Latest / 8 Years To Live / Stop Overthinking What Others Think | Ademaro
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- 8YearsToLive Episode16 Audio: Every person has a story. Some shape us, some break us, and some help us heal. Join Sisters Kim and Bibi as they explore mental health, trauma, relationships, and personal growth through honest conversations, lived experiences, and professional insights. Because understanding your story can change the way you live it. This is Eight Years to Live. I have gone into a coma. I would just say. Maria Shriver. Yes. Yes. Why do we have so many nicknames for each other? It's a good question. Because medical trauma is one of the most underrecognized forms of trauma. Who are you gonna talk to when I die? He's already telling you you've got eight years to lift. Last week we spoke with Automaro and we are gonna catch up with him today for the second part. So if you didn't hear the first part, go back and listen to the first part. That way the second part makes sense. We talked about what it's like for him to be an up-and-coming artist in this day and age. He is he just released his first song, so that will also be something you can look into. We talked about what it's like to be an artist in this day and age and especially with social media, just what pressure looks like and what it just means to be an authentic writer and Autumn does such a good job of explaining what that's like and just to have parents that are in the stage that they're in. So we hope you stay tuned till the very end. And something that you said too right now that It's vulnerable to ask for it and it can be vulnerable to give. Like I'm just picturing your this conversation of both people in it could have been a very awkward conversation, and yet you still had the courage to say this is what I'm needing and for the person to receive it here and I'm assuming gave it to you. Yeah. Well, this person brought it up. Wasn't even me. That's why that's why I think It's you know, I would not have imagined that going down the way it did. I think it was really positive, but I I just I think that's it's really underrated, like what it can do in relationships specifically. I think in my life as a whole, just operating from a place of like this is what it is. And if I try and act like this is not what it is Nothing's gonna line up. Nothing's gonna add up. And so if I can just be straight up and say, This is how I feel about it, this is what I need right now, if you're willing to give it to me and putting that out there, I think only good can come of it. You know? Even even if it's not received well, you it's you still got it out. That's I think like half the battle sometimes is just Expressing honestly, even like I said, even if it's not well received. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. that is so true. yeah. I love that. Because I think if it happens more, I would be out of a job. Yeah, probably. That's so true. Yep. Yeah, that is awesome. I think what would you I was just gonna say real quick, that's one of the things that I got out of our conversations, like our our phone calls was just like This is what it is. You can't run from your insides. You know, there's I can try and I sure have, and it doesn't work. Cause at the end of the day, when you get like clear, you start to see, I'm still I still have this. This is still in my like emotional backpack. Yeah. I set it down for a second, but I gotta pick it back up. And so I think like getting rid of that stuff, or not even getting rid of, but like processing it kind of lightens the load. Yes. Or even realizing is this should this should is should this even be in my backpack? You know, these different things that I picked up that I put in my backpack. wait, the the conversation's gonna be I'm gonna pull it out and be like, this one's yours. Thank you. Yeah. Or this doesn't belong to anybody, bro. No one needs this. You know? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But you're you were gonna say something now? Sorry. no, that's okay. I was gonna say something and I don't know what it was. That's my ADHD brain. It's all right. You're in good company, man. Mm-hmm. Yep. Where was there another good question on there that I know there are a few that were intriguing? And you can keep coming too. I meant to say this before, but I don't have like a time limit or anything. So You you don't? I'm digging this. So we get to kidnap you just like we had hoped. Keep it going, dude. This is see, this is good for me. This is this is practice. This is practice. I love that. Okay, so one thing one thing with music, because I know a couple other artists that are like they're fearful of releasing music because similar to what you said, you know, what are people gonna think? Or and I'm wondering, would some artists are afraid of like, I don't wanna be known as this type of artists like always releasing the sad music or only releasing happy music or only releasing pop music. Do you have that fear that comes up for you? I I definitely do. It's not a fear that I've like fully processed out. Cause I think for me personally it's irrational 'cause it's hard to be the guy that always releases this type of music when I don't release music a lot. And so it of yeah, yeah. But I think like that's a good way for me to get over that fear. Is like how can you be the guy that releases this type of music when you don't even release music, bro? Just put out what you have, you