tiny kitchen.
1:54:48
His hands and legs abound with the dull grey tape, and there's
1:54:51
a piece holding his mouth closed.
1:54:53
His face is dripping with sweat and one of his eyes is swollen
1:54:56
closed. There's blood on his scalp,
1:54:58
intermingled with the sparse strands of hair combed over his
1:55:00
bald spot. Because remember, kids, all
1:55:03
mentally ill people are evil and want to harm people, right, Jay?
1:55:06
Jay's just supposed to have bipolar, a completely normal
1:55:10
illness that many, many, many, many people live with and
1:55:13
manage. But Freda's decided that this
1:55:17
means Jade lacks all empathy for any other human and wants to
1:55:23
harm everyone she sees for no reason.
1:55:26
This is not a normal part of bipolar at all, people.
1:55:31
The average person with bipolar does not go around kidnapping
1:55:34
their maths teacher. I can't believe I even have to
1:55:36
say that. She smiles pleasantly, like
1:55:38
there isn't a bloody man tied up two feet away from us.
1:55:42
I just told him if he didn't want to do what I said, I was
1:55:44
going to stab him in the eye. He was really cooperative after
1:55:47
that, right? She bobs ahead.
1:55:50
When? Except we're not going to let
1:55:51
him go. We're going to kill him again.
1:55:54
This is not how the average person with bipolar acts, and it
1:55:57
is completely harmful to portray it this way.
1:55:59
Don't think I don't know, she hisses in my ear.
1:56:02
I know about that little girl you keep seeing everywhere.
1:56:04
You're always talking about it. Did you see her, Jade?
1:56:07
Nobody sees her, Amy. Nobody but you.
1:56:10
Open my mouth. But all that comes out is a
1:56:12
squeak. There's no little girl, Amy, she
1:56:14
says. You think you're so superior,
1:56:16
but it turns out you're even crazier than I am.
1:56:19
And if you don't help me, I'm going to tell everyone.
1:56:22
And I just, I have no words for any of this.
1:56:24
Why would a doctor actually think this is something she
1:56:28
should write and put out into the world?
1:56:30
Like I don't, I don't even know what to say about this book
1:56:32
anymore. Like I said earlier, people told
1:56:34
me this book was bad, but I did not expect it to be this bad.
1:56:37
At this point, Amy starts hallucinating the little girl
1:56:41
again, and the little girl starts saying like she should
1:56:43
kill her mass teacher with Jade. And then the chapter ends on a
1:56:46
cliffhanger, which the next chapter just immediately
1:56:49
resolves. Like essentially off page.
1:56:52
Like, well, kind of. Yeah.
1:56:54
Present day hours until morning too.
1:56:56
I didn't do it. I didn't kill my trigonometry
1:56:59
teacher, obviously. I didn't let Jade do it either.
1:57:02
When she tried to hand me that carving knife, I ran out of Mr
1:57:05
Riordan's house and out onto the main road.
1:57:07
I hitched a ride back to my own house, found my mother and burst
1:57:10
into tears as I told her everything.
1:57:12
So great way to remove all tension or excitement in what is
1:57:16
supposed to be a climactic moment in your story.
1:57:19
Forget showing us the action, just be like, yeah, obviously
1:57:23
that didn't happen. And then basically moved on.
1:57:26
Well, not everything. I didn't tell her about the
1:57:28
little blonde girl, but the little girl disappeared soon
1:57:30
after that and I never saw her again.
1:57:32
I never saw anything that wasn't really there ever again.
1:57:35
See, it was Peach induced hallucinations.
1:57:38
It's the only explanation. That's what I wrote in my
1:57:42
original script and you'd laugh at how accurate it is.
1:57:46
Also no no, I'll talk about this later.
1:57:52
Just remember this line. Remember this line.
1:57:58
We will come back to it after my mother called the police.
1:58:01
Thankfully in time to save Mr Riordan, Jade had a psychiatric
1:58:04
evaluation and received her bipolar diagnosis.
1:58:07
It was what saved her from kidnapping and attempted murder
1:58:10
charges. The next time I saw her, she was
1:58:12
right here on Ward D. She was pumped up with lithium,
1:58:15
lying in a messy hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling
1:58:18
vacantly. Like I'm sorry but she wouldn't
1:58:20
just get away with this completely surely if she was
1:58:24
found to have what's known as diminished responsibilities
1:58:27
because of mental health problems, this doesn't mean that
1:58:29
charges against her, especially for something as serious as
1:58:32
kidnapping, would just automatically be dropped.
1:58:35
She'd still likely have to serve out a sentence, and probably a
1:58:38
fairly long one, but usually in some sort of secure criminal
1:58:42
psychiatric facility. Again, not some random ward in a
1:58:46
normal hospital, just open to the public.
1:58:48
This is so full of plot holes, it's ridiculous.
1:58:52
And again, I don't think just bipolar is enough to just get
1:58:55
away with a bunch of crying. I, I don't know, correct me if
1:58:58
I'm wrong. At the time, Jade threatened to
1:59:00
kill Amy if she ever came back to Ward D.
1:59:03
And so in my script, I was like, this is clearly what's happening
1:59:05
to write tonight, right? And so in my script, I was like,
1:59:07
that's clearly what's happening tonight, right?
1:59:09
She's heard Amy's coming back to the ward.
1:59:11
So she's like, well, I told her not to come back and now she's
1:59:13
come back, so I'm going to kill her me.
1:59:15
And then like, clearly she's behind all of this.
1:59:18
Amy narrates. I haven't had much time for fun
1:59:20
over the last few years. It's been mostly studying the
1:59:22
Krebs cycle, lots of pharmacology flash cards and the
1:59:25
intricate details of the celiac plexus, and of course
1:59:29
occasionally hooking up with Cam, blah blah blah.
1:59:33
Again, this is like meant to give us an insight into Amy as a
1:59:38
third year Med student, but the things she's describing she does
1:59:42
are quite basic for someone at her stage of the of the apparent
1:59:46
career, right? Like the details of the Krebs
1:59:49
cycle. That's one of the most basic
1:59:50
things, right? You will, you'll be introduced
1:59:54
to the Krebs cycle like a GCSE biology and you'll kind of like
1:59:58
learn of it. And then you do it in a bit more
2:00:00
detail at a level. And then we cover the Krebs
2:00:04
cycle in like great, great detail in my first term of my
2:00:07
first year of biomedical science.
2:00:10
So. You're telling me that like what
2:00:12
I learned at 18 years old is what Amy is only just learning
2:00:18
in her like second and third year of medical school?
2:00:22
Because I'm sorry but I don't believe.
2:00:23
No no, I know Frida's meant to be apparently a doctor, but it
2:00:30
feels like at this point she just googled biology related
2:00:32
words and then stuck him in there at random, you know?
2:00:35
At this point Jade appears again and takes Amy away from Will and
2:00:41
Amy says to Jade. He did tell me the 2 of you
2:00:43
aren't really dating though. Jade Silesia Splitter, he said
2:00:46
that seriously? Yes.
2:00:49
Jade reaches out and takes my hand in hers.
2:00:51
Will and I have been dating for three years, I swear it.
2:00:54
I don't understand why he would say something like that.
2:00:57
Well I do understand it actually.
2:00:58
He's always been a compulsive liar.
