Latest / The LIVING Room Podcast | Inside The WNDR Lab / Tiffany Haddish: The Mindset Shift That Took Her From Sleeping in Her Car to Thriving in Hollywood

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Tiffany Haddish: The Mindset Shift That Took Her From Sleeping in Her Car to Thriving in Hollywood · The LIVING Room Podcast | Inside The WNDR Lab

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Change something.
0:02
SPEAKER_00: Do something different.
0:03
SPEAKER_00: When I get depressed, when I get sad, when I get like frustrated or I get in that dark space, I feel like that's my body and my soul telling me, we not comfortable here.
0:13
SPEAKER_00: We don't like this.
0:14
SPEAKER_00: You're doing something you ain't got no fing business doing.
0:17
SPEAKER_00: Change it.
0:18
SPEAKER_00: We were born crying.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: That's the first mode of communication.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: Let them toxins out.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: And I think crying is a removal of old beliefs and a replacement of new ones.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to see nobody suffering.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: If it's a kid watching this, you don't have to go look for no trauma because trauma will come and find you easily.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: But how you respond to it, you're gonna have to use that crap that comes into your life, that trauma that comes into your life, and you're gonna have to use it as fertilizer and try to grow into the thing that you always dreamed of being.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: When you react to situations, reaction can show uh mental illness, but responding shows intelligence and awareness.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: I try to respond to situations and I react.
0:59
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I react.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'm not mentally well.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I need a nap.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: I find the funny in the trauma.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: And we all have trauma.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: How you handle your trauma is gonna determine the quality of your life.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: Every human needs family.
1:14
SPEAKER_03: Well, we know the biggest killer in many respects is loneliness, right?
1:17
SPEAKER_00: That's why you need family.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: Even if it's family that gets on your d nerves, you can laugh at them later, but you need that.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: I have seen so much bad.
1:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm chasing the laughs.
1:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm chasing the joy.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to find it in every single time.
1:54
SPEAKER_03: Before Tiffany's incredible career, there was trauma, there was homelessness, there was heartbreak, and some truly dark moments.
2:01
SPEAKER_03: Yet somehow, despite all of this, she emerged as one of the most joyful, optimistic, and resilient people I've ever met.
2:08
SPEAKER_03: In this conversation, we explore how she learned to find light in the darkest moments, why she believes our words shape our reality, the power of visualization, and how choosing joy became her greatest act of survival and in turn success.
2:23
SPEAKER_03: This isn't a conversation about fame, this is a conversation about hope, about resilience, about self-belief, and about why choosing joy might just be one of the most powerful acts of self-care available to any of us.
2:34
SPEAKER_03: So without further ado, please enjoy my conversation with one of my most favourite people, the one and only Tiffany Haddish.
2:41
SPEAKER_03: Tiffany Haddish.
2:43
SPEAKER_03: I've always I've known you for a while now, four or five years.
2:47
SPEAKER_03: And how do how do I properly pronounce your surname?
2:50
SPEAKER_03: Is it Haddish?
2:52
SPEAKER_00: Well, Haddish is That's how you say it, right?
2:54
SPEAKER_00: Uh that's how I say it for the American speakers or for people, you know, just keep it easy.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: Haddish.
2:59
SPEAKER_03: Haddish.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: But I mean, if you're from where my father's from, from Eritrea, you would say Khadish.
3:04
SPEAKER_03: Hadish.
3:07
SPEAKER_03: Who knew?
3:08
SPEAKER_03: Everyone now.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: I did.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: Now you do.
3:11
SPEAKER_03: So for the listeners, I think the thing that I would love to really unpack today is joy, hope, happiness, human connection, optimism, you know, all of the things that we don't do a tremendous job of measuring in a lab, right?
3:31
SPEAKER_03: We we do try, and there are some some sort of uh objective measures we can use.
3:36
SPEAKER_03: But still, like we know that there is a huge like this really robust set of evidence to show that people who focus on optimizing those things live a longer and healthier life.
3:48
SPEAKER_03: Right?
3:48
SPEAKER_03: I think the challenge for all of us is how, right?
3:52
SPEAKER_03: Like, how do we find joy?
3:54
SPEAKER_03: How do we uh cultivate hope and optimism in a world that you know sometimes makes us feel the opposite?
4:02
SPEAKER_03: A lot of the time makes us feel the opposite.
4:05
SPEAKER_03: And I think, you know, having the time that I have spent with you, you make it feel so effortless.
4:14
SPEAKER_03: But I know that that's not true, right?
4:16
SPEAKER_03: It can't be effortless.
4:18
SPEAKER_03: And you know, I have actually read your book.
4:19
SPEAKER_03: I've got it here.
4:20
SPEAKER_03: You've read it?
4:22
SPEAKER_03: I read it when it first came out.
4:24
SPEAKER_03: You did actually make me, you did say I won't speak to you again if you didn't.
4:28
SPEAKER_03: Um and for the camera, the title of the book, which I'm sure everyone already knows, is I curse you with joy.
4:35
SPEAKER_03: Can you explain where that title came from?
4:38
SPEAKER_00: Um, I noticed that, like with the internet coming about, so many people like to put out their opinions, and it's usually always negative.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: And I think people don't understand the power of words.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: Your words cast a spell.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: They they each word that you say has energy attached to it.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: And what you say and what you write, like where they say is um was it power in the pen, was it death in the tongue and the pen, and the pen is a sword?
5:02
SPEAKER_00: The pen could be a sword.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: You could cut somebody with those words, right?
5:05
SPEAKER_00: You can kill them.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: Uh, death is in the in the tongue.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: Like you can really destroy somebody's whole soul and spirit if you use the right words.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: And how you speak and what you say and what you put out there is, I think you're creating magic, either good magic or bad magic, right?
5:23
SPEAKER_00: Um, I like to believe in magic.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if it's real or not, but I do know energy is real, and I do know I can read a sentence that somebody wrote and it can make me smile, and I can read a sentence that somebody wrote and then make me want to go fight them.
5:38
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
5:39
SPEAKER_00: So, so there's magic in those words.
5:42
SPEAKER_00: There's a, there's, you can control people's emotions.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: And so for me, uh, I if if I'm casting a spell every time I'm putting out something, I don't want to curse anybody with no pain, no sorrow, no depression, no anger.
5:57
SPEAKER_00: I want to curse them with joy.
5:58
SPEAKER_00: I want people to feel joy.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: If you put, if you're casting something out there, you're putting it out there, you're you're you're putting a spell on people, kind of in a way.
6:07
SPEAKER_00: And um, and it's my way of like, you know, playing on magic, but also playing on like we all need some joy.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: In this book, while it might have some heavy stuff in it, there's some dark moments in there.
6:22
SPEAKER_00: Uh there's also funny.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: I find the funny in the dark, right?
6:27
SPEAKER_00: I find the funny in the trauma.
6:29
SPEAKER_00: And we all have trauma.
6:31
SPEAKER_00: We all, every single human being, I don't care how easy your life is, you went through something at one point in time that made you frustrated and made you feel like I've scared you, or it created some barrier or created a negative point of view towards other types of people or places or things.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: So we've all experienced trauma.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: How you handle your trauma is gonna determine the quality of your life, I think.
6:56
SPEAKER_03: But how how did you come to that real you came to that realization young?
7:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:02
SPEAKER_03: And how?
7:03
SPEAKER_03: Because like so many people who do go through trauma have to live with that for so long and it's so damaging for them.
7:13
SPEAKER_03: How do how do people find that their power in their words and their perspective earlier in life?
7:19
SPEAKER_03: Like, how did you find well?
7:21
SPEAKER_00: I remember being this is so weird.
7:24
SPEAKER_00: I remember being in elementary school, and this teacher said, you know, sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you.
7:31
SPEAKER_00: And I don't believe that to be true.
7:33
SPEAKER_00: I do believe that words, certain words hurt, but it's up to you to decide what are you gonna let hurt you?
7:40
SPEAKER_00: What are you gonna allow, right?
7:42
SPEAKER_00: And it took me a long time to realize like, um, I have no power over what people say, but I do have power over how I respond to what they say.
7:51
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: Like in re I remember also reading one time when you react to situations, reaction sh can show uh mental illness, but responding shows intelligence and and awareness, right?
8:09
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I try to respond to situations and I react.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I react.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, sometimes I'm not mentally well.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I need a nap.
8:17
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I need whatever.
8:19
SPEAKER_00: But I think going seeing people die in front of me, seeing um so much tragedy growing up around people who were constantly negative.
8:33
SPEAKER_00: Um but they had the most beautiful smile, and I want to see they smile.
8:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like seeing people smile is like my joy.
8:41
SPEAKER_00: That's like it like clicks something in my brain, gives me a little high.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: And so I have seen so much bad shit.
8:51
SPEAKER_00: I am running for and chasing the smiles, I'm chasing the laughs, I'm chasing the joy.
8:59
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to find it in every single turn.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: It's so much tragedy I've witnessed.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: I don't think anybody should have witnessed a lot of things I witnessed.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: I don't think anybody should have to experience the things I experienced.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: And and I know for a fact, uh, if you share your your trauma, your tragedies with others, you will find some joy.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: Uh, you will find some ridicule and some criticism as well.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: But then you'll know who your real friends are too.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: And you'll know who really cares about you for you and who is trying trying to get things off of you.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: So I don't know if I answered your question because now I'm on an ADHD rant.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: But I think the way that I have been able to find my joy and always being able to bring light to even really heavy situations is I know that there's a little switch in my head that if I flip it, everything will be a lot easier to deal with.
10:02
SPEAKER_03: But are you doing that intentionally?
10:04
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
10:04
SPEAKER_03: Right.
10:04
SPEAKER_03: So do you think that was a defense against having to be around that kind of my mom was super violent, yo.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: If I could make her laugh, if I could get her to smile, she might forget that she says she's gonna whoop my ass later.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: She might forget that she owned me that discipline, right?
10:23
SPEAKER_00: So that was always like my mission to make like make keep her in such a state of joy, she forgets that she wanna beat me up.
10:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
10:32
SPEAKER_00: And I kind of did that with my enemies.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: It did work a lot of times.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:38
SPEAKER_00: Not all the time.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: Not all the time, but a lot of times it did.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: Like it's kind of hard to, you know, hurt somebody that's making you happy.
10:45
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: Uh that's bringing you.
10:47
SPEAKER_03: Like if you could shift her mood, it's very difficult to then be reactive and angry and aggressive if you're literally smiling.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: Like she had a really bad cryson in her head went through a windshield.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: She had to learn how to walk, talk, eat, all this stuff all over again.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: And everything that she had taught me up to that point in life, I was teaching her, right?
11:06
SPEAKER_00: And so I had learned really fast how to literally alter somebody's mood because she would be going through all of them.
11:16
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, how can I get her, gear her over this way so that she's not getting violent?
