Latest / The Raising Emotionally Intelligent Humans Podcast / Why Playing Like a Four-Year-Old Changed My Whole Birthday
Transcript
- Heidi: Hello again and welcome to the Raising Emotionally Intelligent Humans podcast. I'm Heidi Lindemann, I'm your host, I'm a therapist, I'm a single mom by choice to two little ones. I'm a deep feeler and a lover of feelings. And I'm here to share stories, real life stories of being a mom, to share my emotions, to talk about my kids' feelings, to talk about how we navigate them, to talk about the moments that maybe it didn't go so well, and the moments that went really well. And how all of that is okay. That's all part of parenting. And today today I wanna share with you a story that's about me. It's part two. Part two of my birthday. So if you'd listened to the episode it might be the last one or it might be just a recent one, about my fortieth birthday and the bold move I made. I changed my birthday plans. Well That birthday has happened. I am now forty. So, my birthday party. Friday, September eleventh, which happened to also be the twenty fifth year anniversary of nine eleven. Which inside me felt a little odd that I was celebrating my birthday on that day and not acknowledging it. Well I was hearing other people talk about it. Anyway, that morning I was looking forward to my birthday. To a very r unplanned R a small structured birthday. And as I got home after dropping off my girls. I started doing what I normally do, preparing. Even though I was trying to be unstructured, I was preparing. I was making bubbles. I was putting bubbles in a pan and then putting paint inside of it to see will it work if I mixed paint with bubbles? Will I be able to blow them and have them pop onto a paper and make it splatter? Well you can. It does work. Sort of. The color wasn't as bright and vibrant as I'd wish, but it worked and it was fun. So I was preparing. And my friends start slowly coming in. And a group of mom friends, most of them were moms. And women who gather, I didn't even have to ask for help. They just started doing it. And I love it so much that I could be nourish nourished, supported, cared for in my own house by other moms, other women who I know love me. And so there was twenty minutes or so of kind of setting up and getting some things ready because I hadn't done anything for my birthday party. Nothing. I did not prepare except for in that morning. Then comes the time everyone has arrived. I had set papers out outside. There's a tarp on the ground filled with paper. I set paint out, we gather in a circle. And as we stand in that circle. I invite them all to tap into their inner four year old. To just go ahead and drop that zero. And today we're not turning forty, we're just turning four. We're gonna be four. And your four year old is invited to come and play. However you want to. The play can be big the play can be small the play can be a gentle touch the play can be a splatter So I just invite them to play. Let me take a moment to ground and to in invite our inner children to come on out. And then I show them what I'm talking about. And I dip a paintbrush into some blue paint. I actually think it was pink. It was pink paint. I damp my paintbrush into pink paint. I pick it up and I go, ha I'm not gonna do it as loud as I did, because I don't want to hurt your ears. And I splatter the paint across there, the paint, the paper, and there's splats, and it's so much fun. And the screaming for me is what my inner child really wanted to do. To be free to express. You don't have to hold in anymore, little one. You are free. Then they all joined in. People were throwing paint on the paper. And then as we got into it, I put on some music. I saw one friend had covered her hand in purple paint. And she'd made two handprints on that paper. And she named that her inner child really wanted to to feel the paint, to put it on her hands. And I was like, you know what? Me too. And I sat down next to her and got some paint and I put it on my hand and I felt that sensation. That wet kinda gooey smooth, really great, yummy feeling, sensation on my hands. And my body delighted with that sensation. And I let myself rub my fingers over my hand to continue to spread the paint. Put my whole hand inside the paint pan and just rubbed my hand back and forth. Making little circles and waves and feeling the squish. of the paint. Feeling my shoulders and my body drop and relax in To the glorious sensation. And it didn't matter what I made. It didn't even matter if I put that paint on the paper. It was all about being in touch with my body and feeling. Because that's what I wanted that day. And then I did put my handprint on the paper. And I made some little s circles with my hands and my fingers. Just playing. Nothing Mm, miraculous. Nothing all that important. Nothing it was the whole point was to play. Play. Mm. It is good to play. It's relaxing to play, honestly. Just thinking about playing and the paint on my hand right now makes my body feel more relaxed and dropped in and slow in this like mmm yummy mmm mmm mmm way. I don't know what that feeling is, but ooh, is it good? You might know what I'm talking about. And then I watched as more of my friends stopped painting, they were just kind of hanging around and talking to each other. I felt inside me th not as much of a desire to go get more paint. It felt kind of hard to go get paint. I was like I don't know that I really wanna do this anymore. So I named it. Seems like everyone's kind of done with the painting. A great affirmative. Yep. I actually really want a snack, says