Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1000 Reflecting on 1000 Episodes!

Transcript

#1000 Reflecting on 1000 Episodes! · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: It's the pot.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: This is episode one thousand of the Happy Family Podcast,
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: so we're taking over.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: Hi, this is Craig Bruce, the executive producer of the
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Happy Families podcast.
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: Hang on, where's Justin and Kyley? Good question.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: Well, this is episode one thousand of the Happy Families podcast,
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: so we've given them some wee time with the kids
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: as a little bonus whilst we reflect on the last
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: one thousand episodes in Australia's leading parents and podcast.
• 0:43
  Speaker 4: All right, where should we start?
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: Well, the podcast was chugging along for one hundred and
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: thirty three episodes with Justin before he decided to bring
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: in a co host to help share the load, and
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: he didn't need to look far to find the right person.
• 0:57
  Speaker 5: I'm not going to do this podcast on my own anymore,
• 1:00
  Speaker 5: and I'm so honored and so excited to be able
• 1:03
  Speaker 5: to introduce somebody who I simply adore as my co
• 1:06
  Speaker 5: host for the Happy Families podcast. Her name is missus
• 1:10
  Speaker 5: Happy Families. It's Kylie Coulson, my wife. She's agreed, Kylie,
• 1:14
  Speaker 5: welcome to the Happy Famili's podcast.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Thank you very much.
• 1:17
  Speaker 6: Now, what's the trickiest thing that you think that you've faced.
• 1:20
  Speaker 5: As a mum, learning to let go, let go of who.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Or let go of what, Learning to recognize that our
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: children need to have the space to make their decisions
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: for themselves, whether they would be decisions we would make
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: for them or not, and giving them the space to
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: do it and love them in spite of the decisions
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: they make or because of the decisions they make.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: And very quickly Kylie became recognized as having one of
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: the biggest hearts in podcasting.
• 1:52
  Speaker 7: The conversations that I have with mums time and time again,
• 1:56
  Speaker 7: isn't the fact that we resent doing any of those
• 2:00
  Speaker 7: things right, it's the fact that those things don't light
• 2:05
  Speaker 7: us up.
• 2:06
  Speaker 6: Yeah, okay, those things.
• 2:08
  Speaker 7: Are a necessity for our lives to function.
• 2:12
  Speaker 6: How do you find yourself again?
• 2:14
  Speaker 5: How do you find yourself if you're feeling lost, regardless
• 2:16
  Speaker 5: of whether it's through employment or through being a stay
• 2:20
  Speaker 5: at home parent, How do you find yourself?
• 2:24
  Speaker 7: For me, it's accepting that I just might fail. I
• 2:27
  Speaker 7: might not find it at first go around. I might
• 2:30
  Speaker 7: not find the thing that lights me up, because the
• 2:33
  Speaker 7: reality is the things that lit me up as a
• 2:35
  Speaker 7: twenty year old, yeah, they don't light me up anymore,
• 2:38
  Speaker 7: they're no longer challenging to me, or they're no longer
• 2:41
  Speaker 7: of interest to me. What are the things that mean
• 2:50
  Speaker 7: the most to me? What are my priorities, and what
• 2:53
  Speaker 7: are the things that I stand for? And as I
• 2:56
  Speaker 7: started to think about those things and really kind of
• 3:00
  Speaker 7: live into those values, I realized that again privileged decision
• 3:07
  Speaker 7: that I'm able to make.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: This was a want and not a need. And right
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: now my family.
• 3:13
  Speaker 7: Needs me, and I need you and you need me.
• 3:18
  Speaker 7: And that was still hard even coming to that realization
• 3:21
  Speaker 7: for myself, that was hard to sit with for a
• 3:23
  Speaker 7: few days. What I found is that the longer I
• 3:28
  Speaker 7: sat there this suffocating feeling that I had been experiencing
• 3:34
  Speaker 7: as I was trying to work out how I could
• 3:37
  Speaker 7: do it all, you know, how I could be the
• 3:39
  Speaker 7: mum that I want to be and the wife that
• 3:41
  Speaker 7: I want to be, and be where I need to be,
• 3:46
  Speaker 7: but do something I want to do. I couldn't physically
• 3:50
  Speaker 7: do it all, and so I had to make a
• 3:52
  Speaker 7: decision about what was most important to me, and at
• 3:55
  Speaker 7: the end of the day, my want it's at the
• 3:57
  Speaker 7: bottom of the list, because I will pick my family every.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: Day, happy, families became this wonderful combination of Kylie's big
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: heart and Justin's big brain.