11:22
SPEAKER_00: Because she used to have like this amazing vernacular, and now she has limited words.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: She barely can talk, and it's frustrating her because I think there's a side of her brain that knows that she can say all these things and get out.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: And she can't get it out.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: So it's like well, if I can see if I see her starting to get into that mode, if I can do something to make her laugh, dance, uh, do a little look at this.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: Like whatever, do something to make her giggle, then she'll get out of that frustration, right?
11:52
SPEAKER_00: And then not be so mean and violent.
11:54
SPEAKER_02: How old were you then?
11:56
SPEAKER_00: Eight.
11:57
SPEAKER_02: Heavy.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: Eight.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: And ever since eight, I've been, I think I'm a manipulator.
12:02
SPEAKER_00: I think I'm a mastermind manipulator.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be a manipulative, but it's I'm like manipulating for the good.
12:09
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I would argue that's a that's a good cause.
12:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:11
SPEAKER_00: Like I don't, I'm not trying to get anything from anybody, but their happiness, their joy, like literally changed their chemistry a little bit.
12:19
SPEAKER_03: Were you were you like that before the accident?
12:21
SPEAKER_03: Or do you think that was like a definitive moment where you just had to become that person?
12:25
SPEAKER_00: I think before the accident, I was thinking about this earlier.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: I actually wrote about this.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: Uh I used to be really curious and uh always singing and like trying to dance and copy the things that I saw, like copy anything I saw my mama do, I was trying to copy whatever she was doing.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: She always singing, I'm always singing.
12:45
SPEAKER_00: She dancing, I'm dancing.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: She cooking, I'm gonna cook too.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: Like whatever she was doing, I was literally trying to copy her all the time.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: And my aunties and my grandma, basically any woman that was in my life around that time, I was trying to be like them.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: So uh there was no, I don't think I had like a set persona, and I was shy, very, very shy.
13:08
SPEAKER_00: So only would come out the box when I'm around people that I'm like comfortable with.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, I'm super quiet and just observing, studying, watching how my mom talks to people, watch how my auntie talks to strangers and all these things, like literally just collecting data, right?
13:23
SPEAKER_00: Quietly, collecting data.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: And then once my mom had that accident, it was like I had to step up.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: And now all the things I've been studying, now I need to do it.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: So I was trying to be a mom to my sisters and brothers.
13:36
SPEAKER_00: I was trying to, and I was being a mom to her.
13:39
SPEAKER_00: And like, I mean, we have food stamps and all this stuff.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't fill out that paperwork, but once we got that done, you know, my mom, my grandma helped us and all that.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: Once we got that done, then I'm like, I'm doing a grocery shopping, I'm doing it, I'm cooking, I'm putting food in the refrigerator.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: And I'm still trying to go to school, failing, failing terribly at school.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: And even learned even more how to manipulate people, how to be a come a professional cheater.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's the spirit.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: Cause I would be worried about other things in class.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: It was hard to pay attention in class because I'm I'm thinking about my sisters, my brothers.
14:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking about, oh mama's okay.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: I hope she found the food that I put in the refrigerator in the drawer.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: And it did like, you know, it's just, I would be so worried about them so much that um I think I I missed out on certain like learning things, reading, like reading.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: But then later on in life, my drama teacher, she figured it out and she sat me down and read with me every day.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: And I and I picked it up fast.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: Like I'm a fast learner.
14:42
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: It's just gotta hunk her down to do it.
14:45
SPEAKER_03: Well, you were a quick learner before that, right?
14:47
SPEAKER_03: You were observing everything and then ingesting it and then being able to like.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I can count money like it ain't nobody.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:54
SPEAKER_03: Um I don't know how to do it.
14:55
SPEAKER_03: So you were kind of forced to you were forced to grow up very quickly.
14:59
SPEAKER_03: It sounds like there wasn't much of an opportunity to be a little girl.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: Nah.
15:04
SPEAKER_00: I I stopped being a little girl at eight, I think.
15:08
SPEAKER_03: That day.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: But yeah.
15:15
SPEAKER_03: Hey, do you know what's remarkable about you is that you have every reason to then lean into like resentment and bitterness and pessimism.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but those that makes you ugly.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: I ain't never seen nobody beautiful.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: That was like, well, I have seen some beautiful people, but then they get ugly as soon as they that side of them comes out.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: So I don't I don't want to be ugly.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: So I I try to refrain from that type of behavior.
15:42
SPEAKER_03: Good.
15:42
SPEAKER_03: I'm glad.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: I try.
15:44
SPEAKER_00: I sometimes it'll come out, sometimes I'm ugly.
15:46
SPEAKER_03: But how would you do that as a child, right?
15:49
SPEAKER_03: Like, I was eating mud when I was eight.
15:51
SPEAKER_03: Like I did.
15:52
SPEAKER_00: I was too.
15:53
SPEAKER_03: And I got whooped.
15:54
SPEAKER_00: I used to make mud pies.
15:56
SPEAKER_03: You love the mud pie.
15:57
SPEAKER_00: I love making mud pies.
15:59
SPEAKER_00: And I put like oatmeal and Worcestershire sauce in there, hot sauce on it, and I would make it on the porch.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: I used to get lit up for that.
16:05
SPEAKER_00: Don't be putting mud on my porch.
16:07
SPEAKER_00: You're wasting the food, putting seasoning, salt in it, and everything, put it on a pretty plate, and be like, mommy, I made this for you.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: She's like, What do you got?
16:16
SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah.
16:17
SPEAKER_00: You have to do that all the time.
16:19
SPEAKER_03: How did you then talk me through like the next sort of few formative years from there?
16:25
SPEAKER_03: Because you mentioned your your drama teacher obviously had a huge impact.
16:31
SPEAKER_03: I saw the I I mean this video of you and your social worker has gone like completely viral, which was like made me cry.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:40
SPEAKER_03: Tell me about what happened between you know that moment where your life changed and you had to become effectively an adult overnight, um, but then somehow managed to just retain this like extremely um optimistic outlook on life in the face of darkness.
17:00
SPEAKER_03: How how did you go from that to you know that moment where your life changed?
17:05
SPEAKER_00: Um I think it's like I had these good and bad times, right?
17:12
SPEAKER_00: So, so there would be periods where I'm like very optimistic, and then there's other periods of time where I was like very negative and very down on myself.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: And I could see how, like I literally could see how my thoughts affected everything around me.
17:27
SPEAKER_00: The people, how they treat me and talk to me.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: It took me some years to figure that out.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: Like, real, like the years where I couldn't read, the years, the years where I couldn't read, I was so good at making friends and talking people into reading to me and sharing their knowledge with me.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: Very good at that and very good at retaining information.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: And like just, I was so good at it.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: And then my drama teacher figured that out that I couldn't read, and she sat me down and worked with me.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: And it seemed like as I learned how to comprehend information for myself, taking and like read it myself, I feel like I lost some of my suit, my my manipulative powers, and I feel like I got a little darker.
18:13
SPEAKER_00: Like um, it's like the more understanding I have, like, ignorance is bliss.
18:19
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's so true.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: Ignorance is bliss sometimes.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: Like not understand, not knowing there is some joy in that.
18:29
SPEAKER_00: But then I have the now, I have the knowing and the understanding, and it started making me look at people different.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: It started uh I felt like, and then some things I got, I mean, some really bad things happened to me.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: Um really bad things happened to me, and I really felt like, well, I don't have no protection, nobody cares about me.
18:49
SPEAKER_00: Like, um, they're not listening to me.
18:52
SPEAKER_00: There's no, I'm I report these things that happen, and nobody's doing anything.
18:57
SPEAKER_00: Like, I really felt so lost and so like I hated people, I hated my life.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: I was so mad, and my mom, I used to like get so mad at her, because like, why don't you take your medicine?
19:16
SPEAKER_00: Why won't you just do this?
19:17
SPEAKER_00: It's so simple to just take your medicine so you can get us back, like so you can love on me the way you used to.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: And she just she just wouldn't.
19:27
SPEAKER_00: And now I understand, I have an understanding now, but at that time I was so negative, and I felt like the whole world was coming at me, and being everybody was mean, and my mama was mean.
19:39
SPEAKER_00: I love this woman.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: My grandma was getting mean, she put me out the house.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: Like it just felt like everything was crashing around me.
19:47
SPEAKER_00: And oh, I didn't want to live, I didn't want to exist.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: Like, and all my thoughts were so negative, and maybe it was because the things I decided to read, the content I would take in.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: I was reading a newspaper every freaking day.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: And every day that I put that newspaper down, I am miserable, right?
20:06
SPEAKER_00: So then I go outside and I'm miserable.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: And then it's like people treated me that way, like, and then I would pretend to be having fun, but I wasn't really having fun because I'm really like, this part, this person is probably gonna try to do this to me.
20:20
SPEAKER_00: This person's gonna try to rape me, they're gonna try to steal from me.
20:22
SPEAKER_00: This person, and then and then I tried to get revenge, tried to get revenge on my stepdad.
20:29
SPEAKER_00: And my grandma said, revenge is not for you to get.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: And I was trying to get revenge on a lot of men.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: Like, I really wanted to like destroy men.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: And my grandma said to me one day, revenge is not for you to get, that's for God to handle.
20:43
SPEAKER_00: Your best way, if you want to do anything revenge-wise, you need to be successful.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: You need to live your dreams, live your life, be kind to you.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: You be nice to everybody else.
20:54
SPEAKER_00: Used to be so mean and nasty to you, and then the whole world is nasty to you, and then you feel like, what?
20:59
SPEAKER_00: Be nice to you sometimes.
21:01
SPEAKER_03: Do you think that you there was a bit of sort of innocent naivety earlier on, which is like you say ignorance is bliss when you don't know what you don't know, and you can look at the world differently, and then you learn the evils or like the darkness, that there is darkness, and then you have changes your perspective on how you were looking at your circumstances, and then that's when that resentment and and revenge starts.
21:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I want to do all kinds of revenge shit, but just bad stuff.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: I want to fight people, I was fighting people.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was bad.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, I'd be like, Yeah, on eyesight, when I see that bitch, I'm beating her ass.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: And on it, like it was just like just toxic, horrible behavior, horrible thoughts.
21:41
SPEAKER_00: I hated myself.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I did not like me at all.
21:44
SPEAKER_00: And then she said that it it just kind of like little things clicked, like, and it took time for that to settle in and like really click.
21:53
SPEAKER_03: To marinate.
21:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:54
SPEAKER_03: But how old were you then?
21:55
SPEAKER_00: Twenty one.
21:56
SPEAKER_00: Twenty two.
21:57
SPEAKER_03: So it's in your twenties, right?
21:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, twenty one, twenty two.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: I mean at 21 I tried to kill myself.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: And um and my stepdad say, you know, if you it if you were supposed to be dead, you would have been dead.
22:10
SPEAKER_00: Like you supposed to be here, so figure that out.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
22:13
SPEAKER_00: You know.
22:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I'm not good at killing myself.
22:16
SPEAKER_00: So I'm just not not very good at it.
22:19
SPEAKER_00: Failed in that department.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: Thank God.
22:22
SPEAKER_00: But uh yeah, Fred French Stone Vibramids is not gonna do it.
22:28
SPEAKER_00: A whole bottle of those is not gonna do it.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: That's gonna make you constipated.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna knock you out.
22:34
SPEAKER_00: It's a really tough day.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: Not gonna take you out the game.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: But I feel like certain conversations with certain people really made me start to see like I need to start really being nice to me.
22:47
SPEAKER_00: I am giving everything away to everybody else, doing everything for everybody, and not pouring into myself.
22:52
SPEAKER_00: So I didn't want to be a lover of self, but I want to have love for myself.
22:57
SPEAKER_00: So I started like doing nice stuff for myself, even when I was homeless.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, I'm gonna go take me to get my favorite thing to eat.
23:04
SPEAKER_00: I know I only got five dollars, and my favorite thing is like a dollar.
23:07
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna go get that one bit of that and do do that and sit in the park on a swing because I love sitting on swings.
23:13
SPEAKER_00: Like, just little nice things.
23:16
SPEAKER_00: What was it?
23:16
SPEAKER_03: What was the one dollar thing?
23:18
SPEAKER_00: Uh taco.
23:19
SPEAKER_03: Nice.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love I love a good taco.
23:21
SPEAKER_03: What was it?
23:21
SPEAKER_03: Taco Bell.
23:23
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
23:26
SPEAKER_03: Wish they were still a dollar.
23:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, I wish it was.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: We could get two tacos for a dollar.
23:31
SPEAKER_03: Is it real?
23:31
SPEAKER_03: No.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, back there you could get two tacos for a dollar.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: Back in the 1900s.
23:36
SPEAKER_03: What's not to love?
23:37
SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: Gasoline was only a dollar fifty a gallon.
23:41
SPEAKER_03: Back in the back in the good old days.
23:42
SPEAKER_00: In the 1900s.
23:44
SPEAKER_03: A little boy.
23:45
SPEAKER_03: Wait, so that was when you were early 20s.
23:47
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
23:48
SPEAKER_03: Homeless.
23:49
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, homeless living in my car.
23:53
SPEAKER_00: First time I was homeless, though, I was like just couch surfing.
23:57
SPEAKER_00: And then the next time I was homeless, so it's in my car.
24:01
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
24:02
SPEAKER_03: But but when you were when you were doing that, you still were, you know, you'd had this moment with your grandmother, and then you were still able to look at life through a positive lens.
24:13
SPEAKER_03: That feels very difficult to do.
24:15
SPEAKER_00: When I was homeless, I just would like, yeah, there was a lot of plan make-believe.
24:19
SPEAKER_03: Right.
24:19
SPEAKER_00: You know, a lot of plan make-believe.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm just, I'm mobile homing it.
24:23
SPEAKER_00: I'm, you know, look at me, adventure.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm out here doing adventure.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: I live in Beverly Hills now.
24:29
SPEAKER_00: I'm parked in Beverly Hills, sleeping in Beverly Hills.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't living the nice life.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm just outside my house in Beverly Hills.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: Like, just like lying to myself, if you will, kind of delusional.
24:40
SPEAKER_00: But then, like, if I want to, I could buy four houses in Beverly Hills right now.
24:44
SPEAKER_00: I could live in Beverly Hills if I wanted to.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: Now, uh, in all those houses that I slept in front of, I end up meeting the people that live in those houses.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: Not at that time, but as my career progressed, and like, oh yo, I used to live right outside of here.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
25:00
SPEAKER_00: No way.
25:01
SPEAKER_00: One of the guys is like, that was you.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: I called the police on that car so many times.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, yeah, I make police friends.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: I ended up dating two of them, but it didn't seem to hear nothing.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: You know, like everything, I feel like by the time I was 24, I was to the realization like everything happens for a reason.
25:18
SPEAKER_00: And the main reason is me.
25:21
SPEAKER_00: And how I how I control my thoughts, what I say, how I move, what you know, what I'm thinking about, that's what I'm gonna get.
25:30
SPEAKER_03: Do you believe that is a uh manifestation?
25:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think I'm a super manifestor for sure.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm an expert at it.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: I think.
25:37
SPEAKER_03: Can I give you a theory that I've been thinking about for ADHD for people with ADHD, certainly severe ish ADHD.
25:45
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I got it.
25:48
SPEAKER_03: So I think they have a really unusual attribute which is sometimes can feel like a curse, where you are projecting forward so many moves in advance.
25:59
SPEAKER_03: Do you ever feel like you do this?
26:00
SPEAKER_03: That you're like thinking you're mapping out the next ten moves like a game of chess, and like there's in your head, I have this the moment I wake up, this narrative of all these different things that are gonna go on, or the next move, or where I would end up later that day, or later that year, and then I forget where I am.
26:18
SPEAKER_03: I'm like I c I put my keys down and I've lost them, right?
26:20
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
26:20
SPEAKER_03: And I don't even know who who I'm sat with, or someone can be talking at me, and I'm in my head thinking all of these things.
26:26
SPEAKER_03: I think so much of that is what manifestation is, right?
26:30
SPEAKER_03: You're thinking things into existence.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:33
SPEAKER_03: How do you feel about that theory?
26:34
SPEAKER_00: I agree with that theory, and I kind of live that theory.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: And um I okay, so I like to call them my movies.
26:41
SPEAKER_00: Like all my thoughts are little movies, right?
26:43
SPEAKER_00: And like I only think in pictures and like actual, like seeing things.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: I even dream in color, like everything is like real.
26:50
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I live two lives.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: So I got them, I got my awake life and I got my sleep life.
26:55
SPEAKER_00: And there's this in-between where in my awake life, I kind of like go into dreamland, I guess.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, if I want something, like I wanna be in the Olympics, and I can see me doing it.
27:10
SPEAKER_00: I see me doing it, making it happen, and I already know what the end of the movie is gonna be.
27:16
SPEAKER_00: Like, I've already I've written a whole movie in my head.
27:18
SPEAKER_01: I've visualized it.
27:19
SPEAKER_00: I know it.
27:19
SPEAKER_00: I say I watched the movie like four times, so I know what's gonna happen.
27:24
SPEAKER_00: Like, if I feel like this, if I have a dream more like 10 times, that's what's gonna happen.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: That's why I hate nightmares.
27:32
SPEAKER_00: I try to stay.
27:33
SPEAKER_00: That's yeah, it's like I've tapped into you ever heard of Akashic Records?
27:37
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so the foo foo spiritual people talk about the Akashic Records, and it's like this hall of records in the universe somewhere.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: I have heard of this, yeah.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: And and that hall of records has like what you're gonna be, what you're gonna do in life.
27:50
SPEAKER_03: Or everything that will happen has already happened, and it's or or is already happening.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: Right, and it's like a library, you can go in there and you can like pull your files and see like what am I gonna do in five years, or what did I do 10 years ago?
28:00
SPEAKER_00: And how did I get to this thing?
28:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, it's like uh you in my mind it's like a you know, Dewey decimal system of my of my existence, and I could like pull out the thing and go.
28:11
SPEAKER_00: But I was 10.
28:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
28:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh, what am I do at 73?
28:14
SPEAKER_00: Like, like I think if I want it, if I think about it enough, I can find where it's gonna happen, how it's gonna happen, what I'm gonna be wearing, and all of that.
28:24
SPEAKER_03: Give me some examples of how that's happened in life that's made you feel that way.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: Sports Illustrated.
28:30
SPEAKER_00: Uh the swimsuit is.
28:31
SPEAKER_03: By the way, this was yes today.
28:34
SPEAKER_03: Day before yesterday.
28:35
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
28:35
SPEAKER_03: Already on my bedroom wall.
28:37
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
28:39
SPEAKER_00: But I remember being in high school and wanting to be on Sports Illustrated, but I saw me doing it for sports, right?
28:47
SPEAKER_00: Like actual sports.
28:48
SPEAKER_03: You're track and field, right?
28:49
SPEAKER_00: Track and field, yes.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: That's what I wanted to do it for.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: And then that didn't pan out.
28:54
SPEAKER_00: The track and field career didn't go where I thought it was gonna go.
28:57
SPEAKER_00: But I still visualized me doing it in a swimsuit.
29:01
SPEAKER_00: But I gotta be, I gotta get to a certain level of success, and I gotta make certain kind of friends.
29:07
SPEAKER_00: And I gotta do like all these different things I had like put in my head, and then I would dream it and I would see it, and I knew where it was gonna be at.
29:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, I didn't know exactly that it would be Mexico, but I knew it'd be water, and it'd be white birds flying around, and it's gonna be big rocks, and I'm gonna be doing this, I'm gonna be doing that.
29:26
SPEAKER_00: Like, like I imagined these things for years, all through my 20s, all through my 30s.
29:32
SPEAKER_00: In my 40s, I'm like, yo, it's time to like hunker down and accomplish this thing because you done had it two over a hundred times, you done visualized this, and you gotta do it before 50.
29:44
SPEAKER_00: I had to give myself a deadline.
29:45
SPEAKER_00: That's the other thing.
29:46
SPEAKER_00: I had to give myself deadlines on when things are gonna get done.
29:49
SPEAKER_00: And I usually get it done way before the deadline.
29:51
SPEAKER_03: Do you ever write it down?
29:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
29:53
SPEAKER_00: I think power in that.
29:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the power in the pen, man, it's magic.
29:58
SPEAKER_00: The words, you write it with the pen, it's like you've you've solidified it.
30:02
SPEAKER_00: Now you just gotta get to it.
30:04
SPEAKER_00: That's all.
30:05
SPEAKER_03: And I think whether there is some like real magic or science behind that, it makes so much sense that if you are like you visualize something enough, you write it down, and that is that you're thinking about it more, right?
30:20
SPEAKER_03: And that so then when an opportunity arises or a door opens, you walk through it right right away.
30:24
SPEAKER_03: And I think the same thing applies with kindness and joy and hope and human connection.
30:29
SPEAKER_03: If you're always f feeling grateful or or or thinking about how you can bring joy or value or kindness to the world, you take those opportunities more readily.
30:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then the world brings it to you.
30:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
30:42
SPEAKER_00: A lot of times it just automatically comes to you.
30:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
30:44
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't even think like when I was younger, uh in my like, like when I was like in my earlier 30s, I used to think about how much, how am I gonna get this money?
30:54
SPEAKER_00: How much money am I gonna get?
30:55
SPEAKER_00: How and I need, I need$2,000.
30:58
SPEAKER_00: I need to get$2,000.
30:59
SPEAKER_00: That's all I need is$2,000.
31:01
SPEAKER_00: $2,000.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: How am I gonna get this?
31:03
SPEAKER_00: And I'll write it down.
