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146: Build the Empire, Don’t Burn the Home · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:23
  Welcome to the Heart of the Life podcast where we don't sugarcoat success. We talk about what it really takes to win, not just in business, but in life. Today's topic is one that hits home for many entrepreneurs and high achievers. Strain personal relationships due to business commitments. We work so hard to build something meaningful, to create financial security, to leave a legacy.
• 0:48
  But what happens when those closest to us start feeling like they come second to the business? How do you balance both without feeling guilty or like you're failing? Today, I'm deep diving.
• 1:03
  into why this happens, the real cost of neglecting your relationships and what you can do to fix it before it's too late. Here's what you'll get out of today's episode. Understanding why success puts relationships at risk. The biggest mistakes entrepreneurs make with loved ones. Actionable strategies to prioritize business and relationships without sacrificing one for the other. How to get back on track
• 1:33
  if you've already let relationships slide. If you've ever heard someone say, you're always working, or you never have time for me, this episode is for you. I'm gonna start off with a personal story. Here's the fact, honest engine. I built what is now NTM at the expense of my first marriage.
• 1:57
  I worked nonstop, day, night, on vacations, at home, didn't matter. I was obsessed. And my wife at the time supported it. Shout out to her. When we split, she could have taken half, but said, nope, you were good to me, and you worked for it. Anyways, it was unhealthy.
• 2:19
  Most of my then friends didn't like me much either at all because all I wanted to do was talk business, share wins, and discuss and solve issues. In the end, you guys know it all worked out because most of those friends wanted to party and my then wife loved me for who I was at that time, not who I wanted to be and who I was going to become. Again, this is a lesson for another podcast for sure. But the takeaway...
• 2:46
  At the time, as I wasn't healthy, I was maniacal. There is a season for that, but not the expense of a loved one. So let's get into this. Business relationship conflict. Why do entrepreneurs struggle with relationships? The hard truth is this. Business demands everything.
• 3:08
  Your time, your energy, mental space, we're always on. Business doesn't stop at 5 p.m. Even when you're not working, your brain is. You with me? Texts, emails, notifications. Your business needs constant attention. When was the last time you had a full day without thinking about work? Emotional exhaustion hits hard. By the time you get home, you have nothing left to give.
• 3:38
  You want peace, quiet, and relaxation, but your loved ones want attention. If you're always giving your best energy to your work, what's left for you or your family? We justify neglecting relationships because they say, I'm doing this for them. They should understand how busy I am. Once I'm rich, I'll spend time with them. Once I reach whatever milestone, this will happen.
• 4:03
  How many times have we pushed quality time into the future? The stories I'm going to share today have multiple learning points. I want to explain why I did what I did from two points in time. Then, which was what we all tell ourselves, I'd be happy when I get financially free. Truth is, now I'm healed and I've done a tremendous amount of work on myself, I now know that
• 4:30
  This was an insecurity in me that when I thought I'd win, I'd have shown my abusive stepfather that I matter, that I'm here for a reason instead of all of his negative feelings.
• 4:43
  Nelliness. Had I simply worked on my mind first, I would have fast forward to where I am today much quicker. You are your best investment, not your career. You are you. You matter. You're put on this earth to do big things. There is a hidden cost of business success on these relationships and many entrepreneurs think hard work is providing for their family. But to your
• 5:11
  What they really want is just you. Your kids don't care about revenue goals. They care about game night. Your spouse doesn't want another gift. They want your presence. They want your attention. Your friends don't need you to pay the bill. They need you to actually listen. So I want you to take away this. If you don't prioritize your relationships, someone else will, or better yet, they're just going to leave.
• 5:37
  Here's the root of the problem. The real reason we push relationships aside is not just about time. It's about mindset. Six inches between your ears. Business problems feel urgent. Relationship problems feel important, but urgent wins every time. Here's some common excuses we use, and I know you're saying them in your head right now. They should understand. I just need to get through this busy season.
• 6:05
  I'll make it up to them later. They don't get what I'm building. Here's the reality check, people. How many times have you made the same excuse over and over again? How much damage is being done while you wait for the right time? And the longer you wait, the harder it is to fix. Another story I'm going to share with you is about waiting for the right time. It's insane. You're missing out on life.
