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The Fifth Hour: MHOGA Workshop · The Ben Maller Show

0:00
Speaker 1: Kutbooms.
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Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
0:05
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
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Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
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Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto Cutter the same as the
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Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
0:18
Speaker 1: Wow.
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Speaker 2: The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
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Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
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Speaker 1: In the air everywhere The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
0:34
Speaker 1: Mahler and Danny g Radio back in the podcast Sweatshop.
0:39
Speaker 1: The audio does not stop all weekend long, as we
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Speaker 1: promote during the week on the radio show Fresh Audio,
0:47
Speaker 1: Original recipe audio on the radio show Extra Crispy, Really Crispy.
0:54
Speaker 1: Here on the podcast on the weekends, and we celebrate
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Speaker 1: National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day today today. And the
1:04
Speaker 1: reason that we have National Cleanout Refrigerator ratar Day today
1:09
Speaker 1: is it's right before the holidays. We're only a couple
1:11
Speaker 1: weeks away from Thanksgiving, an opportunity to start fresh, and
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Speaker 1: then you will have your refrigerator filled with Thanksgiving liftovers
1:20
Speaker 1: and all the other nonsense that happens over the holidays.
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Speaker 1: So today National cleanout your refrigerator day, an invention that
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Speaker 1: when it came around was mind blowing, right, mind blowing.
1:33
Speaker 1: They estimate that it goes back to seventeen fifty five
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Speaker 1: artificial refrigeration began. Some Scottish professor used a pump to
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Speaker 1: create a partial vacuum in the first ever refrigeration machine.
1:48
Speaker 1: Of course, you could argue that ice in rooms back
1:51
Speaker 1: in the ancient days was the original refrigerator. But anyway,
1:55
Speaker 1: seventeen fifty five the modern version began, and it wasn't
2:00
Speaker 1: until eighteen fifty four. Through the math on that almost
2:03
Speaker 1: sixty years later, we are told the first ice making
2:07
Speaker 1: machine came around. How about that? Yeah, and only took
2:10
Speaker 1: about one hundred more years for the phrase on the
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Speaker 1: rocks to be ascribed to a Scotch by people work
2:19
Speaker 1: at bars. Then in nineteen eleven, the first household refrigerator
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Speaker 1: came around, produced by General Electric, and it was based
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Speaker 1: on a design from a French monk. So we can
2:34
Speaker 1: thank a French monk for the first household refrigerator. And
2:39
Speaker 1: it was designed to help ge sell electricity. So the
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Speaker 1: actually this is great. So the first refrigerator at home
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Speaker 1: was just so they could get people to pay for electricity.
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Speaker 1: And then a little over a decade later, in nineteen
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Speaker 1: twenty three, the first frigid Air founded by these same
3:01
Speaker 1: kind people who brought you General motors. The brand became
3:05
Speaker 1: so popular. How popular was it that many Americans from
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Speaker 1: what I was reading, I felt down a rabbit hole.
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Speaker 1: Many Americans called any refrigerator in the nineteen twenties and thirties,
3:17
Speaker 1: any refrigerator by the name of the company is called
3:20
Speaker 1: it a frigid Air. Then in nineteen forty the first
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Speaker 1: freezer came around, and that was a game changer of
3:28
Speaker 1: the arrival of freezers large enough to make more than
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Speaker 1: ice cubes, and that led to the frozen food industry,
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Speaker 1: TV dinners, frozen pizzas and all that. And now we
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Speaker 1: celebrate today National cleanout your Refrigerator Day. Will you be partaking? Okay?
3:47
Speaker 1: On this podcast we have the Mahoga Revolution, not Yoga,
3:53
Speaker 1: Mahoga Revolution, Tilt a Whirl, and who knows what else.
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Speaker 1: But we're going to begin with this. So let me
4:01
Speaker 1: tell you something right now. I'm an ideas guy. I'm
4:04
Speaker 1: an ideas guy. We work in the creative shop, the
4:09
Speaker 1: theater of the mind in radio and some men dream
4:12
Speaker 1: of climbing mountains. Some men dream of winning the Daytona
4:16
Speaker 1: five hundred or the Indy five hundred. Some work in
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Speaker 1: medicine and strive to cure diseases. Me I sit up
4:24
Speaker 1: and sit around in the middle of the night, imagining
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Speaker 1: a world where a mop relay has more TV drama
4:32
Speaker 1: than the NBA playing tournament, and certainly more than what's
4:36
Speaker 1: going on right now, the NBA Cup, whatever that fugazy
4:40
Speaker 1: thing is that's been going on in the regular season
4:43
Speaker 1: in the NBA had some games on last night and
4:45
Speaker 1: I was like, oh boy, yeah, yeah, they're still doing this.