31:03
SPEAKER_00: How will you figure out a way to get the$2,000?
31:06
SPEAKER_00: You've just already figured out how to get the$2,000.
31:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna get$4,000.
31:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right?
31:11
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm a and I'll just like imagine it, and then it would be more that comes to me.
31:16
SPEAKER_03: Now I want$10,000.
31:17
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
31:18
SPEAKER_03: Like, now I want a million dollars.
31:20
SPEAKER_00: Oh, now I got two million dollars.
31:21
SPEAKER_00: Uh-oh.
31:23
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they'll pay me$4 million.
31:24
SPEAKER_00: Oh, they're paying me six million dollars.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: Like, like, and so what I learned from that is like whatever I want, I'm gonna get it times two, right?
31:34
SPEAKER_00: I'll get it more.
31:35
SPEAKER_00: It'll be double whatever I whatever I asked for.
31:38
SPEAKER_00: So, like, I wanted to be in a girl's trip movie, right?
31:41
SPEAKER_00: Uh I read the script.
31:43
SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh man, this is me.
31:45
SPEAKER_00: This is me all day.
31:46
SPEAKER_00: This is me.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: And so then in the back of my mind, and it took like like a whole month to get this whole process done, but in the back of my mind, I'm living, I'm Dina.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: That's my that's my they stole that from me from last summer.
31:59
SPEAKER_00: Whoever wrote this was stalking me last summer and wrote me into this script, and they don't even know it.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: Freaking thieves, I'm finna go get my stuff.
32:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm finna go get me.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: That's me, that's me.
32:09
SPEAKER_00: And so every time I went into the audition, in my mind, that was me.
32:12
SPEAKER_00: When I would go to sleep at night, I dreamed being in New Orleans and we doing it, and like I was living that life and I'm like partying with Queen Latifah.
32:20
SPEAKER_00: I don't know Queen Latifa.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: I don't know Regina Hall.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: I don't know Jada Pinkett Smith at this time.
32:25
SPEAKER_00: But because I read that script and I knew they had already had the role in my mind, I'm partying with them.
32:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm hanging out.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: They're giving me life advice.
32:32
SPEAKER_00: And then cut to literally one month after my first audition, they're like, okay, you're going in three days.
32:40
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna, you're gonna go do this role.
32:42
SPEAKER_00: And everything I dreamed about came to fruition.
32:45
SPEAKER_00: They was giving me life advice.
32:46
SPEAKER_00: We was partying, we had fun.
32:48
SPEAKER_00: Like, and they are still my friends.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: Like, I get whatever I want as long as I believe that it's for me.
32:56
SPEAKER_03: But you have to really believe, right?
32:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
32:58
SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like I'll be thinking, oh, I'm gonna have sex today.
33:01
SPEAKER_00: And then, yeah, I'm gonna get some sex today.
33:03
SPEAKER_00: But I don't really, do I really wanna like as soon as I start doubting it, like, do I really want to have sex today?
33:08
SPEAKER_00: Who am I have sex with?
33:09
SPEAKER_00: So I question it too much, yeah, and that I don't get no sex.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: That's why I had sex for years.
33:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm lying, it's been much.
33:18
SPEAKER_02: Hey, girls trip too.
33:19
SPEAKER_02: Can you can you confirm?
33:20
SPEAKER_02: Is that a real thing?
33:21
SPEAKER_00: That is a real thing.
33:22
SPEAKER_02: Isn't that real?
33:23
SPEAKER_00: That is real.
33:24
SPEAKER_00: Congratulations.
33:24
SPEAKER_00: That is real.
33:25
SPEAKER_00: There's a script, and and it's so funny when I read the script, I said, dang it, they've been in my head again.
33:31
SPEAKER_00: Who left this effort in my head?
33:33
SPEAKER_00: I didn't even put this out loud.
33:35
SPEAKER_03: They would have written it with you in mind this time, surely.
33:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, this time with me in mind, and it's like even more.
33:40
SPEAKER_00: It's it's great.
33:41
SPEAKER_00: I think it's gonna be so good.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: I think audiences will love it.
33:45
SPEAKER_03: Good.
33:46
SPEAKER_03: Wait, can I go back to the swimsuit thing?
33:50
SPEAKER_03: When you you, you know, you obviously thought about this for a long time, very many times.
33:56
SPEAKER_03: You knew it was gonna happen, I suspect.
33:58
SPEAKER_03: Eventually, yeah.
33:59
SPEAKER_00: I did not know I would get the cover.
34:02
SPEAKER_00: I did not know I would get the cover.
34:04
SPEAKER_00: I thought, okay, so the opportunity.
34:06
SPEAKER_00: So basically, I changed management and I told my new manager, he was like, What are your dreams?
34:12
SPEAKER_00: Which no manager really ever asked me that.
34:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, they just go, What do you want to do?
34:16
SPEAKER_00: That's for sure.
34:17
SPEAKER_00: What do you want to do?
34:18
SPEAKER_00: He's like, What are your dreams?
34:19
SPEAKER_00: Like, what do you dream of doing?
34:20
SPEAKER_00: Like the most just outrageous, whatever.
34:23
SPEAKER_00: What are your dreams?
34:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, my dreams, I want to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated, I want to be on the cover of Vogue magazine, I want to be in runway fashion shows.
34:33
SPEAKER_00: I want, I want, I like I I start telling him all this stuff.
34:37
SPEAKER_00: He's like, You want that's a lot.
34:39
SPEAKER_00: Like, he's like, let's start with one.
34:41
SPEAKER_00: Because it was a lot.
34:42
SPEAKER_00: I want to open up a grocery store, I want to have my farms pop in, I'm gonna, I wanna feed millions of people.
34:47
SPEAKER_00: I was like, it's a lot of things I want to do.
34:50
SPEAKER_00: And um, he's like, let's start with one.
34:52
SPEAKER_00: So he's like, let's go with the sports illustrated one.
34:55
SPEAKER_00: Let's start with that.
34:56
SPEAKER_00: Let me make some phone calls.
34:57
SPEAKER_00: He made a phone call or two, and they're like, oh yeah, Tiffany's been tagging us.
35:01
SPEAKER_00: We know, we know about Tiffany for 15 years.
35:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we thought she was just playing.
35:06
SPEAKER_00: Is she serious?
35:07
SPEAKER_00: Is this real or is it a joke?
35:09
SPEAKER_00: Is she serious?
35:10
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, Yes, she says she's serious.
35:12
SPEAKER_00: She wants to do this.
35:12
SPEAKER_00: And that was like two months, maybe three months before.
35:16
SPEAKER_00: And they're like, uh, yeah, okay, we can, we'll, we'll take Tiffany.
35:20
SPEAKER_00: And then I have a meeting with them, and they're like, Yeah, you're gonna do the photo shoot, and we're gonna shoot some content.
35:25
SPEAKER_00: And we can't guarantee that you're gonna be in the magazine.
35:30
SPEAKER_00: We you you we're gonna do it, we can't guarantee that this is, you know, at most, at best, you it maybe a corner, maybe a spread.
35:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but that's all we can guarantee.
35:40
SPEAKER_03: Spread to be a good outcome.
35:41
SPEAKER_00: It's spread, yeah.
35:42
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm there doing a thing, and I'm just happy to be literally living venturing.
35:50
SPEAKER_03: That's the thing you dreamed of, right?
35:51
SPEAKER_00: Literally, yeah.
35:53
SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, all the work leading up towards that, because I believe you can't have a dream about something and just sit back and just be waiting for it to happen.
36:01
SPEAKER_00: No, you have to do actions, yeah.
36:03
SPEAKER_00: You have to do things to make it come.
36:04
SPEAKER_00: So, like, I would wear my weighted vest, uh, do my squats, uh, be like pulling weeds out the garden, I'm gonna cut this tree, I'm gonna get this exercise.
36:12
SPEAKER_03: That in mind, right?
36:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because I because you if I'm gonna be a swimsuit model, I gotta be fit and I gotta be this.
36:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm walking my dog, my dog is like 15 years old.
36:20
SPEAKER_00: Like, bitch, I can't do this.
36:22
SPEAKER_01: Calm down, mom.
36:24
SPEAKER_00: She's like, hey, well, she died.
36:26
SPEAKER_00: She was 18 when she passed, so she's 17 years old.
36:28
SPEAKER_00: Like, I can't do this.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, come on, we're going up this mountain, bitch.
36:32
SPEAKER_00: We must have it.
36:32
SPEAKER_00: Dragging her up a hill.
36:33
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm dragging her ass.
36:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm fucking, I'll carry you.
36:36
SPEAKER_03: And we go right up together.
36:37
SPEAKER_03: So wait, they gave they gave you a a heads up though, right?
36:39
SPEAKER_03: You got two.
36:40
SPEAKER_03: Two months.
36:41
SPEAKER_03: So that wasn't so so there was a chance that you put all of that effort in, and then you that you weren't, you wouldn't even be in it.
36:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:47
SPEAKER_03: So you knew.
36:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:49
SPEAKER_00: I believe I believed in me.
36:50
SPEAKER_03: Did you manifest the cover?
36:52
SPEAKER_00: I did not.
36:53
SPEAKER_00: I did.
36:53
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that look, that's a pose that it was in my head.
36:58
SPEAKER_00: The pose that's on the cover is a pose that's in my head.
37:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this right here.
37:02
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
37:03
SPEAKER_00: That's what Yeah, I can show you some pictures of me as a little girl.
37:06
SPEAKER_00: I always like little pose.
37:09
SPEAKER_00: And then there it was.
37:10
SPEAKER_00: Like, in the, I always imagined that'd be, that would be in a magazine doing that pose.
37:17
SPEAKER_00: And I did not know I was gonna be on the cover.
37:20
SPEAKER_00: They did they at the end of the day, they were like, great job.
37:24
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully we get a spread.
37:25
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully that becomes a spread.
37:26
SPEAKER_00: So that's all I'm gonna do.
37:28
SPEAKER_03: When did you find out you got the cover?
37:30
SPEAKER_00: I found out in March.
37:33
SPEAKER_00: Uh uh we were doing, I was doing some uh some footage for my foundation, for the She Ready Foundation, preparing for our prom.
37:41
SPEAKER_00: So we were filming some things for that.
37:43
SPEAKER_00: And then my manager showed up and he said, I'm gonna blindfold you and take you somewhere.
37:47
SPEAKER_00: I said, What?
37:48
SPEAKER_00: No, I ain't letting no white man blindfold me and take me any motherfucker where you got me fucked up.
37:52
SPEAKER_00: He's like, You have to trust me.
37:54
SPEAKER_00: You have to, this is a part of trust, you have to trust me.
37:56
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, dang, okay.
37:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna trust you, I'm gonna trust you.
37:59
SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, I'm like, he ain't gonna kill me and make anything bad happen.
38:02
SPEAKER_00: He eats off of me.
38:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm his fruit tree.
38:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm very trying to get it.
