Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #256 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#256 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
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Speaker 2: wants answers. Now. It can be really, really tricky at
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Speaker 2: times to juggle family life because there are so many
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Speaker 2: demands on us. Sometimes we actually have to take a
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Speaker 2: step back from our immediate family and we have to
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Speaker 2: help our extended family in different ways. And now here's
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Speaker 2: the stars of our show, my mum and dad.
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Speaker 1: I love Fridays.
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Speaker 3: I just feel so good when we get to get
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Speaker 3: to the end of the week and we know the
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Speaker 3: weekends just around the corner, and we still haven't made
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Speaker 3: any progress on the camping conversation.
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Speaker 1: But I really want to go this afternoon.
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Speaker 2: Is that because you're getting a dopamine here?
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Speaker 3: Yeah, yep, dopamine's patient. You listen really closely to yesterday's podcast.
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Speaker 3: In you I'm anticipating and I'm with you. So we're
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Speaker 3: bonding and we're going to talk about how we want
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Speaker 3: to do better tomorrow.
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Speaker 2: We're getting some oxytocin.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's all on neurochemicals. Follow the neurochemicals. That's how
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Speaker 3: you find the happiness. By the way, we should say,
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Speaker 3: I'm doctor Justin Coilson. I'm the author of six books
1:01
Speaker 3: about making families happier.
1:03
Speaker 2: And I'm Kylie, sometimes known as missus Happy Families. Though
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Speaker 2: I'm not happy all the time. I have to say that.
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Speaker 3: Today you're doing well, but it's early and I'm the
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Speaker 3: mom to our six kids. Today we're talking I'll do
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Speaker 3: better tomorrow. For those of you who are new to
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Speaker 3: the podcast, every Friday we kind of do a review
1:20
Speaker 3: on our week. We look back at what we did well,
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Speaker 3: what we didn't do, our learnings, what we can do
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Speaker 3: tomorrow or next week so that we can do better
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Speaker 3: in our family moving forward.
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Speaker 1: Kylie, do you want to go first today?
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Speaker 2: Why not? I'm going to give us a bit of
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Speaker 2: a different viewpoint today. We talk a lot about I
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Speaker 2: guess our role as parents, but today I thought maybe
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Speaker 2: I might highlight the role of me being daughter.
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Speaker 1: Oh you're going to talk about your parents? I am
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Speaker 1: my gosh, Okay, here we are.
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Speaker 2: So we've had a conversation recently just about this idea
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Speaker 2: of we're in a position that we never thought we'd
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Speaker 2: be in. So we're parents, and we've got children at
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Speaker 2: home who are still very dependent on us, and we've
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Speaker 2: now got my parents in particular, who are at a
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Speaker 2: stage of their life where they actually now need some support,
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Speaker 2: and so we kind of sandwiched between our own children
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Speaker 2: and my parents and trying to kind of juggle and
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Speaker 2: navigate that space.
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Speaker 3: And listen, Natasha, if you're listening, you're not as exhausting
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Speaker 3: as our kids, but you.
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Speaker 1: Might be tiring Kylie out a little bit.
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Speaker 2: So my mom and dad have just recently brought a
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Speaker 2: new home. They've actually built a new home and they've
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Speaker 2: had the opportunity to move in. But my mum's gone
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Speaker 2: through a hip replacement just recently and things things are
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Speaker 2: just moving along a lot slower than they would like,
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Speaker 2: and we would love them to just be settled. So
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Speaker 2: for the public holiday for those of us Queenslanders who
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Speaker 2: celebrated or commemorated Anne Zac Day on Monday, I let
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Speaker 2: my family go off to the beach enjoy the sun
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Speaker 2: and surf. And I went off and helped my mum
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Speaker 2: and dad unpack a whole heap of boxes and get
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Speaker 2: their kitchen sorted out.
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Speaker 3: And can I just highlight for the last twenty years,
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Speaker 3: I've just worked my bum off to try to create
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Speaker 3: this business that's called Happy Families, and just recently we've
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Speaker 3: started doing this a bit more, and for me to
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Speaker 3: take the kids to the beach was bliss.
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Speaker 1: It was heaven.
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Speaker 3: I had such a great time. And the whole time
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Speaker 3: I was there, I was thinking, Kylie's going to be
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Speaker 3: having the best time ever with her parents right now.
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Speaker 3: They're going to be unpacking boxes and setting up the house.
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Speaker 3: Kylie must be having an even better time than me
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Speaker 3: relaxing at the beach.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure that's what you was It
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Speaker 2: not what happened. You didn't even think about me once?
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Speaker 2: Did you so much fun and sun and sir?
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Speaker 3: Maybe when I stopped at the bakery on the way home,
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Speaker 3: I thoughts serotonin.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right, all that relaxation.
