Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / Q&A: My Eight-Year-Old Turns Aggressive and I Don’t Know Why

Transcript

Q&A: My Eight-Year-Old Turns Aggressive and I Don’t Know Why · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:06
Speaker 1: Gooday and welcome to the Happy Families podcast, where you
0:08
Speaker 1: get real parenting solutions every single day. It's Australia's most
0:12
Speaker 1: downloaded parenting podcast. And today another one of your tricky questions.
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Speaker 1: What do you do when you've got an eight year
0:16
Speaker 1: old that keeps on having temper tantrums, who is blowing
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Speaker 1: up and even being violent? Is there a difference between
0:23
Speaker 1: eight year old boys and eight year old girls when
0:26
Speaker 1: it comes to the way they regulate their emotions and
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Speaker 1: deal with the big fat no that they hear every
0:31
Speaker 1: now and again when they want more TV, more screen time,
0:34
Speaker 1: or more of the thing that they want that you're
0:35
Speaker 1: saying they can't have. We're going to discuss that as
0:37
Speaker 1: our tricky question next on the Happy Families podcasts.
0:42
Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to.
0:43
Speaker 1: The Happy Family's podcast where you get real parenting solutions
0:46
Speaker 1: every single day.
0:47
Speaker 2: It's Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast where Justin and Kylie Coulson.
0:51
Speaker 1: If you have a tricky question for us, Tuesday's the
0:54
Speaker 1: day that we answer those questions. Just jump online at
0:57
Speaker 1: Happy Families dot com dot you scroll down to where
0:59
Speaker 1: it says talk now or record super simple system tell us.
1:03
Speaker 2: What's on your mind and we will answer it. Alternatively.
1:05
Speaker 1: You can send us a voice note to podcasts at
1:07
Speaker 1: Happy Families dot com dot au.
1:10
Speaker 2: All right, Carly, here we go. This is the one
1:11
Speaker 2: that we've got for today.
1:13
Speaker 3: Hi, doctor Justin and Kylie. Thank you for all the
1:15
Speaker 3: suggestions that you give in your podcast. They are really
1:19
Speaker 3: helpful and valuable and I listen to your podcast every day.
1:22
Speaker 3: I've been having some challenges with my nearly eighty year
1:25
Speaker 3: old son, who is exceptional at school and has very
1:29
Speaker 3: well behaved. He often wins awards for his behavior at school,
1:34
Speaker 3: but something changes in him when he comes home. Whenever
1:39
Speaker 3: he doesn't like something, he just overreacts and physically reacts
1:44
Speaker 3: and tries to push us or hit us. It's more
1:48
Speaker 3: so with mom rather than dad. And I have also
1:51
Speaker 3: noticed that somehow he loves climbing on my shoulders, which
1:55
Speaker 3: is something that I don't appreciate, and I have spoken
1:58
Speaker 3: to him extensively about it, but it doesn't change. I
2:01
Speaker 3: don't know what triggers that behavior, but I have noticed
2:04
Speaker 3: that every time he watches TV, and he's allowed thirty
2:09
Speaker 3: minutes of TV every day, when it's time to switch
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Speaker 3: off the TV, he doesn't really want to switch it off,
2:16
Speaker 3: and after he's turned it off, that behavior starts. So
2:20
Speaker 3: I don't really know how to handle this, and I'm
2:23
Speaker 3: not quite sure how to even identify the triggers. What
2:26
Speaker 3: is triggering that behavior. I don't know. He gets plenty
2:29
Speaker 3: of physical exercise, he goes to two different soccer clubs.
2:32
Speaker 3: He goes for piano, and he goes for cricket, And
2:35
Speaker 3: I don't really know what else to give him. Is
2:38
Speaker 3: that overstimulation from TV or perhaps it's lack of exercise
2:43
Speaker 3: with either of them. I don't think is a valid reason,
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Speaker 3: but I just wanted your help to identify what triggers
2:50
Speaker 3: that behavior in him. Thank you so much for your time.
2:53
Speaker 3: I really appreciate it.
2:54
Speaker 2: Thanks all right, Carl, I have so much to say
2:57
Speaker 2: about this, So.
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Speaker 4: Like Spain said, no to let's just okay. No.
3:01
Speaker 1: Like when somebody says to me that I need to
3:04
Speaker 1: turn off the computer, stop answering emails, come and be
3:06
Speaker 1: with the family.
3:07
Speaker 2: Put the book down, the book down, whatever it is.
