Latest / All Mom Does Podcast with Julie Lyles Carr / Screening Summer with Julie Lyles Carr

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Screening Summer with Julie Lyles Carr · All Mom Does Podcast with Julie Lyles Carr

0:01
Speaker 1: Purposely your life, God's Purpose. Listen at purposely dot com.
0:08
Speaker 2: I want to encourage you that maybe it's not so
0:11
Speaker 2: much about going screenless as it is about going screen less,
0:15
Speaker 2: and I have some ideas and tips that I think
0:18
Speaker 2: might be a you'll be able to help you achieve
0:20
Speaker 2: that this summer for your family. Hey friend, I'm Julie
0:27
Speaker 2: Lyles Carr, and this is the Almam Does podcast. We
0:30
Speaker 2: have been around now for nine seasons and the whole
0:33
Speaker 2: intent is to walk with you through the seasons of
0:36
Speaker 2: life that you're in raising kids, and your marriage and work,
0:39
Speaker 2: and your spiritual walk, your walk with God. So I'm
0:42
Speaker 2: so thankful you're here, whether this is the very first
0:44
Speaker 2: episode you've ever listened to, or you've been with us
0:47
Speaker 2: through several years. I just want to thank you so
0:49
Speaker 2: much for coming and spending time with me. We are
0:52
Speaker 2: getting ready to head into the summer season, and I
0:57
Speaker 2: know here where I live, school is actually out today.
1:00
Speaker 2: Today is the last day of school for students, and
1:02
Speaker 2: I know, depending on the part of the country that
1:04
Speaker 2: you're in, you may have a couple more weeks to go,
1:06
Speaker 2: or you may have finished last week. But in all
1:09
Speaker 2: of it, I can already hear all the heartbeats of
1:13
Speaker 2: moms going, oh boy, now what do we do with summer?
1:20
Speaker 2: Even if you homeschool, you're probably going to be taking
1:23
Speaker 2: a break and that natural rhythm, that routine that you've
1:26
Speaker 2: built is going to be changed. And let's face it,
1:28
Speaker 2: with daylight saving time and all of that, the evenings
1:32
Speaker 2: are longer, it's days lighter outside longer, our kids are,
1:35
Speaker 2: you know, not wanting to sleep as much or go
1:37
Speaker 2: to bed as early. Totally understandable. So all of those
1:41
Speaker 2: things come to a head during the summer season. There's
1:44
Speaker 2: more daylight, We're out of our usual routine, there's more
1:48
Speaker 2: of kids just kind of hanging out and trying to
1:50
Speaker 2: figure out what to do and what the next thing
1:52
Speaker 2: to do is going to be. And you know what
1:53
Speaker 2: typically happens, Yeah, screen time goes up. I've been looking
2:00
Speaker 2: into this what happens in the summer, because you naturally
2:03
Speaker 2: would think that we might spend more time outside, But
2:05
Speaker 2: actually what statistics show is that screen usage climbs during
2:09
Speaker 2: those summer months. Now, I already know that for kids,
2:14
Speaker 2: their average time on screens is seven point five hours
2:18
Speaker 2: a day, seven and a half hours a day, which
2:23
Speaker 2: is really kind of mind blowing when you think back,
2:25
Speaker 2: maybe to when you were a kid, or when you
2:28
Speaker 2: think back to your parents' generation what summer looks like
2:30
Speaker 2: for them, which were probably long, long days spent outside,
2:34
Speaker 2: running around the neighborhood, riding bikes, doing whatever, but certainly
2:37
Speaker 2: not in front of screens. And if you were going
2:40
Speaker 2: to watch something on television, it would probably be in
2:44
Speaker 2: the evening one show, you know, whatever the show was
2:47
Speaker 2: for your family, little house on the prairie or whatever.
2:50
Speaker 2: And so this tendency toward being on screens all summer long,
2:55
Speaker 2: it's relatively new when it comes to parenting and raising kids.
2:59
Speaker 2: It's a new phenomenon that we're having to unpack. And
3:03
Speaker 2: it's understandable if you are working from home, you're working remotely,
3:07
Speaker 2: or if you are just trying to get stuff done
3:10
Speaker 2: around the house and now the kids are home, screens
3:13
Speaker 2: are a really easy way to keep them out of trouble,
3:17
Speaker 2: you think, keep them from making messes, knowing what they're doing,
3:21
Speaker 2: so you know where they are. It makes sense that
3:24
Speaker 2: a lot of times we lean on screens in that way.