38:07
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna go with it.
38:08
SPEAKER_00: So he blindfolds me and he takes me and he's trying to, and we're driving, he's like, do you know where we're going?
38:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, uh, no, but it's I'm I can feel that we're going up here, like I feel that we turn this way, that way I'm like, we're going to Paris Hilton house.
38:21
SPEAKER_00: We're going to Paris' house.
38:23
SPEAKER_00: He's like, no, we're not.
38:24
SPEAKER_00: No, we're not.
38:24
SPEAKER_00: And so then I start calling out all these of the celebrities, like, because in my mind, we gotta be going to a house.
38:30
SPEAKER_00: And because that's just what I sensed.
38:32
SPEAKER_00: And uh, and he's like, no, we're not going there.
38:35
SPEAKER_00: No, we're not going there.
38:35
SPEAKER_00: I was calling that everybody, Mark Wahlberg, uh, Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence.
38:39
SPEAKER_00: Like, just literally, but but my my intuition, my soul is like, we're going to Paris' house.
38:46
SPEAKER_00: This feels like the trip to Paris' house.
38:48
SPEAKER_00: Like, uh, because I remember things like by feeling and like it, I'm weird.
38:53
SPEAKER_03: Anyways, intuition, instincts, said you.
38:55
SPEAKER_00: Instincts, instincts, yeah.
38:56
SPEAKER_00: And then we pulled up to the, I know we pulled up to a gate because I heard a man say, Hold.
39:01
SPEAKER_00: Like he was blasting the music, but I still heard a man say, Hold.
39:04
SPEAKER_00: He's like, Stay right here, don't get out the car, don't remove your blindfold.
39:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay.
39:08
SPEAKER_00: And the guy's like, I need to see your ID.
39:10
SPEAKER_00: What's going on here?
39:11
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh yeah, we at Paris' house.
39:14
SPEAKER_00: That's that's the security.
39:15
SPEAKER_00: And I can hear up.
39:17
SPEAKER_03: He must have thought that was weird.
39:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and and I could hear the fountain.
39:21
SPEAKER_00: And so, and then I could tell that my manager was whispering, but I couldn't understand exactly what he was saying.
39:26
SPEAKER_00: And I mean, he had that music blaring, but I could still, I'm like, very, anyways, we get in there, and it was like walking up this path, and and I feel like the cobblestones under my feet.
39:39
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm like, man, we at Paris House.
39:41
SPEAKER_00: This Paris House, we going to Paris House.
39:43
SPEAKER_00: He's like, No, we're not.
39:44
SPEAKER_00: No, we're not.
39:45
SPEAKER_00: And we walk in the door and I take a deep breath.
39:48
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, this is Paris House.
39:49
SPEAKER_00: I know the smell.
39:50
SPEAKER_00: I know this, this is Paris Hilton's perfume.
39:53
SPEAKER_00: I know the smell.
39:54
SPEAKER_00: And he like, damn it.
39:55
SPEAKER_00: And he removes a blindfold.
39:57
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, there's Paris, and there's Brooke standing there, and there's like balloons and all these pretty colors.
40:02
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, Paris, hey! And then I'm like, wait a minute, what?
40:04
SPEAKER_00: What the fuck am I doing here?
40:06
SPEAKER_00: Like, what is this about?
40:07
SPEAKER_00: And then she's like, look, look, look.
40:09
SPEAKER_00: And she tells, look down, and there's a cake.
40:11
SPEAKER_00: And it says, you are now, you're on the cover of Sports Illustrated, your cover model for swimsuit model for Sports Illustrated.
40:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what?
40:18
SPEAKER_00: And I start crying and stuff because that part of the dream I didn't see.
40:24
SPEAKER_00: I didn't see that, you know, Paris would be the person to be giving me this news.
40:30
SPEAKER_00: I did not, and she's such a good friend to me.
40:33
SPEAKER_00: Uh huh.
40:34
SPEAKER_00: She really likes.
40:35
SPEAKER_00: I share a lot of my dreams with her.
40:36
SPEAKER_00: And she's like, that's gonna happen, sis.
40:39
SPEAKER_00: It's happening.
40:40
SPEAKER_00: That's happening.
40:40
SPEAKER_00: Watch.
40:41
SPEAKER_00: That's so easy.
40:42
SPEAKER_00: It's easy.
40:43
SPEAKER_00: It's you're definitely hottish.
40:44
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna happen.
40:45
SPEAKER_00: And like having friends like that, like is so necessary.
40:49
SPEAKER_00: And I and I I've been very good about keeping a close circle around me.
40:53
SPEAKER_00: Friends from since I was like 12 years old.
40:56
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and then I have like Paris is a newer friend.
40:59
SPEAKER_00: It've been like what, six, seven years, maybe eight years.
41:02
SPEAKER_00: But like, I'm very good about keeping positive people around.
41:05
SPEAKER_00: Like, if I shoot one of my dreams out to you, it'd be like, wow, that's that's big, but it's possible.
41:11
SPEAKER_00: Okay, maybe if you did this, maybe do that.
41:13
SPEAKER_00: Like those type of people.
41:15
SPEAKER_00: And now I do have a few negative Nancy's around, yeah.
41:18
SPEAKER_00: And just to keep me balanced out, you know, and they'll be like, girl, you're too old for that shit.
41:23
SPEAKER_00: Uh you want to do what?
41:25
SPEAKER_00: That ain't happening, girl.
41:26
SPEAKER_00: And then that they're like, okay, let me prove this to you.
41:29
SPEAKER_00: That's like my little motivation.
41:32
SPEAKER_00: You gotta have one or two negative Nancy's.
41:34
SPEAKER_03: So much of so much of our um uh experiences in life are just governed by those people, right?
41:41
SPEAKER_03: Like it's so true.
41:43
SPEAKER_03: Like the people you spend all your time with are the people that then you become in many ways.
41:48
SPEAKER_03: Right.
41:48
SPEAKER_00: That's why I try not to hang around broke people no more.
41:51
SPEAKER_00: But how but how do they say you hang around five broke people, you're gonna be the sixth.
41:54
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, which I think is true, right?
41:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, how do you do successful wealthy friends with good credit scores?
42:00
SPEAKER_03: But but but how do um top credit score, by the way?
42:02
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I know.
42:04
SPEAKER_03: I'll check it.
42:05
SPEAKER_03: How do you um how do people though who are in the circumstances that you were in who don't have that luxury, right?
42:13
SPEAKER_03: Like, sure, we probably have the luxury to pick less negative people, but not everyone has that opportunity.
42:21
SPEAKER_03: How do you go from the little girl who is not able to access those people to to being in a place where you can really be much more selective about the people you spend your time with?
42:32
SPEAKER_03: And there's some pitfalls to that as well, right?
42:33
SPEAKER_03: Which we can talk about, but yeah.
42:36
SPEAKER_00: I mean, uh let's be clear, I think I've always had a lot of friends, uh a lot of associates of people that I thought were my friends, and maybe they weren't, but uh like I said, I was a mastermind manipulator and very good at making people feel good about themselves and who they are.
42:50
SPEAKER_00: So uh even at a like at a young age, I always had cool friends.
42:55
SPEAKER_00: Uh, didn't always have rich friends.
42:57
SPEAKER_00: And and my grandma used to always say, uh, birds of a feather flock together, and poor association spoils useful habits.
43:04
SPEAKER_00: And in that poor association, I really started at first I didn't that didn't sink in at first, but once I hit about like 19, I started really being like, I have to really curate the type of people I associate with.
43:18
SPEAKER_00: So then I only want to be around people with money.
43:20
SPEAKER_00: So I dated dope dealers and police officers.
43:23
SPEAKER_00: That was stupid.
43:24
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I learned a lot.
43:26
SPEAKER_02: Niche.
43:27
SPEAKER_00: I learned a lot.
43:30
SPEAKER_00: Right?
43:31
SPEAKER_00: And uh and and I suffered a lot from being in the in that realm.
43:38
SPEAKER_00: But I learned a lot of things and I learned, okay, this is not how I want to move.
43:42
SPEAKER_00: These are not the type of people I want to attract to me.
43:45
SPEAKER_00: Uh while I wanna be around wealthy people or people that have money, I don't want to be around the people that are always worried and getting it in such a way where they might die.
43:54
SPEAKER_00: Right?
43:55
SPEAKER_00: Uh so I had to make adjustments and really be selective.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: And really, like a lot of people wanted to be my friend.
44:02
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't famous.
44:03
SPEAKER_00: I was just doing stand-up comedy, working at the airlines, you know.
44:07
SPEAKER_00: And uh I would be really selective about the persons that I would work with at the airport.
44:12
SPEAKER_00: Like, like I have to work with everybody, but I don't have to talk to everybody, right?
44:15
SPEAKER_00: So I would talk to the people that were smiling without anybody talking to them, the people that had pleasant dispositions, and always, I always paid attention.
44:26
SPEAKER_00: Like the first three conversations I have with somebody, is it all negative?
44:29
SPEAKER_00: Are they gossiping the whole time?
44:31
SPEAKER_00: If they're gossiping the whole time, that's gonna be somebody that I keep at a distance because they're gonna, whatever they're telling me, they're gonna be doing that shit to me, too.
44:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, and so those first three conversations really tell me what type of person that they are.
44:45
SPEAKER_00: But some people are such good actors.
44:47
SPEAKER_00: They fucking like it takes six months to get to real them, and they're like pretending for so long.
44:52
SPEAKER_00: But that's why I don't allow people anymore.
44:56
SPEAKER_00: But during that time, after the first three conversations, they've been positive every conversation.
45:01
SPEAKER_00: Uh every time I see them, we're having like we laugh.
45:05
SPEAKER_03: Smiling.
45:05
SPEAKER_00: This is this is a person I want to associate with.
45:08
SPEAKER_03: But you're doing that intentionally, you you've always done that intentionally.
45:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
45:11
SPEAKER_00: But once I hear it.
45:12
SPEAKER_03: So you're actually thinking about it.
45:14
SPEAKER_03: You're like, right, I need to, I need to be um with real intent, searching out people who can bring value or joy more so than just value.
45:23
SPEAKER_00: That is valuable to me.
45:25
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
45:25
SPEAKER_00: That is the value.
45:26
SPEAKER_00: That to me is like uh that's wealth to me.
45:30
SPEAKER_00: People that can like literally they step into a room and the room shifts and it shifts for good.
45:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
45:36
SPEAKER_00: Like those are the type of people I want to be around.
45:38
SPEAKER_00: Like, I remember doing extra work.
45:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm still friends with this girl to this day.
45:42
SPEAKER_00: Roche, we are still friends.
45:44
SPEAKER_00: I was just sitting there, like, I would do extra work, work on these programs, TV shows, and I would not talk to nobody but the first or second AD.
45:51
SPEAKER_00: And I would sit in the back and like just crochet.