3:09
Speaker 1: It's like really, and it's the same when you two,
3:11
Speaker 1: when you're told to get off the swing, or when
3:13
Speaker 1: you're twelve and you're told to get off TikTok, because
3:16
Speaker 1: you shouldn't be on it anyway, or sixteen, and even
3:18
Speaker 1: when you're a grown up, this stuff is hard, Okay.
3:20
Speaker 1: So this tricky question is really a conversation about emotion
3:23
Speaker 1: regulation and how to help an eight year old to
3:27
Speaker 1: deal with the boundaries that are quite reasonably being set
3:32
Speaker 1: by parents who love him and care for him.
3:35
Speaker 4: So I remember when our youngest who's now twelve, was
3:40
Speaker 4: around about eight or nine, and again, at school, she
3:45
Speaker 4: was actually doing really really well, but she would come
3:48
Speaker 4: home and we would have these massive outbursts, and it
3:53
Speaker 4: wasn't for some time until we realized just how much
3:56
Speaker 4: effort was going into that good behavior at school, the
4:00
Speaker 4: conformity of positive peer pressure, let's say, and then that
4:06
Speaker 4: need to just kind of unleashould let go.
4:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really popular narrative.
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Speaker 1: The other one that's really popular is just the idea
4:12
Speaker 1: that when your children feel safe, they can be whoever
4:14
Speaker 1: they need to be in the moment, let and just
4:16
Speaker 1: be their authentic selves, be their true selves, just let
4:18
Speaker 1: their emotions fly, and if they feel like saying no,
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Speaker 1: they feel safe enough with you that they can do that.
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Speaker 1: Both of those narratives do hold some water, and yet
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Speaker 1: I resist both of them, especially when I listen to this.
4:30
Speaker 1: So I'm not saying that they're wrong. I'm saying that
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Speaker 1: there are other explanations that I find more compelling.
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Speaker 4: Well, I'm just going to put it out there that
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Speaker 4: when we pulled her out of school, the majority of
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Speaker 4: that behavior disappeared.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, except when we said no, right, I mean, because
4:46
Speaker 1: this is we want what we want. So I've made
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Speaker 1: some notes as I've listened very very carefully to this wonderful,
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Speaker 1: wonderful mom who's doing her very best to navigate life
4:55
Speaker 1: with an eight year old son. And I'm just gonna
4:58
Speaker 1: whizz through some things. Feel free to cut me off, interrupt,
5:00
Speaker 1: or even push back if you need to. The first
5:02
Speaker 1: thing I want to talk about is the extra curricular activities.
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Speaker 1: Two different soccer clubs, cricket and piano. And he's still
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Speaker 1: not quite eight, about to turn eight.
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Speaker 2: That's a lot.
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Speaker 4: And they're all really structured, very controlled environments.
5:18
Speaker 2: They're really controlled environments.
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Speaker 1: And what I know is that increasingly we are putting
5:23
Speaker 1: children under pressure to be in these structured, controlled environments
5:27
Speaker 1: where adults are guiding them and they're being developed. Kids
5:31
Speaker 1: are being developed there are projects.
5:33
Speaker 2: It's all about, and.
5:35
Speaker 4: There's kind of only one way to do it right.
5:37
Speaker 4: To do it right, there's one way.
5:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I tend to push back against getting your
5:44
Speaker 1: children involved in structured activities before the age of nine
5:49
Speaker 1: or ten, and specifically competition competitive pursuits where your identity
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Speaker 1: starts to become tied up with your results. And if
6:00
Speaker 1: you're playing soccer and you're not doing very well, that
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Speaker 1: means you must be any good at soccer and you
6:03
Speaker 1: must be a loser. The competitive aspects aren't necessarily good
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Speaker 1: for young kids' resilience because their brain hasn't caught up
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Speaker 1: with exactly how competition works and what it's for now.
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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that we should have this mum pull
6:14
Speaker 1: her kids out of these things. They are good things,
6:17
Speaker 1: and I would rather him be in structured, adult led
6:22
Speaker 1: activities than sitting at home playing roadblocks, for example, or
6:26
Speaker 1: stirring at a screen or whatever. It sounds like that
6:28
Speaker 1: probably isn't going to be an issue in this particular home,
6:31
Speaker 1: but it is an issue in many many homes. What
6:33
Speaker 1: I would say, though, is this, have him involved in
6:36
Speaker 1: activities where one he's got some choice in it. So
6:38
Speaker 1: if he's hating piano, getting to play the drums, or
6:40
Speaker 1: get Hi to play the trumpe or the trombone or
6:41
Speaker 1: the the obo, the obo.
