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Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 5 - Back Alley Battles · Session Zero Heroes | TTRPG Actual Play Adventures & Improv Storytelling

0:00
Hello weary
0:11
Traveler, I'm not sure what strange magic
0:14
must have brought you here, but you have stepped into a
0:17
realm of my creation, a sprawling
0:20
city filled with danger and glory and, most
0:22
importantly, lots of gold. Out. I
0:25
call it Ilanumis. Who am I,
0:28
you might ask? M the name is Jargon,
0:31
and I'm the patron deity of gambling.
0:34
Long story short, this group of
0:37
idiots, or as you may call them, heroes,
0:40
made a bet with me that they had what it took to make a mass
0:43
trove of gold, but left some of the key
0:46
details blank. So I fill them in
0:49
myself. I send them to this pocket
0:51
dimension, into the city I had created
0:54
with brand new bodies they'd have to attune
0:57
to. Can these fools pass my test?
1:00
Or will they be trapped, uh, here forever?
1:02
So, experience, um, my world of trials
1:05
and tribulations and join alongside this
1:08
posse of pitiful people. Or, as I like to
1:11
call them, the criminals of
1:13
Islamis.
1:16
And welcome back to another episode of
1:19
Criminals of Elam, uh,
1:21
Numis. I mostly got it. That one. I got
1:24
it. That was a good 90%. Um, welcome back to
1:27
another episode. With me today is all the usual
1:30
players. Feel free to introduce yourselves. Usual
1:33
players. Dave, you want to kick us
1:35
off? Dave here playing
1:38
Maki in the body of some bird guy.
1:42
That's a great way to describe it.
1:45
Yeah. Quinn here playing little sauce feather
1:48
McGregor, uh, just found out my whole world isn't
1:51
real. Really, um, depressed right now. Probably
1:54
going to do some crazy stuff. That's true. Now, the two of you that
1:56
just introduced yourselves, your characters just leveled up,
1:59
uh, after last time, you both had some money on
2:02
hand, and you decided to upscale your
2:05
leveling. Did you get anything interesting from that? I
2:08
got, uh, some stuff, for sure,
2:11
and that stuff includes
2:14
my, uh, hit points went up. Your hit points went up.
2:17
And then some other stuff that I'm not familiar with because I
2:20
don't play this very. So you're essentially a war
2:22
mage. You, uh, got some kind of a tactical. It's
2:25
on the. Oh, yeah. Tactical wit. Tactical wit.
2:28
Arcane deflection. Yes. So, tactical wit kind of
2:31
lets you add Your intelligence modifier to
2:34
your initiative role. And then. What was the first
2:37
one on there? Arcane deflection. Arcane deflection. So,
2:40
arcane deflection is going to let you use, uh, your
2:42
reaction to do one of two things. If you
2:45
are attacked and, um, they successfully hit, you can
2:48
use your reaction to essentially throw up, sort of like a magical
2:51
shield around you that adds plus two to your AC to
2:54
possibly block them hitting you um,
2:57
alternatively, the other way that you could use it is,
3:00
uh, in reference to a saving
3:03
throw. If someone were to cast a spell that would cause
3:06
you to make a saving throw, you can add plus four to whatever
3:08
you roll to try to help you save against it.
3:11
So just something to keep in mind as you go along.
3:15
M Dave, anything that, uh, your guy
3:18
got. Oh, my health also
3:21
went up nice and
3:24
got font of magic, so I get a couple
3:27
sorcery points. I can't really use
3:30
them for much yet, but. Awesome. I got
3:33
them. They're there. I liked how I said
3:35
they're there, like, they are there. But also, I'm
3:38
cheering Dave up. Like, they're there. It's
3:41
okay. Um,
3:44
awesome. Fantastic. Uh, Jackson.
3:47
Uh, this is Jackson Blank Des, who is also in the
3:50
body of some bird guy and is quickly coming to the
3:53
realization that there's no such thing as a war crime. If you're not in
3:56
a time of war.
4:00
Uh, define script. Um,
4:02
this is Fatty. I'm playing Kido, who is
4:05
trapped inside the body of a bird without
4:08
feathers, I-E-A lizard man.
4:11
Yes, as we all know from the
4:13
dinosaur. Yeah. Ah.
4:17
Uh, fantastic. Awesome. Nothing to report on
4:20
that side of things. Fatty lumber. Nothing
4:23
new on the evolutionary front. Oh, okay. Awesome.
4:26
Not yet. Someone's a level
4:29
up. Yeah, exactly. You'll start gaining
4:31
feathers. All the Kenku
4:34
players will start losing feathers. And that's just the big
4:37
trade, having found out where the feathers are coming. That's right.
4:41
Cameron. Uh, I'm Cameron. I'm playing, uh,
4:44
Roric, uh, the
4:46
non bird, uh, or as we
4:49
call them, goblins. I just realized that
4:52
the table is literally like the non bird people on
4:55
the left side. Ah. We stand united
4:58
against These birds. I see that.
5:01
Against various bird relation.
5:04
Watch. I'm going to get the fly spell first and
5:07
just fly all over these
5:10
birds. This flightless falls.
5:14
Awesome. Let's jump into things.
5:21
You all right? So, last we left off, you
5:24
guys had met with this
5:27
fellow. He, uh, was a bugbear, going by
5:30
the nickname the Slasher, uh,
5:33
Slicer. Slicer. Sorry. Yeah, you're right. The
5:36
slicer. Um, he had, uh, kind
5:38
of pitched some sort of job to you. Said he wants you guys to meet
5:41
him in an alleyway after dark. Part
5:44
time job. Uh, Arby's. That's right. Yeah. If that doesn't
5:47
sound sus, then I don't know what does. Uh,
5:50
whatever the case, you guys had agreed to it. Feather, uh,
5:53
McGregor, aka little sauce, had had some reservations
5:56
against it, but you guys sent him out to
5:59
go find the talkie, uh, walkie
6:01
Stone, the God Jar Jim
6:04
had given you to answer a yes or no question
6:07
every single day, um, from the divine being
6:10
that created this entire world, and you guys just kind of tossed
6:13
to the side. It's fine. I'm not bitter.
6:16
Whatever the case, uh, felt McGregor went and found
6:19
it, brought it back, and sure enough, once he kind of
6:22
heard the God speaking and talking
6:25
to all of you, including himself,
6:27
explaining how he had created the world and everything like
6:30
that, uh, it really was a bummer, kind of,
6:33
for Lil sauce, I, uh, assume would be the best
6:36
way to put it. Definitely, uh, changed his point of
6:39
view about all things. And
6:41
so now, uh, you're joined with this
6:44
group. He's promised you that if you
6:47
help them succeed at their goal of the million
6:50
gold pieces, uh, then you would get to be put
6:53
in the real world,
6:55
uh, where things are real.
6:58
Yeah, not where they're not exactly. Exactly.
7:02
Uh, so that's kind of your one hope, uh, at kind
7:05
of resolving the fact that you've lived an entire life that
7:08
I guess means very little because you're in a tiny pocket
7:10
dimension. But whatever the case, I'm leaving that emotional
7:13
stuff up to Feather McGregor to figure
7:16
out. So whatever the case, uh, you guys, it is getting
7:19
late, it's getting dark, and you guys are making your Way to
7:22
the, uh, aforementioned alleyway. And as you
7:25
arrive, you see a dark figure in a cloak
7:28
emerge from the shadows of this alleyway,
7:31
remove his hood over his head, and
7:33
they're standing before you is the slicer himself. And
7:36
he says, I'm, uh, glad you all
7:39
could make it. Are you all ready
7:42
to get started on this job?
7:45
I'm assuming that's the voice I went with with the slicer or something to
7:48
that effect. So if it's not, it is
7:50
now. You just crucify him in the comments
7:53
later. Mhm. And they
7:56
will. Are you all
7:59
ready to take on this, ah, get started taking on this
8:02
job, because I'm actually running out a little bit of time. He looks at a little
8:05
sundial on his wrist, and the whole thing is just dark because
8:08
the sun's already starting to go down. There's not really anything to see on
8:11
there. He's like, yeah, I'm running out of time. Ah. So,
8:13
uh, if we could get started, get ready, get,
8:16
uh, hidden, that'd be great.
8:19
If you guys are ready, which I really hope you
8:22
are, because we need to get.
8:26
Yeah. All right, that's good. That's what I like to
8:28
hear. Say less
8:31
Maki slings into the
8:35
nice. Awesome. Fantastic. So, yeah, Maki
8:38
disappears into the shadows. Um, what are the rest of you
8:41
doing? There's a number of things in this alleyway.
