Latest / Authentic Living / Youth Mental Health: Rafael's Advocacy, Mindfulness, and Tools for Authentic Living

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Youth Mental Health: Rafael's Advocacy, Mindfulness, and Tools for Authentic Living · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to Authentic Living with Roxanne, a place where we have conscious conversations
• 0:08
  about things that really matter in our lives.
• 0:12
  And now here's your host, Roxanne Durhaj.
• 0:43
  Hi, everyone.
• 0:44
  It's Roxanne Durhonch.
• 0:45
  Thanks for tuning in again to Authentic Living with Roxanne.
• 0:49
  Today, have a special young man that has a message that he needs to get out to the world,
• 0:53
  Rafael McMaster.
• 0:55
  Rafael, thanks so much for coming on today.
• 0:57
  Thank you so much for having me, Roxanne.
• 1:00
  So let's tell you a little bit about him, and then we're gonna talk about some pretty amazing
• 1:04
  things that he's doing out there.
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  He's a creative director, artist, and youth mental health advocate who has dedicated his
• 1:10
  life to uplifting youth through a fresh approach to mindfulness and creativity.
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  He's the founder of Indivisible Arts, and he leads a transformative youth development, not
• 1:21
  for profit.
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  He's coming out with this amazing book, Fundamental Life Tools, and it offers a hands
• 1:31
  on toolkit for emotionally well-being and rooted in the same practices that has empowered
• 1:36
  the youth through his indivisible arts flagship curriculum.
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  So, Rafael, let's start at the beginning.
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  So what what created this path that you're dealing with youth?
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  And clearly, it's needed more than ever in today's society with we were seeing it for of
• 1:54
  course, I've been in the field of psychology for thirty years.
• 1:57
  But what made you want to focus in on youth?
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  My path that led me into living a life that's committed to service and service through
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  transforming lives, through mental and emotional health tools ultimately began when I
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  was 29 and struggling from anxiety and the overwhelm of what being adult and a
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  professional and all those things are in this world.
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  I went to my local psychiatrist, not knowing the difference between a psychiatrist or a
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  psychologist or any of that.
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  Here is a professional.
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  He has degrees.
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  He'll help me.
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  He has an oath to not harm me and to help me.
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  And I sat down with him, and within five minutes, he said, I have your solution.
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  I said, fantastic, because I'm struggling over here.
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  Oh.
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  And you know what?
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  He didn't teach me tools.
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  He didn't teach me about breath.
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  He didn't teach me any of these amazing things that I've learned along the way.
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  He said, here, I have a prescription for you, and he prescribed me Xanax.
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  And that began a terrible relationship with that drug that approximately eight million
• 2:56
  Americans are on some benzodiazepam, right, of that family, for in the moment it helps their
• 3:01
  anxiety, but it's a one way street.
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  There is no solution outside of taking more and more of that chemical until it continues to
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  distort the person's perspective in reality, until they become a different person, and
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  they're the last person to know oftentimes.
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  And so when I was finally able to get into recovery and celebrate now ten years of
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  sobriety and being chemical free, I realized, boy, oh, boy, how different all of that would
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  have been had that person, instead of simply prescribing me something, would have taken the
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  moment to begin teaching me about breath and mindfulness and awareness and all of the things
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  that on my path to sanity and thriving with life on life's terms, these tools that I've
• 3:48
  picked up along the way with the help of Brene Brown and doctor Joe Dispenza and Eckhart Tolle
• 3:54
  and Jack Kornfield and all the classes, Thich Nhat Hanh.
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  There's so there boy, what an amazing time to be alive where there are so many resources.
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  And sifting through years of the books, the classes, the workshops, the seminars, all the
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  things, how could I take all of that and whittle it down to something that's very
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  tangible, easy, resonant, and accessible for youth?
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  Because I can't help but think that teaching these fundamental life tools alongside the
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  curriculum that they're learning in school with reading, writing, arithmetic, is part of a
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  winning formula in helping support this next youngest generation because boy, oh boy, it is
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  going to be an all hands on deck approach.
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  I think what we're seeing right now in this mental health epidemic is just the tip of the
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  iceberg.
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  I think it's an awfully big iceberg that we're not gonna fully understand until that kid who
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  was eight years old when pandemic hit is 27 years old.
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  They've been living with a phone in their hands for twenty years.
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  They've been logging nine hours a day on a screen for twenty years.
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  They are probably prescribed so many of those same things, and they've been playing shoot
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  them up games with their friends for dozens of hours a day.
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  I think at that point, we'll begin to understand the calamity that we've created
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  around ourselves.
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  Our goal, our role, our mission, and our vision is to get these fundamental tools into as many
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  hands as possible, one kid at a time, and that's exactly what we're doing with our
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  nonprofit Indivisible Hearts.
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  So are you in the school systems, Ravel?
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  Like, how's how young are you starting?
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  Because I I'm always intrigued when I hear what's needed.
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  Of course, me with my background, I recognize that by the time we get to adults, we're trying
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  to find the younger version of themselves to have them reconnect.
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  And they often go, why do I need to feel that?
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  Or why do I need to sift through that?
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  How are you going back?
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  And where is the curriculum in your organization?
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  Is it developmentally kind of appropriate for all levels and stages?
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  Sure thing.
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  We have two main cohorts that come here.
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  So right now, I'm sitting up in the fashion area of our creative laboratory, which is in
• 6:03
  Hermosa Beach, California.
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  It's a 3,800 square foot creative laboratory that we call resin.
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  And I'm in the fashion lab area right now.
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  There's a I can see a three d design area.
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  We have a music studio, a spray paint alley, a photography area downstairs, painting, yoga
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  workshop, all the things.
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  It's this wonderful lab.
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  So anybody who's listening, if you're ever flying through LAX or Los Angeles, we are
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  eighteen minutes away from the airport.
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  Please come check us out.
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  And the people who come visit, they all say the same thing.
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  I have never seen anything else quite like this.
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  The two main cohorts that one would see if they came to our creative laboratory resin, there's
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  seven to 12 year olds, seven to 13 year olds.
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  Those are considered our, quote, unquote, students.
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  Then we have the 13 and 14 to 22 year olds.
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  Those are our high school volunteers.
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  Now between us, they're the students also.
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  But if you go to a high schooler and say, oh, wait.
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  I wanna teach you about gratitude.
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  They're like, yeah.
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  I already know about that.