3:27
Speaker 2: It's completely understandable. But when we start getting into areas
3:32
Speaker 2: where our kids are on screens to those kind of numbers,
3:35
Speaker 2: and again we're talking seven and a half hours a
3:38
Speaker 2: day is the average during the school year. It climbs
3:42
Speaker 2: again during the summer to where kids are spending eight
3:44
Speaker 2: nine hours a day on screens. That's where some of
3:48
Speaker 2: the research is showing us that it's becoming problematic some
3:51
Speaker 2: of the things that we see when kids are on
3:53
Speaker 2: screens too much. One of the things that pops up
3:56
Speaker 2: that's very interesting is eyestrain. Son in law one of
4:00
Speaker 2: my sons in law is an optometrist and he teaches
4:03
Speaker 2: optometry as a professor, and he has seen this a lot,
4:07
Speaker 2: just the impact that being on screens from a really
4:10
Speaker 2: young age has on vision because you're working so much
4:14
Speaker 2: on your close vision instead of also looking up and
4:17
Speaker 2: out and around, looking across the field, looking across the playyard,
4:21
Speaker 2: whatever the thing is. When you are spending so much
4:24
Speaker 2: time at a young age looking intently at something small
4:28
Speaker 2: like a screen, it really does have pretty dramatic impact
4:31
Speaker 2: on your visual acuity over time. Another thing that is
4:35
Speaker 2: popping up in the research now is that exposure to
4:37
Speaker 2: blue light. You've probably heard a lot about this, but
4:39
Speaker 2: it impacts kids too in terms of natural melotone and
4:43
Speaker 2: production and things like that, that when you are exposed
4:46
Speaker 2: to a lot of blue light all during the day
4:48
Speaker 2: and during the evening that comes from a screen, it
4:51
Speaker 2: does mess with your natural sleep and wake cycles. Your
4:55
Speaker 2: eyes do so much when it comes to signaling the
4:57
Speaker 2: body about time to wake up or time to start
5:00
Speaker 2: winding down, and when we bypass some of that with
5:03
Speaker 2: blue light, it does have an impact on all of
5:06
Speaker 2: those cycles. That may be one reason that you feel
5:08
Speaker 2: like your kids just get more and more antsy as
5:10
Speaker 2: the evening goes on. The other thing too, that we're
5:12
Speaker 2: finding with kids at younger and younger ages because of
5:15
Speaker 2: their time on screen is good old technic. And I mean,
5:18
Speaker 2: I've got it myself. You can imagine since I write
5:20
Speaker 2: a lot of books and I spend a lot of
5:22
Speaker 2: time in front of a screen creating content, I certainly
5:25
Speaker 2: have days at the end of the day that, man,
5:27
Speaker 2: my neck is just really starting to tweak. I have
5:31
Speaker 2: a good friend who's a very successful author, and he
5:33
Speaker 2: used to talk about when we would go out to
5:35
Speaker 2: dinner as couples. He would talk about the physical toll
5:39
Speaker 2: that writing took on his body. And at that time
5:41
Speaker 2: I wasn't writing as much full time, and I thought,
5:43
Speaker 2: I don't understand what he's talking about. And once I
5:46
Speaker 2: got more into my own career in writing and writing
5:48
Speaker 2: more and more books, I was like, Oh, I get it.
5:50
Speaker 2: There actually is a physical cost to being in front
5:54
Speaker 2: of a screen all day, even when you're doing it
5:56
Speaker 2: for work, even when you're doing it for all the
5:57
Speaker 2: good reasons for taking care of your family and creation
6:00
Speaker 2: and all that kind of stuff. It really is remarkable
6:03
Speaker 2: the toll that it does take on your physical body.
6:06
Speaker 2: So lay that over on a kid who is growing
6:09
Speaker 2: and changing and already maybe having growing pains, all those
6:11
Speaker 2: kinds of things, and then they're hunched over a screen
6:14
Speaker 2: a lot during the day, they're not getting as much
6:16
Speaker 2: physical activity. It really can take a lot out of
6:19
Speaker 2: a kid in that way. And then, of course we
6:21
Speaker 2: worry too about a lot of the social impact that
6:24
Speaker 2: being on screens has. We're seeing this growing social anxiety
6:29
Speaker 2: in our kids that's sometimes a little hard to explain.
6:32
Speaker 2: We're thinking, why are they feeling more anxious than ever?
6:35
Speaker 2: We're living in seasons in times in this country where
6:38
Speaker 2: you have more access to things, where we aren't experiencing
6:42
Speaker 2: some of the devastation that other places in the world do.
6:45
Speaker 2: And yet we have kids who are so anxious, so
6:48
Speaker 2: nervous to even order something at the drive through, you know,
6:52
Speaker 2: they just having to talk to someone in person is
6:55
Speaker 2: just really overwhelming. And researchers are beginning to really think
6:58
Speaker 2: this is somehow attributed to a lot of the times
7:00
Speaker 2: that we're spending on screens because we're not filling our
7:04
Speaker 2: time in person to person, face to face interactions. We're
7:08
Speaker 2: filling it with texting or being on messaging boards, or
7:11
Speaker 2: being on gaming boards and things like that, and we
7:13
Speaker 2: are not having to deal with the messiness, if you will,
7:16
Speaker 2: the unpredictability of humans in person. We've got this filter
7:21
Speaker 2: of a screen between us, and so we are seeing
7:24
Speaker 2: some social impact from the amount of time that our
7:26
Speaker 2: kids are spending on screens. Now, you might think, Okay,
7:30
Speaker 2: this is the summer that we're going to go screenless,
7:33
Speaker 2: and I want to propose to you that maybe that's
7:35
Speaker 2: not the answer. Maybe it's about doing screens less, but
7:41
Speaker 2: not necessarily going screenless. And here's what I mean by that.
7:45
Speaker 2: I was fascinated to run across a study that demonstrated
7:48
Speaker 2: that kids who spend about an hour a day gaming online.
7:52
Speaker 2: They actually are the ones who show the best psychological
7:56
Speaker 2: well being. They're the ones who show really great visual liking,
8:00
Speaker 2: acuity and hand eye coordination more than kids who are
8:03
Speaker 2: never on screens, or kids who are on screens more
8:06
Speaker 2: than an hour a day. I thought this was really
8:09
Speaker 2: fascinating because a lot of times when we have conversations
8:12
Speaker 2: about screens, our instinct is to stay we're just going
8:16
Speaker 2: completely off grade. We're going to fix this. My kids
8:18
Speaker 2: have been on too much. We're just going to cut
8:20
Speaker 2: it all out. But there actually are some benefits to
8:23
Speaker 2: being on screens when they're used correctly. You have access
8:26
Speaker 2: to so much incredible knowledge and information. There is something
8:30
Speaker 2: to be said for relationships that develop online and on
8:34
Speaker 2: gaming things on gaming platforms. There is something to be
8:38
Speaker 2: said about that that does have some good impact on us,
8:41
Speaker 2: that does teach us certain things, that has some benefit.