45:54
SPEAKER_00: I might talk to the sound guy, I might talk, but I would never talk to the other extras.
45:58
SPEAKER_00: Uh, if they talk to me, I would respond and then I would shut the fuck up.
46:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, cause I, to me, they're all parasites.
46:05
SPEAKER_00: They all are just trying to get in front of the camera, and they're like, I don't want no parts.
46:11
SPEAKER_00: So I would just crochet, crochet.
46:14
SPEAKER_00: And this girl Roche comes up to me, she goes.
46:16
SPEAKER_03: What's c what's crochet?
46:17
SPEAKER_03: That's like knitting.
46:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like knitting.
46:18
SPEAKER_00: Right.
46:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, crochet.
46:19
SPEAKER_00: I make sweaters, socks, bikinis, uh, gloves, jackets, uh purses, cell phone covers.
46:26
SPEAKER_00: Like I was making all kinds of stuff.
46:28
SPEAKER_00: Anyways, because I gotta have, I gotta be doing shit.
46:32
SPEAKER_03: Sorry, DHD is untrue.
46:33
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, I gotta be doing shit.
46:35
SPEAKER_00: So she she comes up to me and she was like, What you making?
46:40
SPEAKER_00: And she was smiling.
46:41
SPEAKER_00: When she said, And I was like, Oh, I'm making me a sweater.
46:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm making a sweater.
46:44
SPEAKER_00: She was like, girl, can you make me one too?
46:46
SPEAKER_00: I said, you know what?
46:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna make this a scarf.
46:48
SPEAKER_00: Make you a scarf and make me a scarf.
46:50
SPEAKER_00: I don't know this girl, but the way she came up to me, and then we started talking and we was laughing so hard.
46:57
SPEAKER_00: I was like, yo, this girl's about to be my friend.
47:00
SPEAKER_00: Like I, and I would tell people, you my friend now.
47:03
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna, I think I told you that.
47:05
SPEAKER_00: We gonna be friends.
47:07
SPEAKER_00: Literally, what I'm gonna tell you, because I heard you talk for like 30 minutes and I was like, we gonna be friends.
47:12
SPEAKER_00: And then those are people that are my lifelong, like they will tell you, like it, if I said we gonna be friends, we are friends.
47:20
SPEAKER_00: Like, and me and that girl.
47:21
SPEAKER_03: It's tough to get tough to get rid of her at that stage.
47:24
SPEAKER_00: It kind of is.
47:25
SPEAKER_00: It is.
47:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm not annoying, but it is.
47:27
SPEAKER_00: I will pop up on you about every three months, like, what the fuck you man?
47:30
SPEAKER_00: Like, what's going on?
47:31
SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, we her and I, like, at first I wasn't sure because she's so beautiful, right?
47:37
SPEAKER_00: This girl, so and and and like I am competitive.
47:41
SPEAKER_00: I am competitive.
47:42
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm like, is this girl trying to like be my friend so that you know we can go manhunt?
47:48
SPEAKER_00: Like, we finna be on home missions together.
47:50
SPEAKER_00: Like, what is the what is this, what is the dynamic of this friendship gonna be, right?
47:55
SPEAKER_00: So by the by, and we only saw each other on set.
47:59
SPEAKER_00: So three days in a row, we working together.
48:01
SPEAKER_00: By the third day, I'm like, okay, she is a little vixing, but this girl is smart, this girl is not abusive, this girl cares about other people, and she's probably gonna get married in the next like four years.
48:14
SPEAKER_00: And baby, if I wasn't right, I was it's like I'm psychic.
48:19
SPEAKER_00: Like four years after we meet, she done met her dude, they together, she having babies, she's kind, she's dope, like she's connected, like, but in a good positive way, and we are still friends to this day.
48:31
SPEAKER_00: And I make music with her husband, we do, we, we go on like trips, we all are we're friends.
48:38
SPEAKER_00: And so, like, I feel like my judgment right off the top is usually good.
48:42
SPEAKER_00: Now, a few horrible people done got past, a few, a few, like, you know, imposters.
48:48
SPEAKER_03: I think that's happened to all of us, right?
48:50
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, one thing I often wonder with you guys in general, like the people in the public eye, um there's more acting going on, right?
49:01
SPEAKER_03: More people want something from you than from the rest of us.
49:04
SPEAKER_03: How how do you like filter through that and how has that changed your perception of strangers?
49:09
SPEAKER_03: I think I become a I can only I can only imagine, you know, was trust an issue even before that, you know, like given your upbringing?
49:18
SPEAKER_00: Hell yeah! First of all, I don't trust nobody.
49:23
SPEAKER_00: I don't trust nobody.
49:24
SPEAKER_00: I respect everybody.
49:25
SPEAKER_00: As soon as I meet you, you have my respect.
49:28
SPEAKER_00: And then your actions will knock that down, dwindle that down, right?
49:32
SPEAKER_00: And then once I get to zero respect for you, I kind of just I tap out.
49:35
SPEAKER_00: Because my respect will be.
49:37
SPEAKER_03: Like your actions might build respect.
49:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you can always build the respect up.
49:42
SPEAKER_00: I always I respect people immediately.
49:45
SPEAKER_00: Trust you, no.
49:46
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no.
49:47
SPEAKER_00: I think trust and respect are two different things.
49:49
SPEAKER_00: For sure.
49:49
SPEAKER_00: Trust you, nah.
49:51
SPEAKER_00: But respect you, yes.
49:52
SPEAKER_00: And your actions can build a respect even more solid and more higher, and it build the trust up.
49:58
SPEAKER_00: And my trust, uh, that is that is hard to gain.
50:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
50:01
SPEAKER_00: But respect you have it immediately, and then you can knock that down by how you treat me.
50:14
SPEAKER_03: You know, I I know many people in in many, many very successful people, and I think it's safe to say that you are one of those that have that polarity as well.
50:25
SPEAKER_03: And I think one thing I'm always really interested to ask, and I asked this to Downey when he was on as well, is do you think you could have do you think you would have achieved that without the other end of that spectrum?
50:39
SPEAKER_03: And by that I mean who is Tiffany Haddish without the trauma?
50:46
SPEAKER_03: Do you think that that would have is that are you a product of that?
50:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm a definitely a product.
50:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm a definitely a product of my trauma.
50:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm a product of all the good and the bad that has happened in my world for sure.
50:59
SPEAKER_00: If nothing bad ever happened, I probably would be very quiet, and I probably wouldn't have ADHD at all, uh, because I wouldn't be trying to escape from things.
51:10
SPEAKER_00: And I probably be married with like probably five or six kids right now, just enjoying watching them grow up and like and pro and I I don't think I would have many like goals except to see them live and thrive.
51:26
SPEAKER_00: I don't think um Yeah.
51:29
SPEAKER_03: And I don't think there's a right or wrong way of doing it.
51:31
SPEAKER_03: I just find it really fascinating that like for six for like hyper successful people, it's nearly always the case that they've built up a lot of scars along the way.
51:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I got some keyloid scars for sure.
51:44
SPEAKER_00: Not in real life, I don't scar.
51:47
SPEAKER_00: But I mean I do scar, but I think on my soul, yeah, yeah, it's a lot of it's a lot like a shark's back.
51:54
SPEAKER_03: Do you think that that just is the way?
51:56
SPEAKER_03: Like that's how you become the world's best at something, or that or I don't know if that is a rule, but it's it seemed like it is a rule.
52:04
SPEAKER_00: I've I've have yet to meet a successful person that hasn't been traumatized, that hasn't been through a lot of like hardships, um, that hasn't suffered.
52:12
SPEAKER_00: I don't I don't know anybody who is success truly successful uh in my eyes, where they have like they know how to cultivate joy on and they know how to like handle things and they they have a roof over their head and food in their refrigerator, and they their their existence is creating uh uh ecosystem for those around them.
52:33
SPEAKER_00: Um to me, that is true success.
52:35
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know anybody that's doing that that has not been damn near dead inside at some point in time.
52:49
SPEAKER_00: And that's that is I think the only way that you can.
52:53
SPEAKER_00: I and I hate to say it, and I don't want to see nobody suffering.
52:56
SPEAKER_00: If it's a kid watching this, you don't have to go look for no trauma because trauma will come and find you easily, just like how you everybody gotta pee, everybody gotta poop.
53:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think everybody gotta go through trauma.
53:08
SPEAKER_00: But how you respond to it, how you handle it, how you use it, like a farmer uses cow poop to fertilize a crop and feed a nation, you're gonna have to use that crap that comes into your life, that trauma that comes into your life, and you're gonna have to use it as fertilizer and try to grow into the thing that you always dreamed of being.
53:31
SPEAKER_03: Hey, on that note, right, I think there are, you know, and if there are any children listening who are going through trauma, I don't know that there would be to this podcast, but there'll be people.
53:41
SPEAKER_03: You'd be surprised.
53:42
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, maybe, maybe, right?
53:43
SPEAKER_03: Maybe to this episode.
53:44
SPEAKER_00: You'd be surprised, maybe this comes on right after is a cake.
53:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
53:46
SPEAKER_00: You don't know.
53:47
SPEAKER_03: But for anyone going through hardship, and I think you quite rightly say we all do, right?
53:54
SPEAKER_03: And and that doesn't have to be like periods of life.
53:56
SPEAKER_03: Intra-daily we go through hardship.
53:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
53:58
SPEAKER_03: Right?
53:58
SPEAKER_03: And like how do how to maintain that just positive outlook on life?
54:03
SPEAKER_03: I struggle with at times.
54:04
SPEAKER_03: I think everyone does, right?
54:06
SPEAKER_03: But when you are, when we're talking about someone who's in this sustained period of darkness, it's you know, when someone says, you know, you can use this and one day it will be better, and like you're gonna get through this, it's kind of it sometimes that falls on deaf ears, right?
54:19
SPEAKER_03: And it's easy, it's easy for people to say once they are at the other side.
54:23
SPEAKER_03: What would be your like, you know, having been there, what would be your message to someone who's in that moment now?
54:31
SPEAKER_00: Somebody who's in that moment now, I would tell them, change something, do something different.
54:38
SPEAKER_00: If it's one thing, do it different.
54:40
SPEAKER_00: So, like, like I was trying to tell you earlier, when I get depressed, when I get sad, when I get like frustrated or I get in that dark space, I know that I feel like that's my body and my soul telling me, we're not comfortable here.
54:53
SPEAKER_00: We don't like this.
54:54
SPEAKER_00: This is not the real you.
54:56
SPEAKER_00: You're being fake, you're doing something you ain't got no fucking business doing, change it.
55:00
SPEAKER_00: So I will go for a walk.
55:02
SPEAKER_00: I will start turn on music and start dancing, like literally change something.
55:07
SPEAKER_00: Hey, you might be in jail.
55:08
SPEAKER_00: I've been in jail.
55:09
SPEAKER_00: You can't change, you can't go for the walk.