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  But if they if you want five zero one c three nonprofit volunteer credits for volunteering
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  for your college resume, then we would like you to learn how to teach gratitude this way as a
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  tool in which we'll maybe we'll get into later on.
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  So we have that additional cohort that's part of our youth ecosystem.
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  So we have the younger students, seven to 13.
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  We have the older ones, 13 to 20.
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  We are also teaching this program of these seven tools, which we call the fundamental life
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  tools.
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  The book is out and on Amazon.
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  We teach it as California state accepted English curriculum at the local high school
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  here at Da Vinci Rise, which is the local high school committed to supporting foster youth
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  that are in the area, as well as the other students whose path through high school doesn't
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  fit into the traditional formula or pathway.
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  So I think we had six young women in our program last year who were pregnant.
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  We have a lot of students who are maybe struggling with drugs and alcohol and need to
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  be taking a different path than the traditional high school.
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  It is in that environment that we've forged this program year in, year out for four years,
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  knowing that if it can work in that setting, then I can absolutely work in so many different
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  other settings.
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  Yeah, we teach it as English curriculum.
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  So these tools, these mental and emotional health tools are what they're writing their
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  essays about and getting English credit for, which I believe is, boy, that's a long time in
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  the coming.
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  But we also took every fifth grader in our local elementary school, our local school
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  district through these tools as well a couple of years ago.
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  So we know that this tool of awareness, which is the first tool we teach, right?
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  To be the aware observer of our thoughts, very Eckhart Tolle, I am the observer.
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  My thoughts vary the heart of mindfulness and Jack Kornfield and all of that.
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  Yep.
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  And that's the first tool we teach, Right?
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  The beginning of this process of awakening, and we revisit the tool every single week for the
• 8:55
  entire school year so that by the time they get to the end of the school year because it takes
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  a second to sink in.
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  I I know for me, I didn't hear that.
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  But when I was 35 was the first time I really heard, you are not your thoughts.
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  You are the one observing your thoughts and having your thoughts.
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  And for me in that moment, it was like I don't know if you ever seen the movie usual suspects,
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  but you watch the end and you realize Kevin Spacey is Kaiser Jose.
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  Sorry.
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  Spoiler alert for anyone who hasn't seen it.
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  And then all of a sudden, rest of the movie looks so different.
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  And hearing this thought, wait a minute.
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  I am not my thoughts.
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  I'm the one having my thoughts.
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  Oh my gosh.
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  My life looks really different now.
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  And that was the beginning of my awakening.
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  But it's also a process.
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  It's not like someone learns it and they immediately shift.
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  And so we ensure to teach it at the very beginning of class, every single class for the
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  entire school year.
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  That way, slowly but surely, through the arc of the school year, by the time they're graduating
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  that grade, they have a solid foundation and base of mindfulness and awareness as part of
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  their new perspective on how they can see reality through that lens.
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  Amazing.
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  It's great.
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  So you start off so just so I understand because I I'm curious.
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  So you start off the hour for English literature with a mindfulness, or is it that
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  your content is taught in English literature?
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  Yeah.
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  We began the hour of the English class with mindfulness.
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  We do a sensory visualization.
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  We rarely use the word meditation because once you say meditation, half the class goes, ah.
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  So we say visualization, and we rarely say mindfulness.
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  We just call it awareness.
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  We call it the tool of awareness.
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  Now for three weeks, we only focus on awareness.
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  On three weeks, we go through all sorts of exercises and practices and they're charting
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  their thoughts, positive, negative, past, present, future, doing all the things because
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  these things take practice.
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  To talk about the idea is not the thing.
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  To practice the thing, that's the thing.
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  And so giving them the space to practice, that is their first three weeks of the program.
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  And then we move on to the second tool, acceptance.
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  Radical acceptance of all that is, as it is, getting back to a place of serenity and inner
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  peace through that process.
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  And then we go on to intention and how to hold a vision out of a clarity of mind of knowing
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  exactly what I want in life.
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  Right?
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  The best way to predict the future is to create it.
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  But if you ask the average person, and I do this all the time.
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  You ask the average adult, what is your intention?
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  What do you want?
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  The average adult, at least the ones, the hundreds that I ask, they go, what do you mean?
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  And even after I fully articulate, what do you wanna come true?
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  What do you want in your life?
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  Taking the time to really understand what it is I'm shooting for.
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  What is my intention?
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  How in the world can I hit the bull's eye of what I want if I don't know what I'm shooting
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  for?
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  But oftentimes, the rare times we stop to actually think about that is, like, what, New
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  Year's resolutions?
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  Why could that not be daily?
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  Why could this not be not only daily, but a very practical part of my operating system?
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  So now and the way that we teach it is to just make intentions, whether intentions that I
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  wanna become a astronaut, intentions like I wanna graduate this grade with with good with
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  an a, intentions like I wanna laugh more, or intentions like for the next three hours, I'm
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  going to watch my thoughts carefully.
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  I'm going to laugh easily.
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  I'm gonna be really kind hearted.
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  And you know what?
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  I'm kinda hungry, so I don't wanna get hangry.
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  So I'm gonna put some extra awareness around that.
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  So making it so that setting intentions become very practical, very bite sized.
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  We really focus on three hours at a time because if I'm being really realistic with
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  myself, three hours passes, and it's like a wash beyond that.
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  I need to reset my intention for the next three hours to be realistic and not so much what's on
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  my to do list.
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  Although that's part of it.
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  More so, how do I wanna feel as I go through it?
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  How do I wanna show up in this world?
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  What is the attitude and energy that I wanna emanate as I'm on this podcast having this
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  conversation with you right now?
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  Three hours ago or earlier this morning when I was meditated, I was already visualizing being
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  with you, visualizing this connection that I do feel with you naturally.
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  Yeah.
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  I've got a much better chance of it coming true if I've already spoken to myself about it and
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  I've clarified and crystallized to myself, this is what I want.
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  This is my intention.
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  So that's the third step we teach.
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  It's so valuable, though.
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  Right?
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  Because, like, to your point, you're saying you're talking to the adults, and they are
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  raising these children.
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  And if you're saying what's your intention and they're not able to do it, what is the capacity
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  or the ability of parents to slow with their children to say, kinda not what's your goal?
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  Because every kid goes, oh, goal.
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  That means you probably need to do some hard work.
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  But really, what do you see?
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  What do you want?
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  Yeah.
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  What do you want?