know? Just keep the tap flowing. but no, I think that's like a pretty common thread amongst like musicians or even artists in general, not wanting to be boxed into one style or one genre or whatever. and I think I mean dude it all comes back to being honest man. It's just like it's if if I'm making sad music right now, sick. I'm making sad music. This is what it is. Mm-hmm. If I'm making this genre of music, if I'm making really quiet music, really fast music, really loud music, like whatever it is, as long as I'm being honest with what I'm making. That's all it has to be. Because I have gone down that rabbit hole quite a bit where it's like I find that I typically make slower music. Cool. Not a big deal. But if I let the overactivity start to set in, it was like, well, then you can't do this and nobody will do this and blah blah blah blah. It's like, okay, that's not why I'm doing it. I'm just doing it to express. And that's what's coming out right now. And that's fine. Because I don't know what I'm gonna make tomorrow. Yeah. I really that's what it is. I don't know what I'm gonna make tomorrow. And if it's another slow kind of melancholic song, then cool. Awesome. That's what's in here. That's okay. And if it's not, then I'll have to I'll have to learn how to express this a different way, you know? Or you know whatever the situation is, whatever the situation calls for. I think it's just a matter of like Being honest. I keep coming back to that, but it's true. It's like 'cause I've also like I so far I put out I don't even know how to describe this song, to be fully honest. It's like alternative rock or like indie kind of music. It's very guitar heavy. but I have like so much other music in the vault that like kind of strays from that style. I have like a lot of hip hop, I have a lot of like folk stuff. I have a lot of this and a lot of that. And so I I want to be like I think everybody feels this way. Or feels some type of way around this where it's like I want to be perceived the way I want people to perceive me the way I want to be perceived. You know? And I think Which is releasing. Well just do like depending on the situation, like if I want to be this type of musician and be perceived as this type of guy, I have to do everything that fuels this. But I think like Taking a step back and going, okay, however, they perceive me is fine. It does not actually matter. I'm gonna release this type of music and then I'll go over and release this. And however you want to take that, is how you take it. That's not a reflection of me at all. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You know? So so true. How is social media playing into that? Because it's Or and I don't know how active you are on social media and I know that you only have the one song, but to me I would it would be hard for me not to see how are they perceiving me, what are they saying? Like if I was the one releasing music, I think I might have a tendency to do that. Yeah. yeah, I don't there's not necessarily like a bunch of comments or anything around me just yet. But I do I've I've watched a bunch of interviews of the musicians and artists that I really like. And one common thing I've heard is that if you can't take in what other people are saying and let go on your own terms, then that's not something that you need to be ingesting. Like if you can't ingest it and then put it back out when you're done, you kind of just gotta avoid that. You know, and I think there is something to like if I was on a bigger kind of stage I guess. It's definitely easier said than done. Cause like I've Googled myself and I have like three hundred followers on Instagram. I have n you know, I have like I'm this big, you know? It's just you know, it's just being curious, you know, what what's out there about you. I I would hope that I can kind of maintain that thought process if I do hopefully get a bigger platform. If I can't ingest and swit back out when I'm done with it, then I probably don't need to be taking it in. How where do you hear these things that are like mic drop sayings? Like that ingesting thing, where tell me who you honest. Just being honest. Shut up. I know. But it's crazy. The things you say, I'm like I've never heard it put that way. And my gosh, it's so true. So true. I have a question that came up. I know I just asked you who do you associate with, but do you have favorite lyrics from one of your songs? You don't have to share, but if you want to, you can. I know that words carry a lot of weight for you specifically. So I'm wondering if you have like a Just even a couple of words that are like, oof, this just hits. I think there there aren't necessarily any that kind of jump out kind of off top. And it's kind of difficult because I end up I kind of write and make music separately a lot of the time. sometimes the writing happens if I'm in the middle of making a song I can like listen to the music and like write to fill this pocket or, you know, kind of write a chorus to this to this like track. but a lot of the time I will kind of just like get an idea and write that out and then if I can add that to a song later, sick. If not, then it c it's just like good practice for me to keep the ideas coming, you know? I think I would have to look in order to get those. But I have two songs coming out soon ish. One sooner than the other for sure. And I think the chorus on that one's pretty cool. And it says Well, let me preface first by saying like I didn't necessarily