8:44
Some old crates. There's, like, a
8:47
cloth tarp that's hanging off of something. It's got some
8:50
big old tears in it. So obviously somebody threw it out because it
8:53
wasn't what they needed anymore. Um,
8:59
it's a dead end alleyway. I mean, it doesn't go
9:01
anywhere. Um, there's a big dumpster.
9:04
There's a door that the dumpster kind of sits next
9:07
to. Uh, that goes into one of these buildings, but it's closed.
9:10
Whether or not it's locked or not is
9:13
undecided. But whatever the case, there's a number of different places
9:16
to hide. And that kind of seems like what,
9:18
um, he's urging all of you to
9:21
do. He says,
9:24
yeah, I'm going to be mating with somebody here in a little
9:27
bit, and I need all of you to hide
9:29
away. And then once they get here and I
9:32
give you the secret word, I want us all to jump
9:35
out and take out his gods. But
9:38
don't take him out, all right, because he's got the goods.
9:41
What's the secret word? Maki is going to try
9:44
to climb up the side of the alley.
9:47
Okay. To the roof. Oh, wow.
9:49
Okay. Um, yeah, give me
9:52
an, uh, athletics check.
9:54
Cool.
9:59
Oof. Seven.
10:02
He, uh, he starts to try to climb up, but every time, he
10:05
kind of just slips down the rock. And
10:08
his awkward, uh, feathered hands are just
10:11
not letting him get up as well as he normally would.
10:15
I'm too weak. Stop. These noodle
10:17
arms in this bird body. Uh, the
10:20
slicer watches this and just kind of shakes his head
10:23
and he says, well, you were doing all right in the
10:26
shadows. I don't know where you were trying to go, but,
10:29
feather. As for your question, my
10:32
phrase, it's a secret phrase, and when you hear it,
10:35
I need you all to jump out and attack the gods. All right? So I need
10:38
you all listening for when I tell you what this secret phrase is,
10:40
all right? Are you all listening? Des nods.
10:43
Des nod. Okay, good. He looks around. Very
10:46
intense eye contact. Oh, good,
10:49
because he's going to love this. All right, the
10:52
secret phrase. He leans in, he starts to whisper to each
10:55
of you. The secret phrase is,
10:57
well, that's quite a load you've got
11:00
there. I
11:03
want to know what kind of product he is
11:06
trading. We can just keep
11:09
that a secret. All right. Is there, like, a garbage can
11:12
or something somewhere? Yeah, there is a dumpster I'm going
11:15
to open the dumpster, look inside. If anything, I'm just going to kind
11:18
of dump it out. Well, I mean,
11:20
it's a big. You just get a whole dumpster.
11:23
It's mildly stinky. Mildly
11:26
stinky? Yes. Interesting. What else
11:29
is in the alley? Um, I mean, there's just kind of like some
11:32
various discarded items. Like a couple
11:35
of pieces of wood over here. Like I said, there's that tarp. On the
11:38
dirtiness scale of this alley, did he make it
11:41
very more dirty in comparison to what it was before
11:44
or is this about normal? It looks about normal.
11:47
Up to par. I've got a cloak on, right? So I'm
11:50
just going to put my cloak up. I'm going to kind of hide behind the trash can. So
11:53
you emptied this trash can? No,
11:56
I didn't empty anything. I thought you emptied a
11:59
whole dumpster and then proceeded to just hide
12:02
behind it. When you said it's a big
12:05
dumpster, I figure I probably wouldn't. The idea
12:08
is if I empty the dumpster, they'll think I'm
12:11
in the dumpster. That's where you get them
12:18
behind it.
12:22
Cameron, just something, uh, that I'll put out there for
12:24
you. Uh, since it's related to your question, as you
12:27
guys have kind of traversed this area, you've noticed that
12:30
alleyways tend to be quite dirty in this
12:33
and narrow district. Um, not
12:36
necessarily narrow. Oh, like how narrow is this particular one?
12:39
Yeah, this is a solid, like 15 to
12:42
20ft wide. That's like a whole road. Yeah,
12:45
almost. Dang, it's pretty wide. If it weren't for the fact that it
12:47
just ends in a cement wall or a brick wall.
12:51
Dead end. It's just a dead end alley. Yeah.
12:53
Then you would almost wonder, like, oh, it's basically just a pathway to
12:56
go over. You know, these dead end alleys that are
12:59
pretty big are like a common theme throughout our D d
13:02
history. I just wanted to point that out. I don't know why we always have
13:05
these dead end alleys. No good. Interesting.
13:08
Always combat in them too. Can't ever, ah, have, ah, peaceful
13:10
times in Dead end alleys. Well, whatever the case, where is fizzle
13:13
fingers, aka Roric? Um,
13:16
where is he hiding? Uh,
13:19
directly behind. He's, uh, just following Keto.
13:22
Oh, okay. Because, uh, his thinking
13:24
is Keto's
13:29
looks tougher. A master of disguise. No,
13:32
Keto looks tougher then because he's a lizard guy and
13:35
he figures a feather fella is just going to be
13:37
like a pincushion, but he figures a lizard guy's like a
13:40
wall. Okay, so he's just going to hide behind deal.
13:43
A lizard guy is just a goblin with a tail. Yeah. We
13:46
also found out looking comparing Rourke, uh,
13:49
and Keto, uh, that Rourke's, uh, apparently
13:51
taller than, uh, the lizard guy. Which, I
13:54
mean, the way this campaign's gone, seems like I'm the shortest
13:57
character, so the fact that I was taller kind of shocked
14:00
me. I may have to kinetically goblins for
14:03
sure. Not my eyes.
14:06
My eyes. He's 10ft tall. All right, so
14:09
Machi can't climb the wall. So insteaD, he
14:12
goes into the shadow, and he lays down
14:15
behind some milk crates,
14:19
loads his crossbow, and he's laying down on his
14:22
back. Nice. Ready to spring into action.
14:25
You're going to rise like a vampire out of a casket. Just
14:27
like my staff
14:30
will shoot these. Okay, right.
14:33
What? My staff's got, like, these different things,
14:36
right? I don't know. Right. You got, like,
14:39
fireball and Ray Frost.
14:42
Yes. Those are your cantrips. What's the staff
14:45
actually do? I
14:48
just beat them with my staff? Yeah, you have, like, uh,
14:51
sure. I'll give you, like, a wizard. They come out. That's what it says I
14:53
have. I just beat them with it.
14:56
Shoot the stuff out of your staff or your fingers.
14:59
Or fingers. Yeah, I mean, if you feel
15:02
like the staff makes sense for your character, go for it.
15:05
You're a little sauce. What's your special ingredient here
15:08
for casting spells? My personal head cannon, when it comes
15:11
to, like, ray of Frost or poison spray is like, have you
15:13
ever seen the movie signs at the very end when
15:16
the alien just comes out of his wrist?
15:19
That's exactly what I picture on anyone. K. So I can only do those,
15:22
like, once per round or once return. Yeah, that's your
15:25
action. Typically less accurate because the alien was
15:28
a mist. Right. Suddenly
15:31
we realized the alleyway is filled with
15:34
half drink and glasses of,
15:43
uh, if Keto is going to go
15:46
find that tarp that you mentioned, he's going
15:49
to hide underneath the tarp. Okay, and does that mean
15:51
that. Yep. I'm under the tarp, too. Uh,
15:54
two of you are cuddling tarp buddies. We're not
15:57
cuddling. We're tarp buddies. I didn't say there
16:00
was that much room down there. And, um, I will
16:03
say wall under the tarp. Keto, uh, is going to
16:05
hear.
16:09
What was the word we're supposed to wait for?
16:13
I don't know. I thought I saw a rat run into the dumpster, so I was a
16:16
little distracted. Okay, well,
16:19
it sounds like we're going to be jumping out when we feel like,
16:22
man, it's going to be one of those classic things where the guy's just standing
16:25
there and has to repeat louder and louder the same phrase
16:28
over and over. We'll just wait for, uh,
16:31
Maki to jump OUT. He seems ambitious.
16:34
YEAH. Will you guys jump the henchmen? I might have to go jump that
16:37
rat. That sounds like a very tasty morsel. How big was
16:40
THis raT? Rat sized. Rat
16:42
sized? Vaguely. Nothing beats a good rat sized
16:45
rat. All right, well, if that's the
16:48
case, it sounds like, uh, everybody,
16:52
you're not here. No, I haven't decided yet. But what if I
16:55
just pretend to be a drunken and pat
16:57
incapacitated, like hobo?
17:00
It's probably empty bottle. Sure, yeah.
17:03
Roll a, uh, gosh. PerfoRmance check.