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  Like, I can as a therapist I'm I'm sure you've probably heard about this.
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  When you want people to drill down into what they really value and their value is something
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  called the miracle question.
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  I'm sure you've heard of that.
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  Have you ever heard of that story?
• 13:56
  No.
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  Tell me tell me more about the miracle
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  technique that's very it's based I believe based in structural therapy, but it would say,
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  okay, Rafael.
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  So, like, you go home tonight and you go to bed and you have a great sleep and nobody's told
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  you, but a miracle has happened.
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  And you open your eyes and you look around and you can't believe it because everything you
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  want in your life is just happening for you.
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  That's right.
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  Tell me what Yeah.
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  Exactly.
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  Exactly.
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  Yes.
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  That's exactly what
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  we're doing.
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  That's not a one time kind of thing.
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  You build off it.
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  And that's the practice, though.
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  That's the And practice, so many things come with this practice, right?
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  So the muscles of being able to clarify for myself what it is very distinctly and
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  specifically that I want, That's a muscle that requires practice and development or rather
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  benefits from that.
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  Or being able to have the courage to dream big.
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  I want to become a ballerina.
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  I want to become, and I am worthy of being allowed to have these dreams.
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  These are all muscles that benefit from the practice of practicing this intention.
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  So it's not just once a year, set a new year's resolution, more every single day.
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  I am constantly talking to myself.
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  And this is part of what we teach with awareness that our thoughts aren't just
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  thoughts.
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  They're like programs.
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  If I say to myself, I am cold, guess what?
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  I'm gonna start getting colder.
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  If I say to myself, it's cold outside, so I'm going to stay warm.
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  Guess what?
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  It becomes very easy for me to think of solutions of grabbing a sweatshirt.
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  Right?
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  And the same is true with how I speak to myself.
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  If I say to myself, you know what?
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  I am gonna have a good day.
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  I'm gonna laugh easily.
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  And you know what?
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  I wanna be extra sweet to my daughter today.
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  I could tell she really needs support.
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  If I state those intentions to myself, they become like the programs that help guide my
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  inner realm for the day.
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  This becomes just the regular practice of learning how to talk to myself.
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  The more adults, more kids, more people I talk to, I realize my goodness, very few of them
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  speak to themselves in a way that is truly helpful or kind or supportive.
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  And this is at the crux of the challenge we have as a society.
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  What we're seeing out there, oh my goodness, programming what we're doing inside of here,
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  it's no wonder that we feel the way we feel and that our world looks the way it looks.
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  And never has there been a time where I believe these ideas can be spread so quickly.
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  And this idea of mindfulness and being the aware observer, it's nothing new.
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  But the way we're teaching it is fresh because we have built this program with the youth every
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  step of the way.
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  And that's the beauty of what we're doing, how we're doing, and its resonance because the
• 16:44
  examples we use are from them.
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  This has come from day in, day out.
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  You know what's so interesting?
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  We often say, I say awareness because that's really what Eckhart Tolle says, and he's a
• 16:54
  leader right now in the field.
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  But they actually feel more comfortable saying mind watching.
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  And this is an illustration from one of the youth.
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  So this is from the art at Resin that you pull this or just from when you go into the schools?
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  So tell me, explain to me about Resin.
• 17:09
  So Resin, me about because I'm curious because now I'm gonna stop when I'm going through Yeah.
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  The
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  The
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  Resin is our is the headquarters of our nonprofit.
• 17:19
  Okay.
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  So it has different sensory rooms or capacities that people can
• 17:25
  Yeah, a living creative laboratory.
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  So they come and do art.
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  They do creativity.
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  The students who come here after school come for ninety minutes.
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  They spend the first thirty minutes in the front room with what we call consciousness
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  training.
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  Or for the younger ones, we say it's Jedi mind training, learning how to live your dream life.
• 17:44
  And it's about
• 17:45
  as long that mind watching, though, because
• 17:47
  Oh, yeah.
• 17:48
  How appropriate is that?
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  Right?
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  It's often one of my designations since I'm a qualified family therapist.
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  When you I will say, if I want the truth, I go to the youngest kid in the family.
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  If I want the watered down version of what's really going on, I start with the oldest child
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  and then I go down to the youngest.
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  So I oftentimes when we train, they would say start with the youngest child.
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  And what I love about mind watching that term, Ravel, is like it's bang on.
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  It's what a six year old would say.
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  They wouldn't get awareness as too much of a it's a concept.
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  It can mean other things too.
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  Right?
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  Awareness.
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  I'm aware of my surroundings, I'm aware of right mind watching is very, but I only bring
• 18:28
  it up to say this safe, creative space to explore these concepts and how youth relate to
• 18:37
  it, it creates the opportunity to really honor their feedback.
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  It creates the opportunity to hear how they would teach it because so often, so many of the
• 18:47
  things that are integrated into this program from CBT to DBT, to all these different
• 18:52
  modalities and these great teachings, so many of them were developed in academia and maybe
• 18:58
  not necessarily workshopping it with a nine year old day in, day out.
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  Right?
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  We're gonna get different results if we ask them for their input.
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  One of the illustrations a kid drew was their mind being like a computer where something
• 19:12
  happens and they say, how should I respond to this?
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  Now And for those listening, he's just showing me a visual from one of his his workbooks,
• 19:22
  which is fantastic, which is the just a picture of a computer and kinda should I, and then with
• 19:29
  was away, what's the middle one say?
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  Should I walk away?
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  Should I say thanks but no thanks?
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  Or should I be offended saying if something happens which one of these three options?
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  And then a student illustrated this and what their the beauty of them illustrating this
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  saying, oh, my mind is almost like a computer.
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  Things are gonna happen.
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  It's gonna spit up these different options that I can respond with.
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  But the most important part of that lesson is to remember, I am not the computer.
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  I'm the one at the computer in this analogy.
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  I'm the one at the helm.
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  Those thoughts that are popping up, I don't have to identify with them.
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  I can be the observer of them.
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  I can choose amongst them, or you know what?
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  I can replace them with something even better.
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  I love it.
• 20:17
  When we listen to the students and the beauty is because we are one part consciousness and
• 20:23
  one part creativity here at Indivisible Arts, well then my world is full with dozens up to a
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  100 local youth and teens that have been trained in creative development and as artists.
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  So refusing their ability to create and express themselves with a next generation of
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  mindfulness that's really just taking the age old classics and reinventing them in a way that
• 20:50
  feels nascent and resonant with this youngest generation because they're the ones co creating
• 20:56
  its expression.