write it with like a strictly spiritual intention. It was more just like the way the words sounded. I really liked, but as I wrote it and I continue to work on it, it's like very clearly a spiritual thing, I think for me. and it's kinda obvious once I kinda get it out, but the chorus, at least so far, is sweet Jesus, have some mercy. Can't keep my head on straight. I try to keep it clean, but Lord knows it's in my veins. And obviously, like Jesus, Lord. To me I was just like getting it out. Well I wasn't like it wasn't a prayer or anything. It was just like that's an expression like sweet Jesus, blah blah blah, whatever. And it's kinda how it started. But like I said, as I work on it, it's very clear, like straight up, bro. Like like for real. Like I need help, you know? Mm-hmm. And I have like there's a lot of stuff that I've kind of been like processing through that I think I've talked to you guys about just like trying to Stay on like the straight and narrow kind of deal with a lot of stuff, and it's like a really an odd time being a young adult and trying to like figure out, you know, can I use this? Can I not use this? Can I be involved in this? Can I not? Like, what are my boundaries and what's gonna sustain me into adulthood? But I think that one that chorus really sticks out to me because it one, it gets stuck in my head all the time. But And two, I think, you know, if you want to take it in a spiritual, religious way, amazing. If you want to not take it in that way, amazing. I still think you can get a lot out of it either way. I choose to to take it in a spiritual way because I think like there's a lot of application there for me. but yeah, I like that one. I listened to that demo maybe four times yesterday in a row. Did you really? I'm dead serious. It's kissing. When said The spiritual. I'm like, I know exactly. Exactly. I knew it. And that line, my goodness. I didn't know I thought I was gonna cry right now. yeah. Every time I hear it, I'm like, it I would do I would hit my chest right now, but my microphone will blow up. But that's how I feel. I'm like, just smack me in the chest. My gosh. Your lyrics, your poetry are incredible. They are truly Incredible. You are gifted. Really. Like I get emotional just thinking about that I'm even related to you. I'm oriented. No. Y'all hype me up way too much, man. No, I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I can't even handle you. Same, same. I was totally confused so I could squeeze your face because you are you're such an incredible person. And I don't even think I can scratch the surface enough for you to feel the How incredible you are. I appreciate that. Thank you. Yeah. I love you too. I know if you said I love you, but I I love you too. and and thank you. I thanks for loving me. Thank you. I'm honored. I truly am. I truly am. You're you're awesome. Always have been. I agree. You were born aware. Yeah. You are special. Yes. In your own very unique way. Yes. And I adore you. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. How are you in our family? I don't know. What'd you say? I said, how are you a part of our family? I don't know. Like it is you you are remarkable. Not that I mean obviously BB is too. No, no, no. I know what you mean. Yeah. I'm just saying, like, seriously, I did owe everything BB said. And even just like Looking at your wall, you know, behind you, it's like all those different instruments. And earlier you said, you know, I it's self-taught. I've taught myself how to play this music. I was born aware. The insight that you have, like all these different things, the answers, our conversations that we've had, and I think we've talked about this before. It's like, I wish that I would have recorded that because my gosh, there was so much good stuff in there. Yeah. I or that I would have taken notes or something so that I could remember. the tidbits or the nuggets that were dropped constantly. It's amazing. Glad to like it. I don't know, I don't know what to say. It's just like just being honest, dude. That's all it is. I think I I I think very visually and so I think that allows me to put things into words in a specific way that I think other people will that other people can understand. And it sometimes it works really well, other times it does not, but you know, I'm glad it translates for the most part. Mm-hmm. That's awesome. When did you first learn that you could sing? I saw that question, I was like, that's funny because I like I don't think I can. You still haven't realized it, it hasn't sat sink sunken. Well so I think If you were to ask like when did I realize that I had a voice or something to say, that might be kind of a different question. Because genuinely I'm not even being like, I can't sing, so you guys will hype me up. I don't think I have a great singing voice. Just as like it's literally just very matter of fact, cut and dry. I don't think I have the greatest singing voice. And I think that's okay. I'm not like, I hate myself, I'm never gonna blah blah blah, whatever. It's like It's just sure, it's just my opinion. I use like auto-tune and adjust and all that kind of stuff all the time. Like, being honest, this is you know what I mean? That's what I have to do for me to like be able to listen to my own voice. But I think if it's if it is more like when did I realize I had a voice or wanted to like express what's going on. I think It really started when I was in eighth grade. And my buddy, I don't know if