• 4:09
  Speaker 5: Our job there is not just to connect with them
• 4:11
  Speaker 5: and help them to feel safe emotionally, but it's also
• 4:15
  Speaker 5: to let them know that we.
• 4:17
  Speaker 6: Believe in their capacity. And so as we say this
• 4:22
  Speaker 6: is really.
• 4:22
  Speaker 5: Hard, are you're really worried, or I get what's going
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: on for you, I can see it.
• 4:26
  Speaker 6: Come here and be close to me and let me
• 4:27
  Speaker 6: give you a hug.
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: We promote competence and capability beliefs, and you think about.
• 4:32
  Speaker 6: It that in a voice.
• 4:33
  Speaker 5: Imagine if you've got an inn a voice that believes
• 4:35
  Speaker 5: in you by saying things like you've got this, or
• 4:37
  Speaker 5: I believe in you, or there is a way forward
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: and you know how to get there. It's about having
• 4:44
  Speaker 5: that conversation with them where you're expressing a belief in
• 4:46
  Speaker 5: their ability to get things right.
• 4:53
  Speaker 7: I'm curious, if we're not responsible for our kids happiness,
• 4:56
  Speaker 7: what are we responsible for?
• 4:58
  Speaker 5: Doctor course, The first thing I'm going to say is
• 4:59
  Speaker 5: that we're responsible for teaching our children to find their
• 5:01
  Speaker 5: own happiness. And they're most likely to find it not
• 5:04
  Speaker 5: by searching for it if we do things because we
• 5:07
  Speaker 5: think they're going to make us happy. We will often
• 5:10
  Speaker 5: not always, but we will often be disappointed.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: Now, if you're starting to think we're all serious all
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: the time, think again.
• 5:18
  Speaker 7: You don't wear lycra on lycra. I ended up with
• 5:21
  Speaker 7: a front weggie and a backwedgie and it was not pretty.
• 5:26
  Speaker 7: And the whole time I was running, all I could
• 5:27
  Speaker 7: think about was, I don't know what's worse, watching someone
• 5:31
  Speaker 7: run with a weggie that's not supposed to be there
• 5:33
  Speaker 7: or watching someone pick out the weggie that shouldn't be there.
• 5:37
  Speaker 5: It was horrible. So, oh gosh, that's I thought that
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: you were sore because of the running, but you saw
• 5:45
  Speaker 5: from the wedgies.
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: I think we're just given them way too much information.
• 5:55
  Speaker 6: And I slided off the roof. I tried to grab
• 5:58
  Speaker 6: the gun out, but slid.
• 5:59
  Speaker 7: You make it sound like it was it was planned.
• 6:01
  Speaker 6: What happened.
• 6:02
  Speaker 7: You actually fell off the.
• 6:04
  Speaker 6: Roof, but I slid off the roof.
• 6:08
  Speaker 7: So when you finally came to me, because you're on
• 6:11
  Speaker 7: the far side of the house, so I didn't even
• 6:12
  Speaker 7: hear you on the roof, let alone here you fall
• 6:15
  Speaker 7: off the.
• 6:15
  Speaker 5: Roof, Well, I didn't make a lot of noise when
• 6:17
  Speaker 5: I fell, I kind of went, oh no, and then
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: I slid off the roof.
• 6:23
  Speaker 6: You keep saying I fell, I slid off the.
• 6:25
  Speaker 7: Roof, Grease, Grease, I got you the Multiplian. We took
• 6:32
  Speaker 7: my sister to the was it the twenty year anniversary? Yeah?
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, she was twelve.
• 6:38
  Speaker 7: We just gotten married and she was staying with us,
• 6:40
  Speaker 7: and we took her to Greece and my mom was mortified.