4:48
Speaker 1: They're still doing this ridiculous nonsense. What are they doing?
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Speaker 1: My God? That brings us to the future, the glorious, spotless,
4:57
Speaker 1: streak free future, my newest get rich plan. This actually
5:02
Speaker 1: hatched late in the radio show on Friday. We were
5:07
Speaker 1: yapping about the event and this popped into my head. Now,
5:11
Speaker 1: as mentioned during the radio show this week, I know
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Speaker 1: that my guys Azzie Waz and Donkeys Sausage and Tammy
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Speaker 1: and Vegas and Eileen in San Francisco and all of
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Speaker 1: you know Eke and Roseville, Minnesota know the slogan. Unless
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Speaker 1: you don't Mahoga make Housekeeping Olympics great again. That's the slogan.
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Speaker 1: Now Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas. Vegas just hosted the
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Speaker 1: thirty fifth Housekeeping Olympics. Now do and you saw it
5:43
Speaker 1: or not. We talked a little bit about it. Maybe
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Speaker 1: not cute event, nice, wholesome, one day, couple of teams,
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Speaker 1: Mandalay Bay where so many fights have taken place. You
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Speaker 1: got your bed, making your vacuum rate, this is your mop, relays,
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Speaker 1: your buffer pad. Toss all of that now. Congratulations to
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Speaker 1: the aria Vedara team. They won the whole Enchilada. They
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Speaker 1: are the kings of the vacuum and the mop and
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Speaker 1: the buffer pad. So the dust warriors, good job by you. However,
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Speaker 1: I'm here on this podcast to tell you something America
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Speaker 1: refuses to admit. We're thinking way too small, way too small.
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Speaker 1: This isn't just a local event anymore. We're gonna help
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Speaker 1: out these people. This is going to become the next
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Speaker 1: global sensation of the sporting nation. If pickleball, yes, pickleball
6:45
Speaker 1: can take over the country, which it did for a
6:47
Speaker 1: couple of years, If cornhole can get on ESPN two
6:52
Speaker 1: or whatever the hell it's on, and if my guy,
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Speaker 1: Joey Chestnut, who we've had on this podcast before, If
6:58
Speaker 1: Joey Chestnut, the goosy guy Bobbler can turn hot dog
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Speaker 1: eating and earn a living from eating hot dogs like
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Speaker 1: a manufacturing plant, or he's just consuming everything more like
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Speaker 1: a woodship. Right, I guess, then we can turn cleaning
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Speaker 1: into an international blood sport. Who says no, Who says no.
7:20
Speaker 1: I don't see anyone anyone with their hand in the air.
7:24
Speaker 1: And the reason no one has their hand in the
7:25
Speaker 1: air is because this works international blood sport. So let
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Speaker 1: me workshop this. I'm gonna workshop at Mallar style because
7:33
Speaker 1: it's the podcast and I'm on here. So the vision
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Speaker 1: is this. It's not yoga, it's not hot yoga. It's
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Speaker 1: thehoga as in make Housekeeping Olympics great again. It's a movement.
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Speaker 1: It is a movement. We're giving the world competition. And
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Speaker 1: in order for this to work, you have to have consequences.
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Speaker 1: You must have consequences. So as we're kind of shopping this,
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Speaker 1: have you ever tried to make a bed in under
8:05
Speaker 1: sixty seconds? Wow? While there is a referee with a
8:08
Speaker 1: stopwatch breathing down your neck. Yeah, that's pressure. Cameras in
8:14
Speaker 1: the room. That's drama. There's some steaks involved. It was
8:18
Speaker 1: a famous woman that was on television years ago named
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Speaker 1: Julia Child, and she gave one of my favorite quotes
8:24
Speaker 1: when it comes to this kind of stuff. She summed
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Speaker 1: up what I'm getting at, way before I was around.
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Speaker 1: Julia Child, the star of PBS cooking shows, said everything
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Speaker 1: can have drama if it's done right, even a pancake.
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Speaker 1: She spot on just like Benny Versus the Penny, the
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Speaker 1: drama of man versus Coin Bennie Versus the Penn new
8:46
Speaker 1: episode up right now on YouTube at Bennie Vspenny. Now
8:50
Speaker 1: we have proven this on a weekly basis on Benny
8:53
Speaker 1: Versus the Penny, that even a coin flip can be
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Speaker 1: an absolute thriller. So the throw if you build enough tension, heck,
9:04
Speaker 1: a parking ticket, a parking ticke. That is a one
9:07
Speaker 1: act play. You've got the villain and the hero. Now
9:10
Speaker 1: who is the villain?
9:11
Speaker 2: Is it?