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Speaker 2: I think I was maybe getting a little bit of
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Speaker 2: oxytost and I'm not.
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Speaker 1: Sure, did you, Mum, hug you? Yes you did, Okay,
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Speaker 1: some oxytoastin. It can be.
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Speaker 2: Really, really tricky at times to juggle family life because
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Speaker 2: there are so many demands on us, and sometimes we
3:57
Speaker 2: actually have to take a step back from our immediate
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Speaker 2: family and we have to help our extended family in
4:02
Speaker 2: different ways. And while I would have loved to have
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Speaker 2: been at the beach, I was so grateful that not
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Speaker 2: only were you able to be supportive in that and
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Speaker 2: spend time with the kids, but that I was able
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Speaker 2: to actually go and spend time with them and help
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Speaker 2: them to do things that are just getting a little
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Speaker 2: bit beyond them.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really nice, and it's also really challenging. Any
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Speaker 3: family who's going through it knows exactly what it's like.
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Speaker 3: You kind of never think that you're really going to
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Speaker 3: get there, and all of a sudden, your parents need
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Speaker 3: your help and you're kind of like, but we're still
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Speaker 3: trying to get ourselves sorted out, and we've got the
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Speaker 3: kids that need our help, and it gets really tough.
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Speaker 1: But isn't it great that you're able to do that.
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Speaker 3: Up next, I'm going to tell you what I learned
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Speaker 3: about how to do things better tomorrow and it is
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Speaker 3: a really big conversation.
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Speaker 1: Can't wait to share it.
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Speaker 3: It's a Happy Families podcast.
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Speaker 4: Our Screens Creating Tension at Home, Tweens, teens and Screens
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Speaker 4: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen
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Speaker 4: solutions by today at happyfamilies dot com dot au slash shop.
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Speaker 2: It's the Happy Family's podcast, The podcast for the time
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Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now and today we
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Speaker 2: are talking about our reflections on our journey as parents
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Speaker 2: this week.
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Speaker 3: Now, before I dive into my story, I need to
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Speaker 3: highlight that my story does contain some mature themes. While
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Speaker 3: not rated explicit, the content might not be suitable for
5:20
Speaker 3: younger listeners.
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Speaker 2: I know we were headed with this one.
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Speaker 3: Well, I'm in the car, so this is just after
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Speaker 3: last week's I'll do better tomorrow. I'm in the car
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Speaker 3: with our seventeen year old and out of nowhere, she says, Hey, dad,
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Speaker 3: can I talk to you a bit about pornography?
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Speaker 2: Oh?
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Speaker 1: And I'm like, how many.
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Speaker 3: Dads are out there who have a seventeen year old
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Speaker 3: girl who wants to have this conversation actually asks for it.
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Speaker 1: I'm like, sure thing.
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Speaker 3: But she was driving, she's got her learner's license, and
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Speaker 3: we were in peak hour traffic. It was Friday afternoon
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Speaker 3: chaos on the freeway and we only had to go
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Speaker 3: about eight minutes. I was like, can we do this
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Speaker 3: tomorrow night? I just don't think that trying to have
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Speaker 3: a conversation that's this important in this kind of situation
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Speaker 3: where I'm trying to supervise you driving, I just kill
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Speaker 3: us it's not going to work. And she was like, yeah,
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Speaker 3: sure thing. And then I said to her, how do
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Speaker 3: you feel about me inviting your other sisters to be involved,
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Speaker 3: the eighteen year old and the nearly fourteen year old,
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Speaker 3: And she's like, yeah, that's cool. I'm like amazing, winning already.
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Speaker 3: So when we got home, I chatted with the fourteen
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Speaker 3: year old. Never got to catch up with the eighteen
6:26
Speaker 3: year old. Her social life is so busy, we just
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Speaker 3: didn't get there. And the fourteen year old I was like, yeah,
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Speaker 3: I'm in. And so the next night we set up
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Speaker 3: the little brazier, the little fire in our outdoor fire
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Speaker 3: placy kind of area, got some kindling through a couple
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Speaker 3: of big logs on, grab some marshmallows, and you and
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Speaker 3: I sat down with our fourteen or nearly fourteen year
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Speaker 3: old and our seventeen year old and literally I just
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Speaker 3: said to them, so, what is it about pornography that
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Speaker 3: you want to talk about? We talked for I reckon
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Speaker 3: forty five minutes about everything that they had questions about,
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Speaker 3: and at no point was there any discomfort or anything
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Speaker 3: like that. It was just this really great conversation. The
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Speaker 3: best part the thing that I love most about this,
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Speaker 3: you know where this is going, is that as we
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Speaker 3: were wrapping up, like we probably had five minutes to go,
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Speaker 3: and Ella's boyfriend walked up the driveway with his best mate.
