Latest / ok storytime / I REFUSED to be nice to my father’s partner… because she’s just like my mother! -r/AmITheAsshole | Reddit Stories | EP3143

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I REFUSED to be nice to my father’s partner… because she’s just like my mother! -r/AmITheAsshole | Reddit Stories | EP3143 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: And this is Kion, your favorite OK Storytime host, and
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: we've got great stories coming right up.
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: the sponsors that keep this show alive. I refuse to
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: be nice to my father's partner because she's just like
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: my mother.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: And I hated my mother. Some background info.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: My mother, 37, had me 20 male at 17. She
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: was never a mother to me, and I was raised
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: by my grandparents and later my uncle, 34. When I
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: was eight, my grandma got sick and my uncle, who
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: was 22 at the time, started taking me in and
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: I moved with him full time at 12. I only
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: saw my mother for family events and she was always
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: criticizing me. How I looked, my hobbies, what I liked.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: By 14, I refused to talk to and or see her.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: When I was 18, my uncle proposed to legally adopt me. Wow.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: I decided to go see my mother one last time
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: to inform her and have some closure. During this talk,
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: She told me my father's name. I talked to my
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: family about him, and long story short, basically everyone knew him.
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: His family lived in the same town as my great-grandparents,
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: and my family used to go there every holiday. By
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: the way, this comes from OnlyStranger1413, and if you want
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: okay story time subreddit.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: I'm Keon.
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: And we're here to do some stuff, and we're going
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: to tell you about it. And your job is to
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: also do exactly what we do, but with your opinion
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: in the comments.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Got it? Cool.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: As OP says, I decided to try to meet him
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: with my uncle. He, 36, moved back a few years
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: back to be close to his family, and he took
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: everything pretty well. I did make sure to inform him
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: that I already had a dad. He told me he
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: had no children and was interested in knowing me. He
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: presented me to his parents and they even found some
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: pictures of me with him from before he went to college.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: For the last two years, we had a pretty great relationship.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: That's lovely. He also got along well with my uncle. Okay.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: At college, I call him once a week and I
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: see him pretty often. The issue is his girlfriend, Anna.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: They don't live together and have been a couple for
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: over three years. She made it clear that I had
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: no place here. After a few encounters with her, she
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: reminded me so much of my mom. Her attitude, her remarks,
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: and critiques that I refused to go see them for
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: a while. I think he realized because he told me
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: that she didn't need to be here every time.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, cool.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: I only see her when I go to eat with
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: him at his parents. She still manages to make it
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: clear that I don't belong in this family.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: My god, why? Stop it.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: It's like.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: She's just jealous. So much easier to just be accepting. Like,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: why can't we just be nice? Yeah.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: When I ask questions, she tells me stuff like, If
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: you were really part of the family, you should know.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: Sorry.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I'm new here. Sorry about that. God. He didn't even
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: know I existed. Sorry about that. I'm learning.
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: Always pointing out physical differences. So it was a surprise
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: when she called me last week. I thought it was
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: an emergency, so I answered. She told me that she
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: wanted to move in with my dad, but he refused
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: because he knows we don't get along and he wanted
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: his house to be a safe place for me And
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: he was afraid I would come by less if she
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: was here all the time.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: It's the truth.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: She then told me I should put my grudges aside
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  Speaker 3: and try to be nicer for her for my father's sake.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, right. For his sake. Of course. Maybe it's you
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: who is not nice to me. I told her no.
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  Speaker 3: I had years of therapy to be able to remove
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  Speaker 3: toxic people from my life and being with her is
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: like being with my mom. I do not want to
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: put myself in this kind of situation anymore.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Good for you.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: I talked to my uncle and he agrees. For him,
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: my mental health should always be my top priority. But
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: some other people think that I should at least make
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: an effort for my father's happiness and that it would
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: be selfish to not try.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Any advice, please? The thing is that if she was
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: coming to you and said, hey, I would like to
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: work on our relationship. Exactly. You know, I realized your
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: father came to me and said, hey, like, can you
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: fix this? I don't really want to move in with
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: you because of this issue. And she admitted to all
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: that and was like, let's work on it. Different story.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: She's coming to you and saying, hey, can you just
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: be nicer to me? Yeah. She's not accepting any fault.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: And I don't like her. Yeah.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: Truthfully, she is just, she's not going to change in
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: her way. She's just being like, you need to accommodate
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: for me.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Can you actually just, can you just lie to him?
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Can you tell him that we're best friends?
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: You need to like me so your dad can be
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: cool with me moving in.
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah. What is it? It's respect is earned, not given.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: Update.
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: Update.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: So at first I wasn't sure about making an update,
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: but the comments I got really helped me. You were
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: all saying what my uncle and some friends were saying
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: to me, but it's different hearing it from people who
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: don't know me and aren't biased. After reading your comments,
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: I realized what the issue was. When I explain my
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: family situation to people, a lot of them, not close
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: friends and immediate family, say the same thing. How lucky
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: I am to have a bio dad who wants and
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: agrees to spend time to get to know me. How
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: grateful I should be. My bio dad or his family
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: never made me feel like that. But I guess that
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: after hearing a lot of people saying it, it kind
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: of got to me and I realized now that I
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: was restraining myself to not disappoint him. I guess in
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: my mind, I had to work and be nice to
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: have his affection because I did not deserve it. You
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: can blame my bio mom for that.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: This is kind of sad. This is all sad.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: But also having that realization, though, is very freeing. Yeah.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: Because now you know why you are the way that
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: you are. And it's because you were neglected as a child.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You were neglected affection. You weren't mirrored. It is
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: very freeing to know that. Yeah. You were in the wrong. Yeah.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: So now you know. Anyways, after realizing that, I also
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: realized that I never told him and his parents how
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: his girlfriend was treating me. And I also realized... She
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: was smart enough to do it when they were all
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: out of earshot. I am a non-confrontational person and I
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: was scared to say everything at once to my bio
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: dad and I was afraid to not be able to
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: express properly everything I wanted to convey. I talked to
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: my uncle about it and he proposed to make an
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: appointment with a therapist to have a kind of family
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: session so it would be easier for me to express myself.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Awesome. I really like the uncle. Me too. He seems
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: like he really stepped up.
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: Extremely stepped up.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: He's really looking out for you.
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: He's the parent.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Well, OP said I already have a dad.
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: Shout out to your uncle.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Shout out. W uncle.
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: W uncle.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: W uncle.
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: We did it before in our family and it helped
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  Speaker 3: me a lot. We talked about it to my bio
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  Speaker 3: dad and he immediately agreed.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Green flags.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: I think he just doesn't know about the girlfriend being awful.
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: He could sense that something was off. Anyway, during the session,
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: I kind of exploded. I started talking and couldn't stop myself.
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: At first, I felt that it made no sense because
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: I was saying everything and nothing at once, but luckily
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: the therapist helped a lot. We all had a very
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: long talk and put everything on the table. My bio
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: dad had no idea that it was this bad with
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: his girlfriend and he was really appalled and remorseful for
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: not realizing it. Something that angered him and my uncle
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: a lot was the comment about me not looking like
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: my dad when which I never took notice of because
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: it's true. My mom and uncle are half Filipino, and
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: I took everything from the Filipino side except his dimples.
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: Apparently the comments about me not being part of the
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: family was because of my racial background.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, so she's racist.
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  Speaker 2: Dang.
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  Speaker 1: She's a bigot.
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  Speaker 3: So yeah, on top of everything, she was discriminatory. All
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: of this happened last month, and since then, he broke
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: up with her. nice and i try to be more
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: honest about what i feel without being afraid of what
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: he thinks what he also proposed to continue family therapy
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: if i feel like it would help me talk about
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: certain topics this relationship is still a work in progress
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: but honestly i feel very good about it and some
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: of you asked but yes my uncle adopted me when
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: i turned 18 so again thanks for all of your
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: help and your kind words I was really expecting to
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: be called an a-hole when I wrote the original post.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: And that's just sad to like think that you're in
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: the wrong. Yeah, that you're always in the wrong for
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: how you feel.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: But like, yes, you might have had two bad runs
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: with mom figures in your life. But how lucky to
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: have two amazing father figures. Like, wow. That's so sweet.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: They really care for you. I mean, this guy who
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: didn't even know about you, really? Or you weren't in
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: his life, at least? Yeah. He, like, knew because obviously
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: there were pictures. But, like, he didn't... But he wasn't
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: in your life. Yeah, he wasn't around. Broke up with
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: his girlfriend for you. Because he loves you. And he
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: cares about you. And I love that.
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: Then also realized there's some discrimination in there.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: He was like, oh, this is kind of racist.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Which is just horrific. And sorry you had to deal
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: with all of that. But the thing is.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: I love that everyone's very open to therapy and also
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: going together and.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: Talking it out. I agree. That's such a good point.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: It's not a common thing that people are, especially older generations,
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: are like, yes, go to therapy. And especially men.
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: Go to therapy and whatever. It's crazy. But I'm so
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: glad this is not a stereotypical relationship because I feel
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: like you're doing great, OP.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: You're doing great, OP. Congrats. You're still working it out.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: There's going to be some blips, but at least you
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: can be honest with yourself and with your family.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: So good job, Opie. That's the end of that story.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: I finally stopped letting my mother-in-law's comments slide and she
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: started becoming respectful. Oh, it's about time. Things became increasingly
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: overbearing after our children were born. I've always been a
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: non-confrontational person. My mother-in-law would make little comments about my parenting,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: pass sarcastic digs, or make disapproving noises, and I would
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: usually ignore it. My in-laws would also impose obligations on
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: us and pressure us to do things they want. While
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I would ultimately stand firm and not give in, I
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: would still act warm and friendly afterward, as if nothing
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: had happened. Looking back, I think I may have unintentionally
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: taught them that this behavior was acceptable. I never called
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: it out, and there were no real consequences for crossing boundaries.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Straight Forward 2020, and
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. And
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I'm Savannah. And we're here to give good advice goofily,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: but we don't have all the answers. We only know
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: what we'd do. So let us know what you would
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: do in the comments. And OP says, My father-in-law in
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: particular is very pushy and doesn't take no for an answer.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: There were boundary issues even before we had children. A
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: common pattern would be that my husband and I would
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: make a decision, father-in-law would pressure him relentlessly, he would
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: become stressed, and then he would come to me asking
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: me to give in to keep the peace. Eventually, father-in-law
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: would pressure husband to talk to me and change my mind,
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: and the pressure would be redirected at me. At times,
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: it honestly felt like mental intimidation. I know it's a
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: husband problem, and we were in counseling. Aside from not
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: being able to disappoint his parents, my husband is an
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: amazing man and provider. Our counselor told me to now
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: start speaking up directly to my in-laws. What made it
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: especially difficult was that whenever I tried to explain how
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: overwhelming this felt to my husband or my parents, I
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: was often met with comments about how I should just adjust,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: be flexible, or stop being dramatic. During our last trip home,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: My father-in-law started directing my husband to pressure me into
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: doing certain things he wanted from us, and that became
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: too much. I was also postpartum at the time, and
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: I completely broke down emotionally. After that, I decided to
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: stand up to my in-laws. I wrote my in-laws a
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: respectful but firm letter explaining that there would be boundaries
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: going forward. I made it clear that I would no
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: longer tolerate interference in our decisions, parents, and and outlined
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: how our limited time during visits would be divided between families.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: They are now coming to visit us for our son's
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: first birthday, and I'm struggling with how to approach the
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: relationship moving forward. Part of me doesn't want to go
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: back to being the warm, accommodating daughter-in-law I used to be.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: I feel like being cordial, polite, and respectful, but also
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: more guarded and less emotionally available, might make them think
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: twice before taking me for granted or pushing boundaries again.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: I'm also looking for advice on handling things in the moment.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: For example, when my mother-in-law made a comment about my parenting,
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: gives a disapproving tut, or makes passive-aggressive remarks, should I
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: continue ignoring it, or should I address it directly? She's
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: also called us useless and idiots in the last two visits. Jeez,
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: your in-laws are terrible.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: Dang.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Opie's like, I don't know what to do. I've taken
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: this lying down for many years. When she calls me
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: an idiot, should I say something? Yeah, you should spin
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: your face.