9:11
Speaker 1: The cop? Is the hero? The person that was speeding
9:15
Speaker 1: because they had to get to the hospital because their
9:16
Speaker 1: wife was pregnant about to have a baby. That's the question. Anyway,
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Speaker 1: get back to the point. Please, so imagine because This
9:24
Speaker 1: is theater of the imagination. Just imagine the high stakes
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Speaker 1: drama when teams representing countries, companies, and regions go head
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Speaker 1: to head, belly to belly, eyeball the eyeball. I think
9:43
Speaker 1: some of the events we get at, we could have
9:45
Speaker 1: the bathroom blitz, scrub rints, sanitize, then we bring out
9:52
Speaker 1: then we bring out the black Light of truth sponsored
9:55
Speaker 1: by Yeah, expose the grime, shame the users. Give the
10:01
Speaker 1: winners a medal and put them on a podium and
10:05
Speaker 1: get the interview, and they'll get the respect of an
10:08
Speaker 1: entire nation. Dishwashing by hand, No machines, No, that's steroids,
10:14
Speaker 1: that's astros. Bang bang with's the whistle cheating as holes.
10:21
Speaker 1: We can say it on the podcast. No shortcuts, just
10:24
Speaker 1: human willpower and those prune fingers. You know how you
10:28
Speaker 1: put your hands in the water and they look like prunes. Yeah,
10:31
Speaker 1: how about the Dust Devil Battle Royale. Bring on the
10:34
Speaker 1: Dust Devil Battle Royale. Now. In this one, contestants go
10:38
Speaker 1: room to room fighting off aggressive airborne dust storms, which
10:43
Speaker 1: are placed there strategically by the production team. On this
10:47
Speaker 1: TV show, they're created by industrial size warehouse fans. Survival
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Speaker 1: of the cleanest, survival of the cleanest. What else can
11:01
Speaker 1: we have? How about furniture polished sprint? Who can make
11:06
Speaker 1: the dresser shine like it's starring in an Ashley Furniture commercial.
11:12
Speaker 1: Come on, now, you with me on that? We can
11:15
Speaker 1: have the Ikea lowdown. Now, this is a spin off.
11:18
Speaker 1: It's not necessarily housekeeping. However, who can build the Ikea
11:23
Speaker 1: bookcase the fastest? And that can be a spin off
11:28
Speaker 1: of the You say housekeeping, Well you got to build
11:30
Speaker 1: it before you can clean it. How about the vacuum
11:33
Speaker 1: Grand Prix? People love racing, Get a little Nascar tie
11:38
Speaker 1: in Nascar on carpet, drafting, strategy, suction technology. He blew
11:45
Speaker 1: me off at a hotel near Lax How dare you Nascar?
11:51
Speaker 1: It's all about having the greatest engine and all the
11:56
Speaker 1: things that go into a Nascar. Well, if you think
11:58
Speaker 1: of a vacuum, it's similar to a NASCAR using ben logic.
12:04
Speaker 1: So why not send the sponsorship checks directly to me? Yeah?
12:09
Speaker 1: I just want to cut. I don't need the whole thing.
12:11
Speaker 1: This is work shopping. We're just work shopping on a podcast.
12:15
Speaker 1: But I would be more than happy to take a
12:16
Speaker 1: cut of the revenue. What else can we do about
12:20
Speaker 1: lighting fixture, high wire. You've got chandeliers, ladders, no safety net.
12:29
Speaker 1: Let me repeat that, no safety net for those in
12:32
Speaker 1: the back of the room. Absolute panic. You have a
12:35
Speaker 1: giant ladder, a huge room, thirty feet in the air.
12:40
Speaker 1: You're climbing the ladder. There's no safety net. One wrong
12:46
Speaker 1: move and you could die. The plot thickens. And because
12:53
Speaker 1: this is America, America America, we're gonna bring in Danny Davite.
13:00
Speaker 1: Not that Danny DeVito. We're talking about the Danny DeVito,
13:03
Speaker 1: who is the trash man of the people and his
13:06
Speaker 1: crew from the burbs of Boston who calls the show
13:10
Speaker 1: and their sole job to verify the heavy lifting events.
13:14
Speaker 1: Trash can clean jerks right, couch deadlifts. The mattress maneuver,
13:21
Speaker 1: not to be confused with the malad maneuver. We do
13:23
Speaker 1: the malord maneuver on password. The word Game of the
13:28
Speaker 1: Stars as Robbie the Mariner fans and knows and mister
13:31
Speaker 1: nice guy and those guys. So this is prime time.