• 20:58
  I often think about it when you're able to play, right, which is what we lose so much as
• 21:04
  adults.
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  And I'm thinking, okay.
• 21:06
  Is there somewhere like this in the world for adults?
• 21:09
  Because I think about when a lot of pain happens, and I wanna talk a little bit about
• 21:13
  this because I know everybody in your classes aren't having the ideal scenario where
• 21:19
  everything's constant and they don't have the securely attached parents and all that stuff.
• 21:24
  But when you get into that creative place or that playful place, it's so interesting what
• 21:30
  comes up because then you're out of that conscious mind and into the unconscious really,
• 21:35
  which embodies
• 21:36
  That's right.
• 21:36
  Who you really are.
• 21:37
  Right?
• 21:38
  And play is in a like you said, art or music or dance or just any using any of the senses but
• 21:46
  in a creative.
• 21:47
  So I want you to talk more about that because I love
• 21:49
  Right.
• 21:50
  That stuff, you know, when you're able to get creative.
• 21:53
  I know with myself, I went to a conference recently and we were playing games.
• 21:57
  Right?
• 21:57
  And it's so interesting that all the kid part of us came out.
• 22:01
  You could see people cheating, and we were having so much fun, and we learned massively.
• 22:07
  And these are all professional speakers from all across Canada, and it was amazing.
• 22:12
  So tell me a little bit about that and creativity and mental health and what you teach
• 22:17
  because it sounds like it's a perfect cross combination of Right.
• 22:21
  Getting to the thing without going direct.
• 22:24
  That's right.
• 22:24
  And you know what?
• 22:25
  Play is the magic word.
• 22:26
  If I had one intention for this year and and I'm experiencing and expressing, it's play.
• 22:30
  That's the magic word.
• 22:32
  Here's the goal.
• 22:33
  Here's what's happening with play and in doing art and music and all the things you listed.
• 22:37
  I am in a state where I am focused, but I'm not thinking.
• 22:42
  And if I can be focused and not thinking and joyful because I'm playing, let's go.
• 22:49
  Let's go.
• 22:50
  Now we're talking.
• 22:51
  Right?
• 22:51
  And that's where the magic happens.
• 22:53
  That's where the shifts really happen.
• 22:54
  That's where I've heard it said that thoughts are the language of the mind and emotions are
• 23:00
  the language of the body, but that art art is the language of the soul.
• 23:05
  Yeah.
• 23:06
  And when I'm doing art, when I'm whether it's doodling, playing music, I feel soulfully
• 23:12
  present.
• 23:12
  That would make sense.
• 23:13
  Right?
• 23:14
  If you think about the word inspired, it has its roots in Greek, spiros.
• 23:17
  Inspired translates to breathing in spirit.
• 23:20
  It would make sense then that when I'm inspired because I've been doing creativity and art that
• 23:25
  I feel soulfully present.
• 23:27
  And that's what feels so good.
• 23:29
  Sometimes it's hard to put my finger on why just doodling has me in this different state or
• 23:33
  what this elated different state is.
• 23:35
  But when I began to understand, wait, this is the presence of my own soul, it started to
• 23:39
  click and make sense of, yeah, that's exactly what that is.
• 23:42
  And that's why I'm able to function at a high level without thinking.
• 23:47
  How could I be doing how could I be singing?
• 23:50
  And the one thing I'll do and one thing we teach here is freestyling, freestyle lyrics.
• 23:54
  Right?
• 23:54
  Because Yeah.
• 23:55
  The moment a person thinks, it falls apart.
• 23:58
  In order to stay in that flow state of freestyling, one has to surrender to being in
• 24:02
  that flow state where I'm present, focused, but not thinking.
• 24:07
  How do I do that?
• 24:08
  What is doing the freestyling?
• 24:10
  Well, then that would be my soul.
• 24:11
  It would be some other part of me greater than my mentalized brain.
• 24:15
  And so the magic of teaching freestyling and this flow state is most likely it's happening
• 24:23
  when these kids are painting, but we wouldn't know.
• 24:25
  Maybe it isn't, depending.
• 24:27
  But in freestyling, you can hear it.
• 24:29
  You can hear it the moment they start to think it falls apart.
• 24:32
  Now whether or not they become good at freestyling or musicians or any of that isn't
• 24:36
  the point.
• 24:37
  It's getting them comfortable in this state of present focus but not thinking.
• 24:44
  But like you said, that's the exact state they're in when they're playing.
• 24:49
  Helping them understand that when they're in that state of play, that it isn't just
• 24:54
  frivolous.
• 24:55
  They're actually working out the parts of their being that are home to that authenticity.
• 25:03
  When people say authentic, my experience of authentic is, and I hear this all the time,
• 25:07
  that part of my appeal to people is that I'm really authentic.
• 25:11
  What you see is what you get.
• 25:13
  And it's because ten years ago, I committed myself to service and committed what could be
• 25:19
  considered ego side to the best of my ability.
• 25:22
  Let me break down the ego.
• 25:24
  Let me move beyond it.
• 25:25
  Let me do the work, the hard work, the writing and the step works and the therapy and all the
• 25:31
  things I could do to become the observer of my ego rather than my ego.
• 25:36
  What's left this person you're experiencing today.
• 25:40
  It's my soul, Just tried and true.
• 25:42
  Now what why this is important is because parents ask me all the time, how do how do you
• 25:49
  do it?
• 25:49
  How do how do I connect better with my kids?
• 25:51
  I'm trying so hard.
• 25:52
  I'm like, oh, trying.
• 25:55
  If I'm trying, then I'm trying too hard.
• 25:58
  That these kids, particular teens, have an authenticator, like a built in BS ometer.
• 26:05
  Oh, no.
• 26:06
  Get get read it from I remember when my son was a teenager, and I would be around.
• 26:10
  And you get the best out of them when you feed them and you play like some, like of course
• 26:17
  I've had, I have a boy.
• 26:18
  So I played every sport, badminton, tennis, like I was doing everything because I grew up
• 26:23
  in a family of girls And I'm thinking when I had this boy I thought what am I gonna do?
• 26:28
  But he was able to allow me to learn about play even more so probably from a male perspective
• 26:37
  and you get anything out of them.
• 26:39
  Mothers would say after, Roxanne, how'd you get that?
• 26:42
  I said, I fed them.