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: I mean, you just be like, hey, I don't know
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: what the comments are for, but please not around my kids.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you go, whoa.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Like, that's disrespectful. Whoa, disrespectful comments alert. Aye, aye, aye.
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: You could just be like, hey, that wasn't very nice.
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: Or you can go with, that's bullying and I want
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: you to stop.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Hey, that's bullying. Knock it off. I am told to
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: develop a thick skin and let it go. But to
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: what avail? I worry that by continuing to ignore these things,
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I'm reinforcing the idea that I'm willing to silently absorb them.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: The mama bear in me no longer wants to tolerate disrespect,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: especially in front of my children in my own home.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: For those who have dealt with pushy in-laws, did becoming
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: more direct help? How did you strike the balance between
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: being polite and not becoming a doormat? I'd appreciate any advice,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: especially from people who have successfully reset family dynamics after
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: years of letting things slide. But what do you do
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: when you've been letting things slide, but now.
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: You want a backbone? So there's going to be a point.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: It always comes to a point where you are done.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: You are sick of it.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: You were, they caught, you know, you know, it's like,
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: I've already had a bad day. I've been, you know,
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: I've been pooped and peed on from these kids. I,
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: you know, like went to work and, you know, got, Whatever, like,
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: you know, and something with a tiffy there and blah.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Blah, blah.
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: Something with a tiffy there. I got a tiffy with
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: someone there. And it's like, you caught me on a,
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: you couldn't have caught me on a worse day. And
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: so now I'm going to unload all of that on you.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: And when you do that, they're going to be like, whoa.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: And maybe they will realize the error of their ways.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: If not, then like, if they just want to like
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: keep fighting and not find a solution.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Then just distance.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: That's the only other thing that you could do is
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: just distance yourself. That's true. Or third option, go, hey, husband,
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: your family sucks, and they're calling me idiots.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: Truthfully, I would ask your husband, I'd be like, how
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: would you want me to, like, put yourself in my shoes,
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: say my parents were calling you an idiot and.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Worthless, right? What would you do? Would you just lie
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: down and let that happen? Or would you be like, actually, no.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: And because of that, you're not seeing your grandchildren for
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: a while.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Sorry. A piece like hypothetical.
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Update. In response to my letter, father-in-law only replied, denying everything.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Of course he did. I stood my ground and told
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: him his interference did affect our marriage and going forward,
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: whatever boundaries I mentioned will be going into effect. There
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: was no reply after that, but he started sending me
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: random forwards. I do understand that getting him to apologize
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: wasn't the goal. The goal was to communicate that going forward,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: there would be boundaries and what those will be. I
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: now will reinforce them before every trip home, so if
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: they get pushy again, they know I'll stop going over
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: with the kids as a consequence. Update two. Before my
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: in-laws came to stay with us for three weeks, my
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: mother-in-law was being unusually careful with me in our family
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: chats while discussing my son's birthday. I wasn't volunteering extra
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: information either, just answering what she asked. She kept saying
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: things like, I'm just asking, everything's your decision, which made
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: me feel somewhat reassured. I don't believe her. I don't
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: believe her. She's speaking in riddles. Riddle me, Liz. She's
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: trying to trick you. I even asked my husband to
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: speak to them beforehand because I didn't want comments about
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: my parenting during their visit. During the visit, I stayed
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: cordial but fairly aloof. I spoke when spoken to and
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: kept conversations mostly logistical. Despite that, it didn't take long
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: for mother-in-law to slip back into old habits. Here she comes. Uh-oh.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: Storm's a-brewin'. Two days before my son's birthday, she asked
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: whether I was serving bread. I said, no, because there
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: would be plenty of other carbs. She looked annoyed and said,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: but people like to have bread with their meal. Then
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: bring some for yourself. I explained it was a casual
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: gathering and I was keeping things simple. She walked away,
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: visibly irritated. All she wants is bread. I had a
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: feeling she'd bring it up again, so I prepared myself.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Sure enough, during the party, I overheard her telling a guest,'
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: Daughter- in- law doesn't want to serve bread. You know how father-in-law
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: likes his bread with his meals. But daughter-in-law says she
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: keeps things simple in her house.' I turned around and
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: calmly said,' There' s bread in the freezer for father-in-law if
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: he wants it, so let's not make this a big issue,'
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: and walked away.' Oh, Opie said there's bread!' If you
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: want bread, you got bread. But you have to unfreeze it.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: I like that OP's like, this is my first foray
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: into having a backbone. Telling her to get the bread
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: from the freezer. You want the bread so bad? Go
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: get it. Go get it from the freezer. Just so
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: you know, it's frozen. The next day I bought bread
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: because dinner required it. She commented, finally, we have bread. Dude,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: what's this lady's hang up with bread? She's one of
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: those people. Oh my lord. Is this the vid? She's
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: obsessed with bread. Instead of letting it slide, I addressed
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: it at dinner when she declined the bread and chose rice.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: I said, you made such a big deal about bread
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: for the last two days, even telling guests I didn't
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: want to serve it. She immediately backtracked and said she
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: only mentioned it because father-in-law likes bread. I replied, still,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: I've never heard bread discussed this much, so I made
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: sure there was bread. She went quiet. You'd think that
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: would be enough, but then another incident happened. My son
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: was in his high chair. I strapped him in, but
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: he stood up in it, so I took him out
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: and tightened the straps and put him in again. They
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: saw this. The straps turned out to be broken and
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: came loose again after I stepped a few feet away
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: to answer the door. He stood up in the chair
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: and mother-in-law rushed over and said in an accusing tone,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: You just left him here unstrapped. I firmly told her
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: that I had strapped him in. and the straps must
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: have come undone again. She walked away without responding. What
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: bothered me was that this wasn't the first time she
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: had spoken to me as if I couldn't take care
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: of my own children. I am the primary caregiver and
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: handle the kids' almost entirely on my own because my
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: husband works long hours and we live abroad with no help.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: This woman has knocked over my son two times when
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: walking because she didn't see him and is snapping at
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: me over this. She's like, oh my God, what did
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: I just hit? Oh, a child. Oh, it's alive? It's alive? Wait,
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: it's still moving. What's happening? Jeez, get out of my way.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: I told my husband and he told me to tell
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: her nicely that I don't like her tone. After I
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: calmed down, I approached her and said, I appreciate your concern,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: but there are better ways to communicate with me. She
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: immediately became defensive and claimed she had only asked a question.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: I told her, no, you were very sharp. And please
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: don't speak to me like that because it aggravates me.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: I was shaking during the conversation. The rest of the day,
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: I had to work on calming myself down.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: That's so hard. I, truthfully, OP, I've been where you've been.
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: And it's like, I cannot stand up for myself. And
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: then when I do... It affects my, like, even my voice.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, same. I'm like, ah, please.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Like, just putting myself in the situation. I just, like,
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: I get so worked up.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: My body physically reacts and I have to, like, remove
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: myself and calm down for, like, hours.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: No, I feel it. My husband initially supported me, but
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: later became upset because his father told him mother-in-law had
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: gone to her room and cried. Well, oh, well, maybe
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: she should eat some bread. Oh, crying to your bread.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Crying to your bread. Mmm, salty bread. He said I
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: shouldn't have confronted her in front of our daughter. I
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: pointed out that mother-in-law had snapped at me in front
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: of our daughter first. I also told him I was
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: disappointed because he had encouraged me to address it directly
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: instead of handling it himself. And now it issues with
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: how I handle it just because she cried. That's exactly
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: what I thought, too. Hope he said I could have cried, too.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: Would that have made you feel better if I cry?
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: Then whose side are you going to take? The interesting
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: part is that after that conversation, her tone toward me
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: changed noticeably. She became much more careful, respectful, and considerate
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: in the way she spoke to me. Okay.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: I'm telling you, when you snap, like when you get
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: a person who has been a doormat to snap.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: At you, it's, you really effed up.
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: Oh my.
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: Good for you for standing up for yourself.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: I agree.
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: I know it's such a hard thing and you don't,
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: especially people who you see all the time. It's one
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: thing to like do it to like a stranger, but
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: then another thing to do it to like someone who's
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: part of your family.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yes.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: And to have to, and also like not have your
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: husband kind of on your side for it as well. Yeah.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Or at least even husband told you to do one thing.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: You did that. And then he's like, well, why'd you
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: do it? Like, yeah.
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: And it's like, okay, well, So cool. I'm just a
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: horrible person, I guess, for standing up for myself. Like, no,
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: you should recognize that that was really hard for me.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: I had to remove myself because I was shaking.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Give me a star. I want a gold star. Like,
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: come on. Opie says, I also noticed something interesting. The
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: moment I started calmly calling out her passive aggressive comments,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: her mean girl demeanor disappeared. Instead of doubling down, she'd
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: suddenly become sheepish. Backtrack. start explaining that she didn't mean
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: it like that. It made me realize that a lot
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: of her confidence came from assuming I would stay silent.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Once I stopped silently absorbing the comments, the dynamic shifted.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Do I think this is the end of it?
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: No.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: I think it'll be a while before she fully learns
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: how to talk to me, but I'm more empowered with
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: calling it out now when she oversteps. And that's the
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: end of the story. Yeah, I think you did the
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: right thing. I mean, as much as it's hard and
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: you don't want to yell at family and whatnot. She
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: deserved a good yelling.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, if someone's blatantly disrespecting you in front of your kids.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: I know. No. It'd be like, don't talk to me
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: like that. What gives you the right to talk to
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: me like that? Keep my name out of your mouth.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: My name out of your god dang mouth. But that's
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: the end of that story. And we got another one
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: coming on up. My brother-in-law expected free labor from my boyfriend.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: After mocking him for years.
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, not happening. I, 32 female, have been with my boyfriend,
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: 34 male, for almost seven years now.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Wow. Wow.