13:35
Speaker 1: It's prime time, baby. Now the steaks, right, Kyrie, and okay,
13:39
Speaker 1: so he's aware of this. The steaks are this. Everyone cleans, everyone,
13:45
Speaker 1: every man and woman has to clean, unless you are
13:50
Speaker 1: pig Pen from the old cartoon the Peanuts, or if
13:54
Speaker 1: you're an oligarch and can afford to have someone clean
13:57
Speaker 1: for you. But still you're paying someone to do a
14:00
Speaker 1: job that you should be doing. This is the most
14:02
Speaker 1: relatable competition since man discovered fire. It is. You think
14:07
Speaker 1: about the Olympics. A lot of the events in the Olympics,
14:10
Speaker 1: and we wrap ourselves in the flag and patriotism. That's
14:13
Speaker 1: why we like the Olympics. A lot of the events
14:15
Speaker 1: in the Olympics you're never going to do. You never did.
14:18
Speaker 1: They're not very relatable at all. But putting a vacuum
14:21
Speaker 1: cleaner in someone's hand, or handing them a towel and
14:25
Speaker 1: some water to clean a window or something along those lines,
14:28
Speaker 1: now that is a relatable competition. But wait, there's more
14:33
Speaker 1: cleaning companies. I'm telling you right now, I know a
14:36
Speaker 1: little bit about advertising. We're in the advertising business and radio.
14:39
Speaker 1: You got to sell the soap. As the Great John
14:41
Speaker 1: Sterling said on this podcast, cleaning companies will pay the bills. Commercials,
14:47
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? We're gonna have them lined up. Swiffer, Dyson, Clorox,
14:52
Speaker 1: mister clean. They will literally be like groupies at a
14:57
Speaker 1: boy band reunion tour. Wrapped around the block, Wrapped around
15:03
Speaker 1: the block, the wind Dex Index, brought to you by
15:07
Speaker 1: Windex Money, Man of Many Money, Manu and Maney and
15:10
Speaker 1: the build up. Okay, gotta hype it up, right, I'm
15:14
Speaker 1: a hype man. Gotta hype this up. You do the
15:17
Speaker 1: right marketing and this is on right. You can have
15:20
Speaker 1: battle of the genders. I am women versus men. Who's
15:25
Speaker 1: gonna do a better job cleaning the dishes? Come on now, eh?
15:29
Speaker 1: But the marketing part of it. You can make three
15:32
Speaker 1: minute social media promo video about vacuuming. Sound like one
15:38
Speaker 1: of those promos from Connor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather. The
15:41
Speaker 1: greatest hyped bull crap event in the history of mankind.
15:44
Speaker 1: Your little weasel, look at you, your little f and weasel,
15:48
Speaker 1: Remember Connor McGregor, So good. I missed that drop. We've
15:52
Speaker 1: had so many different board ops over the years. None
15:55
Speaker 1: of them play the old stuff, and a lot of
15:58
Speaker 1: them don't even know the old stuff because they're never
15:59
Speaker 1: listened the show. But I missed that. That's one drop.
16:02
Speaker 1: I missed you a little weasel, look at you, your
16:04
Speaker 1: little eleven weasel was so good. McGregor was yelling at
16:07
Speaker 1: the guy that was doing the television. God, was that great?
16:11
Speaker 1: All right? So the pitch is this becomes a global tour.
16:16
Speaker 1: We're continuing to workshop the Housekeeping Olympics, taking the next
16:19
Speaker 1: step as our goal here just for those of you
16:23
Speaker 1: that are I don't know why you just be tuning in,
16:26
Speaker 1: but to make Housekeeping Olympics great again. It's a movement
16:30
Speaker 1: and that is what we're doing. That is what we
16:32
Speaker 1: are doing right here, you and I together. So it
16:35
Speaker 1: would be a season long league people like leagues. We'd
16:38
Speaker 1: have updated standings, weekly events, national rivalries, and we can
16:43
Speaker 1: make this a global event. Wrap yourself in the flag,
16:47
Speaker 1: Team USA versus Team Japan in the toilet seat Precision Slam.
16:52
Speaker 1: Does the Japanese team have an advantage because their toilets
16:56
Speaker 1: have spray water to clean the tukas? Who knows? France
16:59
Speaker 1: versus Germany in the Linen Fold Artistry Challenger? Come on now,
17:06
Speaker 1: Canada versus Mexico in the Cross North America Dust Duel.
17:13
Speaker 1: Yeah it works, Come on now, you know I'm right? Yeah,
17:17
Speaker 1: you feel me on that? All right, there we go.
17:20
Speaker 1: We can bring everyone involved. We can have the communist
17:23
Speaker 1: countries and they can chounge like New York the communist
17:27
Speaker 1: city of Manhattan, and then go back and forth the Olympics.