one of them. So we go inside. We head inside and start having some snacks. A lovely charcuterie board type of meal that everyone contributed to because I didn't want to make a thing. I brought a box of rice crackers. Easiest, simplest thing I could have done. And then we gathered around my living room and my table. I have a sit on the floor table, so my t the coffee table, which is really low, is a table I actually built myself. I bought the top part and then I put legs on it to make it the r the height that I wanted it to be. And I intentionally made it for our dining room table because we don't have a dining room. But I didn't want a big dining table because it took up too much space. So we sit on the floor to eat our meals in our living room. We have chairs that are floor chairs. Anyway, this circle of women is gathered now around this table and some are on the couch, some are on the floor. Just munching and just chatting. One group the group I was talking to, we were talking about language and naming body parts for our children. And we were talking about penises and vulvas and vaginas. And getting really into it, I have books about what's what is it called? All you need to know about penises and all you need to know about vulva's and vaginas, I think that's what they're t called. They're children's books. To teach children about their own anatomy. So sharing that with my friends, the couple that I the few of them that I was talking to. And then I ran upstairs to grab the books to show my friend so she could see what's in them and what they're like to decide if she wants them for her children. And at that point, I had a friend who was sitting next to me. She was the one the only one in the room who was not a mother. and she was like, Whoa, what did I miss? Just noticing that I had gotten the book. And told her that we were talking about bubbles and vaginas and penises. And then she told me what she was talking about with the person she was talking to. They were talking about suicide and being a support person for people who are s have suicidal thoughts, the experience that they've had with you doing that work, both of them have. Both of them have worked with people who have suicidal thoughts and also help other clinicians, t therapists with learning how to support people who have suicidal experiences. So they were having a conversation on that. And to me it was just one of the most perfect moments ever. That at my birthday party. This literally makes me want to cry. There is enough openness and welcome and safety that we can talk about suicide and we can talk about vulvas and vaginas and penises. It really is this like magical experience where nothing, nothing is off-limit with my friends. And that is something that is deeply satisfying and moves me to tears, makes me want to cry in the most wonderful kind of way. I love that I have friends who are open to all of that. And to have real conversations around it. They're pretty great people. And then I love this so much. One of my friends, she asked me if there was anything that I wanted to say. Not to put you on the spot. And do you want to share anything? And then I stand up and I reach to the counter and I grab a little handful of small notepad papers that I had written on. And I said, Well, actually I really do. And I had written about the new moon. The Virgo new moon that had happened the night before, and each of their personal astrology charts. I'd look at their astrology chart. And notice what I noticed and written down a couple of things for them to think about about what area of life it It's might be touching about what place in their life is maybe needing a little support through rituals or routines or slight adjustments, 'cause that's a Virgo type of energy there. Maybe a little structure. And I went one by one talking about the house that the Virgo moon on the tenth was landing in for them and sharing with them. And it was fun. And I was excited. And I was geeking out. And it was I like sharing the information that I really just enjoy geeking out on. my friend I called myself, like I'm a baby astrologer. He's like, Here's this for like from your baby astrologer, you know? Take it or leave it. I don't know. And then my friend said, I don't think you're a baby astrologer, Heidi. You are like a teenager. You're probably right. Yeah, I actually have come quite a ways with my astrology skills. So then we got to sit in that astrology world for a while, which actually felt kind of like a ritual without it being a ritual. And then it was coming towards the end and I had to I had a hard cut off because I needed to leave to go to my own therapy. And I had a friend, the same one who invited me to say something. She said that she wrote a poem for me and she'd like to read it. I was like, Great, that's awesome. I love her poems. She's written a book. and she's amazing. I'm gonna ask her if it's okay if I add her book in the show notes. I haven't asked her yet, so I don't know. That's why I'm not naming names 'cause I didn't ask anybody if I can talk about them. So I don't want to talk about people with their names if they don't want to be on a podcast. Trying to respect my friends' privacy. and Anyway, so she wrote this lovely poem. I also need to ask her if I can share that 'cause I didn't do that. I've thought about I've thought many times. Ooh, I would need to text her and see if she'd be okay with me sharing that poem on my podcast. That's wonderful. But she read it right at the end. And then we were all crying. Or most of us were crying. And she talked about four being four and