17:06
Okay. Oh, I'm good at these. The plus
17:09
zero, good acting drunk, raw
17:12
dice rolls. If you need help, ask,
17:15
you pick up a bottle from the ground. It's not
17:18
broken yet, which is perFect. It's got a little bit of old
17:21
water in there, so it even looks like there's a little bit of liquid, and you just kind of,
17:24
like, put one hand on the wall and you just start
17:26
peeing. Whoa, hold on.
17:29
I'm so glad I can do that on command, because that will
17:32
become a feature. Oh, no,
17:35
I've given you too much power. Awesome.
17:38
Like a level up for free.
17:43
Okay. Slicer looks, uh, around at all of
17:46
you. Or, I mean, he sees one of you. The rest of you, he
17:49
looks around, he doesn't see you. What does he say anything
17:52
when he does? Uh, he goes the
17:54
one particular party. He looks over
17:57
at Drax. Des, I was way
18:00
off. Okay. Uh, he looks over at Des, and he
18:04
know sometimes most hidden is just
18:07
looking generally normal.
18:10
Raise the with your back turned
18:13
to him, still peeing. And so while you raise your dance,
18:16
how long do you pin, um on peeing for?
18:22
This is going to just
18:25
the performance of a life unlimited
18:27
bladder. Have you had your prostate checked
18:30
recently? It's dark.
18:33
You just have to mimic m the sound of pee
18:36
hitting the ground.
18:41
That's true. That's good. And that's exactly what you can
18:44
do. He rolled a high performance. He heard
18:46
it. He's not even peeing. He literally just didn't even
18:49
start in the first place. MakINg the noise
18:52
very possible. Awesome. All right, with
18:55
that, the, uh, slicer turns around, and only a couple
18:58
of moments later, a carriage, very
19:01
ornate, very classy looking, pulls up
19:04
to the alleyway. A man and three
19:06
bodyguards, all, like, burly dudes.
19:09
Dressed in all black. They've got, like, dusters
19:12
on, and they all wear, like, these kind of fedora
19:15
esque hats. Um, they all step out of
19:18
this horse drawn carriage.
19:20
And the very wealthy looking,
19:23
well dressed has, like, a
19:25
fur coat that comes off of his back. He's got a
19:28
nice cape, uh, purple cape that's coming off of that.
19:31
He's dressed in a few, uh, different,
19:34
nicely metal, uh, chains of some
19:37
kinds. Like, there's maybe one that's gold, maybe a couple that are
19:39
silver, et cetera. He, um, comes walking over. You can
19:42
see on his hands as he moves forward, he kind of twiddles his
19:45
fingers, and he's got rings on his various
19:48
fingers, um, all of which really
19:50
suggest wealth. Uh, one thing that's key
19:53
that you notice about him is, uh,
19:56
some of these items that I've described feature
19:58
horse insignias on them.
20:01
Um, whether it be a horse head
20:03
or sort, uh, of just like the
20:06
silhouette of a horse head or some variation of
20:09
that, or a full horse like, little symbol on him.
20:12
Whatever the case, this dude definitely seems into,
20:15
uh, horses. Horse guy. He's a horse.
20:18
Scary. Uh, he approaches,
20:21
and the slicer says, Lord Pendleton,
20:24
I assume? Yes.
20:27
Vicount. Cornelius Montague Pendleton
20:29
Fitzgerald at your service.
20:33
Now, do you have the
20:35
semen?
20:39
The slicer reaches into his cloak
20:42
and withdraws a cylinder. Does he
20:45
hear snickering all across the
20:47
Sallyway like,
20:50
you got a little pony?
20:53
Oh, no.
21:00
All right, for that, I'm gonna need
21:03
to see some charisma. Saving
21:06
to keep yourself from chuckling
21:09
when you hear the word semen.
21:12
This isn't right. Uh, very
21:16
nice. Right. 17. Nice.
21:18
Nine. Uh, twelve.
21:21
Wow. There you go.
21:24
Uh, there are a couple of very soft snickers.
21:27
And slicer, ever so slightly, looks back
21:30
with a little bit of a glare, but Lord
21:33
Pendleton seems not to notice. I'm just saying you got
21:36
to warn. You got to warn people.
21:39
He's very focused.
21:45
That is true. Uh, he looks
21:47
intently at this cylinder, uh, and he
21:50
says, uh, there it is.
21:54
That's going to be the stuff, isn't it? The
21:57
stuff that'll move my horse.
22:00
StuD farm. That was the
22:03
word. This would be my
22:05
stud farm, uh, to the next level. And
22:08
this is as promised. It's going to take some time,
22:11
obviously, for me to see the results. So I want to make sure I'm paying
22:14
for what I asked for. And
22:17
slicer replies, yeah, it's the stuff. You can
22:20
trust me. After all, you know, I'm somebody
22:23
that'll get you what you want. And he says,
22:26
okay, well, just know that if you double
22:28
cross me and this isn't the stuff that I was looking for,
22:31
I will send my men. And he motions to his
22:34
big, burly bodyguards, who, of course, all do the very, uh,
22:37
uh, classic pop all their knuckles. How many
22:40
bodyguards are there? There are three.
22:43
They will fight you, and they will get
22:45
back my money, and they will get back
22:48
my time in your.
22:51
Well, you understand? Uh, and the slicer
22:54
just kind of nods, and he says, yeah, I
22:57
understand. Now, let's see your end of the bargain. And
23:00
sure enough, Lord Pendleton looks over to one of his
23:03
bodyguards, who hands him a large leather
23:06
suitcase, which he holds out
23:09
towards the slicer. He opens it up,
23:12
showing a large bag of
23:14
jingling gold pieces. He says,
23:17
yeah, of course I brought this stuff. You know I'm good
23:20
for it. This means nothing to me compared to
23:23
that vial of semen. And the slicer
23:25
says. Peeks inside, sees the gold,
23:28
says, well, looks like we've got a deal
23:31
well made. And as they
23:33
exchange goods, he hands the vial of
23:36
semen to Lord Pendleton, and he
23:39
says, well, that's quite
23:42
a load you've got there.
23:45
And he throws one of his hand axes at the
23:48
guard that was handing the bag of gold coins.
23:50
Okay. All right, everybody, roll initiative
23:53
and we'll do a surprise round.
23:56
I do have to say by
23:59
default. You have to what? No, I just
24:02
want to say, uh, for clarity. I'm
24:04
surprised, uh, because I did not know what the word
24:07
was. I'm just going to hear the sound of people going, and
24:10
I'm going to be. Whoa. Are you also
24:13
surprised? You get to add plus three,
24:16
your intelligence modifier. Eight total.
24:18
Okay, uh, what did the rest of you get? You
24:21
got 419.
24:24
Holy cow. 1313. Okay, it
24:27
fits for both of us under this tarp. BoTh of
24:30
you are losing the surprise round. Are you surprised,
24:33
too, keto? Yes. Okay, yeah, that
24:35
rat just came under the tarp with us.
24:38
13 dead even. 13.
24:41
All right. Um, starting with Dave. Although
24:44
I guess it doesn't really matter. It's a surprise round, so. I mean, if Jack said
24:47
you want to finish? Well, order does matter, but it does. That's
24:50
true. We can go in order. That's all right. Okay.
24:53
All right, Dave. Okay, so we got the one guy
24:56
handing the thing to the
24:59
exchange. Yeah, they just made the exchange. So both people are holding
25:02
their respective prizes, but the three bodyguards
25:05
are still standing behind Lord Pendleton.
25:07
Lord Pendleton, of course, is holding a vial
25:10
of alleged semen. Semen?
25:13
Where's the buggy? Yes, so it
25:16
is about, uh, 10ft past the opening of,
25:19
uh, the alleyway. Okay, so they had to come into the
25:22
alley. Yes. Are they closer to the
25:24
buggy? I'm guessing. What do you mean by closer to? Like,
25:27
who's closer to the buggy slicer or
25:30
the Pendleton and the goons? They are? Yep. The
25:32
goons, Pendleton and the goons. Yep.
25:36
All right, so what are you doing there?
25:38
Uh, Dave Samaki,
25:44
uh, pops up from behind the
25:47
crates and
25:50
takes a pot shot at one of the guards.
25:53
Eight. Uh,
25:55
you shoot your, uh, arrow or
25:58
bolt, I guess, right? It's a crossbow. Right?
26:01
He has advantage. Oh, yeah, since it's
26:04
a surprise round. Wait, you get advantage on. You get advantage on
26:07
a surprise target. Surprise target. That's why
26:09
the turn order matters, because you're surprised until
26:12
you get your turn. Then you get skipped and you lose.
26:15
Surprise. Got you. So if you attack someone who's
26:17
surprised, get advantage. Right. Okay. How'd you not know
26:20
that, you stupid. Whip. Advance.