• 6:43
  Speaker 6: It's not as innocent as it seems.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: No.
• 6:45
  Speaker 7: I was sitting in there, and as a now married woman,
• 6:48
  Speaker 7: knowing every innuendo and where it was leading, and I
• 6:53
  Speaker 7: was thinking.
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: My goodness, me, my sister's only twelve.
• 6:56
  Speaker 5: Yeah, what are my daughters posed to her friend?
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: You can use my virgin Yeah, it's nice to know
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: it's good for something. As a kid, all I remembered
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: was the music.
• 7:04
  Speaker 7: I didn't know any of that stuff.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: Through one thousand episodes of the podcast, we've shared all
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: the highs and lows of family life, from saying goodbye
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: to another bird from the nest.
• 7:16
  Speaker 5: You raise these kids for twenty years or eighteen years
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: or whatever ends up being, and then one day they
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: push off out of the world, and it's really sad.
• 7:25
  Speaker 5: In so many ways to see them go. Even as
• 7:27
  Speaker 5: we talk about it now, I'm affected by it, but
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: it's also thrilling. It's so exciting to see these kids.
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: We send our heart into the world and off they go, and.
• 7:39
  Speaker 6: She's doing it. She's living her life now.
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: It's like that little bird that got pushed out of
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: the nest and it started to fly.
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: To saying goodbye to the goodest boy.
• 7:49
  Speaker 6: And the vet was so good.
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: They lit a candle out in the front office just
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: which basically said, if there's a candle burning, someone's saying
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: goodbye to a pet.
• 7:58
  Speaker 6: They sat with us, We put Benson on his blanket, They.
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: Gave him a catheter and then put a muscle relaxant
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: into the catheter, and he just laid there for a
• 8:07
  Speaker 5: couple of minutes, really peaceful, really really relaxed, and I
• 8:12
  Speaker 5: felt like we were I mean, we were so sad
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: and we were doing okay though until that moment when Emily,
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: our seven year old, she had decided at the last
• 8:21
  Speaker 5: minute that she didn't want.
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: To be in the room, and.
• 8:24
  Speaker 5: Then she changed her mind once she was out in
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: the foyer on her own and she came back into
• 8:28
  Speaker 5: the room and saw Benson laying there and just in
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: this big, tearful outburst, she said goodbye, Benson, and.
• 8:36
  Speaker 6: I gave you this great big hug, and oh boy,
• 8:39
  Speaker 6: it was tough. It was just so tough.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: Yes, there was some sad endings and some beautiful beginnings.
• 8:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah, so then this happens.
• 8:52
  Speaker 7: You read there, So our eldest daughter has made it.
• 8:59
  Speaker 8: Official, dad, and I'm going to be having a baby
• 9:07
  Speaker 8: here in September.
• 9:11
  Speaker 7: Chaos ensued following her announcement.
• 9:16
  Speaker 6: Why what are you crying?
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: So everyone's crying except one of the kids, our nineteen
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: year old, the Museoh, the one who is so in
• 9:29
  Speaker 5: touch with her feelings?
• 9:31
  Speaker 6: Why are you she's crying?
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: Why not crying?
• 9:36
  Speaker 8: Why are you all crying?
• 9:38
  Speaker 9: You're all crying?
• 9:39
  Speaker 10: What the heck?
• 9:40
  Speaker 7: And in case you're still wondering what the heck is
• 9:43
  Speaker 7: going on right now, our son in law made it
• 9:47
  Speaker 7: extremely clear, a baby.
• 9:52
  Speaker 6: What are you most excited about?
• 9:53
  Speaker 9: I think I'm just most excited that she wants to
• 9:55
  Speaker 9: include me in the process.
• 9:57
  Speaker 6: Oh yeah, and that I.
• 9:58
  Speaker 7: Actually get to be with her side by side. In
• 10:02
  Speaker 7: so many ways, it feels like reliving some of my
• 10:06
  Speaker 7: own experiences, and yet it's an out of body experience
• 10:11
  Speaker 7: because it's not mine, it's hers and it's different, and
• 10:14
  Speaker 7: being able to share with her some of the really
• 10:18
  Speaker 7: hard learned lessons that I learned way too late and
• 10:23
  Speaker 7: desperately want her to learn now and take care of
• 10:29
  Speaker 7: herself and.