8:44
Speaker 2: And the reality is we are living in a world
8:47
Speaker 2: in which being able to be on a screen, being
8:49
Speaker 2: able to navigate it, being able to navigate relationships that
8:53
Speaker 2: are part of your norm. Because how many of us
8:56
Speaker 2: now work with people as a team, work with them
8:59
Speaker 2: every day, and yet we're doing it remotely. I mean,
9:02
Speaker 2: that's a skill set that has to be learned. There
9:03
Speaker 2: are soft skills there that have to be developed over time.
9:07
Speaker 2: So I want to encourage you that maybe it's not
9:10
Speaker 2: so much about going screenless as it is about going
9:13
Speaker 2: screen less. And I have some ideas and tips that
9:16
Speaker 2: I think might be a you'll be able to help
9:19
Speaker 2: you achieve that this summer for your family. Now here's
9:23
Speaker 2: the disclaimer. Have I had times that my kids have
9:26
Speaker 2: been on screens way too much? Yes? Yes I have.
9:31
Speaker 2: Do I have children who can quote practically every piece
9:34
Speaker 2: of dialogue from the Barbie Princess movies that I would
9:38
Speaker 2: park them in front of when I had a big
9:40
Speaker 2: project due and I didn't have availability of childcare and
9:43
Speaker 2: I had to get something done. Yeah, my kids can
9:47
Speaker 2: quote to a terrifying level actually some of the movies
9:51
Speaker 2: that we used to have them watch when we were
9:53
Speaker 2: trying to get stuff done and we just needed a
9:55
Speaker 2: screen babysitter for a period of time. And I have
9:58
Speaker 2: one of my kids who truly is a gamer. I
10:00
Speaker 2: mean he loves it, he's on there, he does stuff,
10:03
Speaker 2: he has a whole community. And have I allowed him
10:07
Speaker 2: at times to maybe have too much time doing that? Yeah,
10:10
Speaker 2: I probably have, so I have not cracked the code
10:13
Speaker 2: on all of this. I am a very techy person.
10:16
Speaker 2: I love all the devices and all the stuff and
10:19
Speaker 2: all the newest, latest platforms, and I love getting on
10:22
Speaker 2: productivity stuff. And I with various clients I work with,
10:25
Speaker 2: We're on different platforms and things that we do things on,
10:28
Speaker 2: and I love diving in and learning all that stuff.
10:31
Speaker 2: So in some ways I may not be the best
10:33
Speaker 2: person to address this, but in other ways maybe I
10:36
Speaker 2: can be of help because I really do think that
10:38
Speaker 2: the greatest health that I see is with people who
10:43
Speaker 2: use screens in their lives but know how to do
10:46
Speaker 2: it and do it in a way that is healthy.
10:49
Speaker 2: That's the part that I think sometimes we don't hear
10:51
Speaker 2: in a lot of this messaging. So hopefully there's a
10:53
Speaker 2: way and there are some things you're going to learn
10:55
Speaker 2: today that may help you achieve that for your family
10:58
Speaker 2: as well. The first thing I want to talk about
11:01
Speaker 2: is making some micro changes instead of macro changes. What
11:05
Speaker 2: do I mean by that. I have this tendency sometimes
11:10
Speaker 2: that I'll be convinced that I would do better on
11:13
Speaker 2: this particular exercise program or with this particular style of eating,
11:16
Speaker 2: and I will go all in. But I've gone all
11:20
Speaker 2: in in some ways to my own detriment. What do
11:23
Speaker 2: I mean by that, Well, maybe you've done it too.
11:26
Speaker 2: You decide that's it. I'm going to I'm getting on
11:28
Speaker 2: the health train. I'm going to start training. I'm going
11:30
Speaker 2: to start lifting heavy tomorrow. And you lift really heavy tomorrow,
11:33
Speaker 2: to the point that then you can't even walk for
11:36
Speaker 2: the next three days. You don't want to have anything
11:38
Speaker 2: to do with weightlifting ever. Again, after what you put
11:40
Speaker 2: yourself through in the first couple three days of being
11:43
Speaker 2: all in, you've made a macro change, a big change.
11:47
Speaker 2: And sometimes those macro changes can be necessary in life.
11:50
Speaker 2: Sometimes there are things that we absolutely need to go
11:53
Speaker 2: cold turkey on, turn away from, you know, remove ourselves from.