2:00:59
What other nonsense did he tell you?
2:01:02
I open my mouth but I'm not sure what to say.
2:01:03
Will told me a lot of things, but none of them felt like lies.
2:01:07
He loves to make up jobs for himself to see more important,
2:01:09
Jade says. Like he's a pilot or a teacher
2:01:11
or a reporter, even though all he's done since we've been
2:01:13
dating is occasionally driving Uber.
2:01:15
And most of the time he doesn't even do that.
2:01:17
His parents have been giving him money to keep him afloat, or
2:01:19
else he'd end up on the street. Now there's having unreliable
2:01:24
narrators and characters in books.
2:01:25
I love that. I think it can make for an
2:01:27
absolutely fantastic book. I think thrillers like The Girl
2:01:31
on the Train did it quite well. I think kind of more classic
2:01:37
books like John Fowles, The Collector does it quite well.
2:01:39
Well, it does really, really well.
2:01:40
And there's loads and loads of examples of unreliable narrators
2:01:43
being being really good and throwing the audience off a
2:01:48
really great thing in thrillers and making the audience unsure
2:01:52
who to trust or whether it's great.
2:01:55
But Freda doesn't have unreliable narrators.
2:01:59
What she has in this book is just having characters outright
2:02:03
lie to the face of other characters with no indication of
2:02:06
what's actually real and what isn't, and also having her
2:02:09
narrator straight up lie to the audience.
2:02:12
And this was the thing I was going to bring up earlier.
2:02:15
There's a couple of lines in this where Amy is a narrator,
2:02:19
straight up lies to the audience, just a flat out lie,
2:02:22
but there's no indication that it's a lie.
2:02:24
She just flat out lies for no reason.
2:02:28
And then later she's like, Oh, yeah, actually the opposite.
2:02:31
Like, and that's meant to be A twist.
2:02:33
You can't just lie to your audience and then decide to tell
2:02:36
the truth for no reason and lie for no reason, then tell the
2:02:39
truth and then be like, see, it's A twist.
2:02:42
Like, hate this book. All that said, we have to
2:02:46
remember this is a Frieda McFadden book.
2:02:48
And there is no way that Frieda is ever going to make a woman
2:02:51
more trustworthy than a hot man, especially a mentally ill woman,
2:02:56
that they're not going to make her more trustworthy than a hot
2:02:58
man. So we have to assume that Will
2:03:00
is the one telling the truth. That and also because, you know,
2:03:04
the timeline of having books, if you really were Jade's
2:03:06
boyfriend, that wouldn't make sense.
2:03:08
So we have to assume that he's the one telling the truth.
2:03:11
But again, even if his story is right and he went to the
2:03:14
emergency rumours that I'm hearing voices like, do you
2:03:17
really think he'd have time to pack up like 2012 books or
2:03:20
whatever? Weird.
2:03:23
Anyway, also, we have to remember this is Frida McFadden
2:03:28
and she stigmatises mental health issues, so of course
2:03:33
she's going to do a whole sane person good, mentally ill person
2:03:37
bad and a liar thing, right? Well, good because he's not
2:03:40
actually mentally ill. Jade bad because she is mentally
2:03:44
ill. Anyway, Jade is now teaming up
2:03:46
with Ramona. Ramona to now convince Amy that
2:03:49
she's crazy, and in doing so they take her to Mary's room,
2:03:52
which is now strangely covered in blood.
2:03:55
Oh my God, there's blood all over the bed.
2:03:57
I didn't even see it when the lights were off.
2:03:59
I covered my mouth with both hands.
2:04:00
I think I might be sick. I lean forward and gag a bit.
2:04:03
It's a good thing I didn't manage to eat lunch.
2:04:06
It's a good thing I didn't manage to eat much for dinner
2:04:08
again. Sorry.
2:04:08
You're a third year Med student and you want me to believe you
2:04:10
vomit at the sight of blood? Like, make it make sense.
2:04:14
Where is she? I gasp.
2:04:16
She's lying down in a clean, empty room.
2:04:17
Ramona says she'll be all right, thank goodness, but she told us
2:04:20
we'll attacked her with a weapon and where is he supposed to have
2:04:23
got a weapon from? I don't believe it for a second,
2:04:26
but Amy eats it all up because she's stupid.
2:04:29
Because like, think about it, if Will did it, why isn't he
2:04:31
covered in blood? Why didn't the nurses stop him
2:04:34
or restrain him or call for help or put him in seclusion or
2:04:37
something? Why is he just wandering around
2:04:39
like Amy is so dumb? Throughout this book it's hard
2:04:42
to know what is a genuine plot hole and what is just Amy being
2:04:46
dumb or freedom of Phantom being dumb.
2:04:49
I this book is such a mess. 5 minutes ago I trusted Will, I
2:04:53
trusted him even though I hardly knew him.
2:04:54
And now I realise he has tricked me all along.
2:04:57
He had me just where he wanted me.
2:04:59
I wiped my lips with the back of my hand.
2:05:01
What do you need me to do? Amy is so stupid.
2:05:03
She literally just goes along with whatever the last person
2:05:05
she spoke to says to her, and she just blindly believes them.
2:05:09
So she goes back to Will's room, where we get more lines similar
2:05:12
to the ones from earlier. The diagnosis in his chart is
2:05:14
paranoid schizophrenia, but he claimed it was a lie.
2:05:17
Everything he's done, all said since we've been here has been
2:05:19
incredibly paranoid. He's created an entire
2:05:21
conspiracy theory when in fact he's the most suspicious person
2:05:24
of all. The supposed Doctor, Beck and
2:05:26
Ramona turn up with a mysterious mystery syringe to sedate him,
2:05:30
and they grab him and get Amy to inject him.
2:05:33
Perhaps because she's in the one with actual medical training who
2:05:35
knows how to use the syringe? Who's to say does we have to say
2:05:40
it's true? And Amy says it would be easy
2:05:43
enough to do. A syringe is sticking out of
2:05:45
Ramona's scrub pants. All I would have to do is jab
2:05:47
him in his arm, two people holding him down.
2:05:50
So it shouldn't be that hard to do.
2:05:51
Except then I hear a snicker from behind me.
2:05:54
I rotate my head and that's when I noticed Jade standing just
2:05:56
outside the door. Her hands are folded across her
2:05:58
chest and she has a smirk on her lips.
2:06:01
I've known Jade for a long time and I know that look.
2:06:04
That's when it hits me. She's not afraid of Will at all.
2:06:07
She was lying to me. She was lying to Mona and Doctor
2:06:10
Beck. She's enjoying this.
2:06:13
Literally. Amy has changed her mind like
2:06:15
five times in five pages. She is so fickle.
2:06:18
She is one of the most annoying narrators and apparent
2:06:21
protagonists that I've ever read.
2:06:24
Oh for God's sake. Ramona grumbles.
2:06:26
She throws the weight of her knee onto Will's arm and then
2:06:28
grabs A syringe with her left hand.
2:06:30
She pulls off the cap with her teeth, then plunges the needle
2:06:32
into Will's deltoid. Also not something I could ever
2:06:36
see a nurse doing the the using her teeth thing.
2:06:38
Like to me I'm like, see, she's not a real nurse.