fourteen and twenty four and thirty four and forty. And she had no idea that I was actually going to tell everybody to touch into their inner four year old. I mean, I honestly didn't even really know that either. And it was just one of those another magic moments that happens where you're so in sync with your friends that she pulled out that number of four. I mean, I know I'm turning forty, so it makes sense, but to name all those other fours and had no idea that I was gonna say we're gonna drop into our inner four-year-olds. But how perfect it was of a culmination that she shared that at the end. And at the beginning, I had invited everyone to tap into their inner four-year-old. And it was lovely and wonderful and it was I honestly loved my birthday. Wished it was longer, if I'm being honest. Then I went therapy and there'd been some heavy stuff that had been happening and I cried a lot in the like release kind of cry. Like, this is so good. I can be with a part of me that is so sad. And I can cry and let those tears flow. And just witness and hold that young one, that part of me, as the tears flow. It was a great therapy session. Okay, so that was my birthday party. And then my actual birthday yesterday, September fifteenth, I took the day off. I had made an intention and a plan the beginning of the year that I was gonna do that. And I did it. And I got to nourish myself and I had just with a few things that were planned. In the morning I took a s seps and salt bath. I just let myself soak in it. And then I organized the kids' bath toys while I was in the bathtub. Cause I'd been listening to a organizing podcast, which I'm obsessed with right now. And decluttering and organizing, and it's super fun. But I did that in the bathtub. it was a good time to do it, because I was in the bathtub. Then I got to go to the chiropractor and get some extra sh Extra support not just with chiropractic but with shockwave release some of that tension in my shoulders. Then I got to go to my friend's Qi Gong class. Oof. I'd only experienced Qigong in a like itty bitty way before. I got nourished in a way that I didn't even know that I needed or how to meet. I might have known that I needed it. I actually did know. I didn't know how to meet it. I didn't know how to meet that type of nourishment that I've been craving. And Qigong did it. We grounded and we send imagined we were trees. We sent our roots three feet down and three feet out. And then she invited us to extend them even further if we could to nine feet down and nine feet out. And instant tears happened when I did that. To root into Mother Earth and to feel the support. to feel the presence and the grounding that I am here. I'm right here. Grounded. I'm existing. Right here. It was powerful and gentle and strong. And tears flowed. It was releasing. We did many movements. And by the end, we were doing a movement where we were bringing our chi around our entire body, both above and under, and I could feel this thick Mm grounding fortress around me. And when we were the tree at the beginning, she also had us to go up and imagine tree branches coming out from the top of us so that we're also surrounded from the top. And to have it from the top, to not just root down, but also branch out and then surround myself in those branches. I have never felt so held and loved and cared for. That alone made me cry, the amount of holding, love, and nourishment that I could feel by being protected. Under a under tree branches. And that energy just continued to surround me. Even just thinking of it now I can feel it. That was the best part of my birthday by far. Afterwards my friend and I went to go get lunch. We had to decide are we gonna do a yoga 'cause we had planned yoga, but my belly was hungry. I think moving all that qi around opened up some hungry bellies. And then after lunch, which was a a long lunch where we lovely conversation, I went home and just hung out for a little bit before I had to pick up my kiddos. And then after I picked up my first my older kiddo, we hung at the park a little bit. I got to relax into the park. It was so sweet. Then we picked up then we actually drove to a parking lot and my met my parents who were coming out to dinner with us. And then we all walked up to go get my younger Kidding. And then we walked to the restaurant. And then we had a lovely dinner. The dinner was two we were there for about two hours. And the kids did pretty well. But there was definitely some like getting antsy wanting to run around. So we went into the hallway when we were waiting for our food. And they started racing. We were doing races and I would put my arm in front of them. Because my little one doesn't quite understand when to go, when not to go yet. So I was trying to give her a visual cue of when my arm comes up, run. 