he actually knows that he like started this in me or not. But I you guys have probably met Evan. Evan's like one of my best friends. I've known him for years. well since eighth grade I was twelve and I'm twenty now, so about eight years. But there we were in English Together and my teacher had like I forget what she called it. It was like it was something kinda kinda dumb. It was like the poetry parking lot or something like that. It was like a little bulletin board on the wall where you could like write something and go pin it up there. and I say dumb name, but it's actually so cool that she like created a space for the kids to do that or for us to do that I guess. And my buddy wrote one. And he put it up there and I saw it and I was like, that's sick. Let me try. And I did it. And I was like, got it. Something in me just was like, that felt so good. Like this is I found it. This is it. just like expressing in a creative way through words. Cause I had like Journaled before. I still have journals from when I was like ten, just like getting stuff out there. Wow. But I think using it in a creative way or kind of channeling it through creativity really started in eighth grade. And it was mostly at a competition. I was like, to be fully honest, I don't know if he'll be okay if if he uses this, like that sucks, bro. Are you kidding me? I can do so much better than that. I was being such a dick. But I was like, bro, watch this. Cranked it out, put it up there. Well, I didn't even put it up there, actually, which is the funny thing. I didn't even utilize the po the poetry parking lot. I just wrote it down and I showed him. I was like, Go ahead and read that one. And yeah, I was trying to stone on him and it started, you know, a life of creativity through being a dick. But I feel like that kinda makes sense for me. So You should have said That sucks. Just being honest. Just being honest, dude. I think that should be the new episode. Just being honest. Being honest. my gosh. The poetry parking. I actually love that. That's acting so cool. Like I it is looked back on that before and been like I've never really had that experience many other places. You know? I mean, you'll have like creative writing assignments sometimes, but having a space where you and anonymously you didn't even have to write your name. You could do it outside of class, but having a space where you can express that is it was cool. A lot of us did it. a lot of the guys who like thought it was dumb, which props to my friend. Props to Evan, and he was like, Yeah, whatever, I'm gonna do it. Put it up there. No shame, no fear, just 'Cause he wanted to. And a lot of the other guys in our class were like, whatever, poetry parking lot. like, that's a dumb. And then he did it and like a bunch of other people did too. so I think that was like a really cool thing to have, you know, a really cool opportunity to to share. Would you ever share your poetry like on open mic night? What? Go ahead, Mao. I liked what you were saying. Would you ever share your poetry on like an open mic night? I would like play music. I don't know that I would get up there and read a poem, but that's also just not really my style. You know, especially not like some slam poetry or anything like that. I probably I probably wouldn't do that, but yeah, I've thought about you know what's funny is my dad actually encouraged me to do that. like to go play on bass at the bar and just play a bunch of like seventies bar songs and just rock out to people with people. so yeah, I definitely would do that. That would be awesome. Yeah. As soon as you said, I well, that's a great idea. Yes. What do you think? Can I just say also I feel so much more comfortable now? It took like an hour for me to catch my breath and be like, this is not see, like I was operating up here. It's okay that I c you know what I mean? I can relax. I feel relaxed now. I just felt like saying that. That's a good way to put it. Being just being honest. I think that's such a good way to put it. Like you thrive to operate here, which is not a bad thing. But if you're here, if it's helpful to your entire body, let's do that. I'm the same. Legit or so like. Now we're just hanging and chatting. Hundred percent. Yep. It's almost like we have to stop record. Yes, yeah. Yes. Can think and feel at the same time. Can you believe that you're gonna walk or come to Vegas to a concert? Bro, for Dom for Dominic Fike? I'm so pumped. When is that happening? late September. I think September twenty sixth. Wow, this month. Yeah. Yeah. That's so cool. Is this the first time you'll see him live? Yes. Wow. Yeah, I've been a fan since For about eight years. A lot of stuff has happened in the last eight years. I feel like a lot of you know kinda started to take off. But yeah, since he dropped his first mixtape or album, whatever you wanna call it. wow. Eighth grade. I do feel like you reference eighth grade a lot. Mm-hmm. It's big here. You know how we said earlier about the age thing? Like you get stuck at a certain age? I was twelve in eighth grade. And twelve was a big one. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Twelve in eighth grade. That's right. I forget you're young for your grade. Yeah. I was twelve in sixth sixth grade. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think I think that's pretty normal. 