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: My sister, 34 female, got married about a year ago
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: to her long-term boyfriend, 36 male. Shortly after my sister
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: got married, she became pregnant with my little nephew.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: Cute.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: About three months after he was born, brother-in-law asked my boyfriend,
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: who was a mechanic, to check his car. He happily agreed,
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: ordered new parts, and it took about three hours to
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: do the whole service and renew everything necessary. All went fine,
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: they had fun chatting a bit, and we agreed to
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: meet for coffee the Sunday afterwards. On Saturday, my sister
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: called me to ask how much they owe my boyfriend
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: for the work. I told her I would ask and
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: got back to them with a text saying that the
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: total would be 150 euro. Dang, that is very affordable
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: and a good deal. For comparison, if brother-in-law would have
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: gone to a car shop, he would have paid around
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: 900 euro. A few minutes later, my sister calls me,
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: telling me that this amount is ridiculous and that Klaus
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: is fuming as he expected not to pay anything but
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: the parts.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: That's just not how goods and services work. That is
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: crazy to be upset that they're paying $ 800 less because
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: they expected to just get it for free. Then why
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: did you even ask?
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: I'm super confused and tell her that the guys should
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: talk directly to each other to figure this out. By
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: the way, this comes from illcontest8206, and if you want
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: ok story time subreddit.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia. And we're here to.
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: Talk about some stuff, get some advice, but we don't
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: have all your answers. We're only going to tell you
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: what we would do, but let us know what you
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: would do down in the comments.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: Why not?
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: As OP says, so we hang up, and me and
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: my boyfriend have time to get super pissed about their behavior.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: For the greater context, you need to know that my
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: brother-in-law always made clear that he doesn't like my boyfriend,
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: saying mean things about this blue-collar clothes, family, hairstyle, music taste, etc.
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: My sister always made sure to tell me about those comments,
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: forcing me to stand between the sides, so I repeatedly
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: ask her to stop this and accept that he is
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: the man making me happy.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: They would not be getting a discount, I can tell
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: you that. If this were my partner and they were...
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Talking bad about my partner like this, I would be like, oh,
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: you're paying $ 900.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: If you actively, like we've been dating for seven years.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: If you actively still don't like me after seven years
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: and then you ask me for a favor.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: No.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: Actually, I'm fine.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: No, I thought you didn't like my job.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: And you don't like my shirt or my hairstyle and
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: my music taste either. So I guess I just can't
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: help you with anything. I'd probably do it wrong.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: Anyway, my boyfriend was willing to again swallow his pride,
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: give up on the money, and to talk like a
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: normal family when visiting them and the baby the next day.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: The next morning arrives and I'm texting my sister at
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: what time we should come over. She just replied, as
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: long as this isn't sorted out, we should not visit them.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: Girl. So as long as we still owe you money,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: I don't want to see you. That's crazy.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: This is when I lost it and started to cry
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: as I cannot understand why I'm being punished for For this,
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: by not being allowed to see my little nephew, who
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: I love forever and ever, and was looking forward to
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: see all week. So my boyfriend called brother-in-law in my defense,
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: telling him that this is unacceptable and that they don't
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: have to get along, but there is no need to
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: be mean to.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: Me about this.
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: Brother-in-law just laughed it off. Then sister calls me and I,
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: in my anger and frustration... Tell her that she should
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: know we don't care about money, but it's unfair to
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: expect everything for free because we are family when at
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: any other occasion they don't accept us being a couple.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: I tell her she shouldn't have let this get between
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: me and her.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I admit it.
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: Call brother-in-law an arrogant and snobbish a-hole. Just when she
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: started calling my life primitive, I hung up and we
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: have not spoken since.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: She called your life primitive? What does that even mean?
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: She's like, you're making fires out in the wilderness, gathering berries.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: You're back in ancient times. Don't talk to me until
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: you grow up.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: As you can imagine, there is quite a backstory here,
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: but that would be too much for one post. So far,
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: regarding the situation itself, am I the a-hole?
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: No!
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: Are you the a-hole for asking for money after doing
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: them a favor?
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, after doing a job for them, asking for compensation.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: And if they don't like the price, negotiate. Be like, hey, actually,
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: that's a little out of our budget. Can we just
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: do $ 100 or something? Or can I make payments on
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: this or something?
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: It's just, it's disgusting how you think because they're family
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: and you can just torment them and push them around
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: and whatnot that you have jurisdiction to not pay them
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: for their work. Yeah.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: On your vehicle. And also the fact that they didn't
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: even ask you prior. They weren't like, hey, how much
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: is this going to cost? Right? The fact that they
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: didn't ask prior, I think they just assumed it was
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: going to be free.
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: Which I mean, they did. Like, well, they assumed they
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: would like pay for the parts and everything.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: But still it's like, dude, this.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: Is my job.
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: I'm putting in time.
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: And it took three hours. I feel like that's like.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: Time that he could be doing something like another project.
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: And also the fact that you don't even like me
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: and I'm doing this for you.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Actively insult my profession and then you need my profession
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: yeah weird weird how that works.
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: Um there's an update wow had no idea this post
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: would go that far that fast thank you very much
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: for the not the a-hole verdict and the very nice
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: and honest comments I tried to answer as many as
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: possible and will let you know some more details here. Yes,
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: my boyfriend has been compensated for the parts and guess what?
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: Brother-in-law left the money for the work in our mailbox
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: last night without a word.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: So sorry, no petty revenge needed right now. It's not
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: our style anyways, but your ideas made me laugh and
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: distracted me a little. My mother loves my boyfriend and
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: feels very insecure around my sister and brother-in-law as they
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: are very judgmental towards her too. She, however, is afraid
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: to speak up for us as she fears my sister
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: will not let her see her only grandchild then. Who
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: am I to blame her? It hurts really bad, but
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: what she is doing there is just so wrong and
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: I will do my best to protect my mom too.
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: I agree with some of you stating that I was
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: a lousy girlfriend letting my family go this far, and
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: I'm super happy and grateful my wonderful man still stands
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: by my side. Sorry for everything that happened in the past,
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: and we'll stop the circle now.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: I would distance myself from these people. They seem like
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: they just want... They view their relationships in terms of
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: what they can get from people. It's very transactional.
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: Yes, 100%.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: And they also are kind of using the nephew as
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: a prize.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Yes, as a way to be like, oh, well.
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: If you do this, you'll get to see your nephew.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: Or if you don't do this, then you won't see him.
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: You know, like that's so manipulative. Like, come on now.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: Like if you pay us. Yeah. You pay us 150 euros.
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: You're like, you're in your 30s.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: You can grow up. Yeah, for real.
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: Brother-in-law used to be kind of a carpenter, then clay modeler,
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: and now works at an office doing something with graphic design.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: Everything has to be clean and tidy at all times,
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: and he used to be embarrassed being seen in work
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: clothes in public.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: Ridiculous. Well, it depends.
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: I mean, if you're working with clay and all that,
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: it probably is all over you.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: But it seems like he just had a lot of
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: shame about his work. He's definitely projecting, for sure. What
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: will I do?
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: I decided to go slash stay no contact with my
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: sister and brother-in-law and already notice how liberated and relieved
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: I'm feeling. Maybe I will write a letter telling her
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: how I feel and insist on the apology she owes us.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: But I don't know if it will be possible to
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: ever get a good relationship with her. The relationship with
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: my boyfriend, however, has never been better as I finally 100%
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: realized how much I love him and that he is
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: the one I want. I would marry him from the spot,
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: but He married young, and after being divorced, he doesn't
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: want to repeat this experience.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: He is my family, and I don't need a piece
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: of paper saying this.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Fair, fair, fair. That's true. But you've been together for
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: six years. I feel like you probably... Seven years, even longer.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: I feel like he probably knows by now whether or not... Yeah,
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: I would think so. This is the person?
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: I'm glad that everything worked out. If they wouldn't have
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: given you the money though, I would have been pretty pissed.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: I would also.
• 32:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: I've been like, that's unacceptable. And now we were like,
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: now you're going no contact anyway, but if they wouldn't
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: have given the money, I definitely, you know, but also
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: the fact that you're feeling so liberated and free and
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: kind of like a weight has been left. Yeah.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: It shows how much of like a drag they were.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: It's just, you know, sometimes you have to cut the
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: rotten fruit from the tree.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: And you did. Good job. But that's the end of
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: that story, and we got another one coming right up.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: Hey, it's Keelan, your residential nerd. We're going to get
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: from our sponsors.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: My stepmother said my achievement was invalid, and my own
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: father agreed with her. Not daddy too! I, 27, non-binary,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: am graduating from law school next weekend. As backstory, my
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: parents are divorced and remarried. Things with my father's wife, Kelly,
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: have always been tense. They got married when I was 16,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: and the long and short of it is that I
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: ended up moving back in with my mom due to her. Bluntly,
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: Kelly is also someone who is very hard to like.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: She's abrasive and quite rude at times. We have never
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: gotten along, but I have for the last eight years
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: tried harder to be nice to her for the sake
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: of my father. I went to law school three years ago,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: And at the time, Kelly was not very supportive of
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: my decision and has commented on the fact that she
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: didn't think I would actually see it through. Well, now
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: I'm graduating. I have a great job and I'm really
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: proud of myself because I really feel like I got
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: here on my own hard work. Kelly has never introduced
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: me to anyone nor assisted with my work. In fairness,
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: I also in no way expected her to. Kelly used
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: to be a lawyer, is not currently. but it's not
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: really anything we have discussed due to not being close
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: in the first place. By the way, this comes from
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: a deleted user, and if you want to submit your
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: own stories, go to the rslashokastorytime subreddit, and Opie says,
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: Now that I'm graduating my law school, they gave the
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: first-gen law students sashes to wear. My father called me
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: today and asked that I not wear this sash because
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Kelly is offended by it. She thinks that I do
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: not consider her family, and I'm also therefore not a
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: first-generation lawyer. But OP is a first-generation lawyer. Yeah, that's
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: the thing. You're not related to me. You're not related
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: to me. You also weren't in my life immediately when
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: I was growing up. You shouldn't be proud of your achievement.
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: You're taken away from me.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: I got frustrated and told my dad that they're both
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: welcome to not come if it offends her so much
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: because I'm wearing my Gen 1 sash. My dad got
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: upset as well and essentially said that it's not a
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: big deal to not wear the sash and my sash
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: is invalid due to Kelly being his wife and thus
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: my stepmother. We ended the phone call on a bad note.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: Am I the a-hole for refusing to wear my sash
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: for Kelly? I have tried to be diplomatic with Kelly
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: and I worry this may be the wrong hill to
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: stand on. I understand that it's just one graduation and
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: I wonder if I'm making a big deal out of nothing.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: On the other hand, I'm really proud of myself. No
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: one else in my family is a lawyer and I
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: will be the first. So Reddit, am I the AOL? No.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: This is your achievement.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: The fact that she has to take over and even
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: say anything about it. You did not support me through
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: this entire time I've been in law school.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: But it's just the fact of you feel.
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: entitled to tell me what to do, what to, what
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: to wear, what to do when it's my day, my graduation,
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: you are not part of my family.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: You are an add on.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: Cool.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: You're here.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: You, but also you've never respected me. And even if
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: you did respect me, you, if you did respect me, you.