6:46
Speaker 2: Let's do that.
6:47
Speaker 1: He'll probably get a scholarship at a fancy school because
6:49
Speaker 1: they can't get enough obo players for the orchestra. Get
6:52
Speaker 1: him doing things where his friends are, and get him
6:56
Speaker 1: doing things where it's not about competition. It's just about
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Speaker 1: enjoying and developing the confidence as he goes well.
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Speaker 4: I would go further and say that instead of having
7:05
Speaker 4: structured activities, maybe organizing a playdate where there is no structure,
7:11
Speaker 4: there's no expectations.
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Speaker 2: It's just having fun.
7:14
Speaker 4: They're climbing trees, they're playing ball.
7:17
Speaker 1: What happened riding a bikeross skateboard, maybe falling over and
7:20
Speaker 1: spraining a wrist.
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Speaker 2: It's okay.
7:22
Speaker 1: Kids should do one thing every week that could land
7:23
Speaker 1: them in hospital if it goes wrong. I don't have
7:25
Speaker 1: a problem with them taking risks. You shake your head
7:27
Speaker 1: every time I say that. You really chape when I
7:30
Speaker 1: say that, I don't want them to go to hospital.
7:31
Speaker 2: It's about it's about learning to find the edges.
7:34
Speaker 1: Though I'm pushing boundaries, and that's so healthy. For them,
7:36
Speaker 1: So I wanted to say that about the extracurricular activities first. Generally,
7:40
Speaker 1: though in spite of my reservations, I would still say
7:43
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty six, this sounds like a mum and
7:47
Speaker 1: a dad who are doing great, and I wouldn't be
7:50
Speaker 1: pushing for big changes here. The things that we've talked
7:53
Speaker 1: about are going to be useful. Second thing, I've got
7:55
Speaker 1: to talk about the TV situation, because this is the
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Speaker 1: reality of every family that you talk to.
8:04
Speaker 2: TV and screens.
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Speaker 1: I think half an hour a day's fine at this age,
8:09
Speaker 1: maybe even up to an hour. Honestly, when we were
8:12
Speaker 1: listening to it, you whispered to me and said, is
8:15
Speaker 1: he finishing the episode in half an hour? Or maybe
8:17
Speaker 1: a lot of episodes on to goo for twenty two minutes,
8:19
Speaker 1: and so it's like, oh, well, I got to watch
8:21
Speaker 1: one and a third, but I want to know what's
8:23
Speaker 1: going to happen. So I think timing matters. I tend
8:26
Speaker 1: to think that we don't have to be really hardcore
8:28
Speaker 1: rigid on this. We can be a little bit flexible
8:30
Speaker 1: around it.
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Speaker 2: TV is vastly superior.
8:32
Speaker 1: To being on any other kind of screen because there
8:34
Speaker 1: is no algorithm reaching into their brain, nor is there
8:36
Speaker 1: any persuasive design demanding that they stay attached. But TV
8:41
Speaker 1: does keep on going, right, Like if you don't turn
8:43
Speaker 1: it off, it will keep going. Whereas when you're reading
8:45
Speaker 1: a book, eventually you're kind of like, I'm at the
8:47
Speaker 1: end of the chapter and it is time for me
8:49
Speaker 1: to touch grass.
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Speaker 2: It is time for it.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm done, I've read enough for now. TV it
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Speaker 1: softens the brain, It makes the brain a bit squishy,
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Speaker 1: and it really does take away will power screens worse
9:00
Speaker 1: other screens.
9:01
Speaker 2: The interactive style. But TV a bit of an issue.
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Speaker 1: I don't think that TV's the problem here, and I
9:07
Speaker 1: don't think the extra curricular activities are the problem here either.
9:10
Speaker 1: So after the break, we're going to talk about emotion
9:13
Speaker 1: regulation and four strategies that could help with an eight
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Speaker 1: year old who's blowing up when he hears no.
9:19
Speaker 2: Stay with We're back. It's the Happy Famili's podcast.
9:29
Speaker 1: If you're enjoying the pod, please share it with your
9:30
Speaker 1: friend's family, anyone that you know that has kids that
9:33
Speaker 1: might want their family to be happier and you think, hmm, Justin.
9:36
Speaker 2: And Kylie talking about useful stuff. Share the pod please,
9:39
Speaker 2: it helps get the word out, and that's how we
9:41
Speaker 2: get to help more families.