2:06:41
I'm telling you. That's why I wrote in my
2:06:42
original script. Turns out I'm going to give you
2:06:46
a little spoiler. Now, we were right not to trust
2:06:48
Ramona, but she is actually a real nurse.
2:06:51
She's apparently a real trained nurse, and yet she's still doing
2:06:54
this. So I've doomed Will, and the
2:06:57
worst part is that now there is absolutely nobody left I can
2:07:00
trust. I really don't understand what
2:07:03
any of their reading game is here.
2:07:05
Their whole plan is so damn stupid.
2:07:09
In the next chapter, Doctor Beck tries to convince Amy that she's
2:07:12
also crazy. Doctor Beck considered my
2:07:14
question for a moment. His eyes cloud over as he looks
2:07:17
at Will's closed door, then back at my face.
2:07:19
Amy. He says quietly.
2:07:21
Have you ever heard of a psychiatric syndrome called
2:07:24
foliade? I always pronounce that wrong,
2:07:26
so please excuse me. I cannot do French accents.
2:07:30
No, you're a doctor. How do you not know this?
2:07:33
Anyway? It's also called a shared
2:07:35
psychotic disorder, he says. Basically, it's a delusional
2:07:38
belief, sometimes even involving hallucinations that are shared
2:07:41
by two people. For example, if a married couple
2:07:43
both believe their dog could speak English, that's not a
2:07:46
delusion, that's just fact. I'm joking.
2:07:49
Will has unfortunately managed to convince you that certain
2:07:52
delusions of his were true, Doctor Beck says.
2:07:54
But if you think about it, you will realise nothing he believed
2:07:57
was rational. He was using these delusions to
2:07:59
justify insignificant events and ultimately his own violent
2:08:02
behaviour. Again, a real doctor would not
2:08:05
be just thrown around diagnosis like this.
2:08:07
That's not how doctors work, I'm afraid Will psychosis is much
2:08:11
worse than what my colleague from the day shift report to me.
2:08:13
He says he really should be transferred to a more secure
2:08:16
facility, perhaps even a criminal facility, given our
2:08:19
suspicions about what he did to Mary Cummings.
2:08:22
So in in this, in this world, in this book, criminal facilities
2:08:26
do exist. So why haven't the actual
2:08:29
criminals been sent there like Jade and Damon?
2:08:32
It makes no sense. Also, you can't just decide to
2:08:36
send someone to a criminal facility for fun.
2:08:39
Like, surely they have to go through the courts.
2:08:40
Yeah. You can't just be like, well, we
2:08:42
suspect he did a thing, so we're going to send him there and
2:08:44
treat him like it. Like, doesn't work.
2:08:46
Amy decides there's nothing left to do but go and read Damon
2:08:49
Sawyer's file, which mysteriously disappeared earlier
2:08:52
but now has mysteriously reappeared.
2:08:54
And yeah, OK, now we get another twist.
2:08:57
Oh my God. Blah, blah, blah.
2:08:59
There's charts. He's got a note from his intake.
2:09:01
It was written the night he came in and details the events that
2:09:04
led to his incarceration here, as well as his mental health
2:09:07
history. As I start reading, a sick
2:09:09
feeling comes over me. Oh my God I wish I'd read this
2:09:14
from the beginning. This changes absolutely
2:09:18
everything. End of chapter cliffhanger.
2:09:20
Next chapter is all resolved. Damon Sawyer is a 32 year old
2:09:24
man with a history of schizoaffective disorder.
2:09:27
Schizoaffective disorder is a combination of schizophrenia and
2:09:30
a mood disorder, in this case bipolar.
2:09:32
In Sawyer's case, he had symptoms of schizophrenia,
2:09:35
including hallucinations, delusions and disorganised
2:09:38
thinking, but also mania. I've never seen such an
2:09:41
extensive psychiatric history. There was never anything like
2:09:44
this in the charts for Doctor Sleepy's patients.
2:09:46
That's the doctor or the nickname she uses for the one
2:09:48
she works for during the day. So at this point in my notes, I
2:09:51
was, like, 32. You say, like a certain Doctor
2:09:54
Beck. What?
2:09:57
Yeah. Unfortunately, Amy still does
2:09:59
not put this together. Damon Soil's family history is
2:10:02
unremarkable. His father is a businessman and
2:10:04
his mother is a homemaker. There was no abuse or neglect
2:10:07
recorded to explain the fact that a year that at a young age,
2:10:10
Sawyer was diagnosed with something called conduct
2:10:13
disorder. Even though I have no Internet
2:10:15
access, I have several medical apps on my phone that don't
2:10:17
require the Internet. I checked the psychiatry app,
2:10:20
which informs me that conduct disorder is a mental disorder
2:10:23
diagnosed in childhood or adolescents, presenting with
2:10:25
persistent with a persistent pattern of theft, lies and
2:10:28
physical violence, a classic antisocial behaviour pattern.
2:10:32
In Sawyer's case, he really liked setting fires.
2:10:35
Sawyer was hospitalised on and off for several years, start in
2:10:38
age 10 after a variety of physical alterations and charges
2:10:41
of arson. Finally, age 15, he set a fire
2:10:44
that resulted in two casualties. He claimed voices in his head
2:10:47
told him to do it and as a result, he was committed to a
2:10:50
psychiatric facility for the next 4 years.
2:10:53
During his time at the psychiatric facility, he
2:10:55
received his diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder in
2:10:57
addition to conduct disorder. You'd think after someone sets a
2:11:00
fire that kills two people they'll be locked up for good.
2:11:03
But he was released to age 19 after put after supposedly being
2:11:06
stabilised on medication in his 20s.
2:11:09
Soya struggled with substance abuse after Jade Smothers
2:11:12
overdose. I learned how common it is for
2:11:13
people with mental illness to also struggle with addiction.
2:11:16
Sawyer bounced between prison and psychiatric hospitals as he
2:11:19
was picked up multiple times on charges of possession and
2:11:21
dealing. But on the plus side, he didn't
2:11:23
set any more fires. So she really does want to pile
2:11:26
on this idea that some people are just born evil and messed up
2:11:30
and can't ever be helped. Narrative that she's pushing,
2:11:34
you know, oh, we had this perfect childhood.
2:11:35
But because he's got mental illness, he's just evil and just
2:11:38
evil things. And like, I thought we were past
2:11:40
this type of demonization when this book was written, but
2:11:43
apparently not. The note goes on to mention that
2:11:46
Sawyer had been convicted of assault and even an attempted
2:11:48
manslaughter charge, but due to his extensive psychiatric
2:11:51
history, these sentences were commuted into psychiatric
2:11:54
hospital stays. But clearly, this is a very
2:11:57
dangerous man. In the emergency room.
2:11:59
He had to be restrained by four staff members.
2:12:01
Although he eventually calmed down enough with medication that
2:12:04
they thought he would be appropriate for Ward D, they
2:12:07
were wrong. Sawyer was with his girlfriend,
2:12:09
the two of them were drinking beer together, and they decided
2:12:11
it would be hilarious to go and rob a bunch of banks using their
2:12:14
beer balls. So they went all over town
2:12:16
demanding money from bank clerks while pointing their beer
2:12:18
bottles at them. Jade does have a boyfriend, but
2:12:22
her boyfriend isn't Will Skoenfeld, who was never hearing
2:12:25
voices at all and just went too far to achieve his dream to be a
2:12:28
reporter for the New York Times. No, Jade's boyfriend is Damon
2:12:33
Sawyer. I'd say I told you so, but we
2:12:35
all saw it coming anyway. So yeah, now we just need to
2:12:39
wait for the reveal that Doctor Beck is Damon.