11:57
Speaker 2: There are certainly times for that, But sometimes there is
12:00
Speaker 2: a lot of wisdom in making micro changes. And I
12:05
Speaker 2: think screens can be one of those areas. Maybe for
12:07
Speaker 2: your family. What do I mean by that, Well, instead
12:10
Speaker 2: of just saying that sid kids, no screens, nobody's got gaming,
12:13
Speaker 2: nobody has computers, nobody's got an iPad, nothing, nothing, nothing
12:17
Speaker 2: this whole summer, what about if you said, Okay, the
12:22
Speaker 2: first thirty minutes of the day, we're not going to
12:24
Speaker 2: be on screens, or you said, the last thirty minutes
12:27
Speaker 2: of the day before we head to bedtime, we're not
12:29
Speaker 2: going to be on screens, just some small things. One
12:34
Speaker 2: of the ways that this helps I love the book
12:37
Speaker 2: by Charles Dowhig, The Power of Habit, and one of
12:40
Speaker 2: the things that he talks about in the Power of
12:42
Speaker 2: Habit is that so often we are fast to say
12:46
Speaker 2: I'm going to stop doing XYZ. Great, but then we
12:50
Speaker 2: don't fill that space with anything, And so we have
12:55
Speaker 2: to be careful that if all of a sudden we
12:57
Speaker 2: decide we're just going to go screenless for the summer,
12:59
Speaker 2: but we're not being really intentional to backfill and say, Okay,
13:04
Speaker 2: instead of screens, we're going to do XYZ, then you're
13:08
Speaker 2: kind of setting yourself up for failure. And instead, if
13:11
Speaker 2: we'll make these little micro habits as a beginning point,
13:14
Speaker 2: then that can make it easier. So to say, okay,
13:18
Speaker 2: we're not going to do screens for the first thirty
13:20
Speaker 2: minutes of the day. Now here's the important part. What
13:24
Speaker 2: we are going to do is we're going to get
13:26
Speaker 2: up and we're going to make beds, and we're going
13:28
Speaker 2: to brush teeth, and we're going to do this, and
13:30
Speaker 2: we're going to knock out a couple chores, and then
13:32
Speaker 2: at the thirty minute mark, you can have fifteen minutes
13:35
Speaker 2: on a screen or however you want to break it up. Now,
13:38
Speaker 2: instead of there just being this void where the kid
13:40
Speaker 2: is like, well, I can't be on screens because my
13:43
Speaker 2: mom has my device, but I don't know what to
13:44
Speaker 2: do with myself, and they're just sitting around or trying
13:46
Speaker 2: to figure out ways to go around your back or
13:48
Speaker 2: whatever to get to a screen, you've actually created a
13:52
Speaker 2: small new habit to fill that spot. That's one of
13:55
Speaker 2: the places that I have just fallen short many times
13:59
Speaker 2: because I will remove something from family life, but I'm
14:02
Speaker 2: not replacing it with something that would be really helpful.
14:05
Speaker 2: So I want to encourage you to really think that way,
14:08
Speaker 2: that there is potentially an ability here to add something
14:13
Speaker 2: into the schedule that replaces the screen. I think it's
14:16
Speaker 2: not really all that helpful sometimes to say to somebody, oh,
14:20
Speaker 2: you know, if your bored, you'll figure it out. I
14:22
Speaker 2: do think boredom is a great thing. I think that
14:24
Speaker 2: all kinds of creativity can come from boredom. But I
14:27
Speaker 2: think when you are beginning off your summer, when you're
14:30
Speaker 2: setting the routine for the summer, when you're trying to
14:32
Speaker 2: make sure that your kids are getting outside, they're doing
14:35
Speaker 2: some fun stuff whatever, you are going to need to
14:37
Speaker 2: be the cruise director for that for a while. If
14:40
Speaker 2: you're just saying, I don't know, go figure it out,
14:43
Speaker 2: and you have kids who are coming out of a
14:44
Speaker 2: highly routined experience in the classroom or whatever they've been
14:48
Speaker 2: doing for the school year, I don't know that that's
14:51
Speaker 2: really the best launch pad. So consider really having something
14:55
Speaker 2: in place that if you want to remove screens from
14:57
Speaker 2: a certain part of the day, make sure you've already
15:00
Speaker 2: thought through and been strategic about what's going to go
15:02
Speaker 2: in that time. Another way to think about this, too,
15:05
Speaker 2: is to create something of a bucket list for things
15:07
Speaker 2: that you want to do with your children over the summer.
15:10
Speaker 2: And of course this can be the fun stuff like
15:12
Speaker 2: going to the zoo or going to the Dollar movie
15:14
Speaker 2: or whatever the thing is. But there's also something that
15:17
Speaker 2: researchers have started to notice, and we've done a couple
15:20
Speaker 2: episodes on this, and I find it to be really
15:22
Speaker 2: fascinating that we have kids heading into college who have
15:26
Speaker 2: no clue about just some basic hashtag adulting life stuff.
15:32
Speaker 2: And what I mean by that is, we have kids
15:34
Speaker 2: who don't know how to run a little laundry. They
15:36
Speaker 2: don't know how to clean a bathroom, they don't know
15:39
Speaker 2: how to set up a bank account, they don't know
15:41
Speaker 2: how to answer emails, they don't know how to do
15:44
Speaker 2: just life admin. So depending on the ages of your kids,
15:48
Speaker 2: and you can start this even when they're really young.
15:50
Speaker 2: Even a really young child can be activated into helping
15:53
Speaker 2: empty the trash or helping with the dustbuster on the
15:57
Speaker 2: floor or whatever. Think about this skill sets that you
16:00
Speaker 2: would like your kids to be able to achieve on
16:03
Speaker 2: their own by the end of the summer, and then
16:06
Speaker 2: reverse engineer that from how you need to train them.
16:10
Speaker 2: A couple of my kids have come back to me
16:12
Speaker 2: in adulthood and have said, you know, Mom, I really
16:15
Speaker 2: hated it when you had us doing chores when we
16:17
Speaker 2: were kids, But now I'm so grateful because I realize
16:20
Speaker 2: that I have people in my life who have no
16:23
Speaker 2: idea how to do certain things. They were never tasked
16:27
Speaker 2: with and taught how to deep clean a bathroom. They
16:31
Speaker 2: don't know how to do it. We have to teach
16:34
Speaker 2: our kids these things now listen. I very much love
16:37
Speaker 2: you know, more as caught than taught. I believe that.