• 26:43
  We played and I fed them and they didn't even care that I was around because they would talk
• 26:48
  about anything.
• 26:48
  That's right.
• 26:49
  Right?
• 26:49
  Which is amazing, right?
• 26:50
  Which is that and I get often get asked that too with my background.
• 26:54
  I always say to people, if you can get to a space with your children and have them
• 27:00
  recognize the value of time, not that I have to spend time, but if they really can drop down
• 27:07
  into, wow, I actually like being with my dad or like being with my mom versus it being an
• 27:12
  outcome, then they want to do it that much more.
• 27:15
  Right?
• 27:16
  But again, we're busy, we're stressed, the world is on tilt, we know that.
• 27:20
  Look at what's happening on a global perspective.
• 27:23
  And parents are caught up trying their best, but often not having the time to do some of the
• 27:29
  things that you're teaching.
• 27:31
  Yeah.
• 27:31
  And not having the time and not having the tools.
• 27:34
  Absolutely.
• 27:34
  This idea of being the aware observer of my thoughts, I did not consider it till I was 35.
• 27:40
  Right?
• 27:40
  This idea of of acceptance for all that is as a pathway of getting beyond my frustrations and
• 27:46
  back to peace and neutrality and serenity, same thing.
• 27:50
  Never crossed my plate.
• 27:51
  Never considered it.
• 27:53
  Intention as we teach it.
• 27:54
  Sure.
• 27:54
  I guess.
• 27:55
  The interesting about intention is, like, when we're younger, when I'm younger, as a student,
• 27:59
  we naturally do intention.
• 28:01
  I wanna get good grades.
• 28:02
  I wanna make the team.
• 28:03
  It's built in.
• 28:05
  I want to graduate college.
• 28:07
  But once age 27, age 30, age 33, it starts to because there isn't that formal structure of,
• 28:14
  okay, here's the end of the semester.
• 28:16
  So I don't have the same ability to have that shaping.
• 28:18
  And so it becomes important to develop that muscle beyond the school sense.
• 28:23
  The rest of the tools we teach are gratitude, which we teach as G flipping, flipping a lens
• 28:28
  of gratitude.
• 28:29
  I hate math homework.
• 28:32
  First off, are you that thought?
• 28:34
  No.
• 28:34
  These are the kids.
• 28:37
  Can you change that thought?
• 28:38
  Yeah.
• 28:39
  What happens if I don't change that thought?
• 28:40
  I sit down and do homework.
• 28:41
  Homework's gonna feel, like, really crappy.
• 28:44
  It's gonna
• 28:44
  take really long.
• 28:45
  It's gonna get yeah.
• 28:45
  It's gonna suck.
• 28:46
  Okay.
• 28:46
  What could I change that to?
• 28:48
  I'm grateful I have a free education and a teacher who cares about me, and I plan on going
• 28:54
  to college.
• 28:54
  So I need to learn this.
• 28:55
  And I actually like learning, and I'm grateful that when I'm done with this, could go do
• 28:59
  something fun.
• 29:00
  Those five thought forms together, stitched together, woven together as a tapestry are
• 29:05
  going to create a completely different environment.
• 29:07
  This to me is an effective and functional usage of the concept of gratitude rather than it just
• 29:14
  being some concept.
• 29:15
  If I'm not feeling it and experiencing it, then I'm just mentalizing it, and that kinda misses
• 29:20
  the point.
• 29:21
  Then we go
• 29:22
  into wanna ask you one question before we jump into the book.
• 29:25
  What's important is that you're exposing these kids.
• 29:28
  What about the kids that are going back to the homes?
• 29:32
  So they're having this touch of this soul breath, I'm gonna call it, and but they
• 29:39
  unfortunately have to go back to some of the uncertainty.
• 29:41
  And we would all love to believe that kids have so much certainty, but we know that's not
• 29:46
  sometimes not the reality.
• 29:48
  Yeah.
• 29:49
  What happens to these kids?
• 29:50
  Do they come forward a little bit more?
• 29:53
  Do they share?
• 29:54
  Do they ask for help in a different way?
• 29:56
  And what do you do what do you offer if there's need for more help with things at home?
• 30:02
  Yeah.
• 30:03
  Every situation is different.
• 30:04
  That's the truth of it.
• 30:06
  The the tools and this program are a critical part to my daily experience.
• 30:16
  However, they are not the end all be all of the support I need to be able to go through life
• 30:22
  successfully.
• 30:23
  We all need each other.
• 30:24
  It's a community effort.
• 30:26
  To whatever degree I'm able to turn these same students onto the resources that they have
• 30:32
  available.
• 30:32
  So many of them have great therapists that they can access or school counselors and so on
• 30:37
  ensuring that they know they have their own panel for which I'm a participant, but they're
• 30:43
  able to draw strength from that panel.
• 30:45
  And that panel can include a higher power of their own understanding.
• 30:49
  This is a very big concept and so many students are lucky.
• 30:53
  I did not grow up with God in my household in that way.
• 30:56
  So many students are lucky that they do and that they're able to get faith and support and
• 31:04
  a sense of connection to the universe, but many of them don't.
• 31:08
  And giving them the invitation.
• 31:11
  It's really a heck of a thing, at least here in The States, be teaching about a higher power of
• 31:15
  one's own understanding in the public school setting.
• 31:17
  That's like holy grail, right?
• 31:20
  And I remember sitting there and having the superintendent and principal of the school and
• 31:26
  school district where I was teaching this observing class and making sure that I'm within
• 31:30
  bounds on this.
• 31:31
  And I was totally within bounds.
• 31:32
  And what's so amazing when we're teaching this and we teach this as the seventh tool
• 31:36
  connection and connection to a higher power, but it's also connection to each other and
• 31:39
  connection to myself and service is I say, I'm not gonna tell you what I think.
• 31:46
  What do you guys hear out there?
• 31:48
  What do you experience?
• 31:48
  And they'll say, okay.
• 31:49
  God and mother earth, father sky, Divine Union, Source with a capital S, Karma, cause and
• 31:55
  effect, love, all great answers.
• 31:58
  Then someone sooner will say, Science?
• 32:00
  Does science count?
• 32:01
  Can we say the laws of science?
• 32:03
  And I say, Who here believes in science?
• 32:05
  Everyone raises their hand.
• 32:06
  Who here believes that science is a power greater than you?
• 32:10
  Everyone raises their hand.