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: Would have wanted me to wear that sash.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: Like the fact that, you know, earlier OP said, yeah, she,
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: she just didn't think I would even accomplish this.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: You know, undercutting all of that. She's still trying to
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: undercut it. Even after you did all of this, after you've.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: Gone through this, you know, whole process of trying to
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: be a lawyer, she has been your downfall this whole time.
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: And even still during your graduation is crazy.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And also she's, she's in saying this and in
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: making this stance, she is now undercutting your success even
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: more by making sure your dad doesn't come. Cause he's
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: going to side with his wife, which is so stupid.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: Update.
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: I want to clarify two points. Things with my dad
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: are complicated. Obviously, there's a lot of background I can't
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: fit all in here. I love him, but we're not
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: as close as we once were. He has been very
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: supportive of my education. He has also struggled with expressing
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: that he is proud of me. Suffice to say, I
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: got very choked up at internet strangers telling me they're proud.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: It's actually a stole, not a sash. My mistake. Lastly,
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: my update. I texted my dad after a call and
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: told him that I was sorry for becoming frustrated, but
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: I would still wear the sash and meant no offense
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: by it. He apologized to me over text as well.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: I went out to dinner with my father, Kelly, and
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: paternal grandmother on the night before graduation. It was the
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: typical awkward time. We went to Kelly's favorite restaurant, of course.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: The night before your graduation, you went to Kelly's favorite restaurant?
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: It's all about Kelly.
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: She has not a caring bone in her body, this woman.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: No, she's got Kelly's bone in her body. Dad asked
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: privately before dinner that I not confront Kelly, so I
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: did not. I reiterated to him that I thought this
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: conflict was ridiculous and that I was disappointed he chose
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: to act this way. He apologized again and agreed. He
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: hinted that there was some other deeper issue happening between
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: him and his wife. I said that was not my
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: business and they should work through it rather than take
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: it out on others. We left it at that. On
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: the day of, I wore my sash, or stole. It
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: was a very nice graduation, lots of photos with family,
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: lots of cheering. Kelly was tense and unpleasant, as usual.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: But I smiled and ignored it, and I had a
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: lovely time. I also wrote Kelly a note that I
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: gave her as I left. I told her in the
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: note that it was not my intention to hurt her feelings,
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: but also my school is recognizing that I do not
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: come from parents who are lawyers to celebrate my work.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: I also said that people change all the time and
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: that our relationship to one another could change too with
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: time and effort on both sides. Whatever.
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: This girl can't be happy for you and it's just sad.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: She just plotting your downfall, man.
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: Literally it's like do you want you want me to
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: respect your wishes but you have not respected me this
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: entire time.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah since i was 16.
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah since i was 16 you have made my life
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: miserable And you just can't get along with me. So
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: what makes you think I'm going to follow your wishes
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: and say, oh, you know what? I'm not going to
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: wear this because it's going to offend the girl that
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: actually has nothing to do with me.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: Agreed. There's a little bit left. I might be the
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: a-hole now because, frankly, my note felt disingenuine since I
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: have no real intention of being friendly with her. Keep
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: your enemies close. Alternatively, litigation taught me that creating a
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: written record is important. Things are going to be tough
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: with my dad for a while, too. We talked about
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: taking a trip together after I'd take the bar, and
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: I do not want to go with him anymore. I
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: have a strong feeling Kelly will never mention the note
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: to me nor my father. I mostly now just feel
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: sad and tired, but I'm also ready for the next
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: chapter of my life. Thank you again to everyone. And
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: that's the end of the story. It's just annoying. Yeah,
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: just ignore her. She's just your op.
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah. You are constantly going to try to get this praise,
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: this approval from your dad and from, you know, this
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: Kelly girl, which I don't know if you actually need
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: her approval, but I mean.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: Definitely from your dad though.
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: And it's the fact that like you guys used to
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: be close and now Kelly has caused, you know, you
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: not to be as close.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: As you once were. Kelly's caused problems.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: Kelly's caused complications.
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: And it's just, it's sad.
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: Like how immature do you have to be in order
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: to like fight with a, Person who's probably half your age.
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: So embarrassing.
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: Fighting also with them since they were 16. Yeah. Like,
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: come on.
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: Do you want to be part of this family or what?
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: Like, literally. But that's the end of that story, folks.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: My boyfriend resented me for earning more than him. And
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: he's telling everyone.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: Extra, extra. Boyfriend hates girlfriend.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: My significant other, 27 male, and I, 24 female, have
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: been dating for over two years. We lived together with
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: several other roommates when my university did not offer immediate
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: housing to upperclassmen, but due to finances on both of
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: our ends, I moved back home, which is about an
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: hour commute, to try and catch up with money. It
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: was mainly his idea, and though I was a little upset,
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: I did understand his reasoning. Due to this, I also
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: had to take some additional time off after finishing my bachelor's,
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: though it's disappointing because I'm a senior, but I can
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: work with it. I'm being positive and using this time
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: to give myself a financial buffer for the future.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: Mmm, buffer.
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: Mmm.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: My boyfriend works as a bartender. Like him, I was
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: also in the restaurant industry bartending and managing and serving
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: since I was 17. It accommodated my college schedule and
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: gave me experience to work in guest relations. Yesterday, I
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: interviewed with a national photography company opposite of my degree,
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: but I plan to do freelance on the side. and
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: found out today that I got the position as a
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: traveling photographer slash consultant. I'm on the road for four
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: days a week to meet with clients and do event photography, etc.,
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: before driving back home. The money is excellent, and the
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: company is willing to work with my school schedule when
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: I return in the fall by transitioning me to studio
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: and local work. By the way, this comes from user
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: floating anonymous, and if you want to submit your own stories,
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Dakota.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: And I'm Savannah.
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: And we are going to read this story, have our thoughts,
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: and give our advice, but we don't know everything. We're
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: just a couple of goofballs, so keep that in mind
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: and tell us what you think. And OP says, I
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: called him today to share the good news, and he
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: sounded super excited and happy for me. He expressed that
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: he regretted pushing me to move back home because I
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: may not have found this opportunity otherwise. Furthermore, he told
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: his roommate that he was frustrated I would be making
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: more money than him and my experience would only grow
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: once I actually do graduate. He didn't feel as if
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: it was right or fair that I would be making
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: easy money with a silly camera while he had to
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: deal with absolute jackholes who drink and make less than
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: I do. He realized his mistake shortly after and now
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: won't stop blowing up my phone. I've screened his calls
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: because I'm still upset. and hurt that he would say
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: those things. He knows me. As long as we can
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: set ourselves up for our future and be secure personally
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: and financially, the job doesn't bother me. I'm also doing
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: what I love to do and don't want to relinquish
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: this over my boyfriend throwing a possible fit. I'm at
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: a bit of a loss. Any advice, please?
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: We have an update.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: Dang.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: Well, now you know the truth.
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah. See if you guys can talk it out,
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: but like, I don't know, that doesn't sound like someone
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: that's a great partner to build a future with.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: Like, why is he not supportive and being like, yeah, like,
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: look at her.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: Getting, like, a great job, and now, like, she's doing
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: better than me.
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: Like, I don't know, why can't you be happy about
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: that and be like, yeah, I'm going to get my
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: break someday, but, like, I'm so happy for her.
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: Some people just have their brain in that binary where
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: it's like, It's got to be this way and not
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: that way. I'm the boy. I make the big money.
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: And you're the lady. You make little potatoes. Little money.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: What?
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Talk to him. The thing that I
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: would be most bothered by is that he was like, yeah, woo!
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: And then he sends the, dude, I'm so frustrated right
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: now because my girl's like... It's like, dude, if you
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: can't just... If you can't work through that... I don't know,
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: if you can't talk that through to a conclusion you're
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: satisfied with, I don't think you should continue the relationship.
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: Also, he's 27 and she's 24.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good point.
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: So I think maybe he feels kind of threatened in
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: a way of being like, why does she have a
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: better career than me? She didn't even finish college. I'm
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: over here bartending, working my butt off. And then she
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: just gets this thing. And now she makes really good
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: money and doesn't even do anything. She doesn't work hard
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: for it, which is just like total BS.
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: Like, come on. Support your partner. Be happy for them.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Well, let's see what's going on in the update.
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: So.
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: After working for this company for a while, I absolutely
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: love it. It is exhausting work, sometimes 60 to 70
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: hour weeks. But I absolutely love what I do and
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: now can't bring myself to part from my photography camera
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: for more than a few days. Which is ironic, because
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: he was the one who bought it for me for
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: my birthday. Aw, he bought you your silly little camera.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: His words. Even on my off days, I have my
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: camera with me.
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: Anyway.
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: I spoke to him about the accidental text, and he
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: promised he didn't mean it in the way that it
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: came out.
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: What does that mean?
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: That works when you're talking, not really when you're texting.
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: I didn't mean to say that I was really frustrated
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: and annoyed that you have a better job than me.
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: It meant to be like, oh, dang it.
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: I really hope she does well, which is not anything
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: of what you said.
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: He admitted to being insecure with where he felt like
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: he was at in his life and had been taking
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: out his frustrations on not only me, but my former roommates.
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 47:31
  Speaker 3: A man with a brain. You never get that.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: Fast forward to now, the guilt and insecurities were eating
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: at him and he broke down and decided to call
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: off our relationship temporarily. He cried when he did so,
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: but further admitted that he was so unhappy with himself
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: that he could not provide me with what I needed
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: and deserved, which was communication and effort. All I wanted
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: was to feel loved and supported, even after everything he did,
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: from suggesting I move back home. He was facing legal
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: troubles from drinking since last year, and while both him
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: and I do see our own therapists, he is still
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: slightly resistant to the overall idea of therapy. He just
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: put himself into such a deep hole and did not
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: feel that it was right to that he might not
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: be able to give me what I needed while he
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: was trying to focus on himself. Even now, he knows
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: I'll always support his growth and whatever he needs. Long
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: story short, I didn't argue and just let it go
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: and agreed. I didn't feel like I had the energy
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: to argue because I had done everything I could to
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: make sure he was okay for over two years. I
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: decided it wasn't my responsibility to do it anymore and
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: that no matter what, I wouldn't stop moving forward.
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: This is annoying. I hate that this man, like, can't
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: get his.
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: crap together to be happy for his girlfriend.
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm happy. I mean, like, it's not
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: fun to break up, but, like, if that's honestly where
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: he's at and he can honestly look at me like, yeah, like,
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: I'm just, like, miserable and, like, unhappy and, like, I
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: don't know, like, I'm taking it out on you. Like,
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: so I... We can't... I can't do this because I'm
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: just not fit to be a partner to you. Yeah.
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: I guess it is good that he recognizes it.
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: It's just... It's annoying that it even has to.
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: Come to that, but I guess as long as he
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: is recognizing that.
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, like I don't think it maybe had
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: to happen like I think that could have maybe been
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: worked on in the relationship but like honestly if he's
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: just I mean, like Opie said, it's like, I'm not
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: gonna argue with him. It's like, if, if your partner
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: comes to you and is like, yeah, like, I don't know.