26:24
Uh, much better. Uh, added 20.
26:27
That is definitely a hit. Feel free to
26:29
roll me some damage.
26:32
Maki shoots the guard right
26:35
in the knee.
26:39
Ten damage. Holy cow. All. Ah,
26:42
right. That's a massive hit. Uh, the
26:44
guard, this, uh, bolt comes flying forth,
26:47
slamming him right into the knee, going, uh, through both
26:50
his duster and whatever pants might be hiding underneath
26:53
that he's wearing. Uh, the dart pierces
26:56
into his knee. The
26:59
man screams and falls to his other, well, like, one leg
27:02
only holding him up. The other leg falls, and he's
27:04
clutching his leg. Pendleton has just a moment to kind
27:07
of turn around and go, what are you doing? Get
27:10
up.
27:22
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designs that you can get. Now back to the show.
27:59
Um, next up, uh, Quinn, what would be, like,
28:01
a loud sound
28:04
that I could create? It's something I would
28:07
hear that would just terrify you. If you're in a dark
28:10
alley, there are a lot of sounds that would terrify me in a dark
28:13
alley. They wouldn't take a lot. Gunshot.
28:16
I would say the quieter sounds would be more terrifying.
28:21
Uh, someone pissing around the
28:23
corner that you just can't see them. That'd
28:26
be terrifying. Good thing no one's doing that in this.
28:32
It's something you would have had to have heard, though. A
28:34
shattering jar of a child's
28:36
laughter.
28:39
Ideally,
28:44
if this was like, this universe here, I would
28:47
play, like, the Halloween theme music.
28:50
So you're saying, like, you're going to give yourself a theme song?
28:53
No, he's singing. He's just perfectly doing a
28:56
theme. Morning USA. I'm, like,
28:58
killing. Just flashing everybody. You, uh, just want, like, some
29:01
kind of happy go lucky music playing in the background.
29:04
Yeah. How are you doing?
29:07
There we go. Music I would have
29:10
heard mimicking it. Oh, so you just are
29:13
opening your mouth.
29:19
All right, you open your mouth and some sort
29:22
of strange, eerie Melody comes out of
29:25
it that you're mimicking that you've heard once before.
29:27
Once.
29:30
That's your bonus action. I
29:33
just want to set the mood. Okay,
29:36
well, what is happening?
29:39
And then I guess I'll shoot him with a firebolt. Okay,
29:42
go ahead and roll that. Uh, you sing Ring
29:45
of Fire. Um, yeah, no, we can't. I
29:48
missed. No. Yeah, you get
29:52
advice one more time. I didn't miss.
29:54
1919. That is definitely. Which one? What was the one
29:57
that I add to it? Uh, be your spell attack modifier
30:00
beat that one. Okay, so plus five.
30:03
Okay, it doesn't matter. It's over 20. Yes, that's definitely going to
30:06
hit it. Seven. Seven damage. Are you hitting the same
30:09
guy that was shot in the knee, or are you hitting somebody else? Shooting him in the other
30:12
knee. Okay. All right. Um,
30:15
you shoot him in the other knee and immediately
30:17
buckles. He's laying on the ground and he's reaching
30:20
up. He reaches up towards Pendleton, he says,
30:24
help me. And Pendleton swats him away and
30:27
goes, get off me, you foolish brute. Um.
30:30
Awesome. Fantastic. Jackson, you are finally up.
30:33
I would still like to throw my hand axe. You asked.
30:36
Handed off the gold. Specifically, I'm going to
30:39
say that that was the same guard. Okay, never mind. Oh,
30:42
you don't want to do that one. Okay. No, he's
30:45
still up. Oh, wow. I'll just hit somebody else just
30:48
to even the pie. Sure.
30:51
Uh, throwing hand axe. Uh,
30:53
Nat, 20. Holy cow. All right, go for it. Roll that
30:56
damage and
30:57
double
31:00
it. Uh, or is it six? Plus what I roll. Yeah.
31:04
Okay. Yeah. Max damage, plus the added
31:07
roll. Ten. Nice. Ten damage
31:09
total. You throw your hand axe. It
31:12
strikes him in the arm, uh, chopping
31:15
off the sleeve of his duster,
31:17
revealing his arm, which is now
31:20
bleeding. And he screams,
31:23
oh, I did not
31:25
think this would go this way.
31:28
Like, someone who screamed like that. And
31:31
Pendleton is looking around at his two now severely
31:34
injured guards and just screams, what in the world did
31:37
I pay for? I don't understand.
31:41
And, uh, immediately slicer
31:44
lurches forward and just tackles Pendleton.
31:47
And he looks back at you guys. He says, don't worry,
31:49
mates, he's not getting away. And
31:52
Pendleton starts hitting him ever so slightly
31:55
with know he's got one of those, like, canes or something. And he's
31:58
just like, I do say, get off. Get
32:00
off me lad. Um,
32:07
we're gonna jump into that takes care of everybody's
32:09
surprise round. So we're gonna jump back into the
32:12
normal, uh, order of things. Dave, you are back on
32:15
top. You
32:17
have one guard on the ground, nearly
32:20
dead. You have another guard, severely injured,
32:24
with a hand axe protruding from his arm.
32:26
You've got slicer tackling Lord
32:29
Pendleton to the ground so that he can't get away.
32:33
That's the scene so far. Uh, one random other guard, who's
32:36
just, like, springs up from behind the milk crates,
32:39
leaving cover and dashes over to
32:42
the carriage and the horses. Uh,
32:44
okay, do tell. What are you planning
32:47
on doing with, uh, this situation?
32:51
Once he gets there, he
32:53
kind of stacks up on the edge of the door
32:56
with his crossbow at the ready, keeping, uh, him
32:59
out. Sweeps the inside of the carriage, looking
33:02
crossbody. All right, you take a peek inside,
33:05
you see nobody inside the carriage, but you do know
33:08
that there is a driver. And he can feel the
33:11
weight of someone moving around in the back of his carriage. And he
33:13
says, oh, I do say, uh,
33:16
Mr. Pendleton, you back there? You
33:19
ready to go? And I
33:22
say, uh, this'll take
33:25
my stud farm to the next level.
33:29
Well, I am greatly happy to hear that
33:31
you are happy, sir. Are, uh, you ready to head
33:34
back to the stud farm? And I
33:37
say, do you have the
33:40
semen?
33:43
Excuse me, Mr. Pendleton.
33:48
My wife and I have three kids.
33:51
Yeah, I suppose I do. Uh,
33:53
what else did that guy say? That excellent,
33:56
right? Sure, yeah. Ah,
33:59
excellent.
34:03
You could tell the driver is very
34:05
uncomfortable. And he says, um, so
34:08
will that be all, Mr. Pendleton? Are you ready
34:11
to head home? Um, what kind
34:14
of deal is this?
34:17
Oh, I don't mean to make him answer. All right, I'll
34:20
get us going, but I'm going to close
34:23
the partition, if you don't mind. And there's, like, a little
34:26
window that's got a little curtain over it. That
34:29
would basically be the separation between you and the driver. And he just
34:32
kind of closes that because he's all awkward about talking to
34:35
now. And as he does, he suddenly
34:38
feels a cart start to move.
34:41
There he goes.
34:45
You should have, uh, just said no
34:48
when he asked. And thus begins, uh, Maki's
34:51
a new adventure.
34:54
Thoroughbred horse breeding.
35:01
Uh, Machio,
35:04
open the door of the carriage
35:06
and start to climb on top. It was already open, but,
35:09
yeah, absolutely. You can do that. Um, do
35:12
me either athletics or acrobatics.
35:14
Check. Struggled climbing the fires down.
35:19
Yeah, that's true. He couldn't climb a wall, but he can. He can
35:22
do it. Hopefully climb a carriage. 20,
35:24
uh, one. Holy cow. You nimbly climb your
35:27
way up to the top. He's learning, he's
35:30
adapting. What are you doing on the top
35:33
of his carriage? I take
35:36
the butt of the crossbow, and I hit the
35:39
driver in the back. All right. Um, you
35:42
can roll an attack with advantage, since he has no idea that
35:44
you're doing so behind him. Just
35:47
a 16. Oh, okay. And I assume this is going
35:50
to be, uh, a non lethal
35:53
damage? Yeah. Okay. Uh, yes. You
35:56
donk him on the head pretty good. I mean, all things
35:59
considered, he's just a normal person. He's no kind of fighter
36:02
or anything. So you donk him on the back of the head, and he starts to
36:05
kind of lean forward and then just kind of falls onto the
36:08
bench of, uh, this carriage that he's driving. He's
36:10
unconscious, but the carriage is still
36:13
in motion, and the horses are still pulling it. And I will come
36:16
back to you in just a moment to find out how that goes
36:19
down. Uh, for the rest of you,
36:21
the guard, who has
36:24
been, uh, shot in both knees, uh, one
36:27
with fire and one with bolt,
36:30
uh, he pulls out a hand crossbow, just
36:33
a small crossbow from inside of his duster,
36:36
and he points it towards Keto, and he
36:39
fires it. Uh, but in his weekend, does he know
36:41
Keto's here? We're still under a
36:44
tarp. Fair, uh, point. But
36:47
it doesn't matter because he misses whatever the key, he just
36:50
blindly fires into the alleyway, hitting absolutely
36:53
nothing as this bolt just slams into the
36:56
brick wall behind you all to the point where
36:59
it just looks embarrassing. Uh,
37:01
Slicer. Slicer is holding down
37:04
the rich, uh, noblEman,
37:07
Pendleton. Uh, just keeping him on the ground.