16:40
Speaker 2: I believe the things that we're doing in the background,
16:42
Speaker 2: our kids are observing, their watching, and they're picking up
16:44
Speaker 2: a lot from But there are definitely things that our
16:46
Speaker 2: kids need to see us do and then we watch
16:50
Speaker 2: them do and give them feedback, and then over time
16:53
Speaker 2: they build the skill. And things like just general life
16:56
Speaker 2: admin are certainly in that category. And I want to
17:00
Speaker 2: urge you to one thing that happens still even today,
17:04
Speaker 2: please watch this in your own home, is sometimes we're
17:07
Speaker 2: teaching our girls to do a lot of this and
17:09
Speaker 2: we're not teaching our boys, and that is unfair in
17:13
Speaker 2: so many different ways. But bottom line, you want to
17:16
Speaker 2: make sure that all of your kids know how to
17:19
Speaker 2: do some basic care and keeping for their own lives,
17:23
Speaker 2: so that when they move into adulthood, whether that means
17:25
Speaker 2: that they are going to college or they are starting
17:28
Speaker 2: that job, or maybe they're getting married or maybe they're
17:31
Speaker 2: not getting married for a while, they have the skills
17:33
Speaker 2: that they need to operate as an independent adult. That
17:37
Speaker 2: should be the goal out there, and that starts very young.
17:40
Speaker 2: So think about the things for your children, the age
17:43
Speaker 2: and stage they're in right now, what would be great
17:45
Speaker 2: for them to have learned how to do independently on
17:47
Speaker 2: their own by the end of the summer. That's a
17:50
Speaker 2: great thing to fill some of those pockets of time
17:53
Speaker 2: when it comes to trying to reduce screen time over
17:57
Speaker 2: the summer. Now another.
18:00
Speaker 3: You think that you are in the final round of
18:04
Speaker 3: getting all this parenting done. You've got kids who are
18:07
Speaker 3: in high school, You're starting to think about college, and
18:11
Speaker 3: you're thinking.
18:11
Speaker 2: This is it. I'm Julie Lyles Carr. I am a
18:13
Speaker 2: podcaster and I'm a mom of eight.
18:15
Speaker 3: And here's what I want you to know about George
18:18
Speaker 3: Fox University.
18:19
Speaker 2: It's a different way of doing college.
18:22
Speaker 3: Why Because, yes, it's all about getting a fantastic.
18:25
Speaker 2: Degree to set your kid up for their future.
18:27
Speaker 3: They have sixty undergrad programs available at George Fox University.
18:32
Speaker 3: But that's not where the story ends. It's also about
18:35
Speaker 3: equipping them spiritually. If you get out of college with
18:38
Speaker 3: a degree, but you don't have a closer relationship with God,
18:42
Speaker 3: that obviously is going to deeply impact what your young
18:46
Speaker 3: adult life looks like. So for your kidds, I want
18:49
Speaker 3: you to consider what would it mean for your child
18:52
Speaker 3: to be able to go to George Fox University, where
18:54
Speaker 3: ninety three percent of George Fox students say they now
18:58
Speaker 3: have a closer relationship with Jesus. George Fox University is
19:03
Speaker 3: located in the Pacific northwestern Oregon.
19:05
Speaker 1: They have twenty three Division three athletic programs, and one
19:10
Speaker 1: hundred percent of students at George Fox University receive financial aid.
19:16
Speaker 1: George foxy University is dedicated to their promise they want
19:20
Speaker 1: every student to be.
19:21
Speaker 2: Known for who God created them to be.
19:23
Speaker 3: So listen, parents, Yeah, you are getting into some of
19:27
Speaker 3: those final laps, but you definitely want to make these
19:30
Speaker 3: last laps count in a big way when.
19:33
Speaker 2: It comes to the legacy of your guarentee.
19:35
Speaker 3: So be sure and check out for your student George
19:38
Speaker 3: Fox dot edu.
19:40
Speaker 2: That's George Fox dot edu. I have found that people
19:47
Speaker 2: get really worried, and for legitimate reasons, about what their
19:51
Speaker 2: kids might run across when it comes to being on screens.
19:55
Speaker 2: And I've had people ask me in the past, you know,
19:57
Speaker 2: what kind of filter system do you have on your
19:59
Speaker 2: day devices in your home? What do you do for this?
20:01
Speaker 2: What do you do for that? We made a pretty
20:03
Speaker 2: controversial decision. I'm not suggesting this as necessarily the one
20:06
Speaker 2: for your home, and depending on if you or your
20:08
Speaker 2: spouse has had a hard time when it comes to
20:11
Speaker 2: particular content and you needed to be really thoughtful and
20:14
Speaker 2: careful with yourselves. I'm not suggesting that you push back
20:17
Speaker 2: against that or go a different direction. I don't think
20:19
Speaker 2: that would be wise for you. But what I will
20:21
Speaker 2: say that I think is really important is to understand,
20:24
Speaker 2: no matter what you're doing, your kids are going to
20:27
Speaker 2: run across content that is something you really wished and
20:31
Speaker 2: hoped they had not seen. And this even happens when
20:35
Speaker 2: you don't have devices in place. It happened when I
20:38
Speaker 2: was a kid growing up that there would I would
20:40
Speaker 2: go to a friend's house, or we would be out
20:42
Speaker 2: somewhere or whatever, and someone would have a print piece,
20:47
Speaker 2: magazine or whatever that had content that was not appropriate
20:50
Speaker 2: for young eyes or older eyes, frankly, And so it's
20:54
Speaker 2: not the device itself necessarily, it's that no matter where
20:58
Speaker 2: your kid is going in life, is going to be
21:00
Speaker 2: content produced by people who are, you know, doing some
21:04
Speaker 2: nefarious things, and your kids are going to run across it.
21:06
Speaker 2: What we decided to onboard as a family was we
21:10
Speaker 2: wanted to remain open to the conversations with our kids.