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: I'm just like super unhappy and I'm not like, I
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: can't be there for you and it's not right. So like, I,
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna, I'm calling it, I'm calling it off. It's like,
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to be like, no, it's like, okay,
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: that's how you feel. Why would I fight to keep that?
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: And then like, you know, that just comes back around.
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: Like immediately. Yeah. Yeah.
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: I would also say that maybe he needs to start
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: taking therapy seriously if he hasn't.
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that'd be a good idea. Could help a little bit.
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: Opie says he definitely wants to get back into a
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: relationship in the near future when everything settles and he
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: improves himself. But I'm not holding my breath. I'm returning
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: back to school to finish my bachelor's international security and
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: humanitarian rights as a fluent Russian speaker. My family is Russian.
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: In September. Oh, your family is only Russian in September.
• 50:31
  Speaker 4: That's nice.
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: I didn't know that was a thing.
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: The most Russian month of the year. Maybe. I'm not Russian.
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: It is Virgo season, so.
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: I'm not Russian, but I am dragon. You know what
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: I'm saying?
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: I'm American.
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: I will just transition to studio work when I finish
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: the traveling aspect of my job. I appreciate all of you. Honestly,
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm at a bit of a loss
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: with everything. Words of guidance are always appreciated, but I
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: know that no matter what, I won't put my future
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: on hold. And that's the end of that story. Yeah,
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: I totally agree. It's like, I don't know. I think,
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: I think if this guy's ready to like be like,
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm like such a mess. Like, I don't know.
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: I got to really work on myself. It's like, You
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: can't just be like, and now we break up, but
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: you have to stay exactly where you are while I
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: fix me. It's like that you just need to split
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: and be like, I need to be a new person.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: Don't wait up for anyone in your life.
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: If they're not going to support you and follow you
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: in your endeavors and give you the support and encouragement that.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: You need, then bye.
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: Maybe in another lifetime we'll meet.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: But just grew apart.
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: I heard that.
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. I heard it.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: That's the end of that story. We've got another one
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: coming right up.
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: My boyfriend's family hid what his cousin did to his
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: ex until his sister finally told me. What did his
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: cousin do? I, 26 female, have been with my boyfriend,
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: 28 male, for a few years. His cousin, let's call
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: her Kayla, always seemed nice enough whenever we'd talk. We
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: weren't close or anything, but every time we saw each other,
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: she'd act really sweet and even tell me how happy
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: she was that my boyfriend had found someone who made
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: him happy. So I never had a reason to think
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: she disliked me. Earlier this year, my boyfriend and I
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: were going through a rough patch and without telling me,
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: he started venting to Kayla about our relationship.
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: Well, why would he tell you if he's venting to her?
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: I mean, I don't think it's a Great thing to do, but.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: I mean, if we've got problems, me and my girlfriend
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: will say we've been talking to people about it.
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah.
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: Around the same time, I had to travel for work
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: for a few days. One evening, I posted a few
• 52:49
  Speaker 3: pictures on Facebook from dinner with coworkers, and she immediately
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: messaged me asking if I was out looking for my
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: next boyfriend. I thought she was joking until she kept going.
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: She started calling me selfish, saying I cared more about
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: my career than my relationship, that I was a terrible
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: future wife, and that my boyfriend deserved someone loyal.
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: I'd just be like, yo, who asked for your thoughts
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: on this?
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, who even are you? Kayla.
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, did I ask for any of your opinions?
• 53:18
  Speaker 4: No?
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: Eh, pipe it down, thank you.
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: Then she sent a voice message saying if I ever
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: broke his heart, she'd make sure I regretted it. Oh,
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: now you're threatening me. Okay, Kayla, I see you.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: I'd reply and be like, you sound like you just
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: woke up.
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: Who pissed in your cornflakes?
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: It honestly freaked me out enough that I blocked her
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: right away. By the way, this comes from Cute Chloe.
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: And if you want to submit your own stories, go
• 53:43
  Speaker 3: to the r slash okay story time subreddit.
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: I'm Savannah.
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: I'm Dakota.
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: And we're here to talk about some stuff, get some advice,
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: but guess what?
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: We don't have all of the answers.
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: We're only going to tell you what we would do,
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: but let us know what you would do down in
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: the comments.
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: Come on, baby. Let's read it.
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: As Opie says, when I showed everything to my boyfriend,
• 54:01
  Speaker 3: he admitted he'd been telling her about her problems. What
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: upset me even more was how little he reacted to
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: what she'd sent me. He kept saying she was probably
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: just being protective and didn't mean it like that. Didn't
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: mean it like what?
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: Didn't mean it like what? Like a direct threat?
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: She didn't mean to threaten you directly. It was more
• 54:21
  Speaker 3: indirectly threatening. You just were reading it wrong. It's your fault.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: Be like, what are you saying to her to get
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: her so wound up that she's texting me like this?
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah. After a lot of arguing, he finally blocked her,
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: but it felt more like he was doing it because
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't let it go than because he actually thought
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: her behavior was unacceptable. Fast forward a few months and
• 54:41
  Speaker 3: she recently reached out to him again from another number
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: asking if we were still together and saying she hoped
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: he was finally happy. He ignored the message, but never
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: blocked the number. I told him that after everything she'd
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: said and the way she threatened me, I wasn't comfortable
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: with her having any access to our lives anymore. He
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: thinks I'm making too big a deal out of it
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: and says ignoring her is enough.
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: I don't agree.
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: To me, someone who crossed those kinds of boundaries once
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: will probably do it again. So am I the a-hole
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: for asking him to completely cut contact with her?
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: No, but you're silly because you're also acting like that's
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: going to stop her as well. Like, clearly it won't.
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this girl seems like she's too obsessed.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what your boyfriend needs to do is talk to
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: his cousin and be like, hey, that's like way out
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: of line. Like, I can vent to you about my relationship,
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: but you can't like take point and like go off
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: on my girlfriend directly. Yeah. That's insane.
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: Because that's just going to cause way more problems than
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: it should. Like, yeah, it's one thing to like have
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: an outsider's opinion and be like, hey, what do you
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: think about this? You know, I'm kind of laying a situation, whatever.
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: You can get feedback, but don't then now become part
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: of this relationship.
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: That's just insane. If I ever told anybody, like I've
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: vented anyone, like if I vented anything to someone about
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: someone else and then they ended up talking to them
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: directly and we're.
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: Like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: Like I'd never tell that person anything ever again. Yeah.
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, okay. Now my trust is broke.
• 56:20
  Speaker 4: Awesome.
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: Awesome. Update two days later. Two days after my post,
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: his older sister messaged me out of nowhere. I've met
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: her maybe three times total, so I wasn't expecting to
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: hear from her at all, let alone about this. She
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: said she saw my boyfriend mention the situation in a
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: family group chat and wanted to talk to me directly
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: because someone should have told you this a long time ago.
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: Oh God, we're about to get some weird lore. Oh God.
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: I'm scared.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, God. Is there some cousin loving? Does Kayla have
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: a crush on him?
• 56:51
  Speaker 4: Gross. Gross.
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: I don't like it.
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: Not cousin loving.
• 56:55
  Speaker 3: She told me Kayla did basically the same thing to
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: my boyfriend's ex before me. Same pattern, sweet to her face,
• 57:02
  Speaker 3: then messages accusing her of not caring enough about him.
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: Then it escalated to Kayla showing up at her job
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: uninvited to talk, which scared the ex enough that she
• 57:13
  Speaker 3: started making excuses to avoid family events. Nobody confronted Kayla
• 57:17
  Speaker 3: about it at the time. They just quietly stopped inviting
• 57:20
  Speaker 3: her to certain things and let the relationship fade out
• 57:22
  Speaker 3: around it. His sister said watching the same thing start
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: happening again was what finally made her say something.
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: Dude, sister's literally the only person in the family with
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: a spine at this point.
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, why is no one saying anything? I'd be like, hey,
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: that's not your place, Kayla. Calm down. Go do anything else.
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, not like a single, like, Hey, just want to
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: set the record straight. That was not how people operate, right?
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: Just crazy that the solution is, oh, just stop inviting
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: her to everything. Like, these people do not like her, clearly.
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: Like, I don't even want to waste my breath on her.
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: Just stop inviting her to stuff until they break up.
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 58:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: They said, nah, we'll wait till it fades out. Okay.
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: I confronted my boyfriend with this last night. He didn't
• 58:08
  Speaker 3: deny it. He just said, that was different. and that
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: he didn't think it was his place to bring up
• 58:14
  Speaker 3: his ex's business.
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: What do you mean?
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: You were there, right? You know what happened?
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: And now you're seeing the same pattern being repeated, yet
• 58:22
  Speaker 3: we're gonna talk.
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: About it, what?
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: I just feel like, I don't know, like, you say
• 58:26
  Speaker 3: you don't have room to talk about your ex, but
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: you have room to talk about me to your.
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: Cousin, huh?
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: Just especially given that this exact same thing happened, it's like, yeah, no,
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: it's pretty relevant, like.
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no, I don't think so. Open your eyes.
• 58:42
  Speaker 3: I asked him how it's different from what's happening to
• 58:44
  Speaker 3: me right now, and he didn't really have an answer.
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: Just kept saying he didn't want to be the one
• 58:49
  Speaker 3: to throw Kayla under the bus with the family.
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: Everyone knows. It's not like it's a surprise.
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: She's living under the bus.
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: You don't have to throw anyone under the bus. You
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: just have to tell her, hey, stop. Don't do that. Yeah.
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: Don't do that again.
• 59:04
  Speaker 3: Just, like, don't be a freak and stay out of
• 59:05
  Speaker 3: my relationship. I have not had one of my cousins...
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: interrupt my relationship ever just in my.
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: Life it's weird for him to phrase it like that
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: yeah i don't want to throw it under the bus
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: it's like then then don't like you don't have to
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: make it a family meeting.
• 59:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah she's the one who like started all of this
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: So now this isn't just about blocking one phone number anymore.
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: It's that he's known this whole time Kayla has a
• 59:32
  Speaker 3: pattern and chose not to tell me. Am I the
• 59:35
  Speaker 3: a-hole for telling him it's not just Kayla I have
• 59:37
  Speaker 3: a problem with now? It's the fact that he let
• 59:40
  Speaker 3: me walk into this blind? There are some comments.
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: Is that even the problem? Like, it sounds like the
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: problem is he already knew what Kayla did before and
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: now is doing the same. Like, he's confiding in her. Yeah.
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: again anyway.