37:09
Pendleton attempts to escape.
37:12
Pendleton is not strong enough to escape. Uh,
37:15
he is held down continually, still kind of swatting
37:18
at Slicer to release him. Uh,
37:21
Karen, aka Roric. I'm going
37:24
to jump out of the
37:26
tarp, okay. Wearing it above my
37:29
head like a ghost. Like a ghost
37:32
from. I'm going to look through the
37:34
slits of the tarp, and I'm going to pull out my bow,
37:37
and I'm going to take a shot at one of
37:40
the, uh, Lord Pendleton.
37:43
At Lord Pendleton, sure. All right.
37:46
Get advantage because he's grappled. Uh, yeah, he's prone
37:49
currently. Do I get advantageous with
37:52
ranged attack on prone, though? Uh, that's true,
37:55
actually. I think it's a disadvantage, isn't it, when
37:58
prone? That's only when three quarters cover.
38:01
But he's covered by a bug. He's covered by a
38:03
bugbear. So I tell you what, I will
38:06
let you roll. Normally. Normally. But I get my sneak
38:09
attack, and then I'm going to roll 550 to see which of the two
38:12
you hit. Wait, you just rolled.
38:15
What did you get? Um, yeah, eight plus seven,
38:18
math. So it's like a 15? Yeah, that's how I rolled
38:21
15. All right. Also, it's sneak attack one or two. I'm going to roll this D
38:24
four. If it's a one or two, you're hitting Pendleton. If it's a
38:27
three or four, you're hitting slice. I wouldn't have it any other
38:30
way. One,
38:33
two. All right, you hit Pendleton. Roll
38:35
your damage. Eleven. Oh, my gosh,
38:39
he's dead.
38:42
You shoot him right in the side, it stabs right through
38:45
his rib cage and into his heart. Uh,
38:47
Slicer immediately looked. What? And then. Oh, wait. Yeah. Uh, you
38:50
can go. Immediately, he looks over at you and he's.
38:53
What are you doing? I told you not to kill the
38:56
target. Um,
38:58
uh, Rourke's just going to
39:01
go, and he's going to just slide
39:04
back into the shadows under his
39:07
tarp and do a bonus action. Hide.
39:12
Uh, stealth. Sure. Uh,
39:15
22. Okay. You're hidden for
39:23
fatty tumpkins, aka keto,
39:27
they say. I said it's lumpkins. It doesn't really,
39:30
uh, surprise to hear his cover just
39:33
disappear over top of him as Rourke runs away with the
39:36
tarp. Oh, yeah, that's
39:39
around run. He just watches this
39:42
guy stand up and just flink away with his
39:45
tarp.
39:48
So he's a little disoriented, but looking
39:51
around, he sees the, uh, top of a garbage
39:54
can lid, quickly grabs that as a makeshift shield.
39:57
Okay. Pulls out his glave
39:59
and surveys the situation.
40:02
All right, since it's a makeshift shield, I'll give you a plus one to
40:05
AC for it. You, um, see
40:08
the three guards. Uh, dead Pendleton
40:11
with a bugbear on top of him. That is her
40:14
name. Uh, yep. Dead Pendleton it is
40:16
now, that's for sure. Um, you see the three
40:19
guards? Which means.
40:23
No, Maki's takeover was hers. Empire a lot
40:26
easier now. That is true.
40:29
He can mimic his. Oh, man. Mimic his voice.
40:34
I'm unwell,
40:40
Penselton. You got shortage.
40:43
I burn quick.
40:46
So, Keto, you see three guards, uh,
40:49
one of them here. I'm going to remove
40:52
Pendleton. But the funniest part was, he only can say
40:55
four various lines, and two of them are related to
40:58
just,
41:03
uh, you see three guards. One of them is on the ground. He's
41:05
reloading his little hand crossbow. Two
41:08
other guards are reaching for their weapons at the moment. One of them
41:11
is pulling, uh, by reaching for his weapon.
41:14
It's pulling a hand axe out of his shoulder.
41:16
That's his weapon. The other one seems to be reaching underneath
41:19
his duster, about to withdraw. Something else you don't
41:22
know. Um, what would you like to do now that you have
41:25
your makeshift shield at the ready? Uh,
41:28
Keto is going to rush towards the guy
41:30
reaching into his cloak. Okay. And he is going
41:33
to try spear him with his
41:36
glaze. Matt 20. All
41:39
right, well, you roll. So, uh, it's whatever your glade
41:42
would do as Max damage, and then roll whatever dice
41:45
you normally would. And add that on top of it.
41:48
It's ten plus. Oh, dear.
41:50
Ten plus 23 damage.
41:55
Slicing deep into this guard,
41:58
stabbing all the way through the center of his chest.
42:00
Withdrawing, the guard with one hand inside of his
42:03
duster, falls limply to the ground. He is
42:06
dead, much like the guy
42:09
he was paid to protect. Jeez. What?
42:13
Uh, the other guard withdraws the hand axe from
42:16
his shoulder, turns to the one that threw
42:19
it at him, and hurls it back, which I believe
42:21
was Des. All right.
42:24
He hurls this hand axe back. Uh,
42:27
does a 14 hit? It does not. It does
42:30
not. Uh, how are you dodging this hand
42:32
axe as it flies towards you or brush. I don't know. Whatever
42:35
it is that you're doing to make sure that you don't get hit by it. I will step
42:38
slightly to the left. Slightly to the left.
42:44
Your face.
42:48
Awesome. M so with that, he sees the hand
42:51
axe go flying. He turns, he pulls out the
42:54
little hand crossbow and tries to make an additional
42:56
attack. It's lower than the first one, so that's another
42:59
miss. Again, it's a dark alley, and
43:02
the, uh, I've got black feathers. And you've got
43:05
black feathers. It's hard to see you against the darkness. And sure
43:08
enough, his bolt goes flying off aimlessly
43:11
into the distance. Quinn, uh, aka Feather
43:14
McGregor, AK Lil sauce. What, are you still
43:17
playing some creepy music? Yeah, it's still coming out.
43:19
That's probably adding to the fact that they're failing their stuff
43:22
is because it's just really intimidating. That was the goal, and I'm going
43:25
to continue to do that. Fantastic. We got to come up with a nice little clip
43:28
of music, actually. Yeah, I'll put something over it.
43:31
I'm going to do my. It's just, like, wacky, funny YouTuber
43:34
sound
43:38
imagining Yakini. There's two guards
43:41
left, right? Uh, yes. One is, like, on the ground,
43:43
severely injured. The other one, the one is severely injured. I'm going to
43:46
shoot my firebolt at him. Okay, go for it.
43:49
He's on the ground, so I'll give you advantage on this
43:52
113. Take the highest.
43:55
So 13 plus, uh,
43:59
18. Ah, 18. Okay, well, either one of
44:02
those would have hit, so you are good to go,
44:05
sir. Roll that. Damage. Uh,
44:07
six. Six damage. Uh,
44:10
your firebolt comes flying forward, slamming him
44:13
in the back, and he is not
44:16
moving any longer. He's deceased. He
44:19
is deceased. That's cool. D's
44:22
nuts is deceased. Good for him. Yeah, good for him. Poor
44:24
guy. Well,
44:27
considering they're all play figurines anyway,
44:31
I don't feel bad about it. Yeah, not anymore, that's for sure.
44:34
Does a homunculus really have life, or is it
44:37
all. He probably just a bit presumptive. He probably just
44:39
reincarnated or something else. Yeah, maybe
44:42
that's true. Jackson, uh, you're up. As you
44:45
watch, uh, one of the two guards
44:47
that's remaining, uh, suddenly burst into flames, his
44:50
body limp. And slowly, his
44:53
duster, which is a lot of fabric,
44:55
is fully on fire, uh, which
44:58
lights up the alleyway. Kind of nice. The guy who threw
45:01
my axe back at me. Still standing. Yes. I'm just going
45:04
to sink an arrow into him. Okay. All
45:07
right. Right into his chest. You guys have had a real back and forth
45:10
here. Mostly from you. Succeeding twice
45:14
that count indecisive.
