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What Happens When You Tell A Narcissist NO · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what happens when you finally tell a narcissist no, when you
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  use those powerful 2 letters, that one small word, no.
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  What goes on through a narcissist's mind?
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  How do they feel? How would they react to that
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  word? Our our nose in y'all's mind?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist here to give you the perspective of a
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Welcome back folks, welcome
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  back, welcome back, y'all. Yep, yeep, yeep, that's a new
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  word. Any yeep, Welcome back y'all.
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  So y'all see how animated I am? It's because that word right
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  there, y'all, that word is such a powerful word when you're
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  dealing with narcissistic people.
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  It just is. Y'all, It's one of the most
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  powerful words that you will ever come across in the
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  dictionary. Yeah.
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  I mean, just for, just for a narcissist in general, it's one
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  of the most powerful words that you will ever come across
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  because narcissistic people hate speaking to.
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  I must speak directly into the mic.
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  Hate, hate when they hear the word no, when you say the word
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  no, when you utter, when you think it, when you like, when
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  the, the word no, when the, the letters form in your brain.
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  Like when the when the N comes from over here and the O comes
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  from over here. And they, they're dancing around
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  like the N&O are doing, like the bachata they do like the capo
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  railroad, the dance fighting, the letters in and O are doing a
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  dance fighting right. And they're about to come
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  together and make a perfect word.
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  They hate it. They hate the the no capoeira.
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  I'm about to say no worry, right?
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  But you know, I was at the the Brazilian, I think the Brazilian
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  dance fighting, correct me if I'm wrong, girl.
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  But yeah, they hate it so damn much.
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  Oh my goodness. Yo, when you use the word no.
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  So how do a narcissist feel? How do I say narcissist or how
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  do a narcissistic people feel when you use the word no?
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  Most of them are going to absolutely hate it.
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  Now, there are some, there are some of them out here, some
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  narcissists out here that don't mind the word no.
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  They take it as a challenge. So what goes on through those
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  people's minds is they trying to figure out how to get a yes out
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  of you. They hate the word no so much
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  that they have to hear you say yes and not like like not right
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  here in front of you. Sometimes them trying to get
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  that yes can take a long, long time.
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  It absolutely can. Them trying to get that yes from
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  you can take a long time. It just can't.
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  Yeah, it just really is can. So if you're dealing with a
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  narcissist toxic person, whomever just understand that
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  this is part of what you're going to be dealing with.
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  This is part of what you're going to be going through.
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  Like it's going to like some of them will absolutely try to turn
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  your note into a yes because they hate to feel like when I
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  heard as a narcissist, let me go, I already got my narcissist
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  cap on, right. Let me put my let me put my real
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  narcissist cap on. When I heard the word no, it
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  immediately hurts my feelings. It immediately makes me feel
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  rejection. It immediately makes me feel
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  shame and pain and anger and hurt.
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  I hate it so damn much. I really, really do.
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  So when I heard the word no, it really makes me want, like I
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  said, for if I'm the narcissist that tries to turn it into a
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  yes, I have to hear you say yes. Just to validate me, just to
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  because you say the word no, that means you have the power.
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  This is what yeah, This is why they hate the word no, because
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  you have the power. I'm almost lost for words
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  because you absolutely do have the power.
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  Like if you say no to me, then you're in charge.
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  You have the power. So what I want, what I want,
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  what I'm trying to get the yes from you, It's me wanting to
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  shift the power back into my column.
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  I need the power back over here with me.
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  I don't like you having the power, so I need to shift it
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  back over here with me. Doesn't that make sense to love
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  it? Doesn't that make sense like I
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  want the power so bad back in my column that I am going to work
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  hard as hell to get it back over here.
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  I need it back in my column. I need it.
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  I need I cannot, I damn near cannot live without it right.
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  So I need that No, to shift back over here.
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  Narce's hat off. I forgot I had it on Somebody
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  said other days that they like the narcissist hat and y'all
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  said y'all missed the Narce. This is the robot I'm going to
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  I'm bringing it back. Y'all this season 2.
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  Let me, give me, let me. I'm warming up.
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  We just 19 episodes in. We season 2, baby.
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  Season 2 going to be different now.
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  Season 2, I need y'all to hit that turn on.
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  I need y'all to turn on those notifications as well, right?
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  That's what I need y'all to do. Season 2, two more
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  notifications. Turn it along.