• 6:35
  Your kids are being kids. My daughter's 16. She's never going to be 16 again. I want to enjoy that time with her. Your mental, your physical health, friends, accomplishments, achievements. That's all the good stuff in life. Not the money, the problems you solved, the customer you made happy. So the right time to start this stuff is yesterday. But since it's passed, start today. Not tomorrow.
• 7:05
  And here's a pro tip, because you know we're all going pro, especially for us middle-aged killers. The next celebrity you pass away, we hear about it every day, subtract your age from theirs and see how many years you might have left. Then imagine working them all away. Let me say that again. When the next celebrity dies, take their age and subtract yours and see that could be you. And then imagine working the rest of that time.
• 7:34
  Don't wait for your health to deteriorate or a wake-up call or event such as a heart attack. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. So here are some solutions that actually work. And since we've unpacked the problem, let's fix it. And here are the five steps.
• 7:54
  And I just put five and sure there's more, but these are the meat and potatoes of it. So schedule relationship time like it's a business meeting. If it's not on your calendar, it doesn't exist. Block off non-negotiable time for your relationships. Treat it like an important business.
• 8:15
  business client meeting because it is. If I open my calendar right now, you will see I have workout time scheduled with my daughter and my calendar daily and it's non-negotiable. I treat it exactly as a client meeting. It's at 2.30 every day and it's extremely hard not to answer phone calls and text because it's technically still the middle of my day. But would you do that in the middle of a client meeting? Nope.
• 8:45
  Time will tell if my daughter appreciates it. I can tell you she isn't enjoying the workouts, but I'm enjoying every minute of watching her grow and truly, truthfully suffer a little bit. But that's non-negotiable time. It's literally in my calendar, 2.30 to 3.30 Ari time. It gives me a second, a little breather in the day to work a little longer. Number two is to set boundaries that protect your relationships. No work calls during dinner. No.
• 9:14
  No checking emails in bed. One full unplugged day per week. One full unplugged day per week. Whether it's Saturday, whether it's Sunday, whether it's Monday. Number three, stop thinking about making up for lost time.
• 9:32
  A weekend getaway doesn't fix a year of neglect. It's the small, consistent moments that build strong relationships. Quality over quantity. Newsflash, guys. She wants to be seen and heard. If you just sit the phone down and listen, gonna love you. Number four, have the hard conversations. Sit down with your spouse, your kids, or your loved ones and ask questions.
• 10:00
  How do you feel about my work-life balance? And then listen, really listen. This is another story about my daughter because she's been with me and is the closest to me. She's been with me through this whole harder than life movement, this transition, just who I've become. She is my why.
• 10:27
  And she said to me one day, she wants to go into her mother's business because I'm always stressed and working. She figures mom's is better. I couldn't stop laughing. What do kids know anyways? But for reals, that hurt. I made a change immediately. I do want to have a special little asterisk to this one.
• 10:48
  This is when I was still on the naughty water, pre-harder-than-life days. So much has changed, and she now sees how awesome my life really is. But it came with change. I believe one day she'll be doing this podcast for us. That'll be fun. She now wants to do the personal development, self-improvement stuff. That's exciting. Number five.
• 11:12
  Define what success actually looks like. Success isn't just business growth. Success is having strong relationships while building your business. I say success is having a peaceful heart. And that comes with having peace, not chaos, all throughout your life.
• 11:35
  I want you to write down what does a successful personal life look like you and say no to everything that's not on that list. Guys, put it in your journal. I'm not kidding you. If I went in the other room and grabbed my journal, I could pull this out and show you what my non-negotiables are when it comes to this. So here's the challenge. The harder than life challenge. Identify one relationship you've been neglecting.
• 12:01
  Schedule time to reconnect. No excuses. Put your phone away and be fully present. And obviously, don't cancel. I just had this happen yesterday in a situation with my girlfriend and her best friend. She'd been neglecting him. She made plans with him and then he canceled. So, put your phone away and then please cancel.
• 12:30
  DM me on Instagram at kelly.segal.71 and tell me how it went. If today's episode hit home, share it with someone who needs it. Follow me on Instagram for more self-improvement content. And if you want to go deeper, check out the Heart of the Life coaching program where we make success sustainable. This is Kelly Siegel reminding you, success doesn't mean losing what matters most.
• 12:59
  See you next time. Be harder than life. Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.