45:19
Take the first one. Uh, eight. That does
45:22
not. Darn you fire an arrow without the
45:24
cart there. It just goes flying out into the street.
45:27
You hope that it hasn't hit anybody.
45:31
Hear the sound of a cat go.
45:37
I mimic the cats at home a lot. He did that one more
45:40
time. That was pretty. It was
45:42
very accurate for a cat getting shot by an arrow.
45:46
I shoot arrows at our cats. A lot of. No,
45:49
that is not true. At all similar to a cat getting
45:51
hit by an axe. Yes.
45:55
Is, uh, there anything else you'd like to do? Um,
45:59
no. Okay. You watch as the arrow goes
46:02
flying off into the darkness, and you think, damn. Damn.
46:05
Uh, jumping back to the top of the order, Dave.
46:08
Never get back. You're standing on top of
46:11
the cart at the moment. Kill the driver.
46:14
Kill the driver's unconscious.
46:17
Easier to kill the driver. What happened
46:20
to the rains? Uh,
46:23
he's kind of got them, like, limply in his hands as he's
46:26
laying there unconscious. Where's the
46:29
carriage heading? Right. It just is kind of following
46:32
the street straight ahead. It's not really,
46:34
like, on the street.
46:37
That was, like, right outside of the alleyway. That's where it was parked. Just
46:40
drive it back down the alley and run over.
46:43
Just run over everybody in the alley. Just.
46:46
You do see the occasional person go, whoa.
46:49
Leap out of the way of the street.
46:55
Uh, he's just standing on the top of
46:58
the.
47:01
Calm down. Uh, stop. Uh,
47:05
what? Can it not move anymore? Do you want to
47:08
roll an animal handling? No.
47:12
As, uh, Maki has tried to
47:15
connect with the horses somehow, getting them
47:18
to stop, he touches
47:21
some power inside of him he didn't know was there. Uh,
47:24
and ends up casting this
47:27
first level spell. Sleep.
47:33
All right. Go ahead. And I believe. Do they make a
47:36
saving throw? I think no. Uh,
47:39
uh, the spell sends creatures into magical
47:42
slumber. I roll five D eight. Okay.
47:45
And it affects creatures
47:49
up to the hit points of what I roll. Perfect. I've got the
47:51
stats ready.
47:57
15, 27,
48:02
29. Both,
48:05
uh, of the horses start to slow,
48:08
ever slowly
48:10
and suddenly. Actually, not suddenly,
48:13
but slowly. The cart comes to a full
48:16
stop as both horses, still standing
48:19
up, are completely passed
48:21
out. And a squirrel falls from a tree.
48:24
Off.
48:29
You are now atop a standstill cart.
48:31
And a couple of people kind of, like, peek out from the sides of the
48:34
streets where they had jumped out. Like, it
48:37
stopped. It stopped. It's safe now.
48:40
I just want to add that, ah, you said a lot of
48:42
lines that stop the horses, but not hold your horses. And I
48:45
just want
48:52
jumping, uh, back to the, uh, alleyway
48:55
combat. The slicer turns around. Uh,
48:58
he's not really focused on you guys. He's more
49:01
focused on the remaining target. So
49:04
he turns around, bolts, uh, out his morning star, and he leaps
49:07
forward, and he swings it in a hefty arc,
49:10
and he slams into the
49:12
remaining guard.
49:15
That's probably pretty promising.
49:19
Taking him out. Yep. Slamming the morning Star
49:22
directly into his chest, knocking the man straight to the ground and
49:25
killing him instantly. All right?
49:28
He turns around to look at all of you and he said,
49:31
I said one thing. Uh,
49:34
don't kill the target. Now we got
49:37
a dead Lord on our hands. This is going
49:40
way over our heads. Do you realize how powerful this
49:43
man is? He is one of
49:46
the. He says an exact number. You know, that's a bad thing. Um,
49:49
he's one of six. What?
49:53
We kill the slicer, say the
49:56
slicer killed the Lord, and
49:58
we bring the slicer's corpse and
50:01
any CCTV video
50:04
footage. Proof with us and the semen?
50:07
We're keeping that. That's evidence.
50:10
That's evidence. You're the cop here. Wait,
50:12
whoa. We have a
50:15
narc with, uh, us. Oh, yeah. We have a
50:18
reputable eyewitness.
50:21
Yeah. Just walking by this alley and I saw these guys
50:24
taking down a criminal M. I
50:27
saw some horse semen exchange going on, and then he was
50:29
only focused on the jar. He's little sauce after
50:32
all. I was wondering that might make some
50:35
good
50:38
secret.
50:43
He was one of six primary
50:46
and incredibly wealthy leaders, uh,
50:49
within the community. He's one of the members of the
50:52
Reg horse race. And they're going to know that he's gone.
50:54
They're going to know this, like, tomorrow, if
50:57
even that long, and they're going to know that you killed
51:00
him. I didn't kill him. And then I'd like
51:03
to. Can I do something? Can I shoot at him or something?
51:06
Now? Can we shoot at
51:09
mean, I'll keep the same initiative. Uh,
51:13
so Slicer's talking. Technically, yeah. I mean, I'm not going
51:16
to stop you. I can go. It'd be Cameron, Nick,
51:19
then Clauden. Cool. But if you're
51:22
doing something right now, you guys essentially just hold your action.
51:24
I'm peeking out through the hole in the tarp behind
51:27
this cover. Just waiting with my shirt bow. I want to
51:30
attack him. Okay, go for it. What
51:33
are you doing? Uh,
51:37
you think I wasn't prepared for this?
51:40
No, we know you were. We know you were
51:43
Ray of Frost. Quite honest, actually. Not
51:46
in that 20. Dirty 20. Right on. That's
51:48
definitely mentioned. Like betraying him, like, three
51:51
times.
51:54
He may have probably heard us on one or two
51:57
occasions say it. Is this an eight? We're not very
52:00
quiet party. That's our flaw. And it's
52:03
good to have a flaw. It makes us more real.
52:07
Uh, so it's three damage and then, I believe,
52:09
effect, too, right? Yes. They reduce their
52:12
speed by 10ft the next start of their turn.
52:15
Awesome. Just speak up. You know what? It
52:18
did. Awesome. Uh, so, Feather, you
52:21
blast this ray of icy cold
52:24
towards the slicer, which slams into him. And you see
52:27
some of it runs down to his feet. And you can see
52:30
he's trying to move, and he's able to creak
52:33
through the movements with the crackling ice
52:36
around him, but it seems to have been slowing him. Is there anything else you'd like
52:39
to do? Yes, I, um, would. Look at him. Um. Get him, goblin
52:42
Man. You say that to me? Do you
52:45
know where I am? I don't know. You just shout into the
52:48
alley.
52:50
Are you moving at all? Fire.
52:54
You see that he's slowed. You know that it's less likely he can reach
52:57
you if you're further away. Well, I know he's mad at you. You're,
53:00
like the guy right now. So I'm like,
53:03
I didn't punch him with an
53:06
ice bowl. I don't know. I'm trying to help you
53:08
out. I'm going to kind of go and try and duck behind that,
53:11
uh, same dumpster, because I know he's
53:14
probably going to try and get angry. Same one you emptied? I
53:17
never emptied one. He knows you have a record with that
53:20
dumpster. Hide behind it.
53:23
All right, you hide behind the dumpster, which is a little ways away from
53:26
him. We'll, uh, jump back over to fizzle fingers.
53:29
You're, um, up next. You see that? Your
53:33
recent, uh, per se NPC associate
53:36
just blasted your other associate
53:39
with ice. So I don't pop
53:42
up from under a
53:45
sneak. I use the tarp to fought the
53:48
fade back into a trash pile, and I'm going to just pop out
53:51
a different end of the trash pile and shoot an
53:54
arrow at it. Advantage on a surprise attack.
53:57
Yes. Since you're a rogue. Well, I was just
54:00
hidden, too. Right? That's also true. Yeah, exactly.
54:03
Okay, that's a 25. That is
54:06
very much going. Here's my snake attack.
54:10
Seven. Um. Twelve damage. Twelve
54:13
damage. This arrow goes flying,
54:16
slamming into his shoulder. That holds the mace.
54:19
Or not mace. Morningstar. There we go. Uh,
54:21
he doesn't drop it, but it does, um,
54:24
shove deeply into his shoulder.