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  Yeah, seriously, I appreciate you.
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  I really do appreciate y'all being here, like y'all been
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  grinding with me for this long time.
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  So I just needed to say that while I'm in the middle of it, I
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  needed to say that I appreciate y'all grinding with me
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  throughout these last few years, making this YouTube channel what
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  it is and whatnot. But yeah, back to the nose.
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  No, we're not going to, no, we're not going to talk about
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  gratefulness anymore. But yeah, they, some of them
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  want to flip into a yes because that gives them the power.
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  But some of them, like they take no as criticism.
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  And this I think is for most narcissists, they take the word
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  no or hearing the word no as a direct criticism to them as a
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  personal attack. So if you tell some narcissist
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  the word no, if you say no to them, they take it as a personal
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  attack. They take it as you saying that
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  I'm not good enough, whatever I have going on, I'm not good
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  enough for you. And I don't want to feel this
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  way. I don't want to feel like I
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  don't want to feel this way. I don't want my mind to be
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  consumed with this type of stuff.
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  I don't want to feel less worthy.
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  Right. So it's just like if you're
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  dealing with a narcissistic person, just understand, like if
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  you use the word no, be careful. I'm just like my mind wouldn't
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  blame right there, y'all, but like you have to be careful.
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  You absolutely do, because again, sometimes if you tell a
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  word, if you tell a narcissist the word no.
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  So it really kind of depends on the situation, right, the
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  situation, the the context around the no does matter.
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  So if I'm, if we if I'm we laying in bed at night, right,
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  I'm over here, I'm look, I'm getting, I'm getting juiced up.
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  I don't look, I won't. I look, I don't I don't read the
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  Kama Sutra a little bit. You know, I mean, I'm I'm look,
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  I got look, I got my narcissist hat on.
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  I've ever like look, trying get a little friggy tonight, try get
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  a little freak freak, take a little freaky, try claps, little
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  cheeks, What's good? And then you say, no, I'm not in
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  the mood. That narcissistic person
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  immediately takes that as rejection and also immediately
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  can start pouting and crying and automatically accusing you of
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  being with someone else. Because guess what?
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  If you don't want me, that must, that must mean that you have
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  someone else. That must mean that you're going
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  after someone else. That's what that you can't mean
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  anybody else. If you don't want me right now
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  and I'm Randy, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm juiced up.
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  That means you must want someone else.
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  So you have to go seriously, you have to make that make sense
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  because narcissistic people, a lot of us think that way.
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  A lot of us do have that running through our minds that we are
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  feeling less than right. So this is what's going on.
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  I feel like narcissist. This is one thing you have to
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  understand, right? That they're going to accuse you
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  of certain things. If you say the word no to them,
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  they're going to get accusatory. They're going to pout, they're
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  going to throw a tantrum. And when I say tantrum, those
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  tantrums could be something as small as them pouting in the
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  corner with their arms crawls. Like a petulant little.
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  Like a little baby, right? Like a petulant child they sent
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  over their orange crawls. You get me nuts, right?
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  Or they can lose their damn minds and go into and fly off
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  into a narcissistic rage episode.
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  Like you using the word no could absolutely turn like it's caused
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  a narcissistic injury and turn them into a flaming rage
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  monster. Turn turn them into a
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  narcissistic dragon. Literally do damage to their
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  psyche, fracture their egos. Now, especially if you told him
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  no in front of other people. This is why you see, and a lot
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  of women, a lot of women can attest to this right here.
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  I know a lot of women have experienced this and a lot of
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  men have been around to see this happen because some of some of
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  us have friends that have done this before.
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  Right when you see, when you hang with your boys and a
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  beautiful woman walked by and you got and one person decides
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  the cat called or all all of them cat called.
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  Like damn girl, you got to hey girl, you sexy girl.
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  Hey, you got to fly. What's good Gary, what's good
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  Shorty? And then the woman ignores them,
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  right? Or just says I'm not interested
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  or whatever. This is why they blow their damn
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  tops and lose their minds and start accosting the woman
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  sometimes, right? They start screaming, yelling.
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  Well F you then BI only wanted to hit it anyway.
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  You ain't worth nothing you fat anyway, you ugly anyway.
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  That's why everybody, yourself and some of them you also look
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  at the news articles. Some people, we tell them no,
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  they lose their minds like a woman tells a man no, lose his
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  mind and takes it takes their life.