17:29
Speaker 1: How about this child's play, child's play? The NHL All
17:34
Speaker 1: Star Game, I've been there, not my thing. The NBA
17:38
Speaker 1: All Star Game a bigger joke than the NHL All
17:40
Speaker 1: Star Game. So this is I'm talking skill, speed, focus, showmanship, drama,
17:48
Speaker 1: ol rama, and the eternal battle against filth. So yes, yes,
17:55
Speaker 1: the Ben Mathers Show or the Fifth Hour podcast. We
17:57
Speaker 1: are a think tank. We are a think tank. And
18:00
Speaker 1: this isn't just an idea. I'm telling you, it's a
18:02
Speaker 1: malar movement. Who's with me? Yes, you're with me, the
18:07
Speaker 1: mal or militia. You're my foot soldiers, Justin and Cincinnati.
18:11
Speaker 1: You guys, you're gonna lead the charge. You are barbecuing
18:15
Speaker 1: when absolutely we will make cleaning great again. We're gonna
18:20
Speaker 1: bring in j Dot, He'll be in our Utah guy.
18:23
Speaker 1: We will turn small scale Vegas housekeeping games, which go
18:28
Speaker 1: on once a year, into an intercontinental battle royale, a
18:32
Speaker 1: war of sponges, of vacuums and elbow grease. We don't
18:36
Speaker 1: need hand grenades and bullets and guns and all that. No, no, no, no, no, no,
18:42
Speaker 1: we don't need that. No, We'll use the sponge in
18:44
Speaker 1: the vacuum in the elbow grease. And that's it. I'm
18:48
Speaker 1: thinking Amazon Video. I'm thinking Netflix, Pete Cock, Disney plus
18:53
Speaker 1: two words bidding war, Bidding war. Ladies and gentlemen, present
19:00
Speaker 1: to you, Mahoga trademarked the Housekeeping Olympics supersized, globalized and
19:09
Speaker 1: monetized and of course dramatized. Let get descrubbing. Yeah, okay,
19:19
Speaker 1: I like that. Let's do it. Let's do it. Reach
19:22
Speaker 1: out to the people, let them know, send them this
19:24
Speaker 1: podcast the people over at the Housekeeping Olympics, and there
19:29
Speaker 1: we go. Think of all the cities that are built
19:33
Speaker 1: on tourism. You could have Vegas. You'll start out with
19:37
Speaker 1: the North American thing. You think New Orleans, You think
19:41
Speaker 1: Anaheim because of Disneyland, Orlando because of Disney World. You
19:46
Speaker 1: think of the great tourist cities in America. I mentioned Miami.
19:50
Speaker 1: You put all these cities. You'll start with that, and
19:53
Speaker 1: then you'll work your way around. All right, turn the page,
19:57
Speaker 1: turning the page. So the naked city does sleep, and
20:01
Speaker 1: it sure is hell doesn't shut up, and that's a
20:04
Speaker 1: bit of a problem, as we yapp here on the
20:06
Speaker 1: Fifth Hour podcast. So that is the first thing that
20:09
Speaker 1: you are reminded of when you're sitting in a press
20:12
Speaker 1: box on a Sunday, late afternoon, early evening in Englewood,
20:16
Speaker 1: in the hood and up to no good, trying to concentrate,
20:20
Speaker 1: trying to line up four hours of original content via
20:24
Speaker 1: bullet points for Malard monologues on a fledgling overnight show,
20:29
Speaker 1: while there are literally thousands of tiny conversations buzzing around
20:34
Speaker 1: you like fruit flies. So this is a tale from
20:38
Speaker 1: last Sunday when I got to catch up with the
20:40
Speaker 1: Godfather Eddie Garcia. But I spent most of my time
20:43
Speaker 1: in the press box at SOFI Stadium, and it is
20:46
Speaker 1: a hive. Everyone's got a story, everyone's got a theory,
20:51
Speaker 1: and no one is listening. I promise you, no one
20:55
Speaker 1: is listening. The entire sports world insisted on having a
20:59
Speaker 1: con conversation in my left ear, then my right ear,
21:03
Speaker 1: and then across the table, then two rows behind me. Now,
21:08
Speaker 1: back in the day, I was a staple in the
21:13
Speaker 1: press box. Ever since the pandemic, it is rare and
21:17
Speaker 1: appropriate rare and appropriate that you will find me at
21:22
Speaker 1: a sporting event. I just don't go out very much.
21:25
Speaker 1: I have my routine. I like to cook at home
21:28
Speaker 1: and then I feel like the foods I get what
21:29
Speaker 1: I want. It's healthier and all that. Most NFL games
21:34
Speaker 1: are where I'm at. I mostly go to NFL games.
21:37
Speaker 1: I would go to Dodger games, but unfortunately, despite having
21:40
Speaker 1: a radio show on six hundred radio stations and broadcast globally,
21:44
Speaker 1: we're not a local Tokyo operation. So they make me
21:48
Speaker 1: jump through hoops to get out there. It's not worth
21:50
Speaker 1: the headache. It's a total active disrespect. So I don't go.