21:15
Speaker 2: We didn't have an illusion that our kids were going
21:18
Speaker 2: to be able to exit our house without ever having
21:20
Speaker 2: run across objectionable content. Now did that mean that we
21:23
Speaker 2: were just like run wild, run free, go into every
21:27
Speaker 2: dark corner of the internet. No, it didn't. I mean
21:29
Speaker 2: we definitely were checking in, we were talking, we were
21:32
Speaker 2: having conversations about all of it. But certainly there were
21:36
Speaker 2: things that our kids would come to us and go, hey,
21:38
Speaker 2: I was looking this up for a paper for school
21:41
Speaker 2: and this popped up on the screen. What do I do?
21:44
Speaker 2: So I want you to think about in your goal
21:47
Speaker 2: as a parent, should you do what you can to
21:50
Speaker 2: try to help your child avoid some of this kind
21:53
Speaker 2: of content? Of course, are you going to be able
21:56
Speaker 2: to do that one hundred percent all the time. You're
21:58
Speaker 2: simply not. And I know that that's hard to hear.
22:02
Speaker 2: I know that we want to do everything we can
22:05
Speaker 2: to protect our kids' hearts and eyes. I get it,
22:08
Speaker 2: but they are going to run across it. And so
22:10
Speaker 2: what I want to suggest is that whatever is happening
22:14
Speaker 2: on screen, that you're building a culture for your child
22:17
Speaker 2: that they know they can come to you, that they
22:20
Speaker 2: know that they can have that conversation with you, and
22:23
Speaker 2: that you are the one instigating. Hey, I know you've
22:25
Speaker 2: been on this gaming site. You know, what do you
22:28
Speaker 2: think about this community? How are people talking to each other?
22:31
Speaker 2: How do you feel about that? Has there ever come
22:33
Speaker 2: up something that makes you feel a little icky or
22:35
Speaker 2: you're a little concerned about initiating some of those conversations
22:38
Speaker 2: as well, Because actually the content your kids run across
22:42
Speaker 2: can be a great place, a great you know, jump
22:46
Speaker 2: into conversations that you need to be able to have,
22:50
Speaker 2: And when you think about it in that way, it
22:52
Speaker 2: can be helpful. It can take some of the fear
22:55
Speaker 2: a little bit out of it. Now, again, I think
22:58
Speaker 2: we have to be thoughtful and careful, and there are
23:00
Speaker 2: definitely things that I really hope my kids have not
23:04
Speaker 2: encountered online. But I want you to adjust your thought
23:08
Speaker 2: process just a little bit, because it's really important that
23:12
Speaker 2: your kids know that you're a safe place for them
23:15
Speaker 2: to be able to share anything that they might come across.
23:18
Speaker 2: So in those ways, sometimes that content has a side
23:23
Speaker 2: to it that can initiate really important conversations. And when
23:28
Speaker 2: you look at it through that filter that can be
23:29
Speaker 2: really helpful. I love what Matthew six says, the eye
23:33
Speaker 2: is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,
23:36
Speaker 2: your whole body will be full of light. But if
23:38
Speaker 2: your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full
23:40
Speaker 2: of darkness. And I think what Jesus is wanting us
23:43
Speaker 2: to understand from that is that we have to be
23:46
Speaker 2: intentional about what we're consuming when it comes to content.
23:50
Speaker 2: And that is the great, beautiful lesson you can be
23:53
Speaker 2: handing off to your kids. When you are looking at
23:55
Speaker 2: things that are interesting and educational and lighthearted and fun
24:01
Speaker 2: and connected within a community, those things are light. But
24:05
Speaker 2: when you run across content that makes you feel weird
24:09
Speaker 2: or icky, or people are being mean to each other,
24:11
Speaker 2: or people are using language that we don't use in
24:14
Speaker 2: our family, then that's a place where if we're not cautious,
24:18
Speaker 2: we're inviting darkness in. So let's be intentional about what
24:21
Speaker 2: we're looking at. That's a life lesson. When it comes
24:24
Speaker 2: to screens, that is one that will resound with them
24:26
Speaker 2: for a really long time. Okay, we talked about micro
24:30
Speaker 2: versus macro, about doing screens less, not necessarily going screenless.
24:34
Speaker 2: This summer. But here's an idea that you might consider
24:37
Speaker 2: for your family that could be interesting, and that is
24:39
Speaker 2: taking a twenty four hour fast from screens for everyone
24:44
Speaker 2: in the whole family. Yes even you, Yes, even if
24:48
Speaker 2: you listen to this podcast on a certain day, making
24:50
Speaker 2: the decision. I'm going to skip the ALM on to
24:51
Speaker 2: this podcast for this week. I'll catch up on it
24:53
Speaker 2: next week. Here's why I think a twenty four hour
24:55
Speaker 2: fast that every family member participates in it can be
24:58
Speaker 2: so powerful. And it is that interesting place of realizing
25:03
Speaker 2: how often you have the urge to reach for that device,
25:06
Speaker 2: allowing your child to realize how often they're having that
25:08
Speaker 2: urge to reach for the device, and being able to
25:10
Speaker 2: clock it like, wow, it's interesting. I start to get
25:13
Speaker 2: a little bored, or I start to have a weird feeling,
25:15
Speaker 2: or I start to feel a little down and I'm
25:17
Speaker 2: wanting to reach for that device or I'm wanting to
25:19
Speaker 2: go on screen. And so it's helpful. It's a great
25:23
Speaker 2: way for someone to learn a little bit about self regulation,
25:25
Speaker 2: because when you recognize in yourself, this is something that's
25:28
Speaker 2: prompting me that I'm trying to do, and I just
25:31
Speaker 2: need to leave it alone. Just for twenty four hours.