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  Analyze them like literally takes their lives over some over
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  something as simple as getting rejected, can't handle
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  rejection, can't handle the shame, so they take their life.
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  That's that. That does happen.
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  Those are those that be happening too.
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  It happens way too damn much. If I have to say so myself, that
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  happens way too damn much. Let's keep it hiding rating,
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  y'all. It really does for anybody
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  experiencing that. So if you tell them no, what
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  goes on, what goes on through their mind, It's literally
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  shame. It's just like, like somebody
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  tells me no, like I'm afraid of rejection.
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  Yeah, I I'm, I'm a coward. I I've been cowardice towards
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  rejection my entire life. I'm working through it now.
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  Yeah, I know. I've been in psychotherapy for
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  10 years. Wait 10 for eight years.
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  It's getting close to 10. Dang, almost a decade, right?
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  I've been in psychotherapy for eight years, and I've been
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  working on this fear of rejection or hearing the word no
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  and trying to understand what the word no means to me.
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  And it means a lot of different things, right?
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  Like the word no could mean a lot of different things.
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  But to me it means that I'm not good enough.
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  It means that I'm not worthy. It means it's, it takes away the
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  validation, whatever the no is coming from, especially from
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  women. You know what I mean?
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  It's right. I, I feel like I've been doing
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  so much, I've been working to myself that all women should
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  want me. No one should reject me.
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  But then I get rejected. I'm like what the hell is wrong
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  with me? So when you tell the narcissist
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  no for whatever reason, they automatically think that
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  something is wrong with them and they that's why they have to get
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  the shame away from them and try to put it on to you.
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  This is why you get a lot of narcissistic individuals that
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  will literally lose their damn minds and start yelling and
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  screaming and cussing at you, right?
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  And accusing you of things because now they're ashamed.
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  They want to make you feel the shame as well, right?
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  I feel ashamed. So you have to feel the shame
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  neither 1 of it. Like no, you don't know.
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  You are not innocent, Buck. Oh hell no.
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  You do not get to get away. You're not in a way with this.
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  This is why they feel like you have they have to pun.
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  This is why some narcissist feel like they have to punish you you
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  when you reject them or tell them no or set a boundary or
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  whatever. This is why they try to punish
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  you. And This is why sometimes they
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  they'll sometimes you tell them no.
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  They'll still take what they want from you as a show of
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  dominance, as a show of force, as a show of being in control.
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  They will literally do that type of stuff to you.
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  So you have to prep for that too.
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  Sorry, y'all, early morning, early morning, you have to prep
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  for that as well. So as we continue to, as you
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  continue to move forward, no is a powerful weapon.
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  So could the word no make a narcissist leave you alone?
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  Yeah, there's some narcissist. They take the word no and they
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  just scamper off like a would they tell between the legs like
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  a dog that you know, like a, like a, like a dog, right?
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  They run off, right, But they tell between their legs.
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  And this is what happens to so many narcissistic people.
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  But some of them, well, not the the word no feels like antagon.
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  You feel like feels like you antagonize antagonizing them.
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  The word no feeling rejection can make some narcissists shut
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  down. Like, yeah, it can't absolutely
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  shut some narcissists down. Some of them will shut down
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  completely. Where like I said, it's again,
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  it's situationally dependent. It depends upon the situation
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  that they're encountering or that they're that they are
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  dealing with right now, right? So sometimes let's just say I
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  have a dream of being a famous actor, right?
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  I audition, I think I put my I audition for it.
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  I've did my best and I don't get the role.
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  I can shut down and stop acting completely.
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  You see what I'm saying? I can sit down and quit this
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  job. I can shut down and stop chasing
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  my dream because I hear one. No, no can shut a narcissist
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  down. No can shut down a narcissist
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  system. So then add, if you don't have
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  the word no in your arsenal, consider adding it to your
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  arsenal, y'all. Anyway, y'all think y'all tuned
• 13:36
  into another episode, They go St.
• 13:39
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  NIA, come meet other people understand who are going through
• 14:09
  similar experiences. Just get registered up and I
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  will see y'all there. Peace before you go make sure
• 14:16
  that you hit that subscribe button if you haven't already.
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  Y'all you already here just hit the button.
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  Also you can find my coaching, my courses, my one on ones
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  everything is available at my website, mentalillness.net, kids
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  channel memberships as well. Y'all thank you so much for
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  being here. I'm super grateful I'm out.
• 14:34
  Peace.