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Lee mills a recovering addict · A recovering addict

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi, my name is Lee Mills. I just wanted to
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  Speaker 1: share this story about my life. I was raised in
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  Speaker 1: the church for many years. I went to church on
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  Speaker 1: Sundays and Wednesdays and Fridays for youth group and Crusaders
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  Speaker 1: on Wednesdays when I was younger. And just even though
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  Speaker 1: I was raised in the church, I I listened to
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  Speaker 1: the stories and I looked at the people and listened
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  Speaker 1: to their stories and things that they were doing. I just,
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  Speaker 1: I didn't believe the Bible. I didn't believe what they
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: were saying. I just thought it was stories. When I
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  Speaker 1: was about 13, I played a game of truth or
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  Speaker 1: dare with a boy my age and it ended up
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  Speaker 1: turning sexual and my own sin gave in to that
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  Speaker 1: and was a part of that and it opened up
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  Speaker 1: a door in my life that that was very hard
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  Speaker 1: to close but it's not impossible and God did close
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  Speaker 1: that eventually in my life but it took many years
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  Speaker 1: of failure and it was the sin that I hated
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  Speaker 1: myself the worst for. And when I was about 16,
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  Speaker 1: I got into a relationship with my first girlfriend and
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  Speaker 1: I lost my virginity to her and I became very
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  Speaker 1: promiscuous after that relationship and I had girlfriends and flings
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  Speaker 1: with men and women.
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  Speaker 2: And yeah it was very tough to.
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  Speaker 1: Get away from because I opened up the door so
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  Speaker 1: seriously in that area but when I was about 19
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  Speaker 1: I began smoking pot because I went along with the
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  Speaker 1: crowd and of my friends and another trusted friend introduced
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  Speaker 1: it to us and me and my other two friends
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  Speaker 1: we all gave in and tried it and that was
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  Speaker 1: another door that was very detrimental to my soul and
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  Speaker 1: I had a hard time closing that door also but
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: From 19 on, I continued my promiscuity with men and women,
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  Speaker 1: and my drug addiction increased from once a month to
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  Speaker 1: once every couple weeks to once a week to all
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  Speaker 1: day every day, and spending all my money on it
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  Speaker 1: and more. And I just... went full throttle into drug
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  Speaker 1: addiction and sexual addiction. And I just had no closing
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  Speaker 1: of the doors of sin in my life. I just
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  Speaker 1: gave into it my fleshly appetites completely and was giving
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  Speaker 1: over to myself and eating my lusts And it was
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  Speaker 1: never enough. And I was trying to fill a void
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  Speaker 1: with drugs and sex. And eventually, when I was about 22,
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  Speaker 1: I tried crack cocaine. I just, curiosity got the best
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  Speaker 1: of me. And I wanted to know why people sold
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  Speaker 1: themselves on the street for this drug and what was
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  Speaker 1: so good about it. And my first crack rock, I
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  Speaker 1: couldn't speak for about 10 minutes afterwards. And I lost
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  Speaker 1: my breath. And I just opened up another door with
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  Speaker 1: another drug. And once I tried that drug and went
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  Speaker 1: full throttle into that drug and marijuana at the same time,
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  Speaker 1: I made a pact with myself that I would never
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  Speaker 1: try another drug in my life. and that was when
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  Speaker 1: I was 22, and I've stuck true to that, and
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  Speaker 1: I'm 47 now. I've only tried the two drugs, the
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  Speaker 1: marijuana and the crack, but that was enough for me,
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  Speaker 1: and I just didn't want to multiply my problems.
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  Speaker 2: So when I was about 22, in.
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  Speaker 1: The middle of my crack addiction, when I was about 22,
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  Speaker 1: living on my own in another city, man ripped me
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  Speaker 1: off for $ 80 worth of crack and he said what
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  Speaker 1: am I going to do about it and I went
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  Speaker 1: to him three times and asked him for the money
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  Speaker 1: of the crack and his response was the same what
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  Speaker 1: are you going to do about it and I got
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  Speaker 1: so angry that I went and got my friends and
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  Speaker 1: set them up and had them lead them to me
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  Speaker 1: out back from the bar and they convinced me to
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  Speaker 1: bring the Louisville Slugger, which is a bat, and I
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  Speaker 1: ended up thinking it was a good idea.
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  Speaker 2: I was angry, and I let my rage.
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  Speaker 1: Control me, and I hit the man in the head
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  Speaker 1: with the bat and crushed his skull by about six
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  Speaker 1: to eight inches and left him for dead, and I
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  Speaker 1: thought I had killed him. He ended up living, which
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  Speaker 1: is very lucky on my part, and I never got caught.
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  Speaker 1: because my friends didn't rat me off and nobody knew
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  Speaker 1: about it except us. But I went home that night
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  Speaker 1: and I literally prayed to God for the first time
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  Speaker 1: in my life very seriously. And I said, let me
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  Speaker 1: feel the pain or kill me. And I meant it.
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  Speaker 1: Not even a week later during a bad drug deal,
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  Speaker 1: I was robbed and hit in the face with a
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  Speaker 1: lead bar and kicked in the face for 20 minutes
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  Speaker 1: by three men that had nothing to do with the
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  Speaker 1: man with the bat. And when I got up, I
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  Speaker 1: was seeing triple. I was walking all crooked and I
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  Speaker 1: opened my mouth and it didn't feel attached anymore on
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  Speaker 1: the left side. And I knew my jaw was broken.
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  Speaker 1: So I went to the doctor and By the time
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  Speaker 1: I got to the hospital, it looked like a basketball
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  Speaker 1: sticking out of my face. And I was talking through
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  Speaker 1: my teeth because my jaw was well shut.