21:55
Speaker 1: And so when I here's the So, when I attend
21:57
Speaker 1: events now, it used to be a daily thing back
21:59
Speaker 1: in my twenties and my thirties and even my forties
22:02
Speaker 1: and early forties. So when I attend events now, everyone
22:06
Speaker 1: wants to catch up with me because I'm not there
22:08
Speaker 1: very often, and they all listen to our show at
22:13
Speaker 1: least once or twice during the week. It is oh, yeah,
22:15
Speaker 1: I heard your so and so monologue, I heard you
22:17
Speaker 1: talking about this or that the other. And so people
22:21
Speaker 1: think that going out to these these games is serene
22:26
Speaker 1: and covering a game, and you know, very calm composed.
22:30
Speaker 1: You're at a perch which has windows, and you're protected,
22:34
Speaker 1: you're insulated from all of the action. Not true, all right,
22:39
Speaker 1: that's there's there's absolute friction there. The press box is
22:43
Speaker 1: not a monastery. It's not even a library. The modern
22:47
Speaker 1: press box is a carnival without a ring master. You
22:52
Speaker 1: think you're multitasking at these NFL games, but what you're
22:55
Speaker 1: really doing is hanging on for dear life. As the
22:59
Speaker 1: old radioheads, the ones who've seen and done everything in
23:04
Speaker 1: the business, who survived every ownership change, format flip known
23:09
Speaker 1: to mankind, they start gossiping like Long Island yenthas at
23:14
Speaker 1: a bagel shop. And I mean that lovingly, I in
23:18
Speaker 1: case they happened to listen to this podcast. These guys
23:21
Speaker 1: know things, They've heard things, and they will tell you
23:25
Speaker 1: loudly and proudly, without pause over the hum of the
23:30
Speaker 1: air conditioner and the clacking of laptops and the tapping
23:34
Speaker 1: of fork sun plates. So the Sofi Social Hour will
23:39
Speaker 1: call it. You cannot focus because there's too much happening. Now,
23:42
Speaker 1: this was an NBC game we're talking about last weekend.
23:45
Speaker 1: The Steelers and the Chargers. There was Tony Dungee wandering around.
23:49
Speaker 1: He was sitting on the sidelines. That became a story
23:51
Speaker 1: about Dungee playing back in the day in Pittsburgh. There
23:54
Speaker 1: was Snoop dogg wandering around the concourse for and bees
24:01
Speaker 1: getting paid more money than I ever made for Benny
24:03
Speaker 1: versus the penny. Not that I'm bitter about that. Now,
24:05
Speaker 1: someone mentions in the press box, that's the honorary mayor
24:10
Speaker 1: of Diamond Bar. You probably even know where Diamond Bar is.
24:13
Speaker 1: It's a sleepy little suburb wedged between the Inland Empire
24:16
Speaker 1: and Orange County in southern California, where Snoop Dog who
24:20
Speaker 1: likes to pretend like he's from the hood. He's been
24:23
Speaker 1: living there for years. And so that led to a
24:25
Speaker 1: conversation about what it must be like to live in
24:28
Speaker 1: Diamond Bar, property values, zoning laws, whether the fifty seven
24:32
Speaker 1: Freeway is actually cursed or not at rush hour now, meanwhile,
24:38
Speaker 1: we're supposed to be watching the game. The Chargers were
24:42
Speaker 1: doing their usual thing, being outnumbered in their own building
24:46
Speaker 1: by a sea of yellow towels led by the Godfather
24:50
Speaker 1: Eddie Garcia and second third, fourth generation Steelers fans who've
24:56
Speaker 1: turned so far into Pittsburgh's satellite campus. Look and you
25:01
Speaker 1: realize that you could throw a broadwurst in any direction
25:05
Speaker 1: and hit a yinser or at least an honorary parogi
25:09
Speaker 1: lover in the crowd. The Los Angeles Chargers might as
25:14
Speaker 1: well be the road team Home Division, road team Home
25:19
Speaker 1: Division every week. So there's a rhythm to these late
25:25
Speaker 1: afternoon into evening NFL games. You have the pregame meal,
25:29
Speaker 1: the halftime snack, which is another meal, and then you
25:34
Speaker 1: have some postgame madness and all that and Sofi, which
25:37
Speaker 1: is just a work of art. They absolutely nailed it
25:42
Speaker 1: for all of its futuristic glory, it has not cracked
25:47
Speaker 1: the code on press box food. Now, my guy Sports
25:51
Speaker 1: with Coleman in Baltimore is obsessed with press box food.
25:54
Speaker 1: He loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it. Sofi.
25:58
Speaker 1: I have noticed that the snacks are world class solid.
26:03
Speaker 1: The actual meals, the Rams seem to have better food
26:07
Speaker 1: than the Charges, like the meals often are not Malard approved.