• 32:11
  Say, then is it possible that you could connect to science as a power greater than yourself
• 32:16
  that you can draw strength and awe and support from?
• 32:20
  Yeah.
• 32:21
  Okay.
• 32:21
  Now let's give this a try.
• 32:22
  It's gonna require imagination.
• 32:23
  We're gonna close our eyes, put our hands on our heart, and see if we can visualize and
• 32:27
  feel.
• 32:28
  See if you can feel in your heart what it feels like to be connected to the universe and all
• 32:32
  the laws of science that govern it.
• 32:34
  And we sit there and after ninety seconds, start to get what I call the Stevie Wonder.
• 32:40
  The whole class is swaying and
• 32:42
  we Sway little back of and forth, like of
• 32:44
  Right?
• 32:45
  And then they open their eyes.
• 32:47
  And before any of them move, they look around, and you can feel that presence, that energy,
• 32:52
  that grace.
• 32:53
  And here we are in a public school setting in a rational, logic, science based setting,
• 33:01
  accepting the invitation for a higher power of our own understanding with the radical
• 33:07
  tolerance that everybody can come to it with their own approach, that it's an individual
• 33:11
  experience that we can collectively feel if we take the time to become still enough to be with
• 33:17
  it.
• 33:18
  This is the opportunity that we have to share this huge notion with this next generation in a
• 33:24
  way where they feel heard and empowered in the process to make it their own.
• 33:30
  Absolutely.
• 33:31
  Well said.
• 33:32
  Love it.
• 33:32
  Love it.
• 33:33
  Love it.
• 33:33
  I grew up obviously I grew up in Trinidad And Tobago, so we had worship every day.
• 33:37
  So I grew up
• 33:38
  The power of it?
• 33:39
  Yeah.
• 33:39
  I I just grew up with it in Sunday school when you were like, I don't wanna go to Sunday, but
• 33:43
  everybody went to Sunday school kinda thing.
• 33:45
  But you don't know.
• 33:46
  Some people may not have the exposure.
• 33:48
  So I love the fact that everybody can think about it and
• 33:51
  Tens of
• 33:51
  millions of people.
• 33:53
  Yeah.
• 33:53
  Tens of millions.
• 33:54
  For those that have God in our lives, we know how pivotal and massive a role it plays.
• 34:01
  And then there are many people that do not have it and do not have they look around and they
• 34:06
  look at the former religions and they're like, I'm not jiving any of those.
• 34:10
  Are those my only options?
• 34:12
  I guess God isn't for me then.
• 34:13
  No.
• 34:13
  No.
• 34:14
  You can create something of your own understanding.
• 34:16
  Oh.
• 34:17
  Oh, well, no one ever offered me that.
• 34:20
  Here we are.
• 34:22
  Yeah.
• 34:23
  Well, is tell us about the book because everybody needs to go get this.
• 34:29
  Please.
• 34:29
  Yes.
• 34:30
  And I think because what I what I want I speak to a lot to employers, and we're taking care of
• 34:36
  the next generation.
• 34:37
  These are gonna be your employees.
• 34:38
  So this is really the importance.
• 34:41
  There's such the importance.
• 34:42
  We talk about EQ and all those things, but, really, we're starting the sooner we can start,
• 34:47
  the better off we'll prep our future generations to
• 34:51
  That's right.
• 34:51
  Be open and to have the capacity to identify who and what they are bringing to the
• 34:58
  environments.
• 34:58
  But tell us about the books and what we're gonna learn when we buy the book and
• 35:02
  Yeah. Those
• 35:02
  Those types of And EQ, you nailed it.
• 35:05
  Like, how do we develop this emotional intelligence?
• 35:09
  Right?
• 35:09
  How do we practice?
• 35:10
  Practice, practice, the basics, the fundamentals, and practice.
• 35:13
  Well, this book is a guidebook to practicing what myself, a handful of therapists,
• 35:21
  psychologists, president of a health district, a sponsor, executive coach, a whole panel of us
• 35:26
  got together mid pandemic realizing, and that's when our nonprofit's mission shifted from
• 35:32
  creativity to creativity and consciousness, mental and emotional health tools for this next
• 35:37
  generation.
• 35:37
  That's when the shift happened.
• 35:39
  And we said, what's the most fundamental set of seven tools we could possibly give to another
• 35:42
  person?
• 35:42
  And there were so many great tools and so many great tools that didn't make it into seven
• 35:45
  because we wanted to have only seven because that feels a lot more tangible and digestible.
• 35:51
  And then once the kid once I have these basic, then I can move on to many other things.
• 35:54
  But let's start with awareness, acceptance, intention, gratitude, compassion, forgiveness,
• 36:02
  and resentment, and connection, connection to each other and service, connection to my own
• 36:07
  self, connection to a higher power of my own understanding.
• 36:09
  Once I have those seven locked in, then I'm cooking and those become my basics.
• 36:15
  Everything else kind of can grow from there.
• 36:17
  To learn or read about the tools isn't the thing.
• 36:20
  It's to practice them.
• 36:21
  Here I'm showing a chart where they chart their thoughts.
• 36:24
  And this is one of the practices and exercises in the book.
• 36:27
  Or here's another illustration of another practice we developed.
• 36:31
  We call it ABCs of the heart.
• 36:33
  I sit with my hand on my heart until I can feel something that I appreciate, that I find
• 36:37
  beautiful, someone I can be more compassionate to, devotion, empathy, freedom, gratitude,
• 36:42
  hope, inspiration, joy, kindness, love.
• 36:44
  I make it to those first 13 letters of the alphabet.
• 36:48
  And this is a gratitude practice that me and many of our students, we just sit there and we
• 36:52
  do together in circle.
• 36:54
  So these are many of the practices we're inventing and co creating and bringing to life
• 36:58
  to make interesting but tangible ways for me to be in practice, bringing on these tools.
• 37:03
  The book is only $12 We designed it to be affordable.
• 37:07
  It's on Amazon.
• 37:10
  Says early on in the book, the goal isn't to read the whole thing quickly, read a couple,
• 37:15
  three pages a day.
• 37:16
  Take our time because these things take time to metabolize.
• 37:19
  That becomes the challenge for the person who wants to shift their consciousness, and so they
• 37:23
  devour the power of now in two days on vacation.
• 37:27
  And then they're moving on with their life, thinking they've changed because they read the
• 37:30
  book.
• 37:31
  Like, practice is the thing.