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  Speaker 2: And I literally.
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  Speaker 1: Asked him straight up, is it broken? And he said,
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  Speaker 1: for sure it's broken. We have to take x-rays. And
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  Speaker 1: I took x-rays and he said, I don't know how,
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  Speaker 1: but your jaw's not broken.
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  Speaker 2: And I knew.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: That that was my answer to prayer. And I asked
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  Speaker 1: for it. And God can use. Even man's sin. To
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  Speaker 1: accomplish his will. And it says in the Bible. That
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  Speaker 1: all things work together for good. To those that love God.
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  Speaker 1: And are called according to his purpose. And it worked
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  Speaker 1: for my good. Because I asked for it. And it
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  Speaker 1: was an answer to prayer. And it was my beginning.
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  Speaker 1: In my faith and trust in Christ.
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  Speaker 2: And uh.
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  Speaker 1: Even though I wasn't born again yet, I went on
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  Speaker 1: in my drug addiction and then one day at the
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  Speaker 1: end of a crack binge, I felt the weight of
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  Speaker 1: my sin pressing in on me and I knew that
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  Speaker 1: if I was to die, that.
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  Speaker 2: I would go to hell.
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  Speaker 1: So I began searching the Bible and reading it and
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  Speaker 1: I decided to just come to Christ as I was
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  Speaker 1: and asked him to save me and I believed that
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  Speaker 1: he died and rose again and lived a sinless life
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  Speaker 1: for me and died on the cross in my stead
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  Speaker 1: and that he rose from the dead on the third
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  Speaker 1: day and I felt forgiven because I placed my faith
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  Speaker 1: and trust in him and I repented I changed my
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  Speaker 1: mind about my sin and I went on from there
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  Speaker 1: for reading the Bible and, uh, doing my best. And yes,
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  Speaker 1: I still faltered. I still had problems because I was
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  Speaker 1: sinful and had the flesh to deal with. And, uh,
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  Speaker 1: I wasn't delivered from the homosexuality until I was about
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  Speaker 1: 27 or 28 but it's been about 20 years now
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  Speaker 1: or more and I was totally delivered and I haven't
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  Speaker 1: had a problem with it since and I know I
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  Speaker 1: wasn't born that way I was led into it by
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  Speaker 1: someone else And it was a great weight lifted off
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  Speaker 1: my shoulders. And the Lord delivered me of that and
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  Speaker 1: has kept me true to that. And I still struggle with,
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  Speaker 1: I still struggled with women after that, on and off,
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  Speaker 1: periods of time without. going for one-night stands or whatever
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  Speaker 1: the case may be, having girlfriends. And then it's been
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  Speaker 1: quite a few years since that's happened now also. I'm
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  Speaker 1: 47 now. And I still struggle with sexual immorality and lust,
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  Speaker 1: like pornography. That was built into me from a very
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  Speaker 1: young age also. But it's a daily battle and I
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  Speaker 1: am getting better at it and the Lord is helping me.
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  Speaker 1: Now that I'm 47, oh, I also had a tattoo addiction.
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  Speaker 1: When I was about 22, I started getting tattoos and
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  Speaker 1: I was punishing myself partly with the pain of the
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  Speaker 1: gun on my skin and I just went crazy and
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  Speaker 1: I have over a hundred tattoos now but most of
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  Speaker 1: them are biblical and like scripture and words and things
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  Speaker 1: like that but I've decided to quit getting tattoos I
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  Speaker 1: was going to cover my whole body and the Lord
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  Speaker 1: did deliver me many times from getting some very horrible
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  Speaker 1: tattoos that would have been very evil, but he delivered
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  Speaker 1: me and kept me from them. And I am an
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  Speaker 1: unfinished work and I will always be an unfinished work,
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  Speaker 1: but he's not done with me yet either. So I
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  Speaker 1: guess that's why I'm an unfinished work and sanctification is
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  Speaker 1: a process. and it's all up to the Lord. I
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  Speaker 1: have victory in the drug area now. I had many
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  Speaker 1: times of falling back into it, but I have over
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  Speaker 1: a year clean now, and I attend a recovery program
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  Speaker 1: called Celebrate Recovery.
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  Speaker 2: It is a good program.
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  Speaker 1: It's based on the 12 Steps, And it has biblical
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  Speaker 1: comparisons to go.
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  Speaker 2: Along with it.
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  Speaker 1: But... They're not there to fix me. They're just there
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  Speaker 1: to listen. And Jesus is the one who does the fixing.
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  Speaker 1: And he is doing that. And I have seen many
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  Speaker 1: victories in my life, but they're not ascribed to me.
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  Speaker 1: They are to him. Because he's the one with the victory.
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  Speaker 2: And.
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  Speaker 1: I would be stuck in my sin if it wasn't
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  Speaker 1: for him. But, uh, things are different now and I
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  Speaker 1: try to live each day differently and I read the
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  Speaker 1: Bible daily and I read sermons and books and by
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  Speaker 1: good authors and, uh, it really helps me to stay
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  Speaker 1: in the word and in prayer and, uh, I want
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  Speaker 1: to be a Not only a hearer of the word,
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  Speaker 1: but a doer of the word. And I really hope
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  Speaker 1: that this testimony has blessed you or someone. And if
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  Speaker 1: it is, if you need Celebrate Recovery, it's a good program.
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  Speaker 1: And it will help you with your hurts, hang-ups, and habits.
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  Speaker 1: And we all have those. And they're very non-judgmental. And
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  Speaker 1: it's Christ who does the fixing. And he's the only
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  Speaker 1: one who can. And thank you for listening.