2:12:42
And the only thing I don't know is who Ramona is.
2:12:45
Exactly. But at this point I was like,
2:12:47
I'm sure we'll find out. Now, having read the book, I
2:12:50
still don't really understand who she is or where she came
2:12:53
from. I mean, we get told, but it.
2:12:56
Oh, you'll see. It's stupid.
2:12:58
And I'm also just really confused why this, like,
2:13:00
relationship disclosure was in Damon's chart but not Jade's.
2:13:06
That just feels like a plot hole.
2:13:08
Also, again, if he's done this much criminal activity and
2:13:11
there's also like, why is he not A, He'd probably be in a gaol
2:13:15
cell right now. B, If he was going to like a
2:13:19
criminal unit, he'd be in a criminal unit.
2:13:21
It makes no sense. This is so stupid.
2:13:26
Amy decides she needs to go and Shake Will awake because she
2:13:30
needs his help. The same man that she just
2:13:32
literally saw sedated with like a whole syringe of drugs,
2:13:36
Mystery drugs. She's a trainee Dr and she
2:13:39
doesn't realise that you can't just shake someone awake after a
2:13:42
medical sedation, yet she tries anyway.
2:13:46
And then because she's so dumb, there's only one thing left I
2:13:49
can possibly do. I have to tell Doctor Beck
2:13:52
what's going on. I'm fairly sure he's going to
2:13:54
think I've lost my mind and who knows how it will impact my
2:13:56
medical school career. I mean, he already thinks I have
2:13:59
that folio der thingy going on, but at the same time, he's the
2:14:03
boss here. If I tell him what Jade is up to
2:14:05
and can be convincing enough, he can help me.
2:14:07
It's my only chance. Stupid idea.
2:14:09
He's Damon, you can't trust him. Also she's a third year Med
2:14:13
student saying that folio der thingy.
2:14:17
Are you serious? Anyway, she goes to talk to him
2:14:21
and they discuss the door code not working and Doctor Beck
2:14:24
wants to find Ramona and Amy's like no because she thinks she
2:14:29
can't trust Ramona and then she almost faints.
2:14:31
So she just sits and waits while Doctor Beck wanders off to get
2:14:35
help and does nothing. Lean my hair back against the
2:14:38
sofa and close my eyes. The dizziness seems to be
2:14:41
subsiding but I still feel uneasy.
2:14:43
A crazy man is wandering the unit and Jade.
2:14:46
I don't quite understand her part in this but she's held a
2:14:49
grudge against me since high school.
2:14:50
Jade will never forgive me. I did what I had to.
2:14:54
It wasn't like I had a choice in the matter.
2:14:56
I couldn't let her kill our trigonometry teacher, but she
2:14:59
could never see it that way. I'm sorry, the whole premise of
2:15:02
this book is that your ex best friend has a grudge against you
2:15:06
because you wouldn't let her kill your teacher.
2:15:09
This is the stupidest motivation in any book I've ever read.
2:15:13
Even Kyra agrees. Where is Doctor Beck, shouldn't
2:15:16
he be back by now? The UNIT only takes like 60
2:15:19
seconds to walk around. Told you so.
2:15:21
It's a small. Oh stupid.
2:15:23
How long has it been since he disappeared out the door?
2:15:26
Did Jade and Ramona do something to him?
2:15:27
Is that why he isn't back yet? I reached into my pocket to grab
2:15:30
my phone to check the time. God, how did it get so late?
2:15:34
But the night is almost over. One way or another, I'm getting
2:15:38
out of here. She's just really dumb.
2:15:40
Then, as I predicted like 60% of the book ago, Amy's phone
2:15:43
finally gets miracle Signal and I click on the text message from
2:15:47
Gabby, which came hours ago, shortly after I texted her that
2:15:50
I'd arrived at Ward D and that Doctor Beck was cute.
2:15:54
God, my priorities were different back then.
2:15:57
Her text message fills the screen.
2:15:59
You think Doctor Beck is cute? You perv.
2:16:02
Doctor Beck is like 80 years old.
2:16:05
When I stare at the text message on the screen, my heart is
2:16:07
pounding out of my chest. Doctor Beck is like 8 years old.
2:16:11
So it According to Gabby who spent a week working with him,
2:16:15
Doctor Beck is an old man. And if the attending physician
2:16:19
on this unit is an old man, then who the hell was just with me in
2:16:23
this room? Don't you just love it when
2:16:26
author over explains everything? It's my big main critique of
2:16:32
Janice Hallett, who I love her books.
2:16:35
They are wonderful modern day episory novels and the stories
2:16:40
and the twists and the crime drama, it's so fantastic.
2:16:43
I love them. I love the stories in her book
2:16:46
but I hate how she has these passages of over explain
2:16:50
everything we've just read. Like she thinks her audience is
2:16:54
Dumber than we are. It frustrates me a bit, but I
2:16:58
can still forgive it because the rest of her books are so well
2:17:02
written and her characters are so 3 dimensional and her stories
2:17:06
are so good. I can forgive it.
2:17:07
Freda McFadden does not have that going for her, so I cannot
2:17:11
forgive it. This is the most predictable
2:17:15
apparent twist from her that I've I've seen yet.
2:17:18
The next chapter is literally just a recap of the entire book
2:17:22
that we've read so far. When Cameron I first arrived at
2:17:25
Ward, DA Man in his 30s, wearing scrubs and a white coat,
2:17:28
introduced himself as Doctor Richard Beck, which was also
2:17:32
embroidered on his coat. He wasn't wearing an ID badge,
2:17:35
but I didn't think anything of it at the time.
2:17:38
There was no reason to think that he was anyone other than
2:17:40
Doctor Beck, and it was confirmed to me by the nurse
2:17:43
Ramona. Doctor Beck is like 80 years
2:17:46
old. Gabby had no reason to lie.
2:17:49
It's very clear now that the man I've been addressing as the
2:17:51
attending psychiatrist on the UNIT is not Doctor Beck.
2:17:56
And then, of course, there's the question of where the real
2:17:59
Doctor Beck is, because he was the assigned psychiatrist on the
2:18:02
call schedule. So at some point, was he ever
2:18:05
here? And then blah blah blah, It goes
2:18:07
on like this. Like we know all this because we
2:18:10
literally just read the book. Freda really thinks her audience
2:18:13
is stupid. Amy thinks her way out of here
2:18:16
is to blow another fuse and cut the power.
2:18:18
So she takes a mug of water and throws at the light switch.
2:18:22
Very sensible, you know, risk starting an electrical fire
2:18:25
while you're entirely locked in an area with no way of getting
2:18:28
out and no way of contacting anyone outside.
2:18:30
Yep, that's smart. But apparently it works.
2:18:33
So oh God, I didn't even mention this before.
2:18:35
When the power went out before, it's because a patient peed on a
2:18:38
light switch that apparently was enough to like cut all the power
2:18:42
on the ward and open the door and reset codes and do all this
2:18:46
stuff like peeing on a light switch.