'Cause my my friend that I keep talking about, Evan. was fourteen or fifteen. So big age for that time at least. But I should reach out to Dominic Feich and say, Hey Dom, how about you come onto our podcast? I keep telling my brother, so like so when me and Dominic Feck become friends When I'm gonna like show him the demo, he's gonna love it. Like we're gonna need pals. Yes, and that is when you can ascribe to be here because you never know. Yeah, that's just that's more fun. I'm not being serious. That's that's just me being like, you know, whatever, but dreaming. Like when we talk about interviewing Andy Boo. Exactly. Andrew Huberman. dude, he's sick. I like him a lot. I know we call him Andy Boo. So maybe he'll hear this podcast and be like, I cannot wait to see obviously after this. Yes. Yes. Guess who we did reach out to? Who? Trey Connard. actually the these motocross, right? Motocross, super cross. Very cool. That's awesome. On the Bible app. yeah, dude, I forgot about that. my gosh. I know. That's cool. Very cool. Yeah. How crazy is that? And he said yes. Are you yeah, but did he really? That's so cool. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. I know. So that just is opens the door. I'm gonna reach out to Dom, Andy Boo. Have to. Sky's the limit. Yeah. We reached out to you and you said yes. Exactly. Sky's the limit. Sky setting the bar real low, my friend. I'm not gonna lie. whatever. No, we've had some incredible, incredible people on here. Yeah. I see you guys. I see you guys' clips on Instagram all the time. You guys have interviewed some really solid people. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I feel like we've I dunno, just being honest. Let's just reach out to people and say, Hey All you gotta do. We just it. Where we are in life. Exactly we should interview the guy that invented IFS. Yes. I forget his name, but the book's on my standard. Yep. Yeah, he's good. He would for sure say yes. We'd all cry on this. Obviously. Could you imagine doing like a Having him like do a therapy session type, like just a quick one just to see where you end up. I would be a puddle of tears immediately. Yeah. I would be. I just know it. Yeah. I get shaken when we have conversations, bro. I cannot imagine having a conversation with that guy. But he's so he's very calming though. It's like he just hits a part of your soul and it's like it's not like you get hyped up. Not that I've talked to him personally, but in the podcast I've heard, he just like sets this calm tone and then you just start Like I feel emotional listening to him doing this to others, like therapizing or whatever. And they just start to melt and release all this emotion. And they say, like, Wow, that was so these are tears of joy. I'm actually happy. My body's just releasing it. It's crazy. So cool. Amazing. okay, one last question, otherwise we will keep you here all night. If you could go back to your I'm telling you, bro, I don't have a time limit. If you were to go back to your twelve year old self, what would you tell him about the future? It's a good question. I'd probably start by telling him to just like chill. Chill out. You're fine. You're okay. I think it's a very like tumultuous time for a lot of people. Mm-hmm. And there's a lot going on, like biologically, there's a bunch of hormones, you know, you're growing, developing, like it's a very weird time to be alive for A lot of people, I would say everybody. for me, I would probably just say like You're good. You're okay. Operate in that. Cause I kind of as I was I was mentioning before the over what's the word? The hyperactivity that I experienced was like I said, I kinda had to learn how to use it in a positive way for for my benefit. And I did not know how to do that at twelve. And so it was really easy and very common at that time for me to what's the word? For for me to ruminate about everything and to overthink everything, every little decision, the way I bro, I think I've told you this. Like the way I walked was a major like I got you know. Like planning it out on the schoolyard. I was a boy. I was a child. No one cared. No one cared. Except for me. And I thought everyone cared. Not because I was like special or like I thought everybody was looking at me, but it's just an over awareness. If I'm this aware of myself, it's so natural to think that everybody else is. No one else really cares. I would probably say that. People don't care. as much as you think they do and they certainly don't care in the way you think they do. Operate with confidence. Operate like you're okay. 'Cause I feel like I held myself back from a lot of stuff for a long time, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally, but a lot of it was rooted in fear, you know, or or rooted in like an over awareness of myself. And so I let that inhibit me. I let I like inhibited myself in that way. and I think I missed out on a lot. I missed out on a lot of opportunities and friendships and relationships and ways to like explore myself through music or through art or whatever. I think I never I never gave myself the chance to just be. I was so I was operating up here the whole time. And I was never able to be honest with myself about what the reality of a lot of situations were. So That would be a long conversation to have with my 12-year-old self. But I would probably just lead with that. Like you're good. Stop. Chill out. You're good. Operate in that. You can be confident in yourself. Even if you don't think you're the best. Even if you don't think you're even good. You're gonna grow into it. You're fine. You know. Mm-hmm. That's