9:43
Speaker 1: Kylie, as I listened to the challenges that this one's
9:46
Speaker 1: having with her eight year old, I just thought, we've
9:49
Speaker 1: got to talk about emotional regulation.
9:50
Speaker 2: This is a critical thing.
9:51
Speaker 1: So kids regulate their emotions when they're able to turn
9:54
Speaker 1: them up or down appropriately for the context, in a
9:56
Speaker 1: harmony with their long term goals. The reason that psych
10:00
Speaker 1: cologists say that emotions aren't really the kids don't get
10:04
Speaker 1: good at regulating emotions most of the time in most
10:06
Speaker 1: circumstances until they're at least nine or ten, is because
10:10
Speaker 1: until then they're not really thinking long term.
10:13
Speaker 4: No, it's entirely in the moment. But they're also not
10:15
Speaker 4: thinking about the other people either care it's fool about them,
10:18
Speaker 4: egocentric and so now you get a few years where
10:21
Speaker 4: they start thinking about other people.
10:22
Speaker 1: And this is the frustration, because when we're talking about
10:28
Speaker 1: boys particularly, they develop their emotion regulation a little slower
10:31
Speaker 1: than girls.
10:32
Speaker 2: That's the first thing.
10:33
Speaker 1: They also develop empathy, that is the ability to see
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Speaker 1: how other people are feeling, understand how they're feeling, even
10:38
Speaker 1: feel how other people are feeling, way slower than girls.
10:41
Speaker 1: And they actually experience a little bit of a drop
10:43
Speaker 1: in their tween and teen years compared to girls who
10:45
Speaker 1: continually get better at it. So when it comes to
10:48
Speaker 1: boys and emotions, we're kind of fighting a bit of
10:50
Speaker 1: an uphill battle. I've written a couple of chapters about
10:52
Speaker 1: that in my upcoming book about boys, and it's absolutely compelling.
10:57
Speaker 1: Developmentally as well. Boys are going through this being related
11:01
Speaker 1: to their emotions called adrena key. So you've heard of
11:04
Speaker 1: meniche menichy is that time during puberty where a girl
11:07
Speaker 1: has her first period.
11:09
Speaker 2: A drena key.
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Speaker 1: This this is the adrenal gland. And with boys around
11:13
Speaker 1: seven to eight, they experience a surge in the hormonal
11:18
Speaker 1: precursors that they need for puberty, and that's called a
11:20
Speaker 1: drena key, like adrenaline, but chg on the end adrena key,
11:24
Speaker 1: and that leads to dramatic and rapidly changing moods and
11:30
Speaker 1: increased sensitivity and often a whole lot of defiance. Why
11:34
Speaker 1: because these hormones are going all through their brain and
11:37
Speaker 1: body and we're saying no, and there's like, but I
11:38
Speaker 1: don't like it. Plus they're becoming bigger and stronger. They
11:41
Speaker 1: know they're becoming more mature. They feel like they can
11:43
Speaker 1: take everything on now, even at the young.
11:46
Speaker 2: Tender action, I feel like they're big people seven or eight. Yeah,
11:48
Speaker 2: that's right.
11:49
Speaker 1: They're not like the little kids anymore. They understand what's
11:52
Speaker 1: going on, and so that makes emotion regulation even harder.
11:56
Speaker 1: They struggle with control issues and autonomy because they feel
11:59
Speaker 1: like they're mature, they want to be able to do
12:01
Speaker 1: their own thing, their emotions become trickier. I've already mentioned empathy.
12:05
Speaker 1: So let's talk about strategies because they're the developmental realities
12:09
Speaker 1: that we're facing.
12:10
Speaker 4: I'm feeling really sorry for this, mummy. Haven't painted a
12:12
Speaker 4: really good picture right now. This feels like it's a
12:15
Speaker 4: losing battle.
12:16
Speaker 2: Well it kind of is. I mean that was pessimistic. Sorry,
12:19
Speaker 2: let me rewind that, jay I help me out. Well,
12:23
Speaker 2: it's not a losing battle. Missus.
12:24
Speaker 1: Happy families, but as parents we need to be on
12:26
Speaker 1: our toes and this can be a tricky time for
12:28
Speaker 1: some of us.
12:29
Speaker 2: Is that better? Did I say that?
12:30
Speaker 4: All right?
12:31
Speaker 3: All right?
12:31
Speaker 2: A little bit of a silver.