2:18:48
Ridiculous. So now she gets a cup of water,
2:18:51
throws it on the light switch, and apparently it works and the
2:18:54
door opens. But instead of getting out of
2:18:56
there, she decides to stall, because if I ever had a chance,
2:19:00
this is it. I grab my phone out my pocket
2:19:02
and turn on the flashlight function.
2:19:04
I shine it around the room until I locate the door, and then I
2:19:07
make a room for it. The door to the unit is directly
2:19:09
on my left. All I have to do is grab the
2:19:11
handle and get the hell out of here.
2:19:12
But before I can do it, I find myself hesitating.
2:19:15
I find my eyes drawn in the direction of the seclusion
2:19:18
rooms, notably to seclusion one. Don't you want to see what's
2:19:22
inside? I shine my flashlight in the
2:19:24
direction of seclusion. One, the keypad that usually
2:19:27
glows green has gone dark. Is this when Damon Sawyer
2:19:30
escaped, or is he still in the room, ready to pounce when I
2:19:33
open the door? Like, are you serious?
2:19:36
What? How has she not put it together
2:19:38
yet that this Doctor Beck is Damon Sawyer?
2:19:41
How? How has she not realised?
2:19:42
She's so dumb? And two, you have the chance to
2:19:44
escape. Go and get help.
2:19:46
Why you hanging around? This is so stupid.
2:19:49
This is so damn stupid. And then a terrible thought hits
2:19:53
me. When anyone leaves the unit, the
2:19:55
door alarm sounds off. It's like a siren.
2:19:58
You can hear it everywhere. And I haven't heard that sound
2:20:01
once since I first entered Ward D Cameron supposedly had a
2:20:05
family emergency and left the unit, but if that were true, we
2:20:08
would have heard that deafening siren noise emit from the door,
2:20:11
which means Cameron never left. If he'd gone through that door,
2:20:15
I would have heard the siren. So that means he might still be
2:20:18
here. Since I've searched everywhere
2:20:19
else, that leaves one remaining place where he could be.
2:20:22
And if he is in there, if Damon Sawyer somehow grabbed him and
2:20:24
pulled him inside, I owe it to Cameron to try and rescue him
2:20:27
before it's too late. So finally, it took her 7 hours
2:20:32
to figure that out. She is an idiot.
2:20:34
Plus, why does she need to keep repeating the same thing over
2:20:37
and over? And no, no, you don't owe it to
2:20:40
him to get him out. You owe it to him to get out of
2:20:43
that ward. Get safe, get help, call the
2:20:45
police, send in trained professionals.
2:20:48
Stop being dumb. As I stare inside the room, my
2:20:51
legs tremble beneath me. Oh, no.
2:20:53
Oh, my God. I should have never opened the
2:20:55
door to this room. I should have made a room for it
2:20:58
while I still could. Yeah, we told you this.
2:21:01
Also, the amount of time she says Oh my God or oh God or
2:21:04
whatever, it just or just straight up panics instead of
2:21:06
doing anything and using a brain.
2:21:09
It's so repetitive and frustrating.
2:21:11
It's quite boring to read. It's repeated so much.
2:21:13
It loses all meaning and does not create the tension that
2:21:16
Freda thinks it does. You know, oh, you know, I
2:21:18
haven't done in this book is a word count.
2:21:22
You know, like when an author swears too much, I do a swear
2:21:25
count. Let's do one for Oh my God.
2:21:28
Oh, there are 27. Oh my gods, 50 gods and eight oh
2:21:35
no's Yeah. The stench of blood fills
2:21:38
seclusion one. A couple of my friends are
2:21:40
taking their surgery rotation right now.
2:21:42
And when they discuss the surgeries they saw, they never
2:21:44
mentioned the smell of blood. But this room is stick with it.
2:21:47
An acrid metallic smell that assaults my nostrils as I stare
2:21:50
into the small dark space. There's death in this room
2:21:53
again. Sorry.
2:21:54
You want me to believe that? A third year Med student isn't
2:21:57
used to being around blood because she hasn't done her
2:21:59
surgery rotation yet. Like, come on.
2:22:02
Inside the room, she finds Mary. She's dead.
2:22:06
Cameron. He's dead.
2:22:08
Another woman who is clearly the real nurse, Ramona, she's dead.
2:22:11
And an old man, clearly the real Doctor Beck.
2:22:14
And he is, you guessed it, dead. So we have 1234 dead bodies in
2:22:21
here. Standard.
2:22:23
Yeah. Lovely.
2:22:24
Damon turns up and reveals that he's Damon, because of course he
2:22:28
is. We all knew this fake Doctor
2:22:30
Beck is Damon. Amy was too stupid to figure
2:22:33
this out for herself and he had to tell her.
2:22:35
She's so stupid. She's so stupid.
2:22:41
I don't know who you are, but I know you're not Doctor Beck.
2:22:44
You're right. I haven't even introduced
2:22:46
myself. He smiles at me and those
2:22:48
dimples pop. He really is handsome.
2:22:50
I can see why Jade fell for him. My name is Damon.
2:22:53
Damon Sawyer. And it's very nice to finally
2:22:56
meet you. Amy.
2:22:56
I've heard so much about you. Oh, wow.
2:23:00
What a surprise. I'm shocked.
2:23:02
Are you shocked? None of us saw this coming.
2:23:06
All this time, I thought the monster was in Seclusion One.
2:23:09
I thought he was roaming the halls, hiding in dark corners.
2:23:12
But all along, he was right in front of me.
2:23:15
Footsteps echo down the hallway, growing closer.
2:23:17
Bile rises in my throat when Jade and Ramona round the
2:23:20
corner. Now it's three against one.
2:23:23
Not that I had any chance against Damon Sawyer, even on
2:23:25
his own. Jade gloats.
2:23:28
You disappointed me though, Amy, She muses.
2:23:30
I always thought of you as being very smart, but you never saw
2:23:33
any of this coming. You believed me over that geeky
2:23:35
reporter, even though you know I'm a brilliant liar.
2:23:38
She looks over at her boyfriend with admiration.
2:23:40
And worst of all, you've trusted him.
2:23:43
Like, are you serious? You thought Amy was smart?
2:23:46
Were you spending time with the same person we just read about?
2:23:49
Because nothing in this book implied she was in any way at
2:23:53
any time smart. Jade info dumps and tries to
2:23:57
fill in all the plot holes. Damon apparently could pretend
2:23:59
to be a doctor. Because you did put on an
2:24:02
excellent performance, she concedes.
2:24:04
I guess those psychology books you were always reading paid
2:24:07
off. Sure, sure thing, sure.
2:24:10
Also, it's funny that like this random criminal who just reads
2:24:13
psychology books for for fun apparently has more medical
2:24:16
knowledge than Amy who's a third year Med student.
2:24:20
It's revealed that Damon was Jade's mum's drug dealer and
2:24:24
that's how they met and he fell for Jade and then together they
2:24:28
plotted to kill her mum via giving her a drug overdose.
2:24:33
Freda's just making them comically evil at this point.
2:24:36
There's more info. Dumping it was surprisingly
2:24:38
easy. Jade says the real doctor Beck
2:24:41
wasn't working on the unit until this week, so most of the
2:24:44
patients had never seen him before.