• 37:33
  And so if a person expects to change, transform, or hopes to, then my question back
• 37:38
  to them is cool.
• 37:39
  What are your daily practices to get there then?
• 37:41
  And so that's what this book is full of is very gently and slowly learning these tools in a way
• 37:47
  where absolutely I know fifth graders are going through this book and it's working for them.
• 37:52
  And I know that it is big enough concepts that it will satisfy someone into their 50s and 60s.
• 37:59
  And
• 37:59
  they can go and teach it to their parents.
• 38:01
  That's the thing.
• 38:02
  That's right.
• 38:02
  They learn something.
• 38:03
  I would say it's like we go to the gym to do all that stuff, but it's the mental gymnastics.
• 38:08
  Like when I coach, I will say to people, you got to have reps.
• 38:12
  You gotta do the things.
• 38:14
  Just like if you're not gonna go up and do the 10 ks if you can't make the block.
• 38:19
  So here's the deal.
• 38:20
  You walk and then you run and then maybe you walk, run
• 38:24
  and then you try
• 38:25
  to do two blocks.
• 38:26
  It's the same thing with the mind.
• 38:27
  So when I'm coaching people, I'll say, what do you do now?
• 38:30
  And sometimes, Rafael, people will negate what they do.
• 38:33
  And I try to kind of talk to them about what is it that really works for you that you could
• 38:38
  maybe should keep or elements or deconstructing what doesn't work, and maybe there's elements
• 38:43
  of that we can move over to something.
• 38:45
  We don't want you to go cool turkey with, I'm never gonna do x y z again, but if you could do
• 38:49
  it a little bit less and shift over, then we're at least we're taking little steps.
• 38:54
  Right?
• 38:54
  That's right.
• 38:55
  That's kinda the big thing about a lot of people is they're like, I can't start doing
• 38:59
  blah blah blah, and the goal becomes bigger.
• 39:01
  All sorts of reasons.
• 39:02
  And then I'm like, no.
• 39:03
  I just want you to be able to if you're the type that gets stressed when you don't move, I
• 39:07
  want you to set a timer and I want you to go to the water cooler to get your water that day a
• 39:13
  couple of times a day.
• 39:14
  So it's again, things like little ones that people can do and what a fantastic way to get
• 39:20
  it from younger children because they would deconstruct it in a way that would be, I I
• 39:24
  think, easier to digest as well.
• 39:26
  Yeah.
• 39:27
  And if anything, reflect what how their peers are thinking.
• 39:29
  The the students I work with, and I work with a lot of high schoolers, a lot of high school
• 39:33
  athletes, people are really looking to mental performance, their own performance.
• 39:37
  And I say, we're not gonna try and change anything overnight.
• 39:41
  We're gonna shoot for 2% a day.
• 39:43
  We're gonna subtly shift 2% a day, but we're gonna turn around in fifty days, and we're
• 39:48
  gonna feel like we're a 100% in a totally different spot.
• 39:51
  And it and it works, the gentle approach of being but you know what?
• 39:56
  It's all about staying steady and being able to commit to it daily.
• 40:00
  And if I miss days in my commitment, that's okay.
• 40:03
  I would just return
• 40:04
  back don't I'm never gonna do it again.
• 40:06
  It's like the
• 40:06
  I missed that once.
• 40:07
  I can't do it again.
• 40:09
  It's like the new this oh, I was gonna lose 10 pounds.
• 40:12
  That's And then
• 40:13
  all of a sudden, didn't make it.
• 40:14
  So I now I've given up the whole goal.
• 40:16
  That's right.
• 40:16
  And that's what happens.
• 40:17
  That's exactly what happens.
• 40:19
  And what I find almost like clockwork.
• 40:21
  Right?
• 40:21
  I sponsor a bunch of men.
• 40:22
  I'd almost like clockwork.
• 40:24
  People are great at getting excited, getting committed, being inspired, and doing that for a
• 40:29
  dozen days, maybe twenty days.
• 40:32
  But there's this natural gap every month for about two or three or four days where people
• 40:37
  just have a rough go of it.
• 40:39
  And you know what?
• 40:41
  I think it is cyclical.
• 40:43
  And I think it's just humanity.
• 40:45
  It's not that there's anything wrong with that person because I see it in a pattern as way
• 40:48
  across all the people I help if I look closely and we chart days and when are we having a
• 40:52
  struggle.
• 40:53
  And it's in those days where I need my tools the most.
• 40:56
  It's in those days where I'm using the tools and they don't feel like they're working.
• 41:00
  I'm reaching out to God and it feels like there's nothing there.
• 41:02
  Those are the days you have to double down.
• 41:05
  Exactly Exactly right.
• 41:07
  It wasn't that the tools aren't working, but boy, oh boy, my goodness, imagine myself
• 41:11
  without those tools, without my basics, without the fundamentals.
• 41:15
  You know?
• 41:15
  And helping people see that this is very achievable.
• 41:19
  Person doesn't need a special degree, doesn't need to go to some expensive workshop on the
• 41:24
  other side of the world.
• 41:26
  It's gonna be okay because these tools that we have available to us, this inner technology has
• 41:31
  always been with us, and people have been writing about them all for millennia.
• 41:35
  Let's give it all shape and make them tangible tools that are easy to access for anybody
• 41:41
  regardless of their age or where they're coming from.
• 41:43
  And that's what we hope to achieve in this book.
• 41:45
  This book will be republished every spring because we're going to make it better.
• 41:51
  And new stories will arise, a new passage from a kid, a new illustration someone did, and not
• 41:57
  just students.
• 41:58
  Right?
• 41:58
  The contributors of this book are, in all honesty, mostly adults.
• 42:02
  Right?
• 42:02
  And great thinkers and writers and just participants, people who care.
• 42:07
  I say to someone, what would be the greatest thing you could possibly teach a younger
• 42:13
  person?
• 42:14
  And they really think about it and they come back to me with a single page and we're able to
• 42:18
  put into this book.
• 42:18
  In fact, Roxanne, if you would like I to contribute to us
• 42:21
  would love to help you out.
• 42:23
  If you ever once I've like, for my years of being in every iteration from frontline with
• 42:29
  the police to running mental health facilities, addiction, working in complex PTSD, dealing
• 42:34
  with children and sometimes unfortunate adverse to amazing stories.
• 42:39
  I would love any the possibility to be able to give back in some way.