• 10:31
  Speaker 9: Nurture and support herself and be able to ask for
• 10:37
  Speaker 9: what she needs because it was something that I really
• 10:40
  Speaker 9: struggled with as a young man.
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: And the circle of life continues.
• 10:45
  Speaker 6: What's something that Mum always says to you.
• 10:48
  Speaker 11: We'll have a choice, Annie, what are you going to choose?
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: Ah?
• 10:51
  Speaker 11: Well, we have a family motto, which is choose the
• 10:53
  Speaker 11: right dealer and trust in God with all our might,
• 10:55
  Speaker 11: which is one of the things that she says nearly
• 10:57
  Speaker 11: every single day. Another one is I love you. But
• 11:01
  Speaker 11: my personal favorite is when I have problems with my
• 11:06
  Speaker 11: body and how I look and I tell Mama, I
• 11:08
  Speaker 11: just don't really feel pretty today, She'll go, oh, Ella.
• 11:11
  Speaker 7: Stop it.
• 11:12
  Speaker 11: You've got the best bomb ever. Don't say that stuff.
• 11:14
  Speaker 11: Your bomb is awesome.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: I love you. Clean up your room, Lily, it's a
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: pig sty.
• 11:20
  Speaker 10: You're amazing.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: No matter what anyone says, trust.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: In the timing, it'll all work out the way it's
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: supposed to.
• 11:26
  Speaker 10: It's not necessarily she says something. But whether she was
• 11:28
  Speaker 10: at a concert or I was giving a talk or
• 11:32
  Speaker 10: anything like that, I would spot her in the crowd
• 11:35
  Speaker 10: and she would put her hand up to her elobe
• 11:38
  Speaker 10: and she would just hold it and give it a
• 11:40
  Speaker 10: little squeeze and a little wiggle. I would see that,
• 11:43
  Speaker 10: and I would know that she loved me.
• 11:48
  Speaker 6: All right.
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: That just about covers everything. Justin, isa In, you'd like
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: us to finish on.
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: Hey, do you think that I'm a fun guy. I'm
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: not talking about a specific kind of mushroom here, I mean,
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: do you think that I'm.
• 11:57
  Speaker 6: A fun kind of person. I got a joke because
• 12:00
  Speaker 6: it's a fun guy.
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: Oh please, justin? This thing was going so well.
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: Because you know I'm doing some ptea at the moment.
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: I said to my pet the other day, can you
• 12:08
  Speaker 5: teach me to do the splits? And she said, how
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: flexible are you? And I said, I can't make tuesdays?
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: Can someone just turn his mic office? That possible?
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: Did you read in the paper the police rested a
• 12:17
  Speaker 5: couple of kids yesterday when I was drinking battery acid.
• 12:19
  Speaker 6: The other one was eating fireworks.
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: Justin, Really, do you have.
• 12:22
  Speaker 6: To he charged one about the other one off.
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: Justin, Look, I know you think you're the funniest dad
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: in podcasting, but there is one other that I can
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: think of.
• 12:34
  Speaker 12: Justin Hamish Bake here, mates, look from one dad to another.
• 12:38
  Speaker 12: I just wanted to take in graduations and well done
• 12:41
  Speaker 12: on what you're doing. But from one podcast to another,
• 12:44
  Speaker 12: A thousand episodes, prett you mad? That is way too
• 12:48
  Speaker 12: much work.
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: I think me and Andy have been doing our.
• 12:50
  Speaker 12: Podcast for like six years and like episode two hundred
• 12:55
  Speaker 12: and forty anyway, unbelievable.
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: Respect.
• 12:57
  Speaker 12: Good on you for everything you do, mate.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: So there you are, one thousand episodes the Happy Families
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: podcast and on behalf of the entire production team. Thanks
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: for spending time with us. We really hope your family
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: is happier for having Justin and Kylie share it with you.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: See you tomorrow.