2:24:46
Damon jerks his head in the direction of the room filled
2:24:48
with dead bodies. And we managed to take care of
2:24:51
most of the people who did recognise me.
2:24:53
My eyes were drawn to the woman that I believed was Ramona.
2:24:56
All night she's looking down at her nails critically, but when
2:25:00
she notices my attention, she looks up and smiles.
2:25:02
My name is Nicole. She says.
2:25:04
I'm, I actually am a nurse before you went berserk.
2:25:08
Jade points out. Ramona, who's actually Nicole,
2:25:12
shoots her a look. You asked for my help and you
2:25:15
got it, Nicole. That was the name of the patient
2:25:18
Mary had mixed me up with. I remember Mary saying something
2:25:20
about how Doctor Beck wouldn't let her leave.
2:25:23
Don't pretend you were doing us a favour.
2:25:24
Jade snaps at Nicole. Your brother was trying to have
2:25:27
you committed and we did you a big favour letting you in on our
2:25:30
plan. How about a little gratitude,
2:25:32
huh? So then Jade and Nicole have a
2:25:34
spat because reasons and because two women can't possibly
2:25:38
actually be friends in a reader book.
2:25:40
So Damon just kills Nicole? Slash previous Ramona by
2:25:45
smashing her head in with the paperweight which he's just been
2:25:48
carrying around in his pocket for some reason.
2:25:50
None of this makes sense. And again, the demonization.
2:25:53
Nicole is apparently like a successful nurse until one day
2:25:57
she gets mentally ill and snaps and decides to go on a murder
2:26:00
spree because now she's ill. And that's what ill people do.
2:26:04
They turn evil and kill everyone.
2:26:07
Apparently Jade and Damon have the real code to exit the ward
2:26:12
and they gave Amy a fake code at the start of the night.
2:26:15
Again, if they have the code, why are they not just leaving?
2:26:17
And how did they get the code? None of this makes sense.
2:26:20
There's more of this. You can totally judge a person's
2:26:22
mental health by their appearance nonsense.
2:26:25
Now that I know who Damon really is, I noticed the crazed glint
2:26:28
in his brown eyes. Even his hair has taken on a
2:26:31
wild edge, sticking up every which way instead of neatly
2:26:35
combed like it was at the beginning of the shift.
2:26:37
When I first found out about the man locked in the seclusion
2:26:39
room, it sounded like they were describing a wild animal.
2:26:42
And when I look at Damon Sawyer, that's what I see.
2:26:45
A man who would smash a paperweight into a woman's skull
2:26:48
and kill her just because she was being annoying.
2:26:51
And then, then there's an extra reveal.
2:26:54
Damon grins. Maybe you should have dropped a
2:26:56
few more hallucinogens in her Peach iced tea.
2:27:00
I feel like Damon just slugged me for a moment.
2:27:02
My entire world is crushing down around me.
2:27:04
What? So all my jokes about Peach
2:27:07
induced hallucinations weren't actually wrong.
2:27:11
I was pretty spawn with that. My question is though, where
2:27:15
does a 16 year old girl get hallucinogens, know the right
2:27:18
dose to give and know that they would work and be able to slip
2:27:22
it into her previously sealed drink without her noticing?
2:27:25
Feels like another plot hole. But once again, all of this just
2:27:29
reinforces this idea that mentally ill people are evil and
2:27:32
non mentally ill people are good and it's so damn harmful.
2:27:35
The whole plan that this whole whole night has been about is so
2:27:40
damn convoluted and ridiculous and none of it makes sense
2:27:44
anyway. Damon looks down at his watch.
2:27:47
We better get going with this. The sun will be up soon.
2:27:49
At this point it's like 6:00 AM depending on the time of year.
2:27:52
I'm pretty sure the sun is already going to be up, but
2:27:54
never mind. Jade ignores my question.
2:27:56
You actually know it's later than 6:00 AM?
2:27:58
It's close to 7. Not the point.
2:27:59
Jade ignores my question. You're right Damon, should I go
2:28:02
grab the paint thinner? Paint thinner?
2:28:05
Damon tosses the paperweight spotted in Nicole's blood
2:28:08
between his hands. Honestly, anyone who's dumb
2:28:10
enough to leave a can of paint thinner on a psych ward is just
2:28:13
asking to have this whole place burned down.
2:28:15
I'm sorry but like, where did this even come from?
2:28:17
There's no explanation of who left it or why or where it's
2:28:20
come from because apparently you're not even meant to have it
2:28:22
on the ward in the 1st place. It's just none of this makes
2:28:25
sense. I remember looking through
2:28:26
Damon's chart, the history of awesome when he was a child.
2:28:29
He had an affinity. Affinity for setting fires. 2
2:28:32
casualties. No, I breathe.
2:28:35
You're not going to do that. He winks at me.
2:28:38
Weren't you the one who said this place was a fire hazard?
2:28:40
You can't do this, I croak. You can't kill all these people
2:28:42
because you're mad at me. That's not right.
2:28:45
Oh get over yourself. Jade sneers at me.
2:28:48
This isn't about you Damon and I wanted a fresh start, So what
2:28:51
better way to get it than to burn down the psych unit and
2:28:54
pretend both of us went up in flames?
2:28:57
She smirks. Although when I saw your name on
2:28:59
the call list for this week, I did get excited about the idea
2:29:01
of having a little fun with you in the process.
2:29:04
We were going to do it last night, but we decided to move
2:29:05
our plans just for you. It's true.
2:29:08
Damon confirms. Jade made me wake a whole extra
2:29:11
night. She must really hate you.
2:29:14
It's such a stupid plan. So their plan is they're going
2:29:18
to sedate Amy, set the fire, and then escape.
2:29:22
But Amy is saved by Dan, the man who believes his Spider man,
2:29:26
because out of nowhere, Damon's face morphs into a flush of
2:29:28
white lines. He screams and claws at his
2:29:30
cheek. Go web, a voice yells out.
2:29:34
I stare at the scene and fold in front of me.
2:29:36
It takes me a moment to figure out what just happened, and when
2:29:38
I do, I can't quite believe it. It's Spider Dan, he came out of
2:29:41
freaking nowhere and dropped a web constructed of dental floss
2:29:45
onto Damon's face. And now he's tightening the web,
2:29:48
cutting off Damon's airway. Why would they allow dental
2:29:51
floss on a psych ward? Doesn't make sense.
2:29:53
Spider down is stronger than he looks.
2:29:55
Also, you can make a spider web out of dental floss.
2:29:58
Apparently. I can't believe it.
2:29:59
Cameron was right. Yeah, this is a believable
2:30:02
ending to all of this, isn't it? Jade and Amy then fight each
2:30:05
other until Amy finally remembers she has the plastic
2:30:07
knitting needle that Mary gave her in her pocket.
2:30:10
And then she stabs Jade. Just as this all happens, a man
2:30:13
appears outside the door of Ward D.
2:30:15
And before I can figure out exactly how to respond, I hear
2:30:18
pounding at the door to Ward. DA man's voice.
2:30:20
Ice rings out. Everything OK in there?
2:30:22
We heard shouting. I almost laugh at how completely
2:30:25
not OK it is in here. We're locked in.
2:30:28
I shout at the door. Please help us.