so good. And for parents, because that wasn't something that you were vocalizing to your parents. I don't even know if you were aware that's like I'm ruminating. I'm stuck in these looping thoughts. For parents that might have kids that do get in their head like that that are prone to ruminate, what would you tell the parents to say to their kids? I mean, would you tell them to say, Hey, just check in with your kid and say, Hey, you're good. No, because I think Well, okay. I wouldn't suggest that a parent tell their child well, someone like me, I'm not like giving out general parenting advice, I don't kids, but looking at like what I received and needed, 'cause there was good and bad, like my parents aren't perfect. I'm not perfect. We all did our best, you know. but looking at that if if I had to like give suggestions to someone with kids who have those kinds of tendencies, I would say encourage them to find an activity that allows them to get out of their heads and into something else. I think that was one thing that my parents did really well was they pushed me and my brother to have a hobby. Have like a way to blow off steam. or just kinda to unravel. I don't even know if my parents fully realized that that's what it was for me or that's what it was becoming. But I remember I would I would play my guitar for hours. Just playing the guitar, not even writing, doing my best not to think, really, and just sitting there and playing f literally four hours until un until my fingers would bleed. There's on that honesty, on that guitar right there, there is I cleaned it off obviously, but if if you could go back to like twelve, thirteen year old me, there was blood on that guitar from how much I played it. From how hard I played it. Because that's what it that's what I had. It felt like at the time. Obviously I had so much more and I think it's it's easy to kinda just only be able to see this, you know, this much when you're that age or when you are ruminating or have all that stuff on your mind. Sometimes sorry, this is a really long-winded answer, but I'm you know, I'm loving it. I'm here for it. Yeah. I think it's sometimes you don't know one, sometimes you don't know that you are ruminating or that you feel really heavy in your mind. And two, more often than not in my experience, it's not something that you want to share with other people. Or that you we would even know how to share with other people. and so I think Finding a space to kind of unravel and kinda get all that out of your head is really important. And I think finding your own definition or you know, boundaries and balance of space. Because I'm really glad my mom did not let me stay cooped up in my room for my entire teenage experience. Like She would come in and open my blinds and get me out of bed and do all these things that like kept me human, kept me normal, kept me moving and grooving with the day. Like 'cause I say moving and grooving 'cause she would say that, like, you gotta get going, you gotta get up. Go clean the bathroom, go clean the house, go do this, go do that. Like sometimes it was stuff that I did not want to do. But I think that's that can be really dangerous to like Let a child fully define what their boundary is. Because I think there's a balance. Absolutely. Teach your kids what boundaries are. Like, I was taught as a kid pretty early, I think. like boundaries are important, let them be important, let space be there. Create the space for your kids or for this individual. But Not all of it can be on their terms. Because I think if you have someone who has the tendency to stay closed off, just one alone time, to not ever want to leave the house, it's not good for that person to only do that. And it's not good for in my opinion, it's not good for a child to fully define those boundaries because they don't have the whole picture. You know? and so I think being vulnerable. And having that sort of like negotiation, I guess, or just that conversation of I understand that sometimes you just don't want to talk to people. Sometimes you feel like you can't. Even to me, you know, your parent. That's okay. I hear ya. I get it. Take your time. But also you have to do this as well. Because if you don't learn how to do this now, you're not gonna be able to when you're an adult and it's gonna be that much harder. You know. me and my mom like had a word sometimes that we would say to each other when I just needed like like r well, to be full to be honest, to be fully honest, we were fighting a lot at that age. And which is not like unique to us, but we were fighting a lot. We were buttonheads all the time. And She she brought it to me and she said, Okay, when it's just too much, just say this word and I'll know, okay, this is like a point where you need a break and I'll separate and you separate. And then we can come back and have conversation, you know? So I think don't be afraid to To approach. Don't be afraid to get in there. Get in the business. You know? Figure out what your child needs. Figure out or not even just your child or like your friend or like your boyfriend or girlfriend or partner. Like don't be afraid to ask. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and put yourself out there and and say, Hey, I care about you. What do you need from me? And at the same time, this is what I'm gonna give you because I care about you. And I think if it's if it's well intentioned and healthy on both sides, then I think you come out okay. Do you remember the first time you used that word and how it felt to just ask for that? Yeah. It was a phrase actually. I would say my shoes are too tight. Mom, my shoes are too tight right now. Like it's too much. I feel because that's how it felt my body. I was like this. Way too tight. I don't know if I remember like the exact first time that I used it. But I remember what she told me and I was like you realize that I feel this way. I was just talking to my mom about that the other day. Where I think for people who have a tendency to ruminate, have a tendency to overthink and have like anxiety and all of this kind of stuff. you forget that other people can see you. You know? I recently like went through a really weird time in my life and It felt like it lasted forever. And I just felt bad all the time. And I I mean you guys I think you guys know what I'm talking about. I could go like more into depth with it like later, but it's just not a good time in my life. It felt like for anything. I just felt really like depressed and it felt like I was it felt like I was isolated. Felt like I was alone. everyone saw. And that's like that's such a good thing, I think. Cause it it feels isolating. It feels like I'm the only one who understands this or who thinks this way or who deals with this, you know, which is it's kinda obvious when you say it out loud when you get past it. It's like obviously you're not, but it doesn't you can't really think rationally when you're in a situation like that. at least I couldn't. And And so I just realized like the other day, me and my mom talked about it, like I said, like she saw all of it. Nothing new. She knew what it was. My brother knew what it was. My dad knew what it was. My girlfriend knew what it was. You know what I mean? And it's the I think once you can realize that that's a blessing, it helps loosen you up a little bit. You start to as at least it did for me. I don't wanna like speak generally, but it helped me realize like it helped me realize how much of it is in my head. Cause while these things may feel real doesn't mean they're true. And it doesn't mean that I have to carry it by myself. Other people can see me. I'm not hiding it as well as I think I'm hiding it. People see you. That's okay. That's good. Lean into that, you know? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All of that helps loosen the shoes. my gosh, when you said that I thought it was gonna ball. It's a great way to I think it was a great way to to say it. Mm-hmm. That should be the name of the episode. my shoes are too tight. that's so good. And I think the last part that you said I think so many people can relate to that is that people see it. And I think it it can be uncomfortable. Again, you speaking of being uncomfortable, when we see someone in a situation like that, we don't know what to do. We don't know what to say. Should we say anything? You know, I don't want to make it worse. But What I hear you saying is that people saw it, your mom saw it and approached you or, you know, ha try to have a a conversation with you about it and helped you to come out of it at, you know, when you were ready to come out of it. I think that's so huge that when we're seeing someone struggle, it's so important to reach out and say, Hey, I'm here if you even need to talk or say anything. And the person on the other end to know people can see it and it's okay for for me to reach out and ask for help because I'm loved. Mm-hmm. Otherwise I'm further isolating. Right. Whether I s like if I see you or anyone struggling, yes, say something. Otherwise I'm aiding the isolation. Mm-hmm. And vice versa. Like and that's just that's not helpful. Mm-hmm. Well, and I also think something that kinda came to mind as you guys were were just talking is I think people who have the tendency to do all these things, to ruminate, to overthink, to I to isolate, to like to even to be depressed sometimes because of the hyperactivity or because of like the swarm of thoughts that seems to be there all the time. In my opinion and in my experience, I'm not saying this is everybody, but what I've found to be true is those are the people who need challenge the most to get out of that. Those are the people who do well with challenge, with having something to push back against. and I think that is big for me in my own life. Like I don't even think I realized it, but It was all the hyperactivity in myself. It was all the everything all at once. I needed something to push against. There was too much in here and I had to get it out. And that's why I think I like to express creatively. That's why I like make stuff. But it's also I need to be challenged. And if that's hey, you gotta leave the house today if that's the challenge for today, then that's the challenge. I will go to the store. You know? And sometimes it's a lot bigger and sometimes it's a lot smaller. And I think you can kind of define that for yourself. But those are the I think in my opinion, those are the people who you should not be left alone. Those are the people who you should not just go, they'll figure it out. Nah, it's gonna keep going until something changes. And I think sometimes it's it's can be really hard to do that by yourself. And so if you do I have like I mentioned so I mentioned him a lot. He's one of my best friends, my buddy Evan. He did that a lot for me at that age where I would be like really insecure or really uncomfortable being around people in general, let alone