• 59:54
  Speaker 3: He's actively repeating the pattern and she's actively taking the
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: bait for it. So it's kind of, I don't know,
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 3: they're both at fault here. I don't think you're the
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 3: a-hole at all for, I don't know, being part of
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 3: this weird cousin dynamic.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: Just tell him like you just go to, you need
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: to tell your cousin that you have a hard like
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: boundary of like not being a freak and, and texting
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 2: my girlfriend directly when I confide something in you. And also,
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: if you can't do that, go date your cousin then.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 3: Sorry, I have a hard boundary of not being a freak,
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 3: and you're being freakish.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Especially, like, not to... Not to accuse him of
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: cousin loving. Just that, like, if a guy is telling
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: another girl about his relationship problems... It's.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: Already a red flag.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 2: That's like, you know, it's... It's not always like they
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: want that person.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: But it's like a weird thing to do. I don't know.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: I'm not explaining that right. He's moving real funny. Both
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: of them are. Yeah.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: They're making some mistakes. Big ones. There are some comments.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: He knows Annie let it happen again.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: Break up with him.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 3: OP responds, seeing it typed out like that hit different
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 3: than it did bouncing around my own head all night.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 3: I keep replaying every time I brushed past my gut
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 3: feeling because he made it sound smaller than it was,
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 3: and now I can't tell if I was naive or
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 3: if he's just really good at making things sound smaller
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 3: than they are. Not saying the word out loud yet,
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 3: but I didn't sleep last night, and I think that's
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 3: the answer.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: Uh, not the a-hole.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 3: His cousin has a thing for him, and he likes
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 3: the attention.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: Dump him.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah. OP responds, I am starting to think the same
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 3: and saying that out loud feels insane.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: Is it though?
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: Is it though? You never had a crush on your cousin?
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: I've never had a crush on my cousin. I never
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: thought to.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: Me neither.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: I don't want. Me neither.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 3: But it's the only thing that actually explains why he's
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 3: never once been angry at her, only at me for
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 3: being upset about her. I don't want it to be that.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 3: I just ran out of better explanations somewhere around 3 a.m.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: last night.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, and that's the end. Crazy.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: Even if he doesn't have a thing for her, it's
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: clear why else would she be acting this way if
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: she wasn't like, you're not good enough for him. He
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: needs someone loyal. What are you out looking for your
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: next man? It's like, what are you? Who are you?
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 3: And also, he plays into it. He's not freaking innocent
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: at all. He knows that this happened last time, and he's, like,
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: repeating the pattern, but he's, you know, as you said,
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 3: making it, like, a smaller deal than it actually is.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: I think I got my, like, comparison down now. It's
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: not just, like, about talking to another girl about your
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 2: relationship problems. Because this happened before with his ex, and she, like,
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: blew everything up. This would be, like, if he was
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: talking to, like, an ex-girlfriend or, like, an ex-fling about
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 2: his current relationship problem. Yeah.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, God.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 4: Like.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: Red flag.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah. But that's the end of that story, and we
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 3: got another one coming right up.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: My boyfriend keeps talking like a baby, and it's annoying me.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 3: Are you mad at me?
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, short and simple. I, 20 female, will say now
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: that I've told my boyfriend, 20 male, a few times
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: that I don't like baby talk. He first said it
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: one night. Love you. And I immediately asked what that
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: means in case he's throwing the love word out four
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: weeks into the relationship. He said, He's never used baby
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: talk in the six months I knew him and never
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: seemed this silly? I told him baby talk makes me
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: uncomfortable and the reference to love makes me uncomfortable this
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: early on. He said he understood. Aye aye, Captain. He
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: keeps saying it when I go to bed, though. He'll
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 2: text me, love you, less than three.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: Not less than three. Just put a heart.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: And says it when he hugs me when we leave
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: after we've hung out somewhere. Every time I tell him
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 2: to please stop with the baby talk and the love,
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: I've told him probably six times now. I've said it
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: makes me uncomfortable. And by the way, this comes from
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 2: baby talk. Ugh. And if you want to submit your
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Dakota.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: I'm Sabina.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: And we're going to read this little story. I have
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: good advice, good food, but we don't have all the answers.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: We only know what we know. So let us know
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 2: what you know in your little heads down in the comments,
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: my wabbies.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 3: I love baby talk.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: Opie says, is there a better way to explain or
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: is this a lost cause? It's very early on, so
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 2: I'm aware it's better to break up now than put
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 2: up with it if he refuses to stop. But I'm wondering,
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 2: from outside perspectives, if telling him I'm uncomfortable with baby
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: talk may not be clear enough or easy enough to understand.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: Maybe he doesn't think it's baby talk in this context?
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 2: I'm mostly just concerned that if I've not actually made
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 2: it clear to him, someone who considers this talking to
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 2: be normal... that I haven't actually given him fair warning
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 2: or a chance to change before I dump him. And
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: there's an edit I forgot to add, and it might
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: be important. It isn't always just when we say goodbyes.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 2: If we're watching a movie or hanging out, like he's
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 2: playing games and I just sort of chill on his bed,
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: he'll turn around and mumble a little, love you, and
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: maybe cuddle me. It's not just a thing he uses
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 2: to end conversations, but it primarily happens when we're saying goodbyes.
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 2: And there are some comments. Girl, he's a man, not
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 2: a complete idiot. Like, there's no way you could misunderstand
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 2: what you were telling him.
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he knows. He's just not listening, which, truthfully, that's
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 3: the most annoying part.
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 2: He'd probably be like, oh, I didn't know. I'm just
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: a little baby.
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, stop. Please, I cannot. Mommy, change my diaper. Mommy,
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: I love you. Change my diaper. No.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, gross. Also, like, yeah, really quick saying, even though
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 2: he said it like a baby, he's saying, I love you.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: And you were like, don't say that. We've been dating
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: for like a month. Yeah. And he's like, oh, copy.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 2: Love you. It's like, no, stop.
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, did you think I was just joking?
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: I've said it six times now.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 2: I think you should just break up now.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think I truthfully, I think you already
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 3: are resentful of him and kind of just over it
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 3: because he obviously isn't going to listen.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: You've told him a million times. So yeah, whatever. Just
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: end it now and be done. You don't love him.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's no the love does not go around relevant comments.
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 2: Rella Throw 12 says, the baby talk annoys the ever
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: loving crap out of me as well. If he doesn't listen,
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: then dump him. He has already not done that. OP says,
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: it makes me feel sick and it makes my skin crawl.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: I'm not a baby or a dog. It feels so
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: skeevy and immature like a 14 year old in his
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 2: first relationship. I told him it makes me uncomfortable and
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: I effing wish he'd listen. Claude says, be crystal clear
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: and direct. Honey, don't use the word wuv or any
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 2: other childish baby talk. I don't like it. It makes
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 2: me uncomfortable. Sometimes people, see, guys, need very specific pointers.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 2: OP says, I've literally said that. Almost word for word
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 2: I said that, but with more explanation. My text to
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 2: him last night was, babe, for like the hundredth time.
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 2: Stop saying you wuv me. I told you baby talk
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 2: is uncomfortable to me, especially the word wuv, since it's
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 2: baby talk for love, and this is too early. Stop.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: He then apologized and said goodnight on good terms. I
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: did so too. However, he said wuv again today when
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 2: I said I was going out for a while and
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 2: wouldn't be able to chat, and because it was by text,
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: I just didn't reply as I was busy and getting
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: so sick of it, I decided to come ask Reddit
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: for help now. But yeah, I need to ask him
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 2: to explain why he keeps doing something he knows makes
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 2: me uncomfortable. Beyond the triviality of baby talk, ignoring my
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 2: requests and willingly making me uncomfortable feels like a red flag.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 2: I just don't know if he realizes that wuv is
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: baby talk and if he's not going to get me
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 2: to accept it. by repeatedly doing it.
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 3: There's no way that he does not think that that
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 3: is baby talk because one, he does it purposely and
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 3: you have already explained to him 17 times now.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: That the word love is baby talk.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 3: So and how it makes you feel uncomfortable and everything
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 3: and he's just He's just being annoying about it.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: A hundred times in 30 days. You've explained this three
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 2: times a day minimum.
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 2: It's like, at some point, I blame you, OP. I
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: respect you for coming to the internet and being like,
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 2: what do I do about this? But if what you
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 2: just wrote is what's going on, why do you need
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: anyone to tell you that you should break up with
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: this guy?
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this guy's horrid.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 2: You guys just do it.
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: You just don't match in that way. And that's fine.
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 3: And honestly, I feel like you're just getting super annoyed
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 3: and just coming here to like rant because anything that
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 3: you do doesn't work.
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: So just be done with it.
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 2: Just break up with him. He literally, you were like,
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 2: stop saying that. He goes, okay, next morning. How well
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 2: my love, I love you. I'm breaking up with you immediately.
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 3: Why don't you tell, like, why don't you threaten him
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 3: with that?
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: Be like, Hey, don't even know.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 2: No threats.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 4: Leave.
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 2: Just break up with him.
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Update.
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 2: I will mention my use of less than three in
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 2: stuff like good nights is not exclusive to us.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 3: Oh, shut.
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: Stop.
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 2: I can't. I can't handle stories like this. But just
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 2: want to let you know, actually, when I use the
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: less than three heart, it is not exclusive to my
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 2: relationship and thus does not. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: We don't even know that. Just break up with this guy.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and also, why are you explaining it to us now?
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 3: We already know the situation. It's just like you're just
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 3: now explaining the explaining the explaining the explaining. Oh, God.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, we're halfway through.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 2: I can do this. You can do this. Everyone in
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: our friend group uses it like a smiley face emote.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: We use it with others as well as ourselves. However,
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 2: he could still be misinterpreting that, so I took it
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 2: into account that maybe I wasn't totally clear, and maybe
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 2: he was getting mixed signals. I was due to meet
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 2: him today and did so, intending to ask him to
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 2: explain why he won't stop doing it. Not word for word, obviously,
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 2: but his words were pretty shocking, and I remember it
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 2: very well, luckily. Part of why I wanted to post
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 2: it tonight while it's still fresh in my noggin, here's
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 2: how it went. I said, why do you keep using
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 2: the word and the baby talk when I've asked you
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: not to? You know it makes me uncomfortable. And you've apologized,
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 2: so surely you know it's inappropriate and you should stop.
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 2: Were the apologies just fake? He looked very offended at
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: this suggestion, and I think I baited him too much.
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 2: I regret it since he got angry. Girl, you need
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: to go to therapy and get self-worth. You're upset? You
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: regret it because he got angry like a little baby?
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 2: For you pointing out just the abject truth of the situation? Like,
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: I've told you this a hundred times. Why won't you stop?
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: How dare you, madam? And you're like, oh, you're right.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 2: That was my bad. Yeah, what?
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 3: You've told him a million times and now he's getting mad.
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 2: Shut up.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: Don't cry about it.
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 2: He said, what the heck? No, I apologized for making
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: you uncomfortable. I said, then why keep doing the thing
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: that makes me uncomfortable? He goes, maybe I should be
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 2: more obvious. I'm apologizing for the fact that you interpret
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 2: my affections that way. I'm sorry you feel that way,
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 2: but I'm not sorry for the baby talk. You just
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: have to get used to it.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 3: And now it's time to break up for the umpteenth time.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: Be done with this guy. You just have to get
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: used to it.
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: Well, no, I don't want to. So bye.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 2: Hope he's going to bust out with like the, you know,
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 2: I found out he was kicked in the head by
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 2: a horse. So I don't know. Maybe he just, this
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 2: is how he has to talk. I say, so you
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 2: don't care that it makes me uncomfortable? And he says,
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: I do. But you just need to stop being uncomfortable
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 2: with a normal cute thing. You're being a witch about
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 2: it now, honestly, and it's hurting my feelings. What if
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 2: I say I'm uncomfortable when you don't use baby talk
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 2: with me? Would you change?