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Speaker 3: They decided to swing by it like eight point thirty
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Speaker 3: at night for a visit. And they've walked past us,
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Speaker 3: and we called them up to the fireplace. They've sat
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Speaker 3: down and ready to grab a marshmallow and start toasting
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Speaker 3: marshmallows and join the conversation. And I've looked at both
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Speaker 3: of them and said, so, guys, we're just in the
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Speaker 3: middle of a conversation about.
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Speaker 1: Pornography right now.
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Speaker 3: Would you like to join us or would you rather
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Speaker 3: wait down on the driveway till we're finished?
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Speaker 2: So can I just ask you? What did you think
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Speaker 2: They were going to say? They really didn't have a choice,
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Speaker 2: did they They were.
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Speaker 3: Really I don't know that they had much choice at all.
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Speaker 3: But I was giving them a choice. It's not like
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Speaker 3: I was forcing them to sit there.
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Speaker 2: They've come to doctor justin Colson's house and he's asked
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Speaker 2: them if they want to have a conversation about pornography.
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Speaker 3: But they sat down and they actually chimed in. They
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Speaker 3: asked them a couple of questions they were happy to share,
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Speaker 3: and what they shared was revealing and concerning for any
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Speaker 3: parent of seventeen year old boys. These are good kids
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Speaker 3: and it was great to have their involvement, And I
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Speaker 3: think the coolest thing was that they got to be
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Speaker 3: part of a conversation where they saw our concern for
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Speaker 3: our daughter's well being. I think that it helps them
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Speaker 3: to see things differently because of that conversation. And at
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Speaker 3: the end of the conversation, we just excused ourselves. The
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Speaker 3: kids stayed outside and sat by the fire, and who
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Speaker 3: knows what they talked about.
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Speaker 2: I do believe it kind of went a little bit
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Speaker 2: different to that. I think that I actually forcibly removed
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Speaker 2: you from the circle.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so I was happy to keep on talking
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Speaker 3: to it, what if they wanted to.
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Speaker 1: But anyway, in.
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Speaker 3: Terms of our take home message, number one, it's hard
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Speaker 3: to be a parent when you're soundwiched between the kids
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Speaker 3: that you're raising and the parents that you're trying to
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Speaker 3: look after as they move into a new phase of
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Speaker 3: their lives. But if we're willing to pause, take the
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Speaker 3: time and invest and support each other, it can be
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Speaker 3: really important, really valuable and The take home message from
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Speaker 3: my conversation is ask your kids to have these conversations
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Speaker 3: and then make the time and make it matter. Crank
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Speaker 3: up the fireplace, pull out the marshmallows, grab a hot chocolate,
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Speaker 3: go and buy a milkshake, and go for a walk
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Speaker 3: in the park, because these conversations end up being some
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Speaker 3: of the most rewarding conversations that you can have.
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Speaker 2: Well, I think that the one thing that stands out
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Speaker 2: to me as you were sharing that is that so
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Speaker 2: often these kind of conversations can feel a little bit
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Speaker 2: daunting for us as parents if we've never had to
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Speaker 2: have them. Firstly, and our kids kind of feel like
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Speaker 2: it's a bit weird talking to our mum and dad
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Speaker 2: because like they don't know anything sometimes and being able
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Speaker 2: to do it in that space of relaxed you know, backyard,
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Speaker 2: starry skyde night, just meant that there was an opportunity
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Speaker 2: to have these difficult conversations without the uncomfortability of just
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Speaker 2: staring each other and you know, in the face in
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Speaker 2: the bedroom or whatever.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, great stuff. Hey, we hope that you have
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Speaker 3: a wonderful weekend. I don't like my chances of going camping,
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Speaker 3: but I'm going to keep on pushing for the rest
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Speaker 3: of the day and see what happens. We'll tell you
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Speaker 3: about it next week if it does work out. The
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Speaker 3: Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rulan from Bridge
10:05
Speaker 3: Media and our executive producer is the superstar Craig Bruce.
10:09
Speaker 3: We love it when you leave feedback about the podcast.
10:12
Speaker 3: As Lydia Ninny Lee from Canada did a five star rating.
10:16
Speaker 3: So thankful for this podcast. Thank you for the podcast.
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Speaker 3: I've learned so much. This is where I go to
10:20
Speaker 3: when I'm feeling down and lonely on parenting and need
10:22
Speaker 3: a reminder and a right mindset. Hopefully this is helping
10:25
Speaker 3: your mindset as well with your kids, helping you to
10:28
Speaker 3: build better connections and do better tomorrow. If you'd like
10:31
Speaker 3: more information about making your family happier, or more information
10:34
Speaker 3: about our soon to commence Little People, Big Feelings Summit,
10:39
Speaker 3: you can get all the info you need at Happy
10:41
Speaker 3: Families dot com dot a U