25:33
Speaker 2: It helps you see where that dependency sometimes on devices
25:37
Speaker 2: can grow, and it's good for you too. Here's the
25:41
Speaker 2: other thing I like about setting a twenty four hour
25:43
Speaker 2: fast ahead of time. Set it out there on the
25:47
Speaker 2: calendar for several weeks from now, talk about it as
25:50
Speaker 2: a family, talk about why you're doing it, talk about
25:53
Speaker 2: what you're going to fill the time with. Instead, set
25:56
Speaker 2: up a little calendar, a little schedule, and say, okay,
25:59
Speaker 2: so starting on this day at eight am, we're going
26:01
Speaker 2: to collect all the devices, unplug the TVs, turn off
26:04
Speaker 2: the Wi Fi whatever, and we're going to go on
26:08
Speaker 2: a family walk together at the park. And then we're
26:10
Speaker 2: going to do this, and then we're going to do that,
26:12
Speaker 2: and then we're going to go over here and fill
26:15
Speaker 2: that time. Now, should there be some pockets of time
26:17
Speaker 2: in there in which each family member goes to do
26:19
Speaker 2: their own thing for a while, Sure, that's great. Do that,
26:23
Speaker 2: but also make sure that you have, like we talked
26:26
Speaker 2: about in micro versus Macro, that you've got some things
26:29
Speaker 2: in place for the family for that purpose of bonding
26:32
Speaker 2: and conversation and recognition that you're feeling a little device hunger,
26:37
Speaker 2: because when we're all doing it together, and when it's
26:39
Speaker 2: been set out there on the calendar ahead of time,
26:41
Speaker 2: when it's something that is proactive, not reactive, like you
26:44
Speaker 2: find your kid on a device at one in the
26:46
Speaker 2: morning and you broke the rules and that's it. No
26:48
Speaker 2: device is for you for two days. I mean, sometimes
26:51
Speaker 2: those consequences have their place, But there's something that's different
26:54
Speaker 2: when it's a proactive thing, when we're looking into the
26:56
Speaker 2: health of why we're doing this thing, and when we're
26:58
Speaker 2: doing it all together, we're all rowing the same way.
27:01
Speaker 2: That begins to take off some of the criminalization of screens,
27:05
Speaker 2: if you will, and moves it into a place of saying,
27:07
Speaker 2: this is something that we choose, that we control, that
27:10
Speaker 2: we have domain over, it doesn't have domain over us.
27:14
Speaker 2: I think that's a really important lesson for all of
27:17
Speaker 2: us to learn. Now, if you're looking for a couple
27:19
Speaker 2: more activities. I did this with some of my kids, actually,
27:23
Speaker 2: one of my one of my twins, my babies, they
27:27
Speaker 2: are now nineteen, and one of them came to me
27:29
Speaker 2: and said, hey, is that offer still available? Here was
27:32
Speaker 2: the offer. We had times during the summer where I said,
27:35
Speaker 2: for every Bible verse, do you memorize, I will pay
27:38
Speaker 2: you a dollar, and a couple of them made some
27:42
Speaker 2: cash this way, and then I had one comeback this
27:45
Speaker 2: summer at the beginning of this summer and say it's
27:47
Speaker 2: not an options still available. So I want you to
27:50
Speaker 2: think about that, that that's something that you might encourage
27:52
Speaker 2: in your kids too. That I know you may not
27:56
Speaker 2: feel great about offering money for Bible memorization. Listen, I
28:00
Speaker 2: am willing to do whatever to help secret the Word
28:02
Speaker 2: in their hearts. And if that means they take it
28:04
Speaker 2: on like a little part time job memorizing scripture and
28:07
Speaker 2: I'm going to give them a dollar and a dollar
28:09
Speaker 2: and a dollar, then I will do that. So that
28:11
Speaker 2: might be something you consider as well as something even
28:13
Speaker 2: with your really young kids, that they can do that's proactive,
28:17
Speaker 2: that they can earn a little bit of extra money.
28:18
Speaker 2: But the biggest treasure they're getting from it is they
28:21
Speaker 2: are getting the Word of God solidly in their hearts.
28:24
Speaker 2: They will remember those passages and those verses in many
28:27
Speaker 2: years to come. Now here's the final kind of triggering
28:31
Speaker 2: confrontational question I have to ask you when it comes
28:34
Speaker 2: to your approach to screens, what are you modeling how
28:39
Speaker 2: often are you on your screen? Maybe you've been confronted
28:42
Speaker 2: with this. I have something on my iPhone that shows me, yes,
28:47
Speaker 2: here's the amount of time I was on my screens,
28:50
Speaker 2: and here's the percentage of time that was for work,
28:53
Speaker 2: work calls, that kind of stuff. And here's the amount
28:56
Speaker 2: of time I was on social media or I was
28:58
Speaker 2: watching a movie or whatever. It is very confronting to
29:03
Speaker 2: see it real time on my own phone. We at
29:07
Speaker 2: our house often laugh about I'll walk through the living
29:09
Speaker 2: room and here are the three young adults living in
29:12
Speaker 2: my house all on screens, and we'll laugh about there
29:14
Speaker 2: being screenagers. But then I also have to say there
29:17
Speaker 2: are times that I'm right in there with them and
29:20
Speaker 2: I'm back on that device as well, and we're all together,
29:22
Speaker 2: but we're just on screens all together. What am I modeling?