2:30:31
Here's my confusion in this plan.
2:30:32
Right. They want to just like, set a
2:30:34
fire on the ward, pretend they died and escape.
2:30:37
Why wait until nearly 7:00 AM to do that?
2:30:40
There was literally no reason to wait out the entire night just
2:30:43
sitting around doing nothing. Wait in until they knew the day
2:30:48
shift would be coming into work where everyone would be in the
2:30:51
hospital and it would be busy. There'd be a tonne of witnesses
2:30:54
around for their escape. This is stupid as hell.
2:30:57
And also do they not think like about their bodies not being
2:31:01
that? None of this makes sense.
2:31:03
This is so damn stupid. Oh that not none of this makes
2:31:07
sense. I'm so so annoyed.
2:31:10
So the outside man comes in and he immediately trusts Amy
2:31:13
because he recognises her as I know you.
2:31:16
He says you're the medical student who kept forgetting the
2:31:19
accommodation to your locker in the anatomy lab.
2:31:21
So Teehee, being a dumb little girl has saved the day again.
2:31:25
You need me. The police are called.
2:31:27
We find out that Miguel is dead too.
2:31:29
Will is struggling to breathe, so they rush him off to the ICU,
2:31:33
apparently because he's still sedated.
2:31:36
Amy gets questioned by the police.
2:31:37
Jade and Damon are now sent to prison.
2:31:41
I don't get why this is the event that gets them sent to
2:31:43
prison instead of these low security psych wards that
2:31:46
they've been repeatedly sent to in the past.
2:31:48
There is no logic to any of this.
2:31:52
Amy leaves the hospital and Gabby is there waiting for her.
2:31:56
I scanned the entranceway until I spot the grey Toyota all the
2:31:58
way on the side, the one that brought me here 12 hours ago.
2:32:01
Although it feels like 12 years. And again another plot hole. 12
2:32:05
hours ago. So even though the shift is
2:32:07
supposed to be 13 hours long and Gabby was going to pick her up
2:32:10
at the end of the shift. Either Amy got to her shift an
2:32:13
hour late, which we already know she didn't because Cam was there
2:32:16
at the same time, or or she got out of her shift an hour early.
2:32:20
But Gabby just showed up an hour early to pick her up with no
2:32:23
communication. Or maybe like she did a 12 hour
2:32:27
shift or no because then she would have had time to be
2:32:30
questioned by the police as well.
2:32:32
So this 12 hour thing makes no sense.
2:32:35
This doesn't make any sense. The timeline makes no sense.
2:32:39
This book is stupid. That's the end of the book until
2:32:45
we get an epilogue. It's a year later.
2:32:48
Here we find out that now Amy is dating Will, who has got her
2:32:52
addicted to something called an iced dirty Chai tea latte.
2:32:56
I love a Chai latte to be honest.
2:32:59
The oh the trick right? Get a Chai latte with oat milk.
2:33:02
Makes the flavour so much richer.
2:33:04
It's so damn good. It's fantastic.
2:33:06
Little bit of cinnamon on top. Love it.
2:33:09
Apparently this is an important thing, but I don't really care.
2:33:12
Will is now writing a book about the whole Ward D situation, and
2:33:15
Damon and Jade were apparently both arrested, although
2:33:18
ultimately they were sent to a psychiatric hospital for the
2:33:20
criminally insane. Their insanity defence kept them
2:33:23
from life in prison, but I've read that some of those
2:33:25
psychiatric hospitals are much worse than prisons.
2:33:28
After all, they will be surrounded by people just like
2:33:31
themselves. The stigma never stops, does it?
2:33:35
Right? To the last chapter, in the
2:33:36
words of Amy. Oh my God.
2:33:39
Then we get our final reveal as Amy is busy gushing about how
2:33:44
perfect Will is and how perfect her life is.
2:33:47
He notices me watching him and flashes me an adorable smile
2:33:50
before going back to his screen. Will is just so great.
2:33:54
He makes me want to fill a spiral notebook with bad poetry
2:33:56
about his smouldering Hazel eyes.
2:34:00
I could really see this working out.
2:34:02
Marriage, 2.4 kids, a golden retriever in a house with a
2:34:06
white picket fence. He's too good for you, you know.
2:34:10
I jolt slightly at the voice. I drop my eyes and my heart
2:34:12
sinks. A Pretty Little girl standing in
2:34:15
front of me as if waiting for an iced, dirty Chai tea latte of
2:34:19
her own. Her blonde hair curls around her
2:34:21
heart-shaped face and she's wearing an Immaculate and frilly
2:34:24
pink dress. Her familiar blue eyes bore into
2:34:27
me, an unreadable expression on her face.
2:34:30
I hate this little girl so much. I've hurt my gaze trying to
2:34:34
ignore her like I always do, but she's not to be ignored.
2:34:37
He's probably going to dump you soon.
2:34:39
She says she'll never entirely leave me, though I saw her the
2:34:43
most when I was drinking those peached iced tea lattes with
2:34:46
hallucinogens. But even after Jade left my
2:34:48
life, I still saw the little girl from time to time.
2:34:51
It's been 9 years and I've never told a soul aside from Jade.
2:34:56
I don't know if the drug she slipped me triggered something
2:34:58
inside me that couldn't be turned off, but that little girl
2:35:01
is always with me. Always.
2:35:04
And she always tells me to do bad, to do things, bad things.
2:35:07
But I don't listen. Of course I don't.
2:35:09
Well, most of the time. So earlier, when she said she
2:35:13
never saw the little girl again, she never hallucinated again.
2:35:16
That was a complete, flat out lie to the audience for no
2:35:20
reason other than to be deceiving for the sake of having
2:35:22
a twist at the end of this book. That is just poor writing.
2:35:27
Then there's a bunch of confessions from Amy about how
2:35:29
she did a bunch of awful stuff because she was hallucinating
2:35:33
and the awful stuff she did was primarily to women.
2:35:36
There's one black thing to Cameron, but it's primarily to
2:35:38
other women. And this is where we realised
2:35:40
that Amy is just a flat out terrible person.
2:35:44
I did listen at that party. When Cameron and I hooked up.
2:35:47
I dropped some laxatives from the medicine cabinet into his
2:35:50
girlfriend Jess's drink because I had my eye on camera for a
2:35:53
while and the little girl knew how badly I wanted to get him
2:35:56
alone. I listened to her when she told
2:35:58
me to send a damning letter to the director of that research
2:36:01
fellowship can applied to because she knew I didn't want
2:36:04
him disappearing across the country for an entire year.
2:36:07
I also listened to her when she told me to go back and check
2:36:09
seclusion 1 instead of making my escape from Ward D, and when she
2:36:13
whispered in my ear to stab Jade with Mary's knitting needle.
2:36:17
I would never have thought to do that on my own.
2:36:19
And then the book ends with. But I don't listen to her
2:36:23
blindly. It's not like I would do
2:36:25
absolutely anything she tells me to do.
2:36:27
I mean, I would never kill anyone just because this little
2:36:30
girl told me to, even though it feels like more and more that's
2:36:34
what she's been telling me to do.
2:36:36
But I wouldn't do it. After all, I would have to be
2:36:39
crazy to do something like that. And this book is so damn
2:36:42
harmful. I again, being a doctor,
2:36:48
hallucinating and not getting treatment is just so dangerous
2:36:52
for all of your patients. It's so bad.