55:11
SPEAKER_00: You can't turn on music and dance, but you can do some push-ups, you can start doing jumping jacks, you can start telling a story, or you can go to sleep.
55:20
SPEAKER_00: Like, just do something in that moment.
55:23
SPEAKER_00: Like, I have been, like I said, I wanted to die.
55:27
SPEAKER_00: I wanted to die.
55:28
SPEAKER_00: And I try to do something about that, and I didn't die.
55:31
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, damn, okay, God must got something else for me to do.
55:35
SPEAKER_00: So I'ma just do something.
55:37
SPEAKER_00: So I just went for a walk, you know, start going walking every day, started meeting people.
55:42
SPEAKER_00: Boom.
55:42
SPEAKER_00: Hey, you know, you could get a this these are they learned over here.
55:46
SPEAKER_00: This is happening.
55:46
SPEAKER_00: Like, just change the environment a little bit.
55:49
SPEAKER_00: And you don't gotta go all the way to Europe or go all the way somewhere else.
55:53
SPEAKER_00: You can literally just walk outside your house.
55:55
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it be so dark in the house and so dank in the house, and like, because it's just so much hurt and pain that's going on.
56:03
SPEAKER_00: Fucking move out of the house.
56:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I'm not saying you gotta move away, just go outside.
56:09
SPEAKER_03: Change something.
56:10
SPEAKER_00: Go lay down in the grass.
56:11
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
56:12
SPEAKER_00: You know, fucking cry like a baby.
56:14
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
56:15
SPEAKER_00: Just cry.
56:16
SPEAKER_00: Like some sometimes you just really need to cry.
56:18
SPEAKER_00: Like, because I mean, and I think it's important that we all cry.
56:22
SPEAKER_00: If you like feeling like super, especially depressed, I think you need to cry.
56:27
SPEAKER_00: Because we were born crying.
56:29
SPEAKER_00: That's the first mode of communication.
56:31
SPEAKER_00: So I think you're supposed to do that throughout life.
56:33
SPEAKER_00: Now, not every day, all day, but let them toxins out.
56:38
SPEAKER_00: There's this it's crap building up in there.
56:40
SPEAKER_00: And I think crying is a removal of old beliefs and a replacement of new ones.
56:45
SPEAKER_00: And maybe the old belief was I'm okay.
56:47
SPEAKER_00: And the new one is I'm not okay.
56:49
SPEAKER_00: And then maybe go do something there.
56:51
SPEAKER_00: Go wash the dishes, go out there, go pull some weeds out the garden or something.
56:54
SPEAKER_00: Go do something.
56:55
SPEAKER_00: And then see, and then you probably won't need to cry no more.
56:59
SPEAKER_00: You probably like, oh, I don't even know what I was tripping about.
57:01
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I get really sad.
57:02
SPEAKER_00: I eat ice cream.
57:03
SPEAKER_00: Ice cream be messing my stomach up.
57:05
SPEAKER_00: Ooh, it tearing my stomach up.
57:06
SPEAKER_03: Bad, bad.
57:08
SPEAKER_03: We're not advocating for that.
57:09
SPEAKER_00: So bad that I forget what I was sad about.
57:12
SPEAKER_03: I cried at a commercial last week about a dog.
57:16
SPEAKER_03: Is that some toxins coming out?
57:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's toxins coming out.
57:19
SPEAKER_00: That's a that's it, it's a detox.
57:22
SPEAKER_00: And maybe you realize that maybe the the old belief that's watching washing out is that you don't want a dog.
57:28
SPEAKER_00: And maybe the new belief is you love dogs.
57:31
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
57:32
SPEAKER_03: I have a dog.
57:33
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you have a dog.
57:34
SPEAKER_03: So may maybe the the old belief that was washing out is that I think it was probably uh a buildup of other emotions, and that triggered me.
57:43
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
57:44
SPEAKER_03: The dog.
57:44
SPEAKER_03: Maybe.
57:45
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, maybe.
57:45
SPEAKER_03: Who knows?
57:46
SPEAKER_00: Do you go to football games?
57:47
SPEAKER_00: Not American football.
57:48
SPEAKER_03: Soccer games.
57:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, soccer games.
57:50
SPEAKER_03: Um, I used to a lot, yeah.
57:52
SPEAKER_03: Not not what since I've moved to the US.
57:54
SPEAKER_00: When you used to go, did you get like all emotional, be screaming and crying, be like?
58:00
SPEAKER_03: I don't get emotional about sport, really.
58:03
SPEAKER_00: No?
58:03
SPEAKER_03: Just dogs.
58:04
SPEAKER_03: Just dogs?
58:05
SPEAKER_03: Specifically dogs.
58:07
SPEAKER_00: Well, roof, roof.
58:09
SPEAKER_03: Just going back to before we before we move off that point for the the person who's in that moment of darkness.
58:15
SPEAKER_03: Um, I think what's really interesting, right, is that you said that you don't know anyone who's become this like brilliant version of themselves who hasn't been in that moment.
58:26
SPEAKER_03: And I think that's a really nice thought to anchor yourself to if you are experiencing like real a real downtime.
58:34
SPEAKER_03: Like if you're in a really dark place, like the obstacle is the way often, right?
58:38
SPEAKER_03: Like that is You're not alone.
58:40
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
58:40
SPEAKER_00: And you're gonna be there's light at the end of that tunnel, and there's success over there if you want it.
58:45
SPEAKER_00: If you want to get up and walk to it, go to it, get to it, get to it.
58:49
SPEAKER_03: Not easy but doable.
58:51
SPEAKER_00: It not easy but very doable.
58:53
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
58:53
SPEAKER_03: Hey Tiffany, what brings you happiness these days?
58:56
SPEAKER_03: You know, you're always every time I've ever spent time with you, you always brighten up every room that you're in.
59:03
SPEAKER_03: Like your your um joy is infectious as it should be, right?
59:09
SPEAKER_03: That's what how what what truly brings you joy now, other than giving it to other people?
59:18
SPEAKER_00: Other than seeing other people laughing and smiling.
59:20
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
59:21
SPEAKER_03: Um because we talk so much about like diagnostics and tests and data, and like just I at the at the top end of the episode, I mentioned like that we don't do a great job of measuring that, so it's difficult to know whether we are doing a good job of it or not.
59:36
SPEAKER_03: And I think you're like, I don't know if the same applies to you, but for me, my mood's just so cyclical, and I think AHD actually does play a big role in that.
59:44
SPEAKER_03: Is like I can feel like I'm on top of the world one minute, and then someone will say something and I'll get really annoyed.
59:50
SPEAKER_03: Fucking another thing, yeah.
59:52
SPEAKER_03: And then sometimes I have to catch myself and be like, what are you angry about?
59:57
SPEAKER_03: Like, there's nothing to be angry about, but that's really difficult sometimes.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_03: How do you do that?
1:00:01
SPEAKER_03: Like, how do you how do you keep yourself at that level?
1:00:04
SPEAKER_00: Hugs.
1:00:05
SPEAKER_03: Hugs.
1:00:06
SPEAKER_00: I love hugs.
1:00:06
SPEAKER_00: Hugs make me really happy.
1:00:08
SPEAKER_00: 15 hugs a day keep the psychiatrist away.
1:00:10
SPEAKER_03: 15, right?
1:00:11
SPEAKER_03: 15 hugs a day.
1:00:12
SPEAKER_03: I've got to pump my numbers up.
1:00:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, come on, I got you.
1:00:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm only at four.
1:00:16
SPEAKER_00: Uh uh the hugs really do make me happy.
1:00:21
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, there's some real science to that oxytocin release when you hug.
1:00:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that really brings me joy.
1:00:26
SPEAKER_00: And then uh fruit.
1:00:28
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what it is about fruit.
1:00:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's like I saw some apples and I snatched them and I just started eating them.
1:00:35
SPEAKER_00: Uh fruit, I don't know why, especially when it's like real.
1:00:40
SPEAKER_00: Uh, like fruit from like another country usually is delicious.
1:00:44
SPEAKER_03: Exotic fruit.
1:00:45
SPEAKER_03: That's your niche, is it?
1:00:46
SPEAKER_00: I love sour soap.
1:00:48
SPEAKER_00: Uh, but I also love apples and oranges and like peaches and plums.
1:00:52
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know.
1:00:53
SPEAKER_00: I take a buy just some fruit, and then like my body feels like, yeah.
1:00:59
SPEAKER_00: And I get a little giddy, like a fruit salad.
1:01:02
SPEAKER_00: I mean, like, last night I went to this dinner and they had uh for the dessert, it was a like a fruit plate, and it had like uh mangoes in a circle and berries in the middle and like strawberries in the street.
1:01:17
SPEAKER_00: I was irritated at this party.
1:01:19
SPEAKER_00: They put that down in front of me.
1:01:20
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I was so happy to be able to do it.
1:01:24
SPEAKER_03: Were you mid-conversation with someone when they put it down?
1:01:26
SPEAKER_00: And they was talking to me about like politics stuff, and I was like, this is whack.
1:01:31
SPEAKER_00: Like I and like I understand, but I was playing dumb in the in the moment because um I was told that I'm too smart and men don't like smart women.
1:01:40
SPEAKER_00: Men like dumb women.
1:01:41
SPEAKER_03: That's categorically not true.
1:01:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, there's the men, I guess the men, the the men that I would think is right.
1:01:47
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so men don't like smart women, so you need to play dumb sometimes.
1:01:51
SPEAKER_00: It's so I was like being playing dumb, and so I was really mad about it.
1:01:56
SPEAKER_00: And then when uh they put the fruit in front of me, I was like, Yeah, but I was like eating the fruit, and they was talking that shit out of it, they didn't matter to me.
1:02:04
SPEAKER_03: Like, yay, like they were like, what is going on?
1:02:07
SPEAKER_00: This girl's so simple.
1:02:08
SPEAKER_00: Okay, but it's like they the little things that make me happy.
1:02:11
SPEAKER_00: Walks on the beach, like going outside, feeling the sun on my skin brings me joy.
1:02:16
SPEAKER_00: Uh, new clothes, new pretty clothes, pretty clothes make me happy.
1:02:20
SPEAKER_00: And then I don't know, I get really happy when I see myself in the mirror naked.
1:02:24
SPEAKER_03: Nice.
1:02:26
SPEAKER_03: That's a great one.
1:02:27
SPEAKER_00: That's like super, that's the easiest one.
1:02:29
SPEAKER_03: Even when I'm fat, even when I'm fat, I'm like you're a cover model for sports illustrations.
1:02:34
SPEAKER_03: You're pretty fine.
1:02:36
SPEAKER_00: You're a beautiful woman.
1:02:37
SPEAKER_03: I think the a good takeaway from that, right, is that you have to be on the lookout for things that bring you joy.
1:02:44
SPEAKER_03: Right?
1:02:44
SPEAKER_03: And I and it's so easy to fall into this wild comparison trap, right?