29:27
Speaker 2: There is so much that our kids take from life,
29:31
Speaker 2: watch from life, see how we navigate things, and they
29:35
Speaker 2: apply it to themselves. They do it for themselves. And
29:39
Speaker 2: so to really be mindful about your own screen habits
29:45
Speaker 2: is a very important part of what this summer and
29:49
Speaker 2: screens for your family are going to look like. I
29:52
Speaker 2: will hear parents say, you know, I told my kids,
29:54
Speaker 2: the phones have to be in the kitchen by nine o'clock.
29:57
Speaker 2: And then I found one of them in the kitchen
29:59
Speaker 2: on their phone at nine o'clock. Well, why are you
30:02
Speaker 2: having them taken to the kitchen. Put them in the
30:04
Speaker 2: closet in your bedroom. You know, show there is dominion
30:09
Speaker 2: to be had over these devices. We are enforcing this.
30:12
Speaker 2: We are not being casual in the things that we
30:15
Speaker 2: are going to require, and we're not going to be
30:17
Speaker 2: overly controlling when it comes to those times that you
30:20
Speaker 2: are allowed to have your screen. There's got to be
30:23
Speaker 2: this balance, because what we are trying to do is
30:26
Speaker 2: show our kids screens are going to be in your life.
30:30
Speaker 2: You're going to be confronted with objectionable content, You're going
30:33
Speaker 2: to be making decisions every day about what you're watching,
30:37
Speaker 2: how much time you're spending all of it. And if
30:40
Speaker 2: the only model they're learning is that we are very
30:43
Speaker 2: restrictive over what they do, but we are on it
30:47
Speaker 2: all the time and we're doing whatever we want on
30:49
Speaker 2: it all the time, or they come to depend on
30:52
Speaker 2: us as the absolute custodian and keeper of how often
30:56
Speaker 2: they're getting access to this device. What's happening on and
30:59
Speaker 2: on and on. Then they're not building any self control
31:02
Speaker 2: for themselves. They're not building any skills for themselves. Now, again,
31:06
Speaker 2: this is a long play. This is not just you're
31:08
Speaker 2: going to do this this summer and your kid's going
31:10
Speaker 2: to come out the other side with a great template
31:13
Speaker 2: for how to handle devices from this point forward in
31:15
Speaker 2: their life. Not at all. This is something you're building
31:18
Speaker 2: on year over year, summer over summer, and so at
31:23
Speaker 2: the end of that time, the goal is that you
31:25
Speaker 2: have someone ready for adulthood who knows how to do
31:28
Speaker 2: their own admin for their life and also knows how
31:32
Speaker 2: to push back against all of the things that are
31:35
Speaker 2: in place on our different devices, our social platforms, our
31:38
Speaker 2: gaming platforms. This is what the goal is. Is to
31:41
Speaker 2: help them understand and help them build over time the
31:45
Speaker 2: discipline they're going to need in life forward. Because here's
31:48
Speaker 2: the deal. The technology is only going to get better
31:51
Speaker 2: and better. The requirements for being on the technology when
31:54
Speaker 2: it comes to work, life, community plans, all of it
31:57
Speaker 2: is only going to be even more robust when it
31:59
Speaker 2: comes to leveraging devices and technology for those things. So
32:04
Speaker 2: you have an opportunity every summer for the summer that
32:07
Speaker 2: your kids are in your home to model both how
32:11
Speaker 2: you use devices, the disciplines you put around yourself, the
32:15
Speaker 2: disciplines you put around screens for your kids to help
32:18
Speaker 2: them develop their own self discipline with it, and the
32:22
Speaker 2: push and pull, the tension of giving them just enough
32:24
Speaker 2: freedom but also just enough templating so that they can
32:28
Speaker 2: come to the place where they are well equipped as
32:31
Speaker 2: they enter those young adult years to be running the
32:34
Speaker 2: device and the device not be running them. So I
32:38
Speaker 2: know that's a whole lot to think about, but I
32:40
Speaker 2: want to encourage you to make the screen thing a
32:43
Speaker 2: priority this summer. How you're going to handle it, what
32:46
Speaker 2: you're going to do, what the rules in your family
32:49
Speaker 2: are going to be micro habits over macro habits, maybe
32:53
Speaker 2: even a one twenty four hour period that the whole
32:56
Speaker 2: family participates in, and putting those devices down. I just
32:59
Speaker 2: want to encourage you to lift your eyes this summer,
33:02
Speaker 2: have time with your kids, enjoy read good books, get outside,
33:07
Speaker 2: don't just default to the device. Alrighty, you know what
33:12
Speaker 2: to do. There are show notes you can go and
33:14
Speaker 2: take a look there. We even have a full transcription
33:16
Speaker 2: of this episode that you can go take a look at.
33:18
Speaker 2: If you wanted to read it instead and go what
33:20
Speaker 2: was she talking about?
33:21
Speaker 3: There?
33:21
Speaker 2: You can make sure and do that. Rebecca puts those
33:23
Speaker 2: together for us and we love it too. When you
33:25
Speaker 2: go over to Almandes dot com and all mom Does
33:27
Speaker 2: on the social is a great community there for you.
33:30
Speaker 2: Come hang out with me. I'm usually over on Instagram
33:32
Speaker 2: under Julie Lyles car Slide into my DMS. Let me
33:35
Speaker 2: know about topics that you want to learn about that's
33:37
Speaker 2: really important to us. That's how we build the show
33:39
Speaker 2: week by week by addressing the topics, the guests, the concepts,
33:43
Speaker 2: the issues, the questions, the stuff you have going on
33:45
Speaker 2: in your life. And I will see you next time
33:48
Speaker 2: on the almand Does podcast.
34:00
Speaker 3: Yeah,