2:36:55
I just feel like every time I've read a Freda McFadden book it's
2:36:58
been worse than the last, and I didn't think this one would be
2:37:01
quite as bad as it is and as ablest as it is because I'm.
2:37:05
I'm just utterly shocked. I'm also shocked by her
2:37:08
acknowledgements for this book, which read.
2:37:11
Thanks to my mother for reading it twice and effusely telling me
2:37:14
OMG this is the best book ever. All capital letters.
2:37:18
Thank you to my father. Thank you to my father for
2:37:21
giving me feedback as a practising psychiatrist.
2:37:25
Not of none of which involved women's shoes this time.
2:37:28
So I'm sorry, you're telling me that your psychiatrist dad was
2:37:32
involved in writing this book and he was OK with you
2:37:35
publishing this? What the hell?
2:37:39
And are his patients OK? This is horrifying.
2:37:44
I thought we'd end this video by looking at some reviews from
2:37:46
other people who sum up my thoughts far more eloquently
2:37:51
than I ever could. This book stigmatises mental
2:37:54
illness. The story is unbelievable and
2:37:56
annoying. I wanted to scream at the main
2:37:57
character, but more than that, I want to scream at the author for
2:38:00
perpetuating such negative stereotypes about those who
2:38:03
suffer from mental illness. Very disappointing.
2:38:07
First of all, I find it hard to believe that this was written by
2:38:10
a practising physician at all. 2023 is fast becoming the year
2:38:13
of mental health awareness, and for you to put out a work
2:38:16
depicting mental health as crass as this on May, the Mental
2:38:19
Health awareness Month. Mind you, it's nothing less than
2:38:23
distasteful and unsympathetic. But I just have to ask, who
2:38:26
would let a medical student in a psychiatric ward without proper
2:38:29
briefing and preparation? Exactly what kind of teaching
2:38:32
hospital is this? And given that she's an A+
2:38:35
student, how come she did not do her research prior to doing her
2:38:38
rounds? What kind of medical student
2:38:40
would be so disinterested in reading medical charts when you
2:38:43
came in there to learn she did She purposely choose to be so
2:38:47
dumb so the story would go on? She can't be bothered to read
2:38:49
the patients charts but she has time to recount and fantasise
2:38:52
about hands, lips and caresses. Priorities.
2:38:56
Another says I'm a Freedom McFadden fan but this book is
2:38:59
utter garbage. The writing is at a third grade
2:39:01
level with limited vocabulary. She calls everyone and
2:39:04
everything crazy. For a book that handles the
2:39:07
topic of mental illness, the topic is handled very clumsily.
2:39:10
She claims to be a physician, but physicians do not refer to
2:39:13
patients as crazy. Highly unprofessional.
2:39:16
She claims to have several mental health care professionals
2:39:18
read the book. That's questionable.
2:39:21
No medical student would behave this way.
2:39:23
You have to suspend all reality to enjoy the book.
2:39:26
Fiction is one thing but this book is complete fantasy with
2:39:28
poor writing style. This book is not worth the paper
2:39:31
it's printed on. And fun fact, there are 44
2:39:34
instances of the words crazy or craziest or some variation in
2:39:39
this book. 44, another review reads.
2:39:43
McFadden, shame on you. Appears you have never worked on
2:39:46
a night shift at a psych hospital.
2:39:48
The staff ratio was way, way unrealistic.
2:39:51
Too short staffed with backup Amy would With backup Amy would
2:39:55
not have ended up on the floor. No one checking on or knowing
2:39:59
where the patients were all night.
2:40:00
Anyone who's ever worked with the mentally ill would wouldn't
2:40:03
even consider working on ward D Locked ward, no backup.
2:40:06
Only one nurse, one doctor. Doctors don't involve themselves
2:40:09
in acting out patients and they don't work graveyard shifts.
2:40:12
Please. This story was weak and totally
2:40:14
unrealistic. Grossly incorrect.
2:40:17
Knitting needles on a locked ward?
2:40:19
Recipe for suicide and maybe staff injury by trying to secure
2:40:22
the object. Staff sleeping on the ward.
2:40:24
One way for a patient to stab themselves with knitting needle.
2:40:27
No searches. Second point, the mentally ill
2:40:30
are not bloodthirsty killers. Thank you.
2:40:33
The patients are by far more likely to hurt themselves.
2:40:36
Very very bad portrayal of the mentally ill.
2:40:38
Shame on you. 30 years experience speaking in 30 years
2:40:41
while working. I only had one injury and that
2:40:43
was my fault. Love this person for saying
2:40:46
this. This was so hard to read.
2:40:48
Anyone who works in the mental health or psychiatry fields will
2:40:50
literally cringe throughout this entire book due to horrible
2:40:53
inaccuracies and the absolutely atrocious and inaccurate
2:40:55
portrayal of inpatient mental health unit.
2:40:59
I'm actually tempted to write the author on this one because
2:41:01
of how her writing has perpetuated the narrative that
2:41:03
people of mental illnesses are inherently violent.
2:41:06
This is simply not true. Another person says As a nurse
2:41:09
who works in a hospital psych board, this was so effing
2:41:11
stupid. The lack of staff, PTA, OH
2:41:15
patients, patients been able to easily access staff lounges,
2:41:17
breakthrough, no cameras leaving patients in seclusion and
2:41:21
restraints with no monitoring, patients having knitting
2:41:23
needles, no panic button everywhere.
2:41:25
I just couldn't help but compare everything to my unit while I
2:41:28
was reading. And finally, I feel like
2:41:31
Victorian era bedlam was run better than Ward D, An insult to
2:41:36
the mental health care industry and if in any way indicative of
2:41:39
the current healthcare system. Americans are a lot more trouble
2:41:42
than previously thought. This is not how emergency slash
2:41:46
drama psych wards are run, and if the author had bothered with
2:41:50
even the barest modicum of actual in person research, they
2:41:53
would have seen that. Zero security on the ward, same
2:41:55
sex wards, only one night nurse, no cameras, no backup
2:41:58
generators. Oh God.
2:42:00
It's also incredulous and nonsensical.
2:42:02
It actually makes me boiling mad.
2:42:03
Completely and utterly unrealistic.
2:42:06
I couldn't even be bothered to suspend my disbelief at my RAM
2:42:09
at this ramble every of a book. OK, And that is that is me done.
2:42:15
I'm actually really glad I'm actually record this and get
2:42:17
through it all. It's been some much needed
2:42:20
levity in what has been an absolutely awful week.
2:42:22
But please let me know your thoughts on this down in the
2:42:25
comments. And thank you so much for your
2:42:28
patience and your support. And yeah, I'm going to go QB is
2:42:35
due her next medication now, so I'm going to go give her that,
2:42:37
give her some snuggles and just spend the rest of the day with
2:42:40
her. So thank you all for your
2:42:43
patience and kindness. I really hope you at least still
2:42:46
managed to enjoy this video and get something out of it.
2:42:48
I'd love you hear your thoughts in the comments below.
2:42:50
And as always, let me know if there's any other video topics
2:42:53
you would like me to cover. And yeah, I'll see you guys
2:42:56
again soon. Thank you so much for watching.