people my age, teenagers, you know, that's like can be a really intimidating thing at that time. And he was that person in a lot of ways that would like Not allow me to live in that. And he'd be like, Alright, whatever. We're gonna go to this party. We're gonna go to my friend's house. We're gonna go do this. We're gonna go do that. All things that I would be uncomfortable doing. But I didn't have a choice. Because it was my buddy. Hey, come with me to do this thing. Okay. Challenge. Met. Uh-huh. And I needed that. You know? I I don't know. I I don't know exactly where I was going with that, but I think Don't don't like for people who are around that type of person, like don't let the fear of being uncomfortable or not being not like having that met well. Like don't let that hold you back because I think those people need it more than you realize. You know? Yeah. It's like we I say we because I I would say I fit into that category. we need that friction. We need some kind of friction during the day to get us moving. And it not necessarily friction might just be the right word. I was gonna say maybe even not pain, discomfort, but some sort of friction to get me going. Challenge. Mm. Mm hmm. Yeah. I I think it looks different for everybody, you know. If it is friction, even if it's big or small, you know, I think as long as there's something like that. Mm-hmm. It doesn't have to be a lot, doesn't have to be big stuff. I think you can however you can get it, you know? That's kind of all you need. I do want to acknowledge how you do such a good job about speaking for yourself and you don't generalize and you don't you very much own what you say and how you feel and what you're I don't know, maybe responsible for even. So if you've done that a few times throughout the past couple of hours, and that is not common to say like you should do it's not even generalized, but For myself, for myself. And that I appreciate that so much. Uhhuh. Uhhuh. It's it's a product of being over aware, man. It's like I wish I could say it was like, I It's not it's not like a good it doesn't come from a good place. It's like I have watched many an interview and I'm I don't know, I'm just always like very aware of how people speak and how I'm speaking and I never I never wanna c I never wanna be perceived the wrong way, you know, and so like it kinda comes from that place a lot, but I'm glad it's it can be used for good things. I think that's such a such a great thing. Such a great thing. Taking ownership for the I don't even know if I want to say negatives and positives, just in general, for your thoughts, your actions. That's so cool. Mm-hmm. Whether and I I like I it's probably hard that it came from that place for you personally, but for me it just lands in on like in such a good way. Just like, wow, thank you. That's very refreshing. And it is very honest. Like it's very much saying, I'm gonna own what I'm saying. This might be vulnerable, but this is still just me talking and not saying what would work for you, but this is what has worked for me in the past. Also giving space for what may change and help you in the future. You just there you have a You have several gifts. This makes sense that you write music just in the way that you're speaking today. Thanks. Mm-hmm. You should consider being a therapist. I've thought about it. Yeah, really. Yeah. I think you'd be really good at it. But that also I always like I'll think about that and then go like, bro, what are you doing? You c you know what I mean? It feels like not something that I would be that I should be doing like giving other people advice. Like who it kinda it it sometimes it's like who do you think you are a little bit. I don't know if that makes sense, but no I've thought about it for sure. I feel like I I play that role for people in my life. Not everyone obviously but I I have for a lot of people over over time. So you can get paid for it. Uh-huh. True. Very true. And then write music and get paid for that. Yeah, that's the plan. So many gifts, so many choices. Yeah. For careers. So I just want to thank you for saying yes and for being my nephew. I don't know if I that's a a thank you, but no, you're amazing. It's so incredible. And I really and I know Baby said this a couple times. Truly, I am honored that you said yes and that you are choosing to share your wisdom because you do have a lot of wisdom. And so many people I think can relate regardless of the age that they're at with the things that you're saying, even like in this transitional stage for you. You know, people are constantly in transitional stages. And for you to realize, you know, this is where I'm at and this is what works for me, and this is we know how I've built on it, so many people I think can relate to it. Depending it just so many people can relate. So that's just my final thoughts. Mm-hmm. Thanks for having me. Appreciate all the all the kind words. I really do appreciate it. Thanks for having me on too. I don't know why you wanted me on well I can hear why you Odd for me, but it was fun. Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you. We will link your song and your channel, I guess, like Spotify channel, iTunes, all the things. You're on Spotify, iTunes, where else? Oliver. Wherever you can find music, except for except for YouTube and SoundCloud. I'm working on that right now. But anywhere else you can find music or should be on there. Perfect. We will link you. Nice. Thank you. Thank you guys.