• 42:42
  So if you, you know, wanna reach out to me when you're doing in that next iteration, I would
• 42:47
  love to help out.
• 42:48
  We have just spoken it into existence
• 42:51
  Yes.
• 42:51
  Here on this podcast.
• 42:53
  And so I what I'll in the interim, I want you to think about if you're going to add some
• 42:57
  pages to this, what would they be?
• 42:59
  What would be your message?
• 43:00
  And then we'll continue to connect, and we'll figure out.
• 43:03
  You know?
• 43:03
  Because Fantastic.
• 43:04
  Oh, that's
• 43:04
  just about serving.
• 43:06
  Some kid that I will never meet, some person, some adult, some human that I will never meet
• 43:10
  on the other side of the world fifteen years from now is gonna pick up this book and be able
• 43:14
  to get to a tremendous amount of value out of it.
• 43:16
  How do we best that serve that person will never meet so that when they pick up the book,
• 43:21
  it's the best possible product that we collectively can give them.
• 43:24
  And why I picked the field of psychology was because there was uncertainty in my life with
• 43:29
  my parents.
• 43:30
  At 11, I remember trying to go speak to the school counselor who was nonexistent, let's
• 43:38
  say.
• 43:39
  And I remember thinking, I wonder if I, and I was 11 at that time, Raphael thought, I wonder
• 43:44
  if there's people that can actually do better.
• 43:46
  And that was how the concept of helping came about.
• 43:50
  And ultimately, my It's about authenticity and voice.
• 43:54
  That's kind of why I went into psychology because I didn't have it when I was young.
• 43:59
  Like when I hear about your program, so this is so inspiring.
• 44:02
  And that's what why I went into the field of psychology, you know, to be able to the one
• 44:07
  thing I often say is you're not defined by the pain of your past.
• 44:11
  You create possibility every single day that you make a small shift.
• 44:15
  So this book sounds like it's amazing.
• 44:17
  You're starting right where it counts as just with the little ones, and they're so malleable
• 44:21
  and they can learn and start to do some things differently that I know I wasn't exposed to
• 44:25
  when I was a little child.
• 44:27
  They don't have thirty years of thinking one way to unwind.
• 44:32
  Yeah.
• 44:32
  And so these tools and all this stuff is applicable to, like, everyone.
• 44:36
  Yeah.
• 44:36
  It's just with the limited amount of time that I have right now to wanna be able to try to
• 44:40
  support as many as possible, taking the time to unwind somebody's habits and patterns and tapes
• 44:46
  and thinkings over thirty years, it takes less time to be able to just sit down with a ten
• 44:50
  year old from scratch and be able to start anew.
• 44:52
  Right.
• 44:53
  They're pretty smart.
• 44:54
  They're pretty smart.
• 44:54
  They are.
• 44:55
  They can handle the stuff.
• 44:56
  They absolutely can.
• 44:57
  Yeah.
• 44:57
  Yeah.
• 44:58
  So, Rafael, this has been a pleasure.
• 45:00
  I'm glad you got up early and put set the intention.
• 45:03
  Right.
• 45:03
  This has been an amazing experience for me as well.
• 45:05
  And for everyone listening, I often say that we get so busy in our lives, and we think we're
• 45:12
  creating.
• 45:13
  If we just stop, right, through your day or at the beginning of your day to really drop down
• 45:19
  into who, what, when, and why, which is a it gets easier a little bit every single day.
• 45:25
  But it's about really being vigilant about giving to yourself first so that you can then
• 45:30
  in turn give to others.
• 45:32
  My call out to you is to try to do that even once in twenty four hours from today.
• 45:36
  Do something small.
• 45:37
  Send me a text.
• 45:38
  Send me a message.
• 45:40
  And definitely go on and listen to the podcast or grab a copy of the book and reach out to
• 45:47
  Rafael.
• 45:48
  Rafael, where can they reach you, and where can they get the book before we wrap up?
• 45:52
  Sure thing.
• 45:53
  Our nonprofit's website is indivisiblearts.org.
• 45:58
  Indivisibleasincannotbedivided,arts,all1word,.org.
• 46:03
  From there, you'll be able to find the book, how to support our organization, how to
• 46:07
  volunteer and get involved.
• 46:09
  There's national movement that's actually created by my high schoolers.
• 46:13
  They built their own platform called Stream of Consciousness, as in streaming videos and
• 46:17
  streaming streamofconsciousness.life, where they're teaching these tools.
• 46:21
  You'll see five to six minute videos of each one teaching it through their own life
• 46:25
  experience.
• 46:26
  Hi, my name is So and I use the tool of acceptance to overcome the challenges of my
• 46:30
  grandfather who has dementia.
• 46:33
  He moved in with us and on.
• 46:34
  So he teaches.
• 46:35
  They talk about what it was like before the tools, how they use the tool, what it's like
• 46:38
  now.
• 46:39
  Teens Helping Other Teens, that's streamofconsciousness.life,
• 46:44
  indivisiblearts.org, and the book Fundamental Life Tools can be found on Amazon or through
• 46:50
  our nonprofit's website.
• 46:52
  Fantastic.
• 46:54
  So everyone, go up there and take a just even a a one minute of awareness in the next twenty
• 46:59
  four hours and let us know about it.
• 47:01
  So again, thanks for tuning in.
• 47:03
  What's new?
• 47:03
  We're running the ROR course, live coaching, and teaching.
• 47:08
  Six weeks course, we're doing different iterations of it.
• 47:11
  So would love for anybody burnt out out there and want to learn about their mental resilience
• 47:15
  skills and how to impact your teams and your culture.
• 47:18
  Please reach out at Roxanne at Roxanne Durhodge dot com.
• 47:22
  And, again, Rafael, thank you so much.
• 47:24
  Everybody, thank you so much.
• 47:26
  If you haven't subscribed or given us any kind of feedback about the podcast, please go give
• 47:31
  us some feedback on iTunes or Spotify so we can have amazing guests like Rafael on again.
• 47:36
  Take care.
• 47:37
  Bye bye,
• 47:37
  everyone.
• 47:38
  So much.
• 47:38
  Take care.
• 47:39
  Bye.
• 47:39
  Bye.
• 47:41
  Thanks for tuning in to Authentic Living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive,
• 47:47
  healthy change.
• 47:48
  Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach.
• 47:52
  To work with Roxanne, visit roxannedurhaj.com/blueprint.
• 47:58
  We'll see you next time on Authentic Living with Roxanne.