26:13
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example. So the pregame meal, they
26:16
Speaker 1: had this grilled chicken mashed potatoes combo, which normally would
26:22
Speaker 1: have been fine, but it looked like it was cooked
26:23
Speaker 1: by a guy who learned how to season through some
26:28
Speaker 1: kind of zoom tutorial. So that didn't really look appetited.
26:33
Speaker 1: So I gambled. I admit, this is a me problem,
26:35
Speaker 1: not a Sofi problem. So I gambled the halftime meal
26:39
Speaker 1: would be better. So I waited till halftime. I passed
26:43
Speaker 1: on the pregame meal, and we get to halftime and
26:46
Speaker 1: it brought a strange calzone adjacent creation. There were some
26:51
Speaker 1: chicken wings that looked like they had fought in the
26:53
Speaker 1: first half of the game. You know, I don't do wings.
26:57
Speaker 1: I'm not a wing guy. I'm not fingers. I believe
27:02
Speaker 1: wings should be left alone. It's a complete crap. There
27:06
Speaker 1: is a difference. So dinner, I didn't want the chicken wings.
27:10
Speaker 1: I didn't want the whatever that cal'sone thing was it
27:12
Speaker 1: didn't loved very good. So I passed on all that.
27:15
Speaker 1: And what I had for dinner was not one but
27:19
Speaker 1: two uncrustables, grape and strawberry. I like to mix it up,
27:24
Speaker 1: a bag of Cheetos, which is filled with every chemical imaginable.
27:28
Speaker 1: And for dessert, I had a lemon bar that could
27:32
Speaker 1: have doubled as a some kind of building material. So
27:36
Speaker 1: you look around and you wonder like when did the
27:38
Speaker 1: press box stop being glamorous? And they're like, well, it really
27:40
Speaker 1: never was. It never was, all right, So everyone is
27:46
Speaker 1: yaping away. I mentioned they are all a bunch of ants.
27:48
Speaker 1: Everywhere you turn, someone's working an egg. I'll give you
27:51
Speaker 1: an example. So the story over the last like ten
27:53
Speaker 1: days has been UCLA leaving the Rose Bowl and they're
27:57
Speaker 1: getting sued. There's lawyers involved, judges involved. So I always
28:01
Speaker 1: got a theory on that, and people are telling me
28:04
Speaker 1: that so and so who's in the athletic department at
28:06
Speaker 1: UCLA was sold a bill of goods. That the main
28:09
Speaker 1: reason they want to move out of the Rose Bowl
28:11
Speaker 1: and into SOFI is because they can rent out all
28:15
Speaker 1: of those luxury boxes. And when the powerful big ten
28:20
Speaker 1: schools come in like Michigan's, Michigan, Ohio State, Penn State,
28:25
Speaker 1: that have these huge fan bases and they always play
28:28
Speaker 1: Notre Dame or USA doesn't but they play them every
28:31
Speaker 1: so often. When those teams come in, UCLA will make
28:35
Speaker 1: a ton of money. In Reverend, we did we did
28:39
Speaker 1: talk about if I mentioned you USC, we did talk
28:42
Speaker 1: about Lincoln Riley. Is he happy at USC's he can
28:44
Speaker 1: get a new contract? Is he going to leave for
28:47
Speaker 1: Penn State or Auburn or somewhere like that? And then
28:50
Speaker 1: we were talking about the rams up here. What's up
28:52
Speaker 1: with Matthew Stafford? Is he going to stay heavy? And
28:54
Speaker 1: then we went back to the Terrible Towels and how
28:59
Speaker 1: did they get here? It feels like there's more here
29:02
Speaker 1: than at a terrible towel factory. What's going on with
29:05
Speaker 1: Aaron Rodgers and his fake wife the Phantom? A Phantom
29:10
Speaker 1: Rogers is their nickname, And so listen, I'm trying, like
29:15
Speaker 1: I'm sincerely trying to prep my monologues. I have a
29:19
Speaker 1: drop dead date. When you get ready for the radio show.
29:22
Speaker 1: You have to have it done by the time the
29:25
Speaker 1: show starts, at least ninety nine percent of it done.
29:28
Speaker 1: So I'm prepping for the show, trying to find the
29:30
Speaker 1: perfect you know, the perfect connecting of the dots, and
29:35
Speaker 1: trying to find the things that I'm most interested in
29:38
Speaker 1: because it's the Ben Maller Show, and you know, I
29:41
Speaker 1: got to find a hook for the overnight consumer. Your
29:45
Speaker 1: brain is a carnival, It's a tilta whirl of gossip,
29:51
Speaker 1: well caffeine, half formed thoughts about offensive line play, round
29:56
Speaker 1: and round on the tilta whirld, we go round and round.