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 2: I said, those are two different things. You're deflecting. OP!
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 2: You go, no, I wouldn't change, and we'd break up,
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 2: which is what we're doing right now.
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: Fuck! No, literally.
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 3: Why are you like, do you not want to be
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 3: done with this guy? Because it seems like you should be.
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 2: He says, no, I have every right to talk to
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 2: you how I want.
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 1: You're being hypocritical.
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 2: I say, I wouldn't want you to suffer with the
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 2: burden of dating a hypocrite then. Goodbye. Don't contact me
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: ever again. I can breathe again.
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 4: Woo.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: That was crazy.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: I was actually kind of proud of how quick it was. Oh,
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 2: it was quick. But I was fuming and shaking after
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 2: I walked off and got to my car. He texted
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 2: me generic, you're overreacting stuff, and when I ignored it,
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 2: he demanded the gifts back that he's given me. Dude
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 2: spent a lot of money on me, and I never
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 2: asked for it. I told him the gifts are legally mine,
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 2: once given to me, and declared as gifts. I told
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 2: him I never asked for the gifts, and it was
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 2: his choice to buy them. Live with that choice.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 1: Actually, in gift law, technically those are mine.
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I actually specialize in gift law. Finished by saying again,
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 2: don't contact me. I've blocked him everywhere. The gifts were
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 2: a little too much, which was something I also mentioned once,
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 2: but he just gifted again after. Since he only did
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 2: it once after I said not to, I wasn't going
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 2: to pull him up on it unless he, like in
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 2: this situation, kept doing it. I did try to refuse
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 2: the gifts and he got upset until I accepted them.
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 2: In hindsight, the gifts were starting to go the same
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 2: direction as the baby talk. I was an idiot for
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 2: not seeing the red flag sooner. I don't want the
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 2: gifts and they're somewhat expensive, all still with the tags on.
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 2: except price tags. Teddy bears, clothes, shoes, jewelry, all bought
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: for me in a month, now going to a charity
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 2: shop after Christmas to hopefully make a decent bit of
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 2: money back for a better cause than some dude who
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 2: loves me so, so much that he just has to
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: shower me with gifts and ignore my comfort and boundaries.
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 2: No notes, you're broken up. I'm really upset that it
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 2: took a hundred times of him, like, blatantly ignoring you until...
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 2: you'd realize. But hey, sooner than later, right?
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 3: And then also the fact that every time he brought
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 3: it up, he just dismissed it instead of actually having
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 3: a conversation about it and treating it like an adult.
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 2: Crazy like literally first time after that happens i'm like
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 2: fully like it's like hey don't do that good night
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 2: he says good night we wake up hello my love
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 2: i'm calling him like dude what is what are you doing.
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah like do you think i like slept on it
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 3: and changed my mind why.
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 2: Did you immediately backslide you can't what are we talking
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 2: what are we doing i don't love you i don't
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 2: love you just started dating.
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: I and i also don't love you yeah and i
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 1: will never love you Aww.
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, OP says, You guys helped open my eyes and
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 2: made me stop feeling like the bad guy for taking
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: issue with it. I really wanted to understand and explain
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: it to him, but I guess his true colors came out.
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 2: Surprising how I didn't ever see or hear about this
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 2: side of him for six months when we were friends.
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 2: Thanks again for all your help and advice in the
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 2: thread last night, guys. And there are some final comments.
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 2: Montaron says, It sounds like this guy doesn't really care
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 2: what other people think and just does his own thing.
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 2: Not just the love you stuff, but with the gifts
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 2: as well, completely disregarding your feelings. This is just a
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 2: certain kind of guy in a relationship.
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 2: A pathetic man, unfortunately.
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: Of like, I have to buy your love.
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 3: And then because I buy your love, I expect everything
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 3: to be great. And then also you have no say
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 3: in your comfortability or your boundaries because I'm giving you
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 3: the world.
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I bought you gifts. You give me kisses. I
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 2: talk to you like baby. You think it's cute. You
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 2: either get on board or you get off the train.
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 2: Opie says, part of me thinks he lashed out because
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 2: I confronted him because he was so insistent on being
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 2: affectionate with the wubby stuff. It really shocked me to
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 2: see him suddenly be such an a-hole. Maybe others were
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 2: right in that he loved me. Or, well, thought he did.
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 2: We don't know each other well enough after a month
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 2: of dating. Come on. And was upset that it wasn't
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 2: reciprocated and lashed out finally. Whatever, he's not my problem anymore.
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 2: That's the end of that story. And also an unhinged
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 2: take from the commenters. Being like, he's just truly in
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 2: love with you and it's making him upset. No, he's not.
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 2: He asked for his gifts back. He's a man child.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 1: He does not care.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 3: He just, I don't know why he was in it
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 3: and what his goal was, but my God, thank God
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 3: you're out of it.
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 2: He looked at Opie like a little, like a possession,
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 2: like a dog. You were like a dog he could train.
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 2: And he gets you nice treats. And he rubs your
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 2: belly and teaches you how to roll over. And you
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 2: were like, I'm not a dog. I'm a gift lawyer.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 2: And he's like, that's disgusting. You'd say that to me.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 2: How could you? Yeah.
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 1: Okay, Dubai.
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, bye. See you never. Put him in the ocean.
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 2: That's the end of that story. We've got another one
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 2: coming up.
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 3: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here.
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 1: And we're going to get back to the stories. But
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: here's a three-minute ad break from our sponsors. I defended
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 1: my boyfriend from his own mother. Now his family says
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: I'm the problem.
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 2: Is his mother a good fighter?
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 3: So I, 29 female, am in a happy relationship with,
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 3: I'll call him for the sake of this, Robert, that's
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 3: my dad's name.
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 2: It's Robert Pattinson.
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 1: 38 male.
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 3: Oh, so that is nine years for the last year.
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 3: Let's just say that Robert recently was able to obtain
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 3: the finances to buy his own place and still live comfortably. However,
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 3: while he prepares to move... he still lives with his
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 3: boomer parents. Before anyone makes fun of a nearly 40-year-old
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 3: man for living with his parents... Please be advised that
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 3: we are in a high cost of living area, and
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 3: despite the fact he makes decent money from his job,
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 3: the monthly rent for an apartment in a good area
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 3: with its own washer and dryer, he refuses to use
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 3: laundromats due to bad experiences in the past, would have
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 3: been over 65% of his monthly earnings. As he said,
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 3: he wanted money left over to actually live, not just
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 3: to exist paying bills and rent. He continued to live
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 3: with his parents and contribute to the expenses despite the
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 3: still existing stigma. That was a really long explanation for
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 3: someone who's a loser.
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. A really long explanation for just, you know,
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: no reason. Doesn't matter.
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 2: She's backing him up.
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 2: She knows how the internet is.
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 3: A few weeks ago, he had a nightmare where he
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 3: still had his lanyard on for his job's access card.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 3: And when he went to the side of the house,
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 3: he got a bit too close to the central air
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 3: unit and his lanyard got sucked in by the fan,
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 3: pinning him and strangling him. So since then, whenever he
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 3: has to do something on that side of the house,
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 3: he makes sure to take his work lanyard off first.
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from TempInsanity1995, and if you
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 3: slash okay story time subreddit.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Savannah.
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 2: I'm Dakota.
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 3: And we're here to talk about some stuff, get some advice,
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 3: but we don't have all of the answers. We're only
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 3: going to tell you what we would do, but you
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 3: should let us know what you would do down in
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 3: the comments. As OP says, a couple of days ago,
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 3: right after he left work, he picked me up and
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 3: then we went to his parents' house because his mother
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 3: was cooking us dinner. When we got there, she comes
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 3: outside and tells Robert it's trash day tomorrow, so he
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 3: needs to roll the garbage can to the curb. Robert
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 3: asked to just take his lanyard off first, but his
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 3: mother blocked the door and insisted he do it right
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 3: that second. He kept calmly trying to explain that he
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 3: only wanted to put his lanyard away first, and she
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 3: kept demanding to know what his problem was.
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 2: Robert, do they give you pockets? Do you have a pocket?
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 3: Or just when you, like, go out, just, like, set it, like,
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 3: Put it on, like, the door handle, and then, like,
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 3: go do it, and then.
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 1: Put it on the ground! Yeah, put it on the ground. Like,
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: it's not gonna go.
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 2: What are you... I mean, your mom... That's funny. I know.
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 1: Why she has a problem with that?
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 2: In the doorway. Stop! You must move the trash cans.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 1: Can I take off my lanyard?
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 2: No! No! What's your problem, Robert?
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 3: That is the equivalent of punching me in the face.
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 3: You wanna punch your mother in the face? So, Robert
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 3: tells her about the nightmare.
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 3: And why he is so insistent on taking off his
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 3: lanyard first, rather than being understanding his mom mocked him,
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 3: basically asking if he was a man or a mouse,
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 3: and barking at him to take the garbage out like
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 3: some drill sergeant.
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 1: You better take those drugs out right now!
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 2: If you don't take those drugs out, you're out of here! Man,
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 2: this mom is mean.
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 3: I swear, picture the worst boot camp impression that was heard.
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 3: I guess Robert finally had enough and told her that
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 3: he was going inside to put his lanyard away first,
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 3: and if she didn't like it, she could pound sand.
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 3: I have to admit, him standing up to her was
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 3: pretty hot, lol.
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 2: And it's his own mother. It's not like a guy
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 2: in the street.
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 1: Nope, it was hot.
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 2: It's his elderly mother. That's hot to you?
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 1: Okie dokie. It is a little weird. She relented.
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 3: He went inside, took his lanyard off, and rolled the
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 3: garbage can to the curb without incident. As he was
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 3: doing that, his mother turned to me and apologized for
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 3: me having to witness him verbally abusing her. That's when
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 3: I had enough myself and told her that maybe if
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 3: she acted more like his mother instead of a drill
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 3: sergeant barking orders, he wouldn't have snapped. I pointed out
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 3: that he just wanted to feel safe near the AC unit,
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 3: so what was the big deal? She insisted that as
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 3: his mother, when she gives an order, he needs to
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 3: obey without excuses. So I flat out told her, that
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 3: she was the one being verbally harmful, not him. She
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 3: then huffed that she'd just lost her appetite and wouldn't
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 3: be eating with us.
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, the end of the world! Oh no,
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 2: mama's gonna be hungry! What are you, Gandhi?
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 1: Like, I don't care.
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 3: We're like, thank you for the dinner. Now that we're
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 3: gonna eat it by ourselves. Well, Robert heard that and
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 3: suggested we go out to a nice Mexican place instead,
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 3: since she wasn't going to eat with us anyways. I
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 3: told him that would be lovely, and after he got changed,
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 3: we headed out. As we were leaving, his mom shouted
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 3: after us that just wait until I'm living with him
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 3: and give him a command he doesn't like, then I'll
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 3: be the one told to pound sand.
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 2: You just wait until you're his mother.