'Cause she'll just stand there and wait and then her sister runs and then she's my sister's running. Now I'm gonna run And her sister went in an actual race. She's like, No, you gotta go right when I say go. Like, let's see who's faster. Obviously the other one's gonna be faster. But it was a fun game. So we do that. Go on your marks. My arm is in front of them. Get set. Go and I'd lift my arm up. And then they'd both start running down the hall. laughing as they ran. They'd get to the end, there's a big window. They'd look out the window, And then they turn around. And I would say from the other side. On your marks, get set, go or ready, set, go. My older one. She would put her arm in front of the little one and then bring her arm up when I said go to help her know it's time to run. Go, go, run. Their laughter is the best. So they we were doing that for a while. And then I was like, I think our food is probably there. How am I gonna get them to not have crazy energy? And actually sit down and eat? Hmm. So then he pulled out my creativity. And I told him to come here and sit down with me. My little one sat on my lap. And then I was like, I want you to feel the carpet with your hands. Just rub it and feel it. What does it feel like? Is it soft? Is it smooth? Is it rough? Just kind of feel that texture. Just feel it. I was trying to help ground them. They did it a little bit. And then I started also asking them what colors do they see. My little one was like, I see fire. There was some red on the garpet and she had decided it was fire. And then I was talking to them about how they've got their wild parts that like to run around. And those wild parts of them. Those parts can stay in the hall and keep running if they want to. And the calm, ready to eat parts need to come with us. To go have dinner. So they can stay in your body and go have dinner with us. But the wild ones, if they want to stay in the hall, they can't. They don't have to, but if they want to, but we need to have our calm bodies, our walking feet, so we can sit down and eat some dinner. And I asked them if they were ready to go. And then my older one starts spinning around on her hands, kind of kicking her feet, and like, I'm wild, my wild ones. Yes, you are wild. Get out your wiggles, please get them all out. Get out those wiggles, wiggles, wiggles, wiggles and we wiggle around. And then I tell them again, All right, it's time for us to find our calm in our body and walk. My older one said, I'm gonna run to the door. Like, okay, but you need to have walking feet. She's like, I'm gonna run to the door and as soon as I get there then I'll find my walking feet. So, Okay, go for it. So she runs to the door. And she did great. As soon as we went into the restaurant, she found her walking feet. She started running them. I walking feet And she started walking again. And she saw the food at the table. She actually didn't see the food at the table. She went and sat at somebody at a different table that was empty. I was That's not where we're sitting, sweetheart. You need to come over here And she didn't want to listen to that. But I told her, look, your food is here. She's like, my food is here? and then she ran over or walked over and sat down and had some of her food. And we had a great little meal. for the yeah, good meal. We did have some upsetness. Because my parents brought carrot cake and my older one was like, I don't like that cake. I want a different cake. So she was a little bit sad. I just acknowledged her and held her. And I ate my carrot cake, which was really freaking good. Yeah. And then we went home. And I did a puzzle a little bit with my dad. And then I was like, I need to put my children to bed. So I put them to bed. And my dad kept working on my puzzle, which is really freaking cool because this is a dragon puzzle that is really hard. And I have had it for fifteen years and been working on it for fifteen years and had only gotten the edges done. And a little bit about some other stuff. Obviously I haven't been working it for the full fifteen years. I mean that would be ridiculous if I can fin finish a puzzle if it had always been out. It hadn't always been out. I started it. It felt really hard. I rolled it up and I put it away. Years later I rolled it back out. Worked on a little bit more. Got too hard. Put it away. Rolled it back out. I was like, I do not like th the way this roller thing works. It doesn't work very well. Bought myself a puzzle board, transferred the puzzle onto the puzzle board before my little one's last birthday 'cause the puzzle's on the counter, taking up all the space. and now have this lovely puzzle board that has legs that turns into a table, but can also fold up and slide underneath a chair or a couch or a bed. Anyway, my dad was working on that, which is feels really fun for me 'cause The more he can get done, the quicker I'm actually gonna get the puzzle done. Because what I really want is the puzzle to be done, and I want to hang it on my wall. I want my dragon on my wall. Anyway, those are my fun birthday adventures. I know this has been a slightly different one. It's not as much parenting and emotions, though it is really important because nourishing myself. When I allow myself to have time and space for just me, my whole body becomes calmer and more relaxed, which makes it more fun to be a parent. Honestly, it does. It is easier for me to connect with my kids when I have had a good cry, when I have had some really great energy work done. when I've been playful, I actually want to be with them and connect with them. So nourish yourself, Mama. If your birthday's coming up, what is it that would bring you the most joy or the most playfulness? Or what just feels like the not the right thing, but the like your body feels like it wants to do it thing. Not your mind, but your body. If your body could do anything for your birthday, what would it do? That's the question I'm leaving you with. Mama, if you found this helpful, I would love it if you could share this. If you could subscribe, if you could leave a five star review. Leave a rating, leave a yum. comment, testimony, whatever those are called, review. Hmm. Because that is how podcasts get shared with the world and more people can hear the stories that might help them become the parent that they authentically want to be. Alright, till next time. May you be well.