30:00
Speaker 1: You want silence, you want laser like focus, you want
30:03
Speaker 1: noise canceling headphones, the size of traffic cones. I've done that,
30:07
Speaker 1: and I've noticed that people keep talking. Even when you
30:10
Speaker 1: use the noise canceling headphones. They still tap you on
30:13
Speaker 1: the shoulder or they'll go right to your face. So
30:16
Speaker 1: instead of that, you get another conversation about the future
30:19
Speaker 1: of college football and nil deals, a bad replay on
30:23
Speaker 1: the jumbo tron. Why are these commercial breaks so long?
30:27
Speaker 1: It's Sunday night. You get the faint scent of buffalo
30:31
Speaker 1: sauce wafting from the next row, and you chat again
30:37
Speaker 1: about Aaron Rodgers playing terribly. It looks like he's in
30:40
Speaker 1: seventies all the thing. So again, a lot of people
30:44
Speaker 1: think doing sports radio is just watching the game and
30:47
Speaker 1: talking about it. That's a lie. The real job when
30:51
Speaker 1: you go to these games is spinning plates, watching the
30:55
Speaker 1: field while listening to your phone buzz with updates on
30:59
Speaker 1: other stories, putting notes down about some blown coverage by
31:05
Speaker 1: the Steelers defense while someone leans over to show you
31:09
Speaker 1: a photo of their cousins aunts dog wearing a Steelers jersey,
31:17
Speaker 1: and you're trying to keep an eye on everything. You're
31:20
Speaker 1: building out the monologue bullet points in your head while
31:24
Speaker 1: juggling small talk, which we know as an introvert, not
31:28
Speaker 1: my jam, looking at box scores of other games, doing
31:31
Speaker 1: all of this, and you're trying to be the social
31:35
Speaker 1: butterfly that you're normally not. It's out of your DNA,
31:39
Speaker 1: it's not baked into me to be a social butterfly
31:41
Speaker 1: and an introvert. And so you're not only a social butterfly,
31:44
Speaker 1: you're the sniper, friendly enough to stay in the loop,
31:49
Speaker 1: focused enough to find the angle of the story. Now,
31:52
Speaker 1: some nights it works, some nights it's all noise, and
31:56
Speaker 1: by the time the fourth quarter rolls around, the hum
31:58
Speaker 1: kind of fades out. This game was pretty lopsided. The
32:01
Speaker 1: old radio hands have stopped talking. The crowd below is
32:04
Speaker 1: thinning out because they're mostly Steeler fans. The terrible towels
32:07
Speaker 1: look like surrender flags at this point, and you yourself,
32:11
Speaker 1: you have to skid daddled because you have to get
32:13
Speaker 1: to the radio station to beat the traffic because it
32:15
Speaker 1: takes two and a half hours of traffic after the game.
32:17
Speaker 1: So you pack up your laptop, you take one last
32:20
Speaker 1: sip of that pink lemonade, you grab a couple of
32:22
Speaker 1: candy bars, and then you're on your way. Well, this
32:25
Speaker 1: is the job. The noise, the chaos, the bad food,
32:29
Speaker 1: the gossip, the overload. It's exhausting, it's ridiculous, and it's
32:35
Speaker 1: it's also kind of glorious. And then it was off
32:39
Speaker 1: on the yellow brick road to the radio station not
32:42
Speaker 1: in the North Woods but in Shriman Oaks, just down
32:45
Speaker 1: the hill from bell Air, to do the overnight show
32:48
Speaker 1: under the bright lights, let's say, on air, because the
32:53
Speaker 1: Naked City does not sleep again, and of course neither
32:57
Speaker 1: do we doing overnight talk radio. All Right, we'll get
33:01
Speaker 1: out on that. Have a wonderful rest of your Saturday.
33:04
Speaker 1: We will have the mail bag on Sunday Sunday Sunday
33:09
Speaker 1: and get you ready for an NFL Sunday. Don't forget though,
33:12
Speaker 1: Benny Versus the Penny is up and streaming right now
33:14
Speaker 1: on the YouTube channel. Also, if you missed yesterday's podcast,
33:19
Speaker 1: the Fifth Hour podcast with this one's when you listened to.
33:23
Speaker 1: But yesterday's edition a bonus Malard monologue on the Doyers.
33:29
Speaker 1: So we had bonus Malard monologue coverage only available for
33:34
Speaker 1: those that are listening to this podcast right now. You
33:36
Speaker 1: go back and download that yesterday. So we'll get out
33:39
Speaker 1: on that. And as Danny G would say, asta pasta
33:44
Speaker 1: now later beach skater, not my pause. Yeah, that's I
33:52
Speaker 1: think that's it right, Yes, Danny, my Felicia