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, wait.
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 2: No, that won't happen.
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 3: I told her that acting like a drill sergeant and
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 3: attacking his manhood was one of many reasons he was
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 3: moving into a place by himself rather than letting them
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 3: live with him. When we were at dinner, he told
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 3: me his mother has a history of doing that. Whenever
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 3: he wanted to do something she didn't approve of, it
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 3: would result in a nasty lecture filled with insults. And
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 3: not just her. He recently ordered his first brand new
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 3: car and his dad insisted on coming to the dealership
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 3: to make sure he doesn't overpay. The car had an
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 3: option package that added a bunch of desirable stuff, but
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 3: the nearest dealer only had his color without it. So
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 3: he asked them to order one. The moment the sales
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 3: guy mentioned the package was close to $ 4. 5 grand, his
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 3: dad flipped his lid and demanded to know why it mattered.
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 3: Robert explained it added things like full LED lights, cooled seats,
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 3: a better stereo, blind spot cameras, and more, and that
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 3: it was totally worth it. His dad dismissed all of it,
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 3: basically saying he should just turn up the AC, use
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 3: his mirrors, and upgrade the speakers himself.
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 2: Like low-key though, Pops is cooking with that take. Don't
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 2: buy the $ 4, 500 upgrade package for LED lights and a
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 2: backup camera. What are you talking about?
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 1: Backup cameras are nice.
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 2: Cooled seats is cool. If you live in the desert,
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 2: I guess.
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 3: And also the little things that help you not crash.
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 2: But like, You can, yeah, I guarantee you can install
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 2: all that stuff yourself aftermarket. It's just better. Pops is
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 2: cooking right now.
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 3: I would just be like, yeah, no, I'm not going
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 3: to do all that. And if I were to do it,
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 3: I would somehow mess it up and then that would
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 3: be horrible and I wouldn't want.
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 4: To deal with that.
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, it's okay.
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 2: You could hire someone.
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 1: Thanks. And I would.
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 3: Robert told the sales guy to ignore his father and
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 3: order it with the package anyway. The car ride home
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 3: resulted in Robert's dad going off on him in disbelief
• 1:25:36
  Speaker 3: that he'd wait weeks and spend nearly five grand extra
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 3: on stuff he'd never recoup when he sold the car.
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 2: Well, that's the, when you buy a car, you never
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 2: recoup the cost of a new car.
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 3: Robert tried to explain that it wasn't pointless to him
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 3: and that things like cooled seats would come in handy
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 3: in summer, but his dad cut him off and yelled
• 1:25:55
  Speaker 3: at him to shut up, insulting his intelligence. So yeah,
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 3: when Robert told me that story, I can totally understand
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 3: why he would choose to live by himself when he
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 3: bought his new place. When you have it coming from
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 3: both parents, I totally understand. For what it's worth, he
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 3: also told me that whenever his mother is called out
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 3: on her BS or is proven wrong, she tends to
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 3: feign losing her appetite.
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 1: Nice.
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 2: Just like an actual spoiled brat.
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm not gonna eat, okay? Well, we are. Bye.
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 3: A couple of days go by and Robert said that
• 1:26:29
  Speaker 3: his family thought I was being an a-hole for telling
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 3: his mother off like that when I should have recognized
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 3: it being an A and B argument between him and
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 3: his mom.
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you did it in front of me, bro.
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 2: And I'm not a 17-year-old. I'm almost 30.
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 1: He's almost 40.
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 2: That's like the.
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 3: This is an A and B conversation. See your way
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 3: out of it.
• 1:26:51
  Speaker 2: I mean, I just lost my appetite.
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 1: Are you in fifth grade? I just lost my appetite.
• 1:26:57
  Speaker 1: And my respect for you.
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 3: But am I really? Robert doesn't think so, and there's
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 3: an update.
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 2: Of course you're not. Let's see what the hell happens here, because,
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 2: I mean, wild to me that there's any contact at
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 2: all with these parents. I mean, I guess you have
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 2: to because... Well, yeah, you live there. You're living there, but, like, how?
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 2: How are you doing that?
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, pretty sticky situation, but.
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 2: I'd get out of there. And you know what? I'm
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 2: not going to let this go. Robert, why don't you
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 2: just take the lanyard off and put it in your pocket?
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 2: You know your mom's difficult. She's being difficult. You're living
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 2: there to save money. You're not living there because you
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 2: love your mom's attitude all the time so much. Just
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 2: put the lanyard in your pocket. You think it's going
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 2: to get sucked out of your pocket and pull your
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 2: butt into the AC? What are you talking about?
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 1: Could happen. I've seen it many times.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 2: How big is this lanyard?
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 1: Update.
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 3: Honestly, life got in the way since I made that post,
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 3: so there are a few things I want to say.
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 3: Boyfriend is moving into his new house in less than
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 3: a month.
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 1: Woo!
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 3: And he, not to mention myself, couldn't be happier. Someone
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 3: questioned why he was able to buy a house and
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 3: a new car at once. Well, it wasn't like he
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 3: scrimped and saved. He got what he only told me
• 1:28:13
  Speaker 3: was a sudden cash infusion, his words, that he does
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 3: not want to go into detail about.
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 1: That's sketchy. Did he rob a bank and just not
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 1: want to tell you?
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 2: Maybe he won the lottery.
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 1: A sudden cash infusion.
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 3: That sounds sketchy, and I would really want to know
• 1:28:32
  Speaker 3: what that means.
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 2: It could be inheritance. It could be the lottery. Honestly,
• 1:28:35
  Speaker 2: if I won any money from the lottery, no one
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 2: would know.
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 1: Yes, we would.
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 2: No, you wouldn't. You would have zero idea.
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 1: Everyone would know if I did.
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 3: It's not enough to live off of, but it was
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 3: enough to buy a smaller home and a new car.
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 3: He also paid off what was left to his parents' mortgage.
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 1: It wasn't much, but still.
• 1:28:53
  Speaker 3: He bought in a non-HOA community and had solar panels
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 3: installed so his electric bill will be near zero. The
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 3: car he got was a regular mundane family sedan that
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 3: uses regular gas and is cheaper to insure than some
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 3: luxury car would be. There was a comment that seemed
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 3: to insinuate that he lived with mommy and daddy because
• 1:29:13
  Speaker 3: renting a place that was within his means was beneath him.
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 3: I assume it's because I mentioned that the only apartments
• 1:29:19
  Speaker 3: that fit his budget would require him to go to
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 3: a laundromat. Well, my boyfriend and his parents used to
• 1:29:24
  Speaker 3: live in the northeastern U.S.
• 1:29:26
  Speaker 1: In their apartment.
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 3: It was rent-controlled, and the only place they could afford
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 3: had no washer and dryer, so they had to use
• 1:29:32
  Speaker 3: a laundromat. According to my boyfriend, they tried four, and
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 3: each one had issues with, his words, seedy clientele. His
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 3: mother one time witnessed another woman stealing another customer's clothes,
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 3: and when the actual owner confronted her, the thief pulled
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 3: out a knife.
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 2: I mean, again, like, Is that the only laundromat? They
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 2: went to four different ones. But like... Those are the
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 2: only four laundromats. Are we sure that that's the only option?
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 2: Are the war zone laundromats?
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 1:30:08
  Speaker 3: Let's just say that when you try multiple places and
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 3: each one makes you afraid that you're going to be
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 3: robbed or worse, you tend to not want to put
• 1:30:14
  Speaker 3: yourself in that situation again.
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 2: I'd tell you what that would make me want to do.
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 2: It'd make me want to learn how to defend myself. Yeah.
• 1:30:21
  Speaker 2: It's like the answer isn't just be like afraid for
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 2: the rest of my life. I don't know. I mean,
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 2: it's yeah, it sucks. But like y'all are passive.
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 2: Y'all are so passive that him just telling no to
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 2: his mom made you like, oh, my God, he's so hot.
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 2: What a bad boy. He said no to his mom
• 1:30:39
  Speaker 2: at 38. It's like y'all need to like not be
• 1:30:43
  Speaker 2: that passive.
• 1:30:45
  Speaker 3: I also feel like if you don't want to go to,
• 1:30:47
  Speaker 3: you know, if you don't want to put yourself in
• 1:30:49
  Speaker 3: that situation again.
• 1:30:51
  Speaker 1: Then, you know, I'm not going to get a laundromat.
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 3: If I've had four bad experiences at each laundromat, I'm
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 3: going to be like, OK, so I'm not going to
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 3: go to those anymore. So I don't know. That kind
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 3: of makes sense to me.
• 1:31:02
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, well, you got a house now. Just get
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 2: your own washer and dryer.
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 3: To the people who said, why couldn't he change jobs
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 3: to one that pays better so he could afford to
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 3: move out much sooner?
• 1:31:12
  Speaker 2: Just like so um why don't he just get job
• 1:31:16
  Speaker 2: with more money because everyone has the ability to just
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 2: go do that immediately with no effort i guess we're
• 1:31:23
  Speaker 2: living in fantasy land it's the line from it's always
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 2: sunny he's like oh how about i just strap myself
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 2: into a job cannon and launch myself into a tree
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 2: full of jobbies that i can pick and eat.
• 1:31:35
  Speaker 3: Hmm Yeah, it's not that easy, especially since he doesn't
• 1:31:41
  Speaker 3: have a college degree. Long story and not entirely his fault.
• 1:31:44
  Speaker 3: There is also this to consider. Even with his new house,
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 3: the commute to his job is less than 10 minutes. Also,
• 1:31:51
  Speaker 3: all other jobs that pay similarly without requiring a degree
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 3: are easily 30 minutes north or south via highway, meaning
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 3: lots of extra wear and tear on his car, gas,
• 1:32:01
  Speaker 3: and tolls, not to mention extra stress and.
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 1: Having to wake up earlier. Any extra money... Bro, her
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 1: child's buying a house. Her child is almost 40.
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 3: I would hope my parents would be nothing but happy
• 1:32:12
  Speaker 3: if I was buying a house. Yeah. He still plans
• 1:32:32
  Speaker 3: to visit, but has already told them that they better
• 1:32:34
  Speaker 3: not insult him or belittle him. Otherwise, he might go
• 1:32:37
  Speaker 3: low contact.
• 1:32:38
  Speaker 1: We'll see. Hope that clears up things for you.
• 1:32:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure they're going to respect that boundary after
• 1:32:44
  Speaker 2: his entire life.
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:32:46
  Speaker 2: Now that he's a homeowner.
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 3: You've given it to him straight and they're going to
• 1:32:50
  Speaker 3: listen this time or else they're going to be in
• 1:32:52
  Speaker 3: for a rude awakening.
• 1:32:54
  Speaker 2: In my house, my rules. You can't talk to me
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 2: like I'm 10 and you hate me. Taking my lanyard off.
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 4: You know what?
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 2: I'm keeping my lanyard on. I'm keeping my big boy
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 2: lanyard on.
• 1:33:07
  Speaker 1: It's my house.
• 1:33:09
  Speaker 2: And I'm afraid of the air conditioner.
• 1:33:13
  Speaker 1: But that's the end of that story.