1:02:50
SPEAKER_03: At every stage of success.
1:02:52
SPEAKER_03: And you know, we we have some friends in common that it'd be very easy to look at and go, Oh, I've got so far to go to before I'm happy when, or before I hit this number.
1:03:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm never happy when.
1:03:04
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:03:04
SPEAKER_00: I'll be happier if this happens.
1:03:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that'll make me that'll bring me joy.
1:03:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:03:09
SPEAKER_00: That'll just be adding on to the the like I I think I'm an emotional hoarder.
1:03:14
SPEAKER_00: I hoard emotions, and I think happiness and joy is a something to hoard.
1:03:18
SPEAKER_03: Do you think we're meant to be happy all the time?
1:03:21
SPEAKER_00: No.
1:03:21
SPEAKER_00: No, you'll never get nothing done.
1:03:23
SPEAKER_00: No, nothing will be accomplished if you're happy all the time.
1:03:27
SPEAKER_00: Like, no.
1:03:28
SPEAKER_03: Well, I think it's also part of the human condition, right?
1:03:30
SPEAKER_03: There's no happiness without sadness.
1:03:33
SPEAKER_03: I don't know if that's even the goal to be happy all the time.
1:03:35
SPEAKER_03: Maybe a bad goal would be at peace.
1:03:38
SPEAKER_00: I just want to be uh just what's that indifferent?
1:03:41
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:03:42
SPEAKER_00: A majority of the time.
1:03:43
SPEAKER_03: Just unbothered.
1:03:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just just indifferent a majority of the time.
1:03:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:03:46
SPEAKER_00: And then I have these peaks of occasional peaks of happiness, yeah.
1:03:50
SPEAKER_00: Joy.
1:03:50
SPEAKER_00: And then like I I like getting angry too.
1:03:53
SPEAKER_00: It's kind of funny.
1:03:54
SPEAKER_03: Well, we've spoken about this before uh uh off camera, that sometimes it's I take a little bit of pleasure in being grumpy.
1:04:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it feels kind of good, like, yeah.
1:04:04
SPEAKER_00: Not too much, not too much, just a little bit, just a little bit being mean, a little bit being an asshole, you know, telling somebody about themselves a little bit.
1:04:10
SPEAKER_03: Like, and why is that, do you think?
1:04:13
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
1:04:13
SPEAKER_00: I think we all got a little evil in us, and sometimes we gotta play with it, you know, a little bit.
1:04:19
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
1:04:20
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes what I be feeling really mean, I talk to my plants real mean sometimes because I don't want to hurt nobody's feelings.
1:04:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so because sometimes I be feeling like real vicious.
1:04:29
SPEAKER_00: So I just talk to the plants.
1:04:31
SPEAKER_03: You go there and slate your plants, you heckle your plants.
1:04:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you piece of shit.
1:04:36
SPEAKER_00: And then it don't be brand.
1:04:37
SPEAKER_00: No fruit.
1:04:38
SPEAKER_00: I'll be like, oh, let me talk nice to it.
1:04:40
SPEAKER_00: Well, the fruit being kind of small.
1:04:42
SPEAKER_00: I'll I'll try not to talk to my lemon tree too bad because it's sensitive.
1:04:46
SPEAKER_00: My lemon tree is sensitive.
1:04:47
SPEAKER_03: When life gives you lemons, mm-hmm.
1:04:49
SPEAKER_00: But my my uh let me shut up.
1:04:52
SPEAKER_00: My devil's trumpet tree, it can handle, it can handle it.
1:04:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
1:04:57
SPEAKER_03: Is that made up?
1:04:58
SPEAKER_00: No, it's a real tree.
1:04:59
SPEAKER_03: There's a tree called the Devil's Trumpet.
1:05:00
SPEAKER_00: Devil's trumpet, yeah.
1:05:02
SPEAKER_00: It's got these beautiful blossoms that like aim down towards the ground.
1:05:06
SPEAKER_00: So, like they blowing towards hell.
1:05:08
SPEAKER_00: Some people call it a angel's trumpet.
1:05:10
SPEAKER_00: Those ones usually go.
1:05:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:05:13
SPEAKER_03: Wow.
1:05:14
SPEAKER_00: Mine goes towards the ground.
1:05:15
SPEAKER_00: And you they say if you sit under it and inhale, it'll get you a little higher and you'll be able to visualize even more.
1:05:22
SPEAKER_03: You don't drink coffee, do you?
1:05:23
SPEAKER_03: No.
1:05:24
SPEAKER_03: You don't do any stimulants.
1:05:25
SPEAKER_03: No.
1:05:25
SPEAKER_03: Do you have any ADHD medication?
1:05:27
SPEAKER_00: No.
1:05:28
SPEAKER_03: Huh.
1:05:29
SPEAKER_00: I probably need it.
1:05:30
SPEAKER_00: Man, I wonder what would happen if I took some, but then I don't want to take that.
1:05:34
SPEAKER_03: What's what's on the cards, Tiffany, for the next few years?
1:05:37
SPEAKER_03: What what's gonna what are your goals that you've written down which you haven't yet achieved?
1:05:41
SPEAKER_00: Uh I'm gonna be in the Olympics.
1:05:43
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we're gonna do that together.
1:05:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're gonna do that together.
1:05:46
SPEAKER_00: And then um, I would like I would like a trustee.
1:05:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna give me a trustee.
1:05:53
SPEAKER_03: What you do, like you you you do so much for others, right?
1:05:56
SPEAKER_03: And that this like um I think that there is some I call it selfish selflessness in giving.
1:06:04
SPEAKER_03: I think giving brings a lot of joy inherently by being able to help more people.
1:06:09
SPEAKER_03: You know, and one of the, and and I know one of the reasons you you're involved here is that this there is this huge socioeconomic divide.
1:06:18
SPEAKER_03: There is so much that we can be doing to live healthier, happier lives.
1:06:22
SPEAKER_03: And some of those are just really fundamental basics that people can't access.
1:06:26
SPEAKER_03: You know, what why over the next, you know, what are the projects that you're working on next that that that fuel that?
1:06:33
SPEAKER_03: Because I think it's just so nice to talk about.
1:06:36
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm opening a grocery store and I'm opening multiple ones across the country.
1:06:42
SPEAKER_00: And that is like, that brings me a lot of joy.
1:06:45
SPEAKER_00: Also, it brings me some stress because I'm like, whoa, what am I opening myself up to here?
1:06:50
SPEAKER_00: But I just know it's gonna create so many jobs, it's gonna enhance so many lives, it's gonna do so good.
1:06:56
SPEAKER_00: I just, I know it.
1:06:58
SPEAKER_00: I just, I can feel it in my guts.
1:07:00
SPEAKER_00: Like, I know this is gonna be good.
1:07:02
SPEAKER_00: And it's hard to do, it's not easy, and uh, and it's very difficult to do, and a lot of people are not very helpful, but but I know it's gonna get done.
1:07:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it may, and it just the thought of it just makes me smile so big and it makes me feel really good because I know, I know it's gonna be, once it's up and running, it'll be years, like probably generations of families that'll thrive.
1:07:27
SPEAKER_00: Like I think family is so, so important.
1:07:30
SPEAKER_00: And um, and I can see how it's been dismantled over the years, family structures being dismantled, and it's really hard to create generational wealth or any type of wealth or joy without family.
1:07:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you need family, even if you make up your own family.
1:07:45
SPEAKER_00: You every human needs family.
1:07:48
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:07:49
SPEAKER_03: Well, we know the biggest killer um is for in many respects is loneliness, right?
1:07:54
SPEAKER_03: Like killer of joy, at least.
1:07:57
SPEAKER_00: That's why you need family, even if it's family that gets on your damn nerves.
1:08:01
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
1:08:02
SPEAKER_00: You get you can laugh at them later, but you need you need that.
1:08:05
SPEAKER_00: You need you need them people that know you, that care about you, at least you hope they care.
1:08:10
SPEAKER_00: Some of them be jealous.
1:08:11
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I got my family a hot mess, but I love my family.
1:08:15
SPEAKER_03: I love everyone's got that, right?
1:08:16
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and to what end are we doing any of this if it's not for our family and our loved ones?
1:08:21
SPEAKER_00: Well, for yeah.
1:08:23
SPEAKER_03: Wait, you disagree?
1:08:24
SPEAKER_03: Why?
1:08:25
SPEAKER_00: Well, for legacy, yeah.
1:08:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, some of us, some things like so.
1:08:29
SPEAKER_00: I do.
1:08:30
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but legacy is to give to hand down to your family, right?
1:08:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but or to hand down to a nation of people.
1:08:36
SPEAKER_03: True.
1:08:36
unknown: Yeah.
1:08:37
SPEAKER_03: Alright, I stand corrected.
1:08:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:08:39
SPEAKER_00: I care about the whole nation.
1:08:40
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:08:41
SPEAKER_00: I care about everybody.
1:08:42
SPEAKER_03: Hey, I'm so glad that you are uh who you are, Tiffany.
1:08:46
SPEAKER_03: I think you're amazing.
1:08:47
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
1:08:48
SPEAKER_00: Take me to dinner now.
1:08:50
SPEAKER_03: Should we go to dinner?
1:08:53
SPEAKER_00: You say you like dogs.
1:08:55
SPEAKER_03: It is a it has been, I'm not, I'm good, I'm mindful of your time because I know you're very busy.
1:08:59
SPEAKER_03: And actually, we've got to get you to train now.
1:09:02
SPEAKER_03: That's what I'm saying.
1:09:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:09:03
SPEAKER_03: Um, thank you.
1:09:04
SPEAKER_00: I also have a meeting in 15 minutes.
1:09:07
SPEAKER_03: That feels like an excuse.
1:09:08
SPEAKER_00: No, it's not.
1:09:10
SPEAKER_03: How long for?
1:09:11
SPEAKER_00: It's only like 20 minutes.
1:09:12
SPEAKER_03: Okay, then you can train, yeah.
1:09:13
SPEAKER_00: It's a money meeting.
1:09:14
SPEAKER_03: Okay, then you're and then I'm gonna train it.
1:09:16
SPEAKER_03: Okay, good.
1:09:16
SPEAKER_00: And then we'll go to the party.
1:09:18
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
1:09:18
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you're gonna go to the party?
1:09:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for sure.
1:09:20
SPEAKER_00: Okay, we'll go to the party.
1:09:22
SPEAKER_03: Tiffany is a pleasure and a privilege.
1:09:25
SPEAKER_03: You're coming back on in when we announced the Olympic announcement.
1:09:30
SPEAKER_03: We got two years.
1:09:30
SPEAKER_03: We heard it here first.
1:09:31
SPEAKER_00: We got two years.
1:09:32
SPEAKER_03: We're going, we'll give you more context on this, but we're going for the Olympics.
1:09:37
SPEAKER_00: Senior Olympics.
1:09:41
SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
1:09:42
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.