54:27
Um, he is not looking good. And then
54:30
I'm going to yell. All right, your turn, Keto. And then I'm
54:33
going to. Bonus action. Hide again. Back
54:36
into my trash. Heat. Matt 20.
54:40
This is my new home. Honestly, you just dived in. Guys,
54:43
let's just bring more people in this alleyway. Give me that dice. Uh,
54:49
he rolled the first. Nat 20 on it. It's rolled back
54:52
to back. Nat 20. All
54:55
right, Fatty Lumpkins, you're up.
54:58
Keto. Uh, Keto, then is going to turn his
55:00
glave. Yes, that's right. And you're behind him. And I'm m
55:03
behind him, apparently. Well, yeah, because you attacked the guards
55:06
that would have been in front of him, and he turned.
55:11
You ruined it. 1717 is still going to
55:14
hit, though, with his last
55:17
attack. I'd be worried. Nine.
55:20
That's still good. Nicely done. You stab
55:23
into his other shoulder with your glade from behind. He had totally
55:26
forgotten that you were behind him. He turns around. Oh,
55:29
gosh. Um,
55:31
I could keep saying that he's not looking good, but he is
55:34
not looking good.
55:40
Des is going to sink an arrow into
55:42
him, or at least attempt to. All right, sounds
55:45
good. 17. That's
55:48
going to hit for sure. Absolutely. And you guys
55:51
are really rolling really well. Yeah, getting some
55:54
good hits in here. Six,
55:56
damage. You shoot another arrow, which
55:59
flies forth, hitting him kind of more into the midsection
56:02
area this time. You guys have turned this man
56:05
bugbear rather into a
56:07
pincushion. I was trying to think of some kind of, like a
56:10
hedgehog bit or something. I don't know.
56:12
Um, whatever the case, uh, he is severely
56:15
injured, as per the usual. Are, um,
56:18
you doing anything else? I am going
56:20
to try and, uh, get close
56:23
to him. Okay, sounds good. Stealth check.
56:27
21. Okay. Yeah. You start kind of
56:30
slinking your way from pile of trash to pile
56:33
of trash as you get closer and closer to him, using the shadows to your
56:36
advantage, um, avoiding the area where
56:39
the light from the burning bodyguard
56:42
is emanating. Uh,
56:44
we jump back to the top of the order with
56:47
Dave, who is now standing atop a non
56:50
moving cart outside of the area of combat.
56:53
Maki looks around. He
56:56
bows to the applause of the people.
56:59
Applause or not. Hold on. That's
57:02
a good idea. Yeah. All right. These people all
57:05
think that you managed to stop this raging.
57:08
They're all clapping for you.
57:11
He did it. Well done, sir. Well
57:13
done. I'll get this man to a
57:16
doctor, never fear.
57:19
And, um, I'll just pull a
57:22
ue with.
57:27
Toss the reins around until it wakes up
57:30
the horse. All right. Do, uh, the animal
57:33
handling, I guess, isn't it? You woken from
57:36
sleeping, you take damage. Uh,
57:39
okay. All right. You with the
57:41
reins, the horses bolts awake. They look
57:44
around, uh, and you start pulling the reins
57:47
around, and they're like, okay, sorry, we fell
57:50
asleep kind of a thing. And they'Re just ready to get back to their
57:53
jobs. Uh, they turn the cart around, and you start
57:56
trotting very slowly. Not
57:59
bad fast or anything like that. Just a regular trot
58:02
back to the alleyway. All right. You feel
58:04
very in control of this car. What'd you do with the body?
58:08
He's just laying there, sitting next to me. Got my
58:11
arm around. Other hand with the
58:14
reins. So I pull, you go back to the
58:17
alleyway, go past it, turn around again,
58:20
pull right back to the spot he, uh, was sitting in
58:22
before the horses. Stand
58:25
ready for your next command.
58:28
As, uh, you arrive to this alleyway, you find
58:31
three dead bodyguards, a dead
58:34
wealthy man, and a soon to be
58:36
dying, potentially, uh,
58:40
a, uh, Slicer, who you thought was your ally,
58:43
but all of your friends are actively attacking him. He seems to
58:46
be covered in a frosty ice with several
58:48
arrows protruding from his body. Great
58:51
God, what's going on in there
58:54
with that? It is the slice's turn. He takes
58:57
his morning star, and he goes straight for mocky.
58:59
Wait.
59:04
Holy cow. Uh, does he. 21
59:07
hits
59:09
sarcastically.
59:13
What if they.
59:17
The best case scenario, um, you
59:20
take six total damage. He
59:23
rolled two. One. He rolled snake eyes for damage.
59:25
Perfect. That could have been a lot worse for you.
59:28
Slam into your arm, but it doesn't pierce you with the
59:31
points of the morning Star. It just kind of is a
59:34
bare, bludgeoning damage. It
59:36
hurts, obviously.
59:39
That's good. It hurts, obviously, but
59:42
it does not hurt you to a point that totally
59:45
hurt. Like teeth you out or anything like that.
59:48
Jumping back to fizzle fingers
59:52
the goblin. Oh, I'm just going to pop out
59:54
of my hole
59:57
this time. I pop out of the dumpster. Oh, all
1:00:00
right. You found a rusty hole in the bottom
1:00:03
and crawled through it. Hopefully he didn't get tetanus.
1:00:06
20. Uh, one. That's a hit for
1:00:09
turn. Eleven damage.
1:00:12
Eleven damage. You fire, an arrow slams into
1:00:15
his thigh. He falls down to the ground,
1:00:18
uh, slowly, because he's covered in ice. Um,
1:00:21
he's bleeding profusely. You can tell
1:00:24
he is on death's door. And
1:00:27
as he's on death's door, we jump over
1:00:30
to the cobalt, standing behind him, holding a
1:00:33
glave, who had just been struck by the Morning Star.
1:00:35
Keto, what would you like to do as this man
1:00:38
falls, kneeling, uh, in front of you, is
1:00:41
the glave still in his shoulder? Uh,
1:00:44
you can withdraw. Okay, I'm going to withdraw it. Okay.
1:00:47
Roll for intact. All right,
1:00:51
but how many people are near me?
1:00:54
Because anyone within as a cobalt does
1:00:57
have pack tactics. Everyone ran away. You're the only
1:01:00
one there. I was going to say you're the only one that ran forward.
1:01:03
Everyone else's ranged. Wimps. Well,
1:01:05
I ran forward. I have no fear. Are you next to
1:01:08
him? I don't know. How close did I get? Well, if you were. If
1:01:11
I used my full movement. Well, yeah,
1:01:14
after. Yeah. Um.
1:01:17
Okay. He doesn't see me, though. I'm stealthy.
1:01:20
Right. I was going to say, yeah, you started kind of sneaking towards. That's true. I
1:01:23
do remember that. Sniffing. So
1:01:26
then we're going to utilize the cobalt
1:01:29
pack tactics to gain advantage, since that was a
1:01:31
terrible roll. Fantastic.
1:01:34
Oh, good. We did even worse. So we'll keep the turable roll
1:01:37
instead of the dreadful roll. What was the terrible.
1:01:40
Ah. Roll 1111. All right. Pulling back the
1:01:43
glave, you stab again with it. Um, it
1:01:46
slams into a particularly thick chunk of
1:01:49
ice on his body. It shatters it a little bit. Uh, but
1:01:52
it does not pierce the man himself.
1:01:55
Is there anything else you'd like to do? Run.
1:01:58
Run. All right. Normally, he would get
1:02:01
an attack of opportunity, but given that he is kneeled
1:02:04
down, I don't think he's going to be able to do that. He also
1:02:07
technically doesn't want a glaze. Oh, yeah,
1:02:09
that's true. Because give you ten foot reach, there's a good point.
1:02:12
You can attack outside 5ft, so they can't do opportunity
1:02:15
attack. That's right. Feather, uh, McGregor,
1:02:18
you're up. Yeah, I'm just going to go up and
1:02:21
you, uh, know what? Let's just shoot firebolt at him a little
1:02:24
bit easier. Sounds good. 21.
1:02:27
21. Gosh, you guys are ridiculous. All right, roll that
1:02:29
damage. Are you going to set another dead body on
1:02:32
fire? Let's find out. I want to look at
1:02:35
him before I do this and say,
1:02:38
slicer, no slicing. M.
1:02:41
And do four damage. That was literally all he had
1:02:44
left. Uh,
1:02:48
this fireball slams into. I say, fireball.