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Speaker 1: Arne put a positive sheene on a very very difficult
12:35
Speaker 1: situation for strategy. Well, I'm adding a fifth one because
12:38
Speaker 1: one post in my head just now. So we've got
12:41
Speaker 1: a little boy who's turning into a big boy, who's
12:43
Speaker 1: going to become a man. I don't think that it's
12:45
Speaker 1: ever too early to start talking to our boys about
12:48
Speaker 1: what it is to be a man. And when a
12:51
Speaker 1: young boy, or even a middle boy, or even a
12:54
Speaker 1: teen boy starts to lose control of their emotion, daddy
12:57
Speaker 1: boy or a daddy boy, it's important to say not
13:01
Speaker 1: in the moment, but later on, when you got really emotional,
13:03
Speaker 1: before that shut loss of control, A strong, healthy man
13:09
Speaker 1: doesn't use his strength to dominate and control and intimidate
13:13
Speaker 1: and coerce. A strong, healthy man uses his strength to
13:18
Speaker 1: be sensitive to others, to be considerate, to help others
13:20
Speaker 1: feel safer and stronger. And in that moment, I didn't
13:23
Speaker 1: actually feel safe or strong. I felt like you were
13:25
Speaker 1: trying to weaken me. What kind of boy do you
13:27
Speaker 1: want to be? What kind of man do you want
13:29
Speaker 1: to be? And just repeating that idea that a healthy man,
13:33
Speaker 1: healthy masculinity is helping the people around you feel safer
13:36
Speaker 1: and stronger. You say that one hundred and fifty times
13:38
Speaker 1: a year, and it starts like Chinese water till it's
13:41
Speaker 1: Eventually it gets into their head and when they do
13:43
Speaker 1: things that do not help the people around them feel
13:45
Speaker 1: safer and stronger, they kind of know that, I hang on,
13:47
Speaker 1: I'm not quite living up to the expectation of what
13:50
Speaker 1: a good, healthy, safe man does. So that's my first thing.
13:55
Speaker 1: Just let's start this conversation about what healthy masculinity is early. Incidentally,
13:59
Speaker 1: I think it's good to teach how girls that as well,
14:01
Speaker 1: so they know that when they're around a young man
14:02
Speaker 1: who does not help them to feel safe and strong,
14:04
Speaker 1: they know that that's not the kind of young man
14:06
Speaker 1: that they want to spend time with. They can find
14:08
Speaker 1: the ones that help them feel safe and strong. Okay,
14:10
Speaker 1: my second solution with the TV. Come up with a
14:14
Speaker 1: solution there where he knows before the TV goes off
14:19
Speaker 1: and the fighter ups, he knows what's happening. So you
14:22
Speaker 1: hand him the remote control and say you've got thirty minutes, kiddo,
14:25
Speaker 1: or you've got two episodes, and you get a pinky promise,
14:28
Speaker 1: and you say, what are we going to do afterwards?
14:29
Speaker 1: And this is the critical thing, what are we going
14:31
Speaker 1: to do after the TV goes off? That you can
14:34
Speaker 1: transition to happily because if he knows where he's going next,
14:38
Speaker 1: and it's something he's looking forward to doing or he
14:40
Speaker 1: feels good about doing. He's going to be much more
14:43
Speaker 1: willing to surrender the TV remote.
14:45
Speaker 4: And you're not suggesting we reward him for handing the remote, well,
14:49
Speaker 4: suggesting that we come up with next steps. So whatever
14:52
Speaker 4: the next step is in the routine, and.
14:55
Speaker 1: It could be as simple as, hey, you know what,
14:56
Speaker 1: the TV episode's going to be finished and we're going
14:58
Speaker 1: to be having dinner a twenty minut later. So after
15:01
Speaker 1: the TV, it's straight into the bath or the shower
15:03
Speaker 1: and then it's dinner time. Or after the TV, we've
15:06
Speaker 1: still got that project that we were working on, and
15:09
Speaker 1: I'm going to come and spend fifteen or twenty minutes
15:10
Speaker 1: on that with you as soon as TV's done. So
15:13
Speaker 1: this isn't a reward, This is a let's just map out,
15:15
Speaker 1: as you said, next steps. Another thing that has been
15:21
Speaker 1: useful with some parents that I've spoken to is there's
15:23
Speaker 1: a signal. The lights flash on and off five times,
15:26
Speaker 1: and that's the you've got a minute to go, and
15:28
Speaker 1: then the TV goes off, and that means that you
15:30
Speaker 1: don't have to say any words. You don't have to
15:32
Speaker 1: overload their brain with emotion, your own emotion and anticipation
15:35
Speaker 1: that I know this fight coming and we're going to
15:37
Speaker 1: have this antagonism. The light switch goes on and off
15:40
Speaker 1: five times, and your son just has to give you
15:43
Speaker 1: a thumbs up.
15:43
Speaker 2: And now he's got a minute.
15:44
Speaker 1: Or two to process that Okay, it's time to turn
15:47
Speaker 1: the TV off, and then he just does it because
15:48
Speaker 1: he's had that nonverbal, non human signal.
15:52
Speaker 4: Lots of TVs have like timeless time on them, and
15:57
Speaker 4: that way, again, you're not being the enforcer. The TV
16:01
Speaker 4: itself does it for you.
16:04
Speaker 1: We've found that to be useful in our home until
16:07
Speaker 1: our children worked out how to get around it. But
16:09
Speaker 1: it is useful when your children are younger. The last
16:13
Speaker 1: couple of things explore Explain in power. Explore explain in power.
16:16
Speaker 1: I've written about it in all of my books. You
16:18
Speaker 1: can find it in podcast episodes where that's all we
16:20
Speaker 1: talk about. I've got blog articles about it, so I'm
16:23
Speaker 1: not going to elaborate on it now. But my three
16:26
Speaker 1: ease of Effective Discipline explore explaining power everywhere.
16:29
Speaker 4: So she's talked a lot about you know, the conversation
16:31
Speaker 4: she's been having with her child. I wonder if there's
16:35
Speaker 4: any questioning going on, if she's actually asking him to
16:37
Speaker 4: take perspective and helping her understand where he's coming from
16:41
Speaker 4: as well. When our kids feel like we're working with them,
16:45
Speaker 4: we're going to get much better compliance than when they
16:47
Speaker 4: feel like they're being acted.
16:49
Speaker 1: Upon, exactly because that compliance is self reinforcing. It's not
16:53
Speaker 1: us making them do it, it's them saying this makes sense,
16:55
Speaker 1: and I value where we're going here.
16:58
Speaker 2: That's what explore explaining power is all about.
17:00
Speaker 4: Yea, So a conversation, I'm noticing that every time I
17:02
Speaker 4: ask you to turn the TV off, we're having really
17:05
Speaker 4: big upsets. I'm wondering if you can tell me how
17:07
Speaker 4: you're feeling about it and what we can do so
17:09
Speaker 4: that this doesn't happen, because I love that you get
17:12
Speaker 4: to have some downtime, but I don't love what happens
17:14
Speaker 4: when it's time to chat it off.
17:16
Speaker 2: Perfect Two more things.
17:17
Speaker 1: Number One, I would say, if your child is doing
17:20
Speaker 1: absolutely the wrong thing and he's been told and told
17:22
Speaker 1: and told again, just make it really clear.
17:24
Speaker 2: You don't have to be polite about this.
17:25
Speaker 1: You can just say I've asked you, you've just crossed
17:28
Speaker 1: the line.
17:29
Speaker 2: Stop it.
17:30
Speaker 1: Like, I don't have a problem with parents being really
17:31
Speaker 1: clear and really firm and really direct and sometimes even
17:33
Speaker 1: a little bit blunt with their children, because sometimes kids
17:37
Speaker 1: need to hear it really, really bluntly. There are some
17:39
Speaker 1: things that don't sink in unless you make it abundantly clear.
17:42
Speaker 1: And the last thing that I'd say is, none of
17:44
Speaker 1: this stuff is one and done. Like you will have
17:47
Speaker 1: these conversations in an enduring way, because it takes a
17:50
Speaker 1: long time for children to learn how to regulate their emotions.
17:52
Speaker 2: And figure it out.
17:54
Speaker 1: We really hope that this has been a helpful conversation
17:56
Speaker 1: for anyone whose kids are struggling with their emotion regulation
17:58
Speaker 1: and having those big ups and downs. If you have
18:00
Speaker 1: a tricky question, let us know via happy families dot
18:03
Speaker 1: com dot au in our super simple system, or send
18:06
Speaker 1: us a voice note to podcasts at happy families dot
18:09
Speaker 1: com dot Au. The Happy Families podcast, produced by Justin
18:12
Speaker 1: Rouland from Bridge Media Mim Hammons, gives us all the admin,
18:16
Speaker 1: research and other support we need, and if you'd like
18:19
Speaker 1: more in photo make your Family Happier, you'll find it
18:21
Speaker 1: at happy families dot com dot Au.