1:02:51
Sorry, fire bolt. Because fireball is a whole other thing. This fire
1:02:54
bolt slams into his chest. You watch
1:02:57
as the ice that you had previously,
1:03:00
uh, put onto his body from your ice blast, or whatever,
1:03:03
ice bolt, um, melt away, but it turns into
1:03:06
a horrific situation of bread
1:03:09
melting from his face. Like the guy from
1:03:11
Indiana Jones when, uh, he owns the Ark,
1:03:14
the covenant. There we. You know, the other dude that drinks from the
1:03:17
gala? Either one, his face just basically is
1:03:20
melting. Um, and he falls forward.
1:03:23
His body's still aflame. Now, you have two
1:03:25
smoldering dead carcasses
1:03:28
within this alleyway. Now that the combat is over,
1:03:31
you look up to see your friend,
1:03:34
um, Maki, who has the door wide
1:03:37
open for the cart that had previously owned
1:03:40
to Mr. Pendleton. Uh, there's an unconscious
1:03:43
driver in the front seat. And that's the situation that
1:03:46
you're at right now. Uh, can I loot the.
1:03:49
Absolutely. Oh, yeah. How much gold was in that pouch in
1:03:52
semen? In semen? Well, there was only one
1:03:55
large cylinder, uh, of semen. So
1:03:58
whoever. Somebody take that. Uh, are you
1:04:00
taking. Yeah, you can't just let that go to waste. Are you kidding
1:04:03
me? Come. Ah on. You can sell that.
1:04:06
Okay, who's taking it? I don't want.
1:04:09
It's in a cylinder. I'll take
1:04:12
it. I would argue that semen
1:04:15
is in cylinder. Uh, that's true. So you
1:04:18
guys decided to, uh, double
1:04:21
cross the slicer like we had
1:04:23
tossed around before?
1:04:26
Decided is a loose word. I just felt like
1:04:29
shooting him. Uh, uh.
1:04:32
What? Something happened. Sauce
1:04:35
told me to. Yeah, he's
1:04:38
a bad dude. I figure we can get some more money. We kill him. Hey,
1:04:41
uh, we could blame him. What happened to that
1:04:43
rich guy? I shot him.
1:04:46
Oh. Weren't we not supposed to kill
1:04:49
that guy? I was distracted when we were
1:04:52
told this. There was a really cool
1:04:55
brat that was running around.
1:04:58
Speaking of. Yeah, speaking
1:05:00
of. Keto disappears into the
1:05:03
shadows along with Rourke, and
1:05:06
they run around. Uh, for those that
1:05:09
are left, uh, you root around in the bodies,
1:05:12
and I'm going to tell you what you find.
1:05:15
Why? I also need
1:05:18
my sound of the nibbling
1:05:21
going out of my ear.
1:05:24
Obviously, I can't handle.
1:05:27
Awesome. So the rest of you loot around in the bodies, and you
1:05:30
find the following. Firstly, uh, you find a
1:05:33
card. It's a blue card with a
1:05:35
horse insignia on it, and it says, reg
1:05:38
official horse races. And on the back of
1:05:41
it, it says you have formally been in. Actually,
1:05:44
there's probably, like, four of these things. It says you have
1:05:47
formally been invited to participate in the
1:05:50
Reg horse races.
1:05:54
Please, uh, bring this ticket to prove your
1:05:56
invitation. So you have
1:05:59
that. Um, additionally, you find
1:06:02
the big bag of gold pieces, which has a total
1:06:05
of 1200 gold pieces in it.
1:06:08
Wow, 1200? Who's
1:06:11
holding on to that? Well, we need to split it, um,
1:06:14
so that the rest of us can level up, too.
1:06:17
I thought you just.
1:06:19
Okay, um, there's also
1:06:22
a ticket stub inside.
1:06:25
Uh, it seems to be a ticket stub for a saddle
1:06:28
cleaning at a place called
1:06:30
Rawhide. Um,
1:06:33
so you know that it hasn't been picked
1:06:36
up yet. It's just the stub that you would turn in to pick
1:06:39
up your cleaning. So you now have a stub that you
1:06:42
could theoretically use to go pick up
1:06:45
something. How much was my upgrade?
1:06:48
Um, I'll have to get to that in a moment I'll have to remember. Um,
1:06:51
additionally, you check the
1:06:54
guards. Um, you find three hand
1:06:56
crossbows, you find three
1:06:59
javelins. Between these guards, can I take one of the
1:07:02
crossbows? Yeah, sure. Something, Gary? Yeah, that's fine.
1:07:05
What's the damage on that? Uh, we'll get to that also for you.
1:07:08
Um, we're going to probably end the episode here shortly, so we'll do
1:07:11
all this stuff, like behind the scene. Um,
1:07:13
additionally, on top of that, you check the
1:07:16
slicer. You find a small card that
1:07:19
says Marlowe the slicer in
1:07:22
quotations. Larson, member
1:07:25
of the Thieves Guild.
1:07:28
And it's sort of like an ID badge of some sort.
1:07:31
So aside from that, you also find, of course, he has
1:07:34
a morning star, a javelin,
1:07:37
and, um, chain mail
1:07:39
armor. And he had a shield on his back that he never
1:07:43
had a chance to pull out. His
1:07:45
loss. Yeah, exactly.
1:07:49
I would like the morning Star, if no one else is interested.
1:07:52
Okay. What type of shield is this?
1:07:56
Yeah, is this better than your makeshift shield?
1:08:00
Uh, this would be the normal plus two. I believe
1:08:03
that a shield adds for if you're proficient, which I believe you are,
1:08:06
since you're playing a fighter. I will
1:08:09
pick that up. Uh, awesome. There's also the chain
1:08:12
mail. I don't think
1:08:15
many of you are able to use that, but I think
1:08:18
you, keto,
1:08:21
I believe you are. Oh, he already is. Okay, well,
1:08:24
I could use an extra pair and sell it. There you go. Take
1:08:27
two. All right. Anybody want the javelin? I think I
1:08:30
could use the chain. You could also sell it.
1:08:33
I'm also a ranged fighter. There you go.
1:08:36
Either way. Okay. Um, who's
1:08:39
taking the javelin? Anyone want the javelin even to sell?
1:08:42
Nah. Okay. I'm content
1:08:45
with the other hand crossbow. Semen. I'll take
1:08:48
a crossbow. Okay,
1:08:52
go for it. Put down hand crossbows. Um,
1:08:55
other than that, like I said, the 1200 gold
1:08:57
pieces that you find, kind of total. So
1:09:00
a lot of it was in the bag, and then there's a little bit on the guards and
1:09:03
then a little bit on the slicer. Um,
1:09:06
additionally, you have that ticket or not ticket,
1:09:09
but invitation. You also have the ticket stub, whoever wants to
1:09:12
hold on to that. And you have the
1:09:15
identification badge that the
1:09:17
slicer had that made him a member,
1:09:20
an official member of the Thieves Guild.
1:09:23
Uh, when they're picking through this,
1:09:25
Machia wants to keep an eye out. Was there
1:09:28
any sort, um,
1:09:31
know we have those bronze badges.
1:09:34
Is there anything like that that Lord
1:09:37
Pendleton would have?
1:09:39
Oh, yes,
1:09:42
absolutely there is. Sure enough. You
1:09:45
find, yes, a bronze badge with a
1:09:48
small gem on the inside of it, in the center.
1:09:50
Uh, it is a yellow gem. That's the same. I'm glad you
1:09:53
mentioned that. That's right. You shall address
1:09:56
me as sire from now on. Sounds good.
1:09:59
Um, the one that you pull off of him looks
1:10:02
a lot nicer and newer than the ones that you guys had
1:10:05
found previously. So just something I'm going to put out
1:10:08
there. If we check the other,
1:10:11
like the guards, do they have badges too or
1:10:14
not? They do,
1:10:16
yes. Um, theirs look a little bit older, a little bit
1:10:19
more kind of worn out. Um, they are in
1:10:22
copper, as opposed to this one, which is actually
1:10:25
gold. Um, their
1:10:27
copper sort of badges, uh, all have
1:10:31
a sort of dull gray gem
1:10:34
inlaid in the center. Okay. I collect their badges as
1:10:36
well. All right. Add to our collection. I'm glad you mentioned
1:10:39
that because that will be important later. So, awesome.
1:10:42
All right, with all of that, I think we're going to close out the episode for
1:10:45
today. You guys have successfully finished the
1:10:48
Slicer's job as well as the
1:10:50
Slicer himself.
1:10:54
That's right. Awesome. Be sure to tune in next time for
1:10:57
another episode of the Criminals of Isla
1:11:00
Numis. Thank you so much for listening to Criminals of
1:11:03
Isla Numis, a Dungeons and Dragons Fifth edition actual
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Play podcast set in a homebrew world created by me,
1:11:09
Skyler Gorset. If you've been enjoying our show so far, be
1:11:12
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